I love that. they can have control but on your terms so limited choices. asking questions without an ultimatum as you said, and with enforceable. statements very good
I'm glad you made that clear because I was thinking that you were negotiating but you were just offering two choices . too many choices will confuse a child and upset them at a young age and at the dinner table I don't think there be any choice. just eat what you like and leave the rest even if it's the whole plate and that's assuming all the food or most of the foods or what they like that you're not being unreasonable with the choice of foods
my show notes: Nadim Saad: "The Working Parents' Guide: To Raising Happy and Confident Children" first concept. LEADERSHIP simon sinek, "great leaders are able to inspire people to act. Those who are able to inspire give people a sense of purpose or belonging that has little to do with any external incentive or benefit to be gained." Jacq Welch, "before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. when you become a leader, success is all about growing others" tom peters, "Management is about arranging and telling. Leadership is about nurturing and enhancing" Klaus Balkenhol - "there is a difference between being a leader and being a boss. Both are based on authority. A boss demands blind obedience; a leader earns his/her authority through understanding and trust." strategy- anticipating issues create routines with steps and schedules: make them the "boss" design agreements explain behavior your are expecting. role play. (try to start sentences with 'YES', not 'no') when you/parent are able to loose temper: ABC - Acknowledge Breathe Choice HOW TO DEAL WITH TANTRUM: what happens when you succum to the desires of the child ... coddling them no matter what their demands eg. lisa becomes unruly as a teenager even though their parents sacrificed everything for her. she does not have the coping mechanisms. her parents: didn't show how to say 'no', that their time was important. lesson: leading by example: want to be ok with making mistakes? share mistakes we made and what we learned from them. want them to be grateful? show gratitude why have meetings: 1. agenda for week/planning 2. assess performance 3. research agreements/negotiate 4. highlight problems and address them 5. praise and recognition - motivation 6. set expectations 7. bonding. FAMILY CULTURE: "FAMILY CULTURE is the unique way that a family forms itself in terms of rules, roles, habits, activities, beliefs, and other areas." - centre for Effective collaboration and practice" what do we want to be as a family? - fun, sporty, kind, curious, etc. - values: care for self, care for others, effort is good, etc. what actions can lead to this? what are leadership skills? 1. vision and strategy 2. leading by example 3. effective communication - replace ordering with motivational/visionary ideas 4. collaborative as well as directive 5. emotional intelligence 6. motivating and inspiring 7. valuing mistakes as opportunities for learning 8. positive attitude and flexibility/pragmatism 9. trust and integrity 10 determination and commitment QA - - have limited choices - highlighting consequences of choices helps them with building prefrontal cortex. - give limit options for desirable behaviors: dress for 2 min and play for 25 minutes, or play for 2 minutes and dress for 25 minutes. - mistakes suffer from inflation---IOW, consequences are more costly in the future...coaching early on takes a lot of energy but saves a lot of pain later on. - rule making and rule breaking. remember what the DESIRED OUTCOME is and come up with the best rules to achieve the outcomes. have rules that they agreed on.
my children were born in the eighties they were pretty polite also and considerate, but my son was the youngest and. when he was little and we were alone in supermarket. he would wait til the cart was totally full and then he would want a toy and I thought there was nothing I could do about it so I bought it. I wasn't going to leave the market and he knew it. I should have. I shouldn't have told them to hold my cart.
I don't understand why the kids today seem to be so baffled by courtesy when with my generation I was born in 1960 I mean I just understood. I mean my mother had to explain it once and that was it. I mean I didn't get a say in what we bought at the supermarket and I didn't get an incentive. she never hit me or anything. I don't think I wanted to disappoint her. of course I was an only child and she was a single parent so maybe that made a difference. but one time I had to tantrum when I was very small when I didn't get what I wanted in the department store and we just turned around and walked out.
