I remember watching some clip where a guy was losing a match and he was raging really hard saying stuff like “I’m so trash” and “I fucking suck” almost about to cry. As soon as the set ended, his opponent patted his shoulder said “Don’t be so hard on yourself man, we’re all struggling to get good”. That opened my eyes so much and helped me with my issues. Finding a group of players that keep things positive and fun is so ridiculously helpful and can get you out of any bad mentality you have for a fighting game.
The biggest part is definitely the "putting too much of yourself on the line" I feel. I saw this mentality a lot when talking to league players who'd say "I don't play for fun, I play to win", as if playing for fun is somehow shameful or a waste of time. Their ego is attached to their success and their effort, and even if League wasn't the only thing in their lives, like they could be working out every day, pursuing success in careers, education, or even relationships with the same mentality, and that's still ultimately a toxic mindset to have about yourself. "You're not supposed to enjoy yourself, you're supposed to accumulate accolades to gain acknowledgement and praise from people around you. You're not doing this because you like it, you're doing it because of an obsession with social status, and even the smallest activity is a reflection of your core self and your attitude towards life". This imo, is a weakness; or rather it's a failure in addressing a weakness in yourself but it's also not your fault if you have it. We're raised with test scores, social hierarchies based on income and past accomplishments, accolades based on athletic or intellectual prowess, and it's how young kids(boys especially) socialize each other. Even if you're first attracted to getting better at a game because you think it's fun, eventually the script that tells you that you need to succeed in some way shape or form as a way of proving something important about your own self-conceptualized identity takes over and it's that obsession that drives you coming back to the game over and over despite it making you angry and stressed out. A good first thing to realize is that everyone has good qualities about themselves, but our society(joker.png) defines successful traits very narrowly. Compassion, emotional intelligence, perspective, humility, morality, the capacity to just CHILL, is all at worst demonized and at best kept out of the spotlight in favor of prowess and hard work over all, and it's because these things are considered collectivist ideals when we live in a world structured more around individualism, but these traits are powerful because you can still turn them inwards. Being compassionate about yourself, recognizing why you feel a certain way, understand that you don't need to be at the top and you won't get there by bruteforcing through your emotions anyway at the expense of your mental health, and understanding that resting half the time or taking your time with something is more productive and enjoyable than trying to improve at full throttle all of the time. Sorry this got long. I'm absolutely no strangers to "the anger" and pulling the thread on it made me realize how much it's tied to a lot of decisions I've made in my life, only this was in music and not in games. It's a limitation on your ability to improve at anything and not be miserable about stuff in your life that you care about, and it takes a long time to reprogram yourself into no longer feeling that way, and it's something I'd say most people don't even brush up against it during their entire life. The secret isn't to care less about something that matters to you, it's to befriend your emotions instead of running from them.
Thank you for making this comment. I agree with everything you wrote in it. One of the hardest yet most rewarding moments in my adult life was when I decided to separate my happiness from my external accomplishments, as well as abandoning the pursuit of validation from others. We live to fulfill the goals that EACH OF US set for OURSELVES, not what society at large dictates.
I wish to earn my self respect rather than take it. earn being nice to myself. if you think youre better than you are, its called arrogance. so as such, i try and have 0 self confidence, because any confidence i would have would be arrogance
@@Weebabuui don’t think it’s arrogant to respect yourself homie. Yes it’s nice to have personal accomplishments, but when you tie them to every ounce of your self-worth you put yourself in a dangerous position.
This reminds me of when I play strive and I see somebody teabagging to try to mental me it actually has the opposite effect and cheers me up lmao. Cuz knowing they're trying to piss me off just makes me think "Oh you cheeky little bugger, okay that's how we're gonna play" and then we're both in a shitpost of a match, which is honestly more fun than any sweat fest
Alot of people who do that disrespect/memeing break the hardest when you recover. Like the midround teebag is just telling me i can get you to forget how to block after a solid read/round
some of the most fun i have in ggst is when i check out of a round for whatever reason, start spamming DPs, then my opponent does the same. normally the next round or two becomes a pure shitpost, just like you said and it cheers me up and gets me to focus again
😳 this is the first time a creator has ever called me out?!? Thank you and I hope I didn't offend you. All I can say is sajam, LK, and now you are the biggest reason I realized that the fgc isn't just a place where the best just clown on the weak and unknowing for being weak truly thank you for what you do.😊
Thank you for making this, I can really relate to this. I think my biggest issue is getting too focused on how good my opponent thinks I am instead of being focused on how I can do the best I can do. It never hurts to remember that you should never have to prove yourself to the FGC, there's no membership fee or skill requirement to participate. We may be playing to win, but that's only in game; everyone's going to help everyone else improve. In the words of Feynman: “You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing.”
Anger has always stopped me from playing fighting games, 2 many broke controllers. I've been using fighting games to help see my progress in anger management. Thank you for these accounts of your experience it is valuable to someone learning to grow like me to hear your story.
I just got back from an anime convention, and I played strive with people around my level in person for the first time. I didnt get frustrated at all, win or lose. It was so amazing to play with people in such a chill, friendly environment filled with people of different skill levels. I think playing with (nice) people in person is really amazing because you dont have to worry about someone being a dick on the other side of the screen.
Playing with others is so much better than playing alone online and can help with raging a lot too. I took part in tiny local scene while ago and I noticed that I never raged in there in same way I get angry playing alone. I sometimes got frustrated at myself, but among other people it was more of a calm "well that's bummer" style thing, than malding rage I feel alone. It probably helps that in that kind of environment one can distract themselves with good company, rather than just thinking about the game constantly.
Playing with your opponent right next to you is def a whole different feeling. I was also at a anime convention this weekend and they had a Tekken 7 tourney. It was all good vibes win or lose the whole time. When you are actually in person with your opponent it feels like you're just a couple of friends playing games instead of fending off nameless and faceless enemies online. Ended up talking with and getting along with everyone and adding a couple of ppl on discord to play in the future.
