They always hate u tho.... Even from the start. Even if you do everything perfectly. That they want. They still will always Hate you, regardless, no matter what you do. Nothing is ever good enough to them, because they hate themselves.
So true..... I've been to so many doctors and specialists because my body is stuck in freeze mode as a survival tactic and doctors tell me I'm fine but I know exactly what the issue is... and it's not me..
I swear to the living God I heard this with my two ears “ you should bow to me, and pump my ego” this satans spawn I have uncovered his mask and he can’t stand the exposure , the fact that I have expressed the don’t give a f%% attitude this narc is rolling in brimstones and more loud verbal trashy flamboyant and competitive am like smh keep playing with ur crap am out ….pay them no mind see them crumble to pieces !!!!!
LOL, apparently I have rubbery hair!!!! Hahahahahaha - this from my elderly mother who is balding!!!!. The levels they go down to is almost dark comedy! (when you're in a good state of mind)
Yes!!! My sister would try and coax a compliment or some kind of admiration out of me and when I'd be honest with her and tell her the opposite, she'd snap. She asked ME if I liked her, and I told her no. Instead of her taking the honesty to an inquiry that she initiated, she snapped, "Well I don't like you either!" She's so childish but deflects onto others. Haven't seen her in more than two years.
You said it. Predictable. I just broke off a 7 year relationship with a narcissist. Had to change all passwords, phone number and email address. He is still trying to contact me. Debating on getting Stalking Injunction. He's CRAZY!
Excellent advice! “Drama” is a key characteristic in all of this. Never have I ever been able to truly relax in a peaceful zone with a narcissist. Even in a peaceful moment, they can turn on a dime without warning. I keep them all as far away as I can now. I wasted years thinking there could be resolutions.
Yes,they like drama and expect to tell them compliments to make them feel better. When i am around her i feel tense and pray to not open her mouth full of lies and sh!t,when i step away from her i relax imediatly
3:20 "They need you to get angry. They need you to fall apart. They need you to need them!" I used to assume that this was subconscious behavior. But now I'm finally buying into the trauma Bond theory that they are purposely doing it in the first place in a long game form. (It makes a lot more sense to me than the petty things that they had explosive rage attacks about.)
I guess I’m screwed. Married for 21 years to a very narcissistic woman. Luckily I’m nearing the end of my natural life and am looking forward to it. To much of a coward to get out. I’m begging anyone who can recognize narcissistic behavior, don’t wait! Don’t think you can cope! Get away the minute you see the signs.
You still need happiness, continue to educate yourself on narcissism if you got to stay make their world miserable while loving you, they hate to see you happy
I married a narcissist and I just found out. I always felt that something psychologically is not right but I couldn’t pinpoint it. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Same i found out 2 months ago and left . Best Decision! Last week he was texitng me his going to kill himself .. i called police and go with them just to found out he was sitting at home. It was like game over im done. Im not responsible for him it was the last thing i could do for him to help him. Now i dont care . It is his decision i have to take care of me and only me
It took me 21 yrs to figure it out. But, I was a teen when I got involved. I freed myself, now he controls and manipulates the kids and bringing division between me and them. He raised the kids to fear him. Now they are adults and are still intimidated by him. They are not thriving at all and its sad.
One thing it took me a while to learn about narcissists: Just because they are hard workers does not mean they are ethical. I used to admire people with a strong work ethic, and while that is a good thing, it's by no means the whole picture to determine overall ethics. In fact, it's oftentimes the work environment behind which they operate their malfeasance, saying they're working when they're cheating, unethical business practices, etc.
@@truthsocialmedia same here. I've never met a hard working narcissist. The only thing they work hard at is trying to take credit for someone else's hard work And making up reasons why you should pay attention to them even though they haven't done anything. They never admit something is their fault and can never acknowledge anyone that helped out.
Let me see, Tick any that ring a bell. Selling tech projects that could never work the way they sold it to be. Working hard but not doing homework to check that they've got concepts correct. Blank refusal to accept their part in issues. Claiming expertise they do not have, and worse, being oblivious to how much skill it takes to do certain tasks and belittling those that are struggling in those areas.
Murph Besides, calling it "Working" if they get up at 5a.m. and have spent 3hrs carefully working out how they are entitled to make their 'minions' pay for their attitude of mockery insolence and time-wasting by filling in forms that track what they do every minute, then these worms can learn to work efficiently .... sigh.
For the narcissist, the chase is more important than the catch. The chase for external supply is addictive because they are empty. They can't bear losing. That, not love, is the clue to their insecurity. For their targets, freedom lies in understanding that the deficit is not in you, it is their multitudinous incapacities.
Good for you!!! FIRST professional who, in talking about leaving a Narcissist, warns people about making a SAFETY PLAN. I was a Probation Officer, specializing in spousal assault and I can tell you that the most dangerous time for assault and/or murder is at the time when the person leaves the abuser.
it's ALL making sense!! The dots are connecting after 3 years of seeing self absorbed, ego driven, non empathetic, verbally abusive, spoilt kid vibes and victim shows. This video is my aha moment. Thank you! Don't feel as hurt as i did anymore... it's a disorder and i'm bouncing out fam. Wondering whether to tell her when she keep asking for meetups or completely ghost her. maybe ghost and peace out
My daughter started changing when I went to a psychiatrist and once a week I have therapy, she never wanted to hear the word no or the therapist suggested that I take the key away from her oh my home, that was one of the triggers that made her hate me, and next I took the key away from my car she wrecked my car two years ago because she took my little granddaughter to the hospital she ruined my engine we cost me $1500, I am going to legal services because I am broke because I never said no to them I gave them all my savings and now that I have no money I am treated like a leper especially the father has to do a lot with the situation he was a sperm donor he never wanted to be a father he was never a father to them it was just the three of us one day my daughter said mommy why doesn't daddy come with us, and I didn't wanna say bad things about the father so I said he's working! He always win against me one day my daughter got 69 on her test, and she's a gifted student she always gets 105 extra 5% and when I went to the teachers parents meeting the teacher showed me the test, and I said oh my I didn't see this, she said to me her father signed it, and when I went home I approached them and the father said to them leave them alone they can do whatever they want so I said if they want to be prostitute he answered if that's what they want let them if they want to take drugs he answered is that what they want leave them alone and my daughters at the time they know right from wrong and they love the idea that there are sperm donor always win against me and he made them think that I was the bad one, please if you have an answer to this tell me because now they don't let me see my grandkids, because the father wants to move in with me and he destroyed my life my daughter said you are bitching you had a beautiful wedding and your has been cheated you from day one how do you like that they are so brainwashed and I'm not getting younger but I don't feel old it's just that I have fractures in my body because I'm always running to babysit for them and I fall because I have vertigo, I am going to sue my doctor because I told him and he didn't do nothing about it I noticed DR for 25 years all of the sudden he acted very nasty with me thank you for listening please give me an answer because I am I under psychiatrist care medication I'm depressed I have anxiety I am so unhappy and the people above me they have been banging for eight years it's almost like bowling on top of me and they don't want carpet I think this did something to my brain all the stress I googled it and they said too much noise can make you unhealthy and bring you are the problems with your Health, thank you so much!!,
@@edithcasines9550it's soo freaking hard to get out of crisis mode. Force yourself to be around good energy and good people. Figure hour how to enforce boundaries any way you can. Make up a story if necessary to keep your boundaries safe, especially if you are tired and hungry or just plain down.
@@edithcasines9550 I am so sorry you are going through that. You did the right thing seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. It shows your strength and it shows you want to move towards happiness. As the young lady above said push yourself to get around positive people. If you need to shut down social media do so. And if you can go no contact you will feel a weight lift off you. Continue therapy and with your psychiatrist. Tell them everything that is going on. And pray pray pray. God has got us and he will see us through and protect us from these narcissists. Also work on being ok with saying the word no.
You're correct. They'll hoover you back in , just to break up with you. I'm empathic and very intuitive, I'm a NPD magnet. Thanks for sharing this accurate information.
My mother is getting more nasty since she realizes she can't control me anymore. I hate who she is as a person; I finally saw her real, true identity in 2019 and it's been an eye opener. The emotional/mental abuse and gymnastics growing up were all from her.
Me too. My Mom wants me to keep in touch even though she rejects and invalidates me. Add that to a alcoholic father who remarried and abandoned me. It's been a painful journey. Blessings to you in your journey
My daughter in law is a malignant narcissist. I finally had enough and ended the relationship by telling her to piss off. She immediately started sending my relatives texts with insults and lies. Lucky my family is small and know me and my personality. They just ignored her. Boundaries have been set!
My parents did this to me. I’m so sorry because of the pain, you deserve better from your parents and so did I but hold on to that grateful feeling. I wish I distanced myself from my parents very long before I actually did, to prevent more trauma and pain. I’m not trying to minimize your pain at all by saying this, just try to remember they are doing you a favor.
Mine too. And yet, somehow, I married one. She just told me yesterday she change life insurance policy and named someone else as beneficiary but kept her beneficiary on my policy. This is the backstabbing that has pushed me to the edge. After 33 years of her abusive alcoholism she said I don't deserve it. I ditched my parents and now I ditch her.
Thank you Lisa,I was able to shut down a narcissist with authority today because of what I learned from you and a couple other people. The bloodbank is closed.
