10 Simple Ways to MELT a Man's Heart

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  • Опубліковано 22 лис 2024

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  • @Mat_Shaffer
    @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +38

    QUESTION OF THE DAY - what ways have YOU found to melt a man's heart that I may have missed?? Let me know in the comments!
    → Sign up to get access to my weekly email exploring love, life and relationships you won’t find anywhere else here 👉 www.matshaffer.com/

    • @barbaralebrun438
      @barbaralebrun438 9 місяців тому

      Valentin's day 1987 I met the lover of my life, in a piano bar, in Aix en Provence, i was the only girl spoken english of group of friends, we fall in love at the first sight, and he an American pianist of jazz I helped him settle in France for a while, i hepled him working in piano bars and restaurants on the Côte d'Azur, as translator. I guess we are always in love because i live in free, to around the world for his work, and we meet in differents countries, never curious, or jalous, I'm indépendant, the freedon is the best ! Also i know my level in english and french accent
      are an obvious advantage...now we have 60 and 70 for him, still attract by each other, enjoying life and travel together, and not the two of them together I understood that freedom for him was the priority as I love him madly I accepted.today's communication technology helps us a lot we write to each other every day we started with faxes today it's WhatsApp

    • @emilietije4836
      @emilietije4836 9 місяців тому +7

      I assume this only applies in a relationship not when he is still dating you

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +4

      @@emilietije4836 the video? It applies at every stage! :)

    • @emilietije4836
      @emilietije4836 9 місяців тому +3

      @@Mat_Shaffer so he will not take you from granted if you start doing this at the beginning? A guy once told me that I was too nice

    • @lovelaughrelationship2079
      @lovelaughrelationship2079 9 місяців тому +5

      Hi @Mat_Shaffer,
      I am an avid listener of your channel and you helped me a lot when it comes to knowing my worth and how to deal with a man.
      I've finally found a man of whom I am going to spend my life with.
      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and personal experiences on your videos. ❤
      More power to you and Callie. ❤❤❤
      God bless 🙏

  • @somav8
    @somav8 9 місяців тому +303

    1. Appreciation (Reinforce good behavior)
    2. Unconditional Support (Have his back when not successful)
    3. Dance of Independence Give him space (To hang out with his friends)
    4. Be his emotional sanctuary
    5. The Spark of physical touch (in and out of bed)
    6. Authentic Intellectual Ability
    7. Loving Interruption to the routine (take them out on an adventure)
    8. The language of little things (show him that you are listening)
    9. The Harmony of Humor
    10. Unapologetic Openness

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +14

      Thanks for sharing!

    • @tinyelephant77
      @tinyelephant77 9 місяців тому +1

      Thank you

    • @alaalfa8839
      @alaalfa8839 9 місяців тому +5

      Some couples understand each other without talking. Silence and silent gestures are speaking from the heart. :)
      Good couples bring the best out of each other with their individual hobbies, ideas.

    • @alaalfa8839
      @alaalfa8839 9 місяців тому +2

      It probably works only if he can feel worthy to receive it.
      receive money, receive success, receive love, empathy etc.

    • @nn7397
      @nn7397 8 місяців тому +2

      I did all of that. He still rejected me😢

  • @susanwalker3454
    @susanwalker3454 9 місяців тому +42

    These are so true matt, I am a therapist myself. showing my love that I appreciate him even for small things that get overlooked so often. He does the same for me. Appreciating someone makes them want to do more for you too.
    Unconditional support like Unconditional love is so important. If you really love someone you should shows these without expecting back. Needless to say a lot of time it does because they feel loved and appreciated.
    A healthy relationship includes having your own interests and life separately. It also gives you stuff to talk about!
    Before me my partner was married for 23 years, but it became so toxic he didn't want to live then he managed to leave. I met him later but have and still am showing him I'm there for him to be vulnerable with me, he's safe with me. It takes time but you can rebuild.
    We are very connected in energy, we cuddle all the time and just love having physical contact.
    He always says that he loves I'm intelligent and the way I think. We have both had lives that have been challenging but we have accomplished a lot.
    You should always keep life interesting nothing worse than mundane day after day.
    It is so important to do fun things together.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Love this share thank you! So glad you do these in your relationship 🙌🙌

  • @geeem7889
    @geeem7889 9 місяців тому +271

    I love the example when you said how you did the dishes and let her sleep. Thats sweet. But i feel like house chores should be something that both ppl do as needed, something shared, not something that she only takes care of. And you know, everyone has a different set up at home which works for them. But I just don't like it when dudes expect praise for doing stuff that they should be doing anyway as a grown up adult. I know this was just an example and im not in any way attacking you. I love your content and have been listening for years!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +46

      Love this share and insight!! Yes Callie and I absolutely share house work duties, she usually handles the laundry and I am normally on dish duty unless I am very busy with work :) This was a situation where I am in a busy part of my work season but I took the time to support her so she wasn't left doing everything for me!

