Hey folks, Jonathan here, trying to practice what I preach and accept feedback. Several of you have pointed out that OF COURSE you can cut ties with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and other family members for your own safety and emotional health. This is 100% correct. While in some (less extreme) cases of gaslighting one may choose to maintain a family relationship with the gaslighter while calling them out on it and/or holding strong boundaries, that is by no means a "you have to" situation. And sometimes breaking free and cutting off contact is an absolute must. Thank you for calling me on that.
@Taylor Momsen They will never admit it. The best thing to do is educate yourself in private. Start watching UA-cam videos on narcissistic behavior. Maybe start saving money in private. Make an exit plan for when you turn 18. I don't know what your situation or the severity but always good to have an exit plan. Always hold on to your reality. Keep a journal to remind yourself of what is true. Gaslighters/ narcissists will always manipulate truth. You may need a reminder of what is true during difficult times. It may seem extreme to many people, so be careful of who you trust. Narcissists are always two faced and often have others fooled. Also know that being a victim of narcissists makes you susceptible to attract other narcissists. I don't know what it is but we attract them like flies to honey (at least some of us do). I read the book Your not crazy it's your mother. It helped a lot. It actually applied to my father as well. Find yourself a support group online. Make sure you seek advice from people who have and are well on their way to recovery. ♡ Best wishes to you.
My mum hit all the points for gaslighting and as of February I permanently cut ties, after various failed attempts to set boundaries, get her to see what she was doing, get her to therapy for her numerous mental health problems etc. Tangled really resonates with me. And one thing I think that the film touches on but could do with more attention is trying to learn who you are when you’re not being manipulated, what things you like to do and what you were only doing to please someone else.
@@nellibob Glad you made it out. I also had to go no contact. Unfortunately my three adult brothers are still under the sick spell of our mother and I've had to drop them too.
the sarcastic "Rapunzel knows best. Rapunzel's so mature now" is the line that made me feel the worst. You know, when you feel like you achieved something that made you feel happy and proud of yourself, and other people just go "oh wow so impressive" with such flat mocking tone... that just cancels out your excitement about the thing that made you happy.
Both of my parents did this to me some days ago. It's the worst fucking feeling. They told me I was naive for believing the internet, when I told them my sources they were like "Oh really? Source of what must that be" they didn't believed me, told me I was naive, told me I was dumb, told me I wasn't going to go anywhere thinking like that, doubted my intelligence, etc. You know what did they do after that? Oh they started treating me like a princess, saying how much they loved me (after putting me the fuck down) and how they cared about me (after completely ignoring what I had to say) I will get out of this house, because I can't stand this behavior anymore. I'm broken and all I fought to leave in the past is back in my present because of them.
I know this isn’t on the same level in anyway in regards to emotional trauma. But also whenever your laughing about something or find something funny and someone just has to take your joy away by saying “it’s not that funny”. That really gets on my nerves I actually hate that so much. Just let them laugh, they found it funny! Let them have the joy of laughing. If you don’t find it funny than don’t laugh and keep your mouth shut🙄 gotta steal someone else’s joy, for what?
@@azaleyalikedaflowr7975 OMG people do that to me all the time so now whenever I laugh I say sorry as a reflex. even if its just something that popped into my head I chuckle at myself then say sorry. its weird. But then again my chuckle sounds like and evil laugh so maybe that's why they look at me lol.
Why did you put a dot in the middle? Pretty sure a "," would fit better, also there are no other dots at the end, u don't even have a capital letter in the beginning of a sentence, and the I's that refer to a yourself should be capital letters too... I just needed to say that tbh.
@@christerjackson9589 This better be primo bait, because you're not even correct. If we're going to nitpick people's grammar on the internet, it should've been a question mark after "is" and those little "dots" you speak of are called "periods". Ignoring all of that, correcting the grammar of internet comments where the OP's intention is perfectly clear doesn't matter, but I'm procrastinating and you've supplied me a wonderful outlet.
Ah yes, loving your kidnapped child by locking her up in a tower for 18 years, all the while manipulating her into staying there through emotional blackmailing and then calling it love because "she meant well" when all Gothel says and does is just a means to keep Rapunzel under her control through fear, guilt, and the destruction of her self-confidence. I guess admitting to Gothel's shitty behavior would hit too close to home for them, so they pretend not to see it.
I had one of those “OHHHH” moments when they said that LMFAOOO Also I never realized Gotham only caring about the hair pushed over to the physical affection aspect too
It's sad that they didn't mention Pascal as "another voice," who was trying all along to get her out of the abuse but didn't have the proper voice to do so.
Oh cool! Maybe he represents a subconscious voice within herself that desires freedom, but that’s not yet strong or articulate enough to voice his desires and motivate Rapunzel to leave her situation. When he points eagerly towards the open world, she shrugs and responds that it’s not so bad in the prison.
Pascal was the support she had throughout those years. Even though he doesn't have the proper voice to express himself, his presence and interactions with Rapunzel was a vital help for her. 🥺💞
@@millenaalves765 nope i can love someone without trusting them i love the person but I don't trust the things that this person says because: tust issues
I think the imagery from "Mother Knows Best" Where Gothel litteraly puts Rapunzel in the dark, and as Rapunzel lights candles, Gothel puts them out, LITERALLY keeping her in the dark. Very on the nose, but still powerfull.
@@jeffreygao3956yeah that’s kind of like exactly what they just said. like that’s literally the exact thing that they just stated. like you’re not introducing anything new here at all lol
Mother gothel actually teaches kids a lesson, kids see so much physical violence in movies that they are never taught about the mental, and won’t know if it’s normal.
Well said by your therapist. That's what makes love so hard, whether it's romantic or platonic. After you've been vulnerable with someone who you loved but treated you badly, it's difficult to be vulnerable with another person. 🤔
I remember watching Tangled in 4th grade and thinking “Wow! Rapunzel’s mother reminds of my mom a lot!” Fast forward to few years later, me leaving the house in order to escape constant mental abuse. I believe this movie was one of the first tiny steps on my way to realising the wrongs my mother did to me.
@@pragya1833 Rapunzel is lighting her own way through the dark but behind her back, her mother took out her light. Whether it’s Rapunzel’s light inside her or the light that she uses to find her path
Like Ashley said, she’s literally and figuratively extinguishing Rapunzel’s light. What is light? It helps us see. It allows growth. Rapunzel would be the personification of good (light); Mother personifies evil (darkness).
@@pragya1833 i like to think the light from the candles is a metaphor for rapunzel “seeing” the truth behind the darkness of mother gothel’s lies, while mother gothel continually putting out the light from the candles symbolizes how she wants to keep her from seeing the truth and continuing to gaslight her
Yes. Light is a recurrent theme in Tangled. Rapunzel's happy, youthful and positive personality, her pink/light purple dress, her big vivid green eyes and her golden shining hair represent light, mainly the life-giving light of the sun (since she's literally a personification of the sun, with its magic within her body). Mother Gothel on the other hand is totally dark, wearing a dark red dress and having deadly pale skin, dull grey eyes and jet black hair. That's because she's (metaphorically) the devouring darkness who selfishly swallows and hides the light, since she keeps the magic flower only for herself, and later she does the same with Rapunzel, keeping her as a prisoner in the tower. Also the light of the golden lanterns set by the king and the queen (Rapunzel's real parents) are warm and yellow, representing their love for their daughter, while Gothel's lantern is sickly green: a cold, dead light, since she has no real love for Rapunzel, and only loves what she can do for her (keeping her young through the powers of her magic hair).
I was watching Tangled for the first time in years and I got chills when I heard her say “great, now I’m the bad guy” because it’s the exact thing my own mother has said to me a million times.
Mother Gothel... Not just the way she acts, but she even *looks* like my mum... I didn't realise she was a villain at all the first time until near the end because "That's all just normal mum stuff".
I love that they cut to Rapunzel reaching out to Mother Gothel as she falls and dies. An abusive relationship like she had with Mother is still ripe with enough fake love that despite everything, part of Rapunzle still doesn’t want her ‘mother’ to die.
For me, that's one of the worst parts of being on the receiving end of this kind of relationship. You're confused, and hurt, but you still care about the person that's causing you the misery. And because they have spent all this time making you not trust yourself and your own judgment, you are left wondering why you still care for them. 'Were they really that bad of a person?' 'Because I love and care for them, does that mean that I took part in my own abuse?' 'Am I a bad person for loving them?' 'Even though I know they were a bad person, and I finally realized what was happening to me, how can I trust anyone now that they are no longer in my life?' That knee-jerk reaction of saving the person is instinctive, because you love them. And the worst part is, by saving them, it opens the way for them to continue to be in your life. 'You saved me, you really do love me, you can't live without me.' The hardest thing is to stand by and watch them flounder and sink in the problem of their own making. But often it's necessary. Because if you help them, you may never be rid of them.
May I just say how much I appreciate that before Gothel died, she completely forgot Rapunzel and Eugene and went straight to the mirror instead. Narcissism at its finest. Brilliant.
Hmmm.. yeah didn't notice that at first but it does makes sense. Also, she probably knew what would happened if the hair would be cut. Her anger towards Rapunzel and Eugene turns into despair before she turns to dust.
I feel so sorry for gothel, she was just petrified of death. She didn't want to die and was doing all she could to delay that. I don't think she deserved to die, she should have just gave gothel the immortality she wanted and their relationship would get mended. Imagine if someone was the only thing keeping you alive, would you lie to them to keep living or would you tell them the truth so you can age rapidly and perish...
@@michaelpapageorgious5053 I don't think that's the case at all. It may have started as an innocent fear of death, but it literally led her to kidnapping a child and holding her hostage through awful means of manipulation. She put her through endless psychological torment. It's not a question about whether she deserved death because everyone dies. Allowing her to live forever was not going to change who she is as a person.
@@valeriamarquez4114 There's nothing innocent about being petrified of death. In this case, the solution to avoid it was using someone. If someone put a gun to your head and told you to kidnap someones child, you would do it. You wouldn't want the person to blow your brains out. In this case, death was holding the gun to her head.
The only ones who come close, in my opinion, are Scar and Claude Frollo. They have very similar relationships with Simba and Quasimodo, respectively. It's terrifying.
@Starlight_Feather Meh. Maleficent is just an angry fairy upset about not being invited to a christening. Gothel is a criminal manipulator who reflects re-world abusers.
Darkest? How many Disney movies have you seen actually? Most realistic is probably the word you're looking for... Even that's not the case, because Claude Frollo and Lady Tremaine are equally real...
Yup, and this gives the abuser "plausible" deniability so they can say it was just a joke and further put down the victim for reacting in an appropriately upset way. I put plausible in quotes because to an outside perspective who hasn't been manipulated by the abuser, it seems ridiculous and transparent.
I had an old best friend who always did that to me in middle and some high school. I felt like I was the only one who saw the abuse but it wasn’t very obvious. I’ve even tried describing it and gotten told “that doesn’t sound that bad”
Ugh I actually hate that. Someone that I "used" to call a "friend" did something similar to me and well several other people. For me they told me to stop making them the bad guy while they do the opposite and make me look like the bad guy. My other close friend, they made fun of her for something that wasn't even a big deal and that honestly hurt my friend deeply. My other friend who dated them, she kept telling lies that they weren't doing this and that but the signs were there. My ex did the same thing to me as well but it was a bit different from my second ex (I honestly don't even consider calling my second ex like an actual relationship because of how fake it seemed). So I've dated two gaslighters and those months have been nothing but Hell for me and several others. They date each other still and honestly I feel disgusted but hey, at least both of them have something in common aye? And the sad thing is, she has a best friend that she's known for years and I feel bad for her because she might be going through that but maybe I'm thinking too hard on it ._.
the hardest part about gaslighting is that you cant get your gas lighter to admit theyre gas lighting. then all the doubt in youre head keeps you stuck because you feel like its something you have to prove. you are embarassed to have fallen for it and there is literally no way to prove it.
It's so true. The only way is to see it for what it is and choose to let go of needing them to see it or admit it. You can still want them to, you can still try. But you can't wait for them to own it to move on with your own healing.
Or when you more or less starting to realise that you are actually still right but the gaslighter still won't admit it and keep making you believe that you are the one who at fault which brings so much painful frustration. And will turn it around as if yours behaviour've gotten worse so you are the bratty one, because you started to stop tolerating this things. Since you wasn't angry or upset about thems before, that means now you make them up and upset/angry for no reason, and just keep picking a fight and ruin the day for both of them.
I would argue that the hardest part, is recognizing you're being gaslighted. It's so easy to make excuses. 'Sure, anyone else in this situation, it would be abuse, but for us, it's just how we are! It's love really, they're trying to help me, I should do better. I mean, they didn't mean it that way, I'm just being ridiculous' it's incredibly hard to get through to someone once their own mind is their gaslighters defender.
I think I honestly got "lucky" to get my gas lighter to admit they were gaslighting me. When I confronted my ex about using that manipulative tactic that she had said to me, "Did you know that I almost killed myself by swallowing a bunch of pills because I thought you were going to break up with me?" Well, she denied that she ever said that and then said, "That's not what I said, you misunderstood me. What I actually said was that I tried to commit suicide by swallowing a bunch of pills when I was with my ex because I found out she cheated on me." I screamed at her, "Are you serious?! You going to try to gaslight me again?! I clearly remember you say..." And I went rambling on in panic because part of me was afraid that maybe I'm wrong and my memory is faulty. But she then said, "Fine. I admit." But tried to put the blame on me saying that it was my fault that I got her to manipulate me. "I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me by manipulating/gaslighting you. You decided to ignore me when I was in a dark place..." and went on and one how it was my fault that she did these things to me and then started to list my flaws as well and then last she said, "So Angela.... grow the fuck up." I finally got away from my ex this summer.
@@fahrifarizan2338 1. thank you for explaining 2. but what if they know how to hide their emotions because they think we make fun for being "senistive"
It's really concerning that people think a villain is someone who intentionally and blatantly hurts you, poisons you, or kills you. But mother gothel is not a traditional Disney villain. Her agenda is cloaked under the guise of being a mom who does everything for you, which is why it confuses people. They don't want to accept that mother figures can be the villain while masking their strategy with good deeds.
Yes, I used to think she was actually nice and not that bad of a person because she "gave Rapunzel a home and raised her like her daughter instead of treating her like a slave" until I realized my mom was very similar to her...
Yeah, and the funny thing for me is that Gothel looks almost exactly like a slimmer version of my mother, even down to the slight graying we see as the film progresses. It really was like a psychological sledgehammer to my perception of reality.
Eugene getting the hair out of the way to see her face and get to her is such a beautiful touch and I'm so glad you guys pointed that out!!!! Also, Gothel makes Rapunzel come to her for a hug. But her real mother immediately comes to her for the hug
I can relate (sort of); my grandmother (my mum's mum) is a textbook narcissist and she will try and gaslight everyone she comes into contact with (carers, doctors, relatives, neighbours. You name it). It's the main reason I (along with my sister and all our cousins) refuse to see her. She's just that horrid a person.
ok I do think that my mom is a good person and loves me but she always reminded me of gothel (and I have told her), since my mother was always TOO overprotective and almost always wanted to be intrusive in everything (I do not think at all that be bad) which made me insecure and with a feeling of worthlessness. So I don't know what to think about this.
