The real reason modern parenting is so hard | Nichola Raihani | TEDxManchester
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- Since the dawn of humans we have been parenting. And yet despite all our advancement parenting seems as difficult and stressful as its ever been. What’s going on here? Is modern parenting based on assumptions of a an ideal family model that is fundamentally broken or outdated? Nichola Raihani will talk on how the global pandemic has laid bare the shortcomings on how we think about parenting in the modern age. Nichola Raihani is a Royal Society University Research Fellow and Professor in Evolution and Behaviour at UCL. Her group’s research focuses on the evolution of social behaviour in humans and non-human species.
She has been widely published in scientific journals, won the 2018 Philip Leverhulme Prize in Psychology for her research achievements, and was elected Fellow of the Royal Society of Biology in 2018. She was the recipient of the 2021 Humanist Society’s Voltaire Medal.
In 2021, Nichola’s first book, The Social Instinct: How Cooperation Saved the World, was published by Penguin. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
#mothersday
Modern parenting is so hard because we’re expected to work like we don’t have kids and raise our kids as if we don’t need to work. Not to mention if your “village” is more than one person (who is usually busy or working themselves) consider yourself very, very, very lucky.
Well said.
And they want to stop planned parenthood 🤯
This is absolutely the issue
Wow, so well said:)
“…to accept help with raising our off-spring.” I agree with the extended family aspect. I would like that more for my family. But, young children raised 9 hrs a day by a rotating staff is not the same as being raised by grandparents. The devaluing of the dollar is making the situation untenable. Father working two jobs. Then the mother starts to work…Just having our kids at school so many hours each day is a problem. It is peers raising peers. New parents poorly raised by their peers and occasionally their parents. The skills of parenting are disappearing with every generation.
Other factors that make Western parenting more difficult today: (a) Degradation in work-life balance where now both parents need to work long hours. (b) Increased work pressures to travel away from where the nuclear family live, or move away from where other extended family members live (eg. Grandparents). (c) Increased expectations that governments or companies should provide childcare, forgetting that paid childcare staff are not a substitute for family nurturing. (d) while some parents still cope well with parenting duties, due to the above reasons, there has been an overall weakening of the bonds between nuclear family members and also extended family members.
You explained it very well. ✌
Technology is an issue! Kids are so distracted by televisions, phones, computers, Instagram, I mean need I say more? Modern day life is too fast past! We rush to work, to get home, to be with our kids. It’s like our life is on fast forward! Too much pressure is placed on people.
JESUS
You are definetely right !
Capitalism…
Being a *good* parent is hard work. And sometimes it's exhausting.
Sometimes??! :)
@@lotusleila5281 today it's VERY exhausting 😆
Reasons why parenting is hard:
1. Technology
2. Excessive pleasure everywhere, food, p0rn, phone, tv, etc
3. Media control
All of that pompous noise just to say, America's ideal family is flawed because parenting is easier when you live with extended family. The rest of the world already knows this btw...
@@Vikingbiznitch right. Tired of pompous American Ted talks.
I have 3 kids. Love and adore them. But I can definitely see why so many adults chose not to become parents, and those numbers are growing.
I have one I wish I had zero really it's not working out well. We still don't feel like parents.
I'm a student in the university and taking care of my little brother it's so stressful but I believe that God is helping me every single day 🙏🌸
Good luck. This will paying off...one way or another
@@faridbouakline2862 Thank you 💙
We are cooperative breeders one of the best thing i heard today.
Thank you💐 each and every word made sense and indeed invoked us too think once again ♥️♥️
A male parent here staying 24/7 with my baby… just imagine it! Easy? NO worth it? YES
That is hard work! Just make sure you stay active and go on runs with your baby or ride them around on a bike or something. You can fall into depression staying inside with the baby too much.
@@kingwillie206 i have a lot of patience but is weighing a lot on me!🥲 yes i go out twice with her, she likes it and sleep on her stroller! It’s a long way… god gave us strength!
@@Thinkpositivebepositive1 - I found ways to incorporate my daughter into my workout routines and she loved it. When she got big enough I would let her sit on my back while I did push-ups. She’s 27 now and I had to raise her alone for a while while her Mother was in Germany. Needless to say I quickly gained a lot of respect for stay at home Mothers! Never again did I mention how hard I had to work outside of the house to make ends meet.
