THIS is why people don’t report SA - Russell Brand &

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  • Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
  • CW: Discussions of SA, Ab*se & V*ctim Blaming
    Join us LIVE tonight on stream (right here on my channel, hit subscribe and turn on all notifications to be notified!) at 6:00PST/9:00EST P.M. for the very first episode of Turbo Dude with my co-host Life of Palos and three fabulous guests for our panel!!! 💜
    Pearl’s Original Video: • Video
    *a note about the video: in it, I state that these types of crimes are motivated by power or control seeking. I should have clarified that that is often the case, though certainly not in every case.
    Resources:
    *SA is a complex and nuanced issue. Here are a few jumping-off points for consideration and further reading and research, if you are interested.
    www.nsvrc.org/...
    www.svri.org/s...
    tinyurl.com/4x...
    tinyurl.com/yw...
    tinyurl.com/zc...
    tinyurl.com/23...
    tinyurl.com/ms...
    traumaticstres...
    The restraining order video I mentioned: • I had to get a restrai...
    #JustPearlyThings #RussellBrand #FootlessJo
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 788

  • @FootlessJo
    @FootlessJo  Рік тому +304

    A couple of notes about the video: in it, I state that these types of crimes are motivated by power or control seeking. I should have clarified that that is often the case, though certainly not in every case.
    SA is a complex and nuanced issue. Here are a few jumping-off points for consideration and further reading and research, if you are interested.
    www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/Publications_NSVRC_Overview_False-Reporting.pdf
    www.svri.org/sites/default/files/attachments/2016-01-13/127.full_.pdf
    tinyurl.com/4xnjf27w
    tinyurl.com/ywyux6r9
    tinyurl.com/zcc93m2k
    tinyurl.com/23rcsxc4
    tinyurl.com/msafxt5c
    traumaticstress.nhs.wales/children-and-young-people/trauma-and-the-brain/

    • @JimAllen-Persona
      @JimAllen-Persona Рік тому +8

      Thank you for the references.

    • @MaeveMcCollum
      @MaeveMcCollum Рік тому +4

      I have 3 in my life so far. Sounds very similar to yours. The 1st, no no no no no .. literally for 2 hrs at 2am to 4am I said no while I was in a bear hug being held against my will. Second was on a vacation, was my sister’s friend she allowed to stay the night because he had gotten to messed up to leave… annnnnd third someone I loved and dated for over a year and I still have zero reports. I feel wrong for not reporting, but when I hear reporting is always traumatic and no justice is served then I think I’ll just keep praying 🙏 and they’ll be sorted out in time. I have no worries. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you went through these situations. pS I cannot stand pearl, I don’t watch I have her blocked. Much better that way. Level your blood pressure and block her 😅❤

    • @GaiaCarney
      @GaiaCarney Рік тому

      Thank You for sharing your story, Jo 💚 Thank You for linking all this research, resources & tools, as well!
      I recently found a UA-cam channel called: ‘NCALL’ - for National Clearinghouse on Abuse In Later Life.
      Countless elderly people experience financial, emotional, physical & sexual abuse 😢
      Pearly is willfully ignorant, another ‘angertainment’ outrage content creator, whistling past the graveyard 😡 until it happens to her, a friend, a child, a sibling or loved one she’ll keep up the charade. Eventually, she’ll see . . .

    • @Jae-by3hf
      @Jae-by3hf Рік тому +2

      Thank you for these resources, great to see a NHS Wales one also! Will be using this get on NHS Englands case! They are terrible with managing childhood abuse survivors!

    • @bengreen171
      @bengreen171 Рік тому +2

      This is clearly not the time or place to say this - it's a very serious topic to completely put aside - but I just can't help myself, so...
      Have you ever thought about making a sock puppet for...'it'. I think it would make a very cute partner if you're going to have it peeking over the table like that. Maybe a horse or a moomin? I mean, if you've got it - flaunt it.
      Sorry for glossing over a serious issue - one that you articulated very well, by the way.

  • @floopyboo
    @floopyboo Рік тому +270

    I was r*ped by my employer, and I went to the police. Despite the arsehole having a criminal record for THE EXACT SAME CRIME, the police told me to get out of they would charge me with wasting police time. And THAT is what it is actually like for most people who report sexual assault.

    • @bunhelsingslegacy3549
      @bunhelsingslegacy3549 Рік тому +24

      I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you found healing.

    • @-Teague-
      @-Teague- Рік тому +6

      I hope you're doing well now, that's horrible

    • @greenliter1
      @greenliter1 Рік тому +10

      Wow, that’s absolutely ridiculous and a fail on the part of that police department.

  • @the_courtneyb
    @the_courtneyb Рік тому +484

    From my own experience, and probably many other women, I DID REPORT it, but was ignored. I was assaulted by a family member. Guess who was shamed and called a liar. Me! I lost my entire family because I was abused. Women don’t necessarily want to wait to tell their story, but the consequences of coming forward is brutal. Thank you so much Jo for talking about this!!!

    • @surrealistgirlx
      @surrealistgirlx Рік тому +27

      I am so sorry for your treatment at the hands of law enforcement. That's one of the many reasons why I didn't report. I give you so much credit for going forward. Even though I didn't report please know that you made a difference. I hope they at least took a report.

    • @elmoworld850
      @elmoworld850 Рік тому +7

      I'm sorry to hear about this!

    • @PheobeKate-1111
      @PheobeKate-1111 Рік тому +16

      this is why I didn't dare come forward! as a child I told and was called a liar and forced to stay in the home I was being abused in. I would run away, I would TELL PEOPLE, but what was going on in MY home was SO EXTREME. so nobody believed me. STILL I am not believed. I came forward almost two years ago.
      I told everything.
      there's a lot.
      nothing happened except I RUINED MY OWN LIFE I lost everyone and everything, because of my "delusions"
      I literally have been told this.
      I'm delusional.
      I absolutely am NOT delusional.
      so, why tell!? NOBODY GIVES A FUCK.

    • @valeforedark
      @valeforedark Рік тому

      Females up to 6 years ago couldn't get charged with rape. Because they don't have a penis. All female pedos get their school jobs back .
      See being male I've been raped by females.know what the police do ? Told me I'm lucky . Didn't take a statement. I got told females. Can't rape because they didn't have a penis...no evidence take dispite it happening 5 minutes walk from police station. I'm 37 , I've been sexually assaulted to some level almost every Friday and Saturday night I went out ,by females. 42% of pedos are female. Over 50% of trans women are in jail for rape.
      I've been falsely accused three times. All three times I've got evidence they were accusing me because they were "annoyed at me" for not doing what they said to. Alot of my sexually activealw friends were molested and sexually assualted by females during their teen years.

    • @cutabovetheknee
      @cutabovetheknee Рік тому +3

      Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. I completely understand and can relate.

  • @JonSanders
    @JonSanders Рік тому +617

    I wish we could talk about this stuff without the muting, without Jo dancing around saying exactly what happened, and without so much other stuff that makes any of this ambiguous. I understand UA-cam gotta make money and people have to feel good and we have to go at our own pace in addressing trauma, but I believe it's the ambiguity that plays a huge role in the perpetuation of these personal violations. Just my thought.

    • @Joe_Okey
      @Joe_Okey Рік тому +39

      The Closed Captions (which are auto-generated by the way) does not mute the words, so I am seeing every word she is saying, including the muted words.

    • @RatClowns
      @RatClowns Рік тому +19

      @@Joe_Okey thank you for this info, that's extremely odd that the algorithm doesn't check captions imo

    • @Joe_Okey
      @Joe_Okey Рік тому +27

      @RatClowns I agree. As a person who is hard of hearing, I rely on the captions, when available, to be able to follow the video. It was a nice surprise to see that the muted words actually showed up in the captions.

    • @GeorgieB1965
      @GeorgieB1965 Рік тому +12

      ​@@Joe_OkeyThat sounds like a very good workaround. I should try that with a true crime channel I'm subscribed to, because he goes through this a lot as well.

    • @andreassundberg9426
      @andreassundberg9426 Рік тому +29

      I also find it weird that UA-cam find it okay to say assault and crimes as long as "sexual" is muted before. Shouldn't "assault" and "crime" be the words that are censored?

  • @Serenity_Dee
    @Serenity_Dee Рік тому +253

    Also I'm annoyed with her using the word "trope" because a trope is a thing in fiction and storytelling, it's not a trope if it's a true story.

