Coping with Grief: Navigating My Inadequacy At Work After The Death of My Wife
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- 🕊️ Rest in Peace Sarah "POG Mom" McGloghlon 🕊️
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FIRST LOLOL!!
Love you all! Sorry for the late post, lol Reylah wasn't wanting to go to bed tonight. :)
My husband died 6 years ago, and my kids were grown, so I know we aren't in exactly the same situation. But I was thinking when you were talking about feeling inadequate with your job duties, and feeling like you were letting people down, that it may be helpful to reframe your thinking about all of that. You said, and you were correct, that you need to give yourself grace, and it's only been five months. I am a retired nurse, but I was working when my husband died, so I know this influenced my thought process, but it was helpful for me to think about grieving and the healing that comes afterward as an actual wound to your body. You would never question someone's ability to complete some task if it was physically impossible for them to do it, and you would understand that things would have to change in order for them to be able to walk again if they'd broken their legs or their back. You'd know that it would take lots of time, and that after awhile, even though it looked from the outside like they are well, that the wounds take a long time to completely heal, and even then, they might walk with a limp. And I think you need to give yourself that same understanding and compassion. Your brain and body can only perform so many tasks well at one time right now. It's taking every bit of energy and focus to get through each day helping your kids deal with the loss of their mom, and you likely haven't been able to comprehend the magnitude of the changes yet yourself. And it's probably a good thing! Your mind is occupied subconsciously with the things that are most important. Someone else can help carry the load while you learn to "walk" again. Let that be ok. You can only do your best, and if that doesn't live up to your expectations right now, then forgive yourself and keep on going.
Josh it’s called widower brain fog. You will recover but for now you need to heal.
Greiving affects every part of you including your brain. Don’t ever feel that you are inadequate! Like I mentioned before losing your partner affects every aspect of your life. The scariest part for me was realizing I will never be the person I was when I was with them. I fought to get that back for a long time. That will never happen. Now it’s figuring out who you are now without them and how will you move forward. Give yourself grace and time eventually you will figure it out❣️
I’m an empath. It makes me sad as I wish there were words of wisdom and encouragement.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Your world and your children’s world has been completely shattered. It’s a journey very personal to each individual.
Sarah returned a song to me that I’d forgotten ever existed.
I listen to it and think of y’all.
One Tin Soldier.
Take your time.
Sending you & the kiddo”s much love & Corgi kisses🐶❄️❄️⛄️💕
Hi Josh, I watched the video this morning and have been holding off writing because I wanted to think about what I wanted to say because I wanted to express it just right. I can really relate to what. you have said as I have seen many of my widowed friends and family members say almost exactly the same thing. It makes so much sense that you feel that way. Before Sarah died you were able to give so much more of your energy to your job. Now, your thoughts and your mind are divided between work and home, and you have little time to rest your mind. Plus, you have not even been back to work a month yet and you did it in the middle of your first holiday. Its vital you keep your perspective on this and give yourself some grace. That is why therapists always say to wait a year before making any life changing decisions after a loved one has died. It feels now that you can't do your job as well and that the thrill is gone, but this is something where you need to give it some time and give yourself some leeway by not trying to hold yourself to the same exacting standards that you have in the past. This isn't just a grief lesson, its a life lesson because as you get older and you get sicker or weaker its a constant balance deciding how much you can do and how much you can give. Just keep hanging tight my friend. You will begin to get into the groove of working again. You may not have the same level of satisfaction in your job for awhile, but there will be moments here and there. Love to all from our family to yours :)
You are not inadequate- you are numb inside. When you are numb, finding joy is hard.
I know how frustrating it is. Don't be hard on yourself. This is natural to feel this way. Your world has changed and we muddle through. Grieving is a long process. Nothing felt important to me after loss. It all seemed trivial. All I wanted was to be with family. You'll know where you're meant to be eventually. Grief takes up our entire being. You're still an open wound that needs healing.
