What happens as we die? | Kathryn Mannix | TEDxNewcastle
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- Опубліковано 21 тра 2024
- Most of us have never seen anyone die. Few have any idea what to expect as death approaches, and most have unrealistic fears about it. Kathryn wants to change that.
She believes that we lost familiarity with dying over the course of the 20th century, and she wants us all to reclaim that forgotten wisdom. Her talk will explore what happens as we die, and explain how knowing more can make us all less afraid.
It’s a conversation that has comforted thousands of her dying patients and de-mystified the experience of many bereaved people who attended deathbeds. Let’s be better informed, better prepared, and less afraid about death. Kathryn was a consultant in palliative care medicine for 20 years, working in hospices, patients’ own homes and a large teaching hospital.
She took early retirement in 2016 to work for better public understanding of dying. In 2017, her first book, ‘With the End in Mind’ became a surprise international hit. Her book went on to be shortlisted for the Wellcome Book Prize and was The Times ‘Thought’ Book of the Year.
Her second book, ‘Listen’, about tender communication, was published to critical acclaim in September 2021. Kathryn believes that by naming death, describing the process, and helping people to know what to expect, we can have honest and helpful conversations that promote better planning of end-of-life care and reduce unnecessary medical complications of dying. Her hope is that we can de-medicalise dying, and give it back to everyone as a precious time to be lived as well as possible. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I have been a Hospice nurse for 18 years. I loved this talk ❤. In my practice I have come to know death is not the enemy, fear is.
Well stated.
In a world full of smoke and mirrors I can only hope your legitimate.
I've done a job that put me in charge of people passing. What I've noticed is that people who are passing will start to see and try to speak with people who you cannot see. They then start to get this certain smell of passing. If you feed them when they no longer want to eat it causes more pain. Don't make them eat past this point. They will be more comfortable that way. As for what she said it is also the truth. Some will wait to pass until certain people are there to say goodbye, and some people will let go and pass once they are told that it's OK to pass on. It just depends on the passing person. Make sure that they are comfortable and give them the pain medication to help them be comfortable during their last few days. Keep their mouth wet with mouth sponges meant to hold water to rub on their lips and inside their mouth. It keeps them more comfortable. Don't force liquids or solids past what they want. They know when they do not need it any longer.
That’s so true. My mom was passing, but still half alive for hours.. as soon as I told her “you can go now”, her breathe stopped. I was soooo sad of course, but proud to have done this. And it proved to me that our bound will keep on existing despite everything. ❤
"What happens when we die?" 3 Step Process; we are bags of our Mom's Skin filled with grandma muscles and mostly water, of all life placental animals MUSCLE CELLs, contained within Blue Planet decay disassembling processing has been since Blue Planet GOT HER GROOVY rainbow colors we see name a Blue, from 3 materials, Stardust water heat. 3 step Decompose Decay, liquefy and drinking consumed as nourishment by our neighbors. The 3 Bonds glue magnetism holding all animals MUSCLE CELLS together are simultaneously broken, intracellular cellular tissue electrons protons neutrons(👻our being souls) Muscle Cells, Electricity, and Oxygen Our Bags of Cells mostly water Muscle Connective Tissues decay decompose liquefy consumed back into Mother Nature's Ecosystems.
"What happens when we die?" 3 Step Process; we are bags of our Mom's Skin filled with grandma muscles and mostly water, of all life placental animals MUSCLE CELLs, contained within Blue Planet decay disassembling processing has been since Blue Planet GOT HER GROOVY rainbow colors we see name a Blue, from 3 materials, Stardust water heat. 3 step Decompose Decay, liquefy and drinking consumed as nourishment by our neighbors. The 3 Bonds glue magnetism holding all animals MUSCLE CELLS together are simultaneously broken, intracellular cellular tissue electrons protons neutrons(👻our being souls) Muscle Cells, Electricity, and Oxygen Our Bags of Cells mostly water Muscle Connective Tissues decay decompose liquefy consumed back into Mother Nature's Ecosystems.
Omg the part about the sponge for their mouth, is eerily similar to my grandpa who was in the hospital and the medical staff ask us to help him keep his mouth moist. We left for the evening to go home, and passed shortly after that. We never knew he was actually dying
@lindaatteo409 I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe they didn't tell you what to expect. That makes me so sad for you and your family. God bless.
Being with my mom when she died……it was the only time in my life that the earth stopped moving under my feet. Truly. She was so stoic. The death rales had stopped. . . . She didn’t speak. I sat by her side and got the impression she was monitoring the scene. The love of my life. My heroine. 🌱
ONLY her body that "died".. 💯💯
My mother has died few weeks ago. She was my heroine too.
So unlucky in her life, but always good and generous with people.
❤
I'm with my mom right now, watching and waiting, 3 days in so far. I feel like I'm a passing partner instead of a birthing partner. She brought me into this life,I can see her out.
🙏🙏🙏
Wishing you peace. I agree about caring on the way out. 🙏🥲❤️
@Lorene Oates thank you so much, how kind. She's gone on her way now. There was actually a lot of beauty in her passing. Nature put on some displays that day for her, wish I could add photos here of the sunset ,absolutely spectacular ❤️💛💚
So sorry for your loss. I was with my dad when he passed, after a long, slow, painful battle. But I found it to be the best thing I have ever experienced.
@@fluffystarafina much love to you.
I sat with my daughter as she died at just two days old. She spent just the last hour of her life breathing by herself and then she left. The breathing pattern is something I will never forget, she would gasp every few minutes and then continue quietly. She would have turned five this last week. She taught me so much about life and death.
Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. Peace to you!
That breathing pattern was just the same as I watched my father die. I am so sorry for you that your beloved daughter had to die so young. Yes, our loved ones teach us about life and death, no matter the length of their stay here on this Earth. Deepest condolences to you, and blessings too.
