How to Stop Being a People Pleaser & Set Good Boundaries
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- Опубліковано 3 тра 2023
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Healthy boundaries are not only essential for relationships, they are also central to our mental health. In this video, I describe what it likely stopping you from setting good boundaries. Hint: it has to do with people pleasing.
If you want to know how to improve your relationships, stop feeling taken for granted, be able to say no, stop feeling resentful and take back your true freedom to set and stick with your boundaries then this talk is outlines an essential skill for parents, partners, co-workers and friends.
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I've been a people pleaser for a long time until I got tired and eventually decided to set boundaries. I don't necessarily care what others think of me for I know what I want and what I need. I don't easily agree to invitations. I don't need a lot of friends to be considered a real one. The real ones will always stay but the "people pleasers" will always continue to collect superficial friends. 😏💁♀️
It takes a lot of patience and courage to start honoring boundaries. It is a new way of life as many of us are born codependent. It is a conscious decision and being persistent until we are comfortable upholding our boundaries. And constantly reminding ourselves it is not from a place of being unkind. Thank you for sharing. This was helpful and a good reminder.
Learning literally takes a ‘couple takes’ to be heard/processed and that is how long it took a new audience to get the hang of it.
So true, there are relationships where I want sympathy but really feel only disrespect. I want to be understanding and compassionate but become a doormat, because people know that I will forgive and try to move on. Sometimes I feel strong to be consistent with boundaries, but sometimes my emotions are too hard and instead of protecting myself I start trying to understand why this person did this or that. I have to be more on my side.
Can you make a follow up video about enforcing boundaries with narcissistic family members who continually steamroll boundaries?
Boundaries prevent chaos. She’d never get thru a Q&A if everybody told their little “once upon a time...” Thank you for your clarity on the subject.
I just bumped into your UA-cam channel. Where have l been?
I wouldn’t say I am a people pleaser but overly generous with my time, mental space and energy. I know in theory the answer is boundaries, but I don’t feel like it’s coming from a place of anxiousness to be liked, but from wanting to share (and then overstepping the limit).
Hi Julia Kristina. I’ve only just started watching your work and I’ve found it very helpful. When I first learnt that I was a people pleaser, I didn’t like it because I realised it is also a form of manipulation. Having just left a 38 yr marriage, I learnt that my actions were based on trying to keep myself safe. It didn’t work, suffice to say, I’m free now. I want to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Thanks for helping.
We all need boundaries.❤
I struggle with determining what is a reasonable boundary and what is not - just because you have a boundary doesn't mean that it's a healthy one. Sure - I can place any boundary I want, but is it healthy? Irrational or unhealthy boundaries indicates that something deeper is going on and needs to be unpacked. I've dealt with people that have so many boundaries that I can't interact with them because they completely control the dialog, and it is clear that they are locked in some inner turmoil that I can't reach but yet they won't allow you to talk about it. In this case, I have no choice to exercise my own boundary (wasting my time and energy and causing frustration) and I walk away.
We should all try to be flexible.❤
Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris Here! Today's video was exactly what I needed!
People pleaser is my default... survival mechanism from childhood that no longer serves me and it is foundational to my functioning. Off to the therapist I go to figure out how to be a different human, or at least that's how it feels lol
Marek -Shifter here . Wonderful video Julia! boundaries are necessary part of human interaction. They help to build trust. without trust its not much of the interactions. Thank you!
DAMN! Liz Gilbert rocks! Julia, thank you for sharing this story and discussion of healthy boundaries. Julia rocks too!
You can’t please everyone.❤
Protecting boundaries is honouring oneself.
Needed this!
Lessons come when you least expect them. Good for Liz for upholding the rules. To me, that was respectful to her audience. Flattery and attention seeking were not.