It's not the fact that she said she didn't want to marry him that's the problem. It's HOW she did it and WHEN she did it. She assumed he was going to propose because they were in what she deemed the ideal circumstances to do so. She didn't even wait to see if he was going to ask or pull out a ring before crushing him like that. Also, she didn't just suddeny decide she felt this way. That's bullshit. She felt that way all along and only admitted it to herself when she felt backed into a corner. Guy dodged a bullet in my opinion.
This is sorta cool/freaky. It’s cool how she genuinely thought he was proposing to her, and she suddenly became aware of her true feelings just by him picking up a seashell in a romantic setting. Life always drops little hints to help us all
@@christophersmith8316are you getting married after a year? This is why the divorce rate is so high lmao. So you've never quit a job, stop being someone's friend, Believed something different etc over time?
Marrying for love is a horrible thing to do because love lies. You should marry to have a family and carry the duty of raising a family. If love is your reason for marriage then what’s the point of marrying someone versus just staying together in love without marriage. Marriage has and always will be about the duty to build and raise a family
Marrying someone who married for love as someone who marries for purpose w out talking is bad. Transactional relationships can still be edifying and constructive
Arrange marriages are more successful then love marriages. If you just want to be with, or leave a person, based on a feeling, you shouldn't get married. Leave marriage for the people who can make long-term commitments regardless of their feelings.
it’s not like the girl kept dating the guy knowing that she didn’t want to marry him, like she was playing him. she believed that they were gonna get married until that moment. and to me, figuring that out before legally getting married is so much better than signing the papers and then figuring out you don’t want to be married to them and having to go through the divorce process
I’m sure she knew, but was being “desperate” or “lonely”. Every person knows someone who can’t stand being alone so they go into relationships knowing full well it’s just for fun/the time being. And it’s not just the lady in this situation, this is also for the dudes that do this stuff too.
@@sarahhernandez4726"something isn't right" means something. Not necessarily that she was doubting their relationship. There are a lot of "gut feelings" we don't know until it is too late. She didn't realize that the gut feeling was that significant. She thought she was going to marry him someday. She wasn't stringing him along at all. Had she of not broken up after that she would be but no. Not in this case
@@sarahhernandez4726 "something" is pretty vague. It would seriously be difficult to explain why *exactly* you're ending a multi year relationship when you don't even know.
This found the wrong side of the internet lmao… a girl talking abt realizing that her s/o isn’t her person and ppl turning it into an evil vindictive thing….
Right like she knew it wasn’t right and she walked away. It would be a different story if she dragged him along bc it was convenient or she was looking to find someone else before ending things
Yeah because wasting 3 years of someones life and then walking away bc you didn't feel like it, is the most morally acceptable action. That is why you women are untrustworthy. 3 YEARS! Just like that down the drain.
@@Dark-iv3gmwould you rather someone waste 30 years of your life? or 3 years. marriage will fail if a relationships fails. the problem is that y’all think women should just suffer to protect your egos and that’s not how it works. this isn’t a woman thing, i can men who string their wives and girlfriends along for 10+ years just to blame them.
idk why this is so controversial? the girl she is talking about ltierally just having a moment of intuition where she realized she couldnt marry him. whats the big deal?
@@world__2264 but this happens with multiple couples… you may love someone and think you’re ready to spend the rest of your life together but only realize thats not the case when the question is popped.
That’s exactly how I felt when my ex proposed. I thought that’s what I wanted but when it happened I felt this overwhelming sadness that this would be my life forever.
Highly doubt someone would go through the entire process of procuring a ring and arranging a proposal only to back out that the very last second. Common sense is so common I guess.
I literally think about this all the time like imagine building a healthy and loving relationship with someone for years and then you just suddenly feel like you don’t wanna be with them anymore 😭 that’s absolutely terrifying
idk i’m not so scared bc my mans and i have honest conversations about this. it’s not like one side is pressuring the other, so we can have comfortable honest talks about this topic. there’s no room for uneasiness
@@daffodilee1157guess what, it doesnt happen. Because love isnt even a feeling. Its actions and words. You dont just not like someone one day. Its not how it works, all it means is you never liked them in the first place. Maybe you liked the money they gave you, or the attention or something. But someone you truly love, for themselves and all their little quirks you will never stop loving them.
@@daffodilee1157thats why you don’t get married. You cant guarantee someone will want you forever. Sometimes that feeling just goes away after 10+ years together. Id rather the split be easier
This kind of think always worries me for people with anxious or avoidant attachments who might really struggle feeling safe and secure in relationships. I’m not saying don’t trust your gut, but be sure to be curious about the feelings because sometimes it’s more to do with you than them.
This is so true! It took me almost 2 years to trust that my last boyfriend wasn't just going to up and leave without a word one day. Luckily for me, when I felt really secure, I think he noticed, and he proposed. We've been happily married for 5 years ❤ He was such a trooper to stick it out with me for all that time. He's the best man I have ever known.
i am in love with a super avoidant person. and I don't know what to do. we dated for a year after knowing each other for 14 years. Things were going SO well and he started talking about the future and then...everything changed, he stopped talking to me, for three weeks, we went away and we were having so much fun, and then he tells me he wants to see other people, out of nowhere. He swears he is not seeing anyone else. 😭😭😭 Weeks later I talk to him and I ask him why he wants to sabotage things. He says I might be right and he will probably regret it in 5 years but he doesn't see me as his wife. 😭😭😭
@@sandracastillo3317Let him go. You are going to hurt yourself waiting on him. If he heals himself or go to therapy that should be the only reason you take him back. You May even be anxiously attached and feel the need to stay by him and love him to secure attachment. It’s not healthy for you and you deserve consistency
Exactly at any point she was feeling that early on she could’ve brought it up and talked about it. The flooding was probably more that she hadn’t talk or expressed herself directly and honestly with him and allowed negative thoughts (justified or not) to take over. On another note, she seems like the type of person that focuses way too much on her own feelings, and not on how she makes others feel or gives to a situation. Picking a person that plays a part to dream or fantasy but is only a thing in her life, there is no respect for mutual life. I don’t think you would ever treat a good friend like that would you? That’s the difference between picking a partner and picking a thing.
