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Yes. People are too immature to understand that there are people out there who don’t actually argue to solve problems. There are actual people out there who argue to be horrible to others. Thanks for this.
I just faced my bully at work today.She’s about 5’10 ,230 lbs and I am 4’9 and 90 lbs.Everybody tolerated her behaviors but I had enough and I didn’t even realize I did what you advice here on nonverbal cues.It’s powerful.I feel empowered to face her and speak up .I didn’t give her a chance to speak after I emphasized that she need to stop how she’s treating me.I walked away after my last statement. I used to face bullies when I was in grade school until high school and now I’m older,bullies are still rampant and there’s a way to stop them and that is to face them .
Good for you yonikurn. My mother, who is 4' 11" (and a little more than 90 pounds :) :) :) would be proud of you! It's not the size of the woman in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the woman. Stand up for yourself without rancor or belligerence. But STAND UP! Way to go. Dan
I wish I had known about your videos two years ago when I worked with a bully. No one did anything to oppose her, not even management who admitted she had issues. She was so abusive that I ended up leaving the company and that witch got promoted. I love your videos and at the same time dread them because they trigger so much of my unresolved anger at being completely inept at defending myself against people like her. At least from now on, I'll be able to. Thanks so much for all your advice and wisdom. So please excuse me while I take some calming breaths into a paper bag.
I haven't worked since I left my last job a year and a half ago. I've been delaying going back. But alas I must since money is running out. Thank you - really - for what you post. It's so helpful.
MsBettyR. Just happened to me. On Monday the b%#$! cursed me out (AGAIN) grabbed her stuff and left. As in I'm done I quit. I stayed late that day fixing that night's cancellations which nobody else wanted to do. Next day she's back and I get a termination letter. I know its for the best for me, working there was horrible! But even tho I'll get better I still wish I could get THEM!
If you are not responsible for supervision: are you getting paid for supervision of bullies or for doing other stuff? Some tolerate bullies, maybe for some reason. Hopefully the client won't pay the price one day. I also used to work with people who abuse people to get recognised and left. Would you as a company owner invest in machines that kick each others a... or in stuff that works together?
I could write a book of comments about my experiences on this subject after working almost 40 years. I have had MORE than my share of workplace bullies. I always backed down and let them have their way in the anticipated hope that they would do themselves in, but unfortunately, to no avail. For whatever reason management doesn't want to ever deal with them and so I would always end up on the bad side of it, especially if I reported their behavior. I found it easier to leave the company. I also find that when someone gets in your face and you do the same, it creates a more hostile environment, even if you remain calm and your voice low.
HI FINGURL ECG: Part of the problem is that bullies are so commonplace--from the top levels of government to the kindergarten school yard--that too many people find their behavior "acceptable." You know--"part of growing up." But it shouldn't be acceptable ANYWHERE, as I'm sure you can attest. Nobody should have to deal with bullying for 4 minutes, much less 40 years.
Lol MANAGEMENT can’t handle them either. I have the same situation in my HOA board with 3 foreigners who want to change the rules against 2 conservatives who want parliamentary procedure. The majority doesn’t know what that is. Idiots ruling over the people. Oh, sounds familiar, huh?
I agree with you 😞. It happens to me a lot wherever I go....bullies always pick on me. From my family, childhood, school,work and marriage and until now even my own children they bully me gang up on me together with my selfish greedy husband who act like a child. After all my sacrifices as a carer wife, house wife , tired mom and a part time work in the restaurant while they having fun shopping and lazy unemployed husband on benefits are just too much to handle. Unfortunately, I don't have anywhere to go if I leave. Thousands of miles away to go back home country 😞 I sometimes wish COVID would take me now..I need to rest to avoid getting bullied all the time 🚫
I am unable to defend myself, i don't know why but i get extremely nervous and almost freeze when someone comes up to me in a bullying way. To an extent my childhood is responsible as well but now it is high time that i take charge of my life and not let any one disrespect me, i want to give it back to the bullies but why do i freeze, why i am not unable to say anything.
The above two responses had not address this commenter's main concern, which is her extreme nervousness and involuntarily frozen state when confronted by a bully. She knew that she should stand up for herself and yet unable to take actions. I don't have answers for her because I think she needed some offline professional help to address her fear (and hope that she has already gotten some since it's been a year.) Like her, I often find myself unable to act, yet my reason is different from hers. I do get very angry and have an impulse to strike back, especially when the type of confrontation by the bully is the physial kind, and I know I can do some real damage to my offender. Nonetheless, I get bogged down with not wanting to inflict the kind of damage I could've inflicted upon a person (this is *NOT* my real wants at the time ... my real want is to bash the head of my offender open or break some ribs or poke some eyes.) Frankly, if I unleash my fury, then I am afraid things would be *reeeeally BAD* , so I have this involuntary force to stop me! Thoughts such as me being arrested by the authority, and questions such as whether retaliating physically is "right" (of course it is because the offender initiated this abhorrent interaction and deserves to be damaged) also enter my mind, hence further thawing my actions. What I really want, for once, is to be able to break through this almost instinctive pull-back of my furious deeds and teach someone a lesson. And when it is after the effect, I often get mad at myself for quite a good while for not being more physical. Nonetheless, the inner turmoil does eventually die down ... until the next encounter. :-\
It is a self-defense mechanism. Your body (subconscious) is telling you there's a threat, & the challenge is bigger than your capacity to handle it, so to shrink is better than to expand. So it is like a spider or a snail who auto shrink when there's a threat instead of fight back. Therapy to handle smaller challenges without auto-freezing, may help to make you not auto-freeze when faced by bigger challenges.
@@ExtraordinaryLiving In your case perhaps therapy of anger management may work. Learn to release your anger in a smaller scale phase by phase, rather than explode. To release a little bit of anger is better than to suppress anger or to explode. Learn not to be out of control. Look, if people learn karate, they learn to be strong, stay in control, but not to abuse their power. Perhaps you need to learn karate as well.
What is even harder then accepting the bullying and cry about it, is working to change toestand up for yourself. It sounds hard, but at least in my experience….it is EASIER to accept bullying then to repel it (not fight it…repel it). I have found to experience much more anxiety and feeling much more miserable before and during learning how to standing up for myself. But eventually I got better and better it takes years to improve. But now I am a bully-slayer. I had my bully-boss test me and I did this tactic leaning forward to him and said nothing at first just let him finish completely. Then I said, you have the right to your opinion but I see no wrong on how I dealt with the situation, I just did what I thought was best and I have thought it through very well. With my background (referring to my academic education and work experience) I am perfectly capable of making these decisions. If you don’t like it that’s fine, but I am going to continue this path because it gets the work done and the results we need. But I do suggest you and I work together on how to improve to an outcome that we BOTH like for the future. I said it in such a way to actually intimidate him a bit. He did not expected me to not only ‘NOT’ be scared of him but to invite him to work together, but with this intimidating look (from a woman it is extra scary). I know I am in the position to do this because finding a job is not hard for me, I am not dependent on anyone and I don’t have to accept crap. That’s the FIRST stage of standing up for yourself is by becoming independent. The more independent you are, the more you can slay them bullies. After this, my boss does continue to annoy me but he never insulted me ever again.
I love it how you basically teach people to mirror the person in front of them, while staying true to themselves. This is priceless advice and so on point! Thanks!
