I've been seeing your posts on social media, learning about your relationship with john, seeing photos, and I have to thank you, because as a queer myself that's still closeted in most spaces, it does me good to hear about fulfilling, long lasting queer relationships, especially from prior generations. Thanks for honoring his memory and speaking out, and I wish you strength.
I wish I'd talked about him more when he was alive - I did more so in the past, he met many of the mashup crowd when I was DJing IRL for instance, in a way he was a honourary bootlegged! But you kind of take these things for granted until they are gone? Also his illness meant that he really didn't want to be filmed or photographed that much, he got very senstitive about stuff like that. It was heartbreaking to see his body changing, so I suspect I also didn't want to show that publicly, it made it too real. I wish I had though, I have few photos of him from the last year, which is upsetting. But yes, I want to honour him and show his legacy and our relationship to show exactly that, we are here, we are queer and we need to be visible and show that it's possible to grow up and be old 🙂
What a beautiful tribute to your partner Tim . Massive condolences and such a moving video. Sorry to hear you say you felt unable to be open on the channel about your orientation but yes there are still many people stuck in the dark ages. Had all those stresses about dealing with the passing of a loved one and people you thought you knew can become very mercenary. Best wishes ❤
Thank you. Yes it has been an eye-opener - some people have become those I would now walk through hell for because they have kept me alive and sane. Others have been surprisingly bad, and I cannot and refuse to deal with them.
Well said @sparker68 When Tim first spoke to me about his orientation I could tell how much other people's negativity had affected him. It made me very angry but also put me in awe of how strong Tim must be, dealing with that constantly while still managing to follow his dreams and put himself out there into the world like he does
Hello, what a beautiful video. You paid a great tribute to your partner, who was clearly a very special man. As for the future, I believe it always manages to sort itself out. Take care, Paul.
Seldom do we hear such openness; Such humanity here on UA-cam. Your loss touches us all. We shall do what we can to support you in these coming days. 🙏🏻
He was. I didn't even go into half he did, from fighting apartheid in South Africa where he grew up, helping start Gay Switchboard, Gay Liberation Front and Right To Work marches to getting Socialist Worker Party to support gay rights and then reinventing himself as an academic and heavily influencing Information Systems teaching at his university, writing big parts of the degree...and doing sustainable development and transport consulting around the world for the UN and EEC. He was a force to be reckoned with.
@@harduphiker thats crazy I dont think most of us will ever contribute even close to what he has done!? But we all stand on the shoulder of giants. I hope someday soon life starts to get better for you again Atb Phil
This was so brave and heartfelt ❤ I'm man enough to say I had tears in my eyes while watching this one, my friend. It was also brilliant to see more of John. I think making him a part of your channel, keeping his spirit with you for the journeys ahead, is an inspired idea
Thank you. I'm amazed I didn't cry while doing it, one take, I knew I couldn't do this again, but making it yes, I was in floods of tears editing this and watching it back. And thank you for the tip.
Yes it feels like nothing else, and it can get very dark to see a future. Hence why I know I need to keep working as well, making videos to get some sort of normalcy, even though it will never be normal again without him.
I will try but at times it's been hard to see how life will be in a year's time. Banks and useless organisations making my grief and stress worse aren't helping in that certainty atm.
Very sorry to hear this Tim. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself regarding mentioning John in previous videos, your reasons were understandable. Although that said, regarding your sexuality and trolling/judgement- those that care about your sexuality and judge don't matter, and those that do matter don't care ♥️ RIP John.
Thank you...I just wish I had mentioned him more, but I was wary of putting a target on my back (we had homophobic comments during the Lives for instance, bots probably but yeah...)
@@harduphikerSome trolls I think would troll regardless of the subject matter you know. They just want a reaction and to try and upset the person they're trolling. I don't understand the psychology of that, but it seems to be the case.
So so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing John with us, he looked like a bit of a legend, and you obviously loved him dearly. Please mention him in your videos - we watch the channel because of you, and your life with him makes you, you. Please be kind to yourself, we're here if you need us Tim.
@@mattwatkins6282 keeping that in mind as I clear his old papers, about things he did I never got around to doing - like the last park he visited and said he was 'finished with it for good' the night before he died, was Cassiobury. That was alarming cos he had been going there for many decades. It's like he sort of knew...so at some point I need to go visit.
maybe he did know? When my dad died a few years ago I made a point of doing ‘dad’ things - stuff he was passionate about like playing golf or visiting a plane museum. Stuff we did together when I was a kid. Almost felt like he was there which was comforting. It could be that you go there with a cheeky bottle of something and just be for a while and swim in the memories. We’re all different but I hope doing something similar helps.