These videos have helped me a lot. It is crazy how textbook her actions were. All of it, love bombing, discard,push pull, hovering. When I finally ignored her she started calling me from an unknown number (also textbook), It can take a while but eventually you’ll get over it. Trust me, you’re so much better off. Take your time and love yourself. You’ll be so much happier.
Exactly Lisa. It's all about them but when we point out their aloofness, they say "Oh so now it's all about you!" They won't enter into any indepth discussion.Very frustrating indeed.
Yes this is one of the biggest problems I have had with my husband. He is dreadful at communicating with me. He will not even answer some of the simple questions I ask him. As he has gotten older his communication skills are getting worse and worse. It is frustrating and tiring.
@@susanmcguire4664 yea at this point it’s just time to go…. 30 yrs of this crap honestly I’m tired as hell I don’t want it anymore love has went out the door. Yet they always say it’s two sides well with a narcissist they are the only ones causing fuckery sad to say. No one else.
Yes agree it’s all about them. No in-depth discussion . The lack of empathy, the lack of affection , the threats If you don’t do this for them. It’s always their needs. 2 year relationship which just ended when found out the truth and at my life’s end and totally drained .
So happy since i took the garbage out ! Now i am armed with knowledge- Knowledge is power and will stop any and all toxic laden individuals from my life !
Exactly! You offer a solution and they say, “Yes, but I can’t do that because. . .” They don’t want solutions. They want never ending problems from hell and everyone is to blame, except them.
In my case she fired me. My boss of 10 and a half years takes me out to lunch and asks me to evaluate my job. First time ever. (Was I being set up?) I provided solutions with my critique but she said she was so hurt that she couldn't get past it. My job was being a nanny to her children. I worked for her since her kids births. I love them and they love me but I never even got to say goodbye to them and am not allowed to see them. I am heartbroken. So heartbroken.
Hi Lisa, I recently experienced a narc revenge with a co worker when I picked up on her selfishness and control. She smeared my name and complained to other co workers that I was not doing my job and was being rude to her. It was BS!. Thankfully, I was moved to another department, and management caught on to the narc's antics. She either quit or was terminated. Narcs are no joke and will do everything to destroy their target. Their ego is very fragile and seek to destroy by breaking you down emotionally. You begin to question your worth, and your self esteem erodes being around them. Their energy emits negative vibes, and you feel something isn't right, as though something bad is going to happen. Thanks for the vid.
I told my narcissist mother that she was a “scared, hurt little girl who has no sense of identity, trapped in a 50 year old body, and that it is apparent” It tipped her over the edge. She is the most abusive person I know.
I'm so sorry, Kiki :( Don't even bother telling her ANYTHING. She will SMASH you when you are vulnerable. What she has done is invalidate your experience and make an excuse for her behaviour, it's called something like distancing themselves bc they CANNOT be vulnerable themselves. So, your vulnerability makes her VERY triggered. She will never, I am guessing from my experience from my own narc mother, take responsibility. Heal yourself, beautiful. Mourn the fact that you need to be your Mum and take that on. Mother yourself, ok, hun. That's how I healed. Happy NY. Let's make 2022 a really good yr xxoo
@@queenofthebutterflies5212 thank you for that. I spent sooo many years, from being an adult child to being 30, still having trauma and confusion over her actions and her gaslighting and abuse. She has turned me into the perpetrator each and every time. I tried to use her “troubled background” as an excuse for her behavior but I’ve ruined my own self and created my own toxicity because of that. Now that I have a 5 year the trauma is starting over because everyday I wonder how my mother could of treated “5 year old me that way, I would never to that to my child” It hurts. I try to change and do the opposite but it hurts regardless to feel like you were never really loved. I love all of you who are on here and can empathize with each other. It’s really nice to have a support system for those who felt like they had no voice for so long 💕
@@K119_ Darling, from Au, I'm sending you a great big Mumma hug. My child was what began my healing too. They're our angels. Sent to heal us. And we're here to teach them all the wisdom we've learnt from being abused. They will be incredible people when they grow up, hearing what we went through. Much love and peace to you Xx
ALWAYS EDUCATE self on all PATTERNS and BEHAVIORS of NARCISSIST!! Stay informed,WATCH VIDEO, LEARN to listen and Listen to LEARN!!! KNOWLEDGE is POWERFUL PEOPLE 💙
Dealing with family members who who have narcissistic traits. Thanks for helping victims who have been damaged. The reality is We can changed change ourselves and stand up and walk away. They will never change unless they want to sad but true. The damaged done of being a victim and be beaten down, takes time. Thanks for helping helping us to heal from the damage done.
@@dontbelongherefromanother That's a good way to put it..I just let my guard down..contemplated possibly living with him..after the short honeymoon period ended.. and in response to me commenting on his saggy bed.. He says.." you should see it sag when there's more people in it" Then a real deep chuckle.. I'm so silly for giving this yet again..another chance I cried today..my brother's one year of passing, myself and family members were by his side.. Then this ignorant statement..if this is love..I shudder to think what hate is..
Oh dear! You are so right! Been learning and my best cure is give up on everything and move on with no regrets, staying in your present moment, you can only change yourself. Once you understand they are like children in an adult body. Very needy. Don't let them drain your soul!
When I finally stopped jumping through my EXTREMELY narcissistic (now) ex wife’s never-ending series of absurd hoops (I didn’t say anything, i just stopped), she went out and had another affair and ended up marrying the guy only 60 days after our divorce was final. I could write a book about the decades of abuse.
Ted, you are not alone.. 25 years of marriage to a person I knew since Kindergarten... we divorced 10 years ago and have not spoken one syllable to eachother and he marriage less than 6 months after our divorced was final to a person 10 years younger than me, 17 older than he....It is indeed tough..
Its so difficult to disconnect from them. Its much easier to take the bait and fight back than to resist, but so worth it to stay strong and don't engage! I took and stand, drew the line and said what I had to say! NO MORE! Lately I try my best to be uninterested, whatever, I don't care, it doesn't matter ...and its working! Now I get asked...how's your back? ...did you color your hair? He actually picks up after himself in effort to please me for a change! First signs of trouble and I close down tighter and it works! Stay strong!
I feel like this is what they do when the get scared that you're on to them & you're backing away... We get relaxed again & think they're being attentive then after a few days or maybe a week, they revert back and it starts all over again.
After a decade of no contact I found myself at a family wedding. I had to be in the vicinity of both narc sisters.. Not only did I spend that decade healing (I was part of the first group who invested in Lisa's program and it changed my life) but I had dropped 35 lb. since they last saw me. When I took up my space and refused to give them any emotional energy , they almost melted like the wicked witch from Wizard of Oz. What a victory by just not playing and no longer caring about their approval or acceptance. "I don't care," and "Not today, Karen," ( yes, one narc sister is named Karen) totally worked. Looking good felt great, too.( Not gonna lie.) But the wedding was fun and I refused to stay in a corner. I mingled and had a great time. They were both glaring and judgemental, but I showed my sincere indifference, and went back to no contact after the event. I was direct, polite and my usual lovely self. They were just so uncomfortable, it was humorous. My narcs are cowardly covert ones, so I never feared a rage response or violence. It was DE-licious to truly be free of their toxicity.
Over the years our relationship went from kindness to criticism, demeaning. I realized they never cared a bit about me, It was ALWAYS about him. He had fallen out with, or discarded, everyone in his life. He had zero awareness of his narcissism.
Like that you give the solutions about an abuser,exit plan, not tell your plans,not involve with feelings at all! thank you. Actually very important!!! Know this is someone who is extremely dangerous and cares not at all about the other person
At last I am able to understand that my sister's emotionally abusive treatment, all my life , is because she is definitely a narcissist. Constantly berating me, accusing me of things I am not guilty of, manipulation, never satisfied until she's made me completely unhappy. All these years I've been trying to figure out why she bullies me, why she won't ever apologize or acknowledge what she's done. What a relief I feel to know she has all the characteristics of a narcissist. I don't have to feel frustrated and sad anymore. I can walk away from her at last with my head held up and never look back. Thank you sincerely!
Your sister sounds like mine. She had a time period for many years in midlife when she genuinely seemed to try to be a real person to me, to treat me with respect and treat me like an adult with only a few lapses. I was really encouraged because I had always been her scapegoat when a child and a young adult. But about eight years ago that seemed to begin slowly crumbling to the point where if I told her of an accomplishment, I was trying to show off and be snobby. If I had a partner who cared about me, she would tell me to break off with him, he was no good. (I did not do it.) It seemed that she really did not want me to be happy. I have not spoken to her in months now and she initiated this.
I decided to go no contact last night totally blocked....I'm hoovered love bombed then discarded now my heart is broken again!! over and over and over again...5 years I've been going through this his not even out but everyone knows he just doesn't admit his gay to anyone he comes out with the most crazy conversations about being gay and how his not homophobic I'm like wtf but you are gay are you crazy 5 years where have u been dude. I'm so done. Much love Lisa I've followed you for a long time thank you for your support and made me understand narcissists and I'm not going crazy xx
I used to run to my husband when we both got home and wrapped myself around him and he would pick me up and hold me in an embrace. We were glad to be together at the end of the day. When, in middle age after 35 years together, he began an affair, his demeanor changed. Eventually, mine did too. That seemed to ramp up the smear campaign. It was so childish and disrespectful. It didn’t have to end that way. For the sake of our boys.
