I really wish more people would consider whether they ACTUALLY want to have children and all that comes with it (sacrificing free time, going above and beyond to support the growth of that child, etc.) or if they're more intrigued by the idea of leaving a "legacy" or having a cute kiddo because it's the thing to do. It's understandable to some degree but you can't have a baby just cause - just leads to so much unnecessary resentment.
I see a history of people please from Jake; he planned the camping trip with his friends to keep them happy, wasn't honest with the OP about the scale of his fears to keep her happy until the baby had already arrived and he couldn't commit. I also think baby classes need to include a lesson on "This is what your daily schedule is going to look like for the next three months" and include a mapped out Google Callander.
I get this, but I thought I was fully prepared for all the sacrifices of having a child, only to be surprised by the reality of it. I'm still glad I have my daughter, but I feel like it's pretty much impossible to be truly prepared for parenthood if you've never been a parent before.
@ I definitely agree, I don’t think anyone is ever 100% ready to have children. I’m just tired of seeing people dive in headfirst when they’re working with a solid 20-30% at best lol I think the gap between the shock at all parenthood encompasses and planning a trip not even 90 days after your child is born is pretty wide. 😂
So Jake didn’t realize that being absent could be seen as a first step toward being an absentee father. Yeah that makes sense. Who would ever think to connect being absent and being an absentee father?
....as someone who HAD an absentee Father.....a dude going on a ONE WEEK VACATION AND THEN COMING HOME....is not an Absentee Father....and I personally think its GROSS that the OP used her own husbands TRAUMA WITH HIS FATHER to say "by taking this vacation you're gonna end up like your dad"....it possible that yeah in his mind things SEEMED to be going better then they were, OP herself says she hadn't been willing to talk about how stressed she ACTUALLY WAS.... I think they should have sat down and have an adult convo but turning his own Trauma against him and acting like a ONE WEEK VACATION would turn into him never spending time with his daughter is INSANE.... I would ALSO be uncomfortable with my partner being gone that long but I WOULD COMPROMISE!! I wouldn't point to their biggest emotional childhood trauma and tell them they r no better....I would be like "Hey a week is too long for me...would you be okay with maybe you only going down for a couple days and then coming back? i know you would still miss out on the rest of the trip but maybe once she's a little older you guys can take another trip"...because the convo OP and him had made it sound like she would NEVER Allow him on a one week trip away OTHER WISE HES BECOMING AN ABSENTEE FATHER
@@Myrathosghost how do you think being an absentee parent starts? I’m not talking about deadbeat dads I’m talking about single parent marriages which is clearly what OP is talking about. Unless he’s a deadbeat from the start, it usually starts with taking time away all while ignoring the signs that the other parent is just as stressed as you are. Then escalates to less and less involvement believing the other parent can fully handle it (or just simply stop caring to help handle it because you’ve become so detached at that point). The issue is not that he took a boy’s trip, it’s the timing in which he took one. If he can go on vacation conscience free during a time when his wife is struggling with a 2 month old, you don’t see how it could escalate later? If was effed up to pull the “you’re turning into your father” card I agree but it’s not crazy to worry about it.
I think it was a thought of "It's just this one time" or "It's just a week here and there, my dad was always absent" but the fact that he was so scared of and focused on becoming like his dad instead of focused on being there for and loving his daughter, it would spiral into a kind of being there but being more like a roommate than a husband and dad.
@@MyrathosghostNah she has a massive wound where the placenta was torn out of her body during birth. She's still injured. She's constantly making food for another human. Two months isn't enough recovery time. He was being a bad parent and deserves to be called out for it. If you see your partner acting like a deadbeat, you call it out. You need to grow up before you have an opinion on married people's business.
My husband had to go on a week long work trip when our first was 6 months old. He arranged for a couple of friends ( a married couple that were thinking about having kids) to help me take care of our son. My husband hated being away from us for a week so much he negotiated with a new job that he would never have to travel.
Baby is only a couple months old. Is the husband willing to postpone for a few more. Babies are a lot easier once they are about 8 months old. That would be a good time for dad to go on his trip and when he gets back, the mother can go on a girls trip for her break. She will miss her baby like crazy and will have baby withdrawals for the first day or so, but as long as she has FaceTime with baby everyday, she will start to relax and enjoy her break. It's easier to start planning baby's first birthday when you're more relaxed. 😊
Second story: Ah, the classic "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. If she's invited, she's gonna be a nuisance, if she's not invited, she's still gonna be a nuisance. I stopped associating with people who likes to comment on other people's lives. I'm pretty vocal about my opinion of letting people live their lives the way they want as long as they're not damaging other people.
I love how the vegan friend said why wouldn't you trust me to handle myself. Um, because you haven't up to this point. Unfortunately a large number of vegans end up like some dour fundamentalists, always shaking their fists at people telling them they're going to hell.
It's the cynic in me that thinks if OP would have called her out for her nasty comments she'd either flip out or lie and say she won't make the comments at the BBQ and then make the comments anyway or turn the again vs real meat gathering into a serious competition.
Think about it like a deeply religious person, and along with that is the need to convert. As well as sing the praises as well as shame others. And yeah, plenty of their tactics are manipulative and covert - which they know on some level, but justify because they think they're right. She basically presents as, I wasn't wrong, just a smidge heavy handed and will keep doing it, and if you don't let me you are shunning me for now reason and the bad guy. Now I've made you some food, doesn't it feel ~right~ to not be murders. Now you've seen the light, why would you choose darkness? That's this type of vegan chick.
@@robinkholmes7127Oh she def is. It's why she said she'd 'try'. And she's going to explode if the 'i dare you, say it to my face' type of situation she creates in needing to please her smiling face and approve of the vegan 'options' - chemicals and over processed bs, btw - doesn't go how she wants. Or at least gets some converts 😅
The husband knew what was going on. He’s being very selfish to want to bail for for a week and leave his wife with a two month old baby. He’s a grown man and should know better.
Seriously? So for how long? Do you think when the baby is teething is a better time? I don’t think she will ever think it’s a good time, I think she feels like she has him locked in, now that she has the baby to hold over him. A narcissist, male or female, typically has the big transformation after they lock the partner in with a child. I think she will hold the baby over his head for anything & everything now.
@@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq Either YOU'RE that narcissistic male that thinks he's locked in a woman after knocking her up OR a major pickme female that's insufferable making excuses for a poor excuse of this man child husband and father. 🙄
@@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq Nice projection there bud. It was actually extremely inconsiderate and selfish on HIS part to plan a trip away for a week knowing his child would be a newborn at the time. Also, once you have a family MATURE and RESPONSIBLE people understand that your family is the most important priority. Going on a week long trip is what you do when you are single, or at the very least child-free. Why should all the of the child rearing be up to the mother? Both of them are the parents. Neither one of the parents are "narcissists." That's an extreme take on your part.
s2: NTA. the problem is never the veganism, the problem is always the holier-than-thou attitude. imagine celebrating something with a barbeque, inviting all your friends and family, and instead of "congratulations" you get to hear "DoN't YoU fEeL bAd FoR eAtiNg BeEf, YoU mOnStEr?". naw, this is a beast of her own making.
💯 you can substitute vegan ism with any religion or hobby, e.g. yoga or something and anyone can respond with "Why are you being such a Debbie Downer? Let us be ourselves!"
The minute her car leaves the driveway, he'd be on the phone to mom! As soon as she turns the corner, he'll be in the car! He most likely packed the diaper bag last night😢!!! OP's break? After the kid has learned how to talk because, how can he be expected to know what they need if they only cry & can't say what's wrong🤔??? After they learned how to walk because, he can't possibly carry a baby, the bag, and the stroller or playpen, all to the car by himself! What would he do, leave the baby in the car to make several trips to get the rest or leave a teeny tiny defenseless baby all alone while he packs up the car with everything the baby needs to have on an outing😫??? He probably thinks that OP should have a break until the kid is out of the house because, he could need something & what would happen if OP wasn't there to help😲??? Personally I wonder if OP has realized that her husband's word/promises are worthless, yet😢???
Why is he still friends with this woman? They clearly have very different views and she's a downer every time she appears. Just because you were friends when you were young doesn't mean you have to stay friends in the future. I've got a lot of people I was close with growing up who are just people I know now. Either I changed or they did, but we grew apart and life took us in different directions. It's time to start putting distance between OP and Lily. Decades ago my aunt went vegetarian. Vegan wasn't a thing then. She was very vocal about it and my mom (her sister) just told her to shut the F up and if she didn't like it she was welcome to leave. There were plenty of vegetarian options for my aunt, but she wasn't the arbiter of what anyyone else put in their mouth. Eat the turkey, don't eat the turkey. Just don't complain when everyone else eats it. My aunt never said a word about it after that. She is now back to eating meat on occasion, and respects other peoples choices. I suppose it's my age. I'm very happy to accept people as they are, and if they have a political or social viewpoint different to mine then that's great. Just don't demand everyone else bow to your viewpoint, it won't fly in my house. My mom taught me well and I'll happily shut someone down if they start getting on their moral high horse. If it ends a friendship so be it. You do you, I'll do me. I won't criticise you about your choices, kindly do me the same courtesy.
@@adelucas4824 True, I've seen the excuse "but I grew up with this person" used to justify not cutting off a toxic person no matter how bad they get. You see a lot of this in the toxic bridesmaid stories.
@@IzzyPR2010 Those annoy me. If someone is being awful and taking advantage why don't they just bow out? I'd never spend a fortune on seven bridal events and change my hair or lose weight to fit a brides "vision". If losing weight was that easy I'd have lost it already.
Meanwhile the mom going through new body changes, being a human milk dispenser, gave birth, still healing, and feeling over whelmed has to feel sorry for him. Jesus. Motherhood never ceases to sound awful
No, she has great friends who are making sure she sees that she isnt the only one dealing with everything that comes with parenthood and caring for a pregnant woman/new mom and new baby. Women only have to worry about baby according to you and society. But men are supposed to care for the wife and the new baby. Pregnancy and parenthood affect BOTH PARENTS. Not just mom. So dad deserves a break ONE TIME A YEAR"
I love how OP #2 *STILL* wimped out of telling Lily the truth!! The only reason they actually got a decent resolution is because Lily is somewhat self-aware...
Maybe someone in her family finally ripped Lily a new one for her snippy comments at a family dinner. "Dammit, Lily! Your mom and I have been eating meatballs since before you were even born and we're not going to stop now, so STFU!"
I'm reminded of an episode from Teen Titans where Beast Boy tries to get Raven to try tofu dogs. Her response was quite eloquent. " I respect the fact that you don't eat meat, please respect the fact that I don't eat fake meat".
