Perhaps you've made changes to the instance directly, so it seems out of sync with the parent component. If this is the case, you can right click on the instance and select `Reset all changes`. Then it should update. Try to make the changes directly to the component and create variants instead of changing the child instances directly, if possible. Not sure this is the case, but I hope this fixes your issues.
Figma file - www.figma.com/community/file/1062927225349660880
instance doesn't automatically update on mac
Perhaps you've made changes to the instance directly, so it seems out of sync with the parent component. If this is the case, you can right click on the instance and select `Reset all changes`. Then it should update. Try to make the changes directly to the component and create variants instead of changing the child instances directly, if possible. Not sure this is the case, but I hope this fixes your issues.