This is so familiar. My divorce is final and she still berates me and tells me how bad I am. She’s the gaslighting queen. She’s always projecting her behavior as if it were mine, it’s mind boggling. I leave every conversation feeling mentally drained but thankful that it’s over.
Truth been know, brother. She is too afraid to be accountable and so she deflect these issues back at you. Gaslighting, grey stoning, strawmaning your position. Don't respond to it. You will just be fueling her narcissistic traits. Cut the supply. Don't continue being the codependent. Focus on yourself improvement and worth. You got far more worth and value in you. Direct your energy and attention to things more deserving. Otherwise you will stay in this viscous worldwind. All the best buddy 👍
This is so true. No reflection, no compromise, no insight evident, no acknowledgement of ANY mistake on her part. Here I am reading, watching self-help, trying to understand and heal the past five years and the contrast between how we reacted is night and day. Thanks for this.
100%. Like a stubborn toddler who refuses to admit her short comings, but is quick to point out "flaws and mistakes" or blame me for things the kids do, but I get blamed for it. Unless I can prove to her face, calmly that she is mistaken. Forget about apologies any more after 27 years.
Here’s the thing . Women have their divorce’ possee that warps her mind and convinces her that the guy she is cheating on you with is far superior to you. They dream up all kinds of twisted lies about you and convince her that you are a total failure and are to blame for her cheating on you.
This is so refreshing to hear, thank you Rachel. Decent men in the west do seem under attack from many directions with no right of reply. when I dated all the women assumed the divorce was my fault simply cos I’m a man. And none of those women could see their own issues. in so many cases, the wife and her friends twist the story so the husband appears criminally abusive and the worst human alive! Yet they lie, steal money and assets, lie to the court, to the children, are abusive and terribly hostile. As for never saying sorry or admitting fault- my ex was too proud. Too controlling. Her pride was too brittle. She also felt I think that she betrayed the sisterhood if she admitted to a man she was wrong. It’s great to hear your positive take, cos it’s a huge worry of mine that if I date again they’ll all be like this.
What’s worse is my kids pay the consequences for her not having cleared her daddy issues. She said she has done so much to clear it, but is all outward clearing of past lives in far away galaxies, and angels clearing away trauma. Instead of looking at it from something that she created to protect herself. I am all for healing, but my ex takes it to a whole other level and we just can’t even communicate. We live in way different realities. And the way it plays out in reality is my 14 year old has no friends at school. So grateful the divorce is in process and appreciate having a lawyer manage the crazy. I feel much better in my body and find it easier to be a good father.
My soon to be ex husband was right about everything, I need to work on myself & am trying so hard to be a better person. I will never bash him, he dealt w/a lot. I lost a good man & will always be so sorry & regretful for my behavior.
This resonates so much with me, my wife of 17 years decided she wanted a divorce. I’ve been working on my issues and have been open and honest about my part in the breakup, but there seems to be no appreciation, understanding or remorse from my ex wife for her part in it. It all seems to be my fault, at least according to her.
Wow. 1st and foremost Thank-you Rachael. Your videos and guidance is so helpful in navigating this unthinkable and unknown territory of human nature. As men we always feel we can cope, make a plan, get the result and fix it. But in truth we are just as lost, confused and struggles these difficult issues. We don't have the answers and we don't always have things together. Divorce can really challenge your mettal, psychology, and emotional barriers. Thanks for helping us. God richly bless you 🙏 😊
My wife cheated on me, tricked me into selling the house and then demanded a divorce to be with a different man who was ready in waiting. She then tells people I’m a horrible person for wanting to be with my child and that I “play the victim.” Conveniently, she omits her betrayals that ended our marriage. She’s had 7 boyfriends since and I haven’t attempted to date.
I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through such a painful and difficult situation. It’s incredibly frustrating when your side of the story is overlooked and your heartache is dismissed. I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and it’s important to take care of your emotional well-being as you navigate through all of this. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I invite you to join my free masterclass where I go over the tools and strategies to help you heal and move forward, especially when dealing with betrayal and the complexities of divorce. It’s designed to empower you and give you the clarity you deserve during this difficult time. You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register Take care of yourself, and remember you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here to support you.
I don't really understand. Unless you have kids and shared custody, why would anyone want anything to do with their ex? When she gets her walking papers (already blames me for everything that does not go as she would like) only contact will be via the attorney.