I don't get men who don't want to help with the baby. That's your child, sir. You're no longer some frat boy party animal that has all the time to waste on booze and crap shooting, you now have responsibilities that you need to prioritize. Sure, take a break every now and then. But leaving your wife for a week while she has a newborn is just... I can't imagine how hurt she will be, feeling abandoned and all that.
@damiang888 I've met plenty of men who spend very little time with their kids. you probably haven't noticed because if it isn't blatant, most men don't notice
It was explained in this story, he had an absent dad, so he became an absent dad due to focusing on his fears. What I don't get is people who don't really talk things through until they can't undo a decision, like a baby.
I don't understand it either. Bringing another human into the world is such a big deal and there needs to be discussions, putting everything out in the open with insecurities and fears.
OP2 didn't not invite her because of her dietary choices. It's because of her BEHAVIOR. There is no way Lily would keep her mouth shut, even if she promised she would behave. Sure OP could have talked to her about it, but I don't blame him for not wanting drama at his bbq. I personally probably would have invited her but warned her that the very first antagonistic word out of her mouth, she would leave. And I would stick to that. Hell, I would call the cops if I had to get her off my property, call me dramatic. Maybe I am a little defensive as with my disabilities and medication (things I cannot help)I have to have a high protein diet, which includes animal protein as my body absorbs it best. So maybe this inadvertently became a touchy subject for me since I have had to deal with people shaming me for things I cannot help.
"I need a break!" From what? Watching his wife do everything? Going to bed early while his wife stays up? Planning his fun trip? How exhausting for the poor guy. /s Few things grind my gears more than men who whine about having to take care of their own child.
How scary, being a married single mother. Women who opt for motherhood and marriage are very brave because men can promise all kinds of things and then just turn on you once you're stuck with a kid and trapped in a marriage.
My God who hurt you. Look you're a brave person if you opt for marriage or parenthood. Don't go throwing around this statement when regardless of gender a narcissist will lie and often abuse their partner
@@fishbowl5308is more common for men to not participate tho, they feel like is the mother responsability and they are just helping when is their child too
He "deserves a break" and it's "important for him to have some time away"? Okay, when will OP get a break and some time away? If she left husband with the child for 1 week when he gets back, I bet he would throw a fit and say it's unfair. Those "friends" would probably also say she's "abandoning her child". The first few months are both incredibly difficult and incredibly important. He can have his boy's trip when the child is 1 year old, but not when she's only two damn months
This is selfish behavior. A newborn is very different than a year, or toddler. As a new parent, you can’t just up and leave for a fun trip once the baby JUST came into the world. Husband doesn’t want to be like his sperm donor, but he’s basically one step out the door to become like him. But hopefully after that talk, he’ll try to be a better father to his child and a good, reliable husband for OP.
It’s so sad people can be this oblivious. He’s not even that active per both of them yet needs time away. For what?!? Man up and be a dad! The vegan is totally not going to be able to keep quiet 😂😂. Not because she’s vegan but because she likes criticizing.
Story 2, this wouldn't happen tome, because if a friend became some sort of activist (I'm sure it took time for it to happen) then i'd start pulling away, I love my food and hearing someone talking that way would ruin any get together, so i'd be separating myself from the Drama
Story 2. Nta. Sometimes you just have to Ask yourself are the people I have around me are a positive In my life or they are they negative. I found out im a lot happier when I cut out the ladder.
Story2: if all these people actually know Lily then they should also know without being told exactly why she wasn’t invited to a BBQ. And calling someone who constantly ruins meals a friend is a real stretch, so I would have to tell her that. If it ends the friendship, further proof that she wasn’t a true friend.
I'm not even done with the full first story and I'm like "need a break"? "Helping out?" That's your baby, son - just like the mother, you get a break in 18+ *years* when your baby is grown. (Of course breaks can and should happen, but in this circumstance I'm pointing out that no one gets to 100% leave their young baby for multiple days for a fun trip without being a bad parent - mothers don't even get the option, so why do fathers?) Where's her week-long trip with the girls while you take care of YOUR CHILD alone, huh? Where's the mutual care of the baby YOU MADE? Post-update: Listen, I get fears of parenthood with a potentially traumatic past and needing a break from stress and everything, but...this guy responded to his fears of being an absentee parent by becoming an absentee parent?? This should've been hashed out *before* pregnancy, not months after the child was born. Family and individual therapy is a must in this case to prevent a backslide, resentment, and bad childrearing.
Completely agree with most of this, but left scratching my head at the take that taking a couple days trip when you have a baby makes you a bad parent? So, what, if parents to 6 months old take a weekend vacation for 3 days while the grandparents watch the baby, they’re bad parents? Seems a little too black and white, and too extreme to me. Also, I don’t get the “women don’t even get that option” part since you said with a young baby, not when she’s pregnant. Mothers can and have taken vacations without their babies before so I guess I’m not sure what you mean by “no option” lol, sorry. But everything else? Spot on, 100% agreed!
@@theseyi What I meant was that a parent who goes on vacation that fully disengages them - as in not helping prepare beforehand (things like getting an actual babysitter or grandparent ready to help/take over duties, pumping for breastfeeding babies, stuff like that) from their young baby is not being a good parent. That's why I said "100% leave their young baby for multiple days for a fun trip" specifically. Things like properly-planned weekends away, work trips, hospital stays, etc are not the same as leaving for a week-long bros trip where you don't have to even think about your baby. "Women don't get the option" to leave their newborns/young babies alone for multiple days to go on a purely-fun, no-engagement trip. At least, not without getting shamed for it. Even OP pointed out that it wasn't an option for her to take a week-long vacation so soon after birth like her husband was planning. I think the disconnect here was that I was talking about a specific situation (ie. multi-day fun-only trip with a baby under 6 months old), and you're talking generally. The "no break for 18+ years" thing was an exagerration to get my point across that even vacationing mothers are expected to care about/for their children at pretty much any age, so why shouldn't this new father be held to the same standard? Hope this helps!
@ yes, that helps a lot. With the context given, I 100% stand with you then, and agree that women do get pushback, shame, and vitriol FAR more than men do for this kind of situation. Thank you for clarifying!
This! AND his word & promises mean nothing! I'm surprised nobody mentioned that! He's a liar & when he made that promise, he intended to not keep it, or up until now, OP has always caved to his wants OR has been tricked into thinking, that things that he wants, she thought of/came up with the idea😮!!! Maybe he's a master manipulator? Is he a "if you do this now, I'll do that later, but really, I'll come up with a good reason not to" kinda guy? 💔!!!
@@EricFant The idea of leaving my daughter for a week was unthinkable to me when she was 2, much less under a year! Why have kids if you can't stand to spend the time with them that they need?
Easy. After Hubby comes home, leave him with baby for a week and take a spa or beach trip with the girls or by yourself. Moms need a break, too. Story 2: BFF is total buzzkill. That’s why she wasn’t invited. All of friends are free to host BFF out of their own pockets if they care so much. 🙄
S2 "I'm not excluding you based on your dietary choices, I'm excluding you based on your overbearing attitude towards everyone that doesn't follow the same choices. The passive-aggressiveness, the attempt at guilt tripping everyone, THAT is why I didn't invite you"
Got to love the old good excuse I'm scared of becoming a father so I'm going to ignore you and my unborn child because that's my excuse to get away with my terrible behavior as a spouse and as soon to be father yeah a great way to let your significant other know you don't give a crap
These horror stories make me so grateful that my husband never did anything like that. Neither of us went anywhere until our son was 7 months old, or our daughter was 5 months old (she was a super happy, easy baby). Going away overnight is one thing, but he's gonna be gone for a whole week! That's insane! Do OP's friends not have kids?
S1: I don't think this relationship will survive long enough unless both take therapy, couple, and personal, Jake had a lot of unresolved trauma, and op had now doubts.
Story 1: (NTA) So based on the title it's another "I can't believe you let me (incert action here)" or a "I didn't think you were serious when you said (incert agreement here)" kind of partner. Couple's counselling or divorce. Another possibility is that Jake is a people pleaser and struggles with saying no to his friends, can say whatever OP wants to here in the moment but when schedules start to clash, he can't take responsibility. Then there's the issue of Jake making this promise and seemingly not seeing that OP was struggling with the baby and once confronted, realising his mistake. "My parents are nearby to help." is that what he's going to do? Just call his parents when he's parenting solo while OP's out of the house for a few hours? "I've been looking forward to this trip for months" has he been looking forward to being a dad for months while planning the trip? And yeah, again, he offered to cancel the trip if OP was struggling. He promised! I'd ask him, what other guy stuff, will trump your kid's development and achievements like; school plays, sports days, graduation, scholarly awards and so on? Is his plan to take the child out camping when she's old enough, and start being a dad then? And recently, what has he been telling his friends? "I might have to bail on you guys if OP isn't coping with the baby." or "Yeah, I know I have a baby on the way but OP's got this and she's cool with me going!" And finally, what is OP's relationship like with her in-laws? It's not mentioned. SHOW HIM THE THREAD! "It might hurt his feelings" you telling him, "You need to cancel the trip" already did. Update: So OP had a meltdown, it had to happen. Yep, uninvolved dad, not so untypical. He was afraid of being a bad dad so he planned a guys trip for right after becoming a dad so he'd be away from his kid like his dad was with him... WTF DUDE?! Yeah, it takes a lot of work to become a good dad after having a c**p one. It isn't OP's fault she didn't see Jake's struggles he probably acted normal and definitely never voiced his insecurities. OP drew a line in the sand, which might mean divorce. Jake cancelled the trip, a good start. In the future, open communication. Story 2: (NTA) It depends on how cool the vegan friend is about being around meat and other animal products. Also, she has a right to choose whether or not she wants to take part. Based on the first few sentences, that "friend" sounds toxic. NTA but be ready to end the friendship and possibly others based on the friend-group comments. Maybe it's the cynic in me but even if this friend would tell OP to not make comments about people's food, she could lie and then make comments at the event anyway. Explain your side properly and let people decide. Update: So the vegan friend isn't really toxic just oblivious to how much of a downer she's been. Hopefully the vegan options go over well with the crowd.
I wouldn’t say no, but okay cool, i’ll organize a week long trip for me and my sister in a few months… I did this when my husband wanted to take on a role as president in the sail school/club when our kid was 1. I said cool i’ll take a day out of the week to do my hobbies too👍 he backed off real quick! Now the kids are older and it is easier to be alone with them and we can have a bit of freedom back ❤
I'm glad they worked it out, but who on Earth would go on a trip in the mountains with possibly poor signal, after your partner gave birth, sore from feeding the little baby, hasn't had a proper nights sleep and has yet to get a proper break but knew these facts he still wanted to leave op alone after all of that with a 2 MONTH OLD BABY! That's crazy.