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE your videos. They are so relatable. I am an HR Generalist in NYC and I constantly come back to your videos for personal encouragement as well as strategies and techniques I can share with staff members that come to my office on a daily basis complaining about these kinds of issues. This one is spot on.
It is all part of the social validation plan...most are hungry and will do anything for gain Don't worry though...Karma does come right back to them overtime
@@1crude0slick1 Because bad things happen to good people and vice versa :( And for people who believe in Karma, it's only supposed to show effects in the next reincarnation, I thought?
Helloooooo Dan! Thank you Now that I realize bullying is NOT unlawful. As an employee of the Co. of Los Angeles the only way to fight against bullying is to STAND UP AND ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF. I've subscribed and I look forward to viewing your videos. I appreciate your knowledge.
Hi Rhonda: Please know that I'll help you all I can to stand up for yourself! Go through my videos and please comment as you go along--and share whenever you see a good one! Dan
Had this lady at a previous job. Me and a coworker were the first people in the morning. She would often call our desk from the kitchen and yell at us asking if we “took the cups in the kitchen” etc… or yell at us over something that doesn’t even make sense. I think we were easy targets because we are soft spoken IT guys, didn’t look imposing and let’s just say we didn’t look like her. I don’t miss that job at all. Great video
I think the key is nipping these things in the bud when you first sense little things, tension, jealousy etc. It could be easy to miss if you're used to trying to have a thick skin. It can be very difficult to backpeddle if you allow it to go on.
I appreciate this. I still have a work place bully that I shut down through HR because of the politics attached. They tried to bait me afterwards, but I moved work location and now I don't hardly encounter them. The first time they came at me with that body language I should have shut them down. I was trying to be nice. I regret it. Thanks for sharing this advice.
I am happy to hear you say this because when someone bullied me at work I just squared up shoulders back I took a step in her Direction and said "do you hear yourself bullying someone old enough to be your mother.? Get a life little girl". I noticed bullies Only do their best work in front of others. Is that considered mob psychology?
You're an incredible teacher and I wish I would've found you years ago. Genius. Thank you for your contribution to society. This is truly lifechanging and so helpful.
Agreed, a stance that mirrors their own usually throws them off & they back down..but i find it's more powerful if you keep the words Simple & as few as possible. My response to that accusation would be a simple Nope, loudly & with Confidence..they will likely decide they don't want to go there & move on to the next target.....Most bullies are actually Cowards.
What about a friend who often makes negative comments on my weight loss, new healthy eating habits, me beibg vegetarian, clothes and new glasses? I actually grew up with a mother who often called me slow or stupid/loser. And as a adult i now have had a break through moment that ive actually surrounded myself with ppl who are critical and they are picking at me. Im also very sensitive to critism. If someone is nice to me i dismiss it or i think i dont deserve it..
Awesome job. I totally got the point. Lean into confrontation and they will back down. Call them out on aggressing toward you and they seem aggressive to others and you don’t look like a timid, guilty, little bad boy.
Dan you are incredible! I have just discovered your videos and this is what has been missing from my life for years! I have have struggled to find some real tactical advice that I can apply to everyday situations. Watching your videos gives me a sense of ease, and calmness knowing that I am equipped to handle situations. I look forward to takin your courses on your website! Thank you for providing SO MUCH QUALITY and free content !
Thanks, Nadia. I do the best I can on UA-cam and hope people both like and share. I also know that in time people find their way to my website. Here on UA-cam I try to provide good and complete trailers, but the full-length movies can only be found on my website. danoconnortraining.com :) :)
I work behind a bar in a night club. I only just started 2 months ago with no experience at all in working behind a bar. A girl who's been working there for a while, is probably the biggest bully I have ever met. I felt like I was in highschool all over again. Just kept shouting at me so serve people faster. At one point she confronted me face on like you explained in the start of the video, and what I usually do is shy away and cross my arms and shut down, but I knew instinctively to turn and face her with my arms by my side, and looked straight in her eyes, and I seen her flinch a little and get nervous that I wasn't shutting down like she expected, and then she crossed her arms and shut down! But then later on, when the music is loud, she would easily walk past me and shout at me to hurry up, and it's harder to stand your ground when she's walking away. I've always been an easy target for bullies. I'm quiet and reserved, but I've come veeeeerryyy far in my confidence to speak to people and stand up for myself. I've learned that it's all about body language.
This is correct. My sister is a bully but when confronted by our older brother who is the bully of bullies and who uses this tactic it’s game over for her.
I remembered the first time I got bullied in kindergarten, this kid would always pick on me until my inner wolf came out and scared the living heck out of the kid I told him that if he didn’t leave me alone that I was gonna cut his life short lol little inner gangsta in me 😂😂
@@PenguinPlaysRoblox I just remembered that my mom got on to me once for telling the mean kids across the street that my dad was gonna sue them. 😂 I was like 5 or 6 - I had no idea what that even meant! 😂😂
Lol I've now learned how to Channel my anger and anxiety soo now I can stand up to kids who decided to mess with the wrong person I'm finally able to unleash my inner wolf 🐺 😅 tysm Communication skills dude for teaching me how to stand up to a bully.
Dan you get me through each time. Love your sessions. I am able to stay professionally firm and stand my ground with workplace bullies. These tips really do work. Thank you!
I have autism. I appear normal, but that is my greatest hindrance. My workplace is ....I'm starting to cry. Supposed to be about helping those with disabilities. I'm in dire need of an advocate, (or testicles).
LA Bauer, I hope you find the help you are looking for. I wish I could be that person, but autism is beyond my area of expertise. Please find that advocate; it sounds as though you are in a field where help is available. Don't give up until you get the help you need and deserve. Dan
I'm also autistic and feeling like backing off to avoid conflict; but after watching many of Dan's videos I've been better at body language. It's easier to communicate with.
I also have an ASD and I am not afraid to use my sharp tongue and mind against bullies early and quickly. I have told many a jackass that in a world of billions of people, 99.99% will never give a damn about you and won't miss you if you die today. Grow up and shut up.
Same here I tense up and get afraid to verbal communicate what I actually wanna say in my own head and take the passive approach that is until I’ve had enough.
I love your videos - they helped me immensely recently. Even though I had to stand my ground, I did so with confidence and later felt my nervous system skyrocket with symptoms.
Elaborate on how to respond to bullies. An acted out video example would be a great visual example on how to respond to bullies. This step is not trivial--we need to have this perfected. When you make a misstep with a bully it is always catastrophic! If you make a mistake when initially dealing with a bully they become emboldened and the cycle of abuse starts / continues /grows. It's a horrible cycle that non-bullies need to know how to use to stop the bullies before they get a chance to start.
Thank you so much for this video, I am dealing with a horrible bully at my workplace. She has her sights on me unfortunately, but is mean, rude and aggressive to everyone. I want her to know NOT me. I will try your strategy. Thanks😊
I’ve been binge watching all your helpful videos because I’m dealing with a mean lady in her 60’s. My god I thought it would be better when they got older!!! No it never ends. She’s so passive aggressive with her rude sarcastic comments. And I’ve seen another women just put up with her making fun of her. It’s sad, really. Thank you again. I hope to maintain control and use many of your communication techniques
I hope these videos are helping. In re aging--it's been my experience that as people age, they exhibit many of the same characteristics they did in their youth, only more-so. If they were funny, they are even funnier when they get older. If they were snide, they become even meaner. If they were open and loving, they'll be even more open and loving in their old age (although sometimes infirmities curb that a little--and sometimes they don't). I'm not talking about a certified social study. I'm talking about my own observations. :)
Thank you! This is GREAT! Communication Non verbal communication Bully will TEST before they bully Lean in Shoulders back Chest forward Eyes wide Lean forward & in & ask ‘what are you asking me?!’ Shows them to go somewhere else
I confronted them because of their behaviour in the office. That's when they started to bully me "indirectly". Meaning, they would make fun of my voice and the way I talk but they are not mentioning my name, but I can sense that their offensive jokes are about me. I cannot do anything now because they are in different outsource company, and our manager told us to just ignore them, even though they are really disturbing and insensitive at workplace. I feel depressed that I cannot do anything but to always lower my voice so they will not hear and they will not make fun of me.
