How To Overcome Toxic People | Ryan Holiday | Daily Stoic Thoughts #18
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- Опубліковано 20 лип 2019
- Ryan Holiday discusses using stoicism and how to overcome toxic people.
Marcus Aurelius says "The best revenge is not to be like your enemy." The most important thing is to stop letting toxic people affect you.
Negativity can be difficult to handle, but if you're able to put the negativity in perspective, you will be better equipped for dealing with toxic people.
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Stoicism is a practical philosophy. It’s built for action, not endless debate. The main thinkers that the Daily Stoic focuses on in stoicism are Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca. The Daily Stoic is a guide to how to practice stoicism in your daily life, the daily routines of stoicism, and is a practical guide to stoicism. This channel is stoicism 101, it will tell you what stoicism is and how to be a stoic. Ryan Holiday has been practicing stoicism and writing about stoicism for more than a decade and his insights will give you guidance to practicing stoicism in your day to day life.
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Ryan Holiday has influenced the modern stoicism movement greatly. His books are read by modern stoicism's practitioners like Tim Ferriss, Robert Greene, Gary Vee, Andrew Kirby, and others.
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What are some of your best tips for dealing with difficult people?
Daily Stoic I’ve been dealing difficult people in my life and I am mastering it now.Dealing with Bullies even when you’re grown is the hardest specially when you’re working with them.
I quit my job recently not because of my job but I can’t deal constant bullying anymore.So yeah,walking away is the last straw I did.
I know I will meet another bullies in my life but I know how to deal with them and stand my ground but if my well being is compromised I know I have to do something about the situation.
I’ve “practice” forgiveness every time somebody will try to hurt me.But I can’t let anyone step all over me just because I forgive them.Sometimes walking away is the best thing to do.I’ve learned that most people are evil and whatever is inside them just spills all over and I am just grateful I don’t want to be like them.
Make them believe they are winning
Avoid avoid avoid
Dealing with a deep Narcist?Get out of their way or help bring them back to reality.(Robert Greene,Laws of Human Nature.)
@Wreck Tangle why? You come for the message... think about it. If you dislike Ryan just say fuck'em! But the mans message is on point. Control your emotions brother. Peace
The most fascinating thing about seemingly shameless people is, that they are the ones, who are deep down drowning in shame
No cause they don't have it. They'll more likely put shame to innocent.
@@mitchconnerandsometimesjlotoo But they are. Borderline personality disorder sufferers have shame and extreme insecurity as the root cause of their problems. Yet, they will be the worst, shameless people to deal with when they are 'in the mood'. They fight shame with shamelessness and being extreme jerks.
Seconded. I have BPD. I am the perfect arsehole, but it's not something I'm proud of. I can't get past what happened to me. Working on it.
@maboleth True. Have experienced it and is exactly like this.
Move on: vote with your feet. Do not enable sociopaths. Let them win the battle but lose the war.
This advice is cool, because it's something a person can just "knuckle down" and do.
And try to have compassion. Often people who act aggressively or rudely are struggling.
@@DailyStoic i love this line!!!
That's fair advice and all outside of work, but what if you work in the service industry? We can't walk away. That's why so many people in this industry get CPTSD. I wish workers got more support, recognition and respect.
“The best revenge is not to be like that” great line, very important lesson which I have to say I have work to do to succeed with this.
Would also be great if countries behaved this way on an international level but I guess not every country can have a leader like Marcus.
Same it's hard but i keep trying at it
@@savvageorge same for me. lot of work to do with this. the way I think is not how everyone think.
I agree ☝️ but who really appreciates a good person?? Only another good person who is not screwed up or a ahole person! And this is a small minority of people anyway!!!!
I have used this technique for years - especially in my job. I think "There are rude people in the world. This is one of them". Then I just observe them - like I would an animal in a zoo.
I employ a more comedic technique on the particularly abusive ones: I just imagine that the unpleasant sounds coming out of their face are farts. They have all of the characteristics of a fart. They are employed for the purpose of offering the 'farter' relief at the expense of everyone in the room. They are made up of air that will eventually disipate to nothing.