@@ruthsaunders9507 Have you ever given birth? Do you know what it's like having your first ever baby? They don't come with instruction manuals. Learning to breastfeed is a trial in, and of, itself. Having to feed a baby every 3-4 hours, every frikkin' 24 hour cycle, for months at a time? At 2 months, she still in the extremely early stages of motherhood. It's uncharted territory. Mom is bone-weary, her body will take months before it's fully recovered from childbirth (even if the birth itself was completely 'normal'). Being absolutely responsible for the very existence of another living human being is terrifying...but you honestly think being alone with a 2 month old baby for a week is 'cake'? Wow.
@@vrsalcedo7245 When did new mothers become so fragile? Its been twenty years since my last one. If things are that difficult after two months and that's your only responsibility, something is seriously wrong.
S1. NTA. He needs a break, blah blah blah. Is OP breast feeding? If so, how is he helping with that? Is he constantly waking up with OP and the baby? If I were OP I would schedule a week trip for myself after he got back. If breastfeeding, I would pump my butt off so there is enough milk for over a week. S2. NTA. I personally would not attend the BBQ if Lily was invited. I am a carnivore like I was created to be and can't stand people who preach about eating meat.
He's working. The baby stuff is pretty simple once you get into your routine. She doesn't mention any health issues. She doesn't work so things should be pretty simple.
I don't get the idea of taking off for a week with a baby as being okay. Newborn babies need a lot of care, attention, and needs. The idea that he needs a break is a joke.
Story 2: it would be impractical to clean a grill for vegan options. Meat fat and butter is going to be impregnated into the metal because that's part of seasoning a grill. You would need to have a separate grill dedicated to vegan only (not just vegetables since I'm guessing most people would add butter at some point). She would need to bring her own food. But also she needs to stop browbeating omnivores.
My husband is a lacto-ovo vegetarian (allows Dairy & eggs). I joke that we keep a 'kosher kitchen' because I only use certain pots, pans, and utensils to make his food vs. meat dishes for the rest of our family. We keep it strictly separated. I love BBQ, but don't bother doing it at home. The smell of grilling meat would make him nauseous. Having a vegan person over for BBQ would absolutely require having two separate grills. And I would bet within 5 seconds of getting a whiff of grilling meat, the vegan would start in criticizing the meat eaters.
BBQ doesn't necessarily mean every food item is grilled. You could have pre-cooked buns along with various veggie fixings on the side and only grill the meat. Even without any deliberate effort to include the vegan, that'd mean she has the option to just grab a bun, put some lettuce and seasoning in it, and eat that.
Is so frustrating that they think of it as helping when is THEIR kid too, like, you are not supposed to ""help" you are supposed to be all hands on. You are the father, not a friend, is the same responsability and burden
Story 1: NTA, if he wanted a "bro trip" he should have done it at least 2 months before the birth. Neither parent should plan on being away for more than a day or two (unless absolutely required for their job), in the first year o fa birth.
I used to work at a sub shop back in high school. One time a guy in my class came in and ordered the "off-the-menu" meat sub. Most of the meats, and he wanted double of all veggies. I couldn't even close it 🤣
@hayleyz1703 I used to work for a pizza place. When I was in college and we had an old customer who complained about never getting enough anchovies. So I made his next pie with an entire can of anchovies on it. Every bite was anchovy, and it smelled up the kitchen something fierce. That man was a repeat customer from that day and we didn't waste anchovies.
Story 2... It's too bad OP didn't have the coffee date with Lilly sometime before the BBQ, they might have resolved things without all the drama, accusations and hurt feelings.
I hate when people say "he needs a redt of being a parent" WHRN THE MOTHER HAD THE BABY FOR 9 FRICKING MONTHS INSIDE! F him and all the ones saying OP is in the wrong
Babies are stressful but you have to consider the mother too, she’s up most hours of the day with the baby, when does *she* get a break? Absolute joke of a father
Right? After birthing, my body felt like I have been ran over by bus 😂 and the fact I had to look another dependant human was crazy lol. Fathers may go through mental stress but mother go through both mental stress AND physical trauma.
I agree with LG on story too. If she is a close friend, it actually would avoid drama to actually talk to her instead of just uninviting and hoping no one has questions
Unpopular opinion here on Story 1: she should never had agreed to let him plan on going on the trip to begin with…..that’s on her. Stupid on his part? Yes it was but here’s two new parents that had no idea how it would go. I think the real issue was how he was after the baby was born with not helping. I bet if he was all over the parenting duties it would’ve been another story. This ended up ok but it could’ve gone really bad with him being very resentful of her and the baby. Just my opinion.
This is a good sized red flag. What else is he going to put ahead of his wife and daughter in the future. He's being immature. He's a husband and a father now and his friends and 'good time' have to come in a slow third. Watch out OP; this kind of selfish behavior isn't going to stop here.
S1 husband cannot wait to do exactly what his father did. S2 - The name of the party is “barbecue.” That means MEAT. Do you invite a nun to a swinger’s party? Then why invite a vegan to a barbecue?
Lily most DEFINITELY would have made comments and made people uncomfortable. She only claimed she was trying to "dial it back" because she realized that her extremism was starting to get her excluded and not wanting people to be around her.
HE needs a break? You went through pregnancy, childbirth, are still recovering AND breastfeeding. You haven't had a minute's break in a year!! What has he done that he literally could not put down for a second in that time frame? No, you do not deserve the first break, Daddy Dearest. In for a penny, in for a pound. It's your kid, too.
@ love how you immediately resort to petty insults when someone rightly calls you out. I seriously hope someone mollywops that attitude out of you broski
I grew up in dairy country within 3 miles of a slaughterhouse. The one time a vegetarian pulled this on me I looked her in the eye and explained in graphic detail how my burger went from cow to the bun on my plate. She turned green and left. Never bothered me again.
Story 1: I have no sympathy for men who have children and then leave the mother of the infant alone with his newborn because, "they need a break" "they can't sleep" or "they don't have time for work, the dog, their friends AND their baby and its mother". If you're not ready for parenthood, condoms are cheap and easy to use. If you don't want to sign up for the exhausting life with a newborn, hire a live-in nanny, a house cleaner, a cook, and someone to shop for the food to make sure that the new mother "gets a break". Because those are some of the jobs that the new mother is also facing, along with having her body completely transformed in painful and permanent ways by pregnancy, delivery and breastfeeding. And it takes about a year to fully heal and for women who had cesareans, even longer. Plus they're dealing with a newborn with the lifting, bending, reaching and holding on top of abdominal surgery. To say nothing of the extreme hormonal changes. I know someone who said that breastfeeding was more painful that giving birth, and she gave birth without any medication. If you can't face the challenges, it's easy enough to avoid them until you can. Or be honest and admit that you don't want that life.
The 2 worst types of people are 'holier than thou' Vegans, and meat eaters who try to make or trick non-meat eaters into eating meat. My sister in law is a Vegan (she was raised Vegan - she's 60 years old now) and she has NEVER tried to guilt others about what they eat. She will answer questions, usually from children, about what Veganism is and what she does or does not eat, but other than that she's a live and let live type of person. She married my brother, who is basically one of the biggest carnivores ever! They have an agreement. He eats Vegan at home (mainly because he hates cooking and she does cook some amazing Vegan meals), but he eats what he likes whenever he's out and about. He will also get takeout that's meat and she does not object in the slightest because it's not her place to dictate what others eat.
Had to laugh at the last story about the pizza. That customer best be glad he didn’t order from one of the uncommon pizza joints I’ve lived near. There would have been bacon bits, apple slice and tangerine pieces along with anything else they had for toppings added to that “everything” list. Go ahead and process trying to figure out how to eat that!
Story 2: This kind reminds me of a description for those holier than thou vegans - like OP's friend is: "How do you know if someone is a vegan? Just wait 2 minutes they will let you know, regardless of context"
I had to check myself when listening to that first story because my knee-jerk reaction was to wonder what the big deal is. It sucks, but at least he helps out and a week isn't the end of the world, right? There's a lot to be grateful about! If he burns out, that's it - help is over. Don't play yourself, girl! Ugh, no. So here's the deal - many women of my generation (X) and older had pretty hands-off husbands. It was normal for myself and every women in my life to work and/or do most (if not all) of the childcare and domestic stuff. Dads usually tapped in for the fun stuff when the kids were older, or if discipline was needed. The resentment is _strong,_ y'all. That crappy way of living is so ingrained as "a woman's job" (ugh) that it still takes me a moment to process that there are fathers out there who don't get pissy if you ask them to change a diaper or hold the baby while you shower, or who volunteer to take the baby rather than watch you struggle with a baby on your hip while you cook, eat, do chores, etc. I love it _so much_ that these younger generations have much more involved partners and a little more equality is expected! This is how it _should_ be! You shouldn't have to feel deep gratitude when the father of your children participates in their care. Don't let people fool you into thinking this crap stopped in the 50's. Also, huge props to those out there who didn't fall into this BS! Nothing but love for the men who were true partners and women who wouldn't tolerate anything less.
I gave birth this summer. My husband would never leave me alone if I was struggling. If he needs a day away, he makes sure that I have everything that I need and that I'm up for it. He then makes sure that I also get a day away, even if it's just a me day for to have a nice bubble bath and some candy that I want and wasn't able to get when I was pregnant. If your husband promises to be there for you and then backs out, that's selfish. Babies and kids are a two partner commitment as it takes two to tango. One person shouldn't be less involved unless there is some kind of discussion or arrangement going on.
1. NTA. I always side eye men who want to go on holidays so close after the baby has been born. The baby is 2 months old, it needs its father there to support its mother. You couldn't prise me away from looking after my kid for a week and my kid is over 2 years old. The biggest argument I had with my parents was when they wanted me to spend one night away from my kid 4 weeks after birth. No chance. And Jake is scared of being a dad? Well, join the club pal. We all are scared and running away doesn't help.
1) He shouldn't "help", he should be a husband and parent and put his family first taking care of his wife and child, not going off on a bro-trip and leaving his wife and newborn. No one else has any skin in this game so she should ignore any friends input, how OP feels is what matters. His parents nearby is not the same thing. He is an AH for planning this, saying he would cancel but now won't. His parents nearby is not the same thing. Seems he likes the idea of being a father a lot more than actually being one. OP NTA. And she is being reasonable to suggest a compromise of 3 days. After update: Sad that he agreed to be a parent when he really didn't want to be one because he feared turning into his father. It's good they had a conversation and have more understanding now and he made the right choice of being there as a father. 2) If OP accommodated with vegan options and she were to be quiet and just eat her own food it would be an AH move to exclude her, but since she always makes comments that make others uncomfortable, it was reasonable to not want her there. Tell her and others the truth about why. After update: It's good OP and his friend talked and have a better understanding now and they are planning another BBQ where she will introduce vegan options for others to try. 3) LOL, nice MC. Hope that guy enjoyed his pizza with "everything".
