I agree with this, and I know that it is insecure men that do not know where that line is. Secure men do not neglect you, claiming, "I'm just being me". I've had 5 relationship in which I was in love, and desired marriage with them. 2 out of the 5 grew to become negligent after 2+ years of commitment. They were insecure and self centered to a large degree, but didn't realize it or want to work on it. In the other 3, they were great, but I happily accepted the incompatibilities, and broke away without any horrific deep wounds. They were secure and never stop reciprocating respect, love, and affection in significant ways, until it became clear that we needed to go our own ways.
I did not realize how much work that I needed on myself before attempting to judge my husband. Listening to you has brought more revealment about myself and past relationships than my counseling, meds, and so forth. I have been focusing on myself more than ever, my husband has a new twinkle in his eyes since i have been listening to you. I got my hair done the other day and I normally want and need his approval of how it looks. It did not bother me that he did not say anything, however, I saw him staring at me in the kitchen and I could tell by the look on his face that he loved it. Before I would have been upset with him not saying anything, but, I noticed he loved it with just staring at me. In turn, I am realizing those small irritations were me not accepting myself for who I am. My beauty will show with my confidence. Thank you so much for posting these videos.
When the man goes away to his “cave” do not follow him or else you will be burned by the dragon. He comes back faster if you let him work through his emotions and build up his testosterone. He will then come back to the relationship. This knowledge was given to me from Mars Venus Together Forever and has been an incredible resource!
Same with a woman.I go to the cave to think.And need that time same as I give that time.People need to learn to take a minute before reacting to certain things
Thank you and yes it works very well , because it shows true consideration for his needs And we as women feel good we did good to build him up and help him to love you more
Good psychology tip! Learn to have a balance and have hobbies and passions outside your relationship. So when he pulls away you will have other things to do with your time.
The wisdom of this man is golden. I’ve used his teachings in communicating with my partner on two separate occasions, and the last time he was saying how confused he was and wasn’t sure if he wanted it be in a relationship. At first I prob didn’t handle it as well as I could have but I came back to Dr Gray’s teaching and on the second day I was able to express myself in a way that he could hear me and he realized he did not want to loose me and was really more stressed about work. Anywho I notice that after I feel more of an intimate connection with my partner, he gets even more loving, expresses more of his love for me and the attraction he feels towards we is intense. Thank you Dr Gray!!! You are a relationship saver and I truly appreciate knowing who you are. ❤
I hear what you are saying about a woman needing to depend on a man. I lost my husband way too young. He was the (almost sole) breadwinner. I did depend on him for that end. But we also had a very passionate and mutual relationship. It was not one-sided! Just because I depended on him for that did not mean we did not have a good or passionate relationship!!!
Amazing with Dr.John Gray. I was read his book in year 1996 and finally I understand with myself and change my bad behaviour. And also I understand with a man. So I am not depend onto man for my happiness. That is my responsibility for my happiness.
i’m so going to get married in no time with this advice. so many things click!!! use positive emotions to get what you want - not negative ones. thank you ❤❤
6:20 for women, the real additions. addictions is complaining and comparing . when you have negative emotions such as disappointment frustration anger fear concern worry doubts all of that is negativity. when you use your negativity to motivate a man to change , that's called looking at him staring at him disapproval or having that hurt look how could you do that or giving him education , oh you shouldn't do this, you should do that , all those things, you use your negative state in order to motivate change , your tendency to become negative increases. you're growing neural pathways so that whenever you're not feeling happy you need more you want more your brain immediately says i need negative emotions to get what I want , so you're training your brain to focus on negativity to get what you want , rather than training your brain to focus on positivity to get what you want . to be optimistic to be loving to be understanding to be accepting to be forgiving to be generous all those qualities is what you want to train your brain to go to. and every time you use negativity to get more from a man you're going in the opposite direction! so what you want to do is when your negativity is there you have to know how to deal with it . you deal with it by writing out those feelings and you listen to them, and see if you can find where else it's involved with, it could be i'm really upset because my partner he didn't call, but actually i'm upset at my job i'm upset with my kids i'm upset about my health could be a lot of things in present time which is causing a compounded overreaction or everything's fine right now to a great extent and you're overreacting, it has to do with your past. anything that's not loving is an overreaction.
Oh my sunshine I do have alot of. Positive. On my side n have all passion all what u said I know what it is. Ur the one that has too leave all of them aside n u. Things will b better. I don't let any one tell others tell or talk bad of any one it's ok too tell me it's best we can ask each other.
"I don't depend on him for security". WOW! What a revelation. How dare you have your own life before seeking ANY type of relationship (romantic, friendship or ...) Good message.
How to address boundaries not to be walked over and taken forgrated by the goodness and understanding towards him given by the woman, sometimes anger takes over because we offer a lot and don't get appreciated for good heart and I notice women who push man around they get more respect how does this work thankyou
These methods in this video only apply to relationships that are healthy, where the partners have good intentions towards each other. If you are being abused and walked all over and not appreciated, these tips do not work.
@@tnt01 Most of them ARE already cheating regardless if you push them around or not and as a result, have already "left" the relationship a long time ago . Just sticking around for some ' fringe benefits ' so .... 🙄😒
Hello John I have to admit that you are very brilliant and intelligent, just the perfect person to be teaching on this particular topic. I listened to 3 of your videos , and to be honest with you have never come across such powerful information on this particular topic not only that, but it is so well explained. I will be In touch with you after I return from my vacation. God bless you and continue the great work you are doing for this world. Your family is just blessed having someone like you in their life.
I don’t think this advice encourages men to work towards secure attachment style, rather just focuses on women numbing their feelings. Women need to be attuned to their feelings so as they can carry out their task of motherhood. Rather than trying to work with avoidant types, it’s best to find a secure attachment style man for a relationship. Everyone should work towards secure attachment style.