You’re describing my sister. An insufferable narcissist. I was the executor of my father’s estate, and when she got her last check, I dropped her like a hot horseshoe. That was 25 years ago. What a horrible person. Borderline Personality Disorder.
thanks for this video. i'm in a situation where i'm not divorced yet, and I hope it doesn't come to that, but my wife displays all the behaviors you described. I've been working on myself for about 1.5 years and i'm still holding out for hope that she'll want to work on herself but it looks unlikely.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad you have support for yourself and are working to heal, but if she is unwilling to do anything on her side it can be really difficult. Have you heard of Steve Horsmon or his program, Good Guys to Great Men? He is the best I know at saving a marriage when your wife is unwilling to work with you to do so.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thanks for the referral Rachael! I have watched a couple of his videos but i'll take a deep dive in and see what there is that can be of benefit. I'm still optimistic i can turn it around.
I almost agree, apart from you saying that men need to stop being a protector, provider… it’s not learnt behaviour it’s in our DNA as men. And a women that doesn’t need a man for this would be very unattractive. Seeing lack of responsibility and accountability of a woman is a real eye opener. To not expect this anymore is freeing, it means you have to lead, you may not want to, it maybe scary, but it’s your role as the man. You take responsibility and accountability for the relationship and do what you think is correct, it’s not a joint decision. Don’t be the victim saying “she doesn’t respect me” just know that’s how it works and treat women according. Don’t expect anything more. Tell her what you’re doing or just do it. Hear them and do the opposite if you think that’s wiser. That might sounds old fashioned, but I think women still respond to this even though they say the don’t. Knowing someone else is leading means they get to trust or leave. Subconsciously I think they are stretching us, forcing us to be better men for them. It’s the opposite to what they say “I want a parter who is responsible and accountable “ like its shared 50/50 task. Bullshit. They want you to be 💯 accountable and responsible so they can be feminine, feel safe and be intimate. You have nothing to loose. For me after 35 yrs of being nice and being treated like crap, I have noticed a big change - suddenly my wife is behaving very sweet, kind, gentle and feminine. Shake it up men, create some tension, reshape your life and if she loves you she will flow into your world and you choose if you let her in again.
I think you’re right on. We believed the “nice guy” myth. Problem is though, you kinda have to be a different type of guy during different phases of the marriage. I did need to be sensitive and caring when our kids were toddlers. I just didn’t adapt after they got older. Plus her perimenopause caused drastic shifts in her mood/personality.
She tells me that she is working on herself but she still blames me for everything. She is basically still a victim. And yet she has been going to therapy since 6 months prior to bombdrop. Does this reflect bad therapy?
My wife of 12 years left me last week, all on me... did everything she asked when I knew about it, and yet it was too late. Saturday to Monday, and she already with another dude...
Hi Racheal, I just saw your video talking about white knights. Think you can do a similar one for terminally single guys who have it all together but can't seem to get things to ever work with a woman?
lets put it this way, i am not lonely when i dont trust women to not fk me over. i am having a great time by myself, and my son feels it too. he is 6. he wants to be at dads house. she blames me for that. i tell him its mom time and she loves him and i never speak ill of her. her older son of 22 years avoids her. thats somehow my fault too.
Yes so correct like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Don’t even know what I did to get kicked out asked and she wouldn’t even say played the victim big time she did telling people I bashed her and all etc got monkey branched cheated on financially abused physically abused yet she did nothing no respect no responsibility no accountability I have done all the work and all the work for our son with counsellors and sent her all the info for our son and it’s still not right. Thank you so much for your help
Uh, husbands ARE the provider, that doesn't make us white knights, that makes us loving husbands, fathers and men. 1 Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Now, maybe you don't believe the Bible is the source of truth, you have to make a very, very strong case to disprove the self evident nature of the world. Look at men, look at women, if "women can provide for themselves", then that's only because some man at some point decided to make a society in which they can do it. Now, society is so twisted on its head that "earning money" seems to be akin to "providing". But it is not, as our money is debased. No, real providers are the men who are trying to reform society even now.
No I hear you sucking about no expectations and money but you look around and the reality of it is it seems like every woman only cares about money and how much you perform divorced with two small kids at 50 and I got nothing barely make enough to pay the bills and that's just put such a pressure on you as it is let alone trying to find a date
This is so familiar. My divorce is final and she still berates me and tells me how bad I am. She’s the gaslighting queen. She’s always projecting her behavior as if it were mine, it’s mind boggling. I leave every conversation feeling mentally drained but thankful that it’s over.