What’s very interesting is even when she realises how bad Mother Gothel is, she still reaches for her when she falls out the window. Even though she knows how awful she is, she still loves her at some level
My friend and I have joked seriously about how her mother is Gothel; that my friend still loves her mother anyway does tell me that Rapunzel's reaching for her checks out. Like they said in the video: love is not the same as trust. (This reply wasn't to argue with you or anything, just, contributing to your observation? Yeah, that.)
It's a complicated relationship. The series goes even further: Rapunzel clearly shows signs of PTSD just from seeing the tower and remembering her life there, yet she still cries when *spoiler it gets destroyed. Such a powerful scene
That's the horrible part of being raised by an abusive parent. You *want* them to love you, you *want* them to respect you. Even when they hurt you and it hurts you even more when you think they don't. Even with all the things my mother (and *her* mother, father, and brother) did to my father, brother, and I, I still miss her and wish I could have one more conversation.
I think one of the biggest tell-tale signs is that you feel free and happy when you’re away from them, but the moment they’re around, you instantly switch to your childlike guarded, weak self.
I get immediately angry. Like a resentment and have negative thoughts when they’re around. It’s like energy starts to flourish when I’m not around them, but the minute they come around, my mood changes for the worst.
I think Pascel is the voice in someone's mind who's getting gaslighted. The tiny one that wants to get out of the tower (the toxic relationship) but always gets ignored or suppressed.
I like that! Also pascal didn’t like Flynn which I think is smart because once you are distrustful of your gaslighter that can transition into distrust of anyone who shows interest in you
Yes I agree because In the beginning inside the tower he’s mostly ignored and once she’s out he has more physical impact in the story and as she grows emotionally so does his affect in the story, the last trip to end gothels rein I love that thought
Idk it just feels the most real I guess. You could have a parent or family member and it makes you feel like it’s your fault when something bad happens, and honestly the fact that humans can do it makes her the scariest.
Madame Medusa from The Rescuers is also horrible. She used a little girl to find a diamond in a narrow cave (literally slave underage labor). Memorable quote: "Adopted? What makes you think anyone would want a homely little girl like you?"
Yeah, I saw it as Rapunzel was trying to open her eyes to the world, to see things for herself, and Mother Gothel was putting out the lights, so Rapunzel couldn't see anything and had to rely on Gothels voice to guide her.
At the end of this episode when you said, "It doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means they're not safe." I know this feeling intimately. I've had to step back from certain familial relationships in a big way because of this.
This reminds me of a Reddit thread. The thread start was something like "What one thing made you realise that your parent is toxic?" and someone had commented "When we watched Tangled and during the 'Mother Knows Best' song my mother said 'Wow, she really loves her daughter!'"
When I was a kid my mom used to watch news stories of kids who got killed by their parents because CPS never took them away from the home in time, turn to me unprovoked and say, "See?! Now that's real abuse!" *pounds head against wall*
@@scaredsapphic Unfortunately, that one is not something you can describe. There are many types of love, too, and humans even get them mixed up. For example, thinking a crush is true love, which even adults do considering divorce rates (my other guess is one or both often do not feel they get enough attention, and therefore do not consider themselves in love anymore).
This movie is a masterpiece, shows so many behaviors toxic parents display I remember being little and saying "but Gothel isn't evil, right...? She loves Rapunzel, right...?". Back then I didn't understand why I wanted it so badly to be true. Funniest thing, my mother being the embodiment of Gothel would say "obviously not, she just wants the hair". It was all in plain sight. But then again, I was eight. It was my absolute favourite film and I didn't realise whyz Ten years later my therapist just brings it up suddenly to tell me how much my situation reminds her of Tangled, especially the song "Mother knows best". "Mother knows best reprise" is an absolute masterpiece of psychological manipulation. It checks all the boxes. Aside from the things mentioned in the video: 1. Gothel acts concerned and betrayed, until the very moment Rapunzel says "no" for the first time ever. It turns Gothel aggressive and openly hostile momentarily. Gaslighters often punish critical thinking and autonomy. 2. She keeps mockingly saying "sure, RAPUNZEL knows best" as if it was a punchline in and on its own, as if it was so unthinkably absurd that Raps could be right about anything 3. Says "don't come crying", implying that if she makes an independence decision she will have nothing to come back to (which is obviously untrue because gaslighters desperately need their victims), to make that option seem the more scary and punishing 4. She also has this behaviour that is constant throughout the film, she keeps referring to herself as "mother" "mom" or "mommy". I noticed this is very common among abusive mothers, it's like they're trying to hammer it into everyone's heads that they are a parent, even though they know damn well they aren't (Gothel isn't even Rapunzel's actual mother). 5. This may only be my experience, but the way Gothel acts so upbeat, theatrically joyful and lilting is nearly identical to the way my mother acts, as if to try and show the whole world that she's such a fun and positive person. And then it can obviously can change incredibly rapidly the second the victim expresses their independence or does anything that doesn't suit the gaslighter
Not just toxic parent behaviors, but the effects of those behaviors on the kids and the eventual outcome. The one bad thing is that they act like once she was away long enough and found herself that she was fine after that. It doesn't express the almost certain doubt and social anxiety that she'll probably experience for the rest of her life. She's a princess now. She'll constantly be the center of attention and as some of the things that Mother Gothel had warned her about actually happen she'll repeatedly fall into anxiety attacks of self doubt and self loathing similar to when she first left the tower. I would have liked to see them touch on that just a little at the end and how stabilizing having a partner who understands it all can be for victims of these narcissists. So, she doubts something, and he reassures her, and then happily ever after.
@@bluefoxthecutest2628 well yes, but Rapunzel doesn’t see her that way. And that’s the problem. Abuse victims like this often don’t realize what’s happening to them
My stepmom did this to me for five years before I finally turned eighteen and found a place to rent from one of my high school teachers. My now husband would try to explain to me why I wasn’t as bad as she implied and that she was manipulating me and it took literally years to break free. I keep a healthy distance from her now.
I came to the comments specifically to say that you absolutely can cut people, even family, out of your life completely. What a ridiculous idea that you wouldn't be able to do that.
@@ChristianMasseyAU its not necessarily ridiculous. It is just harder to do than one might think I have many friends my age,22, with toxic parents. But they rely on their parents for education, shelter, health care. It is not easy to sever connections with people you have know your entire life
I hate to admit that the worst I saw in her before I saw this video was her being a little bit too pushy. I wonder if that simply because I'm naive or was more so when I saw it or whether I've been manipulated more than I realize.
"It's okay to have surface level relationships." "There's a difference between love and trust." I have never in my life felt so vindicated and validated until I heard these two sentences.
Y'all I'm so sorry that no one told you that before! Your sanity and mental health is way more important than any relationship. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise
I think that the only way Mother Gothel could be worse is that my parents actively support her actions. She's a horrible, terrible, AWFUL person but my parents constantly say that Rapunzel is the horrible one for not listening to her "mother." I feel as though this speaks a lot about the type of people my parents actually are.
@@yamataichul Ong. I plan to just work my tail off saving up funds to move out as soon as possible. However, finding a stable job at 16 in a heavily Christian town when you're genderfluid and unable to drive is near impossible.
@@AdlinIsBoredI wish you all the best and I hope you get away from that horrible situation and that you'll find amazing support. If you ever need to vent, feel free to come back to this comment, we'll listen
do confrontation, but do it respectfully, try your best to keep your temper, and speak confidentially. Everytime they gaslight you, force facts in their face so hard it leaves bruises. And if you start succumbing to their insults and deception remember that you are more than them, and you DON'T need them. Find a friend at school, and if you are out of school, try communicating and if that doesn't work cut it off.
@@forrest6939 I've tried confrontation but it usually ends with me getting my electronics taken away due to my dad not having a valid counter-argument. (I use my electronics as an unhealthy way to avoid my parents.)
Also later when she says: ''I was so worried about you dear.'' She looks at Rapunzel's hair and then quickly looks at Rapunzel to not show what she really cares about: her hair.
If you watch carefully, you'll see she almost never touches Rapunzel herself if she can help it. A tiny bit here and there, mostly to maintain her facade, but she shuns physical contact with her; the only part of Rapunzel she'll willingly touch is what she values, her hair. The way she constantly tore Rapunzel down, shredded her confidence, insisted she wasn't capable; I hope to God any kid with a narcissistic parent or family member watched this and learned from it. Emotional abuse is still abuse.
That and her and Finn are a lot different about Rapunzel hair. Finn pushed it out of her face. Gothel always petted it like it was a damn puppy. That and they’re reactions. All he did was freak out a bit and then it didn’t even phase him. Not to mention cutting her off to prevent her from being trapped by Gothel, risking his own life.
It’s scary, when I was a kid I fell for Gothel’s lies. Obviously I knew she was abusive and terrible, but I thought deep down she actually cared a little for Rapunzel because of the scenes when she seems genuinely nice and loving to her. Now that I’m older I realise that’s just another part of her abuse and gaslighting. What a great villain.
Saaaaaame; it took me so long to recognize the toxicity between her and Rapunzel, and as a child I always felt the need to give her the benefit of the doubt because, well, she "loves" her daughter, doesn't she??
Same for me. At first I thought that she loved her for real, that she really wanted to keep her safe, that she just was exaggerating. When I watched the scene were she imprisoned her, I realized that she loved her hair, not her (even if it's obvious in the whole movie, I realized when it couldn't be clearer). I didn't realize until a year ago that it was a really serious problem in my personal life too.
What was scary with me is that I fell for Gothel's lies too. I was an adult when this movie came out. I thought she cared about Rapunzel, at least a little bit.
I've seen multiple people, in my own life and in social media, say that Tangled was how they identified a toxic person in their life, because they could relate strongly to Rapunzel and saw that person in Mother Gothel. It just goes to show that representation, both positive and negative, really matters
@@xoxokennya Parents can very easily be toxic and manipulative. It's a learned method of control, and might happen naturally as parents figure out how to control their children. It might not be intentional, but it's a LOT more common than you think. I didn't speak to my family for YEARS after moving out. I'm once again not talking to my mother. Work it out if you can, but do not be afraid to make the hard decisions for your own mental health.
The moment Gothel sang, "You're gettin' kind of chubby." to Rapunzel my dad gasped, covered his face with his hands as he cringed, and exclaimed, "Oh my God. What an EVIL woman!" He was so appalled that a "mother" would ever dare say that to her daughter. 🤣 (I love my dad. He's such a sweetheart.)
I needed this. I subconsciously gaslighted some people in the past and when I realized it I cut off all friendships and normal socializing with others, and I didn't realize it until I watched this video. I stopped talking to people because part of me was afraid to continue interacting with other human beings, like I would just keep manipulating and lying, and that really hurt. I've been so isolated. I see I need to change. Thanks, Cinema Therapy. This was not the journey I was expecting.
That is very brave. I hope that all is going well. I have recently had the realization that my childhood(up until 30) idol was my mom and she is a master manipulator and gaslighter. I watch myself and question everything from fear that I will do it to my spawn.
Good for you for owning your behavior and seeing it with an objective lens. You are on your way to better mental health and consequently better relationships. Better Love. ❤
@@inspiringer6418 I only realized just now that I was gaslighted by my step mom really bad, thanks to this video. My mom is mentally and emotionally abusive, but for some reason she favored me and acted normal with me. My siblings suffered, as well as my dad and my awesome step dad. My dad is a passive misogynist and that probably messed up my life more than anything else. I'm still paying for it. He stood in my way of getting an education which backfired on him. If I had been earning what I could've been earning, he wouldn't have had to worry as much about how he was going to survive financially during retirement, because I would've been happy to contribute. All of this makes me appreciate my step dad even more.
The way I view the song mother knows best is the original is when the gaslighter is praising you and pretending to care about you while the reprise is when the gaslighter gets frustrated and shows their true colors
I love Mother Gothel. She’s such a well written villain. No exaggerated violence or brute force, just pure manipulation. She’s so realistic, watching the movie now that I’m older makes me so uneasy. Especially when she berates Rapunzel’s beauty, all because she’s insecure of her own age and aging process. One of the best Disney villains, imo.
@@naturally_roisin it’s not even that! The movie tells you FROM THE START that she’s the villain. Yet the things she says and the way she acts still puts you in a sense of uncertainty on whether or not she’s really evil
I thought the same thing when I was little! As I grew older, I realized what she was doing, but there was still a part of me that strongly wanted to believe Mother Gothel loved her. After about a year of denial, though, I finally admitted that she didn't. I'm still not sure why I was so desperate to believe that. Maybe because it felt too cruel.
One of the most terrible things about gaslighting is that even when you get away from the FIRST person, you're more susceptible to that "am i crazy" cycle and more vulnerable for the rest of your life (without serious therapy and support). It's SUCH a terribly hard cycle to break once you're in that loop.
And anxiety is based on others and or situational gaslighting that u started to gaslight yourself because of that abuse as a way to get back to your roots that u were raised on or were used to to find some comfort in your dark world
To describe it as gaslighting yourself feels pretty accurate! Having lived with general anxiety for ten years, I liked to think of it as "1984, but in your head". As a kid, I was so convinced people might judge me if I thought the wrong thoughts in public, it was THAT bad. To personify worried thoughts can help overcome the worst spirals. Anxiety stopped being a complete worldview/philosophy and became a person who was hungry for control, a Mother Gothel. Obviously, anxiety's not a separate being and it's still YOU, but it's a part of you formed by bad experiences, and it will keep trying to convince you whatever you try will lead to catastrophe. I just thought you brought up an excellent observation.
What I find interesting is you can see that Mother Gothel had a solid wooden door but Repunzel only had curtains, and that is denying someone of privacy!
Everyone’s saying that what’s scary about Gothel is that she actually exists irl. But what really scares me is how many people I’ll see in comments sections, etc, *defending* Gothel and claiming she really loved Rapunzel. People get trapped in these unhealthy relationships, and our society normalizes them, to the point where people take the side of the abuser in fictional relationships. It’s both really sad and terrifying.
Eh... to that people are defending her by saying that she loves her is kinda simplifying. What mother Gothel is doing is absolutely no ok but there are a lot of real-life cases of abusive parents/partners hurting their loved ones through abuse without knowing it and then voluntarily and consciously taking steps to change their behavior one they realize it *because* they know that what they're doing is not ok. Mother Gothel isnt one of these examples but I can see where the people saying that she loved rapunzel are coming from. I don't agree with them, but I understand why they say that.