When I was in the group meeting with my narcissist ex-boss, I automatically shivering when she talked (like meeting a tiger). But I noticed my co-workers (who was also a small asian female like me) remained naturally calm (like there's nothing to fear). I wonder why?
New suscriber here..I just needed this example..Its perfect...I'm dealing nowadays with old school-type bullies with slaves/flying monkeys doing their biddings at a training center.. They have done the worst actions to me on the day I was too sick to react ( fever and lost voice)..That pissed me off so I want to send a non-verbal message to tell them to back off or I'll make them each of them (men and women) regret their actions. Thank you soo much !!
I am not an assertive person by nature, I do my best to avoided conflicts but that does not matter, bullies will find me....so I'm back for refresher course. The funny thing, a bully was in my space challenging me on my opinion about a situation that may affect all of us. Apparently to the bully I should not be affected. To reinforce that, the bully got in front of my desk with that same power stand and spoke loudly to me....I ...responded back exactly as you described and repeated my opinion loudly, doing so confused the bully.....shame on bullies when you understand that these people bully for absolutely so reason....hahah🤣🤣😅😇. Thank you sir, you have helped me. greatly.
This is so funny! My ex narcissistic boss, last year, accused me of eating her cookies ! She flat out accused me in front of co workers and students. I just stood my ground and said "no I did not." She kept going on and on about it , I just kept saying "no, I didn't." She was angry, and I think she was trying to get a bigger reaction from me. But I didn't take the bait. And I stood up straight, and I maintained eye contact.
In there s year of bullies,it’s called WAYS TO DEAL WITH BULLIES. 1: IGNORE THEM 2: ROAST THEM 3: AGREE WITH THEM 4:OUTSMART THEM 5:THROW FACTS IN THERE FACE 6:HAVE THEM SAY WHAT YOU SAID. Thank you guys for interacting with this and Also I made this for you also so in ur next vid u can Do this.THESE ARE ONLY 6 ways
Ok i just subscribed. I'm learning a new job that completly out of my comfort zone . I have had literally 3 days of real training and from that I now know how to do those duties. I heard all of them having a good laugh about how dumb I'm am.(Including the Team Lead) i feel like im a target bc my husband works there but in a different department . I also suffer from acute anxiety. I need to officially let the team lead now who is aware of what's going on. But in order for me to talk to the supervisor I have to follow the chain of command. I hate confrontation and i have to get control of this b4 i don't have a job . Any suggestions ?
I currently have a bully at my work place, it's an alfa personality attacking me. They use a an insulting and malicious tone at me. They did this too me at a business public luncheon, my posture remained calm & rational, they soon lost interest and left the luncheon early, they also, turned everyone else Off. I continued to keep a disciplined posture, through out the end of the business event. And some of the staff started to follow up on my mannerisms and behavior. Which was kinda an unexpected result.
yesterday I reported my work bully to HR after hearing that I am not the first person she degraded in a classroom setting hopefully she will get what she dishes out ty.
Perfect advice, and I must have subconsciously used this the other night at a party which I was musically performing at for a karate club. The karate instructor’s son (age 14) is my performing partner and he’s been rapidly declining mentally with anxiety while his karate instructor father has been bullying people these past few months. On this party, we were rushed so I was talking to the point while setting up but not being rude and my music partner must had been so mentally fragile due to his father’s bullying over years and these recent months, that he could not cope with the social pressures that came with our gig. His father found me, had told me his son was upset and made up that he was in the back room, leading me towards a room with 3 other karate men inside and he uttered something indicating that I purposely upset his son (which was not true) I turned around in the doorway and pointed at him saying “no, that’s not right! I would never hurt your son, how dare you”. His eyes opened wide, chest puffed out (like you said), started backing me inside this room where I thought he’d beat me up, so I looked him in his mad eyes, put my forearm to his chest and pushed towards him, while verbally defending my actions. He threw me in the room, I soiled myself… he left, and I rang my friend who came in, then we packed all the music gear and left. I don’t feel one bit ashamed of pissing my pants because he was a bully and I stood up to him and not one single person in that karate party has the guts to stand up to him. I’ve cut ties now but feel so sorry for the karate instructor’s son… As he needs counselling and social services to step in because his dad is a mentally manipulative bully. Good video.
Harry, there is nothing wrong with having a physical reaction when you're scared to death. No embarrassment there. You stood up to the guy and that took real guts. You knew you couldn't match his karate moves but you stood your ground anyway. Kudos to you, my friend. Not many people would have done that or could have done that. You, my father and my brother are three. I hope I'd be four :). And I hope that man's son has a MOTHER who can help him. Or a grandmother. My guess is that the father would snow social services and make his son do the same. What you might try is a confidential call to a school counselor who could call the young man in on a routine visit and try to see if he needs help. No one need know that she was alerted by an outside person to the boy's need for help.
I took your advice, and the bully's fellow co-workers mobbed up against me, and lied about me to HR - complete lies framing me as the bully - I was terminated.
Instead of being passive or aggressive be assertive. Tell them "I am requesting that you stop treating me the way you have been. I don't appreciate it. If you don't stop though I will have to take it to HR." You hold your respect and power while standing your ground. Also it leaves them powerless.
The problem there is when your assertive behavior gets misconstrued for aggression. This is a common problem for women targets, this tactic doesn't work for them.
The best reaction to a bully is to fart and say "I am sorry, did you say something?". Or blow a raspberry and walk away singing and skipping as you go. It works. I've done it! Or you could say "I am sorry. I think you are confusing me with someone who cares about what you think. Easy mistake." And walk off.😁🖒 If they get to too far up in your face, sniff and say "Woooah. I have something for that. Now where did I put those freshmints?"
Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor ... Not sure I understand what you mean. It is important never to show fear to a bully because they usually have no balls anyway. A barking dog rarely bites. Humour can defuse a lot of situations. When you don't react as expected, it can throw people off track and disarm them. They don't know what to do.
I agree rymd pojke...I've done the similar with Managers and believe it or not, a few different Customers who were screaming in order to intimidate co-workers at the Cashier Counter. I always used a humorous voice of course as I slapped the counter hard with the palm of my hand, and shook my finger at them like there were a child while saying " Johnny, you be nice" (Johnny is a fictitious name), like I was their Mother! The sound of me slapping the counter or the table with the palm of my hand got their attention over their loud voice, the smile on my face and the tone of my voice made them realize I was using humor, but most of all, I think it was me calling them out on their obnoxious, rude behaviour like I was their Mother that got them lol. They certainly were not expecting this from a 5 ft. tall, slightly built woman. I wish I could have gotten a picture because with each bullying incident because the look on the bully's face's were priceless!!!
