how I'm trying to escape the beauty standard
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- Опубліковано 14 лют 2024
- Pretty privilege exists and beauty standards are often ridiculously hard if not impossible to achieve. But where does that put us as people? In this video, I want to share my approach to trying to focus on other things, trying to accept my appearance and my body, and how I am learning to focus less on how I look and if that aligns with someone else's standards about what is beautiful and what is ugly.
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@lesspauli_ and me talk more about this subject in this podcast episode, but especially related to buying and owning things 😊: anchor.fm/moreorlesspodcast/episodes/more-or-less--Ep-48-Shopping-Our-Feelings--Decluttering-Procrastination-e2ea8oi
I’m 53 and have been shaving my head on and off since 2012. I once heard the quote “what other people think of you is none of your business”. Its true. You can’t control other peoples thoughts, so why worry about them. I am strong in my resolve to look in a way that makes ME feel good about myself. Men don’t ever get comments about shaving their heads or not wearing makeup or gaining a few pounds. It’s ridiculous that we should. Lia, you looked amazing with your buzz cut. Do what makes YOU happy girl.
This comment ⬆️👏🏻! I’ve heard that saying before too. For what it’s worth, I love your buzz cut.
It is exhausting trying to fit into a mold that society/we put on ourselves. I finally quit dying my hair a couple of years ago and now I have these beautiful silver strands coming through. Somehow they make me feel proud. They are uniquely mine. It's freeing to let go and be thankful for how we are unique. The beauty industry just wants to make money anyway. So, not letting myself be affected by all the ads and marketing is really freeing. Thank you so much for this video.
I’m in my 40s and stopped dying my hair… I really love it , but still have some doubts about how I’ll be perceived when I start interviewing for a new job… age bias is real, especially in the corporate world…
I used to be so focused on how my body looks. I’m 52 now and have a slipped disk in my back. In pain every day, I now just wish for a body that I could move well! That would allow me to walk without pain so I can explore our planet and dance as I used to. It’s a shame that it took this for me to realise what a truly beautiful body is- one that can carry around our spirit so it can experience the joy of movement, experience the planet- to me that is now “the perfect body” - what ever it looks like! Thanks for your important video 😁🤩👍✌️✨
As I became older I gained so much more confidence. I used to wear so much makeup, dye my hair, wear shoes that were too tight but looked nice. Now I don't wear makeup, walk around in Birkenstocks and flip flops and dress for comfort only. I want to let my hair go grey but I have been struggling with what will people think. I have to get over this and live for me. I could care what less what color my hair is. Its what others will think. I am not there yet.
I am in te same boat about my hair!!! But the dye products are really bad for our health 😢
Everything you said!!! Exactly! I'm 51 and love my long greying hair and find it nearly carefree - i wash it once a week overhead, with a plastic free shampoo, I use a towel to dry it for 5 minutes, and then 3 minutes hair dryer. I brush it once a day for 3 or 4 seconds, and twice a year I make a horsetail and cut the oldest 5 cm off with one cut. That's my haircare for the last 15 years now. I find it's saving time, it's cheap, looks good on me, never have bad hair day. Anybody unsatisfied with how I look? Well - their problem, not mine.
Same here! Long hair for over 15 years, wash once a week with rhye flour or shampoo. No colouring, some of them are grey (but I’m 38 😅). I wear them in a bun or braided. Once a year my husband or friend trim them. Never needed hair dryer.
This video says everything I grapple with as a teacher with a buzzcut, I get questioned by the kids all the time, last week I had kids asking me questions until I realised they were trying to ‘diagnose’ me as a lesbian?!?! I am a straight woman but constantly questioned, looked at weird by men, especially old men?!?! I love having not much hair it’s so easy, but made difficult by other people’s views. I have to be tough and do what I feel for me. Brilliant video!!! Do what you like Lia you looked the best with your buzzcut!!! There will always be shallow people unfortunately.
Have you noticed that when you or others are feeling happy or excited or exhilarated - authentic, you look beautiful?!!! Unrealistic or unnecessary expectations are another thing to declutter. Freeing.
My dog looks prettiest when she wants a treat! Her fur stands up, her eyes are bright and she’s happy and energetic. 🥰
Definitely! Smile. Be positive and enthusiastic. Childlike wonder and excitement
The beauty industry wants women to feel insecure and unhappy with their looks. You can’t make money off of happy secure women
People tend to forget that beauty standards are in their own heads. Taking care of yourself with washing brushing teeth decent food and clean clothes is enough, everything on top of that is your own insecurity
Word!
