The legal system and the parent perpetrating the alienating need to be held accountable for being complicit in child abuse. Especially if the parent being alienated is just as suitable for having custody.
THAT will never happen is 99.9% of cases. I just had an email exchange with a former guardian ad-litem to bring her up-to-date. She denies she made any mistakes and she has over 30 years of experience as an attorney therefore she is apparently correct 100% of the time. The judge also made all the typical mistakes in court. Attorneys and court will never admit they are wrong on these text book mistakes.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 WRONG, leftist satan worshipping commies want to destroy men marriages families god and our country because that is the commie plan of attack and leftist judges and lawyers are helping to do just that.
Amen! So glad to see this. I started watching Ryan’s videos during the course of being alienated from my 16 year old daughter for seven years. A judge finally forced him to put her in therapy with me two years ago. From the day we were in the same room, we have talked everyday. It is amazing how aware she already was of what was going on, but it just took seeing it for herself to validate it on her mind. She has a lot of anger at her dad, and he still attempts to this day to alienate her from me. She wants to move to my house as soon as she is 17 and not have a relationship with her father. I hope she learns forgiveness, I am still trying. She deserves to be at peace. Please don’t give up if you are experiencing this. This video is spot on. I wanted to scream to anyone who would listen what he had done. Being defensive in court made me appear like the crazy person he was hoping I would be seen as. With alienation, many times you are dealing with an ex partner that is very narcissist. You can not play defense with these types, stay on offense. The best way for the child to know the truth is for them to see it. They will know the truth soon enough.
I agree; however, I believe it is more difficult for fathers to reunite with their children whom they have been alienated from because the social norm is that mothers are more caring and fathers are not; therefore, children are more receptive to being reunified with their mothers.
@@ebwerksinc.2767 We have actually found this not to be the case. Children need both of their parent. Each parent provides something different. Just recently we helped a Dad reunite with his teenage son, who realized what was happening to him. I understand how you have these beliefs on a societal level, we just help parents creating a different reality.
@@ebwerksinc.2767 I am a mother who is just experience it but don't forget it's not always a father but also grandmother of the child or step mum might want to replace a mother. And child's father is doing it in order to please her.
Craziest part aside from the alienation itself is that the alienating parent has full liberty to lie and to brainwash and destroy the relationship between the children and the loving parent, but that the loving parent can't return with the truth and needs to just swallow the defeat and show over time (YEARS) that the lies they were told are in fact lies. Its literally like being in prison for something you didn't do and nobody will listen to reason. Ive experienced this for 7 years and as of 3 years ago my patience finally paid off. It still sucks bec in the eyes of the court none of it matters unless you can prove the alienation, which costs $20k hiring a forensic psychologist
It’s important to say the the alienating parents, sometimes, do what they do in a very subtle way. The child is being manipulated in a subtle way, not even aware of that. That’s what happened to me. I got divorced when my older child was 15 and he does not speak to me since he was 17…. He is now 31 and through the years trying to reach him in so many way were met with anger and now total silence to the fact that all channels had been blocked. 14 years and there is not one day that goes by that I do not think about it. My heart is still bleeding and always will be.
I hear you loud and clear. My ex was very covert in her manipulations of our daughter. A therapist I saw some years back told me that she (the ex) would never acknowledge that she planted false impressions of me in our daughter's young, vulnerable brain. Daughter is now 38 and I'm 77. I don't know if she will ever see things as they really are.
I have been absolutely devastated for the past 6 years. I thought once my daughter turned 18 that she would be able to see the truth but she has been thoroughly brain washed. I understood what her mother was doing and I could see that my daughter was being tortured with stress so I withdrew for her mental health. Every avenue I took including her school looked at me as some evil monster and I couldn't understand what was going on. It has me believing that I am a monster and I am starting to withdraw from every one and questioning what the point of life is if I have to endure this torture day after day.
I understand, I'm alienated now 13 yrs, she's 27 just married and my ex would not reply to my postal letter to have me at wedding I missed it all. Get this her husband works at my ex husband company way too close. Hope he gets different engineering job elese where. And before Christmas my ex dad passed away. So he only has one living parent as I do.
Lies are poison. It seems to be the hour of the day to try and know the truth about almost anything and everything. It is very sad and upsetting to see how children miss out on knowing a parent or relative because of another’s lies. But we have to take the high road. Be the truthful mature one. It’s the only clean way to hope to change things. Even if it takes years.
My family is going through the same issue with my eighteen year old brother. We are currently dealing with his dad trying to damage the relationships my brother has with us his siblings and especially our mother. Its really disheartening to watch the control and Stockholm syndrome my brother has developed over time. He's even going as so far as to use his failing of kidneys to make my baby brother feel obligated to stick close to him and away from all of us. He wants complete influence and control over my baby brother. We don't know what to do.
Your pain is valid, heard, and known! You are NOT alone! There's a huge hidden community of parents and aduit alienated children that are rallying for change. It's a terrible crime against humanity. You can join this cause to give you a purpose and use your voice. Or just find these groups to feel less alone. I hope you are hanging tight. Some have said that the kids check our social media, so be sure to show the healthiest side of you. And I personally think it couldnt hurt to post something for public viewing showing that children should be able to love both their parents. If they are mature enough to check social media, they just may understand that this speaks to them, whether today or decades from now--even if they outlive us, they need to know this. ❤
I've been alienated from my daughter for 3 years now. I almost took my life because of it but it has made me a stronger person. I hope one day I can be in her life again.
I've been alienated from my two daughters for over 2 years now and I did nothing wrong. I didn't comply with someonething their mother wanted regarding parenting and now I'm in this position and like you, nearly taken my life. The only thing that has stopped me is that I have a grown up son to someone else who I have a good relationship with, and his mother too. Hope you get your child back and stay strong!
@@alistairmccabe7028 Same here. I wouldnt give into the request of moving to Canada with him and his (now ex wife) (he was married for two months before she threw them both out) and they planned to make me the shittiest mother alive. I did nothing wrong either. I really hope when these kids are older they will seek and find the truth.
You have just given me hope and relief from 12 years of struggle and self-doubt. I have felt helpless in this area of life and realized that my attempts to resolve have only made matters worse. I have listened only to half of this podcast and have a tremendous sense of relief. You describe exactly what has happened. I am grateful to know there is a community that can relate, as well as look forward to learn, and make a plan that has a chance of being effective, and not hurt my sons further, feeling torn and confused. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’ve subscribed and I am committed. ❤
It's been 6 years since alienation. Does the 18 year old remember the 12 years of love his mother showed him raising, teaching, guiding him through his life? All the little things and big events cannot have been erased from the father, can it?
No they can not. We store every memory and moment if our lives, even if we can't actively remember it. Your 18 yo remembers who you are, deep down. We just need to get through the wall that alienation creates. I would recommend watching this training that I have available on my site. It's about what do to when your child rejects you. You can register here: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1 Then if you are interested in getting help with your situation, fill out an application and let me know what you're dealing with, then my team and I will get back to you with a recommended course of action. Ryan
Same happened to me. She acts like she doesn't even know me...we were in good standing until her Dad felt threatened now that I was stable and secure. She slowly backed off, started arguments with me, and heard things like I was "stalking" her when I just sent a text to say to have a nice trip when she went to FL this summer. It was hurtful. She's literally taken on that narcissist personality, just like him. I'm so sad over it all. She just turned 20. We haven't spoken since May.
Ever time I try to see my son she calls the police. It’s horrible . I work for the defense department, so Americans can be free. Yet my son is not free our court system is broken. The states should have an independent board of professionals that can evaluate individual cases. Where The court system can have a better evaluation of the situation. The Guardian at lightning are all about money. There work is limited. Ryan thank you for your hard work.
I have been alienated from my now 17 year old daughter for over a year... I had no idea what was happening until my friend who also had this happen to her told me to start looking into PAS. So happy to hear and listen to you both! Thank you for helping parents like me deal with this devastating act of hate. :)
Your channel has been an incredible source of strength, understanding and support for me. I come back to it every six months or so in order to replenish my strength and re-arm myself with the knowledge of how to deal with this terrible situation. A thousand thank yous for your efforts, the good you do here is immeasurable.
This was absolutely spot on. Self differentiation is the key to freedom not only for the alienated but also for the brainwashed child. Jerry Wise has great youtube videos about self differentiation which really help me❤ thank you so much. I love what you say ...when you are in control of yourself this, in and of itself, influences others ❤..and that what the brainwashed child needs is to discover the truth for themselves..our job is to help them self differentiate and we do this by being a loving example
Thank you. I divorced my childrens father 15 years ago and he managed to go against court orders and keep them from me for over 7 years...after reunited, they are now grown and really have nothing to do with me. My heart breaks everyday! Thank yo for this video.
I wish there was live in person events I would definitely attend . Either way I found this channel at a perfect moment in my day ❤️ thank you for all that you do . 17 years of this and defeated is an understatement.
Thank you Ryan for the videos. My new wife and I for the last few months have noticed the kids (boy 15 girl 13) taking a few hours and maybe even a day from the time we pick them up until they loosen up and become themselves like normal around us. this weekend we watched my son play in a soccer tournament where my daughter was also with my ex since it was her time with them and to our surprise the kids did not say hi to us or even wanted to be with us. there are so many feelings that come over you when your son and daughter are literally 10 feet from you and they don't even look at you or say hi. It was so obvious and ugly that even the other parents noticed and felt bad for us, which made my wife and I a bit uncomfortable, but it makes US so SAD even though We know it is only because their mom is present and that she must have coached them prior to the event. when its the other way around we encourage the kids to go over and say hi and stay as long as they want with her, we try to make it as easy for them as possible. When we get them for our time sharing, after the first few hours or maybe a whole day after picking them up, I guess after they put their guard down or decompress they are like themselves again, normal, happy, funny, silly like they normally are. even with their grandparents which is so happy to see. should we address what happened at the soccer tournament this weekend with them in any way? even if its just to say that we understand the circumstances but it still hurt us? or just ignore it? why would a father or in this case a mother would do this to their children? don't they see the long term damage this will causes? I really want to say WTF is wrong with them, how selfish that is. Im sorry I just cant believe a parent can do such thing. thank you for your advise and videos, they help a lot. God Bless you all
I’m incredibly grateful to my step-daughter. I came into her life when she was 12. She’s 21 now and we have a great relationship. Before her, my biological daughters “regime” even had me convinced that I was a horrible dad and my daughter was better off without me. My stepdaughter helped me remember who I really am.
That is so nice! My husband is the target parent. His ex wife has been alienating his children since 2018. My daughter lost her father so after some time they developed a natural father/daughter relationship. I’m so grateful for my husband and i love my daughter ❤
I am so grateful that I was able to tell my truth to my 8 year old daughter snd just be straight with her about everything that was going on snd she was able to understand the reasoning behind it. Now whenever her grandmother or father says anything even remotely negative, she now feels negative towards them for saying it snd no longer negative towards me because she was believing it. Now every time they attempt to alienate me, it only ends up hurting themselves because she knows the truth snd why they are telling her lies about me. I’m so grateful for being able to just set the record straight immediately.
I am also glad for you it worked out, really I AM! But every situation is totally different and its exact what they say: it is not always strategic (mostly not) to do so.
I'm glad you have been able to do this for your daughter. My 8 year old twins think whatever I say or do is negative, and I don't know what I can do or say at this point. I'm just feeling so helpless, it's domestic violence and child abuse.
I needed this help 40 years ago. So glad for parents today who can receive the help and navigate the journey without defending or reacting emotionally. My husband and I did parenting courses, read books, but didn't find specific help. We tried so hard to resolve the problem, but didn't know what it was, and our daughter didn't want to talk with us. Her loyalty was with the one speaking poisonous words. It's terrific sorrow and despair.
I listened\watched your videos during the time when my kids were alienated and would like to thank you! Now that I am meeting\talking and texting with my son (27 YO) I told him about the nature of a Narcissist for 2 reasons. Explaining to him what his mother did / why we did not speak for 5+ years and so that he may look out for himself as to not to get involved with a Narc, as I did. I found that once we had the "difficult" conversation I felt no more need to delve into the subject. It was as if it was released from me.
I can’t believe how many of us there are. A bitter, vindictive ex will carefully train the children over the years to feel guilty for having anything to do with the "erased parent" and even that parent's family members . When the kids grow up without the erased parent and her family in their lives for so long, they have no memories, no traditions, no loyalty, and ultimately no need for this side of their family in their lives. It becomes the grown-up kids' choice then to continue the ugliness and to deliberately alienate that side of their family. 10 yrs ago, after decades of my now middle-aged kids (now in their 40s) rejecting my attempts to invite them back into my life only to be met with outright hatred time and time again, I eventually moved on without them for the sake of my self-respect and general sanity. You can't force someone to love you. But it's heartbreaking to have to explain to my 83-year-old mom over and over again why her grandchildren want nothing to do with her.
One situation that I hardly hear talked about is when the target of abuse leaves after years of abuse. They win custody... and the other parent is alienating a child or children while they are living with the healthier parent because they still have a stronghold!!
We can't underestimate the minds of children. The TRUTH SHOULD BE TOLD w/o slander. Damn that!!! Transparency, Transparency, Transparency. These kids have exposure and access to way more than we can even imagine in modern day society compared to when we were their age.
Transparency is everything. One of the biggest challenges with PA is that kids are in a dark cloud of brainwashing. No matter what they have access to, the stories they're told change the way they think and see the world, so we have to help them see things differently, then everything in the world will look different. Then, they will see the truth.
It's complicated more complicated than simply the other parent is the problem and manipulating the situation. My dad thought that, but it's just not true. I could see the cracks in their foundation when I was 11. I even said I was thankful they were still together that thanksgiving. I'm a highly intuitive and sensitive person. I observed the cracks in the foundation of their marriage and tried to warn my dad to be more present or things will end in divorce. He didn't he was offended by my honesty that day. Nobody in my family takes me seriously even though I've predicted things throughout my life.
This is so true!!!! I can’t do this alone and their is a whole regime against me on this!!!!! And no one understands, I am the one being judged, ridiculed and blamed and I have carried so much guilt in finally believing it 🙏😭💔 I’m so grateful for God guided me to your channel and I filled out an application on your website. I pray I get accepted because I’ve tried so long to understand all of this that’s been ongoing for years now and my children are all getting older and I’m alone and feel powerless. 🙏😔❤️🩹
Love this ... I'm going on 10 years of dealing with my children's mother alienating me ... she has diagnosed Bipolar Disorder, etc ... she, her mother and sister spew wickedness and lies ... it's ALL they have ... it's ALL they prove they are worth: Wickedness. I like this video because it resonates with my approach ... in those all too uncommon moments I and my children have to hear each other's voice, etc. Never once have I brought strife to any encounter ... and the difficulty is in "self" ... you want desperately to set the record straight ... but unfortunately you have to rely on your children's minds to "grow" through the memories and KNOW that the alienated parent never caused problems ... it was the unwell (psychopath) parent who caused all strife. It takes ... YEARS, and word to the wise ... never wish anything upon your abuser (the alienator) ... instead, stay strong in THE TRUTH: You are either going to reap the benefits of what you've sown with your children at some point ... or your children will because they will eventually SEE THE TRUTH and walk away from the alienator ... at least in heart ... and that wicked alienator will reap what they have sown. Stay strong. Pray. Be diligent and steadfast because things eventually do change.
The truth is what will give you strength. We have helped parents who have too deal with alienation that has lasted for years, so there is always hope. I would encourage you to check out my free training on what to do when your child rejects you. I think you'll find clarity there. Here's the link: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1
@@bluemoon8268 She's making up allegations, there were also delays with court because of the pandemic. But everything's been reopened for a while now so and appearances were virtual. In between the appearances nobody was doing anything, investigating, nothing. We have a new lawyer. Found out also the judge that was on the case was unqualified. It's painful process I don't wish on anyone.