2ND story. No, no, no. No. Don't listen to any of the advise. This will be war. Grab a couple of closer female friends and ask for their advise. Figure out your wording and don't attack or put her defences up. If OP had said ' I didn't think it was your scene because of all the raw meet and the fumes coming off the BQQ. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. And I was going to suggest our friends go to a club/movie/Whatever latter this month to meet up. Sorry I hurt your feelings' it would have been fine.
Story 2. Carnivore, omnivores, vegetarian, or vegan. I always make sure to have good food that can feed everyone, and no one complains to the omni/carnivores or the vegetarians. However, while I havd 5 friends that are vegan, all but one is slowly losing her mind and is by far the worst. She once gave the butcher at the supermarket a nearly 1/2 hour lecture about how he should quit his job and become a vegan. The look of horror on her face when he told her he was vegetarian and his job was separate from his personal life choices. Anyway, one thing that many vegans suffer from Is a deficiency of vitamin B12, and outside of a few items, it can only be found in animal products. Vitamin B12 is essential for many bodily functions, including red blood cell formation, DNA synthesis, and nervous system function. A deficiency can lead to anemia, nerve damage, muscle weakness, tingling, numbness, and lapses in mental health stability. Vegans who do not get the necessary daily dose of B12 start to revert to our caveman ancestors. Humans did not develop intelligent brains until we discovered fire and then learned to cook our meat.
Bro was single in his mind. Loved that he came to his senses because ibviipisly he was delusional for wanting to live his wife and 2 months old baby for a week vacation... gosh!
S1: The moral of this story is, *"Don't make a promise you never intended to keep."* The other moral is don't marry a man-child. Ok, manchild is harsh. How about "man with deepseated daddy issues" S2: NTA. He protected his peace and his party from a Militant Vegan.
My husband went on a long weekend gaming trip when I was about 2 months post with 2nd baby (so 3yo and newborn) I was okay with it. I decided to drive the 4.5 hours (because of the breaks with a tiny baby) to my parents. The guy obviously assumed his wife wouldn't ask him not to go when he offered to cancel. Personally if they are driving id suggest he takes his car and will be there for 2-3 days but if you need him he comes home straight away and if you are managing he can stay the duration. It's completely shit of him to book with the offer of him not going and then renaging just for that id probably refuse to compromise!
OP, not the AH. I am only a minute in, and I can see how this is going already. And the sad truth is that most husbands are like this in the end. He made you a promise he never really believed you would actually hold him to. I don't know if it is because men just have no concept of how hard it is to carry a child for nine months, or how tough it is to figure out how to be a mom immediately, or if it is because they just don't care and figure that you had the baby it's your problem, but most men opt out of the newborn stuff as quick as possible. Usually using work as the excuse for leaving the house, and the excuse for you getting no help when they are home. And I am sure you will soon be hearing form hubby dearest how stress out he is. Good luck honey. Almost every mother I know has dealt with it .
I can’t imagine a man planning a trip knowing there will be a newborn at home. This shouldn’t even be an issue. Afraid of being a good dad so decided to not even try to parent.
Oh so he needed a break after carrying a baby for 40 weeks and caring for a 2 month old and breast feeding. You mom, you don’t need a break you can do it alone
The easy fair compromise would be I go on this trip for a week parents will help you then you can try and find a trip so you can have a break away from baby for a week too so you can have rest. Like give and take ya know.
Who even plans a trip when they know they’ll have a newborn at home? And it’s a week long at that. Dude was so wrong to even plan that in the first place.
Story 1: Where's OP's week long break with all her girlies? Oh, she has a child to take care of since she takes care of it with her body? Hmm... Kinda seems like she may need more help with her newborn. OP is totally NTA.
Story 2: The hell does she mean she's "trying" to dial back her comments? Just keep your mouth shut??? It's not that hard to mind your business and not comment on other people's food. Nobody does it to her for being vegan. Honestly, I don't think this peace is gonna last long. It's clear that she's still uncomfortable with people eating meat and still has the urge to food shame people for eating meat. And the friends are ridiculous. Did having vegan options at the restaurants they all went to stop Lily from making comments? No, it didn't, so why on earth would it have stopped Lily if she'd been invited to the BBQ??? And the audacity for Lily to be upset that OP hadn't trusted her to handle herself, excuse me???. She hasn't given OP ANY REASON to believe that she wouldn't just act the way she's always acted when she's invited to eat somewhere that has meat options. NTA, and I feel like even if OP invited her, provided vegan options, AND asked her not to make comments, that she still would have taken it personally and said the exact same thing about OP "trusting her to handle herself better".
Story 1: When your husband made the trip arrangements, there was plenty of time to set a different date, knowing that you would be a new mom at that time. If he cancels to stay with you, he will show his resentment. If he goes, then you will show resentment. Why can't he contact his friends to arrange a different time for this outing? He needs a break, maybe, but don't you need one, too? Edit: Communication wins again. Congratulations to all three of you. Continue to be a happy family.
Vegan story: I had the same worry that the new bbq is going to result in the friend being “see guys isn’t vegan food soooooo much better?! We can just get rid of the meat and you should just try being vegan for awhile!”
Not wanting to leave your newborn is the most natural and logical feeling and you absolutely shouldn't work on it. The baby already has one flaky parent that priorities time with the boys than his newborn. Don't need a mother to work on being neglectful, too.
NTA on the vegan one. We were in a similar position a year ago and got sick of attempted guilt trips and rants so she stopped getting invites. I don't care what people do with their lives at all but I really don't like those that get preachy at others.
S2: Giving unsolicited suggestions, advice, and comments about others dietary choices, is not welcome anywhere, people will feel uncomfortable, and the party vibe will be destroyed, because of her nagging harsh comments. What is funny is the friends who know about her harsh judgements and comments still were supporting her. Also, OP needs to grow some spine and learn to speak the truth what is on his mind. People insulting you for eating meat, is very mean, disrespectful, embarrassing, and humiliating, which could literally backfire and turn out violent in such gatherings. Some people can't tolerate such harsh comments, and may turn out to be hostile.
"Stress of becoming a father". What stress?The mother usually is the one doing most stuff and she was the one to actually carry and pop out the kid, that kind of thing is very tiring and demanding on a woman's body. So really, what stress could he possibly be feeling that it would similar to or greater than OP's?
NTA: This actually sounds like one of those manipulative vegans. She got people involved, to force OPs hand a bit, and said 'because I'm vegan'=because I proselitize and shame others. She said she'd 'try'=it's going to keep happening, and you need to accept that. The 'close enough' + 'whatever happens'=emotional blackmail, if you cut me off for my behaviour, your the bad one. 'trusted her to handle herself better'=You should have never had made this an issue, and should never mention it again. It's manipulation, it's priming him to just roll over or be the ahem, unfeeling pig. And it's the typical vegan tactical move after their 'nothing I actually did was wrong' event, to get people to agree to just 'try' vegan food. To see how great it is. And now in future, it'll be a step further into 'well you're choosing to be evil, since you've had vegan before and liked it'. Think about this vegan chick as a pushy but covert religious missionary. Once they've tried all the things, you might find they get a lot more aggressive about how you're choosing to be bad since you could be good.
"I wouldn't ask unless it was important. _Your parents are not you._ You planned your trip BEFORE you became a dad. You also said you would cancel the trip it if it came to it. Your friends should understand that your new kid comes first. You need to step up more as a dad, or you'll be just like your dad."
Story 1: Idk about this one, it feels like it's going to fall apart eventually. Him mentioning he had been struggling with the thought of having a child but didn't say anything bc she wanted children made me think he actually doesn't want children but went with it bc it'll make OP happy. I believe they're actually not in the same page
I really wish more people would consider whether they ACTUALLY want to have children and all that comes with it (sacrificing free time, going above and beyond to support the growth of that child, etc.) or if they're more intrigued by the idea of leaving a "legacy" or having a cute kiddo because it's the thing to do. It's understandable to some degree but you can't have a baby just cause - just leads to so much unnecessary resentment.
^^^^
I see a history of people please from Jake; he planned the camping trip with his friends to keep them happy, wasn't honest with the OP about the scale of his fears to keep her happy until the baby had already arrived and he couldn't commit. I also think baby classes need to include a lesson on "This is what your daily schedule is going to look like for the next three months" and include a mapped out Google Callander.
I get this, but I thought I was fully prepared for all the sacrifices of having a child, only to be surprised by the reality of it. I'm still glad I have my daughter, but I feel like it's pretty much impossible to be truly prepared for parenthood if you've never been a parent before.
@ I definitely agree, I don’t think anyone is ever 100% ready to have children. I’m just tired of seeing people dive in headfirst when they’re working with a solid 20-30% at best lol I think the gap between the shock at all parenthood encompasses and planning a trip not even 90 days after your child is born is pretty wide. 😂
Who the hell plans a week long trip right after the birth of their child?!?! WHO?!
It seems they were planning before the birth, but it should have been obvious a week after that it was unreasonable to go
Deadbeat asshole sperm donors do
It was planned before the baby.
They were planning before the birth and the answer is a coward.
Yeah pregnacy takes around nine months, and if sooner OP would definitely need him around. OP really picked a winner
So Jake didn’t realize that being absent could be seen as a first step toward being an absentee father. Yeah that makes sense. Who would ever think to connect being absent and being an absentee father?
....as someone who HAD an absentee Father.....a dude going on a ONE WEEK VACATION AND THEN COMING HOME....is not an Absentee Father....and I personally think its GROSS that the OP used her own husbands TRAUMA WITH HIS FATHER to say "by taking this vacation you're gonna end up like your dad"....it possible that yeah in his mind things SEEMED to be going better then they were, OP herself says she hadn't been willing to talk about how stressed she ACTUALLY WAS.... I think they should have sat down and have an adult convo but turning his own Trauma against him and acting like a ONE WEEK VACATION would turn into him never spending time with his daughter is INSANE.... I would ALSO be uncomfortable with my partner being gone that long but I WOULD COMPROMISE!! I wouldn't point to their biggest emotional childhood trauma and tell them they r no better....I would be like "Hey a week is too long for me...would you be okay with maybe you only going down for a couple days and then coming back? i know you would still miss out on the rest of the trip but maybe once she's a little older you guys can take another trip"...because the convo OP and him had made it sound like she would NEVER Allow him on a one week trip away OTHER WISE HES BECOMING AN ABSENTEE FATHER
@@Myrathosghost how do you think being an absentee parent starts? I’m not talking about deadbeat dads I’m talking about single parent marriages which is clearly what OP is talking about. Unless he’s a deadbeat from the start, it usually starts with taking time away all while ignoring the signs that the other parent is just as stressed as you are. Then escalates to less and less involvement believing the other parent can fully handle it (or just simply stop caring to help handle it because you’ve become so detached at that point). The issue is not that he took a boy’s trip, it’s the timing in which he took one. If he can go on vacation conscience free during a time when his wife is struggling with a 2 month old, you don’t see how it could escalate later? If was effed up to pull the “you’re turning into your father” card I agree but it’s not crazy to worry about it.