Yes im wondering about that too. I do have an anxious/avoidant attachement and tend to lose feelings quickly and get anxious about the future of the relationship.
This happened to me but I had already made it to the court house. I was 19. His parents and friends were already there. We were high school sweethearts and so in love. He was in the military and I hadnt seen him in over 9 months. The second our eyes connected again I knew it wasnt right but none of my family was there. I panicked and married him anyways. I genuinely loved him so much but in that moment I knew I was making a mistake. Something wasn't right. We got divorced 3 years later. We are both happily married to different people and have kids now and I wish him all the best.
While unfortunate, this is how it is sometimes. People break up or get divorced after many years together. It happens. I’m happy she listened to herself in that moment and acknowledged that her relationship has no future. I wouldn’t be surprised if they both were feeling that in some way. Wishing the best for both of them as I know a break up after all of that time can’t be easy for either party.
Ya’ll gotta realise that people’s feelings change, maybe at first she wanted to marry him but in that moment she realised that she didn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s good if she was honest to him about it, so the problem would not be the fact that she felt that way but it would’ve been if she told him or not, and she probs did cuz they broke up, so nothing seems wrong with it to me
But he wasn't even going to propose! She ASSUMED he was going to and ended up destroying this guy over a frackign SEASHELL! If she was feeling this way about him, fine, yeah, tell him, but don't just blindside a guy like that. Do you have ANY idea what that can do to someone?
@@ArthurRex131do you understand what reflex actions are? its not like she did it on purpose, she assumed he was proposing and that was her instant reflex.. not like she planned it.. and tbh how is picking up a seashell different than any other mundane activity? would you she rather did at dinner, while watching movie, what? it is 1000x better for him than if it was he was actually going to propose
I think for everyone it’s different. When my husband proposed I almost felt under-excited to the point of hesitancy. And I’m not sure why? Because before that I was sure if he asked I would say yes… but I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was going/supposed to be. I was more scared Iooking back at it, I knew the significance/grandiosity of marriage and I knew that whomever I married I would never leave their side and I felt the liability of every possibly negative outcome. But we worked so hard for this relationship I did, he did. So I said yes! Aannndd I love it, he’s my bestfriend… At the time he proposed our relationship was a little rocky but I knew we both were great communicators…maybe he just did it too early for me to feel that excitement… Wonder if anyone else felt the same way?
Yes I did too. It's because we're anxious people, not because we don't want to marry them. We ended up marrying after 9 years together (4th anniversary coming up!)
I felt the exact same way and I am glad I am not the only one. I was worried that there was something wrong with me. I said yes and for us things worked out. In a relationship for 9 year and married 3. I know he is the person I feel most comfortable with and he is the person who makes me feel I am at home.
I have anxious attachment type and I'm a total worry-wart so I'm worried I'm going to feel the same way whenever my boyfriend proposes. I want to be excited (nervous is fine too), but I don't want to feel dread because of my fears. I'm in therapy now to help remedy that
Plot twist he was feeling the exact same thing as she was feeling at the same time he actually knelt down and instead of taking a ring out of his pocket, picked up a seashell because he knew instantly right as he was about to propose that she just wasn't his person.
This happened to me - my ex got down on one knee to propose and I without hesitation or thinking said “fuck no” - the rest of the trip was hell. He was a raging alcoholic and I knew deep down inside that he wasn’t for me I just never had the heart to break up with him. About a month later he broke up with me and tried getting back together months after that but I used that as an excuse to move on completely.
I realized on valentine’s days after a year and a half of dating. We had a lovely date and spent the whole day together, but when he wanted to get intimate i felt absolutely nothing. My advice to anyone in a similar situation: do not wait for an ideal time to break up to avoid hurting them. You both will hurt regardless and eventually you will be mad at yourself for wasting both of your time being unhappy
When she talks you can feel she is mentally unstable, volatile, emotionally driven in her decisions and childish. What about wondering why your friend was spending years with a guy who does not love. She is not the victim, but the perpetrator.
I think she already knew. She just wasn't faced with a decision until that point. Most people overstay because they're just waiting for the right (or optimal ) time, or they wait until their SO does something that can be used as the reason to leave. It's kind if gross that people can be so picky with their dating preferences but oblivious to them at the same time. It gives ditz vibes.
My ex: "Let's go stand on that bridge that's romantic for no reason" I was internally panicking. *HOW DO I SAY NO??* Five years in, and I just knew that I could never commit to him. He also never proposed. We're both much happier now (and I did find my forever person).
This is kind of a happy ending for both of them. Imagine if he actually was proposing and she gave in even though her heart wasn’t in it. It’s better for both of them that it ended as soon as he felt that instinct
Same. When I got engaged the first time as soon as the ring was on my finger I felt like I got handcuffed. I started crying from sadness and I knew it was over.