Josh its been 12 months since I lost my hubby. Everything that is going on with your feelings is absolutely 💯 normal. That Lost feeling does suck. I'm not sure if it will ever go away. I know and understand when you talk about losing interest in things that you used to love doing, im there too, friend. I look forward to your videos it is my support as well. And for that I thank you.
My husband passed 1 year this Christmas. I so agree with everything you said. The pain is unbearable. My heart goes out to you as we grieve together. Hugs to us all as we live with our broken hearts.🫂
I lost my husband on Christmas Eve 2022 Im still trying b to figure out what happened, 10 days before he passed we were at a restaurant having breakfast. Its crazy how life can change in an instant.
@robynmoore48 my husband found out in October three days before his birthday that he had cancer and in December he passed. I'm so lost and struggle everyday. Grief is so hard to endure.
Hugs to all 🫶🏻
I'm so very sorry to both of you. That's so sad, and my biggest fear, losing my husband.
Don't beat yourself up, Josh. Give yourself a chance to heal. It takes time. Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot and you're doing really well, even though it might not feel that way. Sending big hugs to you and your beautiful kids. ❤
Sarah is guiding you forward,with her beautiful bright eyes and smile ,you know what she would say as soon as you picture her face.❤❤❤❤
When my husband passed from a reaction to chemo at 38 I stopped working for a year and when I was ready went back to school. Thank God I had his life insurance to live off of. You need time to recreate yourself. You won’t ever be the same “person” in many ways.
The struggle is real. It's hard to find passion again. It's hard to find meaning. The death of someone we loved so deeply will change us forever. It's how we adjust to the new reality, moving forward we must. You will find your new normal again. You will feel OK to feel that new normal. Prayers for your peace.
🫂
This needed to be said! America is overworked! America’s priorities are all messed up! Money comes and goes, family members DON’T!!!
🫂 I agree. Most countries, Asian culture is really bad about it as well. We are supposed to focus on family, that’s the “most important” at least that’s what’s said, but then we allow our culture to be the exact opposite. I wanna change that for my family. 🫂
Do you have a working week of 50 hours?
Asian countries take care of their elderly much better than Americans. In America, they always put their loved ones in a nursing home. That is frowned upon in Indonesia.
Very true, they do take care of their families better. But the work expectations are insane (at least city life)
40
Your grief is so obvious, Josh, all the thoughts, the wish to do something else, being somewhere else, the feeling of inadequasy, the wish to enjoy yourself, all natural and perhaps all rooted in a strong wish to feel better, to feel 'normal' after years with Sarah's serious health issues and her much too early death.
I strongly believe that everyday life and it's sometimes tedious routines is what will get you and the children through your grief.
Daily routines and the holidays - Christmas, easter, thanksgiving and the so well known habits can bring a sense of peace where chaotic thoughts and feelings sometimes rule.
Reylah and her 3 year old mind especially needs routines.
She can be upset about bedtime, bite in frustration over something she needs to do, but it's a way for a very young mind to release stress, frustration, sorrow and anger, especially when a loving and caring dad like you, Josh, shows her that dad knows best.
A 3 year old mind can very easily become over stimulated, and what matters to Reylah is the here and now. Even telling her that you'll be doing so and so in a week may be too much for her to take in, because time is so abstract for children.
Please, please don't start new beginnings until the three of you are well and truly ready for them.
Time is of the essence.
I just want to hug you - this grieving is a marathon process with twists and turns.
Your team at work loves you and they have your back. When your world is ripped apart, it's hard to feel any passion at all. You're working to support your family and that takes money.
You can't rush it. Give yourself time. Sending love and hugs. ❤
Many hugs to you,Josh! You have such a sweet heart and my heart breaks for you. I could almost feel the grief you are going through and there are no words. Just hugs.❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing real life moments of your grief journey. It’s like therapy for me as I am going through it too. Although our grief is our own we can empathize because we know that others are grieving like we are. You are not alone. 😌
I go walking with theresa too.Between the two of ya i'm tuckered.😂
🤣🫶🏻
Right now it's hard to process complex things. I truly believe it's part of the grief process. That's why they say don't make any decisions in the first year. It's so hard. So proud of you. Its so unfair for sure however your team is there for you too. My husband just passed 2 weeks ago and it does suck.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I wish you healing❣️
I’m so sorry you lost your husband! Your grief journey is just starting but you can do it! ❤️
🫂❤️🩹🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m 4 months out. I don’t care much about anything. Prayers for you.