Mr. O'connor I have to commend you on your advice on communication with difficult people. I was recently promoted at my job and now lead people who are sabotaging me at every turn and I have been standing my ground with your strategies. However, I can't help but feel exhausted by the constant strain of having to fend off people who have no healthy boundaries when dealing with others in the workplace. They make inflammatory comments to me and other co-workers and I want to change this culture of our environment to more of a open door policy where we converse in a peaceful and respectful manner at all times. Do you think this is possible in dealing with long term employees who are use to this atmosphere and are reluctant to change? Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Hi Charles: Your office needs training in communication, in a big way, judging from your comment. Yes, when people are made aware of communication problems, they absolutely can change how they relate to other people. (This is different from trying to essentially "change" people. Instead I'm referring to the way they communicate.) If you can't afford office training (my charge is 5-7 thousand a day, depending on the hours and requirements), or for some reason choose not to bring a trainer onsite, then my next best recommendation would be my 50 lesson training package--Step Out of the Shadows and Speak. Any number of small businesses have purchased this and used it for weekly sales training. The program curriculum outline can be used as a guide as to which of the lessons might be appropriate or needed. These businesses show the video (25 minutes) and then discuss how to implement the training. I know that some of them pass out the written materials that go with lessons. I don't know if this would work for you Charles. But you definitely need some type of basic change to improve what appears to be a mildly toxic environment. It's very stressful and hard on your health to work in a toxic environment. If you want to review the 50-lesson program, go to the store at danoconnortraining.com and you'll see it. At the very end of the description, you'll find the link to view the curriculum, too. I hope this works for you. Dan
Hi Dan, I'm so happy to have recently found your channel! Will this technique be as effective when the bully/victim dynamic as already been long established?
At work I don't have bullies, I have students. LOL. I have found that improving body posture and voice tone, is giving me better results with difficult students. Before I go to work, I close my eyes and I visualize my whole day . I try to visualize every detail of my day, including getting into my car and driving to work. I visualize every interaction with every student and co-worker. I visualize all of my personal interactions with co-workers and students going perfectly, smoothly and I play out the scenario exactly how I want it to happen . With the results and the attitude that I want. I visualize it , and I feel it. Then when I go to work, it's amazing how powerful this is . When I go to work, for the most part, my day will run smoothly and I will get the results I wanted, and the details of my day will unfold the exact way that I visualized and wanted. The students will have behaved the way that I wanted, they will have completed their work the way that I ask, and I will have said what I wanted to say , the way I want to say it. In a nutshell I will get the responses I visualized getting ! Our thoughts are thst powerful . If we can create our reality with our thoughts, we can create our day at work with our thoughts. Now, if an interaction with a student doesn't go well, or an interaction with anybody doesn't go well, then when you go home you close your eyes and you replay that interaction over again in your head , and you picture it going the way that you wanted it to go! What you wanted to say, and how you wanted it to go. Then the next time you run into that person or student, you are going to have a smooth and pleasant, positive interaction with that person . I think it was Einsten who said "immagination is more powerful than knowledge. " (I'm feeling better as far as the flu, I think I will be able to go back to work tomorrow. )😁♥️😃👍♥️♥️
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm so glad you made this video. I didn't even know that co-workers accusing you of eating their food was actually a thing! My ex supervisor accused me. Like I would be that dumb to eat my supervisor's cookies. LOL. I can't believe it is actually a tactic bullies use on people. Thanks. And it's so funny now looking back on it. 🤣😁😂👍♥️
My heart starts beating extremely fast when I feel under attack & with work bullies & because of PTSD, I am hyper-vigilant. I wish I could control my amygdala & adrenal response, instead of these nasty creatures 😐 I think they must have been abused by their parents too, because how else do you end up like that?!
I’m here for a different Bully ,my 42 year old daughter,& I wouldn’t dare get in her face ,as I would probably get hit. It’s been hard for years ,but I have grandchildren I want to with. Glad I found you, your fun and real👍🐣🧘♀🇬🇧🇨🇦
Keep it up Barby. You'll continue to feel better about yourself and in time, the bullying will diminish. Just keep standing up for yourself; bullies like VICTIMS not strong people.
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Yes. People are too immature to understand that there are people out there who don’t actually argue to solve problems. There are actual people out there who argue to be horrible to others. Thanks for this.
You mean naive. Not understanding that there are people who argue just be mean is not being immature. Naive yes, immature, NO. Immature is an insult.
Exactly, there is no point in trying to talk it out.
I just faced my bully at work today.She’s about 5’10 ,230 lbs and I am 4’9 and 90 lbs.Everybody tolerated her behaviors but I had enough and I didn’t even realize I did what you advice here on nonverbal cues.It’s powerful.I feel empowered to face her and speak up .I didn’t give her a chance to speak after I emphasized that she need to stop how she’s treating me.I walked away after my last statement.
I used to face bullies when I was in grade school until high school and now I’m older,bullies are still rampant and there’s a way to stop them and that is to face them .
Good for you yonikurn. My mother, who is 4' 11" (and a little more than 90 pounds :) :) :) would be proud of you! It's not the size of the woman in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the woman. Stand up for yourself without rancor or belligerence. But STAND UP! Way to go.
Dan
That takes nuts and bolts, bravo.
True. A bully will almost always test you before they start really picking on you.
Usually when someone comes after me looking like that my first response is to laugh at them. They don't know what to do with that.
"Is that a machete in your hand?" Killed me 😂
Thank you Thank you we'll be here all week, folks.
Online Communication Skills Training Videos with Dan O'Connor
"umm... yea sorry bout that. Didn't mean to bully you..."
I wish I had known about your videos two years ago when I worked with a bully. No one did anything to oppose her, not even management who admitted she had issues. She was so abusive that I ended up leaving the company and that witch got promoted. I love your videos and at the same time dread them because they trigger so much of my unresolved anger at being completely inept at defending myself against people like her. At least from now on, I'll be able to. Thanks so much for all your advice and wisdom. So please excuse me while I take some calming breaths into a paper bag.
I hope you'll find things in my videos to use at your current workplace MsBettyR. And thanks for the encouragement!
Dan
I haven't worked since I left my last job a year and a half ago. I've been delaying going back. But alas I must since money is running out. Thank you - really - for what you post. It's so helpful.
MsBettyR. Just happened to me. On Monday the b%#$! cursed me out (AGAIN) grabbed her stuff and left. As in I'm done I quit. I stayed late that day fixing that night's cancellations which nobody else wanted to do. Next day she's back and I get a termination letter. I know its for the best for me, working there was horrible! But even tho I'll get better I still wish I could get THEM!
If you are not responsible for supervision: are you getting paid for supervision of bullies or for doing other stuff? Some tolerate bullies, maybe for some reason. Hopefully the client won't pay the price one day. I also used to work with people who abuse people to get recognised and left. Would you as a company owner invest in machines that kick each others a... or in stuff that works together?
What exactly do you do now whenever you encounter a bully at work? What do you tell them?
I've had that experience. I took a step toward him confidently but calmly and he backed right down.
I could write a book of comments about my experiences on this subject after working almost 40 years. I have had MORE than my share of workplace bullies. I always backed down and let them have their way in the anticipated hope that they would do themselves in, but unfortunately, to no avail. For whatever reason management doesn't want to ever deal with them and so I would always end up on the bad side of it, especially if I reported their behavior. I found it easier to leave the company. I also find that when someone gets in your face and you do the same, it creates a more hostile environment, even if you remain calm and your voice low.
