Decided to never have children when I was 15. Knew it was not for me. Knew I would not make a good parent. 52 and never regretted that decision. But the bullying and judgement for being childless is unpleasant.
I have four children and I love them all dearly. However, I was absolutely not equipped to care for them, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was. We need to do more to help adults recognize when they are and are not equipped to raise children. And we need to help those adults who choose to have them. It is the toughest job in the world and the one that is sadly the least supported.
Agreed god had to show me during my spiritual awakening and actually thinking back a few random strangers did tell me not to have kids maybe those were legit signs lol but he gave me a huge purpose in replace. Thankfully he didn’t allow me to go threw childbirth because I have a low tolerance for b.s. but he gave me something….different and convenient. Now I have a “true” purpose and not just the usual mom purpose.
Im the same way i love my girls and now they are adults but i do now regret having them the way they treat my husband and I We gave them everything we didn’t have and i think because of that they feel its ok to treat us like crap. They both decided to not have us in their life. which is fine . But we don’t get to see our 7 grandkids which hurts a lot.
@@dianep3071 I’m so sorry to hear that. One of my daughters has no contact with me. And my son goes back and forth. We were denied seeing our first grandson for almost a month. It’s really painful.
@@Ghostshark8137the usual mom purpose? I don’t know what the hell you are taking about but if you think your purpose is somehow more or better than the “usual” mom, you are sadly mistaken. There is no higher calling than to raise a responsible adult AND be able to love them.
My mother was a depressive who told me when I was a child that she shouldn’t have had me. It devastated me. I just assumed she hated me and that there was something fatally wrong with me. I despised myself as a result. It took decades to get her hateful voice out of my head. Feelings are one thing, but don’t EVER divulge them to your child. Children don’t ask to be born.
I’m so glad you’ve gotten help, and I agree - we all have hard feelings, but there are just some people we don’t need to share those with! A parent regretting a child most definitely fits that category.
I regret having a child. I didn't understand (at 19) I was married to a narcissist and didn't realize what terrible parents we would be. Child is 52 now and cannot cope with life. I loved the first 3 years because he gave me a reason to live. He was a very good kid. I regret not being a better parent. That child has alway said he wasn't going to have children. He was so intuitive.
I'm grateful that regretful parents are being honest these days. Why do people act like Child Protective Services doesn't exist for a reason? Regretful parenthood is a well-known phenomenon, but people are just too terrified and in denial of admitting it. Absentee fathers stepping out is normalized, but regretful mothers are seen as 'taboo'. People get especially angry at regretful mothers AND childfree women. They want women to just LOVE being the family sacrifice, lol! The jig is up.
Our society bestows status on people who have children. It is a way for someone who is absolutely no one to feel like they are someone -- even though sex/knocking up is the easiest thing in the world to do. Parenthood is not an accomplishment. In fact, it is quite often indicative of low character or lack of responsibility.
A lot of people are like my mom, who, loves me, but who was not equipped to raise a child. She lives with extreme guilt and regret because of how unintentionally abusive my childhood with her was because she wasn't equipped to be a healthy parent.
I am so grateful to hear this topic being talked about. There is such a myth about the bliss of having children and the negativity directed at those who choose not to. My therapist also said they there are lots of people who regret having children. I too have heard of digital communities that also talk about that regret. I for one am grateful that I don’t have kids and am someone who has never wanted to. This topic also raises the awareness of the utter challenges and difficulties of raising children. I know that as a child and adult who has endured extreme domestic violence from my mother, father and brother (not any intimate partner) that I have not been equipped to have kids. Thankfully my background and personal inclination have also aligned to my disinterest in not having kids. As I have undergone therapy and have worked through this question in my life, the idea that there are people out there who are talking about having regrets having kids is immensely powerful. The conversation raises a more nuanced position and the need to really think it through instead of just assuming , as people have for generations , that it is ‘normal’ and natural for everyone to want to have kids or dismissing people who say that they don’t want to but not having th language to really explain the reasons. It’s a difficult conversation but one that has to be done sensitively for both the child who may already be here or the adult who chooses not to have one for a myriad of reasons. The topic has to become more normalised rather than having a fantasised perspective on being a parent. This conversation has the potential to begin to heal generational trauma that has continued from the belief that being a parent is ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ or simply inevitable to live a fulfilled meaningful life.
You are smart! So many people come from the same difficult circumstances and have children as a way to heal them.. which can either help or they just end up repeating the same mistakes and so the cycle of violence and intergenerational trauma continues.
I was someone who had an adoptive mother who had these sentiments. Her last dying words were how sorry she was to have adopted, it ruined her life. She had said things like this several times in the previous years but she made sure she expressed it again right before she died. They gave me a terrible life with abuse.
There is why society needs to accept and be kind to the who don’t want children. Back in the day, if you didn’t have children you were heavily judged which meant many just had them to be like everyone else. Let’s all just be kinder to each other and accept it when people say they don’t want kids and leave it at that. I’m sorry you suffered. I too came from dysfunction.
@@amiedetherese Hearing this breaks my heart. I wish I could say something that would be able to take all your pain away, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Imagine finding that FB group & seeing your parents are members. I appreciate the honesty since so many people say having kids is wonderful. I never wanted kids (for multiple reasons) & I don’t regret not having them!
I'm on that page and not embarrassed if anyone sees me on there. I don't post anything and although not a regretful parent on difficult days it helps. I also offer advice and encouragement for posts that often speak of lack of support as I know it so well and have experienced those perils myself.. not everyone on there is regretful infact, many fence sitters, seasoned loving parents and lurkers are on there just trying to be more aware or share support to those having a hard time at parenting.
I have seen children treated in a ways that makes me regret that they were born to such horrible parents--and this is no reference to spanking. It's about verbal mental abuse and horrible situations.
While I don’t regret having children, I won’t be making the same choice if time can revert back to my younger days. The time commitment and resources required to raise a child are very demanding. And there is no longer a village to help child rearing.