@@MyrathosghostI think both are new parents and need to properly communicate.
I’m gappy two properly talked it out.
I think it was a thought of "It's just this one time" or "It's just a week here and there, my dad was always absent" but the fact that he was so scared of and focused on becoming like his dad instead of focused on being there for and loving his daughter, it would spiral into a kind of being there but being more like a roommate than a husband and dad.
@@MyrathosghostNah she has a massive wound where the placenta was torn out of her body during birth. She's still injured. She's constantly making food for another human. Two months isn't enough recovery time. He was being a bad parent and deserves to be called out for it. If you see your partner acting like a deadbeat, you call it out. You need to grow up before you have an opinion on married people's business.
My husband had to go on a week long work trip when our first was 6 months old. He arranged for a couple of friends ( a married couple that were thinking about having kids) to help me take care of our son.
My husband hated being away from us for a week so much he negotiated with a new job that he would never have to travel.
Your husband sounds great😊
What’s more important: a bro trip or your wife and baby?
Why is there even a comparison?
Guy in the story: "Bro Trip!... wait... that might be a trick question....I know! Bro trip!"
Because we women are taught that we must compromise because we women are the doormats of society
"But he needs a break" a break from what, barely parenting?
Well I assume he has more fun with the bros, but if he was ever dumb enough to actually say that to her, I doubt he’d be married…
Baby is only a couple months old. Is the husband willing to postpone for a few more. Babies are a lot easier once they are about 8 months old. That would be a good time for dad to go on his trip and when he gets back, the mother can go on a girls trip for her break. She will miss her baby like crazy and will have baby withdrawals for the first day or so, but as long as she has FaceTime with baby everyday, she will start to relax and enjoy her break. It's easier to start planning baby's first birthday when you're more relaxed. 😊
Second story: Ah, the classic "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario. If she's invited, she's gonna be a nuisance, if she's not invited, she's still gonna be a nuisance.
I stopped associating with people who likes to comment on other people's lives. I'm pretty vocal about my opinion of letting people live their lives the way they want as long as they're not damaging other people.
I love how the vegan friend said why wouldn't you trust me to handle myself. Um, because you haven't up to this point. Unfortunately a large number of vegans end up like some dour fundamentalists, always shaking their fists at people telling them they're going to hell.
Or, like hypocritical Evangelicals, we only hear from the militant, preachy, pushy ones, then assume all of them are the same.
😂
It's the cynic in me that thinks if OP would have called her out for her nasty comments she'd either flip out or lie and say she won't make the comments at the BBQ and then make the comments anyway or turn the again vs real meat gathering into a serious competition.
Think about it like a deeply religious person, and along with that is the need to convert. As well as sing the praises as well as shame others. And yeah, plenty of their tactics are manipulative and covert - which they know on some level, but justify because they think they're right.
She basically presents as, I wasn't wrong, just a smidge heavy handed and will keep doing it, and if you don't let me you are shunning me for now reason and the bad guy. Now I've made you some food, doesn't it feel ~right~ to not be murders. Now you've seen the light, why would you choose darkness? That's this type of vegan chick.
@@robinkholmes7127Oh she def is. It's why she said she'd 'try'. And she's going to explode if the 'i dare you, say it to my face' type of situation she creates in needing to please her smiling face and approve of the vegan 'options' - chemicals and over processed bs, btw - doesn't go how she wants. Or at least gets some converts 😅
The husband knew what was going on. He’s being very selfish to want to bail for for a week and leave his wife with a two month old baby. He’s a grown man and should know better.
Seriously? So for how long? Do you think when the baby is teething is a better time? I don’t think she will ever think it’s a good time, I think she feels like she has him locked in, now that she has the baby to hold over him. A narcissist, male or female, typically has the big transformation after they lock the partner in with a child. I think she will hold the baby over his head for anything & everything now.
@ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq r/MenHatingWomenForSimplyExisting
@@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq Either YOU'RE that narcissistic male that thinks he's locked in a woman after knocking her up OR a major pickme female that's insufferable making excuses for a poor excuse of this man child husband and father. 🙄
@@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq Nice projection there bud. It was actually extremely inconsiderate and selfish on HIS part to plan a trip away for a week knowing his child would be a newborn at the time.
Also, once you have a family MATURE and RESPONSIBLE people understand that your family is the most important priority. Going on a week long trip is what you do when you are single, or at the very least child-free. Why should all the of the child rearing be up to the mother? Both of them are the parents.
Neither one of the parents are "narcissists." That's an extreme take on your part.
s2: NTA. the problem is never the veganism, the problem is always the holier-than-thou attitude. imagine celebrating something with a barbeque, inviting all your friends and family, and instead of "congratulations" you get to hear "DoN't YoU fEeL bAd FoR eAtiNg BeEf, YoU mOnStEr?". naw, this is a beast of her own making.
💯 you can substitute vegan ism with any religion or hobby, e.g. yoga or something and anyone can respond with "Why are you being such a Debbie Downer? Let us be ourselves!"
Thank you, the friend has made it clear she doesn't respect other peoples choices. OP would basically be choosing her over everyone
@@TordenFaaret My answer to "don't you feel bad about eating meat" is to take another bite, chew it carefully, smile and say... "No"
OH?? When does OP get time away? Is he going to give her a week break with his parents backing him up in exchange?
He'd hand the baby off to his parents and do nothing.
The minute her car leaves the driveway, he'd be on the phone to mom! As soon as she turns the corner, he'll be in the car! He most likely packed the diaper bag last night😢!!!
OP's break? After the kid has learned how to talk because, how can he be expected to know what they need if they only cry & can't say what's wrong🤔??? After they learned how to walk because, he can't possibly carry a baby, the bag, and the stroller or playpen, all to the car by himself! What would he do, leave the baby in the car to make several trips to get the rest or leave a teeny tiny defenseless baby all alone while he packs up the car with everything the baby needs to have on an outing😫???
He probably thinks that OP should have a break until the kid is out of the house because, he could need something & what would happen if OP wasn't there to help😲???
Personally I wonder if OP has realized that her husband's word/promises are worthless, yet😢???
Second Post - Inform her that it is her attitude towards others' dietary habits that got her uninvited.
Inform the rest of the friend group too, in case she twists the story.
Story 2, those friends who complained when they found out that Lily wasn't invited are all idiots if they already knew the kind of person she was.
Why is he still friends with this woman? They clearly have very different views and she's a downer every time she appears. Just because you were friends when you were young doesn't mean you have to stay friends in the future. I've got a lot of people I was close with growing up who are just people I know now. Either I changed or they did, but we grew apart and life took us in different directions. It's time to start putting distance between OP and Lily.
Decades ago my aunt went vegetarian. Vegan wasn't a thing then. She was very vocal about it and my mom (her sister) just told her to shut the F up and if she didn't like it she was welcome to leave. There were plenty of vegetarian options for my aunt, but she wasn't the arbiter of what anyyone else put in their mouth. Eat the turkey, don't eat the turkey. Just don't complain when everyone else eats it. My aunt never said a word about it after that. She is now back to eating meat on occasion, and respects other peoples choices.
I suppose it's my age. I'm very happy to accept people as they are, and if they have a political or social viewpoint different to mine then that's great. Just don't demand everyone else bow to your viewpoint, it won't fly in my house. My mom taught me well and I'll happily shut someone down if they start getting on their moral high horse. If it ends a friendship so be it. You do you, I'll do me. I won't criticise you about your choices, kindly do me the same courtesy.
@@adelucas4824 True, I've seen the excuse "but I grew up with this person" used to justify not cutting off a toxic person no matter how bad they get. You see a lot of this in the toxic bridesmaid stories.
@@IzzyPR2010 Those annoy me. If someone is being awful and taking advantage why don't they just bow out? I'd never spend a fortune on seven bridal events and change my hair or lose weight to fit a brides "vision". If losing weight was that easy I'd have lost it already.
i have to wonder how thick the other friends' skins are, do they not notice her comments?
"All the stress of becoming a new dad." Ma'am, you need new friends.
Yeah... I mean, he is not doing almost anything for 9 months and, he wants to "take a break"?
He wants to take a break " too"!? When did op get a break, then? A couple of days in hospital when she gave birth?
..."stress of becoming a new dad" - WTF did HE do for 9 months??? SPECTATE. HE WAS AN ONLOOKER. OP did the work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile the mom going through new body changes, being a human milk dispenser, gave birth, still healing, and feeling over whelmed has to feel sorry for him. Jesus. Motherhood never ceases to sound awful
No, she has great friends who are making sure she sees that she isnt the only one dealing with everything that comes with parenthood and caring for a pregnant woman/new mom and new baby. Women only have to worry about baby according to you and society. But men are supposed to care for the wife and the new baby.
Pregnancy and parenthood affect BOTH PARENTS. Not just mom. So dad deserves a break ONE TIME A YEAR"
I love how OP #2 *STILL* wimped out of telling Lily the truth!!
The only reason they actually got a decent resolution is because Lily is somewhat self-aware...
"The only reason they actually got a decent resolution is because Lily is somewhat self-aware..." let's hope, I want a post vegan option BBQ update.
Maybe someone in her family finally ripped Lily a new one for her snippy comments at a family dinner. "Dammit, Lily! Your mom and I have been eating meatballs since before you were even born and we're not going to stop now, so STFU!"
I'm reminded of an episode from Teen Titans where Beast Boy tries to get Raven to try tofu dogs. Her response was quite eloquent. " I respect the fact that you don't eat meat, please respect the fact that I don't eat fake meat".
I don't get men who don't want to help with the baby. That's your child, sir. You're no longer some frat boy party animal that has all the time to waste on booze and crap shooting, you now have responsibilities that you need to prioritize.
Sure, take a break every now and then. But leaving your wife for a week while she has a newborn is just... I can't imagine how hurt she will be, feeling abandoned and all that.
Never met anyone who acted like this, but tbh, it doesn't sound like a person who I could be friends or even casual acquaintances.
@damiang888 I've met plenty of men who spend very little time with their kids. you probably haven't noticed because if it isn't blatant, most men don't notice
...it's because they AREN'T MEN - THEY'RE BOYS RAISED BY MAMMY MULE BOY MOMS AND NARC FATHERS!
It was explained in this story, he had an absent dad, so he became an absent dad due to focusing on his fears. What I don't get is people who don't really talk things through until they can't undo a decision, like a baby.
I don't understand it either. Bringing another human into the world is such a big deal and there needs to be discussions, putting everything out in the open with insecurities and fears.