HI FINGURL ECG: Part of the problem is that bullies are so commonplace--from the top levels of government to the kindergarten school yard--that too many people find their behavior "acceptable." You know--"part of growing up." But it shouldn't be acceptable ANYWHERE, as I'm sure you can attest. Nobody should have to deal with bullying for 4 minutes, much less 40 years.
Lol MANAGEMENT can’t handle them either. I have the same situation in my HOA board with 3 foreigners who want to change the rules against 2 conservatives who want parliamentary procedure. The majority doesn’t know what that is. Idiots ruling over the people. Oh, sounds familiar, huh?
P
I agree with you 😞. It happens to me a lot wherever I go....bullies always pick on me. From my family, childhood, school,work and marriage and until now even my own children they bully me gang up on me together with my selfish greedy husband who act like a child. After all my sacrifices as a carer wife, house wife , tired mom and a part time work in the restaurant while they having fun shopping and lazy unemployed husband on benefits are just too much to handle. Unfortunately, I don't have anywhere to go if I leave. Thousands of miles away to go back home country 😞 I sometimes wish COVID would take me now..I need to rest to avoid getting bullied all the time 🚫
@@mayettechilds242 may God bless you
I am unable to defend myself, i don't know why but i get extremely nervous and almost freeze when someone comes up to me in a bullying way. To an extent my childhood is responsible as well but now it is high time that i take charge of my life and not let any one disrespect me, i want to give it back to the bullies but why do i freeze, why i am not unable to say anything.
It's never to late to stand up for yourself and be confident apply this lesson.
The above two responses had not address this commenter's main concern, which is her extreme nervousness and involuntarily frozen state when confronted by a bully. She knew that she should stand up for herself and yet unable to take actions.
I don't have answers for her because I think she needed some offline professional help to address her fear (and hope that she has already gotten some since it's been a year.)
Like her, I often find myself unable to act, yet my reason is different from hers.
I do get very angry and have an impulse to strike back, especially when the type of confrontation by the bully is the physial kind, and I know I can do some real damage to my offender. Nonetheless, I get bogged down with not wanting to inflict the kind of damage I could've inflicted upon a person (this is *NOT* my real wants at the time ... my real want is to bash the head of my offender open or break some ribs or poke some eyes.) Frankly, if I unleash my fury, then I am afraid things would be *reeeeally BAD* , so I have this involuntary force to stop me!
Thoughts such as me being arrested by the authority, and questions such as whether retaliating physically is "right" (of course it is because the offender initiated this abhorrent interaction and deserves to be damaged) also enter my mind, hence further thawing my actions. What I really want, for once, is to be able to break through this almost instinctive pull-back of my furious deeds and teach someone a lesson. And when it is after the effect, I often get mad at myself for quite a good while for not being more physical. Nonetheless, the inner turmoil does eventually die down ... until the next encounter. :-\
It is a self-defense mechanism. Your body (subconscious) is telling you there's a threat, & the challenge is bigger than your capacity to handle it, so to shrink is better than to expand. So it is like a spider or a snail who auto shrink when there's a threat instead of fight back.
Therapy to handle smaller challenges without auto-freezing, may help to make you not auto-freeze when faced by bigger challenges.
@@ExtraordinaryLiving In your case perhaps therapy of anger management may work. Learn to release your anger in a smaller scale phase by phase, rather than explode. To release a little bit of anger is better than to suppress anger or to explode. Learn not to be out of control.
Look, if people learn karate, they learn to be strong, stay in control, but not to abuse their power. Perhaps you need to learn karate as well.
kick the fucker in the groin....very effective. cathartic too...be strong.
What is even harder then accepting the bullying and cry about it, is working to change toestand up for yourself. It sounds hard, but at least in my experience….it is EASIER to accept bullying then to repel it (not fight it…repel it). I have found to experience much more anxiety and feeling much more miserable before and during learning how to standing up for myself. But eventually I got better and better it takes years to improve. But now I am a bully-slayer. I had my bully-boss test me and I did this tactic leaning forward to him and said nothing at first just let him finish completely. Then I said, you have the right to your opinion but I see no wrong on how I dealt with the situation, I just did what I thought was best and I have thought it through very well. With my background (referring to my academic education and work experience) I am perfectly capable of making these decisions. If you don’t like it that’s fine, but I am going to continue this path because it gets the work done and the results we need. But I do suggest you and I work together on how to improve to an outcome that we BOTH like for the future. I said it in such a way to actually intimidate him a bit. He did not expected me to not only ‘NOT’ be scared of him but to invite him to work together, but with this intimidating look (from a woman it is extra scary). I know I am in the position to do this because finding a job is not hard for me, I am not dependent on anyone and I don’t have to accept crap. That’s the FIRST stage of standing up for yourself is by becoming independent. The more independent you are, the more you can slay them bullies. After this, my boss does continue to annoy me but he never insulted me ever again.
Love it!!!!
I love it how you basically teach people to mirror the person in front of them, while staying true to themselves. This is priceless advice and so on point! Thanks!
Omg! when you described the bully stance/approach! On point!
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE your videos. They are so relatable. I am an HR Generalist in NYC and I constantly come back to your videos for personal encouragement as well as strategies and techniques I can share with staff members that come to my office on a daily basis complaining about these kinds of issues. This one is spot on.
The workplace, pure evil.
Right? I've been telling them for years, but it's nice to know you're with me.
It is all part of the social validation plan...most are hungry and will do anything for gain
Don't worry though...Karma does come right back to them overtime
@@1crude0slick1 Because bad things happen to good people and vice versa :( And for people who believe in Karma, it's only supposed to show effects in the next reincarnation, I thought?
Yep.
Finally working from home. The office can be deadly. Also this week I have stood up To my manager said to excessive work ...... Feels good ......
Helloooooo Dan!
Thank you
Now that I realize bullying is NOT unlawful. As an employee of the Co. of Los Angeles the only way to fight against bullying is to STAND UP AND ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF.
I've subscribed and I look forward to viewing your videos.
I appreciate your knowledge.
Hi Rhonda: Please know that I'll help you all I can to stand up for yourself! Go through my videos and please comment as you go along--and share whenever you see a good one!
Dan
It is unlawful.
bullies do martial arts so now you have to think twice. if the bully eats your food go poison it and offer it.
Had this lady at a previous job. Me and a coworker were the first people in the morning. She would often call our desk from the kitchen and yell at us asking if we “took the cups in the kitchen” etc… or yell at us over something that doesn’t even make sense. I think we were easy targets because we are soft spoken IT guys, didn’t look imposing and let’s just say we didn’t look like her. I don’t miss that job at all. Great video
I think the key is nipping these things in the bud when you first sense little things, tension, jealousy etc. It could be easy to miss if you're used to trying to have a thick skin. It can be very difficult to backpeddle if you allow it to go on.
There’s a lot of jealousy out there with the economy the way it is.
Yes indeed. It's hard to unring that bell.
I appreciate this. I still have a work place bully that I shut down through HR because of the politics attached. They tried to bait me afterwards, but I moved work location and now I don't hardly encounter them. The first time they came at me with that body language I should have shut them down. I was trying to be nice. I regret it. Thanks for sharing this advice.
Happy to share, Rob.