I used to have a real problem with mentality in games, at one point it got so bad I had actual anxiety attacks at tournaments. Around that time I had to just stop playing because I was being way too hard on myself and just couldn't enjoy it. What changed was I met some people at college and we just played Melee to enjoy the game and I was able to finally detach myself from the game and I reached the limits of my style and while I was disappointed that I was at that wall I was happy that my resulting style is largely around punishing mistakes and flaws so it is able to help other people tighten up their gameplan. Another important thing is sometimes you just need to take that step back, yeah it sucks that you're at a dead end but if you go back a block and make a left you can just go around it y'know
Whenever I’m feeling angry I simply stand up, close my eyes, raise my hands to the sky and scream as loud as I can “ANGER BE GONE” and then I no longer feel angry. Works every time.
The part about putting everything into a fighting game because you don't have much else going on really hit for me, especially considering how the last few years have been. Thanks as always Romolla, these are my favourite videos of yours!
I'm new to fighting games, I'm having a big problem with getting angry at myself for not learning. Like when someone keeps doing the same thing to me and I see it coming and still die to it the same way over and over I get really upset with myself.
That's OK! You're learning to learn, it's really hard to adapt on the fly to stuff. If you go and watch combo breaker (big tournament that just happened) even some of the top players struggled with adapting on the fly and got eliminated from the tournament for it. Be patient with yourself :)
A lot of fighting games is just pure experience and muscle memory to familar situations. If you are at least recognising the situation and understand what you should do then that is ok. You can help force the situation along by solely anticipating the particular thing, even to the detriment of other areas. By focusing on (mostly) a singular thing, you can push more and more of those experiences into your body
@@JohnGuiltyGear thanks for the kind words, I know it's right but in the moment it's still really hard not to get upset with myself when I feel like I should be able to react properly.
I swear you don’t miss!! Thanks for another great vid Romolla. Honestly think you touching on that internalized dialogue/ perception is such a useful insight. I definitely struggle with worrying about people thinking I’m trash or they’re stunting on me when a lot of times that stuff isn’t true. I wish everyone on the journey to improvement ( self and in game ) the best of luck.
I've been working on improving my anger for 3 years, since I got married and my wife said it not only bothered her but she felt bad about how I treated myself. most advice is basically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and that's good! you have to change the first thoughts you have in response to the reaction of anger/upset/salt. but tthis takes so much work and discipline (taking breaks when you get angry is, for me, #1). And #2 is really finally internalizing that wins and losses do not matter at all. we're here to learn, losses are a chance to learn. These are the united lessons I've gotten from many many different types of people talking about this type of thing, from Zaferino to Josh Waitzkin. we're all in the struggle together, you're not alone no matter how upset it makes you, we've been there. I think it helps to remember that too. no one is laughing at you, we all just want to improve just like you. we're sort of a huge team! ... until tournament day but that's not important right now. edit - one specific thing I realized recently, when people would read the optionI was gonna use, I feel so stupid. It's partly the 'they're laughing at me' fantasy, but I also just felt like 'I should be two steps ahead'.... but I'm learning, I'm new, I'm working on my play. I should be happy that within the game, I thought of an option that was so reasonable, that it was predicted. that actually means I'm thinking within the options of the game properly! I know this may seem like a squiggly line way of thinking but I just need to short circuit these patterns of anger.
Your previous videos have helped me a lot with me not getting tilted and salty during matches. But it is extremely hard to shut it off all together. Great videos as always
I was having this issue recently, arbitrarily getting extremely salty during some play sessions. After it kept happening I was eventually to figure out the through line that was at the core of me getting so upset at the game - fucking up reversal supers. I have since very rarely used reversal supers
Never seen any of your content but this is something I’m struggling with and I’m putting the pieces together (or at least I think I am). It’s actually really humbling to hear your story and experience being very similarly to my situation. So thank you for this rant and I hope I can work to improve.
I get more sad than angry. I'm pretty damn good at many games but in fighting games I've always struggled with slowish reactions and bad responses/punishes. This makes my defense weaker than I would like and sometimes I lose to the stupidest gimmicks or strategies. I want to know how to be more present and aware in the heat of the moment so I can make better decisions on how to respond with the best answer to whatever is happening on the screen. Whether it's a punish, combo route, block, anti air, defensive os. I think I may be too autopilot at times. I was thinking maybe some defensive drills set to random in training would help and also playing the game not to win but to focus on responding to a certain part I need to work on.
Wow this just hit way too close to home Video games are the only thing i'm really good at, and because of that, it gets to a point where i feel obligated to win in order to validate myself. So when that doesn't happen, a spicy combo of rage and sadness flows in, and try to hold it in until i just boil over and explode with everything coming out at once. It genuinely felt like I was just being made a joke out of, and that the other person was just laughing their ass of at me. I never thought i'd have this revelation from listening to a cow lady talk about FG's , thank you
You know I know people who don't get competitive and don't get angry about losing and they also don't really like playing fighting games. I think the two have to kind of go hand in hand I think if you care and you enjoy playing fighting games then you know you're not going to like losing the thing is being able to control your emotions accepting them and moving past them I mean sure eventually if you are a tournament player you're probably not going to get upset that much about playing ranked or casuals anymore but you might still get up to set at tournament when you lose and I mean you're never going to avoid it 100% nobody likes to lose.
I agree learning to control our emotions is very important and I highly recommend it to everyone. That said it's very possible to enjoy fighting games and really not mind losing. The people I've found who fall into this category are people whose sense of validation and fulfillment don't come from games. They enjoy fighting games, they have a lot of fun playing them, but at the end of the day they are successful in other parts of their lives. As such they don't tie any of their self worth to their in-game performance and the game is simply a game to them. Unpacking all that is a much longer discussion for another day but it's always worth re-evaluating ourselves when we realize we only like our time with an activity when we win.
Good video. I think this is an important topic for anyone doing anything competitive to remember and keep in mind. I think it's also important to keep a general attitude of remembering to have fun, even if you are trying to be competitive.