OP2 didn't not invite her because of her dietary choices. It's because of her BEHAVIOR. There is no way Lily would keep her mouth shut, even if she promised she would behave. Sure OP could have talked to her about it, but I don't blame him for not wanting drama at his bbq. I personally probably would have invited her but warned her that the very first antagonistic word out of her mouth, she would leave. And I would stick to that. Hell, I would call the cops if I had to get her off my property, call me dramatic. Maybe I am a little defensive as with my disabilities and medication (things I cannot help)I have to have a high protein diet, which includes animal protein as my body absorbs it best. So maybe this inadvertently became a touchy subject for me since I have had to deal with people shaming me for things I cannot help.
"I need a break!" From what? Watching his wife do everything? Going to bed early while his wife stays up? Planning his fun trip? How exhausting for the poor guy. /s
Few things grind my gears more than men who whine about having to take care of their own child.
Empathy, learn it
@@mylifewithautism3958yeah the husband should learn it.
@ no, you should, nice try at deflecting though, not
How scary, being a married single mother. Women who opt for motherhood and marriage are very brave because men can promise all kinds of things and then just turn on you once you're stuck with a kid and trapped in a marriage.
My God who hurt you. Look you're a brave person if you opt for marriage or parenthood. Don't go throwing around this statement when regardless of gender a narcissist will lie and often abuse their partner
@@fishbowl5308is more common for men to not participate tho, they feel like is the mother responsability and they are just helping when is their child too
He "deserves a break" and it's "important for him to have some time away"? Okay, when will OP get a break and some time away? If she left husband with the child for 1 week when he gets back, I bet he would throw a fit and say it's unfair. Those "friends" would probably also say she's "abandoning her child". The first few months are both incredibly difficult and incredibly important. He can have his boy's trip when the child is 1 year old, but not when she's only two damn months
Oh he would dump the baby on his mom within the first two days if she went on vacation.
This is selfish behavior. A newborn is very different than a year, or toddler. As a new parent, you can’t just up and leave for a fun trip once the baby JUST came into the world. Husband doesn’t want to be like his sperm donor, but he’s basically one step out the door to become like him. But hopefully after that talk, he’ll try to be a better father to his child and a good, reliable husband for OP.
The baby is two months old. A lot of mothers are already back at work by then. She doesn't have to worry about that.
@ruthsaunders9507 are you an absentee dad?
It’s so sad people can be this oblivious. He’s not even that active per both of them yet needs time away. For what?!? Man up and be a dad!
The vegan is totally not going to be able to keep quiet 😂😂. Not because she’s vegan but because she likes criticizing.
Story 2, this wouldn't happen tome, because if a friend became some sort of activist (I'm sure it took time for it to happen) then i'd start pulling away, I love my food and hearing someone talking that way would ruin any get together, so i'd be separating myself from the Drama
Story 2. Nta. Sometimes you just have to Ask yourself are the people I have around me are a positive In my life or they are they negative.
I found out im a lot happier when I cut out the ladder.
Story2: if all these people actually know Lily then they should also know without being told exactly why she wasn’t invited to a BBQ. And calling someone who constantly ruins meals a friend is a real stretch, so I would have to tell her that. If it ends the friendship, further proof that she wasn’t a true friend.
I'm not even done with the full first story and I'm like "need a break"? "Helping out?"
That's your baby, son - just like the mother, you get a break in 18+ *years* when your baby is grown. (Of course breaks can and should happen, but in this circumstance I'm pointing out that no one gets to 100% leave their young baby for multiple days for a fun trip without being a bad parent - mothers don't even get the option, so why do fathers?) Where's her week-long trip with the girls while you take care of YOUR CHILD alone, huh? Where's the mutual care of the baby YOU MADE?
Post-update: Listen, I get fears of parenthood with a potentially traumatic past and needing a break from stress and everything, but...this guy responded to his fears of being an absentee parent by becoming an absentee parent?? This should've been hashed out *before* pregnancy, not months after the child was born. Family and individual therapy is a must in this case to prevent a backslide, resentment, and bad childrearing.
Completely agree with most of this, but left scratching my head at the take that taking a couple days trip when you have a baby makes you a bad parent? So, what, if parents to 6 months old take a weekend vacation for 3 days while the grandparents watch the baby, they’re bad parents? Seems a little too black and white, and too extreme to me.
Also, I don’t get the “women don’t even get that option” part since you said with a young baby, not when she’s pregnant. Mothers can and have taken vacations without their babies before so I guess I’m not sure what you mean by “no option” lol, sorry.
But everything else? Spot on, 100% agreed!
@@theseyi What I meant was that a parent who goes on vacation that fully disengages them - as in not helping prepare beforehand (things like getting an actual babysitter or grandparent ready to help/take over duties, pumping for breastfeeding babies, stuff like that) from their young baby is not being a good parent. That's why I said "100% leave their young baby for multiple days for a fun trip" specifically.
Things like properly-planned weekends away, work trips, hospital stays, etc are not the same as leaving for a week-long bros trip where you don't have to even think about your baby.
"Women don't get the option" to leave their newborns/young babies alone for multiple days to go on a purely-fun, no-engagement trip. At least, not without getting shamed for it. Even OP pointed out that it wasn't an option for her to take a week-long vacation so soon after birth like her husband was planning.
I think the disconnect here was that I was talking about a specific situation (ie. multi-day fun-only trip with a baby under 6 months old), and you're talking generally. The "no break for 18+ years" thing was an exagerration to get my point across that even vacationing mothers are expected to care about/for their children at pretty much any age, so why shouldn't this new father be held to the same standard? Hope this helps!
@ yes, that helps a lot. With the context given, I 100% stand with you then, and agree that women do get pushback, shame, and vitriol FAR more than men do for this kind of situation.
Thank you for clarifying!
Jake was a PoS for even considering going on such a trip any time within the first year of his kid's birth.
This! AND his word & promises mean nothing! I'm surprised nobody mentioned that! He's a liar & when he made that promise, he intended to not keep it, or up until now, OP has always caved to his wants OR has been tricked into thinking, that things that he wants, she thought of/came up with the idea😮!!! Maybe he's a master manipulator? Is he a "if you do this now, I'll do that later, but really, I'll come up with a good reason not to" kinda guy? 💔!!!
A year?! That's unreasonable. Definitely spoken like someone who doesn't have children.
@@EricFant You'd seriously bounce on your wife for a week during the first year of your child's life?
Well, we found the shitty husband/father.
@@EricFant The idea of leaving my daughter for a week was unthinkable to me when she was 2, much less under a year! Why have kids if you can't stand to spend the time with them that they need?
@@ettinakitten5047 Found the helicopter parent.
Easy. After Hubby comes home, leave him with baby for a week and take a spa or beach trip with the girls or by yourself. Moms need a break, too.
Story 2: BFF is total buzzkill. That’s why she wasn’t invited. All of friends are free to host BFF out of their own pockets if they care so much. 🙄
S2 "I'm not excluding you based on your dietary choices, I'm excluding you based on your overbearing attitude towards everyone that doesn't follow the same choices. The passive-aggressiveness, the attempt at guilt tripping everyone, THAT is why I didn't invite you"
She needs a break too. She'll never be as comfortable with his parents as he is. That arrangement may add to her stress level.
Got to love the old good excuse I'm scared of becoming a father so I'm going to ignore you and my unborn child because that's my excuse to get away with my terrible behavior as a spouse and as soon to be father yeah a great way to let your significant other know you don't give a crap
These horror stories make me so grateful that my husband never did anything like that. Neither of us went anywhere until our son was 7 months old, or our daughter was 5 months old (she was a super happy, easy baby).
Going away overnight is one thing, but he's gonna be gone for a whole week! That's insane!
Do OP's friends not have kids?
S1: I don't think this relationship will survive long enough unless both take therapy, couple, and personal, Jake had a lot of unresolved trauma, and op had now doubts.
Story 1, I have enrolled Jake in the 'Self-Awareness 101" course at his local university extension.
Story 1: (NTA) So based on the title it's another "I can't believe you let me (incert action here)" or a "I didn't think you were serious when you said (incert agreement here)" kind of partner. Couple's counselling or divorce. Another possibility is that Jake is a people pleaser and struggles with saying no to his friends, can say whatever OP wants to here in the moment but when schedules start to clash, he can't take responsibility. Then there's the issue of Jake making this promise and seemingly not seeing that OP was struggling with the baby and once confronted, realising his mistake. "My parents are nearby to help." is that what he's going to do? Just call his parents when he's parenting solo while OP's out of the house for a few hours? "I've been looking forward to this trip for months" has he been looking forward to being a dad for months while planning the trip? And yeah, again, he offered to cancel the trip if OP was struggling. He promised! I'd ask him, what other guy stuff, will trump your kid's development and achievements like; school plays, sports days, graduation, scholarly awards and so on? Is his plan to take the child out camping when she's old enough, and start being a dad then? And recently, what has he been telling his friends? "I might have to bail on you guys if OP isn't coping with the baby." or "Yeah, I know I have a baby on the way but OP's got this and she's cool with me going!" And finally, what is OP's relationship like with her in-laws? It's not mentioned. SHOW HIM THE THREAD! "It might hurt his feelings" you telling him, "You need to cancel the trip" already did.
Update: So OP had a meltdown, it had to happen. Yep, uninvolved dad, not so untypical. He was afraid of being a bad dad so he planned a guys trip for right after becoming a dad so he'd be away from his kid like his dad was with him... WTF DUDE?! Yeah, it takes a lot of work to become a good dad after having a c**p one. It isn't OP's fault she didn't see Jake's struggles he probably acted normal and definitely never voiced his insecurities. OP drew a line in the sand, which might mean divorce. Jake cancelled the trip, a good start. In the future, open communication.
Story 2: (NTA) It depends on how cool the vegan friend is about being around meat and other animal products. Also, she has a right to choose whether or not she wants to take part. Based on the first few sentences, that "friend" sounds toxic. NTA but be ready to end the friendship and possibly others based on the friend-group comments. Maybe it's the cynic in me but even if this friend would tell OP to not make comments about people's food, she could lie and then make comments at the event anyway. Explain your side properly and let people decide.
Update: So the vegan friend isn't really toxic just oblivious to how much of a downer she's been. Hopefully the vegan options go over well with the crowd.
I wouldn’t say no, but okay cool, i’ll organize a week long trip for me and my sister in a few months…
I did this when my husband wanted to take on a role as president in the sail school/club when our kid was 1. I said cool i’ll take a day out of the week to do my hobbies too👍 he backed off real quick!
Now the kids are older and it is easier to be alone with them and we can have a bit of freedom back ❤
I'm glad they worked it out, but who on Earth would go on a trip in the mountains with possibly poor signal, after your partner gave birth, sore from feeding the little baby, hasn't had a proper nights sleep and has yet to get a proper break but knew these facts he still wanted to leave op alone after all of that with a 2 MONTH OLD BABY! That's crazy.
