The Compelling vs. Repelling Way of Setting Boundaries With Men

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  • Опубліковано 14 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 59

  • @tallspicy
    @tallspicy 2 роки тому +43

    My favorite way to deal with an over flirty way is.. "easy there tiger...". Men who meant to push to fast too far will not back off or get defensive. One who likes you just chills out

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +1

      Glad this works for you : ). Thanks for sharing!

    • @tess7798
      @tess7798 2 роки тому +5

      Yes! I always say, “Slow down, Cowboy”. Men laugh and slow down.

    • @kellyquasha657
      @kellyquasha657 2 роки тому +2

      I’ve gone cold like the ice queen but I never had the intent to hurt or manipulate. For the men out there, don’t go thinking your women is intentionally trying to hurt you. Omg if I knew what was wrong and then could overcome the tremendous fear involved to express it in a vulnerable way, I would do it immediately. Please be patient, how can we fake keeping our hearts open while we figure out what’s going on.

  • @tallspicy
    @tallspicy 2 роки тому +10

    May I make a request is the most underrated phrase ever. It is perfect because it takes 100% responsibility for what you are asking for

  • @suzannepuma9774
    @suzannepuma9774 2 роки тому +13

    Thank you so much for this helpful video on setting boundaries and how not to go by it. Didn’t grow up with being taught how to set boundaries and knowing what they are…and also seeing how myslf can feel challenged in receiving others feedback/boundaries I can imagine how this must be for the other person.
    Definitely will use these for myslf/abs with others. Thank you again!

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +2

      You're so welcome!

    • @solex50
      @solex50 2 роки тому

      ❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

  • @sidekickster8917
    @sidekickster8917 2 роки тому +12

    I had a guy do this to me this yr. A few yrs ago, We hung out(not "official" dating) for a few months& had a good time. Then, he got mad at me (in front of a lot of ppl) for a REALLY dumb reason & didn't talk to me for 6mo or more w/no explaination. (Fine w/me) we ran into each other & he IMMED wanted to get together again. With GREAT caution, I agreed we met casually 3x. I clearly set my boundaries. The 1st time he said he "wanted to get to know me on deeper level." He told me "HIS" plan of selling his house, buying an RV & SERIOUSLY wanted me to join him in just all of sudden leaving everything behind(incl my daughter, church etc) traveling across the country. 🙃 I expressed a great concern about just up & leaving, but it seemed he just had "HIS" vision & I could "tag a long"(that's the way it came across). He DID sell his house, when I told him I had family things I was dealing with (a loss) he Immed said "Oh you're too busy" I never heard from him again (thankfully) & it's been several months.🙃
    I bring this up bc it is the WEIRDEST (disrespectful in my opinion) thing I've ever heard of/experienced & would like thoughts/imput

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +4

      It sounds like you are both in Dramatically different visions of what meaning and fulfillment in life is. This is a great opportunity to next time take a little longer to get to know a guy and find out with more specificity what his vision for life is so you can gauge if it's in the same planet as yours : )

    • @luigimcgoo6319
      @luigimcgoo6319 2 роки тому +9

      It sounds like you dodged a bullet there. The fact he got angry at you in front of a lot of people is extremely rude and a massive red flag IMO.

    • @cheekytitaable
      @cheekytitaable 2 роки тому +5

      Sounds like he was a narcissist. Plain and simple. Be glad he’s gone. It wasn’t meant to be and you can thank yourself for putting the brakes on

    • @jacquisunsong2561
      @jacquisunsong2561 2 роки тому +2

      Seems like he had no patience, respect or love. Forget about him, just a selfish person, out for himself.

    • @Mayfloweralways
      @Mayfloweralways 2 роки тому +1

      It sounds like he has no ability to connect to any empathy. A person with empathy sees you as a person with feelings. He embarrassed you in front of a crowd. He later went back to you like randomly scrolling though contacts and decided that since you still seemed open to him, he could just as well experience fun with you as easily as anyone else. When you had serious things going on, he again had no empathy and was just looking for fun that you were not providing. Do not entertain this person in the future. He will do this again.

  • @kimberlyh2098
    @kimberlyh2098 2 роки тому +6

    Thank you Bernardo. This is in total alignment with the positive changes I want from within.
    Communication is key for me, and instead of withdrawing from doing so, learning to communicate more tenderly may catapult my personal intimate relationship(s) into a whole new realm I've never experienced.
    I truly desire more positive outcomes and growth.

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +1

      Glad this was helpful, Kimberly.

