A employee wrote me an apology letter--before a near-death experience. It was horrible. I’m a high-ranking chef at a university and I was told by a student employee that her coworker (let’s call him Terry) had been touching crew members too much. Not _that_ type of touch, just casual ones, like on arms or shoulders. He was always very outgoing and tactile at work. Still, I took him to my colleague’s office for a chat and told him he shouldn't touch anyone without consent. Just handshakes. I said we needed the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, that he pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school. How he shouldn't tell his stories because they may be inappropriate to some degree to the other workers; funny to him only. I think he’s about 25, give or take. He seemed pretty quiet and uncomfortable during my speech. Answered a question or two with a nod and headshake. The only question he had for me was if anyone reported his touching; I said, "It doesn't matter." Maybe that was a bit rude. That day after work, I saw some woman injure him in specific ways I just can't write. Two men grabbed her in time to save Terry's life. As we all came to Terry's need and called an ambulance, Terry, in his weak state, told me he was sorry before closing his eyes. The paramedics found a letter addressed to me in his pocket. He wrote that he was so sorry for making his coworkers uncomfortable and that he never meant to. That he wouldn't have if he had known. That he wanted to make things right and redeem himself. He also explained that he had ASD and sometimes acted socially flawed, inappropriately jocular, and unfiltered. He said he felt so bad about that and that whenever he got the impression someone didn't like him, he would be quiet around them to avoid provoking them. He also wanted the person he discomforted to know he was sorry. This letter broke my heart, especially when Terry's heart almost ended. According to the news, the woman tried to kiII him because she hated his personality and jokes. She even told him people would be better off without him so that he knew he was getting what he "deserved." Thankfully he was treated in time. But...what if he wasn't? What if my last moment with him was in the office? I realized where I went wrong. Yeah, I was right about how his filter and touches were a little out of bounds, but come on; just because someone makes a mistake, doesn't mean you gotta reprimand them, especially when they're truly conscientious. I should _not_ have spoken to him the way I did. I should _not_ have said to his boss (who was in the room with us too), “is there anything you want to add?” That was insensitive. I should _not_ have restricted him to handshakes and work/school conversations only. All or nothing isn't fair. I should _not_ have taken him to the office for a formal lecture. He didn't deserve that. He probably felt like a criminal in an interrogation room. He only meant to fun with his coworkers. I should’ve been more patient and sensitive and only given him a very brief and gentle talk in the hall---just me. Besides, it's perfectly natural to causally touch or tap people *without* it being creepy; maybe Terry deserved a right like that, within reason and limits so he didn't go over them and discomfort anyone. I'm gonna tell him I'm sorry for being kinda tough on him. That I mishandled the situation and could've done better.
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A employee wrote me an apology letter--before a near-death experience. It was horrible. I’m a high-ranking chef at a university and I was told by a student employee that her coworker (let’s call him Terry) had been touching crew members too much. Not _that_ type of touch, just casual ones, like on arms or shoulders. He was always very outgoing and tactile at work. Still, I took him to my colleague’s office for a chat and told him he shouldn't touch anyone without consent. Just handshakes. I said we needed the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, that he pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school. How he shouldn't tell his stories because they may be inappropriate to some degree to the other workers; funny to him only. I think he’s about 25, give or take. He seemed pretty quiet and uncomfortable during my speech. Answered a question or two with a nod and headshake. The only question he had for me was if anyone reported his touching; I said, "It doesn't matter." Maybe that was a bit rude.
That day after work, I saw some woman injure him in specific ways I just can't write. Two men grabbed her in time to save Terry's life. As we all came to Terry's need and called an ambulance, Terry, in his weak state, told me he was sorry before closing his eyes. The paramedics found a letter addressed to me in his pocket. He wrote that he was so sorry for making his coworkers uncomfortable and that he never meant to. That he wouldn't have if he had known. That he wanted to make things right and redeem himself. He also explained that he had ASD and sometimes acted socially flawed, inappropriately jocular, and unfiltered. He said he felt so bad about that and that whenever he got the impression someone didn't like him, he would be quiet around them to avoid provoking them. He also wanted the person he discomforted to know he was sorry. This letter broke my heart, especially when Terry's heart almost ended. According to the news, the woman tried to kiII him because she hated his personality and jokes. She even told him people would be better off without him so that he knew he was getting what he "deserved." Thankfully he was treated in time. But...what if he wasn't? What if my last moment with him was in the office? I realized where I went wrong. Yeah, I was right about how his filter and touches were a little out of bounds, but come on; just because someone makes a mistake, doesn't mean you gotta reprimand them, especially when they're truly conscientious. I should _not_ have spoken to him the way I did. I should _not_ have said to his boss (who was in the room with us too), “is there anything you want to add?” That was insensitive. I should _not_ have restricted him to handshakes and work/school conversations only. All or nothing isn't fair. I should _not_ have taken him to the office for a formal lecture. He didn't deserve that. He probably felt like a criminal in an interrogation room. He only meant to fun with his coworkers. I should’ve been more patient and sensitive and only given him a very brief and gentle talk in the hall---just me. Besides, it's perfectly natural to causally touch or tap people *without* it being creepy; maybe Terry deserved a right like that, within reason and limits so he didn't go over them and discomfort anyone. I'm gonna tell him I'm sorry for being kinda tough on him. That I mishandled the situation and could've done better.
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