Lisa - I hate it when narcs lovebomb , Hoover or get angry 😡 (narc rage ) to lure you back in when they perceive in their alternate reality mindset you are avoiding their BS mind games and unregulated chaotic emotions It’s their alternate reality and alternate truth in their mindset that makes them deny they are the one causing chaos on other people and make them rationalize, justify and gaslight and project chronically and consistently
You are changing my life. 30 yrs I have been with this man. He does everything you said they do…. I have gotten to the point I hate him, it’s always my fault or I am crazy. I want to be whole and free.
They steal your power energy happiness..Just amazes me I only attract these people and we have such wonderful.connections but BAM.THE END AND THEY FREAK OUT
Scary that I can recognize narcissistic traits in myself but it also makes me feel good like I can change the way I am and continuously question myself in my narcissistic thoughts
I remember how she acted when I finally told her that I was going to open my own bank account and stop putting all my money into our joint account after I discovered she was gambling away all my money. She went freaking ballistic! Between us we made very good money and we were always broke, finally when I called her on it and said what the hell's going on here? She freaking exploded! I was bringing my lunch to work in a brown paper bag and carpooling trying to save money and she was gambling our money away like there was no tomorrow. If I would not have gotten rid of her no matter how hard I worked I would have been broke forever. I didn't even realize how bad it was until after she was gone. Literally as soon as she left I had money in my pocket again.
@@naajmasalah4436 I know. A lot of us truly KNOW. I'm sorry you had to go through the hell I know 1st hand also. Your not alone sweetie. I will ask for blessings for you. You are going to come back better and stronger than ever. It is said it took God 7 days to create the heavens and the earth. It took him 9 months to make you. You most assuredly are supposed to be here. With all the amazing, incredible things that surround us. The creator thought the world needed one of you. You should think as highly of yourself as whatever or whomever you believe created ALL OF THIS!❤️❤️❤️❤️
So… my mom will get upset about some small things, we will talk about it, she’ll say everything’s ok, but after a few of these have built up, she becomes verbally abusive and gives me the silent treatment. Then my dad becomes the communicator and we get absolutely no where. “You’re mom is the most amazing woman in the world and she has suffered so much abuse and we never thought our little girl would also become so abusive to her” is basically what I get. I’m trying to move on with my life and find myself but I feel absolutely lost, heartbroken, and stuck. Thank u Lisa, for helping me sooooo much these past 3 years! I didn’t even know what a boundary was before I found u. Now I am blessed with so much wisdom and techniques I can use in my daily life to help me through this.
Your dad better get it in his head that if he continues to blame you for your mom's behavior you will cut ties with him too. Be firm NOW or he will continue blaming you for your mom's narcissism.
I went through it with a textbook narcissist. I fell in love with her and then she showed me who she really was. I nearly purposed to her. Thank God I opened my eyes in time. I literally had a ring for her. This video really makes me feel better.
No joke, my mantra has been Phil Collins song, "I don't care anymore" Literally put my ear buds in and sing out loud. Music is healing. As are your videos Lisa, thank you ❤ going thru it with my aging mother. I didn't show up for one of her requests recently and walking it out, being strong and not giving in. Again, thank you for being here so I can listen to someone who completely understands. Blessings to all 🙏😘
You look radiant Lisa! I’m grateful to learn about narcissistic behavior and codependency from you. It’s been invaluable. THANK YOU from Southern California. 💜
Hello neighbor. Ditto to everything you wrote. Lisa is absolutely glowing. It would be awesome if she shared her skincare and vitamin regimen. Sending blessings to all from NC💞
The saddest thing with this is that as a child to narcissists, you become imrprinted by the behaviours of your parents, and that messes with your head. It is like someone sits inside you with a remote control and when you are triggered, presses that button and you react in a way that isn't you. Personally I have worked on minimising the damage done in my life but at same time found it extremely hard to change those imprints, which then have lead to me wanting to 'control' my environment, which is not helping, only leads to more anxiety. So pleased you are doing this Lisa, it is really helping me breaking out of this. Sending you lots of love. x
My eyes have been opened... at long last. A shame that I gave my narcissistic partner 28 years of my life thinking we could turn things around before I realised there is no changing the nature of the beast and decided I'd had enough and boy, did she lose it when I told her.
Your channel has been getting me through very hard times. It's been years and it's sooooo incredibly hard for me to break this cycle of narcissistic abuse. Sometimes I get empowered and can stand up.. I've been able to leave 3 times... But I'm back here again. I thought it would be different this time... And I regret letting him come back. And I'm hurting and fed up with all the cruelty and I just want to feel strong enough again to make him go for good.
I’m sorry Vanessa. I feel for you. I have left many times and I recently found out that he cheated AGAIN. He’s my husband and I believed him when he promised never again 8 years ago. Yet, here we are. My kids are hurting, I’m hurting. He is saying he will never do it again and promising the world. Idk what to do.
Oh my gosh you just described my husband to a tee I've been bouncing back and forth I've been staying at my mother's for a week now because of going through exactly what you talked about. Been trying to understand the situation you just helped me. Thank you ❤️
well said.let me add if u meet someone that has been divorced several times they are probly a narcist or someone who likes drama .when u see someone who keeps numbers of people they broke up with ,probly a narcist.if u meet someone that tells u about several bad relationships they had and how the other person was bad,a narcist.
I've done this my whole life (went for guys that were so mean to me and gave them my soul anyway just to have an insane, abusive relationship). But you gave me hope when you said 'once you recognize and learn the patterns, you'll know what to look for next time, and steer clear.'
Lisa Romana I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You don't know and probably never will. I was bullied all my life and my narcissist parents completely destroyed me mentally, physically, and emotionally .when I first started watching your videos it was like the room turned dark and everything you were saying was astonishing. I was made to believe I was evil and a terrible person and I believed everything. Drug addiction ran rampant because the people I was hurting were the people who actually cared about. So whenever I hurt someone I felt so ashamed I needed to numb the pain. I didn't cry for twenty years and I watched your videos I finally realized it's o.k to cry and I began to stop hating myself. I started taking the medications responsibility. My need for the harder drugs like heroin, coke, painkillers went away because I'm a loving and caring person and you gave me the mechanics of how to respond and everything you advised worked. I finally felt like my own person and working on not hating myself it's still a progress nothing is easy. I doubt you'll ever read this but thank you, and thank you for letting me know what was going on with me. Wish you nothing but love, health, and happiness T and God bless.
Lisa thank you so much. I’m a 22 years old girl and your videos have helped me so much. I see you as a mother figure in some way. You gave me something that my real mother should’ve gave me: Clarity!!! You’re the best. I love your work and I’m so thankful that you are making these videos💕
It’s never to late! Even if your a coward you can make a plan and leave without a trace - then live somewhere else and get stronger before you let people know where you are again! Like a year or so ! Then - your freeeree!! My heart is with you either way!
I watched a group of narcissists read "corporate " play those games. Layering them one on top of the other. I said no and they were instantly hostile. After their renegade on their own promise, they had the HR 'Christian institution" write an ungodly hostile email. Thanks for this video. So helpful
I suspect more women then men, not that is matters as each case should be treated as an individual case. Western society gives women a free pass on bad behaviour they will come down like a ton of hot bricks on men for. Those Karen type women are narcs.
One thing the Narcissists are afraid is you going to God for help. I dealt with a Narcissist and went to God to pray. Narcissist did not know about it but became VERY angry without reason and then run away.
My father threatened to kill my mother and my sister actually sad that it’s because he loved her! Nobody who actually loves someone would ever do that. Sick!
my dad did the same thing. threatened to kill my mom, my mom entire side of family. told me my little brother was dead in his care and threatened to kill me.
@@elizabethabele9112 i am so sorry you went through that.... My heart goes out to you. My dad was like that with my mom. He beat her in her stomach when he learned she was pregnant with me and tried to kill me in utero. As a result, i was born 6 weeks early and died for 20 minutes when i wwas born. I remember eveything i saw, heard and felt. What Lisa talks about with narcissism is the "work" His children are here to do.... I was told that by Yeshua as He held me in His Arms. He told me that i could come Home when my work was done.
i just want to say how proud of you I am for being able to recognize and heal your insecure attachment and codependency issues and I believe having gone through all of that allows you to bring a certain level of experience and greater sense of expertise to the subject and content especially compared to the countless other youtubers i have watched over the last few weeks on narcissism, narcissistic abuse, codependency, insecure attachments, gas lighting, and the fear of abandonment. You are at this point my true hero ive struggled with these issues my entire life in every aspect and every close relationship ive ever had except with my nana who tragically died in a car accident when i was 7 years old and just didnt come home that day which further associated my relationships to hurt loss and abandonment that at the age of 25 to the point im in therapy and ive been diagnosed with PTSD, secret anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder no matter what im the problem in the relationship and ive been made to feel like im crazy or need help iv even considered if im the narcissist thats how intensely they will manipulate especially if they are consciously aware that they have NPD I feel like you understand completely what im going through and the way you've described your situations and the way you felt hits the nail on the head every time you've helped me realize a lot and im so thankful i found your videos i truly feel like i have a little bit of hope now that i can respond better to the manipulation and set boundaries and begin to ge tout of the codependency cycle and have my own happiness thats mine and not because of the status of my relationship so thank you so much for making these videos and showing me im not unfixably broken that i can still heal my trauma and attachment and codependency issues stop attracting these types of lovers and relationships and that i deserve so much better and cant settle for anyone who doesnt realize that or do better just for different perspectives and fun (Psych2go) and (Briana MacWilliam) also are two amazing youtube channels that have amazing videos and information on all this stuff attachment styles and all things psychology really. If you actually took the time to read this comment so long after this video was posted then thank you again and ill watch every video you post from now on because ive never felt so liberated and confident in the knowledge and advice that i was listening to, to better my life in any way.
