This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.
Reducing the child's anxiety. This is incredibly spot on. But what's to be done when the anxiety is being fueled by the alienating parent? How does the alienated parent reduce that? The person who has been estranged... That person too is substantially changed, almost always negatively, for them to fear reconnection. The consequences are so profound, they no longer feel connected. Afraid of being a parent. To correct and discipline the child, because it's been used against them before. Hence my observation What never gets explained then is what should the alienated parent DO when the alienation doesn't stop? The alienation is the cause of all the anxiety we're trying to reduce.
This has some extremely useful information that I haven't come across, elsewhere. I was reunified after severe alienation where I had no contact. I left the family home due to abuse and violence over a number of years. My ex is a narc who resides with his mother, who is also a narcissist. I had not resided with the children for 8 years. My ex was removed from the home by child protective services. I was initially sent there
Thanks!!! This was extremely helpful because my teenager is now over the Parental Conflict and, ofc, the Victim struggles for Redemption, or just simply Vindication, and the worst part is that I've not been very successful in biting my tongue on (trying) to address healthy Ideologies, Morals, & Values, especially Empathy which a Victimized Parent can see slowly slipping away in their Children because it's directed at themselves, and sadly, I knew it was pushing her away, but it's been a difficult challenge to discontinue the urge to Guide them, or atleast Steer them away from Narcissistic tendencies
All true! Thank you! God with us all still going through “Parental Alienation” and trying to talk with our children over the years, still keep fighting ❤️🤘✝️
I've been in many nerve racking situations in my 57 years. That said. After 7 + years of alienation from our 3 boys. My tears are dried up, and the remote possibility of reunification terrifies me. I'm ready, and I don't want to screw it up.
I was very negative about supervised visits as I have been a good parent all my life. In spite of never setting foot in court my ex cooked up allegations … thank god not that serious but enough to alienate me for more than 2 months. The supervisor I have is an older lady and after the second visit she picked up the parental alienation. She said she would a help me mend this gap and is supportive… so if you are positive and kind with the kids that always shines through.
Hi I wanted to see if I could get some advice please. I am an uncle and my wife and I have been caring for a child for two years age 1 to 3. The father who went to court for the child got him but cheated the system while living in a trailer with no water or electricity in summer. 100+ degrees. The child was being really neglected and family told us. We live in a country over. The father just wanted cash aid. So giving us the child was no issue. Then something came up where we had to take him to the hospital and because the father couldn’t be located cps got back involved. The father would have never been awarded custody in the first place had we not helped. Then he abandoned the baby. Now with money threatened he is fighting for child and trying to be dad again. We just finished jurisdiction hearing and dispo is set about four weeks out. The dispo report say THEY ARE NOT RECOMMENDING REUNIFICATION BECAUSE OF NUMEROUS FAILURES. During this case the father was even arrested for meth posses and given 45 days in jail. A court had to be continued as a result. The report says No reunification recommended but they did give the father 4 hour in person visits and I wonder why? Would good visits change the recommendations? This will be the fourth child the father has lost will they give him another chance despite all the failures ???
Ruinification doesn't happen in a vacuum.. reducing children's anxiety, if increasing it it's working against it. My point of view of what happened doesn't matter~ got it. I fucked up reunification. Shit. Now what?
Reunification = wishful thinking. Any action viewed by the disordered parent as "endangering" his/her work product, the child, will just make him/her double the effort in cult manipulation. You can't have successful attempts to reintegrate the child and the targeted parent while the psychopath is doing his/her work. It's like a lung cancer treatment while still smoking. The child is trained to completely reject at 18 and this is what happens whatever you do or not. The focus is always on the child by these people, but the child is not the problem, the bad parent is. How is that not obvious to these professionals? The focus should be how to control the pathogenic parent. The child is not doing anything but only responding to the "requests" of the psychopath. Provide a solution how to deal with that person and you will have solved this problem.
@@PaulOBrienSEOBrien Yes, read the Melian dialogue in law 22 of 48 laws of power by Green and you'll understand what not to do if you don't want to lose children when they reach 18. Everything else by advice of professionals only facilities the loss.
Been going through this, my son is 15. Although I have had no success as of yet, I'm trying to keep invitations simple and loose. No expectations. Invite, let them know you forgive them no matter what it is, and that you want to learn from them about how they feel about you and how they want you to change. This seems like it's giving away too much power. It's the example that sticks with them. It's showing them they weigh more than your ego. This is such a heartbreaking tough circumstance. Keep fighting for that love! Don't give up, keep it simple and keep trying. I hope this helps, you're not alone.
@@stevenkeller476 same struggle with my 15-year-old son. He sees me as selfish because I call out the bullshit I’m being subjected to as a parent. He thinks I’m making this all about myself when the fact is that it’s not just all about me. Parental alienation is child abuse.