    • @RatClowns
      @RatClowns Рік тому +19

      Yeah, i think the more applicable word would be stereotyping

    • @KlingonCaptain
      @KlingonCaptain Рік тому +4

      "Based on a true story" is, in fact, a trope...

    • @DanSlaughter85
      @DanSlaughter85 Рік тому +26

      ​@@KlingonCaptainfun fact... based on a true story doesn't mean its a true story.

    • @valeforedark
      @valeforedark Рік тому +10

      Trope ? Try allegation
      noun
      al·​le·​ga·​tion ˌa-li-ˈgā-shən
      Synonyms of allegation
      1
      : the act of alleging something
      2: a positive assertion especially of misconduct
      Some former colleagues have made serious allegations against him.
      specifically : a statement by a party to a legal action of what the party undertakes to prove
      3: an assertion unsupported and by implication regarded as unsupportable

    • @CAThompson
      @CAThompson Рік тому +14

      I thought of that word choice as cementing accusations as fiction, but also she could just have misused 'trope' to attempt to sound intelligent.

  • @SailorYuki
    @SailorYuki Рік тому +108

    I was SAd as a child. For 5 years did that man harrass, assault, molest and so on untill I finally had enough and talked to the police. I was 13 when it started. It was his word against mine. Procecutors were on my side but there wasn't enough evidence to convict, so all I got was a restraining order against him and years of PTSD; depression and therapy. 20 years later did I realise why I was in that position in the first place. And I'm even more violtaed and traumatized by it. I was basically served on a silver platter to a pedofile. I will never forgive the people involved.
    I have moved on but it does affect my relationships still to this day. The thing that made me speak up was SEX-ed class where assualt and consent was discussed.

    • @evilsharkey8954
      @evilsharkey8954 Рік тому +2

      Was it a church or a youth club, like Boy Scouts? It’s so much worse when people in power allow these creeps to prey on children. I hope you’re getting good therapy and have supportive people in your life now.

    • @macherie1234
      @macherie1234 Рік тому +7

      I'm glad to hear your health class discussion was helpful. I also specifically discussed sexual harassment and rape in the health classes I taught.

    • @karenneill9109
      @karenneill9109 Рік тому +7

      My daughter was introduced to the concept of consent when she was 5. It should be standard. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.

    • @DonnaLena1
      @DonnaLena1 11 місяців тому

      The reason Sex Education is demonized by the Right and the Religious faction. They want people to remain ignorant about SA because they are protecting many offenders etc.

  • @peachxtaehyung
    @peachxtaehyung Рік тому +45

    Wtaf?! Pearly you DO NOT GET TO DECIDE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR A PERSON TO PROCESS THEIR TRAUMA AND REPORT!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! I am not even a survivor or SA or anything and this has me boiling

    • @joelee2371
      @joelee2371 9 місяців тому +1

      I'm a man and it has me boiling too; Pearl is being totally judgemental, about something of which she has no experience or authority to judge.

    • @kevinw8276
      @kevinw8276 8 місяців тому +1

      I just mentioned it for the first time after over 18 years

  • @ronniehesson5074
    @ronniehesson5074 Рік тому +48

    I've never even heard of Hannah and apparently I'm not missing anything!

    • @DanSlaughter85
      @DanSlaughter85 Рік тому +1

      Shes a nightmare. I've never had a stranger get under my skin more. If for some reason you are morbidly curious... jaubrey, rachel oates and a few others have covered her bs takes. If you ever want to be enraged beyond imagination. 💙 Keep your sanity... im jealous. 😊

    • @UlexiteTVStoneLexite
      @UlexiteTVStoneLexite Рік тому

      Nope, she is just a stupid right-wing pundit pushed out there to try to control other people

  • @nairbvel
    @nairbvel Рік тому +77

    The very fact that you had to periodically modify the audio in this video speaks volumes about how screwed up this society is.

    • @evilsharkey8954
      @evilsharkey8954 Рік тому

      It’s UA-cam’s stupid algorithm. It detects certain words and then hides, demonetizes, or takes down content because it “might” be offensive.

  • @nuttypurrfessor
    @nuttypurrfessor Рік тому +26

    I don’t understand this conservative lady’s urge to politicize psychological terms like abuse and bring “expanding the definition of abuse” into the conversation. Like, it was already bad enough that she was victim-blaming, but seriously?

  • @PheobeKate-1111
    @PheobeKate-1111 Рік тому +30

    THANK YOU!! THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID, AND SAID, AND SAID.
    REPORTING THESE CRIMES ONLY HELPS IF THEY BELIEVE VICTIMS, AND PURSUE CONVICTIONS.

  • @aimeedipasquale4259
    @aimeedipasquale4259 Рік тому +144

    it makes my blood boil when people think that just because a thing has never happened to me, it doesn't exist. Ugh she's such a mosquito. I hate her.

    • @aimeedipasquale4259
      @aimeedipasquale4259 Рік тому

      Further more, I have never met Russell Brand but you know what? I would put money on it that he sexually assaulted someone.

    • @DanSlaughter85
      @DanSlaughter85 Рік тому +19

      I was watching a video about her one day my wife came over and said "Give me the phone before you have a heart attack." 😆 So id say im right there with you on the absolutely hating her thing. Good news... she hates herself so its catching.🙃

    • @lauriecalkins781
      @lauriecalkins781 Рік тому +8

      A mosquito😂 perfect.

  • @oO0catty0Oo
    @oO0catty0Oo Рік тому +118

    Pearl isn't ignorant to the facts. She's a grifter who gets paid to pander to right wing talking points. It's lucrative.

    • @TheKrispyfort
      @TheKrispyfort Рік тому +8

      It's going to bite her one day

    • @-Teague-
      @-Teague- Рік тому +5

      ​@@TheKrispyfortlet's hope so

    • @TheKrispyfort
      @TheKrispyfort Рік тому

      @@-Teague- I am hoping it only bites her fiscally.
      Does the idiot realise the danger she's putting herself in. There's some serious nutjobs amongst her fan-bases.

    • @CanadianWhatever
      @CanadianWhatever Рік тому +2

      I don't often ascribe to calling people "grifters," but Pearl is such an obvious gifted that it is difficult to try and deny it. She doesn't truly believe half of the things she says.

    • @-Teague-
      @-Teague- Рік тому +2

      @@CanadianWhatever not to be annoying but I think you accidentally said "gifted" instead of "grifter"
      You're definitely right though!

  • @nivision
    @nivision Рік тому +53

    When she said he didn't have to assault anyone because he had women throwing themselves at him... that's exactly what Paul Bernardo said to the police about being suspected as the Scarborough 🍇ist, he then wound up to be a serial killer on top of it after continuing to escalate. That's what happens when you forget that kind of assault is often about power more than sex. It's not about how easy he could find another, it's how dare this one think she can just reject him.

  • @milkteamachine
    @milkteamachine Рік тому +80

    I’m so tired of people attacking women who have experienced sexual violence for reporting it too late or not having a rape kit done, when so many have had to endure additional trauma just trying to file a report or get evidence. At the same time, when someone does report immediately and has physical evidence, it’s still called into question or her character is attacked instead. Clearly you’re just supposed to keep quiet about it.

    • @Raddiebaddie
      @Raddiebaddie Рік тому

      Not to mention thousands and thousands of untested r@pe kits that just sit there

    • @piarateking8094
      @piarateking8094 Рік тому +7

      the rape kit is pointless in most cases anyway, they usually know who did it and the other persons defence is usually that its consensual not that nothing happened

  • @danielletdg8423
    @danielletdg8423 Рік тому +110

    I'm only about 6min in, but wanted to say thank you! As a survivor of multiple assaults, I did not realize one situation was r*ape until going through a training at the YWCA for my masters level internship; probably 7/8 years after the event. Similar to you I said no so many times, and then just shut down. I have a freeze response, and only in the last 10 years or so have I started to find my voice again; but I still struggle with confrontation, loud noises, yelling... all a part of the trauma response of PTSD. Whoever is reading this, know you are loved, you matter, and you are valid for who you are. ❤❤❤❤

    • @tabitas.2719
      @tabitas.2719 Рік тому +9

      Thanks! You, too, are loved, valid, and all the best on your healing journey❣️

    • @surrealistgirlx
      @surrealistgirlx Рік тому +4

      Thank you for your post. Everyone who experienced SA needs to know that they matter. I went through it when I was a kid. When it happened 15 years ago I froze. My psychologist whose is much younger than me didn't understand what freeze meant. He just knew about fright/flight. Freeze wasn't part of the paradigm.

