The connection between skin picking, OCD, and stored trauma
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- I get questions about skin picking and other OCD-like behaviours a lot! Many of my students report that they experience this, and that they stop this mild form of self-harm as they begin to release trapped trauma, become more somatically aware, and regulated in their nervous systems. Back in May of 2020 I answered a question that helped clarify a few things around this and what might be going on at the physiological level.
Here's the direct link to the long-form Q&A where they short clip came from: • Q&A w/ Irene. Emotions...
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The urge to not pick while watching this is real.
I'm damn near rubbing the spikes off of my fidget bracelet
I felt my skin crawling while watching I’ve def been dealing with OCD & Dermatillomania for years
Watching and digging my scalp, while hoping for helpful advice.
trust me
This makes me angry at myself.
Lifelong skin picker and hair puller here. Since I started doing this work last year I’ve greatly reduced the frequency and severity of my episodes. Thank you for this.
Started doing what work?
@@maryboyce8249 bump
what work?
what work?
😄🤦🏻♀️I was picking my skin when I got a UA-cam notification of this video. I had a classmate who used to pick her scalp and "researching" it's content under her nails, I remember looking at her and wondering what she's doing and why. Many years later I noticed myself doing the same thing. That's a creepy feeling. I wish everyone to find their way to calm down the nervous system
Omg I do this and I pick my skin. I don’t want to but it’s soo hard to stop
I have Trichotillomania and can’t stop pulling out my hair. Im 35 and have been doing this since about 7th grade. It affects my lashes and brows. I’ve tried so so many ways to try to heal my nervous system or to calm it when triggered. It’s beyond frustrating and affects my life and wellbeing in many ways. 😢
I feel the same as you❤️ I pray you get through this, you can. Since looking into this properly I can't believe these comments this is a thing. For yrs I thought I had bad skin. From 7th grade just likr you till now iv had this doin same as you. Its so mad to see ppl commenting this exact thing drove me mad all these yrs. Ive been through trauma with my dad for yrs never ending, iv gone to work in excruciating pain feelin on fire scabs sticking to my clothes all over body n face , havin to pull clothes of n pull all scabs of after work n shower feels like hell. I understand you, what ur goin through. Scanning face hair eyebrows skin at night constantly. Do you use steroid? Iv started lookin more into spiritual with this, we have to try so hard let go of trauma dont repeat it in our mind n get away from it (the person caused/still causing trauma). We have to tell the universe our skin is getting better ♥️ ✨️ our skin is feelin better looking better. But also not lookin at it at same time. What we speak into universe will come back n instead of sayin like I do n did loads, instead of sayin to ourselves y is my skin like this, its not gettin better, say the opposite even when it's healing. Try doin hand exercises . Breathin excercises. I pray we will be able to reset our minds n get our skin back n not hav to even think bout it again . All my love 💓 xxxxx
I couldn't agree more, the only thing sometimes it can pass the limit of mild..I used to pick my skin and couldn't stop before it bled, on my cubicles, heels, soles, head..I remember after my mother passed..I wasn't able to process the grief at the time and I picked on my soles and heels till they both bled and I wasn't able to stand on them, they were so sore. Paradoxically, that was the first time in my life (at the age of 20) when I felt the earth under my feet as I had no choice but to walk very very gently while I was healing.
Thank you so much Irene, your work is always a great inspiration! ❤️
Wow thank you for sharing ♥️
Me looking this up whilst picking at my scalp and realising I'm struggling to process my grief. Thank you.
I am 64 and have done this all my life. I grew up in a very stressful home. My dad was a narcissist and physically and mentally abused me. I started with pulling my eyebrows out. Luckily I stopped that. Then it led to just constant picking at my self. Maybe my childhood is the reason I do this. I still do it and try to stop when I catch myself.
I am 68 and like you have picked the skin around both thumbs for as long as I can remember. My dad was the problem too. My childhood and teenage years were so unhappy because of him and the unhappiness carried on into adulthood. He would always have a go at me for picking and biting my thumbs but I don’t think it ever crossed his mind that it was because of him that I did it 😡
Same . Same . Same . Same .
Same same everybody. I am 32, my dad has done this to me since my mom left whn I was at school, he was admitted to a mental home. Thn accussed me of being a spy n all sorts of evil mental abuse every day all sorts constant rants at me callin me my moms name constantly yrs till now got worse n worse. Iv only just started looking into this properly after yrs of thinkin I l just had bad skin but I pluck my eyebrows n face hair. Constantly scanning for a sharp hair or scanning my whole body workin in pain my clothes stickin to my scabs at work, all over my body and face. This had really helped me understanding this properly n waking upto it properly . Love to you all experiencing this I hope you recover n reset ❤️
Was sitting here picking at a very light almost healed place on my chin, looking for credentials, then I saw this topic.
WHEN THE UNIVERSE Speaks, I am smart enough to listen
Great video. It was interesting to hear you describe skin picking as a mild form of self-harm. In my experience, not only is my skin picking manifestation of self-harm/OCD, but also body dysmorphia in which one obsesses over one aspect of their physical appearance, in this case the skin/face. Body dysmorphia is also a way of externalizing our anxiety to avoid dealing with the painful emotions within.
I've grown up in complex trauma, forgave my parents, worked within my family . I've survived eating disorders, skin picking, running away from home at 15, etc etc etc...I've read self help books, get therapy on line, married & divorced twice, endured depression, being a Christian has helped, it's all made my faith stronger, more resilient. Survived recent attacks from Narcissist envious siblings still going on. Still I keep getting back up, have 2 grown children, 3 dogs, one big fat cat, gardening 🪴 is extremely therapeutic, hiking in nature with the dogs as well. Nice 2 learn origin of this terrible self harm.
