Hi Van! Can you get more Black hoodies in large sizes? I have been saving to get one, I got the money now. Please get more black hoodies in more sizes. Thanks and love the short films(hate to put video tag)
My mom told me when I was little that she didn't want me climbing trees because I could get hurt but that she couldn't tell me not to climb trees because she did so when she was young and enjoyed it vary much. So she said listen up and I will tell you how to climb trees the rules you must follow and how to judge if you can trust a branch. Also letting me know the consequences of falling out of the tree. She said there was 3 1 - I fall out of tree and break a bone and spend a long time in pain and healing 2 - I fall out of the tree and became paralyzed either unable to use my legs or even my whole body and get stuck in a chair the rest of my life needing help like a baby 3- or I could fall out of the tree and die which then I would be in no pain but leave my parents and older sister with the pain of my death and guilt. And that I would also have to realize I would have died falling out of a tree and that vary embarrassing. Yes my mom told me as a toddler that falling out of a tree and dieing is vary embarrassing for me not her because I would have caused my mother pain that she would have to live with every day of her life. She also told me she won't be climbing trees with me due to bad back. My mom always told me the truth vary matter of fact when I was growing up. She taught me how to be safe and how to determine risk factors and determine if I was able to do something and decide if I wanted to take the risk. I started cooking eggs by myself at age 2. She was a great teacher. My mom was cool I remember when I was 5 and my mom was worried because I was sick and had a high fever and she tried all the different ways to break it and they didn't work. she looked me in the eyes and said if this fever doesn't break soon because you have had to long I will have to take you to the hospital before you're brain overheats and you get brain damage. So she took me to the back yard and had me run as fast as I could and that did the trick. Mom said if that didn't work we would have gone straight to the doctor.
As a Scoutmaster of 20+ years, and as a father who raised 4 sons, I can definitively affirm that boys never lose their fascinations with fire in varying forms. Based on his other fascinations you have shared here, my experience would indicate he will always enjoy fire. My experience also teaches me that all boys love at least these three things inherently; 1. Fire. 2. Throwing things/making projectiles. 3. Fart humor.
evolutionary males tend to gravitate towards two things instinctively.. 1. projectiles (most sports revolving around throwing, launching etc.) 2. digging holes.
@@fourthpanda from an evolutionary study boys do tend to instinctively have two traits passed down. for the last 100K years. 1. projectiles (sports, hunting, tossing a ball etc). 2. Digging holes.
@@rmhfpv9225 I reject this assertion with no studies to back it up other than my own experience. My sex is male and I was socialized as one (to be fair I'm a trans woman though) and I have a burning hatred for sports. I've also never dug a single hole.
Pro tip: it’s not too late to develop these curiosities and build resilience as an adult. Will have to check out the book recommendation - thanks, Van!
As a 21 year old and fellow spirited man who wants to be a father someday, this eases my nerves a bit. I fully plan on letting my kid(s) work with and around me while I’m in the garage with power tools and everything; I feel like there will be no greater joy than my child showing interest in what I do. This video gives a fantastic pointer: just stay calm.
@@determineddad7935 good job bringing children into the world who are going to suffer the slow and painful death of the earth and end of society due to climate change
When I was a kid, I used to go into my dad's shop and turn on his radial arm saw ... and just sort of play with it - turning it on and off, pulling the saw back and forth like he would do when he was actually cutting pieces . I even took my friends down there a few times and demonstrated the terrifying power / noise of the saw. It was impressive :) One day, I got caught - it was the end of the day - he had just come home from work - and I could see how pissed he was (probably mostly tired after a long day) to find me fucking around with his saw. He was angry - I could see it - but he kept it in and he walked over and said : if you want to use that - you need to be wearing these safety glasses ...and you never EVER put your hands here - and pointed at the path of the blade. He walked off to get dinner. A few days later (I think ) he brought me down while he was working on some project and asked me to help him while he was cutting some wood for a project. Flash forward a few decades -- I don't wait around for my kids to mess around with the dangerous tools out of curiosity -- they put on the glasses and get some lessons :)
For me it was insecurity that I inherited which is hard to unlearn. I have always taken the easy or predictable route in life decisions. I wish I could take bigger risks.
Same here how I was raised. My mom was overprotective about everything. It was always I'll drown, I'll get kidnapped or have brain damage. I grew up insecure and timid. Never a big risk taker or being uncomfortable. Took me alot of my adulthood to slowly overcome. Now as a father to a son, I'll not raise him that way. Like Van here I let him climb ladders, use fire, cook, and use tools(all under closet supervision of course).
I had a different experience with the same outcome. My mother loved me. She encouraged anything creative I did back to kindergarten. She absolutely knew I was the next Steven Spielberg. I was one of 6 at the time. She once handed 4 children paint brushes and dayglow paint, sent us into the bathroom and said paint it all. All included an antique clawfoot iron bath tub worth thousands of dollars...painted with nonsense...that I'm talking about 50 years later. She attended every one of my highschool football games...I was a running back and could hear her voice in the crowd when I was at the bottom of the pile. She encouraged me till the day she died to follow my passion. Unfortunately during that same time my parents divorced. She moved 6 kids as far away from my father that provided dry land. my mother beat me. She stabbed me multiple times on two occasions...before I was a teen. We lied about how it happened...hid it from my father. Within 18 months I was on my own. After the games she went home and I went to my friends house where I slept on a couch. One of three I called home during high school. Because friends miraculously helped me, I was completely unaware of the fear that would become the cornerstone of my life. I was loved, valued and utterly intolerable and worthless. The best explanation was, I was most like my father who broke her heart. However fear is instilled in a child it has to be undone and eradicated. And its never too late to be different. I'm 59 years old and I'm an artist/maker for almost 4 years now...not making a living yet but getting paid for having fun. The rest of my family is whole and mostly happy. Eradicate fear in children....its more harmful than a burn, or cut or fall. Even if it kills you. Die Trying
This one really hit home. That psychologist's statement on the ski lift is completely opposite of how I was raised. My parents were and still are fearful, paranoid, sheltered people. Everything was a worst case scenario, I wasn't allowed to do anything normal as a child. It got into crazy territory with weird superstitions and health falsehoods as well. That combined with my father being useless around the house and he never had a good set of tools to teach me with. I lived vicariously through other families, other kid's dads. I snuck around, lied. My father's friends (pilots, motorcycle racers, sailors, skiers etc.) taught me more than he ever did whenever they came by or I spent time with them. My mother and grandmother were obsessed with illness and death. If you left the house something or someone would kill you. If the temperature dropped you would get seriously ill.