  • @garycurry4600
    @garycurry4600 Рік тому +119

    I spend an inordinate amount of time on UA-cam, and I’ve never seen her before. For the record, if I typed out what I really want to say about her and her commentary, I’d get banned from your channel, and likely UA-cam. Much respect to you, Jo! 💜

    • @muriel5826
      @muriel5826 Рік тому +8

      Same. I think the algorithm sends me the opposite content in my feed.

    • @CAThompson
      @CAThompson Рік тому +5

      Seconded.

    • @jojo1216
      @jojo1216 Рік тому +10

      Thank goodness I've never seen her! What a waste of space. How does UA-cam not demonetize her??? I see some of my favorite content creators say, oops, this video was done for free! I can never figure out what they said wrong!

    • @DrewNorthup
      @DrewNorthup Рік тому

      ​@@jojo1216There is effectively a cottage industry of silencing those who speak uncomfortable truths which the far end of the Revertative / Rethuglican / Pro-Authortarian / Fascist "side" of the teeter-totter finds threatening. They've been at this since the 1920s using basically the same techniques the whole time.

  • @JillyDreadful
    @JillyDreadful Рік тому +167

    There’s enthusiastic consent, consent, and capitulation. We need to start teaching people the differences between these.

    • @r21167
      @r21167 Рік тому +18

      Capitulation is such an accurate description!

    • @SomniiLinn
      @SomniiLinn Рік тому +21

      For real! I never considered myself raped, and it wasn't until I discussed a certain sexual encounter with a friend, and hearing it from HIM, that yes, yes I was taken advantage of. I didn't consent, I capitulated, after numerous attempts to dissuade him, and literally saying nothing was going to happen between us... (The guy offered me to stay on his couch, because it was a long walk home in the snow, in high heels and a dress - then said I had to sleep in his bed - and then he had the gall to complain I wasn't very "enthusiastic" about the whole thing.... like, no shit!)

    • @susangriner6736
      @susangriner6736 Рік тому +11

      Capitulation is still SA though.. Being verbally harassed until one shuts up is still damaging

    • @JillyDreadful
      @JillyDreadful Рік тому +11

      @@susangriner6736 Absolutely. Capitulation is only a negative thing.

    • @r21167
      @r21167 Рік тому

      @@susangriner6736 oh yes absolutely

  • @sjzara
    @sjzara Рік тому +83

    I’m autistic and gay. What is supposed to happen in interactions with people is not automatic for me. It took decades me to discover that I had been sexually assaulted. That proceeding without positive consent is assault. That I was not wrong to feel bad. I said nothing at the time. I didn’t understand what had happened.
    There are many reasons why victims may not come forward for a very long time. Some are not obvious.

  • @scifirocks
    @scifirocks Рік тому +54

    It should be obvious why trauma like this is hard to talk about, but sadly it's not yet. I had PTSD from being physically assaulted by my best friend and the betrayal led to years of not having any friends because of not being able to trust anyone. She was also my housemate so I also had to move ASAP. I also had recurrent headaches, a sprained spine, and lots of bruises afterward. And she stole my laptop! I went to the police but I was advised to drop it as the witnesses were her boyfriend and friends and she'd got them to make fake witness statements.
    You can't really say to people, oh yeah the reason I find it hard to trust people is because my ex best friend took a bunch of drugs, then violently attacked me, chased me out of the house, and then lied to the police. That's a conversation killer alright. 😆

    • @ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023
      @ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 Рік тому +4

      * solidarity fist bump *
      Your ex-friend sounds a lot like my late, entirely unlamented father. I wish you the best!

  • @DivisibleByWaffle
    @DivisibleByWaffle Рік тому +35

    I was raped six years ago when I tried to break things off with my fwb. He didn't like my answer, so he verbally abused me and sexually violated me. I have been in therapy for years, and still to this day, I sometimes feel like I deserved it.
    I hope Pearl can pull her head out of her ass someday without having to endure this type of pain.

  • @maggiemae3825
    @maggiemae3825 Рік тому +19

    I think people are really quick to "choose a side" on these kinds of things. I'm personally a victim of assault, but I also know someone whose life was significantly changed by accusations I believe to be false (original story not adding up, "victim's" story constantly changing, etc.). I'm not saying that we should relentlessly question people who come forward with allegations, but it seems like people default to the side of the accuser or the accused based on what they know from their own experience, rather than gathering information and using their best judgement. Especially when we don't personally know the people, like in the case with Brand and his accusers, I think the best move is to reserve judgement until we hear the full story in a trial.
    I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trying to support Brand or anyone else in his position. I'm not supporting or vilifying him. I just think that there's sort of a grey area here that people are scared to acknowledge. But I do want to add that even in the case of the person I believe was lying about being assaulted, I've never called them a "whore" or any of those awful things. I think she got caught up in a lie that became a lot bigger than she expected and then couldn't see a way out of it. It was a really awful, sad situation for all involved.

    • @tabitas.2719
      @tabitas.2719 Рік тому +3

      Quite true!

    • @Nil-tz6gy
      @Nil-tz6gy Рік тому +6

      That's my problem with it - People are too quick to crucify someone before seeing the evidence and can ruin an innocent person's life.
      People should be innocent until proven guilty, while still hearing out and doing our best to help those coming forward.

  • @MkE1121
    @MkE1121 Рік тому +76

    It took 30 years for me to realize that what happened to me as a 12 year old not only shouldn't have happened and wasn't my fault but it did "count" as abuse. I still have only told a handful of people. It was another 3-4 years ago to realize that the date rape I'd experienced at 21 - was date rape.

    • @stacylitwin1466
      @stacylitwin1466 Рік тому +9

      It took me several years to realize that I'd been raped, it wasn't violent so I assumed it couldn't be rape, we slowly unlearn the bad lessons taught to us and society does as well, just even more slowly

    • @bunhelsingslegacy3549
      @bunhelsingslegacy3549 Рік тому +8

      It took me years to realize that I'd been assaulted by my doctor. I was 16. By the time I could have thought of reporting it, the jerk had gone and died.

  • @schoomzer
    @schoomzer Рік тому +131

    Misogyny is real. It's a pity when not only men are hating, but women, too.

    • @nathanielovaughn2145
      @nathanielovaughn2145 Рік тому

      🙄

    • @CAThompson
      @CAThompson Рік тому +16

      @@nathanielovaughn2145 Are you going to use your words?

    • @acfan8253
      @acfan8253 Рік тому +3

      There is also misandry but no one talks about it ever…

    • @alexredcherry88
      @alexredcherry88 Рік тому

      because it's not a thing. Nobody cut off men's head because they are male, stop crying about womyn's words it's not killing you @@acfan8253

    • @nobodyofconsequence6522
      @nobodyofconsequence6522 Рік тому +12

      Jo brought up how coming forward about rape is even harder for men in her video. I think there's something subtly wrong about bringing it back around to misogyny. Because it's not just misogyny. It's pure unfiltered toxic masculinity. (yes, women can be rapists too. But I'd still say the dismissing of the idea of a woman raping a man is rooted in toxic masculinity more than anything). It's not hatred of women. It's hatred of anything that would threaten rapists with consequences for their actions.

  • @sadyechester6934
    @sadyechester6934 Рік тому +39

    Thank you Jo for standing up for those of us, like me who struggle with the confidence to speak up. I have had several SA and a very violent r*pe. I never reported any of them, even more so the r*pe because I was 14, and was knocked unconscious. Also my mom died two years prior to it and I was worried I for no reason at all believed my dad would be taken away from me from a deep seated fear of abandonment: it took me 6 years to tell anyone. Thank you again for voicing so much of this and helping sharing in this community of strong,, courageous, brave, survivors. Looking forward to the podcast too.

  • @Blafmaf
    @Blafmaf Рік тому +13

    I had a whole message typed about this. I decided that I'm not ready to post about this. 30 years ago and I think a comment under a youtube video is probably not the best place to talk about this.
    But the short of it is that I very much know how difficult it is to bring stuff like this up. And a lot of that is also due to how society (and evil people like the anti-feminist) responds.