Well... I don't know if saying she loved Rapunzel is the same thing as defending her (though I imagine some people will try using this as an argument). You can "love" someone in an awfully toxic, possessive and destroying manner. It's not like there is an absolute definition of what "love" is. We don't live in a simple world where "love = good". I would say in reality it's more "respect = good". Love without respect and consideration is possessiveness but can still be considered love (or not, depends on a person 's definition of what "love" includes) If you have a wide definition of what love is, I think you can consider that Gothel loved Rapunzel, but that doesn't make what she did any better, or excuse her in any way... I've always been wondering if Gothel ever loved Rapunzel, even a little, and I'm still not sure of the answer, but it never came to my mind that if the answer was yes that would mean Gothel was a good person, even in the slightest. "love" is no excuses to abusive treatments.
I think it's interesting looking back to when I first saw this movie with my mom. I was pretty young and honestly kinda liked Gothel, while my mom was much more keyed into her behaviors and actively hated her. It's an interesting thing, in retrospect, that Mother Gothel's manipulations worked on children through the screen.
The worst part of gaslighting is after you've gotten away from the gaslighter, you are constantly questioning your sanity, your memories, your emotions, everything. It's constant "Am I overreacting?" "It's probably not that bad." "I don't need help." "It's not abuse if you never hit me." It makes you feel insane, because it stays. It stays forever and you can never really trust yourself or anyone else ever again.
Yep, my first instinct when someone hurts me no matter is “this is my fault.” I have to call my friends and tell them what happened and they have to explain to me how it’s not my fault because sometimes I can’t tell.
what really gets me is that at the end when mother gothel falls out of the window, rapunzel reaches out to her. it really shows how it takes a long time to really heal from a gas lighter in your life, especially if they were a parental figure.
Yes! i love that they added it. despite knowing what mother gothel subjected her to for years, she still cared for her, and that couldn't be immediately undone. definitely one of my favorite disney films
My mom sang it a little bit after the movie came out and tried to scare me sometimes by trying to pretend she was brushing my hair and creepily singing flower gleam and glow. She doesn't do it anymore, since I didn't ever really find it funny. :/
@@dianamorillo8606 thank you for your concern. No, I'm not okay. It took years of gaslighting and the tangled movie as a teen to realize how similar of a situation I was in. To therefore realize it was **bad**. Especially since my mother at the end of the movie didn't really understand how Mother Gothel was a villain. On the initial watch she was honestly encouraging her. Trapping your kid at home because the big bad world is so scary, saying you can't do anything to protect you. Wanting to do literally anything makes you a horrible being. Your only purpose is to do what they say and be an accessory to make them look better for the public and nothing else. Feeling like a doll with no personality or self worth. Unlike rapunzel whose overcome alot, I'm slowly dipping my toes. Even as a grown woman I haven't really escaped. Somehow I'm still trapped and it's frustrating. Just doing my best for now. But man this video just made more emotional today.
hi. that bit about how it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means they're not safe for you -- that rang true. it resonated. it was something i needed to hear. thank you.
Not to mention, in the series, it was confirmed she had a daughter before she stole Rapunzel, and abandoned her to go after Rapunzel. This is why she is the WORST villain in my eyes. (Edit: I hate to be the annoying person to label my edits but I had to write these three things: 1. Yes, the series is canon. The original creators worked on it, as well as the actors. If you don't like it, this is not the place to voice your opinion. Some people like it, some people don't. 2. I'm sorry to all of you in the replies that had parents like Gothel. My heart goes out to you. 3. Yeah, Gothel, Frollo, and Cruella De Vil are the three worst villains
@@PhoenixRising87 I know. Malificent doesn't stand a chance against Gothel. Cassandra and Rapunzel deserved better. I don't blame Cassandra's Dad for not sticking around with THAT bitch.
The quick talking, the rolling or the eyes, the constant and yet subtle form of degrading…no wonder she scared me so much as a kid, she’s the most life-like Disney villain we’ve had in a while
I remember hearing how a lot of people had got up and walked out of the theater early in the movie because the Mother Gothel scenes were too real and traumatic that they couldn’t keep watching. That’s how well Disney nailed it.
I really don't know why but the realism is what bores me out from her. To me her scenes were the most boring ones among many Disney films, so much that i remember finishing the film and thinking "cute but boring"
@@saracecchinelli3740 I can see where you're coming from but to me, it didn't seem boring. It seemed menacing and threatening. To see someone who didn't rely on magic but just pure cunning and manipulation. To see how her brain worked and how she orchestrated everything was fascinating to me the first time I watched it, and it still is.
@@homelesshannah50 You know that is a good point and it shows his character arc that he could change and seek redemption unlike mother Gothel who chose not to change.
Thank you, guys! I checked the article and realized my boyfriend was a gaslighter on 11/11 and he was completely abusing me. I didn't recognize that before because my family was very abusive too and I didn't know that. I watched the movie when I was 10 and I got very obsessed with it, I watched until memorized the entire script. Today, 12 years later, I understand the deep meaning it has to me.
I have to say, Flyn cutting her hair in the end was the best use of "character cuts hair and becomes a new person" trope. Her hair was the reason why she suffered all along and was abducted from her family.
Yes, I just wish he'd done it after Rapunzel healed him. Mother Gothel could have inflicted harm upon Rapunzel afterwards just to be spiteful (similar to other abusers with the "if I can't have you, no one will" mentality). Luckily though, she was more concerned about the cut hair, which led to her literal downfall. But I believe the writers chose to do it that way to show Rapunzel what true love was and the sacrifices someone who truly loves you would be willing to make.
I’ve always thought mother Gothel was the most evil Disney villain. She never even calls rapunzel by her name she calls her flower. Proving that the only thing she cares about is rapunzel’s hair
It's funny that you mention this because that's something a lot of gaslighters do. They never call you by your name and only use it when they're criticizing you because they don't see you as another human being, just something to get what they want. When they use your name, they know that it'll hit a nerve somewhere. So, they use that to their advantage when you're not being compliant with what they want from you. I was in a relationship with someone who was abusive and a gaslighter and I know of multiple other people that had this same thing happen to them
To be a little fair for real mother may have called her that too because a flower saved her life, but it would've been a loving tone towards the daughter herself, not towards the flower powers from her hair
I watched this video with my mom. She’s gaslighted me for nearly 19 years and watching this finally helped me to realize what she’s really like. I still love her but it’s hard to trust her when I can tell she’s gaslighting me on a daily basis.
I hope you heal and look for psychotherapy. I'm hoping and praying for your family relationships to not deteriorate, is saddening if that's the case...
Ugh I had a stepdad that would feel attacked if I cried because I felt guilty about not doing something. Everytime I would tell him that I cant control it and that it's not that bad, but would say that I'm trying to make him feel bad. He would just get frustrated at me instead of trying to understand or help why i felt a certain way about something. I had pretty bad anxiety for context and was bad at confrontation. A lot of things you would get onto me about I already beat myself up about constantly and I was beginning to struggle with depressive tendencies. My parents didnt see therapy as that helpful unless I was really bad and the phrase "do we need to take you to a hospital" felt like a threat or a sign I was overreacting. He was brought up with an aggressive parenting style that focused on authority. It wasn't until senior year of high school that I even considered I might have an anxiety disorder and thought that it was just the way I was.
@@Kimmie6772 I'm sorry about that but hope you are in a good place now. I can't claim abuse in my case but I do know what it's like to be invalidated. Painful.
Because of this movie is why I have trust issues. I was watching it with my mom and noticed. “Why is mother gothel the bad guy? She does everything my mom does and my mom’s not bad.” And then I thought about it. “She’s the bad guy and she does everything my mom does.” Yeah that went well. But at least from a young age I learned that her treating me like that wasn’t normal.
I did the same thing! I was six when this movie came out (wow I feel old, I thought it came out when I was at least a little older) and the first time I watched it I was like "wait, but that's how mom and grandma act. why is she a bad guy?" It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that what my mom and grandma were doing was textbook manipulation.
You dont know you are being manipulated especially at such a young age. I was by my dad. He would take me and show me large groups of people and say they were talking about me. I could never live on my own. I was too stupid. I was always the one who was a bad person and in trouble, although I tried so hard to be a good kid. Told other people I treat him bad. "See how she treats me?" I never even learned to strike a match until after I was married. He called it love and protection. Until I left, I didn't understand. I took time to think about everything and decided never to gaslight my kids. I respect my parents, I help them when they need it but I can leave when I want. I still hurt. It probably always will, but I stop the gaslighting here. I am his last victim.
Same. This movie came out when I was 5 and I never quite understood why Mother Gothel was the villain here since I noticed that that was how my mother acted as well. She would tell me that out of all the characters in the movie Mother Gothel was the best and her favorite song was "Mother Knows Best"- at times, she would also use this song to reprimand me because my opinions, in her eyes, were not "right". And since, no one told me or saw what she was telling me, I agreed with everything she said as if I was a mini-her. Mother Gothel was my favorite character in Rapunzel and I hate to recognize that...
It took me years after I heard of narcissists and watching this movie to fully understand and accept that my mother was a narcissist of her own kind. Living with a narcissist is a form of Hell on Earth.
Same While all your life in school you would hear about how people would wish to have a daughter like you. Like really, thanks to those comments I was finally about to see where the problem actually lyed.
friendly reminder to you or whoever else is reading this that youre not a terrible daughter/son/person, and even the best of us fall for gaslighting and the like
Something small I just noticed, the way a certain line is delivered in Mother Knows Best. "Stop no more you'll just upset me". She doesn't actually care, she just wants Rapunzel to care
"She's a cultist" this is even better because, in the animated tv series that finished this year, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (which I highly recommend if anyone hasn't seen it it's got marvelous characters, songs, animation, and story) Gothel is revealed to literally be a part of an actual ancient demonic cult group basically
@@N1K-15 It’s related to an ancient demon who wanted the Sundrop/Sunflower and another object of power. It’s a very good show, and I don’t wanna spoil much ^^
Hmmm, it's been a long time since I saw a Disney movie based series. I guess I should check it out. Where can I find it? Is it viewable for free online somewhere?
As a former Disney employee, I can tell you almost every Disney movie has at least one scene where the villain is illuminated by light that is that same hue of green
It's funny, my mom loves "Mother knows Best", both of us always knew that it was blatant gaslighting, and it took me years of living alone and many months of therapy to realize that maybe, just maybe, my mom has been gaslighting me for most of my life...
The scene where Flynn cuts Rapunsels hair was beautiful. My husband tried to help me see the truth about my family and this scene parallels the sacrifice loved ones go through to help someone who is being decieved.
Literally cutting off the one thing that Gothel could use Rapunzel for in order to save her from a life of misery even at the cost of his own... That scene has got to be one of my favorite ones to ever exist in Disney!
It was also incredibly symbolic in the sense that now all of that burden, weight and past has been cut free and she now has a future to grow with herself. Cutting the hair in many cultures can be symbolism for moving on from the past, maybe it's not really the point but that's what comes to my mind.
@@wonkybeans damn, didn't catch that even though it's a very common cliche I see in anime 😂 As a child, I took as Eugene cut her hair not because he prefers her as short hair but because he doesn't desire her hair at all and can live without it and the way he touches on to Rapunzel's face and slightly removes the hair symbolizes that he wants to see the real Rapunzel rather than the hair which is what people know her as and the only thing that Gothel see her as (I'm contrast, Eugene touched her face and removed her hair while throughout the movie, Gothel always looks at Rapunzel's hair first when checking on her) I also took it as a way for the people to try and see a different kind of Disney ending. Since most of the time, we get to see the way they're advertised as pretty princesses and stay that way at the end of the movie. In Beauty and The Beast, we see Beast turn into an attractive human at the end, in Princess and The Frog, we see them turn into human but in Tangled, we only see and know Rapunzel as the "girl with long hair" so I saw the ending as a way to make the audience decide if they only care for her long hair (like Gothel) or will they accept the new short haired Rapunzel
@@remyhavoc4463 Oh yeah, that's definitely one way of looking at it. I bet I can count the number of people who watched Tangled, whose first words about Rapunzel after seeing her weren't 'she has such beautiful hair' on one hand.
One of my parents had untreated BPD, and I recognized so much of their behaviour in Mother Gothel. Especially the denial of real events. I remember getting a voice-recording pen to record when my parent said things and then denied them later. But even when I played the recording back to them, they said "that's not what I meant", and that I was twisting their words, and it made me feel insane. Everything I said was wrong. I refused to attend a family event one time, because they had recently blown up at me for refusing to talk to them, and I didn't want to be around them at the time. They cancelled the entire event, saying "I ruined it", simply because I did not want to attend. They made everyone angry with me. They always said, "what is wrong with you?", "are you autistic?" (derogatory), and "I'm shocked you have friends, with how you behave!" when I simply didn't want to talk to them to avoid confrontation. The "Mother Knows Best" song is still very difficult to watch.
I love the moment when Flynn says “a little rebellion is good, healthy even” because it is statement suggesting that rebellion is a natural part of life.
It truly is. I grew up basically in a controlling household but goddang is my stepmother a gaslighter lol she fucked my childhood up and iam still suffering from it. But at least iam starting to get rebellious later on.
"Growing up" is essentially understanding which rules no longer apply to you. The minute you realize you can cross the street alone. This often (but not always) comes with a little rebellion.
The scary thing is that mother Gothal will say things like: -flower -pet And this is a sign she doesn’t see her as a person but as an object or something she owns. Edit: omg thank you so much for the huge amount of likes!
Whenever she says anything complementary it's also to her hair (usually touching it as well), and whenever she says anything derogatory it's to her face (either direct eye contact, being in Rapunzel's personal space, or touching her skin).
@@eaglefan2569 this is also why I love Eugene because whenever he goes to kiss her or talk to her he will move the hair out of her face. Showing he doesn’t care about the hair. I LOVE HIM...SO MUCH.
I'm now noticing how slightly alarming it is that when I first watched Tangled with my mother she always spoke about how much she loves Mother Gothels]'s character and that 'Mother knows Best' was her favourite song from the movie. She even used that song against me at times when I disagreed with her.
Just a note: "I love you most" is actually towards rapunzel's hair... she only says it while looking at the hair, and every compliment she ever gives is towards said hair.
Hands down mother gothel is the best villain ever. She’s everything you wouldn’t see in a typical villain and she’s very realistic. Edit: Lol I love how all of you brought up Frollo as well. He's one of the best too. I love how they showed his internal battle with lusting for Esmeralda. This is something that is a common battle for people in the Christian community. It was interesting to see the hunchback of notre dame touch on this.