I only wish that I had known about these lying, cheating, thieving, deceiving, manipulative, back-stabbing individuals earlier in my life : two CEO‘s of companies I worked for were narcs, and I had two such close relations. One relation in particular tried to control, manipulate and to destroy me, but I just separated myself completely from him, instinctively i.e. without knowing the reasons for his behaviour. Unfortunately narcs are often successful people who are self-employed or hold high positions in companies : they are ruthless, superficial individuals who DON‘T EVEN NOTICE, or care, when they stand on people.
This you for this Lisa. I just left a job after 4 years and they are trying to engage in a smear campaign. This is helpful. All we can do is walk away and protect ourselves.
@@dontbelongherefromanother Yah! When I confront them with facts they cant run away from, they stare nothing blank face and after a couple minutes come back like nothing ever happened. so annoying!
One of the ones I knew said she felt like she was spinning plates. She was talking about her job as a mental health nurse but what she really ment was her life of bullshit was spinning out of control. She had a different story for everyone. It wasnt a case of red flags it was more like a bright red flare being waved. Now I see it everywhere. After a year ive just got my son back. Boundaries have been set. I get xmas and I cant wait. Life can start again. Single dads rock harder. Good luck to good people. UK.
As a codependant , I have dealt with a few Narcs. I have suffered various reactions when I stopped being their toy/fix/supply including a violent attack by my own family of birth.
Thank you for taking the pain you endured in your life and making it into something amazing. I tried to talk about the pain I had endured from several narcissist relationships with several therapists and they would insist it was all in my head and I simply had to choose to feel good. My feelings were on target, their belief they were therapists were not.
My own brother has been doing this to me my whole life. I recently became aware. This is the best video I've seen so far and it really nailed it and made me wiser. Thank you. It's also made me realize they prey on people like me.
This is so very true! My oldest daughter is living in hell with her husband! He makes her question her sanity, she is depressed and has anxiety attacks, he keeps her from money and threatens to take the kids, he belittle her daily and she is stuck in this due to fear and uncertainty. He calls and texts her 100's of times a day and God forbid she doesn't answer. He has serious mommy issues and projects his awful childhood insecurities onto her and is super jealous of our relationship and has tried multiple times to keep us apart. I always stand up to him and will never back down. He tries to verbally outwit me and can not! He tries to turn the kids against her. It's just such a vicious cycle
Hello Lisa, I fell out out of love for my husband after he gaslighted me and insinuating that he will cheat on me again if I don’t “change”. I’m done with his gaslighting and blaming me for the cause of his cheating.
finally someone that consistently refers to the narcissist as "she" and not "he" all the time. So many experts insist on keeping the narrative that the man is the narcissist in the relationship.
Narcissist are women too. I have a collegue at work,she lies more often than she breathe. I've told her "you lie to much",she said :tell me a person that doesnt lie and i will appreciate u".
@@vst9266 there's a narcissist expert on UA-cam that keeps going back to how studies show that narcissists are statically more likely to be men than women. I've question if those stats could be skewed by the fact that: 1. men tend to not seek help, especially if they're a victim (culturalexpectations) . 2. if they do seek help they probably can't find it (lack of therapist/psychologist that treat men) 3. If they do seek and find help they're not taken seriously/treated with contempt (man up, stop whining).
😳 my narcissist treated me really well during the 2 weeks he was filing for divorce behind my back, so I would get comfortable and be blind sided when he left. He enjoyed every minute of my pain and I know he felt like he was winning.
Thank you Lisa! Very accurate! I have lived it for 24 Years in marriage! Very, very stressful and painful! Thank God that she left! I feel sorry for spouses and children who have to live in a home with such a person 🙏
I'm experiencing that even now. One word will summarize it: Attitude. I laid down my "personal" law and the love bombing, attention seeking, the subtle suggestions, and all the rest stopped and was replaced with attitude.
I learned the lady I had dated for 6 months was a narcissist. Broke up with her but turns out she had stopped birth control without telling me weeks before and now I’m a coparent with that woman. Raising a kid with a narcissist is wild ride…
This is so on point. I literally have been cheated on cause HE was or accused of stuff I had no idea whatever he was talking about. It has been mind games the whole time. I have lost it. Cried, scream, leave and accountability all kind of emotion. But when I block him he gets worse and ego is scary so me trying to move on he has slept with a friend or associate of mine to try to hurt me. She knows what I been through but she got comfortable for some reason with him gave him a ride and ended at her place. He set this up to hurt me and she fell for it. Idc like I thought i would but im just tired
Oh my dear, your description of your suffering literally gave goosebumps. All of the sudden it clicked. Just like you said, my x narc also had multiple “triangulations” situations during our relationship. He hit on my friend or woman in our spiritual group. I was very upset at that time, thought they “seduced” him. After I broke up with him, I found out later that it was him who tried to hit on those women. I started to wonder if he did that on purpose. On one hand, it’s their nature to constantly seeking new supplies. The other hand is to provoke your anger by going after your friends or people you are associated with.
Take the Free Quiz www.lisaaromano.com
If a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling person hates you... you're doing something right!
They always hate u tho.... Even from the start. Even if you do everything perfectly. That they want. They still will always Hate you, regardless, no matter what you do. Nothing is ever good enough to them, because they hate themselves.
@@lawyerreactsnotthemoon85 WOW !!!!!!! You hit the mark on this one!!!!
Thank you for your very truthful post !!!!!!
So right
hahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha!! high FIVE 🖐!!!
my ex hated me cause i took back my control after 4 yrs of manipulation
With a narcissist your nervous system can never relax
So true..... I've been to so many doctors and specialists because my body is stuck in freeze mode as a survival tactic and doctors tell me I'm fine but I know exactly what the issue is... and it's not me..
@@MorgueInTheVoid i hope you have escaped the monster (s)
@@reneeboehm558 unfortunately I have not😭
@@MorgueInTheVoid if it’s possible make a plan but do it in your head is there a big reason your still there?
This also causes brain damage n when I found that out I got so mad 😡
They get so bitter when you don’t puff their ego lol and start attacking you, it’s funny how they’re so predictable
I swear to the living God I heard this with my two ears “ you should bow to me, and pump my ego” this satans spawn I have uncovered his mask and he can’t stand the exposure , the fact that I have expressed the don’t give a f%% attitude this narc is rolling in brimstones and more loud verbal trashy flamboyant and competitive am like smh keep playing with ur crap am out ….pay them no mind see them crumble to pieces !!!!!
LOL, apparently I have rubbery hair!!!! Hahahahahaha - this from my elderly mother who is balding!!!!. The levels they go down to is almost dark comedy! (when you're in a good state of mind)
Yes!!! My sister would try and coax a compliment or some kind of admiration out of me and when I'd be honest with her and tell her the opposite, she'd snap. She asked ME if I liked her, and I told her no. Instead of her taking the honesty to an inquiry that she initiated, she snapped, "Well I don't like you either!" She's so childish but deflects onto others. Haven't seen her in more than two years.
Facts 💯💯
You said it. Predictable. I just broke off a 7 year relationship with a narcissist. Had to change all passwords, phone number and email address. He is still trying to contact me. Debating on getting Stalking Injunction. He's CRAZY!
Excellent advice! “Drama” is a key characteristic in all of this. Never have I ever been able to truly relax in a peaceful zone with a narcissist. Even in a peaceful moment, they can turn on a dime without warning. I keep them all as far away as I can now. I wasted years thinking there could be resolutions.
Yes,they like drama and expect to tell them compliments to make them feel better. When i am around her i feel tense and pray to not open her mouth full of lies and sh!t,when i step away from her i relax imediatly
Even when your around them and theres nothing going on you still have that uncomfortable feeling around them.
@@fumarate1 yes! I feel that way when i am around a collegue from work. And sometimes she says :u dont talk to me,again.
@@fumarate1 Bc u know every second there investigating looking making up your next humiliation
Me to. I have been with three ina row. And not till now know its not me. He has done everysingle thing that you have talkedabout
Don’t fester in hate. Focus on your recovery.
They are so weird and crazy. Best thing to do is to walk away and ignore them. They bring nothing to the table.
Absolutely nothing.
3:20 "They need you to get angry. They need you to fall apart. They need you to need them!" I used to assume that this was subconscious behavior. But now I'm finally buying into the trauma Bond theory that they are purposely doing it in the first place in a long game form. (It makes a lot more sense to me than the petty things that they had explosive rage attacks about.)