I was so sorry to hear about your loss, Tim. Twenty seven years is such a long time. Rambling and public transport are excellent passions to have. John seems like a fine fellow, as you present him here. RIP John.
That was just his loves later in life, he was so much more. Activist in LGBTQ rights, politician, fighting apartheid in South Africa, academia, Right To Work marches, Gay Liberation Front, consulting on green transport and sustainability for the UN in places like Nepal, Thailand, etc, and later for the EU He was a character and I was so proud of him, I hope he knew that.
@harduphiker wow. What a life! Sounds like the whole world has lost something with his passing. You're doing a really good job of keeping John alive in our minds and I'm sure he would be touched.
Absolutely heart broken for you pal. My thoughts and energy is going your way. Be whomever you wanna be pal. You have one life so live it for you and your beautiful partner John. Need me pal, reach out. Here for you 🙌☘️
A lovely tribute and as others have said I’m so sorry you didn’t feel able to share about John before. There can be a lot of toxic masculinity in the outdoors space so I can absolutely understand why.
Yes definitely, I feel bad you all didn't get to know him, but he was in a not great way by the time I restarted the channel, so certainly trips with him would have been out. That said, if he had gotten help and not ignored me, totally possible.
I hope it honours him, it's only a small part of who he was...that's how the funeral is going to be hard to manage because he had at least 4 former lives: A kid in Scotland, a librarian and politician growing up in South Africa fighting apartheid while secretly gay, an activist here for gay rights when he fled SA fighting for worker's rights and liberation. Then reinventing himself as an academic in Information Systems and consulting for sustainability and public transport, while always hiking and walking everywhere. That's the one I knew. It's exhausting listing his life, he did so much!
@@harduphiker My own past 5 months have shown me that there are a hell of a lot of people wanting to help and be that shoulder to cry on. A big roughty toughty bloke as we both are, there has been a lot of tears that will come. In your own way you will find that road with John guiding you all the way; he's part of you now. Best wishes amigo
Hi , only just started following you yesterday , watched a lot of your south downs way videos last night and they are really excellent. That out of the way I wanted to say that Black/White Straight/LGBT we all know how loss feels like , its universal. Doesn't matter what a person is or isn't it stings all the same. I don't want to make this about me but as a trans person id just like to say that if people leave your channel because of your sexuality its their loss not yours. the only thing i can offer is love and support for this most difficult of times for you no words are ever enough xx ❤
Thank you, and welcome. I think we need more visibility and to honour John I will do that going forward...as you say, those who have an issue it's their problem, not mine.
Brave thing to do to make this video, a fine tribute. Hope you find some kind of peace although it’s a long road after a loss like this. If you are struggling seek help, I didn’t and I think it took me a lot longer to find peace. Being in nature has been a big help and I always feel better at the edge (what I call it where land meets the sea or river)
I have seeked help and it's not been forthcoming outside of some amazing friends. The official help has been either non-existent or dreadful. Like..CAB giving one form email, local bereavement support either being paid or not getting back over a week later...I am asking for help and shouting into the void. Most of my 'no money' issues are the bank delaying probate cos they are short-staffed, and they told me to go into debt (with them) on their bereavement line! It should be fairly easy probate decision but they are dragging it on through being useless and not caring about their customers at the worst time. HSBC - avoid them.
@@harduphiker Counselling will only given after a few months. If you have good friends to help you for now that’s a good thing. Red tape when dealing with bereavement is horrendous. The system won’t be pushed along.
@@harduphiker I know that’s how it feels, that was my reaction but as I said it’s a long haul and 3 months will arrive very quickly. So much to do in the immediate aftermath it’s later on that it can get almost overwhelming at times and that’s when it will be good to see someone if needs be.
Dear Tim, I'm so sorry for you. I feel sad that you felt the need of editing your videos due to the fact that you gay. I lost my husbond to cancer four years ago. We were both male officers in the armed forces. My husbond was a full colonel when he died, andI'm presently a commander in the navy. I never felt that the hiking community is overly conservative, but it's up to us to show that we're embracing nature as nature intended - with all preferences and differences we share. Bless you.