ABSOLUTELY, not only that, but it is genuinely scary how she took care of rapunzel ALL of her life and never felt actual love for her. Any other typical disney villain would've been like "I can't kill her I'm already attached" She is completely devoid of a motherly instinct and that is chilling
There are also those moments where Gothel says something to Rapunzel before claiming that she's only teasing, and Rapunzel looks confused and upset. Gothel praises Rapunzel for managing to pull her into the tower every day since it seems exhausting. After Rapunzel says it's nothing, Gothel playfully asks why it takes so long before telling Rapunzel that she's just teasing, and Rapunzel laughs with her but clearly hesitantly. Then when they're in front of the mirror and Gothel tells Rapunzel she's a smart, confident, and beautiful young lady, Rapunzel visibly perks up. But then, Gothel goes, "Oh look, you're here too," pointing at Rapunzel's reflection. Rapunzel is hurt by it, but Gothel says she's just joking and that Rapunzel should stop taking everything seriously. Later, as Rapunzel tries to tell Gothel that she wants to see the lanterns for her birthday, Gothel tells her to stop mumbling since she hates it and it's annoying. Then, without warning, she flips the script, says she's teasing, that she loves Rapunzel, and goes off acting like it didn't happen. The sad look on Rapunzel's face afterward tells you everything. I've heard stories of parents and family members doing this kind of stuff to their kids to "toughen them up" since "teenagers are cruel," "the adult world is cutthroat," "the older you get, the less your feelings matter," and "no one likes a crybaby." The adults say they want the kids to grow a backbone and that they're doing the kids a favor since teens in high school will say similar things if not worse, and they don't want their kids to give other people excuses to look down their noses at them. Preparing kids for the grown-up world is one thing, but these are shameful and deluded methods that make adults bullies themselves; it's the outdated "tear someone down to build them back up stronger" philosophy that often does more harm than good.
I totally agree. It’s never truly a way of “toughening up” the child. It’s just a way for them to get away with insulting their child. There are many ways for your child to toughen up without belittling them. And that’s such stupid reason (like, “teenagers will be worse”? What? Some can be jerks but most teens have grown up enough to not treat others like crap. Yes, some are mean, but that’s such a weird excuse to me to say “well, I’m bad but people you haven’t even met yet will be much worse” like what???) and it irritates me. Children are very precious to me and the fact that some people treat their own like crap “in the name of love” boils my blood >:(((
Exactly, instead what they should be teaching their children is how to avoid people who belittle them or how to respond to it in a way that doesn’t tear themselves down. All the parent is doing is bullying them while the child has to learn how to “cope” on their own which causes all sorts of issues.
this may seem far fetched but the scene where mother gothel got old and dying, rapunzel reached her arms out to maybe try to save her when she fell out of the window represents how the victims of abuse still have the sympathy or feelings for the abusers even though they already realized that they are being abused. wc is rlly sad.
@@wesleywallace4426 I don't think it would be heartless, honestly. An abusive "parent" can "take care of you for years" while also being extremely cruel, and that abuse can reasonably lead to some very negative feelings towards the abuser. It's not necessarily heartless to wish that your abusers were dead
@@wesleywallace4426 personally I disagree. Wishing them death is pretty nice Imo. Plus the person being abused will just have many problems in life due to the abuse. It’s life long that will always stay, they can become more functional of course. Although that pain will never go away which I find even more cruel. It would just be sad if they didn’t know they were abusing their kid(s) or actually thought they were doing what is best for them.
That was my exact thought seeing that. Even with everything Mother Gothel did she was still her mother her whole life, and losing that one person she trusted all that time must've been pretty overwhelming for Rapunzel. But at the end of the day, it opens the way forward for her to build her own life.
1:08 Actress Dame Angela Lansbury, who played in the 1944 version of Gaslight by George Cukor, has passed away yesterday on the 11th of October 2022. My condolences to her loved ones. As you can see, even the early films she has played in are still relevant 🙏🏻
I remember spending time at a friend's house as a kid and watching insane levels of gaslighting and emotional manipulation used between EVERYONE. It felt like nothing was ever done out of genuine love, care, or responsibility, but always out of guilt, anxiety, or anger. What made me realize was when he would come over to my house and say "It's so peaceful over here...."
Interesting detail I noticed: during "Mother Knows Best", Mother Gothel repeatedly extinguishes the candles within the tower, which may actually be a direct reference to "Gaslighting".
Gothel also closes the windows to not let the light (which represents knowledge in the "Mother Knows Best" song) to reach Rapunzel. In the song, the light from outside represents knowledge of the outside world, while the candlelight represents Rapunzel's own thoughts and opinions of the world. The only light (knowledge) Gothel wants Rapunzel to see (believe) is the candlelight lit by Gothel (as shown in the "SKIP THE DRAMA, STAY WITH MAMA" part of Mother Knows Best) and the sickly green lantern light near the end of the movie when Rapunzel goes back to the tower.
Hey folks, Jonathan here, trying to practice what I preach and accept feedback. Several of you have pointed out that OF COURSE you can cut ties with mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and other family members for your own safety and emotional health. This is 100% correct. While in some (less extreme) cases of gaslighting one may choose to maintain a family relationship with the gaslighter while calling them out on it and/or holding strong boundaries, that is by no means a "you have to" situation. And sometimes breaking free and cutting off contact is an absolute must. Thank you for calling me on that.
@Taylor Momsen They will never admit it. The best thing to do is educate yourself in private. Start watching UA-cam videos on narcissistic behavior. Maybe start saving money in private. Make an exit plan for when you turn 18. I don't know what your situation or the severity but always good to have an exit plan. Always hold on to your reality. Keep a journal to remind yourself of what is true. Gaslighters/ narcissists will always manipulate truth. You may need a reminder of what is true during difficult times. It may seem extreme to many people, so be careful of who you trust. Narcissists are always two faced and often have others fooled. Also know that being a victim of narcissists makes you susceptible to attract other narcissists. I don't know what it is but we attract them like flies to honey (at least some of us do). I read the book Your not crazy it's your mother. It helped a lot. It actually applied to my father as well. Find yourself a support group online. Make sure you seek advice from people who have and are well on their way to recovery. ♡ Best wishes to you.
@Taylor Momsen Michelle Lee Nieves, Angie Atkinson are a couple of UA-camrs who have taught me a lot.
My mum hit all the points for gaslighting and as of February I permanently cut ties, after various failed attempts to set boundaries, get her to see what she was doing, get her to therapy for her numerous mental health problems etc. Tangled really resonates with me. And one thing I think that the film touches on but could do with more attention is trying to learn who you are when you’re not being manipulated, what things you like to do and what you were only doing to please someone else.
@@nellibob Glad you made it out. I also had to go no contact. Unfortunately my three adult brothers are still under the sick spell of our mother and I've had to drop them too.
How can you tell if you're being gaslit, or if what they're saying is actually true? Especially if third parties can't directly see the situation?
the sarcastic "Rapunzel knows best. Rapunzel's so mature now" is the line that made me feel the worst. You know, when you feel like you achieved something that made you feel happy and proud of yourself, and other people just go "oh wow so impressive" with such flat mocking tone... that just cancels out your excitement about the thing that made you happy.
Both of my parents did this to me some days ago. It's the worst fucking feeling.
They told me I was naive for believing the internet, when I told them my sources they were like "Oh really? Source of what must that be" they didn't believed me, told me I was naive, told me I was dumb, told me I wasn't going to go anywhere thinking like that, doubted my intelligence, etc.
You know what did they do after that? Oh they started treating me like a princess, saying how much they loved me (after putting me the fuck down) and how they cared about me (after completely ignoring what I had to say)
I will get out of this house, because I can't stand this behavior anymore. I'm broken and all I fought to leave in the past is back in my present because of them.
I know this isn’t on the same level in anyway in regards to emotional trauma. But also whenever your laughing about something or find something funny and someone just has to take your joy away by saying “it’s not that funny”. That really gets on my nerves I actually hate that so much. Just let them laugh, they found it funny! Let them have the joy of laughing. If you don’t find it funny than don’t laugh and keep your mouth shut🙄 gotta steal someone else’s joy, for what?
and when u draw something and are really proud of it and your parent comes and goes “wooow,cu think u can draw”
@@azaleyalikedaflowr7975 OMG people do that to me all the time so now whenever I laugh I say sorry as a reflex. even if its just something that popped into my head I chuckle at myself then say sorry. its weird. But then again my chuckle sounds like and evil laugh so maybe that's why they look at me lol.
@@mearabaxter8997 yeah, it sucks😔 and really upsets me too.
ok is no one gonna talk about how badass the “did i mumble mother” is. it’s literally the disney princess version of “did i stutter bitch”
Oh my God. Yes!
Why did you put a dot in the middle? Pretty sure a "," would fit better, also there are no other dots at the end, u don't even have a capital letter in the beginning of a sentence, and the I's that refer to a yourself should be capital letters too... I just needed to say that tbh.
@@christerjackson9589 you know people can make mistakes or misclicks when typing, right?
@@christerjackson9589 This better be primo bait, because you're not even correct. If we're going to nitpick people's grammar on the internet, it should've been a question mark after "is" and those little "dots" you speak of are called "periods".
Ignoring all of that, correcting the grammar of internet comments where the OP's intention is perfectly clear doesn't matter, but I'm procrastinating and you've supplied me a wonderful outlet.
@@fallingpetunias9046 it was a joke gez
And this is why it drives me up a wall every time someone goes "But I'm sure Mother Gothel loved Rapunzel deep down!" *facepalm*
If she ever did she'd realize how terribly she is and bring her back to her actual parents
EVEN IF SHE DID HER ACTIONS WERE HORRIFIC AND HER WANT FOR ETERNAL YOUTH AND KEEPING RAPUNZEL TRAPPED OUTWEIGH ANY LOVE GOTHEL HAD
Ah yes, loving your kidnapped child by locking her up in a tower for 18 years, all the while manipulating her into staying there through emotional blackmailing and then calling it love because "she meant well" when all Gothel says and does is just a means to keep Rapunzel under her control through fear, guilt, and the destruction of her self-confidence. I guess admitting to Gothel's shitty behavior would hit too close to home for them, so they pretend not to see it.
It get even worse when you watch Tangled the series and learn more about Gothel.
Yeah she loved her alright! just like the flower she loved using her. Rapunzel wasn't a person to her, she saw Rapunzel as an object.
I didn't even realize Flynn brushing Rapunzel's hair away having such symbolic importance. It makes the movie even better imo
I know, I love this so much!!!
Fr
Let's not forget that he's the one to cut most of her hair off at the end to protect her.
I had one of those “OHHHH” moments when they said that LMFAOOO
Also I never realized Gotham only caring about the hair pushed over to the physical affection aspect too
There are no mistakes in art (unless its made by an amateur which this isn’t obviously)
"Villains that twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged."
~Jean-Luc Picard~
Now I have to go watch the International Coffee Sketch from MADtv...
Lol
Have you ever seen a real life villain twirl their moustache though?
@@eririan_ It’s figurative for people who commit evil shamelessly, mostly people in positions of power
@@eririan_ I mean......Lord Licorice
I'm 14, new to the this world and that is soo deep.
It's sad that they didn't mention Pascal as "another voice," who was trying all along to get her out of the abuse but didn't have the proper voice to do so.
Oh cool! Maybe he represents a subconscious voice within herself that desires freedom, but that’s not yet strong or articulate enough to voice his desires and motivate Rapunzel to leave her situation. When he points eagerly towards the open world, she shrugs and responds that it’s not so bad in the prison.
Little pascal tried to help rapunzel but he didn’t have the proper voice to do so... omg that’s so adorable and heartbreaking at the same time 😭💕
Pascal was the support she had throughout those years. Even though he doesn't have the proper voice to express himself, his presence and interactions with Rapunzel was a vital help for her. 🥺💞
I think...... I will never look at this movie the same way again😳
He is a frog . .
"There's a difference between love and trust." Holy crap I---
Eh I just read the comment when they said that
Syncronicity
Yup.
Learned that the hard way.
But love doesn't involve trust?
@@millenaalves765 nope i can love someone without trusting them i love the person but I don't trust the things that this person says because: tust issues
@@non-binary2286 How do you know that's not just infatuation, or familiarity? Love does seem to imply some level of trust
I think the imagery from "Mother Knows Best" Where Gothel litteraly puts Rapunzel in the dark, and as Rapunzel lights candles, Gothel puts them out, LITERALLY keeping her in the dark. Very on the nose, but still powerfull.
I thought it was just Gothel sabotaging Rapunzel to make sure Rapunzel is dependent on her.
@@jeffreygao3956yeah that’s kind of like exactly what they just said. like that’s literally the exact thing that they just stated. like you’re not introducing anything new here at all lol
Also, Gothel dumped Cassandra.
Mother gothel actually teaches kids a lesson, kids see so much physical violence in movies that they are never taught about the mental, and won’t know if it’s normal.
@No offense, but wow wtf you are literally me but spelt wrong
@@nooffencebut8175 uh, actually offense is the correct spelling in the US. no wait, it's just more commonly used
Maybe not all kids but hopefully some.
You ever notice a lot of the parents are actually mentally, emotionally and physically abusive? Especially in Disney...
@@phant0m0th_ Like the "Little Mermaid" for instance
"Did I mumble, mother?" Is the best and most badass line from tangled.
She's literally going *"DID I STUTTER?"*
And it was iconic
@@hibikiotonokojishslvocalis7550 completely iconic
@@hibikiotonokojishslvocalis7550 aaaaahhh dr fan :)
Oh yes.
I get chills everytime at this part
Best advice my therapist ever gave me: Just because you love someone does not mean they have earned your vulnerability
Very true
Well said by your therapist. That's what makes love so hard, whether it's romantic or platonic. After you've been vulnerable with someone who you loved but treated you badly, it's difficult to be vulnerable with another person. 🤔
I wish there was something higher than a "like" button for this comment.
I've tried to explain this concept to the current bf. explaining it this way might help, thanks.
How does one earn another's vulnerability?
I remember watching Tangled in 4th grade and thinking “Wow! Rapunzel’s mother reminds of my mom a lot!”
Fast forward to few years later, me leaving the house in order to escape constant mental abuse. I believe this movie was one of the first tiny steps on my way to realising the wrongs my mother did to me.
I genuinely wonder how many thousands of kids and former kids had the same experience.
@@CuteCuteJames yeah me too, gothel reminded me of my mum because she was a liar and a constant degrader
Im glad you left congrats on leaving the toxicity
Hope your found a better home you ok?
Wow.... How old are you that time..? When you escaped..?
“I love you most
Don’t forget it
You’ll regret it”
Absolutely terrifying in context
"I love you more" always creeped me out.
Tangled should be used to teach what to look out for to protect yourself from narcissists.
@@hariman7727 i have a theory that you can diagnose trauma and mental illness using only pixar & disney films. I have yet to be proved wrong lol
@@hollylhunt what films do you think are good examples?
Tangled: the emotional abusical
Writer: How many different kinds of gaslighting should we include in this film?
Director: Yes
Turn it up to 11!
Director : Every damn gaslighting techniques we have in store.
Writer : So...We talk to any employer.
Director : Basically.
@@CaptainProjects Spinal Tap!!!! 🤘
They wanna be thorough by making sure we see all the signs so we don't end up staying in a situation with an abusive person.
My mom is like this and does all 11
The scene where mother gothel is putting out candle after candle that rapunzel tries to light to see is a very powerful visual metaphor
Metaphor for what?
@@pragya1833 Rapunzel is lighting her own way through the dark but behind her back, her mother took out her light. Whether it’s Rapunzel’s light inside her or the light that she uses to find her path
Like Ashley said, she’s literally and figuratively extinguishing Rapunzel’s light. What is light? It helps us see. It allows growth.