I EXPERIENCED THIS MONTHS AGO,AND BLOCKED HIM FROM EVERYTHING🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅
"They need you to need them." This is my sh!tt% dad to a T
I am 75 and I am tired of being scapegoated this is me setting things straight. It won’t stop the bs but it sure feels good to stand up and fight back
I guess I’m screwed. Married for 21 years to a very narcissistic woman. Luckily I’m nearing the end of my natural life and am looking forward to it. To much of a coward to get out. I’m begging anyone who can recognize narcissistic behavior, don’t wait! Don’t think you can cope! Get away the minute you see the signs.
I am sorry you are going through this
Narcs are like loaded handguns
You still need happiness, continue to educate yourself on narcissism if you got to stay make their world miserable while loving you, they hate to see you happy
Oh come on, as long as you're still alive, there's still time.
You deserve peace now.
The lies are being told about you the whole time you are with them.
"They want our energy and we need to starve those Tasmanian devils!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂 thank you Lisa! ❤❤
🥳🎊🎉🙏🙏💕🏡 Amen
Not today Taz😹😹😹🙏💜✌️
Energy vampirs are global irrespective of their race, education, ethnic origin, gender, sexual orientation, age or religion ideology......☻🤡👹👿
Nicely said 👐🏾😂
Yes girl preach!
I married a narcissist and I just found out. I always felt that something psychologically is not right but I couldn’t pinpoint it. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I’m married 35 yrs and thought he was bi polar .. yikes 😬 I think he’s a covert narc .
You n I bought
Same i found out 2 months ago and left . Best Decision! Last week he was texitng me his going to kill himself .. i called police and go with them just to found out he was sitting at home. It was like game over im done. Im not responsible for him it was the last thing i could do for him to help him. Now i dont care . It is his decision i have to take care of me and only me
Get out! They'll never change.
It took me 21 yrs to figure it out. But, I was a teen when I got involved. I freed myself, now he controls and manipulates the kids and bringing division between me and them. He raised the kids to fear him. Now they are adults and are still intimidated by him. They are not thriving at all and its sad.
One thing it took me a while to learn about narcissists: Just because they are hard workers does not mean they are ethical. I used to admire people with a strong work ethic, and while that is a good thing, it's by no means the whole picture to determine overall ethics. In fact, it's oftentimes the work environment behind which they operate their malfeasance, saying they're working when they're cheating, unethical business practices, etc.
in my experience narcissists are lazy cowards who do everything they can to avoid working and make excuses and play the victim to do it.
@@truthsocialmedia same here. I've never met a hard working narcissist. The only thing they work hard at is trying to take credit for someone else's hard work And making up reasons why you should pay attention to them even though they haven't done anything. They never admit something is their fault and can never acknowledge anyone that helped out.
0vv.
Let me see, Tick any that ring a bell. Selling tech projects that could never work the way they sold it to be. Working hard but not doing homework to check that they've got concepts correct. Blank refusal to accept their part in issues. Claiming expertise they do not have, and worse, being oblivious to how much skill it takes to do certain tasks and belittling those that are struggling in those areas.
Murph
Besides, calling it "Working" if they get up at 5a.m. and have spent 3hrs carefully working out how they are entitled to make their 'minions' pay for their attitude of mockery insolence and time-wasting by filling in forms that track what they do every minute, then these worms can learn to work efficiently .... sigh.
After just 3 days of no contact my narcissist went from smearing me to trying to Hoover me. I’m not falling for it.
Learning about narcissism & educating ourselves is the greatest weapon we can ever have against these vampires of the human soul. Awesome content!
For the narcissist, the chase is more important than the catch. The chase for external supply is addictive because they are empty. They can't bear losing. That, not love, is the clue to their insecurity. For their targets, freedom lies in understanding that the deficit is not in you, it is their multitudinous incapacities.
Incapacity!
Good for you!!! FIRST professional who, in talking about leaving a Narcissist, warns people about making a SAFETY PLAN. I was a Probation Officer, specializing in spousal assault and I can tell you that the most dangerous time for assault and/or murder is at the time when the person leaves the abuser.
it's ALL making sense!! The dots are connecting after 3 years of seeing self absorbed, ego driven, non empathetic, verbally abusive, spoilt kid vibes and victim shows. This video is my aha moment. Thank you! Don't feel as hurt as i did anymore... it's a disorder and i'm bouncing out fam. Wondering whether to tell her when she keep asking for meetups or completely ghost her. maybe ghost and peace out
When I would go to their home I just didn’t feel right or comfortable. The air seemed so thick.
Hats off for you!
Bravo!
Once you realize(see them as) their are not humans, you get the power and control and you literally see them scare.
They get irritated and subsequently more aggressive and nasty! Simply speaking, they don't like it! Thank you, Lisa
Irritated might be putting it a bit mildly
YESSS THIS‼️
My daughter started changing when I went to a psychiatrist and once a week I have therapy, she never wanted to hear the word no or the therapist suggested that I take the key away from her oh my home, that was one of the triggers that made her hate me, and next I took the key away from my car she wrecked my car two years ago because she took my little granddaughter to the hospital she ruined my engine we cost me $1500, I am going to legal services because I am broke because I never said no to them I gave them all my savings and now that I have no money I am treated like a leper especially the father has to do a lot with the situation he was a sperm donor he never wanted to be a father he was never a father to them it was just the three of us one day my daughter said mommy why doesn't daddy come with us, and I didn't wanna say bad things about the father so I said he's working! He always win against me one day my daughter got 69 on her test, and she's a gifted student she always gets 105 extra 5% and when I went to the teachers parents meeting the teacher showed me the test, and I said oh my I didn't see this, she said to me her father signed it, and when I went home I approached them and the father said to them leave them alone they can do whatever they want so I said if they want to be prostitute he answered if that's what they want let them if they want to take drugs he answered is that what they want leave them alone and my daughters at the time they know right from wrong and they love the idea that there are sperm donor always win against me and he made them think that I was the bad one, please if you have an answer to this tell me because now they don't let me see my grandkids, because the father wants to move in with me and he destroyed my life my daughter said you are bitching you had a beautiful wedding and your has been cheated you from day one how do you like that they are so brainwashed and I'm not getting younger but I don't feel old it's just that I have fractures in my body because I'm always running to babysit for them and I fall because I have vertigo, I am going to sue my doctor because I told him and he didn't do nothing about it I noticed DR for 25 years all of the sudden he acted very nasty with me thank you for listening please give me an answer because I am I under psychiatrist care medication I'm depressed I have anxiety I am so unhappy and the people above me they have been banging for eight years it's almost like bowling on top of me and they don't want carpet I think this did something to my brain all the stress I googled it and they said too much noise can make you unhealthy and bring you are the problems with your Health, thank you so much!!,
@@edithcasines9550it's soo freaking hard to get out of crisis mode. Force yourself to be around good energy and good people. Figure hour how to enforce boundaries any way you can. Make up a story if necessary to keep your boundaries safe, especially if you are tired and hungry or just plain down.
@@edithcasines9550 I am so sorry you are going through that. You did the right thing seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. It shows your strength and it shows you want to move towards happiness. As the young lady above said push yourself to get around positive people. If you need to shut down social media do so. And if you can go no contact you will feel a weight lift off you. Continue therapy and with your psychiatrist. Tell them everything that is going on. And pray pray pray. God has got us and he will see us through and protect us from these narcissists. Also work on being ok with saying the word no.
You're correct. They'll hoover you back in , just to break up with you. I'm empathic and very intuitive, I'm a NPD magnet. Thanks for sharing this accurate information.
know that vibe too well
Recycling their supply and discarding them over and over again until the supply decides to no longer engage in this abusive cycle.
My mother is getting more nasty since she realizes she can't control me anymore.
I hate who she is as a person; I finally saw her real, true identity in 2019 and it's been an eye opener.
The emotional/mental abuse and gymnastics growing up were all from her.
how did she become that way?
Soo sorry to hear about it.. I'm facing the same with my mother 😔
Me too. My Mom wants me to keep in touch even though she rejects and invalidates me. Add that to a alcoholic father who remarried and abandoned me. It's been a painful journey. Blessings to you in your journey
Glad you saw the light so you can healthily emancipate from her and take care of yourself.
i also can now admit that i hate mine. It's so unlike me to hate on anyone.
My daughter in law is a malignant narcissist. I finally had enough and ended the relationship by telling her to piss off. She immediately started sending my relatives texts with insults and lies. Lucky my family is small and know me and my personality. They just ignored her. Boundaries have been set!
I felt a load lifted off my shoulders after finding the courage to break-up with a narcissist. Now i can move on and find peace again.
They immediately seek out more supply and disappear...hoping to reappear at a later time. Hoping you've forgotten who they really are.
They are sick sick individuals it’s crazy smh
While being discarded by my parents has really hurt, I'm grateful for it.
My parents did this to me. I’m so sorry because of the pain, you deserve better from your parents and so did I but hold on to that grateful feeling. I wish I distanced myself from my parents very long before I actually did, to prevent more trauma and pain.
I’m not trying to minimize your pain at all by saying this, just try to remember they are doing you a favor.
Mine too. And yet, somehow, I married one. She just told me yesterday she change life insurance policy and named someone else as beneficiary but kept her beneficiary on my policy. This is the backstabbing that has pushed me to the edge. After 33 years of her abusive alcoholism she said I don't deserve it. I ditched my parents and now I ditch her.
Same. Our mental health is more important.
Short term pain for long term gain.
Lisa! Another content idea: how to have it go into having a healthy relationship after a toxic codependent one.