Oh yes! I had something similar with an ex many years ago. Everything in my life was stable - relationship, my own place, income, job, career progression in hand. We were stood in a house party with friends and I just suddenly felt this really dark heavy bored sensation and thought “This is my life now”. In that moment I knew I needed to be somewhere else. Whatever path I was on wasn’t right for me. Something, as your friend put it, was “off”. If you’ve ever seen Sarah Jessica Parker pull the wedding dress off herself having a panic attack in SATC - that’s exactly how I felt. Within six months, I left the job, the relationship, and the home, and the group of friends (who were his). I still haven’t found the “one” but I’m geographically elsewhere and very happy, and my career path has completely changed. He married someone else a few years later. I don’t regret leaving that lane, though. It wasn’t for me. Sometimes you really do know! ❤
I was the same page as you. Quit my job, broke up with my 7th year boyfriend in same time. Now spending time with my family, traveling a lot, learning a lot of stuff and feel so so alive
Females need to have a better understanding of how they feel and conduct themselves so that men don’t get let along and have emotionally volatile break ups
I have a similar story. I was dating a guy for two years, and something felt off for a while. Then at my brother’s wedding, I just broke down sobbing. It was partially due to the fact that it was my brothers wedding and it was beautiful, but it was mostly because I had this sudden, shocking realization that I could not be up there with the man that I was dating. I broke up with him that week. I’m now married to the love of my life and am so glad I made the tough decision to end things with the other guy.
in my very very early twenties i was drunk and laying in the backseat of my car and the dude i was dating at the time (who was a habitual liar) told me he loved me. apparently i yelled "NOOOOOOO!". 😂
A couple women that I’ve been in LTRs with have suggested marriage heavily. I’ve agreed with one caveat, they have to tell me their ring size. No one to date has. For some reason, it cuts the bs.
My ex bf asked if I would say yes or no if he proposed to me because he didn’t want to spend money on a ring and make a fool of himself if I was just gonna say no. And I was like, yeah don’t do all of that
Its good they both found out before it got real. Spared both of them from humiliation and just a very sad situation. I hope they had a good heart to heart talk and got the closure they both deserved before moving on.
I feel she should have told him sooner, especially if she was feeling that way for some time. Don't waste a person's time if you are feeling iffy or start thinking this is not my person. Tell them sooner not later. So, that that they can move on too.
My sister left her bf of 9 years a few months ago bc she realized their goals weren't aligned. They started dating when she was 14 and he was 19, she's 23 now and doing her thesis to be a criminologist while working half time and on weekends, while he was content with not studying, working at a supermarket half time and sleeping and playing videogames all day, while telling her she didn't love him bc she was always working or studying. My bf got worried that I would leave him after I told him the news and brought back conversations about our future together. But hell, if she took 9 years to figure it out, and my mom took like 23 years to realize she needed to get divorced, there's no time limit fkr that feeling lol
When my man proposed I gave it a few seconds to make sure he was because He Handed me a ring (a regular everyday simple band) but he didn’t kneel until I grabbed it after he gestured to take it. So he kneeled after that then asked me to marry him. I said yes and cried but I was SO CONFUSED because it wasn’t a wedding ring n he’s known FOR YEARS the specific ring I’ve wanted. Later on the day he explained he gave me this one because he wanted me to choose the exactly what I wanted for my ring. I have that ring now but still wear it with the one he proposed with 🥰
You know when you first meet someone how fun and exciting it is for like that first year and then a real relationship takes place that’s what happens and that’s what she was feeling one day she’s probably gonna say “that’s the one that got away!” I know I did that.
What if the young man was also checking his gut? So he got down on his knees to see if he could bring himself to want to propose? Then realized it was a NO for him too and picked up a seashell instead. Do most men bother to pick up seashells? 😂😂😂😂😂
Honestly this happened to me with my narcissistic abusive ex. He proposed and immediently I thought "I need to get out of this." Realizing that doesnt make you a bad person you are allowed to change your mind about something happening to you. If you have doubts about a person do not ignore it!
I thought she couldn't marry him because they found out they are cousins or that she was cheating one her or something... Turns out she just didn't WANT to marry him. Lol I was expecting something more dramatic than that. 😂
I knew my ex was going to propose and I remember being at school (college) and not wanting to go home. He did in fact propose and I said yes 😬 and we ended up breaking up a few months later. Now he’s married to my ex best friend 🙃😂
You ever figure that maybe your gut is wrong sometimes? Like if this was the perfect guy and youve spent 4yrs with him, you know everything about him, you know that you wanna spend the rest of your life with him, but you get the ick when he gets down on his knee. Maybe that moment you were wrong. That one moment doesnt invalidate 4yrs of being together. It could be any number of things going on internally that have nothing to do with the capacity for a committed marraige.
@@etherspinehh you got a point there tbh. I feel like as a guy you know within at most a year if she’s the girl. But my point isn’t even about this specific scenario. If a woman is dating a guy and for no good reason momentarily gets the ick, that’s weird. But yeah it definitely seems this guy never had the intention of marrying her it’s been 4 years.
Omg a similar thing happened to me. Was with my ex for almost 4 years and I had an out of body experience where I was like this is not who I’m supposed to be with. Nice guy but he wasn’t my person. It happens and you know it in your gut when it does. Listen to your intuitions ❤️
@@YasminMahnaz men do this literally all the time and are applauded by others. Look at the male influencers we have now who treat women like a commodity and yet they’re still popular? There’s literally no difference in the reactions, just that a lot of the men I see find it funny to cheat on women or use them until they find somebody better.
I love how everyone is pretending like she just had this ahah moment. Listen to the beginning. She always knew she wasn’t going to marry that man. She should’ve listened to her intuition in the beginning and saved them both the time.