@@Eclectifying Yes...there is no pain or suffering like this. You are not alone. There is a whole army of great parents who are doing the right thing and alienated. Pray for peace in your heart and try not to feed the war going on and strive for peace. It's the only wway to survive. Don't give up. It's not your fault. Peace be with you.
@@Eclectifying The truth is, that we cannot defend ourselves with words. Or we are feeding into their trap. Be above reproach, never say an ill word about the other. When I get a chance I might say... well that's what they think, what do you think? Your 15 year old is old enough and will soon look back at how you handled yourself. It is the hardest thing i have ever done and the only fight we can win is the one with ourselves. Stay well, get suupport when you can, and focus on the little things in life that make you happy. It's hard to imagine what we are without our kids, but it's time and they are looking to you for strength. 🙏
Did you mean fighting and arguing with the targeted parent??? You said they’re not going to subject themselves to fighting and arguing with the alienating parent. I’m pretty sure you meant targeted parent right? I mean the kids would not want to be with the alienating parent if they’re fighting and arguing with them. Correct me if I’m wrong
When a child has an alienating parent the child will be made to feel guilty bad, disloyal, wrong, ungrateful,selfish, stupid and rejected by the alienating parent whenever that child shows even a flicker of love, respect or grief that the targetted parent is no longer in their life. The child will probably also be punished in other ways - being shouted at undermined, on the receiving end of intense volatile anger or stone cold hatred from the alienating parent. The alienating parent is a child abuser. So, the child distances themselves from the tagetted parent to avoid all the drama and upset the alienating parent will cause if they show a desire to connect to the targetted parent. I lived this.
Nope, he meant alienating parent. Listen carefully, he's saying the child would have to argue with the alienating parent to get permission to see the targeted parent and rather than get into that conflict the child just goes along with the status quo and doesn't try to end the estrangement. So you can't depend on the child to reach out to the targeted parent, the targeted parent needs to keep trying.
Thank you
It's like a death and never ending pain
This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.
Thank you. Good advice.
@@georgiakritikos4955 Thank you Georgia...I am trying so hard. What a challenge this has been. God Bless and be well.
Thank you for sharing this message.
@@widodidoko1891 and thank you for appreciating it, and redirecting me back to this. Take good care of yourself. 🙏
I am currently on the same journey going on 4 months with no contact with my 16 year old son.
Curious how your journey has been going with your son?
Reducing the child's anxiety. This is incredibly spot on. But what's to be done when the anxiety is being fueled by the alienating parent? How does the alienated parent reduce that?
The person who has been estranged... That person too is substantially changed, almost always negatively, for them to fear reconnection. The consequences are so profound, they no longer feel connected.
Afraid of being a parent. To correct and discipline the child, because it's been used against them before.
Hence my observation
What never gets explained then is what should the alienated parent DO when the alienation doesn't stop? The alienation is the cause of all the anxiety we're trying to reduce.
This has some extremely useful information that I haven't come across, elsewhere. I was reunified after severe alienation where I had no contact. I left the family home due to abuse and violence over a number of years. My ex is a narc who resides with his mother, who is also a narcissist. I had not resided with the children for 8 years. My ex was removed from the home by child protective services. I was initially sent there
Thanks!!! This was extremely helpful because my teenager is now over the Parental Conflict and, ofc, the Victim struggles for Redemption, or just simply Vindication, and the worst part is that I've not been very successful in biting my tongue on (trying) to address healthy Ideologies, Morals, & Values, especially Empathy which a Victimized Parent can see slowly slipping away in their Children because it's directed at themselves, and sadly, I knew it was pushing her away, but it's been a difficult challenge to discontinue the urge to Guide them, or atleast Steer them away from Narcissistic tendencies
Thank you. I relate to the struggle!
All true! Thank you! God with us all still going through “Parental Alienation” and trying to talk with our children over the years, still keep fighting ❤️🤘✝️
I've been in many nerve racking situations in my 57 years. That said. After 7 + years of alienation from our 3 boys. My tears are dried up, and the remote possibility of reunification terrifies me. I'm ready, and I don't want to screw it up.
I was very negative about supervised visits as I have been a good parent all my life. In spite of never setting foot in court my ex cooked up allegations … thank god not that serious but enough to alienate me for more than 2 months.
The supervisor I have is an older lady and after the second visit she picked up the parental alienation. She said she would a help me mend this gap and is supportive… so if you are positive and kind with the kids that always shines through.
I agree with what you're saying on supervised visitations
Thank you! So many good points made here!!
What about alienated of children 19 and 22 years old? How to get them back?
Hi I wanted to see if I could get some advice please. I am an uncle and my wife and I have been caring for a child for two years age 1 to 3. The father who went to court for the child got him but cheated the system while living in a trailer with no water or electricity in summer. 100+ degrees. The child was being really neglected and family told us. We live in a country over. The father just wanted cash aid. So giving us the child was no issue. Then something came up where we had to take him to the hospital and because the father couldn’t be located cps got back involved. The father would have never been awarded custody in the first place had we not helped. Then he abandoned the baby.