So sad hearing about your daughter. I lost my son at 19 but unfortunately he wasn’t with anyone he knew. It breaks my heart that his last, panicked thoughts as he went into cardiac arrest were probably for me, his mum - where was I in his final moments? What I wouldn’t give to have been there to hold his hand and tell him I loved him with all my heart.
Thoughts are with you and your daughter.
Such love to you x
Wow if this is the case dying is comforting..it's true that we see people die they breath hardly, fast and shallow as if they are being choke but actually they don't notice it or feel it,,and we mistaken that they were being strangled or something...but in reality they didn't know it that it happens as they are dying...good to know...thnks God..
As a Licensed Funeral Director since I was 21, I've done over 10 thousand removals of the dead. I know the smell of Death(not to be confused with a decayed body). I've spoken with hundreds of Healthcare providers at people's homes. I can tell if a person died of cancer, disease or simply passed in their sleep. There is a distinct odor that presents itself. The last breath is nearly impossible to detect Unless right on top of the dying. It is something that changed my outlook of death. The process in which a human being dies is quite peaceful(under normal circumstances). While I was young, I never thought twice about MY own death, as I was numb to it. However, doing those removals taught me to not be afraid of it, anymore than being afraid of the dark. The Process will come for us all. It's unbeaten. Always try to live with knowing that, and you will live a fulfilling life.
I witnessed my mothers' last breath in my arms trying to feed her. She was looking at me. Unforgettable moment.
I've been tortured for the last two years with lack of understanding when my beautiful husband died of cancer. This has given me such immense comfort. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
God's words, the Holy Bible, contains wisdom and knowledge when read and studied. It brings much comfort to all of us who experience the loss of a loved one. Please read it and find the comfort that you need. God cares for us more than we can comprehend.
I hope you are okay somehow.
@SongBird21 it's not about where his soul is gone, it was far more about his apparent suffering that was so very painful
@@valeriehartman3705 Up and down. The greater the love, the greater the loss. I was blessed with the love of my life ❤️
My Dad died at the end of October, and his breathing went into the exact rhythm you describe. It went on for a long time before he actually died, most of a day. When I got back from work, I kissed his forehead, and he smiled. Later, he clung to my hand, but there was no reaction when I kissed his forehead again later in the evening. At 1am, not realising he was about to die, I told him I loved him and that it was okay for him to let go. I went to bed and was asleep when he died within one or two hours. I would like to think he might have heard me, but it sounds as if he was probably deeply unconscious at that point and that he had just drifted away.
Since then, I have had the most incredibly vivid dream of seeing him alive and healthy, and when we hugged in the dream, I could feel his arms round me and the tweed of his jacket under my hands. If I were sure there was an afterlife, I would think he visited me.
Thanks for this video. It has reassured me that his death was peaceful.
@About Enzymes
Same here.
It was a very vivid dream, unlike any other I've ever had, she looked so well. 🙏
There IS an afterlife and your "vivid dream" was him REALLY visiting you!
They say that when you see a deceased loved one in a dream that they are at your side as you sleep. There is an afterlife, different to what we know now but there is an existence there for the energy and consciousness that makes us who we are..
there is an afterlife:) been proved by many things
62 years old and I never witnessed death. Never closer than a waiting room. Never with intimacy. I am now incurable in palliative care for cancer and heart failure. My rocks are my siblings and some lovely friends. I am enrolled for legal medically assisted death here in Canada. Dr Mannix is such a great communicator and is helping me to better understand much. I have a wonderful social worker and recently have spent time at day hospice and also palliative services from our public health system. I do not know if I am prepared to travel to the undiscovered country but sense that whistle stop is nigh. If I go there as Dr Mannix describes or by injection is of no matter. I hope everyone finds their peace ☮️
Ex
I hope you find yours too 🙂
Wow! My husband has terminal cancer and he has wanted to hear this desperately. Thank you Thank you Thank you 🙏
Prayers for you guys
There are plenty of information out there about death and life after death from well known researchers.. 💯💯
Sorry that your husband is sick. I'm glad this helped him. I lost my Dad to terminal cancer a couple of years back and I confirm a lot of this is true. He worked in palliative care as a vicar. When he was dying himself, he refused painkillers until the very end, about 2-3 hours before his death. He wasn't afraid to die and wanted to stay conscious and with us for as long as he could. Brave man. I am sure your situation is not easy. I hope you are both holding up and I am glad you are both preparing for that end situation. I don't know if you're religious (I struggle with religion at times), but I guess one of the comforts I take from mortality is knowing that, once I'm gone, every little molecule of me will become something else and help create new life. Sorry. That's maybe too much for a one-off chat on this, but it's close to my heart and you spoke out in a way that spoke to me. Hope I didn't overstep the mark.
In my prayers 🙏 ❤️
My own terminal Melanoma was supposed to end my life 3 years ago. Good days & bad days, but I am better than I was in spite of health care system. God bless
As a nurse I’ve sat with many a dying patient who have no family ,I also sat with my beautiful mum as she was passing , I just told her I loved her and that I’d see her again someday , that it was ok for her to leave 💔💔
. This video made me cry , what a beautiful soothing voice you have, I Will remember these words and pass them on ..💜
Thank you SO much for this. My beloved husband died of mesothelioma a year ago. I got to the hospice ten minutes too late. The doctor told me that he passed very peacefully, just stopped breathing. No struggling with breath or other dramas. I have wanted to believe that and forgive myself for not being st his side and holding his hand or saying one last time how much I loved him. But now...hearing this caring, simple, honest message, I think I can let go of my guilt. He was ready to leave. Even though he knew I was On my way to him, he didn’t or couldn’t wait. And that’s ok. My presence wasn’t necessary, because he knew and understood how much I adored him. It was his time, he knew it, and bravely let go, cast off and let the wind of the Great Spirit fill his sails.
He died as his own man.