Sometimes I'm just straight-forward with them and say "I think you are upset - and want to take it out on someone - and I happened to be here." That usually shakes them back to reality.
Wow. I like to fart. 😂
I had to deal with a hole yesterday. I came here to get my thoughts straightened out. After the encounter, I decided the best thing is to walk away. And not get sucked down to their level. Stoicism works.
Hope you don't get stuck in an elevator with them.
That's why I'm here too! It does help!
What toxic people first do is, try to find your trigger buttons. So you should not show your emotion. That is why there is Grey rock tactics. But the thing is, you should never stay around that person. Once the person challenge you, even don't give them one peak or show emotion, just walk away and never come back. Treat them like you are even nobody and you are just disgusting and not worthy trash on the street that I just stepped over without knowing it. All Toxic people want is attention and control.
The ones I face are my relatives.
Stoicism in a nutshell:
You don't have to turn this into something, this doesn't have to upset you 🤷🏽♂️
What they don't know won't hurt them if they off my head.
Depends
And its the most effective if not one of the most.
Someone says something nasty to you because something Nasty is happenning within them.They need your love,compassion or distance.Do not let the spiral of nastiness suck you in.
-Sadhguru.
'You don't want an asshole to make you an asshole'
Love it 😂 Next time I'm wondering how I should respond to someone who's getting angry, I'll definitely remember this!
just shocks me how egoic and childish fully grown adults behave sometimes. the pain they must be in, crazy
I wish I could control my temper in that way, but it's easier said than done. Especially when someone is extremely rude, mean or selfish and then accuses me of being the one, to project their own being. I absolutely hate that feeling and in 7 out of 10 I will fall on their level.
"Have stronger pelvic muscles than them." Spot on!
Block emails, phone #s, and social media. I imagine a blue mantle of protection around myself as I am keep them at bay.
Oh right, tip. Ask the person how you can help them. I originally started doing this in a sarcastic way, as in, "Is there some way I can help you because there's no way all this bile you're spewing is because of just me," and even that worked quite well. When you figure out people have problems that aren't really about you, you stop the sarcastic part and genuinely ask them what you can do for them to make them fell better. It almost always works out well, but even when it doesn't, you feel good about it because you've been proactive not passive.
Sometimes, a person is acting cranky simply because they're hungry.
For me personally, most of the difficult people I have to face in my life are my customers. A lot of them are super entitled and some get an attitude when I can't help them enough despite trying the best I can. If I tried this on a Karen, I'd probably get a snarky response :(
@@neranderthal Yeah, true. That's a more complicated situation/dynamic there, especially if you're working for someone else. That said, if you're working for yourself, a lot of times being frank with a client is the best thing you can do. Half the time it changes their whole attitude toward you moving forward - for the better. The bad ones that don't come around will take their business elsewhere and you're better off for that, too. In fact, some people apply this as an 80/20 strategy and annually prune out the bad clients that take time and efforts away from the good ones.
i have a trick. i find that if someone is very rude its often down to another reason, something underlying. i always try to understand it is those rude (shameless, assholes) that are suffering. if i feel angry at something someone has said, i force myself to do the opposite of what i feel. i do something nice for them. a small gesture. i find this has very positive effects on both parties. although every person and situation is different so it must be judged correctly.
Stand your ground and move forward...
what if someone is constantly hurting you; hurting your self-respect; doing wrong just so you could fail. A bully who constanly keep hurting you. What to do in that situation, just because you are good doesn't mean people will stop hurting you. if you don't do anything, they might think you are weak physically and mentally. What to do in that situation
I agree when someone is repeatedly trying to put you down and you're forced to interact with them, you need a different approach.
I would write down responses to certain things they say or may say to you. Responses that will shame them for being an insecure bully and make it clear how pathetic they are for their behavior. If someone is bullying you, they are likely very insecure and use the opportunity to bully others in hopes that no one else notices the things about them they are ashamed of.