Thank you Lisa,I was able to shut down a narcissist with authority today because of what I learned from you and a couple other people. The bloodbank is closed.
These videos have helped me a lot. It is crazy how textbook her actions were. All of it, love bombing, discard,push pull, hovering. When I finally ignored her she started calling me from an unknown number (also textbook), It can take a while but eventually you’ll get over it. Trust me, you’re so much better off. Take your time and love yourself. You’ll be so much happier.
Retired therapist here, and I understand Narcistic behaviors...VERY GOOD VIDEO...
Exactly Lisa. It's all about them but when we point out their aloofness, they say "Oh so now it's all about you!" They won't enter into any indepth discussion.Very frustrating indeed.
Yes this is one of the biggest problems I have had with my husband. He is dreadful at communicating with me.
He will not even answer some of the simple questions I ask him. As he has gotten older his communication skills are getting worse and worse. It is frustrating and tiring.
@@susanmcguire4664 yea at this point it’s just time to go…. 30 yrs of this crap honestly I’m tired as hell I don’t want it anymore love has went out the door. Yet they always say it’s two sides well with a narcissist they are the only ones causing fuckery sad to say. No one else.
Yes agree it’s all about them. No in-depth discussion . The lack of empathy, the lack of affection , the threats If you don’t do this for them.
It’s always their needs. 2 year relationship which just ended when found out the truth and at my life’s end and totally drained .
So happy since i took the garbage out !
Now i am armed with knowledge-
Knowledge is power and will stop any and all toxic laden individuals from my life !
When they’re a victimized narc and u give them SOLUTIONS to their “problems” instead of babying them… they will ghost u
👻👻👻👻
So true
Yup
Exactly! You offer a solution and they say, “Yes, but I can’t do that because. . .” They don’t want solutions. They want never ending problems from hell and everyone is to blame, except them.
In my case she fired me. My boss of 10 and a half years takes me out to lunch and asks me to evaluate my job. First time ever. (Was I being set up?) I provided solutions with my critique but she said she was so hurt that she couldn't get past it. My job was being a nanny to her children. I worked for her since her kids births. I love them and they love me but I never even got to say goodbye to them and am not allowed to see them. I am heartbroken. So heartbroken.
Hi Lisa, I recently experienced a narc revenge with a co worker when I picked up on her selfishness and control. She smeared my name and complained to other co workers that I was not doing my job and was being rude to her. It was BS!. Thankfully, I was moved to another department, and management caught on to the narc's antics. She either quit or was terminated. Narcs are no joke and will do everything to destroy their target. Their ego is very fragile and seek to destroy by breaking you down emotionally. You begin to question your worth, and your self esteem erodes being around them. Their energy emits negative vibes, and you feel something isn't right, as though something bad is going to happen. Thanks for the vid.
I told my narcissist mother that she was a “scared, hurt little girl who has no sense of identity, trapped in a 50 year old body, and that it is apparent”
It tipped her over the edge. She is the most abusive person I know.
I'm so sorry, Kiki :( Don't even bother telling her ANYTHING. She will SMASH you when you are vulnerable. What she has done is invalidate your experience and make an excuse for her behaviour, it's called something like distancing themselves bc they CANNOT be vulnerable themselves. So, your vulnerability makes her VERY triggered. She will never, I am guessing from my experience from my own narc mother, take responsibility. Heal yourself, beautiful. Mourn the fact that you need to be your Mum and take that on. Mother yourself, ok, hun. That's how I healed. Happy NY. Let's make 2022 a really good yr xxoo
Run!
@@queenofthebutterflies5212 thank you for that. I spent sooo many years, from being an adult child to being 30, still having trauma and confusion over her actions and her gaslighting and abuse.
She has turned me into the perpetrator each and every time. I tried to use her “troubled background” as an excuse for her behavior but I’ve ruined my own self and created my own toxicity because of that. Now that I have a 5 year the trauma is starting over because everyday I wonder how my mother could of treated “5 year old me that way, I would never to that to my child”
It hurts. I try to change and do the opposite but it hurts regardless to feel like you were never really loved. I love all of you who are on here and can empathize with each other. It’s really nice to have a support system for those who felt like they had no voice for so long 💕
@@K119_ Darling, from Au, I'm sending you a great big Mumma hug. My child was what began my healing too. They're our angels. Sent to heal us. And we're here to teach them all the wisdom we've learnt from being abused. They will be incredible people when they grow up, hearing what we went through. Much love and peace to you Xx
@@queenofthebutterflies5212 thank you 🙏🏻 ☺️
ALWAYS EDUCATE self on all PATTERNS and BEHAVIORS of NARCISSIST!! Stay informed,WATCH VIDEO, LEARN to listen and Listen to LEARN!!! KNOWLEDGE is POWERFUL PEOPLE 💙
Self respect is what I teach my daughter
Dealing with family members who who have narcissistic traits.
Thanks for helping victims who have been damaged.
The reality is We can changed change ourselves and stand up and walk away.
They will never change unless they want to sad but true.
The damaged done of being a victim and be beaten down, takes time.
Thanks for helping helping us to heal from the damage done.
Narcs keep their victims on a never ending emotional carousel ride. The carousel, unfortunately, stops for a short period but restarts
Exactly 💯💯💯💯💯💯👍
@@dontbelongherefromanother Yes 👍
@@dontbelongherefromanother That's a good way to put it..I just let my guard down..contemplated possibly living with him..after the short honeymoon period ended.. and in response to me commenting on his saggy bed..
He says.." you should see it sag when there's more people in it"
Then a real deep chuckle..
I'm so silly for giving this yet again..another chance
I cried today..my brother's one year of passing, myself and family members were by his side..
Then this ignorant statement..if this is love..I shudder to think what hate is..
Oh dear! You are so right! Been learning and my best cure is give up on everything and move on with no regrets, staying in your present moment, you can only change yourself. Once you understand they are like children in an adult body. Very needy. Don't let them drain your soul!
Cluster B narcissist people are energy vampire. If they live alone they die.
When I finally stopped jumping through my EXTREMELY narcissistic (now) ex wife’s never-ending series of absurd hoops (I didn’t say anything, i just stopped), she went out and had another affair and ended up marrying the guy only 60 days after our divorce was final.
I could write a book about the decades of abuse.
That's very sad and awful to think of decades of emotional abuse you have had to endure.
Happy to hear you're away from that. 💯❤
Oh gosh
Ted, you are not alone.. 25 years of marriage to a person I knew since Kindergarten... we divorced 10 years ago and have not spoken one syllable to eachother and he marriage less than 6 months after our divorced was final to a person 10 years younger than me, 17 older than he....It is indeed tough..
Soon that guy will be seeking information on narcissism lol
and it was merely 1-way? why did you not leave then
Its so difficult to disconnect from them. Its much easier to take the bait and fight back than to resist, but so worth it to stay strong and don't engage! I took and stand, drew the line and said what I had to say! NO MORE! Lately I try my best to be uninterested, whatever, I don't care, it doesn't matter ...and its working! Now I get asked...how's your back? ...did you color your hair? He actually picks up after himself in effort to please me for a change! First signs of trouble and I close down tighter and it works! Stay strong!
I feel like this is what they do when the get scared that you're on to them & you're backing away...
We get relaxed again & think they're being attentive then after a few days or maybe a week, they revert back and it starts all over again.
After a decade of no contact I found myself at a family wedding. I had to be in the vicinity of both narc sisters.. Not only did I spend that decade healing (I was part of the first group who invested in Lisa's program and it changed my life) but I had dropped 35 lb. since they last saw me. When I took up my space and refused to give them any emotional energy , they almost melted like the wicked witch from Wizard of Oz. What a victory by just not playing and no longer caring about their approval or acceptance. "I don't care," and "Not today, Karen," ( yes, one narc sister is named Karen) totally worked. Looking good felt great, too.( Not gonna lie.) But the wedding was fun and I refused to stay in a corner. I mingled and had a great time. They were both glaring and judgemental, but I showed my sincere indifference, and went back to no contact after the event. I was direct, polite and my usual lovely self. They were just so uncomfortable, it was humorous. My narcs are cowardly covert ones, so I never feared a rage response or violence. It was DE-licious to truly be free of their toxicity.
Over the years our relationship went from kindness to criticism, demeaning. I realized they never cared a bit about me, It was ALWAYS about him. He had fallen out with, or discarded, everyone in his life. He had zero awareness of his narcissism.
Like that you give the solutions about an abuser,exit plan, not tell your plans,not involve with feelings at all! thank you. Actually very important!!! Know this is someone who is extremely dangerous and cares not at all about the other person
At last I am able to understand that my sister's emotionally abusive treatment, all my life , is because she is definitely a narcissist. Constantly berating me, accusing me of things I am not guilty of, manipulation, never satisfied until she's made me completely unhappy. All these years I've been trying to figure out why she bullies me, why she won't ever apologize or acknowledge what she's done. What a relief I feel to know she has all the characteristics of a narcissist. I don't have to feel frustrated and sad anymore. I can walk away from her at last with my head held up and never look back. Thank you sincerely!
bizarre
Your sister sounds like mine. She had a time period for many years in midlife when she genuinely seemed to try to be a real person to me, to treat me with respect and treat me like an adult with only a few lapses. I was really encouraged because I had always been her scapegoat when a child and a young adult. But about eight years ago that seemed to begin slowly crumbling to the point where if I told her of an accomplishment, I was trying to show off and be snobby. If I had a partner who cared about me, she would tell me to break off with him, he was no good. (I did not do it.) It seemed that she really did not want me to be happy. I have not spoken to her in months now and she initiated this.