I exercised for a good body-never archieved it. Now I’m riding a bike, hiking, swimming with my kids, running because I like it and I enjoy it❤and I’m in great shape, but what’s the most important thing I’m feeling great. I quit make-up and shopping things one year ago and never look back. I’m trying minimalism for over 5 years and finally everything clicked in my brain. I also quit drinking alcohol 2 years ago and minimalising screen time. Thank you Lia for your videos, it inspirated me on my journey a ton.
I shaved my head six months ago. Partly inspired by your buzz cut video but mostly because I wanted to break free from the *me* I had created over many years. I had a few comments of how brave I was to shave my head (which I think is just silly, it’s not brave), but time has gone on and I can’t yet see me wanting to grow it. I love the ease of a buzz cut and my husband and kids have accepted it (my six year old wants her hair buzzed). Life is easier when you don’t have to faff around with hair!!
As a man, I appreciate your message re: questioning the essence of beauty and your journey of exploration. Now, I see you as being a very attractive woman because of your simple beauty and your confident mindset. You look great with a clean buzzcut and you will always be feminine. Wearing comfortable, loose, baggy clothes is also wonderful. The most important thing is that you feel a sense of comfort within and without you. Be yourself. Much love to you!
It's so sad how people talk to others! I thought u looked beautiful & confident with a shaved head. I'd like to shave my head bc I have fibro. My husband said he wouldn't mind, but bc I'm overweight, I don't wanna look bad, also I don't wanna be a topic of conversation either. Wish more people thought like you, think we'd enjoy life more if LESS emphasis was placed on the physical, & MORE on the heart. Always appreciate your videos! ❤
I realized in m 40 that I changed. I looked older and now I am 44 and I became invisible in society. I dont wear make up, i have grey hair, i start to have wrinkles and double chin. I still wear jewerly because I love it. I dont care about men and now it only older men i can care about and i find them ugly wrinkly and grumpy. Prefer to be on my own. Enjoy your young years. Life s not always kind to women ..
Yup
Wait, what?! You’re only 44! Why do you have a double chin, greys etc? I’m turning 44 in one month, definitely not much greys, zero extra chins or fat, still looking hot (husband says, better than in my 20s). You didn’t get invisible because of your age, you did it through nit taking care of yourself! You can definitely improve, don’t give up!
Lots of people have grey hair well before 40 grey hair is natural you are missing the point why is the standard that we shouldn't have grey hair, it's natural not a moral failing. Not eating healthily sabotaging your own health not washing your body and clothes is completely different to deciding no make up no colouring hair no trying to pretend to be younger etc
@@mikenoneofyourbusiness7122
You are two different people. ❤❤❤ isn’t it amazing how no two people are alike 😊
@@mikenoneofyourbusiness7122do you really think you re more improved because you think you re hotter then someone you never met ? Why would it even matter
Great video! I last shaved my head in 2021 at 55 years old. I love the freedom it brings. It felt wonderful and so freeing. I'm also embracing my grey even though some people encourage me to dye it. Been there...all different colours throughout the decades. It's time for me to be me, without worrying what others think. I really identified with your message Lia, great job! ❤
I love how you're such an authentic person. You're such an inspiration to me. My natural hair is light brown, but I had been dying it dark brown and tinting my eyebrows for years. Now I've stopped both and am growing out my natural colour because watching your videos made me realise that I was doing these things for other people. Thank you, Lia. Keep being you ❤
You looked amazing with your buzz cut, so purposeful and energised. You also look great now.
And people can question you but you don't need to explain anything ☺️
Thank you for being such an inspiration :)
I keep my hair long because I am lazy and hate going to salons. My 10 year old son has long hair almost to his waist and he gets comments constantly! It is so irritating. I am hoping he never cuts it just to annoy people who dislike it at this point.
There's a six year old boy at my son's school who has very long hair as well and I'm always so delighted by him. He's so happy and so wonderful! To go against society in unexpected ways is such a powerful and wonderful thing.
My husband and sons (22, 20, and 18) and daughter (14) have long curly or wavy hair. I think it is beautiful.
@@thelmakatherine5396 yes! I love his curls. I also like that he is unique .