Honestly, just started this video and it explains so much. My trauma mostly is from growing up and living in an disfunctional family, where both kinda have/had aggression problems which makes me feel unsafe (one was schizophrenic and would break sometimes, the other one was overwhelmed by it and had to do all the money income, so it was like a bad circle which would repeat all over), especially showing your emotions could feel like annoying my parents a lot sometimes, so I always tried to hide them, which didn't really work, since I am pretty sensitive and probably overemotional/overdramatic. So it really makes sense that my skinpicking might came from that. I tried becoming clean multiple times now, but it never worked, but I will try to become clean now again. Also, this comment was just a little vent, rant, idk hahaha. And thank you very much for your video! 💗
I never thought that many would read and answer this comment, but honestly, it's kinda heartwarming and I just wanted to say, to everyone struggling, you got this! Don't loose hope and motivation, just because you pick once again, when you promised yourself you would stop instantly. I hope you all are doing well and that you can heal and grow from the experiences you all made. If anyone needs to talk, just write that in a comment, I try to always have a free ear when someone needs it. 💕
I had the same feeling growing up. And now I have the same struggle
@@Erinleigh116 oh i wish you much luck and positive energy with healing and getting better again, it's a long and hard way but it will be worth it!
I felt like you described me as well. It is always nice to know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing 😊.
@@NoOne-di5nv ayy, now I am glad I shared this and I am glad to let you know that you're not alone with this 💗
Same guys, good luck! 💗
🧍♀️me watching this realizing I’ve been picking my head the whole time
This was super helpful. I’ve picked my scalp for as long as I can remember. I do know when my life is more stressful, I do it more. I hope to do more somatic experiencing and hopefully it will resolve itself thru that!
I just remembered doing this in my 6th grade class. I had a spot that I constantly would pick and pull out of my hair. I had a chaotic home life with an alcoholic and abusive father. Geez! I’m 66, and I feel bad for my 6th grade self!
Thank you for this! I have been picking for 50 years-since at least 5 years old. When I was little, before I realized there was something wrong with this, I listed it as my favorite activity. So self-soothing. Lately I have been treating it like an addiction with a support community around that, but deep down I know it’s trauma, so this helped a lot. Do this work to address the trauma and this will likely lessen. Thanks so much!
Sometimes, I used to deliberately fall over just to pick at my scabs!
Been picking one area on my scalp for 14 years. Still doing it daily. Been really bad lately which led me to this video. I’m dx PTSD and it’s definitely related. Luckily dermatillomania and infrequent anxiety attacks are the worst of my issues after getting therapy! Stay strong you all. You’re not alone❤️❤️❤️
same, not dx, but one spot in the scalp, it's maddening
@@paradoxinmotion Absolutely :(
EMDR hypnosis was amazing for me. One session. Two weeks later I realised I had stopped picking because I was not ruminating. I was able to think about my dead lover with out chest pain. I highly recommend attending a psychologist who is experienced in EMDR.
Thank you for this…I am literally looking into this!
Hypnosis is demonic unfortunately. Be careful!
Trichotillomania > dissociative trance state me and my cumulative PTSD + Dissociaties mixed symptoms (amnesia + fugue and more)..
This is behavior that started 14 years ago for me. This was a response from growing up from a dysfunctional family that not only had alcoholic issues, physical, emotional and sexual violence but also had a clinical obsession with physical appearance since physical appearance meant status, beauty, perception of higher intelligence and belonging within the family dynamic with some regard to physical health. It had continued to go on through my early 20’s as I continued to reinforce skin picking along with other behaviors that related as a response to stress and general self loathing with a job I hated. It wasn’t until recently with the advent of a new job, a boyfriend I’m living with, college, a new car and a series of personal wins over the past year that I stopped skin picking, smoking and drinking in an effort to move into rational and a normal stance in my life and embracing that it’s certainly ok not to love your family and be ok with deciding not to reach out or support people who have held me back from accomplishments and or advancements. So far this process has been very uncomfortable but yet, it’s meant to be. Wounds or illnesses don’t heal without some degree of pain before it get’s better.
Wow. Thank you. It's like my body heard what you said and I just started sobbing from some place deep in my gut that felt like grief in childhood. I had no idea just understanding what was happening to me would be so impactful on my body.
I know I have trauma. I pull my hair and pick my skin to the point of bleeding. It is self harm. I know my nervous system is dysregulated. But hearing you say so clearly that it's the body's way of coming back to stasis broke me.
I knew this part was there. I've been talking to her for a few weeks. But I finally was able to really *feel* her just now, and feel that total powerlessness and deep grief and just be present with it.
It feels like the grief of knowing I wpuld never be good enough for my parents to put the effort into properly loving me in the way I needed. Terrible isolation, deep loneliness, overarching loss of a nourishing relationship I never had. An experience I never got.
Oh honey 😢 Are you ok? I just want to hug you
Absolutely . Same .
I’m a pimple picker. I must get the core out. Mostly on my scalp. I find it soothing, and if I pull out a white core, it feels like a prize. I have picked as long as one year at the same pimple. My kids told me I have OCD. I eat the same foods all the time, rarely branching out. I’m on a bagel kick right now. If we run out of bagels I go from cupboard to cupboard, freezer, fridge and feel like there’s nothing to eat. It’s 100% psychological and I am fully aware. But I’m better as I’m growing older, there’s a self-love that happens when you look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘screw the world I’m just fine the way I am.’
My entire life I have been a nail biter and cuticle picker. In elementary school I would chomp my pencils like a corn cob. I sucked my thumb until I was 11 and the only thing that got me to stop was a sleepover at a friend's house. 😏Still to this day I'm a bruxer according to my dentist. I've been on migraine medications since I was 11 and I'm now 59. I had two ischemic strokes on the left side of my brain and became disabled at 49. The doctor said they didn't know how in the world I survived them. But here I am.
