SomeBuddies Podcast Episode 24 | Relationships in Recovery | Being of Service

SomeBuddies Podcast presents Episode on Relationships in Recovery and Being of Service with our special guest Fred Bush.
Living with active addiction creates extraordinary relationship challenges and does considerable damage to significant relationships-with partners, parents, children, and close friends.
When you enter recovery, it’s natural to want to repair this damage as soon as possible, and your impulse might be to try to do just that. However, attempting quick fixes is rarely helpful and almost never works well. Often, it can make things worse.
In terms of the relationships you want to improve, how long did it take to damage them in the ways that you had prior to commencing recovery? Months? Years? It may not take as long to undo the harm your addiction caused, but it will take time. How many times before have you promised your loved ones that you would change? Create empathy by putting yourself in their position. How many times have you said, “I’m sorry-it won’t happen again?" Perhaps you believed it yourself and genuinely intended to change, but “it” did happen again (and perhaps again and again).
Adjustments in recovery:
Most people experience deep regret, guilt, and shame related to the harm their use of alcohol and other drugs has caused to the people they care about. Frequently, wanting to “fix” important relationships immediately is based on a desire to alleviate the emotional pain of having hurt loved ones. But pain-both emotional and physical-is an inevitable aspect of life. It is part of being human. The process of recovery requires learning how to accept and go through the pain that life brings you. Part of this process is accepting that repairing the damage your addiction has done to your relationships will only happen gradually over time-based on what you do rather than what you say. The saying "actions speak louder than words" is especially accurate related to recovery.
The role of relationships in recovery:
Clearly, supportive relationships provide many benefits. The process of recovery from addiction is supported through relationships and social networks. Recovery support is provided through treatment, services, and community-based programs by behavioral health care providers, peer providers, family members, friends and social networks, the faith community, and people with experience in recovery.
Part of the growth and healing that frequently occurs in recovery involves learning how, when, and with whom to take down the walls and false fronts that people have put up to protect themselves and begin to allow others to see and get to know the “real” them. Twelve-step programs can offer support and guidance from others who have been through the same kinds of experiences-who have been there and done that-and have learned how to be successful in the face of the challenges of recovery from addiction. To paraphrase the twelve-step literature, through the process of recovery you can transition from a life characterized by taking and being taken to one based on giving and being given.
Reviewing your current relationships
It is important to take inventory of your current relationships so you can identify those that will help or hinder your progress toward health and healing in recovery. Moreover, consider whether relationships that are not supportive of your priorities deserve your time and energy. If something doesn’t seem or feel “right,” it’s important to pay attention to that gut feeling and be able to communicate about it. Identifying and shedding unhealthy or “toxic” relationships is also part of the recovery process.
What about new relationships?
In any close relationship, people share important aspects of their life experience and who they are. As a result, it’s essential to consider sharing the fact that you are in recovery with those people with whom you are or would like to become emotionally close-assuming that they aren’t already aware of it. But, how do you know when to let others know that you’re in recovery from addiction? Many people have a lot of uncertainty about disclosing their status as a person in recovery in new relationships. Such relationships include new friends, co-workers, and romantic partners.
Disclosing your recovery status
There are different opinions on when and how to disclose your recovery status. Some people believe it’s important to be completely upfront and let others know that you are a person in recovery during your very first encounter. Others take the position that it is best to see how the relationship develops and use that information to determine when to disclose.
Ultimately, disclosing your recovery status to others is a very personal decision and the timing of it depends on a variety of factors. That being said, your most important priority needs to be protecting your recovery. This means taking care to not put yourself in situations where your recovery is likely to be at risk.

[@MafiaMac36]

Shout out JMac for puttin me on to these podcasts! FIRE!

[@animepro7688]

Loving it 🙆‍♀️ 🙆‍♀️

[@therecoverypod7410]

Ayeee we just did a podcast on relationships in early recovery. Excited to see what you got to say! You guys are awesome

[@travishastings5490]

Loved when Fred ran groups. Growing up I saw many older guys my mom dated never get it and die from their addiction. I was able to see what they could have been in Fred. Truly an inspiration. Grateful to have heard his wisdom!

[@somebuddiespodcast537]

👊🏼🙏🏼

[@Vivan27]

Really needed guys, thanks

[@KIRA-fm8ii]

❤️

[@jayyay171]

Keep it up bro's 🙌

[@fatboypoolifepumpin9261]

Man I love this one

[@ronadair5304]

OMG I love you guys.

[@wetdog5431]

i wanna see one where the guy on the left just talks for the entire podcast and tells everyone else to shut the fuck up. that would be awesome and hilarious.