I really like videos like this, it helps me try to get better, like I can't play any multiplayer game alone because I get so angry after a while and it's not just because I lose I don't mind if I lose if it's close but if it's just loss and loss over and over again and I just get destroyed it's so unfun. It really helps me to play with a group of people because then I don't get as angry around people as I would just by myself, it helps to have people to talk to to distract yourself from the game especially if I'm playing against the people like in strive where I'm talking to the person I'm fighting, i may get annoyed but it's a whole lot better than getting so angry. Im slowly getting better though
I used to do this to myself a lot too. wasn't until the past few years I was able to stop imagining the worst person ever on the other side of the connection.
If I lose to someone who has more points I try to cancel them, then I change my mind my mind cuz I dunno how to "cancel" so I just microwave some tostinos. But jokes aside. Life is whatever you make of it
Just like other emotions, anger itself is a resource. I think a good way to use it is to fill your mind with the problem you see before you and use anger as the drive to start solving it. Better yet if you can harness anger to stick the problem into your head, then compliment your opponent (genuinely) on what you saw them do.
I have so many thoughts on this as I've been the one getting angry and also the one telling my homie to calm down and stop taking it all so seriously and hard on themselves. I literally stopped a play session for an intervention because dude was damn near in tears and I just had to tell him straight up "suck that shit up there will ALWAYS be someone better than you, and even if there isn't someone still thinks you're trash"
When I first started, I almost never got angry. I was learning! I was gitting gud and that means you're gonna get kicked around a lot. And I still have this mentality in matches, but I've been playing fighting games seriously for 9 years now, and I have imo a strong analytical understanding of the games I play. I understand what is going on, I understand the mind games behind nearly every situation. I extensively lab my character and my options. But I am mechanically horrible. There are things that I have practiced for literally 1000's of hours that I can do perfectly in training mode without much effort, but can't begin to do in a match. So when someone jumps in on me and I press the button that's supposed to anti-air them at this angle and leads to big damage only to get stuffed, or I mistime a meaty and get thrown for it, or get mashed on from plus frames when I'm doing the specific option to blow them up for mashing, or can't do a wakeup/reversal super to save my life I get beyond frustrated and sometimes just absolutely livid. I have practiced all of these things for so, so long, and it all inevitably feels like wasted time. Because none of it gets better. I can't AA now any better than 5 years ago. I'm not any more consistent and still have all the same problems and weaknesses. I can't get past the things that I know and my complete inability to put them into practice. It's depressing how much time I've spent trying to do these few things well and I simply can't. I've tried to just accept that this is me hitting my limitations. If you were going to improve to get more consistent, you would have by now. At the very least, it would take way more free time than you have to give to try and get better. I'm better off just retiring and becoming a spectator or total casual. But I've been a part of the scene so long that most of my friend group is part of the fgc, so I constantly get reminded or tempted to come back. It was all so much more fun when I was still learning new concepts and had a more limited grasp of how things worked that was in line with how well I could play. Nowadays, I feel like I can't even keep up with myself and it gets me incredibly tilted.
The trick to part of this is not getting overly focused on training mode. Training is good for labbing things that you don't know how to handle or figuring out some basic things but learning to actually use your tools will happen in a match. It doesn't make it impossible, just different. In training mode you mostly know what is about to happen and can prep for it. In a match your mind can be full of possibilities, plans, worries, etc especially if you over think things. I would suggest 4 things: 1. Don't expect to be able to box because you read a book on it and hit a punching bag a bunch of times. Learn to box by boxing. Which is to say get in the game and fight people. Don't try to implement every single thing at once, pick one, focus on it, you WILL learn. "For today I am not going to do big combos or footsies or mindgames, I'm going to anti-air." that is your win condition. Rinse repeat. You've been around 9 years so you probably already know this but if you're still stuck on anti-airs this kind of thing is where you need to refocus your efforts. Lay good groundwork and you can build the house on top of it. 2. I know it's hard but stop over thinking things. It is very hard to put what you've learned into practice when you're looking at an opponent in front of you and debating which of their 52 options they will use at any given time. Lower the number of things in your brain. Are they far away? They'll want to close distance or use long range attacks. Don't worry about 'but what about when they do get close'. Right now they're far away, worry about that. 3. Understand your strengths. Execution is only one small part of fighting games. Conditioning, space control, reads, whiff punishing, defense, etc are all just as important. If you are bad at one and feel you really can't do it then specialize in another one and pick a character that suits that playstyle. Nobody is picking Zangief for his long and complex combos nor Katarina for her in depth control scheme. There are characters for every type of player. Find what works for you instead of trying to brute force a skill that doesn't suit what you are good at. 4. The most important one: If you really want to be good (or even decent) at fighting games don't make excuses for yourself. That doesn't mean beat yourself up when you fail but it's easy to look at a list of suggestions like this and go "but I tried that, I did that, none of it works, they don't understand, it's just impossible for me". A random stranger won't know what you have/haven't done or what you can/can't do. But there are very few people who genuinely can't play fighting games. Brolylegs is an excellent example of someone who wanted to, and did, play fighting games in spite of all odds. If they can overcome their challenges to do it you can too. If your hard work isn't resulting in growth then it's not your potential that's the problem it's your method of working hard. Also seek some anger management. I don't mean that as a slight, it's a genuine concern if games make you that angry and only a professional is really equipped to help with that. We all deserve to be happy and mentally healthy.
@@Gorshum Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the input, and most of what you said are the things I've done that actually worked to a degree. Especially compartmentalizing and focusing on one goal at a time.
I read a related story about NFL QB's Trey Lance's father. They would go on golfing outings together when he was a kid, and Trey would get tilted because he was losing to his father. But his father would pull him to the side and paraphrasing "Why are you getting angry when you don't even know how to play yet? You're looking down on your opponents. Learn how to play first, THEN you have the right to be angry". I'm used to being the best player in my friend circle and I could beat all of them just slacking off, not training or doing any studying of the game. I'm 'just' good enough online to validate my ego. It was frustrating taking a step outside of that and going to local meets. I would get shellacked which would make me depressed, and eventually just give up because it wasn't fun AKA my ego wasn't being fed anymore. What Lance's father said really resounded with me. I had to check my ego at the door and realize that I was NEVER really "playing the game". There's no easy road to getting good or reaching the point where you actually know "how to play the game", but nothing worth your time is gonna be easy.