The strange rashes or bumps I would get in a previous 20 yr marriage were something I'd pick at. Gosh this now makes such sense. I don't get them anymore but occasionally.
Today I occasionally fimd myself picking at the bumps I'll get on my legs and I honestly didn't associate it w trapped trauma.
I also notice I constantly close my lips tight for years and thought it was a natural "tick" I had.
I bet teeth clenching at nite is one too bc I wear a mouth guard since I escaped domestic violence.
Thank you for this information.
Its like a missing puzzle piece to some behavior we dont recognize as past trauma.
After doing 7 days of the 21day Nervous System Tune Up, I'm beginning to realize I use skin picking as a way of "getting out" of freeze. For example, when I have been on social media too long, or when I have been ruminating over something. I'll be exploring new ways of getting back connection to my body.
omg
42 years ago I started this. Three years ago I saw a man with this and it hit me I was not the only one. Along with everything else that people say I think having to deal with medical staff that are unaware has been a big issue in my case. I've had doctors tell me I have bed bugs, allergic reactions to soap, lotions, most just think I'm a drug addict. Once in the hospital they put a sign on my door infectious disease. I have no infectious disease. Living in Florida water activities have always have been an issue. Is just been a long journey and so happy to finally have information on this issue. Thank you
This makes a lot of sense. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard someone explain it the way you do. Thank you so much from a new sub!
Oh wow! You’re based in Vancouver too!
25 years ago at age 13 I started the habit of picking skin off my lips. I feel that I have a memory of it starting in my 8th grade English class but I've been unsure of the cause. I do it still, quite frequently. I was diagnosed with complex ptsd and OCD 1.5 years ago so this is all very interesting and helpful so thank you.
Thank you for sharing. We're not alone
I started in 10th grade (14 yrs ago) and diagnosed PTSD 4 yrs ago. Thanks for sharing your story!
I have the same situation.. it comes and goes depending on my work load. My fingernail biting shifted to my lips 😂 I’m aware of the problem which helps me try to control it but… I doubt it will ever go away… perhaps just shift to another thing.
Same. I started lip picking as a child. And then finger picking. I too had an OCD and PTSD diagnosis. It was a shameful secret. So good to see scientific info like this. Very validating and helpful to understand.
Hi i hope your doing well ❤️ This is so interesting, you was diagnosed by the GP. I have been goin to the doc n skin hospital since I was in school to now, im 32. The whole time I have suffered with this over my entire body n face, feet , hands, n they only give me immunosuppresants n steroids. They say u can't have kids on the medicine n it doesn't work anyway.
Hi Irene,
My pulling has really decreased since being involved with 21 Day course. I have now become completely clear about when and why I do it: when trying to make big decisions about money or when my hair is dry. I think both situations aren't good. Your video has clarified what the original circumstances are. Thankyou. I have been pulling since age 13. I remember when and where it started.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your feedback about the 21 Day course, we're glad this has landed so well with you. Keep doing the work and please know you can reach out for support in the members' area all year round with any specific questions, where our trained team of moderators will offer insights and support.
Interesting.. I pick my face and I have no understanding how ugly I've caused my face to be. I now have scars all over it. I'm ashamed to be around people and am such loner. When I pick, my face becomes detached from my sense of self and I think I view it sorta like a science project. Also, the idea of doing the picking as a way to deescalate seems like it's a fit for me b/c after'entering the world of the mirror and that(my) face, I leave it calmer.
Thank you for sharing this. One of my sons, has a picking habit, he will alternately chew on this inside of his mouth and/or lips, finger and toe nails, he also scratches his arm or legs, which often end up as open sores, I have mostly put this down to his allergies and boredom but now I am thinking there maybe more to this. I often ask why he's doing it and he has no idea, so its made it hard to help him stop. Thanks again.
I’m so thankful for UA-cam. I’m thankful it brought me to you as I’m at a breaking point. I have not worn shorts or a swimsuit in over a year. I cancel plans, I stay inside, I’m wasting my life. The insight on everything you said was so powerful and made total sense, it’s like I knew these things deep down but having someone with a better grasp on the situation explain it like this was just mind blowing!
I find this very interesting- I myself have a bad case of picking/biting my fingers for as long as i could recall. My family and others have always referred to it as a bad habit of nail biting and I would try various methods to stop myself from biting them (nail polish, chewing on something else) but I found whenever I got really stressed or overwhelmed with emotion, I'd pick at them again. I'd even argue it crossed the line a lot of times into a form of self harm where I'd continue to pick even if it hurt a lot or I knew it was going to bleed.
Helped put a lot of things into perspective..thanks!
I have the same experience - biting my fingers, ripping my lips even (and my son does the same now, he sadly spent his young childhood in a very toxic environment with my now narc-ex), and picking my ears and scalp. In times of great distress I use to do it more, and sometimes I find myself doing it when I thought I was in no particular emotional stress at all... I have known for a while the two are linked - stress and the salf-harm - but I had not yet linked it to my childhood. Which is kind of weird, since so much of my current distress originates there. Anyhow, my parents would hit me or scold me when I was biting or picking. My mother used to bind my hands in washcloths at night, not only to prevent nail-biting but also thumb-sucking. I believe the latter was a more obvious way of self-soothing, which I did till I was 11. But my mother would punish me severely for it. Even at age 5 I was told I would never know love, and I was not lovable at all, and people would soon find out the truth about me. I have bitten my fingers for as long as can remember.
I can tell this is true, I do not feel at ease completely EVER. I pick less when I’m with my gf, but alone it’s all day every day.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve listened to several on the topic, but your information was the first that really made sense to me. From the reasons we do this to knowing that there are methods to stop. I took screenshots of many of the links I found in answers to comments. Looking forward to having time to explore these and start the free course!