Thank you for sharing this and l’m very sorry for your loss. 😢
I am glad you have let go of guilt, which has nothing to do with the love you have for each other
Tears
"he bravely let go, cast off and let the wind of the Great Spirit fill his sails" This was so beautifully put I wrote it down in my journal!
I’m sure many will find this both informative and comforting. I was with my Mum when she sadly passed away. The day before we lost her Mum was in a very deep sleep just like the one you described when suddenly she came out with the words “ I love you “ before falling back into a deep sleep she never came out of. It was her final words…something I’ll never forget.
❤
My mother was in a coma for a few weeks before passing from cancer. However on that morning she woke up and told my father that she wanted to see me. He called, overjoyed that she had awoken so I hurried to see her about a half hour away. She passed ten minutes before I arrived. So I can imagine that those same words you mention are what she would have told me had I been there.
@@beaux2585 ❤
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
As a nurse, I feel that good palliative care is so important. As one Palliative Nurse Specialist once said to me 'we only have one chance to get it right' and she couldn't be any more right.
My father lived with us for just over 6 years before he died at age 88. He died exactly as it was described in this video. He was in hospice care. He did not want to go into a care facility. My wife stepped up and became his primary care taker. As days wore on, his sleep time was increasing while his awake time was decreasing. One night his breathing became very shallow - but not labored. At around 2 AM, his breathing was so shallow, we weren't sure if he was breathing at all. He was very peaceful. Then, his shallow breathing just quietly stopped. No drama. No convulsions. No gasping for air. Just total silence and peace. Although it broke my heart to see him go, I knew he was finally free of the various medical issues he was enduring.
In my 94 years, I have come to know that just as an automobile is dead until a driver gets in and it becomes a living mechanism, your spirit (psyche) inhabits your physical body. When it stops working, your spirit goes back to the spirit world. We cannot see the spiritual realm because our eyes do not see that color spectrum, nor can we hear things in that realm because our hearing is not sensitive to the frequency there. I also can also tell you that we have loving Heavenly Parents (of our spirits). The best is yet to come. Search and exercise your faith and find out for yourselves. Life passes at the speed of lightning and you will find out soon enough.
I had the honor of being by the side of both my mum & dad when they passed. I held their hand as they took their final breath, it was peaceful & beautiful & both events will stay with me till the day I join them. My dads cancer was very painful for him & he was totally immobile, yet as we realised his end was near we all kissed him, my mum kissed him last and told him it was ok to go, I said we would take good care of mum. At that moment he opened his eyes turned and looked at each one of us, seeing mum last. Closed his eyes and never took another breath. He was so at peace, I’m so glad he was at home in his own bed with his family with him. Mum only lasted four months after dad, she was living with me for the last few days she was mostly in an unconscious state she hadn’t moved or spoken for days. A few hours before she passed me & my sister were sat around her bed talking to her about our lives as kids etc, when suddenly she sat up and shouted my dads name three times as if he was in the room waiting for her. I don’t think I would have believed it if I hadn’t witnessed it , but that moment gave me great peace.
Thank you Kathryn Mannix for giving me a greater understanding & awareness. I hope my passing will be as peaceful as my parents.
I had never seen a dead body, nor seen anyone die until I was confronted with witnessing my father pass away. We knew it was a matter of time, but when I get the call that I needed to be there immediately, I have to admit that, as I traveled to him, I was frightened. A 48 year old man (me) beside himself with fear of those final moments, what would it be like? Would what I was about to see scar me for life and tarnish my memories of this wonderful man? Thanksfully this description matches exactly (as it would!) the closing chapter of my Dad's life. Although we were obviously very sad to lose him, we all commented right there and then that it was somehow beautifully peaceful and for a moment death didn't feel like something to fear. We lost my Mum 6 months later and the pattern was repeated. Thank you Kathryn for spreading this wonderful message as you say it needs to be spread far & wide.
Your mum and dad are still with you in body and soul..💯💯
@@jpnewman1688 in his soul hmmm where would that be/ just like/from the heart lol the heart is a pump, pumping blood which the cowardly christian god likes, so thinking is impossible,it's almost impossible for christians to think at all--fact *!
A friend described his wife's passing with the family all around in a group hug as "...and then one of us wasn't breathing anymore".
Yes. I have prayed that I will be there for both my parents’ passing. I do not want to miss this beautiful, peaceful process.
Fbx
Thank you, that was worth hearing. Some years ago my wife was dying of cancer and this was understood by all around her and myself, but it was never really discussed in any depth. My wife was rather a private person and although I was caring for her to the end, we didn't talk much about it and she kept looking after herself in many ways, never troubling me unless it was absolutely necessary. I cannot blame the NHS for lack of care but certainly little, if any, advice was given me as to how to prepare for the passing of my wife, other than the application of the required medications. All this happened at home between the two of us early one September day shortly after her 75 birthday and after 50 years of marriage. I think she felt her time was up and after a slightly disturbed night she fell into a peaceful sleep. I had sat by her bedside for some hours and then had to slip out of the room for a minute or two, and I knew immediately on my return that my wife, as I had known her, had gone. I like to think she had a slight smile on her face when I spoke to her but I cannot be sure. I have heard it said that the dying do often slip away like this, when one's back is turned, as if they don't want to cause further distress, it seems possible.
Thank you for sharing this.
Yes, this is exactly what my mother did. She waited until all three of her children had left the room.🙏❤️
Bless you.
You were an angel to your wife. Bless you.
@@shivadasa Thank you, but I don't think I did enough. Looking back I think my wife made it easier for me, maybe I'll find out one day.
I'm not afraid of dying, only getting to the end of my life and finding I haven't lived. :(
You can do something about that right now!!
@@randyclere7756 what is the purpose of your life?? Is it all about winning or surviving the 🐀 race?? Or to seek happiness, etc..??
No worries.. It's not the last rodeo for you.. 💯💯
We shouldn’t be afraid of death. It’s not like we’ll remember it.