Always trust ur gut. Also i feel like ppl forget that their are other reasons to break up w someone besides them being a bad person. She never said the boyfriend was a bad guy sometimes it just doesn’t work and that’s ok.
The fact that he wasn’t kneeling down to propose might have been the reason. Like the right person would have had their stuff together enough to have been ready at that perfect moment and she knew he wasn’t. Tenet thinking from me
This is like the coin toss method, when u r confused toss a coin n as it falls most of the time u hope for a particular outcome n then u know what u want no matter how the coin landed.
3 years is also the give away. No guy who wants to marry is dating for 3 years unless the dating began in high school and he didnt know his life direction yet. Adult men will know within a year if they want to marry as long as location and employment allows you to spend about a day together per week
I guy was dumped for a reasoning of intuition Not for any actually having done wrong, toxic unloving behavior, malevolence, and having done nothing wrong whatsoever Purely because she had a moment of commitment anxiety. A normal occurrence, especially at that young age. Took it as a sign, He's Not Worth It and threw him away for pursuit of something better Ya'll are praising this shsllow pettiness?
Had a similar experience....dude when so far out for my birthday, I almost didn't want to go out cuz I was terrified that he might be proposing.😢 Love him but when you know , you know
I was actually proposed to and my first reaction was "please don't get on your knee" 💀 i said yes because i thought this was my life. We had already been together 4 years. 2 years after getting engaged i finally broke it off 😭 trust your gut y'all
I feel like if you don’t know if you want to marry them within 8 months then that’s probably your answer. Not that you have to get married that fast. Like you should have some idea of they type of person you want to marry and know if they match it pretty quickly.
A lot of people don’t know themselves, or aren’t honest with themselves. That’s the only problem. But I agree with you. Know what you want and know who you are.
For people with attachment issues, you can question your feelings and gain understanding of the roots of your emotions and why you feel a certain disconnect with your significant other, whether it's redeemable-- Otherwise, this lady could have prevented wasting 3-4 years with the wrong man if she had those intuition that something was off for a while.
Female logic. So you know he is not right for you. But you want him to propose anyway so you reject him. And if he didn't then that is why you knew he wasn't proposing. Don't you realize he has probably picked up on your energy and knoww its going nowhere? You want a man to read your mind, get a grip.
It’s giving: “Sometimes you just don’t know the answer till someone’s on their knees and asks you.”
SHE WOULDVE MADE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE
What a shame she's fucked in the head, they said🎶
@@chlobug_WHAT A SHAME SHE’S FUCKED IN THE HEAD THEY SAY
@@chlobug_WHAT A SHAME SHE'S FUCKED IN THE HEAD
@@chlobug_WHAT A SHAME SHE’S F****D IN THE HEAD, THEY SAID
It's always better to have this sort of clarity before marriage/kids/mortgage/etc gets involved
It's not the fact that she said she didn't want to marry him that's the problem. It's HOW she did it and WHEN she did it. She assumed he was going to propose because they were in what she deemed the ideal circumstances to do so. She didn't even wait to see if he was going to ask or pull out a ring before crushing him like that. Also, she didn't just suddeny decide she felt this way. That's bullshit. She felt that way all along and only admitted it to herself when she felt backed into a corner. Guy dodged a bullet in my opinion.
@@ArthurRex131 you've never even been in a relationship though so....
Clearly, however, life goesnt always go according to plan.
Speaking from experience, yes absolutely. I would’ve given anything to have had one of these moments before my first marriage.
So true
This is sorta cool/freaky. It’s cool how she genuinely thought he was proposing to her, and she suddenly became aware of her true feelings just by him picking up a seashell in a romantic setting. Life always drops little hints to help us all
yeah its really cool to be so unaware of yourself that you string yourself along and the dude for years. Such intuition
@@christophersmith8316waaaaah waaaaah waaaaah
@@christophersmith8316are you getting married after a year? This is why the divorce rate is so high lmao. So you've never quit a job, stop being someone's friend, Believed something different etc over time?
@@christophersmith8316bitter much?
@@christophersmith8316She honestly didn’t know till that moment. Men talk about those realizations all the time and don’t get demonized like this
At least she had the courage to break it off. Some people don’t marry for love and that’s absolutely horrible to do to someone.
Marrying for love is a horrible thing to do because love lies. You should marry to have a family and carry the duty of raising a family. If love is your reason for marriage then what’s the point of marrying someone versus just staying together in love without marriage. Marriage has and always will be about the duty to build and raise a family
Marrying someone who married for love as someone who marries for purpose w out talking is bad. Transactional relationships can still be edifying and constructive
People don’t get words.. It’s funny af to read sometimes 😂😂😂.
Arrange marriages are more successful then love marriages. If you just want to be with, or leave a person, based on a feeling, you shouldn't get married. Leave marriage for the people who can make long-term commitments regardless of their feelings.
it’s not like the girl kept dating the guy knowing that she didn’t want to marry him, like she was playing him. she believed that they were gonna get married until that moment. and to me, figuring that out before legally getting married is so much better than signing the papers and then figuring out you don’t want to be married to them and having to go through the divorce process
She knew for a long time that somthing wasnt right lol so yeah she strung him along
I’m sure she knew, but was being “desperate” or “lonely”. Every person knows someone who can’t stand being alone so they go into relationships knowing full well it’s just for fun/the time being. And it’s not just the lady in this situation, this is also for the dudes that do this stuff too.