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In Asia grandparents, uncle and aunts and other relatives also join hands in raising a child.
As someone without the presence of a father since very young, I didn't feel so bad. Although a bit abandoned because my mother is a career woman.
My husband and I are very much helping to raise our 2 beautiful grandchildren . Our daughter doesn’t have the ideal husband so we try as much as we can to help her . Family is a beautiful thing ! 🌻🌻🌻
I say that I met God watching my daughter growing. 4years old and all the beauty, goodness and purety of makind is on that little girl. Proof that we all used to be perfect. Being a parent is tough but iis my priority and duty. Work brings anxiety and emptiness but being with our kids is at least for me a perfect way to spend my time and a joy . I don't have expectations, I just enjoy the journey and try to pass her my love for life, respect for others. Most prefer career, money and social validity.
Thanks a lot
The real reason modern parenting is so hard
Thank you for explanation, very good.
Extended families are VITAL, but we are too focused on being as independent and separated as possible. This is wrong and stressful.
Only American and Europeans. Rest of world still relies on extended family.
As parents bringing up our children we learn to be parents,just as children growing up they teach to be better parents 👨👩👧👦
Happy mother's day!
Thank you to all the loving, caring, supportive parents out there!!!!!
THANK GOD, THE GREAT APES DIDN'T HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.
Humans ARE great apes.
They also happened to die trying to scavenge the wrong plants
On the occasion of mothers day, I'm reminded of an episode during my teens. I used to go for early morning tuitions daily. One day as usual i woke up brushed my teeth and drank a cup of water to start off my day. My mother came smiling to me. Before i could even think why she was smiling at me she lifted her hand and spanked me hard on my bum. She punished me for a mistake i did a few months ago but was waiting for the right time to spank me. My butts were on fire. I found it hard to cycle to tuition since cycling requires constant pedalling. The more i pedalled the more my buttocks stung. I had to stop at times to soothe my bum and then resume cycling.
Your mother doesn't deserve you. People who hit their children are broken. You hopefully have had and will have a happy life knowing that there isn't anything wrong with you, and you are strong.
I don't want to be a parent. That news was a bit rough on the kids.
🗣IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD
I THOUGHT IT SAID PAINTING 🤦♀️
Keep uploading
Thanks for share this. Love from Bangladesh.
Thank you for Sharing this 🙏 Love from Assam
School, child care & sport teams are part of how we parent as a village today. Very few people are actually raising their kids alone, even if grandparents, aunts & uncles aren't around.
Matthew 16:26 For even if you were to gain all the wealth and power of this ...
It is worthless to have the whole world if they lose their souls. ... For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success], ...
very nice
“Being a mother is the hardest job in the world” love that bit by Bill Burr
@@P.90.603 I believe this is Bill Burr's point right after this statement. If you haven't, watched it. It's worth the time wasted
@@P.90.603 funny. i'm a software developer and we used to joke that i'm going on vacation every time i went off to work (once a week). of course there are jobs that are more dangerous or that are physically more demanding and you could say that makes them harder but let me just tell you what parenting meant for me: max 5 hours of sleep for 20 months with my first child. after those 20 months i got my second and got max 3h of sleep each night for 1,5 years. and all that while coping with the aftermaths of birth and the problems of breastfeeding (bleeding nipples and extreme pain). having kids is mostly a mental challenge. almost no time for yourself. going somewhere with kids to relax is never relaxing (restaurant, vacation, visiting friends, ...). you're always responsible and your mind is never at ease.
@@P.90.603 please tell me, are you male or female and do you have kids?
Maybe this parenting change to without the extended familys help is responseable for the explosion in narcissism and other personality disorders.
It’s thought when you and your partner didn’t match and it’s also doesn’t work on parenting😂😢
Nuclear family only recently growing.. maybe it's time to reconsider the community we want our children growing with? Or into?
I'm convinced. Nationalize daycare and increase school budgets.
So having help makes it easier
Everything takes effort. It's life.
Daycare is no fit substitute for a fit relative.
JESUS I TRUST IN YOU
They don't say "it takes a village" for nothing!
My wife and I have been havin huge issues about our moms being around when our second child is born. Wife thinks only we should spend the first few weeks with new born to bond. Hardest thing to deal with.
No sir! You need your Mothers to do their jobs and pass on their knowledge before they leave this Earth. Your wife is being possessive.
