Many but not all men. I think we all are responsible to pick a relatively healthy person. I picked a narcissist and after 4 years marriage I am glad I got out alive. She moved to another state and 3 months later is wearing a new wedding band. I’m fine with that but I will not over look those red flags again.
No not most men just all abusers. My girlfriend of 10 years was horribly emotionally abusive and led me to believe I was to blame for everything. I wish I had the strength to recognize it sooner.
It’s striking how, if you scratch the surface of what he is saying, how sexist this is. Sure, everybody, men and women, prefer to think they are “right”. The problem here is much deeper as he puts men and women against each other. The man should tolerate the woman’s distress because, after all as a woman she doesn’t have the capacity to regulate her emotions. Further, of course the man shouldn’t hold the woman to being responsible for boundaries in a relationship because, after all, she is a woman and can’t handle being responsible. That is essentially what he is saying and I believe women are much better than that. All wrong what he is saying and only creates false negative images. The conflict is great for billable hours but the wrong way to repair relationships.
Your video is very helpful and true. Perhaps you could keep more of these coming, directed at those who are emotionally, psychologically, financially, religiously, & neglectfully abusive, as well as coercively controlling, all done out of the sight of others, except the victim, his wife.. Perhaps you can direct your next series to those abusers who have lived years in a figurative "secret sexual basement" while the rest of the family living on top of the "secret basement"went on unaware, of the dark side. After discovering the abuser's hidden lifestyle, he rewards his victim with more abuse, ratcheting up the abuse, until the abuser becomes the abused. The abuser sets course a dedicated campaign to ensue the tables are turned and presents himself as the victim, without remorse, without concern. Perhaps you will speak to how Skilled abusers are at the art of damage control. These individuals are Master chest players and surround themselves with validators in high places. How dare the abused wife seek out help from her trusted Church only to have her abuser working hand-in-hand with the church leader, setting his well-groomed narrative. Perhaps you can speak about how abusers work in the background, conducting a smear campaign all the while the wife sits in silence, holding the truth of an unimaginable reality. Does the abuser show Mercy on his victim? Does he get down on his hands and knees in humility and offer to do anything and everything to show he is remorseful? Instead of spending energy in active remorse, energy is spent in pharisaical Acts amongst those who can see him and validate his smoke and mirror award-winning displays. You might think that others could see the true individual who wears this mask. They don't want to see. They don't want to get involved in things that are messy. After all, it's the victim's fault because she won't forgive him and move along. Can't you see he's a changed man?Look at all the men's groups he's attending and all that he's doing with his Bible in front of everyone. Surely wife ,there's something wrong with you. It's clear you're not Christian enough because if you were, your family would be intact.. Perhaps you can speak to these abusers who run away from truth speakers such as yourself and run towards those who validate their covert malignant narcissistic behavior.. These individuals might say to their victims: "Dr. Hawkins's organization is not one I will pursue as part of my recovery path forward, I truly hope it has helped your individual healing." They might also say that they have" learned from multiple therapists and sources over the past year that the term narcissist has been widely misused in recent years." The individuals might even offer a half-baked confession such as ," Yes, I have been selfish and I hurt you deeply (more than I can ever fully understand) and I have also worn a mask to hide the shame born out of my sexual integrity struggle / compulsion. However, I have learned how to remove my mask and receive and accept God's grace. I will continue work on my personal healing and growth in the year ahead and beyond (including a new curriculum within my men's group that we will begin tonight). Perhaps you can speak to those individualsI who believe their actions are simply a" hurt", much like something you would cover with a Band-Aid. No, abuse is not a hurt. Abuse is insidious and ongoing, minute by minute, day by day. Perhaps you can speak to these individuals who believe their sexual betrayal actions are whitewashed through religion and believe themselves healed? Unfortunately the sexual integrity abuse is nothing in comparison to the abuse that comes after discovery. How dare we victims try to explain that we agree you can take your mask off only to put it back on as you leave your victim chained in isolated shambles while you head out for your next Academy award-winning performance. Perhaps you will speak to these abusers who treat their victims like a robotic non-human. They weaponize the incorrect term codependency , pathologizing the victim as broke. These women are not broken. We do not need healing, we need Reformation. We need voices like yours who can speak to mutualizing comments such as, "We are all sinners." While that may be true, victims are not responsible for a sinner's sin and the horrific effect it has upon their lives. Perhaps you can also speak about the manipulation tactics used, such as explaining away their abusive behavior because they had childhood trauma. They weaponize this idea. We have all been traumatized in some form or fashion as a child, but we are responsible for our adult behavior. Narcissistic individuals are very good at blaming everything and everyone for their decisions. They like the word ,"Shame" because it elicits sympathetic responses much like crocodile tears. Shame indicates human empathy. These abusers do not cry out of Shame but rather the fact they are found out. Once an abused victim has the courage to hold up a mirror to her abusers face, and he doesn't like what he sees, the payback is punishment. Perhaps you can speak to those abusers who do not believe they are abusive, because they don't physically abuse their partners. The marks these abusers leave are far Deeper Than Physical scars. These individuals are too smart for messy violence. Covert coercive control is far too cost-effective. Why work harder when mind games win?
Really good video
Great video!
You nail it every time Dr. Hawkins!
Adult children blame the person who was abused. So the abuse continues
OF COURSE IT IS . Most men blame their women ……this is the reality that most people do not want to see .
