Mental health jam.

”Bent behind my tints I commence to take these boys to school”
Always associated Sundsvall with the Freddie Gibbs and Madlib track “Shitsville”. And I got issues. Pulling into Sundsvall and not getting to blast “Shitsville” in the whip is an unbearable thought.
My jam had nothing to do with Gibbs or Madlib, obviously.. but we are leaving for Sundsvall later today and I’m already feeling some tension. A fear that the family won’t let me focus and saviour that moment.
I need to work more with my sp404. Need to work more on sampling. But I love how fast the workflow is on the Elektron M:C. It’s more about mindfulness and being in the moment than creative expression. And usually that’s what I need. It gives me the ability to choose if I’m going to snap when they don’t respect my neurosis.
That’s been a problem lately… people testing my gangsta and getting schooled. Not at home necessarily but out and about.
I just cant let people misbehave in peace. Pick up after your dog, keep that bitch on a leach. Or loose face when I make you do it. I can’t stand how people count on the general public choosing to look the other way. And it helps me keep my anxiety in check.. especially if they try to argue. I won’t approach with hostility but I will change gears on them so fast if they try me.
I understand people around me get worried when they sense I might not have control. So I need to back off and show them I have control. I need to give dog owners a pass right now… but they better know I still see when they’re slipping and I won’t forget… so you really shouldn’t act like your shit don’t stink. I’m taking back control sooner or later and I will commence to take these boys to school.
I didn’t plan on making this a rant… it’s mostly me putting feelings into words just to get it out. For me to get to know myself. I’m finding a lot of joy in checking myself before wrecking myself, to be honest.

[@unclerm]

Nice jam~~~