Rapunzel would be the personification of good (light); Mother personifies evil (darkness).
@@pragya1833 i like to think the light from the candles is a metaphor for rapunzel “seeing” the truth behind the darkness of mother gothel’s lies, while mother gothel continually putting out the light from the candles symbolizes how she wants to keep her from seeing the truth and continuing to gaslight her
Yes. Light is a recurrent theme in Tangled. Rapunzel's happy, youthful and positive personality, her pink/light purple dress, her big vivid green eyes and her golden shining hair represent light, mainly the life-giving light of the sun (since she's literally a personification of the sun, with its magic within her body). Mother Gothel on the other hand is totally dark, wearing a dark red dress and having deadly pale skin, dull grey eyes and jet black hair. That's because she's (metaphorically) the devouring darkness who selfishly swallows and hides the light, since she keeps the magic flower only for herself, and later she does the same with Rapunzel, keeping her as a prisoner in the tower.
Also the light of the golden lanterns set by the king and the queen (Rapunzel's real parents) are warm and yellow, representing their love for their daughter, while Gothel's lantern is sickly green: a cold, dead light, since she has no real love for Rapunzel, and only loves what she can do for her (keeping her young through the powers of her magic hair).
I was watching Tangled for the first time in years and I got chills when I heard her say “great, now I’m the bad guy” because it’s the exact thing my own mother has said to me a million times.
Really? That’s so creepy… was your mom saying it about something serious, or something silly like you wanted new shoes?
same, my mom always said that
Same, it reminds me of my dad. When we get in fights, he will say "Now I'm the bad guy" making me feel like it's my fault. I know this isn't true
Mother Gothel... Not just the way she acts, but she even *looks* like my mum... I didn't realise she was a villain at all the first time until near the end because "That's all just normal mum stuff".
@@carlygirl306 that’s so frustrating when they’re doing the exact thing in the very exact moment they claim *you’re* doing it
I love that they cut to Rapunzel reaching out to Mother Gothel as she falls and dies. An abusive relationship like she had with Mother is still ripe with enough fake love that despite everything, part of Rapunzle still doesn’t want her ‘mother’ to die.
For me, that's one of the worst parts of being on the receiving end of this kind of relationship. You're confused, and hurt, but you still care about the person that's causing you the misery. And because they have spent all this time making you not trust yourself and your own judgment, you are left wondering why you still care for them.
'Were they really that bad of a person?'
'Because I love and care for them, does that mean that I took part in my own abuse?'
'Am I a bad person for loving them?'
'Even though I know they were a bad person, and I finally realized what was happening to me, how can I trust anyone now that they are no longer in my life?'
That knee-jerk reaction of saving the person is instinctive, because you love them. And the worst part is, by saving them, it opens the way for them to continue to be in your life. 'You saved me, you really do love me, you can't live without me.' The hardest thing is to stand by and watch them flounder and sink in the problem of their own making. But often it's necessary. Because if you help them, you may never be rid of them.
@Cospaws completely unrelated comment but I Love your pfp it’s so cute!
@@warriormaiden9829 Thank you. I needed that reality check
@@nikkohimari Thanks, got it from picrew
Isn't that just human decency tho?
I mean, I have also been abused by my family too but I wouldn't like to see them dying in front of me too
Mother Gothel is one of the scariest Disney villains because she is the most real. She could be a parent, aunt, uncle, friend, etc.
A president.
she’s my mom bruh 🥲
Eh, the hunchback of notre dames antagonist could give her a run for her money. that man *scares* me.
Underrated
And Gaston
May I just say how much I appreciate that before Gothel died, she completely forgot Rapunzel and Eugene and went straight to the mirror instead. Narcissism at its finest. Brilliant.
Oh wow I never even thought of it like that! But that makes so much sense..
Hmmm.. yeah didn't notice that at first but it does makes sense. Also, she probably knew what would happened if the hair would be cut. Her anger towards Rapunzel and Eugene turns into despair before she turns to dust.
I feel so sorry for gothel, she was just petrified of death. She didn't want to die and was doing all she could to delay that. I don't think she deserved to die, she should have just gave gothel the immortality she wanted and their relationship would get mended. Imagine if someone was the only thing keeping you alive, would you lie to them to keep living or would you tell them the truth so you can age rapidly and perish...
@@michaelpapageorgious5053 I don't think that's the case at all. It may have started as an innocent fear of death, but it literally led her to kidnapping a child and holding her hostage through awful means of manipulation. She put her through endless psychological torment. It's not a question about whether she deserved death because everyone dies. Allowing her to live forever was not going to change who she is as a person.
@@valeriamarquez4114 There's nothing innocent about being petrified of death. In this case, the solution to avoid it was using someone. If someone put a gun to your head and told you to kidnap someones child, you would do it. You wouldn't want the person to blow your brains out. In this case, death was holding the gun to her head.
Disney needs to remember mother gothel because it’s proof they can do great, non-twist villains that are still realistic.
I'm not trying to defend Disney but I don't think they've even done a twist villain in 5-7 YEARS.
This analysis just proves even more why Gothel is the darkest of all the Disney Villains. Which is why she remains my favorite.
Agreed. So, so well-written. We hate her, but then that's the point.
The only ones who come close, in my opinion, are Scar and Claude Frollo. They have very similar relationships with Simba and Quasimodo, respectively. It's terrifying.
@Starlight_Feather Meh. Maleficent is just an angry fairy upset about not being invited to a christening.
Gothel is a criminal manipulator who reflects re-world abusers.
Darkest? How many Disney movies have you seen actually? Most realistic is probably the word you're looking for... Even that's not the case, because Claude Frollo and Lady Tremaine are equally real...
@@lindseysquire8417 agreed
The "stop mumbling" scene is so frustrating, hiding a critic behind a joke, I hate when people do that
time stamps?
@@aurorahufflepuff375 13:14
Yup, and this gives the abuser "plausible" deniability so they can say it was just a joke and further put down the victim for reacting in an appropriately upset way. I put plausible in quotes because to an outside perspective who hasn't been manipulated by the abuser, it seems ridiculous and transparent.
I had an old best friend who always did that to me in middle and some high school. I felt like I was the only one who saw the abuse but it wasn’t very obvious. I’ve even tried describing it and gotten told “that doesn’t sound that bad”
Ugh I actually hate that. Someone that I "used" to call a "friend" did something similar to me and well several other people. For me they told me to stop making them the bad guy while they do the opposite and make me look like the bad guy. My other close friend, they made fun of her for something that wasn't even a big deal and that honestly hurt my friend deeply. My other friend who dated them, she kept telling lies that they weren't doing this and that but the signs were there. My ex did the same thing to me as well but it was a bit different from my second ex (I honestly don't even consider calling my second ex like an actual relationship because of how fake it seemed). So I've dated two gaslighters and those months have been nothing but Hell for me and several others. They date each other still and honestly I feel disgusted but hey, at least both of them have something in common aye? And the sad thing is, she has a best friend that she's known for years and I feel bad for her because she might be going through that but maybe I'm thinking too hard on it ._.
the hardest part about gaslighting is that you cant get your gas lighter to admit theyre gas lighting. then all the doubt in youre head keeps you stuck because you feel like its something you have to prove. you are embarassed to have fallen for it and there is literally no way to prove it.
It's so true. The only way is to see it for what it is and choose to let go of needing them to see it or admit it. You can still want them to, you can still try. But you can't wait for them to own it to move on with your own healing.
Or when you more or less starting to realise that you are actually still right but the gaslighter still won't admit it and keep making you believe that you are the one who at fault which brings so much painful frustration. And will turn it around as if yours behaviour've gotten worse so you are the bratty one, because you started to stop tolerating this things. Since you wasn't angry or upset about thems before, that means now you make them up and upset/angry for no reason, and just keep picking a fight and ruin the day for both of them.
I would argue that the hardest part, is recognizing you're being gaslighted. It's so easy to make excuses. 'Sure, anyone else in this situation, it would be abuse, but for us, it's just how we are! It's love really, they're trying to help me, I should do better. I mean, they didn't mean it that way, I'm just being ridiculous' it's incredibly hard to get through to someone once their own mind is their gaslighters defender.
I think I honestly got "lucky" to get my gas lighter to admit they were gaslighting me. When I confronted my ex about using that manipulative tactic that she had said to me, "Did you know that I almost killed myself by swallowing a bunch of pills because I thought you were going to break up with me?" Well, she denied that she ever said that and then said, "That's not what I said, you misunderstood me. What I actually said was that I tried to commit suicide by swallowing a bunch of pills when I was with my ex because I found out she cheated on me." I screamed at her, "Are you serious?! You going to try to gaslight me again?! I clearly remember you say..." And I went rambling on in panic because part of me was afraid that maybe I'm wrong and my memory is faulty. But she then said, "Fine. I admit." But tried to put the blame on me saying that it was my fault that I got her to manipulate me. "I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me by manipulating/gaslighting you. You decided to ignore me when I was in a dark place..." and went on and one how it was my fault that she did these things to me and then started to list my flaws as well and then last she said, "So Angela.... grow the fuck up."
I finally got away from my ex this summer.
@@TheGalaxyMermaid good for you!!
Mother Gothel is such a good villain that she managed to gaslight me as a kid. I thought that she wasn't that bad and felt sad when she died 💀
LITERALLY ME, gothel was really good at it😭
REAL
SAME
And the "stop mumbling blabla, I'm just teasing you, you're adorable" SOOO REALISTIC
please explain this more because me and my friends do these all the time s a joke
My mom does that when I stutter
@@gennybetwana9620 if the person you talk to literally look upset and doesn't seem to like it
@@gennybetwana9620 It's like a back-handed compliment.
@@fahrifarizan2338
1. thank you for explaining
2. but what if they know how to hide their emotions because they think we make fun for being "senistive"
People say that mother gothel wasn’t actually a bad villain but they don’t realize how much mental and psychological damage she did to Rapunzel
It's really concerning that people think a villain is someone who intentionally and blatantly hurts you, poisons you, or kills you. But mother gothel is not a traditional Disney villain. Her agenda is cloaked under the guise of being a mom who does everything for you, which is why it confuses people. They don't want to accept that mother figures can be the villain while masking their strategy with good deeds.
Probably because many of them are victims of this exact kind of abuse. It's their normal.
Yes, I used to think she was actually nice and not that bad of a person because she "gave Rapunzel a home and raised her like her daughter instead of treating her like a slave" until I realized my mom was very similar to her...
That’s because MoTHeRs cAn’T bE AbuSiVE
@@lilliesinthegard32 whoa bro are u living my life or sumn???
This movie made approximately half of an entire generation glance discreetly at their parents in the theater
I literally just thought about how my mother could possibly be gaslighting me my entire life and I just noticed this at an adult age 😀
This song is about my mom, for sure
This spoke to my foster parents. It's insane how many parallels I could make to my own childhood.
Yeah, and the funny thing for me is that Gothel looks almost exactly like a slimmer version of my mother, even down to the slight graying we see as the film progresses.
It really was like a psychological sledgehammer to my perception of reality.
PLSSSSSSSUCCUFUIGVIIH
Eugene getting the hair out of the way to see her face and get to her is such a beautiful touch and I'm so glad you guys pointed that out!!!!
Also, Gothel makes Rapunzel come to her for a hug. But her real mother immediately comes to her for the hug
Wow! Great detail on the hug thing. I've watched the movie quite a few times and I've never caught that!
And sadly I've said for years that I can't stand Mother Gothel because she reminds me of my mother. Holy crap.
Sadly, I relate. (Alan here, Jonathan's mother was a saint.) This was actually a really hard video to make, because of it.
@@CinemaTherapyShow ☹ I'm sorry.
I can relate (sort of); my grandmother (my mum's mum) is a textbook narcissist and she will try and gaslight everyone she comes into contact with (carers, doctors, relatives, neighbours. You name it). It's the main reason I (along with my sister and all our cousins) refuse to see her. She's just that horrid a person.
My mom shames me more then gaslighting, but....ya
ok I do think that my mom is a good person and loves me but she always reminded me of gothel (and I have told her), since my mother was always TOO overprotective and almost always wanted to be intrusive in everything (I do not think at all that be bad) which made me insecure and with a feeling of worthlessness. So I don't know what to think about this.
What’s very interesting is even when she realises how bad Mother Gothel is, she still reaches for her when she falls out the window. Even though she knows how awful she is, she still loves her at some level
My friend and I have joked seriously about how her mother is Gothel; that my friend still loves her mother anyway does tell me that Rapunzel's reaching for her checks out. Like they said in the video: love is not the same as trust.
(This reply wasn't to argue with you or anything, just, contributing to your observation? Yeah, that.)
It's a complicated relationship.
The series goes even further: Rapunzel clearly shows signs of PTSD just from seeing the tower and remembering her life there, yet she still cries when
*spoiler
it gets destroyed.
Such a powerful scene
thats the thing with being gaslighted, it programs your mind and emotions. Reaching out for her was a programed response.
That's the horrible part of being raised by an abusive parent. You *want* them to love you, you *want* them to respect you. Even when they hurt you and it hurts you even more when you think they don't. Even with all the things my mother (and *her* mother, father, and brother) did to my father, brother, and I, I still miss her and wish I could have one more conversation.
Perhaps even though she knows the truth about Mother Gothel, she doesn't want a person to die. It could also be the abusive relationship.
I think one of the biggest tell-tale signs is that you feel free and happy when you’re away from them, but the moment they’re around, you instantly switch to your childlike guarded, weak self.
OMG yessss😭😭
Or sometimes in that guarded state you don't even realize it until you're away from that person again, and you just feel *so* drained.
I get immediately angry. Like a resentment and have negative thoughts when they’re around. It’s like energy starts to flourish when I’m not around them, but the minute they come around, my mood changes for the worst.
That happens to me whenever I go to visit my parents. Not because of my mom, but everyone else in the house.
One could even say to feel entangled
You guys have officially helped me avoid at least one potentially toxic dating relationship...so thank you!
Happy to help!
you obviously dont have to answer, what exactly tipped you off?
I think Pascel is the voice in someone's mind who's getting gaslighted. The tiny one that wants to get out of the tower (the toxic relationship) but always gets ignored or suppressed.
or like a friend of the person being gaslighted that doesnt know what to do and tries to help them but they cant really do anything.
Damn
theres a comment exactly like this one 🤦
I like that! Also pascal didn’t like Flynn which I think is smart because once you are distrustful of your gaslighter that can transition into distrust of anyone who shows interest in you
Yes I agree because In the beginning inside the tower he’s mostly ignored and once she’s out he has more physical impact in the story and as she grows emotionally so does his affect in the story, the last trip to end gothels rein I love that thought
this is why gothel is actually the scariest disney villain
Idk man, a sorceress who can turn into a fire breathing dragon is kinda scary, too.
Idk it just feels the most real I guess. You could have a parent or family member and it makes you feel like it’s your fault when something bad happens, and honestly the fact that humans can do it makes her the scariest.
You've probably never seen Hunchback of Notre Dame. Frollo is the scariest disney villain by far. And the most amazing.