Laugh at them when you respond with what you came up with. They really do deserve to be laughed at as it is pathetic and worthless behavior
Sounds like workplace bullying. Do some research on it, look at your options.
You need tremendous sef discipline to carry this out, most times. It's hard to encounter a shocking asshole, who is thumping their chest, and not do or say something you regret. Good luck everyone
Good light ✨ 💖 💓 💛 💕 😍 2 you too.
I see this as we have two basic options: We can ignore, understand the inevitability of running into an asshole, and move on thereby preserving our own stoic nature (helping one person - Ourselves) OR We can calmly, you could say with a level of stoicism, punch them straight in the face thereby preserving and furthering all of humanity.
$
I don't drain myself with trying to put myself in someone else's shoes or being empathetic to their bad life, etc.
I just don't have the time or energy in my head or heart for that emotional exercise. However it costs me nothing to remain silent and keep my day going, so I choose that path.
Well, even stoics have a breaking point. I know, I reached it this morning. Couldn't shrug it off, so I handled it and went back to being a stoic. Am I sorry? Nope. Would I do it again. Yep.
I live by this. Unbothered is the only way.
I always try to put myself in their shoes to uncrease my compassion towards them. Also i think about "what can I learn these people" ?
Good to remember that most people who are acting unpleasantly are probably pretty unhappy.
Stoop to their level & you give them power over you !!
Physically
Perfect video, right words, straight to the point and it lasts 2 minutes. How lucky we are xD
Step up,speak up just once and stay silent, some people don't understand silence
~The best revenge is a success binge~
Thanks, that was actually very helpful. I like the idea about not letting the person affect you to the point where you end up doing the same. It can really be a struggle to not become aggressive yourself when it happens. It demands much more of your character to keep calm and be the better person. It’ll be sorted in time, the right way.
Sometimes you have to set a boundary. There are people in this world that will continue to test you for weakness if you act passive against them. It is good to follow the righteous path, but be prepared to stand your ground when these people try to take advantage of you. That way you only have to deal with them one time.
Agree with them about your faults and move on. It takes 2 different sides people to have an argument.
Very good advice sir! Thank you! I had this toxic co- worker and recently I almost played her game thought I probably toxify the toxic but stoic philosophy had taught me a lot... Not to become the shameless...
I think we just have to realise that people have issues, however it's not up to me to fix that. I've been alone for most of my life, it's not easy, however it's not easy being around A holes either. Lifes like a two edged sword, or put another way your caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Lifes like a box of chocolates you never know what your going get. People are complex, you just got to roll with the punches , however they are not permitted to use me as one. Punching bag that is. ♥️
Life is like a jar of Jelepeños. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
" Your boundaries become what you allow It into "
Method of negative visualization is quite beneficial for these kind of things for keeping your tranquility before during and after the exchange. BUT like marcus aurelius said, do not let them. Try to work towards the common good, but that is not always going to be with the nice way. Sometimes It is the most cruel things that serves to the common good.
The most important things is to be 0.5 . Dont over or under do It. Find the line. According to the stoics, anger is an unnatural thing to Nature. But In my opinion. If It elicits after or before something, realize that It is within your control to let go of the judgments or things which makes you angry. But during the exchange, use It at the right amount. 0.5 . Point it at the right target, at the right amount, at the right time.
This was a reminder for my self.
Thank you for this. I needed it today. Grateful.
You’re a life saver Ryan, really thanks for value able wisdom you offer.
Thank you Ryan! This is so timely for me! ❤️👍🏻
At the risk of being an asshole myself, I'd like to ask Ryan to read his books (for audiobooks) like this - in his normal speaking cadence. The audiobooks are painful to listen to in that "da-da-da" pause "da-da-da" pause "da-da." I"m glad I saw this Ryan because I really like this guy. Maybe I can go back to my audiobook of "Conspiracy" without gritting my teeth for a while.
Very good, work with my vision for now and my future. ´´Now is forever´´
Thank you Mr. Holiday. I needed this today. 🙏🏾👍🏾👍🏾 Keep up the great work as always. 💯
I love you so much Ryan. Thank you so much for all your work and your contribution. I'm gratefully, completely.