I really hate my colleagues. Thanks for the tip
Ur beautiful
I am happy to hear you say this because when someone bullied me at work I just squared up shoulders back I took a step in her Direction and said "do you hear yourself bullying someone old enough to be your mother.? Get a life little girl". I noticed bullies Only do their best work in front of others. Is that considered mob psychology?
You're an incredible teacher and I wish I would've found you years ago. Genius. Thank you for your contribution to society. This is truly lifechanging and so helpful.
Excellent advice!! I have honestly been through some bullying times and I know do what you do automatically. I guess I do it as a defense now.
Agreed, a stance that mirrors their own usually throws them off & they back down..but i find it's more powerful if you keep the words Simple & as few as possible. My response to that accusation would be a simple Nope, loudly & with Confidence..they will likely decide they don't want to go there & move on to the next target.....Most bullies are actually Cowards.
Yes.
What about a friend who often makes negative comments on my weight loss, new healthy eating habits, me beibg vegetarian, clothes and new glasses? I actually grew up with a mother who often called me slow or stupid/loser. And as a adult i now have had a break through moment that ive actually surrounded myself with ppl who are critical and they are picking at me. Im also very sensitive to critism. If someone is nice to me i dismiss it or i think i dont deserve it..
Awesome job. I totally got the point. Lean into confrontation and they will back down. Call them out on aggressing toward you and they seem aggressive to others and you don’t look like a timid, guilty, little bad boy.
Dan you are incredible! I have just discovered your videos and this is what has been missing from my life for years! I have have struggled to find some real tactical advice that I can apply to everyday situations. Watching your videos gives me a sense of ease, and calmness knowing that I am equipped to handle situations. I look forward to takin your courses on your website! Thank you for providing SO MUCH QUALITY and free content !
Thanks, Nadia. I do the best I can on UA-cam and hope people both like and share. I also know that in time people find their way to my website. Here on UA-cam I try to provide good and complete trailers, but the full-length movies can only be found on my website. danoconnortraining.com :) :)
I work behind a bar in a night club. I only just started 2 months ago with no experience at all in working behind a bar. A girl who's been working there for a while, is probably the biggest bully I have ever met. I felt like I was in highschool all over again. Just kept shouting at me so serve people faster. At one point she confronted me face on like you explained in the start of the video, and what I usually do is shy away and cross my arms and shut down, but I knew instinctively to turn and face her with my arms by my side, and looked straight in her eyes, and I seen her flinch a little and get nervous that I wasn't shutting down like she expected, and then she crossed her arms and shut down! But then later on, when the music is loud, she would easily walk past me and shout at me to hurry up, and it's harder to stand your ground when she's walking away.
I've always been an easy target for bullies. I'm quiet and reserved, but I've come veeeeerryyy far in my confidence to speak to people and stand up for myself. I've learned that it's all about body language.
My supervisor has done that, talk shit and wabble away.
This is correct. My sister is a bully but when confronted by our older brother who is the bully of bullies and who uses this tactic it’s game over for her.
I remembered the first time I got bullied in kindergarten, this kid would always pick on me until my inner wolf came out and scared the living heck out of the kid I told him that if he didn’t leave me alone that I was gonna cut his life short lol little inner gangsta in me 😂😂
Haha!! I would have liked to witness this!
Wow awesome it's soo interesting how others stand up to bullies
@@PenguinPlaysRoblox I just remembered that my mom got on to me once for telling the mean kids across the street that my dad was gonna sue them. 😂 I was like 5 or 6 - I had no idea what that even meant! 😂😂
Lol I've now learned how to Channel my anger and anxiety soo now I can stand up to kids who decided to mess with the wrong person I'm finally able to unleash my inner wolf 🐺 😅 tysm Communication skills dude for teaching me how to stand up to a bully.
Btw ur dog Rosie is so 😎😎😎 I love dogs 🐕.
Dan you get me through each time. Love your sessions. I am able to stay professionally firm and stand my ground with workplace bullies. These tips really do work. Thank you!
Thank YOU for sharing your experiences SJ GM. I'm happy and humbled to have helped you in the workplace.
Dan
Praise god ....had this. Happened. Today. Did just this..... Thank you sir
Thank you, I am dealing with a newly promoted former coworker who is now my boss and has become a bully at work. Appreciate the guidance.
Happy to help. linda Maddox.
You lean forward, still resist head-butting them as much as you want to, shoulders back, head nod.
I have autism. I appear normal, but that is my greatest hindrance. My workplace is ....I'm starting to cry. Supposed to be about helping those with disabilities. I'm in dire need of an advocate, (or testicles).
LA Bauer, I hope you find the help you are looking for. I wish I could be that person, but autism is beyond my area of expertise. Please find that advocate; it sounds as though you are in a field where help is available. Don't give up until you get the help you need and deserve.
Dan
LA Bauer stay strong it’s not easy !
I'm also autistic and feeling like backing off to avoid conflict; but after watching many of Dan's videos I've been better at body language. It's easier to communicate with.
I also have an ASD and I am not afraid to use my sharp tongue and mind against bullies early and quickly. I have told many a jackass that in a world of billions of people, 99.99% will never give a damn about you and won't miss you if you die today. Grow up and shut up.
Same here I tense up and get afraid to verbal communicate what I actually wanna say in my own head and take the passive approach that is until I’ve had enough.
Thank you. You have helped me so much. You have no idea how much. Thank you.
You explained how to deal with a bully very well! Thank you.
I love your videos - they helped me immensely recently. Even though I had to stand my ground, I did so with confidence and later felt my nervous system skyrocket with symptoms.
Elaborate on how to respond to bullies. An acted out video example would be a great visual example on how to respond to bullies. This step is not trivial--we need to have this perfected. When you make a misstep with a bully it is always catastrophic! If you make a mistake when initially dealing with a bully they become emboldened and the cycle of abuse starts / continues /grows. It's a horrible cycle that non-bullies need to know how to use to stop the bullies before they get a chance to start.
I used to love getting bullied, but it was considered entrapment when when I let them rough me up....then I roughed them up. Oh those were the days.
Thank you so much for this video, I am dealing with a horrible bully at my workplace. She has her sights on me unfortunately, but is mean, rude and aggressive to everyone. I want her to know NOT me. I will try your strategy. Thanks😊
Argh dealing with one currently why are women bullies?
Brilliant! I could have used this a few weeks ago! I'll have to try it out. I can't wait for the next one!!!
Thanks Andrew--I hope you weren't disappointed with the next ones!
Dan
I’ve been binge watching all your helpful videos because I’m dealing with a mean lady in her 60’s. My god I thought it would be better when they got older!!! No it never ends. She’s so passive aggressive with her rude sarcastic comments. And I’ve seen another women just put up with her making fun of her. It’s sad, really.
Thank you again. I hope to maintain control and use many of your communication techniques
I hope these videos are helping. In re aging--it's been my experience that as people age, they exhibit many of the same characteristics they did in their youth, only more-so. If they were funny, they are even funnier when they get older. If they were snide, they become even meaner. If they were open and loving, they'll be even more open and loving in their old age (although sometimes infirmities curb that a little--and sometimes they don't). I'm not talking about a certified social study. I'm talking about my own observations. :)
Thank you! This is GREAT!
Communication
Non verbal communication
Bully will TEST before they bully
Lean in
Shoulders back
Chest forward
Eyes wide
Lean forward & in & ask ‘what are you asking me?!’ Shows them to go somewhere else
Hey Catherine--please share--this video--not the one that is 22 years old, PLEASE.