    • @beatricebliss9379
      @beatricebliss9379 9 місяців тому +32

      I support the 'polarized' kind of chores. Women are the habitual type of chores, that creates estrogen. Men are the punctual/ emergency type, that creates testosterone. Of course he does the dishes if I am sick. I don't have to ask him. But that is an emergency type right then. He does so much for me, that I actually like doing dishes, laundry, cleaning etc. At the same time, he treats me wonderfully: brings me flowers all the time, takes me to restaurants, pays me compliments, behaves like we were in the first months of our relationship. Rare find, I'd say.
      Also, appreciating what he does does not cost you anything, but your ego. And he will be more caring, more attentive and loving to you.

    • @geeem7889
      @geeem7889 9 місяців тому +15

      @beatricebliss9379 cool, whatever works for you! The key thing is to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship. I personally want both of us to do whatever is needed because we both work outside the home. If I was a stay at home wife that would be different. I don't want to be doing everything around the house myself when I'm also just as tired and busy as him. Plus I don't want to feel like I'm his mom. That's not attractive to me. That's not to say I won't take care of him as much as possible to the best of my abilities. It's a give and take, and it's all fluid..not set in stone. And I like it that way.
      There's women out there that do it all, working outside the home, taking care of the kids and doing all the house work. I think that's extremely unbalanced and of course they're burnt out. I'm not signing up for that life, as I think there needs to be some sort of balance to be happy. Otherwise you end up bitter and resentful, complaining about how your partner doesn't support you. It's not like it used to be back in the day when ladies used to be stay at home wifes. Majority of ppl don't have that option, and some don't want that even if they could. Which is also fair. Everyone's situation, circumstances as well as personalities are different which will impact the choices they make. Many still want the traditional roles which is cool but the reality is we don't really live like that anymore. Women have to work too. Cost of living is nuts.

    • @me-meluv6921
      @me-meluv6921 9 місяців тому +1

      Big facts 💯

    • @jennyhansen9963
      @jennyhansen9963 9 місяців тому +28

      Yeah… the “doing the dishes ‘for her’” was cringy.

  • @ellenlartz2499
    @ellenlartz2499 9 місяців тому +25

    Matt:
    I have known my man since I was 7 years old . We were best friends by the time I was 17. We have been together since 2005. We give each other space and we try to keep each other in mind at all times. I wouldn't be me without him and I am the most grateful woman because he belongs to me.1

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Thanks for sharing!

    • @nn7397
      @nn7397 8 місяців тому +1

      So lucky. I am 50 havent found him yet.

    • @arnelevans4803
      @arnelevans4803 6 місяців тому

      ​@@nn7397I'm 41, I still haven't found mine

    • @angelm6497
      @angelm6497 24 дні тому

      I thought I found him, but I married an illusion.

  • @KimLACHMAN-t8u
    @KimLACHMAN-t8u 8 місяців тому +8

    You are such a Gem! Not many men are as open minded in variety in fun activities. You and your girl are blessed. Keep things fresh.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Aw thanks you’re making me blush;)

  • @deec411
    @deec411 9 місяців тому +22

    It might be old fashioned but making his favorite foods or sentimental foods. My husband talked about a shadow cake that his grandmother would bring to Sunday dinners. So I made one from his description and he loved it 🥲

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      I’m so happy for you my dear!

  • @daisysig
    @daisysig 9 місяців тому +4

    I have found your point about honest, genuine, heartfelt appreciation for his actions to be so very powerful! Especially for a man who comes from a very male-centric family background but feels inadequate many times. He is very service oriented because it's the "right thing to do" but isn't sure how to take my compliments...but I'm determined to help him understand his individual, unique worth and show him my love through appreciation!!! And I've seen the smile bubble up in his eyes when I do!

  • @krissekivisto4805
    @krissekivisto4805 6 місяців тому +7

    Women need exactly the same things...
    But you are a wonderful Man 💋❤💋💋 helping women like this.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому +1

      Wow, thank you

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 місяці тому

      Hi there, If you're wondering whether you're ready to dive back into the dating scene, check out our new quiz: 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' It might provide some helpful insights! 💖 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @kimberlyp_shiprocker
    @kimberlyp_shiprocker 7 місяців тому +1

    I love that you share gratitude with each other. I write gratitude every night, but never thought about sharing it with my guy. I love giving him space, because I understand the need for it. I hope I'm on the right track, as everything here sounds like our life (for the most part).

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому +1

      Love that. Thanks for sharing!

    • @kimberlyp_shiprocker
      @kimberlyp_shiprocker 7 місяців тому

      @Mat_Shaffer Thank you! Much of this is what I've learned and practice because of sobriety.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 місяців тому

      You're very welcome.

  • @loriengoedhart3898
    @loriengoedhart3898 9 місяців тому +18

    Great video Matt ❤ I find humour is one of the easiest ways to connect with a guy, so I just love being a goof ball, having fun and not taking things too seriously all the time. Plus they just love confidence. When I am most confident in myself and living as my best self, then I find a man will respond in his best way.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +2

      YES thats so sexy! so glad that you're aware of that :)

    • @loriengoedhart3898
      @loriengoedhart3898 9 місяців тому

      @@Mat_Shaffer thanks! I think confidence in a man is sexy too. I love your confidence. It comes through in droves. And the little laugh you do, that's very cute! 😘

  • @Laycismom
    @Laycismom 7 місяців тому +2

    Laughter is so important in my relationship with my boyfriend. We talk on the phone for hours every night. One night we had a serious conversation and no laughing. The next day I just felt so hollow inside…and I remembered that we didn’t laugh…and he sensed that things were a little “off”.