Yeah. The video seems to be saying we should accept men all their flaws and mistakes and let them be themselves and withdraw when they want and come close when they want and not get mad at them over anything... What about what we need? What about what we give that isn't reciprocated? Women nag because they're being ignored. Yes, it becomes a cycle from there on out, but most women don't enjoy turning into harpies. They're just drained and tired of carrying ill-distributed weight.
Exactly if I were to do that my husband would scream at me with obscenities but yet when he makes mistakes he would like me to be like Bonnie well that’s not happening because my husband is very controlling and wants everything his way it’s not an equal relationship when he makes mistakes he wants me to zip it but if I make any I have hell to pay and now he’s looking at Asian women because he claims they’re very subservient he watches UA-cam videos all the time for Vietnam Thailand you name it he’s been looking! I told him I said go ahead and move to Vietnam or Thailand go get an Asian woman so you can be perfect but the woman is not allowed to! My husband has a tendency to always get lost no matter where we go and he has the same problem he can’t multitask he can’t talk and keep going in the direction you should when driving so we’ve had this situation numerous times I don’t feel this is good advice either!
I see your point but I also see Dr.Grays’’ point too. It’s about acceptance of each others flaws and each other. He’s using himself as a personal reference to understand the mans POV. A relationship is a two way street, not a one way
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
In a world where women have more power than ever, this man has a real niche! So glad to see him again! I like to watch him just to articulate the thought patterns I'm having.
I am not sure if I understood this video well. Does it mean if a man disappoints woman, she should deal with it in her own? Never express it but be compassionate and understanding? What about her feelings? It is non of his business? I am sick and tired on putting everything on woman's shoulders. How to keep him? How to make him happy? How to not upset him? What about us woman? Our needs? They don't matter?
That's Def not what he's saying. But often when we are triggered it is something within ourselves and not the other person when we are overly sensitive which he describes clearly. There are times when a man is Mena or unkind and that is different. But when we are triggered by a current event that we overreact to in the present there is a past wound that needs ro be dealt with also known as an insecurity. That has to be healed within us and is our work and responsibility to heal with support from spiritual community or therapist.
This is so Good! I Really appreciate this ….my husband and I once got lost too, we found cows, it was actually funny… your thought and wisdom are spot on ! I agree the man is the desert, not the main meal. Being accountable for myself….do not use negativity get what I want! It never works either , You put this well. It only trains our brain to need more, wonderful Insight! So much of our over reactions are stemmed from our childhood, they have nothing to do really with the present moment…. The more we love the more we trigger each other through our childhood triggers…. be Loving and understanding… I am learning so much about men Through you !!! Men need their time to regroup…So Powerful… thank you so much….Grateful
😬 I feel like I'm the one continually creating space, cause I don't want us to get bored or sick of eachother, plus I need sooo much alone time so I can recharge and reconnect with and know myself.
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
There is a woman where I worked she was a dispatcher and she was so negative and complain so much that it was hard for any of us to listen to her when she got on the radio because the disdain and anger and disappointment was in her voice the way she spoke to people it made it hard to listen to her so a lot of us would just turned down our radios and tune her out literally I believe that's what men do to women who do that a lot and can't blame them for their own sanity but you're lucky demands with you even if he turned you out that much do that he cares and is giving you time to change negative patterns thank goodness
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
how about teaching men how to attract women, how to respect women etc? There are so many vides of telling women what to do , how to adjust to men and how to understand their needs.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 🥰 I would also highly recommend taking our FREE quiz for custom gifts to help with this also if you haven’t already using the special link here: MagnetizeYourMan.com/Quiz/YT
After having heard so much advice regarding this subject I find this to be the pinnacle of all other advice. Especially coz everyone says don’t look for a man to make you happy but he actually takes the time to explain the background of why and what that means. This is gold!!
My boyfriend gets lost alot "not lost but misses the turn"🙄 and we end up a mile from Deltona . ugh LMBO this was yesterday. Luckily it was windy and cool and beautiful day.
Well you can't MAKE a man be a good loving man or a woman either. If you have to make a partner cherish you, or try and teach them harmonious relationship actions it is already over.
He needs to make videos of what we women need from men in order to feel happy, content & satisfied. Turn the table around to see why they're unable to fulfill "our" needs & don't say it's because were naggers, compares, & complainers. Like oh men are more perfect than us women?! Don't they have any negative faults as well? Tell us about the narcissistic ones too & how they treat & discard us.. Whatever....
I have to agree with you. Is it really only up to the woman to make the relationship work…? Doesn’t the man have any responsibility? I really hope that’s not what dr Gray means, but it do sound a bit like that. So yes, I too would like to hear what he means men can do to meet women’s needs, and how they can make us feel safe and open up. I also have to say that I love to listen to dr Grey, and I have learned a lot from him both about myself and men :)
We all need to know that women and men function differently. You want us to be trained to cater to men’s likings. What about men? Do you not need to be trained to please your women?? Relationship is two way not your way or high way- doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman! Probably only 10% men and women like to be a better person. We failed countless times as we’re with the other 90% that is doomed to fail, unfortunately. Sometimes, apart from picking up skills here and there, life is really about luck.
Now that I am in my 70's, I am just thankful to be alive. But that midwestern hospitality is still alive in me. Things just don 't bother me that much.
Dr Gray , how is throwing my things away me 90% and him 10%? I left my things with him to keep it safe until I come back ...he said ok and that he left it with a friend bc he had to move . .. eventually, he said he lied and that he threw my things. How do I forgive??