@@cathythomas298 My heartfelt condolences for the loss you've suffered.
Warm thoughts to you and wishing you brighter days
Sorry Josh it's going to take time for you to heal
Aww Josh my heart breaks for you. Your brain is in over drive with everything you have to process and be responsible for...I hope you can BE KIND to yourself...your Team is supporting you and it takes time. Extra hugs❤
Your doing fine. 🙏one day at a time.
Just tripped over your vlog. Thanks for having the courage to share your story. I lost my brother several years ago. It's not exactly the same...different relationship and impact. But you will definitely hit walls. Three months after his death, I suddently felt like I was falling apart. I could not cope. I didn't care about things I once cared about--not having the brain space or capacity to care. Desire and passion will return some day. It is totally normal to feel like you can't do what you once did...and that everything is scrambled. I am sorry for your loss. All you can do is move through it...one day at a time. Blessings on your journey.
Please be gentle with yourself❣️ You are being supported. Receive it with gratitude. Perhaps this is transformative and you’re being guided to do UA-cam full time thereby allowing you to be with your family full time. Follow your heart❣️ You are so very loved!!!
❤️♥️❤️
You just went through a life altering journey. Your not the person you were before. I'm sure you see and feel things differently now. Don't give yourself a hard time. Its part of the process that only a handful of people may understand during the moment in your life. Hugs
This is a normal thing to go through in the grieving process as I know too well when my husband passed away 6 years ago . Please give yourself time to figure out how you will move forward . People may expect you to go back to being ‘the same’ as you used to be , but you cannot be the same . You will figure out how you fit in your new world ❤
Prayers for healing ❤️🩹 you got this
Wow, I needed some time to process this for you. Grieving affects all aspects of your life and takes so much time to get through. I just don’t want you to rush into anything that you may end up regretting because you were going through a stage. It’s your life and I wish you all the best whatever you decide.❤
The moments that you have that you don’t necessarily know they are special until you don’t have those moments anymore, I certainly get it. Have a great day. 🙏💙
That's the ever loving truth.
Grief changes every aspect of your life. You just aren't the same person as you were and you never will be 😢It does suck and it will for a long time yet😢 Sending prayers, hugs and love to you and your family 🙏 🫂❤
Please stop beating yourself up you have been through sooooooo much an still have a lot on your plate
It takes time to get back into the swing of things just slow down set your goals smaller so you don't overwhelm your self baby steps your expect to much to fast ❤
Time to walk in nature, whether to reflect on what/who we are missing, or to feel connected to nature and our place in it, it's all valuable time spent. Sending love.....and take deep breaths🌲🌷🌼🌲
Walk so that your footprints bear only the marks of peaceful joy and complete freedom. To do this you have to learn to let go. Let go of your sorrows, let go of your worries. That is the secret of walking meditation.
Thich Nhat Hanh 🙏
Hi Josh, I think for a lot of us, when someone we love dies, we see things/life so much differently. I don't believe you're inadequate at all. It's only been 5 months and your brain, heart and soul are trying to adjust, it just takes as long as it takes, as hard as that is.
Your whole world has been turned upside down, give yourself grace and patience.
You are very articulate and process emotions very well, even when it's so d**n hard. It won't always be this way.