Now with money threatened he is fighting for child and trying to be dad again. We just finished jurisdiction hearing and dispo is set about four weeks out. The dispo report say THEY ARE NOT RECOMMENDING REUNIFICATION BECAUSE OF NUMEROUS FAILURES. During this case the father was even arrested for meth posses and given 45 days in jail. A court had to be continued as a result.
The report says No reunification recommended but they did give the father 4 hour in person visits and I wonder why? Would good visits change the recommendations? This will be the fourth child the father has lost will they give him another chance despite all the failures ???
Ruinification doesn't happen in a vacuum.. reducing children's anxiety, if increasing it it's working against it. My point of view of what happened doesn't matter~ got it. I fucked up reunification. Shit. Now what?
Reunification = wishful thinking. Any action viewed by the disordered parent as "endangering" his/her work product, the child, will just make him/her double the effort in cult manipulation. You can't have successful attempts to reintegrate the child and the targeted parent while the psychopath is doing his/her work. It's like a lung cancer treatment while still smoking. The child is trained to completely reject at 18 and this is what happens whatever you do or not. The focus is always on the child by these people, but the child is not the problem, the bad parent is. How is that not obvious to these professionals? The focus should be how to control the pathogenic parent. The child is not doing anything but only responding to the "requests" of the psychopath. Provide a solution how to deal with that person and you will have solved this problem.
I agree
Any luck uncovering what that solution might be?
Agree with you entirely
@@PaulOBrienSEOBrien Yes, read the Melian dialogue in law 22 of 48 laws of power by Green and you'll understand what not to do if you don't want to lose children when they reach 18. Everything else by advice of professionals only facilities the loss.
I heard that this therapy lead to a father unaliving his estranged the moment he had un supervised custody. But muh family values and such.
I need your help.is there a way to reach out
Been going through this, my son is 15. Although I have had no success as of yet, I'm trying to keep invitations simple and loose. No expectations. Invite, let them know you forgive them no matter what it is, and that you want to learn from them about how they feel about you and how they want you to change. This seems like it's giving away too much power. It's the example that sticks with them. It's showing them they weigh more than your ego. This is such a heartbreaking tough circumstance. Keep fighting for that love! Don't give up, keep it simple and keep trying. I hope this helps, you're not alone.
@@stevenkeller476 same struggle with my 15-year-old son. He sees me as selfish because I call out the bullshit I’m being subjected to as a parent. He thinks I’m making this all about myself when the fact is that it’s not just all about me. Parental alienation is child abuse.
@@Eclectifying Yes...there is no pain or suffering like this. You are not alone. There is a whole army of great parents who are doing the right thing and alienated. Pray for peace in your heart and try not to feed the war going on and strive for peace. It's the only wway to survive. Don't give up. It's not your fault. Peace be with you.
@@Eclectifying The truth is, that we cannot defend ourselves with words. Or we are feeding into their trap. Be above reproach, never say an ill word about the other. When I get a chance I might say... well that's what they think, what do you think? Your 15 year old is old enough and will soon look back at how you handled yourself. It is the hardest thing i have ever done and the only fight we can win is the one with ourselves. Stay well, get suupport when you can, and focus on the little things in life that make you happy. It's hard to imagine what we are without our kids, but it's time and they are looking to you for strength. 🙏
Did you mean fighting and arguing with the targeted parent??? You said they’re not going to subject themselves to fighting and arguing with the alienating parent. I’m pretty sure you meant targeted parent right?
I mean the kids would not want to be with the alienating parent if they’re fighting and arguing with them. Correct me if I’m wrong
When a child has an alienating parent the child will be made to feel guilty bad, disloyal, wrong, ungrateful,selfish, stupid and rejected by the alienating parent whenever that child shows even a flicker of love, respect or grief that the targetted parent is no longer in their life. The child will probably also be punished in other ways - being shouted at undermined, on the receiving end of intense volatile anger or stone cold hatred from the alienating parent. The alienating parent is a child abuser. So, the child distances themselves from the tagetted parent to avoid all the drama and upset the alienating parent will cause if they show a desire to connect to the targetted parent. I lived this.
Yeah, I think that’s what he meant.
Nope, he meant alienating parent. Listen carefully, he's saying the child would have to argue with the alienating parent to get permission to see the targeted parent and rather than get into that conflict the child just goes along with the status quo and doesn't try to end the estrangement. So you can't depend on the child to reach out to the targeted parent, the targeted parent needs to keep trying.
@@Eclectifying See above.
@@edjonatchick thanks
Maybe it is anger
This is the worst lecture on PA I've ever heard . He says nothing
There is no advice on this lousy lecture . He offers no help
Stop swapping the word 'estranged' for 'alienation.' You're advising Supervised Visitation for the alienated parent? You're barbarians.
Perhaps listen again.