  • @mariarossi6719
    @mariarossi6719 9 місяців тому +25

    Lovely to see you again, Mat. You along with Stephan Speaks have taught me a whole heck of a lot about men and relationships. Thank you.

  • @WildCarrie
    @WildCarrie 9 місяців тому +4

    I’m talking to a guy currently and I decided to watch this video and let me just say we do all of these things already and consistently every time we see each other. It’s crazy how spit on this video is to it ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Amazing so happy to hear that! ❤️❤️

  • @Primavera1111
    @Primavera1111 8 місяців тому +15

    Do she also received a hug for every time she cooks and do the dishes?

    • @phoenixfire4640
      @phoenixfire4640 7 місяців тому +4

      this is exactly what I was thinking. Why does the man get an overreaction about the woman probably does the chores majority of the time and never gets that same appreciation

  • @lindadeise4575
    @lindadeise4575 9 місяців тому +38

    I'm so glad that you are making these videos again. Thanks Mat!!!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +3

      Amazing! love hearing that!

  • @anneliesewright662
    @anneliesewright662 Місяць тому

    That was very thoughtful & considerate of you to do all the dishes. When men do thoughtful & considerate things, it warms our heart. The thing that hurt the most about my ex was that he wasn't very thoughtful or considerate. He seemed to be full of himself and it felt like my feelings didn't matter very much. That broke my heart.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Місяць тому

      Thank you for sharing that. It’s so important to feel valued and cared for in a relationship. Thoughtfulness can really make a difference, and I'm sorry to hear that your ex didn’t show that. You deserve someone who appreciates your feelings! By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting next month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/

  • @monicad.williams5057
    @monicad.williams5057 9 місяців тому +16

    I am so glad that I have you as my life coach! You give such amazing insight into topics that sometimes you maybe not to well informed on. I really learned a lot with your videos!

  • @AnnAlasnanam
    @AnnAlasnanam 9 місяців тому +3

    You are very appreciative of her that's the difference between you and other man. My ex doesn't recognized that I've been doing this so I ended it up. Bless your relationship even more.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      thanks love! Yes I am :)

  • @quicknotesmedia9540
    @quicknotesmedia9540 9 місяців тому +26

    Welcome back! So happy. I watch a lot of relationship videos and I’m an educator (I actually own a private school) and I have to say…you have the perfect combination of clear communication and effective delivery of your teachings and knowledge. Your content is valuable and your passion is clear. I feel it through the phone. I love the presentation and summary too. Btw, you’re very accurate about relationships. My boyfriend and I are in a committed, loving, and happy relationship for 2 years. I can validate this video. A+++ 😁Thank you ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Місяць тому

      Thank you! 😊 I’m so grateful for your kind words, especially from someone in education! I’m happy to hear the content resonates and that you’re enjoying a wonderful relationship. If you’d like to dive even deeper, I’m hosting a FREE live coaching course on love next month - it’s the perfect time to join our beta launch! Sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/ ✨💖

  • @margo3367
    @margo3367 26 днів тому

    Treat him as you would want to be treated. Sometimes we can get too caught up in what we’re feeling and not take into consideration that he’s a human too and he has feelings that are just as valid as yours. ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  25 днів тому +1

      Exactly! 😊 It’s so important to remember that men have emotions too-treating him with kindness and empathy makes all the difference. 💖 It’s those small, thoughtful gestures that truly melt the heart. ❤

  • @tangnfi
    @tangnfi 9 місяців тому +15

    Fears Desires and Agreements game… so brilliant ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Місяць тому

      Happy to hear you enjoyed the game! ❤ It’s such a great tool for creating honest and open communication. By the way, if you’re looking for more, I’m running a FREE live coaching course on relationships next month - it’s a beta launch, and I think you’d love it! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/ 😊

  • @Angela-bo8qm
    @Angela-bo8qm 9 місяців тому +8

    It's really nice to have you back Mat 🥰

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +3

      So happy to BE back! 🤗🤗

    • @Angela-bo8qm
      @Angela-bo8qm 9 місяців тому +1

      @@Mat_Shaffer I'm glad you are 🤗🤗

  • @makikif8856
    @makikif8856 28 днів тому

    I have learnt a safe environment is key to a relationship. Wonderful tips.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  25 днів тому

      Absolutely! 😊 A safe environment is the foundation for trust and connection in any relationship. When both people feel secure, love can really flourish. 💖✨