I feel incredibly alone so grateful for this community and knowledge. I know you need a team to fight this but you have to have financial means to pay for those supports. I’ve had to make the difficult choice to stop fighting the legal system to listen to what’s going on and wait for my daughter to return to me. It’s horrible and devastating.
Me too....i also have a younger child as well...have to be aware of all perspective. Taken 16 years. Shes come around....i think its her guilt i sense & i fucked up when my emotions came out when she said " i grew up without a mother figure" like its an excuse for bad behavior
Very helpful and relevant to the phenomenon. A great video that frames it in just the right way. I've learned so much about myself through this experience; specifically that I am very awesome and have a lot to offer in this lifetime. And I would not have discovered this fully if I had continued to stay married to the perpetrator alienating parent.
I have no contact at all with my 20 year old daughter. She’s been gone for 7 years. I just watched this video but don’t see how anything I heard can be applied in our case.
Going through it now with step grandchildren. Someone I thought was good and reasonable has turned utterly demonic. Worst of all she met a known domestic abuser on tinder and within a few weeks allows him to be alone with the children for an extended period of time.
Stephen Hassans book on cults talks about how taking this indirect approach is best in dealing with cult members because cult members have been taught by the cult leader to go against and not trust anyone who goes the direct way to question the cult, but the indirect way bypasses the defenses programmed by the cult leader and penetrates the mind.
The legal system supported the alienation. They literally handed the child to the parent who was abusing them. Since the children’s attorney told the children that the father was abusive, it didn’t make a difference because that person was just added to the regime. The kids, even after being confronted, flipped out, screamed, cried for mom, and told mom they were being yelled at which was completely untrue. They could not handle any sort of confrontation whatsoever. They are so far gone, and everyone says that they won’t come back
Nothing but a sales video. No advice given. As a disabled person I’ll never be able to afford this. As a result I’ve just have had to accept that I will never have a relationship or even communication again with my children 😢
Be patient. Dont throw your truth in their face at once. Slowly show who you are. Dont tell them they or the other parent are wrong. Just be "soft and gentle" Try to spend time with the child and not talk about it too much. They are torn in 2 worlds. But when they see you display something very different, calm, light, caring. In their mind they will already start a dialog in thoughts. Let them go through that. Like said in the video, it doesnt help to speak the truth, that will cause a war in their heads and so much pressure because the other parent is speaking in their minds too. Take it slowly, show who you are. After a while just make a light conversation about what they experience, what they think and feel and be understanding. Be careful when defending yourself. Dont mix emotions in it. But you can let them see it hurts you, but not too much. It shows you are sensitive too. Its quite hard. My mom is someone who is the alienator, didnt work on me for I knew the truth. My sis on the other hand really still believes my dad raped my mom which is absolutely not true. He was far too depressed and broken to say or do much about it. It was the end of him, he comitted suicide.
The video says it so well Dont speak the truth but show it They have to question themselves or their truth / thoughts They have to see the things not lining up Dont pressure it, let them figure it out by you showing you are different than what the other makes you out to be. Also the alienator is always the most pressuring ones. A child is more likely to move to a place when they can be themselves and think for themselves rather than pressure, power.
@@DisforDogs1 I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My kid doesn't want anything to do with me for the last 4 years because she believes their mom. They are an adult now, and I can only hope someday she'll want to talk.
It's a step by step process in showing your kid who you really are, rather than just stating the truth. That will just make them put their guard up. We're happy to review your situation if you're looking for help. I'll post the link here to apply to work with us if interested. form.jotform.com/coachryanthomas/application
Great question! My 7 year old daughter accused me of punching her in the past visit. It's impossible to prove it didn't happen and arguing against an insane lie is just absurd, so I kindly offered to take her to the hospital to be assessed by a doctor and get treatment and also suggested we go make a police report and she changed the subject and decided to draw a picture instead and asked to make cupcakes. She could not comprehend what she was saying, she was just repeating what she was told to say. Also, it was a way to talk about what her resources are if she feels unsafe or needs to tell someone. I laid the groundwork that she did the right thing to speak up and tell an adult if someone is hurting her, no matter who that person is. (her father will end up hurting her because that is who he is. Or what if he married a mean stepmom.) I want her to know that she has options and a community around her besides just her father and his parents.
What happens when the child (14 at rupture and divorce) is now an adult nearly 22 has ghosted the target parent since the 21st birthday? Are THEY the narcissist as is the favorite parent? What happens if the child-now-adult presents exactly as cruel and hateful as the favoured parent? What strategy then?
Your channel has given me hope!!! I’ve coparented with my son’s father for 12 years. When he started dating a woman with financial resources, little by little my son stopped coming home at all. A year has passed and over the last month, my son doesn’t speak to me at all! His dad barely will respond back to me but when I ask him to have my son call me or if we can go shopping or can I pick him up, etc. All I get is “he says he doesn’t want to.” I show up to every baseball tournament, drop off surprise chick fil a at his school, leave gifts on the porch. I’m a ghost. All I want is for his dad to agree to reunification therapy but he won’t respond - why? Because that’s what they wanted all along! To erase me and make girlfriend new mom. It’s heartbreaking!!!
Same boat and mu daughters 6yo and she's the only family I have left sometimes I want to give up and drown. But trying to show her and myself that I won't give up on her or myself. And that I'll always be there for her .... sometimes doesn't seem to be enough but it keeps me getting up everyday and fighting the sobering bs along the way.
@@laurencochran2201 I am in the same situation. Haven't seen my kid because of parental alienation for years. It is very tough. I felt suicidal when it first happened. But you need to forget about your kid ultimately, and focus on your future. I am not bothered by it all anymore, and actually find the whole situation a little bit amusing now. I realise the child is a complete idiot for rejecting me, so who cares. Yes, keep sending the cards and attending the courts etc. Don't give up, because giving up is what the alienating parents wants you to do. But at the same time, ultimately focus on your own happiness, because that is the only thing you can control in this situation . Be happy. Don't allow this nonsense to ruin your life. Your life is worth so much more.
Hi Lindsey, the alienator is almost always very resistant to therapy because they crave control and want to eliminate everyone from your son's life. Good news is that the alienation is quite recent. One of our clients was alienated for almost 50 years and now has her son in her life, so there is a lot we can work with for you. We're happy to review your situation if you're looking for help. I'll post the link here to apply to work with us if interested. form.jotform.com/coachryanthomas/application
@@laurencochran2201 So sorry to hear of what you're going through. Do not give up. I am telling you there is always hope. We have worked with parents who have young children like you do to kids who have grown up and have their own children. Deep down, children need and want both of their parents.
My daughter wasn't alienated... but her mother sure tried. There were long periods when we didn't see each other... but she was always thrilled to see me. She always defended me despite the harm. I thought it would never happen, but at 21 yo and 14 years since I was first arrested (on groundless allegations) she is starting to ask questions. At least in my case, the important part is to be sensitive to what she can handle. Only offer what she asks for, and you are so right, it is hard "not to let the dogs out." She has spent a lifetime caregiving her mother... I try to preserve her from caregiving her father too. Mostly, I try to make sure she knows how deeply I love and respect her. The advice on "grey" is so ideal. The child needs to make her own conclusions. The child needs to be trusted.
As badly as I want my daughter to understand the truth, or to know the truth. I can't do that to her. She loves her grandma and she's her comfort person and I just can't find it in myself to disrupt the image she has of her grandma. The last thing in Bellas best interest is for me to come to her with facts only to cause her to question virtually everything and everyone afterwards. The truth prevails. It's hard watching my daughter doubt me and letting her grandmother lie to her and make me out to be the liar and instill in Bella that I don't want her or miss her all while grandma is the liar and she's the one in the wrong. And she knows it. But my daughters been through enough already. Besides, she's 8. She isn't going to understand and I don't want to cause any more confusion for her whatsoever. But when I text and try to talk to my daughter or see her or anything at all, I get radio silence. For 2 weeks in between the 2 hours her grandma let's me be involved in their lives, the 2 weeks I'm between I get nothing. So when Bella comes to me and calls me a liar and rolls her eyes, all I can do is sit there and tell her I've tried and that I do love her and miss her. I can't force her grandmother to come to her senses before she does real psychological harm to Bella. All I can do is bend and jump until I find a lawyer. But how do we as alienated parents, hold it together when we aren't allowed pics with our kids? Or allowed to know about their schools or doctors or dreams and nightmares? I won't be the one who delivers the truth to Bella. Unfortunately she'll have to see that on her own in time. It's just so sad.
Nah, u messing up. Would u want someone to hold the key to your happiness and normal mental and emotional development to let u go on in life n possibly end up scarred n screwed for life??
@@heredij215 if I was almost 9yo I wouldn't want to be anymore confused then I already am. I would want to feel stable and secure in everything I could until I was old enough to comprehend and see for myself. Who I am to be an adult, her mother, and tell her almost everything she's been led to believe by her grandma is false? When she still lives there. Who am I to disrupt her homelife and sense of stability and her emotional understanding? Does she deserve the truth ? Absolutely. Am I prepared to give it to her? Absolutely. When the time comes to do so. When I can deliver her the facts in a way it doesn't hurt her image of her gma. Her gma is wrong in every single way for keeping us apart the way she does. For lying to her over and over again and instilling a sense of being unwanted in my daughter. She will answer for herself. She can be the one to tell and explain to Bella that everything was a lie and she was scared or hurt or whatever her reason is to do what she's done and is doing to us still. Telling Bella the truth rn isn't in her best interest. She doesn't need to feel conflicted anymore than she already is. I'm not withholding the key to her happiness by choosing not to distort her reality. I'm leading by example. Like her gma should be doing. When this gets brought in front of a judge, all will be set right.
@@ladyixchel I’m speaking as that 9 yr old who went thru that & wanted someone to stand up for me, to save me, help me out n no one ever came. I’m 35 n it’s being done to my 5 yr old n soon to be 9 yr old n I stand up for them every single time n they love and appreciate me for it cuz they know sumn ain’t right n dad ain’t letting nobody screw them over if he can help it cuz dad always rides for his kids. But guess what?? Nobody still is putting an end to the bs cuz the majority of ppl r weak n selfish. They won’t ride for their own seed they created. Instead they’ll watch them become jacked up when they coulda, at the very least, done the most to try to prevent the trauma from taking over
@@heredij215 oh I see what you're saying. Well I must definitely am sticking up for her and doing my best to come in and save her. Every effort I make is to try and prevent generational trauma from impacting her to the best of my abilities. Unlike my mom who didn't stand up for herself or for me and my brother. She was sick. We were kids. But I stood up for myself. I wanted to end the toxicity in any way possible. Keep it from spreading to my kids. I was successful in that. I put my step dad in prison for 15 years, where he passed away. Where he was kept away from harming anyone ever again. Like my mom should've done from the jump. So what do I do while the time passes and I wait for a reasonably priced lawyer and I'm being alienated from my daughter who is now experiencing All this shit she shouldn't have to experience, who I haven't talked to in 4 months? All I can do to show her I care and I'm here for her and haven't given up, is write to her everyday. I let her know everything. All of my thoughts plans actions. So that when I finally can come through and give them to her, she can read for herself that I haven't given up. I hope it can help her like you have your kids. All the things I've done during separation is to build myself up better so that I'm the best me she can get when it's all said and done. If there's anything I can do to keep the generational trauma from spreading, I wanna do it. It takes 2 though. One would think her gma would want what's best for her granddaughter. She studies psychology for fuck sake. 🙄🤦♀️😓yet she's doing this to Bella anyway. For the time being, my hands are tied. But once I get them loose, it's over rover. My mom could've spared my brother and I lifetimes worth of abuse and trauma, had she of had the resources we have today for mental health and had she of been confident in her resilience like we were growing up, maybe she wouldn't have taken her own life for whatever reason. I refuse for all of every moment of every day I spend without my kids, to be in vain. They most definitely deserve someone in their corner. 100% your kids are lucky to have you. 🤍
My husband finally told his daughter what happened to him after 18 years of her treating him as if he's dead. She still wants nothing to do with him. His fear is that she is repeating her mother's patterns of lies and infidelity and narcissism. Now his only question is , does she get mentioned in his obituary or ignored? He tried EVERYTHING , said all the encouraging loving words. He has prayed that she would see the truth and speak to him just one time before he dies, but has scant hope that she will. He has not seen her for 23 years. She is now 37.
Children of narcissists can turn into narcissists themselves, especially if they're the favoured child or golden child and have traits such as lacking empathy for others. It's literally a cycle that repeats through generations. The obituary question is a difficult one, even though he would want to show his love for his lost daughter, mentioning an alientated child is like mentioning a tragedy that occurred in their lifetime rather than remembering the person for the good that they did. If it's just a case of listing her name "loving father of x, y and z" then it seems appropriate to include it, this could be followed by his non-alienated children (if any) expressing that they will miss their much loved father (as the people writing the obituary) but omitting her name from that list, because of course, she was not involved in writing the obituary.
I’ve requested to my husband not to mention my former children in my obituary. They haven’t wanted anything to do with me for 25 years, so why give them the pleasure of thinking that I considered them to be my family members after the way they had treated my and my family (who had nothing to do with whatever turned their dad into the hideous manipulative monster that he became)?
I loved your video , very true ,so many people and children , are getting hurt ,in this situation ,but there's no help out there , there should be some help , thank you for this video please , make more videos like this God 🙏 bless you all
I have been alienated for closer to three years now my children and constantly reject me they believe I have no say in their lives and I am told of that I am lucky to even get time to spend with them. Unfortunately, I cannot afford returning because I’ve already exhausted all savings and money and unfortunately we are in the most corrupt county in Illinois, cook county
This has been a very empathizing video for targeted parents... However... All it tells me is what not to say... I don't have any answers. What do I say!?!
Very accurate diagnosis, but the prescription will ONLY work if you(or someone of good faith) has some level of access to the child. How about attacking the injustice via equal shared parenting legislation which would be a quantum leap forward in de-targeting children???
Hello Ryan, thank you for your helpful videos and advise on how to find ways to connect with alienated children. Unfortunately, my BF has been the alienated parent for the past 6 years. He has 3 minor children with his co-parent & they’ve Been officially divorced a year now. We had our hopes for the time sharing, visitation, and communication with the children to be more frequent, more accessible & easier as time went on, but it’s been actually getting worst. He was diagnosed with an auto immune disease 10 months ago (still not under control); and he does not have any communication with his children on a regular basis. They used to wait until 3 - 4 am to call him and speak to him freely after their mom was sleeping, but all of that stopped. He tried reaching out to his co-parent with no luck. He tried to speak to his co-parent about his deteriorating health yet she declined wanting to talk about it. He was forced to change the frequency of his time sharing with the children due to his health yet he leaned on phone calls and text messages for a couple of months. Now, his reality is that no matter the time calls, texts or tries a video call, the kids NEVER pick up his calls. Very seldom he gets a reply on a text days after (if he is lucky). He believes his co-parent blocking his calls and text messages so the children don’t hear from their father as she has done in the past. The court ordered the family to communicate using a parenting app because of previous history of the children and their mother going “Ghost” for months, moving houses frequently, changing schools and phone numbers and because the mother can be verbally abusive towards my BF. He’s been forced to call the police and do a well being check on his children and even after doing so, he has not been contacted by the children. He had to go to the mothers’s house with a witness to see what is going on with the children and he was only allowed to see them for less than 20 mins. They seemed nervous not comfortable. They did not say much about school, vacation plans, upcoming birthdays. It’s not easy for him to be faced with the reality of the lack of communication with his children. He is now dealing with major depression on top of his thyroid disease and we really do not know how we should handle things from here. He is a fighter and he will never stop trying to be back in his Childrens’s lives but we could really use some guidance & advise from you. Thank you & God Bless
Hi Dei, I appreciate you sharing your situation here. What I'd recommend is filling out an application to tell us more about your situation, so we can review it in depth and determine if this is something can help you with. Go to this link, and you'll see a button further down to "Apply to GTB." Click on that and you'll be guided through a few questions. It will probably take about 10-15 minutes at most to complete.