    • @zerorequiem42
      @zerorequiem42 Рік тому

      If you disagree with a feminist, you are evil? Or do you mean if you hate women in general? I'm not sure what you meant. I have never seen a person identify as an anti feminist.

    • @ke6gwf
      @ke6gwf Рік тому +1

      You are heard.
      Find someone to talk with it about, it will help you recover.

  • @SarahBabe
    @SarahBabe Рік тому +21

    I juuuust learned about this Pearly hateful person.... UGH>
    EDIT: I was assaulted when I was 17. I came forward right away. The police told me it was not severe enough to warrant pressing charges. It was infuriating.
    My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced assault. I see you. I believe you. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. *virtual hug*

    • @surrealistgirlx
      @surrealistgirlx Рік тому +2

      Law enforcement had and still has a horrible reputation dealing with people who have been SA'd. That is one of the many reasons that I didn't report. What a terrible thing to say. I appreciate the courage that it took for you to come forward. If the moron took a statement it could help women now and in the future.

  • @hydrangea-j9z
    @hydrangea-j9z Рік тому +16

    Your point of being afraid to come out because you don't want to ruin the person's life resonates with me deeply.
    I wasn't as*aulted, but someone I love and cherish deeply did prey on me when I was young, and to this day I refuse to ever speak up about it. I know an "accusation" like that will ruin their life (even though it's not just an accusation, I have proof going back years and years), and so many people they love will drop them for good. I just can't do it, doubly so when they apologized profusely and I know they will never do it again. It makes me feel like the monster if I ever speak of it. The peope that do come out despite these fears are some of the bravest people I will ever know.

    • @karensheehan2878
      @karensheehan2878 Рік тому +2

      Obviously your perpetrator is very good at emotional manipulation. I always think of those I can protect in the future. Is this person trustworthy? How can you trust their word? I don't think you should.

    • @evilsharkey8954
      @evilsharkey8954 Рік тому

      ⁠@@karensheehan2878Sometimes the abusers don’t even realize what they’re doing is abusive! They’re so messed up that they think they’re expressing “love” because no one ever showed them any as children and the only examples they saw were abuse, not love. That makes it extra hard because you don’t want them to die in prison, but how else can you force them into therapy and keep them from doing it again?

    • @-Teague-
      @-Teague- Рік тому

      ​@@karensheehan2878to be fair you don't know the exact situation

  • @jeffreysherman8224
    @jeffreysherman8224 Рік тому +43

    Just a PSA for the uninitiated: You shouldn't be taking much of anything Pearl says to heart. Even when she makes a good point, it still comes across as overwhelmingly misogynistic. And some of it is just pure foolishness.

    • @CAThompson
      @CAThompson Рік тому

      That she's got an audience who agree with her is the worse issue than her being a human hemorrhoid.

    • @michaelkeller5555
      @michaelkeller5555 Рік тому +9

      I'm about 99% sure I've heard her talk about women deserving physical abuse from their husbands/whoever too.

    • @wendyfaith1048
      @wendyfaith1048 Рік тому

      @jeffreysherman I have yet to hear Pearl make a good point. I am sure that she is raking in major coin for the shite she talks. Some people are ugly on the inside.

    • @kikiTHEalien
      @kikiTHEalien Рік тому +6

      Yes, she is just a grifter, she'll say whatever the demented women-haters want to hear in order to make money.

  • @ryn2844
    @ryn2844 Рік тому +45

    I wasn't here in the 'trauma talk' era of this channel, so this is the first time I'm hearing you describe how trauma felt to you. Thank you for describing that. I went through conversion therapy, so a totally different type of trauma, but I relate really really strongly to the emotions trauma produced in you. So thank you for allowing me to feel less alone in that I guess.

    • @jeffreysherman8224
      @jeffreysherman8224 Рік тому +7

      Trauma Talk is a different channel. It's still up and all her videos are there. She just stopped posting (purposefully) 2 years ago. She said she was moving on to another chapter of life, I'm paraphrasing.

    • @ryn2844
      @ryn2844 Рік тому +2

      @@jeffreysherman8224 Okay thank you

  • @ToastontheEastCoast
    @ToastontheEastCoast Рік тому +6

    The amount of editing and dancing around serious subjects required to be able to freely share the discussion is ridiculous! It stinks of people in power controlling the narrative to shut victims up or to make it so nobody believes if they do speak up. There is no freedom to speak your story when you have to censor your words so much or risk repercussions. Victim blaming is also a popular activity when people do choose to talk about what happened to them. It is both sad and disgusting that much of society still thinks it's acceptable to behave that way.

  • @tyshayedwards5808
    @tyshayedwards5808 Рік тому +75

    As a person who has gone through SA I can say 6 months is not always enough time to speak up. Even a loving parents of a child who has gone through SA have a difficult time and even they go through shock and trauma because the one they loved had been hurt. I can say I knew nothing bout SA because I was 9 yet it still happened. Yet I was still traumatized from it. Even till this day I still think its crazy that how as a KID a Literal CHILD I didn’t know what was going on yet I still has this feeling that it was wrong, that it was not normal. And there are people who will still think a child is lying and did this just because they wanted it. I remember being in court and being asked a question a child should have never been asked. It was along the lines of me want it remembered I was 9. I was in udder shock because first im a kid half those vulgar words they said I had never heard. On top of that I was 9 even if I said that I was 9. Kids don’t say stuff unless they are taught it. It should have disturbed those cops that that person even said I said that a person who was in their 20s. I was 9.

    • @Ohthemarvelousmusic
      @Ohthemarvelousmusic Рік тому +4

      So sorry. The ugliness of others acts and words and the lack of thought for you is appalling. You didn't deserve that awful, evil behavior and those who allowed it or pretended it didn't happen are vile and wrong. It was never your fault. They chose to be the worst. 🙏May God bless and heal you whole, completely. You are worth healing, may you be restored and know true Joy and Peace. 💜 🤟 ❤️‍🩹

    • @IIITheDeadGamerIII
      @IIITheDeadGamerIII Рік тому +3

      Just wanna point out above comment as being pretentious and the healing you've gone through and still go through is you. You shouldn't have had have had your trauma worsened by shitheads in court, or your abuser.
      Keep going strong, you got this, and I'm glad you're here!

    • @cgarcia3614
      @cgarcia3614 Рік тому +4

      @@IIITheDeadGamerIII What was the point in calling out the first reply? Obviously, the intent was well-meaning. And you wouldn't be able to tell if it wasn't. C'mon guy, give people the benefit of the doubt and just let things go. Smh.
      And yes, the irony of me not minding my own business to tell off someone else's reply is not lost on me. *sigh*

    • @Ohthemarvelousmusic
      @Ohthemarvelousmusic Рік тому +2

      @@cgarcia3614 Thank you. I appreciate that.

    • @surrealistgirlx
      @surrealistgirlx Рік тому +1

      Sweetie, I can't imagine what this was like. Sending you hugs

  • @ItsLexy
    @ItsLexy Рік тому +8

    "So you may be familiar with this creator's face if you maybe spend too much time on the internet" weird, I don't recognize her and I know I spend way too much time online. 😅 who is she?
    "She's like THE anti-feminist of social media" oh that explains it then! I try to AGGRESSIVELY keep crap like that off my feed! Especially from other women, like if a woman says women's opinions matter less than men, why would I listen to her anyway by her own admission she's not worth my time 🙄

    • @tabitas.2719
      @tabitas.2719 Рік тому +4

      Yes, exactly! 😂
      So ironic. I had the same thought... 🤔

  • @RavenXWritingdesk
    @RavenXWritingdesk Рік тому +15

    It took 11 years for me to get memories of the abuse back. Right in the middle of the sidewalk on my way to class. I was already being abused at home and bullied at school. My mind said "nope we won't survive this, this will break us," and tucked it all away. I was 9. I was at church. I wore khakis and t shirts and little sketchers. Didn't hug boys, didn't touch them at all. And yet we asked for it.
    Thank you for always being so effective with your communication Jo ❤

  • @nocomment2468
    @nocomment2468 Рік тому +28

    My nonagenarian grandmother recently told me that her father groped her as a child, in the 1930s. She never told anyone until 80+ years later. I think that it was just too hard for her to process, and thought it was better to keep it secret than to make waves in her family. At that time the world shunned those who came forward. Today things are just as complex, but at least there is more support for victims.
    Hannah seems very naive. But perhaps she was abused, and this is her sick form of denial. We just don’t know her motivation. Maybe she’s a sociopath taking a backwards stance to get money and attention.