then my grandchildren who would be Generation Z seem to be extremely rude and defiant and as you said ignore a person when they talk and I don't understand this I'm wondering if it's the video games and the technology and the lack of exercise
I love that. they can have control but on your terms so limited choices. asking questions without an ultimatum as you said, and with enforceable. statements very good
Always keen to learn some new things about parenting, hardest job in the world but also the most rewarding. Thank you
I'm glad you made that clear because I was thinking that you were negotiating but you were just offering two choices . too many choices will confuse a child and upset them at a young age and at the dinner table I don't think there be any choice. just eat what you like and leave the rest even if it's the whole plate and that's assuming all the food or most of the foods or what they like that you're not being unreasonable with the choice of foods
thank you for the information. i have taken a few points to improve myself as a parent
my show notes:
Nadim Saad: "The Working Parents' Guide: To Raising Happy and Confident Children"
first concept. LEADERSHIP
simon sinek, "great leaders are able to inspire people to act. Those who are able to inspire give people a sense of purpose or belonging that has little to do with any external incentive or benefit to be gained."
Jacq Welch, "before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. when you become a leader, success is all about growing others"
tom peters, "Management is about arranging and telling. Leadership is about nurturing and enhancing"
Klaus Balkenhol - "there is a difference between being a leader and being a boss. Both are based on authority. A boss demands blind obedience; a leader earns his/her authority through understanding and trust."
strategy- anticipating issues
create routines with steps and schedules: make them the "boss"
design agreements
explain behavior your are expecting.
role play. (try to start sentences with 'YES', not 'no')
when you/parent are able to loose temper:
ABC - Acknowledge Breathe Choice
HOW TO DEAL WITH TANTRUM:
what happens when you succum to the desires of the child ... coddling them no matter what their demands
eg. lisa becomes unruly as a teenager even though their parents sacrificed everything for her. she does not have the coping mechanisms. her parents: didn't show how to say 'no', that their time was important.
lesson: leading by example:
want to be ok with making mistakes? share mistakes we made and what we learned from them.
want them to be grateful? show gratitude
why have meetings:
1. agenda for week/planning
2. assess performance
3. research agreements/negotiate
4. highlight problems and address them
5. praise and recognition - motivation
6. set expectations
7. bonding.
FAMILY CULTURE:
"FAMILY CULTURE is the unique way that a family forms itself in terms of rules, roles, habits, activities, beliefs, and other areas." - centre for Effective collaboration and practice"
what do we want to be as a family?
- fun, sporty, kind, curious, etc.
- values: care for self, care for others, effort is good, etc.
what actions can lead to this?
what are leadership skills?
1. vision and strategy
2. leading by example
3. effective communication - replace ordering with motivational/visionary ideas
4. collaborative as well as directive
5. emotional intelligence
6. motivating and inspiring
7. valuing mistakes as opportunities for learning
8. positive attitude and flexibility/pragmatism
9. trust and integrity
10 determination and commitment
QA -
- have limited choices
- highlighting consequences of choices helps them with building prefrontal cortex.
- give limit options for desirable behaviors: dress for 2 min and play for 25 minutes, or play for 2 minutes and dress for 25 minutes.
- mistakes suffer from inflation---IOW, consequences are more costly in the future...coaching early on takes a lot of energy but saves a lot of pain later on.
- rule making and rule breaking. remember what the DESIRED OUTCOME is and come up with the best rules to achieve the outcomes. have rules that they agreed on.
this collaboration causes a lot of autonomy I can see that that's great
my children were born in the eighties they were pretty polite also and considerate, but my son was the youngest and. when he was little and we were alone in supermarket. he would wait til the cart was totally full and then he would want a
toy and I thought there was nothing I could do about it so I bought it. I wasn't going to leave the market and he knew it. I should have. I shouldn't have told them to hold my cart.
I don't understand why the kids today seem to be so baffled by courtesy when with my generation I was born in 1960 I mean I just understood. I mean my mother had to explain it once and that was it. I mean I didn't get a say in what we bought at the supermarket and I didn't get an incentive. she never hit me or anything. I don't think I wanted to disappoint her. of course I was an only child and she was a single parent so maybe that made a difference. but one time I had to tantrum when I was very small when I didn't get what I wanted in the department store and we just turned around and walked out.
then my grandchildren who would be Generation Z seem to be extremely rude and defiant and as you said ignore a person when they talk and I don't understand this I'm wondering if it's the video games and the technology and the lack of exercise
oh there you go there's your answer pretty simple both parents have to be on the same page a united front or you're in for a world of trouble