I first remember skin picking my face at age 13 immediately after my parents had me arrested for “incorrigibility.”
I remember that after admittance and processing into the Detention Hall, I sat on my bed in the cell and picked every pimple on my already broken out adolescent face.
It felt very soothing, but the bright red spots covering my face added to my already poor self-image.
After this cleared up, I don’t remember having issues with it for many years. If I did, they were occasional and mild.
At 27, I entered a stressful marriage. My face broke out and once again, the picking started.
After several years this calmed down. I did have times when I picked the skin on my arms but not to a great degree.
Now, I am 64, separated (but maintaining an amiable relationship with my husband) for the past 13 years.
For the last 6 years, I
have lived with an elderly couple until he passed away this past October.
Now the wife (whom I’ve know for 15 years and thought was my friend) is kicking me out.
I have 2 weeks left to find a storage unit and a place to live and have all of my belongings removed from her premises.
During the most of the time I’ve lived here, I’ve had bouts of picking my forehead off and on, some leaving it quite raw and ugly.
I’ve listened to Minds in Unison, a UA-cam channel with subliminal recordings. That has helped a bit, but not enough.
Even with the amount of stress I am currently under, my forehead does not look good, but it has looked much worse in the past.
I’m sorry to have rambled on and on. That was not my intention, but maybe if someone else can relate, it might help them.
Listening to this video has given me a lot of hope, and as soon as I get relocated, I intend to start the program.
Thank you for what you are doing and especially for making so much information free. I just recently started receiving disability and my check is small because I
barely met the work requirements.
I know things are going to work out. God has allowed me to be tested, (what seems mightily at times), throughout my life, but He has never let me down. He always comes through.
OMG how are you doing today, how did your situation resolved and how's picking or not picking today? Sending you hugs and greetings ❣️
I think my skin picking (cuticles) was due to feeling shame and overwhelming feelings as a child and it was my ‘downcast’ focus to try to bypass those feelings and avoid looking at people. I’m becoming more conscious of it even though I still do it unconsciously. Thank you Irene.
When I was taken away from my mom for 8 months I remember this one specific thing: when she was drunk and driving I remember picking at my skin trying to forget the fact that my mother was going to get arrested and me and my brother would be alone. After that it became habit to do that when I was nervous, scared, angry etc and it’s stuck with me my whole life since. My mom is always telling me to stop, your ruining yourself. I can’t really tell her this is all because of her wrong doing.
Hi .Nishioko., Jen here from Team Lyon. It sounds like you have a clear idea of when this started. As you may have learned in Irene's video, we often develop these habits and behaviors as a way to mange what feels like too much, overwhelming.
As we develop nervous system regulation and capacity, we learn to work with these underlying feelings and experiences so that they no longer feel overwhelming. Instead, the feelings we hold inside and the associated energy becomes available to us as aliveness and creativity.
Thank you for this. It makes so much sense to me and I think having this information and understanding will help me in the process towards stopping pick my scalp and skin. It’s been a long and honestly embarrassing journey. It also makes it hard that it isn’t talked about or even heard of by a lot of professionals. So, I really appreciate you digging into this topic and in a way that is easy to grasp.
It's nice to see this talked about from the side of underlying causes versus behaviorally focused (doing tricks -- hahaha, look at that pun! -- to stop the acts).
So, thank you.
Sometimes we get into harmful relationships for the same reason- self harm delegated to someone else. Have you noticed this too with your students, Irene?
Hi Dr. Nima Rahmany, Jen here from Team Lyon. My experience is that the answer to this may be both/and. People often get into harmful relationships because it's what they know and/or on some level believe they deserve. In some ways this is similar to the management strategies and behaviors that Irene discussing, and it can be a bit different (and more complex) too.
Put simply scratching releases endorphins which is relaxing so it's a coping mechanism
not exactly
Dont agree
Been searching UA-cam all night .. this video has made the most sense.
Thank you!
Been picking at my thumbs and scabs and bumps on my body since before I can remember. 😢
I used to pick my scalp really bad to the point where most of my head was littered with scabs and sores. It would hurt when I brushed my hair and stung when I took a shower.
I would feel gross but would tell myself that I deserved the pain BECAUSE I was a gross person.
A random tumblr post a few years ago claimed that skin picking could be seen as a form of self harm.
I ended up crying because for me it really was the pain that I was after. I wanted the sting.
Thankfully it was also the wake up call i needed to change habits.
I will still scratch occasionally and if I get really stressed I may find a small scab every so often.
But over the years I've been able to shift my habits in favor of rubbing/massaging my scalp instead of full on scratching.
This is me too. Right now my entire scalp is a scab, almost as if the original scab just rapidly spread. My scalp hurts when I brush it or wash my hair. I have a huge bald spot on my crown. I just can’t seem to stop picking :(
But I never realized it’s self harm. It feels like soothing to me.
Also, I've just this year done Irene's Smart Body Smart Mind program and also have worked with a somatic practitioner for two years now. Recently I had a bad accident with subsequent surgery and have been practically bed-ridden for six weeks now. In that time I've done a lot of emotional release and just this morning realized that I don't have bleeding sliced self-inflicted wounds on the pads of my thumbs or sides of my cuticles. I also notice now when I am triggered and become more aware of how I feel and respond. "Orienting" is probably my #1 resource now... I recommend the SBSM program or the 12-week nervous system tune-up. Lots of work still to do, but I recognize that I have a lifetime of unhealthy emotional dissociation that needs to be recognized and released.
I love this video. I am a long time picker, and I feel that this video has really helped me realize that I need help. I have been pulling my eyelashes out of my eyes for so long and it has made me feel very ugly but I ended up stop doing that for some quite time now, but after that I somehow felt the urge to pick at my chest area now and I really don't want to have to do it. It is just and urge for some reason and I don't want to have all these scars on my chest area. Even when I don't think about doing it I just occasionally do anyways. But I really liked this video will probably try to get help from a doctor so I can stop this urge of picking. Thank you so much!!!