0:24 what men want is anything that will boost their testosterone from a woman . women you have the power to do it more than anything else in his life. he can get to well-being 10 or 20 times higher than a woman's testosterone and on his own. but it's a woman's appreciation it's a woman's trust it's a woman's ability to accept him just as he is, that pumps that testosterone up higher than anything you see in the work world i'm always competing and bigger is better . but with a woman you don't have to be bigger as better you can just be yourself and do lots of little things as she appreciates it and appreciates it and that builds him up.
Yes, I hear SO much about what a woman needs to do for a man to build him, to help him. . Blah blah!!! What about what a man can do to improve himself and what he can do for a woman to encourage her to feel good about herself, to really want to do the things for a man to build his testosterone up? Takes 2 to Tango. I do a lot for his testosterone but he doesnt do much for my estrogen. Plus there are a million professionals to assist women to help them in they're relationship but it's the men who need professional help (but they dont feel or wont choose to because of their too high testosterone levels that WE AS WOMEN HELPED THEM GET. So they say "I dont need no stinking help, I'm so wonderful"! So it inevitably, pros go out of business for lack of men getting help so it inevitably falls back on the woman to improve, cause we're the nurturers of the 2. Wth?? Men need to step up and get help and improve too.
and what about men working on themselves? : ) isn't that crucial too? :) because from your video it sounds as if only women have to work on themselves and they are just triggered most of the time because they are "negative". no, sir. we have needs. they are important. I completely agree that we should give the majority of our happiness to ourselves and when we want something - ask it in a loving way, but again - men should work on themselves too. :) So I don't believe we should communicate with our men ONLY when we're happy and soft - voiced, that's how we spoil men to think they have nothing to change or improve about themselves, as if only we women have to "work" on ourselves. ALSO I think in this video there is one important part missing - understanding/mentioning that inner work is only even working when you're with a partner that's worth it. Initially, everybody should grow and work on themselves FOR themselves, but if you are being treated without love and respect, it's definitely NOT a scenario where you should think "90/10" and blame it on you. Know your standards and worth girls. :) In my opinion BOTH men and women should seek balance between doing inner work and also be open to have an honest conversation with their partner, and definitely not a woman automatically blaming herself. :D :) no.
You don’t “get it”, you can’t hear what he is saying. I didn’t either until I read more of his books and watching his videos, I stopped being defensive, even though I did not realize that I had been being defensive, it was like all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place and then I understood what he is saying.
@@bluej6800 I get all the nice and useful things he is saying - and I mean it - I just also believe that it is only one half of the story, and it should be at least mentioned not to give a picture as if only women have to "work" on themselves not even questioning what they're feeling (and why), what's the actual situation and so on. : ) it's also important simply for the sake of healthy self esteem of women AND men - if couples are able to communicate between themselves it's much more fair and effective, and in this video - as well as many others - it is just forgotten to mention that women are NOT automatically 99 % overreacting. Sure, we are emotionally more intense/powerful than men, and we should use that with wisdom, but it's not that because we're "negative" we only have to work on ourselves :DD this view 90/10 just diminishes the woman's feelings, roots of it, and essential message - that in it's core, essence, feelings are there for a reason, they show us various things, e.g. if our boundaries have been crossed by another and so on. It's important not only for happiness and self respect of a woman but for a healthy relationship too. And coming back to 90/10 "rule" it is simply useful for the patriarchy based point of view - this position gives too much comfort and not much to do for a man - as well as diminishing the needs and feelings of a woman and hyperbolizing the views and needs of a man in 90 % of scenarios without questioning - and that is, in my opinion, wrong based on all reasons mentioned.
I'm really perplexed. I've watched a number of John Gray's videos. I've just divorced from my wife of 17 years. I still love her. She's had a passionate affair for 2 years. She 100% fell out of love with me. But all the characteristics he describes are opposite the genders. She wanted alone time. If she spends 3 hrs playing world of warcraft after work, I said play for 2 hrs 45 minutes, give me 15 minutes? She says I was smothering her. She would leave the room when I came in. She complained I was like a needy child. I put up with her affair for 2 years. But I could do nothing right. All of Grays' characteristics for men and women applied the opposite for us. I begged for "after play " and cuddling. On and on. She was the love of my life. I'm nothing to her. She stayed for my pension. Why couldn't i have even one of the women lamenting their domestic situation in these responses?
She needed more masculine from you. You were in your feminine energy and she was in her masculine energy. You needed to flip the script. Believe it or not men and women have more attraction when we are in our roles of masculine and feminine. When those roles become unbalanced it creates problems in the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever be in your feminine or her in her masculine. It just means that for a majority we must maintain our assigned identity. Take time to heal and get Bach out there.
These methods in this video only apply to relationships that are healthy, where the partners have good intentions towards each other. If you are being abused and walked all over and not appreciated, these tips do not work.
But he's depending on you to make him feel better. That's low self esteem. And i don't depend on any man financially. I pay my own Bill's. This sounds like a man who likes to blame a woman for his own insecurities. But on saying this women can be the same. My two long term relationships i gave everything as I'm a giver not a taker. I looked after them and got no appreciation. So i walked both times. I'm a mother of 4 children to my ex husband. I did all the work not him Each person has their own story.
I get that. Its important for you to learn how to receive. Practice on yourself now as you are divorced. Meet, date, engage, then marry yourself and treat you like you want a man to treat you. Buy yourself flowers, pay compliments to you, and all else you would like to receive from a man in a relationship. What do you want from a man to feel love. Then do it to yourself....for a good long time. You cant love another, truly until you love yourself. Receive receive receive from self and others when you can.