Thanks and really sad for your loss, John served in the Army, well drafted and did very well, even though he eventually absconded from South Africa because...well the place was scary! John wasted away, eventually died of pneumonia, so I know what that is like, AND he refused to get help (so preventable). The community here is fine, my friends are amazing and open, but I have seen stuff on other videos, comments on other creators, it can be not great. That's why I was wary. I wish I'd been more open. But yes like my Happy Pride Live stream, I am stepping forward, I didn't really want to be tagged as a 'queer hiker' but it's definitely who I am, and John would have been proud of that.
Nope, they sent me a form email with links to their website and fobbed me off to National Bereavement Service - who I have approached. Very bad. See also Cruse, and other orgs.
I've been seeing your posts on social media, learning about your relationship with john, seeing photos, and I have to thank you, because as a queer myself that's still closeted in most spaces, it does me good to hear about fulfilling, long lasting queer relationships, especially from prior generations. Thanks for honoring his memory and speaking out, and I wish you strength.
I wish I'd talked about him more when he was alive - I did more so in the past, he met many of the mashup crowd when I was DJing IRL for instance, in a way he was a honourary bootlegged!
But you kind of take these things for granted until they are gone? Also his illness meant that he really didn't want to be filmed or photographed that much, he got very senstitive about stuff like that.
It was heartbreaking to see his body changing, so I suspect I also didn't want to show that publicly, it made it too real. I wish I had though, I have few photos of him from the last year, which is upsetting.
But yes, I want to honour him and show his legacy and our relationship to show exactly that, we are here, we are queer and we need to be visible and show that it's possible to grow up and be old 🙂
What a beautiful tribute to your partner Tim . Massive condolences and such a moving video. Sorry to hear you say you felt unable to be open on the channel about your orientation but yes there are still many people stuck in the dark ages. Had all those stresses about dealing with the passing of a loved one and people you thought you knew can become very mercenary. Best wishes ❤
Thank you. Yes it has been an eye-opener - some people have become those I would now walk through hell for because they have kept me alive and sane. Others have been surprisingly bad, and I cannot and refuse to deal with them.
Well said @sparker68 When Tim first spoke to me about his orientation I could tell how much other people's negativity had affected him. It made me very angry but also put me in awe of how strong Tim must be, dealing with that constantly while still managing to follow his dreams and put himself out there into the world like he does
Takk!
OMG thank you! I wasn't expecting any of these tips...
Hello, what a beautiful video. You paid a great tribute to your partner, who was clearly a very special man. As for the future, I believe it always manages to sort itself out. Take care, Paul.
I hope so. And thanks.
Seldom do we hear such openness; Such humanity here on UA-cam. Your loss touches us all. We shall do what we can to support you in these coming days. 🙏🏻
Thank you. And please go love your loved ones and document the most random stuff. You'll be so glad you did when they are gone.
@Thats_him_with_the_daft_hat I couldn't have said it so elegantly but echo your sentiments 💪❤️
John sounds like he was a complete legend❤
Sorry for your loss, we need more people like him in the world pushing things in the right direction......
He was.
I didn't even go into half he did, from fighting apartheid in South Africa where he grew up, helping start Gay Switchboard, Gay Liberation Front and Right To Work marches to getting Socialist Worker Party to support gay rights and then reinventing himself as an academic and heavily influencing Information Systems teaching at his university, writing big parts of the degree...and doing sustainable development and transport consulting around the world for the UN and EEC.
He was a force to be reckoned with.
@@harduphiker thats crazy I dont think most of us will ever contribute even close to what he has done!? But we all stand on the shoulder of giants.
I hope someday soon life starts to get better for you again
Atb Phil
@@harduphiker He sounds truly AMAZING ❤️🌞
This was so brave and heartfelt ❤ I'm man enough to say I had tears in my eyes while watching this one, my friend. It was also brilliant to see more of John. I think making him a part of your channel, keeping his spirit with you for the journeys ahead, is an inspired idea
Thank you. I'm amazed I didn't cry while doing it, one take, I knew I couldn't do this again, but making it yes, I was in floods of tears editing this and watching it back.
And thank you for the tip.
So sorry ❤
Wishing you strength and peace.
Thank you.
So sorry for your loss my friend.
A very fitting tribute to your partner.
Stay strong and keep up the channel, we'll all love to see more.
Thanks and I am planning to, it's just fitting it in.But I need to make time otherwise I'll go mad with the other things.