I used to pick my lips till they bled and chew up the inside of my cheek, off & on for years... somehow over the years of yoga etc it stopped 🤗
This encourages me to keep up with the yoga routine!
Interesting, I just cannot stop touching a place on my scalp. My trauma if I can call it that was that my mother wouldn't allow me to feel my feelings and my dad backed her up. It does feel more like soothing than harming to me. A redirection. Of what I don't know. I don't even know what I'm feeling when I do it.
I have a similar experience, with hair pulling from a very specific area on my scalp. It developed when I was about 10-11 years old, following a period when I felt very abandoned, unseen, unheard and alone. My mother wasn't interested on my feelings and didn't give me choices, it was always her way and she told me how I should feel.
@@TheCoffeeCat wow,that desctibes my mother too. There's a connection for sure. This helps me a bit. I feel less of an oddball for doing this. Ironically my mother has been shouting "stop that!" at me for about 20 years now. My hand jumps and comes back to my side but the anxiety makes it leap back up again involuntarily.
@@SusanaXpeace2u Yes, you are not alone at all! My mother did the same whenever she saw me touching my scalp. I leaned to hide it well, but then she would find heaps of hair around the house and scold me. The thing I needed most (and asked for), which was therapy, she never gave me - "it's just a bunch of nonsense". Hang in there, we are survivors, in a sense! *hug*
Me too, the places varies, but it's kind of very annoying, so i look here for ways to be able to stop this
@@TheCoffeeCat damn that hits. i only really started at like 20 or something. and i really dont know why. its usually the back of my head on my crown. my barber said it didnt look great when he cut my hair. sometimes when i catch myself my whole body feels like its embarresed or something. a weird feeling that i really dont like
ugh i've had it all my life. it's awful when i really get at my face. i can't leave the house for a week! it's too embarrassing. i sorta loved the mask part of the covid crisis, because id have an excuse to cover my face on bad skin days. i've experienced some serious traumas during my formative years. so i'm not surprised i have this problem. ugh This is so interesting. Makes so much sense. Thank you.
Thank you for this wonderful video. Very good job!!!!
This was very helpful.
Wow, this is so very helpful. Thank you!!!
This is the 1st explanation that makes sense
I just got diagnosed with OCD. I've I've picking my face acne for years, since i was 12 and I just turned 20.
@KaiSterling, Jen here from Irene's Team. As you may have heard Irene say in this video, symptoms such as OCD and skin picking are often a response to underlying nervous system activation (including emotions, sensations, and protective responses). I'll link to a video where Irene talks more about this in case you want to learn more.
Q&A w/ Irene Lyon. OCD, ADD, the faux window, healing muscle tension, and more! - ua-cam.com/video/2g4C0LZfA-A/v-deo.html
@@IreneLyon thank you...
I've been in somatic experiencing therapy for 6 years, but it hasn't helped me to get rid of this 'bad habit'.
Thank you so much for this video
this was very helpful, thank you.
Thanks for the video! It helped me gain new insight on why I pick.
I'm on a journey to start recovering from skin picking and am working on learning more about the disorder
Marie M, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear this was helpful! This work that Irene teaches can often be very powerful in growing the nervous system capacity and regulation that allows these coping mechanisms to gradually fall away. You might check out Irene's free Healing Trauma Training and introductory course, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up if you haven't already done so.
free Healing Trauma Training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
Been biting/picking fingers/nails, feet, lips, inner cheeks, scalp. Since I was 4yrs old.
I had no idea that skin picking was thing, I always that I was some random thing I did but after realizing it had to to with trauma (which happened many times in my childhood) then it made sense...but I'm still in shock. Wow...thanks for this info
I remember being in preschool and impulsively picking my mosquito bites. Then I'd get scared because they were bleeding so I'd cover them all in dirt. I'd do this over and over again. Then around 1st grade I started intensely biting my nails and the skin around my index and thumb. Now I'm 25 and I have a major issue with ear picking and have had many ear infections because of it. I still bite my nails and pick my mosquito bites, but the ear picking is by far the worst. People have always offered quick, easy solutions to my BFRBs but they last maybe a day, or a week at most. I've never heard of these issues being a form of self harm backed by a nervous system response to trauma. This video was very helpful and I'm going to look deeper into the issue. I hope to stop this horrible cycle asap.
Hi Maia Papaya, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that the video was helpful. I'll link to Irene's free Healing Trauma video raining and to some of her free resources in case you'd like to learn more. If you decide you'd like to go further, you might check out the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up. The 'Tune Up' is a self-study course where you can learn the basics related to nervous system education and practice. I'll link to that too in case you want to check that out.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com
My daughter has been doing this since a young age toes and fingers. We were told it is ADHD. We paid for OT weekly for years - age 3.5 till 13. OT did not help.
Recently found out that it is related to trauma.
She’s 14 now and is stuck wearing the same clothes for 12 weeks.
Lots of anger so also working through your videos related to anger.
Thank you so much for this video 🙏🙏🙏🙏
I really hope you have updated your understanding on these behaviours. An enormous amount of BFRBs are natural responses to common infections of the skin that become systemic. Some immune systems are less able to processes environmental toxins. Please look into all this for your own unique body and history. This survival mode we go into can't be fixed psychologically or behaviourally when our systems are overrun with stuff we cannot process and in many cases, cannot escape from the environments causing our illness long enough to heal. It's like expecting a soldier to recover from PTSD while they refuse to take them off the battlefield.
Thanks for this comment.