I would definitely recommend it. They can help with household and cooking and grocery shopping while you can bond with the baby. She's probably worried about the grandmas trying to tell her what to do with the baby and how to do it. However it's actually the opposite. She'll be able to focus on the baby and herself (healing, sleeping etc.) and adapt to motherhood slowly. It will be helpful for your relationship too because it takes away a lot of the stress.
Blue collar wise, its all the same with a lot of co-workers treating others just like grown children with responsibilities. Could be an "Alpha perspective", the "hierarchy" for workplace titles as to individual people. The lack of knowledge or "social skills" hampers progress in factories , the turn over is ridiculous...
I mention this without watching the video first. Kids need to learn on their own, and the lack of social skills, could be the fork in the road. At 13-25 years old, people need to develop the skills to prove working with one another is a good thing, that we need one another in all circumstances for progress...
I understand this is about parenting, and the skills/mind-set never leaves a person that gets the role/responsibilities. And definitely has a way for others to impersonate without the practice... Knowledge again and again is a beautiful phenomenon, and should not be wasted...
, Love you all
Parents are stressed because most don't want to be a parent.
Most dont get the chance of having a relationship. Let alone be ing a parent that ends relationships.
That's not always true, parenting is stressful for everyone
People are having kids with people they don't even love, and then gotta raise it on their own. And then they buy their 5 year old a cell phone and wonder why their kids are messed up
@@rashim I agree. I have a hands on, Supportive husband and its still hard. Its not easy for anyone when your giving of yourself 24/7 ... Neglecting your self at times. Grateful for our babies though.
First Comment💯❤️❤️❤️
that's your prize 🖕🏿🖕🏿🖕🏿
How was this cleared for TED? The only times fathers are mentioned are in the context of either being economic providers (bad) or being stay-at-home caregivers (which bad white men think is bad, so good probably?).
Came here as a father seeking help and guidance. What I got was more, “Your problems don’t matter.”
Parenting is a privilege that is not respected by many, especially today, discipline and guidance have been replaced with compromising and friendship which is not parenting. What you build is what you will live in, doing the right thing is the wrong thing today.
Yup, you got parent's having there kids break there own xbox or tablets screwing them up more because it's the parents fault all they need is a routine allocate so much time and that's it pretty simple not the kids fault there not being shown disciplined.
Man, I agree 1000%. I'm completely exhausted and my marriage is on the rocks. Wife and I don't see parenting the same way.
Q
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Video games and the internet.
Video games? Not every corporation trying to grab ahold of your kids mind?
@@ghostfifth - Aren’t video games part of that equation? The last time I checked Sony and Microsoft were “major corporations.”
I don’t think it’s games and media in the sense that if we took it away the problem would be solved. People are too bossy, too into eachother’s business, tattle tales, safety Sally’s and Sam’s. If we take away games, it has to be replaced with something, outside play without some freak panicking over everything. Let kids play.
@@cjdflkj - First it was the television and countless commercials. Then gaming became an addiction for millions of children and it does need to be managed. I have been around long enough to see it’s progression and negative impact. When I was a kid we spent time outside and stayed active. Now kids are fatter and lazier than ever. When the internet was added on top of it things really spiraled out of control and of course major corporations were behind all of it.
5th Views❤️❤️
You sound like David Attenborough talking about a strange species 🤣
The most mysterious...
Maybe we are like our closest relatives...chimpanzees and bonobos. With the advent of communication through language, this might have changed???
One problem with your theory is it’s based on a fictitious world view: Evolution.
People are crazy to have kids
Asinine theory contrived to support a political worldview. Parents means women.
I’m sick of Kelsey and mahomes being the ad before video
Our existence is the main problem
Deep lol.
Dead people don't have problems
Because it’s not real logic. What is modern?. Modified teaching not for the baby smh
What pretentious BS!
Like parenting hasn't been hard since the dawn of time?
You make it harder on yourself when you treat kids like adults, and they get no discipline
Could you expand on treating kids like adults.. Do you mean like expecting them to do things like the dishes or cleaning, having them contribute financially?
Or do you mean treating them like people?
The kids of 400 B. C. didn't get any discipline either. That's why they were such tyrants.
Or at least that's what the old folks at the time said. Strange, huh?
With Jesus we can assure you as a parent of more children