Much love to you and your family. ❤
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Raina Maria Rilke
Thank you for sharing your special walk with us. I feel you. It,s a journey a completely new journey. Here for you in every step. ❤
You might enjoy Simple Life Portugal. Dan and his wife Sindy built a house/homestead in rural Portugal some years ago. Unfortunately Sindy just passed away from cancer a few weeks ago. Dan is a lovely humble guy and is in the early stages of of grief. However their previous vlogs are worth watching. Best wishes. ❤
Your brain has quite literally changed and you’re not able to approach work with the same passion you had before Sarah died. That’s really hard. I hope that feeling eases for you with time. Whether it’s with a change in your circumstances/source of income or a gradual return to your passion for data and programming. It’s funny because a few months ago I started a data analysis/ python portfolio and it’s a lot of hard work. I can’t imagine doing this kind of work while grieving.
This makes me think of my friend who’s grieving her dad. She has a hard time conceptualizing how her life is supposed to revolve around a day job again after being his caregiver for a year. It’s a total paradigm shift.
Public parks are so special !! It’s my favorite kind of third space.
I never got into Python it was one of the things I was gonna start a couple years ago. It is very much a paradigm shift, and the way in which I prioritize things is so very different. I think some changes are in the future. :) 🫂
Wish I could give you a big momma bear hug. I’ve lost 2 siblings that were my best friends in life. It took me absolute years to get my ish together. I made stupid mistakes at work, at home.. I get what you’re saying. Trust me you will get there. Give yourself grace. Talk to us about it as much as you like.. there is more room out as there is in. BLESSINGS 🙏❤️
❤
You got to the inner most struggle I have had losing my husband when you speak of your walks with Sarah “hand in hand.” Those moments when your hearts were “one.” I have often wrapped my arms around myself, the best I could, just to fall asleep, or linger in my mind remembering dancing in the kitchen looking up at my husband looking at me. Those private moments of feeling love and sharing love. I honestly felt I couldn’t go on with any normal life without him. We were like one person and only half of me was alive anymore. I would experience panic attacks of the new normal knowing I would never experience or repeat that same connection “we” shared. It would cause me to lose my breath often.
Maybe some are silent about these innermost feelings but I’m grateful you addressed it. I pray those special memories will comfort you as you continue to move along your grieving journey. It doesn’t make the pain go away but it can be a great source of comfort to escape the reality for a while.
Love and prayers❤️🙏
Josh's.Give yourself time to heal.Im so sorry all these had to happen to you.Dont put yourself down.Its hard.You still have your kids to look after.Please don't give up on yourself.God will help you threw these hurt.Take Care.
And the inadequate feeling... I think it comes with what you are going through. As a health care worker and working and taking care of my dad - I did it without hesitation. Now, he's gone and I feel unsatisfied with my work. A part of us has been dealt a huge blow. We want our life to be what it was and now we figure out the "new normal"....it does suck. But we are here with you. Your videos give me hope ❤
Oh dear, dear Mr Pog, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re just feeling a down day today. I pray it will pass soon. It hurts my heart to hear you talk like this 🤗🧡
I think it’s so good that you do this walking and talking 😊
I totally enjoy the walks with you. Also the fireplace. It helps me balance my mind as I am a bit stressed preparing my place for after my 8 hour spine surgery next week. My stuff is around „how am I going to get firewood in the furnace“ and so on. But beneath that is big concern about radical changes in my life.
❤❤
Hey Josh! Its been really fascinating to see you go through this journey. To me it seems like your evolving! Maybe the traumas and grief you experienced over the past year can heal more when you make choices that align more to what you want in your life going into the future. I understand the feelings of inadequacy cos i experience that myself...it really sucks.
Spending more quality time with family, being out in nature and not in front of a screen..sounds really good! Really admire how your dealing with these changes and how your want to prioritize certain things more in your life. Good luck!
Thank you! ❤️🩹
Prayers 🙏🏼🩵
You are grieving the loss of your loved one and you feel like you can’t figure things out at work and trying to figure out how to go on from there. It will take time. You loved Sarah so much and I know that she loved you and your little family just as much. You will figure it out. It’s not easy. It definitely doesn’t happen overnight, so just take the time you need and you will be able to make plans for you and your family to move on and see what you want to do from there. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Walk-about is great therapy ❤❤
Hi Josh, thank you for continuing to share.