@@loverainthunder You are welcome 🙏🏻
So drawn to this video
The hand episode. Thats from shameless, Ian who is bipolar… that show saved me♥️ loved this video
I assume this is the same with hair pulling. I started pulling out my eyelashes when I was five. BUT it never became a destructive, continuous, compulsive thing until after I experienced a violent assualt and developed PTSD. It was like my mild way of coping, and cutting was the more extreme way of coping.
I just found your channel and I have watched at least a handful of videos, but I'm rather annoyed we were never taught about this whole theory and technique in college inPsychology.
Thank you for your work. I'll be digesting your videos and Playlists for a while, I'm sure.
Kistin Light, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that Irene's teachings are resonating with you. I hear your frustration about not being taught this in college. I also wanted to confirm that yes, this does apply to hair pulling too.
And since you're new around here, here's a link to Irene's New Here page: irenelyon.com/new-here/
I will pick late into the am until my ocd is satisfied, gone as far as using tools on a daily basis. Thx for the insight. Hopefully ill stop at some point :(
Same, I have a picking kit and I won't go to bed till their is absolutely nothing left to pick or squeeze or pluck. Honestly gets me down so much, it's exhausting.
This is exactly where I’m at
oh ok I see you have posted links to further links on this subject. Hopefully they address how to stop!
thank you
Thanks for posting
How about people with asd? Is this relevant to them or not? Look forward to your reply!
I have these grooves on some of my fingernails because I rub at my cuticles when I’m feeling extra stressed. I used to bite my nails and pick at my cuticles but the damage it did was painful, so this is where I wound up.
My mother is a skin picker for a long time. My earliest memories are of her using a knife to go after “pimples” on her arms, face and breast. She had one area on her breast for over 20 years that only healed when she had a stroke and was in a rehab where she couldn’t pick it. Over the last 3 years she has started picking again causing abscesses in her skin that require antibiotics to clear up. She doesn’t think she has a problem and says things like “It’s my face what do you care” or “I don’t bother you when you do things”. The PCP said unless she agrees to therapy and that she has a problem there isn’t much they can do to help. Is there anything I can do to help at home? This is a constant problem but one that she will not do around strangers or her caregiver. Short having 24/7 care which I can’t afford, I am at a loss.
Hi Laura - Mara here with Team Lyon. I hear your deep care and concern for your mother. These behaviors can be hard to shift even when one wants to shift them. The comments from your mother may indicate some combination of denial, shame, or apathy. I wonder if you might help introduce loving skin care without saying anything negative, maybe with some new lotion to apply after bathing along with a gentle massage. If you can offer some warmth and caring, she might receive that, especially where she's been resistant to direct approaches.
I hope your momma is doing well. For future viewers, I find things like crocheting help. Puzzles. Coloring. Stuff you can do with your hands, repeat motions, mind wanders. You get the same feeling without the harm. Crochet really helps me.
How do you get some thing like this diagnosed/ treatment for this? I've only started thinking it might be something like this recently. I've been doing a few of the scratching, picking at nails and hair and skin and scalp for several years and never realized it might be a problem.
Omg. ! Thats me. Traumatic violent childhood . Its with anxiety . History of dissociation
Used to pick my hair out when I was a child one by one.. picked my scalp for a year, then tweezing, eating disorder, nail biting, I am free of them all, I don’t know what changed. Then a year ago I developed hormonal acne and I am day one not destroying my face. I pray god will heal me of whatever has caused this and thank him that I know there will come a time when I am free of this and have learnt a great deal along the journey.
I have picked this picking up the past few years. Not a coincidence.
My life has been chaotic and uncertain. It's sweet my body is trying to calm me down .
It's interesting that some people can remember when they started. I could never tell when, so it makes it difficult to find the underlying issue that's deriving it. as long as I remember my thumb cuticles were red or bleeding, I scratched my scalp or pulled hair. Everyone told me to stop, that I get sick because of doing this, like some kind of threat! that was total nonsense to me. there's no logic involved, I don't make a decision to pick my skin.
if I try to stop, I immediately notice that I'm clenching my jaw, biting my tongue or lips. I have chipped teeth because of that, and only when I was 30 I heard that all of this is a kind of compulsive disorder
been trying to reassure myself that reducing day by day is doing good
I did this to my scalp in 6th grade and had a chaotic household with an abusive alcoholic father. Now, my son, who is 35 and has had a lot of brain traumas, picks at one knuckle until it was infected. He now has mold toxicity and Lyme, and his brain is inflamed terribly. This has been the worst year because I had him come to live with me, and it’s hard!
I hear you Kathryn Willette! Hopefully some of the information you're finding here and that I linked to in response to your other post will be helpful to you and to your son. - Jen from Team Lyon
Hi Irene. Thank you for great explanation, as always ❤️ I have a question about OCD. There is lots of information around behaviour in OCD but not much about intrusive thoughts. Would you be able to talk about it? Because I know people who would benefit from it.
Agree with Barbara, how vagus nerve therapy could help OCD’s sufferers?
Hi Basia Barbara, Jen here from Team Lyon. From a nervous system perspective, OCD manifesting behaviorally is very similar to OCD manifesting as intrusive thoughts. In one manifestation, the OCD is focused on the external environment, in the other it shows up more in the internal environment (and sometimes it's a mix of both).
In both cases, there are typically high sympathetic activation and unexpressed survival responses present. Doing the work to grow nervous system regulation and capacity and heal trauma the way Irene teaches can often help to shift this over time. If you haven't yet seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, it can be well worth the watch. I'll link to another related resource of Irene's too and will pass your request along.