I was overwhelmed when my beautiful mom passed away at home in my arms. I felt her last breath out and i held her do tight and i said...mama you left...i love you mama. It was the most beautiful exp. In my life. I do not fear death since then. It was an awskening. She was there when i was born and i was there for her when she went back to her real home.
To not be afraid -- That is what is achieved by spreading the message. Myself and my little fur buddy Percy, who is a Certified Therapy Dog, twice a month visit the Hospice Care in our little town. Nearly every time we enter their room, the patient who was almost comatose before will light up when they see Percy. Percy will sit and sometimes kiss or cuddle with a patient especially if the person is stressed or anxious. He will stay there until the person is calmer. Then with a pointed glance at me, he tells me he is done and wants to get down. This takes around 10 to 15 minutes. Care givers tell me that for a little while the patient is more alert or sleeps better. I'm asked how does Percy know? I believe our emotions give off an odour which he recognizes. It is rewarding volunteer work, and I believe helps with the dying process. Thank you for this video. It takes away some of the fear we all carry around with us.
Thank you for sharing this. What a wonderful work you & Percy are doing.
I just saw an UA-cam video about how does actually smell pain, stress and dying. Beautiful!
Thank you for your taking time to discuss something very important. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2017. I’ve been through 44 radiation treatments, chemo and several other treatments to provide me with some relief and quality of life. I know that the day will come when I’m to tired to continue. I already sleep quite a bit and I’ve never been sure if it’s depression or the medications or the disease or a combination of everything. I do know that listening to your talk has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I’ve gone between absolute dread and just not caring. Thank you.
This is a very good TEDx talk.
Death is just a portal that we have to go through to meet God. Am glad that death can be so peaceful.
I have never seen anyone dying accept my beautiful litle cat and it would seem the same things happens to animals too ,I cried all the way through , all i had in my life was my litle cat.
Your cat was very lucky to have you😊
Except my cat.
@Running4 Fun - I’ve been ‘owned’ by precious cats all my life and they are truly special. Yes….many tears shed as they leave their earthly bodies. ❤️🐾🙏🏽🐾❤️ The unconditional love of an animal is truly the best. I’m glad you had your precious cat who I know loved you so very, very much!! ☮️❤️🙏🏽🐾 God bless you !
Your cat will always be by your side 😘
Thank you for this!! I’ve worked in hospice but am recently retired. My passion is all things death and dying. I just spent 8 days with a friend supporting and helping her care for her husband. Everything from peaceful music, to people coming to pray at his beside, to watching his beautifully simple pine coffin delivered to the house seems now like a beautiful dance as we peacefully said goodbye. It was a magnificent week of love and caring for a soul as his earthly life ended. I agree that the way we do death in America is very sad and we need to talk more about death and dying. The phrase “walking each other home” suits this talk.
8:59 -This was very reassuring, because as my mother was dying and was basically unconscious (in the hospital), she started to make little vocal sounds, and I was so afraid that she might have been having a horrible nightmare or was in terrible pain. She was such a wonderful, sweet person, and I guess I will never stop missing her until my time comes.
As a midwife I really appreciate hearing this Dr's touching story, and I now understand that we revert to a final babyhood where we sleep so much more and wake so much less and finally go back to unbreathing like we did before our birth.
“We finally go back to unbreathing”. Wow. Nailed it
I heard my daddy's final heartbeat as I hugged him tight. And I knew it was time to let go.
Dieing isn't the scary part. It's learning to do life without them that is hard. As my prayers became louder and the silence grew deeper. GOD gave me peace and till this day I am grateful that there is no more pain. The Doctor later explained to me that he was on hospice and it was thee end of life for him.
Thank you Dr. for your testimony and explanation. May it shine light to all those who grieve.
I care because he cares🙏
Hello
How are you doing today?
Yes we laid our hands on my partners chest after he stopped breathing. Me and our daughter felt it quicken, then slow, then stop. To be there at that moment, awful and also magical. We opened the window.
Thank you so much for posting this. 💜
As a former physio during the time of my dad passing with cancer, I worked in both respiratory and palliative care.
The former we would aim to stop the “rattle”. This made my dads lasts breaths difficult for me as I knew how to stop it, or so I thought. Working in palliative care, this was never explained to me, just how to make palliative patients more physically comfortable.
The palliative team looking after my dad explained there would be a noise but just said to contact them as that happened and they would give drugs to dry it up so to speak. This happened twice, the second time it did nothing.
However, mindfulness helped me back in that room after the first instance, so the second time it didn’t effect me as much and I was there for dad wholeheartedly.
I just wanted to say that that experience has and always will stay with me of course, but listening to this has lightened that load. Knowing that that fluid just pools and doesn’t cause pain or discomfort in what breath he had left is soooo reassuring. The mindfulness work I did at the time was to say “it was just a noise which is effecting me more than dad”.
So thank you, really, thank you for sharing this. It means so much to me.
Finally, I agree with what this lady said that this needs to be spread far and wide, both in professional fields and the wider community. We need to eradicate the fear of dying. It is not morbid. It is inevitable. It can be as lovely as birth if we give it some attention during our lifetime and do so with one another in a sense of loving connection.
Much love 💜
We are just energy, and death is just a transformation.. 💯💯
Just one small comment. You mean affect and affecting.
That noise is called " death's rattle" it's a noise you never forget.
That is how my father and my mother left us. Very quietly. Slipping away.
Nothing quiets our fears so much as understanding... and yet we spend our lives struggling mightily, stubbornly, to validate what we believe we already know.
Buddha said "All suffering is caused by ignorance." 💯💯
@@jpnewman1688 Nah... all suffering is caused by the absence of faith... hint: it depends on what your definition of "is" is...
@@jeffryglenn7024 sounds like you got a lot of suffering to deal with.. 😄😄
@@jpnewman1688 ...and you're as self-aware as the next stone you trip over...