Your channel is awesome! Thank you❤️
Thank you ! Needed to hear this ~😊
Well according to my believe every person who does willfully wrong to other wilk suffer as much as they caused. So I think about it. Than I try to avoid them. If I can not avoid them I talk slowly and cold and make feel them I stand up. Thats it. Most important part is classifing the person you talk. Is he/she someone you can talk? Yes? Than be kind. No? Than not be evil in turn but avoid if you can if not than stand up for yourself.
It's against the law to stand up to them in my experience.
This is helpful and deep stoic wisdom. Thank you.
Good post. One request though for the camera work, if there could be a bit less ocean swaying that would make the video much easier to watch. Apologies if the feedback is unsolicited but I appreciate you and would rather tell you and potentially help than not.
Keep up the great work!
Thank you Ryan 👍
So good Ryan, much appreciated as always. Now more than ever really. You guys rock.
Thank you!
They are NOT who i want to be like. They won't move on and get lost.
Thanks to youtube, this suggestion came to me when I was dealing with a#@&$@_ co workers all day... Wondering how to keep my calm
Thanks Ryan
I am ancient of days. When I look back over my life I must admit that I dealt with a lot of a-holes and b-tches when I was younger, especially in the work-place. I have reached the conclusion that about 28-30% all people I have met over the years were HORRID people. I know not what makes them that way. Perhaps they were abused by someone in their past. I think the Stoic principle of indifference and silence is best in dealing with these prickly characters. Defending myself only gives them fuel and takes away my own power. I have heard it said that people hate you for three different reasons: 1. They are threatened by you. 2. They want to be you or 3.They are jealous of you When I think about these nasty people I can't help but think "And someone is married to this icky creature?"
Thank you, I'll be sure to double check on the 1/25 relative sociopathy per capita.
Ryan, I love your books and this channel... it keeps pulling me back, thanks a lot.
Thank you
A female shouted an epitaph at me while I was bicycling. I was stopped waiting for traffic to clear at a crossing.
My first thought was to thank God I was not her.
#humilityprayer
Thank you man
Nice.
What strategies do I use?
Depends on the person and situation.
If I'm not required to work with this person, I tend to ignore.
If it's someone I have to work with, I only interact when necessary.
No jokes or attempts to socialize at all.
Ryan could you please tell us how the stoics would helps us to not fear pain whether emotional, mental or physical?
My chiropractor said, pain protects.
@DailyStoic i'f been listining to youre content for a while now and it makes me a better man everyday. But there is something i wonder about? How do stoicism deals with the loss of a important person? Thanks for youre advice.
To be honest I stop following you on twitter because I thought you or 🤔 your friend were mean to me. I just wanted to follow you because I like the knowledge you provide for me but it is what it is and ty so much for the stuff I learn from you. Vivi
Ty
Great thoughts
Love it
Usually the biggest asshole narcissistic sociopaths are the most hurt and damaged. I try to think about-briefly-how bad things are or must have been to result in such a person. Ideally get away from them as fast as possible. Correct- your revenge is being kind to others. Evens the balance.
Misery loves company. They're on an island with people like themselves. They're busy conspiring to spear the outlanders.
The strange thing is...when you just want to be left alone and do your job and the world thinks you are an asshole for prioritizing something over them.
Abracadabra on paper. 🐸 🐸 in the blender.
Great video stud!
Nice one.
Ima write down every word - boundaries are crossed then I react in the wrong manner.
Good shit, you’re bettering yourself
I have a ABC method speak my truth, set boundaries and stand up for myself. It’s kind of hard when this is step parent
Be calm, rational, and in the moment. Then, point out there behavior to them in a way that will embarrass them; particularly in front of others.
Is that possible?
I work with a "shameless" person. I don't let him affect me, I do have to puty foot down occasionally but I do not get as wound up as my colleagues over it ie his behaviour.
No ads, please tell me this video isn't demonetised
Be a powerful stoic .