Agree
Truth been know, brother. She is too afraid to be accountable and so she deflect these issues back at you. Gaslighting, grey stoning, strawmaning your position. Don't respond to it. You will just be fueling her narcissistic traits. Cut the supply. Don't continue being the codependent. Focus on yourself improvement and worth. You got far more worth and value in you. Direct your energy and attention to things more deserving. Otherwise you will stay in this viscous worldwind. All the best buddy 👍
This is so true. No reflection, no compromise, no insight evident, no acknowledgement of ANY mistake on her part. Here I am reading, watching self-help, trying to understand and heal the past five years and the contrast between how we reacted is night and day. Thanks for this.
100%. Like a stubborn toddler who refuses to admit her short comings, but is quick to point out "flaws and mistakes" or blame me for things the kids do, but I get blamed for it. Unless I can prove to her face, calmly that she is mistaken. Forget about apologies any more after 27 years.
Here’s the thing . Women have their divorce’ possee that warps her mind and convinces her that the guy she is cheating on you with is far superior to you. They dream up all kinds of twisted lies about you and convince her that you are a total failure and are to blame for her cheating on you.
This is so refreshing to hear, thank you Rachel.
Decent men in the west do seem under attack from many directions with no right of reply.
when I dated all the women assumed the divorce was my fault simply cos I’m a man.
And none of those women could see their own issues.
in so many cases, the wife and her friends twist the story so the husband appears criminally abusive and the worst human alive!
Yet they lie, steal money and assets, lie to the court, to the children, are abusive and terribly hostile.
As for never saying sorry or admitting fault- my ex was too proud. Too controlling. Her pride was too brittle. She also felt I think that she betrayed the sisterhood if she admitted to a man she was wrong.
It’s great to hear your positive take, cos it’s a huge worry of mine that if I date again they’ll all be like this.
What’s worse is my kids pay the consequences for her not having cleared her daddy issues. She said she has done so much to clear it, but is all outward clearing of past lives in far away galaxies, and angels clearing away trauma. Instead of looking at it from something that she created to protect herself. I am all for healing, but my ex takes it to a whole other level and we just can’t even communicate. We live in way different realities. And the way it plays out in reality is my 14 year old has no friends at school.
So grateful the divorce is in process and appreciate having a lawyer manage the crazy.
I feel much better in my body and find it easier to be a good father.
This is why I haven't left, for my daughter. I am so glad I have made that choice seeing how she needs me here to help deal.
My soon to be ex husband was right about everything, I need to work on myself & am trying so hard to be a better person. I will never bash him, he dealt w/a lot. I lost a good man & will always be so sorry & regretful for my behavior.
Wow! I am really impressed by your honestly and self-reflection. Sorry to say but it seems VERY rare.
Now that is a troll 🧌
This resonates so much with me, my wife of 17 years decided she wanted a divorce. I’ve been working on my issues and have been open and honest about my part in the breakup, but there seems to be no appreciation, understanding or remorse from my ex wife for her part in it. It all seems to be my fault, at least according to her.
Wow. 1st and foremost Thank-you Rachael. Your videos and guidance is so helpful in navigating this unthinkable and unknown territory of human nature. As men we always feel we can cope, make a plan, get the result and fix it. But in truth we are just as lost, confused and struggles these difficult issues. We don't have the answers and we don't always have things together. Divorce can really challenge your mettal, psychology, and emotional barriers. Thanks for helping us. God richly bless you 🙏 😊
I liked my ex wife as person but her attitude get only worse and worse, so we divorced.
Never seen a loving woman. Never.
My wife cheated on me, tricked me into selling the house and then demanded a divorce to be with a different man who was ready in waiting. She then tells people I’m a horrible person for wanting to be with my child and that I “play the victim.” Conveniently, she omits her betrayals that ended our marriage. She’s had 7 boyfriends since and I haven’t attempted to date.
I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through such a painful and difficult situation. It’s incredibly frustrating when your side of the story is overlooked and your heartache is dismissed. I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and it’s important to take care of your emotional well-being as you navigate through all of this.
If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I invite you to join my free masterclass where I go over the tools and strategies to help you heal and move forward, especially when dealing with betrayal and the complexities of divorce. It’s designed to empower you and give you the clarity you deserve during this difficult time.
You can register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
Take care of yourself, and remember you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here to support you.
Thank you for hope!
False hope.
I don't really understand. Unless you have kids and shared custody, why would anyone want anything to do with their ex? When she gets her walking papers (already blames me for everything that does not go as she would like) only contact will be via the attorney.
You’re describing my sister. An insufferable narcissist. I was the executor of my father’s estate, and when she got her last check, I dropped her like a hot horseshoe. That was 25 years ago. What a horrible person. Borderline Personality Disorder.