I confronted them because of their behaviour in the office. That's when they started to bully me "indirectly". Meaning, they would make fun of my voice and the way I talk but they are not mentioning my name, but I can sense that their offensive jokes are about me. I cannot do anything now because they are in different outsource company, and our manager told us to just ignore them, even though they are really disturbing and insensitive at workplace. I feel depressed that I cannot do anything but to always lower my voice so they will not hear and they will not make fun of me.
That was an incredibly entertaining video AND the best part is I needed to hear this and I didn't even know it. Brilliant.
I soooo can not wait to try this. I love how you reiterate it with examples ! Heading to the next video (:
When I was in the group meeting with my narcissist ex-boss, I automatically shivering when she talked (like meeting a tiger). But I noticed my co-workers (who was also a small asian female like me) remained naturally calm (like there's nothing to fear). I wonder why?
please more videos of bullies in work place im dealing wit 2
OK!
What a bummer that having a workplace bully is so common! Good grief. What is wrong with people! It really is a downer working with one.
New suscriber here..I just needed this example..Its perfect...I'm dealing nowadays with old school-type bullies with slaves/flying monkeys doing their biddings at a training center.. They have done the worst actions to me on the day I was too sick to react ( fever and lost voice)..That pissed me off so I want to send a non-verbal message to tell them to back off or I'll make them each of them (men and women) regret their actions. Thank you soo much !!
I am not an assertive person by nature, I do my best to avoided conflicts but that does not matter, bullies will find me....so I'm back for refresher course. The funny thing, a bully was in my space challenging me on my opinion about a situation that may affect all of us. Apparently to the bully I should not be affected. To reinforce that, the bully got in front of my desk with that same power stand and spoke loudly to me....I ...responded back exactly as you described and repeated my opinion loudly, doing so confused the bully.....shame on bullies when you understand that these people bully for absolutely so reason....hahah🤣🤣😅😇. Thank you sir, you have helped me. greatly.
You will never know how gratified I was to read your post, Mystic Moon. Thank you for writing.
Dan
You are great, thank you
This is so funny! My ex narcissistic boss, last year, accused me of eating her cookies ! She flat out accused me in front of co workers and students. I just stood my ground and said "no I did not."
She kept going on and on about it , I just kept saying "no, I didn't." She was angry, and I think she was trying to get a bigger reaction from me. But I didn't take the bait. And I stood up straight, and I maintained eye contact.
How to access next video he mentions at end, about phone call with bully? I'm subscribed, but cannot find video in any search or playlist.
In there s year of bullies,it’s called WAYS TO DEAL WITH BULLIES. 1: IGNORE THEM
2: ROAST THEM
3: AGREE WITH THEM
4:OUTSMART THEM
5:THROW FACTS IN THERE FACE
6:HAVE THEM SAY WHAT YOU SAID.
Thank you guys for interacting with this and Also I made this for you also so in ur next vid u can Do this.THESE ARE ONLY 6 ways
7 bash them
8 isolate them
9 humiliate them, preferably in public
10 hurt them on something they old dear
11. Kill their cat
Leave Them
Sweet. Thanks for the info Dan
THIS WAS GREAT!!! I can’t wait to share this with my son, nieces & nephews👏👍🏻✌🏻
Please do, Tammy!
Thank you 👍
Such valuable information
Thank you!!!!!!!
Ok i just subscribed. I'm learning a new job that completly out of my comfort zone . I have had literally 3 days of real training and from that I now know how to do those duties. I heard all of them having a good laugh about how dumb I'm am.(Including the Team Lead) i feel like im a target bc my husband works there but in a different department . I also suffer from acute anxiety. I need to officially let the team lead now who is aware of what's going on. But in order for me to talk to the supervisor I have to follow the chain of command. I hate confrontation and i have to get control of this b4 i don't have a job . Any suggestions ?
Stand up for myself, say no to bullies. 😁😀🙂
Great advice !
Thanks Word!
Thanks, great video 😊
Thanks Dan. I'm really appreciating the body language tips.
Love near 4.29 when you leaned forward and said "not me"...perfect. ;)
I currently have a bully at my work place, it's an alfa personality attacking me. They use a an insulting and malicious tone at me. They did this too me at a business public luncheon, my posture remained calm & rational, they soon lost interest and left the luncheon early, they also, turned everyone else Off. I continued to keep a disciplined posture, through out the end of the business event. And some of the staff started to follow up on my mannerisms and behavior. Which was kinda an unexpected result.
yesterday I reported my work bully to HR after hearing that I am not the first person she degraded in a classroom setting hopefully she will get what she dishes out ty.
Perfect advice, and I must have subconsciously used this the other night at a party which I was musically performing at for a karate club. The karate instructor’s son (age 14) is my performing partner and he’s been rapidly declining mentally with anxiety while his karate instructor father has been bullying people these past few months. On this party, we were rushed so I was talking to the point while setting up but not being rude and my music partner must had been so mentally fragile due to his father’s bullying over years and these recent months, that he could not cope with the social pressures that came with our gig. His father found me, had told me his son was upset and made up that he was in the back room, leading me towards a room with 3 other karate men inside and he uttered something indicating that I purposely upset his son (which was not true) I turned around in the doorway and pointed at him saying “no, that’s not right! I would never hurt your son, how dare you”. His eyes opened wide, chest puffed out (like you said), started backing me inside this room where I thought he’d beat me up, so I looked him in his mad eyes, put my forearm to his chest and pushed towards him, while verbally defending my actions. He threw me in the room, I soiled myself… he left, and I rang my friend who came in, then we packed all the music gear and left. I don’t feel one bit ashamed of pissing my pants because he was a bully and I stood up to him and not one single person in that karate party has the guts to stand up to him. I’ve cut ties now but feel so sorry for the karate instructor’s son… As he needs counselling and social services to step in because his dad is a mentally manipulative bully. Good video.
Harry, there is nothing wrong with having a physical reaction when you're scared to death. No embarrassment there. You stood up to the guy and that took real guts. You knew you couldn't match his karate moves but you stood your ground anyway. Kudos to you, my friend. Not many people would have done that or could have done that. You, my father and my brother are three. I hope I'd be four :). And I hope that man's son has a MOTHER who can help him. Or a grandmother. My guess is that the father would snow social services and make his son do the same. What you might try is a confidential call to a school counselor who could call the young man in on a routine visit and try to see if he needs help. No one need know that she was alerted by an outside person to the boy's need for help.
Stand up and declare loudly "yes I ate your sandwich and it was delicious!" 😂
Love all your videos. I’m learning a lot, even though there’s things I do already by instincts but never thought 💭 much
This was fascinating. And now I want the next video. Can't wait. Thank you for the valuable ideas.
This was a great video!!’ Thank you Dan -I’m starting a new job..but this time I’m ready for the next office bully.
Happy to have added to your confidence, Mina!
Lmfaaaaaaaoooooooo how did it go
Thank you 🙏 young man for your concise information!!
My pleasure!
Thanks I will be watching more that was helpful.
I love this, Dan. It works for me!
I took your advice, and the bully's fellow co-workers mobbed up against me, and lied about me to HR - complete lies framing me as the bully - I was terminated.
That is fucked up
Excellent.
This is the video you suggested me. Thank you!❤🤗
Always ask them to repeat themselves. It really snatches their wind.