@@jeffryglenn7024 and you are as enlightened as a POS.. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
This was brilliant and so heartfelt. I worked as a clinical and later research neuropsychologist in a specialist geriatric setting in a major city hospital in Australia and have seen “patients” die and have been involved in brain autopsies of deceased elderly patients. I have never heard a better or clearer treatise on the normal process of dying. I am now retired and reside in an health care facility for the elderly with a combination of heart failure and COPD which will eventually end my life on earth. Thank you so very much, Dr Kathryn Mannix for your beautiful presentation. God bless you 🙏👍👏🌹
God bless you. May you fill the rest of your days with happiness and joy!
greetings to you, my friend who is probably still alive!
God bless you Michael. Sending you the warmest hugs from the UK. 🙏
And thank you, as well, Michael, for your service in important research and health work. Your contributions to understanding the human condition and psyche I’m sure have been very valuable! Much light and serenity to you! 🌞 ☮️
@ChokeItDown I believe life exist in a continuum of possible futures as everything points to a multiverse with infinite memory. It is not just life but everything has a quantum immortality.
Former hospice chaplain, this is beautiful.
Absolutely riveting. I have lost a number of family members in the past four years. You have described death so beautifully. Mystery is scary. Spelling it out lets people know what they can expect, and there is comfort in that.❤
Hello Dear
How are you doing today?
Awesome talk!! Thank you!!!! I remember being with my mother when she passed, I said to her “we don’t want you to go, but, we understand and we will be ok, you go when you’re ready and Dad will be there waiting for you. It was not long after that that she passed. I will be forever grateful that I was with her, holding her hand when she passed!!! Miss her so much, but, I know she’s happy with her loved ones that passed before her.
Unfortunately, not everyone leaves this world peacefully. My mum had a terminal cancer and her death was anything but peaceful….it has been more than 10years since but the events of that night are still haunting me to this day.
I’m so sorry 😞 it was such a long battle . I can feel how bad and traumatic by the words you wrote . I guess we never really know how we are going to come into this world and how we are going to go out . I hope someday you will be able to find comfort that you fought that battle right by her side . Hugs to you
My heart goes out to you & your mum. I wonder if it might help -even now- if you write about it, or find a grief group or even contact Kathryn Mannix? I’m glad you spoke up, & I hope you find compassionate support.
I lost my 16-year old daughter to suicide and I was the one who found her. This evebtually sent me on a mission to study death and dying and the bad name death has been given when it is a natural part of life and living. Thank you for this marvellous talk! I would love to interview you on my USA Global TV Show - The Art of Mental Health Wealth ...
im so sorry for your daughter💔
@@rudrapratap3294 thank you
@About Enzymes Thank you ... but am aware I truly do not want to "hijack" this talk with my story :) ... just to be able to agree that death looked at in it's true light brings a peacefulness and harmony to life ... and I am just so grateful that the "gift" in my loss led me to understand and appreciate that
I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
When brother was dying, he told me there’s this person standing in front of him. He said he is waiting for him. Me sitting near him (I’m a Hindu) holding his hand and praying and chanting softly about 5 minutes. After that I ask him is he still there? He said no!! My brother ask me to take care of his children. He divorce his wife and my nephew are in their late teens. They didn’t want to go and live with their mother. It has been 5 year since then. The fact is he knew that he was dying and was happy and at peace before going.
I cannot thank you enough for this beautiful message, Kathryn. Profoundly understandable and humbling, I'm grateful that such a topic is being discussed.
Right!!!
Everything she said is true. I cared for my wife through palliative care and watched her travel through life's final journey up to her final breath. She was at peace.
I watched this and shared with my sister in the weeks before my father passed away. It was so comforting to know what to expect and in the end his last breaths were peaceful. I cannot thank Kathryn more for her compassionate delivery of this process. A truly special woman.
I don’t know anyone dying. I’ve never seen someone die but i know - watching this will help me through some difficult times ahead to understand and not be afraid. Thank you
It seems the further we distance ourselves from the process, the worse the collective death anxiety gets. I know I’ve been kept awake worrying about what it’ll be like. And I’ve already survived cancer once, so I got very close. Great talk and leaves many things to consider.
Modern medicine in a capitalist system is all about making profit.. The longer a person is "alive", the more potential profit.. 💯💯
I too grew up with a blank-slate when it came to death. In my thirties, my dad started dying. He accepted death rather than a medically assisted life that came with horrible side-affects. His peace of mind showed as he lay in bed. It prompted me to search for a better knowledge of death, even birth, and reduced my fear. Thanks for articulating beautifully what I felt.
Your account here is profound and peace giving. What a graceful and gracious decision of your dad to accept death in such a way. Bless you both, for your looking forward.
I came across Kathryn when I was working as a palliative care social worker. The ability to treat physical pain is one thing and very useful. What she describes here is the ability to address spiritual and existential pain which is by far the most important and is a reflection of the deep crisis of our time. Being able to address existential pain in the way she has described is a true art. Some people have ears to listen to this, but sadly some don’t because of fear and denial. My mum was in that place and there’s sometimes nothing we can say to someone that isn’t open to the conversation. I pray that this message reaches all those who need to hear it so our culture can be one that accepts and supports death and dying in a way that can address this spiritual and existential pain effectively. ❤️
Many animals know when death is near. They either hide, or do away with a sick one in the group to avoid attacks by others.
As a decade plus hospice volunteer and grad of UVM Death Doula program, this is a fabulous presentation on the end of life process and a heartfelt cry for public health policy that allows trust in the natural process of living until the end. PRAISE!!
Hello Dear
How are you doing today?
I knew my 100 yr old father was dying weeks before, he started talking about his parents and my mother who had died 15 yrs earlier.. he ‘ dreamed ‘ about his mother calling him or talking to him..just before he died he tried to sit up and reached out his arms was someone calling for him ❤I was a nurse for 45 years and still in the 21st century the majority cannot talk about death, and doctors see death as a failure..that needs to change.