I have this exact issue. I get so mad, and feel like people are specifically styling on me and making fun of me when I lose (it is especially bad if they tbag and the like). I have serious rage issues, but I'm working on it. It's a barrier to me improving and I want to do better.
I don't care if you're not licensed to do any kind of therapeutic work, this video is hella therapeutic. Like I'd pay you to just be my on-call "I just now lost to a Sol player who t bagged me in neutral constantly, and I want to literally throw my computer out of my window" situation de-escalator LOL
you described younger me to a T there with that anger issue haha. Still a problem from time to time. i think complimenting your opponent is a big one and it's quite difficult to do that with random's a lot of the time which I think is where a lot of the anger issues come out the most for people.
when I was a kid i get angry during when I had a Sega console still shocked it still works lol but I got over it better over time as for fighting games not really expect the teabags or message those used to bring down what they say you know your trash is and that but not anymore those days were wild times .
I get mad on my opponents behalf and I don't know why. I will anti air an approach twice, calm as a cucumber, I'll see them go for it a third time and whether or not I anti air the third time I will already get annoyed. It's like I'm pissed that I'm playing someone I don't see as being thoughtful and it's like an insult or something even if I know they aren't being malicious. Every time I feel my brain go 0-100 over someone being stupid, I'm just embarrassed. Idk how to get over it or how to harness it into something good tho.
5:35 it’s me I’m the guy getting high and eating pizza lol jk but in all seriousness this video did help with anger issues I have since I was that kid as well that didn’t have anything else for him growing up but fighting games
I feel like people feel themselves when they beat me because I do that. Like “this guy thinks he is a god because he beats me” is how I think so I think they think that way. It’s never like that tho lol. great video -im the one who is toxic-
Honestly I've never really had a problem with getting too angry while playing fighting games but I guess that's because I don't take them too seriously. If I start to get frustrated I just take a break and play something else lol
I dont always rage when I have matches, but there are some matches where my brain mentally explodes because of my mistakes i realized I made or that opponent's 1000% pure bullshit and we both know it. That's why I usually do casual because it's not as serious, even if theres still some bullshit, but we're also playing Guilty Gear, its built on bullshit since the 2000s lol
Tried to GG a HC player once. They went on a long rant about how leo's side switch is cheap and I suck. As a man that seeks out mirror matches and has gotten knocked outta that move so many times on read, I couldn't help getting really annoyed with that. So yeah, some people will just say you suck if you try to be nice lol
I literally had this conversation today with an IRL friend of mine who I talk to about FGC stuff. We choose to play competitive games. Fighting games are inherently competitive. That is thier nature. And yet it is still a game. We should still be having fun. And if you feel like a GAME isn't fun to the point your being outwardly aggressive, then maybe it's time to take a step back and reevaluate why it is you are putting yourself through that. When as gamers did we accept that fun has become synonymous with self torture?
"If I lose, its expected. If I win that just shows how good I am" see I actually adopted this thinking on purpose, to try and be less affected by losses. I wonder if thats actually making it easier though, or just feeding my own ego?
IMO that sounds like a band aid solution to a deeper problem. It might work for now but you're better off having a conversation with yourself and figuring out why losing is so rough for you. Just my two cents.
@@JohnGuiltyGear thing, is losing isn't even very tough for me to swallow? I don't think so at least, I don't ragequit or insult my opponent and I don't stake my self-worth on winning. I just play low tier characters more often than not (mostly out of bad luck but I also have a thing for underdogs)
@@kaleidoslug7777 "I dont stake my self worth on winning" Thats the main and the most right part. I had to remind myself this a lot because fgs were (and still are to some extent, just not as big) my way of validating myself. I was never good at anything or was never persistent enough to get good at something until recently with fgs. So losing felt really bad at some points, had to take breaks and remind myself of things. Still get mad tho. But at least now i understand that its because of my mistakes in game and not cause "I can never be good at anything"
I am absolute garbage at the game and I literally can't stop getting angry at the stupidest things like a child, and I can't stop. I should just stop playing entirely that's the only thing that would stop any of this.
I remember watching some clip where a guy was losing a match and he was raging really hard saying stuff like “I’m so trash” and “I fucking suck” almost about to cry.
As soon as the set ended, his opponent patted his shoulder said “Don’t be so hard on yourself man, we’re all struggling to get good”.
That opened my eyes so much and helped me with my issues. Finding a group of players that keep things positive and fun is so ridiculously helpful and can get you out of any bad mentality you have for a fighting game.
Reading this got me emotional ngl. That story could easily be about me any day of the week playing these games.
yeah playing alone in your own room against random people online definitely does not help
Glad I'm not the only one who puts themselves through this. Well, not glad other people go through this but glad I'm not alone.
The biggest part is definitely the "putting too much of yourself on the line" I feel. I saw this mentality a lot when talking to league players who'd say "I don't play for fun, I play to win", as if playing for fun is somehow shameful or a waste of time. Their ego is attached to their success and their effort, and even if League wasn't the only thing in their lives, like they could be working out every day, pursuing success in careers, education, or even relationships with the same mentality, and that's still ultimately a toxic mindset to have about yourself. "You're not supposed to enjoy yourself, you're supposed to accumulate accolades to gain acknowledgement and praise from people around you. You're not doing this because you like it, you're doing it because of an obsession with social status, and even the smallest activity is a reflection of your core self and your attitude towards life".
This imo, is a weakness; or rather it's a failure in addressing a weakness in yourself but it's also not your fault if you have it. We're raised with test scores, social hierarchies based on income and past accomplishments, accolades based on athletic or intellectual prowess, and it's how young kids(boys especially) socialize each other. Even if you're first attracted to getting better at a game because you think it's fun, eventually the script that tells you that you need to succeed in some way shape or form as a way of proving something important about your own self-conceptualized identity takes over and it's that obsession that drives you coming back to the game over and over despite it making you angry and stressed out.