I can almost guarantee you that your BF autoimmune disease is caused by the trauma sustained from his ex's PA abuse, as well as her toxic energy. Nandecsent colloidal Iodine helps with thyroid issues. My advice, your BF needs to back off from engaging with his ex. You need to give him a lot of support. He has to give himself the chance to heal otherwise he will get more sick. This is a long battle that can take many years to win. So let's say a PA battle is like 12 round boxing match. Right now it looks like he is in round three.
Have a 6 yo son as well and ex had him FaceTime me happy birthday and told me it was the right thing to do but does not apply that with my 15 yo daughter who is the only daughter left in home now…
My daughter and I cant make up; she is turned into a vindictive evil doer, just like her Stepmother. Zero empathy (for anyone) and seems to have the Dark Tetrad features of malignant narcissism. She punishes me with ZEAL over how I slurped my soup! My son turned out just like his father and allowed me to be attacked with minutiae for years. No chance of discussion for me, they accuse me of the narratives they were taught. I admit to crying, begging, groveling for forgiveness of whatever they wanted, and I was dismissed over and over. Dad all GREAT, Mom all BAD. It nearly destroyed me, I was suicidal for almost 2 years, every single day! It took 30 ECT (shock) treatments to save my life. Crisis makes you grow, my own studying to figure out how bad a "narcissistic mother with borderline personality" opened my eyes to who had issues. Dr. Amy Baker and Dr. Craig Childress' explanations gave me great comfort only two weeks ago. I have developed the sensitivity that I can't fix this. I've moved on, accept the child I built has been ruined socially and mentally, no matter the courts trying to get help, we were always to be doomed.
I feel like I could have written this! I have gone through and experienced the same pain and realization over the last 10 years. I also am not very aware that my ex-husband had been doing the pre alienation work with our 3 kids even before we divorced. He was alienated from his mom by his dad and was always jealous that our kids had me, a mom there to love them. I wish I had known about alienation before I left. I would still have my kids love and they could have mine. We really do have to focus on ourselves, now. It feels selfish, but we have love to share with the world, even through this pain. I'm so sorry and 100% believe and understand your feels.
It is absolutely true that as a parent you must use critical thinking to solve this problem your child is being manipulated to extremes and they will act in a cult way if you don't let them analyze the problems being posed by the alienator. offer alternative views and let the child resolve them offer truth and rationality but without direct attachment to you let them discover the truth and respond to questions they have mindfully. this can only apply if you have contact you must think and act outside the box explore life with your children and show the world in a different light than the alienators. show them your nothing like the alienator's view of you by not reacting to the harsh things they may say to you but questioning what they are saying simply and calmly as an alienated parent and someone still in the process, i have forced my way in through courts and persistence and this takes a toll on you physically and mentally as I'm sure everyone here knows, the rabbit hole is when you feel you are the problem and you almost feel that you are becoming the alienator for me i think it is because i spend far too. much time in the moment and trying to understand the alienator lets not forget they are projecting themselves onto you by deflecting their truth of themselves and this is usually done by gaslighting and the use of the family courts. if you are dealing with this and you have any contact with your child, children keep going even though your battle is a battle with society and an unpunished crime your fight is a just one but it is also a fight with yourself the only truth i can offer you is don't let go of yourself remember why you are fighting as this is the clearest indicator of who you are and that is a decent human who understands right from wrong but most of all someone capable of loving someone else something the alienator does not understand but desperately wants to know how to mimic. As a parent, you must remember that children are victims of this crime and they have no voice you are their voice the family courts the police, and society are trying to drown you out because they can not comprehend the truth those of you who have managed to expose this crime keep going as those of us who for whatever reason have lost contact need more voices to be heard to help those who were not heard. This crime causes people to commit suicide because society fails the true parents faced with leaving their children in the care of people with mental problems. RyanThomasSpeaks have you any videos on this with victims of this crime?
Sometimes I think the best thing as an alienated parent, is to protect yourself. Yes, absolutely keep going through the motions, keep sending the cards (which the kid won't get anyway) and keep attending the court hearings. But I think the most important thing, is to focus on not really caring about the child in the end. You have to put your mental and physical health for yourself first. It is far more important that YOU are happy. Sod the alienated kid. The key to survival and happiness in the world is to be an ice cold, hard person. If the child wants to reject you, so be it. Learn to love yourself and to be happy, because you cannot control the child's actions, or those of the alienating parent. Most of these alienated kids who reject their parents are idiots from what I have seen, and aren't deserving of a good parent.
I have adult children. My youngest had started to show signs of alienation in his college years. I didn't know what it was at the time. As he's gotten older (he's 34 now) it got worse. It really escalated around his 8/2016 wedding 10 months after his father passed away at 58. I got a light-bulb moment when he wanted his stepmother and his half sisters to sit in the front row as his mother. He told me "you divorced my father; you don't deserve to be my mother at my wedding." This is the stepmother that had a two year affair with their dad which started when they were 1 and 3. His father and I divorced when they were 3 and 6. The stepmother, their dad and dad's family have been the alienators. Now, I'm realizing my mother has joined in in the last few years. I was getting counseling at the time and was counseled to tell the truth about the affair at this point. That's resulted in total alienation from both boys since 2016. I keep sending gifts, cards etc. but my youngest won't communicate and my oldest one has had some communication. Help!
Hi Deb, I appreciate you sharing your situation here, and I think this is something we can help you with. If you go to this page, you'll learn how to work with us, and there will be a button at the bottom to apply. Just answer the questions in it and tell us about your situation, then we'll review it and determine what our plan would be for you. ryanthomasspeaks.com/work-with-ryan-thomas/
Hi, I need some help with this. No one will help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve lost both my children. I’m dying of a broken heart. I am not a bad person.
Alienators dont think of their Children and the damage, hurt and pain their behaviors cause. All that matters is that they hurt the Targeted Parent. I'll never understand how someone can do that to their Children and the Human that made the Children with them. I went thru it 15 years ago with my first exwife. Our Children are now 23 and 21.All the lies, games and falsehoods they were told about me 😥. I've tried to rebuild those bonds we once had. My 2 Sons know everything now. To no avail, the damage has already been done. They don't always come back... It is with a heavy heart writing this. I am now going thru it all over again with my 2nd exwife and our 3 Children together. My 2nd exwife witnessed how my 1st exwives behaviors ruined me. The damage, hurt and pain she caused.... My 2nd exwife is doing the same things as my 1st exwife. It's like She stole her playbook of pain. I havent seen or talked with my 3 Children in 2 months now. I still show up for every pick up, just to be denied. I reach out and text to just be ignored.... Before this I was very involved with our Children. Never missed Parenting Time. Involved with their Schooling and Sports.My 12 year old Son was calling me everyday, keeping me on the phone for 3 - 4 hours most times. The last time I heard his voice was on my voicemail 2 months ago. It was a 3 minute message of him crying. At the end he said, "my dad hates me. My dad hates me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.".... My poor little boy 😥 😭
yes, of course it is. This is tantamount to kidnapping and children should absolutely know when they are being manipulated/abused. How is this even an argument?
What do you suggest parents do when kids idolise a parent who has left who refuses to pay child support, told the judge they wanted to legally abandon their kids dissolving all parental rights and never calls or visits? My mother had that to deal with so she told us all these things as they happened and you could call that parental alienation, except our Dad had already alienated himself!😮
Parents who go through divorce should be required by law to attend a class on Parental Alienation. Most of all assets are divided but not the children who are loved by both parents which is totally unfair to Father's who are mostly going to have some part-time access to them which the alienator has lot's of time to warp their minds. Judge's shrug off any alienation complaints when brought forward at the beginning which allows the alienator to increase their efforts. The system needs to be amended for Father's to have equal rights which will reduce violence against women and improve divorce children mental health. Children best Interest is to be loved by both parents and relatives.
Just feel I should point out that parental alienation can occur in marriages too. A class isn't going to fix anything, because in most cases the alienator has a personality disorder. They will do what they want to do regardless of whether or not they know what PAS is and the terrrible impact it will have on their children. People should think more carefully before having children and be sure they know the person they will be having children with.
Its so hard! And if i ever try to talk about it with anyone they always say “just take them to court”. And then i gotta explain to them that i already did that and they dont abide by the court ordered visitation and the court does not care!
It's very hard to see your children after an Ex-partee order is served on the Alienated parent. I was never allowed to make contact or the Police would be involved. Years later when the money tree was cut down finally one son shows up for yes you know $$$$$. He was Angry, Mad, Upset, at life and I asked him why. He said things aren't going right in his life and all his siblings are suffering Depression and Mental illnesses now. All the questions he asked were all Lies, he told me were all wrong and even things about me that I never knew. He is so twisted and can't even tell his siblings that he met Dad as they all have guilt from what they did to their own Father before and during the separation. I told him I'm there for him if needed.
My counselor wants me to search how I might have wronged my children. Her assumption is that I must have done something wrong ,voluntarily or not, for them to estrange me.
I think I grasp the points that you are trying to get across. I also understand that 'one size doesn't easily fit all'. However (and I mean no offence here at all) Americans do seem to over-complicate and over-verbalise the English Language. Clearly it is a very difficult subject but I almost wish this could be explained as dot points. So, the question: Should you tell your child the truth? The answer is in fact 'No', not 'Yes' as you suggest in your summary. You should just let them work out the facts themselves by your actions. Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate your efforts to tackle and explain this very thorny issue that is only lately being addressed.
@@ryanthomasspeaks Fully understand and many thanks for your efforts. It is a complex and sensitive issue which clearly requires attention. As a lay person, trying to grasp the issues raised is difficult.
Im so frustrated my 18 yr old is so controlled that if I said it was sunny outside and she said it was snowing he would spend 5 minutes bundling up before looking outside. and shes the liar..
Last year I was diagnosed with CML (a form of leukemia) and even then they had no compassion empathy support.. they were like sorry you have it… but good luck we still are not talking
I don't show my children anything that their father has said to me but he's terrible for it. He even sends them a copy of a txt of our argument but mainly just what I have said. Right now both my boys are being brainwashed by their father.
It is not possible to win against psychopaths… they never give up and do not care about the harm they do to their children providing they can punish their ex. Many people rightly walk away to give the child peace. Parental conflict causes more harm to a child than separation.
I agree. I had to choose either walk away or continue the chaos. I gave my kids peace. They then accused me of abandonment.I explained it all to them but they hate my guts. Their dad told me when we got divorced that he would make sure I never ever saw them again and that they would hate me. He did a great job. He will stand before God for his sins.
It's not just about punishing an ex, sometimes it's driven by pure narcissism (they want their child to revere them and never challenge them, because narcissists see children as extensions of themselves not as people who might think differently) so they seek to get rid of external influences who might encourage the child to think independently. I speak as an aunt who is being alienated from her niece.
@@reignfoliath5022 Yep, because when you walked away, the alienator's narrative changed to "if she loved you, she wouldn't have walked away". I fully understand your desire to want your kids to have "conflict-free" peace. I hope that they realise this, eventually.
I am alone and isolated. It's been 20 years. Now my child lost her 8-year-old child. Everyone around her is telling her I don't accept her. She appears to have self-hate issues. She has been told things about me I have never done, like condemning her. They have taught her to how to treat me. She does not want me at all. I try messenger on FB, she doesn't do messenger. I talk to her on phone and she doesn't want me around her and will not tell me why. I try the phone again when her child dies and there is no communication, just short forced answers. She curses at me in a letter through mail when I had to let her go from a job she would not work. Narcissistic siblings of mine helped our mother alienate our dad. Our mother and a particularly angry sibling toward our dad are dead from premature death. They are repeating the cycle again. It's gone on 5 generations now that I know. I don't see an end to it for her.
I first want to let it be known that - i understand that I may never understand the true depths of these terrible emotions that come with going through something like this. I apologize if maybe this isn't the right outlet for me to engage with in hopes of finding some kind of way to help with this - but I don't know where else to turn & finding & watching this video has me lost for words because I have never found or heard anyone who has spoken on this matter in such a way that I know they have gone through this themselves - or like in my situation - loves someone who is going through this & the kids who are at the expense of a mother scorned over faults that have never & will never be theirs to carry. but they are made to do so anyway. my fiance has been going through this for the entirety of my time knowing him. we have been together for 4.5 years. it breaks my heart. sometimes I get angry when it's hard for me to understand why he wouldn't do whatever possible to fight for his kids.... but then again, I have never been in his shoes. I can't speak on things I wasn't here to witness myself. but I see the trauma their mother puts them through. she pushishes them if they were to ever tell me that they love me. she texts my fiances phone from his daughters phone pretending to be here & telling him how terrible of a father he is & he's useless & does nothing for her & how she doesn't want a relationship with him because he's a let down. I traced the IP adrress back to their mothers phone. she has the parental control app which enables her to take control of her daughters phone at any time & the app creates a remote version of her phone & so she's able to literally control it as if she had it in her hands. the IP address went to her mother's device. we knew those texts were always her but it's sickening why she wants to destroy the relationships those kids have with him. when I first met him, they adored him. he doted on them. they loved me & said how happy they were that I was around. I have never stopped fighting for them. their childhood is sadly much like my own. she lies to them & tells them we don't care about them. last March I went into full respiratory failure & was on life support for week due to an asthma attack. it unfortunately happened to occur the day before his son's birthday. I was so excited for his birthday. we both were. we had the gift hed been asking for for over a year. she told them we lied about me being in the hospital. that I wasn't there. that we just said that to skip his birthday. she decided she's going to move again for the 6th time. she decided again for the 6th time that she isn't going to inform my fiance about anything. she & her new husband & her 3 new babies with him sold their house - they bought another house 4 hours away. she's already unenrolled thr kids from their schools. she enrolled his son in the school at the new house. his daughter is being home schooled because his ex "needs help caring for the kids" they have not been in the same school for more than one year since they divorced. the kids can not develop & nurture healthy friendships. his daughter is abusing substances. her mother is encouraging her to have boyfriends. she's 14. she is being suspended from school on regular basis' for fighting. his son who is 10 leaves thr house til 10 pm without telling anyone where he is going (at her house) & is often brought home by the police for fighting. she refuses to allow us to have the kids at our home - the home that they grew up in. my fiance had a DUI (no kids in the car. no substances - it was his prescription medicine & she called the cops on him that day.) & spent about a month in jail. she filed an emergency petition to strip him of his rights. she wasn't successful however he was ordered supervised visits. she has primary physical. they share legal. but she has him banned as a safety threat from all of their school and medical records. both kids were truant this & last year. 96 days they missed. she beats him down & demands he leaves me if he wants to see his kids. I don't know what else to do. he doesn't believe in himself. his kids need him. but how can I get him to realize that he is the loving parent? im lost here. it is illegal for her to move them without at least 60 days notice certified mail & notifying the court in due process. she has done none of this. what can I do im so lost. I want to help. but how can I. he doesn't believe in himself. he doesn't want to traumatize the kids. but what they're going thru is worse. idk what to do. this breaks me. sorry for the novel. lex
It’s hard because I should have had a house 3 houses after leaving my x - I was married to in the first house. I took nothing . Now and I was main parent always I’m living in a house of his moms. She wants me here but I feel like there is so much more at steak when they are all alienating me with her. She’s all that matters to me. Always has been. Now she’s 40 and I’m retired. Now is such a bad time for me - she’s 40 and she just started doing this to me and she’s a Therapist. Feeling very much hurt. I just want the same access to my grandchild that she gives my x.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. So much useful information and your compassionate nature allowed me see things from a different perspective. A better, less defensive one. Grateful for this video.