@@sarahhernandez4726"something isn't right" means something. Not necessarily that she was doubting their relationship. There are a lot of "gut feelings" we don't know until it is too late. She didn't realize that the gut feeling was that significant. She thought she was going to marry him someday. She wasn't stringing him along at all. Had she of not broken up after that she would be but no. Not in this case
@@sarahhernandez4726"something wasn't right" aka she didn't know what and probably wanted to figure out what was wrong or fix it...wtf
@@sarahhernandez4726 "something" is pretty vague. It would seriously be difficult to explain why *exactly* you're ending a multi year relationship when you don't even know.
This found the wrong side of the internet lmao… a girl talking abt realizing that her s/o isn’t her person and ppl turning it into an evil vindictive thing….
Omg same like I don’t need this energy 💀💀
the manosphere has infiltrated every corner of our internet.
Right like she knew it wasn’t right and she walked away. It would be a different story if she dragged him along bc it was convenient or she was looking to find someone else before ending things
Yeah because wasting 3 years of someones life and then walking away bc you didn't feel like it, is the most morally acceptable action. That is why you women are untrustworthy. 3 YEARS! Just like that down the drain.
@@Dark-iv3gmwould you rather someone waste 30 years of your life? or 3 years. marriage will fail if a relationships fails. the problem is that y’all think women should just suffer to protect your egos and that’s not how it works. this isn’t a woman thing, i can men who string their wives and girlfriends along for 10+ years just to blame them.
idk why this is so controversial? the girl she is talking about ltierally just having a moment of intuition where she realized she couldnt marry him. whats the big deal?
Wasting this man years is a big deal
@@world__2264she thought she wanted to marry him until that point aswell though…
@meghanaraujo you need years? But she was young that justify it but if shw was an adult that would be worse
@@world__2264 but this happens with multiple couples… you may love someone and think you’re ready to spend the rest of your life together but only realize thats not the case when the question is popped.
@Ismojo. no there is such a thing like wasted years people don't live forever.
That’s exactly how I felt when my ex proposed. I thought that’s what I wanted but when it happened I felt this overwhelming sadness that this would be my life forever.
Maybe he realised the same and decided to pick up a shell instead😅
Highly doubt someone would go through the entire process of procuring a ring and arranging a proposal only to back out that the very last second. Common sense is so common I guess.
😂😂😂😂
@@YouWillGetThereBuddyhe didn't 😂
@@YouWillGetThereBuddylike she backed out? lmaooo
@@YouWillGetThereBuddyit’s just a joke bud
This is why falling in love is so scary bc I’d die inside if I found out my man felt like that 😭
I literally think about this all the time like imagine building a healthy and loving relationship with someone for years and then you just suddenly feel like you don’t wanna be with them anymore 😭 that’s absolutely terrifying
idk i’m not so scared bc my mans and i have honest conversations about this. it’s not like one side is pressuring the other, so we can have comfortable honest talks about this topic. there’s no room for uneasiness
Fr like all of this for nothing?
@@daffodilee1157guess what, it doesnt happen. Because love isnt even a feeling. Its actions and words. You dont just not like someone one day. Its not how it works, all it means is you never liked them in the first place. Maybe you liked the money they gave you, or the attention or something.
But someone you truly love, for themselves and all their little quirks you will never stop loving them.
@@daffodilee1157thats why you don’t get married. You cant guarantee someone will want you forever. Sometimes that feeling just goes away after 10+ years together. Id rather the split be easier
This kind of think always worries me for people with anxious or avoidant attachments who might really struggle feeling safe and secure in relationships. I’m not saying don’t trust your gut, but be sure to be curious about the feelings because sometimes it’s more to do with you than them.
This is so true! It took me almost 2 years to trust that my last boyfriend wasn't just going to up and leave without a word one day. Luckily for me, when I felt really secure, I think he noticed, and he proposed. We've been happily married for 5 years ❤ He was such a trooper to stick it out with me for all that time. He's the best man I have ever known.
i am in love with a super avoidant person. and I don't know what to do. we dated for a year after knowing each other for 14 years. Things were going SO well and he started talking about the future and then...everything changed, he stopped talking to me, for three weeks, we went away and we were having so much fun, and then he tells me he wants to see other people, out of nowhere. He swears he is not seeing anyone else. 😭😭😭
Weeks later I talk to him and I ask him why he wants to sabotage things. He says I might be right and he will probably regret it in 5 years but he doesn't see me as his wife. 😭😭😭
@@sandracastillo3317Let him go. You are going to hurt yourself waiting on him. If he heals himself or go to therapy that should be the only reason you take him back. You
May even be anxiously attached and feel the need to stay by him and love him to secure attachment. It’s not healthy for you and you deserve consistency
Exactly at any point she was feeling that early on she could’ve brought it up and talked about it. The flooding was probably more that she hadn’t talk or expressed herself directly and honestly with him and allowed negative thoughts (justified or not) to take over. On another note, she seems like the type of person that focuses way too much on her own feelings, and not on how she makes others feel or gives to a situation. Picking a person that plays a part to dream or fantasy but is only a thing in her life, there is no respect for mutual life. I don’t think you would ever treat a good friend like that would you? That’s the difference between picking a partner and picking a thing.
Yes im wondering about that too. I do have an anxious/avoidant attachement and tend to lose feelings quickly and get anxious about the future of the relationship.
Women’s intuition is so incredible ❤
Only it was completely off and she mistook a seashell for a wedding ring? Lol
@@atamouralol about the more important things
@@ichomej3837haha this reminds me of that picking a partner test. Where the women chose guys who were all in the dark triad. Good intuition my @ss. 😂
Once you realize that person isn’t your person let them go so they can start healing and find their person😊
This happened to me but I had already made it to the court house. I was 19. His parents and friends were already there. We were high school sweethearts and so in love. He was in the military and I hadnt seen him in over 9 months. The second our eyes connected again I knew it wasnt right but none of my family was there. I panicked and married him anyways. I genuinely loved him so much but in that moment I knew I was making a mistake. Something wasn't right. We got divorced 3 years later. We are both happily married to different people and have kids now and I wish him all the best.