There was all the time that Sarah was ill, then losing her too. All while dealing with your own feelings, being there for the kids and keeping everything going. You’ve only just gotten through the first holiday season without her. You are NOT inadequate by any means!! Being kind and making good choices begins now with you and the kids. I know you know all of this already. It’s still day by day. I know a lot of us watching wish we could make this easier somehow and that we could give you hugs when needed. We can listen though. I think you’re wearing Sarah’s nail colour? Beautiful blue. I hope you can feel/have some signs that she’s still with you. 💙💞
🫂
You have to work towards your end goals.
To do that, you need money while trying to form some stability in a new household.
You put that job on a shelf to care for Sarah.
Hone your skills, they went idle. Get your schedule mastered so you can focus.
Work to have something better you actually want.
Priority has changed Josh. People get split in three sections after the loss of their partners.
What's happening is normal and raw. It's a change and you don't have the balance or drive right now.
It's temporary if you see the end rewards.
Thank you so much for inviting us on your walk! And thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I can relate to the rambling, lol, I feel like that is what is always happening inside my head with my own thoughts! You always articulate your thoughts so well, and I always find something you say to resonate with. And that brings the greatest feeling of comfort, knowing we are not alone in our experiences with grief. ❤
I have not lost a spouse, but I am familiar with being disappointed in not completing a work task that was possible at an earlier time. Understanding why it's happening is somewhat helpful, but it doesn't take away the disappointment that you just can't do it in the same way right now. Such a huge event in your life naturally affects a change in your values, which naturally affects a change in your passions. Good for you for noting it and deciding to consider it.
I lost my partner 15 of this month one year from Liver Cancer but I am not coping still can't come to tearms that he is gone just not coping I just can't I cry actually every day my Blood Preasure I'd so High my Blood Preasure usevto be normal I am just not coping
It’s the hardest thing I’ve done and am doing. I hope these videos help in any way at all. 🫂❤️🩹🫂
Your brain has been through a tremendous trauma, not to mention you have not been doing those complex problem solving tasks. Your brain needs time to recover. I am sure it's overwhelming to feel like you are not doing your tasks well. Muscle memory is a real thing
Everything in ourselves and in our lives changes when our spouse dies. Widow brain is a very real thing. Our brains become so focused on surviving the shock of great loss, things which were easy for us often become a struggle. I know that has been my experience, and from talking to so many widows and widowers, it seems to be the norm.
Hi Josh…You had a rough day at work…. Sorry to hear that.
Never feel inadequate….You are smart!!! Unscrambling a puzzle…(your mind was elsewhere) don’t let that get you down!
Think about what you have been through…. It will all come back to you!! I am sure your people at work understand ….
Yes, your world was flipped upside down! Your family comes first! Don’t let that prey on your mind about work!
Ramble from earlier today! Going to watch now! Oh there you are! In the park… walking around…. Talking about grief…just ignore those people passing you by while recording….
End of the year data is always fun! Being sarcastic by the way… on that saying! I remember those days on my job! Uggh!
Reminiscing about walking with Sarah…. Is good for your soul! We all have our favourite park…that makes us feel happy… talking about the good times… the Bad times or ugly times! Hand in hand! Walking with Sarah! She is right by your side … believe it or not! I am glad I could join you in your walk too! Your mind is spinning perfectly fine! Big hugs…🤗❤️🤗
Hi Josh, I’m really loving your outdoor space. Josh, you’re human. You will get back to being satisfied with your work. You are in fresh grief. Absolutely. Questioning your abilities is perfectly normal. Yes, it sucks. But you will get it back. You miss her deeply. It effects everything. Be kind to yourself. You are doing an enormously difficult job. Thanks for keeping us updated. It helps us too.