Your Spirited Tot! I was a bit older than him but not much bigger when I was making something out of scrap aluminum and wood in my dad's lab. I was using the drill press. Dad was near by. A lady poked her head in and said, "Should HE be playing with that?" My dad sat back in his chair. "Well. There are 4 ways people get hurt with those. One is to touch the bit. For that, we put on a bandaid and he'll be better tomorrow. Two is for the bit to break or for a piece of chip to hit him in his eye, but he's wearing safety glasses. Three is for The bit to catch in the work piece and rip it out of his hand, but he has it heavily clamped. (I already had that accident) Four is for the shirt or tie to get caught in the spinning machine and pull him into the machine, but you'll notice he's not wearing either of those." She went away in a huff.
Great video! My daughter's primary school was Steiner/Waldorf. They encouraged kids to climb trees but stipulated that they will need to climb down on their own. Noone ever fell. A lot of parents will not blink when they hand their small kid an iPad or an iPhone, which could turn into a much more dangerous tool!
As an ADST (Applied Design, Skills, and Technology) Elementary school teacher (yes, it's a job and I love it!), I approve and want to amplify this message! Tools (even power tools), autonomy, some level of risk, independence, and trusting ones self are things that I encourage in my classroom! Thanks for sharing, Van!
Yeah you can't roll in here and drop a fake fantasy dream job bomb and just stroll out without explanation. Inquiring minds need to know. HUH? Where? and some details please. If such a job existed when I was young I may have paid attention in school.
@@gcalonzo ADST is a subject in the school curriculum in British Columbia :) I taught coding for a non-profit before going to teachers college so that might have helped a bit but really it was luck and learning on the job.
@@nedanother9382 It's real! I'm at an independent school in British Columbia and ADST and Outdoor Education are important parts of the curriculum here :) I agree, though, it does feel like a dream job most days.
Good job! Some Montessori concepts. Our daughter did your son's experiences here. She lit candles and fireplaces without taking her eye off of the flame. She climbed trees maintaining 3 points of contact. When we said "cuidado" she knew to stop, something was unsafe.
Our girl also learned to light candles and use matches around 2 1/2 years old. Reason one: It‘s fire! Reason two: She is fascinated by fire 🔥 but also learned how to use it in a controlled way. Much safer than the other way round :)
Good!! me and my brother learnt to light matches sneaking and out of own curiosity and we almost burnt some bedsheets we were hiding in. Twice, two different days
I like how we felt you struggle a bit for a couple of months and how these latest videos feel refreshed and fun, we now see you come out the other way stronger.
what a great video.... my stepdads twins are being raised the same way, both of them are now 6 and they are so unbelievably confident, focused, skilled & strong. Its crazy how much this affects them at such a young age
Get that boy skiing next year. There’s nothing like being a master of the mountains to build confidence and be aware of their self in place. By the time he’s six you’ll have complete and total freedom of the hills. Having the confidence to ski down something you could never even walk or climb down it’s just amazing. What a tribute to any guard to create a lifelong skier… Good luck
My little boy is 3 also. Will be 4 in April. We live in the country with land and tons of trees. He is a huge climber as well. Also we build with a drill as well. Also he has been taught to use a hand saw with extreme caution and supervision. Cooking with me with the stove, and jacking up lawn mowers. All done with supervision while teaching him the importance of safety and takin your time. Keep up the great work dad!
Watching this and when you got to the number 1 thing that scared you the most which is fire, I remembered your experience with Casey in the old footages You two making an advertisement for a bag with a bunch of fireworks and nearly burned your whole studio lol And also that one picture of you and Casey lighting a fire drum like a hobo while burning papers INSIDE of your studio
I did this with my kids religiously. Things have turned out well! I enjoyed the phrasing on "Teach your kids to master their environment", I will use that when necessary like your Dr. friend on the lift.
I grew up in a 1860s farm house that my father and I completely rebuilt. Like from the foundation to the roof. Cantilevered the porch roof the same year we dug a new septic system when the old one collapsed. I didn't realize that soldering copper and pulling cut nails out of old oak 2x8s as a child would give me the knowledge and confidence to do anything.
Thank you for another great video. My favorite video of yours is the one with the Walt Disney bench. There is a moment where X tells you that he is scared and your response is “it’s okay to be scared” That moment resonates with my own upbringing a lot, X then asks you if you are scared and asks if he should help you. Great kid you and Isabel are raising
I used to be your kid. I still am. I’m inspired by you, bob dylan, George Orwell, Noam Chomsky, your brother and so many other luminaries. I broke my foot jumping off rock climbing wall. I built precarious structures to climb on. You’re doing an amazing job parenting him. He will learn from every experience. He will view each moment as objectively as you do when climbing or playing with fire. Bravo. Keep inspiring me.
I was a recipient of such coddlement and I must say, I had to graduate myself from hand holding to find my own strength and courage to learn how to solidly walk in life. It has not been easy.
I highly recommend getting a simple kids electronics kit as well! I defiantly remember the learning process of understanding how a circuit works to this day and find that it adds to the skills list that your son will be able to understand in the future.
You are such a good story teller Mr. Neistat. That quick little bit when you start to describe a compound fracture (also known as an open fracture) was gold. Thank you for this.