While unfortunate, this is how it is sometimes. People break up or get divorced after many years together. It happens.
I’m happy she listened to herself in that moment and acknowledged that her relationship has no future. I wouldn’t be surprised if they both were feeling that in some way.
Wishing the best for both of them as I know a break up after all of that time can’t be easy for either party.
Lol i cant even tell if half of you are real humans. You will all stay forever alone or end up locked in a shit situation out of desperation
Ya’ll gotta realise that people’s feelings change, maybe at first she wanted to marry him but in that moment she realised that she didn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s good if she was honest to him about it, so the problem would not be the fact that she felt that way but it would’ve been if she told him or not, and she probs did cuz they broke up, so nothing seems wrong with it to me
But he wasn't even going to propose! She ASSUMED he was going to and ended up destroying this guy over a frackign SEASHELL! If she was feeling this way about him, fine, yeah, tell him, but don't just blindside a guy like that. Do you have ANY idea what that can do to someone?
@@ArthurRex131do you understand what reflex actions are? its not like she did it on purpose, she assumed he was proposing and that was her instant reflex.. not like she planned it.. and tbh how is picking up a seashell different than any other mundane activity? would you she rather did at dinner, while watching movie, what? it is 1000x better for him than if it was he was actually going to propose
The moment when you realize that girl doesn't deserve nothing. She will say not, and after happening exactly she needs and didn't like it the result.
Ohhh my god.. your Intuition will never lie.
I think for everyone it’s different. When my husband proposed I almost felt under-excited to the point of hesitancy. And I’m not sure why? Because before that I was sure if he asked I would say yes… but I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was going/supposed to be.
I was more scared Iooking back at it, I knew the significance/grandiosity of marriage and I knew that whomever I married I would never leave their side and I felt the liability of every possibly negative outcome. But we worked so hard for this relationship I did, he did. So I said yes! Aannndd I love it, he’s my bestfriend…
At the time he proposed our relationship was a little rocky but I knew we both were great communicators…maybe he just did it too early for me to feel that excitement…
Wonder if anyone else felt the same way?
Yes I did too. It's because we're anxious people, not because we don't want to marry them. We ended up marrying after 9 years together (4th anniversary coming up!)
I felt the exact same way and I am glad I am not the only one. I was worried that there was something wrong with me. I said yes and for us things worked out. In a relationship for 9 year and married 3. I know he is the person I feel most comfortable with and he is the person who makes me feel I am at home.
I'd 100% hesitate 😬😬
I have anxious attachment type and I'm a total worry-wart so I'm worried I'm going to feel the same way whenever my boyfriend proposes. I want to be excited (nervous is fine too), but I don't want to feel dread because of my fears. I'm in therapy now to help remedy that
Plot twist he was feeling the exact same thing as she was feeling at the same time he actually knelt down and instead of taking a ring out of his pocket, picked up a seashell because he knew instantly right as he was about to propose that she just wasn't his person.
That’s what I’m thinking too
This happened to me - my ex got down on one knee to propose and I without hesitation or thinking said “fuck no” - the rest of the trip was hell. He was a raging alcoholic and I knew deep down inside that he wasn’t for me I just never had the heart to break up with him. About a month later he broke up with me and tried getting back together months after that but I used that as an excuse to move on completely.
I realized on valentine’s days after a year and a half of dating. We had a lovely date and spent the whole day together, but when he wanted to get intimate i felt absolutely nothing.
My advice to anyone in a similar situation: do not wait for an ideal time to break up to avoid hurting them. You both will hurt regardless and eventually you will be mad at yourself for wasting both of your time being unhappy
When she talks you can feel she is mentally unstable, volatile, emotionally driven in her decisions and childish. What about wondering why your friend was spending years with a guy who does not love. She is not the victim, but the perpetrator.
The fact that he got dumped because he didn't propose when she didn’t want him to propose is intriguing to me 😅
As someone who has been married for almost 20 years, when you know, you know.
She was not dating him, she was wasting his time
“Feeling in my gut” always means people finally acknowledging things they have been choosing to ignore
I think she already knew. She just wasn't faced with a decision until that point.
Most people overstay because they're just waiting for the right (or optimal ) time, or they wait until their SO does something that can be used as the reason to leave.
It's kind if gross that people can be so picky with their dating preferences but oblivious to them at the same time. It gives ditz vibes.
My ex: "Let's go stand on that bridge that's romantic for no reason"
I was internally panicking. *HOW DO I SAY NO??* Five years in, and I just knew that I could never commit to him. He also never proposed. We're both much happier now (and I did find my forever person).
This is kind of a happy ending for both of them. Imagine if he actually was proposing and she gave in even though her heart wasn’t in it. It’s better for both of them that it ended as soon as he felt that instinct
She wasnt done being a 304 i hope that guy moved on. She did him a favor.
Same. When I got engaged the first time as soon as the ring was on my finger I felt like I got handcuffed. I started crying from sadness and I knew it was over.
Oh yes! I had something similar with an ex many years ago. Everything in my life was stable - relationship, my own place, income, job, career progression in hand. We were stood in a house party with friends and I just suddenly felt this really dark heavy bored sensation and thought “This is my life now”. In that moment I knew I needed to be somewhere else. Whatever path I was on wasn’t right for me. Something, as your friend put it, was “off”. If you’ve ever seen Sarah Jessica Parker pull the wedding dress off herself having a panic attack in SATC - that’s exactly how I felt.