I agree doctor complaining about somebody to teach them something that they need to teach themselves or to think about themselves is like a woman or person turn into alcohol or pot to deal with frustration and anxiety and or depression
I need too know how too get close too him. How do you come forward cause I was told the guy had too come too you n get close n hold hands. N he holds n hugs one that's how I was told. I'm just waiting I am not to just throw myself on him ..Ii can but that's not me.
To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our new FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you if you haven't already here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
I think the word husbandment is so misconstrued and under appreciated as well as partner-two become one sentiment. I say, man up and respect and appreciate each other without having to prove you don't need each other: deep down everyone truly wants to know if they need the other they can admit it without the fear if stupid pride_.
As a Bible believer, I am pleased for the ability for women to not have to depend on a man when they have no children, and still can fully embrace their need for a man as if she was dependent upon him for food and shelter. There may be times when a woman will need to do so still, such as when sick or childbearing. However, individulism is pulling many into egotism and hyper independence. It seems that many are struggling, turning inward, insensitive, and wounding each other in the name of I am not responsible toward you, you do you.... As a woman, once married and with children in the home, the man has to step up more during those seasons of childbearing on through adolescence to a larger degree than a women not in that season, in todays times. He is freer due to the lack if the need to actual hunt all day, and protect from real tigers, lions, and bears. So basically, my point is this. He is more than just dessert intrinsically, he is a whole himan soul to become one with, and without consuming his individuality. He is a big deal for a childbearing woman in general still, because support outside of him doesn't come for many, especially in the black community, and in this age of distant relationships due to many rely too heavily on technology and cyberspace. Sad state of things, in general, with some exceptional couples that actually get and apply what they know. We today have greater awareness and increased degrees of freedoms that were not afforded those that lived long ago, but we are more psychologically inprisoned and less free in our interpersonal relationships to love and be loved, due to extreme dream chasing, love of vice, self centeredness and hyper independence.
I’m curious if you have permission to use his video since I follow him and this is how he speaks to his audience...others on his live ask him questions that you asked...
Get Your FREE “Magnetize Your Man” Quiz & Custom Gifts To Attract Your Man For A Long-Term Commitment Here! 👉 MagnetizeYourMan.com/Quiz/YT
There is a fine line between giving a man space and him neglecting you.
I Agree
I agree with this, and I know that it is insecure men that do not know where that line is. Secure men do not neglect you, claiming, "I'm just being me". I've had 5 relationship in which I was in love, and desired marriage with them. 2 out of the 5 grew to become negligent after 2+ years of commitment. They were insecure and self centered to a large degree, but didn't realize it or want to work on it.
In the other 3, they were great, but I happily accepted the incompatibilities, and broke away without any horrific deep wounds. They were secure and never stop reciprocating respect, love, and affection in significant ways, until it became clear that we needed to go our own ways.
true and your self confidence in knowing that the insecurity you feel is your own. nothing to do with him.
I smell cowardice.
Neglecting you - absolutely- if he is "addicted" to TV, porn, video games, alcohol...-!
I want in a man what John does: To tell me my faults with love, not condemning, or rejection. He teaches so clearly and brilliantly.
This man deserves an award for harmonizing humanity 🤗
I did not realize how much work that I needed on myself before attempting to judge my husband. Listening to you has brought more revealment about myself and past relationships than my counseling, meds, and so forth. I have been focusing on myself more than ever, my husband has a new twinkle in his eyes since i have been listening to you. I got my hair done the other day and I normally want and need his approval of how it looks. It did not bother me that he did not say anything, however, I saw him staring at me in the kitchen and I could tell by the look on his face that he loved it. Before I would have been upset with him not saying anything, but, I noticed he loved it with just staring at me. In turn, I am realizing those small irritations were me not accepting myself for who I am. My beauty will show with my confidence. Thank you so much for posting these videos.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Thank you for your comment, it helped me a lot :)
When the man goes away to his “cave” do not follow him or else you will be burned by the dragon. He comes back faster if you let him work through his emotions and build up his testosterone. He will then come back to the relationship. This knowledge was given to me from Mars Venus Together Forever and has been an incredible resource!
Bingo and glad you liked the interview Wendy! :)
Same with a woman.I go to the cave to think.And need that time same as I give that time.People need to learn to take a minute before reacting to certain things
Thank you and yes it works very well , because it shows true consideration for his needs And we as women feel good we did good to build him up and help him to love you more
The Josh Groban song Angels ,also says this about being loved from a man’s perspective interestingly
But then how do we know if he is pulling away to build his testosterone or... If he's just ghosting his partner?
This love that is described here is true love. It's not created. It comes easy, if you find it. It liberates.
Good psychology tip! Learn to have a balance and have hobbies and passions outside your relationship. So when he pulls away you will have other things to do with your time.
100%
Add5
One thing I don't share what. Is going too b that's for sure
I depend on my dog to make me happy! Works every time!
my cat makes me happy.
Never dEpend on a man for your HappIness. AMEN
Why are you in a relationship platform 😐 🤔....the mind boggles!
@@janeeland4531 I think they mean codependency but didn't use the right words.
@@TruBlissThere was nothing wrong said.
I agree turn off social media to be happier. Their perfect life is a lie after all...
The wisdom of this man is golden. I’ve used his teachings in communicating with my partner on two separate occasions, and the last time he was saying how confused he was and wasn’t sure if he wanted it be in a relationship. At first I prob didn’t handle it as well as I could have but I came back to Dr Gray’s teaching and on the second day I was able to express myself in a way that he could hear me and he realized he did not want to loose me and was really more stressed about work. Anywho I notice that after I feel more of an intimate connection with my partner, he gets even more loving, expresses more of his love for me and the attraction he feels towards we is intense. Thank you Dr Gray!!! You are a relationship saver and I truly appreciate knowing who you are. ❤
I hear what you are saying about a woman needing to depend on a man. I lost my husband way too young. He was the (almost sole) breadwinner. I did depend on him for that end. But we also had a very passionate and mutual relationship. It was not one-sided! Just because I depended on him for that did not mean we did not have a good or passionate relationship!!!