FYI the much safer and less messy way to heat those Pop Pop boats is to slice a small section off a candlestick and expose some wick. (Basically make a mini tea light). Place it in the tray and you have a much more controlled and longer lasting flame that stays under the boiler.
You are fucking awesome Van! My kids were not coddled. They didn't get a trophy for less then stellar work. They learned to work hard to win that trophy!
I f*** love your videos! It made me teary eyes, when the little boy managed to get the balls on top of the fence! What a great experience this must have been for him!
Yes. Lots of yes. I gave my daughter a pawn shop mini makita disassembled the entire thing and painted it hues of pink for her third birthday. Love seeing your vids.
When i was 4 years old and just learned to bike without support wheels and my dad took me up a hill. On top of the hill i asked if i may ride my bike down the hill on a fairly steep slope. Dad gave me an OK. I went down full speed and fell off my bike at the bottom. When i came home all dirty but very proud I of course told mom about our little adventure. My mom was furios on my dad for not stopping me. Today 34 years later I would say my dad was right. I've had mountain biking as a important hobby for decades and it might just be because of that specific moment.
I was raised by farmers around exceptionally dangerous heavy equipment and it instilled a profound respect for being aware of your surroundings and innate risk assessment. It also demonstrated that age is no substitute for temperament; most 10 year olds are much more trustworthy operating heavy equipment than 18 year olds. 10 year olds are still concerned with holding your esteem and will operate machinery with caution and respect, while the teenager is falsley confident in their mastery of all things and will blithely power through any obstacle with brute force.
Luv this...we are the latch key generation and were always left to fend for ourselves and look at how resilient we are. Your son will have that too. I used to go to Dads workshop (aircraft engineer) in my overalls around 3-4 yrs old and would spend hours by myself playing with the tools. Best thing ever!! I love working with my hands and making stuff.
100% how I have parented my 4 kids and they are amazing people as they head into teen age years. Generally I have at an reasonable age (3) explained there could be consequence to their actions but they make the choice if they are safe or not. Well now you should see my 10yr old climb! He's impressive with his skill. The downside is the other conversation we have with our kids.... "if what you are doing makes another adult nervous please stop until they are gone."
My dad let me play with his hand tools and then power tools when I was pretty young, not three, but certainly from 6 on. I learned to respect and feel comfortable with them, fast, and that has been with me ever since.
My dad and grandpa had me using power tools as soon as I was strong enough to pick them up. It's awesome that you are teaching him the proper way to use the things in his environment to further himself instead of freaking out about everything!
👍🏾👍🏾 "This toy teaches him situational, awareness... and firefighting." 🤣🤣 Mouhahahaha You're a great fella Van. Especially for realising not to project your {INSERT NEGATIVE EMOTION} on to him.
I also live by the mantra of not projecting my fears onto my children. It's so easy to do, overreact to a situations. I've learned that you must take a breath before talking or reacting.
Another great video. Many kids are exhibiting unfavorable traits as a result of coddling parents. Helicopter parents as we call them. I do my very best to remind myself to take a step back and let kids be kids and not be afraid of risks. It is tricky to find the balance of protecting and over protecting.
Hilarious and heartfelt. My personal favorite episode of yours so far. We're an artist family with a two year old and we allow our babe to play the way we like to play as well. It's fun for all, kids can handle it and they are learning incredible skills along the way. Awesome job. Love watching videos of real families.
Agreed! I'm a fan of one word comments, even when I ruin it with more words. I fully agree with the use of the "dangerous" thing to make it less dangerous when in future use solo (fire).
My three year old (almost 4 now) loves power tools. We sat and built her bed together when she upgraded to the big girl bed. She had a great time with the drill and power driver tightening the bolts. My old man always reminds me of when I was 2 and he had me sat on a six foot scaffold with a piece of wood, a bag of nails and a hammer. I didn’t get any nails in the wood but I did a lot of hammering and never fell off.
When my daughters were 3, they were riding mini bikes without helmets in a hay field all summer. In shorts and tank tops no pads usually bare foot. They drank water from a garden hose. As they got older they rode in back of pickup trucks stayed out till the street lights came on. I considered myself a mother of the times. But! My children are in their 40s. They survived the dangers of sharp corners and no child licks.
It reminds me of those baby walkers on wheels at the top of the stairs and then one day a baby fell down the stairs and died. They removed wheels after that. That is progress, and toy improvement. But I get the concept from the original comment. Sometimes, we need to let kids be kids. We have to project safety but not put our kids in a safety bubble
As a GenXer, who grew up in rural Montana I cannot remember any time that I was not allowed to play with dangerous toys or situations. If I wanted to use a tool in my dad's shop, he simply showed me (pretty much anything short of the table saw or Skil saw until maybe age 7). If I wanted to cut something with a knife I was given one appropriate to the job. I carried a pocket knife from kindergarden through every grade (and so did every other boy), and on to this day. My parents got me swimming lessons at age 4 or 5 and I paddled around by myself on an old surfboard in the irrigation ditch and could swim like a fish in lakes and rivers by age 7. I learned to shoot a gun safely very early on. I made my own throwing knives and ninja stars. I played with fire (Sorry Van, it never becomes boring) and fireworks (that either). We had a two story house with a two story barn separated by about 10ft with a large walk way with no railings between the two. My dad installed a PVC covered fire pole next to the walkway and that was the quickest, and most fun way to get the 10ft down to the ground, used by myself and all the neighbor kids. That's not to say that there weren't situations which scared my parents. I just don't remember being told that I was not allowed to use something or do an activity because it was considered too dangerous.
Back when my oldest boy was about 3-4 years old, he would climb ANYTHING he could and then leap...just jump off the thing, or try to jump to another thing. A small part of me cringed a little, but I let him go nuts. In most cases it was just furniture, or a stump, or a small wall or some playground equipment. Sometimes he would biff it, but 9 times out of 10...he got up laughing and would climb right back up for the next jump. When he would nail the landing or would make the jump from one thing to another, you would think he had just won an Olympic goal medal! He was so fired up about it...it was awesome! Same kid (while a bit of a crochety teenager now)...fearless!