I decided to go no contact last night totally blocked....I'm hoovered love bombed then discarded now my heart is broken again!! over and over and over again...5 years I've been going through this his not even out but everyone knows he just doesn't admit his gay to anyone he comes out with the most crazy conversations about being gay and how his not homophobic I'm like wtf but you are gay are you crazy 5 years where have u been dude. I'm so done. Much love Lisa I've followed you for a long time thank you for your support and made me understand narcissists and I'm not going crazy xx
I used to run to my husband when we both got home and wrapped myself around him and he would pick me up and hold me in an embrace. We were glad to be together at the end of the day. When, in middle age after 35 years together, he began an affair, his demeanor changed. Eventually, mine did too. That seemed to ramp up the smear campaign. It was so childish and disrespectful. It didn’t have to end that way. For the sake of our boys.
Lisa - I hate it when narcs lovebomb , Hoover or get angry 😡 (narc rage ) to lure you back in when they perceive in their alternate reality mindset you are avoiding their BS mind games and unregulated chaotic emotions
It’s their alternate reality and alternate truth in their mindset that makes them deny they are the one causing chaos on other people and make them rationalize, justify and gaslight and project chronically and consistently
True
You are changing my life. 30 yrs I have been with this man. He does everything you said they do…. I have gotten to the point I hate him, it’s always my fault or I am crazy. I want to be whole and free.
I don't hate him but want our kids and myself to be whole and free.
They steal your power energy happiness..Just amazes me I only attract these people and we have such wonderful.connections but BAM.THE END AND THEY FREAK OUT
Scary that I can recognize narcissistic traits in myself but it also makes me feel good like I can change the way I am and continuously question myself in my narcissistic thoughts
That’s your First step .. which is the most important one
I remember how she acted when I finally told her that I was going to open my own bank account and stop putting all my money into our joint account after I discovered she was gambling away all my money. She went freaking ballistic! Between us we made very good money and we were always broke, finally when I called her on it and said what the hell's going on here? She freaking exploded! I was bringing my lunch to work in a brown paper bag and carpooling trying to save money and she was gambling our money away like there was no tomorrow. If I would not have gotten rid of her no matter how hard I worked I would have been broke forever. I didn't even realize how bad it was until after she was gone. Literally as soon as she left I had money in my pocket again.
My heart hurts so bad 💔❤️🔥
That's not narcissism...thats you being an idiot and getting taken for a ride. 🤣
Yes it shows. You also immediately get your time, space, and sanity back
@@naajmasalah4436 I know. A lot of us truly KNOW. I'm sorry you had to go through the hell I know 1st hand also. Your not alone sweetie. I will ask for blessings for you. You are going to come back better and stronger than ever. It is said it took God 7 days to create the heavens and the earth. It took him 9 months to make you. You most assuredly are supposed to be here. With all the amazing, incredible things that surround us. The creator thought the world needed one of you. You should think as highly of yourself as whatever or whomever you believe created ALL OF THIS!❤️❤️❤️❤️
All kinds of addictions, vices, sexual predators they are, too.
So… my mom will get upset about some small things, we will talk about it, she’ll say everything’s ok, but after a few of these have built up, she becomes verbally abusive and gives me the silent treatment. Then my dad becomes the communicator and we get absolutely no where. “You’re mom is the most amazing woman in the world and she has suffered so much abuse and we never thought our little girl would also become so abusive to her” is basically what I get. I’m trying to move on with my life and find myself but I feel absolutely lost, heartbroken, and stuck. Thank u Lisa, for helping me sooooo much these past 3 years! I didn’t even know what a boundary was before I found u. Now I am blessed with so much wisdom and techniques I can use in my daily life to help me through this.
Sending You a big Hug! You're on your way to healing...
Your dad better get it in his head that if he continues to blame you for your mom's behavior you will cut ties with him too. Be firm NOW or he will continue blaming you for your mom's narcissism.
I went through it with a textbook narcissist. I fell in love with her and then she showed me who she really was. I nearly purposed to her. Thank God I opened my eyes in time. I literally had a ring for her. This video really makes me feel better.
Sorry for that.. sometimes,you will never see it earlier unless you out from the relationship
super happy for you that you didn’t end up making a huge mistake! 😊
...more informed, thus 'safer' too!
No joke, my mantra has been Phil Collins song, "I don't care anymore" Literally put my ear buds in and sing out loud. Music is healing. As are your videos Lisa, thank you ❤ going thru it with my aging mother. I didn't show up for one of her requests recently and walking it out, being strong and not giving in. Again, thank you for being here so I can listen to someone who completely understands. Blessings to all 🙏😘
Ha! I've been digging Dua Lupa's: IDGAF
I thought it was just me...
@@youngw1ze we are not alone ❤
My song also... congrats.
My Ex Narc sent this song to me, then said he didn't mean it!!! Verbal diarhea
You look radiant Lisa! I’m grateful to learn about narcissistic behavior and codependency from you. It’s been invaluable. THANK YOU from Southern California. 💜
Hello neighbor. Ditto to everything you wrote. Lisa is absolutely glowing. It would be awesome if she shared her skincare and vitamin regimen. Sending blessings to all from NC💞
The saddest thing with this is that as a child to narcissists, you become imrprinted by the behaviours of your parents, and that messes with your head. It is like someone sits inside you with a remote control and when you are triggered, presses that button and you react in a way that isn't you. Personally I have worked on minimising the damage done in my life but at same time found it extremely hard to change those imprints, which then have lead to me wanting to 'control' my environment, which is not helping, only leads to more anxiety. So pleased you are doing this Lisa, it is really helping me breaking out of this. Sending you lots of love. x
My eyes have been opened... at long last. A shame that I gave my narcissistic partner 28 years of my life thinking we could turn things around before I realised there is no changing the nature of the beast and decided I'd had enough and boy, did she lose it when I told her.
This lady really knows what she is talking about. Bravo!!! Job well done. Impressive summary of a Narcissists behavior.
Your channel has been getting me through very hard times. It's been years and it's sooooo incredibly hard for me to break this cycle of narcissistic abuse. Sometimes I get empowered and can stand up.. I've been able to leave 3 times... But I'm back here again. I thought it would be different this time... And I regret letting him come back. And I'm hurting and fed up with all the cruelty and I just want to feel strong enough again to make him go for good.
I’m sorry Vanessa. I feel for you. I have left many times and I recently found out that he cheated AGAIN. He’s my husband and I believed him when he promised never again 8 years ago. Yet, here we are. My kids are hurting, I’m hurting. He is saying he will never do it again and promising the world. Idk what to do.
Oh my gosh you just described my husband to a tee I've been bouncing back and forth I've been staying at my mother's for a week now because of going through exactly what you talked about. Been trying to understand the situation you just helped me. Thank you ❤️
It's like you have just described AH. She filed for divorce after JD told her it's over between them and he's filing for divorce.
well said.let me add if u meet someone that has been divorced several times they are probly a narcist or someone who likes drama .when u see someone who keeps numbers of people they broke up with ,probly a narcist.if u meet someone that tells u about several bad relationships they had and how the other person was bad,a narcist.
Had to quit a job because the supervisor was a level 10 psycho narcissist, every minute around them was a nightmare.
I've done this my whole life (went for guys that were so mean to me and gave them my soul anyway just to have an insane, abusive relationship).
But you gave me hope when you said 'once you recognize and learn the patterns, you'll know what to look for next time, and steer clear.'
Lisa Romana I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You don't know and probably never will. I was bullied all my life and my narcissist parents completely destroyed me mentally, physically, and emotionally .when I first started watching your videos it was like the room turned dark and everything you were saying was astonishing. I was made to believe I was evil and a terrible person and I believed everything. Drug addiction ran rampant because the people I was hurting were the people who actually cared about. So whenever I hurt someone I felt so ashamed I needed to numb the pain. I didn't cry for twenty years and I watched your videos I finally realized it's o.k to cry and I began to stop hating myself. I started taking the medications responsibility. My need for the harder drugs like heroin, coke, painkillers went away because I'm a loving and caring person and you gave me the mechanics of how to respond and everything you advised worked. I finally felt like my own person and working on not hating myself it's still a progress nothing is easy. I doubt you'll ever read this but thank you, and thank you for letting me know what was going on with me. Wish you nothing but love, health, and happiness T and God bless.
I am scared to death dealing with this ! Your right about it all !
Used a lot of your "one liners " during our "discussion " .. it shocked him I think... it actually made him shut up
Lisa thank you so much.
I’m a 22 years old girl and your videos have helped me so much. I see you as a mother figure in some way. You gave me something that my real mother should’ve gave me: Clarity!!!
You’re the best. I love your work and I’m so thankful that you are making these videos💕
Never ignore the signs. It does not get any better.
I'm so glad that you found this so young!
It’s never to late! Even if your a coward you can make a plan and leave without a trace - then live somewhere else and get stronger before you let people know where you are again! Like a year or so ! Then - your freeeree!! My heart is with you either way!