A good first thing to realize is that everyone has good qualities about themselves, but our society(joker.png) defines successful traits very narrowly. Compassion, emotional intelligence, perspective, humility, morality, the capacity to just CHILL, is all at worst demonized and at best kept out of the spotlight in favor of prowess and hard work over all, and it's because these things are considered collectivist ideals when we live in a world structured more around individualism, but these traits are powerful because you can still turn them inwards. Being compassionate about yourself, recognizing why you feel a certain way, understand that you don't need to be at the top and you won't get there by bruteforcing through your emotions anyway at the expense of your mental health, and understanding that resting half the time or taking your time with something is more productive and enjoyable than trying to improve at full throttle all of the time.
Sorry this got long. I'm absolutely no strangers to "the anger" and pulling the thread on it made me realize how much it's tied to a lot of decisions I've made in my life, only this was in music and not in games. It's a limitation on your ability to improve at anything and not be miserable about stuff in your life that you care about, and it takes a long time to reprogram yourself into no longer feeling that way, and it's something I'd say most people don't even brush up against it during their entire life. The secret isn't to care less about something that matters to you, it's to befriend your emotions instead of running from them.
Thank you for making this comment. I agree with everything you wrote in it.
One of the hardest yet most rewarding moments in my adult life was when I decided to separate my happiness from my external accomplishments, as well as abandoning the pursuit of validation from others.
We live to fulfill the goals that EACH OF US set for OURSELVES, not what society at large dictates.
I ain’t reading all that but good shit or I feel bad for you
I wish to earn my self respect rather than take it. earn being nice to myself.
if you think youre better than you are, its called arrogance. so as such, i try and have 0 self confidence, because any confidence i would have would be arrogance
@@Weebabuu I feel like I could have wrote this comment and I hate it : \
@@Weebabuui don’t think it’s arrogant to respect yourself homie. Yes it’s nice to have personal accomplishments, but when you tie them to every ounce of your self-worth you put yourself in a dangerous position.
This reminds me of when I play strive and I see somebody teabagging to try to mental me it actually has the opposite effect and cheers me up lmao. Cuz knowing they're trying to piss me off just makes me think "Oh you cheeky little bugger, okay that's how we're gonna play" and then we're both in a shitpost of a match, which is honestly more fun than any sweat fest
Alot of people who do that disrespect/memeing break the hardest when you recover. Like the midround teebag is just telling me i can get you to forget how to block after a solid read/round
some of the most fun i have in ggst is when i check out of a round for whatever reason, start spamming DPs, then my opponent does the same. normally the next round or two becomes a pure shitpost, just like you said and it cheers me up and gets me to focus again
@@allisonjaeger6231 if you grab a teabagger once they'll lose
You give them "grab brain" and they forget how to play
i mess up mortobato input and worry someone thinks im t bagging 😭
😳 this is the first time a creator has ever called me out?!? Thank you and I hope I didn't offend you. All I can say is sajam, LK, and now you are the biggest reason I realized that the fgc isn't just a place where the best just clown on the weak and unknowing for being weak truly thank you for what you do.😊
Thank you for making this, I can really relate to this. I think my biggest issue is getting too focused on how good my opponent thinks I am instead of being focused on how I can do the best I can do. It never hurts to remember that you should never have to prove yourself to the FGC, there's no membership fee or skill requirement to participate. We may be playing to win, but that's only in game; everyone's going to help everyone else improve.
In the words of Feynman: “You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It's their mistake, not my failing.”
Anger has always stopped me from playing fighting games, 2 many broke controllers. I've been using fighting games to help see my progress in anger management. Thank you for these accounts of your experience it is valuable to someone learning to grow like me to hear your story.
I just got back from an anime convention, and I played strive with people around my level in person for the first time. I didnt get frustrated at all, win or lose. It was so amazing to play with people in such a chill, friendly environment filled with people of different skill levels. I think playing with (nice) people in person is really amazing because you dont have to worry about someone being a dick on the other side of the screen.
Playing with others is so much better than playing alone online and can help with raging a lot too. I took part in tiny local scene while ago and I noticed that I never raged in there in same way I get angry playing alone. I sometimes got frustrated at myself, but among other people it was more of a calm "well that's bummer" style thing, than malding rage I feel alone. It probably helps that in that kind of environment one can distract themselves with good company, rather than just thinking about the game constantly.
Playing with your opponent right next to you is def a whole different feeling. I was also at a anime convention this weekend and they had a Tekken 7 tourney. It was all good vibes win or lose the whole time. When you are actually in person with your opponent it feels like you're just a couple of friends playing games instead of fending off nameless and faceless enemies online. Ended up talking with and getting along with everyone and adding a couple of ppl on discord to play in the future.
Idk who this cow lady is but she spittin
She never misses
Fax
I used to have a real problem with mentality in games, at one point it got so bad I had actual anxiety attacks at tournaments. Around that time I had to just stop playing because I was being way too hard on myself and just couldn't enjoy it. What changed was I met some people at college and we just played Melee to enjoy the game and I was able to finally detach myself from the game and I reached the limits of my style and while I was disappointed that I was at that wall I was happy that my resulting style is largely around punishing mistakes and flaws so it is able to help other people tighten up their gameplan. Another important thing is sometimes you just need to take that step back, yeah it sucks that you're at a dead end but if you go back a block and make a left you can just go around it y'know
Whenever I’m feeling angry I simply stand up, close my eyes, raise my hands to the sky and scream as loud as I can “ANGER BE GONE” and then I no longer feel angry.
Works every time.
this will be the most powerful move in offline tourneys
SERENITY NOW!!!
The funny thing is I bet this would actually work since you couldn’t help but not take things as seriously after doing it
Calm yourself
🌩NOW 🌩
Ive never wanted to smash my controller before, but hopping back and forth between floors 7-8 is REALLY testing me. I really needed this video
The part about putting everything into a fighting game because you don't have much else going on really hit for me, especially considering how the last few years have been. Thanks as always Romolla, these are my favourite videos of yours!