Dear Van, I've been meaning to thank you for all of the work that you've shared. Every single piece posted on this channel is beautifully crafted by too many facets to list. Some serendipitous timing that life just dished up in my world coincided perfectly with the advice you were given at 1:24 in this video. Which prompted, for the first time, an urgent need to extend that heartfelt thank you. A little tip down from the corner of prescription shop glasses to you-Spirited Man. (Wrote this comment at that timestamp before I continued) Cheers.
I agree 100%. He will learn to master his environment. You supervise as his skill set improves. Boys love fire. He needs to use and respect it. Same with tools.
The compound fracture remark was the little bit of extra effort that makes a Van Neistat video a spirited video, and even more entertaining than it already was to that point.
Really good stuff. It can be really difficult as a parent to let your kids just learn on their own. This continues even when they are adults. You're trying to help them avoid the pain of failure. However, failure is the lesson.
When i was a kid i used to help my dad do diy. When he plumbed in a bathroom he used to let me help him solder the joints. He’d hold the blow torch and I’d hold the solder.
You are a good father! My two sons are 27 and 21. I have done similar things with them for same reasons. It is a very healthy way to bring up future human race!
Lenore Skenazy has been on this for decades and it's how I was raised. I sometimes look back at all the times I could have died and my mother says "but you didn't". I'm in my 50s now and I have many stories for the road and a few scars.
damn, this video is really amazing. I keep a stack of lime green post it notes on my work desk. They seem to keep my life in order. I also dedicate a few to writing down thoughts and feelings that set my mind right. If I think or hear something that I feel I need to remember, I'll write it on one of these post its. "you are the master of your environment. Do not fear it." is a on my wall now. thanks.
My biggest parenting pet peeve is kids eating on plastic or drinking out of plastic. The cute plastic dishes for toddlers are made of melamine. Melamine is toxic when heated. My kids are all grown up and I can't think of one broken dish or glass.
Hi Van, I’d love if you could compile a book list of influential books you’ve enjoyed, especially ones you’ve mentioned in your videos. Thank you as always for making a video that keeps me thinking.
Van, you’ve done it again. Intriguing, funny, loving. All in one video? For free? Amazing job. I think the message in here is vital for all kids. I’d like to add that it’s ESPECIALLY important for parents with young girls. There’s no reason any gender should be raised to fear fear differently!
I’ve been doing all these things and more with my kids and now my 7 year old son is implicitly trustworthy and streetwise. There are huge benefits to not coddling your kids.
The absolute best thing to tell your kids is not "be careful" but *how* to be careful. If they're climbing, tell them they need 3 points of contact. If they're jumping, remind them crumple on impact to reduce the force. With blades, be aware of the cutting edge and not just where it is, but where it's going. Know what things could be hot, and put your hand close to it first to see if you can feel heat. That teaches them not only the skills they need, but also how to approach new situations. If they aren't sure about something, they can try the various things they know work.
That is exactly how I was raised back in the 90s and i loved it you learn so much from such a young age and I feel that the few people I know who were raised the same are more practical and work with their hands better and also get hurt less when working and doing stupid stuff
"When it scares me to death, I have to be sure I don't project my fear on to him." - Bless you Van, I'm over 30 years old and still get projected fear from one parent. I took up rock climbing to try and normalize it for THEM (it's also pretty fun), but well, they're more concerned about nomadic life compared with the status quo and all that shit. Well I guess it's time to watch Ponyo
Van, you're my favorite type of artist -- one who is connected with life and society that you (creatively) point out its bullshit for what it is, instead of the type of artists who is so disconnected with society (a sign of an ideologue by the way) that they are constantly creating the bullshit. The first type of artist I love and the world should revere and learn from. The second type ... ehhhh. not so much. Unfortunately, society isn't smart enough to know the difference of which one to choose to admire, make famous and put in place of leadership positions to help the world.
T-Shirts & Sweatshirts: spiritedman.com
I wish I had the money. Love your vids man!
Hi Van! Can you get more Black hoodies in large sizes? I have been saving to get one, I got the money now. Please get more black hoodies in more sizes. Thanks and love the short films(hate to put video tag)
sounds like this needs a complementary video: how do you help your kid assess risk?
My mom told me when I was little that she didn't want me climbing trees because I could get hurt but that she couldn't tell me not to climb trees because she did so when she was young and enjoyed it vary much. So she said listen up and I will tell you how to climb trees the rules you must follow and how to judge if you can trust a branch. Also letting me know the consequences of falling out of the tree.
She said there was 3
1 - I fall out of tree and break a bone and spend a long time in pain and healing
2 - I fall out of the tree and became paralyzed either unable to use my legs or even my whole body and get stuck in a chair the rest of my life needing help like a baby
3- or I could fall out of the tree and die which then I would be in no pain but leave my parents and older sister with the pain of my death and guilt. And that I would also have to realize I would have died falling out of a tree and that vary embarrassing.
Yes my mom told me as a toddler that falling out of a tree and dieing is vary embarrassing for me not her because I would have caused my mother pain that she would have to live with every day of her life.
She also told me she won't be climbing trees with me due to bad back.
My mom always told me the truth vary matter of fact when I was growing up. She taught me how to be safe and how to determine risk factors and determine if I was able to do something and decide if I wanted to take the risk.
I started cooking eggs by myself at age 2. She was a great teacher.
My mom was cool I remember when I was 5 and my mom was worried because I was sick and had a high fever and she tried all the different ways to break it and they didn't work. she looked me in the eyes and said if this fever doesn't break soon because you have had to long I will have to take you to the hospital before you're brain overheats and you get brain damage. So she took me to the back yard and had me run as fast as I could and that did the trick. Mom said if that didn't work we would have gone straight to the doctor.
“Teach your children to be the master of their environment, not to fear it”. Incredible advice, this video got me nostalgic of my upbringing.