  • @bryanaperry8760
    @bryanaperry8760 Рік тому +15

    Yeah. It blows my mind how insensitive people STILL are about this. I get infuriated when someone pulls the, "Well look at this logically..." was my r*pist thinking logically? Also what is the logical response to being r*ped? I have actually asked them this and they backtrack pretty quick. I wish people could go see the wizard and get some empathy... also very excited for your podcast!

  • @rebeccabrink723
    @rebeccabrink723 Рік тому +54

    Much like the people who say I'd never deal with an abusive relationship. I'd just leave! People that actually have been in that position know it's far from that easy. Trauma sucks 😔

    • @thenopedetective
      @thenopedetective 11 місяців тому +3

      Yes! And it so rarely starts as obviously abusive. One of my partners was very guilting and manipulative, but it didn't really show up obviously (there were signs, but not super clear) until 6 months in. Some people don't escalate abuse until after marriage. It's rare the abuse is there since day 1 (though that can still happen and be hard to leave).

    • @rebeccabrink723
      @rebeccabrink723 11 місяців тому +2

      @@thenopedetective I dealt with the same thing! Started off with a few subtle signs then the real manipulation started. It's never as simple as people think

  • @davegoodridge8352
    @davegoodridge8352 Рік тому +7

    Good luck on your new podcast. My therapist says I need to get out and meet women. But, I had a great wife for 42 years. I’m not interested in just finding another woman. I’m still married, she’s just not still alive.

    • @tabitas.2719
      @tabitas.2719 Рік тому +2

      We can be too obsessed with partnerships.
      As long as you still have a social circle, aren't drowning in grief, but processing it, I support your decision (yes, you personally, and also generalized "you" :)).

  • @gwynhwfar
    @gwynhwfar Рік тому +6

    I was r*ped at 27 but wouldn't let myself even consider this until I was 46! And then once I realised what had happened it took about 6-7 years of therapy to work through all the feels that came up.

  • @cabin_quilt
    @cabin_quilt Рік тому +14

    A teeny bit of advice for people who aren't as chronically online and brainbroken as I am: people like justpearlythings are trolls whose minds cannot be changed and very likely don't actually believe everything they're saying. It is often not effective and can be very emotionally draining trying to genuinely engage with these types of people because they will not approach the conversation in good faith. There are instances where talking about politics in an open-minded way with people in person can have a positive result but on the internet, usually people will double down and the whole process gets very exhausting and demoralizing. Innuendo Studios's video series called the Alt-Right Playbook is a fantastic resource for learning how to engage with politics online in a healthy and effective way.

  • @primestar5619
    @primestar5619 Рік тому +17

    I know the video was serious but I just LOVE the nubbin on the table 😂 it’s wonderful and I’m so happy you’re comfortable in your skin! that’s honestly amazing and I love mister nubbins

    • @FootlessJo
      @FootlessJo  Рік тому +5

      Hahaha I’m so glad! Thank you!

  • @undecidedgenius
    @undecidedgenius Рік тому +10

    I haven't watch this all the way through yet but I honestly hate the fact you have to censor what you say when speaking about said topic (any topic for that matter)

    • @FootlessJo
      @FootlessJo  Рік тому +15

      I agree vehemently. I think talking about serious subjects should be allowed without demonetization on UA-cam - it makes people reluctant to talk about it.

    • @GeorgieB1965
      @GeorgieB1965 Рік тому +5

      ​@@FootlessJoYou can talk about any subject you want on YT, but you have to, sadly, either completely censor certain words, pull out a thesaurus or mute the word in question.
      Unfortunately this is now a fact of life for content creators on YT.

  • @TrollDecker
    @TrollDecker Рік тому +34

    I think it's safe to say this Pearl isn't just ignorant, she's actively evil. 😑

  • @JustinKase1969
    @JustinKase1969 Рік тому +13

    The worst part about pearl is that she helps the misogynistic scum bags feel validated in continuing to be scum bags.

  • @reditaliangirl
    @reditaliangirl Рік тому +10

    I spent 5 years before speaking

  • @NorseButterfly
    @NorseButterfly Рік тому +9

    I was assaulted by a live in boyfriend. I had been living with him for about 5 years when I underwent back surgery. The day I got home from the hospital, jacked up on pain meds and unable to move well, he straddled my head and forced himself in my mouth. Not even a week later, I was admitted back in the hospital with surgical complications. Multiple procedures later, bruised and realizing I had to learn how to walk again, I was back home, jacked up on meds, and he did the same thing again. After that, he voluntarily started sleeping on the couch and treating me like I was nothing more than his roommate. I left almost 2 years later, still not comprehending what he'd done. It's been almost 10 years since I left him, and not a single person I know has heard what he did. The people I knew when him and I were together still think that I was the cause of the surgical complications. I wasn't.

  • @manaspajamas5071
    @manaspajamas5071 Рік тому +27

    Jo, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that you created this video! I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that for me, it happened at a church event, in a pew in the back, with a complete stranger, and thankfully three of my guy friends came up and were able to stop it before something truly horrible happened (due to the circumstances, I don't think they were ever aware that anything was happening). But it took a long time for me to open up to my sister about it, who is 15 years older than me. (My time frames are quite fuzzy, but I remember it happening in 2014 and started thinking about it again in 2017.) Because "nothing happened" (my words, not hers), she said it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't be making a big deal about it, either because she experienced "real" trauma in that department. I was young and trusted my sister, who was almost like a second mother to me at the time, so I stayed quiet about it and suffered in silence because "nothing happened," and I felt ashamed and embarrassed for bringing it up.
    It took me another couple of years (cannot recall exactly when) to finally open up to my parents about it because they wanted to know why I never want to go back to the building... or wear the outfit I kept in my closet but never wore again, even though it was one of the most becoming on me. That was about the same time I told my bishop (he's like the pastor in charge of one of many congregations in our church); they all wanted to know why I didn't tell them sooner because they wanted to wring the guy's neck. I explained to them what my sister told me, and my bishop said, "While she may have experienced something worse, what you went through is just as horrific and just as valid."
    This was my experience as a victim of s*xual harassment that turned into SA (yes, those are two different things. After describing what happened to me, my bishop told me it can be classified as assault). Unfortunately, the statute of limitations is 2 years in the state I lived in, and it was at least 3 or 4 years later that I told anyone. Plus, I only got the guy's first name (Nick). I think the laws should be changed to no fewer than 10 years across the board, but that's just my opinion. What do I know about law and justice?

    • @audreydoyle5268
      @audreydoyle5268 Рік тому +7

      That is very unfortunate that indictable offences where you live have a statute of limitations. In Australia, there is no limit for indictments, and 6 months for summary. But unfortunately, they care a LOT about evidence, and news came out a few months ago that the police of several states threw out over 3000 r*pe kits from over 20 years of reports. The fact that there's no outcry, no uproar, no protests makes it even more difficult to want to rehash my first report.
      No one is entitled to a child's body, and I'm so, so sorry that such joy was suck out of your life because of scum like that.

  • @trenae77
    @trenae77 Рік тому +7

    A friend of mine could come to me 20 years after an attack and I would STILL grant her (or even him) the legitimacy of listening to them and helping them work through the process of healing and - if possible - reparations for the crime against them. Trauma doesn’t have a time limit!

  • @jenniferbates2811
    @jenniferbates2811 Рік тому +12

    Thank you so friggin much!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. My adult son was sexually assaulted by his doctor earlier this year and he's started trauma therapy and we got a lawyer. But some people who he thought were his friends said some mean shit to him.
    Women like Pearl remind me of a rush Limbaugh, that kind of "divisive" person. Or her online personality anyway.... understanding that the patriarchy hurts all humans. Also, that feminism benefits all humans.
    For some great books to read or listen to:
    " The Body Keeps The Score"
    By. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk
    "No Bad Parts"
    By. Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
    " Controlling People"
    By. Dr. Patricia Evans
    Please understand that you're not alone 💜.

    • @littlebitofhope1489
      @littlebitofhope1489 Рік тому +1

      Nah, People like Pearl are just Grifters. And be careful of recommending Van Der Kolk. He is not the best source.

    • @jenniferbates2811
      @jenniferbates2811 Рік тому +1

      @littlebitofhope1489 Yeah, she's definitely grifting her audience.
      I disagree with Van Der Kolk. He's an excellent source for trauma therapy. Not only his books but his teachings as well are educated and informed by real people.