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/
Q&A with Irene Lyon. OCD, ADD, the faux window of healing... - ua-cam.com/video/2g4C0LZfA-A/v-deo.html
@@teamlyon3109 Hello Jen. Thank you so much for taking time to write back to me. Much appreciate it❤️ I know the mechanisms of OCD. I only thought of those who I know and struggle with this type of ocd that would benefit from the video specifically talking about harm OCD. I often send Irene’s videos to my friends, because they are so informative and supportive😊
Thank you for your help 🙏
@@basiabarbara3365, thanks for clarifying and adding a bit of context. People who post here have widely varying backgrounds and levels of understanding about the concepts discussed here. I hear you about harm OCD and too think it could be helpful to have some related dedicated resources. And thank you for passing the videos along!
I am a recovered cuticle picker. I can't even say when it happened , but I think it may be congruent with when I distanced myself from parents.
So yeah I pick at my fingers all the time and I’ve done it for years. I also pick my eyebrows out however I usually do it just waking up or before going to sleep, weird right? I’m alone in my room or out and about it really doesn’t matter but it is a huge problem or habit bc I can’t stop doing it!!
I watch pimple popping videos and it helps me cope a little. I still pick but I also use this spot correcting serum made by differin. It smells horrible but it works very well!
When my spouse left, I picked up a nasty habit of picking my gums with my fingers. I rock back and forth all day while periodically crying. Between episodes of crying, I pick my gums so hard they hurt. My therapist can't figure out a program to get me off this. I think so much of it has to do with Trauma that can't be fixed, a feeling of hopelessness, and constant boredom.
Hi Scott Lewis, Jen here from Team Lyon. In this nervous system work, we call habits like these management strategies, or defensive accommodations. We need these to help us to deal with feelings that may otherwise feel like too much. When we do this nervous system work that Irene teaches and/or work with a trained nervous system practitoner, we learn to grow nervous system capacity and regulation and heal trauma. As we do, these strategies an habits tend to fall away. There is definitely hope!
I have stopped hair pulling for over 6 weeks now and I'm a few days addiction free of food but now I've reverted back to picking the dry scaly skin on my feet and pick scabs on my head. These were easy ones to quit so how do I relieve the stress to stop?
Heyy, when you were talking about a boy in the beginning, were you talking about Ian from Shameless when he started mediaction for his bpd?
Yup!
For me it started as a teenager, I was subject to parental neglect, trauma, physical abuse and bullying. It was so relaxing doing that. Now i a. 29, and i still do it under stress. Makes me hate myself
@xy4669 Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sharing about what's on for you. We really appreciate it. In connection to what Irene is talking about in this video, if you wish to learn more about your nervous system and how to work with it, we highly recomment Irene's free resources and free mini-training, all housed under this link: irenelyon.com/free-resources/
I was diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and Tourette’s syndrome when I was 7. The Tourette’s is mostly gone now other than a couple things here and there but I think my OCD is more like OCPD because recently I’ve developed a shopping problem and it has gotten bad due to me constantly feeling the need to make myself/environment perfect and nothing I buy is good enough. I got myself into credit card debt after convincing myself it was a good idea. I don’t really have ocd related rituals or habits, other than picked. I’m constantly picking at my face and I can’t get my nails done bc I’ll rip them off after picking them so much.
Hi Irene, thanks for the video! I’ve been working with a somatic practionner for almost two years now. We’ve done a lot of progress and improved in several areas, but the OCD seems to be treatment resistant. Any idea why that might be? I watch a lot of your videos and practice exercises from the 21 days tune up.
Hi Lauren Jazy, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that you've seen a lot of progress and improvements in your work with a somatic practitioner. I'm not able to say what's happening in your case without knowing more and will share a few thoughts.
When you look at OCD through a nervous system lens (at a high level), there is often an element of the mind attempting to address or alleviate a threat. In order for this activity to lessen, one of the things that need to happen is that the threat signals in the system need to get quieter over time and the signals of safety need to increase.
Where early/developmental trauma is in the picture, the organ focused work taught by Stephen Terrell and Kathy Kain can often be helpful with this. Another thing that often help is working with very, very small titrations - sometimes we call these micro-titrations.
These may be some things to explore with your practitioner if you're not currently working in this way. If you're practitioner isn't trained in the organ work, doing a few sessions with a practitioner who is can sometimes be a nice complement to the work you're already doing. Irene also teaches aspects of this in here more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind. I'll link to a few related resources in case you'd like to learn more and hope something in here is helpful!
Titration Explained: Never Rush Trauma Healing - irenelyon.com/2020/04/26/titration-explained-never-rush-trauma-healing/
How to Heal Adrenal Fatigue by working with the stress organs - irenelyon.com/2019/11/03/how-to-heal-adrenal-fatigue-by-working-with-stress-organs/
Interview with Kathy Kain - ua-cam.com/video/4RLFmlo2vb0/v-deo.html
It’s so calming but no moreeeee.
So you didn't really address how to stop picking in this video. Do you have another video that shows how to stop??
One tip I give to skin pickers, specially females, is to wear long nail extensions. It works very well for me. Since 6 years old I have the uncontrolable habit to pick my lips' skin. But if I wear the extensions, I simply can't do it.
Does biting nails falls into the same/similar category than skin picking? I'm 36 years old now and it seems to me a life long habit, I have no memories when I didn't bite my nails. (I'm not actually biting them but they are very short, I sort of ripping them off but it's not painful.)
Same! Nails and cuticles. I make myself bleed!
Hi Dori Jo, Jen here from Team Lyon. Yes, biting nails can fall into this category too.
I started pulling/twirling my hair in 4th grade and in the last three years have been picking my skin. I think it is due to internal stress that I just don’t know how to deal with. The only help I have heard of is from people who want to stop the habit only. Where do I start to learn how to deal with whatever (stress?) is causing these habit? Thank you!!
@sstarschlonegar - Start here: irenelyon.com/new-here/
Truly, anywhere you start with building regulation and capacity will help you notice what comes before the picking and what other choices you have in that moment.
-Mara with Team Lyon
Reading so many of these comments is helpful…. I’m not alone.