U ghey
Mine to!
I got nothing more to say but that I survived....
Yeah, incredible advice on how to produce a dead child.
As a Scoutmaster of 20+ years, and as a father who raised 4 sons, I can definitively affirm that boys never lose their fascinations with fire in varying forms. Based on his other fascinations you have shared here, my experience would indicate he will always enjoy fire.
My experience also teaches me that all boys love at least these three things inherently; 1. Fire. 2. Throwing things/making projectiles. 3. Fart humor.
This is a generalization. "Boys" are not monolithic.
Definitely number 3
evolutionary males tend to gravitate towards two things instinctively.. 1. projectiles (most sports revolving around throwing, launching etc.) 2. digging holes.
@@fourthpanda from an evolutionary study boys do tend to instinctively have two traits passed down. for the last 100K years.
1. projectiles (sports, hunting, tossing a ball etc).
2. Digging holes.
@@rmhfpv9225 I reject this assertion with no studies to back it up other than my own experience. My sex is male and I was socialized as one (to be fair I'm a trans woman though) and I have a burning hatred for sports. I've also never dug a single hole.
Pro tip: it’s not too late to develop these curiosities and build resilience as an adult.
Will have to check out the book recommendation - thanks, Van!
You’re gonna love this book!
Amen! 🤺♻️⚠️
Thank you for this.
I love these kinds of videos so stinkin much.
Well right back at your content Mr.McConnell. Been loving it for years also. It’s honest and authentic too.
Like nothing else on youtube, so nice to watch :)
I've been binge watching your videos, and I will have to say I love yours!!
As a 21 year old and fellow spirited man who wants to be a father someday, this eases my nerves a bit. I fully plan on letting my kid(s) work with and around me while I’m in the garage with power tools and everything; I feel like there will be no greater joy than my child showing interest in what I do. This video gives a fantastic pointer: just stay calm.
Dear Van, you've just taught me how I wanna raise my kids in a couple of years! great video, as always:)
don't have kids
@@elemenopey He can do whatever he wants
@@determineddad7935 don't have kids
@@elemenopey Too late bro
@@determineddad7935 good job bringing children into the world who are going to suffer the slow and painful death of the earth and end of society due to climate change
When I was a kid, I used to go into my dad's shop and turn on his radial arm saw ... and just sort of play with it - turning it on and off, pulling the saw back and forth like he would do when he was actually cutting pieces . I even took my friends down there a few times and demonstrated the terrifying power / noise of the saw. It was impressive :)
One day, I got caught - it was the end of the day - he had just come home from work - and I could see how pissed he was (probably mostly tired after a long day) to find me fucking around with his saw.
He was angry - I could see it - but he kept it in and he walked over and said : if you want to use that - you need to be wearing these safety glasses ...and you never EVER put your hands here - and pointed at the path of the blade. He walked off to get dinner.
A few days later (I think ) he brought me down while he was working on some project and asked me to help him while he was cutting some wood for a project.
Flash forward a few decades -- I don't wait around for my kids to mess around with the dangerous tools out of curiosity -- they put on the glasses and get some lessons :)
So true. My parents projected their fear onto me and it is pretty much impossible to unlearn it no matter how hard I try.
For me it was insecurity that I inherited which is hard to unlearn. I have always taken the easy or predictable route in life decisions. I wish I could take bigger risks.
Same here how I was raised. My mom was overprotective about everything. It was always I'll drown, I'll get kidnapped or have brain damage. I grew up insecure and timid. Never a big risk taker or being uncomfortable.
Took me alot of my adulthood to slowly overcome. Now as a father to a son, I'll not raise him that way. Like Van here I let him climb ladders, use fire, cook, and use tools(all under closet supervision of course).
I had a different experience with the same outcome. My mother loved me. She encouraged anything creative I did back to kindergarten. She absolutely knew I was the next Steven Spielberg. I was one of 6 at the time. She once handed 4 children paint brushes and dayglow paint, sent us into the bathroom and said paint it all. All included an antique clawfoot iron bath tub worth thousands of dollars...painted with nonsense...that I'm talking about 50 years later. She attended every one of my highschool football games...I was a running back and could hear her voice in the crowd when I was at the bottom of the pile. She encouraged me till the day she died to follow my passion. Unfortunately during that same time my parents divorced. She moved 6 kids as far away from my father that provided dry land. my mother beat me. She stabbed me multiple times on two occasions...before I was a teen. We lied about how it happened...hid it from my father. Within 18 months I was on my own. After the games she went home and I went to my friends house where I slept on a couch. One of three I called home during high school. Because friends miraculously helped me, I was completely unaware of the fear that would become the cornerstone of my life.
I was loved, valued and utterly intolerable and worthless. The best explanation was, I was most like my father who broke her heart.
However fear is instilled in a child it has to be undone and eradicated. And its never too late to be different. I'm 59 years old and I'm an artist/maker for almost 4 years now...not making a living yet but getting paid for having fun. The rest of my family is whole and mostly happy.
Eradicate fear in children....its more harmful than a burn, or cut or fall. Even if it kills you.
Die Trying
This one really hit home. That psychologist's statement on the ski lift is completely opposite of how I was raised. My parents were and still are fearful, paranoid, sheltered people. Everything was a worst case scenario, I wasn't allowed to do anything normal as a child. It got into crazy territory with weird superstitions and health falsehoods as well. That combined with my father being useless around the house and he never had a good set of tools to teach me with. I lived vicariously through other families, other kid's dads. I snuck around, lied. My father's friends (pilots, motorcycle racers, sailors, skiers etc.) taught me more than he ever did whenever they came by or I spent time with them. My mother and grandmother were obsessed with illness and death. If you left the house something or someone would kill you. If the temperature dropped you would get seriously ill.
Your Spirited Tot! I was a bit older than him but not much bigger when I was making something out of scrap aluminum and wood in my dad's lab. I was using the drill press. Dad was near by. A lady poked her head in and said, "Should HE be playing with that?"