    • @littlebitofhope1489
      @littlebitofhope1489 Рік тому +1

      @@jenniferbates2811 You seriously need to do some more research on Van Der Kolk. He has been completely discredited. In fact, he and his unresearched and poorly researched claims are the sole reason CPTSD what not entered in the DSM this go round. He started out ok, and then lost the plot.

    • @jenniferbates2811
      @jenniferbates2811 Рік тому

      @littlebitofhope1489 A lot of things don't get into the DSM because of many different reasons.
      The DSM has been flawed since its beginning. But Van Der Kolks' years of work still hold merit. But as with anything, we'll learn more as we go. This is the field I'm in as well, and
      He still teaches in Boston and practices, too.

  • @anirainz
    @anirainz Рік тому +27

    I am so excited to hear the podcast. I loved your trauma talk channel, it was where I first found you. So appreciative of you and all you do

    • @FootlessJo
      @FootlessJo  Рік тому +8

      Aw thank you so much Anirainz! 💜

  • @SnowOrShine
    @SnowOrShine Рік тому +6

    When even Piers Morgan is telling you "Ok well hang on..."

  • @jimthain8777
    @jimthain8777 Рік тому +3

    In a society where the majority of people who do this are people in positions of power of some kind, is it any wonder that the power structures THEY set up
    are there to protect THEM?
    The fact that ANY of these case ever proceed is testament not only to the fact it happens, but to the fact that the system is stacked against the victims.
    Hopefully we can find ways of stopping it from happening in the first place, so no one ever has to report such a thing.
    Wishful thinking I know, but it would make for a much better, happier world.

  • @Danni317
    @Danni317 Рік тому +6

    Its almost like abuse is the umbrella term for all kinds of abuse

  • @JamieNicole729
    @JamieNicole729 Рік тому +3

    I had to block pearl because I was sick of hearing her ignorance when scrolling. Her videos can be so triggering to a lot of people.

  • @obieobrien5883
    @obieobrien5883 Рік тому +6

    People who have never gone through this kind of thing will never understand. I can hope and pray they never find out. It IS difficult to go through all of this. The military taught me this in the early 80’s. I was not believed. My spouse, for all his narcissistic behavior showed me people still won’t (not didn’t) understand or believe it happened. Reported or not it still happened and takes time to heal.

  • @pearcat08
    @pearcat08 Рік тому +2

    I am sorry Jo, I can't really watch this one with where I am at right now. I will comment and like for the goodwill of the algorithm though, and I am sure, even without watching, that you have made this video with all of your usual honesty, wisdom, consideration, and empathy. Thank you.

  • @StephaninasAmputeeAdventures
    @StephaninasAmputeeAdventures Рік тому +5

    0:06 🤣Lol, I'm totally sitting the exact same way right now. It's a thing.

  • @lijntje266
    @lijntje266 Рік тому +5

    i am so sad and confused how people can feel this right? to tell this random person on the internet who is in no form attacking them something DIDNT HAPPEN to them.... i just dont understand why anyone would feel the need to say that....
    also verry happy with the podcast :D

  • @MisshapenDeformity
    @MisshapenDeformity Рік тому +25

    It's hard when it's someone you're dated, someone you thought you trusted. There's a disconnect there.

  • @mcrchickenluvr
    @mcrchickenluvr Рік тому +2

    I’d love for her to take my place in my church youth group for a week. She’d get and earful, eyeful and mindful of how stuff like this impacts people. I’ve got SOOO many stories about how royally fucked our justice system, and CPS really is. As a youth leader I’m a mandatory reporter. That doesn’t mean shit when CPS doesn’t do their job. I’ve watched several of her videos. So have some of the kids I work with. They’ve told me that her videos have made them scared to tell anyone what’s going on. Things that no parent should be doing to their child, boys and girls. It’s enough to make you sick to your stomach and also want throw hands. And to have people like her plant these thoughts in their heads doesn’t help at all. So little in fact that this weekend we’re going to be burying one of our kids. That alone is weighing on our hearts and minds. I’m not directly blaming any one person for this. There’s a lot of factors that go into why SA victims want to end their own lives. But attitudes like hers add to it.

  • @hannahk1306
    @hannahk1306 Рік тому +3

    The UA-cam censorship is ridiculous and makes videos like this borderline unwatchable and actually harms their purpose. How are you supposed to educate people about something you can't talk about?
    In a way, it's perpetuating the abuse by silencing the survivors. Not talking about bad things doesn't stop them from happening. In fact it actually makes them more likely to occur and less likely to be reported.
    For context with the TV interview, Piers Morgan (the interviewer) is a bit of an arrogant arse and essentially upset so many people in the industry that he had to set up his own "news" and opinions channel, because no-one will hire him anymore. He "specialises" in interviewing controversial people and provoking reactions.
    I don't think that you have to have experienced trauma and assault to be empathetic towards those who have and to understand why someone may not come forward straight away.
    The reason why lots of people speak up when a celebrity is accused of assault is because it gives the survivors the confidence to do so - others have had similar experiences and they're being believed, "it's not just me".
    I'm also confused why she thinks that defining other types of assault is expanding the definition of sexual assault. Naming new types of apples doesn't dilute the meaning of existing apple varieties.
    I sincerely hope that this woman gets some experience of the real world and educates herself. She comes across as very sheltered and immature.

  • @ahsokatano22
    @ahsokatano22 Рік тому +2

    For your podcast, please have the speech prof on YT come on! I love his shorts! They're so good

  • @eliontheinternet3298
    @eliontheinternet3298 Рік тому +3

    Incredibly off-topic but if bringing your legs closer to your chest (like when you put your leg on the table) relieves pressure in your hips you might have tight hip flexors. There's some stretches you can do and massages you can try if you Google it.

  • @TomTomLLong
    @TomTomLLong Рік тому +3

    I have no experience and can't justifiably comment other than to say this: You are extremely brave and strong to open up and talk about your experiences. That in itself is a result of your healing by doing what you did in reporting it and working through the mountain of emotions and feelings. You are very strong and very tough; you are a true survivor.

  • @tomgreen5890
    @tomgreen5890 Рік тому +7

    Thank you for making this video. This hits very close to home for me as I've been assaulted and raped and it was really hard coming to accept this. Even though I found it difficult to watch it was nice hearing it from a big influencer. I also love that you acknowledge it happens to men too as I am one. Thank you for standing up for everyone who has had to deal with this.

  • @yomogami4561
    @yomogami4561 Рік тому +3

    you're right about people pandering to a smaller audience for ratings
    our legal system isn't geared toward care of the victim
    one topic for the pod cast should be discussing things with partner before marriage like having kids or not and how many.

  • @emyxcsinclair
    @emyxcsinclair Рік тому +5

    i think there’s a lot to be said with how you did this video compared to how other creators have, ie not commenting on her appearance. pearl has started to become just as dangerous as other people in the manosphere or whatever its called, even if there’s that very recognizable hurt and desperation to be seen at all as a person and not just a body. i didn’t even know that she had spoken about the topic of this video, so i really appreciate being made aware of it in a way that - as someone who gets it - makes sense.

  • @raigenhuss7030
    @raigenhuss7030 Рік тому +11

    “I’ll give you 6 months” made me want to throw my phone through the wall omg. After my SA I shut down for literal years. The memories came flooding back years later in therapy. I didn’t “forget” persay, but it was like I just tucked it away. The memory was there as facts, but not feelings.

  • @Tijggie82
    @Tijggie82 Рік тому +9

    I was assaulted by my first boyfriend. After that relationship ended, I realized that something had gone wrong, but I kept excusing it. Even when intellectually I knew I was assaulted, emotionally I was completely shut off. I remember telling the story to a cousin of mine and she was like 'oh my god, how horrible, I'm so sorry!' and I looked at her funny 'it's fine, I'm still alive and it was so long ago' (about 5 years then). It took me another 10 years before emotionally I got hit by this brick and started to realize how horrible what he did was and how intentionally. So weird how our brain works.

  • @Papa-em
    @Papa-em Рік тому +3

    With someone like pearl, I don’t think she’s ever going to get it unless she experiences it. And god I hope she never does, but I don’t think she can comprehend it.