I would like to know HOW to treat, not just to “work with a therapist.” You are the first professional I’ve heard that even understands what this is, as a condition. So many just gave a blank look…
Hey Suzanne, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for your comments! I'll encourage you to keep watching and learning. For more specifics on HOW to treat trauma in general (which can include resolving things like skin picking etc..) I recommend this free, three-part video training from Irene... irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-training-2022/
I have this but it comes in waves depending on my levels of anxiety. I had a traumatic childhood which led into a traumatic adulthood. especially later in years. I'm immunosuppressed because of the medication I'm on after a kidney transplant so I know it's not a good thing to do. I scratch then cover the wounds in essential oils. It's not something I've talked about to a therapist b/c I didn't see it as anything much plus I barely know I'm doing it. It usually happens when I'm trying to fall asleep particularly after I've been sick, which is often. Any lump or uneven surface on my skin I'll pick off, maybe because I'm trying to be perfect. Who knows. I lived off and on with a narcissistic who was always critical of how I looked who spent hours looking at herself in the mirror applying and reapplying her makeup two and three times/ day. I was abandoned by my family when I was eight and was left to be raised by an emotionally cold woman (not a relative) and her husband, but he stayed in the background. Whenever I got sick no one took me to a doctor. I now know I was suffering from reflux nephropathy acute kidney infections that ultimately led to renal failure and years on dialysis. I'm still emotionally abused by one of my siblings who refuses to take on a caregiver role but will happily meet me for coffee when I'm well and when it suits her. Two years ago, I nearly died from sepsis. My sister rushed in to see me but instead of calling an ambulance (I was going in and out of consciousness) she decided to clear out my fridge yelling at me repeatedly 'You're a grubby bitch!' The day after I was discharged from hospital still feeling very fragile, she took off on a boating trip. I had no one to help me. I even had to drag my full rubbish bins to the curb. She didn't check to see if I had paid my bills, which I normally handle myself, but I was so brain addled for weeks I couldn't think straight. I was in arrears by thousands of dollars. The worst of her treatment towards me, was two weeks out from donating her kidney to me she had a change of heart only she made up different bull/s stories about why, which as we all know if you're going to lie stick to the same one. As a retired nurse, I've witnessed all the shenanigans that goes on with live kidney donations. My brother, while I was on dialysis and not doing very well, told me I wasn't pulling my weight, that I might not be worthy of a new kidney and was costing the taxpayers a lot of money. Nice, eh. No wonder I want to run into the wild and live with a pack of wolves. My sister also told me when I die, she won't honor my eco-friendly wishes b/c she'll do what's easiest for her and besides. 'you'll be dead, so you won't know.' Picking at my skin seems the least of my problems in retrospect. Plus, it's so deliciously comforting.
Hi Team Lyon :) do you have any particular advice for people with a dissociative disorder (ossd)? Except for doing the work with the five stages? Trying to help a friend
Hi Re Peregrin, Jen here from Team Lyon. The short answer to your question is to do the work to grow nervous system regulation and capacity and heal trauma. Many clients with dissociative disorders have seen major shifts as they do this work, and it typically takes time. If you haven't yet seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, that can be a good place to start. I'll also link to a few of her other related resources. Working 1-1 with a trained nervous system professional can often be of help too.
Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma-freeresources/
What causes dissociation and what it takes to heal - ua-cam.com/video/-PMeMxO8yz8/v-deo.html
4 Surprisingly Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm... - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
What if I dont know why I'm nervous or why I started being a dermatiliomaniac, I do it to my face and it stresses me even more
Thank you for the video; it’s very informative. I’m wondering what are the specific treatments for this kind of disorder? I just realize that I have this kind of mental illness for a long time
Hi Tan, Seth here with Team Lyon. Fundamentally, it's actually not a mental problem, but a nervous system one, and is just one of the many symptoms that can be treated by doing this nervous system regulation and trauma healing work. You can do that one on one with a good practitioner, or in one of Irene's online programs. She also has loads of free resources to explore so you can get a feel for the work. Here's some links that may be useful.
Try this the next time you start to engage in the behaviour you are wanting to change - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
Other free resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
21 Day Tuneup - 21daytuneup.com/
how to find a good somatic practitioner - ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html
Hey there, just wondering-- what sort of therapy do you suggest for skin-picking disorders? Personally, I've found CBT to be the most unhelpful way of dealing with my own excoriation. What have you observed that actually helps with the underlying stress/trauma response?
elizabeth alyn, Jen here from Team Lyon. Have you watched many of Irene's videos? She teaches about how to heal trauma by working with the nervous system. As there is often stored survival stress driving these behaviors, we find it to be very effective in working to change them over time.
If you haven't already checked out here free Healing Trauma video series, you might give that a watch. I'll also link to a free resource that might be of interest too (Irene does teach people how to heal in this way through her paid course and program, the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up and SmartBody SmartMind).
free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
7 Steps to De-Stress - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL
I remember starting to rub my skin off in third grade. It was very painful and I actually was using so much force now that I think about it. But I thought it was mostly dirt and a little bit of skin, and ended up rubbing my skin off until it was down to my pink meat. I stopped that, but quickly began picking my skin. I love picking my skin, I even sometimes save my scabs, I like breaking them in certain ways, I only like skin that is a certain way, and in certain places. I constantly pick at random times. I just cut my nails as my first step to stop, I have been able to stop for awhile a few times but then the habit comes back harder and stronger. This started in 3rd grade and I’m now in hs so, I’ve been dealing with this for quite sometime. Reality of what I did only hits when I see the blood on my fingers or feel it dripping down my, face, leg, or arm, and I hate to admit this but every once in awhile I will chew on my scabs, even chewed on the skin I would rub off and I miss the feeling of that type of skin every time I think about it.