230: Secrets of Self-Esteem-What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I’ve...
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 лют 2021
- Ask David: Questions on self-esteem, recovery from PTSD, dating people with Borderline Personality Disorder, recovery on your own, and more! Jay asks:
Is psychotherapy homework still required if you’ve recovered completely from depression in a single, extended therapy session? Is Ten Days to Self-Esteem better than the single chapter on this topic in Feeling Good? Are people who were abused emotionally when growing up more likely to get involved with narcissistic or borderline individuals later in life because the relationship is “familiar?” Many patients can read your books and do the exercises and recover on their own. Is a teacher or coach sometimes needed to speed things up? Is it possible for a person to become happy WITHOUT needing anyone else if they have had depression in past and/or PTSD? Also, how would Team-CBT address treating PTSD? PTSD can involve a person having multiple traumas. * * * Is psychotherapy homework still required if you’ve recovered completely from depression in a single, extended therapy session? Thanks, Jay, I will make this an Ask david, if that is okay, but here is my quick response.
Although many folks now show dramatic changes in a single, two-hour therapy session, they will still have to do homework to cement those gains, including:
Listening to or watching the recording of the session Finish on paper any Daily Mood Log that was done primarily in role-playing during the session. In other words, write the Positive thoughts, rate the belief, and re-rate the belief in the corresponding negative thought. Use the Daily Mood Log in the future whenever you get upset and start to have negative thoughts again. I also do Relapse Prevention Training following the initial dramatic recovery, and this takes about 30 minutes. I advise the patient that relapse, which I define as one minute or more of feeling crappy, is 100% certain, and that no human being can be happy all the time. We all hit bumps in the road from time to time. When they do relapse, their original negative thoughts will return, and they will need to use the same technique again that worked for them the first time they recovered. In addition, they will have certain predictable thoughts when they relapse, like “this proves that the therapy didn’t rally work,” or “this shows that I really am a hopeless case,” or worthless, etc.
I have them record a role-play challenging these thoughts with the Externalization of Voices, and do not discharge them until they can knock all these thoughts out of the park. I tell them to save the recording, and play it if they need it when they relapse.
I also tell them that if they can’t handle the relapse, I’ll be glad to give them a tune up any time they need it. I rarely hear from them again, which is sad, actually, since I have developed a fondness for nearly all the patients I’ve ever treated.
But I’d rather lose them quickly to recovery, than work with them endlessly because they’re not making progress!
People with Relationship Problems recover more slowly than individuals with depression or anxiety for at least three reasons, and can rarely or never be treated effectively in a single two-hour session:
The outcome and process resistance to change in people with troubled relationships is typically way more intense. It takes tremendous commitment and practice to get good at the five secrets of effective communication, in the same way that learning to play piano beautifully takes much commitment and practice. Resolving relationship conflicts usually requires the death of the “self” or “ego,” and that can be painful. That’s why the Disarming Technique can be so hard for most people to learn, and many don’t even want to learn it, thinking that self-defense and arguing and fighting back is the best road to travel! * * * Is Ten Days to Self-Esteem better than the single chapter on this topic in Feeling Good? Yes, Ten Days to Self-Esteem would likely be a deeper dive into the topic of Self-Esteem. It is a ten-step program that can be used in groups or individually in therapy, or as a self-help tool. There is a Leader’s Manual, too, for those who want to develop groups based on it.
* * * Are people who were abused emotionally when growing up more likely to get involved with narcissistic or borderline individuals later in life because the relationship is “familiar?” I was involved with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder, and it was exhausting! Why was I attracted to her? Thank you for the question, Jay.
Most claims about parents and childhood experiences, in my opinion, are just something somebody claimed and highly unlikely to be true if one had a really great data base to test the theory. We don’t really know why people are attracted to each other. Many men do seem attracted to women with Borderline Personality Disorder. Perhaps it’s exciting and dramatic dynamic that they’re...
Thanks ❤
Thank you so much for your time to do these podcasts
Really looking forward to get the “feeling good”... I look for it but couldn't find in apple store, when is coming? Gracias 😊
You can find all my books on Amazon.com and on my website, feelinggood.com. d
Interesting stuff. Thank you!
You're welcome! d
Thanks for great advice to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with others during dating. I definitely noticed that you are needy, you drive people away. (my own experience). However, I also learned that in the later phases of dating, vulnerability is also important. If other person is too aloof and arrogant, as if they don't need the relationship, I tend to lose interest as well...
As usual, you are exactly correct, Sunny! david
Thank you! Could you do a podcast on happiness sometime??
Sure, your question is already in an upcoming Ask David. d
@@daviddbmd thanks David! You're the best!
@@daviddbmd Yes, I would love to know your thoughts on happiness too. Psychology field has focused a lot on suffering but not necessarily on happiness. I can understand as it is the suffering people who come to therapy. It would be interesting to study a Buddha or Bill gates or Warren buffet like successful personalities to see how they deal with challenges. I always felt there is a genetic component to why some people suffer or why some people are so positive ! (often overlooked). But I am no scientist.
@@eversunnyguy Thanks, Sunny. I always and only work in specifics. What time of day, and on what day, would you want to feel happier? And yes, I'm certain there is a genetic contribution to happiness / misery. d
@@daviddbmd I agree. Reminds me of a parable...The Buddha always told his disciples not to waste their time and energy in metaphysical speculation. The immediate thing to address is to get rid of pain from the poisoned arrow, not to enquire where it came from !