I'm going threw the same thing 20 years never done one thing wrong but I caused her to cheat on me twice now she's filed for divorse
of course she blames you
@@MarcusDupuis-m6w DITTO my marriage went down the drain the same way after 17 years.
thanks for this video. i'm in a situation where i'm not divorced yet, and I hope it doesn't come to that, but my wife displays all the behaviors you described. I've been working on myself for about 1.5 years and i'm still holding out for hope that she'll want to work on herself but it looks unlikely.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad you have support for yourself and are working to heal, but if she is unwilling to do anything on her side it can be really difficult. Have you heard of Steve Horsmon or his program, Good Guys to Great Men? He is the best I know at saving a marriage when your wife is unwilling to work with you to do so.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thanks for the referral Rachael! I have watched a couple of his videos but i'll take a deep dive in and see what there is that can be of benefit. I'm still optimistic i can turn it around.
Its why Im never going back.
I almost agree, apart from you saying that men need to stop being a protector, provider… it’s not learnt behaviour it’s in our DNA as men. And a women that doesn’t need a man for this would be very unattractive.
Seeing lack of responsibility and accountability of a woman is a real eye opener. To not expect this anymore is freeing, it means you have to lead, you may not want to, it maybe scary, but it’s your role as the man. You take responsibility and accountability for the relationship and do what you think is correct, it’s not a joint decision.
Don’t be the victim saying “she doesn’t respect me” just know that’s how it works and treat women according.
Don’t expect anything more. Tell her what you’re doing or just do it. Hear them and do the opposite if you think that’s wiser.
That might sounds old fashioned, but I think women still respond to this even though they say the don’t. Knowing someone else is leading means they get to trust or leave.
Subconsciously I think they are stretching us, forcing us to be better men for them. It’s the opposite to what they say “I want a parter who is responsible and accountable “ like its shared 50/50 task. Bullshit. They want you to be 💯 accountable and responsible so they can be feminine, feel safe and be intimate.
You have nothing to loose. For me after 35 yrs of being nice and being treated like crap, I have noticed a big change - suddenly my wife is behaving very sweet, kind, gentle and feminine.
Shake it up men, create some tension, reshape your life and if she loves you she will flow into your world and you choose if you let her in again.
I think you’re right on. We believed the “nice guy” myth. Problem is though, you kinda have to be a different type of guy during different phases of the marriage. I did need to be sensitive and caring when our kids were toddlers. I just didn’t adapt after they got older. Plus her perimenopause caused drastic shifts in her mood/personality.
She tells me that she is working on herself but she still blames me for everything. She is basically still a victim. And yet she has been going to therapy since 6 months prior to bombdrop. Does this reflect bad therapy?
I love your videos
Do you have a video on religion separating a marriage. And how it can control your partner.
My wife of 12 years left me last week, all on me... did everything she asked when I knew about it, and yet it was too late. Saturday to Monday, and she already with another dude...
There's Bob again 😅.
Hi Racheal, I just saw your video talking about white knights. Think you can do a similar one for terminally single guys who have it all together but can't seem to get things to ever work with a woman?
lets put it this way, i am not lonely when i dont trust women to not fk me over. i am having a great time by myself, and my son feels it too. he is 6. he wants to be at dads house. she blames me for that. i tell him its mom time and she loves him and i never speak ill of her. her older son of 22 years avoids her. thats somehow my fault too.
Yes so correct like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Don’t even know what I did to get kicked out asked and she wouldn’t even say played the victim big time she did telling people I bashed her and all etc got monkey branched cheated on financially abused physically abused yet she did nothing no respect no responsibility no accountability
I have done all the work and all the work for our son with counsellors and sent her all the info for our son and it’s still not right.
Thank you so much for your help
Yeah just delete her n̈umber. Who cares what she thinks.
Mgtow
Uh, husbands ARE the provider, that doesn't make us white knights, that makes us loving husbands, fathers and men. 1 Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Now, maybe you don't believe the Bible is the source of truth, you have to make a very, very strong case to disprove the self evident nature of the world. Look at men, look at women, if "women can provide for themselves", then that's only because some man at some point decided to make a society in which they can do it.
Now, society is so twisted on its head that "earning money" seems to be akin to "providing". But it is not, as our money is debased. No, real providers are the men who are trying to reform society even now.
No I hear you sucking about no expectations and money but you look around and the reality of it is it seems like every woman only cares about money and how much you perform divorced with two small kids at 50 and I got nothing barely make enough to pay the bills and that's just put such a pressure on you as it is let alone trying to find a date