I'm new to fighting games, I'm having a big problem with getting angry at myself for not learning. Like when someone keeps doing the same thing to me and I see it coming and still die to it the same way over and over I get really upset with myself.
That's OK! You're learning to learn, it's really hard to adapt on the fly to stuff. If you go and watch combo breaker (big tournament that just happened) even some of the top players struggled with adapting on the fly and got eliminated from the tournament for it. Be patient with yourself :)
A lot of fighting games is just pure experience and muscle memory to familar situations. If you are at least recognising the situation and understand what you should do then that is ok. You can help force the situation along by solely anticipating the particular thing, even to the detriment of other areas. By focusing on (mostly) a singular thing, you can push more and more of those experiences into your body
@@JohnGuiltyGear thanks for the kind words, I know it's right but in the moment it's still really hard not to get upset with myself when I feel like I should be able to react properly.
@@joeyrhubarb2558 thanks for the advice, in the future I will try to just focus harder in the one thing I want to stop.
This is the type of content I truly love, and basically, I'm proud of you.
I swear you don’t miss!! Thanks for another great vid Romolla. Honestly think you touching on that internalized dialogue/ perception is such a useful insight. I definitely struggle with worrying about people thinking I’m trash or they’re stunting on me when a lot of times that stuff isn’t true. I wish everyone on the journey to improvement ( self and in game ) the best of luck.
I've been working on improving my anger for 3 years, since I got married and my wife said it not only bothered her but she felt bad about how I treated myself. most advice is basically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and that's good! you have to change the first thoughts you have in response to the reaction of anger/upset/salt. but tthis takes so much work and discipline (taking breaks when you get angry is, for me, #1). And #2 is really finally internalizing that wins and losses do not matter at all. we're here to learn, losses are a chance to learn. These are the united lessons I've gotten from many many different types of people talking about this type of thing, from Zaferino to Josh Waitzkin.
we're all in the struggle together, you're not alone no matter how upset it makes you, we've been there. I think it helps to remember that too. no one is laughing at you, we all just want to improve just like you. we're sort of a huge team! ... until tournament day but that's not important right now.
edit - one specific thing I realized recently, when people would read the optionI was gonna use, I feel so stupid. It's partly the 'they're laughing at me' fantasy, but I also just felt like 'I should be two steps ahead'.... but I'm learning, I'm new, I'm working on my play. I should be happy that within the game, I thought of an option that was so reasonable, that it was predicted. that actually means I'm thinking within the options of the game properly! I know this may seem like a squiggly line way of thinking but I just need to short circuit these patterns of anger.
Your previous videos have helped me a lot with me not getting tilted and salty during matches. But it is extremely hard to shut it off all together. Great videos as always
I was having this issue recently, arbitrarily getting extremely salty during some play sessions. After it kept happening I was eventually to figure out the through line that was at the core of me getting so upset at the game - fucking up reversal supers.
I have since very rarely used reversal supers
Never seen any of your content but this is something I’m struggling with and I’m putting the pieces together (or at least I think I am). It’s actually really humbling to hear your story and experience being very similarly to my situation. So thank you for this rant and I hope I can work to improve.
A well needed video for me personally. Thank you so much as always for the great & helpful content that you make
I get more sad than angry. I'm pretty damn good at many games but in fighting games I've always struggled with slowish reactions and bad responses/punishes. This makes my defense weaker than I would like and sometimes I lose to the stupidest gimmicks or strategies. I want to know how to be more present and aware in the heat of the moment so I can make better decisions on how to respond with the best answer to whatever is happening on the screen. Whether it's a punish, combo route, block, anti air, defensive os. I think I may be too autopilot at times. I was thinking maybe some defensive drills set to random in training would help and also playing the game not to win but to focus on responding to a certain part I need to work on.
Wow this just hit way too close to home
Video games are the only thing i'm really good at, and because of that, it gets to a point where i feel obligated to win in order to validate myself. So when that doesn't happen, a spicy combo of rage and sadness flows in, and try to hold it in until i just boil over and explode with everything coming out at once. It genuinely felt like I was just being made a joke out of, and that the other person was just laughing their ass of at me.
I never thought i'd have this revelation from listening to a cow lady talk about FG's , thank you
You know I know people who don't get competitive and don't get angry about losing and they also don't really like playing fighting games. I think the two have to kind of go hand in hand I think if you care and you enjoy playing fighting games then you know you're not going to like losing the thing is being able to control your emotions accepting them and moving past them I mean sure eventually if you are a tournament player you're probably not going to get upset that much about playing ranked or casuals anymore but you might still get up to set at tournament when you lose and I mean you're never going to avoid it 100% nobody likes to lose.
I agree learning to control our emotions is very important and I highly recommend it to everyone. That said it's very possible to enjoy fighting games and really not mind losing. The people I've found who fall into this category are people whose sense of validation and fulfillment don't come from games. They enjoy fighting games, they have a lot of fun playing them, but at the end of the day they are successful in other parts of their lives. As such they don't tie any of their self worth to their in-game performance and the game is simply a game to them. Unpacking all that is a much longer discussion for another day but it's always worth re-evaluating ourselves when we realize we only like our time with an activity when we win.
Good video. I think this is an important topic for anyone doing anything competitive to remember and keep in mind. I think it's also important to keep a general attitude of remembering to have fun, even if you are trying to be competitive.
I really enjoy this more general fighting game advice. I feel like these type of vidoes are great for helping the fgc improve
Holy shit I needed this exact video for 3 years.
I really like videos like this, it helps me try to get better, like I can't play any multiplayer game alone because I get so angry after a while and it's not just because I lose I don't mind if I lose if it's close but if it's just loss and loss over and over again and I just get destroyed it's so unfun. It really helps me to play with a group of people because then I don't get as angry around people as I would just by myself, it helps to have people to talk to to distract yourself from the game especially if I'm playing against the people like in strive where I'm talking to the person I'm fighting, i may get annoyed but it's a whole lot better than getting so angry. Im slowly getting better though
I used to do this to myself a lot too. wasn't until the past few years I was able to stop imagining the worst person ever on the other side of the connection.