It took years for me to start seeing what was really going on and the damage had been done. The more I pushed the truth, the more it made things worse. At that point, both my girls suffered depression, anxiety, low self-esteem etc.... For them to truly understand the scope of it, the guilt for their part would be too much. I didn't see that until this summer when I read my 21 year old daughter's journal after she died from an overdose. She could never be okay. She believed I didn't care about her and all her friend's mom's were at home. I gave her evidence that her dad had lied to her and she refused to look at it. Anxiety started at 12 for her and she needed security. She hated herself for some of the things she said and did to me. All I can say, if your child starts treating you very differently where you had a good relationship prior, tell your attorney, judge, school counselor.... Anyone who will hear what you are saying and do it ASAP to minimize the damage to your children.
This has happened to me...word for word. Except she's still alive. Everyone tells me "love will find a way" and that's it. I know what she's going through and I feel like there's a wall I can't pass to save her. I don't know what to do. She stopped communicating at 19. She still lives with her Dad. She just turned 20. I need help
@@eyesopentotruth oh Lord... I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I sent multiple emails to my ex on how much harm he was causing our daughters in his vendetta against me. There's a number of parents who haven't talked to their children in over 20 years or more..., so Love does not always find a way. When I put myself in my children's shoes, expecting them to see the truth, it became clear how much more guilt and shame they would feel for seeing their part in the situation. It's self-preservation for them not to see the truth. PA is so wrong, it is a form of child abuse, and yet there are no laws against it in most States. It is completely unfair to the alienated parent and the children involved. I suppose, I would try to find someone online you can get to help you with reuniting with your child. There truly is something wrong with anyone who can't see past his/her own needs and knowingly continues that kind of behavior. 3 years, my daughter didn't speak to me, and she developed a bad addiction to drugs. She called me from jail one day and I found her a rehab. She went 13 months sober and learned to take responsibility for her actions. In doing that, she developed more shame and guilt for her treatment towards me. A couple things happened and she relapsed. She never made it back to her apartment and she died alone in her car. I read her journals and I went through her phone and I'm heartbroken at the level of pain she carried. I'm broken now after the death of my daughter and certainly shouldn't be giving any advice. When I realized that my fighting for them also contributed to their pain, I was blown away. For that reason, I firmly believe you shouldn't give up, but I think you should seek help in your approach to make sure your your child sees it from a loving aspect. You will be in my prayers and I'm rooting for your success.
My daughter is 35 years old her father and I have been divorced for 25 and she still defends her father even though her father doesn't talk to her anymore to her anymore she never tells me that she loves me ever
Wow. This is so very helpful- u helped me see more clearly about what has gone on. I have been aware somehow that there has been trash talking but I seriously didn't see the toxicity of this and actually blamed myself and took so much personally and couldn't imagine what I done so horrible! You have helped me put things into perspective and see more clearly. Opened my eyes to see ..thank you! I just found this this morning and just wow I have a feeling of hope now!
My now deceased husband was on the receiving end of a horrible campaign of parental alienation by the mother of his children. He had immense presence of mind and was always careful NOT to try to fight to get his perspective across to the children, as he saw that that would put a lot of stress on them and get them caught up in the middle of a conflict. He always just focused upon having a nice time with them, trying to establish some calm, and normal experiences for them. In the end, he was pushed out and didn't see them for the final six years of his life. He was waiting patiently for them to mature and come back to him. Now they will never be able to do that, as he passed away last year. Now that he isn't there for them to return to and feel his hugs and rebuild their relationship, I wonder what will happen to them. Nobody seems particularly concerned about them.
I am in the same place your husband was... Hurting...waiting... for my daughter to want to talk... 2 and half years now... I moved on after being to court 28 times of defending against false accusations and winning every time. Sorry for your loss... I stay away just so she can have peace.
@@jeremymichaels5959 So sorry to hear what you and your daughter have been put through. I saw on another video that children have to feel 'safe' that they won't attacked and punished by the alienator in order to open up. They are under a reign of silent terror! I hope she comes back to you soon.
Thank you soo much. It is very painful to understand the abuse my children are exposed to, and being helpless. After listening to you I am more confident that my intuition is the more appropriate approach , to support my children to deal with the trauma instead of unloading the truth onto them.
In the video, thank you for the affirmation of being a strong warrior on the right track. My mind has been abused immensely with a constant pressure leading to self-doubt. There is almost no possibility of other people to understand the extra toll we have to bear if they are not familiar with narcissism... So all in all it gets really frustrating over time. Again, I consider my personality to have a solid core that was tested heavily even before meeting my narc partner and having kids with her. But the 'game/war's is so heavy that even this seemingly unimportant affirmation means the world to me at the moment (we are trying to reach an agreement over our 2 small kids. Guess what folks, so far no success. Surprisingly :) Words and actions never correspond and they never will) May the force be with us!
@ryanthomas I have been following you for more than a decade on this topic. The real question if for parents like myself. When communication has been severed by the courts and perpetuated through the lies of the alienating parent, where do you start with the process of reconciliation with your child/children? I was divorced/separated in 2009 when my children ranged from 6-11 years of age during the downturn of the market. As a result my ex skipped town moving from Florida (our home state) to the Chicago Suburbs 1,200 miles away. She took advantage of the courts changing vacancy leaving the judge on our case to vacate his position for 8 months until a new judge was brought in. The new judge did not make her return but gave me monthly visitation with no overnights provided I traveled to Chicago at my expense to see my kids on top of paying out 45% of my income at the time. Due to her refusal to comply with the court order and the State of Illinois refusing to enforce the order, I was stuck seeing my kids only twice that first year then got hit with a second allegation of domestic abuse. She alleged that me requiring her to comply with the court order was threatening and abusive, which the judge said that it did not constitute to domestic violence but because she claimed it was threatening, Illinois law has a protection clause that states that if an individual claims to be threatened or afraid that a judge must constitute their claim as domestic violence for the protection of the claimant. From 2009-2014 I was dragged into court more than 100 times before 5 different judges in two separate states. At the time, Florida law for Child Support was based on the amount of time held by one parent over the other beyond 50% and the greater the share of care by one parent the greater the share of support is required by the other. At the time of the divorce I was paying 80% of the care of my four children and her goal was to get 100% of the child support from me. The only way she would obtain that was to obtain 100% of the care of the children and bar me from contact with them. Illinois did not have this calculation as theirs was different at the time. Her goal was to get another state to deem me unfit to have parental rights so she would go back to Florida and use Illinois's order to rectify the child support. Two months before she convinced a judge to revoke my parental rights, Florida changed their laws on child support. All the while in those five plus years she built a narrative of negative connotation of me with my children cutting down my character both with them as well as public defamation with many places in the Illinois area. As a result of her words and actions, my children who now range from 19-24 years old despise me and want nothing to do with me. So it comes back to the question, how do you establish a relationship with your children after it has been so damaged because of the actions of an alienating parent, reckless courts and other adults falsely cutting your character with so much time and erosion that has gone on over the years and decades? Please understand that this was very painful and almost feels unforgivable when my children refused to call their last surviving grandfather before he passed this past October even though my ex-wife called to talk to my dad before he took his last breath. Please let me know your thoughts on this as I know this is a question I wonder but also asked frequently. I do know Ryan that you had to have this personal journey with your dad much the same way.
Hi Chris, I appreciate you sharing your situation here. It is a process. Alienation is like a wall between you and your children, so our process is about creating cracks in those walls, slowly and steadily, so your children can see the truth. It's like what we talked about in the video "working in the grey area." I would check out my free training where I break down how to deconstruct the negative programming. Here's the link: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1 That will be a good starting point for us.
Sit down and put Mrs Doubtfire the movie on. And see if the penny drops. A father who loved his children looked after them, mom wants a divorce kicks father out, he despite owning the house has to start over rent get new furniture and is alienated from his children. Having to fight for access to them whilst she gets a new fella, derogatory disregards the father from his time on Saturday's when she picks them up early complains about the food he's feeding them etc right down to the minimal things. I mean during lockdown I even considered buying a Mrs Doubtfire costume 😂.
Listen to the advice for early intervention. This happened to me years before my divorce, and it was made clear if I divorced I would lose my kids all together. Back then nobody knew what alienation was and I knew I would lose custody and the kids would live with their abuser. So I waited, now they are grown, and I have no family. There was nothing I could do to prevent it even once I figured it out. The joke is on them because he’s an alcoholic psychopath.
I think i might off lost myself today! I had an arguement with my 9 year old daughters mother via email, in these emails where some harsh things being said from both sides, she's telling me that she hopes i die, i'm telling her that she is a unfit mother and manipulates our daughter. Then my 9 year old daughter calls me to tell me that she (my 9 year old) will not accept me bashing her mother like that and you are making me being rude to you. The mother lets the child read all thats being said in the email. I was shocked the way she talked to me for the first time. And realised this is a bad thing happening here. So i told my daughter that i will withdraw myself from this situation, because i dont tolorate this kind of disrespect, i never talked to my daughter like that, nor have i ever talked bad about her mother infront of her, so she wont be seeing me for a couple of weeks.... i had her every other weekend and one day during the week, but i had to fight hard for that... but it suprised me and it made me sad, to see my daughters reaction and the way she talked to me. So i decided to withdraw myself for my own sanity, mind you i've been dealing with this woman for 9 years, she's been sabotaging our bond for 9 years and i'm just sick and tired of it, i just can't see myself going at it for 9 more years plus now she really wants to turn our daughter against me. Watching this video i might of reacted wrong, but i didn't know what to do, beacause i want to tell her the truth so bad and show her all the evidence, court evidence... But you guys said an important thing and that is: NOT to tell the truth but instead show/be the truth!!! I really dont know how this will continue from this day on....
Oh my goodness. I'm already at 24 minutes into the video and there is stiil no clear answer to the question they posed in this video. Oh my. All the psychology mambo jambo, for lack of a better word. Im sorry. The oarents need help now. Not 6 months or a year AFTER they have fully examined themselves. There's urgency to that situation.
Good thoughts, but how annoying that this wonderful woman "Jen" isn't promoted at all. It's all about Ryan teasing us to get you to pay for his course. Has Jen written anything,? Where is the link to this more articulate and helpful contributor? I don't think we even got her last name!? Lady - step up please - you are so clever and obviously more qualified than Ryan. I for one would much rather hear more, and read more from you.
There is NOT a fee team of people for us. We can watch UA-cam videos and see that others are suffering but we all know only expert testimony of a PAS expert and fighting with money we don’t have (in my case that he does) has a chance of your “win.” But then they might do it again anyways. It’s humiliating after you did all the real loving and nurturing. And it’s exhausting for my younger child who he’s ready to pounce on too. Sick ppl.
Does anybody know where I can find some statistics regarding reconciliation? I have tried to find some, but the closest I have got is "experts" sharing their experiences. I this case it looks like this: Only about 10% try to reconcile. Most often as adults, triggered by having their own children. Most of these fail. A doctor (psychologist) I spoke to said during his career (>25years) he has only run across a few cases where reconciliation actually worked, in the sense that the parent and the former child kept a relationship going. Most often, the child feels that there isn't any room in their life for a "new" parent and that the person who is their parent is merely a stranger. He said something in the line of "If they can't get any benefits like money or likewise, they rarely put in the work." meaning the child really has no emotional bond with the alienated parent. Now I'm looking for other statistics. Something more than "...a doctor said." Something to give me a clearer picture of the lay of the land.
Should I have told my adult daughter? If you don't want your grandchildren going through the same, it's imperative to try to get through to your resistant child. Yes, else it continues to the next generation. Guaranteed.
I've been alienated from my son (and his wife and my 2 grand daughters) for about 4 years now. My son paid an attorney to send me letters. The first was a CEASE AND DESIST to notify me that if I try to contact him or any family member any more, that he can sue me. The attorney said that since in California grandparents have no rights, that I will lose and be forced to pay all court costs. And so I stopped trying to reconnect with him. The second letter I got from the attorney was to threaten me with a restraining order. My son had confiscated 4 books that I had mailed to his mother-in-law for reading to the two girls. (I never put my name on them - my psychological counselor said that it was important for the girls to know eventually that I always loved them and did not abandon them.) My son gave those books to the attorney who sent a letter stating that I was about to be issued a restraining order for this. At this point, I never again want to see my son or his wife (who stands by his side.). I hope when the two granddaughters are adults, that they can come to see me and I can show them the legal threats from my son's attorney.
How can I have a serious sensitive conversation with my 3 year old girl regarding inappropriate things dad is/was doing with her. 50/50 custody at this time. Just want to have confirmation that she would tell me if it’s continuing or not. Her dad is very serious and stern with her about keeping this sexual secret between them.
My wife has completely turned my daughter against me. My daughter and I were very close until one day she told me she wished I was dead. My wife told her a bunch of things that weren't true and a bunch of mistakes I made in my past things that my daughter has no business knowing about but she went ahead and told her just to make her hate me. I've never felt so much pain in my life, and I still can't believe that someone would do this to my daughter and in essence to me. I'm just so lost.
Is there any help or info you can offer me? It's for a friend that lives in Poland and she is divorced and has two young boys. And need's Some kind of help. She having issues with that subject. Her ex is telling lies or making the problem harder for her with her boys. I don't know how the law works there so. Anything would be helpful.
The legal system and the parent perpetrating the alienating need to be held accountable for being complicit in child abuse. Especially if the parent being alienated is just as suitable for having custody.
THAT will never happen is 99.9% of cases. I just had an email exchange with a former guardian ad-litem to bring her up-to-date. She denies she made any mistakes and she has over 30 years of experience as an attorney therefore she is apparently correct 100% of the time. The judge also made all the typical mistakes in court. Attorneys and court will never admit they are wrong on these text book mistakes.
biased against men
The 50 billion $ divorce industry has come up with another way to get your money to fix the problems they created. It's a raquet.
@@heaven-is-real it's not just against men. They side with the abuser.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 WRONG, leftist satan worshipping commies want to destroy men marriages families god and our country because that is the commie plan of attack and leftist judges and lawyers are helping to do just that.
I wish i would have found you 20 years ago! Thank you. It's terrible the toll this sort of abuse can take on a person.
MY HEALTH HAS SUFFERED BECAUSE OF HIS EXTENDED ABUSE ON ME THRU HER HIS ONLY CHILD who is 27. Newly married.
Amen! So glad to see this. I started watching Ryan’s videos during the course of being alienated from my 16 year old daughter for seven years. A judge finally forced him to put her in therapy with me two years ago. From the day we were in the same room, we have talked everyday. It is amazing how aware she already was of what was going on, but it just took seeing it for herself to validate it on her mind. She has a lot of anger at her dad, and he still attempts to this day to alienate her from me. She wants to move to my house as soon as she is 17 and not have a relationship with her father. I hope she learns forgiveness, I am still trying. She deserves to be at peace. Please don’t give up if you are experiencing this. This video is spot on. I wanted to scream to anyone who would listen what he had done. Being defensive in court made me appear like the crazy person he was hoping I would be seen as. With alienation, many times you are dealing with an ex partner that is very narcissist. You can not play defense with these types, stay on offense. The best way for the child to know the truth is for them to see it. They will know the truth soon enough.
So happy to hear of the breakthrough with your daughter Denise!