@@gomiko8979 Yeah but Gothel is the most realistic example. A sorceress turning into a dragon wouldn't really happen but someone manipulating you is.
Madame Medusa from The Rescuers is also horrible. She used a little girl to find a diamond in a narrow cave (literally slave underage labor). Memorable quote: "Adopted? What makes you think anyone would want a homely little girl like you?"
WAIT was Mother Gothel's putting out the candles with her fingers, one by one, a reference to Gaslight? Slowly lowering the lights?
THAT'S SO COOL
Oh man i didn't even notice that! Nice connection bro
Yeah, I saw it as Rapunzel was trying to open her eyes to the world, to see things for herself, and Mother Gothel was putting out the lights, so Rapunzel couldn't see anything and had to rely on Gothels voice to guide her.
@@MHScrat woww! very nice perspective
YOOOOO NICE ONE
Good catch!! I didn't think about that!! Then again, it has been a while since I've seen Gaslight. Think it's time for a rewatch.
At the end of this episode when you said, "It doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means they're not safe." I know this feeling intimately. I've had to step back from certain familial relationships in a big way because of this.
I’ve said before “she’ll (my mom) never know how much I love her because she treats me like shit”
This reminds me of a Reddit thread. The thread start was something like "What one thing made you realise that your parent is toxic?" and someone had commented "When we watched Tangled and during the 'Mother Knows Best' song my mother said 'Wow, she really loves her daughter!'"
Oh sh*t.
That is fucking terrifying.
@@tjones7341 You right
When I was a kid my mom used to watch news stories of kids who got killed by their parents because CPS never took them away from the home in time, turn to me unprovoked and say, "See?! Now that's real abuse!"
*pounds head against wall*
@@elizabethbennet4791 So she only think it's abuse if someone dies. 😨
"And that doesn't mean you don't love them, it means they're not safe" HOOOLY this changed my whole perspective
ikr! It's clear now, I was feeling very contradictory whether I loved this person or not, love and trust are completely different
I just want to know what love is. I don't understand, no matter how hard I try.
Timestamp please?
@@scaredsapphic Unfortunately, that one is not something you can describe. There are many types of love, too, and humans even get them mixed up. For example, thinking a crush is true love, which even adults do considering divorce rates (my other guess is one or both often do not feel they get enough attention, and therefore do not consider themselves in love anymore).
@@marvenbuka Yep
This movie is a masterpiece, shows so many behaviors toxic parents display
I remember being little and saying "but Gothel isn't evil, right...? She loves Rapunzel, right...?". Back then I didn't understand why I wanted it so badly to be true.
Funniest thing, my mother being the embodiment of Gothel would say "obviously not, she just wants the hair". It was all in plain sight. But then again, I was eight.
It was my absolute favourite film and I didn't realise whyz Ten years later my therapist just brings it up suddenly to tell me how much my situation reminds her of Tangled, especially the song "Mother knows best". "Mother knows best reprise" is an absolute masterpiece of psychological manipulation.
It checks all the boxes. Aside from the things mentioned in the video:
1. Gothel acts concerned and betrayed, until the very moment Rapunzel says "no" for the first time ever. It turns Gothel aggressive and openly hostile momentarily. Gaslighters often punish critical thinking and autonomy.
2. She keeps mockingly saying "sure, RAPUNZEL knows best" as if it was a punchline in and on its own, as if it was so unthinkably absurd that Raps could be right about anything
3. Says "don't come crying", implying that if she makes an independence decision she will have nothing to come back to (which is obviously untrue because gaslighters desperately need their victims), to make that option seem the more scary and punishing
4. She also has this behaviour that is constant throughout the film, she keeps referring to herself as "mother" "mom" or "mommy". I noticed this is very common among abusive mothers, it's like they're trying to hammer it into everyone's heads that they are a parent, even though they know damn well they aren't (Gothel isn't even Rapunzel's actual mother).
5. This may only be my experience, but the way Gothel acts so upbeat, theatrically joyful and lilting is nearly identical to the way my mother acts, as if to try and show the whole world that she's such a fun and positive person. And then it can obviously can change incredibly rapidly the second the victim expresses their independence or does anything that doesn't suit the gaslighter
My mother was this 100% no wonder Disney movies were outlawed in her house...
Not really, she is an obvious villain character who kidnapped someone elses kid.
Not just toxic parent behaviors, but the effects of those behaviors on the kids and the eventual outcome. The one bad thing is that they act like once she was away long enough and found herself that she was fine after that. It doesn't express the almost certain doubt and social anxiety that she'll probably experience for the rest of her life. She's a princess now. She'll constantly be the center of attention and as some of the things that Mother Gothel had warned her about actually happen she'll repeatedly fall into anxiety attacks of self doubt and self loathing similar to when she first left the tower. I would have liked to see them touch on that just a little at the end and how stabilizing having a partner who understands it all can be for victims of these narcissists. So, she doubts something, and he reassures her, and then happily ever after.
@@bluefoxthecutest2628 well yes, but Rapunzel doesn’t see her that way. And that’s the problem. Abuse victims like this often don’t realize what’s happening to them
@@anomaliexxx Took me 30 damn years to realize that...so true.
My stepmom did this to me for five years before I finally turned eighteen and found a place to rent from one of my high school teachers. My now husband would try to explain to me why I wasn’t as bad as she implied and that she was manipulating me and it took literally years to break free. I keep a healthy distance from her now.
I hope that distance comes with an additional 6 ft below ground
Stay FREE!!!
Aww.
That's very nice and lucky of you
See my dad did this to me for my whole life, and now I gaslight people I love and I’m realizing just now that- AHHH-
That teacher of yours became your husband??💀
"You can't just completely cut them off of your life"
You underestimate me.
Separate the poison from the antidote. I can't relate, but I see your plight.
The gays:
That's right bitches, we're the adults now
I came to the comments specifically to say that you absolutely can cut people, even family, out of your life completely. What a ridiculous idea that you wouldn't be able to do that.
@@ChristianMasseyAU its not necessarily ridiculous. It is just harder to do than one might think I have many friends my age,22, with toxic parents. But they rely on their parents for education, shelter, health care. It is not easy to sever connections with people you have know your entire life
this is why it drives me NUTS when people say "nono, gothel LOVED rapunzel!!"
no. she didn't.
The only thing she loved was her hair.
I hate to admit that the worst I saw in her before I saw this video was her being a little bit too pushy.
I wonder if that simply because I'm naive or was more so when I saw it or whether I've been manipulated more than I realize.
She loved HAVING Rapunzel
Yah she loved being immortal, not the girl
She loved Rapunzel's hair. It's true. Every time she is loving on Rapunzel she really is touching her hair.
"It's okay to have surface level relationships."
"There's a difference between love and trust."
I have never in my life felt so vindicated and validated until I heard these two sentences.
Same, i’ve got terrible extended family on both sides and that really lifted a lot off my shoulders
Oh. Ye. Gods.
I needed to hear this 14 years ago...
Y'all I'm so sorry that no one told you that before! Your sanity and mental health is way more important than any relationship. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise
Bro you ok?I know a stranger on the internet ain't worth a lot but i can direct you to some toons and memes if it gives you some happines.
Same
I think that the only way Mother Gothel could be worse is that my parents actively support her actions. She's a horrible, terrible, AWFUL person but my parents constantly say that Rapunzel is the horrible one for not listening to her "mother." I feel as though this speaks a lot about the type of people my parents actually are.
I hope and PRAY for you heal and recover. Please go no or minimal contact. That's NOT reasonable or UNDERSTANDABLE from them...
@@yamataichul Ong. I plan to just work my tail off saving up funds to move out as soon as possible. However, finding a stable job at 16 in a heavily Christian town when you're genderfluid and unable to drive is near impossible.
@@AdlinIsBoredI wish you all the best and I hope you get away from that horrible situation and that you'll find amazing support. If you ever need to vent, feel free to come back to this comment, we'll listen
do confrontation, but do it respectfully, try your best to keep your temper, and speak confidentially. Everytime they gaslight you, force facts in their face so hard it leaves bruises. And if you start succumbing to their insults and deception remember that you are more than them, and you DON'T need them. Find a friend at school, and if you are out of school, try communicating and if that doesn't work cut it off.
@@forrest6939 I've tried confrontation but it usually ends with me getting my electronics taken away due to my dad not having a valid counter-argument. (I use my electronics as an unhealthy way to avoid my parents.)
Tangled. The movie that helped a generation to ask. "...Wait, this behavior isn't normal?"
truly lmao
LOL exactly! Yes!
Yup, I saw it when I was younger and my mom told me to listen to Mother Knows Best and how it was true and I should listen to my mom.
YES
*slams like button*
Notice that when Gothel says "I love you most" she kisses Rapunzel's hair. That's what she really loves.
Also later when she says: ''I was so worried about you dear.'' She looks at Rapunzel's hair and then quickly looks at Rapunzel to not show what she really cares about: her hair.
I thought of this too. Her only goal in life is to keep being alive and do the same routine all over again. How pathetically sad.
If you watch carefully, you'll see she almost never touches Rapunzel herself if she can help it. A tiny bit here and there, mostly to maintain her facade, but she shuns physical contact with her; the only part of Rapunzel she'll willingly touch is what she values, her hair.
The way she constantly tore Rapunzel down, shredded her confidence, insisted she wasn't capable; I hope to God any kid with a narcissistic parent or family member watched this and learned from it. Emotional abuse is still abuse.
That and her and Finn are a lot different about Rapunzel hair. Finn pushed it out of her face. Gothel always petted it like it was a damn puppy. That and they’re reactions. All he did was freak out a bit and then it didn’t even phase him. Not to mention cutting her off to prevent her from being trapped by Gothel, risking his own life.
And she calls Raps "My flower"
It’s scary, when I was a kid I fell for Gothel’s lies. Obviously I knew she was abusive and terrible, but I thought deep down she actually cared a little for Rapunzel because of the scenes when she seems genuinely nice and loving to her. Now that I’m older I realise that’s just another part of her abuse and gaslighting. What a great villain.
I thought the same thing
Saaaaaame; it took me so long to recognize the toxicity between her and Rapunzel, and as a child I always felt the need to give her the benefit of the doubt because, well, she "loves" her daughter, doesn't she??
Same for me. At first I thought that she loved her for real, that she really wanted to keep her safe, that she just was exaggerating. When I watched the scene were she imprisoned her, I realized that she loved her hair, not her (even if it's obvious in the whole movie, I realized when it couldn't be clearer). I didn't realize until a year ago that it was a really serious problem in my personal life too.
What was scary with me is that I fell for Gothel's lies too. I was an adult when this movie came out. I thought she cared about Rapunzel, at least a little bit.
Me too, as a kid, I thought that although she uses her hair for eternal youth, I still thought that she cared for her a little.
I've seen multiple people, in my own life and in social media, say that Tangled was how they identified a toxic person in their life, because they could relate strongly to Rapunzel and saw that person in Mother Gothel. It just goes to show that representation, both positive and negative, really matters
*awkwardly stares at my mom after she says “so im the bad guy here?” for the 3rd time a month* 😬
If you have to ask, the answer is "yes".
Yo I be trying not to make my mom seem all that terrible but she’s hitting a lot of points here 😐
@@xoxokennya Parents can very easily be toxic and manipulative. It's a learned method of control, and might happen naturally as parents figure out how to control their children.
It might not be intentional, but it's a LOT more common than you think. I didn't speak to my family for YEARS after moving out. I'm once again not talking to my mother. Work it out if you can, but do not be afraid to make the hard decisions for your own mental health.
@@xoxokennya idk what age you are but perhaps suggest watching tangled together
SAME LMFAO
The moment Gothel sang, "You're gettin' kind of chubby." to Rapunzel my dad gasped, covered his face with his hands as he cringed, and exclaimed, "Oh my God. What an EVIL woman!" He was so appalled that a "mother" would ever dare say that to her daughter. 🤣 (I love my dad. He's such a sweetheart.)
Awww your dad is such a keeper. :D
:>
My mom calls me fat on a regular basis so it made me laugh but damn I wish I had a parent like yours 💀💀
Can I have your dad?
@@Letcharlieplay2545
Can we all be adopted by him?
"I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that."
The shade has been thrown.
Dang it's been 3 days and I already have 1.1k likes??
Surprised that lady didn't just wander in a circle for forever and a day.
How did u find her by going in a circle?
@@0ddman0ut64 lol I didn’t read your comment I promise
I needed this. I subconsciously gaslighted some people in the past and when I realized it I cut off all friendships and normal socializing with others, and I didn't realize it until I watched this video. I stopped talking to people because part of me was afraid to continue interacting with other human beings, like I would just keep manipulating and lying, and that really hurt. I've been so isolated. I see I need to change. Thanks, Cinema Therapy. This was not the journey I was expecting.
It's a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully therapy has been going well for you. I hope you tried to get help.
That is very brave. I hope that all is going well. I have recently had the realization that my childhood(up until 30) idol was my mom and she is a master manipulator and gaslighter. I watch myself and question everything from fear that I will do it to my spawn.
Good for you for owning your behavior and seeing it with an objective lens. You are on your way to better mental health and consequently better relationships. Better Love.
❤
“The first part to not being bad is realizing that you’re bad in the first place.’
-CloudScraper
(Edit, fixing the quote)
Kudos 🤘🤘🤘🤘❤️❤️❤️❤️
tangled is an brilliant movie in how to put a subconscious messages into an adolescents brain to prepare them for the future
hope your having a good day for who ever looks
Agreed
@@emileedhouse8367 Thanks, I really needed that.
It subconsciously taught me that I was being gaslighted and child abused by my mother when it came out
@@inspiringer6418 I only realized just now that I was gaslighted by my step mom really bad, thanks to this video. My mom is mentally and emotionally abusive, but for some reason she favored me and acted normal with me. My siblings suffered, as well as my dad and my awesome step dad. My dad is a passive misogynist and that probably messed up my life more than anything else. I'm still paying for it. He stood in my way of getting an education which backfired on him. If I had been earning what I could've been earning, he wouldn't have had to worry as much about how he was going to survive financially during retirement, because I would've been happy to contribute. All of this makes me appreciate my step dad even more.
And at last, I see the light
And it's like a fog has lifted
Sometimes, Disney has all the subtlety of a freight train.
True story: FOG is the narc's toolbox-- fear, obligation, and guilt.
*gasps*
Wait what about the subtlety of a freight train? We don’t have trains here so-
@@Yammerzaki123fr It’s a play on words. My point was that Disney was making clear what was going on, and it wasn’t being very subtle about it.
*gasps in princess* holy shit
To be clear, Gothel never actually tells Rapunzel she loves her. Every time she says it, she's looking at Rapunzel's hair, not her.
At the end of mother knows best she kisses her hair.
I was looking for a comment like that! Exactly, all her affections are pointed at her hair only.
Yes, she does.
And Eugene always moves her hair out of the way to get to her
@@athena2597 that's cute
The way I view the song mother knows best is the original is when the gaslighter is praising you and pretending to care about you while the reprise is when the gaslighter gets frustrated and shows their true colors
This is the only reason tangled was underrated, parents wanted to hide their own gaslighting tendencies or were uncomfortable with self examination
Oh my..