Kathryn,
I’m not quite sure how I just came across this Ted talk. I want to personally thank you for opening my eyes and giving this talk with such compassion and care for those who listen and watch.
Tomorrow will be three weeks since my dad “unexpectedly“ passed away. However, after listening to this talk, I don’t think it was as unexpected as we are feeling. Your words resonate in my heart and soul along with my medical brain. Working in the medical field. My entire life has, of course, led me to believe that we have to save people from dying. But listening to the process that our body goes through when we are dying that you have so graciously explained, with the love and empathy and compassion in bc brief talk, has made me realize that my dad had been slowly slipping away, and we were just not seeing the signs as that is not what we have been conditioned to do.
Thank you and Bless you!
I am sharing this will everyone I know.
“A human is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.”
Psalms 144:4 CSB
A good video. Thank you for the talk.
My older sister (Louise) who has also always been my best friend in the whole wide world, is dying from lung cancer. She doesn't want to go to a hospital, but will go to a hospice centre when she believes it's time. They gave her "only weeks or a month or two to live" but she's four months on, and we both revel in that, because Louise can be quite stubborn at times, and this is one of those...lol. But, in this past week, she appears to be fading moreso. This Ted Talk has really helped me so much! I feel I won't worry about the end nearly as much. I was afraid and anxious to watch this talk because I didn't want to hear anything negative, but it turned out to be the very best thing to hear at the very best time to hear it!!
And speaking of when people pass, many years ago our mother passed away (at age 92) when all three of us girls were away on separate Summer holidays! Our youngest sister was furious that our mother dared to do that TO HER!! Interesting reaction, hey? She alway has been, and always will be, narcissistic, so no surprise there. It will be a challenge to deal with her when Louise passes, though. I'll need to pray for some Grace, and hopefully will get some, on that and everything else I might need it for.
I've blabbed on quite enough, but it feels good to have cleansed myself of some interfering negativity, so thanks one and all for your input - I've learned a lot from you, and especially from Kathryn Mannix! ~Blessings
Hello Dear
How are you doing today?
Thank you for this so very deeply appreciated lecture. I lost my significant other, earlier this year. He was hospitalized with a continual lung infection/ partial pneumonia, due to COPD. After 3 1/2 months of 'seemingly' tortuous treatment, I was advised to ask if he was "Imminent"! Tragically , due to to a National mass resignation in many hospitals, very often employees were new trainees. It became seriously evident when I was forced to have my family members (Nurse and Doctor) coach me on what questions to ask, that he was not receiving appropriate treatment. I was his Health Surrogate, but it became apparent that the Hospital's main priority was their Liability. There was an absence of communication with me, and as my loved one was continually agitated, an inability on how his aftercare might be imagined. There was no discussion (focus) about the cycles his body was going through, and after listening to you, I implore that this protocol be mandatory. Thankfully, a Social Worker mentioned Palliative Care,
when I asked about a rehab. facility so as to get him ambulatory. She explained that he would then be given medicines to calm his "terminal agitation", and medication so that he could sleep at night. When she mentioned Hospice, I was devastated- initially- as I thought WE were still in a Recovery phase. At last they were finally mentioning his lack of viability. He was an MP, in the Army, and was always distinctively stoic. I was sickened that his suffering had been NEEDLESSLY prolonged, because of this stoicism; and prolonged equally by my headstrong quest for life. Additionally, I was unable to transfer him to his V.A. Hospital as the red-tape (liability oriented) was mind-boggling. I am sorry to be such a Debbie-Downer, here, when your information is meant to be comforting and tremendously enlightening. I was very angry at Hospice, initially, and his brother was in touch with the hospital's CEO. Of course, I retroactively came to understand he was going through the process of dying. However, no one whoever spent time with us in the hospital will ever forget our devotion to his care, and how some things just should have been handled more humanely ; more intelligently! I will never forget his anguish; his confusion; his sense of betrayal by the medical establishment- but most significantly- by me. Going forward, I can try to inform others of the pitfalls of not understanding their rights, and the stages of death. I can remind them they need to be informed of, and recognize these stages as they approach As family of a patient, we are all too often meant to feel we are in the way; an inconvenience. Thank you, once again , as your words have helped a great deal. I know he is at peace, and lived his life on his terms. As a human being and as a Veteran... he should have been afforded far more dignity. There is no shame nor inconvenience associated with such a sentiment. Peace and Good Health to All.
When my father was in intensive care because of lung cancer, all i cared was his wounds, his tubes, his medicine, his care. But all I saw in the eyes of the nurses was that he was dying, his breath was deceasing, his hopes were gone, and they were waiting for that last breath with no rush, with still keeping him clean and alive. That's mostly how we all die, and that is only seen by the nurses, doctors, care givers. They watch us die, we don't actually know what death means.
Death is just a transformation of energy, which is all we are.. 💯💯
I experienced the same feeling when my mother died of cancer and in the last 2 months she was in a hospital where i was for hours every single day...I'm so sad and affected by my mother death!😪😪
This is the most beautiful and death positive message I’ve ever heard from a physician. Most people have lost someone close to them and the comfort this information brings to patients and their loved ones must have some profound meaning. Thank you!!!
What about when people die of something other than being very old, or after a long illness? What about car accidents? Plane crashes? Horrible freak accidents? The ones who fade away when they are very old are the lucky ones.
What a beautiful description of what happens in dying. Thank you.
It's so ironic that in advance society such as America, most people are not allowed to die with dignity.. 💯💯
What is beautiful in dying , dummy ?! Ever seen two weeks old corpse , you delusional, prosaic yoyo ? Hearing voices ? Seeing ghosts ? You die , but somehow you still go on ? You zombie ?
@@jpnewman1688 True.
This was outstanding! As an ex-soldier who has mostly seen violent death, I recognise what she said in a number of cases. (From my Mother to a wounded comrade who lasted a week, he was fine until the last surgery, then he was just tired and nodding off a lot, I thought it was the painkillers, I now see that it wasn't.)