@@ryanthomasspeaks Thabk you!!❤️❤️
I agree; however, I believe it is more difficult for fathers to reunite with their children whom they have been alienated from because the social norm is that mothers are more caring and fathers are not; therefore, children are more receptive to being reunified with their mothers.
@@ebwerksinc.2767 We have actually found this not to be the case. Children need both of their parent. Each parent provides something different. Just recently we helped a Dad reunite with his teenage son, who realized what was happening to him. I understand how you have these beliefs on a societal level, we just help parents creating a different reality.
@@ebwerksinc.2767 I am a mother who is just experience it but don't forget it's not always a father but also grandmother of the child or step mum might want to replace a mother. And child's father is doing it in order to please her.
Craziest part aside from the alienation itself is that the alienating parent has full liberty to lie and to brainwash and destroy the relationship between the children and the loving parent, but that the loving parent can't return with the truth and needs to just swallow the defeat and show over time (YEARS) that the lies they were told are in fact lies. Its literally like being in prison for something you didn't do and nobody will listen to reason. Ive experienced this for 7 years and as of 3 years ago my patience finally paid off. It still sucks bec in the eyes of the court none of it matters unless you can prove the alienation, which costs $20k hiring a forensic psychologist
It’s important to say the the alienating parents, sometimes, do what they do in a very subtle way. The child is being manipulated in a subtle way, not even aware of that. That’s what happened to me. I got divorced when my older child was 15 and he does not speak to me since he was 17…. He is now 31 and through the years trying to reach him in so many way were met with anger and now total silence to the fact that all channels had been blocked. 14 years and there is not one day that goes by that I do not think about it. My heart is still bleeding and always will be.
I hear you loud and clear. My ex was very covert in her manipulations of our daughter. A therapist I saw some years back told me that she (the ex) would never acknowledge that she planted false impressions of me in our daughter's young, vulnerable brain. Daughter is now 38 and I'm 77. I don't know if she will ever see things as they really are.
I dont think my daughter will see it, matter of fact she turned my son against me now
I have been absolutely devastated for the past 6 years. I thought once my daughter turned 18 that she would be able to see the truth but she has been thoroughly brain washed. I understood what her mother was doing and I could see that my daughter was being tortured with stress so I withdrew for her mental health. Every avenue I took including her school looked at me as some evil monster and I couldn't understand what was going on. It has me believing that I am a monster and I am starting to withdraw from every one and questioning what the point of life is if I have to endure this torture day after day.
I understand, I'm alienated now 13 yrs, she's 27 just married and my ex would not reply to my postal letter to have me at wedding I missed it all. Get this her husband works at my ex husband company way too close. Hope he gets different engineering job elese where. And before Christmas my ex dad passed away. So he only has one living parent as I do.
Lies are poison. It seems to be the hour of the day to try and know the truth about almost anything and everything.
It is very sad and upsetting to see how children miss out on knowing a parent or relative because of another’s lies.
But we have to take the high road. Be the truthful mature one. It’s the only clean way to hope to change things. Even if it takes years.
My family is going through the same issue with my eighteen year old brother. We are currently dealing with his dad trying to damage the relationships my brother has with us his siblings and especially our mother. Its really disheartening to watch the control and Stockholm syndrome my brother has developed over time. He's even going as so far as to use his failing of kidneys to make my baby brother feel obligated to stick close to him and away from all of us. He wants complete influence and control over my baby brother. We don't know what to do.
It's all a shame. There's many of us also going through this brother.
Your pain is valid, heard, and known! You are NOT alone! There's a huge hidden community of parents and aduit alienated children that are rallying for change. It's a terrible crime against humanity. You can join this cause to give you a purpose and use your voice. Or just find these groups to feel less alone. I hope you are hanging tight. Some have said that the kids check our social media, so be sure to show the healthiest side of you. And I personally think it couldnt hurt to post something for public viewing showing that children should be able to love both their parents. If they are mature enough to check social media, they just may understand that this speaks to them, whether today or decades from now--even if they outlive us, they need to know this. ❤
I've been alienated from my daughter for 3 years now.
I almost took my life because of it but it has made me a stronger person.
I hope one day I can be in her life again.
I hear you.. stay strong .. live with hope, Faith and Time....❤
Please stay alive please mind your health.
I've been alienated from my two daughters for over 2 years now and I did nothing wrong. I didn't comply with someonething their mother wanted regarding parenting and now I'm in this position and like you, nearly taken my life. The only thing that has stopped me is that I have a grown up son to someone else who I have a good relationship with, and his mother too.
Hope you get your child back and stay strong!
@@alistairmccabe7028 Same here. I wouldnt give into the request of moving to Canada with him and his (now ex wife) (he was married for two months before she threw them both out) and they planned to make me the shittiest mother alive.
I did nothing wrong either. I really hope when these kids are older they will seek and find the truth.
Sending you lots of love.
You have just given me hope and relief from 12 years of struggle and self-doubt. I have felt helpless in this area of life and realized that my attempts to resolve have only made matters worse.
I have listened only to half of this podcast and have a tremendous sense of relief. You describe exactly what has happened.
I am grateful to know there is a community that can relate, as well as look forward to learn, and make a plan that has a chance of being effective, and not hurt my sons further, feeling torn and confused.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I’ve subscribed and I am committed. ❤
It's been 6 years since alienation. Does the 18 year old remember the 12 years of love his mother showed him raising, teaching, guiding him through his life? All the little things and big events cannot have been erased from the father, can it?
No they can not. We store every memory and moment if our lives, even if we can't actively remember it. Your 18 yo remembers who you are, deep down. We just need to get through the wall that alienation creates. I would recommend watching this training that I have available on my site. It's about what do to when your child rejects you. You can register here: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1 Then if you are interested in getting help with your situation, fill out an application and let me know what you're dealing with, then my team and I will get back to you with a recommended course of action. Ryan
Same happened to me. She acts like she doesn't even know me...we were in good standing until her Dad felt threatened now that I was stable and secure. She slowly backed off, started arguments with me, and heard things like I was "stalking" her when I just sent a text to say to have a nice trip when she went to FL this summer. It was hurtful. She's literally taken on that narcissist personality, just like him. I'm so sad over it all. She just turned 20. We haven't spoken since May.
In the end….All I was to them was a ATM. Today I am on the road to heal myself. I don’t care to fight them. The children are not children anymore.
Same. Don’t give up. I I hope and pray one day our children will see the truth.
Thanks so much. Even though my pain as a father seems never to go away, I thank you for these nice videos...
Ever time I try to see my son she calls the police. It’s horrible . I work for the defense department, so Americans can be free. Yet my son is not free our court system is broken. The states should have an independent board of professionals that can evaluate individual cases. Where The court system can have a better evaluation of the situation. The Guardian at lightning are all about money. There work is limited. Ryan thank you for your hard work.
You're welcome, Luis.
I have been alienated from my now 17 year old daughter for over a year... I had no idea what was happening until my friend who also had this happen to her told me to start looking into PAS. So happy to hear and listen to you both! Thank you for helping parents like me deal with this devastating act of hate. :)
Your channel has been an incredible source of strength, understanding and support for me. I come back to it every six months or so in order to replenish my strength and re-arm myself with the knowledge of how to deal with this terrible situation. A thousand thank yous for your efforts, the good you do here is immeasurable.
This was absolutely spot on. Self differentiation is the key to freedom not only for the alienated but also for the brainwashed child. Jerry Wise has great youtube videos about self differentiation which really help me❤ thank you so much. I love what you say ...when you are in control of yourself this, in and of itself, influences others ❤..and that what the brainwashed child needs is to discover the truth for themselves..our job is to help them self differentiate and we do this by being a loving example
Thank you. I divorced my childrens father 15 years ago and he managed to go against court orders and keep them from me for over 7 years...after reunited, they are now grown and really have nothing to do with me. My heart breaks everyday! Thank yo for this video.
How old where your kids though? Because you can't blame the other parent after a certain age. Then it becomes your child reacting to you.
I wish there was live in person events I would definitely attend . Either way I found this channel at a perfect moment in my day ❤️ thank you for all that you do . 17 years of this and defeated is an understatement.
Thank you Ryan for the videos. My new wife and I for the last few months have noticed the kids (boy 15 girl 13) taking a few hours and maybe even a day from the time we pick them up until they loosen up and become themselves like normal around us. this weekend we watched my son play in a soccer tournament where my daughter was also with my ex since it was her time with them and to our surprise the kids did not say hi to us or even wanted to be with us. there are so many feelings that come over you when your son and daughter are literally 10 feet from you and they don't even look at you or say hi. It was so obvious and ugly that even the other parents noticed and felt bad for us, which made my wife and I a bit uncomfortable, but it makes US so SAD even though We know it is only because their mom is present and that she must have coached them prior to the event.
when its the other way around we encourage the kids to go over and say hi and stay as long as they want with her, we try to make it as easy for them as possible.
When we get them for our time sharing, after the first few hours or maybe a whole day after picking them up, I guess after they put their guard down or decompress they are like themselves again, normal, happy, funny, silly like they normally are. even with their grandparents which is so happy to see.
should we address what happened at the soccer tournament this weekend with them in any way? even if its just to say that we understand the circumstances but it still hurt us?
or just ignore it?
why would a father or in this case a mother would do this to their children? don't they see the long term damage this will causes? I really want to say WTF is wrong with them, how selfish that is.
Im sorry I just cant believe a parent can do such thing.
thank you for your advise and videos, they help a lot.
God Bless you all
I’m incredibly grateful to my step-daughter. I came into her life when she was 12. She’s 21 now and we have a great relationship. Before her, my biological daughters “regime” even had me convinced that I was a horrible dad and my daughter was better off without me. My stepdaughter helped me remember who I really am.
Exactly …. why ?
@@fredkaufmann8034 Why what?
That is so nice! My husband is the target parent. His ex wife has been alienating his children since 2018. My daughter lost her father so after some time they developed a natural father/daughter relationship. I’m so grateful for my husband and i love my daughter ❤
I am so grateful that I was able to tell my truth to my 8 year old daughter snd just be straight with her about everything that was going on snd she was able to understand the reasoning behind it. Now whenever her grandmother or father says anything even remotely negative, she now feels negative towards them for saying it snd no longer negative towards me because she was believing it. Now every time they attempt to alienate me, it only ends up hurting themselves because she knows the truth snd why they are telling her lies about me.
I’m so grateful for being able to just set the record straight immediately.
I am also glad for you it worked out, really I AM! But every situation is totally different and its exact what they say: it is not always strategic (mostly not) to do so.
I'm glad you have been able to do this for your daughter. My 8 year old twins think whatever I say or do is negative, and I don't know what I can do or say at this point. I'm just feeling so helpless, it's domestic violence and child abuse.
Keep up the great work.. completely alienated from my twins for two years!! Miss them terribly!
Me too alienated my daughters two years 😔
I needed this help 40 years ago. So glad for parents today who can receive the help and navigate the journey without defending or reacting emotionally.
My husband and I did parenting courses, read books, but didn't find specific help.
We tried so hard to resolve the problem, but didn't know what it was, and our daughter didn't want to talk with us. Her loyalty was with the one speaking poisonous words. It's terrific sorrow and despair.
I listened\watched your videos during the time when my kids were alienated and would like to thank you! Now that I am meeting\talking and texting with my son (27 YO) I told him about the nature of a Narcissist for 2 reasons. Explaining to him what his mother did / why we did not speak for 5+ years and so that he may look out for himself as to not to get involved with a Narc, as I did. I found that once we had the "difficult" conversation I felt no more need to delve into the subject. It was as if it was released from me.
This is so great to hear. Having that weight lifted off of a difficult conversation is huge. now you and your son can start a new chapter.
Heck yeah! I'm happy for you! I find comfort in the success of others on this topic.
I'm happy for you, and I understand that your child was an adult but can I ask how did your child take it? We're they stressed or withdrawn ..
Thanks
I can’t believe how many of us there are. A bitter, vindictive ex will carefully train the children over the years to feel guilty for having anything to do with the "erased parent" and even that parent's family members . When the kids grow up without the erased parent and her family in their lives for so long, they have no memories, no traditions, no loyalty, and ultimately no need for this side of their family in their lives. It becomes the grown-up kids' choice then to continue the ugliness and to deliberately alienate that side of their family. 10 yrs ago, after decades of my now middle-aged kids (now in their 40s) rejecting my attempts to invite them back into my life only to be met with outright hatred time and time again, I eventually moved on without them for the sake of my self-respect and general sanity. You can't force someone to love you. But it's heartbreaking to have to explain to my 83-year-old mom over and over again why her grandchildren want nothing to do with her.
One situation that I hardly hear talked about is when the target of abuse leaves after years of abuse. They win custody... and the other parent is alienating a child or children while they are living with the healthier parent because they still have a stronghold!!
We can't underestimate the minds of children. The TRUTH SHOULD BE TOLD w/o slander. Damn that!!! Transparency, Transparency, Transparency. These kids have exposure and access to way more than we can even imagine in modern day society compared to when we were their age.
Transparency is everything. One of the biggest challenges with PA is that kids are in a dark cloud of brainwashing. No matter what they have access to, the stories they're told change the way they think and see the world, so we have to help them see things differently, then everything in the world will look different. Then, they will see the truth.
I'm just confused at why my family see what is going on, they have a relationship with her, but won't defend me.
It's complicated more complicated than simply the other parent is the problem and manipulating the situation. My dad thought that, but it's just not true. I could see the cracks in their foundation when I was 11. I even said I was thankful they were still together that thanksgiving.
I'm a highly intuitive and sensitive person. I observed the cracks in the foundation of their marriage and tried to warn my dad to be more present or things will end in divorce. He didn't he was offended by my honesty that day. Nobody in my family takes me seriously even though I've predicted things throughout my life.
This is so true!!!! I can’t do this alone and their is a whole regime against me on this!!!!! And no one understands, I am the one being judged, ridiculed and blamed and I have carried so much guilt in finally believing it 🙏😭💔 I’m so grateful for God guided me to your channel and I filled out an application on your website. I pray I get accepted because I’ve tried so long to understand all of this that’s been ongoing for years now and my children are all getting older and I’m alone and feel powerless. 🙏😔❤️🩹
TYSM, current situation! Needed this advice badly. Love it
Glad this was helpful to you!
Love this ... I'm going on 10 years of dealing with my children's mother alienating me ... she has diagnosed Bipolar Disorder, etc ... she, her mother and sister spew wickedness and lies ... it's ALL they have ... it's ALL they prove they are worth: Wickedness.
I like this video because it resonates with my approach ... in those all too uncommon moments I and my children have to hear each other's voice, etc.
Never once have I brought strife to any encounter ... and the difficulty is in "self" ... you want desperately to set the record straight ... but unfortunately you have to rely on your children's minds to "grow" through the memories and KNOW that the alienated parent never caused problems ... it was the unwell (psychopath) parent who caused all strife.
It takes ... YEARS, and word to the wise ... never wish anything upon your abuser (the alienator) ... instead, stay strong in THE TRUTH: You are either going to reap the benefits of what you've sown with your children at some point ... or your children will because they will eventually SEE THE TRUTH and walk away from the alienator ... at least in heart ... and that wicked alienator will reap what they have sown. Stay strong. Pray. Be diligent and steadfast because things eventually do change.
Beautiful message
The truth is what will give you strength. We have helped parents who have too deal with alienation that has lasted for years, so there is always hope. I would encourage you to check out my free training on what to do when your child rejects you. I think you'll find clarity there. Here's the link: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1
... did you challenge her ability to be a healthy mother to the court ... ? ... you need to find yourself an experienced lawyer in these matters ...