Thanks always for sharing. Enjoyed the walk and drone shots. A tough day at work sometimes is understandable 🥰
Sending lots of love, strength and huge hugs!!🫶🏻
I don’t have any wise words or advice for you, but wanted to just say that I think that you must give yourself some grace and understanding. Your entire life has changed….not just a little, but completely changed. It’s not easy being both parents, but you are doing so well. Work is work. You have more demands on you than ever before. It’s going to take some time. Do your best and know that people understand and appreciate that your entire life is different and will take a bit to adjust. You have a wonderful support group and you have those of us here who truly care about you and your precious family. So…. Give yourself a break and know that you are loved and doing exceptionally well. Big hugs to you from New Mexico!🙏🏻
Be strong !
Of course you aren't going to be feeling the way you used to with work. Sarah isn't there anymore, so that must feel so strange to you. Big hugs, Josh!! 🫂 ❤
I didn't mean that it was just because of this reason. I should have said that. What is cool is that you are young and you have a lot of time to figure out what will make you the happiest person you can be. Lots of love and hugs!!
When you were talking about work and finding yourself wanting to be with family more, I 100% get it and I do feel that our culture does not emphasize enough about being with family and making that a priority. It’s such a struggle…..
Sadly our culture talks about its importance, then its actions deny the ability.
Josh, you are an amazing soul who’s world has been turned upside down by a tornado of devastating heartbreaking turmoil that’s called cancer…you will be healing forever..but your going to work through it as you already are…I know you’ll find your way. The death of your soul mate changes who you are from soup to nuts…unfortunately nothing will ever be the same. Everything will be new now. Use the tools needed for you to move Forward, take advantage of every help you can get in every aspect. I saw enough of Sarah on videos to know she was a loving amazing soul..and she left a print on you and those she knew without even trying…keep pushing through. Remember your human, I know your not a (God) person, but whomever you go to for comfort will come through for you and your beautiful family….this quote has saved me from turmoil in my head that has tried to bring me down. And it came to me by accident…someone or something put me on the path for finding it for a reason…..I HOPE IT HELPS YOU!
HOPE:
“Of all the forces that make for a better world,
None is more powerful as HOPE.
With HOPE, one can think, one can work,
One can dream. If you have HOPE,
You have EVERYTHING!!
Peace and love sent your way! Linda
I'm so sorry!!! I understand how you feel. I wouldn't even be looking for a job if I could afford to just put my focus on my family. They are what matters most to me. I need to make a big change and find God's path forward. I feel lost and sad!!!!!!
Josh I honestly believe this is normal because you both worked at the same place is awesome, and yet now hard because you are back and she's not! But you are going to slowly get you back!! You lost your soulmate so your right it's only by 5 months, one thing I can say for me is it's been all most 4 years from losing my precious mom, I still have my moments, but it's not as hard as it was! I guess time helps in certain ways! Much love and good vibes sent your way!! 💙💙❤️❤️
Sarah worked with you so it’s normal to feel different at work ❤❤
Josh, take a deep breath and give yourself time. Please accept my sincere wishes when I say this. I have heard a million times that you should not make any life changing decisions for at least a year. I feel like you need to keep this in the forefront of your mind right now. Obviously I don’t know all of the details of what is going into making decisions but honestly, it’s making me worry. I only say this out of love and concern for you and the kids. It really broke my heart when you mentioned in your last video that Amelia may not make the move with you this summer. I think the four of you need each other more than anything. A piece of land isn’t what is the key to happiness. Do you think leaving your support system of family and friends behind is the right thing? I’m really trying to hold you by the shoulders to slow you down. It’s the Mom in me. What can I say? I can’t imagine how Sarah’s sister would feel if you and the kids moved away. How your parents would feel? How your friends would feel? You need that support system emotionally and physically. Running from your past isn’t going to make it better. Much love from Ohio 💞💞💞💞
This is not running from my past in any way. It’s moving forward to my future, and taking my past with me. Realizing dreams that couldn’t be realized due to illness.