Yes. Being witness to devastating trauma, is a mess for someone(s) to pick up. The one lying there (in the most extreme circumstances) felt nothing. The living feel the pain at seeing the familiar become the unfamiliar. The memories are never gone.
One of the facts of war never discussed. You have to see your mates die. I am glad for them, if they had someone with them. seriously we need to teach these details in school. My best wishes to you
I was terrified to open this video and yet I watched it. I am pretty much afraid of this event and the pain and struggles that predecessing, I did not reach that state where I take it as a part of life and am content with it. But this video might made it a bit less terrible, thank you for sharing it.
Such a powerful piece. Thank you. I've had the dubious honor of sitting with my husband as he died in hospice care in our home. I love that dying is a "social" event. It should be. Thank you!
Excellent talk thank you Kathryn. I worked in Palliative Care as a Nurse for a long time. I can resonate with Kathryn talk. I and my brother were with our Mother when she passed away at home a few hours before Mum died Mum told us both that she was going away and the sun would be shinning. Mum had such a peaceful death .
This is a great video, so full of wisdom. Wow. Matches so much to what I saw when my wife died. I personally was told by one of the hospice nurses that I shouldn't discuss death when my wife was near, because it would upset her. But I have to disagree; she was peaceful and restful; whe knew exactly what was happening even though she was drugged up for the pain. I wish someone like Kathryn had been able to speak to the staff :)
I have to disagree that humans are the only animals that contemplate their own mortality. I don't think that's empirically provable at all. I (like most people) have been with animals as they are dying, and it always seemed to me that they knew exactly what's happening. For some of them, their peaceful acceptance signifies to me that they have already contemplated what is happening. For others, they resist with all their might; ditto. Of course, this isn't provable empirically either.
But still, what a great video. It's way past time that the taboos surrounding human death were lifted. Thank you, Kathryn.
I wish I'd heard this 4 yrs ago when my Mum passed away in hospital. I was completely unprepared even though I knew the end was near. My distress was terrible, I went to pieces and my husband held me. I stayed with Mum when others left, I needed that time with her to know she was at peace. I was a mix of fear for Mum and for myself being without her presence. I don't fear death but do worry about those I may leave behind and hope they will know about this process of dying when I didn't.
I watched my mother die and in her very last seconds of life, she grabbed my hands and pulled herself to a sitting position while saying, "up, up, up" with her eyes looking upward and completely wide. It was frightening for me because I really knew there was nothing I could do and I wasn't ready for her to die. The moments are etched in my mind forever.
Something we all have to go through; and you're the first person ever to have thought to talk about it publicly. You're wonderful. Thank you so very much.
Nope.. maybe she's the first for you but not for many others.. 💯💯
@@jpnewman1688 Do spend a lot of time listening to public talks about death? I'm only seventy-one, I'm not going to die for a while yet.
As you think through GPs are never good enough on stories then you hear this lady fully impressed by her speach.
Speech.
I wish I could give this video a thousand likes as an outstanding lesson in the process of dying, of which I have had the absolute honour of being at the bedside perhaps hundreds of times. In the setting of home, with the family prepared both emotionally and in the skills of comfort care it becomes a most intimate journey, that while sad, brings a special peace in knowing that the your loved one has died on their own terms and with dignity. People as a rule, have more courage to see it through that they never knew they had, and it is a comfort in the difficult path that lay ahead of the loss for the survivors.
A profoundly reassuring message, shared in the exact right manner and tone. Thankyou, Kathryn. ✌️
Thank you, Kathryn. After surgery I was given access to pain killers available by pressing a button, which I enthusiastically partook of,. I noticed this exact pattern. It became harder and harder to breathe [not painful, just a huge effort, like climbing a steep hill] and incredibly easy NOT to breathe. Fortunately an alert nurse noticed that I was only breathing very infrequently and supplied remedies. The point is that I wasn't alarmed at all, it all felt very comfortable. I have never been worried by the thought of death, ever after.
i have worked in long term care all my life, 50 yrs. and it has been an honor to comfort the dying and teaching loved ones about the process and the gifts in being present during death.
Thank you Alice!🥰
I am a retired LPN, and spent many years working long-term care.
The scary thing is when the brain stops working ur gone forever, ull only continue to live onwards in the minds of ur closest ppl, but ur own consciousness is gone.
@@ramonflederus6657 also check out Anita Moorjani and Dr. Eben Alexander, and prepare to make a leap of consciousness!
@Angie Bradley Eben Alexander was proven to be a Fraud I'm afraid
I just hope that the pain is short. I need to know this because of a dear one murdered. I just always prayed that God took her pain away and brought her home to heaven 🙏
God bless you for sharing this important information. I have volunteered with Hospice and also have tended my husband and Mother and Aunt in their final days. It has always been a sacred and blessed time to share.
Well said. Exactly what I have deduced from my years of watching as people are dying either in the, ICU, the E.D., or the pre-hospital arena. I began to see the process in more detail toward the end of my clinical career. It has really come home to me working in the Hospice environment. From personal experience I learned the dissociative disconnect between mind and body. I would explain to families, as you have, that the suffering the body seems to exhibit in the presence of witnesses is for our benefit; it is the physical home that we have occupied resisting the storm, by itself, your mom, your dad, your son, daughter, have already escaped. They are already safe.
The compassion, humor, and the timber of voice given to this issue, hit my soft spot. Thank you doctor for a job well done.
Aeron D., RN
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this presentation, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I must add, I needed to hear this today, very much. The spirit of the universe is active in this delicate process. ❤️🎶
Hello Dear
How are you doing today?
Thank you Kathryn for your compassionate words and explanations. Attending to the death of a loved one is like no other event in life and if we're open to it we can experience the individual's liberation as the genie is finally freed from its bottle. Blessings upon blessings upon blessings to ALL who are making that transition at this very moment. 🙏💜
Absolutely accurate. My Mom just passed. Hospice and caregivers were with her. So true. You must allow death. Let go.