My dad sat back in his chair. "Well. There are 4 ways people get hurt with those. One is to touch the bit. For that, we put on a bandaid and he'll be better tomorrow. Two is for the bit to break or for a piece of chip to hit him in his eye, but he's wearing safety glasses. Three is for The bit to catch in the work piece and rip it out of his hand, but he has it heavily clamped. (I already had that accident) Four is for the shirt or tie to get caught in the spinning machine and pull him into the machine, but you'll notice he's not wearing either of those."
She went away in a huff.
Great video! My daughter's primary school was Steiner/Waldorf. They encouraged kids to climb trees but stipulated that they will need to climb down on their own. Noone ever fell. A lot of parents will not blink when they hand their small kid an iPad or an iPhone, which could turn into a much more dangerous tool!
As an ADST (Applied Design, Skills, and Technology) Elementary school teacher (yes, it's a job and I love it!), I approve and want to amplify this message! Tools (even power tools), autonomy, some level of risk, independence, and trusting ones self are things that I encourage in my classroom! Thanks for sharing, Van!
How does a current elementary school teacher become an adst elementary school teacher?
Yeah you can't roll in here and drop a fake fantasy dream job bomb and just stroll out without explanation. Inquiring minds need to know. HUH? Where? and some details please. If such a job existed when I was young I may have paid attention in school.
@@gcalonzo ADST is a subject in the school curriculum in British Columbia :) I taught coding for a non-profit before going to teachers college so that might have helped a bit but really it was luck and learning on the job.
@@nedanother9382 It's real! I'm at an independent school in British Columbia and ADST and Outdoor Education are important parts of the curriculum here :) I agree, though, it does feel like a dream job most days.
I have a little boy, the same age. I love these videos. "To be the master of their environments - not to fear it"
Good job! Some Montessori concepts. Our daughter did your son's experiences here. She lit candles and fireplaces without taking her eye off of the flame. She climbed trees maintaining 3 points of contact. When we said "cuidado" she knew to stop, something was unsafe.
8:52 cracked me up. Love your videos, never stop
Our girl also learned to light candles and use matches around 2 1/2 years old.
Reason one: It‘s fire!
Reason two: She is fascinated by fire 🔥 but also learned how to use it in a controlled way.
Much safer than the other way round :)
Good!! me and my brother learnt to light matches sneaking and out of own curiosity and we almost burnt some bedsheets we were hiding in. Twice, two different days
I like how we felt you struggle a bit for a couple of months and how these latest videos feel refreshed and fun, we now see you come out the other way stronger.
Being a parent is also being a teacher, and you sir are a good one!
Thanks for this! I’m 41 with 2 kids, 3 and 1.5 year old. And this hit me right where I needed it!
what a great video.... my stepdads twins are being raised the same way, both of them are now 6 and they are so unbelievably confident, focused, skilled & strong. Its crazy how much this affects them at such a young age
Get that boy skiing next year. There’s nothing like being a master of the mountains to build confidence and be aware of their self in place. By the time he’s six you’ll have complete and total freedom of the hills. Having the confidence to ski down something you could never even walk or climb down it’s just amazing. What a tribute to any guard to create a lifelong skier… Good luck
My little boy is 3 also. Will be 4 in April. We live in the country with land and tons of trees. He is a huge climber as well. Also we build with a drill as well. Also he has been taught to use a hand saw with extreme caution and supervision. Cooking with me with the stove, and jacking up lawn mowers. All done with supervision while teaching him the importance of safety and takin your time. Keep up the great work dad!
Watching this and when you got to the number 1 thing that scared you the most which is fire, I remembered your experience with Casey in the old footages
You two making an advertisement for a bag with a bunch of fireworks and nearly burned your whole studio lol
And also that one picture of you and Casey lighting a fire drum like a hobo while burning papers INSIDE of your studio
the only parenting content a father needs. helping our children to turn fear into power and power into respect!!!!
You really forget all these moments your dad teaches, that you just take for granted but are so fundamental in living...
3 year old learning to play with fire; a lot LESS dangerous than a 13 year old learning to play with fire when you're not there.
Love it! This is exactly how I want to parent my kids one day
I did this with my kids religiously. Things have turned out well! I enjoyed the phrasing on "Teach your kids to master their environment", I will use that when necessary like your Dr. friend on the lift.
I grew up in a 1860s farm house that my father and I completely rebuilt. Like from the foundation to the roof. Cantilevered the porch roof the same year we dug a new septic system when the old one collapsed. I didn't realize that soldering copper and pulling cut nails out of old oak 2x8s as a child would give me the knowledge and confidence to do anything.
I couldn't agree more. It makes them more independent and confident also. I'm 70 and i raised all my kids that way.
Thank you for another great video. My favorite video of yours is the one with the Walt Disney bench. There is a moment where X tells you that he is scared and your response is “it’s okay to be scared”
That moment resonates with my own upbringing a lot, X then asks you if you are scared and asks if he should help you.
Great kid you and Isabel are raising
Love it man! My dad raised me up around tools building sets for plays, was helping him make cuts on a miter saw at age 5-6, still got my 10 fingers.
4:58 WOW so many childhood memories came back to me with this simple boat. And the quote from Ponyo. Thank you so much, for that.
I used to be your kid. I still am. I’m inspired by you, bob dylan, George Orwell, Noam Chomsky, your brother and so many other luminaries. I broke my foot jumping off rock climbing wall. I built precarious structures to climb on. You’re doing an amazing job parenting him. He will learn from every experience. He will view each moment as objectively as you do when climbing or playing with fire. Bravo. Keep inspiring me.
I was a recipient of such coddlement and I must say, I had to graduate myself from hand holding to find my own strength and courage to learn how to solidly walk in life. It has not been easy.
I highly recommend getting a simple kids electronics kit as well! I defiantly remember the learning process of understanding how a circuit works to this day and find that it adds to the skills list that your son will be able to understand in the future.