Many but not all men. I think we all are responsible to pick a relatively healthy person. I picked a narcissist and after 4 years marriage I am glad I got out alive. She moved to another state and 3 months later is wearing a new wedding band. I’m fine with that but I will not over look those red flags again.
No not most men just all abusers. My girlfriend of 10 years was horribly emotionally abusive and led me to believe I was to blame for everything. I wish I had the strength to recognize it sooner.
It’s striking how, if you scratch the surface of what he is saying, how sexist this is. Sure, everybody, men and women, prefer to think they are “right”. The problem here is much deeper as he puts men and women against each other. The man should tolerate the woman’s distress because, after all as a woman she doesn’t have the capacity to regulate her emotions. Further, of course the man shouldn’t hold the woman to being responsible for boundaries in a relationship because, after all, she is a woman and can’t handle being responsible. That is essentially what he is saying and I believe women are much better than that. All wrong what he is saying and only creates false negative images. The conflict is great for billable hours but the wrong way to repair relationships.
Get out of your mom’s basement, my friend.
Come on. That’s not nice. Plus, my mother’s house is on a slab. I’m in the room above the garage.🙂. Glad you like my work. Stay well.
Your video is very helpful and true. Perhaps you could keep more of these coming, directed at those who are emotionally, psychologically, financially, religiously, & neglectfully abusive, as well as coercively controlling, all done out of the sight of others, except the victim, his wife..
Perhaps you can direct your next series to those abusers who have lived years in a figurative "secret sexual basement" while the rest of the family living on top of the "secret basement"went on unaware, of the dark side. After discovering the abuser's hidden lifestyle, he rewards his victim with more abuse, ratcheting up the abuse, until the abuser becomes the abused. The abuser sets course a dedicated campaign to ensue the tables are turned and presents himself as the victim, without remorse, without concern.
Perhaps you will speak to how Skilled abusers are at the art of damage control. These individuals are Master chest players and surround themselves with validators in high places. How dare the abused wife seek out help from her trusted Church only to have her abuser working hand-in-hand with the church leader, setting his well-groomed narrative.
Perhaps you can speak about how abusers work in the background, conducting a smear campaign all the while the wife sits in silence, holding the truth of an unimaginable reality. Does the abuser show Mercy on his victim? Does he get down on his hands and knees in humility and offer to do anything and everything to show he is remorseful? Instead of spending energy in active remorse, energy is spent in pharisaical Acts amongst those who can see him and validate his smoke and mirror award-winning displays. You might think that others could see the true individual who wears this mask. They don't want to see. They don't want to get involved in things that are messy. After all, it's the victim's fault because she won't forgive him and move along. Can't you see he's a changed man?Look at all the men's groups he's attending and all that he's doing with his Bible in front of everyone. Surely wife ,there's something wrong with you. It's clear you're not Christian enough because if you were, your family would be intact..
Perhaps you can speak to these abusers who run away from truth speakers such as yourself and run towards those who validate their covert malignant narcissistic behavior.. These individuals might say to their victims: "Dr. Hawkins's organization is not one I will pursue as part of my recovery path forward, I truly hope it has helped your individual healing."
They might also say that they have" learned from multiple therapists and sources over the past year that the term narcissist has been widely misused in recent years."
The individuals might even offer a half-baked confession such as ," Yes, I have been selfish and I hurt you deeply (more than I can ever fully understand) and I have also worn a mask to hide the shame born out of my sexual integrity struggle / compulsion. However, I have learned how to remove my mask and receive and accept God's grace. I will continue work on my personal healing and growth in the year ahead and beyond (including a new curriculum within my men's group that we will begin tonight).
Perhaps you can speak to those individualsI who believe their actions are simply a" hurt", much like something you would cover with a Band-Aid. No, abuse is not a hurt. Abuse is insidious and ongoing, minute by minute, day by day.
Perhaps you can speak to these individuals who believe their sexual betrayal actions are whitewashed through religion and believe themselves healed? Unfortunately the sexual integrity abuse is nothing in comparison to the abuse that comes after discovery. How dare we victims try to explain that we agree you can take your mask off only to put it back on as you leave your victim chained in isolated shambles while you head out for your next Academy award-winning performance.
Perhaps you will speak to these abusers who treat their victims like a robotic non-human. They weaponize the incorrect term codependency , pathologizing the victim as broke. These women are not broken. We do not need healing, we need Reformation. We need voices like yours who can speak to mutualizing comments such as, "We are all sinners." While that may be true, victims are not responsible for a sinner's sin and the horrific effect it has upon their lives.
Perhaps you can also speak about the manipulation tactics used, such as explaining away their abusive behavior because they had childhood trauma. They weaponize this idea. We have all been traumatized in some form or fashion as a child, but we are responsible for our adult behavior. Narcissistic individuals are very good at blaming everything and everyone for their decisions. They like the word ,"Shame" because it elicits sympathetic responses much like crocodile tears. Shame indicates human empathy. These abusers do not cry out of Shame but rather the fact they are found out. Once an abused victim has the courage to hold up a mirror to her abusers face, and he doesn't like what he sees, the payback is punishment.
Perhaps you can speak to those abusers who do not believe they are abusive, because they don't physically abuse their partners. The marks these abusers leave are far Deeper Than Physical scars. These individuals are too smart for messy violence. Covert coercive control is far too cost-effective. Why work harder when mind games win?