This video was awesome. So many useful and relatable anecdotes and recommendations. Thanks for putting it together.
If I lose to someone who has more points I try to cancel them, then I change my mind my mind cuz I dunno how to "cancel" so I just microwave some tostinos.
But jokes aside. Life is whatever you make of it
Some very good points
i cant stop morbing PLEASE help me cow lady
You can only help yourself, sadly. Good news is, I know you can do it!
I get people messaging me gg sometimes when I feel like I played like utter shit and it feels like an insult.
You have a LOT of really great content!!! Ive always seen you on other streams, but more recently have been checking out your content. Keep it up!!!
Just like other emotions, anger itself is a resource. I think a good way to use it is to fill your mind with the problem you see before you and use anger as the drive to start solving it. Better yet if you can harness anger to stick the problem into your head, then compliment your opponent (genuinely) on what you saw them do.
I have so many thoughts on this as I've been the one getting angry and also the one telling my homie to calm down and stop taking it all so seriously and hard on themselves.
I literally stopped a play session for an intervention because dude was damn near in tears and I just had to tell him straight up "suck that shit up there will ALWAYS be someone better than you, and even if there isn't someone still thinks you're trash"
When I first started, I almost never got angry. I was learning! I was gitting gud and that means you're gonna get kicked around a lot. And I still have this mentality in matches, but I've been playing fighting games seriously for 9 years now, and I have imo a strong analytical understanding of the games I play. I understand what is going on, I understand the mind games behind nearly every situation. I extensively lab my character and my options.
But I am mechanically horrible. There are things that I have practiced for literally 1000's of hours that I can do perfectly in training mode without much effort, but can't begin to do in a match. So when someone jumps in on me and I press the button that's supposed to anti-air them at this angle and leads to big damage only to get stuffed, or I mistime a meaty and get thrown for it, or get mashed on from plus frames when I'm doing the specific option to blow them up for mashing, or can't do a wakeup/reversal super to save my life I get beyond frustrated and sometimes just absolutely livid. I have practiced all of these things for so, so long, and it all inevitably feels like wasted time. Because none of it gets better. I can't AA now any better than 5 years ago. I'm not any more consistent and still have all the same problems and weaknesses.
I can't get past the things that I know and my complete inability to put them into practice. It's depressing how much time I've spent trying to do these few things well and I simply can't. I've tried to just accept that this is me hitting my limitations. If you were going to improve to get more consistent, you would have by now. At the very least, it would take way more free time than you have to give to try and get better. I'm better off just retiring and becoming a spectator or total casual. But I've been a part of the scene so long that most of my friend group is part of the fgc, so I constantly get reminded or tempted to come back.
It was all so much more fun when I was still learning new concepts and had a more limited grasp of how things worked that was in line with how well I could play. Nowadays, I feel like I can't even keep up with myself and it gets me incredibly tilted.
The trick to part of this is not getting overly focused on training mode. Training is good for labbing things that you don't know how to handle or figuring out some basic things but learning to actually use your tools will happen in a match. It doesn't make it impossible, just different. In training mode you mostly know what is about to happen and can prep for it. In a match your mind can be full of possibilities, plans, worries, etc especially if you over think things.
I would suggest 4 things:
1. Don't expect to be able to box because you read a book on it and hit a punching bag a bunch of times. Learn to box by boxing. Which is to say get in the game and fight people. Don't try to implement every single thing at once, pick one, focus on it, you WILL learn. "For today I am not going to do big combos or footsies or mindgames, I'm going to anti-air." that is your win condition. Rinse repeat. You've been around 9 years so you probably already know this but if you're still stuck on anti-airs this kind of thing is where you need to refocus your efforts. Lay good groundwork and you can build the house on top of it.
2. I know it's hard but stop over thinking things. It is very hard to put what you've learned into practice when you're looking at an opponent in front of you and debating which of their 52 options they will use at any given time. Lower the number of things in your brain. Are they far away? They'll want to close distance or use long range attacks. Don't worry about 'but what about when they do get close'. Right now they're far away, worry about that.
3. Understand your strengths. Execution is only one small part of fighting games. Conditioning, space control, reads, whiff punishing, defense, etc are all just as important. If you are bad at one and feel you really can't do it then specialize in another one and pick a character that suits that playstyle. Nobody is picking Zangief for his long and complex combos nor Katarina for her in depth control scheme. There are characters for every type of player. Find what works for you instead of trying to brute force a skill that doesn't suit what you are good at.
4. The most important one: If you really want to be good (or even decent) at fighting games don't make excuses for yourself. That doesn't mean beat yourself up when you fail but it's easy to look at a list of suggestions like this and go "but I tried that, I did that, none of it works, they don't understand, it's just impossible for me". A random stranger won't know what you have/haven't done or what you can/can't do. But there are very few people who genuinely can't play fighting games. Brolylegs is an excellent example of someone who wanted to, and did, play fighting games in spite of all odds. If they can overcome their challenges to do it you can too.
If your hard work isn't resulting in growth then it's not your potential that's the problem it's your method of working hard. Also seek some anger management. I don't mean that as a slight, it's a genuine concern if games make you that angry and only a professional is really equipped to help with that. We all deserve to be happy and mentally healthy.
@@Gorshum Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the input, and most of what you said are the things I've done that actually worked to a degree. Especially compartmentalizing and focusing on one goal at a time.
I read a related story about NFL QB's Trey Lance's father. They would go on golfing outings together when he was a kid, and Trey would get tilted because he was losing to his father. But his father would pull him to the side and paraphrasing "Why are you getting angry when you don't even know how to play yet? You're looking down on your opponents. Learn how to play first, THEN you have the right to be angry".
I'm used to being the best player in my friend circle and I could beat all of them just slacking off, not training or doing any studying of the game. I'm 'just' good enough online to validate my ego. It was frustrating taking a step outside of that and going to local meets. I would get shellacked which would make me depressed, and eventually just give up because it wasn't fun AKA my ego wasn't being fed anymore. What Lance's father said really resounded with me. I had to check my ego at the door and realize that I was NEVER really "playing the game". There's no easy road to getting good or reaching the point where you actually know "how to play the game", but nothing worth your time is gonna be easy.