  • @cutechiangels
    @cutechiangels 2 місяці тому +1

    Mat, thx for the vid. The more I watch your vids the more it reminds me how I wasn't treated well, during my relationships.😥 Well, there's also the cultural differences you never talk about... And, that point is so important, especially nowadays. Even between Westerners, so many differences.
    But, when I think back, according to Western or Oriental standards, I was the perfect woman!! It's not to flatter myself but to state that eventhough I did everything you say, and more, the man was lazier, bullying, unkind, and even very disrespectful.
    I always made them feel comfortable, safe, way too safe... They thought it a play ground for nasty behavior and mannerisms. Yes, too safe, or too confortable, is no good for a man. He'll lack the boundaries needed.
    I supported them a million, was it when they were workless long years, or ill, (which is so bad for a man to stay at home..). And I even went through long periods not having intimate times, because Mr. ...
    Btw, why do you oh so often point out that one must make a man feel safe?? Isn't it meant to be the man who should make a woman feel safe?? As she's more vulnerable than a man, in many situations. What it is with men nowadays, to be such sissy boys, in general?
    Did you mean confortable, more than safe?
    As a kind, loving and beautiful woman, I wish to have a protecting husband at my side. He should make me feel safe in every way. Then, I'll make him feel confortable and strong!
    I was too often the only breadwinner, gave them free time, etc.. I did all the house chores and cooking, (rows if I asked help, which sucked big time), and even shop the groceries, only very few times together!! Let alone doing the DIY in the house, it was me!!
    I loath the way he was to me, and the lack of gratitude given. So, in my case I would consider less is more. I'm working on that, and wish to be with my best life partner ever, now! In the meamtime, I've had to deal with life and big health issues all alone, for years... And, that has made me go cold on close relationships. So many 'friends' in good times, but hardly anyone in bad times...Always been there for others. But, few are like me. Few are givers. That's life. I do still hope to have better people around me soon, with respect, kindness and Love! 🙏🌟

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 місяці тому

      Your comment is really insightful! If you're wondering about your readiness to start dating again, check out our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz. It could be very revealing! 🌟 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @rebeccahenson6989
    @rebeccahenson6989 9 місяців тому

    My nearly 5 yrs of a sweet long distance friendship has amazingly blossomed into an extraordinary love relationship like no other. My love of my life is a respected UN Surgeon currently contracted in Syria for our injured soldiers. I am so happy you are back so I have something to focus on as we talk almost daily, until my loving man returns stateside by Summer. When I have my unfortunate moments of impatience as I await his return at times, I must put his life in God's hands. You being back helps me to stay focused on our love relationship, until he sends me his passionate messages of love again. You helped me work through a tough ending to a Narcissistic marriage of 38 yrs, so thank you for keeping things fresh and encouraging for the past 5 yrs. I am so happy for yours and Callie's 2 yrs of love. Isn't it amazing to be living happy with your forever love? Happy Valentines Day 🌹to you both. Love & Light

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      beautiful share my dear! happy valentines day to you too!

    • @audreybiloon
      @audreybiloon 6 місяців тому

      Be careful that your LDR with a “surgeon for the UN” (typical scammer profile, that involves asking for money which a “surgeon” doesn’t need) doesn’t ask you for money…if so it’s not a LDR but a LDS [Scammer] R.

  • @teresagaler6750
    @teresagaler6750 4 місяці тому

    Listening to this I seem to be doing most of these things without thinking. We are not in a relationship yet …but I see signs it is heading to something.better. I complimented on getting me chocolate for after dinner. I complimented him on setting the table where we would eat instead of at the lr table. I casually touch him like shoulder. We have not done much touching yet…we are a way older im 65 and 74. So life is different. This man has done more nice things for me then I have had ever had. Melting…we do stimulate each other intellectually. lol. Ty for this list it helps. He opened up to me right away as he told me I listen and he trusts me. One thing do not blab to theirs when he opens up. I have not even told me best friend what he told me. I tell her everything but i figured this was sacred ground and I do not want to lose his trust. Anyways thanks for the video.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 місяці тому

      I’m glad you found the video helpful! If you're thinking about dating again, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can help you determine if you're ready. Give it a try! 😊 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @SharleyCampbell
    @SharleyCampbell 9 місяців тому +3

    Yes. I get them as young as 22. Would rather attract 65 crowd but I think age is a problem to many of them. Thanks for listening and responding.

    • @SharleyCampbell
      @SharleyCampbell 9 місяців тому +1

      I think I’ve listened to all your recordings on utube. Look out Callie, I love your man. 😂

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      so welcome! keep shining your light my dear you are a rockstar! :)

  • @legaleagle4947
    @legaleagle4947 9 місяців тому +9

    Thanks Mat! What a wonderful come back 🙌🏻💝

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      BOOM thanks my dear so glad you enjoyed it!:)

  • @sandramichaud8033
    @sandramichaud8033 5 місяців тому

    The tease about something to look for at the end, is enough to make us curious!❤

  • @kevabela6307
    @kevabela6307 8 місяців тому

    Thank you🎉 Wonderful. I appreciate a conscious, caring and articulate man's ability to communicate these very important needs and wants that even the most loving woman may overlook or never have considered ❤