Okays I ignore it ,2nd time ignore it .
3rd time look I am good but not a doormat .
So,be strong and good .
And yes I know ego and power is bad we should be monk .
Yeh yeh leave everything and go to mountain and meditate sir
You are living as human with ego (You like it or disapprove it ,but hard reality)So use that ego in proper ways .
thank you
Thanks for watching!
My brother is toxic. He insults me everyday. I want to move out
💜
Met one yesterday
💘
❤
How would you adapt to a boxer who is cheating? like specifically?
There are so many assholes in the world that I'm pleasantly surprised when I meet a nice person.
To an extent I understand the importance of not letting anyone throw you off your game, but how can one lead a satisfying life when they spend it letting petty people taking hits from people you don't deserve?
I think, in such cases you have to distinguish between what's in your control and what's out of your control. You can't control that they're being rude to you, but you can monitor your own behavior and not let them get to your head
There is a person in customer service I dread who is always a downer. I thought it was just me, but learned he is like that with everyone. How did this person get a job dealing with the public in the first place? When I mentioned an upcoming national holiday, he could've said "Thanks" and left it at that, but instead he just decided to be contrairy. I offered some humor to lighten the awkward moment and got out of there fast before I became contaminated by his negativity.
Smile if that's all you got.
I'm a white person living in Africa and because I'm not wealthy I'm not living in the white enclaves with rich people but have to deal day to day with lower educated Africas who literally just see the colour of my skin, and see dollars. Stealing, being ripped off, fake friendship and begging is more than a daily occurrance. What's difficult is that many have cash, but they see white people as a 'mark'. What I find difficult is that it isn't irregular so I need strategies to put off the constant expectation that I'll pay for everything. I've tried calm explanations but actually it takes alot id time. I can give excuses, but it seems fake. It's still something I'm dealing with, and the problem isn't so much the cash, but the way you're looked at...not as a human, but just a sinple way of getting extra income. Sometimes I've been mad but trying to use Stoicism to cope with this and find a better reaction.
A friend told me “be glad God made people like that so you don’t have to be one”.
Each event of meeting a jerk is independent, meaning one occurrence does not affect the probability of the next. The likelihood of meeting a jerk remains the same each time. (sorry if this was jerky🤣)
💓
I hate Psychopath toxic bullies and that's my sister I've to deal with everyday I'm sick of her
I have a sister like that. The more I distance myself from her the more she involves other people to spread lies about me. There really is no dealing with these individuals. I've come to the end of all suggestions on what to do about it
@@VMM34 Really this is bullsh*t . We don't have enough social life but whenever we have to go somewhere talking sh*t about me is her favorite topic. There's no solution really next year I'm going university and I'm looking for international scholarships and if I didn't get international scholarship I will try to admission in different city so I can go to hostel. There's a stage where we can deal with this but can't forever I'm a human I have feelings can't ignore more😕
This material is a catalyst for growth and new perspectives. A book with like-minded subjects transformed my outlook and life approach. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Yesterday I met an asshole. An old classmate of mine.I smiled when he insulted me.
👍
Big ConZ!
Needed this today. Almost got in a fist fight with an asshole just looking to start shit at the gym. I need to be better at controlling my emotions. Today I was able to.
Good advice. But, encountering a sociopath does not reduce your chances of running into one the next time. That’s Gambler’s Fallacy.
what if it makes me feel like a coward?
1:01
Sometimes you have to call out rude unhelpful behavior
Affected: You suck!!!
Affector: Thanks. I need your money.
Affected gets sued for saying he sucks.
1:45 Being in a boxing ring and other boxer is cheating. That's going to change your strategy, but you learn from it, you figure out how to adapt to it, and you're made better because of that experience. (Bloodsport blinding powder cheapshot)
" The next person will likely not be a butt turd". . . I guess that's true with the law of averages but I was under the impression that every coin flip will always be 50% heads or tails, regardless of the previous result. If that is true, then the next person will still be 1:25 likely a sociopath, yes?