Hey josh, good to see you, that feeling of inadequacy must suck, not in your vocabulary feeling like that is it, you mentioned your dream and hope to.move to the homestead, your life flipped upside down, maybe it's time to think about a change in how you financially support your family for the future, if you want spend more time with your family and your passion has changed, dont ignore it, explore your options, I'm sure you are already anyway, much love.from the uk as always xx
Great Video, thanks for sharing your special place.
As a widow myself there is a true thing called widows fog ! That’s why it’s important not to make any important decisions for that 1st year and honestly the 2nd year is also much worse than the 1st year ! I am 7 years out now and it does get better after year 2
I actually enjoyed the walk. Thank you for taking us.
This was a wonderful walk. You speak about what is in your heart. I understand why you are not into your job. I bet everywhere you look, Sarah is there. And that makes you miss her more. No words can help. But I will always listen. Do more of your walks. You have a big heart. I see it with your kids, and I see it when you talk about Sarah. You are a good man. Much love to you and your family. I'm praying for you all.
It sounds like you are ready for a brand new direction! Time to focus on your homesteading :)
❤ the walking path it's so beautiful sorry your so sad😢❤
It's OK Josh your doing what you
can and that's OK It's not normal for you anymore but I'm sorry to say it will become normal for you without Sarah beside you but always in your heart you are going to figure what to do with time and we all want only the best for you and your family love and peace to you all ❤❤❤❤
When my husband passed my whole world turned upside down. It’s a scary time. I always said I just wish the world would slow down, but it doesn’t. People don’t understand and guilt is heavy. It does suck. I was numb for so long. Oh I know how you feel. Angels will come your way and get you through it. You will find someone who will give you advice to move you forward. Make sure to let others know what you are feeling. Hang in there my dear. I’m so sorry the world is so unkind.
💖🙏
Josh, I’m sorry you are struggling at work right now, but it makes sense. Are you planning to work there if you do homesteading?
Homesteading is the work. Plus YT content. And then finding a niche from things we enjoy: garden, cooking, baking, and such. :)
GRIEF CHANGES YOUR BRAIN
I would consider looking at supplementation; if you are interested in my recommendations please reach out, six months can make a complete difference in feeding your brain. Further, considerate the 12 rule, whether it is 12 days, weeks, or months it is a good way to slow down and give yourself time to heal your mind and then make life changes with a clearer mind.
Thanks for taking us along on your walk! 😊 It was nice! We don’t realize what a big deal a simple walk with our loved one is, until they’re no longer here to share it! 😢 …As far as your job goes, going through a death causes us to grow and mature! You are no longer the person you were before Sarah’s death! I remember how impatient I was with people after my mother died! People would make HUGE deals about the simplest, dumbest things! I would think to myself how shallow and ignorant they were being! But, then I realized that I was the one who was different! Losing someone makes you realize what REALLY is important in life. You look at life with a whole new pair of glasses on! Life is full of new lessons. Some of us just have to learn them sooner than others! 😢 You can’t be the naive person you once were….I hope you won’t be too hard on yourself about your job. As you already know, every day is a new day! You are a different person than before losing Sarah. In many ways, you’re a much wiser person from having experienced all that you have. You bring much MORE to your job than you did before! Just maybe in a little different way. Please give yourself a little more time. We’re all here cheering you on and wishing the best for you! 😊❤️
Josh, you are finding out who the new you is without Sarah. You are greiving, give yourself time xx
Don’t make any big decisions for the first year after her death! God is good but he also has others to walk and talk with you. Sarah is always with you.