  • @ldegraaf
    @ldegraaf Рік тому +2

    I think I hurt my neck because I was nodding along so much with this video. I wish there weren't so many that understand these feelings and have had these experiences. I would like to add that for those that are neuro-spicy these feelings of anxiety, anger and confusion can be so much harder to process, if you ever fully process it. On top of that we are more likely to be victimized. Almost 90% of autistic women have been sexually assaulted! I hate when people with large audiences spread misinformation that is actively hurting vulnerable people in order to further enrich themselves, then UA-cam further spreads it, because being socially responsible doesn't make them as much money.

  • @StarWonder
    @StarWonder Рік тому +8

    When you're raised by a narcissist or abuser or sadly worse, you don't know you're being abused. After years of saying that what they are doing hurts, & someone telling you it's your fault & that you owe them, & that every/any No was not allowed, no boundaries allowed, you don't even know it's abuse because not just those in charge are saying you won't find better, followed by gaslighting of the few good things they do to keep you in line to remind you you owe them or compare one type of abuse & will gaslight you & say if they were being abusive they would be doing that other abuse that's worse-seeming, like physical abuse. When your parents/partners/people you trust, are raised around, are all abusers & it's taught it's normal, the victims don't know until they meet/see/experience what is a real, kind, empathetic, compassionate relationship, & the trauma of surviving an abuser comes to reality when we meet someone that isn't abusive, which sometimes never happens, & sometimes people end up ending their own lives because they can't escape the abuse & can't see any way out that doesn't end in guilt trips, gaslighting & abuse. Most abuse happens because people are silent when someone is doing it. They don't say anything, they don't attempt to stop it, they don't help the abused, they turn a blind eye & let the victim drown. And when they finally do say something, after years of watching the abuse & saying nothing, the victim has already suffered so much that they might see someone trying to help them as someone trying to tear the victim apart from the abuser, because its' what the abuser said would happen if anyone knew about their relationship dynamic.
    Being told my parent was a liar at 6-7 years old, & they were but I didn't know, I'm being told they are a liar for something the abuser taught me, & that first I was accused of being the liar by my fellow student, until I said my parent taught said it, & they said my parent is a liar, I would beat the snot out of them. Only to get in trouble with the school & students, being called crazy, while when I get home I am praised for my loyalty while simultaneously the abuser feels confident saying they were lying, it was true, & that they are so proud of their victim for defending them even when they lie. Bribes, candies, cakes, koolaid, chips, muffins, cupcakes, pretzels, toys, presents, money, trips, all showered upon the abused to keep them in line & keep them loyal - yet never giving what the abused really needs, only doing it to keep them scared/dependant/in a state of owing, (I got you this so I should be able to invade personal boundaries, be abusive, be sexist, misgendering, blah blah blah, etc.)

  • @LunaBeth97
    @LunaBeth97 Рік тому +4

    Thanks for talking about this! It must be a very difficult topic for you to talk about with the past events you've graciously shared with us.
    I've never reported anything that happened to me and now dont feel like I can thanks to trauma related amnesia. With my assault (it was the r word but I don't like using the term), I didn't fully recognise it as such for 2 years because of the amnesia and blaming myself which was really difficult to untangle and heal from. Then with my abusive ex, I did call the cops once when I felt endangered but lied and downplayed the situation because I didn't want to "ruin his life" even though he definitely ruined mine. It's easy to think about how you'd react in a situation but it's so very different when you're actually in it.

  • @kearstinnekenerson6676
    @kearstinnekenerson6676 Рік тому +2

    I have been following since it was trauma talk and to this day when I hit a rough patch I tell myself it’s ok to not be ok and just don’t beat myself up so much

  • @laartje24
    @laartje24 Рік тому +17

    Thank you for always being on top of the trigger warnings. It means I can join into the serious topics and also that I never have to be afraid to watch you videos in fear of my mental health.

  • @marikotrue3488
    @marikotrue3488 Рік тому +2

    I had never heard of that particular person who felt that all reports of victims, if given after the passing of years, were false. 50-50 on whether that particular You Tuber believes those words, wishes to monetize those words or perhaps both. All victims deserve to have their reports taken seriously, with respect and investigated. Also, innocent until proven guilty is how we (U.S.) proclaims the mission statement of our legal system to the world. We must do both or surrender to a society which could abuse us all for any reason any time. The Russell Brand situation is complex. He was quite open about his past substance abuse and lifestyle choices. He went into rehab in the early 2000's. Did he relapse, I do not know. However, with that history he has made himself an unreliable narrator as someone in the throes of addiction, rehab or even a relapse, may not be able to hear or even comprehend the statement of "no". I am not defending him or excusing him, just giving a reason for his incredulity over these victim statements.
    BTW congratulations to Jo on the NEW Podcast!

  • @doggytheanarchist7876
    @doggytheanarchist7876 Рік тому +2

    I was raped and beaten by my first boyfriend. Several times over a period of 3 years.
    It's been 20 years and I still think about reporting him sometimes, what holds me back the most is, I have also been victimized by the cops. More than once.
    And I really don't have much hope for getting any kind of justice, in this system who never gave a fuck in the first place.

  • @51623allissa
    @51623allissa Рік тому +4

    TRUE!!! TOOK ME YEARS!!! unfortunately; for me, I didn't decide to talk about it until AFTER the statute of limitations ran out!!! I didn't and still doesn't want to "ruin his life" but he deserves to pay and I deserve justice for the way I've come to feel about myself in response to this situation. I don't blame myself for his actions but I do blame myself for the massive harmful ripple effects that occured in and throughout the family for even speaking up in the first place... picking up the peaces and rediscovering myself as "myself" since the 8th of August has been so hard. Thank you for your videos! You speak a lot of what many people are thinking. That's amazing.

    • @ulhi7564
      @ulhi7564 Рік тому +3

      I hope you are doing well, am in a similar situation but haven't spoken up. I know that I will tell the family at some point though, because the SA did impact my life and I will literally throw a party when I will finally know that they are gone from my life. Do I want to ruin anyones life? No, but it was their actions that affected me, their decisions continue to impact the way I perceive and act in the world. Keeping that part of their character and choices hidden most often works to my own detriment and may further lead to other people being vulnerable to being SA by those people, because they don't know about how powerhungry and ab*sive they are.

    • @51623allissa
      @51623allissa Рік тому +1

      @@ulhi7564 it's definitely hard and I've learned through this time period who are really important to me since then. This situation has been so hard to navigate but just knowing that someone else is going or has gone through something even remotely similar and had gotten through to the other side is comforting. I'm sorry to anyone that's had to experience such things. It's so incredibly hard to do so; but once you speak about it it gets easier. It's like sharing the lifting weight of having to carry something that's 100 lbs. By yourself that's nearly impossible (unless you're the hulk) lol. But if you share what happened to even just one person (there are hotlines and FB groups for this sorta thing if you don't feel comfortable telling family or friends), then that shares the weight of it between you and that other person. So your carrying 50lbs and so are they. And the more you express it the liter it becomes. At first I had to be comfortable writing it... Then I told my family... and now the memory of it is still there; but I'm not swallowed up by it anymore if that makes sense.
      I hope you can find peace and the strength to talk to someone.
      You're worthy of feeling and being safe. You deserve it.

    • @tabitas.2719
      @tabitas.2719 Рік тому +3

      Potentially to/for you, or as a general fyi:
      Statutes of limitations for trauma can be somewhat different - I know that in Germany the ten-year-countdown begins after you begin remembering. So, say, I've repressed xy (while remembering zb) and it pops up while I am in therapy for zb, it doesn't matter how old that memory is, but the countdown starts there.

    • @51623allissa
      @51623allissa Рік тому +2

      @@tabitas.2719 OH MY GOSH I WONDER IF IT'S THE SAME IN THE USA!?!?!? according to what I looked up the statute of limitations for SA is 3 years but I didn't even remember that it happened at all until the last night we were in the same house just passed the 3 year deadline... The onslaught of flashbacks and memories assaulted my thought process and felt so real in that moment I cried as if in anguish due to remembering what he did. Since then it's as if I'm finally in a place where I can "grief" for myself. I've gone from feeding defiled, violated, gross, mortified about the situation and thus myself to staring to appreciate life again. Sometimes it's like I'm still somewhere in-between but I'm working on it. Since even before then I was concerned of having him behind me at all; it seemed irrational at the time but the memory of the SA made EVERYTHING make sense. This is definitely worth looking up more information about though! Thank you so much!