It sounds like you had a beautiful marriage.
And ppl describe dependency as toxicity n suffocation
@@shubhisharma4261 It can be, but it entirely depends on the person and context.
Amazing with Dr.John Gray. I was read his book in year 1996 and finally I understand with myself and change my bad behaviour. And also I understand with a man. So I am not depend onto man for my happiness. That is my responsibility for my happiness.
i’m so going to get married in no time with this advice. so many things click!!! use positive emotions to get what you want - not negative ones. thank you ❤❤
6:20 for women, the real additions. addictions is complaining and comparing
. when you have negative emotions such as disappointment frustration anger fear concern worry doubts all of that is negativity. when you use your negativity to motivate a man to change , that's called looking at him staring at him disapproval or having that hurt look how could you do that or giving him education , oh you shouldn't do this, you should do that
, all those things, you use your negative state in order to motivate change , your tendency to become negative increases. you're growing neural pathways so that whenever you're not feeling happy you need more you want more your brain immediately says i need negative emotions to get what I want , so you're training your brain to focus on negativity to get what you want , rather than training your brain to focus on positivity to get what you want . to be optimistic to be loving to be understanding to be accepting to be forgiving to be generous all those
qualities is what you want to train your brain to go to. and every time you use negativity to get more from a man you're going in the opposite direction! so what you want to do is when your negativity is there you have to know how to deal with it
. you deal with it by writing out those feelings and you listen to them, and see if you can find where else it's involved with, it could be i'm really upset because my partner he didn't call, but actually i'm upset at my job i'm upset with my kids i'm upset about my health could be a lot of things in present time which is causing a compounded overreaction or everything's fine right now to a great extent and you're overreacting, it has to do with your past. anything that's not
loving is an overreaction.
No, it is NOT an overreaction. BS.
Oh my sunshine I do have alot of. Positive. On my side n have all passion all what u said I know what it is. Ur the one that has too leave all of them aside n u. Things will b better. I don't let any one tell others tell or talk bad of any one it's ok too tell me it's best we can ask each other.
I love this part! So enlightening.
One of the most life changing things I have ever heard in my life. Thank you John
Glad you liked the video Betty and great to have you as part of our community! :)
"I don't depend on him for security". WOW! What a revelation. How dare you have your own life before seeking ANY type of relationship (romantic, friendship or ...) Good message.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
How to address boundaries not to be walked over and taken forgrated by the goodness and understanding towards him given by the woman, sometimes anger takes over because we offer a lot and don't get appreciated for good heart and I notice women who push man around they get more respect how does this work thankyou
These methods in this video only apply to relationships that are healthy, where the partners have good intentions towards each other. If you are being abused and walked all over and not appreciated, these tips do not work.
men who are pushed around eventually end of cheating or leaving.
@@tnt01 Most of them ARE already cheating regardless if you push them around or not and as a result, have already "left" the relationship a long time ago . Just sticking around for some ' fringe benefits ' so .... 🙄😒
Hello John I have to admit that you are very brilliant and intelligent, just the perfect person to be teaching on this particular topic. I listened to 3 of your videos , and to be honest with you have never come across such powerful information on this particular topic not only that, but it is so well explained. I will be In touch with you after I return from my vacation. God bless you and continue the great work you are doing for this world. Your family is just blessed having someone like you in their life.
I don’t think this advice encourages men to work towards secure attachment style, rather just focuses on women numbing their feelings. Women need to be attuned to their feelings so as they can carry out their task of motherhood. Rather than trying to work with avoidant types, it’s best to find a secure attachment style man for a relationship. Everyone should work towards secure attachment style.
Yeah. The video seems to be saying we should accept men all their flaws and mistakes and let them be themselves and withdraw when they want and come close when they want and not get mad at them over anything... What about what we need? What about what we give that isn't reciprocated?
Women nag because they're being ignored. Yes, it becomes a cycle from there on out, but most women don't enjoy turning into harpies. They're just drained and tired of carrying ill-distributed weight.
Exactly if I were to do that my husband would scream at me with obscenities but yet when he makes mistakes he would like me to be like Bonnie well that’s not happening because my husband is very controlling and wants everything his way it’s not an equal relationship when he makes mistakes he wants me to zip it but if I make any I have hell to pay and now he’s looking at Asian women because he claims they’re very subservient he watches UA-cam videos all the time for Vietnam Thailand you name it he’s been looking! I told him I said go ahead and move to Vietnam or Thailand go get an Asian woman so you can be perfect but the woman is not allowed to! My husband has a tendency to always get lost no matter where we go and he has the same problem he can’t multitask he can’t talk and keep going in the direction you should when driving so we’ve had this situation numerous times I don’t feel this is good advice either!
Exactly!! 👏 👏 👏
I see your point but I also see Dr.Grays’’ point too. It’s about acceptance of each others flaws and each other. He’s using himself as a personal reference to understand the mans POV. A relationship is a two way street, not a one way
So true! Why should a single gender compromise at the expense of the other not willing to grow to serve the woman even halfway?
Self love first and self sufficiency 🌹
Love that yes!
Lovev's life true love Never die I know a great and powerful healer that can get back your ex or crua without delay Just forever within 48hours he helped me too immediately
massage him on WhatsApp
+1=2=0=4=8=0=8=2=2=3=4.
Dr. Gray YOU are a wise man.