Spot on!!
Thank you! I deal with bullying and literally when I look at him for 2 seconds he’s like “WHY YOU LOOKING AT ME! WEIRDO!”
Wonderful. Thank you.
Instead of being passive or aggressive be assertive. Tell them "I am requesting that you stop treating me the way you have been. I don't appreciate it. If you don't stop though I will have to take it to HR." You hold your respect and power while standing your ground. Also it leaves them powerless.
If that works for you, use it. I certainly agree that being passive or aggressive is not the way to go--ever.
The problem there is when your assertive behavior gets misconstrued for aggression. This is a common problem for women targets, this tactic doesn't work for them.
THANK YOU DAN...…...
Thank you !
Great video! Very helpful! Thank you!!
The best reaction to a bully is to fart and say "I am sorry, did you say something?". Or blow a raspberry and walk away singing and skipping as you go. It works. I've done it! Or you could say "I am sorry. I think you are confusing me with someone who cares about what you think. Easy mistake." And walk off.😁🖒 If they get to too far up in your face, sniff and say "Woooah. I have something for that. Now where did I put those freshmints?"
Rikki, this is probably what people expect of you. I wonder what you expect of yourself.
Effective Communication Skills With Dan O'Connor ... Not sure I understand what you mean. It is important never to show fear to a bully because they usually have no balls anyway. A barking dog rarely bites. Humour can defuse a lot of situations. When you don't react as expected, it can throw people off track and disarm them. They don't know what to do.
I agree rymd pojke...I've done the similar with Managers and believe it or not, a few different Customers who were screaming in order to intimidate co-workers at the Cashier Counter. I always used a humorous voice of course as I slapped the counter hard with the palm of my hand, and shook my finger at them like there were a child while saying " Johnny, you be nice" (Johnny is a fictitious name), like I was their Mother! The sound of me slapping the counter or the table with the palm of my hand got their attention over their loud voice, the smile on my face and the tone of my voice made them realize I was using humor, but most of all, I think it was me calling them out on their obnoxious, rude behaviour like I was their Mother that got them lol. They certainly were not expecting this from a 5 ft. tall, slightly built woman. I wish I could have gotten a picture because with each bullying incident because the look on the bully's face's were priceless!!!
lmaooo
Hell yeah!
This is some great and sound information. Great share.
Thanks Michael. Please continue to like, share and comment.
Dan
thank you very much, the video is really good.
Never Realised that I wasn't giving the body language message. So valuable.
Happy to help time roo.
38 bullies dont like this video. They feel left out and want you to make a video for them how to stand up to effective comunicators.
Mr. O'connor I have to commend you on your advice on communication with difficult people. I was recently promoted at my job and now lead people who are sabotaging me at every turn and I have been standing my ground with your strategies. However, I can't help but feel exhausted by the constant strain of having to fend off people who have no healthy boundaries when dealing with others in the workplace. They make inflammatory comments to me and other co-workers and I want to change this culture of our environment to more of a open door policy where we converse in a peaceful and respectful manner at all times. Do you think this is possible in dealing with long term employees who are use to this atmosphere and are reluctant to change? Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Hi Charles: Your office needs training in communication, in a big way, judging from your comment. Yes, when people are made aware of communication problems, they absolutely can change how they relate to other people. (This is different from trying to essentially "change" people. Instead I'm referring to the way they communicate.) If you can't afford office training (my charge is 5-7 thousand a day, depending on the hours and requirements), or for some reason choose not to bring a trainer onsite, then my next best recommendation would be my 50 lesson training package--Step Out of the Shadows and Speak. Any number of small businesses have purchased this and used it for weekly sales training. The program curriculum outline can be used as a guide as to which of the lessons might be appropriate or needed. These businesses show the video (25 minutes) and then discuss how to implement the training. I know that some of them pass out the written materials that go with lessons. I don't know if this would work for you Charles. But you definitely need some type of basic change to improve what appears to be a mildly toxic environment. It's very stressful and hard on your health to work in a toxic environment. If you want to review the 50-lesson program, go to the store at danoconnortraining.com and you'll see it. At the very end of the description, you'll find the link to view the curriculum, too. I hope this works for you.
Dan
Hi Dan, I'm so happy to have recently found your channel! Will this technique be as effective when the bully/victim dynamic as already been long established?
Well, it's harder to change patterns, but yes. Bullies will have some sick respect for victims who decide to stop taking it.
Dan you make me smile 🙂
Jan, that alone is reason enough for me to continue making videos. Thank you!
At work I don't have bullies, I have students. LOL. I have found that improving body posture and voice tone, is giving me better results with difficult students.
Before I go to work, I close my eyes and I visualize my whole day . I try to visualize every detail of my day, including getting into my car and driving to work. I visualize every interaction with every student and co-worker. I visualize all of my personal interactions with co-workers and students going perfectly, smoothly and I play out the scenario exactly how I want it to happen . With the results and the attitude that I want. I visualize it , and I feel it. Then when I go to work, it's amazing how powerful this is . When I go to work, for the most part, my day will run smoothly and I will get the results I wanted, and the details of my day will unfold the exact way that I visualized and wanted. The students will have behaved the way that I wanted, they will have completed their work the way that I ask, and I will have said what I wanted to say , the way I want to say it. In a nutshell I will get the responses I visualized getting ! Our thoughts are thst powerful . If we can create our reality with our thoughts, we can create our day at work with our thoughts. Now, if an interaction with a student doesn't go well, or an interaction with anybody doesn't go well, then when you go home you close your eyes and you replay that interaction over again in your head , and you picture it going the way that you wanted it to go! What you wanted to say, and how you wanted it to go. Then the next time you run into that person or student, you are going to have a smooth and pleasant, positive interaction with that person . I think it was Einsten who said "immagination is more powerful than knowledge. "
(I'm feeling better as far as the flu, I think I will be able to go back to work tomorrow. )😁♥️😃👍♥️♥️
Yes, it was Einstein and I believe he was right :)
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm so glad you made this video. I didn't even know that co-workers accusing you of eating their food was actually a thing! My ex supervisor accused me. Like I would be that dumb to eat my supervisor's cookies. LOL. I can't believe it is actually a tactic bullies use on people. Thanks. And it's so funny now looking back on it. 🤣😁😂👍♥️
My heart starts beating extremely fast when I feel under attack & with work bullies & because of PTSD, I am hyper-vigilant. I wish I could control my amygdala & adrenal response, instead of these nasty creatures 😐 I think they must have been abused by their parents too, because how else do you end up like that?!
This is great! Love it!
I’m here for a different Bully ,my 42 year old daughter,& I wouldn’t dare get in her face ,as I would probably get hit.
It’s been hard for years ,but I have grandchildren I want to with.
Glad I found you, your fun and real👍🐣🧘♀🇬🇧🇨🇦
Fly under the radar so you don't miss the chance to be with those grandchildren, Michelle.
❤️
This is the best video on bullies that I have ever seen Become the enemy! got it!
🙃😎
So many lessons to learn 🙈 thanks Dan
Dear Connor question, these days meetings happens much over Webex so how to do it over the phone ?☹️
I did this and it made things worse....but I sure felt better about myself. Standing up for myself
Keep it up Barby. You'll continue to feel better about yourself and in time, the bullying will diminish. Just keep standing up for yourself; bullies like VICTIMS not strong people.
Il try it tonight at my meeting !
God in you thank you