I'll be 48 in a couple of months & I'm at the point where some days i enjoy putting on a little makeup & other days i don't want to bother with it. I do enjoy a simple skincare routine. I totally understand what you are saying in this video ❤
I dont think you realize how beautiful you are!! Its your authenticity, and definitely your passion for things you love and are interested in. I say F the beauty standards. Those are unattainable. But true beauty is something you carry. My sisters are beautiful in that way too. I never felt like i myslef carried thay beauty like you do.... but i see it in myself from time to time now..
A buzz cut was literally the best haircut I ever got in my life, it was freeing, practical, comfortable and seriously looked the best to me ❤❤❤
Also I think it increased my productivity many fold, I love your buzz cut too Lia it’s just like mine was 🤗
Loved hearing your thoughts! I think I relate to the experience of *feeling* like you're taking a step back, even when in reality you're not. I usually don't shave my legs or underarms, but recently I went to a wedding and was going going wear an outfit where I knew I'd spend a lot of energy thinking about my leg hair and what other people.thought about it. I figured I'd be pretty distracted and it wasn't worth my energy, so I shaved them. But hopefully with time these preoccupations will wither more and I can care less and less:)
So glad I found your channel. I can't wait to binge watch a little. Lots of great stuff here ; )
Amazing video, thank you so much for it !! I have been on the same journey as well, both of simplifying my routines and of accepting my body. It's not always a linear way as you said. I have had very short hair before, but it was weirdly more maintenance than my mid-length hair is now, or maybe I am just more carefree about it now. I just wake up and leave it as is, do not wear make-up, and never remove my minimal jewelery because it has sentimental value. All of this makes very simple and quick morning and night routines indeed ! I also find that it starts a virtuous cycle : with such simple routines, I do not need to see myself in the mirror as much, which helps me focus more on how I feel in my body rather than how it looks. Such a win - win !
Thanks again for the great video, I really appreciated your takes.
I find longer hair is less maintenance, I brush it but can plait it or put it in a ponytail for the whole day.
Having to shave my head or have a short cut meant going to a hairdresser, being cold, and having to care more about my style, like wearing lipstick for definition. 😂
You have natural beauty darling I will say that all day. I wear what's comfortable an what I like, my hear is short on the side to skin or one fade up. I do this to keep up with haircuts every three months or so. Keep up the awesome work you do here. Much love.
Your discussion of this topic is one of the things that attracts me to you and your channel. It is such an important topic and I'd love to see you revisit it in more depth. I'm in my 7th decade and was born with facial features, skin tones etc that people consider beautiful. I have been privileged to be able to get away with little or no make up. It has always made me feel uncomfortable when people compliment my appearance because it is so superficial and not something that I think should be valued, however, I still struggle to accept my appearance when I have bad skin, dark rings under my eyes, hair out of control. I have been working hard on letting go of these concerns but it is difficult when so many people feel they should comment on my weight, appearance etc. Make up has become such big business here in Australia and it makes me so sad to see young girls and women spending so much of their money and time buying and using these products. I hope that a time will come when there will be a mass movement to reject these things in favour of the things that really matter and accepting others and ourselves as we are. Hope you feel better soon.
Some people do makeup as art/hobby, but I agree about when it is just done to look good constantly and costs so much. I empathise with your comment
I never followed beauty standards. I only ever did what makes me feel comfortable in my own skin and only my judgement counts. I'm 53 and I shaved my head soon after Christmas 2023 but I'd done that also in 2022. Now my hair's growing back and I'll let it for a while then I'll see. I also don't use make up, only mascara and nothing else. Oh, and I only wear what gives me comfort, so no high heels as I'm pretty tall but only sport shoes. And I feel fantastic. I am myself and love myself unconditionally 😊
I think you should wear your hair however you want! You don’t have to answer any questions. Just say you like it that way. 😊
I really needed to hear this today. Thanks for making this video. I have always struggled with my self image, and as a child was often teased about the way I look. I often ask myself, how beautiful do we have to be? It’s a question for which I have no answer yet. by the way, I don’t think you look terrible today at all. I think you look great! And I think your shaved head is really cool. Those comments you received about whether or not you’re “even a woman now” are so stupid. 🙄
Hi Lia I think you look amazing with very short hair like you had in the past. Your current haircut is vey cute too and it really suits you. Between the two, the short one is my favourite: I think it matched your personality perfectly: practical, fresh and happy! 😃
I hate beauty standards
I understand you. You just want to be as natural as can be. And that's fine. No add ons to your face, body and he air. Be natural. That sounds great. Simple and REAL. 😊
I feel like I want to join the conversation but it's just such a big thing to unpack, I don't know where to begin! I feel very fortunate to have always had very positive body image; I think that's largely down to how I was raised and I think it's probably what allows me to feel pretty comfortable not adhering to many of the standards you talk about.