My sweet friend Beth shared with me that comparison is the thief of Joy.....it’s difficult to avoid this in our culture in America 😣
Keep your focus inside of you
I'm extremely irritable when I have PMS so I know to not take my emotions seriously at that time each month.
In a world where women have more power than ever, this man has a real niche! So glad to see him again! I like to watch him just to articulate the thought patterns I'm having.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Good point!
I am not sure if I understood this video well. Does it mean if a man disappoints woman, she should deal with it in her own? Never express it but be compassionate and understanding? What about her feelings? It is non of his business? I am sick and tired on putting everything on woman's shoulders. How to keep him? How to make him happy? How to not upset him? What about us woman? Our needs? They don't matter?
That's Def not what he's saying. But often when we are triggered it is something within ourselves and not the other person when we are overly sensitive which he describes clearly. There are times when a man is Mena or unkind and that is different. But when we are triggered by a current event that we overreact to in the present there is a past wound that needs ro be dealt with also known as an insecurity. That has to be healed within us and is our work and responsibility to heal with support from spiritual community or therapist.
This is so Good! I Really appreciate this ….my husband and I once got lost too, we found cows, it was actually funny… your thought and wisdom are spot on ! I agree the man is the desert, not the main meal. Being accountable for myself….do not use negativity get what I want! It never works either , You put this well. It only trains our brain to need more, wonderful Insight! So much of our over reactions are stemmed from our childhood, they have nothing to do really with the present moment…. The more we love the more we trigger each other through our childhood triggers…. be Loving and understanding… I am learning so much about men Through you !!! Men need their time to regroup…So Powerful… thank you so much….Grateful
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
in my opinion, Dr Gray’s information and advice is the best and only “relationship” coaching i need.
thanks for the video!!!
The explanation of the space after intimacy makes so much sense
😬 I feel like I'm the one continually creating space, cause I don't want us to get bored or sick of eachother, plus I need sooo much alone time so I can recharge and reconnect with and know myself.
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
I think people should think for themselves in relationships, especially now that I’m hyper aware of the last twenty or so years of my life.
What a dynamic info of how to go about love and be happy. Ty, Musa....i appreciate it. Miss you!❤
So glad you liked the video Nimfa and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Find something to appreciate.
Thank you sooo much for sharing,
It is wonderful and helpful to listen to you🙏💖
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
If all men were like John Grey, I wouldn't be single.
THANK YOU JOHN GRAY AND FAMILY GOD BLESS YOU
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Would love to hear him talk about applying this advice in long distance relationships
Antia and John Gray,, such helpful information on relationships and hormones! I love this!
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Such wonderful learning!
So glad you liked the video Debby and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
This makes so much sense.
Hello to whom it may concern I can recommend you to someone who helped me get my ex back recently
A lot of wisdom! 🙏
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Wow! So informative! Thank you!!
So glad you liked the video Jen and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
There is a woman where I worked she was a dispatcher and she was so negative and complain so much that it was hard for any of us to listen to her when she got on the radio because the disdain and anger and disappointment was in her voice the way she spoke to people it made it hard to listen to her so a lot of us would just turned down our radios and tune her out literally I believe that's what men do to women who do that a lot and can't blame them for their own sanity but you're lucky demands with you even if he turned you out that much do that he cares and is giving you time to change negative patterns thank goodness
You just perfectly explained in this video what I explained to my niece today ✨
Sure thing, so glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 🥰
OUTSTANDING advice!!👏🏽
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Thank you finally an explanation for what I feel 😅
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
So how do you discern between a man that's a soulmate that triggers you and a not as a good fit that triggers you?
Yes that can be tough. To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you with that if you haven't already taken that here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
how about teaching men how to attract women, how to respect women etc? There are so many vides of telling women what to do , how to adjust to men and how to understand their needs.
Excellent!!! I enjoyed it!!! Thank you!
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 🥰 I would also highly recommend taking our FREE quiz for custom gifts to help with this also if you haven’t already using the special link here: MagnetizeYourMan.com/Quiz/YT
What is your favorite point or top question from the video? 🤔
After having heard so much advice regarding this subject I find this to be the pinnacle of all other advice. Especially coz everyone says don’t look for a man to make you happy but he actually takes the time to explain the background of why and what that means. This is gold!!
He's dessert and not the main meal... light bulb moment
Thank you. I enjoyed this!
So glad you liked the video Jacqueline and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
@@MagnetizeYourMan Thank you very much.Thanks for all you do. Much appreciated!
I'm in the middle of this video and i love it already!! It makes a lot of since..Good job!!
I'm gonna finish up listening..
Thank's for sharing..
So glad you liked the video Karen and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Excellently spoken...
So glad you liked the video Jane and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Agree with your advice, love to hear
So true, wow ,
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
That was beautiful how you worded it
So glad you liked the video Solar and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
To get love we have to be love ❤️
As a man I think you shouldn't listen to these people unless you want to be with a man who doesn't appreciate you and will leave you for someone else.
What do you suggest then?
Excellent video!
So glad you liked the video Cheri and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Excelente!
I agree with you
I like that he is my "desert" thank you Dr.
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
oh god ! this man is genius 😊
My boyfriend gets lost alot "not lost but misses the turn"🙄 and we end up a mile from Deltona . ugh LMBO this was yesterday. Luckily it was windy and cool and beautiful day.
Amazing! Thank you!
I love this!!!!🍒 Amazing collab and i love the info in this video!! Thank u
So glad you liked the video Jasmine and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Im literally taking notes
I'm hungry for dessert!! lol :) this is a great message!!!
Well you can't MAKE a man be a good loving man or a woman either. If you have to make a partner cherish you, or try and teach them harmonious relationship actions it is already over.