As a teacher, for fifty years, I met a lot of Western teenagers who were all-round despicable people - not a shred of decency in them. Invariably, they tried to sabotage my classes with vulgar opposition and undisguised hatred for the teacher and the topics covered. I wondered where these dispositions came from - they were comfortable middle-class kids, many of them quietly tolerating the bad behaviour of the others. Now, having retired, the number of remembered likeable kids I can count on one hand - well, maybe two. Was I a bad teacher? I don't think so. It is a social problem that continues to this day. Ask around a bit.
There is a lot of shame and guilt admitting that you regret having kids. Guilt and shame doesn't solve the problem! Nor does judgement. It's not a one size fits all issue.
I just turned 34. I'm one of 5 kids. My parents each have several siblings. I have 9 nephews and 3 nieces. I have worked with kids, I love kids and they love me. But I am sooooooo happy to NEVER have children. I can't tell you how personally excited and relieved I am on a daily basis that I made this decision and the decision only has been strengthened over the last couple of years. I work with clients who have kids and they all express how overwhelming, exhausting, and time consuming it is. It's such an incredibly difficult job. I'd love a kid, but in another life. My core values include freedom and independence, so I want to do everything to maintain that in my life. I don't have it in me to raise kids, especially not in this dark and twisted world. More power to the people who really want them, but I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life child free.
I love the parrot! Lovely! I think there is a huge amount of socialization that everyone just has kids. I have seen this in women’s health in general where there is this huge push for downplaying how difficult or painful things are.
I wonder how much of this parental regret is unrecognized neurodivergence on the part of either the parent, child, or both. I was childless by choice, too many physical maladies I don't want to pass on.
This is an understated part of this topic. I wouldn’t say that my parents regret having children, but I personally don’t think it was a good idea. I have one parent with untreated ADHD and am ADHD as well. Their marriage and overall happiness has suffered horrifically as a result, which has led to…what I’ll call subpar parenting…at times. I am sympathetic because I don’t foresee them ever being happy together, but they are determined to stay together. But still resentful for the PTSD and other issues I’m still dealing with from it. And it makes me scared to make the decision to have children or not, and potentially end up ruining the lives of my whole family.
My mom told me when I was in my mid 20s that she regretted having kids. At the time, I thought she was brave for sharing that and I felt empathy for her. Now, over a decade later and having gone no contact with her, I think of that moment and it brings me a lot of sadness. But the statement helped me make sense of her behavior in these recent years of healing my CPTSD.
My mom really doesn’t like me since I was very young. I feel validated hearing parents say the truth about what they are feeling. I feel some closure and more compassion towards my parents and myself. Truth shall set you free.
My father has told me many times he regrets having children, especially my younger brother, who is essentially a 50 year old parrot. My mother is enabling her pet parrot until the end. I am low contact with the parrot and his parents.
Thank you for showing that it’s completely fine to love a parrot instead of a kid. Tbh I would’ve watched this without you talking much too 😅 what a darling!
Yeah I think a lot of people get hit with the reality check sooner than they think. They think having kids means posting cute pictures and then they realize it's more than that, especially with more kids having autism and special needs etc. The expense adds pressure to the marriage, especially because most women need to work to contribute to the household. It's really tiresome listening to parents complain because I really just want to ask what exactly they thought they were signing up for. 🤷🏻♀️
They didn't think, it usually comes to that. I am convinced most children are accidents, parents just found out they were having a kid and then carried on. I have seen it in the few people my age and younger that have them. There was not much decision or planning involved.
In my opinion, I think the regret with kids usually boils down to the issues of the parent. Kids have a way of exposing all of the parents' weaknesses, including the lack of parental attention that a child requires. When children aren't cared for in the way they need, there are consequences. Usually, those consequences produce a child the parent doesn't like and, I argue, it is usually because the child is displaying behaviors and traits that the parent dislikes about themselves. Children are a reflection of their parents whether we like it or not. They are little parrots. They learn by our example and by the example of the other adults most prevalent in their lives (teachers, babysitters, toxic family members, social media, etc) and then they blast it right back to us. This has been painfully obvious to me as I raise my kids while processing the narcissistic abuse from my parents and siblings. It SUCKS. But I do not regret my kids for one second. The only things I regret are not going no-contact with my parents and siblings sooner and sending my kids to school for a couple of years before homeschooling. Even limited exposure to those two groups started to produce kids I didn't recognize as my own, anymore. And what a pity that so many parents never really get to know how great their kids could be because they start dumping them in someone else's care a couple months after they are born. Anyway, the way I see it, if a parent doesn't like their kid and has regrets about having them, maybe what they really should be doing is looking inward.
I didn’t read it all but what I read was true. I often think if I knew what I know now I would not have had kids. My daughter reminds me of me when I was a kid and all of the hard work I did to become a better person. I only changed for her when I got pregnant and it feels like all the hard work I did was obsolete .
It is like having a kid! I cannot work with my son around 😬 Do whatever you want, whatever you are enjoying. It brings so much comfort watching you knowing that you're not being pressured to go either way.
Regret is a very natural feeling. Society has unfortunately made it out to be impossible or unnatural regarding parenthood. Which in turn romanticizes parenthood and lies to people that it's something everyone should do, without allowing them to really consider if it's a good choice for them.
Not everyone tells there kids this I never have, but i did tell my husband i didnt regret it Until my kids became adult. They where great when they where kids But became mean and hateful when they became adults
@@dianep3071hi Diane ❤ I’ve seen several of your comments under this video. It sounds like you are going through a lot; it might help to find a good counselor or therapist for yourself! It could help you better understand your adult children, and how you can live a more fulfilling life regardless of their choices.
The parrot is perfect. I’m a fence sitter, myself. I very much would like a kid, but I know I wouldn’t be able to give it a great life. Partner and I can barely afford ourselves. So maybe someday, but I’d rather make peace with not having them, because I don’t want to be sitting around feeling miserable if I don’t have them, you know?