You are such a good story teller Mr. Neistat. That quick little bit when you start to describe a compound fracture (also known as an open fracture) was gold. Thank you for this.
FYI the much safer and less messy way to heat those Pop Pop boats is to slice a small section off a candlestick and expose some wick. (Basically make a mini tea light). Place it in the tray and you have a much more controlled and longer lasting flame that stays under the boiler.
Thank you! Love this!
You are fucking awesome Van! My kids were not coddled. They didn't get a trophy for less then stellar work. They learned to work hard to win that trophy!
I f*** love your videos! It made me teary eyes, when the little boy managed to get the balls on top of the fence! What a great experience this must have been for him!
Yes. Lots of yes. I gave my daughter a pawn shop mini makita disassembled the entire thing and painted it hues of pink for her third birthday. Love seeing your vids.
When i was 4 years old and just learned to bike without support wheels and my dad took me up a hill. On top of the hill i asked if i may ride my bike down the hill on a fairly steep slope. Dad gave me an OK. I went down full speed and fell off my bike at the bottom. When i came home all dirty but very proud I of course told mom about our little adventure. My mom was furios on my dad for not stopping me. Today 34 years later I would say my dad was right. I've had mountain biking as a important hobby for decades and it might just be because of that specific moment.
Great father, great teacher, a great mentor. A bond that can not be broken!
I was raised by farmers around exceptionally dangerous heavy equipment and it instilled a profound respect for being aware of your surroundings and innate risk assessment. It also demonstrated that age is no substitute for temperament; most 10 year olds are much more trustworthy operating heavy equipment than 18 year olds. 10 year olds are still concerned with holding your esteem and will operate machinery with caution and respect, while the teenager is falsley confident in their mastery of all things and will blithely power through any obstacle with brute force.
Good for you. He’s learning what a child should learn. His good fortune to have you as his father.
6:08 that was for sure Casey´s laugh, i think
Luv this...we are the latch key generation and were always left to fend for ourselves and look at how resilient we are. Your son will have that too. I used to go to Dads workshop (aircraft engineer) in my overalls around 3-4 yrs old and would spend hours by myself playing with the tools. Best thing ever!! I love working with my hands and making stuff.
100% how I have parented my 4 kids and they are amazing people as they head into teen age years. Generally I have at an reasonable age (3) explained there could be consequence to their actions but they make the choice if they are safe or not. Well now you should see my 10yr old climb! He's impressive with his skill.
The downside is the other conversation we have with our kids.... "if what you are doing makes another adult nervous please stop until they are gone."
sick palm strike at 2:27 good form
My kids were using power tools about that age. Safe projects and supervision and they totally get it!
My dad let me play with his hand tools and then power tools when I was pretty young, not three, but certainly from 6 on. I learned to respect and feel comfortable with them, fast, and that has been with me ever since.
My grandfather teached me working with tools early on. This helped me out all my life.
My dad and grandpa had me using power tools as soon as I was strong enough to pick them up. It's awesome that you are teaching him the proper way to use the things in his environment to further himself instead of freaking out about everything!
👍🏾👍🏾 "This toy teaches him situational, awareness... and firefighting." 🤣🤣 Mouhahahaha
You're a great fella Van. Especially for realising not to project your {INSERT NEGATIVE EMOTION} on to him.
I also live by the mantra of not projecting my fears onto my children. It's so easy to do, overreact to a situations. I've learned that you must take a breath before talking or reacting.
Joined Patreon at 4 18 this morning. Thank you,
thank you for the time.
Yessss... Love the drill tips. I've got them using it but never thought of the bit with the sliding collar.
Another great video. Many kids are exhibiting unfavorable traits as a result of coddling parents. Helicopter parents as we call them. I do my very best to remind myself to take a step back and let kids be kids and not be afraid of risks. It is tricky to find the balance of protecting and over protecting.
Hilarious and heartfelt. My personal favorite episode of yours so far. We're an artist family with a two year old and we allow our babe to play the way we like to play as well. It's fun for all, kids can handle it and they are learning incredible skills along the way. Awesome job. Love watching videos of real families.
Agreed!
I'm a fan of one word comments, even when I ruin it with more words. I fully agree with the use of the "dangerous" thing to make it less dangerous when in future use solo (fire).
My three year old (almost 4 now) loves power tools. We sat and built her bed together when she upgraded to the big girl bed. She had a great time with the drill and power driver tightening the bolts. My old man always reminds me of when I was 2 and he had me sat on a six foot scaffold with a piece of wood, a bag of nails and a hammer. I didn’t get any nails in the wood but I did a lot of hammering and never fell off.
That opening dialogue was spot on!!!!
When my daughters were 3, they were riding mini bikes without helmets in a hay field all summer. In shorts and tank tops no pads usually bare foot. They drank water from a garden hose. As they got older they rode in back of pickup trucks stayed out till the street lights came on.
I considered myself a mother of the times. But! My children are in their 40s. They survived the dangers of sharp corners and no child licks.
It reminds me of those baby walkers on wheels at the top of the stairs and then one day a baby fell down the stairs and died. They removed wheels after that. That is progress, and toy improvement.
But I get the concept from the original comment. Sometimes, we need to let kids be kids. We have to project safety but not put our kids in a safety bubble
As a GenXer, who grew up in rural Montana I cannot remember any time that I was not allowed to play with dangerous toys or situations. If I wanted to use a tool in my dad's shop, he simply showed me (pretty much anything short of the table saw or Skil saw until maybe age 7). If I wanted to cut something with a knife I was given one appropriate to the job. I carried a pocket knife from kindergarden through every grade (and so did every other boy), and on to this day. My parents got me swimming lessons at age 4 or 5 and I paddled around by myself on an old surfboard in the irrigation ditch and could swim like a fish in lakes and rivers by age 7. I learned to shoot a gun safely very early on. I made my own throwing knives and ninja stars. I played with fire (Sorry Van, it never becomes boring) and fireworks (that either). We had a two story house with a two story barn separated by about 10ft with a large walk way with no railings between the two. My dad installed a PVC covered fire pole next to the walkway and that was the quickest, and most fun way to get the 10ft down to the ground, used by myself and all the neighbor kids. That's not to say that there weren't situations which scared my parents. I just don't remember being told that I was not allowed to use something or do an activity because it was considered too dangerous.