Two months old. Mother healed and has no long term issues. She doesn't work so she should have it pretty easy.
@@ruthsaunders9507must be nice living in delulu land.
@@itsjustmaddisen Its one baby and she didn't list any special problems. Should be cake.
@@ruthsaunders9507 Have you ever given birth? Do you know what it's like having your first ever baby? They don't come with instruction manuals. Learning to breastfeed is a trial in, and of, itself. Having to feed a baby every 3-4 hours, every frikkin' 24 hour cycle, for months at a time? At 2 months, she still in the extremely early stages of motherhood. It's uncharted territory. Mom is bone-weary, her body will take months before it's fully recovered from childbirth (even if the birth itself was completely 'normal'). Being absolutely responsible for the very existence of another living human being is terrifying...but you honestly think being alone with a 2 month old baby for a week is 'cake'? Wow.
@@vrsalcedo7245 When did new mothers become so fragile? Its been twenty years since my last one. If things are that difficult after two months and that's your only responsibility, something is seriously wrong.
S1. NTA. He needs a break, blah blah blah. Is OP breast feeding? If so, how is he helping with that? Is he constantly waking up with OP and the baby? If I were OP I would schedule a week trip for myself after he got back. If breastfeeding, I would pump my butt off so there is enough milk for over a week.
S2. NTA. I personally would not attend the BBQ if Lily was invited. I am a carnivore like I was created to be and can't stand people who preach about eating meat.
He's working. The baby stuff is pretty simple once you get into your routine. She doesn't mention any health issues. She doesn't work so things should be pretty simple.
I don't get the idea of taking off for a week with a baby as being okay. Newborn babies need a lot of care, attention, and needs. The idea that he needs a break is a joke.
Story 2: it would be impractical to clean a grill for vegan options. Meat fat and butter is going to be impregnated into the metal because that's part of seasoning a grill. You would need to have a separate grill dedicated to vegan only (not just vegetables since I'm guessing most people would add butter at some point). She would need to bring her own food. But also she needs to stop browbeating omnivores.
My husband is a lacto-ovo vegetarian (allows Dairy & eggs). I joke that we keep a 'kosher kitchen' because I only use certain pots, pans, and utensils to make his food vs. meat dishes for the rest of our family. We keep it strictly separated. I love BBQ, but don't bother doing it at home. The smell of grilling meat would make him nauseous. Having a vegan person over for BBQ would absolutely require having two separate grills. And I would bet within 5 seconds of getting a whiff of grilling meat, the vegan would start in criticizing the meat eaters.
BBQ doesn't necessarily mean every food item is grilled. You could have pre-cooked buns along with various veggie fixings on the side and only grill the meat. Even without any deliberate effort to include the vegan, that'd mean she has the option to just grab a bun, put some lettuce and seasoning in it, and eat that.
So many husbands except the wife to bend over backwards and do everything and get bent out of shape when they have to help....so annoying.
I'm putting the word "help" in quotations.
Is so frustrating that they think of it as helping when is THEIR kid too, like, you are not supposed to ""help" you are supposed to be all hands on.
You are the father, not a friend, is the same responsability and burden
Story 1: NTA, if he wanted a "bro trip" he should have done it at least 2 months before the birth. Neither parent should plan on being away for more than a day or two (unless absolutely required for their job), in the first year o fa birth.
Mood booster: Ev-er-y thing? Something tells me half of the pizza wasn't even cooked based on all the toppings, but he got everything! 😂
I used to work at a sub shop back in high school. One time a guy in my class came in and ordered the "off-the-menu" meat sub. Most of the meats, and he wanted double of all veggies. I couldn't even close it 🤣
@hayleyz1703 I used to work for a pizza place. When I was in college and we had an old customer who complained about never getting enough anchovies. So I made his next pie with an entire can of anchovies on it. Every bite was anchovy, and it smelled up the kitchen something fierce. That man was a repeat customer from that day and we didn't waste anchovies.
@@Russman67 win-win! Except for the smell lmao 😂
Story 2... It's too bad OP didn't have the coffee date with Lilly sometime before the BBQ, they might have resolved things without all the drama, accusations and hurt feelings.
I mean he only gave birth 8 weeks ago, he really needs this break 😂😂😂😂
I hate when people say "he needs a redt of being a parent" WHRN THE MOTHER HAD THE BABY FOR 9 FRICKING MONTHS INSIDE! F him and all the ones saying OP is in the wrong
No, f you, learn empathy and stop acting like giving birth means your partner has zero rights
Story one: why are new dads always talking about them needing a break? A break from what?!!!
Babies are stressful but you have to consider the mother too, she’s up most hours of the day with the baby, when does *she* get a break? Absolute joke of a father
Right? After birthing, my body felt like I have been ran over by bus 😂 and the fact I had to look another dependant human was crazy lol. Fathers may go through mental stress but mother go through both mental stress AND physical trauma.
You need to learn basic empathy
@mylifewithautism3958 empathy for the dad who was planning a trip after he himself said he already wasn't helping with the newborn? 😅
Story 1: Family/ individual counseling (for Jake) better safe than sorry. Just saying :/
I agree with LG on story too. If she is a close friend, it actually would avoid drama to actually talk to her instead of just uninviting and hoping no one has questions
Good morning everyone
Good afternoon 😊😊
Good afternoon 😊
Story 1 - Let him go on the trip then the day he gets back hand him the baby, a can of formula, then you go on vacation.
Unpopular opinion here on Story 1: she should never had agreed to let him plan on going on the trip to begin with…..that’s on her. Stupid on his part? Yes it was but here’s two new parents that had no idea how it would go. I think the real issue was how he was after the baby was born with not helping. I bet if he was all over the parenting duties it would’ve been another story. This ended up ok but it could’ve gone really bad with him being very resentful of her and the baby. Just my opinion.
Why does a Vegan even want to come to a barbeque. You know what you’re getting.
To set up her soapbox and try to convert everyone there
@@daphnereal3129she doesn’t even want to encourage people to change. She wants to bleat and feel self righteous.
And vice versa-- if I was going to a vegetarian get together, I wouldn't be sitting there complaining that this would be better with some meat in it.
This is a good sized red flag. What else is he going to put ahead of his wife and daughter in the future. He's being immature. He's a husband and a father now and his friends and 'good time' have to come in a slow third. Watch out OP; this kind of selfish behavior isn't going to stop here.
S1 husband cannot wait to do exactly what his father did. S2 - The name of the party is “barbecue.” That means MEAT. Do you invite a nun to a swinger’s party? Then why invite a vegan to a barbecue?
Lily most DEFINITELY would have made comments and made people uncomfortable. She only claimed she was trying to "dial it back" because she realized that her extremism was starting to get her excluded and not wanting people to be around her.
Good stories with happy and sensible endings!
HE needs a break? You went through pregnancy, childbirth, are still recovering AND breastfeeding. You haven't had a minute's break in a year!! What has he done that he literally could not put down for a second in that time frame? No, you do not deserve the first break, Daddy Dearest. In for a penny, in for a pound. It's your kid, too.
Ah, so you’re one of those “if one person suffers everyone must suffer” immature people…
Grow up
@mylifewithautism3958 oh, am I. Assumes facts not in evidence, but thanks for playing. Ass.
@ love how you immediately resort to petty insults when someone rightly calls you out. I seriously hope someone mollywops that attitude out of you broski
I grew up in dairy country within 3 miles of a slaughterhouse.
The one time a vegetarian pulled this on me I looked her in the eye and explained in graphic detail how my burger went from cow to the bun on my plate.
She turned green and left. Never bothered me again.
Story 1: I have no sympathy for men who have children and then leave the mother of the infant alone with his newborn because, "they need a break" "they can't sleep" or "they don't have time for work, the dog, their friends AND their baby and its mother". If you're not ready for parenthood, condoms are cheap and easy to use. If you don't want to sign up for the exhausting life with a newborn, hire a live-in nanny, a house cleaner, a cook, and someone to shop for the food to make sure that the new mother "gets a break".
Because those are some of the jobs that the new mother is also facing, along with having her body completely transformed in painful and permanent ways by pregnancy, delivery and breastfeeding.
And it takes about a year to fully heal and for women who had cesareans, even longer. Plus they're dealing with a newborn with the lifting, bending, reaching and holding on top of abdominal surgery. To say nothing of the extreme hormonal changes.
I know someone who said that breastfeeding was more painful that giving birth, and she gave birth without any medication. If you can't face the challenges, it's easy enough to avoid them until you can. Or be honest and admit that you don't want that life.
The 2 worst types of people are 'holier than thou' Vegans, and meat eaters who try to make or trick non-meat eaters into eating meat. My sister in law is a Vegan (she was raised Vegan - she's 60 years old now) and she has NEVER tried to guilt others about what they eat. She will answer questions, usually from children, about what Veganism is and what she does or does not eat, but other than that she's a live and let live type of person. She married my brother, who is basically one of the biggest carnivores ever! They have an agreement. He eats Vegan at home (mainly because he hates cooking and she does cook some amazing Vegan meals), but he eats what he likes whenever he's out and about. He will also get takeout that's meat and she does not object in the slightest because it's not her place to dictate what others eat.
Had to laugh at the last story about the pizza. That customer best be glad he didn’t order from one of the uncommon pizza joints I’ve lived near. There would have been bacon bits, apple slice and tangerine pieces along with anything else they had for toppings added to that “everything” list. Go ahead and process trying to figure out how to eat that!
Story 2: This kind reminds me of a description for those holier than thou vegans - like OP's friend is:
"How do you know if someone is a vegan? Just wait 2 minutes they will let you know, regardless of context"
I had to check myself when listening to that first story because my knee-jerk reaction was to wonder what the big deal is. It sucks, but at least he helps out and a week isn't the end of the world, right? There's a lot to be grateful about! If he burns out, that's it - help is over. Don't play yourself, girl!
Ugh, no.
So here's the deal - many women of my generation (X) and older had pretty hands-off husbands. It was normal for myself and every women in my life to work and/or do most (if not all) of the childcare and domestic stuff. Dads usually tapped in for the fun stuff when the kids were older, or if discipline was needed. The resentment is _strong,_ y'all. That crappy way of living is so ingrained as "a woman's job" (ugh) that it still takes me a moment to process that there are fathers out there who don't get pissy if you ask them to change a diaper or hold the baby while you shower, or who volunteer to take the baby rather than watch you struggle with a baby on your hip while you cook, eat, do chores, etc. I love it _so much_ that these younger generations have much more involved partners and a little more equality is expected! This is how it _should_ be! You shouldn't have to feel deep gratitude when the father of your children participates in their care.
Don't let people fool you into thinking this crap stopped in the 50's. Also, huge props to those out there who didn't fall into this BS! Nothing but love for the men who were true partners and women who wouldn't tolerate anything less.