That's deep
100%
Oh my god...
That’s so true tho but my grandma liked the movie and so did I so we watched it but my mom hated it
I love Mother Gothel. She’s such a well written villain. No exaggerated violence or brute force, just pure manipulation. She’s so realistic, watching the movie now that I’m older makes me so uneasy. Especially when she berates Rapunzel’s beauty, all because she’s insecure of her own age and aging process. One of the best Disney villains, imo.
Ursula and Jafar are definitely in the running. Just never read the original of little mermaid to save yourself from true agony and pain.
Rivaled only by Frollo.
@@Jekyllstein_Gray trueee, such a dark character. The video essays on him are so good too
Stop liking the villains I hate mother gothel she's evil and rapunzel is a good gentle teen
Rapunzel is our number hero even though fly ruder saved her she did confront mother gothel too
It’s weird. When I was younger I thought that the mother still loved Rapunzel. This was such an interesting way to write a villain, it’s so subtle
The scariest villains are the ones we thought were our friends.
@@naturally_roisin it’s not even that! The movie tells you FROM THE START that she’s the villain. Yet the things she says and the way she acts still puts you in a sense of uncertainty on whether or not she’s really evil
I thought the same thing when I was little! As I grew older, I realized what she was doing, but there was still a part of me that strongly wanted to believe Mother Gothel loved her. After about a year of denial, though, I finally admitted that she didn't. I'm still not sure why I was so desperate to believe that. Maybe because it felt too cruel.
I love how Disney villains are evolving from their only character trait being “evil” to much more in depth personalities that are fun to analyze
I think she does love her, but more of in the way that she loves what she can offer her (Eternal beauty), so it’s a twisted and dark love
One of the most terrible things about gaslighting is that even when you get away from the FIRST person, you're more susceptible to that "am i crazy" cycle and more vulnerable for the rest of your life (without serious therapy and support). It's SUCH a terribly hard cycle to break once you're in that loop.
Even if you get away they'll follow and make sure you can't go anywhere
*_Anxiety is pretty much just gaslighting yourself-_*
And anxiety is based on others and or situational gaslighting that u started to gaslight yourself because of that abuse as a way to get back to your roots that u were raised on or were used to to find some comfort in your dark world
And that is enough of reading youtube comments for me today, I say as I refuse to acknowledge the truth of this about myself.
@@Sweaterlatethannever I'm right there with you, except I don't think I can avoid thinking about it now.
To describe it as gaslighting yourself feels pretty accurate! Having lived with general anxiety for ten years, I liked to think of it as "1984, but in your head". As a kid, I was so convinced people might judge me if I thought the wrong thoughts in public, it was THAT bad. To personify worried thoughts can help overcome the worst spirals. Anxiety stopped being a complete worldview/philosophy and became a person who was hungry for control, a Mother Gothel. Obviously, anxiety's not a separate being and it's still YOU, but it's a part of you formed by bad experiences, and it will keep trying to convince you whatever you try will lead to catastrophe.
I just thought you brought up an excellent observation.
Yeah
What I find interesting is you can see that Mother Gothel had a solid wooden door but Repunzel only had curtains, and that is denying someone of privacy!
damnnn-
these types, love infiltrating and hate boundaries . just like google, my good gobermints and lovely corporations
Oh my god, I never noticed! I'm actually getting goosebumps!
Everyone’s saying that what’s scary about Gothel is that she actually exists irl. But what really scares me is how many people I’ll see in comments sections, etc, *defending* Gothel and claiming she really loved Rapunzel. People get trapped in these unhealthy relationships, and our society normalizes them, to the point where people take the side of the abuser in fictional relationships. It’s both really sad and terrifying.
Enablers and flying monkeys. So many of them out there, and they’re a huge part of the problem.
Where are these people I need to break some knees
Eh... to that people are defending her by saying that she loves her is kinda simplifying. What mother Gothel is doing is absolutely no ok but there are a lot of real-life cases of abusive parents/partners hurting their loved ones through abuse without knowing it and then voluntarily and consciously taking steps to change their behavior one they realize it *because* they know that what they're doing is not ok. Mother Gothel isnt one of these examples but I can see where the people saying that she loved rapunzel are coming from.
I don't agree with them, but I understand why they say that.
Well... I don't know if saying she loved Rapunzel is the same thing as defending her (though I imagine some people will try using this as an argument). You can "love" someone in an awfully toxic, possessive and destroying manner. It's not like there is an absolute definition of what "love" is. We don't live in a simple world where "love = good". I would say in reality it's more "respect = good". Love without respect and consideration is possessiveness but can still be considered love (or not, depends on a person 's definition of what "love" includes) If you have a wide definition of what love is, I think you can consider that Gothel loved Rapunzel, but that doesn't make what she did any better, or excuse her in any way... I've always been wondering if Gothel ever loved Rapunzel, even a little, and I'm still not sure of the answer, but it never came to my mind that if the answer was yes that would mean Gothel was a good person, even in the slightest. "love" is no excuses to abusive treatments.
@@kaisawatson I personally couldn't agree with you more.
I think it's interesting looking back to when I first saw this movie with my mom. I was pretty young and honestly kinda liked Gothel, while my mom was much more keyed into her behaviors and actively hated her. It's an interesting thing, in retrospect, that Mother Gothel's manipulations worked on children through the screen.
Very interesting! This makes sense. People who display Mother Gothel’s behavior tend to be able to charm the socks off of anybody.
The worst part of gaslighting is after you've gotten away from the gaslighter, you are constantly questioning your sanity, your memories, your emotions, everything. It's constant "Am I overreacting?" "It's probably not that bad." "I don't need help." "It's not abuse if you never hit me."
It makes you feel insane, because it stays. It stays forever and you can never really trust yourself or anyone else ever again.
Shit, didn't know this was even a thing. I think I know someone who was going through it and neither of us realised until she left him. Wow.
Goodness read my mind...
You kind of start gaslighting yourself and belittling yourself
@@rabab5208
Yeah...
Yep, my first instinct when someone hurts me no matter is “this is my fault.” I have to call my friends and tell them what happened and they have to explain to me how it’s not my fault because sometimes I can’t tell.
what really gets me is that at the end when mother gothel falls out of the window, rapunzel reaches out to her. it really shows how it takes a long time to really heal from a gas lighter in your life, especially if they were a parental figure.
Yes! i love that they added it. despite knowing what mother gothel subjected her to for years, she still cared for her, and that couldn't be immediately undone. definitely one of my favorite disney films
Same icon!!
@@jordie37 woah 😳
They also subtly showed this through the fact that Flynn and Pascal were the ones who caused her to fall out the window, not Rapunzel.
reading these comments and realizing there's actually moms who unironically sang "mother knows best" to their children is horrifying.
I'm sorry what, seriously??
My mother did it a lot
@@alstaka4375 Are you okay hun? Do you need a hug?
My mom sang it a little bit after the movie came out and tried to scare me sometimes by trying to pretend she was brushing my hair and creepily singing flower gleam and glow. She doesn't do it anymore, since I didn't ever really find it funny. :/
@@dianamorillo8606 thank you for your concern. No, I'm not okay. It took years of gaslighting and the tangled movie as a teen to realize how similar of a situation I was in. To therefore realize it was **bad**. Especially since my mother at the end of the movie didn't really understand how Mother Gothel was a villain. On the initial watch she was honestly encouraging her.
Trapping your kid at home because the big bad world is so scary, saying you can't do anything to protect you. Wanting to do literally anything makes you a horrible being. Your only purpose is to do what they say and be an accessory to make them look better for the public and nothing else. Feeling like a doll with no personality or self worth.
Unlike rapunzel whose overcome alot, I'm slowly dipping my toes. Even as a grown woman I haven't really escaped. Somehow I'm still trapped and it's frustrating.
Just doing my best for now. But man this video just made more emotional today.
hi. that bit about how it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means they're not safe for you -- that rang true. it resonated. it was something i needed to hear. thank you.
You're welcome :)
Not to mention, in the series, it was confirmed she had a daughter before she stole Rapunzel, and abandoned her to go after Rapunzel. This is why she is the WORST villain in my eyes.
(Edit: I hate to be the annoying person to label my edits but I had to write these three things:
1. Yes, the series is canon. The original creators worked on it, as well as the actors. If you don't like it, this is not the place to voice your opinion. Some people like it, some people don't.
2. I'm sorry to all of you in the replies that had parents like Gothel. My heart goes out to you.
3. Yeah, Gothel, Frollo, and Cruella De Vil are the three worst villains
Right? She's an all-around garbage human.
Lol Cassandra
@@PhoenixRising87 I know. Malificent doesn't stand a chance against Gothel. Cassandra and Rapunzel deserved better. I don't blame Cassandra's Dad for not sticking around with THAT bitch.
Good villain bad person
A daughter that she åretty much treated like a servant.
The quick talking, the rolling or the eyes, the constant and yet subtle form of degrading…no wonder she scared me so much as a kid, she’s the most life-like Disney villain we’ve had in a while
This film
is apparently too Violent for little kids.
I remember hearing how a lot of people had got up and walked out of the theater early in the movie because the Mother Gothel scenes were too real and traumatic that they couldn’t keep watching. That’s how well Disney nailed it.
she's the scariest villain because she can exist in real life
I really don't know why but the realism is what bores me out from her. To me her scenes were the most boring ones among many Disney films, so much that i remember finishing the film and thinking "cute but boring"
@@saracecchinelli3740 I can see where you're coming from but to me, it didn't seem boring. It seemed menacing and threatening. To see someone who didn't rely on magic but just pure cunning and manipulation. To see how her brain worked and how she orchestrated everything was fascinating to me the first time I watched it, and it still is.
Loved when Eugene used his last breath to cut the hair and set Rapunzel free. Her well being was a priority in their relationship.
I think it was also redemption for him cause he spent so much of his life being a selfish jerk and now he could finally give something back.
@@homelesshannah50 You know that is a good point and it shows his character arc that he could change and seek redemption unlike mother Gothel who chose not to change.
More than his life .. he deserves rapunzel
I love that!
My fav disney male character so far
Thank you, guys! I checked the article and realized my boyfriend was a gaslighter on 11/11 and he was completely abusing me. I didn't recognize that before because my family was very abusive too and I didn't know that. I watched the movie when I was 10 and I got very obsessed with it, I watched until memorized the entire script. Today, 12 years later, I understand the deep meaning it has to me.
it's good that you recognized this, that's the first step to breaking the cycle and getting out of those relationships. How are you doing now?
I have to say, Flyn cutting her hair in the end was the best use of "character cuts hair and becomes a new person" trope. Her hair was the reason why she suffered all along and was abducted from her family.
As much as I hated that as a kid, it’s very true, it has a beautiful message!
Yes, I just wish he'd done it after Rapunzel healed him. Mother Gothel could have inflicted harm upon Rapunzel afterwards just to be spiteful (similar to other abusers with the "if I can't have you, no one will" mentality). Luckily though, she was more concerned about the cut hair, which led to her literal downfall. But I believe the writers chose to do it that way to show Rapunzel what true love was and the sacrifices someone who truly loves you would be willing to make.
Well too bad the hair grew back again lol
@@scarletbailey6086 It lost it’s healing powers, and was cut again.
@@scarletbailey6086 that's new hair, new life
In reality, this story is horrible, imagine the trauma after going through this for years...
it is meant to be realistic.. and many people can relate to it :')
I domt have to imagine ahahaha
We just have for the last 4 years with Trump.
my reality
stay strong everyone whos going through the same thing
I’ve always thought mother Gothel was the most evil Disney villain. She never even calls rapunzel by her name she calls her flower. Proving that the only thing she cares about is rapunzel’s hair
No, she does, but mostly when she's criticizing her.
@@muaoribia4140 yes when she’s “affectionate” she calls her flower and never by her name
It's funny that you mention this because that's something a lot of gaslighters do. They never call you by your name and only use it when they're criticizing you because they don't see you as another human being, just something to get what they want. When they use your name, they know that it'll hit a nerve somewhere. So, they use that to their advantage when you're not being compliant with what they want from you. I was in a relationship with someone who was abusive and a gaslighter and I know of multiple other people that had this same thing happen to them
To be a little fair for real mother may have called her that too because a flower saved her life, but it would've been a loving tone towards the daughter herself, not towards the flower powers from her hair
OK so this may be random but my name Kirsten Lee-Ann
I watched this video with my mom. She’s gaslighted me for nearly 19 years and watching this finally helped me to realize what she’s really like. I still love her but it’s hard to trust her when I can tell she’s gaslighting me on a daily basis.
I hope you heal and look for psychotherapy. I'm hoping and praying for your family relationships to not deteriorate, is saddening if that's the case...
There's nothing wrong with loving someone but not trusting them if they have shown they're not deserving of your trust
"Ugh now *I'm* the baad guyyy"
Wow how familiar
Or in real life someone might say "I'm just the worst" and it's like "Yes. Exactly!"
@@miniaturerose2805 I've had both those lines parroted to me!
Ugh I had a stepdad that would feel attacked if I cried because I felt guilty about not doing something. Everytime I would tell him that I cant control it and that it's not that bad, but would say that I'm trying to make him feel bad. He would just get frustrated at me instead of trying to understand or help why i felt a certain way about something. I had pretty bad anxiety for context and was bad at confrontation. A lot of things you would get onto me about I already beat myself up about constantly and I was beginning to struggle with depressive tendencies. My parents didnt see therapy as that helpful unless I was really bad and the phrase "do we need to take you to a hospital" felt like a threat or a sign I was overreacting. He was brought up with an aggressive parenting style that focused on authority. It wasn't until senior year of high school that I even considered I might have an anxiety disorder and thought that it was just the way I was.
@@Kimmie6772 I'm sorry about that but hope you are in a good place now. I can't claim abuse in my case but I do know what it's like to be invalidated. Painful.
“Now I’m the monster 🙄”
Because of this movie is why I have trust issues. I was watching it with my mom and noticed. “Why is mother gothel the bad guy? She does everything my mom does and my mom’s not bad.” And then I thought about it. “She’s the bad guy and she does everything my mom does.” Yeah that went well. But at least from a young age I learned that her treating me like that wasn’t normal.
I did the same thing! I was six when this movie came out (wow I feel old, I thought it came out when I was at least a little older) and the first time I watched it I was like "wait, but that's how mom and grandma act. why is she a bad guy?" It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that what my mom and grandma were doing was textbook manipulation.
@@gracienoble2880 so glad I’m not the only one 😅 so weird how a movie can change you like that
You dont know you are being manipulated especially at such a young age. I was by my dad. He would take me and show me large groups of people and say they were talking about me. I could never live on my own. I was too stupid. I was always the one who was a bad person and in trouble, although I tried so hard to be a good kid. Told other people I treat him bad. "See how she treats me?" I never even learned to strike a match until after I was married. He called it love and protection. Until I left, I didn't understand. I took time to think about everything and decided never to gaslight my kids. I respect my parents, I help them when they need it but I can leave when I want. I still hurt. It probably always will, but I stop the gaslighting here. I am his last victim.