I have this exact issue. I get so mad, and feel like people are specifically styling on me and making fun of me when I lose (it is especially bad if they tbag and the like). I have serious rage issues, but I'm working on it. It's a barrier to me improving and I want to do better.
I don't care if you're not licensed to do any kind of therapeutic work, this video is hella therapeutic.
Like I'd pay you to just be my on-call "I just now lost to a Sol player who t bagged me in neutral constantly, and I want to literally throw my computer out of my window" situation de-escalator LOL
thank you for the lecture gaming cow 👍
I'm still waiting for Bridget, and this is my biggest problem.
you described younger me to a T there with that anger issue haha. Still a problem from time to time.
i think complimenting your opponent is a big one and it's quite difficult to do that with random's a lot of the time which I think is where a lot of the anger issues come out the most for people.
feeling real targeted at 6:15
Mushrooms on pizza is the best. Only issue is its hard to find a 3rd topping with pepperoni
Sausage
Pineapple mushroom in based
Oliiives
romollaAngery
when I was a kid i get angry during when I had a Sega console still shocked it still works lol but I got over it better over time as for fighting games not really expect the teabags or message those used to bring down what they say you know your trash is and that but not anymore those days were wild times .
Romalla in 60fps kinda hittin different
idk about y'all but what *really* helped me manage anger playing fighting games? sublingual estradiol
Definitely agree, but that said, if an I-No player hits you with j.S 20 times in a row just bc they can, they 100% have hatred in their heart.
I played people like this mostly cause they refused to block high, blocking high was a concept they did not believe in so i just took advatage no mix
I get mad on my opponents behalf and I don't know why. I will anti air an approach twice, calm as a cucumber, I'll see them go for it a third time and whether or not I anti air the third time I will already get annoyed. It's like I'm pissed that I'm playing someone I don't see as being thoughtful and it's like an insult or something even if I know they aren't being malicious. Every time I feel my brain go 0-100 over someone being stupid, I'm just embarrassed. Idk how to get over it or how to harness it into something good tho.
5:35 it’s me I’m the guy getting high and eating pizza lol jk but in all seriousness this video did help with anger issues I have since I was that kid as well that didn’t have anything else for him growing up but fighting games
I feel like people feel themselves when they beat me because I do that. Like “this guy thinks he is a god because he beats me” is how I think so I think they think that way. It’s never like that tho lol. great video -im the one who is toxic-
Honestly I've never really had a problem with getting too angry while playing fighting games but I guess that's because I don't take them too seriously. If I start to get frustrated I just take a break and play something else lol
I dont always rage when I have matches, but there are some matches where my brain mentally explodes because of my mistakes i realized I made or that opponent's 1000% pure bullshit and we both know it.
That's why I usually do casual because it's not as serious, even if theres still some bullshit, but we're also playing Guilty Gear, its built on bullshit since the 2000s lol
Tried to GG a HC player once. They went on a long rant about how leo's side switch is cheap and I suck. As a man that seeks out mirror matches and has gotten knocked outta that move so many times on read, I couldn't help getting really annoyed with that. So yeah, some people will just say you suck if you try to be nice lol
I literally had this conversation today with an IRL friend of mine who I talk to about FGC stuff. We choose to play competitive games. Fighting games are inherently competitive. That is thier nature. And yet it is still a game. We should still be having fun. And if you feel like a GAME isn't fun to the point your being outwardly aggressive, then maybe it's time to take a step back and reevaluate why it is you are putting yourself through that. When as gamers did we accept that fun has become synonymous with self torture?
7:28 I KNOW Hook would do that LMAO
"If I lose, its expected. If I win that just shows how good I am" see I actually adopted this thinking on purpose, to try and be less affected by losses. I wonder if thats actually making it easier though, or just feeding my own ego?
IMO that sounds like a band aid solution to a deeper problem. It might work for now but you're better off having a conversation with yourself and figuring out why losing is so rough for you.
Just my two cents.
@@JohnGuiltyGear thing, is losing isn't even very tough for me to swallow? I don't think so at least, I don't ragequit or insult my opponent and I don't stake my self-worth on winning. I just play low tier characters more often than not (mostly out of bad luck but I also have a thing for underdogs)
@@kaleidoslug7777 "I dont stake my self worth on winning"
Thats the main and the most right part. I had to remind myself this a lot because fgs were (and still are to some extent, just not as big) my way of validating myself.
I was never good at anything or was never persistent enough to get good at something until recently with fgs. So losing felt really bad at some points, had to take breaks and remind myself of things.
Still get mad tho. But at least now i understand that its because of my mistakes in game and not cause "I can never be good at anything"
0:10 How you gonna do Peppery Splash dirty like that?
I am absolute garbage at the game and I literally can't stop getting angry at the stupidest things like a child, and I can't stop. I should just stop playing entirely that's the only thing that would stop any of this.
Yeah I tilt but I generally do the old Siege classic and that just boot people and call that win
i was completely on board until the mushrooms on pizza comment, now im just confused
Drugs
Based
i feel seen
Cow therapy my beloved
u r the best tho
thc helps.
To a degree I find myself still getting upset from time to time
Deb X Healthy Gamer GG
Yo, you play Golf? Golf stream when?
Zato's is the best song when you're listening to the OST by itself, but Nago's is the best in-game. Case closed
Hey, the easiest way to improve is to ask this question:
"How stupid would you have your enemy?"
4:25
I beg ur pardon?
Love the content great video. But why are you always sniffing air?
we sniff air every second our lives of course
@@TheJbrown60 🤦♂️
Punk should watch this, just saying…
I am salte boy
Hold on whats that holy orders remix at the start, shits a vibe
you should read
In the description
@@Cherry_Waves_ Thanks
based and cowpilled.
🤓
men will watch literally all of romolla's content before going to therapy
this is a joke, but therapy is good for you when you can find a good place
Mushrooms on pizza. . . . . I hate you