  • @Joycelyn-v1t
    @Joycelyn-v1t 7 місяців тому

    I dont see you doing the dishes , is a faviour you do for her , knowing that you both are living togather

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @AngelinaRomero
    @AngelinaRomero 3 місяці тому +1

    yeah I did all of this and found ou tthat he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Took me 1.5 years to get over him. But I will move on and take this advise with my next man.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 місяці тому

      Your feelings are important. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re here for you. 🤗

  • @lilibethnieto55
    @lilibethnieto55 9 місяців тому +4

    Thank you Matt…love your authenticity and very spot on advices. Amazing message ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      You are SO welcome! glad you enjoyed it :)

  • @corinaluanavlad2417
    @corinaluanavlad2417 9 місяців тому +6

    Congrats for this video! I'm so happy to see you again! It is a real pleasure to listen to your advices!
    I'm done with dating confused men! I love myself enough not to accept their inconsistent behaviour! I deserve to be happy with myself.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +3

      YES happiness is an inside job! and the right guy wont be confused, he will be certain :)

    • @corinaluanavlad2417
      @corinaluanavlad2417 9 місяців тому +1

      @@Mat_Shaffer thank you! I do agree with you.

    • @rose7777
      @rose7777 6 місяців тому +2

      I second your comment sister

    • @corinaluanavlad2417
      @corinaluanavlad2417 6 місяців тому +1

      @@rose7777 thank you sis. 😉❤

    • @rose7777
      @rose7777 6 місяців тому +1

      @@corinaluanavlad2417 u said the truth 🥰🥰😘😘

  • @stephanienewton6618
    @stephanienewton6618 5 місяців тому

    Very eye opening, and confirms what I’ve been doing to reel in my current man and he seems to be appreciating all that you’re mentioning here!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 місяці тому

      You’re fabulous! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and spreading the love. 💖

  • @angelm6497
    @angelm6497 24 дні тому

    1. Absolutely agree
    2. Have his back all the time, not just when he's unsuccessful. Nothing wrong with an insurance policy. Sometimes when someone feels safe, they can't see the potential of risk involved when people turn and their back is against the wall.
    3. Independence is non negotiable, but I value the safe and intimate space.
    4. To be his rock, absolutely and it should be reciprocal.
    5. I do a killer Indian Head Massage. Come see me when your stressed and unable to sleep. I will accept the challenge. Rather ironic I have chronic insomnia!
    6. I think you both need to intellectually challenge each other, otherwise, one gets lonely and the other becomes resentful because they can't meet your intellect.
    7. You have to have spontaneous moments otherwise you drift apart in life's monotony.
    8. The little things are the things that show you care.
    9. If you can't laugh and have fun, what's the point?!!!
    10. If you can't be authentic and yourself in any relationship, you're never going to feel safe.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  21 день тому

      Wow, love the way you expanded on each point! 😊 You’ve added so much depth, especially about having each other’s back and keeping things spontaneous. It’s all about balancing independence with intimacy and keeping things real-such powerful insights. ❤✨

    • @angelm6497
      @angelm6497 21 день тому

      @@Mat_Shaffer Thanks. Glad you appreciated it.

    • @angelm6497
      @angelm6497 20 днів тому

      @Mat_Shaffer Yeah, that point about having his back when he fails bugged me a bit. You need to have each others back all the time. Sometimes we can see a potential risk they don't because they feel safe, but in my experience that's generally a mistake at times. It really depends on the level of risk, sometimes you need someone to say this is what I think, here is the risk, I will have your back either way or or if you choose that option, consider this. Then don't say I told you so.

  • @francesmurray4991
    @francesmurray4991 9 місяців тому +6

    I enjoy your videos. What you say feels like it is commonsense, but it's amazing the ordinary things that we should do just get overlooked in our busy lives. Thanks for your suggestions

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      thanks for the feedback frances I appreciate you! :)

  • @debbiet.808
    @debbiet.808 Місяць тому

    Another really helpful set of ideas to show up for someone you really like. Thanku!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  25 днів тому

      So glad you found it helpful! 😊 Showing up for someone is such a beautiful way to strengthen a connection. Keep spreading those good vibes! ❤✨

  • @amyrossi7717
    @amyrossi7717 8 місяців тому

    I agree... Consistency is the biggest key

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому +1

      Thanks so much my dear!

  • @lex28lush10
    @lex28lush10 8 місяців тому

    So genuine, love that you share your experience. Thank you, Matt ✨
    Don't feel so paralysis in connection with men as much. .. Still takes lots of practice

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @pricesunbury59
    @pricesunbury59 8 місяців тому

    My man is the sweetest. He is great.❤❤

  • @stacymurray4724
    @stacymurray4724 4 дні тому

    Yeh I can't say "letting her sleep in & did the dishes for her" was a great example. This is an example of men needing a fuss cos they did something we do every day.