This was a heartfelt tribute. Rest in peace John
Thnak you.
So so sorry for your loss ♥ we are all thinking of you and John ♥
Thank you.
So sorry to hear this. Losing your life partner is so devastating. Thank you for sharing your love for each other. My heart goes out to you :(
Yes it feels like nothing else, and it can get very dark to see a future. Hence why I know I need to keep working as well, making videos to get some sort of normalcy, even though it will never be normal again without him.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you carry on with his memory spurring you on and it will do him proud . 🙏
I will try but at times it's been hard to see how life will be in a year's time. Banks and useless organisations making my grief and stress worse aren't helping in that certainty atm.
@@harduphikerkeep strong 🙏
Please accept my condolences.
So sorry to hear of your loss. RIP John.
Thank you.
My thought's are with you Tim ❤
thnaks.
Morning Tim .. Sorry for your loss may John RIP. .. Stay strong brother . Atb Sam ..
Thanks
Very sorry to hear this Tim. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself regarding mentioning John in previous videos, your reasons were understandable. Although that said, regarding your sexuality and trolling/judgement- those that care about your sexuality and judge don't matter, and those that do matter don't care ♥️
RIP John.
Thank you...I just wish I had mentioned him more, but I was wary of putting a target on my back (we had homophobic comments during the Lives for instance, bots probably but yeah...)
@@harduphikerSome trolls I think would troll regardless of the subject matter you know. They just want a reaction and to try and upset the person they're trolling.
I don't understand the psychology of that, but it seems to be the case.
So so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing John with us, he looked like a bit of a legend, and you obviously loved him dearly. Please mention him in your videos - we watch the channel because of you, and your life with him makes you, you. Please be kind to yourself, we're here if you need us Tim.
Thank you, and yes he was a legend. I didn't include a fraction of his life in this video, I'd have been there for hours!
@@harduphiker maybe there’s a lovely series - John’s Walks?
@@mattwatkins6282 that's a good idea.
@@mattwatkins6282 keeping that in mind as I clear his old papers, about things he did I never got around to doing - like the last park he visited and said he was 'finished with it for good' the night before he died, was Cassiobury. That was alarming cos he had been going there for many decades.
It's like he sort of knew...so at some point I need to go visit.
maybe he did know? When my dad died a few years ago I made a point of doing ‘dad’ things - stuff he was passionate about like playing golf or visiting a plane museum. Stuff we did together when I was a kid. Almost felt like he was there which was comforting. It could be that you go there with a cheeky bottle of something and just be for a while and swim in the memories. We’re all different but I hope doing something similar helps.
Our loved ones never truly leave, they forever live on within us.
Maybe I could ask for rent? ;-)
May your memories carry you forward and remember he will be walking aside of you always xx
that's a beautiful thought.
I was so sorry to hear about your loss, Tim. Twenty seven years is such a long time. Rambling and public transport are excellent passions to have. John seems like a fine fellow, as you present him here. RIP John.
That was just his loves later in life, he was so much more. Activist in LGBTQ rights, politician, fighting apartheid in South Africa, academia, Right To Work marches, Gay Liberation Front, consulting on green transport and sustainability for the UN in places like Nepal, Thailand, etc, and later for the EU
He was a character and I was so proud of him, I hope he knew that.
@harduphiker wow. What a life! Sounds like the whole world has lost something with his passing. You're doing a really good job of keeping John alive in our minds and I'm sure he would be touched.
So sorry to hear about your loss Tim! Hope you are ok mate.
Thank you...not OK, not sure I'll ever be OK.
Im very sorry to hear of your loss. This was a touching tribute and i wish you all the best in this difficult situation.
Thank you
♥
Absolutely heart broken for you pal. My thoughts and energy is going your way. Be whomever you wanna be pal. You have one life so live it for you and your beautiful partner John. Need me pal, reach out. Here for you 🙌☘️
Thank you, it means a lot. And yes he was so beautiful... I wanted to show that with this video.
A lovely tribute and as others have said I’m so sorry you didn’t feel able to share about John before. There can be a lot of toxic masculinity in the outdoors space so I can absolutely understand why.
Yes definitely, I feel bad you all didn't get to know him, but he was in a not great way by the time I restarted the channel, so certainly trips with him would have been out. That said, if he had gotten help and not ignored me, totally possible.
❤
Condolences and credit to you. A brave and touching thing to do. I'm sure John would be waiting for this video and to see many more to come.