I'll never be fooled now the difference being I'm now just sitting back and processing and growing/ learning through ... it's so hard 😫
I watched a group of narcissists read "corporate " play those games. Layering them one on top of the other. I said no and they were instantly hostile. After their renegade on their own promise, they had the HR 'Christian institution" write an ungodly hostile email. Thanks for this video. So helpful
People seem to forget women can be narcissists as well. I just escaped out of a relationship with one.
I suspect more women then men, not that is matters as each case should be treated as an individual case. Western society gives women a free pass on bad behaviour they will come down like a ton of hot bricks on men for. Those Karen type women are narcs.
If you drive them insane with the truth, you're doin it right
One thing the Narcissists are afraid is you going to God for help. I dealt with a Narcissist and went to God to pray. Narcissist did not know about it but became VERY angry without reason and then run away.
They truly hate God😪
My father threatened to kill my mother and my sister actually sad that it’s because he loved her! Nobody who actually loves someone would ever do that. Sick!
my dad did the same thing. threatened to kill my mom, my mom entire side of family. told me my little brother was dead in his care and threatened to kill me.
@@elizabethabele9112 i am so sorry you went through that.... My heart goes out to you. My dad was like that with my mom. He beat her in her stomach when he learned she was pregnant with me and tried to kill me in utero. As a result, i was born 6 weeks early and died for 20 minutes when i wwas born. I remember eveything i saw, heard and felt. What Lisa talks about with narcissism is the "work" His children are here to do.... I was told that by Yeshua as He held me in His Arms. He told me that i could come Home when my work was done.
i just want to say how proud of you I am for being able to recognize and heal your insecure attachment and codependency issues and I believe having gone through all of that allows you to bring a certain level of experience and greater sense of expertise to the subject and content especially compared to the countless other youtubers i have watched over the last few weeks on narcissism, narcissistic abuse, codependency, insecure attachments, gas lighting, and the fear of abandonment. You are at this point my true hero ive struggled with these issues my entire life in every aspect and every close relationship ive ever had except with my nana who tragically died in a car accident when i was 7 years old and just didnt come home that day which further associated my relationships to hurt loss and abandonment that at the age of 25 to the point im in therapy and ive been diagnosed with PTSD, secret anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder no matter what im the problem in the relationship and ive been made to feel like im crazy or need help iv even considered if im the narcissist thats how intensely they will manipulate especially if they are consciously aware that they have NPD I feel like you understand completely what im going through and the way you've described your situations and the way you felt hits the nail on the head every time you've helped me realize a lot and im so thankful i found your videos i truly feel like i have a little bit of hope now that i can respond better to the manipulation and set boundaries and begin to ge tout of the codependency cycle and have my own happiness thats mine and not because of the status of my relationship so thank you so much for making these videos and showing me im not unfixably broken that i can still heal my trauma and attachment and codependency issues stop attracting these types of lovers and relationships and that i deserve so much better and cant settle for anyone who doesnt realize that or do better just for different perspectives and fun (Psych2go) and (Briana MacWilliam) also are two amazing youtube channels that have amazing videos and information on all this stuff attachment styles and all things psychology really. If you actually took the time to read this comment so long after this video was posted then thank you again and ill watch every video you post from now on because ive never felt so liberated and confident in the knowledge and advice that i was listening to, to better my life in any way.
Yes, your hitting all the points. I am currently going through this.
I only wish that I had known about these lying, cheating, thieving, deceiving, manipulative, back-stabbing individuals earlier in my life : two CEO‘s of companies I worked for were narcs, and I had two such close relations. One relation in particular tried to control, manipulate and to destroy me, but I just separated myself completely from him, instinctively i.e. without knowing the reasons for his behaviour. Unfortunately narcs are often successful people who are self-employed or hold high positions in companies : they are ruthless, superficial individuals who DON‘T EVEN NOTICE, or care, when they stand on people.
Over 3 years no contact! Yay!!
We need this at this time of year.
This you for this Lisa. I just left a job after 4 years and they are trying to engage in a smear campaign. This is helpful. All we can do is walk away and protect ourselves.
3 of the best employees found new work & the company CLOSED... 🎬
I finally called out my parents and they acted like I was too blame just goes to show both of my parents are narcissists
They project and are like zombies
@@dontbelongherefromanother Yah! When I confront them with facts they cant run away from, they stare nothing blank face and after a couple minutes come back like nothing ever happened. so annoying!
One of the ones I knew said she felt like she was spinning plates. She was talking about her job as a mental health nurse but what she really ment was her life of bullshit was spinning out of control. She had a different story for everyone. It wasnt a case of red flags it was more like a bright red flare being waved. Now I see it everywhere. After a year ive just got my son back. Boundaries have been set. I get xmas and I cant wait. Life can start again. Single dads rock harder. Good luck to good people. UK.
As a codependant , I have dealt with a few Narcs. I have suffered various reactions when I stopped being their toy/fix/supply including a violent attack by my own family of birth.
There's two of us. My sisters, not his family compounded the whole ordeal...the ultimate betrayal. More to come, I need to stop.
Thank you for taking the pain you endured in your life and making it into something amazing. I tried to talk about the pain I had endured from several narcissist relationships with several therapists and they would insist it was all in my head and I simply had to choose to feel good. My feelings were on target, their belief they were therapists were not.
@@erictruelove-so1de you can’t feel good when you tango with a narcissist.
My own brother has been doing this to me my whole life. I recently became aware. This is the best video I've seen so far and it really nailed it and made me wiser. Thank you. It's also made me realize they prey on people like me.
This is so very true! My oldest daughter is living in hell with her husband! He makes her question her sanity, she is depressed and has anxiety attacks, he keeps her from money and threatens to take the kids, he belittle her daily and she is stuck in this due to fear and uncertainty. He calls and texts her 100's of times a day and God forbid she doesn't answer. He has serious mommy issues and projects his awful childhood insecurities onto her and is super jealous of our relationship and has tried multiple times to keep us apart. I always stand up to him and will never back down. He tries to verbally outwit me and can not! He tries to turn the kids against her. It's just such a vicious cycle
Hello Lisa, I fell out out of love for my husband after he gaslighted me and insinuating that he will cheat on me again if I don’t “change”. I’m done with his gaslighting and blaming me for the cause of his cheating.
finally someone that consistently refers to the narcissist as "she" and not "he" all the time. So many experts insist on keeping the narrative that the man is the narcissist in the relationship.
Narcissist are women too. I have a collegue at work,she lies more often than she breathe. I've told her "you lie to much",she said :tell me a person that doesnt lie and i will appreciate u".
@@vst9266 there's a narcissist expert on UA-cam that keeps going back to how studies show that narcissists are statically more likely to be men than women. I've question if those stats could be skewed by the fact that:
1. men tend to not seek help, especially if they're a victim (culturalexpectations) .
2. if they do seek help they probably can't find it (lack of therapist/psychologist that treat men)
3. If they do seek and find help they're not taken seriously/treated with contempt (man up, stop whining).
@@richardlebreton6690 Plus most narcs are never diagnosed.
@@richardlebreton6690 I suspect more women then men, but we will never know.
😳 my narcissist treated me really well during the 2 weeks he was filing for divorce behind my back, so I would get comfortable and be blind sided when he left. He enjoyed every minute of my pain and I know he felt like he was winning.
Thank you Lisa! Very accurate! I have lived it for 24 Years in marriage! Very, very stressful and painful! Thank God that she left! I feel sorry for spouses and children who have to live in a home with such a person 🙏
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It is especially hard for people who are empaths.😢
I'm experiencing that even now. One word will summarize it: Attitude.
I laid down my "personal" law and the love bombing, attention seeking, the subtle suggestions, and all the rest stopped and was replaced with attitude.
I learned the lady I had dated for 6 months was a narcissist. Broke up with her but turns out she had stopped birth control without telling me weeks before and now I’m a coparent with that woman. Raising a kid with a narcissist is wild ride…
She knew you were leaving! Stupid they are not malicious they are
Are you sure it is yours 🤔
Omfg
same ,, mine pretended to take a plan b. lucky me i think i shoot blanks.. im 27 shes 39... lol
So glad I am MGTOW.
Get a DNA test.
Lived it for 30 years your point is spot on .
i treat narcs like they aint there. i can feel their being and dont want anything too do with them.
Hi From The UK
This lady is very intelligent and what she is saying is Spot On 👍
This is so on point. I literally have been cheated on cause HE was or accused of stuff I had no idea whatever he was talking about. It has been mind games the whole time. I have lost it. Cried, scream, leave and accountability all kind of emotion. But when I block him he gets worse and ego is scary so me trying to move on he has slept with a friend or associate of mine to try to hurt me. She knows what I been through but she got comfortable for some reason with him gave him a ride and ended at her place. He set this up to hurt me and she fell for it. Idc like I thought i would but im just tired
Tired ... The codependent is exhausted
My heart 💔 to You
Oh my dear, your description of your suffering literally gave goosebumps. All of the sudden it clicked. Just like you said, my x narc also had multiple “triangulations” situations during our relationship. He hit on my friend or woman in our spiritual group. I was very upset at that time, thought they “seduced” him. After I broke up with him, I found out later that it was him who tried to hit on those women. I started to wonder if he did that on purpose. On one hand, it’s their nature to constantly seeking new supplies. The other hand is to provoke your anger by going after your friends or people you are associated with.