I'm sorry for your loss
What people fail to realise is that death is but a peace beyond dreaming, and there is no need to fear it. Life, on the other hand, can be perilous and terrifying.
Remarkable. Very good. Also very noteworthy is that in most cases, even when ageing is not the issue, that death is preceded by peace.
Passing away is a process. You can visualize that easily because the terms which expressed death do not require from anyone to learn or know something extraordinary or new. You are on the railroad station and going away to your real Home. Keep it in mind, because Home is the most admired word in every country in the world and for most human beings it bears a positive connotations. Thanks very much for being so kind and understanding to those who need the most.
Hello Laura
How are you doing today?
Русский, английский? Оба языка стали мне родными. Но первый - русский. На русскиий переводила с ангийского когда приехала в новую страну и язка ее не знала. Быпа огромная тяга к учению Теософии и зная восприимчивость русских , желание пзнакомить их с этим учением. Так произошло новое духовное рождение и по сей день впоминаю свое ощущение детского восторга новым языком, новым окружением, НОВЫМ ДОМОМ. Потому грядущий переезд в новый Дом вызывает только интерес, и даже трудности его больше не вызывают страха. Спасибо за внимание.
@@lauraleshchiner9530 English
Catherine that was incredible. Thank you. I'm a specialist Palliative Care Dietitian in Wales. Not many of us at all!
And I would love the opportunity to have a chat with you. Xx
My grandfather fought until his last breath. I rocked him back in forth in bed because he couldn’t sit still. I sat him up for one last time and watched the life leave his eyes before I tucked him back into bed. He never really accepted his own death. Ever. He was my entire world and I miss him more and more, everyday. I just don’t miss the pain he was in. He chose hospice and chose to be with me, at home in his last three weeks. My grandfather slept so much in his last few months and he got slower, every step of the way. I didn’t understand what was happening for most of it and I’m unsure if he did, either. This video shouldn’t be the first time some of us are exposed to these facts. Thank you for having this uploaded. Remember everyone, your religion won’t help you in these last moments. This life is ALL that we know we have. Love and live deeply, right now.
If u are lucky enough to have your pet🐶 choose when they die of old age...given all the health issues are managed thru medications so there is no pain from arthritis, heart issues etc. in the months/years prior to the final days, they gave u an amazing gift of not having the vet do the injection. Being with them in their final seconds breathe is the care they deserve. So much info online about the stages for dogs dying, similar to humans. She describes this exactly. I miss my Liam 16yrs 5mths every day for past 2 yrs. He taught me about living in the moment since i met him at 8 wks. I hope this video helps people take in the process of death without fear.
This was so beautiful and so true. When my Mother was dying I sat for awhile in the chapel and read the pamphlet on death and dying from the hospice. I could not believe as I watched her go through the process how accurate the information was. It made it so much easier to accept the process. Thank you🙏🏽
Keep talking! This is so important! Death is a process that so many are unaware of …especially those surrounding their loved one in a hospital bed feeling terribly stressed and helpless . Thank you for your knowledge 💜
I cared for my darling wife at home during the last months of her cancer.
The NHS palliative nurses were amazing.
I never heard her say she could she could see anyone else, although she was lucid right until the end.
It is true. I was next to my dad, praying. He was in a coma, and I noticed something different going on, and I realized he was dying. I told my mom, "I think dad is dying". He was in peace, it was a subtle process. I am always thankful that I was there by his side at that moment.
What a fabulous talk. Thank you for helping people to understand the natural process of dying.
To say that we are the only animals capable of contemplating their own mortality is just pure human arrogance. It is obvious that some other anaimals have some understanding of death on some level. Take the reaction of elephants to the bones of other elephants. The truth is that much of what animals are is reflected in us and much of what we are capable of is also reflected in many animals. It is not just an us and them proposition, it is a sliding scale. It would be nice if our species stopped completely dismissing other animals abilities but perhaps we keep doing that so that we can go on using and abusing them...
I so agree. Many animals, elephants in particular, have displayed feelings and ways of honoring the death of their loved ones.
Thank you. I was looking for this comment and I am glad I found it.
Pets / animals die the same way as described here btw.
This is exactly how my dad spent his last days. 100% accurate
Thank you. I was close by when my father died and right there with her, with a wonderful nurse beside me when my mother died. And as this year I hope to reach the big 60, and with G-d's help still some good years to come, this is something I do sometimes think about. Actually often. So comforting to hear this.
Thank you so much for this beautiful explanation. I didn't witness my mother's exact time of passing but around 8 hours previously I had never seen her so serene and beautiful and she was able to speak softly as we bade her farewell. She quietly told me that she wasn't alone, that many visited her in her room. Some she knew and others she did not but she was quite adamant that "they are all lovely". We will meet again.
I have been a hospice RN for over 20 years You are right on!
Hello Mary
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I've been present when my Mum , my, Dad and my Husband died and they all followed the same pattern .
What I can tell you, its very peaceful, don't worry
Hello Patricia
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My father cried out and reached his arms out to the wall when he died, as if he could see someone or something we couldn't. I think it was the endorphins kicking in, chemicals released by the brain just before the point of dying to lessen the shock. RIP all those who have gone before.
No , he has seen.something and it's welcoming him. My friend is a retired nurse she has seen this before as well with the dying .
What a beautiful voice and beautiful way of putting forth her thoughts.
Yes, when my mother died I was holding her hand & reiki-ing her and I felt her heart stop. But it was just like this - my sister in law was holding her & whispering in her ear to say it was ok to go, and my brothers didn't notice and were laughing at the foot of her bed. I was humbled by her physical fight to remain and the gentleness of when she left. 😢💖
Beautiful message. I could listen to Dr. Mannix all day. She can pick the topic.
Such a gift this was ✨. Thank you 🤍