I gave birth this summer. My husband would never leave me alone if I was struggling. If he needs a day away, he makes sure that I have everything that I need and that I'm up for it. He then makes sure that I also get a day away, even if it's just a me day for to have a nice bubble bath and some candy that I want and wasn't able to get when I was pregnant. If your husband promises to be there for you and then backs out, that's selfish. Babies and kids are a two partner commitment as it takes two to tango. One person shouldn't be less involved unless there is some kind of discussion or arrangement going on.
1. NTA. I always side eye men who want to go on holidays so close after the baby has been born. The baby is 2 months old, it needs its father there to support its mother.
You couldn't prise me away from looking after my kid for a week and my kid is over 2 years old.
The biggest argument I had with my parents was when they wanted me to spend one night away from my kid 4 weeks after birth. No chance.
And Jake is scared of being a dad? Well, join the club pal. We all are scared and running away doesn't help.
1) He shouldn't "help", he should be a husband and parent and put his family first taking care of his wife and child, not going off on a bro-trip and leaving his wife and newborn. No one else has any skin in this game so she should ignore any friends input, how OP feels is what matters. His parents nearby is not the same thing. He is an AH for planning this, saying he would cancel but now won't. His parents nearby is not the same thing. Seems he likes the idea of being a father a lot more than actually being one. OP NTA. And she is being reasonable to suggest a compromise of 3 days.
After update: Sad that he agreed to be a parent when he really didn't want to be one because he feared turning into his father. It's good they had a conversation and have more understanding now and he made the right choice of being there as a father.
2) If OP accommodated with vegan options and she were to be quiet and just eat her own food it would be an AH move to exclude her, but since she always makes comments that make others uncomfortable, it was reasonable to not want her there. Tell her and others the truth about why.
After update: It's good OP and his friend talked and have a better understanding now and they are planning another BBQ where she will introduce vegan options for others to try.
3) LOL, nice MC. Hope that guy enjoyed his pizza with "everything".
Story 2: "dou you know how much it suffered? "
Me: nope. But is still delicious
S2. She's not invited because she is so obnoxious
2ND story. No, no, no. No. Don't listen to any of the advise. This will be war. Grab a couple of closer female friends and ask for their advise. Figure out your wording and don't attack or put her defences up. If OP had said ' I didn't think it was your scene because of all the raw meet and the fumes coming off the BQQ. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. And I was going to suggest our friends go to a club/movie/Whatever latter this month to meet up. Sorry I hurt your feelings' it would have been fine.
Story 2. Carnivore, omnivores, vegetarian, or vegan. I always make sure to have good food that can feed everyone, and no one complains to the omni/carnivores or the vegetarians. However, while I havd 5 friends that are vegan, all but one is slowly losing her mind and is by far the worst. She once gave the butcher at the supermarket a nearly 1/2 hour lecture about how he should quit his job and become a vegan. The look of horror on her face when he told her he was vegetarian and his job was separate from his personal life choices. Anyway, one thing that many vegans suffer from Is a deficiency of vitamin B12, and outside of a few items, it can only be found in animal products. Vitamin B12 is essential for many bodily functions, including red blood cell formation, DNA synthesis, and nervous system function. A deficiency can lead to anemia, nerve damage, muscle weakness, tingling, numbness, and lapses in mental health stability. Vegans who do not get the necessary daily dose of B12 start to revert to our caveman ancestors. Humans did not develop intelligent brains until we discovered fire and then learned to cook our meat.
Bro was single in his mind. Loved that he came to his senses because ibviipisly he was delusional for wanting to live his wife and 2 months old baby for a week vacation... gosh!
Lily sounds insufferable and she should have stopped being invited to events with food long ago.
S1: The moral of this story is, *"Don't make a promise you never intended to keep."* The other moral is don't marry a man-child. Ok, manchild is harsh. How about "man with deepseated daddy issues"
S2: NTA. He protected his peace and his party from a Militant Vegan.
My husband went on a long weekend gaming trip when I was about 2 months post with 2nd baby (so 3yo and newborn) I was okay with it. I decided to drive the 4.5 hours (because of the breaks with a tiny baby) to my parents. The guy obviously assumed his wife wouldn't ask him not to go when he offered to cancel. Personally if they are driving id suggest he takes his car and will be there for 2-3 days but if you need him he comes home straight away and if you are managing he can stay the duration. It's completely shit of him to book with the offer of him not going and then renaging just for that id probably refuse to compromise!
Man having children sounds awful. Horrible. Especially as a woman. So glad I never wanted kids.
To me I’m thinking both parents’ lives sound horrible. Just awful. No one is happy here.
@@JennRighter It can also depend on which partner you choose. Sounds like OP didn’t do her research.
OP, not the AH. I am only a minute in, and I can see how this is going already. And the sad truth is that most husbands are like this in the end. He made you a promise he never really believed you would actually hold him to. I don't know if it is because men just have no concept of how hard it is to carry a child for nine months, or how tough it is to figure out how to be a mom immediately, or if it is because they just don't care and figure that you had the baby it's your problem, but most men opt out of the newborn stuff as quick as possible. Usually using work as the excuse for leaving the house, and the excuse for you getting no help when they are home. And I am sure you will soon be hearing form hubby dearest how stress out he is. Good luck honey. Almost every mother I know has dealt with it .
I'm not sure if the mood booster is really malicious compliance. It sounds like the customer actually did want the pizza the way the brother made it.
Hey LG and friends! I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!
I can’t imagine a man planning a trip knowing there will be a newborn at home. This shouldn’t even be an issue. Afraid of being a good dad so decided to not even try to parent.
Ooh, thanks for that last story. It reminded me I today's my last day to get my free pizza.
Oh so he needed a break after carrying a baby for 40 weeks and caring for a 2 month old and breast feeding.
You mom, you don’t need a break you can do it alone
I haven't finished story one yet, but I'm already plotting revenge on behalf of OP. lol
The easy fair compromise would be I go on this trip for a week parents will help you then you can try and find a trip so you can have a break away from baby for a week too so you can have rest.
Like give and take ya know.
Who even plans a trip when they know they’ll have a newborn at home? And it’s a week long at that. Dude was so wrong to even plan that in the first place.
He says this bros trip is fishing etc yeah i don't think so its something else clubs etc...
Story 1: Where's OP's week long break with all her girlies? Oh, she has a child to take care of since she takes care of it with her body? Hmm... Kinda seems like she may need more help with her newborn. OP is totally NTA.
A week long, a “Bros only “, vacation for a married father is a bit long.. a weekend is the max Fri - Sunday…
Story 2: The hell does she mean she's "trying" to dial back her comments? Just keep your mouth shut??? It's not that hard to mind your business and not comment on other people's food. Nobody does it to her for being vegan. Honestly, I don't think this peace is gonna last long. It's clear that she's still uncomfortable with people eating meat and still has the urge to food shame people for eating meat. And the friends are ridiculous. Did having vegan options at the restaurants they all went to stop Lily from making comments? No, it didn't, so why on earth would it have stopped Lily if she'd been invited to the BBQ??? And the audacity for Lily to be upset that OP hadn't trusted her to handle herself, excuse me???. She hasn't given OP ANY REASON to believe that she wouldn't just act the way she's always acted when she's invited to eat somewhere that has meat options. NTA, and I feel like even if OP invited her, provided vegan options, AND asked her not to make comments, that she still would have taken it personally and said the exact same thing about OP "trusting her to handle herself better".
Story 1: When your husband made the trip arrangements, there was plenty of time to set a different date, knowing that you would be a new mom at that time.
If he cancels to stay with you, he will show his resentment.
If he goes, then you will show resentment.
Why can't he contact his friends to arrange a different time for this outing?
He needs a break, maybe, but don't you need one, too?
Edit: Communication wins again. Congratulations to all three of you. Continue to be a happy family.
Vegan story: I had the same worry that the new bbq is going to result in the friend being “see guys isn’t vegan food soooooo much better?! We can just get rid of the meat and you should just try being vegan for awhile!”
Bro trips need to be put on the shelf for a few years.
Not wanting to leave your newborn is the most natural and logical feeling and you absolutely shouldn't work on it. The baby already has one flaky parent that priorities time with the boys than his newborn. Don't need a mother to work on being neglectful, too.
NTA on the vegan one. We were in a similar position a year ago and got sick of attempted guilt trips and rants so she stopped getting invites.
I don't care what people do with their lives at all but I really don't like those that get preachy at others.
S2: Giving unsolicited suggestions, advice, and comments about others dietary choices, is not welcome anywhere, people will feel uncomfortable, and the party vibe will be destroyed, because of her nagging harsh comments. What is funny is the friends who know about her harsh judgements and comments still were supporting her. Also, OP needs to grow some spine and learn to speak the truth what is on his mind. People insulting you for eating meat, is very mean, disrespectful, embarrassing, and humiliating, which could literally backfire and turn out violent in such gatherings. Some people can't tolerate such harsh comments, and may turn out to be hostile.
He offered to cancel if she needed him. I would tell him okay take your week off. Then I'm taking a week off.
"Stress of becoming a father".
What stress?The mother usually is the one doing most stuff and she was the one to actually carry and pop out the kid, that kind of thing is very tiring and demanding on a woman's body.
So really, what stress could he possibly be feeling that it would similar to or greater than OP's?
Story 2: lily, it's not what goes in your mouth that's the problem, it's what comes out.
NTA: This actually sounds like one of those manipulative vegans. She got people involved, to force OPs hand a bit, and said 'because I'm vegan'=because I proselitize and shame others. She said she'd 'try'=it's going to keep happening, and you need to accept that. The 'close enough' + 'whatever happens'=emotional blackmail, if you cut me off for my behaviour, your the bad one. 'trusted her to handle herself better'=You should have never had made this an issue, and should never mention it again. It's manipulation, it's priming him to just roll over or be the ahem, unfeeling pig. And it's the typical vegan tactical move after their 'nothing I actually did was wrong' event, to get people to agree to just 'try' vegan food. To see how great it is. And now in future, it'll be a step further into 'well you're choosing to be evil, since you've had vegan before and liked it'. Think about this vegan chick as a pushy but covert religious missionary. Once they've tried all the things, you might find they get a lot more aggressive about how you're choosing to be bad since you could be good.
"I wouldn't ask unless it was important. _Your parents are not you._ You planned your trip BEFORE you became a dad. You also said you would cancel the trip it if it came to it. Your friends should understand that your new kid comes first. You need to step up more as a dad, or you'll be just like your dad."
That’s weaponizing trauma and is disgusting, don’t you go around saying stuff like thst
Story 1: Idk about this one, it feels like it's going to fall apart eventually. Him mentioning he had been struggling with the thought of having a child but didn't say anything bc she wanted children made me think he actually doesn't want children but went with it bc it'll make OP happy. I believe they're actually not in the same page