Interesting about your buzz cut though - I really want to try it at some point but exactly what you describe as your experience is what has always held me back- people judging, commenting etc. That, and ideas of what is 'professional' for work (I know it shouldn't matter but it still concerns me!)
thank you for sharing. As I get older, I too focus on what makes me feel more comfortable and less on what others expect. For me, that does include wearing some make up, but not dying my hair. Listening to you talk about how much work it was to explain your buzz cut, reminded me of a memoir that I think you might really connect with called Planetwalker by John Francis.
Лия, смотрю тебя несколько лет и ты очень уверенная, красивая девушка. Молодец, что вдохновляешь нас 😊
l totally agree with everything you said. Why even try to reach a goal that's gonna change anyways and thats maybe even unrealistic to reach. Just running and spending so much energy, time and thoughts on your looks just to reach it for a few months and then feel like crap again. Because we will feel ugly again for no reason. One day you will wake up and think you look like crap again after all the work you did. For no reason.
This is why I found and love your channel ❤
I want to look and feel healthy.
The buzz cut looked so good on you :-)
Não importa o quanto uma pessoa se preocupe com sua aparência, ela vai passar assim como todas as coisas no mundo. Tudo é temporário, mas algumas pessoas vivem como se tivessem um corpo eterno. Não importa quantas cirurgias estéticas alguém faça, só dura um tempo e o corpo irá envelhecer de qualquer forma. Alguém diz que a aparência é importante para atrair outra pessoa, pode ser a curto prazo,porém a longo prazo o que sustentará esse relacionamento quando a beleza se for?
A maioria das pessoas se importam em manter uma falsa aparência porque querem chamar atenção, se você está fora do padrão não é interessante para a sociedade. Eu mantenho uma aparência simples e gosto disso, não sinto a necessidade de ser notada e não quero atrair ninguém principalmente por algo que vai passar que é a aparência. Quero gastar meu tempo cuidado mais da minha essência que é eterna e minha comunhão com Deus do que coisas temporárias como minha aparência.
Se cuidar e se importar com sua aparência não tem nada a ver com seguir modismos ou fazer cirurgias desnecessárias, é simplesmente cuidar do corpo, tomar banho, cuidar da higiene geral, se alimentar bem, se movimentar, vestir uma roupa limpa, estar apresentável. Eles iludiram as mulheres dizendo que se cuidar é viver comprando produtos e ser escrava da moda. Eles lucram com nossa insegurança. Triste realidade.
like everything else, it really does all come down to balance... and i just want to be presentable as easily as possible. one thing i know for sure: healthy is always beautiful.
Beauty is not as important as people make it. For me beauty is a feeling. If I feel beautiful, people notice. For me makeup is a fun thing, and it is important for me.
As a person consider by many people to be cute/beautiful
I am still not happy. I do not feel better than anyone else.
This statement to not care how you look should be normal. As a very femine female, I find out that I attract men, which is of my concern. Becasue Many men take for granted that I am straight ... but I consider myself to be asexual or questioning at the moment because of the heavy gender abuse and abuse I faced as a teen.
Thanks
Cirurgia plástica não passa de uma grande ilusão. Estamos fadados a envelhecer, aceitar isso é o melhor. Somos humanos e nunca estaremos 100% satisfeitos com nossa aparência, além do mais, ela é temporária, não pode ser vista como um fim em si mesma. Somos temporários, estamos apenas passando pelo mundo, sendo assim não seria loucura se apegar a algo que logo irá se dissipar?
I've had a shaved head 3x in my life but it does take less time for me to have long hair cause it's so straight and I'll just tie it back simply. And not need hair cuts. So I'm growing it out and it's a bob atm. Although I do hate having to wash it everyday haha
I totally identify with not wanting to spend so much energy on beauty as I came to my mid-30s towards my 40 also I find that you can do a minimal beauty routine or just a simplified shake and that is even more flattering also with body change in those ages it's just that the beauty market is not very flattering so you need to simplify everything anyway because you just cannot fit all the shapes and all the shoes and just and just you don't have all the energy you used to have to shop and work for it and maintaining it and decluttering it and also following it every day for example some makeup doesn't look good on wrinkles and some clothes will not do well with my body age and my muffin top. I also think that most people are good looking but they just don't know how to find a simple style that is minimum maintenance will flatter them so most people just complicate beauty.