I hope it honours him, it's only a small part of who he was...that's how the funeral is going to be hard to manage because he had at least 4 former lives:
A kid in Scotland, a librarian and politician growing up in South Africa fighting apartheid while secretly gay, an activist here for gay rights when he fled SA fighting for worker's rights and liberation.
Then reinventing himself as an academic in Information Systems and consulting for sustainability and public transport, while always hiking and walking everywhere. That's the one I knew. It's exhausting listing his life, he did so much!
@@harduphiker My own past 5 months have shown me that there are a hell of a lot of people wanting to help and be that shoulder to cry on. A big roughty toughty bloke as we both are, there has been a lot of tears that will come. In your own way you will find that road with John guiding you all the way; he's part of you now. Best wishes amigo
I cant give this a thumbs up because it just doesn’t seem right. Sending you my best wishes and condolances.
Yes it's why I said this isn't really a 'like and subscribe' sort of video...thank you
Hi , only just started following you yesterday , watched a lot of your south downs way videos last night and they are really excellent. That out of the way I wanted to say that Black/White Straight/LGBT we all know how loss feels like , its universal. Doesn't matter what a person is or isn't it stings all the same. I don't want to make this about me but as a trans person id just like to say that if people leave your channel because of your sexuality its their loss not yours. the only thing i can offer is love and support for this most difficult of times for you no words are ever enough xx ❤
Thank you, and welcome. I think we need more visibility and to honour John I will do that going forward...as you say, those who have an issue it's their problem, not mine.
@@harduphiker You're most welcome ♥
Brave thing to do to make this video, a fine tribute.
Hope you find some kind of peace although it’s a long road after a loss like this.
If you are struggling seek help, I didn’t and I think it took me a lot longer to find peace. Being in nature has been a big help and I always feel better at the edge (what I call it where land meets the sea or river)
I have seeked help and it's not been forthcoming outside of some amazing friends. The official help has been either non-existent or dreadful. Like..CAB giving one form email, local bereavement support either being paid or not getting back over a week later...I am asking for help and shouting into the void.
Most of my 'no money' issues are the bank delaying probate cos they are short-staffed, and they told me to go into debt (with them) on their bereavement line!
It should be fairly easy probate decision but they are dragging it on through being useless and not caring about their customers at the worst time.
HSBC - avoid them.
@@harduphiker Counselling will only given after a few months. If you have good friends to help you for now that’s a good thing.
Red tape when dealing with bereavement is horrendous. The system won’t be pushed along.
@@SnowyAspenHills yes I had heard the whole 'counselling won't see you' thing, which to me seems crazy because the problem is now, not 3 months.
@@harduphiker I know that’s how it feels, that was my reaction but as I said it’s a long haul and 3 months will arrive very quickly.
So much to do in the immediate aftermath it’s later on that it can get almost overwhelming at times and that’s when it will be good to see someone if needs be.
Thanks
Thank you!
sorry for your loss bud
Thank you.
its not much but hope it helps
OMG thank you so much! It very much does help.
Better late than never. My apologies Tim
Wow thanks - you didn't need to do that. Very appreciated though...
Thanks, and hugs
Dear Tim, I'm so sorry for you. I feel sad that you felt the need of editing your videos due to the fact that you gay. I lost my husbond to cancer four years ago. We were both male officers in the armed forces. My husbond was a full colonel when he died, andI'm presently a commander in the navy. I never felt that the hiking community is overly conservative, but it's up to us to show that we're embracing nature as nature intended - with all preferences and differences we share. Bless you.
Thanks and really sad for your loss, John served in the Army, well drafted and did very well, even though he eventually absconded from South Africa because...well the place was scary! John wasted away, eventually died of pneumonia, so I know what that is like, AND he refused to get help (so preventable).
The community here is fine, my friends are amazing and open, but I have seen stuff on other videos, comments on other creators, it can be not great. That's why I was wary. I wish I'd been more open.
But yes like my Happy Pride Live stream, I am stepping forward, I didn't really want to be tagged as a 'queer hiker' but it's definitely who I am, and John would have been proud of that.
condolences, go to citizens advice they might be able to help you claim even a short term benefit
Nope, they sent me a form email with links to their website and fobbed me off to National Bereavement Service - who I have approached.
Very bad.
See also Cruse, and other orgs.
@@harduphiker thats awful, as if it isn't a stressful time already