Within six months, I left the job, the relationship, and the home, and the group of friends (who were his). I still haven’t found the “one” but I’m geographically elsewhere and very happy, and my career path has completely changed. He married someone else a few years later.
I don’t regret leaving that lane, though. It wasn’t for me. Sometimes you really do know! ❤
I was the same page as you. Quit my job, broke up with my 7th year boyfriend in same time. Now spending time with my family, traveling a lot, learning a lot of stuff and feel so so alive
You booked the night train for a reason.
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You’re not sure which is worse
@@sylvzacalbecause I dropped your hand while dancing
left you out there standing
Females need to have a better understanding of how they feel and conduct themselves so that men don’t get let along and have emotionally volatile break ups
That sounds like divine intervention cause she would’ve never known unless he actually proposed. Thank god it wss a seashell 😂
In our hearts we know… it takes mindfulness and deep contemplation to unlock our intuition and understand our knowing.
Glad she told him as soon as she knew. Thats the important part.
Ive had the same experience and the realization hurts so much...
I have a similar story. I was dating a guy for two years, and something felt off for a while. Then at my brother’s wedding, I just broke down sobbing. It was partially due to the fact that it was my brothers wedding and it was beautiful, but it was mostly because I had this sudden, shocking realization that I could not be up there with the man that I was dating. I broke up with him that week. I’m now married to the love of my life and am so glad I made the tough decision to end things with the other guy.
in my very very early twenties i was drunk and laying in the backseat of my car and the dude i was dating at the time (who was a habitual liar) told me he loved me. apparently i yelled "NOOOOOOO!". 😂
A couple women that I’ve been in LTRs with have suggested marriage heavily. I’ve agreed with one caveat, they have to tell me their ring size.
No one to date has. For some reason, it cuts the bs.
Men, take note. This is how you determine if you dodged a bullet or got a real win.
Her red hair looks amazing
My ex bf asked if I would say yes or no if he proposed to me because he didn’t want to spend money on a ring and make a fool of himself if I was just gonna say no. And I was like, yeah don’t do all of that
Its good they both found out before it got real. Spared both of them from humiliation and just a very sad situation. I hope they had a good heart to heart talk and got the closure they both deserved before moving on.
Life always finds a way to guide you. Your gut will know before your head does
Gut took 4 fking years.......
Bet you she is the type of person who has to feel emotionally connected to their SO, and then this happens.
Fked up.
I feel she should have told him sooner, especially if she was feeling that way for some time. Don't waste a person's time if you are feeling iffy or start thinking this is not my person. Tell them sooner not later. So, that that they can move on too.
of topic, but her red/ brown hair is so pretty
Alisha’s hair giving such Ariel vibes ❤❤❤
My sister left her bf of 9 years a few months ago bc she realized their goals weren't aligned. They started dating when she was 14 and he was 19, she's 23 now and doing her thesis to be a criminologist while working half time and on weekends, while he was content with not studying, working at a supermarket half time and sleeping and playing videogames all day, while telling her she didn't love him bc she was always working or studying.
My bf got worried that I would leave him after I told him the news and brought back conversations about our future together. But hell, if she took 9 years to figure it out, and my mom took like 23 years to realize she needed to get divorced, there's no time limit fkr that feeling lol
so we are gonna ignore the fact that he went for her at 19 when she was 14? okay
He was like “Psych!” Ha!
When my man proposed I gave it a few seconds to make sure he was because He Handed me a ring (a regular everyday simple band) but he didn’t kneel until I grabbed it after he gestured to take it. So he kneeled after that then asked me to marry him. I said yes and cried but I was SO CONFUSED because it wasn’t a wedding ring n he’s known FOR YEARS the specific ring I’ve wanted. Later on the day he explained he gave me this one because he wanted me to choose the exactly what I wanted for my ring. I have that ring now but still wear it with the one he proposed with 🥰
You know when you first meet someone how fun and exciting it is for like that first year and then a real relationship takes place that’s what happens and that’s what she was feeling one day she’s probably gonna say “that’s the one that got away!” I know I did that.
He realized in his gut too as he was dropping to his knee. He spotted a seashell and being a quick thinker he knew he found his out😁👍
Ouch 😂😂😂 well he dodged a bullet 😂😂😂
4 years is a long time to decide you don’t wanna take someone’s seashell
What if the young man was also checking his gut?
So he got down on his knees to see if he could bring himself to want to propose?
Then realized it was a NO for him too and picked up a seashell instead.
Do most men bother to pick up seashells?
😂😂😂😂😂
Honestly this happened to me with my narcissistic abusive ex. He proposed and immediently I thought "I need to get out of this." Realizing that doesnt make you a bad person you are allowed to change your mind about something happening to you. If you have doubts about a person do not ignore it!
I thought she couldn't marry him because they found out they are cousins or that she was cheating one her or something... Turns out she just didn't WANT to marry him. Lol I was expecting something more dramatic than that. 😂
Basically she wasnt that into him
That was such a great YEET moment 😂
I knew my ex was going to propose and I remember being at school (college) and not wanting to go home. He did in fact propose and I said yes 😬 and we ended up breaking up a few months later. Now he’s married to my ex best friend 🙃😂
That’s good that she realized it and stuck to her decision
Listen to that feeling in your gut. It’s the voice of God 😊
You ever figure that maybe your gut is wrong sometimes? Like if this was the perfect guy and youve spent 4yrs with him, you know everything about him, you know that you wanna spend the rest of your life with him, but you get the ick when he gets down on his knee. Maybe that moment you were wrong. That one moment doesnt invalidate 4yrs of being together. It could be any number of things going on internally that have nothing to do with the capacity for a committed marraige.