  • @kathysalvatori5509
    @kathysalvatori5509 9 місяців тому

    I agree to show appreciation, support and be there during the bad times

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

  • @MariaPouli-lx5pe
    @MariaPouli-lx5pe 6 місяців тому

    Unconditional love and acceptance

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому

      Amazing! love hearing that!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 місяці тому

      Hi there, If you're contemplating getting back into the dating scene, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz could offer some valuable insights. 🌸 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @blueskysea450
    @blueskysea450 9 місяців тому

    For me, one of the things that works is showing trust and treating my man like an adult, responsible guy who can do anything he sets his mind to. I let him feel it. I'm very careful not to pretend to be a mother and treat him as incapable or not very intelligent. I know he's an adult, he already has a mommy, he's smart, he's intelligent, he's clever and he can actually work towards a goal. So I just don't act like it's any different. And it is extremely easy to make such a mistake.
    Additional tip: Don't act like a teacher checking a homework assignment. Even with everything I wrote earlier - it could be a mistake that will sneak by unnoticed into your behavior.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

  • @kevabela6307
    @kevabela6307 8 місяців тому

    That's a great game: Fears, desires and agreements 🎉

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому +1

      Fantastic! Thanks so much!

  • @juliaweinberg7336
    @juliaweinberg7336 8 місяців тому

    Matt, you are amazing! Loved everything that you said with such authenticity and Thoughtfulness! Keep teaching us all! Wishing you continued loving in your relationship and life.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

  • @faith_stmarie
    @faith_stmarie 5 місяців тому

    I love the messages you are sharing and your energy exudes peace! I can tell we are kindred spirits. I'm drawn to this work too, but I'm more focused on helping women fall in love with themselves so they break the cycle of falling into narcissistic abuse with men who are not ready for any type of serious commitment. It's a generational wound for all the women in my family. Well, maybe not all but quite a few.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 місяців тому

      "You’ve got such great insight! Thanks for sharing and making this community awesome. 😘"

  • @trineneverest2255
    @trineneverest2255 9 місяців тому +1

    ohmygoodness I was really worried you weren't coming back I really needed you to come back specifically my back

  • @dianac9042
    @dianac9042 9 місяців тому +22

    do you thank her when she does the dishes?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +5

      We thank each other often! Gratitude is so important ❤️❤️

    • @JNyceWitSpice
      @JNyceWitSpice 7 місяців тому

      Many men have an avoidant style of coping. So, any avoidant no matter gender, has difficulty expressing emotion. They will show you gratitude with action. For example, when I do something my avoidant really appreciates, like a good home cooked meal he'll wash the dishes. I know that's his way of saying thank you besides saying, "That was delicious!" So, I say thank you to him for washing dishes/appreciating me. You shouldn't expect the same exact in return. Just the same effort.

    • @PamelaLDeVrou
      @PamelaLDeVrou 5 місяців тому

      Not about the fishes…it’s about the appreciation. In anything that’s done

  • @margaritagonzalez5011
    @margaritagonzalez5011 8 місяців тому

    I can’t finish listening to this…keep your Kelly, jezzz.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @RegenaO
    @RegenaO 9 місяців тому

    Wow!!!! Fears - Desires - Agreements Game 🎉 brilliant! Thank you 😊 So powerful

  • @lovinglife58
    @lovinglife58 9 місяців тому +3

    I just LOVED this!! So many great ideas. They all make so much sense!!

  • @TheNewEarthCollective1
    @TheNewEarthCollective1 7 місяців тому +13

    Dude, the dishes are both of yours, not just hers! You did it for her too, but they were also your dishes and you should also be doing them!!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

    • @miakara4378
      @miakara4378 3 місяці тому

      😅 I love the "dude" bit that you started with 😂.

  • @bindicat9070
    @bindicat9070 9 місяців тому

    Sorry to hes you had an injury!
    Glad to hear you are back!
    So right it’s harder to love when things are difficult!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @georgiezocean
    @georgiezocean 8 місяців тому

    I am a woman and ALL, yes ALL of these things are things I'd love a man to do for me!! All of these things would hit the spot to make me feel super loved, appreciated, valued. Never had any boyfriend or partner come close to doing virtually any of these things for me though. But here's hoping in future some man can live up to these things for me... things I naturally give.... as seriously, WOMEN WANT & LOVE all these things... Women LIGHT UP AT ALL THESE THINGS too!!!! BIG TIME!

  • @newearthgoddess
    @newearthgoddess 9 місяців тому

    Great video. Love when you share the stories men tend to have- it help get inside and understand better

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @heathersanchez3184
    @heathersanchez3184 5 місяців тому

    My husband and I share the chores even though I'm home all day and he works outside the home and we appreciate each other for it!!!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 місяців тому

      Your comment is pure gold! Thanks for making my day. 💛

  • @nitagonzales1421
    @nitagonzales1421 9 місяців тому +1

    Thanks, for your great advice Matt.