😮😅
I never knew you before these videos, and I only “ know you “ through what is on the videos ( which seems genuine) my feeling is that Sarah’s battle with cancer, and Sarah’s death , has and is changing you for the better, he might not feel is see it now, but you are on your path, and your walk through it , is making you into a better person, having a soul so full of all stuff that really matters in life. So, we can never call what happened with Sarah good, but we can know that something good will come out of it. and that’s you Josh, that’s you, and the ones you guide, whether it be your kids, or someone you might touch. and even though you are not a believer, God bless you, 🙏 keep trudging through, 🙏 comfort, 🙏 strength , day by day, day by day. 🕊️❤️
Thank you! 🫂
This was a sweet video. I love how organic and raw you sharing with us was/is. Very relatable. I know that emotional-mental place too well. The hard part is convincing that part of yourself that requires new depth, that you time now is accomplishing a better purpose. Finding more or deeper meaning in your work. It's very difficult to not end up changing everything completely. It's hard to not do anything "drastic" in that place. It's why the say you aren't supposed to do anything major (changes) in the first yr. And yet...it's hard to keep going down a path that seems to no longer fit you. I can relate. I feel for you. I hope you will be able to navigate through this in the best possible way to come through better in whatever way necessary. 🙏
One of the problems with the one year(ish) rule is when the timer starts. We’ve been in the timer for years, and grieving, and learning acceptance well before 8/1 right? So waiting another year, in an unhappy reality seems silly. Plus the priority changes in life with such an impactful six years, resulting in the death of Sarah. Why would I want to continue down the same path? Instead it seems to make sense to head down a path that may be harder (which is often worth fighting for), more rewarding, and much much more family oriented. 🫂❤️🩹
@@LivingLighterLovingLife
I hear ya. The 1yr thing is really about thinking through things more, getting others input to honestly ponder, etc. Instead of someone moving bc it hurts to live in the house they shared...or marrying someone bc they don't want to be alone, etc. It's just taking a conscious pause to thoroughly investigate whatever it is. I apologize if I sounded kurt by referencing the concept without explaining it for clarity. I think you are doing it and it's a good example to others regarding how to go about any major life changes after loss. You are thoroughly talking through it, seeing different pros and cons, weighing it all out. Being open for others to share whatever they know or experienced similarly, etc. I think you are a great example for "how to" approach changes. It is a big change but at the same time what is just doesn't work anymore bc you aren't the same as before. I am very similar in that I need to feel like I am inspired, growing, serving a greater purpose (emotional impact kind) or that whatever is leading me to something more. If not, I feel trapped, pointless, part of the problem, unmotivated, etc. It makes life unlivable. I totally get it.✌☺️♥️
Beautiful place to walk Josh.
Wow, I feel like you’re able to articulate (at only 5mo into your grief journey) what took me until only recently (my beautiful husband passed 2.3.21 from cancer too and it only recently started feeling like it was more than 5mo ago!).
No wonder you’re a data analyst! I’m guessing you are doing better than most would at your job right now.
It’s perfectly normal to feel everything you’re feeling. I agree with you - it’s SO hard to continue working after losing our husband/wife/partner/love/best friend/life as we know it. I work in a tech field, and I struggled for over a year to do my work at the same level as my usual. I was promoted a month after my husband passed, and even had to learn so much more. I was totally overwhelmed, but knew I needed to do my job, provide for myself & family. I don’t have kids unfortunately (we were still trying when my husband got sick), so I can’t imagine how hard it would be to go to work when you want to be with the kids. It might be good for you guys to have breaks from each other though…to keep experiencing life and heal, then see each other on weekends and mornings and nights to be all together - the best thing ever right!!
Anyway, just letting you know I’m here to say you can do what ever you need to even with the pain and even when you don’t want to - and in my experience sometimes it gave me a break from the grief. Even though every minute for a very long time I just wished to be away from work too.
It’s really cool that your job contributes to helping others.
I loved seeing your walk, thanks for that gift. And hang in there. You all have a great family.
Thank you. 🫂
They know you aren't 100 %. Don't be too hard on yourself. It will get better in time.
Great video ❤️ sending love
Please have your adrenal glands checked. The demands of grief on your body causes secondary problems which may result in the symptoms you are experiencing. It's real! I had to go on Cortef to help my adrenals preform as I healed from grief. Adrenal Fatigue was my diagnosis. My prayers are with you❤
Big hugs to you! ❤
Be kind to yourself ❤
God Bless you all 🙏❤❤❤
I hear you Josh .....