Same gurl !!! Love you 🩷💙
idk how anyone has the patience to put on makeup and take it off lol
youre beautiful
Oi Lia! Adorei o vídeo! Também quero me preocupar menos com a aparência, mas aqui no Brasil é difícil!
Você pintaria seus cabelos, se ficassem brancos?
I wonder if she would? I don’t think she would (she’d look awesome; like a snow queen!) but I would also like to know if you see this Lia!
Back to the buzz cut! Not only is it functional, it looked really good on you too! We’ve said this before of course. Take care.
You look beautifull with shaved hair! ❤
Yes, we must avoid beauty standard. But how? If woman loose her hear on head for example. It wood be catastrophe for her life and work. Because of exactly beauty standard 😒
I really hope their is more in life then a woman s hair, how good you are in your job and how lucky you are with considered friends and family.
Der Buzz ist wirklich die beste Frisur 😍 Haare haben nervt mich😅 der Iro ist derbe cool, aber einfach high maintenance
It's fine depending on what your goal is, but you can't force people to think a certain way about you
👍🥰
It's different things. Be pretty to get a hookup. Be healthy and personable and confident to get a husband. BUT if you don't respect yourself, then others won't respect you. Be clean and smart.
Hygiene is a health thing, it’s not what we do to be attractive to others.
Respect for yourself has nothing to do with looks
What? Are you from 1925? Women don't need a husband these days, and self respect is definitely about not ending up in a toxic or abusive relationship rather than being pretty.
And hygiene is about health as another commenter said, not to look attractive to others.
You are also taking about modesty without naming it. Modesty includes not just wearing long pants and long sleeves, but not drawing attention to yourself, not making yourself an attention-seeker.
Many of your views are very compatible with Christian values, though I don’t think that is where your philosophy comes from :)
I feel like it‘s easier when you are in a serious relationship. Men care a lot about looks, and while I of course don’t want anyone who only wants me for my appearance I still feel like the men I‘m attracted to would never get the idea to get to know my personality if I would be my complete natural self just like you are. It‘s a Zwickmühle. And yes maybe I need to change my type in men but that‘s easier said than done...guess I need to be ok with the thought of spending the rest of my life alone while still being open to possibly meet someone who is attracted to my natural self while I‘m attracted to them as well
That sound so shallow.
If you don't meet serious men who value you as a human being rather than for just how you look it's your problem, in fact I never had it.
genuine question - where does your husband come in? like are there things you do about your physical appearance for him? I do care about how I look for my partner, but for no one else.
I do 95% for myself and maybe 5% for him, but I would never go completely against what I want just to look good for him or anyone 😊
I'm 34 and don't wear make up anymore. I'm lucky to be naturally stunning though 😅 it's my body I'm working on to not be ashamed of. It's hard having high standards for myself but then I remember, no ones perfect.
You are cute!
The main things in life (for mental and physical health) are food, sleep, shelter, safeness and sex. One of them (sex) is depended on how we look, so appearance is not totally unimportant in animal world.
@@crescent8567 You can't compare masturbation and sex with another person - totally different experiences. it's like being hug by someone and hug yourself, it's like talking to yourself and conversation with another person.
Sex ? Why is that important, don t have it, don t want it
Sex? In your opinion you mean, don't speak for everyone.
Sex is definitely ovverated and not everyone of us is interested in it. I'm not.
I don’t think you are on a journey because you just go round in circles. You talk about focusing on other more important things yet, you constantly talk about how you look & what you wear. You are an intelligent woman & could be talking about much more interesting things.
When you have a rock solid body, clothes and makeup don't really matter because everyone is looking at your body. Go to the gym.
Yeah you could be so stupid af no one would listen but everybody loves you until you loose the fight with gravity
I think you've missed the point.
I think it matters because God loves beauty and created beauty. He made the birds and the flowers and trees and sea beautiful. He made women beautiful. That doesn’t mean we HAVE to use extra things to make us beautiful, but appreciate that God created beauty and we can enjoy beauty because He is good!
He created men also
@@Karincl7 haha well of course He did! It just didn’t pertain to my point to say
I hope you have a good day, know that JESUS died for you and loves you so very much!
The way we look -we show our respect to others.Sorry... but that it true....
The way we look at others we show our respect to others. Sorry... but that is true....
@@matthiasziemer if U look like shit,U show disrespect.Dirty clothes,shoes with ppl you meet with....it means U do not care.Sorry.