  • @debrawhittle6812
    @debrawhittle6812 8 місяців тому

    Allison Armstrong is a great resource for this too and puts in in a way females can understand it. Sadly though problems can arise though when a male isn’t in his masculine energy and has childhood trauma. It can make it impossible and turn things into walking on eggshells. I think a male who knows who he is already will respond great with all of this advice. 😊

  • @SewDiva5691
    @SewDiva5691 9 місяців тому +4

    Good to see you, Mat! Welcome back! A woman just being her authentic self and caring for others by volunteering. That’s just me. Lol! Btw, Callie is beautiful inside and out. I’m happy for you both.👍👍🫶💞

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +3

      Your kind words touch my heart

  • @if7363
    @if7363 9 місяців тому +3

    Glad you're back 😊

  • @sofiahubbard4570
    @sofiahubbard4570 8 місяців тому

    Hello Mr. Mat Shaffer. Thank you for sharing with all of us about your experiences and sugestions. With SAME respect I would like to share with you two things. 1-Your ideas, sugestions and ALL are great-believe me. 2-I will just add this to IT: Would you like to mentioned something like '1- Simple Ways to MELT a Women's Heart' perhopes? Reason is, that we women do a lot for men already. However, you are here sugesting us a few more ways-wich I thank You. I do believe that it be NICE that men also go out of their ways to make US (Women) welcome, respected and love. Hope, pray and wish that you may agree about THIS concept as well Mr. Shaffer.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Great idea!! It's on my list!

  • @GilliMarieMoody
    @GilliMarieMoody 7 місяців тому +1

    Wow. Thanks. This was so thorough and comprehensive. The only one I might be a bit nervous about, in the beginning of a relationship was/is suggesting dates. I like the idea of an occasional suggestion on my part to break the routine though🙂. Once, I told a guy I wanted a SURPRISE. I said I didn’t care if it cost money or not. Let’s just say the evening involved heated, lovely scented massage oil on my back😃. Let’s just say that.
    Otherwise, PLEASE take a break for some herbal tea + lemon🍋 and honey🐝. This must have made you so tired.
    Cheers.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

  • @peacefulloveagain4124
    @peacefulloveagain4124 9 місяців тому +1

    Thanks! But I wish men would show that exuberant appreciation!

  • @peshkaris1801
    @peshkaris1801 9 місяців тому +5

    I love this, thanks 😊❤

  • @normajeangarrett4809
    @normajeangarrett4809 Місяць тому

    I love having my space also!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  25 днів тому

      Absolutely! 😊 Having your space is so important-it keeps things balanced and healthy. Plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? 😉❤

  • @BledaRassmar
    @BledaRassmar 9 місяців тому +2

    I feel like I do these things…do you have a sibling like yourself, but who is single? Asking for a friend…
    It’s me, I’m the friend.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  Місяць тому

      Haha, you’re cracking me up! 😄 I’m afraid I don’t have a single sibling to set you up with, but I do have something just as exciting - a FREE live coaching course on love and relationships coming up next month. It’s a beta launch, and you’re invited! Check it out here: masteryofconnection.com/ 😉❤

  • @celiarobin6128
    @celiarobin6128 7 місяців тому

    What about sharing my old and previously written poetry with him?? For an old love, but sharing with him all the passion that lies within me??

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @billhosko7723
    @billhosko7723 3 місяці тому

    Bravo Mat. Bravo.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  3 місяці тому

      Your comment touched me deeply. If you're thinking about dating again, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz might provide some helpful insights into your readiness. 💕 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @SharleyCampbell
    @SharleyCampbell 9 місяців тому +4

    I’m a 50 ish vibrant lady with a strong libido trapped in the body of a 75 year old. Finding love might be easier if I looked and felt my age. I think I understand what it feels like to be trans but mine is an age trans. Should be a term for that.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Age trans thats brilliant! also very common, so many of my students and clients are in the same boat, and a lot of times that means you will end up dating younger men... nothing wrong with that ;)

    • @preppysquirrel9712
      @preppysquirrel9712 4 місяці тому

      The term is cougar, 😂. Just kidding, hopefully you will find an energetic man your age.

  • @rebekahrenee9093
    @rebekahrenee9093 8 місяців тому

    Love this ❤️ I already do these things but it helps to hear it from someone else and this is a fantastic channel! Thank you 😊

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @mrsfantastical2010
    @mrsfantastical2010 9 місяців тому +3

    Yayyyy! Ur back❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

  • @MaitshotloMotshabi
    @MaitshotloMotshabi 9 місяців тому +1

    I enjoy watching your videos I learn something new every day thank you so much 😊😊😊

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      so glad you're learning! much more fun to come!

  • @TerriBennett-nf4vb
    @TerriBennett-nf4vb 6 місяців тому

    thanks for the input I'm just a little scared . I lost my husband 8 years ago and haven't had a relationship since

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому +1

      I understand. It's okay to feel scared. Take your time to heal. You deserve happiness when you're ready.