  • @ardenchaplin5389
    @ardenchaplin5389 Рік тому +2

    I was R’d by my best friend at 14 (he was 16). I told my mum and was told not to ruin his life. I tried to report it and was told the police knew. I never heard back and assumed nobody cared. I spent years in pain and fear. At 21 I phoned the police to check if anything ever came from it. They said they had never heard of the crime. I reported it again at 21, did a full interview and attempted to provide any proof I could. They looked at school records as I needed a lot of support at school afterwards. They didn’t keep any records of it and my proof just wasn’t there. So at 22 I was told he’d never be punished for the years of pain he caused me.
    Still reporting it the second time I was met with the response from people around me that was so negative. They said it had been so long and he may have a life now that I’d ruin. I have CPTSD and I’m in therapy now. I bet he’s not in therapy. I bet he’s not scared to go out. I didn’t ruin his life but he sure tried to ruin mine.

  • @stuartlaird7341
    @stuartlaird7341 Рік тому +2

    Russel Brand had been identified as a predator before he married Katy Perry and suddenly seemed to be absolved of his sins. It was a very smart PR move on his part. As we have seen in the past week not only is he a predator, he is an intelligent, manipulative one who is not afraid to use any and all techniques to minimize his abuse.
    Paraphrasing - The world is in a climate crisis! Why are we worried about these allegations against me?
    I am not remotely surprised that anyone he victimized would just want to stay as far away from him as possible.
    As for the comments from that Pearly woman, "He can have anyone he wants", implicitly includes without consent, because it is his want that matters and obviously no-one would say no to someone so famous.

  • @ahsokatano22
    @ahsokatano22 Рік тому +2

    TW assault
    It took me 3 to 4 years to admit to myself that my "friend" had assaulted me. I would also sit there and tell myself it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't r- so its not assault. But like, even minor unwanted stuff matters and should be taken seriously (sorry, I'm trying not to get into details because a-uncomfy to myself and b-uncomfy for others).

  • @johndej
    @johndej Рік тому +1

    I am not familiar with the woman you are referring to here, but unfortunately her message seems to come from the apparent backlash against the progress that most women have made in equal treatment, justice, etc. in recent years. Like the increase in rudeness seen on airplanes and in other public situations, people like her seem to think that they are entitled to say and do what most people know to be inappropriate. I believe you've made an excellent response to what she's doing.
    It's sad that YT has to put restrictions on the language that should be used to say what needs to be said as well.
    Thank you for that! I wish you the best of luck on your podcast venture!

  • @R3tr0humppa
    @R3tr0humppa Рік тому +2

    Aside from the serious topic - I love how Jo just puts Stumpy on the table, almost resembling the "Cpt. Morgan stance". It even took me a bit to notice bc it feels so natural. ^^

  • @J.D-g8.1
    @J.D-g8.1 11 місяців тому +2

    I remember some years ago, when i was drunk out of my mind. I went home with this girl, we ended up in her sofa and somewhere in it all she muttered a "no". Sounded very inserious but it was followed by a somewhat more coherent "no". Even in my drunken stupor that word permeated my brain and i immediately got up and got at least some clothes on. And i remember she was sort of suprised by this, even asking me why i stopped, and i said "a no is a no.." and she said "not everyone respects that"
    I was way to drunk to understand whether that was an invitation or a hint of something she wanted to talk about, i dont remember much more, i know i stayed there just talking for a little before walking back to a friends house.
    The moral of the story is that despite it was she who invited me home, or that it kind of sounded like her "no" wasnt serious, the only right thing to do as a man in that situation was to stop. A woman is allowed to change her mind, whenever, wherever they want.
    As a consequence of doing precisely that i never had to guess what she really meant, never had to fear doing something bad because of misunderstanding. while its not something i feel proud about, (it was after all just what should be "default" behaviour), at least it isnt something i feel bad about.
    And coincidentally, when people argue about false accusations ruining peoples lives and so on.. i have never worried about being falsly accused.

  • @douglaswolfen7820
    @douglaswolfen7820 Рік тому +2

    Just wanna say: mad respect for the nubbin on the table
    It doesn't make any sense to me and I can't see how it could possibly make you more comfortable… but it doesn't _need_ to make any sense to me. It's not my nubbin, it's yours
    I want a world where everyone's free to do what works for them without worrying about whether other people will think it looks "normal". Thanks for pushing us all a little closer to that

  • @LifeofPalos
    @LifeofPalos Рік тому +12

    I can't wait for tonight Jo! Let's DO THIS!

    • @FootlessJo
      @FootlessJo  Рік тому +4

      I CANT WAIT!! 🎊🎉🍾🥳🍻👏🎈🎁

  • @michelleknutson4946
    @michelleknutson4946 Рік тому +2

    How much time did I have when I was 10 years to 12 years old? When I was told my entire family will be slaughtered if I say anything? I’m just starting to deal with this in the last year. I’m 54.

  • @alexisflory6496
    @alexisflory6496 Рік тому +2

    A yes from corersion is not consent. The law understands this when it comes to contracts. They require informed, non pressured affirmation. If pressure is present and a party objects the contract is void. We should treat verbal agreements and interactions the same. More people are realizing this, and it is being included in law classes at this point.

  • @user-wi3yx3gy2o
    @user-wi3yx3gy2o Рік тому +2

    People respond to incentives. There is very little incentive to report these crimes. People generally do not have it in their life plan to go through a legal process or to become famous only for having been assaulted or worse to have possibly accused someone falsely. But rule of human nature for every 9-99 people who don’t report there are 9-99 who do report and there are a couple who do report falsely, and there are similarly for every 9-99 who do clearly remember the pertinent details of their assault or abuse there is 1 who don’t.

  • @mugety5130
    @mugety5130 Рік тому +1

    There's an amazing book called trauma and recovery by Judith Lewis Herman that I think everyone should read. Please stay safe out there

  • @thecharlesfoley
    @thecharlesfoley Рік тому +2

    Every time I think you've made the one video that made me think you couldn't possibly be a more awesome human, then you make a video like this. Keep making amazing videos Jo!

  • @Lute.Turtle
    @Lute.Turtle Рік тому +3

    I do think that 10 years is too long to wait to take any legal action against the person who did x thing to another person but the victim shouldn't just shut up and never say anything about it just because it's been 10 years

    • @littlebitofhope1489
      @littlebitofhope1489 Рік тому +3

      They extended the Statute of Limitations for SA simply because time is an issue. What is your factual argument for your claim?

    • @Lute.Turtle
      @Lute.Turtle Рік тому +1

      @@littlebitofhope1489 any DNA and physical damage to the victim from the assaulter is long gone and if it was caught on security tapes the image proof has long sense been disposed of therefore it becomes a he said she said case and typically the perpetrator won't get any criminal charge because there is no proof tying them to the crime

  • @Serenity_Dee
    @Serenity_Dee Рік тому +14

    People get power and they feel entitled to take what they want. And men in our culture are taught to feel entitled to women's bodies to begin with.

  • @rahbeeuh
    @rahbeeuh Рік тому +5

    I remember Trauma Talk! That's how I found you and then made my way over here to Footless Jo!

  • @manders77
    @manders77 Рік тому +2

    The timeline is even more significant for children and adolescence 😢

  • @AudioSpaceGeek
    @AudioSpaceGeek Рік тому +2

    Oh god, that expired coupon of a person. Thank you for calling her clickbait pandering crap out.

  • @jeremyortiz2927
    @jeremyortiz2927 Рік тому +2

    14:13 For a split second, I thought you said "Turbo douche" 😅 Turbo dude is WAY better

  • @jackboil84
    @jackboil84 Рік тому +18

    I had pearl for some time in my recommendations. At first my thoughts were like "wow, she really cares about men" which soon evolved into "oh geez she cares ONLY about men and in absolutely the wrong way!" - my front page has not seen her for a few months and i am happy about it ^^

    • @taylor3950
      @taylor3950 Рік тому +1

      I’m glad you didn’t get sucked in

  • @ireney3
    @ireney3 11 місяців тому +2

    I find that people who victim shame and blame are the most judgemental and ignorant people.

  • @hollowayquotes
    @hollowayquotes Рік тому +2

    Never heard of Pearl, and now I see she did a podcast with Andrew Taint. Online Red Pill, or what passes as such, is getting worse and worse by the day.