@@bluemoon8268 She's making up allegations, there were also delays with court because of the pandemic. But everything's been reopened for a while now so and appearances were virtual. In between the appearances nobody was doing anything, investigating, nothing. We have a new lawyer. Found out also the judge that was on the case was unqualified. It's painful process I don't wish on anyone.
@@EW-uw7dg … I’m so sorry you have to go through this … my son is just in the early stages of this nightmare … he is devastated by what’s happening …
I feel incredibly alone so grateful for this community and knowledge. I know you need a team to fight this but you have to have financial means to pay for those supports. I’ve had to make the difficult choice to stop fighting the legal system to listen to what’s going on and wait for my daughter to return to me. It’s horrible and devastating.
Me too....i also have a younger child as well...have to be aware of all perspective. Taken 16 years. Shes come around....i think its her guilt i sense & i fucked up when my emotions came out when she said " i grew up without a mother figure" like its an excuse for bad behavior
I feel like I lost her. Suddenly, over the last 2 days- I have this horrible feeling like it's too late.
Very helpful and relevant to the phenomenon. A great video that frames it in just the right way. I've learned so much about myself through this experience; specifically that I am very awesome and have a lot to offer in this lifetime. And I would not have discovered this fully if I had continued to stay married to the perpetrator alienating parent.
What's Jen's social media and contact info?
I have no contact at all with my 20 year old daughter. She’s been gone for 7 years. I just watched this video but don’t see how anything I heard can be applied in our case.
Lost identity as mom
Going through it now with step grandchildren. Someone I thought was good and reasonable has turned utterly demonic. Worst of all she met a known domestic abuser on tinder and within a few weeks allows him to be alone with the children for an extended period of time.
Stephen Hassans book on cults talks about how taking this indirect approach is best in dealing with cult members because cult members have been taught by the cult leader to go against and not trust anyone who goes the direct way to question the cult, but the indirect way bypasses the defenses programmed by the cult leader and penetrates the mind.
The legal system supported the alienation. They literally handed the child to the parent who was abusing them. Since the children’s attorney told the children that the father was abusive, it didn’t make a difference because that person was just added to the regime. The kids, even after being confronted, flipped out, screamed, cried for mom, and told mom they were being yelled at which was completely untrue. They could not handle any sort of confrontation whatsoever. They are so far gone, and everyone says that they won’t come back
Nothing but a sales video. No advice given. As a disabled person I’ll never be able to afford this. As a result I’ve just have had to accept that I will never have a relationship or even communication again with my children 😢
How do you not correct them, when my kid is accusing me of horrible things that are not true?
Be patient. Dont throw your truth in their face at once. Slowly show who you are. Dont tell them they or the other parent are wrong.
Just be "soft and gentle"
Try to spend time with the child and not talk about it too much. They are torn in 2 worlds. But when they see you display something very different, calm, light, caring. In their mind they will already start a dialog in thoughts. Let them go through that.
Like said in the video, it doesnt help to speak the truth, that will cause a war in their heads and so much pressure because the other parent is speaking in their minds too.
Take it slowly, show who you are. After a while just make a light conversation about what they experience, what they think and feel and be understanding.
Be careful when defending yourself. Dont mix emotions in it. But you can let them see it hurts you, but not too much. It shows you are sensitive too.
Its quite hard. My mom is someone who is the alienator, didnt work on me for I knew the truth. My sis on the other hand really still believes my dad raped my mom which is absolutely not true.
He was far too depressed and broken to say or do much about it. It was the end of him, he comitted suicide.
The video says it so well
Dont speak the truth but show it
They have to question themselves or their truth / thoughts
They have to see the things not lining up
Dont pressure it, let them figure it out by you showing you are different than what the other makes you out to be.
Also the alienator is always the most pressuring ones. A child is more likely to move to a place when they can be themselves and think for themselves rather than pressure, power.
@@DisforDogs1 I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My kid doesn't want anything to do with me for the last 4 years because she believes their mom. They are an adult now, and I can only hope someday she'll want to talk.
It's a step by step process in showing your kid who you really are, rather than just stating the truth. That will just make them put their guard up. We're happy to review your situation if you're looking for help. I'll post the link here to apply to work with us if interested. form.jotform.com/coachryanthomas/application
Great question! My 7 year old daughter accused me of punching her in the past visit. It's impossible to prove it didn't happen and arguing against an insane lie is just absurd, so I kindly offered to take her to the hospital to be assessed by a doctor and get treatment and also suggested we go make a police report and she changed the subject and decided to draw a picture instead and asked to make cupcakes. She could not comprehend what she was saying, she was just repeating what she was told to say. Also, it was a way to talk about what her resources are if she feels unsafe or needs to tell someone. I laid the groundwork that she did the right thing to speak up and tell an adult if someone is hurting her, no matter who that person is. (her father will end up hurting her because that is who he is. Or what if he married a mean stepmom.) I want her to know that she has options and a community around her besides just her father and his parents.
These behaviors come from a horrible hateful place. Anyone willing to hurt a child is a person ful of hate. 😢
Parental alienation is a form of child abuse and is serious enough enough to be regarded as a criminal offence in some parts of the world.
Thank you for this video.
What happens when the child (14 at rupture and divorce) is now an adult nearly 22 has ghosted the target parent since the 21st birthday? Are THEY the narcissist as is the favorite parent? What happens if the child-now-adult presents exactly as cruel and hateful as the favoured parent? What strategy then?
Your channel has given me hope!!! I’ve coparented with my son’s father for 12 years. When he started dating a woman with financial resources, little by little my son stopped coming home at all. A year has passed and over the last month, my son doesn’t speak to me at all! His dad barely will respond back to me but when I ask him to have my son call me or if we can go shopping or can I pick him up, etc. All I get is “he says he doesn’t want to.” I show up to every baseball tournament, drop off surprise chick fil a at his school, leave gifts on the porch. I’m a ghost. All I want is for his dad to agree to reunification therapy but he won’t respond - why? Because that’s what they wanted all along! To erase me and make girlfriend new mom. It’s heartbreaking!!!
Same boat and mu daughters 6yo and she's the only family I have left sometimes I want to give up and drown. But trying to show her and myself that I won't give up on her or myself. And that I'll always be there for her .... sometimes doesn't seem to be enough but it keeps me getting up everyday and fighting the sobering bs along the way.
@@laurencochran2201 I am in the same situation. Haven't seen my kid because of parental alienation for years. It is very tough. I felt suicidal when it first happened. But you need to forget about your kid ultimately, and focus on your future. I am not bothered by it all anymore, and actually find the whole situation a little bit amusing now. I realise the child is a complete idiot for rejecting me, so who cares. Yes, keep sending the cards and attending the courts etc. Don't give up, because giving up is what the alienating parents wants you to do. But at the same time, ultimately focus on your own happiness, because that is the only thing you can control in this situation . Be happy. Don't allow this nonsense to ruin your life. Your life is worth so much more.
Hi Lindsey, the alienator is almost always very resistant to therapy because they crave control and want to eliminate everyone from your son's life. Good news is that the alienation is quite recent. One of our clients was alienated for almost 50 years and now has her son in her life, so there is a lot we can work with for you. We're happy to review your situation if you're looking for help. I'll post the link here to apply to work with us if interested. form.jotform.com/coachryanthomas/application
@@laurencochran2201 So sorry to hear of what you're going through. Do not give up. I am telling you there is always hope. We have worked with parents who have young children like you do to kids who have grown up and have their own children. Deep down, children need and want both of their parents.
@@DaveJenvey I'm glad that you have worked past the deeper pain that alienation can bring and that you have found happiness in your life.
My daughter wasn't alienated... but her mother sure tried. There were long periods when we didn't see each other... but she was always thrilled to see me. She always defended me despite the harm.
I thought it would never happen, but at 21 yo and 14 years since I was first arrested (on groundless allegations) she is starting to ask questions.
At least in my case, the important part is to be sensitive to what she can handle. Only offer what she asks for, and you are so right, it is hard "not to let the dogs out." She has spent a lifetime caregiving her mother... I try to preserve her from caregiving her father too. Mostly, I try to make sure she knows how deeply I love and respect her.
The advice on "grey" is so ideal. The child needs to make her own conclusions. The child needs to be trusted.
Glad this was helpful Fred and to hear that your daughter is starting to ask questions. That's a great sign.
As badly as I want my daughter to understand the truth, or to know the truth. I can't do that to her. She loves her grandma and she's her comfort person and I just can't find it in myself to disrupt the image she has of her grandma. The last thing in Bellas best interest is for me to come to her with facts only to cause her to question virtually everything and everyone afterwards. The truth prevails. It's hard watching my daughter doubt me and letting her grandmother lie to her and make me out to be the liar and instill in Bella that I don't want her or miss her all while grandma is the liar and she's the one in the wrong. And she knows it. But my daughters been through enough already. Besides, she's 8. She isn't going to understand and I don't want to cause any more confusion for her whatsoever. But when I text and try to talk to my daughter or see her or anything at all, I get radio silence. For 2 weeks in between the 2 hours her grandma let's me be involved in their lives, the 2 weeks I'm between I get nothing. So when Bella comes to me and calls me a liar and rolls her eyes, all I can do is sit there and tell her I've tried and that I do love her and miss her. I can't force her grandmother to come to her senses before she does real psychological harm to Bella. All I can do is bend and jump until I find a lawyer. But how do we as alienated parents, hold it together when we aren't allowed pics with our kids? Or allowed to know about their schools or doctors or dreams and nightmares? I won't be the one who delivers the truth to Bella. Unfortunately she'll have to see that on her own in time. It's just so sad.
Nah, u messing up. Would u want someone to hold the key to your happiness and normal mental and emotional development to let u go on in life n possibly end up scarred n screwed for life??
@@heredij215 if I was almost 9yo I wouldn't want to be anymore confused then I already am. I would want to feel stable and secure in everything I could until I was old enough to comprehend and see for myself. Who I am to be an adult, her mother, and tell her almost everything she's been led to believe by her grandma is false? When she still lives there. Who am I to disrupt her homelife and sense of stability and her emotional understanding? Does she deserve the truth ? Absolutely. Am I prepared to give it to her? Absolutely. When the time comes to do so. When I can deliver her the facts in a way it doesn't hurt her image of her gma. Her gma is wrong in every single way for keeping us apart the way she does. For lying to her over and over again and instilling a sense of being unwanted in my daughter. She will answer for herself. She can be the one to tell and explain to Bella that everything was a lie and she was scared or hurt or whatever her reason is to do what she's done and is doing to us still. Telling Bella the truth rn isn't in her best interest. She doesn't need to feel conflicted anymore than she already is. I'm not withholding the key to her happiness by choosing not to distort her reality. I'm leading by example. Like her gma should be doing. When this gets brought in front of a judge, all will be set right.
@@ladyixchel I’m speaking as that 9 yr old who went thru that & wanted someone to stand up for me, to save me, help me out n no one ever came. I’m 35 n it’s being done to my 5 yr old n soon to be 9 yr old n I stand up for them every single time n they love and appreciate me for it cuz they know sumn ain’t right n dad ain’t letting nobody screw them over if he can help it cuz dad always rides for his kids. But guess what?? Nobody still is putting an end to the bs cuz the majority of ppl r weak n selfish. They won’t ride for their own seed they created. Instead they’ll watch them become jacked up when they coulda, at the very least, done the most to try to prevent the trauma from taking over
@@heredij215 oh I see what you're saying. Well I must definitely am sticking up for her and doing my best to come in and save her. Every effort I make is to try and prevent generational trauma from impacting her to the best of my abilities. Unlike my mom who didn't stand up for herself or for me and my brother. She was sick. We were kids. But I stood up for myself. I wanted to end the toxicity in any way possible. Keep it from spreading to my kids. I was successful in that. I put my step dad in prison for 15 years, where he passed away. Where he was kept away from harming anyone ever again. Like my mom should've done from the jump. So what do I do while the time passes and I wait for a reasonably priced lawyer and I'm being alienated from my daughter who is now experiencing All this shit she shouldn't have to experience, who I haven't talked to in 4 months? All I can do to show her I care and I'm here for her and haven't given up, is write to her everyday. I let her know everything. All of my thoughts plans actions. So that when I finally can come through and give them to her, she can read for herself that I haven't given up. I hope it can help her like you have your kids. All the things I've done during separation is to build myself up better so that I'm the best me she can get when it's all said and done. If there's anything I can do to keep the generational trauma from spreading, I wanna do it. It takes 2 though. One would think her gma would want what's best for her granddaughter. She studies psychology for fuck sake. 🙄🤦♀️😓yet she's doing this to Bella anyway. For the time being, my hands are tied. But once I get them loose, it's over rover. My mom could've spared my brother and I lifetimes worth of abuse and trauma, had she of had the resources we have today for mental health and had she of been confident in her resilience like we were growing up, maybe she wouldn't have taken her own life for whatever reason. I refuse for all of every moment of every day I spend without my kids, to be in vain. They most definitely deserve someone in their corner. 100% your kids are lucky to have you. 🤍
Man I love what you are doing Ryan! I would love to have you on an interview to talk about this subject.
My husband finally told his daughter what happened to him after 18 years of her treating him as if he's dead. She still wants nothing to do with him. His fear is that she is repeating her mother's patterns of lies and infidelity and narcissism. Now his only question is , does she get mentioned in his obituary or ignored?
He tried EVERYTHING , said all the encouraging loving words. He has prayed that she would see the truth and speak to him just one time before he dies, but has scant hope that she will. He has not seen her for 23 years. She is now 37.
Children of narcissists can turn into narcissists themselves, especially if they're the favoured child or golden child and have traits such as lacking empathy for others. It's literally a cycle that repeats through generations. The obituary question is a difficult one, even though he would want to show his love for his lost daughter, mentioning an alientated child is like mentioning a tragedy that occurred in their lifetime rather than remembering the person for the good that they did. If it's just a case of listing her name "loving father of x, y and z" then it seems appropriate to include it, this could be followed by his non-alienated children (if any) expressing that they will miss their much loved father (as the people writing the obituary) but omitting her name from that list, because of course, she was not involved in writing the obituary.
I’ve requested to my husband not to mention my former children in my obituary. They haven’t wanted anything to do with me for 25 years, so why give them the pleasure of thinking that I considered them to be my family members after the way they had treated my and my family (who had nothing to do with whatever turned their dad into the hideous manipulative monster that he became)?
TOTALLY agree with you. I would do the same.@@vikingprincess634
I loved your video , very true ,so many people and children , are getting hurt ,in this situation ,but there's no help out there , there should be some help , thank you for this video please , make more videos like this God 🙏 bless you all
I'm so glad this was helpful. We are here to help. Feel welcome to explore my website for more resources. ryanthomaspseaks.com
I have been alienated for closer to three years now my children and constantly reject me they believe I have no say in their lives and I am told of that I am lucky to even get time to spend with them. Unfortunately, I cannot afford returning because I’ve already exhausted all savings and money and unfortunately we are in the most corrupt county in Illinois, cook county
This has been a very empathizing video for targeted parents... However... All it tells me is what not to say... I don't have any answers. What do I say!?!
Very accurate diagnosis, but the prescription will ONLY work if you(or someone of good faith) has some level of access to the child. How about attacking the injustice via equal shared parenting legislation which would be a quantum leap forward in de-targeting children???
Hello Ryan, thank you for your helpful videos and advise on how to find ways to connect with alienated children. Unfortunately, my BF has been the alienated parent for the past 6 years. He has 3 minor children with his co-parent & they’ve Been officially divorced a year now. We had our hopes for the time sharing, visitation, and communication with the children to be more frequent, more accessible & easier as time went on, but it’s been actually getting worst.