Same. This movie came out when I was 5 and I never quite understood why Mother Gothel was the villain here since I noticed that that was how my mother acted as well. She would tell me that out of all the characters in the movie Mother Gothel was the best and her favorite song was "Mother Knows Best"- at times, she would also use this song to reprimand me because my opinions, in her eyes, were not "right". And since, no one told me or saw what she was telling me, I agreed with everything she said as if I was a mini-her. Mother Gothel was my favorite character in Rapunzel and I hate to recognize that...
It took me years after I heard of narcissists and watching this movie to fully understand and accept that my mother was a narcissist of her own kind.
Living with a narcissist is a form of Hell on Earth.
“I’m a horrible daughter.” Ooof that hit me in the heart as a daughter of a gaslighter.
Same
While all your life in school you would hear about how people would wish to have a daughter like you. Like really, thanks to those comments I was finally about to see where the problem actually lyed.
Same
friendly reminder to you or whoever else is reading this that youre not a terrible daughter/son/person, and even the best of us fall for gaslighting and the like
Me too...
Me too 🥺😮
Something small I just noticed, the way a certain line is delivered in Mother Knows Best. "Stop no more you'll just upset me". She doesn't actually care, she just wants Rapunzel to care
"The world is full of horrible, selfish people..." It's the one time that Mother Gothel tells the truth, and she's talking about herself.
Yep!
Takes one to know 👏
They do love to do that. :(
Worddd
Narcissistic people project a lot
"She's a cultist" this is even better because, in the animated tv series that finished this year, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (which I highly recommend if anyone hasn't seen it it's got marvelous characters, songs, animation, and story) Gothel is revealed to literally be a part of an actual ancient demonic cult group basically
@@N1K-15 It’s related to an ancient demon who wanted the Sundrop/Sunflower and another object of power. It’s a very good show, and I don’t wanna spoil much ^^
I agree. Tangled the series is worth watching
D:
Hmmm, it's been a long time since I saw a Disney movie based series. I guess I should check it out. Where can I find it? Is it viewable for free online somewhere?
@@purplekitti5784 I know it's available on Disney+ but that's not free. I think you can torrent the whole thing!
As a former Disney employee, I can tell you almost every Disney movie has at least one scene where the villain is illuminated by light that is that same hue of green
And straights against curves! When you have something that works, it just works...
Every Villain Is Lime
Your not wrong when I think of scars scene he is illuminated by green light while dancing with the hyenas
Green is EVIL
What about Hans?
It's funny, my mom loves "Mother knows Best", both of us always knew that it was blatant gaslighting, and it took me years of living alone and many months of therapy to realize that maybe, just maybe, my mom has been gaslighting me for most of my life...
Literally my mother heard the song and got so excited and started singing it and saying "you see??"
@@sadgecat588 what a way for her to avoid shame lmao
Possibly she went through the same from her mother.
I just remembered my mom who constantly gaslights me used to sing this song all of the time
The scene where Flynn cuts Rapunsels hair was beautiful. My husband tried to help me see the truth about my family and this scene parallels the sacrifice loved ones go through to help someone who is being decieved.
Literally cutting off the one thing that Gothel could use Rapunzel for in order to save her from a life of misery even at the cost of his own... That scene has got to be one of my favorite ones to ever exist in Disney!
It was also incredibly symbolic in the sense that now all of that burden, weight and past has been cut free and she now has a future to grow with herself. Cutting the hair in many cultures can be symbolism for moving on from the past, maybe it's not really the point but that's what comes to my mind.
@@wonkybeans damn, didn't catch that even though it's a very common cliche I see in anime 😂
As a child, I took as Eugene cut her hair not because he prefers her as short hair but because he doesn't desire her hair at all and can live without it and the way he touches on to Rapunzel's face and slightly removes the hair symbolizes that he wants to see the real Rapunzel rather than the hair which is what people know her as and the only thing that Gothel see her as (I'm contrast, Eugene touched her face and removed her hair while throughout the movie, Gothel always looks at Rapunzel's hair first when checking on her)
I also took it as a way for the people to try and see a different kind of Disney ending. Since most of the time, we get to see the way they're advertised as pretty princesses and stay that way at the end of the movie. In Beauty and The Beast, we see Beast turn into an attractive human at the end, in Princess and The Frog, we see them turn into human but in Tangled, we only see and know Rapunzel as the "girl with long hair" so I saw the ending as a way to make the audience decide if they only care for her long hair (like Gothel) or will they accept the new short haired Rapunzel
@@remyhavoc4463 Oh yeah, that's definitely one way of looking at it. I bet I can count the number of people who watched Tangled, whose first words about Rapunzel after seeing her weren't 'she has such beautiful hair' on one hand.
been there with my bf, five years of this scene. he is really thankful now, but I am not sure I would go though this again.
Oh my gosh, I never noticed that eugene pushes the hair out of her face while Gothel kisses it! What incredible attention to detail!!
WAIT OMFG I NOTICED HE MOVED IT BUT I DIDNT EVEN PUT THAT TOGETHER WTF. THATS SO WHOLESOME.
Me neither.
@@LowSlungBadBitch Nice.
Language though.
@@greggeverman5578 My language?
I've made up my mind: This is the best Disney romance
"I now realize I've probably been gaslighting my dog."
This, one and all, is a literary device known as "the hook."
Oof make sure u stop doing it
One of my parents had untreated BPD, and I recognized so much of their behaviour in Mother Gothel. Especially the denial of real events. I remember getting a voice-recording pen to record when my parent said things and then denied them later. But even when I played the recording back to them, they said "that's not what I meant", and that I was twisting their words, and it made me feel insane. Everything I said was wrong. I refused to attend a family event one time, because they had recently blown up at me for refusing to talk to them, and I didn't want to be around them at the time. They cancelled the entire event, saying "I ruined it", simply because I did not want to attend. They made everyone angry with me. They always said, "what is wrong with you?", "are you autistic?" (derogatory), and "I'm shocked you have friends, with how you behave!" when I simply didn't want to talk to them to avoid confrontation. The "Mother Knows Best" song is still very difficult to watch.
I love the moment when Flynn says “a little rebellion is good, healthy even” because it is statement suggesting that rebellion is a natural part of life.
It is. 😂😈
It truly is. I grew up basically in a controlling household but goddang is my stepmother a gaslighter lol she fucked my childhood up and iam still suffering from it. But at least iam starting to get rebellious later on.
@@eafesaf6934 Yea g-good. *DID I MUMBLE*
EXACTLY
"Growing up" is essentially understanding which rules no longer apply to you. The minute you realize you can cross the street alone. This often (but not always) comes with a little rebellion.
The scary thing is that mother Gothal will say things like:
-flower
-pet
And this is a sign she doesn’t see her as a person but as an object or something she owns.
Edit: omg thank you so much for the huge amount of likes!
Oh god
i- woah 🧍🏾♀️
Whenever she says anything complementary it's also to her hair (usually touching it as well), and whenever she says anything derogatory it's to her face (either direct eye contact, being in Rapunzel's personal space, or touching her skin).
@@eaglefan2569 this is also why I love Eugene because whenever he goes to kiss her or talk to her he will move the hair out of her face. Showing he doesn’t care about the hair. I LOVE HIM...SO MUCH.
And in the movie, whenever she tells rapunzel she loves her in any way, she’s staring at her hair, not at her.
I'm now noticing how slightly alarming it is that when I first watched Tangled with my mother she always spoke about how much she loves Mother Gothels]'s character and that 'Mother knows Best' was her favourite song from the movie. She even used that song against me at times when I disagreed with her.
Fuck I am sorry for you
😯😯😯😯😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 wow I keep hearing this and story in the comments. Crazy how blind people are and justify their terribleness. Sad
My mom just likes the song "Mother Knows Best" should I be worried?
@@denim2132 as long as she doesn't like the lyrics too much, no
@@denim2132 It depends. I'm no therapist or anything but just watch her behaviour I guess? See if she uses it against you or smth, idk
Just a note: "I love you most" is actually towards rapunzel's hair... she only says it while looking at the hair, and every compliment she ever gives is towards said hair.
I had to scroll way too far to find this
what a great observation!
Hands down mother gothel is the best villain ever. She’s everything you wouldn’t see in a typical villain and she’s very realistic.
Edit: Lol I love how all of you brought up Frollo as well. He's one of the best too. I love how they showed his internal battle with lusting for Esmeralda. This is something that is a common battle for people in the Christian community. It was interesting to see the hunchback of notre dame touch on this.
She’s the villain almost everybody faces
ABSOLUTELY, not only that, but it is genuinely scary how she took care of rapunzel ALL of her life and never felt actual love for her.
Any other typical disney villain would've been like "I can't kill her I'm already attached"
She is completely devoid of a motherly instinct and that is chilling
True
Her and Judge Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dam. They’re terrifying because what makes them evil actually exist. Real life villains.
@@eeklee8980 was about to comment Frollo, i saw that a long time ago but i still remember how good (meaning well written evil) he was.
There are also those moments where Gothel says something to Rapunzel before claiming that she's only teasing, and Rapunzel looks confused and upset. Gothel praises Rapunzel for managing to pull her into the tower every day since it seems exhausting. After Rapunzel says it's nothing, Gothel playfully asks why it takes so long before telling Rapunzel that she's just teasing, and Rapunzel laughs with her but clearly hesitantly. Then when they're in front of the mirror and Gothel tells Rapunzel she's a smart, confident, and beautiful young lady, Rapunzel visibly perks up. But then, Gothel goes, "Oh look, you're here too," pointing at Rapunzel's reflection. Rapunzel is hurt by it, but Gothel says she's just joking and that Rapunzel should stop taking everything seriously. Later, as Rapunzel tries to tell Gothel that she wants to see the lanterns for her birthday, Gothel tells her to stop mumbling since she hates it and it's annoying. Then, without warning, she flips the script, says she's teasing, that she loves Rapunzel, and goes off acting like it didn't happen. The sad look on Rapunzel's face afterward tells you everything.
I've heard stories of parents and family members doing this kind of stuff to their kids to "toughen them up" since "teenagers are cruel," "the adult world is cutthroat," "the older you get, the less your feelings matter," and "no one likes a crybaby." The adults say they want the kids to grow a backbone and that they're doing the kids a favor since teens in high school will say similar things if not worse, and they don't want their kids to give other people excuses to look down their noses at them. Preparing kids for the grown-up world is one thing, but these are shameful and deluded methods that make adults bullies themselves; it's the outdated "tear someone down to build them back up stronger" philosophy that often does more harm than good.
I totally agree. It’s never truly a way of “toughening up” the child. It’s just a way for them to get away with insulting their child. There are many ways for your child to toughen up without belittling them. And that’s such stupid reason (like, “teenagers will be worse”? What? Some can be jerks but most teens have grown up enough to not treat others like crap. Yes, some are mean, but that’s such a weird excuse to me to say “well, I’m bad but people you haven’t even met yet will be much worse” like what???) and it irritates me. Children are very precious to me and the fact that some people treat their own like crap “in the name of love” boils my blood >:(((
@@oncefortwice1389 Yeah and the people who do this may even call it "tough love." As if they even know what that means.
Exactly, instead what they should be teaching their children is how to avoid people who belittle them or how to respond to it in a way that doesn’t tear themselves down. All the parent is doing is bullying them while the child has to learn how to “cope” on their own which causes all sorts of issues.
Adversity toughens you up. Betrayal weakens you.
My father did this to me daily and it emotionally crippled me....lucky im strong enough to fight against it every single day
this may seem far fetched but the scene where mother gothel got old and dying, rapunzel reached her arms out to maybe try to save her when she fell out of the window represents how the victims of abuse still have the sympathy or feelings for the abusers even though they already realized that they are being abused. wc is rlly sad.
Yes
!!
I mean she still raised Rapunzel and took care of her for years. She was abusive and selfish, but it would kind of heartless to wish that she died.
@@wesleywallace4426 I don't think it would be heartless, honestly. An abusive "parent" can "take care of you for years" while also being extremely cruel, and that abuse can reasonably lead to some very negative feelings towards the abuser. It's not necessarily heartless to wish that your abusers were dead
@@wesleywallace4426 personally I disagree. Wishing them death is pretty nice Imo. Plus the person being abused will just have many problems in life due to the abuse. It’s life long that will always stay, they can become more functional of course. Although that pain will never go away which I find even more cruel. It would just be sad if they didn’t know they were abusing their kid(s) or actually thought they were doing what is best for them.
That was my exact thought seeing that. Even with everything Mother Gothel did she was still her mother her whole life, and losing that one person she trusted all that time must've been pretty overwhelming for Rapunzel. But at the end of the day, it opens the way forward for her to build her own life.
1:08 Actress Dame Angela Lansbury, who played in the 1944 version of Gaslight by George Cukor, has passed away yesterday on the 11th of October 2022. My condolences to her loved ones. As you can see, even the early films she has played in are still relevant 🙏🏻
I remember spending time at a friend's house as a kid and watching insane levels of gaslighting and emotional manipulation used between EVERYONE. It felt like nothing was ever done out of genuine love, care, or responsibility, but always out of guilt, anxiety, or anger.
What made me realize was when he would come over to my house and say "It's so peaceful over here...."
It's the FOG; Fear, Obligation and Guilt
Damn. This comment sent shivers down my spine. I'm so glad I grew up around a stable and loving family.
Owh.. Is he okay right now?
Thats why I never liked the family reunions with grandma... both grandmas
Oh my god that is scary to think about, is your friend ok?
So glad I quit my shit job that would do this to everyone. It’s crazy how standard gaslighting is from employers.
We bought pizza! Now get back to unpaid OT.
Same here at my job sadly my boss is the gaslighter and it isn’t even just with work but personal business and life too
I think most military orgs do this to recruits. That "tear them down to build them up".. up to what they need.
You'll find it most wherever there's hierarchies and dependency. Parents, bosses, relationships with uneven power dynamics.
Well damn, what a coincidence.
Interesting detail I noticed: during "Mother Knows Best", Mother Gothel repeatedly extinguishes the candles within the tower, which may actually be a direct reference to "Gaslighting".
Gothel also closes the windows to not let the light (which represents knowledge in the "Mother Knows Best" song) to reach Rapunzel.
In the song, the light from outside represents knowledge of the outside world, while the candlelight represents Rapunzel's own thoughts and opinions of the world. The only light (knowledge) Gothel wants Rapunzel to see (believe) is the candlelight lit by Gothel (as shown in the "SKIP THE DRAMA, STAY WITH MAMA" part of Mother Knows Best) and the sickly green lantern light near the end of the movie when Rapunzel goes back to the tower.
gasunlighting
Yeah I think she hits 11/11 points because the writers specifically looked them up in developing her character
I'd say it was more to highlight that she was keeping Repunzel in the dark.
@@alicjak700 still fun to read into in all the ways though. I like both.