Melissa Benitez,I admire your lovely smile
He needs to make videos of what we women need from men in order to feel happy, content & satisfied. Turn the table around to see why they're unable to fulfill "our" needs & don't say it's because were naggers, compares, & complainers. Like oh men are more perfect than us women?! Don't they have any negative faults as well? Tell us about the narcissistic ones too & how they treat & discard us.. Whatever....
narcissists is a whole different ball game. they never change, only get worse with age. no contact is key. always.
So that means u walk away from them then?
@@dianneciresi6324 narcs. yes, always.
@@dianneciresi6324 ugh yes. Duh 🙄
I have to agree with you. Is it really only up to the woman to make the relationship work…? Doesn’t the man have any responsibility?
I really hope that’s not what dr Gray means, but it do sound a bit like that. So yes, I too would like to hear what he means men can do to meet women’s needs, and how they can make us feel safe and open up.
I also have to say that I love to listen to dr Grey, and I have learned a lot from him both about myself and men :)
Thx Mr John:)
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
We all need to know that women and men function differently. You want us to be trained to cater to men’s likings. What about men? Do you not need to be trained to please your women??
Relationship is two way not your way or high way- doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman!
Probably only 10% men and women like to be a better person. We failed countless times as we’re with the other 90% that is doomed to fail, unfortunately.
Sometimes, apart from picking up skills here and there, life is really about luck.
Now that I am in my 70's, I am just thankful to be alive. But that midwestern hospitality is still alive in me. Things just don 't bother me that much.
I love this! So good to know this dynamic
Dr Gray , how is throwing my things away me 90% and him 10%? I left my things with him to keep it safe until I come back ...he said ok and that he left it with a friend bc he had to move . .. eventually, he said he lied and that he threw my things. How do I forgive??
“Lying” is a dealbreaker.
He’s talking about normally healthy relationships not toxic ones
Excellent
So glad you liked the video and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
I had JG book twice. Loaned it twice never got them back. Now I want the book for the 3rd Time this time I'm not loaning it so don't ask.
such a simple but powerful explanation!!! happy-er, desert 💖 thank you for sharing this with us
So glad you liked the video Cristina and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
0:24 what men want is anything that will boost their testosterone from a woman . women you have the power to do it more than anything else in his life. he can get to well-being 10 or 20 times higher than a woman's testosterone and on his own. but it's a woman's appreciation it's a woman's trust it's a woman's ability to accept him just as he is, that pumps that testosterone up higher than anything
you see in the work world i'm always competing and bigger is better . but with a woman you don't have to be bigger as better you can just be yourself and do lots of little things as she appreciates it and appreciates it and that builds him up.
Okay thank You,
You are so welcome!
If your positiv and Can laough of it then it well be good times.
Ty.❤
Ty Hola..❤
Yes, I hear SO much about what a woman needs to do for a man to build him, to help him. . Blah blah!!!
What about what a man can do to improve himself and what he can do for a woman to encourage her to feel good about herself, to really want to do the things for a man to build his testosterone up?
Takes 2 to Tango.
I do a lot for his testosterone but he doesnt do much for my estrogen.
Plus there are a million professionals to assist women to help them in they're relationship but it's the men who need professional help (but they dont feel or wont choose to because of their too high testosterone levels that WE AS WOMEN HELPED THEM GET. So they say "I dont need no stinking help, I'm so wonderful"!
So it inevitably, pros go out of business for lack of men getting help so it inevitably falls back on the woman to improve, cause we're the nurturers of the 2. Wth??
Men need to step up and get help and improve too.
and what about men working on themselves? : ) isn't that crucial too? :) because from your video it sounds as if only women have to work on themselves and they are just triggered most of the time because they are "negative". no, sir. we have needs. they are important. I completely agree that we should give the majority of our happiness to ourselves and when we want something - ask it in a loving way, but again - men should work on themselves too. :) So I don't believe we should communicate with our men ONLY when we're happy and soft - voiced, that's how we spoil men to think they have nothing to change or improve about themselves, as if only we women have to "work" on ourselves.
ALSO I think in this video there is one important part missing - understanding/mentioning that inner work is only even working when you're with a partner that's worth it. Initially, everybody should grow and work on themselves FOR themselves, but if you are being treated without love and respect, it's definitely NOT a scenario where you should think "90/10" and blame it on you. Know your standards and worth girls. :) In my opinion BOTH men and women should seek balance between doing inner work and also be open to have an honest conversation with their partner, and definitely not a woman automatically blaming herself. :D :) no.
We came here for advice for us as women. Of course men will work on themselves that is If they want to, just like you may want to. 🤦♀️
You don’t “get it”, you can’t hear what he is saying. I didn’t either until I read more of his books and watching his videos, I stopped being defensive, even though I did not realize that I had been being defensive, it was like all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place and then I understood what he is saying.
@@bluej6800 I get all the nice and useful things he is saying - and I mean it - I just also believe that it is only one half of the story, and it should be at least mentioned not to give a picture as if only women have to "work" on themselves not even questioning what they're feeling (and why), what's the actual situation and so on. : ) it's also important simply for the sake of healthy self esteem of women AND men - if couples are able to communicate between themselves it's much more fair and effective, and in this video - as well as many others - it is just forgotten to mention that women are NOT automatically 99 % overreacting. Sure, we are emotionally more intense/powerful than men, and we should use that with wisdom, but it's not that because we're "negative" we only have to work on ourselves :DD this view 90/10 just diminishes the woman's feelings, roots of it, and essential message - that in it's core, essence, feelings are there for a reason, they show us various things, e.g. if our boundaries have been crossed by another and so on. It's important not only for happiness and self respect of a woman but for a healthy relationship too. And coming back to 90/10 "rule" it is simply useful for the patriarchy based point of view - this position gives too much comfort and not much to do for a man - as well as diminishing the needs and feelings of a woman and hyperbolizing the views and needs of a man in 90 % of scenarios without questioning - and that is, in my opinion, wrong based on all reasons mentioned.