😂 Whattt????
Why do you care? It’s not your relationship
4 years alone tells you any guy who wasn't in high school when the dating commenced has no intention of marriage
@@etherspinehh you got a point there tbh. I feel like as a guy you know within at most a year if she’s the girl. But my point isn’t even about this specific scenario. If a woman is dating a guy and for no good reason momentarily gets the ick, that’s weird. But yeah it definitely seems this guy never had the intention of marrying her it’s been 4 years.
Omg a similar thing happened to me. Was with my ex for almost 4 years and I had an out of body experience where I was like this is not who I’m supposed to be with. Nice guy but he wasn’t my person. It happens and you know it in your gut when it does. Listen to your intuitions ❤️
Wow bunch f boys and mostly fk. Girls all over here...3yrs...4 yrs...stringing guys. Reverse it and man does it he's on death row
@@YasminMahnaz men do this literally all the time and are applauded by others. Look at the male influencers we have now who treat women like a commodity and yet they’re still popular? There’s literally no difference in the reactions, just that a lot of the men I see find it funny to cheat on women or use them until they find somebody better.
Woman last resort for 0 accountability...un explained feelings. Grow up...
That’s perfect, he picked up a shell and was like oh heck no you aren’t that special to me either. Relax.
I love how everyone is pretending like she just had this ahah moment. Listen to the beginning. She always knew she wasn’t going to marry that man. She should’ve listened to her intuition in the beginning and saved them both the time.
Damn dude really gave his all just for her to randomly go “mmmmmmnaaaa”
Always trust ur gut. Also i feel like ppl forget that their are other reasons to break up w someone besides them being a bad person. She never said the boyfriend was a bad guy sometimes it just doesn’t work and that’s ok.
Wooooowwwww!!!!! What a why to humble yourself 😂😮😊
Alisha always tells stories about other people. Like every anecdotal story is “someone she knew” 😅
Me because I wanna tell the story but don’t want to other people business 😭
Then I suspect she's making the stories up.
At least she have enough balls to break things off with him
I don’t understand the point in dating unless it’s for marriage, otherwise, stay single!
I’ve had that type of moment before 🎉when you know you know.
The fact that he wasn’t kneeling down to propose might have been the reason. Like the right person would have had their stuff together enough to have been ready at that perfect moment and she knew he wasn’t. Tenet thinking from me
Girls sometimes stick to BF due to fear of left alone...
If u feel stagnated ,u need to tell BF u don't see if it has a future.
Meanwhile, he’s been telling his friends all along, oh hell Naw I’m not marrying her.
This is like the coin toss method, when u r confused toss a coin n as it falls most of the time u hope for a particular outcome n then u know what u want no matter how the coin landed.
Its giving Freud seashell poem
And when he says “nah it’s cool babe” that’s when she’ll propose to him
3 years is also the give away.
No guy who wants to marry is dating for 3 years unless the dating began in high school and he didnt know his life direction yet.
Adult men will know within a year if they want to marry as long as location and employment allows you to spend about a day together per week
They had been dating since high school though
I guy was dumped for a reasoning of intuition
Not for any actually having done wrong, toxic unloving behavior, malevolence, and having done nothing wrong whatsoever
Purely because she had a moment of commitment anxiety.
A normal occurrence, especially at that young age.
Took it as a sign,
He's Not Worth It and threw him away for pursuit of something better
Ya'll are praising this shsllow pettiness?
After 4 years...
Had a similar experience....dude when so far out for my birthday, I almost didn't want to go out cuz I was terrified that he might be proposing.😢 Love him but when you know , you know
I was actually proposed to and my first reaction was "please don't get on your knee" 💀 i said yes because i thought this was my life. We had already been together 4 years. 2 years after getting engaged i finally broke it off 😭 trust your gut y'all
I can’t listen “cuz like” I don’t know, I was like NOOOOOO🤦🏼♀️
Yep 5 years deep, break it off then get back. It’s not so simple sometimes it’s you that needs to change not them
Good for him, now he knew also and didn’t have to waste his time and money to find out. 🤷🏻♂️
The Valley Girl voice 🫤🙄
The friend realized that her bf wasnt the one for her
I feel like if you don’t know if you want to marry them within 8 months then that’s probably your answer. Not that you have to get married that fast. Like you should have some idea of they type of person you want to marry and know if they match it pretty quickly.
A lot of people don’t know themselves, or aren’t honest with themselves. That’s the only problem. But I agree with you. Know what you want and know who you are.
WTF wasting 3 years of a guys life and everyone saying whats wrong with it like ??
For people with attachment issues, you can question your feelings and gain understanding of the roots of your emotions and why you feel a certain disconnect with your significant other, whether it's redeemable-- Otherwise, this lady could have prevented wasting 3-4 years with the wrong man if she had those intuition that something was off for a while.
He saw her face when he knelt, knew she would say no and he did a sea shell quick save.
Girls will really waste years of your life and drop you on a whim. I hope that lady never finds love.
Left a man who I dated for 10 years… had an intuition ..he proposed I said no 😂 he moved on to destroy another woman’s life😂
He wasn't proposing...she wasn't his person, thank god
Female logic.
So you know he is not right for you.
But you want him to propose anyway so you reject him.
And if he didn't then that is why you knew he wasn't proposing.
Don't you realize he has probably picked up on your energy and knoww its going nowhere?
You want a man to read your mind, get a grip.