This discussion is very informative. People feel too ashamed to speak their true inner thoughts. I know a lot of people who have had childreen but are vacant and not very maternal, are poor parents due to their own chilhood traumas. Some friends from certain cultural backgrounds are pressurred to have children. One friend became depressed as she didn't enjoy motherhood and struggled immensely.
Could you send this to JD Vance? According to this ijiot the most unhappy people are single women with cars.😆Also, we women should have access to family planning care. I never wanted children for various reasons and at 60 I’ve never regretted it.
I personally found it way too distracting for this episode, I think there was more about the parrot and being a parrot parent no pun intended, then the actual topic this was supposed to be about, one that is very interesting and that needs further discussion indeed.
I was 49 yrs old when my mother told me she never wanted me or liked me. Now, I understand why she ignored, neglected and abused me. But my life and feelings for myself has been changed forever. My heart shatter that day. I wish she never told me.
The parrot is very funny and mischievous. 🥰 Regreting having had kids is certainly controversial but having those feelings should be valid as long as the parents do their best for the kids. I wonder what motivates a self-aware narcissist to talk about their condition. Those are sort of unicorns because, at the very least, they know what their nature is and can talk about it.
I'm a 42 year old woman with disabilities. I knew from a young age that I never wanted kids.. My mother always wanted me to have kids, but I know children were not for me. I love my freedom and don't have to deal with the responsibility of having children.
I’m 23 and unsure if I want to have kids. As a woman, the time for us to decide if we want biological children is short, and it scares me. If I’m a parent, I want to be amazing parent, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. For one, I have ADHD, and that will make a lot of parenting tasks more difficult. I can be especially sensitive to auditory stimulation at times, which is simply awful with very young children. Either my partner will have an increased burden or I will slowly go insane. Sometimes the difficulty of caring for myself already feels like the burden of caring for a child. I have grown up with one ADHD parent and another picking up the slack, and it has done terrible things to their relationship and overall happiness with life. The ADHD parent feels guilty for being unable to do enough (and basically being like another child to take care of at times) and the other parent is overwhelmed and resentful. I don’t want to go down the same path. At the same time, I have an almost innate desire to take care of others. I end up being the “mom friend” of all of my friend groups. Whether that’s something truly innate to me or come of having to try to fill the shoes of underperforming parenting I’ll never know. But it brings me happiness and fulfillment nonetheless.
One more thing to consider: if you create life, you also create death. A child may have wonderful parents, but they will suffer anyway. Because there are other people, illness, accidents, and death.
I love my kids more than life itself! Yet, I have so much fear around them for their safety- This began after my son was in the midst of a shooting while bowling. They are beautiful, good young adults now. but I am constantly checking on them out of my fear. this is annoying to them and for good reason. This makes me sad because I can't help worrying about them- it's a dreadful feeling each day and I don't want their lives to be like my life. I don't regret them - but I wish they were born to my sister (they best person that I know and who has a great balance with her children)
Awwwww, she & I might be b-day buddies! What day in August was she born? Have fun with her & your other babies, Dad! Thanks for sharing this vid & your upcoming one also. I hope you leave this one up because I'd like to share it. Take good care & enjoy every day along the way!
I think the parent is wonderful, however, for such a short life and a huge topic, it took up more of the time than the discretion about people that won’t be child free by choice, and those that have difficulties being parents. Hope that longer future episodes about this topic will be on the channel.
I love my kids but the way society expects mothers to take blame for every misbehaviour they show. In turn as the children grew into adulthood they also developed this attitude. My husband can be responsible for something that sets them off but it’s not him they turn on, it’s me. I do regret having them now. Before my children became adults I was horrified by women who said they wish they never had kids. Now I understand.
I'm 58 in a few days, spent 14 years getting two degrees (ADHD undiagnosed), and had a short marriage which included kids of hers. I enjoyed the step-parenting with her girls in those few years. I'm yet in contact with one- and she's done well. Part of me regrets not getting my act together and having a family at a normal age, but I never felt prepared or ready and I never had a woman who inspired me to take that leap into fatherhood. Having kids may have helped me focus and build a family, but then it could have been total disaster. What if the kids were more screwed up than I? How much did I contribute? I would have grandkids by now per "normal family" and that'd be something. On the flipside, I've never stayed up waiting on a teen to get home or experienced the loss of a child as many of my friends have. I cannot fathom the grief. So I try to contribute to Humanity in other ways. If I had a partner and we had the income, I'd consider adopting with the mentality I have now. But this level of maturity and understanding was not something I had for many years. Your bird is lovely but completely distracting. One day I was in traffic court and a man came in with his bird. The judge had him take the bird outside the courtroom-as anyone would expect.
They're like having a 2-3 year old toddler, but they live for up to 80 years or more, depending on the kind of parrot. They need a LOT of attention & care since they're very intelligent & need appropriate, ongoing mental stimulation, etc. So hopefully nobody gets a parrot who isn't knowledgeable & capable of carrying for it, VERY similar to this video's topic of regretful parents. Just FYI. Yeah, they're amazing! But...
Are you serious about wanting to know what people think about the bird? Your video is about parenting, isn’t it? Or is it about parroting? I can’t follow your message because you have chosen to make the big blue bird the actual focus. I am sure that you will have more success with training your parrot than others in your audience will have in training their children. However, you allow your parrot to control you, at least in your ability to project your message. I was distracted, annoyed, and by the end of the video, I realized that you actually had nothing meaningful to say. Your message is that a child will never be able to repeat everything you say, but a parrot might. I need to get to a pet store!
The problem I have with these people is that (unless they were raped or otherwise coerced) nobody made them have a child. I knew I would regret having a child so I got a vasectomy at 26 and took proper precautions before I got snipped. I have the perfect step daughter who I get brakes from periodically. It's fantastic. They made somebody who now has to exist in this nightmare so I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for them.
Please give your macaw some toys of her own. While you are online and she should be better... We can see her boredom. They need toys, paper, cardboard, cotton rope or anything... Your hyacinth looks young and definitely acts young. My macaw is 20. I've had her 19 years. Yes, she's changed my life tremendously. My schedule evolves around her. I describe her akin to having a special needs child that never grows up. Mine is also free flighted but i would never throw or toss her in the air like you do. That's shocking to see. Why? Because she needs to trust you and if she's not prepared, she can fall. Maybe your bird hasn't fell a few times yet... but it doesn't take much for them to suffer an injury. Avoiding nonstick products in the kitchen and home as well as unsafe cleaners are another never ending task. No perfumes, aerosols, strong deodorants, hair sprays or metal objects that are not bird safe. Being in bird forums you hear many horror stories where birds got lead poisoning from someone's keys or home upholstery. OK sorry to ramble.
Children do not ask to be born. I and my husband tried to have a child from 1974-1985. Probably 8 surgeries. Multiple other procedures, infertility treatments, month after month full of stress and disappointment and pain and procedures. We probably just our out of pocket costs were upward of 150K now this is 40-50 years ago. My entire salary paid for this. My husbands paid the bills. We finally successfully adopted thru a private agency. Closed adoption. That cost was not cheap either. We didn’t care. We got our child. We had one failed pregnancy a month before the adoption. We had a pretty sick baby with respiratory issues, asthma. After 5 years we were ready to adopt again but that took 4-1/2 more years with 3 failed adoptions before we got our 2nd baby. Yes we PAID for the care for 3 birth months and if it doesn’t work out there is no refund. You just helped out a mom. So why am I telling you all this??? I’m reeling listening to these whining adults that think they matter more than the child they created. Grow the hell up. Don’t be a bad parent. Decide within the first year and give that baby up so they never remember you!!! Im so disgusted I could puke. Shame on you for not making up your damn mind before you created a life.
Ooof, the parrot is lovely to look at but it's like you're a parent of a toddler that keeps interrupting the adult(s). I'm going to do something else. I loved having my now adult kids. And now I love having an empty nest. ps. but I do love your videos otherwise.
Sorry, but how can a child be a narc? To my knowledge, there’s no diagnosis in children, is there? Egocentricity is a very normal and healthy part of child development by the way, depending on the age of course. Also, using the word „hate“ to describe your children‘s actions is way to strong and very detrimental. There’s a difference between hating and not liking or disagreeing upon something. The outlet thing is fine by me, but apart from talking about your negative feelings about your kids should always, always, sort out who is the one one with the problem and, consequently, take care of it.
I knew i didnt want kids when i was very young. And now i have 4. Three boys and 1 little girl. I cant help but think that maybe i could have been something....else. someone else. My life belongs to them whether I am on board or not. They have my time my attention my money and lets just be honest, my body will never be the same. I guess what im saying is i knew back then, Im selfish. Not evil. Or heartless. Just selfish. And probably a little vain. But what can i do. They are 19, 17, 12 and 2. They really are amazing. I love my kids ❤❤❤❤ And im a mom. Idk. Maybe i could've been something else.
Parents have a high standard they need to follow and maintain. They need to get ready for the tasks. The ppl saying they regret having kids can vent but if they truly feel that way they are ungrateful. Shaming and guilt has it's positives and can be beneficial. The wrong thing here is living like feeling kids r a nuisance not only just admitting the regrets.
My mum's been telling me since I was a small child that she wished she'd never had me, that I wasn't planned (had no idea what that even meant until I was a teenager) and that I was a mistake. She still does that sometimes, like when she likes to upset me, and I'm 60 now. Getting bored with it now to be honest 🥱💤. It's _her_ problem, not _mine_ . What's confusing is that I'm her only daughter and she's never said this to my brothers, the youngest of whom is utterly spoilt and arrogant. The parrot's hilarious by the way 🦜 🤣
Decided to never have children when I was 15. Knew it was not for me. Knew I would not make a good parent. 52 and never regretted that decision. But the bullying and judgement for being childless is unpleasant.
Im so sorry people judged you for not having kids Id rather see someone decided to not have kids . than to have them and abuse them
Anyone who bullies or judges you made the wrong choice for themselves and is bitter. Misery loves company.
Child free
@BonesAndButtons ... Are you a man or woman? Who did more shaming, men or women?
I have four children and I love them all dearly. However, I was absolutely not equipped to care for them, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was. We need to do more to help adults recognize when they are and are not equipped to raise children. And we need to help those adults who choose to have them. It is the toughest job in the world and the one that is sadly the least supported.
Agreed. Thanks for sharing.
Agreed god had to show me during my spiritual awakening and actually thinking back a few random strangers did tell me not to have kids maybe those were legit signs lol but he gave me a huge purpose in replace.
Thankfully he didn’t allow me to go threw childbirth because I have a low tolerance for b.s. but he gave me something….different and convenient. Now I have a “true” purpose and not just the usual mom purpose.
Im the same way i love my girls and now they are adults but i do now regret having them the way they treat my husband and I We gave them everything we didn’t have and i think because of that they feel its ok to treat us like crap. They both decided to not have us in their life. which is fine . But we don’t get to see our 7 grandkids which hurts a lot.
@@dianep3071 I’m so sorry to hear that. One of my daughters has no contact with me. And my son goes back and forth. We were denied seeing our first grandson for almost a month. It’s really painful.
@@Ghostshark8137the usual mom purpose? I don’t know what the hell you are taking about but if you think your purpose is somehow more or better than the “usual” mom, you are sadly mistaken. There is no higher calling than to raise a responsible adult AND be able to love them.
My mother was a depressive who told me when I was a child that she shouldn’t have had me. It devastated me. I just assumed she hated me and that there was something fatally wrong with me. I despised myself as a result. It took decades to get her hateful voice out of my head. Feelings are one thing, but don’t EVER divulge them to your child. Children don’t ask to be born.
I’m so glad you’ve gotten help, and I agree - we all have hard feelings, but there are just some people we don’t need to share those with! A parent regretting a child most definitely fits that category.
Yeah, totally agree. I don't forget when my mum told me I was a mistake. Silly woman.
I regret having a child. I didn't understand (at 19) I was married to a narcissist and didn't realize what terrible parents we would be. Child is 52 now and cannot cope with life. I loved the first 3 years because he gave me a reason to live. He was a very good kid. I regret not being a better parent. That child has alway said he wasn't going to have children. He was so intuitive.
I'm grateful that regretful parents are being honest these days. Why do people act like Child Protective Services doesn't exist for a reason? Regretful parenthood is a well-known phenomenon, but people are just too terrified and in denial of admitting it. Absentee fathers stepping out is normalized, but regretful mothers are seen as 'taboo'. People get especially angry at regretful mothers AND childfree women. They want women to just LOVE being the family sacrifice, lol! The jig is up.
So true! It’s 2024 and so many people still think a woman’s job is to suffer and be a martyr and worry about everyone except herself
Yes this. I'm so happy for women choosing to think first do second!!
I’m not sure one can regret having a kid and the kid not know it.
Our society bestows status on people who have children. It is a way for someone who is absolutely no one to feel like they are someone -- even though sex/knocking up is the easiest thing in the world to do. Parenthood is not an accomplishment. In fact, it is quite often indicative of low character or lack of responsibility.
Ok so respect your right to not have children, put you put those who chose to have children down.
A lot of people are like my mom, who, loves me, but who was not equipped to raise a child. She lives with extreme guilt and regret because of how unintentionally abusive my childhood with her was because she wasn't equipped to be a healthy parent.
I am so grateful to hear this topic being talked about. There is such a myth about the bliss of having children and the negativity directed at those who choose not to. My therapist also said they there are lots of people who regret having children. I too have heard of digital communities that also talk about that regret. I for one am grateful that I don’t have kids and am someone who has never wanted to. This topic also raises the awareness of the utter challenges and difficulties of raising children. I know that as a child and adult who has endured extreme domestic violence from my mother, father and brother (not any intimate partner) that I have not been equipped to have kids. Thankfully my background and personal inclination have also aligned to my disinterest in not having kids. As I have undergone therapy and have worked through this question in my life, the idea that there are people out there who are talking about having regrets having kids is immensely powerful. The conversation raises a more nuanced position and the need to really think it through instead of just assuming , as people have for generations , that it is ‘normal’ and natural for everyone to want to have kids or dismissing people who say that they don’t want to but not having th language to really explain the reasons. It’s a difficult conversation but one that has to be done sensitively for both the child who may already be here or the adult who chooses not to have one for a myriad of reasons. The topic has to become more normalised rather than having a fantasised perspective on being a parent. This conversation has the potential to begin to heal generational trauma that has continued from the belief that being a parent is ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ or simply inevitable to live a fulfilled meaningful life.
You are smart! So many people come from the same difficult circumstances and have children as a way to heal them.. which can either help or they just end up repeating the same mistakes and so the cycle of violence and intergenerational trauma continues.
I was someone who had an adoptive mother who had these sentiments. Her last dying words were how sorry she was to have adopted, it ruined her life. She had said things like this several times in the previous years but she made sure she expressed it again right before she died. They gave me a terrible life with abuse.
What a sorry sack of shit she was. Good riddance. 😅 I hope you heal and live the happiest life!
LOL
There is why society needs to accept and be kind to the who don’t want children. Back in the day, if you didn’t have children you were heavily judged which meant many just had them to be like everyone else. Let’s all just be kinder to each other and accept it when people say they don’t want kids and leave it at that. I’m sorry you suffered. I too came from dysfunction.
@@whitneyanders5945 In my country some very influential politicians say that a childfree woman is a socially harmful element. Lol.
@@amiedetherese Hearing this breaks my heart. I wish I could say something that would be able to take all your pain away, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Imagine finding that FB group & seeing your parents are members. I appreciate the honesty since so many people say having kids is wonderful. I never wanted kids (for multiple reasons) & I don’t regret not having them!
I'm on that page and not embarrassed if anyone sees me on there. I don't post anything and although not a regretful parent on difficult days it helps. I also offer advice and encouragement for posts that often speak of lack of support as I know it so well and have experienced those perils myself.. not everyone on there is regretful infact, many fence sitters, seasoned loving parents and lurkers are on there just trying to be more aware or share support to those having a hard time at parenting.
I have seen children treated in a ways that makes me regret that they were born to such horrible parents--and this is no reference to spanking. It's about verbal mental abuse and horrible situations.
I’m
Here for the bird
While I don’t regret having children, I won’t be making the same choice if time can revert back to my younger days. The time commitment and resources required to raise a child are very demanding. And there is no longer a village to help child rearing.
As a teacher, for fifty years, I met a lot of Western teenagers who were all-round despicable people - not a shred of decency in them. Invariably, they tried to sabotage my classes with vulgar opposition and undisguised hatred for the teacher and the topics covered. I wondered where these dispositions came from - they were comfortable middle-class kids, many of them quietly tolerating the bad behaviour of the others. Now, having retired, the number of remembered likeable kids I can count on one hand - well, maybe two. Was I a bad teacher? I don't think so. It is a social problem that continues to this day. Ask around a bit.
There is a lot of shame and guilt admitting that you regret having kids. Guilt and shame doesn't solve the problem! Nor does judgement. It's not a one size fits all issue.
I just turned 34. I'm one of 5 kids. My parents each have several siblings. I have 9 nephews and 3 nieces. I have worked with kids, I love kids and they love me. But I am sooooooo happy to NEVER have children. I can't tell you how personally excited and relieved I am on a daily basis that I made this decision and the decision only has been strengthened over the last couple of years. I work with clients who have kids and they all express how overwhelming, exhausting, and time consuming it is. It's such an incredibly difficult job. I'd love a kid, but in another life. My core values include freedom and independence, so I want to do everything to maintain that in my life. I don't have it in me to raise kids, especially not in this dark and twisted world. More power to the people who really want them, but I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life child free.
Live long and be free!
I love the parrot! Lovely!
I think there is a huge amount of socialization that everyone just has kids. I have seen this in women’s health in general where there is this huge push for downplaying how difficult or painful things are.
I wonder how much of this parental regret is unrecognized neurodivergence on the part of either the parent, child, or both. I was childless by choice, too many physical maladies I don't want to pass on.
This is an understated part of this topic. I wouldn’t say that my parents regret having children, but I personally don’t think it was a good idea. I have one parent with untreated ADHD and am ADHD as well. Their marriage and overall happiness has suffered horrifically as a result, which has led to…what I’ll call subpar parenting…at times.
I am sympathetic because I don’t foresee them ever being happy together, but they are determined to stay together. But still resentful for the PTSD and other issues I’m still dealing with from it. And it makes me scared to make the decision to have children or not, and potentially end up ruining the lives of my whole family.
Who wouldn’t love the Parrot? She’s adorable! Love her!
My mom told me when I was in my mid 20s that she regretted having kids. At the time, I thought she was brave for sharing that and I felt empathy for her. Now, over a decade later and having gone no contact with her, I think of that moment and it brings me a lot of sadness. But the statement helped me make sense of her behavior in these recent years of healing my CPTSD.
Your child is definitely that macaw 😂 she was just being all innocent an playful while you were lecturing and trying to focus.
My mom really doesn’t like me since I was very young. I feel validated hearing parents say the truth about what they are feeling. I feel some closure and more compassion towards my parents and myself. Truth shall set you free.
My father has told me many times he regrets having children, especially my younger brother, who is essentially a 50 year old parrot. My mother is enabling her pet parrot until the end. I am low contact with the parrot and his parents.
I see it all the time- mothers love enabling their loser, deadbeat sons.
Thank you for showing that it’s completely fine to love a parrot instead of a kid. Tbh I would’ve watched this without you talking much too 😅 what a darling!
Birds are great! So intelligent and entertaining and they live for many years
Bird was a giant distraction. Couldn't even finish the video it became so annoying. Odd professional decision imo.
Seems like he brought his child to work 😂
Children are a privilege not a right. Many people take it as a right hence their regret.
Yeah I think a lot of people get hit with the reality check sooner than they think. They think having kids means posting cute pictures and then they realize it's more than that, especially with more kids having autism and special needs etc. The expense adds pressure to the marriage, especially because most women need to work to contribute to the household. It's really tiresome listening to parents complain because I really just want to ask what exactly they thought they were signing up for. 🤷🏻♀️
They didn't think, it usually comes to that. I am convinced most children are accidents, parents just found out they were having a kid and then carried on. I have seen it in the few people my age and younger that have them. There was not much decision or planning involved.
In my opinion, I think the regret with kids usually boils down to the issues of the parent. Kids have a way of exposing all of the parents' weaknesses, including the lack of parental attention that a child requires. When children aren't cared for in the way they need, there are consequences. Usually, those consequences produce a child the parent doesn't like and, I argue, it is usually because the child is displaying behaviors and traits that the parent dislikes about themselves. Children are a reflection of their parents whether we like it or not. They are little parrots. They learn by our example and by the example of the other adults most prevalent in their lives (teachers, babysitters, toxic family members, social media, etc) and then they blast it right back to us. This has been painfully obvious to me as I raise my kids while processing the narcissistic abuse from my parents and siblings. It SUCKS. But I do not regret my kids for one second. The only things I regret are not going no-contact with my parents and siblings sooner and sending my kids to school for a couple of years before homeschooling. Even limited exposure to those two groups started to produce kids I didn't recognize as my own, anymore. And what a pity that so many parents never really get to know how great their kids could be because they start dumping them in someone else's care a couple months after they are born. Anyway, the way I see it, if a parent doesn't like their kid and has regrets about having them, maybe what they really should be doing is looking inward.
Very well articulated. The issues stem from the parent, clearly.
I didn’t read it all but what I read was true. I often think if I knew what I know now I would not have had kids. My daughter reminds me of me when I was a kid and all of the hard work I did to become a better person. I only changed for her when I got pregnant and it feels like all the hard work I did was obsolete .
@@alabama.worleynot always
This is an incredible take. Highly accurate.
@oneofmany7051 thank you for sharing your story and articulating so well what is surely many others' experience 🎯
It is like having a kid! I cannot work with my son around 😬 Do whatever you want, whatever you are enjoying. It brings so much comfort watching you knowing that you're not being pressured to go either way.
Regret is a very natural feeling.
Society has unfortunately made it out to be impossible or unnatural regarding parenthood. Which in turn romanticizes parenthood and lies to people that it's something everyone should do, without allowing them to really consider if it's a good choice for them.
Telling your kid you regret their life is child abuse, yeah they’re assholes.
Not everyone tells there kids this I never have, but i did tell my husband i didnt regret it Until my kids became adult. They where great when they where kids But became mean and hateful when they became adults
@@dianep3071hi Diane ❤ I’ve seen several of your comments under this video. It sounds like you are going through a lot; it might help to find a good counselor or therapist for yourself! It could help you better understand your adult children, and how you can live a more fulfilling life regardless of their choices.
The parrot is perfect.
I’m a fence sitter, myself. I very much would like a kid, but I know I wouldn’t be able to give it a great life. Partner and I can barely afford ourselves. So maybe someday, but I’d rather make peace with not having them, because I don’t want to be sitting around feeling miserable if I don’t have them, you know?
This discussion is very informative. People feel too ashamed to speak their true inner thoughts. I know a lot of people who have had childreen but are vacant and not very maternal, are poor parents due to their own chilhood traumas. Some friends from certain cultural backgrounds are pressurred to have children. One friend became depressed as she didn't enjoy motherhood and struggled immensely.
Could you send this to JD Vance? According to this ijiot the most unhappy people are single women with cars.😆Also, we women should have access to family planning care. I never wanted children for various reasons and at 60 I’ve never regretted it.
I appreciate this conversation too, so much
Love the parrot! (And also support you if you find her too distracting.)
I personally found it way too distracting for this episode, I think there was more about the parrot and being a parrot parent no pun intended, then the actual topic this was supposed to be about, one that is very interesting and that needs further discussion indeed.
Love the bird! Birds are such characters and just watching them is very entertaining.
I was 49 yrs old when my mother told me she never wanted me or liked me. Now, I understand why she ignored, neglected and abused me. But my life and feelings for myself has been changed forever. My heart shatter that day. I wish she never told me.
1 and done for me!!! Glad for my 1. Could not see myself with anymore. To each their own.
I knew I wasn't meant to be a parent at 10, 12 years old.
Btw Kyle...your parrot is adorable and beautiful!
I vote for Spire to continue to be on lives 🕊🙂❤ T
The parrot is very funny and mischievous. 🥰 Regreting having had kids is certainly controversial but having those feelings should be valid as long as the parents do their best for the kids. I wonder what motivates a self-aware narcissist to talk about their condition. Those are sort of unicorns because, at the very least, they know what their nature is and can talk about it.
❤❤❤ I LOVE THE PARROT ❤❤❤
I'm a 42 year old woman with disabilities. I knew from a young age that I never wanted kids.. My mother always wanted me to have kids, but I know children were not for me. I love my freedom and don't have to deal with the responsibility of having children.
Love the parrot! She's beautiful!! 🦜
Spire’s presence is so soothing 🙈
I’m 23 and unsure if I want to have kids. As a woman, the time for us to decide if we want biological children is short, and it scares me.
If I’m a parent, I want to be amazing parent, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself otherwise. For one, I have ADHD, and that will make a lot of parenting tasks more difficult. I can be especially sensitive to auditory stimulation at times, which is simply awful with very young children. Either my partner will have an increased burden or I will slowly go insane. Sometimes the difficulty of caring for myself already feels like the burden of caring for a child.
I have grown up with one ADHD parent and another picking up the slack, and it has done terrible things to their relationship and overall happiness with life. The ADHD parent feels guilty for being unable to do enough (and basically being like another child to take care of at times) and the other parent is overwhelmed and resentful. I don’t want to go down the same path.
At the same time, I have an almost innate desire to take care of others. I end up being the “mom friend” of all of my friend groups. Whether that’s something truly innate to me or come of having to try to fill the shoes of underperforming parenting I’ll never know. But it brings me happiness and fulfillment nonetheless.
One more thing to consider: if you create life, you also create death. A child may have wonderful parents, but they will suffer anyway. Because there are other people, illness, accidents, and death.
I love my kids more than life itself! Yet, I have so much fear around them for their safety- This began after my son was in the midst of a shooting while bowling. They are beautiful, good young adults now. but I am constantly checking on them out of my fear. this is annoying to them and for good reason. This makes me sad because I can't help worrying about them- it's a dreadful feeling each day and I don't want their lives to be like my life. I don't regret them - but I wish they were born to my sister (they best person that I know and who has a great balance with her children)
Awwwww, she & I might be b-day buddies! What day in August was she born?
Have fun with her & your other babies, Dad! Thanks for sharing this vid & your upcoming one also. I hope you leave this one up because I'd like to share it. Take good care & enjoy every day along the way!
Can you make more videos about your bird? 🦜 please
I never wanted kids
Awesome!
Me either. And I don’t regret that.
@@emilyfeagin2673 ya give up free time and money for a small chance of getting a nice kid. Two parent family a must
I think the parent is wonderful, however, for such a short life and a huge topic, it took up more of the time than the discretion about people that won’t be child free by choice, and those that have difficulties being parents. Hope that longer future episodes about this topic will be on the channel.
I love my kids but the way society expects mothers to take blame for every misbehaviour they show. In turn as the children grew into adulthood they also developed this attitude. My husband can be responsible for something that sets them off but it’s not him they turn on, it’s me. I do regret having them now. Before my children became adults I was horrified by women who said they wish they never had kids. Now I understand.
Whoa. The word 'parrot' even rhymes with 'parent'. So awesomm.
I'm 58 in a few days, spent 14 years getting two degrees (ADHD undiagnosed), and had a short marriage which included kids of hers. I enjoyed the step-parenting with her girls in those few years. I'm yet in contact with one- and she's done well.
Part of me regrets not getting my act together and having a family at a normal age, but I never felt prepared or ready and I never had a woman who inspired me to take that leap into fatherhood. Having kids may have helped me focus and build a family, but then it could have been total disaster. What if the kids were more screwed up than I? How much did I contribute?
I would have grandkids by now per "normal family" and that'd be something. On the flipside, I've never stayed up waiting on a teen to get home or experienced the loss of a child as many of my friends have. I cannot fathom the grief.
So I try to contribute to Humanity in other ways. If I had a partner and we had the income, I'd consider adopting with the mentality I have now. But this level of maturity and understanding was not something I had for many years.
Your bird is lovely but completely distracting. One day I was in traffic court and a man came in with his bird. The judge had him take the bird outside the courtroom-as anyone would expect.
Kyle Kittleson for President!! :)
Get rid of the pet dude. Take it out of the frame. No wonder you keep losing your train of thought.
LOVE the parrot!!!! I want one!!
I thought it was outlawed to have a blue parrot as a pet.
They're like having a 2-3 year old toddler, but they live for up to 80 years or more, depending on the kind of parrot. They need a LOT of attention & care since they're very intelligent & need appropriate, ongoing mental stimulation, etc. So hopefully nobody gets a parrot who isn't knowledgeable & capable of carrying for it, VERY similar to this video's topic of regretful parents. Just FYI. Yeah, they're amazing! But...
Beautiful plumage on your Norwegian blue
I like the parrot but if you have it in the video, you have to make sure you stay on topic and don't forget things!
Are you serious about wanting to know what people think about the bird? Your video is about parenting, isn’t it? Or is it about parroting? I can’t follow your message because you have chosen to make the big blue bird the actual focus. I am sure that you will have more success with training your parrot than others in your audience will have in training their children. However, you allow your parrot to control you, at least in your ability to project your message. I was distracted, annoyed, and by the end of the video, I realized that you actually had nothing meaningful to say. Your message is that a child will never be able to repeat everything you say, but a parrot might. I need to get to a pet store!
The point of his videos is to tell you that his opinion isnt as interesting as his fucking parrot. Young guns 😂
The problem I have with these people is that (unless they were raped or otherwise coerced) nobody made them have a child. I knew I would regret having a child so I got a vasectomy at 26 and took proper precautions before I got snipped. I have the perfect step daughter who I get brakes from periodically. It's fantastic. They made somebody who now has to exist in this nightmare so I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for them.
I love the parrot ❤❤❤❤❤ adorable
I like the parrot. She is beautiful
I think it’s something like 50% regret having kids
More yt videos should have birds.
Love the bird! 😄
So basically, domestic abusers and narcissists.
Parrot is very sweet.
Please give your macaw some toys of her own. While you are online and she should be better... We can see her boredom. They need toys, paper, cardboard, cotton rope or anything... Your hyacinth looks young and definitely acts young.
My macaw is 20. I've had her 19 years. Yes, she's changed my life tremendously. My schedule evolves around her. I describe her akin to having a special needs child that never grows up.
Mine is also free flighted but i would never throw or toss her in the air like you do. That's shocking to see. Why? Because she needs to trust you and if she's not prepared, she can fall. Maybe your bird hasn't fell a few times yet... but it doesn't take much for them to suffer an injury.
Avoiding nonstick products in the kitchen and home as well as unsafe cleaners are another never ending task. No perfumes, aerosols, strong deodorants, hair sprays or metal objects that are not bird safe. Being in bird forums you hear many horror stories where birds got lead poisoning from someone's keys or home upholstery.
OK sorry to ramble.
Children do not ask to be born. I and my husband tried to have a child from 1974-1985. Probably 8 surgeries. Multiple other procedures, infertility treatments, month after month full of stress and disappointment and pain and procedures. We probably just our out of pocket costs were upward of 150K now this is 40-50 years ago. My entire salary paid for this. My husbands paid the bills. We finally successfully adopted thru a private agency. Closed adoption. That cost was not cheap either. We didn’t care. We got our child. We had one failed pregnancy a month before the adoption.
We had a pretty sick baby with respiratory issues, asthma. After 5 years we were ready to adopt again but that took 4-1/2 more years with 3 failed adoptions before we got our 2nd baby. Yes we PAID for the care for 3 birth months and if it doesn’t work out there is no refund. You just helped out a mom.
So why am I telling you all this??? I’m reeling listening to these whining adults that think they matter more than the child they created. Grow the hell up. Don’t be a bad parent. Decide within the first year and give that baby up so they never remember you!!! Im so disgusted I could puke. Shame on you for not making up your damn mind before you created a life.
Someone like you who lacks empathy for humans should not be around children. Sometimes nature has a point when it comes to infertility.
He is so cute !!
This video made me wanna have a macaw
I thought it was prohibited to have blue parrots as pets?
Why would you think that
Ooof, the parrot is lovely to look at but it's like you're a parent of a toddler that keeps interrupting the adult(s). I'm going to do something else. I loved having my now adult kids. And now I love having an empty nest.
ps. but I do love your videos otherwise.
Sorry, but how can a child be a narc? To my knowledge, there’s no diagnosis in children, is there? Egocentricity is a very normal and healthy part of child development by the way, depending on the age of course. Also, using the word „hate“ to describe your children‘s actions is way to strong and very detrimental. There’s a difference between hating and not liking or disagreeing upon something. The outlet thing is fine by me, but apart from talking about your negative feelings about your kids should always, always, sort out who is the one one with the problem and, consequently, take care of it.
I knew i didnt want kids when i was very young. And now i have 4. Three boys and 1 little girl. I cant help but think that maybe i could have been something....else. someone else.
My life belongs to them whether I am on board or not.
They have my time my attention my money and lets just be honest, my body will never be the same.
I guess what im saying is i knew back then, Im selfish.
Not evil. Or heartless.
Just selfish. And probably a little vain.
But what can i do. They are 19, 17, 12 and 2. They really are amazing.
I love my kids ❤❤❤❤
And im a mom.
Idk. Maybe i could've been something else.
@Jessica-kb4pl same, same, same 🎯
No wonder people are so fucked up in this world
Bird needs a time out cage.
Is that a bird?
what is it with those people?
Skip the macaw. Why do you have a wild bird imprisoned in your house? It is NOT a "sneaky kid (smirk)".
Aspire is👍 keeping it real
Parents have a high standard they need to follow and maintain. They need to get ready for the tasks. The ppl saying they regret having kids can vent but if they truly feel that way they are ungrateful. Shaming and guilt has it's positives and can be beneficial. The wrong thing here is living like feeling kids r a nuisance not only just admitting the regrets.
Omg!! Get rid of the parrot, focusand complete a sentence. We don't bring pets to work.... then you 'lose your train of thought '.
Your parrent is like kids. Have there on mind. Do what she's wants. Lol
Looove🦜🦜
I wonder if he regrets getting that agitated bird. It is very distracting.
Ok Keren
I would listen longer but the parrot is too distracting.
More birb 🦜🦜🦜🦜🦜🦜🦜
👍❤️
🦜 💗
Shre my deep sympathy...live ur lives..the world now goes to the end...Trump will show it to all...
I don't understand how you can regret your seed but ok….
if you have no children, you will feel empty all your life
My mum's been telling me since I was a small child that she wished she'd never had me, that I wasn't planned (had no idea what that even meant until I was a teenager) and that I was a mistake. She still does that sometimes, like when she likes to upset me, and I'm 60 now. Getting bored with it now to be honest 🥱💤. It's _her_ problem, not _mine_ . What's confusing is that I'm her only daughter and she's never said this to my brothers, the youngest of whom is utterly spoilt and arrogant. The parrot's hilarious by the way 🦜 🤣