As a dad, this made me so happy.
1:25 so good, so true, so awesome!
I am so happy to have been raised a free-range kid. Keep it up!
Back when my oldest boy was about 3-4 years old, he would climb ANYTHING he could and then leap...just jump off the thing, or try to jump to another thing. A small part of me cringed a little, but I let him go nuts. In most cases it was just furniture, or a stump, or a small wall or some playground equipment. Sometimes he would biff it, but 9 times out of 10...he got up laughing and would climb right back up for the next jump. When he would nail the landing or would make the jump from one thing to another, you would think he had just won an Olympic goal medal! He was so fired up about it...it was awesome! Same kid (while a bit of a crochety teenager now)...fearless!
Already doing some of these things with my kids. You've just given me the impetus to commit with intentionality. I appreciate it.
Favorite part: "Now we have the balls"
“It’s far better to render Beings your care competent than to protect them.”
Dear Van, I've been meaning to thank you for all of the work that you've shared. Every single piece posted on this channel is beautifully crafted by too many facets to list. Some serendipitous timing that life just dished up in my world coincided perfectly with the advice you were given at 1:24 in this video. Which prompted, for the first time, an urgent need to extend that heartfelt thank you. A little tip down from the corner of prescription shop glasses to you-Spirited Man.
(Wrote this comment at that timestamp before I continued) Cheers.
You are a great dad, I love the way you raise your son.💕
I agree 100%. He will learn to master his environment. You supervise as his skill set improves. Boys love fire. He needs to use and respect it. Same with tools.
The compound fracture remark was the little bit of extra effort that makes a Van Neistat video a spirited video, and even more entertaining than it already was to that point.
Really good stuff. It can be really difficult as a parent to let your kids just learn on their own. This continues even when they are adults. You're trying to help them avoid the pain of failure. However, failure is the lesson.
Loved your patreon!
you are teaching him all of the lessons I wish I was taught. this will put him ahead of so many people
When i was a kid i used to help my dad do diy. When he plumbed in a bathroom he used to let me help him solder the joints. He’d hold the blow torch and I’d hold the solder.
You are a good father! My two sons are 27 and 21. I have done similar things with them for same reasons. It is a very healthy way to bring up future human race!
Lenore Skenazy has been on this for decades and it's how I was raised. I sometimes look back at all the times I could have died and my mother says "but you didn't". I'm in my 50s now and I have many stories for the road and a few scars.
This is beautiful! Will apply this attitude when the situation emerges.
Parents are often highly skilled at projecting fears onto children. Causes all sorts of nastiness and harmful decision-making later on.
damn, this video is really amazing. I keep a stack of lime green post it notes on my work desk. They seem to keep my life in order. I also dedicate a few to writing down thoughts and feelings that set my mind right. If I think or hear something that I feel I need to remember, I'll write it on one of these post its. "you are the master of your environment. Do not fear it." is a on my wall now. thanks.
Mother! You are freaking the child out!
We are all taught to be afraid of everything. This is a means of control.
Definitely great advice for parents! Don’t freak out!
Brother Man! You are too effing awesome for making this!
My biggest parenting pet peeve is kids eating on plastic or drinking out of plastic. The cute plastic dishes for toddlers are made of melamine. Melamine is toxic when heated. My kids are all grown up and I can't think of one broken dish or glass.
Same!
Hi Van, I’d love if you could compile a book list of influential books you’ve enjoyed, especially ones you’ve mentioned in your videos. Thank you as always for making a video that keeps me thinking.
Loved this video. Thanks for sharing such intimate and special moments of your son with the world for the sake of sharing and teaching.
Van, you’ve done it again. Intriguing, funny, loving. All in one video? For free? Amazing job. I think the message in here is vital for all kids. I’d like to add that it’s ESPECIALLY important for parents with young girls. There’s no reason any gender should be raised to fear fear differently!
I’ve been doing all these things and more with my kids and now my 7 year old son is implicitly trustworthy and streetwise. There are huge benefits to not coddling your kids.
The absolute best thing to tell your kids is not "be careful" but *how* to be careful.
If they're climbing, tell them they need 3 points of contact. If they're jumping, remind them crumple on impact to reduce the force. With blades, be aware of the cutting edge and not just where it is, but where it's going. Know what things could be hot, and put your hand close to it first to see if you can feel heat.
That teaches them not only the skills they need, but also how to approach new situations. If they aren't sure about something, they can try the various things they know work.
The explanation of the pop pop boat danger made me laugh outload. Too good man.
That is exactly how I was raised back in the 90s and i loved it you learn so much from such a young age and I feel that the few people I know who were raised the same are more practical and work with their hands better and also get hurt less when working and doing stupid stuff
1:24 your job as a parent is to teach your children to be the masters of their enviornment not to fear it
"When it scares me to death, I have to be sure I don't project my fear on to him." - Bless you Van, I'm over 30 years old and still get projected fear from one parent. I took up rock climbing to try and normalize it for THEM (it's also pretty fun), but well, they're more concerned about nomadic life compared with the status quo and all that shit. Well I guess it's time to watch Ponyo
Van, you're my favorite type of artist -- one who is connected with life and society that you (creatively) point out its bullshit for what it is, instead of the type of artists who is so disconnected with society (a sign of an ideologue by the way) that they are constantly creating the bullshit. The first type of artist I love and the world should revere and learn from. The second type ... ehhhh. not so much. Unfortunately, society isn't smart enough to know the difference of which one to choose to admire, make famous and put in place of leadership positions to help the world.