Agree totally. Inner work in both side is important. If woman knows her worth man will pull.
@@pabrastu I agree, and I wanted to point out that not all men are worthy of the 90/10 rule.
I'm really perplexed. I've watched a number of John Gray's videos. I've just divorced from my wife of 17 years. I still love her. She's had a passionate affair for 2 years. She 100% fell out of love with me. But all the characteristics he describes are opposite the genders. She wanted alone time. If she spends 3 hrs playing world of warcraft after work, I said play for 2 hrs 45 minutes, give me 15 minutes? She says I was smothering her. She would leave the room when I came in. She complained I was like a needy child. I put up with her affair for 2 years. But I could do nothing right. All of Grays' characteristics for men and women applied the opposite for us. I begged for "after play " and cuddling. On and on. She was the love of my life. I'm nothing to her. She stayed for my pension. Why couldn't i have even one of the women lamenting their domestic situation in these responses?
She needed more masculine from you. You were in your feminine energy and she was in her masculine energy. You needed to flip the script. Believe it or not men and women have more attraction when we are in our roles of masculine and feminine. When those roles become unbalanced it creates problems in the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever be in your feminine or her in her masculine. It just means that for a majority we must maintain our assigned identity. Take time to heal and get Bach out there.
Attachment styles
I'm no doc, but she reminds me of someone i know on the Asperger spectrum, just by the way.
And what about when a man pushes you away? I gave so much of myself and just have to accept all his shit.
You dont have to accept anything. Know your boundaries.
⚘Sorry, Gave too much. Let it go, learn how to receive more, get away as soon as possible and work on loving yourself.⚘
These methods in this video only apply to relationships that are healthy, where the partners have good intentions towards each other. If you are being abused and walked all over and not appreciated, these tips do not work.
But he's depending on you to make him feel better.
That's low self esteem.
And i don't depend on any man financially.
I pay my own Bill's.
This sounds like a man who likes to blame a woman for his own insecurities.
But on saying this women can be the same.
My two long term relationships i gave everything as I'm a giver not a taker.
I looked after them and got no appreciation.
So i walked both times.
I'm a mother of 4 children to my ex husband.
I did all the work not him
Each person has their own story.
I get that. Its important for you to learn how to receive. Practice on yourself now as you are divorced. Meet, date, engage, then marry yourself and treat you like you want a man to treat you. Buy yourself flowers, pay compliments to you, and all else you would like to receive from a man in a relationship. What do you want from a man to feel love. Then do it to yourself....for a good long time. You cant love another, truly until you love yourself.
Receive receive receive from self and others when you can.
Men have egos.. if you want to be with a real man you’ll have to accept that fact
Volume on this video very low compared to other videos on other channels so I stopped watching FYI. Love this mans knowledge!
Love this man...thank you.😍
So glad you liked the video Marlene and great to have you as part of our community! 😊
Genius! This should be common knowledge😍
I like it
I agree doctor complaining about somebody to teach them something that they need to teach themselves or to think about themselves is like a woman or person turn into alcohol or pot to deal with frustration and anxiety and or depression
I need too know how too get close too him. How do you come forward cause I was told the guy had too come too you n get close n hold hands. N he holds n hugs one that's how I was told. I'm just waiting I am not to just throw myself on him ..Ii can but that's not me.
To get more clarity with that I'd highly recommend taking our new FREE "Magnetize Your Man" Quiz for custom gifts to help you if you haven't already here! 👉 MYMQuiz.com
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together.
±2348073317460⏯⏯?????????????
I think the word husbandment is so misconstrued and under appreciated as well as partner-two become one sentiment. I say, man up and respect and appreciate each other without having to prove you don't need each other: deep down everyone truly wants to know if they need the other they can admit it without the fear if stupid pride_.
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together.
±2348073317460⏯⏯????????????
As a Bible believer, I am pleased for the ability for women to not have to depend on a man when they have no children, and still can fully embrace their need for a man as if she was dependent upon him for food and shelter. There may be times when a woman will need to do so still, such as when sick or childbearing.
However, individulism is pulling many into egotism and hyper independence.
It seems that many are struggling, turning inward, insensitive, and wounding each other in the name of I am not responsible toward you, you do you.... As a woman, once married and with children in the home, the man has to step up more during those seasons of childbearing on through adolescence to a larger degree than a women not in that season, in todays times. He is freer due to the lack if the need to actual hunt all day, and protect from real tigers, lions, and bears.
So basically, my point is this. He is more than just dessert intrinsically, he is a whole himan soul to become one with, and without consuming his individuality. He is a big deal for a childbearing woman in general still, because support outside of him doesn't come for many, especially in the black community, and in this age of distant relationships due to many rely too heavily on technology and cyberspace.
Sad state of things, in general, with some exceptional couples that actually get and apply what they know.
We today have greater awareness and increased degrees of freedoms that were not afforded those that lived long ago, but we are more psychologically inprisoned and less free in our interpersonal relationships to love and be loved, due to extreme dream chasing, love of vice, self centeredness and hyper independence.
6:48 to 10:45 👌🏼💛
I’m curious if you have permission to use his video since I follow him and this is how he speaks to his audience...others on his live ask him questions that you asked...
Hi Amy, yes I interviewed him personally for these videos. How did you like this interview?
What sbout when we are givingband givingband being positive but never get any back
Stop giving energy away and fill your own tank. Do what makes you happy
@@yurix_xroblox BOOM ❤❤❤