He was diagnosed with an auto immune disease 10 months ago (still not under control); and he does not have any communication with his children on a regular basis. They used to wait until 3 - 4 am to call him and speak to him freely after their mom was sleeping, but all of that stopped. He tried reaching out to his co-parent with no luck.
He tried to speak to his co-parent about his deteriorating health yet she declined wanting to talk about it. He was forced to change the frequency of his time sharing with the children due to his health yet he leaned on phone calls and text messages for a couple of months. Now, his reality is that no matter the time calls, texts or tries a video call, the kids NEVER pick up his calls. Very seldom he gets a reply on a text days after (if he is lucky). He believes his co-parent blocking his calls and text messages so the children don’t hear from their father as she has done in the past.
The court ordered the family to communicate using a parenting app because of previous history of the children and their mother going “Ghost” for months, moving houses frequently, changing schools and phone numbers and because the mother can be verbally abusive towards my BF.
He’s been forced to call the police and do a well being check on his children and even after doing so, he has not been contacted by the children. He had to go to the mothers’s house with a witness to see what is going on with the children and he was only allowed to see them for less than 20 mins. They seemed nervous not comfortable. They did not say much about school, vacation plans, upcoming birthdays. It’s not easy for him to be faced with the reality of the lack of communication with his children. He is now dealing with major depression on top of his thyroid disease and we really do not know how we should handle things from here. He is a fighter and he will never stop trying to be back in his Childrens’s lives but we could really use some guidance & advise from you. Thank you & God Bless
Hi Dei, I appreciate you sharing your situation here. What I'd recommend is filling out an application to tell us more about your situation, so we can review it in depth and determine if this is something can help you with. Go to this link, and you'll see a button further down to "Apply to GTB." Click on that and you'll be guided through a few questions. It will probably take about 10-15 minutes at most to complete.
I can almost guarantee you that your BF autoimmune disease is caused by the trauma sustained from his ex's PA abuse, as well as her toxic energy. Nandecsent colloidal Iodine helps with thyroid issues.
My advice, your BF needs to back off from engaging with his ex. You need to give him a lot of support. He has to give himself the chance to heal otherwise he will get more sick.
This is a long battle that can take many years to win.
So let's say a PA battle is like 12 round boxing match. Right now it looks like he is in round three.
The court system gets more money from the government if one parent is paying support. That's why they do it. Look it up
Have a 6 yo son as well and ex had him FaceTime me happy birthday and told me it was the right thing to do but does not apply that with my 15 yo daughter who is the only daughter left in home now…
Doing a life Sentence..
This is the LONGEST Non-helping video I have ever watched.
My daughter and I cant make up; she is turned into a vindictive evil doer, just like her Stepmother. Zero empathy (for anyone) and seems to have the Dark Tetrad features of malignant narcissism. She punishes me with ZEAL over how I slurped my soup! My son turned out just like his father and allowed me to be attacked with minutiae for years. No chance of discussion for me, they accuse me of the narratives they were taught. I admit to crying, begging, groveling for forgiveness of whatever they wanted, and I was dismissed over and over. Dad all GREAT, Mom all BAD. It nearly destroyed me, I was suicidal for almost 2 years, every single day! It took 30 ECT (shock) treatments to save my life. Crisis makes you grow, my own studying to figure out how bad a "narcissistic mother with borderline personality" opened my eyes to who had issues. Dr. Amy Baker and Dr. Craig Childress' explanations gave me great comfort only two weeks ago. I have developed the sensitivity that I can't fix this. I've moved on, accept the child I built has been ruined socially and mentally, no matter the courts trying to get help, we were always to be doomed.
I feel like I could have written this! I have gone through and experienced the same pain and realization over the last 10 years. I also am not very aware that my ex-husband had been doing the pre alienation work with our 3 kids even before we divorced. He was alienated from his mom by his dad and was always jealous that our kids had me, a mom there to love them. I wish I had known about alienation before I left. I would still have my kids love and they could have mine. We really do have to focus on ourselves, now. It feels selfish, but we have love to share with the world, even through this pain. I'm so sorry and 100% believe and understand your feels.
It is absolutely true that as a parent you must use critical thinking to solve this problem your child is being manipulated to extremes and they will act in a cult way if you don't let them analyze the problems being posed by the alienator.
offer alternative views and let the child resolve them offer truth and rationality but without direct attachment to you let them discover the truth and respond to questions they have mindfully. this can only apply if you have contact you must think and act outside the box explore life with your children and show the world in a different light than the alienators.
show them your nothing like the alienator's view of you by not reacting to the harsh things they may say to you but questioning what they are saying simply and calmly
as an alienated parent and someone still in the process, i have forced my way in through courts and persistence and this takes a toll on you physically and mentally as I'm sure everyone here knows, the rabbit hole is when you feel you are the problem and you almost feel that you are becoming the alienator for me i think it is because i spend far too. much time in the moment and trying to understand the alienator lets not forget they are projecting themselves onto you by deflecting their truth of themselves and this is usually done by gaslighting and the use of the family courts.
if you are dealing with this and you have any contact with your child, children keep going even though your battle is a battle with society and an unpunished crime your fight is a just one but it is also a fight with yourself the only truth i can offer you is don't let go of yourself remember why you are fighting as this is the clearest indicator of who you are and that is a decent human who understands right from wrong but most of all someone capable of loving someone else something the alienator does not understand but desperately wants to know how to mimic.
As a parent, you must remember that children are victims of this crime and they have no voice you are their voice the family courts the police, and society are trying to drown you out because they can not comprehend the truth those of you who have managed to expose this crime keep going as those of us who for whatever reason have lost contact need more voices to be heard to help those who were not heard.
This crime causes people to commit suicide because society fails the true parents faced with leaving their children in the care of people with mental problems.
RyanThomasSpeaks have you any videos on this with victims of this crime?
Sometimes I think the best thing as an alienated parent, is to protect yourself. Yes, absolutely keep going through the motions, keep sending the cards (which the kid won't get anyway) and keep attending the court hearings. But I think the most important thing, is to focus on not really caring about the child in the end. You have to put your mental and physical health for yourself first. It is far more important that YOU are happy. Sod the alienated kid. The key to survival and happiness in the world is to be an ice cold, hard person. If the child wants to reject you, so be it. Learn to love yourself and to be happy, because you cannot control the child's actions, or those of the alienating parent. Most of these alienated kids who reject their parents are idiots from what I have seen, and aren't deserving of a good parent.
I have adult children. My youngest had started to show signs of alienation in his college years. I didn't know what it was at the time. As he's gotten older (he's 34 now) it got worse. It really escalated around his 8/2016 wedding 10 months after his father passed away at 58. I got a light-bulb moment when he wanted his stepmother and his half sisters to sit in the front row as his mother. He told me "you divorced my father; you don't deserve to be my mother at my wedding." This is the stepmother that had a two year affair with their dad which started when they were 1 and 3. His father and I divorced when they were 3 and 6. The stepmother, their dad and dad's family have been the alienators. Now, I'm realizing my mother has joined in in the last few years. I was getting counseling at the time and was counseled to tell the truth about the affair at this point. That's resulted in total alienation from both boys since 2016. I keep sending gifts, cards etc. but my youngest won't communicate and my oldest one has had some communication. Help!
Hi Deb, I appreciate you sharing your situation here, and I think this is something we can help you with. If you go to this page, you'll learn how to work with us, and there will be a button at the bottom to apply. Just answer the questions in it and tell us about your situation, then we'll review it and determine what our plan would be for you. ryanthomasspeaks.com/work-with-ryan-thomas/
Hi, I need some help with this. No one will help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve lost both my children. I’m dying of a broken heart. I am not a bad person.
Alienators dont think of their Children and the damage, hurt and pain their behaviors cause. All that matters is that they hurt the Targeted Parent. I'll never understand how someone can do that to their Children and the Human that made the Children with them. I went thru it 15 years ago with my first exwife. Our Children are now 23 and 21.All the lies, games and falsehoods they were told about me 😥. I've tried to rebuild those bonds we once had. My 2 Sons know everything now. To no avail, the damage has already been done. They don't always come back...
It is with a heavy heart writing this. I am now going thru it all over again with my 2nd exwife and our 3 Children together. My 2nd exwife witnessed how my 1st exwives behaviors ruined me. The damage, hurt and pain she caused.... My 2nd exwife is doing the same things as my 1st exwife. It's like She stole her playbook of pain. I havent seen or talked with my 3 Children in 2 months now. I still show up for every pick up, just to be denied. I reach out and text to just be ignored.... Before this I was very involved with our Children. Never missed Parenting Time. Involved with their Schooling and Sports.My 12 year old Son was calling me everyday, keeping me on the phone for
3 - 4 hours most times. The last time I heard his voice was on my voicemail 2 months ago. It was a 3 minute message of him crying. At the end he said, "my dad hates me. My dad hates me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.".... My poor little boy 😥 😭
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yes, of course it is. This is tantamount to kidnapping and children should absolutely know when they are being manipulated/abused. How is this even an argument?
What do you suggest parents do when kids idolise a parent who has left who refuses to pay child support, told the judge they wanted to legally abandon their kids dissolving all parental rights and never calls or visits? My mother had that to deal with so she told us all these things as they happened and you could call that parental alienation, except our Dad had already alienated himself!😮
Parents who go through divorce should be required by law to attend a class on Parental Alienation. Most of all assets are divided but not the children who are loved by both parents which is totally unfair to Father's who are mostly going to have some part-time access to them which the alienator has lot's of time to warp their minds. Judge's shrug off any alienation complaints when brought forward at the beginning which allows the alienator to increase their efforts. The system needs to be amended for Father's to have equal rights which will reduce violence against women and improve divorce children mental health. Children best Interest is to be loved by both parents and relatives.
Just feel I should point out that parental alienation can occur in marriages too. A class isn't going to fix anything, because in most cases the alienator has a personality disorder. They will do what they want to do regardless of whether or not they know what PAS is and the terrrible impact it will have on their children. People should think more carefully before having children and be sure they know the person they will be having children with.
Its so hard! And if i ever try to talk about it with anyone they always say “just take them to court”. And then i gotta explain to them that i already did that and they dont abide by the court ordered visitation and the court does not care!
It's very hard to see your children after an Ex-partee order is served on the Alienated parent. I was never allowed to make contact or the Police would be involved. Years later when the money tree was cut down finally one son shows up for yes you know $$$$$. He was Angry, Mad, Upset, at life and I asked him why. He said things aren't going right in his life and all his siblings are suffering Depression and Mental illnesses now. All the questions he asked were all Lies, he told me were all wrong and even things about me that I never knew. He is so twisted and can't even tell his siblings that he met Dad as they all have guilt from what they did to their own Father before and during the separation. I told him I'm there for him if needed.
My counselor wants me to search how I might have wronged my children. Her assumption is that I must have done something wrong ,voluntarily or not, for them to estrange me.
I think I grasp the points that you are trying to get across. I also understand that 'one size doesn't easily fit all'. However (and I mean no offence here at all) Americans do seem to over-complicate and over-verbalise the English Language. Clearly it is a very difficult subject but I almost wish this could be explained as dot points. So, the question: Should you tell your child the truth? The answer is in fact 'No', not 'Yes' as you suggest in your summary. You should just let them work out the facts themselves by your actions. Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate your efforts to tackle and explain this very thorny issue that is only lately being addressed.
We do our best to simplify what is a complex issue. Appreciate your feedback John.
@@ryanthomasspeaks Fully understand and many thanks for your efforts. It is a complex and sensitive issue which clearly requires attention. As a lay person, trying to grasp the issues raised is difficult.
Thanks for this summary. Saved my time.
@@Bogna1 you're welcome
Im so frustrated my 18 yr old is so controlled that if I said it was sunny outside and she said it was snowing he would spend 5 minutes bundling up before looking outside. and shes the liar..
Crazy..... So the truth won’t set you free... you gotta just ride the waves, and let the child solve the equation.... brutal way to live.
Last year I was diagnosed with CML (a form of leukemia) and even then they had no compassion empathy support.. they were like sorry you have it… but good luck we still are not talking
I don't show my children anything that their father has said to me but he's terrible for it. He even sends them a copy of a txt of our argument but mainly just what I have said. Right now both my boys are being brainwashed by their father.
It is not possible to win against psychopaths… they never give up and do not care about the harm they do to their children providing they can punish their ex. Many people rightly walk away to give the child peace. Parental conflict causes more harm to a child than separation.
I agree. I had to choose either walk away or continue the chaos. I gave my kids peace. They then accused me of abandonment.I explained it all to them but they hate my guts. Their dad told me when we got divorced that he would make sure I never ever saw them again and that they would hate me. He did a great job. He will stand before God for his sins.
It's not just about punishing an ex, sometimes it's driven by pure narcissism (they want their child to revere them and never challenge them, because narcissists see children as extensions of themselves not as people who might think differently) so they seek to get rid of external influences who might encourage the child to think independently. I speak as an aunt who is being alienated from her niece.
@@reignfoliath5022 Yep, because when you walked away, the alienator's narrative changed to "if she loved you, she wouldn't have walked away". I fully understand your desire to want your kids to have "conflict-free" peace. I hope that they realise this, eventually.
I am alone and isolated. It's been 20 years. Now my child lost her 8-year-old child. Everyone around her is telling her I don't accept her. She appears to have self-hate issues. She has been told things about me I have never done, like condemning her. They have taught her to how to treat me. She does not want me at all. I try messenger on FB, she doesn't do messenger. I talk to her on phone and she doesn't want me around her and will not tell me why. I try the phone again when her child dies and there is no communication, just short forced answers. She curses at me in a letter through mail when I had to let her go from a job she would not work. Narcissistic siblings of mine helped our mother alienate our dad. Our mother and a particularly angry sibling toward our dad are dead from premature death. They are repeating the cycle again. It's gone on 5 generations now that I know. I don't see an end to it for her.
Wait till your child asks the questions they need answered when their ready.
It's not this simple
I first want to let it be known that - i understand that I may never understand the true depths of these terrible emotions that come with going through something like this.
I apologize if maybe this isn't the right outlet for me to engage with in hopes of finding some kind of way to help with this - but I don't know where else to turn & finding & watching this video has me lost for words because I have never found or heard anyone who has spoken on this matter in such a way that I know they have gone through this themselves - or like in my situation - loves someone who is going through this & the kids who are at the expense of a mother scorned over faults that have never & will never be theirs to carry. but they are made to do so anyway.
my fiance has been going through this for the entirety of my time knowing him. we have been together for 4.5 years. it breaks my heart. sometimes I get angry when it's hard for me to understand why he wouldn't do whatever possible to fight for his kids.... but then again, I have never been in his shoes. I can't speak on things I wasn't here to witness myself. but I see the trauma their mother puts them through. she pushishes them if they were to ever tell me that they love me. she texts my fiances phone from his daughters phone pretending to be here & telling him how terrible of a father he is & he's useless & does nothing for her & how she doesn't want a relationship with him because he's a let down. I traced the IP adrress back to their mothers phone. she has the parental control app which enables her to take control of her daughters phone at any time & the app creates a remote version of her phone & so she's able to literally control it as if she had it in her hands. the IP address went to her mother's device. we knew those texts were always her but it's sickening why she wants to destroy the relationships those kids have with him. when I first met him, they adored him. he doted on them. they loved me & said how happy they were that I was around. I have never stopped fighting for them. their childhood is sadly much like my own. she lies to them & tells them we don't care about them. last March I went into full respiratory failure & was on life support for week due to an asthma attack. it unfortunately happened to occur the day before his son's birthday. I was so excited for his birthday. we both were. we had the gift hed been asking for for over a year. she told them we lied about me being in the hospital. that I wasn't there. that we just said that to skip his birthday.
she decided she's going to move again for the 6th time. she decided again for the 6th time that she isn't going to inform my fiance about anything. she & her new husband & her 3 new babies with him sold their house - they bought another house 4 hours away. she's already unenrolled thr kids from their schools. she enrolled his son in the school at the new house. his daughter is being home schooled because his ex "needs help caring for the kids" they have not been in the same school for more than one year since they divorced. the kids can not develop & nurture healthy friendships. his daughter is abusing substances. her mother is encouraging her to have boyfriends. she's 14. she is being suspended from school on regular basis' for fighting. his son who is 10 leaves thr house til 10 pm without telling anyone where he is going (at her house) & is often brought home by the police for fighting. she refuses to allow us to have the kids at our home - the home that they grew up in. my fiance had a DUI (no kids in the car. no substances - it was his prescription medicine & she called the cops on him that day.) & spent about a month in jail. she filed an emergency petition to strip him of his rights. she wasn't successful however he was ordered supervised visits. she has primary physical. they share legal. but she has him banned as a safety threat from all of their school and medical records. both kids were truant this & last year. 96 days they missed. she beats him down & demands he leaves me if he wants to see his kids.