  • @sarahmohsen4142
    @sarahmohsen4142 6 місяців тому +1

    Really love the pace you speak with also ur voice is clear ...well done

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  5 місяців тому

      Thank you so much, Sarah. 🙂

  • @shyneray250
    @shyneray250 2 роки тому +4

    Everything you said made a lottt of sense!

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      Shyne, glad you found this helpful ; )

  • @MichellePerdomoCoaching
    @MichellePerdomoCoaching 2 роки тому +7

    This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much!!!

  • @lambchop6278
    @lambchop6278 9 місяців тому

    The one of bringing up a problem by treating the person as if they are a inherently flawed, rather hits home for me. Something I grew up around. And it' a pet hate of mine, as I recognise it as a method people use to dominate and control another. Absolutely sick to death of this. It's also quite low in emotional intelligence.

  • @sandral2261
    @sandral2261 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you for the insight and clarity

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      You're so welcome, Sandra!

    • @solex50
      @solex50 2 роки тому

      ❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

  • @Bammbi1000
    @Bammbi1000 Рік тому

    I feel like the beginning is good then I start to feel the backing up and do admit that I work harder at figuring it out.

  • @fitz2523
    @fitz2523 2 роки тому +3

    First video🎉 new subscriber ❤ took the quiz 🙌🏾I’m impressed💯

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      Thank you and welcome! :)

    • @solex50
      @solex50 2 роки тому

      ❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

  • @romi929
    @romi929 2 роки тому +2

    I did not take the quiz but my wildest guess would be :
    Self worth which is all about your self concept how you view yourself deep down. Which is tricky to identify because is usually in your subconscious and rooted in your childhood. 🤗

  • @romi929
    @romi929 2 роки тому +3

    I did not take the quiz but my wildest guess would be :
    Self worth which is all about your self concept how you view yourself deep down. Which is tricky to identify because is usually in your subconscious and rooted in your childhood. 🤗
    PS
    This was really good video 👍😃

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      Take the quiz and find out what to do about it today ;)

  • @heatherpalmucci5999
    @heatherpalmucci5999 Рік тому +1

    So helpful!

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  Рік тому

      Glad you found this helpful, Heather.

  • @ametrineambrosia4929
    @ametrineambrosia4929 2 роки тому +3

    I'm not gonna be nice if someone PURPOSELY violates a boundary. If it's unknowingly tho I can give grace.

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +1

      Thanks for sharing. Just make sure you really know it's purposely and you're not assuming it is : )

  • @meganjohnson9540
    @meganjohnson9540 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you so much. I can be very unfair. I don’t need to be.

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      Glad you're noticing your own patterns so you can do better ; )

  • @nursejen1111
    @nursejen1111 2 роки тому +7

    What about setting a healthy boundary on what you're looking for when you first start dating someone? I always have trouble with this because i don't want to come off as needy etc..

    • @Bestmepossible
      @Bestmepossible 2 роки тому +7

      If you have done the inner work, you will not be needy to the right partner. Make it known that you like attention if that is what you need.

    • @nursejen1111
      @nursejen1111 2 роки тому

      @@Bestmepossible 100% agree!👍🏻

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +6

      Expressing your needs doesn't make you needy. The key is to know when to move on and what needs are appropriate given the length of contact with him.

    • @solex50
      @solex50 2 роки тому

      ❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

  • @Jennifer-di4nl
    @Jennifer-di4nl 2 роки тому +1

    LOL my ex boyfriends nickname for me was "Ice Queen" 👑😅

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому +1

      Hopefully you're aware of when you're acting in a way that doesn't ultimately serve you : ) Thanks for watching.

    • @Jennifer-di4nl
      @Jennifer-di4nl 2 роки тому +1

      @@BernMendez Starting to become aware at the age of 45. Better late than never. I'm new to your channel and not sure if you touch on this subject but I find a common cause of inability to set boundaries in women is narcissistic abuse by usually a parent or sometimes a spouse. I know I didn't even understand what a boundary was two years ago...like ZERO idea. My parents would severely punish me if I even showed a hint of a boundary anywhere in my life with anyone. So relearning basic behavior is very hard. Anyway great channel so far!

    • @geneveweil2938
      @geneveweil2938 Рік тому

      That’s nothing to LOL about. It’s really immature and unevolved and manipulative

  • @Bammbi1000
    @Bammbi1000 Рік тому

    Help 😢

  • @inspirasievirdienasie9628
    @inspirasievirdienasie9628 2 роки тому +3

    Thank you so much!!! I have my own UA-cam channel to. "Karien se Kuierplek"

    • @BernMendez
      @BernMendez  2 роки тому

      Thank you for watching, Karien.

  • @BernMendez
    @BernMendez  2 роки тому

    [Take The Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz