Checking Out Early
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- What are some of the personal details that go into people checking out early of life?
Donations are greatly appreciated and help me survive to make videos:
Paypal
paypal.me/thin...
Patreon
www.patreon.com...
Backup Channel:
/ @thinking-ape-backup344
Track is called Better Days
I like this guy a lot more than sandman and a lot of other channels based around these types of things. He seems so much more down to earth and less radicalized than most of these redpill popping rage lunitics. You just got a sub I needed this mate
@@TheSaival bruh rollo tomato 🍅 got BTFO by Mikayla Peterson.
I like Sandman... Though he does seem to be more radical since the bug.
@@fahs I hate sandman's voice delivery, it's not for me, and never has.
Started my journey back in 2015. Sandman is like mgtow mcdonald's. It's not objectively good, or good for you, but it's probably the first burger many of us have ever had, and leads us down the path of finding a better burger/better answers.
@@jffehdbfhhdhdhshh9023 I could nevee stand his voice or worse, delivery tonality
Unfortunately, there are a lot of topics we just can't talk about. If you are trying to be reasonable and logical about something, but the person you are talking to is operating 100% on emotion, nothing productive can come of that.
It's more than just the wahmens. There are vested interests in our society that don't want light shone on the sort of pressures creating the suicide/overdose/etc. levels higher than ever. You know when you see a dumb right bar recommendation that Ben Shapiro EPICALLY DESTROYS AND OWNS with logic and reason? Yeah, he's wrong. It's not "facts don't care about your feelings," it's inculcated feelings and dogmatics don't care about your facts. It's very much like religion.
@@JarinXeno I never argue with them. You always lose
@The Flaneur Incentives Before Feels
It's an Insidious problem, isn't it? But with age and experience, you learn to discern between those who are actually thinking, and those flying on emotional auto-pilot. You learn to hold yourself and your conclusions in higher esteem, KNOWING that you are actually a truly logical and reasonable - mature, if you will - person, AND that not every body operates this way. You just know when someone is emotionally hysterical; an adult child.
Tell me
How can one
Enjoy life
When he is silenced
I've been checked out and dead inside since I was 25. I'm 33 now. Just kinda aimless in life, don't really have a career or purpose.... I have no money, so it's not like I'm gonna own my own home someday since I can't get a high paying job. I'm not brilliant or anything, I don't have any schooling or education beyond Grade 12. I don't know what other jobs I would be good at, I'm tired of rejection and failures. But that's the American Dream I was sold right? Get a wife and a home and kids????? What else is there?
Some days I want a girlfriend but then I remember how much effort is needed to get one, and keep one, and just luck out and hope she doesn't cheat.... how fucking depressing. I remember how shitty women are in behaviors that they are not worth my time to pursue.
I am introverted and have social anxiety. I lost the genetic gene pool. I don't think I'm "bad looking" but I'm not exactly a male model... but in general I go through life nearly invisible. Not once in my life have I had a woman approach me. It's always the man that must do it...
I relate.
@The Flaneur Maybe. If I didn't live from paycheck to paycheck. I cannot take time off work or I am unable to pay bills.
@@DarkBykeTwitch Stop working. Just stop and see what happens. It might not be as bad as being a slave to work and having nothing to show for your work. And how much worse can it really be?
@@aaronbutler5480 How much worse? Well, homeless for a start.
Don't give up man. Please don't.
My brother threw himself off a cliff namely beachy head UK 2014 . I lost my mum Nov 18, dad 2011. I consider myself mgtow. I'm currently going through the red pill milaze. I'm only hanging it out out of sheer stubbornness. And as a middle finger to my detractors. It's tough for us mgtow at times. But my advice is find help. But stay away from gynocentric blue pill therapists.
General ZOD your comment bring up really good points that people seem to forget.
You are among friends. Stay true to you. In time, the rest will pass. Peace to you. We all have had to swallow the red pill.
milaze? Do you mean malaise?
pedro excuse my poor spelling. hopefully you were able to understand the point i was trying to put across . thanks for the correction.
thank you old wrench. in the past few years ive taken a keen interest in learning uncomfortable truths. my hope is that difficult paths lead to great places.
I'm that guy, the one with the clash between the artistic soul and mechanistic view of the world. The suffering is unreal.
* raises a glass * Same here
@@portraitofman2063 I understand the struggle. It's something I think about often. It's like my soul has been cored out.
@@NTMihailabeautiful comment. You’ve given me a realization, thank you.
Life = shit. People who commit suicide are among the bravest, and most resolute individuals out there. It takes huge fucking balls to force yourself to lay down, and take that Forever Nap. I am not there yet, however I have to admit that there are days I really, really feel like sleeping.
Absolutely man people don’t realise even when you’re depressed asf actually committing is still terrifying it’s not just some easy task you do and then that’s it it’s a lot of pain fear loneliness and panic ect I’ve been close once before but didn’t have the balls to go all the way I weirdly respect people in a way that had the courage to do it as weird as that sounds but I know I’m just too scared at this point in life to do it even though I hate life
@@Jackmonkey66666hghinnvsome of us hate ourselves enough that we enjoy us getting tortured by life.
@@Jonathan-jk7of probably is me subconsciously, I can’t be by myself with being miserable but I also don’t like being around too many people in any public setting. I also can’t do anything positive for myself I dwell on the negative and pain get into lots of needless street fights because it’s one of the only “good” feelings i get in my day to day life by dropping hero’s that think they are tough. My life is quite pathetic and my biggest hater is indeed myself. It’s surreal knowing there are people right now living the lives we can only dream of to what we desire out of mostly luck of the draw, while myself and others like me scowl the underworld to fight each other because we hate ourselves, lovely Mother Nature and in time we will dissolve into her cruel soil a forgotten nothingness.
I fear death, but I fear this empty existence even more. Since I was a kid I had a longing for love for a tender bond with my soulmate. Only to find out everything I thought and believed about love is a lie, now I'm struggling to hold on to live in this empty void without the thing that I most desired and cherished without her I don't think I'll last long!
exactly the same
Depressing to say I’m exactly the same mindset wise self harmed for a while after what I thought was my soul mate and would have died for left me and married and older ugly guy with his life more together then mine and I wanted to delete myself but was so afraid of death I was 22 and the past few years I’ve just isolated myself waiting till I have enough balls to not fear death and end this awful existence
@@Jackmonkey66666hghinnv I understand your sorrow and pain. Once I took the red pill about female nature it crushed my reality. To fully internalize that women don't and can't love like that . To know that women are only in it for safety and security and not about feelings love and God etc. This goes against everything I was taught as a child, we were wrongfully programmed to believe in this version of women and love. I questioned god why would he allow man to feel love if it isn't real for the female sex. To know you're all alone and that you can never simp again cuz you respect yourself. All that remains is just to play the game and sleep with women is all that's left. No matter how toxic that may be. I hope you find the strength to live on , I recommend weight lifting to make you feel like a warrior something to bring out that energy and use it to become physically stronger. We will all die it's just how much we can take before going. I struggle with the void everyday I think about self deletion much, but at the same time I have to show life that I can tank these hits and keep going , I will die regardless one day so why not fight back , why not stand against the darkness with only your rage and your sorrow with all your pains, use all that as a flaming spear of light against the darkness.
You say you don't do art aymore, but I consider this an extremely profound piece of art
Might call it jazz
@@Illlium Online beatnik. *Snaps Fingers*
Life is bullshit. I would never want to come back here. I’m happy to know I can take my life whenever I want.
What keeps you going?
@@richardscathouse I guess I could relate to that curiosity as well.
I'm 27 and I gave up when I was 24.
I just go with the flow, have a job, I'm sorta doing a degree, I'm sorta learning this and that.
I don't really care about anything, I just get by day to day, trying to pass the time until I die.
Suicide? Nah that would hurt. Pain is exactly what I don't want. Funnily enough, religion actually made me want to live a bit more. Maybe it's just stories but we actually took those stories brought them into reality and made them "true" in a way. I really enjoy exploring them now. Who knows maybe there is something better after we die.
Dude I fucking hope there's something cool after this
I'm not one to mindlessly comment about how I relate to people on the internet, but this is extremely rational and a fine take on life. We don't have a set path when we are born, and the more individualistic you are, the less the societal path makes sense. I admire you dude. I'm living just like you.
Wondering Lion pretty similar with me on the first part of your comment.
@TheLastAbacus
Nice of you to say that :)
I especially love being single right now, because I can just dabble into whatever that strikes me fancy. I am going to finish up my chemistry degree, and maybe just spend some time studying mathematics. Why? Just because the whim struck me to do so. And when I'm done caring about it, I will just get onto the new interest that strikes me after that.
All my life people always told me that I'm too unstable and I can't stick to any subject for long. Yeah, that's me, but maybe that's not such a terrible thing. Maybe I'm this way for a reason and maybe there is no reason to hate myself or my life for this. People should be happy that I always have something to keep me going, instead of telling me that my life makes no sense to them. And yeah society is in a terrible shape right now, but there are still so many interesting things out there. I actually feel adventurous. Still I wish I could have a few friends.
@@MrChaosAdam I can tell by the way you speak you'd have a reliable friend had we been in the same area. You probably come across more people in the same boat than they will ever let you know. WIshing you the best dude.
I often contemplate about the future in regards to my current trajectory. Few skills, no women, no children. But staying healthy and earning ok money. 2 decades until I hit my 50s. I can't help but envision myself checking out around that time. I'll have dying or dead parents by then, and possibly few friends occupied with their own families. I'm hoping I can endure until life takes me down. I've chosen a hard path thus far, and the time will come for me to take the consequences.
I am 56. So I resemble that remark! Seriously, please consider that as you get older, you get wiser. You can use your wisdom to eek out new realms of appreciation or just foresee problems headed your way long before they get anywhere near you. You say you have few skills. Just pick a musical instrument and start learning it. Pretend you are 12 and your own parent. Pat yourself on the back for practicing. Music is a fabulous realm of engagement even if you never perform.
@@kevinhornbuckle I can't play for shit, but I can sing Painkiller by Judas Priest. I still have a couple passions, I just hope they last til the ol' dirt nap is all.
Get a dog. (Serious suggestion. You will never regret it).
@@lord.of_iron A ukulele is easy to learn and a very forgiving instrument. There are many groups around that meet at pubs clubs etc for a jam. Believe me it's good for you.
we live in this prison, serving around 80 years. we are forced to come to this prison, then we are forced to stay.
I grew up with someone who became a close friend from middle school on... Still remember sleepovers when I would plan out nights where we could just play mortal Kombat II together. I never had the luxury of owning a console so it was novel.
We kept in touch till my 20's then further. He still lived with the parents, had health issues and struggled a lot. We would keep in touch, but I couldn't hang with him because I knew his life choices were not healthy.
One day I woke up and a fellow friend asked me if I had heard. He died from a gunshot to the head. He was found in the park by a woman on her morning walk.
Still have his last voicemail asking about where I lived and moving out. You can't save everyone, but at least be there for others. We all struggle in some way.
I've contemplated suicide... the times were very hard. Then I started speaking to more men. Found that pretty much everyone passes through that thing. Sort of a ritual for everyone to go through. That tight spot was almost 10 years ago. Now is mostly worrying about living too long and having to send off every person from my family as the healthiest of them all.
I know what you mean. And thinking about those moments makes me repulse and just value my life that much more. There's quite a leap between who I am now and who I was just a few years back. Dragging yourself out of the suicidal thoughts is a path to self respect. Something that is very lacking among modern western men.
Everyone passing through suicidal thoughts is a sign of an extremely unhealthy society
I keep coming back to this post...
The comments are strangely comforting/calming...
Agreed. Some part of me wishes there were more of them too see.
be aware of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) during the winter months my brothers
I suffer from that disorder, yet my overall depression remains even after the Holidays end, just it's much duller of a pain than during that time.
I get it every winter and the only thing that works is cannabis.
jedi run I used to have SAD while living up north. My suggestion take omega 3 supplements, do light therapy, and exercise. Especially the omega 3 supplements.
Fortunately my condo gets more sun during the winter so it's more inviting which counters that issue
Take Vit D and get outside in the sun when you can. The hardest months are the gray ones until it snows.
Don't do it, Stardusk!
I hope Stardusk continues to be the mgtow Bodhisattva -
"A Bodhisattva is a person who has achieved Enlightenment or Buddhahood, but has vowed to return to the samsara world to aid all sentient beings on their paths to Buddhahood."
@@city_of_coompton6832 Staying single will keep away about a billion reasons to off yourself, although that bad case of insomnia sounds quite worrisome.
@@robertbrand5410 "Dwelling on it" is all well and good. It's the insomnia that worries me. I had bouts of it for about a year once and it damn near finished me; I can't imagine what Stardusk is going through.
@@ShiceSquad that's how I was in high school, to much thinking going on at night. I drown myself in UA-cam vids and tv until I can pass out. Meditation before going to sleep helps a lot to clear the mind and wind down.
At the end of the day, if we find there is nothing to keep us on this earth, why should we remain here? I would never talk someone into taking their life, but if they genuinely wished to go, then who am I to stop them?
I know If I had a choice and knew that it was the same yes but I'm a romantic and promised as long as you can remember who I am I'll stay alive if not I'm out anyway because right now it cost too much it's sheer madness 0ut there in the conditioned zombies and smart phone eye sees and double think is the norm .....how is not everyone wishing for this too be over already ?
I have become comfortably numb.
I'm also drowning there.
I think that’s the goal
I’m there
My deepest condolences dear Stardusk.
The transformation moment, the moment when everything losses value even one's own self. It's final. There's no going back.
It was the moment I reached two years ago, in my mid thirties.
The road to that moment was long: losing my social rights after being drafted to fight in an unjust war, doubting God then becoming angry atheist, seeking philosophy and psychology to replace the religious Christian indoctrination, and lastly becoming red-pilled and MGTOW.
Along that path, I've contemplated death many many times. I still do, de temps en temps, but not so passionately.
I've decided to live and see what happens. Not expecting anything extraordinaire, but I still have that quest for knowledge flame in me.
Or perhaps I'm living for my hobbies in electronics, programming, art, music mixing, and languages.
Take care, and as Alain used to say: may your god go with you.
based on your last sentence, did you return to religion?
@@net_wonderer In short: No
In 4 years since I wrote this comment. I've been through war zone front again, accident with surgery, earthquake crisis, financial crisis, and food shortage.
I'm not even considering any believe in faith. If anything, I'm more than ever convinced that there's no religion-type of god(s).
@@net_wonderer People generally don't go back to believing lies once they realized they're lies.
Another classic from Stardusk. Your reflective, contemplative pieces are my favorites.
birthofthacool 82 This is his best, my opinion.
Regarding your friend who killed himself, and his failure to contact you to ask for help: please consider that in so doing, he was probably protecting you. Painful as though that may be, the reality is that he would have still killed himself and you then would be left in a more vulnerable position than you are now. In all likelihood, he knew you would be powerless to change the conditions of his life.
People really need to watch this video in 2021. They don't believe death is real and would give up every freedom to stop it from happening.
💯
'Checking out early'
'Search for you'
'Suspension of disbelief'
'Male self loathing'
And more, are my favourite Stardusk genre of video content.
'The Path of the Lone Wolf' was my introductory lecture to the Stardusk (Thinking-Ape) universe, I have that video's interface as my screen saver.
My thoughts on checking out early is the individuals choice and right to go out on their own terms. more and more I see it as a more viable option than living in this fake cruel sherade of a society. I wish "hope" would stop being dangled in my face, the lies, only to keep me on the hamster wheel to wind up more brokenhearted, more broken dreams, more broken expectations.
I like what you’ve said here. I imagine someone who is almost Spock-Like in that they would choose to end themselves as part of some logical thought process.
"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." - Friedrich Nietzsche
MGTOW pulled me back from the abyss in November 2014. I have learned much since then. I do have advice for those finding themselves looking into the abyss and wondering if it is the better option.
Hopelessness is the core feeling. But what is hopelessness? What hopelessness is, is the realization that what you hoped for, fought for, strove for, and suffered for in expecting life to be is never going to happen. What has made me comfortable in that state is the knowledge that I am merely living my fate as a male. Think about it.
The ultimate fate of all males of all sexually reproducing herd species is solitude. In fact, males are in solitude from the herd from the moment of birth if not conception. Our traitorous DNA and evil social programming convince us that membership in and acceptance by the herd is our purpose. But at the most basic level can that membership and acceptance ever be achieved?
No, it can't. The structure of the herd is for the benefit of the females, and you aren't a female, and therefore will never be accepted by the females as a true member. They will use you for your utility but once that is exhausted they will discard you from the herd by force or social shunning. Think about all your interactions with all the females, including your mother, all throughout you life. Were you ever truly accepted by any of them? No, you weren't.
The other males of herd are constantly in direct competition with you for female attention, validation, and the right to reproduce. This is what happens as the male matures. He leaves his mother and joins other immature males that cannot compete with the mature males. They form a clan until they can compete. Think of your male friends in middle and high school and even college. You were great buds until you and they were able to compete for the females and then you began to drift apart. Think about it.
So, as far as the herd is concerned you are either a utility for the females or a competitor for the other males. No matter what your DNA or social programming tells you do to be accepted as a member of the herd, it will never happen. Just that simple. Think about it.
So, the hopelessness is the result of the realization that what your biology and conditioning tells you is the highest goal and ultimate purpose of your life will never happen. But guess what? It is all a chimera. A false promise to get you to voluntarily sacrifice yourself. Think about it.
The ultimate fate of all males is solitude, if they live long enough. The aging bulls are either driven from the herd by the females and the younger bulls or they voluntarily leave the herd for the peace of solitude in the forest. Elephants do it, moose do it, lions do it, and so do humans. Visit any old folks home for the evidence. The females have their social dining and bridge playing groups and remain active. The men have the look of the walking dead, just wishing it to be over, and they are miserable. The female herd won't even accept in the last stages of life just like they didn't when babies, teenagers, or adults.
Accept that everything you believed in is a lie. This is the core Red Pill truth. So, why should you be suicidal over lies you were told? Why should you be suicidal over not being a member of a herd that could never be a member of? Think about it. Ask yourself these hard questions. Answer truthfully and you will find what you are looking for.
For me personally, I have accepted the facts of my fate. A fate predetermined at conception. A fate I never had any control over and was never meant to. And I have never been happier in my life. I am completely comfortable in my own skin and in my knowledge.
How do I spend my time? I'm 64 and retired and financially well off, but not super rich. I took up golf again and play solo almost all the time. It gets me outside into nature away from the herd and some exercise, if you can call golf exercise. I also cook very well. Cooking and eating well at home is very satisfying with the added benefit of no herd interaction in restaurants.
I have psychologically self diagnosed myself as having SPD - Schizoid Personality Disorder. The schizoid is not schizophrenia. I am not crazy. What SPD is, is the ability to be alone without being lonely. I highly recommend it. Look it up.
I hope I have given those staring into the abyss some tools and some hope to pull back from it. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can be solved. If I can do it, so can you. Cheers, and never give up.
Thank you for your wisdom old man
john smith this is the kind of stuff people make sure society is devoid of. Everything you say, is sadly verifiable. Yet the more I grapple with it, the more I reflect on the life I’ve lived, my intentions, my actions, and what I have come to know and endured-the more I realize what am. And that is why while I acknowledge things are as you say, I utterly reject it. I don’t care what my DNA has to say, the moments I’ve shared with others were very real to me, as are the kindness, hope, sadness, and justice in my heart. Anyone or anything that is gonna try to subvert ANY of these things is in for a hell of a fight, because I man I have the courage, intelligence, and wherewithal to come out on top. And so, I’d like to say that, at least within my own life, I will always try to reach beyond the game as you have laid it out for me, and my concerns are beyond something silly like pack acceptance.
@@thefirstbomb2055 - May I ask a few questions?
How old are you?
If you "acknowledge things are as I say" then what do you think is driving you to "utterly reject" them? It sounds like a rejection of truth proven to you in favor of myth you can't prove or let go of. If that is so then why is it so to you?
"I don't care what my DNA has to say". Have you mastered your own DNA? Do your biological drives serve you well, or do they betray you? What is the honest answer?
What is "justice"? Plato's Republic lays out the case that there is no such thing as justice, and Plato was right about justice in 400 BC as he is right about it today. Do you believe there is such a thing as "justice"?
"A hell of a fight". The question is not so much why do you fight, but exactly what is it you are fighting for? Is the opponent really outside you or is the opponent really inside you? Just who or what is the opponent?
"To come out on top". On top of what? A pile of your enemies bodies? A mountain of gold? Women aplenty? Just how would define this victory?
"Reach beyond the game". What is the game to you? What defines winning the game? What is the goal of the game? Do you even understand the rules of the game? Are there any rules? Does the game even exist?
"Silly pack acceptance". I agree. But everything you have written before implies a struggle for something. Can you define what that something is for you and why it is important for you?
Let me ask another question. Why are monks such happy and serene people? Do they know something you don't? Have they mastered something that you have not or cannot or don't want to? Are they wise? If so, then why would their wisdom not be shared with the world? Can the world even accept wisdom and if not, then why not? Why is the world of monks a peaceful garden and yours a world of "fight" and "game" and "reach beyond".
I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on these questions. Cheers.
john smith I’m happy to answer each and every one of those questions, but only after a nights rest so that I may write intelligible answers.
@@bamboso - Thanks. Wisdom is the most precious thing there is for it must be earned at a very high price. A price the vast majority of men are unwilling to pay. To arrive where I am was journey over broken glass on what must have surely been the highway to Hell. Everything I was or thought I was or been led to believe I was had to be cast off into the roadside ditches.
I arrived at the end of the road stripped naked in every sense of the word facing a sign on a gate. The sign read; "Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here". I opened the gate. On the other side was a garden of peace and acceptance. Sweet ambrosia was fed to me, my wounds salved and bandaged, and a white robe placed upon me.
The sign on the gate was the last gasp of the universal lies to keep me bound and chained to them. My mind and soul were freed. And such freedom is anathema to the liars who it turns out were my own DNA and my social conditioning.
I now dwell in the garden alone. There is no going back even if I wanted to, for the herd would never allowed such freedom and knowledge and heresy to infect it. But I am a very happy man and that is also anathema to the herd.
The heart, mind, and soul are all lonely hunters. Until they realize their quarry is within themselves as it always has been and always will be. Once one comes to grips with the fact everything external is an illusion, a lie, a chimera, and he has reduced himself to the zero of his true essence, then and only then can the wisdom of the universe enter one's being.
Cheers.
I identify wholeheartedly with the stoic mindset. It’s no longer about finding passion, striving for success, or being subjected to the whims of the chaotic world we live in. These days, it’s become merely self-preservation and survival.
I listen to you before bed to sleep. You need to do audiobooks. No joke.
Bed-time stories, presented by Stardusk.
I agree. He has the ideal voice for audiobooks.
I contemplate suicide. A lot. The only thing that I guess keeps me going is the thought of my dear parents crying over me. If I didn't have them, I'd have checked out long ago.
You have comradeship here brother. What happens with their eventual passing? How do we help isolated men?
Exactly that! My parents are midway into retirement and have always been there for me! I have to be there for them until the end before I check out........
I knew 2 guys that checked out early. I used to want to. Sometimes I think I have the secret to wanting to live because I overcame my desire to die, but it appears, the solution is different to every individual and my realizations and have no meaning to someone else going through the same things. It sounds dismissive, like I don't take them seriously. They ask "What did you do to survive?" and all I can think of is "I did nothing." Maybe I just finally burned out on "burning out". Maybe they will too.
Imo like anything in life it comes down to alot of luck that’s out of their control as to if they get through it or if they end up checking out and it sucks to accept but I think it’s reality that some of us won’t ever make it out to the better side of life and unfortunately take the short cut to end the suffering
Yo endy
@@Variability11 hello
I could hear you for hours. Thank you very much.
Best book on suicide: "Every cradle is a grave". I don't take an emotional approach to suicide. It's a human right since no one asked to be born in the first place and we're going to die anyway lol.
Thank you for discussing this important topic. I agree with your more detached view. If someone truly desires that outcome, it's not our place to hold them back, but some people are looking for help. It just depends on the person and the situation.
Reality - Expectations = Disappointment
@Turd Burger Life is not good.
Speaking from experience, I can say that suicidal thoughts were always most present when I lacked purpose. Having created a goal oriented focus has helped tremendously. Disappointments are a fact of life and have been since the inception of sentience. Sure, we're all bots and nothing really matters, but therein lies your freedom. If nothing matters then the world is a canvas by which you paint meaning upon.
Consider for a moment that perhaps this life was chosen by you as a testing ground; a school for your soul complete with core curriculum along with a few choice electives. Of course it's going to be harder than Chinese math but how else would you learn and grow?
In closing, if you're on the fence about life, I would challenge you to slay your fucking dragons before you depart. If you have truly slain all of your fears and all you've cultivated is disappointment, then by all means punch your ticket. I would submit however that most suicides stem from a lack of imagination. Death is a certainty, life is not.
Love to all of you filthy animals and godspeed.
Nonsense.
It feels like the world is pushing me in that direction. As I lose loved ones, potential, value, etc. I just run into dead ends where there looks like no other options. It feels like being alone in a place that is closed down. You know you shouldn't be there, yet you don't want to leave. As the illusions I once had fall apart, I feel faced with no other choice.
Honestly one of the best videos on the topic out there.
After learning about stoicism and even some of the buddhist philosophies it is really hard to find the passions that used to drive me. To some extent it is a good thing, keeps you out of unwanted situations. I am blessed with having some people (just a few) who are interested in these topics and talking about them really helps.
A masterpiece, thank you.
Excellent choice for background music Stardusk. Keep up the great work!
There was a moment the other day when for a split second it seemed my wife had a winning lottery ticket. I didn't quite believe it even then, but allowed myself to think "what if we suddenly had $1m?" I found myself thinking: "well, then I could just hang myself from a beam in a disused house and it wouldn't matter to anyone, as the family would be financially stable". The idea of not having to earn money for other people any more seemed like such a blessed relief, as did the idea of not having to stick around to see more bits of my body pack up and stop working. Then reality set in again.
Before listening to this video, I thought this video would be about early retirement.
Thank you Stardusk, thank you for sharing this stream of consciousness. Be well, brother
I struggle to find myself a home to live in but I will keep on living until all my passions and hobbies are either near gone or completely gone. Maybe when I am near homeless and I can no longer work a job and all my family and friends think that natural selection should come and claim me....... Then I might accept my fate.
I am sorry about the loss of your friend. May your friend rest in peace Thinking Ape. I am glad that you still have the will to continue making content and hopefully your works reach out to many more men and grant them the path to fulfillment.
If I wasn’t coward I’d be out already
Same
Same.
💯
One of the best videos in a while
Just reviewed this years later and found it offers a wealth of lyric material for new songs. Just gotta remember not to forget it.
We are not built for coping with vast amounts of free time, and men's search for "meaning" or "purpose" is a self defeating impulse not unlike the woman who becomes afraid of everything because she can't accept that she is physically safe. Most men simply can't accept that once the shelter is built, the fridge stocked and potential enemies are at bay, there's nothing left to do but relax; it goes against our instincts for both survival and to prove genetic fitness to females. Realizing this will free some men, but send others into a downward spiral.
“One of the first signs of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die." -Franz Kafka
I'm sorry to hear about your friends, Stardusk.
...may we all find what we are looking for.
This was beautiful. Any of us watching this likely haven’t been dealt the best hand in life in one way or another or we probably wouldn’t be here. One thing to keep in mind is that as men, physical activity is a very important part of our overall mental health, all other things aside. I’m fortunate enough to have a job that requires me to be on my feet all day, can be somewhat physically demanding at times, and I supplement that with bodyweight exercises at home a few times a week. If you are able bodied and not already doing so, please take some time out of your week to do something physical. As men we are not meant to be sedentary all the time. I guarantee it will make you feel at least a little bit better. Hope anyone watching this is doing as well as they can be. Feel free to reach out if you need a friend.
My father hung himself when i was 16 , made my life Incredible difficult and unenjoyable for the most parts.
Sorry to hear that. I don't understand why people do that when they have kids who depend on them...
Rest in Peace Paul Proteus
Thank you for talking about this
I believe that you are in fact being creative Stardusk. Everytime I listen to one of your videos I do strongly feel that you enjoy thinking, experimenting with different thoughts, philosophies and concepts. You pouring your thoughts on certain subjects into a form that will be there (basically for ever since it is the internet) for others to consume is a creative process. And at the end of that creative process stands a beautiful video like this. Thanks for that.
This really helped, specifically mitigating my disappointment in others. Thanks Thinking-Ape.
I want to check out in a park somewhere, on a sunny day, with a tank of HE. The most peaceful way to go. Honestly the only reason I don't is because of my grandparents. They always treated me nice, they're good people and I wouldn't want to force grief like that upon them. Everyone else I couldn't care less about, but my nanny and grandad will always be special to me.
I have frequently had suicidal thoughts, though never to the point of feeling compelled to act on that (ir)rational impulse which triggered a suicidal pattern of thoughts. I think it is inevitable for those who engage their thoughts philosophically, poetically, artistically, for the more introspective minds, in particular, to have constantly, within the close purview of their thoughts, some form of awareness - a heightened one, of transience and with that a heightened sense of life - and, at times, even the need to end it.
Mind you, although I am an individual under an unrelenting spell of melancholy, I do not wish to suggest that my suicidal thoughts are in any way commensurate with a real, unbreakable crumbling of one's ontological sense of Being, where no method of egress from the crisis, other than suicide, seems logical or tenable. What I do claim is that having suicidal thoughts might be construed as being a corollary of one's intellectual temperament and inclinations, especially if those inclinations tend to look beyond the mere surface of the world and life.
To look for wisdom is to open yourself to pain, for in much wisdom is much grief, and those who increase their knowledge increase their sorrow.
Read thousands of books. My first reading of that verse from Ecclesiastes was this is amazingly true. Couldn’t stop though.
The loss of creative drive coinciding with the loss of general emotion really is what kills creativity. I've been feeling that for quite a few years now, in my early 30s, I just don't have the desire to create, or even worse, my mind is blank the few times I do.
It feels like there suddenly is a barrier you need to tunnel through to get creative again
Yeah, the burden of at least grasping at 'the truth' of life is a heavy one, and I don't begrudge anyone wanting to drop it. Sometimes I do wonder if the red pill is worth it for some people like it was for me at the time.. Hopefully most of us live long enough and not regret it. Especially you, Stardusk.
The most beautiful verbal art I've heard in a long long while. Thanks for this Stardusk
I would rather be dead.
From learning from John Gottman and Shaunti Feldhahn, so far I've found that the biggest factors of happy relationships are (1) close proximity and (2) always assuming the other person wants the best for you even if you don't understand it-- apart from rare cases with abuse where assumption of good intentions won't be enough to raise the quality of the relationship and its communication, and I believe this applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. So I've taken this second factor and I've been consciously applying it to my relationship with myself, since the first factor of close proximity is generally effortless-- and I've been doing this on top of binging on youtube motivation videos and extracting knowledge from them. I have been regularly reminding myself of the thought that my subconscious and my entire brain and body has my best intentions in mind, and when I do that, I find my negative emotions or lack of emotions shift into positive emotions, until I forget that thought again. But I think there is a lot of power in applying relationship science to one's relationship with themselves, and it could help a lot of people struggling with mental illness in the future.
I used to struggle a lot with motivation from red pill facts, but its lessened over recent months, because my mentality has changed from looking for patterns in motivational videos on youtube. My mentality now is that I may not be worth dating to the women I find worth dating, but I've come to see that their approval or the whole world's approval isn't the limiting factor in my action, its the thought war in my head which determines my actions. I take the stance that my present and future is determined by how I battle in my personal war of thought, and I think that might be good advice for a lot of people.
Very interesting to note the retraction of passion. I too have experienced this, with age, with learning about female and other human behavior, learning to accept the suffering. I have always been told I am highly capable at any job i put my mind too. However I don't seek a job that would require me to bust my ass 12 hours a day for money. I want to achieve a lifestyle where I can live with hardly anything, free of the restriction of the human construct of time. I want to go with the flow of nature. Observe the stars, watch the waves, bask in the sun, read, write, listen to music, reflect, research. I am at a point where my suffering is aligned with the requirement to work full time in order to pay the rent and just get by. In the latter stage of letting go of hope of a future relationship, realizing i probably don't have that pair bonding ability, far too independent in living free of dependants and free of thought without another's opinion or suggestion. I rarely engage in the hobbies I enjoy such as photography and hiking, which I am striving for a lifestyle that supports time to do such things. Two days off per week and single, people think I should have plenty of spare time and should be out every night socialising, I can't do that. My spare time is heavily taken up on consuming information like Number 5 in Short Circuit. My sleeping pattern is wrecked by a mish mash of morning day and night shifts. I don't enjoy lifting in a gym, and I won't ever understand why all these people are gym junkies. I guess I am rambling now but my point is maybe this is a stage in MGTOW philosophy. The floating effect once we detach the requirement to attract a female via status and utility, and find ourselves with a purpose only to survive through the suffering of existence because we were born and must complete our cycle of life with a stoic mindset before returning to dust.
just because a person is forced to come here, does not mean that person will enjoy being here or that will give a fuck about anything in this world. that person could very well have no interest at all in playing this stupid game we call life. have no interest in being part of this bad joke we call life, no interest in being part of this stupid circus. it is that simple. people keep repeating the mantra, life is wonderful and precious and yet, you see them all looking for a reason to live, a reason to continue, a reason to wake up every damn day. if this is so marvelous, being able to breath should be enough but, apparently, it is not. it is not to the point they also have to come up with stupid ideas of imaginary all powerful friends that live in heaven and will torture them for eternity if they are not willing to kiss his ass every day. i guess it is best to just cover your eyes and just romanticized and idealize every stupid aspect of this reality.
I've found you again, hello stranger
@@ANTINATALIST_lewis hello there
"People tell me it's a sin, to know and feel too much within...."
This video was helpful to me. (And the comments too)
Thank you.
I think I will be checking out early, earlier than expected for better or worse. I guess in a weird way this is my checking out early “note”. I’m 19 and I’m losing hope that I’ll make it to 20. Very bad things have happened to me health wise that are not life threatening but completely horrible in terms of quality of life. But also my faith in what I thought I could rely on and trust has fallen from underneath me. I don’t know what to believe anymore, I feel like I am a new person but this new person doesn’t want to live. I don’t think my soul was designed to live to old age. My purpose is to seek truth and find some sort of philosophical closure in this life. Once I have it, or once I figure out that I cannot find these things, I think my time will then come. Before the additional years can corrupt me. I wish things were different. I wish a honest, seemingly innocent mistake couldn’t destroy a life. But they do. I can assure you that. In your darkest times, it sets your priorities straight. But they don’t last long because you don’t.
10/19/2022
Pls dont
You are loved.
May you find peace ✌️
People in this niche(including me) tend to be very aware and thoughtful.
You must balance this seeking of truth with the understanding that you can not know life in it's entirety and just start fucking listening to Alan Watts.
The message, dear friends, is that realizing purposelessness is the only real salvation.
You are, right now, living a life from birth to death and trying to figure out some kind of meaning in it. There is no such thing. Life does not need an end goal to exist, your existence reaches that goal at every point in time from the very fact that you exist.
From the standpoint of reading a novel it is like trying to justify every aspect of every action and happening at every point in the book by finding an end goal that makes everything "worth it". Stop. You will never find a satisfactory reason.
The sooner you realize this the sooner you will realize all the pain you are feeling from existing is your own doing and then stop torturing yourself with those doings.
Expectations? Desire? Pursuit of the truth? Status? Wealth? Justice? You are dreaming my friend.
i hit that transformation feeling last year after i dropped out of college at age 25 and a second time, if possible, earlier this year after my cat died, which was my last true attachment to this world. I'm still pretty young they say, but with social anxiety disorder all my life and no friends at the moment, no goals in life, or things that i want to do, i've never even been on a date before... my future just looks hopeless and grim and I often wonder why I'm still here. I was even institutionalized in a psych hospital in 2018, it didn't help at all though... I kindda want to give it another try because i don't know what elese to do at this point, but i'd rather not be in a hospital with strangers during this pandemic but i really feel like I'm on the edge again and everyday is the same with no hope of getting better and it's too hard to take.
Yeah my cat died less than a week ago and I had her for 16 years. Broke up with some cheater just before that too. It seems all I had was taken from me in less than 2 weeks but its okay. I relate to all you said but the difference with me is that I will always keep trying even if I slip up or take a break from trying with hopes of a better life.
I can relate to you. I'm Russian, 21 years old. No father, mentally ill mother. Studied hard to get to university. Got brutal panic disorder after that, got 6 months treatment in psychiatry(loads of antidepressants). After that I became agoraphobic, couldnt cope with anxiety for 3 years(but still studied, wanted to finish the education). On the 4th year, after covid, my neurological stated dropped even harder. Dropped out of university(but I can return next year). Now I thinking seriously just to end my suffering
Doctor: Are you suicidal?
POP: I'm not dead yet, so no.
Doctor: Have you had thoughts of suicide?
POP: Yup!!!
Doctor: So do you want any help?
POP: NOPE!!!
Doctor: Why???
POP: I decide when help comes for me!!! *walks out*
Take control of your life, fellas!!!!!
@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 I dont need guns, I have an extensive imagination😁😁😁
@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 I made a MGTOW channel and put the call out to meet mgtow in my area, it worked, met a great dude and had good times. give it a try. or join a pool party via TRS.
What's going on big guy?
I completely agree that the factor of human disappointment is grossly underestimated in its role in motivation to kill oneself. It is real and it is pervasive because authoritarianism is real and pervasive. The machine of profits does not care about your dreams; your potential; it only cares about your need to survive to the extent that your labor power is exploitable. If you are not that, you are nothing and should behave accordingly.
sorry about your friend and thank you for this video.
Your little story that you did art back then and completely dropped it due to having no emotions anymore.. that is quite sad, I feel that one. It feels like the further you go in life, the more emotion will be sucked out of you.
I was suicidal off and on from age 7 until about age 33 just three years ago. just yesterday I made a 26 minute video on Facebook live talking about life, death, fear, courage. even though I'm not suicidal most of the time, I never really feared death. And I don't understand why people fear death or look down on it as if it were something bad. I have this feeling that the fear of death is taught and enforced in the culture. I used to be and maybe still am the artistic / spirituals / emotional type of person. But I can see myself changing over time. I like learning about the mechanics of biology and human psychology. I was introduced to the red pill community and mgtow about 7 years ago. at first I use the knowledge to my advantage as something of a pickup artist or a Playboy. I have gone to such extremes as moving into a temple with some monks and leaving a girlfriend of 6 months behind to do so to try and break my addiction from women. I started living the monk lifestyle about three years ago but about once a year I relapse and seek a relationship with a woman for at least a one-night stand or a month or whatever. Everytime I engage with women it cost me emotional headache or financial loss.
No offense but you don't have enough talent
Being a Stoic has truly liberated me from giving a f*$k about anything. Am if i'm honest I am much more content with life now. At 28 I had this realization there's no looking back now.
George Rockwell Animal love is so much more genuine than a humans love. You will never know when your closest friend could potentially be faking it all, just to achieve your goodwill. Humans are some of the most superficial beings on this planet, you can never expect them to be completely down-to-Earth with you. Meanwhile, you can always expect a dog to be a dog, a cat to be a cat, a bird to be a bird. Look up the story about that Kweebe Gorilla. That’s an example of genuine love. Look at the lion whisperer. The people who raised bears themselves, released them into the wild, and years later, those bears still maintain their love for a human. In my case, I’ve had school friends who forgot about me as soon as I moved. It hasn’t even been 6 months before I could talk to them again, yet they had no clue who I was.
I can relate to you about the link between sensitivity, art and stoicism (I work as an graphic artist) I have being working on myself, on attachments, emotionally stability an such and also can say that because of that my art has been suffering a lot and yet peace is something dfficult to find. Is like being on a strange path. I guess being stoic is not for everyone.
I find myself listening to a video i like at least 5 times. Sometimes in a single sitting. This is one of those videos.
Solving your sleep issues would certainly help with how you feel about life. Happiness has as it's base a healthy normal functioning nervous system and that comes down to having a lifestyle to support that. Being stoic, to me, doesn't mean having no "passion". I'm a very passionate live life to the fullest type of guy, but I don't see that as being anti thetical to stoicism. Stoicism taught me to face my fears, become a strong individual, attain wisdom and overcome my personal limits. Power, wisdom, courage my brothers.
That was powerful.
... to maintain above valid as an option seems to be one of most viable supports to actually staying on stage (no-one else may take more than oneself may...) - and the wispers behind the empty veil luring always.
Love yourself first.. not in a narc way but genuine.. enjoy the freedom you still have.. and remember.. if you would be incarnated today.. the chances of you having a worse life than you have now are like 90%
Be thankful that you can buy groceries.. clothes.. have roof above your head. I'm serious 🙋🏻♂️🤝🏻
Clothes, groceries and a roof aren't enough.
Found your channel just recently and binged your content. This one is definitely one of my favs, though I liked the other videos quite a lot too. I wonder why it took UA-cam so long to recommend your channel to me.
Ape,
Could you please make a video on advice on how to go through that transformation? Best advice?
Thank you.
My go-to is “Never use a permanent solution to handle a temporary problem”.
It’s usually enough for most people to nod their heads and move along. But I say it for the men who respond with “... what if it isn’t temporary?”
There’s still a conversation to be had there. And no amount of emotional outrage or empty platitudes erases that. Certainly not for those men. Certainly not for the ever-growing dead and lost who didn’t get to have it.
This comment goes hard af
Incredible video
This was a beautiful video. Reminds me of the great Spetsnaz wherever he may be.
I used to struggle to understand people who commit suicide, but as I'm getting older I am beginning to see how one's health and financial situation can make one consider it. Also, as mentioned in the video, some people are more sensitive than others and find certain negative experiences harder to ignore. I still don't think it's the right thing to do, but am no longer unsympathetic.
Even now your story is great. thank you for sharing it.
For me, I've boiled down the desire for suicide to a simple formula: One craves suicide when the pain of staying alive surpasses the fear of death. One can mask this with moral virtual signalling, or citing religious reasons, but the end result is the same. Just the former might push the continuation of pain further, while the latter will increase that fear of death.
For myself, my pain surpassed that fear long ago, but my ability to remain comfortable (housed, well fed, and basic entertainment provided by the internet) has enabled me to extend my time of death for some time. My money is rapidly running out, though, and my current life of comfort will be ending in just a few more months. It will be at that point I will be checking out. I've been trying to find ways to acquire more funds, but it's just not happening. I set my time of death at about 4-5 months from the time of this writing, give or take. Could be even sooner, though, as things are starting to happen that are draining my funds that much faster. *sighs*
@Iulian Novac Yeah, I have enough funds for about 5 more months. Either I miscalculated when I estimated what I had back then or I'm getting more thrifty than before, which I didn't think was possible. I'll be 50 later this month.
@Iulian Novac Why would I even want to do this? Bad enough the pain I deal with from the moment I wake until I can finally sleep, day in and day out for about 35 years now, but then to also have to deal with living on the streets with no food, harassed by thugs and police alike? Who in their right mind would want to live such an existence? If I can find a way to earn more money before what I have runs out, I'll keep going, but if my attempts don't work, I'm done!
@@darkridr25 You alright?
R.I.P. bro💙
F
suicide huh... been on my mind few times. even so close to trying once. just a little slip from somewhere high... everything ends. how hard could it be?
what keep me from actually trying is... the fact that I'm not going to be satisfied with that way to check out.
I've heard somewhere that you could judge someone life not with how they live, but how they die. therefore, if I'm going to die, I'd like to die when I try to achieve something and failed. fitting way to end a life of failures. another failures to check out. what a perfect conclusion.
This was beautiful.
Thanks.
I was suicidal for a long time, if not for my family I would have checked out, have some good family but never talked to them about it except for my brother a bit, my thought about how it would affect them is the only reason I am here today. I do my job(which I dont hate), I keep my head clear by working out, go for nightly walks, watch some movies, get drunk once a month and I go to thailand for a month every year, alot of the time I feel pretty empty, havent played a game in years, get no joy from it anymore, cant focus on reading anymore. I do okay tho, on a good day I am glad I didnt check out early, I do have good days, and the bad days are whatever, still imagine how great it could be to just end it sometimes, but its more like mental masturbation that gives me a smile on my face on a bad day, I know I am never going to do it unless I get really sick, I may aswell just stick around, it could be worse.
i smoke cigaretts. i used to hate the idea but i like the idea of taking a few minutes off this mundane existence.
Ah, that's what this video's about? Personally I'm okay with living, I've found inner peace once I stopped fearing physical pain. Economic collapse? Starvation? War? Blindness? If things get so bad for me that I can't even find a fun way to cope then I'll just stab myself in the lungs, those 3-4 minutes of choking on my own blood before passing out aren't nearly as scary as trying to survive through the German Blitz for example. If bombs ever get dropped on my city I'm checking out early.
Since going MGTOW, I've tempered my ambitions
Thank you for the video. It goes well with a beer.
Suffered a nerve injury in both arms six months ago. Been in constant pain ever since. I don't want to die, but I'm not sure how this is going to play out. Not sure I can do a full-term under these circumstances.
Did it ever get better?
Same here. I've got 3 surgeries on my back for Herniated disc. Pain never went away. It has poisoned my life for 5 years now. I can't workout and work is painfull because I have to sit in a chair the whoile day. Loneliness and the unstoppable physical pain combined are seriously making me think about checking out early.
Did it ever get better?
Even if I did feel suicidal, the thing that would never allow me to do it is the way it would devastate my loved ones. It would crush them. I'd rather suffer myself than inflicting it on them. At an old age though, where it's just me left and my faculties are far enough gone, voluntary euthanasia is a definite consideration.
Some comments:
1. I think of Alexander Pope's quip: "Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed was the ninth beatitude." So very true . . . but then there might not be any passion there, eh/
2. As a military veteran, I know something about how suicide really affects vets, in more ways than one. (Though it's never happen to myself or anyone I know personally.) First, the horrors of combat can push one over the edge. Yet, there are many vets who welcome that as a means to live and to go on living. Maybe they're passionate, as the artist is, and trying to engage an in an artistic experience. Or, maybe they're searching for a certain kind of peak experience to ensure that they don't become a robot and feel nothing inside.
Second, if you get used to that for too long, then the relatively automatized world of the civilian can be too much for you, and you might want to check out if you can't get back to the world of the military. And, I don't you can do much to stop someone who has that death wish.
As for me, I was simply passing through after one tour of duty. I gained some benefits from this, but I never felt that it was my life.
3. To understand the world and live in accordance with what it is, as well as nature, is the core of the Stoic approach to life. Seneca and Marcus Aurelius are good starting points, but you can go back further to Zeno and Chrysippus, among others, and forward to Epictetus. Best to read the texts instead of the contemporary "live like a Stoic" popularizing that seems more common today.
Read, reflect, and act. Then, do it again. Mix it in with some Buddhism for good measure.