This was my home. Until I was able to acknowledge and understand this in myself and forgive and begin to accept my suppressed feelings are ok. With your help and guidance, I have been able to release everything and have peace and clarity now.
Avoidance of conflict for kids can definitely do a number on them and later make them emotionally suppress, hide, run…anything but feel or talk about hard things. I’m proud of the work you’ve done and it’ll change your life and that of everyone around you.
What if the only time your partner behaved that way was when it was related to him. For example: I remind him he stated he was going to help me with clean up on such and such day... or example 2: I was feeling bad one day and he tried with ONE thing to cheer me up. It did but then I opened up and told him it also made me sad because XYZ and then I told him a theory I had to why I was feeling that way. Instead of going through this with me, he gets angry that his way of comforting me wasnt good enough for me and thats why he doesnt "open up" when really... it was me trying to open up to him from what he sent me. If its an issue about money, sex, the house, work... we talk fine. We work through all those things. If its related to parenting, my feelings or an issue I have with something he did, said, or promised... thats when these behaviors come out. I do my best to talk and do the steps you stated in this video for YEARS. I am getting better and better and he seems to stay and not budge. Or we have progress and then one day he flips and regresses again.
It makes sense your partner would shut down and be avoidant when it's related to him. That is when it's personal and more triggering (as opposed to issues that aren't personal, those are easy to confront and don't certainly trigger our attachment triggers). It's normal to have a bit of a yo-yo experience with anything, but the fact that you are trying and he is trying is wonderful! It's great to hear you are making progress. Those moments of sliding/regressing are normal, don't be discouraged. Our graph for success should consider one's overall performance, not just a day here or there...or in a really longterm marriage, we would zoom out to someone's behavior over longer periods and consider the context that sometimes we aren't as good during experiences such as job loss, parents passing, new job...stress outside of the relationship can also influence how well we are at home. By the sounds of it, you are making great progress. If you want to make a bit more improvement, I'd inquire about your own attachment and look into what your style needs (by the sounds of it, you are the one who likes to talk, brings things up, and that is a good thing)! What you describe can also signal that you may need him to work on being the person to bring things up so that your own nerves can also begin to settle and can feel more confident and secure in the balance of sharing and addressing places of challenge/conflict and feel better about the repair process as a couple).
This was my home. Until I was able to acknowledge and understand this in myself and forgive and begin to accept my suppressed feelings are ok. With your help and guidance, I have been able to release everything and have peace and clarity now.
Avoidance of conflict for kids can definitely do a number on them and later make them emotionally suppress, hide, run…anything but feel or talk about hard things. I’m proud of the work you’ve done and it’ll change your life and that of everyone around you.
What if the only time your partner behaved that way was when it was related to him. For example: I remind him he stated he was going to help me with clean up on such and such day... or example 2: I was feeling bad one day and he tried with ONE thing to cheer me up. It did but then I opened up and told him it also made me sad because XYZ and then I told him a theory I had to why I was feeling that way. Instead of going through this with me, he gets angry that his way of comforting me wasnt good enough for me and thats why he doesnt "open up" when really... it was me trying to open up to him from what he sent me. If its an issue about money, sex, the house, work... we talk fine. We work through all those things. If its related to parenting, my feelings or an issue I have with something he did, said, or promised... thats when these behaviors come out. I do my best to talk and do the steps you stated in this video for YEARS. I am getting better and better and he seems to stay and not budge. Or we have progress and then one day he flips and regresses again.
It makes sense your partner would shut down and be avoidant when it's related to him. That is when it's personal and more triggering (as opposed to issues that aren't personal, those are easy to confront and don't certainly trigger our attachment triggers). It's normal to have a bit of a yo-yo experience with anything, but the fact that you are trying and he is trying is wonderful! It's great to hear you are making progress. Those moments of sliding/regressing are normal, don't be discouraged. Our graph for success should consider one's overall performance, not just a day here or there...or in a really longterm marriage, we would zoom out to someone's behavior over longer periods and consider the context that sometimes we aren't as good during experiences such as job loss, parents passing, new job...stress outside of the relationship can also influence how well we are at home. By the sounds of it, you are making great progress. If you want to make a bit more improvement, I'd inquire about your own attachment and look into what your style needs (by the sounds of it, you are the one who likes to talk, brings things up, and that is a good thing)! What you describe can also signal that you may need him to work on being the person to bring things up so that your own nerves can also begin to settle and can feel more confident and secure in the balance of sharing and addressing places of challenge/conflict and feel better about the repair process as a couple).