I don't know what else to do. he doesn't believe in himself. his kids need him. but how can I get him to realize that he is the loving parent?
im lost here. it is illegal for her to move them without at least 60 days notice certified mail & notifying the court in due process. she has done none of this.
what can I do im so lost. I want to help. but how can I. he doesn't believe in himself. he doesn't want to traumatize the kids. but what they're going thru is worse. idk what to do. this breaks me.
sorry for the novel.
lex
It’s hard because I should have had a house 3 houses after leaving my x - I was married to in the first house. I took nothing . Now and I was main parent always I’m living in a house of his moms. She wants me here but I feel like there is so much more at steak when they are all alienating me with her. She’s all that matters to me. Always has been. Now she’s 40 and I’m retired. Now is such a bad time for me - she’s 40 and she just started doing this to me and she’s a Therapist. Feeling very much hurt. I just want the same access to my grandchild that she gives my x.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. So much useful information and your compassionate nature allowed me see things from a different perspective. A better, less defensive one. Grateful for this video.
You're welcome Amy. Glad this was helpful.
It took years for me to start seeing what was really going on and the damage had been done. The more I pushed the truth, the more it made things worse. At that point, both my girls suffered depression, anxiety, low self-esteem etc.... For them to truly understand the scope of it, the guilt for their part would be too much. I didn't see that until this summer when I read my 21 year old daughter's journal after she died from an overdose. She could never be okay. She believed I didn't care about her and all her friend's mom's were at home. I gave her evidence that her dad had lied to her and she refused to look at it. Anxiety started at 12 for her and she needed security. She hated herself for some of the things she said and did to me. All I can say, if your child starts treating you very differently where you had a good relationship prior, tell your attorney, judge, school counselor.... Anyone who will hear what you are saying and do it ASAP to minimize the damage to your children.
This has happened to me...word for word. Except she's still alive. Everyone tells me "love will find a way" and that's it. I know what she's going through and I feel like there's a wall I can't pass to save her. I don't know what to do. She stopped communicating at 19. She still lives with her Dad. She just turned 20. I need help
@@eyesopentotruth oh Lord... I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I sent multiple emails to my ex on how much harm he was causing our daughters in his vendetta against me. There's a number of parents who haven't talked to their children in over 20 years or more..., so Love does not always find a way. When I put myself in my children's shoes, expecting them to see the truth, it became clear how much more guilt and shame they would feel for seeing their part in the situation. It's self-preservation for them not to see the truth. PA is so wrong, it is a form of child abuse, and yet there are no laws against it in most States. It is completely unfair to the alienated parent and the children involved. I suppose, I would try to find someone online you can get to help you with reuniting with your child. There truly is something wrong with anyone who can't see past his/her own needs and knowingly continues that kind of behavior. 3 years, my daughter didn't speak to me, and she developed a bad addiction to drugs. She called me from jail one day and I found her a rehab. She went 13 months sober and learned to take responsibility for her actions. In doing that, she developed more shame and guilt for her treatment towards me. A couple things happened and she relapsed. She never made it back to her apartment and she died alone in her car. I read her journals and I went through her phone and I'm heartbroken at the level of pain she carried. I'm broken now after the death of my daughter and certainly shouldn't be giving any advice. When I realized that my fighting for them also contributed to their pain, I was blown away. For that reason, I firmly believe you shouldn't give up, but I think you should seek help in your approach to make sure your your child sees it from a loving aspect. You will be in my prayers and I'm rooting for your success.
This is excellent ❤I need to talk to you more 😢
My daughter is 35 years old her father and I have been divorced for 25 and she still defends her father even though her father doesn't talk to her anymore to her anymore she never tells me that she loves me ever
Wow. This is so very helpful- u helped me see more clearly about what has gone on. I have been aware somehow that there has been trash talking but I seriously didn't see the toxicity of this and actually blamed myself and took so much personally and couldn't imagine what I done so horrible! You have helped me put things into perspective and see more clearly. Opened my eyes to see ..thank you! I just found this this morning and just wow I have a feeling of hope now!
I did exactly that I had never told my daughter my problems or my Persecution details , for parent alienation.
My now deceased husband was on the receiving end of a horrible campaign of parental alienation by the mother of his children. He had immense presence of mind and was always careful NOT to try to fight to get his perspective across to the children, as he saw that that would put a lot of stress on them and get them caught up in the middle of a conflict. He always just focused upon having a nice time with them, trying to establish some calm, and normal experiences for them. In the end, he was pushed out and didn't see them for the final six years of his life. He was waiting patiently for them to mature and come back to him. Now they will never be able to do that, as he passed away last year.
Now that he isn't there for them to return to and feel his hugs and rebuild their relationship, I wonder what will happen to them. Nobody seems particularly concerned about them.
I am in the same place your husband was... Hurting...waiting... for my daughter to want to talk... 2 and half years now... I moved on after being to court 28 times of defending against false accusations and winning every time. Sorry for your loss... I stay away just so she can have peace.
@@jeremymichaels5959 So sorry to hear what you and your daughter have been put through. I saw on another video that children have to feel 'safe' that they won't attacked and punished by the alienator in order to open up. They are under a reign of silent terror! I hope she comes back to you soon.
@@newcivilisation makes sense.
Thank you soo much. It is very painful to understand the abuse my children are exposed to, and being helpless. After listening to you I am more confident that my intuition is the more appropriate approach , to support my children to deal with the trauma instead of unloading the truth onto them.
Hi Linda, it's great that you are learning to retreat your intuition again.
I really need help
In the video, thank you for the affirmation of being a strong warrior on the right track. My mind has been abused immensely with a constant pressure leading to self-doubt. There is almost no possibility of other people to understand the extra toll we have to bear if they are not familiar with narcissism... So all in all it gets really frustrating over time.
Again, I consider my personality to have a solid core that was tested heavily even before meeting my narc partner and having kids with her. But the 'game/war's is so heavy that even this seemingly unimportant affirmation means the world to me at the moment (we are trying to reach an agreement over our 2 small kids. Guess what folks, so far no success. Surprisingly :) Words and actions never correspond and they never will)
May the force be with us!
@ryanthomas I have been following you for more than a decade on this topic. The real question if for parents like myself. When communication has been severed by the courts and perpetuated through the lies of the alienating parent, where do you start with the process of reconciliation with your child/children?
I was divorced/separated in 2009 when my children ranged from 6-11 years of age during the downturn of the market. As a result my ex skipped town moving from Florida (our home state) to the Chicago Suburbs 1,200 miles away. She took advantage of the courts changing vacancy leaving the judge on our case to vacate his position for 8 months until a new judge was brought in. The new judge did not make her return but gave me monthly visitation with no overnights provided I traveled to Chicago at my expense to see my kids on top of paying out 45% of my income at the time. Due to her refusal to comply with the court order and the State of Illinois refusing to enforce the order, I was stuck seeing my kids only twice that first year then got hit with a second allegation of domestic abuse. She alleged that me requiring her to comply with the court order was threatening and abusive, which the judge said that it did not constitute to domestic violence but because she claimed it was threatening, Illinois law has a protection clause that states that if an individual claims to be threatened or afraid that a judge must constitute their claim as domestic violence for the protection of the claimant.
From 2009-2014 I was dragged into court more than 100 times before 5 different judges in two separate states. At the time, Florida law for Child Support was based on the amount of time held by one parent over the other beyond 50% and the greater the share of care by one parent the greater the share of support is required by the other. At the time of the divorce I was paying 80% of the care of my four children and her goal was to get 100% of the child support from me. The only way she would obtain that was to obtain 100% of the care of the children and bar me from contact with them. Illinois did not have this calculation as theirs was different at the time. Her goal was to get another state to deem me unfit to have parental rights so she would go back to Florida and use Illinois's order to rectify the child support. Two months before she convinced a judge to revoke my parental rights, Florida changed their laws on child support. All the while in those five plus years she built a narrative of negative connotation of me with my children cutting down my character both with them as well as public defamation with many places in the Illinois area. As a result of her words and actions, my children who now range from 19-24 years old despise me and want nothing to do with me.
So it comes back to the question, how do you establish a relationship with your children after it has been so damaged because of the actions of an alienating parent, reckless courts and other adults falsely cutting your character with so much time and erosion that has gone on over the years and decades? Please understand that this was very painful and almost feels unforgivable when my children refused to call their last surviving grandfather before he passed this past October even though my ex-wife called to talk to my dad before he took his last breath.
Please let me know your thoughts on this as I know this is a question I wonder but also asked frequently. I do know Ryan that you had to have this personal journey with your dad much the same way.
Hi Chris, I appreciate you sharing your situation here. It is a process. Alienation is like a wall between you and your children, so our process is about creating cracks in those walls, slowly and steadily, so your children can see the truth. It's like what we talked about in the video "working in the grey area." I would check out my free training where I break down how to deconstruct the negative programming. Here's the link: joinnow.live/s/CfMwi1 That will be a good starting point for us.
Sit down and put Mrs Doubtfire the movie on. And see if the penny drops. A father who loved his children looked after them, mom wants a divorce kicks father out, he despite owning the house has to start over rent get new furniture and is alienated from his children. Having to fight for access to them whilst she gets a new fella, derogatory disregards the father from his time on Saturday's when she picks them up early complains about the food he's feeding them etc right down to the minimal things. I mean during lockdown I even considered buying a Mrs Doubtfire costume 😂.
Listen to the advice for early intervention. This happened to me years before my divorce, and it was made clear if I divorced I would lose my kids all together. Back then nobody knew what alienation was and I knew I would lose custody and the kids would live with their abuser. So I waited, now they are grown, and I have no family. There was nothing I could do to prevent it even once I figured it out. The joke is on them because he’s an alcoholic psychopath.
I think i might off lost myself today! I had an arguement with my 9 year old daughters mother via email, in these emails where some harsh things being said from both sides, she's telling me that she hopes i die, i'm telling her that she is a unfit mother and manipulates our daughter. Then my 9 year old daughter calls me to tell me that she (my 9 year old) will not accept me bashing her mother like that and you are making me being rude to you. The mother lets the child read all thats being said in the email. I was shocked the way she talked to me for the first time. And realised this is a bad thing happening here. So i told my daughter that i will withdraw myself from this situation, because i dont tolorate this kind of disrespect, i never talked to my daughter like that, nor have i ever talked bad about her mother infront of her, so she wont be seeing me for a couple of weeks.... i had her every other weekend and one day during the week, but i had to fight hard for that... but it suprised me and it made me sad, to see my daughters reaction and the way she talked to me. So i decided to withdraw myself for my own sanity, mind you i've been dealing with this woman for 9 years, she's been sabotaging our bond for 9 years and i'm just sick and tired of it, i just can't see myself going at it for 9 more years plus now she really wants to turn our daughter against me. Watching this video i might of reacted wrong, but i didn't know what to do, beacause i want to tell her the truth so bad and show her all the evidence, court evidence... But you guys said an important thing and that is: NOT to tell the truth but instead show/be the truth!!! I really dont know how this will continue from this day on....
Oh my goodness. I'm already at 24 minutes into the video and there is stiil no clear answer to the question they posed in this video. Oh my. All the psychology mambo jambo, for lack of a better word. Im sorry. The oarents need help now. Not 6 months or a year AFTER they have fully examined themselves. There's urgency to that situation.
Good thoughts, but how annoying that this wonderful woman "Jen" isn't promoted at all. It's all about Ryan teasing us to get you to pay for his course. Has Jen written anything,? Where is the link to this more articulate and helpful contributor? I don't think we even got her last name!? Lady - step up please - you are so clever and obviously more qualified than Ryan. I for one would much rather hear more, and read more from you.
There is NOT a fee team of people for us. We can watch UA-cam videos and see that others are suffering but we all know only expert testimony of a PAS expert and fighting with money we don’t have (in my case that he does) has a chance of your “win.” But then they might do it again anyways. It’s humiliating after you did all the real loving and nurturing. And it’s exhausting for my younger child who he’s ready to pounce on too. Sick ppl.
Does anybody know where I can find some statistics regarding reconciliation?
I have tried to find some, but the closest I have got is "experts" sharing their experiences.
I this case it looks like this:
Only about 10% try to reconcile.
Most often as adults, triggered by having their own children.
Most of these fail.
A doctor (psychologist) I spoke to said during his career (>25years) he has only run across a few cases where reconciliation actually worked, in the sense that the parent and the former child kept a relationship going.
Most often, the child feels that there isn't any room in their life for a "new" parent and that the person who is their parent is merely a stranger. He said something in the line of "If they can't get any benefits like money or likewise, they rarely put in the work." meaning the child really has no emotional bond with the alienated parent.
Now I'm looking for other statistics. Something more than "...a doctor said." Something to give me a clearer picture of the lay of the land.
Should I have told my adult daughter? If you don't want your grandchildren going through the same, it's imperative to try to get through to your resistant child.
Yes, else it continues to the next generation. Guaranteed.
I've been alienated from my son (and his wife and my 2 grand daughters) for about 4 years now. My son paid an attorney to send me letters. The first was a CEASE AND DESIST to notify me that if I try to contact him or any family member any more, that he can sue me. The attorney said that since in California grandparents have no rights, that I will lose and be forced to pay all court costs. And so I stopped trying to reconnect with him. The second letter I got from the attorney was to threaten me with a restraining order. My son had confiscated 4 books that I had mailed to his mother-in-law for reading to the two girls. (I never put my name on them - my psychological counselor said that it was important for the girls to know eventually that I always loved them and did not abandon them.) My son gave those books to the attorney who sent a letter stating that I was about to be issued a restraining order for this. At this point, I never again want to see my son or his wife (who stands by his side.). I hope when the two granddaughters are adults, that they can come to see me and I can show them the legal threats from my son's attorney.
How can I have a serious sensitive conversation with my 3 year old girl regarding inappropriate things dad is/was doing with her. 50/50 custody at this time. Just want to have confirmation that she would tell me if it’s continuing or not. Her dad is very serious and stern with her about keeping this sexual secret between them.
My wife has completely turned my daughter against me. My daughter and I were very close until one day she told me she wished I was dead. My wife told her a bunch of things that weren't true and a bunch of mistakes I made in my past things that my daughter has no business knowing about but she went ahead and told her just to make her hate me. I've never felt so much pain in my life, and I still can't believe that someone would do this to my daughter and in essence to me. I'm just so lost.
The family court in New Zealand is 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Is there any help or info you can offer me? It's for a friend that lives in Poland and she is divorced and has two young boys. And need's Some kind of help. She having issues with that subject. Her ex is telling lies or making the problem harder for her with her boys. I don't know how the law works there so. Anything would be helpful.