  • @anac2314
    @anac2314 9 місяців тому +4

    So true Mat!!!
    Thank you.
    Glad you’re back.
    You’re the best here, seriously!!!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      aww thanks hon! so appreciate that feedback

  • @carolinew9964
    @carolinew9964 2 місяці тому

    So true about space Should be able to trust your man to hang out sometimes with their guy friends, and equally the women should hang out with their girlfriends.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  2 місяці тому

      Exactly! Trust and space are key for a healthy relationship. Everyone needs time with their friends! By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting next month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/

  • @faeriesart9647
    @faeriesart9647 9 місяців тому

    Hi ! New to your channel.. I am
    In a new relationship now about 4 months, he still gets personal friend invites I haven’t met yet, we do have mutual friends though, it helps to hear that I can support our freedoms.. it’s very vulnerable and deep when we are together🙏🙏

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому +1

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @mumac8865
    @mumac8865 9 місяців тому

    Thank goodness I am person who is naturally appreciative of a considerate person. A person who is aware that doing the dishes isnt necessarily the womans job in the first place. Be NATURAL BE HONEST BE KIND DO NOT BE A PEOPLE PLEASER GET TO KNOW YOURSELF first BE prayerful

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @shaybee6893
    @shaybee6893 9 місяців тому +1

    Very insightful advice. Thank you 🎉

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

  • @dawnstonerock4253
    @dawnstonerock4253 8 місяців тому

    You restored my hope.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @szilviaszabo2548
    @szilviaszabo2548 6 місяців тому +1

    Interesting video… first thing that made me think about which century we are at when you said “ I did it for HER” - when washing the dishes. So you think , it’s HER job , washing the dishes and she should be over the moon that you were willing todo this once in a full moon. I don’t think I want a man like this melting for me 😁 secondly, you said “these tips will help you get the man melting for your heart in whatever phase you are in the dating. “ well I don’t think so. These things come up when you already have been together for years , living together. It does not help to GET a man “melting” For you if you are at the beginning of the dating with 2-3 dates.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @skyplayz2365
    @skyplayz2365 9 місяців тому

    So great to see a new video from you, Mat! Thank you! 🙏❤️

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Your kind words touch my heart

  • @kimngatran6271
    @kimngatran6271 8 місяців тому

    Thank you for your advice! I just subscribed to your channel!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      I’m so glad this helped you!

  • @lunewyorker
    @lunewyorker 8 місяців тому

    Perfect Video!!! Thanks🎉

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

  • @CarmenRivera-id6cl
    @CarmenRivera-id6cl 5 місяців тому

    Thank for advice , with this points of. A relationship .

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  5 місяців тому

      You are so welcome!

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  4 місяці тому

      Hi there, If you're curious about whether you're ready for a new relationship, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can help you find out. Check it out! 🌟 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

  • @Joy-mm3cz
    @Joy-mm3cz 6 місяців тому

    I laughed when he suggested to touch your man throughout the day. That only works if the man is physical touch for his love language. Learn each other’s love languages. My ex and I were completely opposite. (I didn’t know that until about 5 yrs into marriage). I now only date men who align with at least 3-4 love languages.
    I hope that these apply for women as well. A partnership is a 2 way street.
    I know that I’m not expecting anything from a man that I’m not willing or am doing as well.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @alexalmes
    @alexalmes 9 місяців тому +2

    On point! Thank you so much 🪷🙏🏽🪷

  • @emilygomez4748
    @emilygomez4748 9 місяців тому

    Good to see you again. Well needed video. Thanks for educating us.

  • @shadowboy23
    @shadowboy23 7 місяців тому

    I like you man, think u are the bees knees!!!! Great loving vibes and sharing wizdom

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      Aw thanks you’re making me blush;)

  • @joyuslife6126
    @joyuslife6126 9 місяців тому

    This was awesome and very helpful, thank you.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      Your kind words touch my heart

  • @devanshikar7705
    @devanshikar7705 9 місяців тому

    Hey Mat ! Welcome back. I thought of you so many times. Hope you have been well. Happy to see you 💐🙏

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!

  • @SharleyCampbell
    @SharleyCampbell 9 місяців тому +1

    Would like the free training mentioned in video. Can’t find where to sign us

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому

      its the affirmations in the first link in the description! Also in the comments :)

  • @pamheisler4927
    @pamheisler4927 9 місяців тому

    Love your videos. I'd love to hear info on the 4 main attachment theories. You are easy to listen to. 😊

  • @ewaholmes707
    @ewaholmes707 9 місяців тому

    In general, you are very right...thank you so much 😊

  • @emonyt
    @emonyt 7 місяців тому +4

    I want to see the internet overflowing with videos for men how to melt a woman's heart , because most men are completely oblivious on how to treat a woman. Nicely put.

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  7 місяців тому

      I appreciate your opinion on this!

  • @cinduhughes3351
    @cinduhughes3351 8 місяців тому

    Don't take each other for granted

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  8 місяців тому

      Thanks so much for your feedback!

  • @annabellacrewe8858
    @annabellacrewe8858 9 місяців тому +1

    Thank you for your fresh and happy presentation ❤

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  9 місяців тому +1

      you are so so welcome Annabella! :)

  • @mellissatovar3003
    @mellissatovar3003 6 місяців тому

    How do you do some of these things when long distance? What if he isn't consistent?

    • @Mat_Shaffer
      @Mat_Shaffer  6 місяців тому

      In a long-distance relationship, communication is key. Discuss your needs and find ways to stay connected. If your partner isn't consistent, address it together openly.