HOW IT FEELS - a bertie gilbert short (2016)
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2016
- Over the past few months, less so now, I've been experiencing some fairly intense spouts of anxiety. Something incredibly new and quite frightening for me. After a bunch of CBT sessions, my therapist recommended channeling my experience into video form. So, here you are. With the help of the incredible Suli Breaks, I've made this little video. Trying to demonstrate how it felt for me. Hope you take something from it.
Suli - / sulibreezy
Director Of Photography, Ciaran O'brien - / ciaranobrien
Music by the lovely Tom Barnes - www.tombarnesmusic.com - Розваги
I love how at the end you can see yourself on the black screen when it says a person we no longer recognize
I was just about to comment that
WAIT. OMG. YESSS.
!
.... That was deep....
Holy shit I'm crying
LOVED this. Felt so real.
We go through life in stages we sometimes can’t control,
Like tiny houses on a prairie that we are forced to take residence in.
Houses with names like love, sorrow, anger, depression, anxiety.
The fear of exploring these houses sometimes makes us numb,
Afraid of going from room to room
Scared of what we could find.
So we sit at the door waiting for someone to let us in
Or let us out,
Ignoring all the knocks that we hear
While still desperately attempting to find the key.
Anxiety and depression are like strangers that walk into that house uninvited,
Leaving muddy footprints all over the carpet of your mind.
They make the mind become a mansion of fear, sorrows, and neglect,
An abandoned palace, you become a peasant in your own kingdom,
Too afraid to sit on your own throne, afraid of the consequences of wearing a crown.
Sometimes my mind feels like Litchfield,
The only prison where I can laugh and cry in the same episode.
Sometimes the mind feels like the only prison you can’t escape;
What were you found guilty of to deserve this?
Are we innocent people being punished for a crime we never even knew existed?
Victims to something we can’t see or touch,
Something we can’t hold on to,
Yet it holds on to us.
It turns sunny days into cloudy ones,
laughter and happiness into a foreign language.
And as all the emotions we have become familiar with become strangers,
We become strangers to ourselves.
A face in the mirror,
A person you no longer recognise.
thank you so much for writing this!
the analogy with anxiety and being too afraid to sit on your own throne has me in tears its so accurate its painful
Simply beautiful, honestly.
this video helped me explain to my parents how i actually feel, this short is amazing. even though it's only been out for a day it has been mesmerizing since i saw it.
that's wonderful. glad it helped you x
That's so cool that you were able to use this.
ɷɷɷ I Have Watched Thissss Movieeee Leakedddd Versionn Heree : - t.co/SjZpZXw5gt
That's amazing!also I love paramore too
My boyfriend is a long term sufferer of depression. I have never experienced any severe mental problems, so understanding why he is so remote and distant at times is hard, and I sometimes forget he loves me. This has helped me understand him a little better though. Thank you.
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this is a lovely comment. depression and anxiety are such complex entities and they both fall on such a broad spectrum
Bertie I cannot thank you enough for this video. I am currently 'trying' to make a short film about personhood for my EPQ and practically gave up yesterday when my actress pulled out and I saw no way to make it, and the implications of not making could be as drastic as not getting into uni. I now feel ready to try again and find a solution and to push through. Thank you for that. Thank you.
+Donya Jeyabalasingham thank you :)
Good luck! I really hope it turns out
GigglesAndGratitude Thank you!!
Good luck! I'm interested in seeing it!
good luck with the movie :)
this was so real, so beautiful and so true
i don't know what else to say
but painful, too.
+Emma Popcorn aye.
Such a succinct, beautiful way to describe this.
I agree.
"a face in the mirror, a person you know longer recognise" was so cleverly synchronised with a blackout so you see yourself reflected on your screen, really impressive ending
It's kind of sad how much I understand and relate to this. The metaphors are amazing (not that mental illness is 'amazing' in any way, gosh no). It's great to see you using something you love doing to express yourself and your feelings. It's my main way of coping. This video makes me feel a little less lonely in the world, just bottled up with anxiety. So thank you, Bertie, you bloody genius.
yeah. as someone who makes stuff, it always helps to keep busy and have ideas bubbling away. especially when i can channel some of this negative shit into making something, like this for instance. thank you for the kind words x
I recognised Suli's voice as soon as the monologue started. You've made an excellent piece here. I hope things get better for you.
So did I, the combination of creative minds is amazing!
he's superb. and yeah, they have! this is more of a reflective piece. i was at my worst a few months back. CBT really helped!
Bertie Gilbert Oh good, I'm glad you're ok :)
The visuals did so much justice to the spoken words.
Beautifully shot, it captured the sense of isolation so well.
I started crying, because I can relate to this as well. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me.
this is really wonderful - i also really like how you used the black at the end when he says "the face in the mirror" as most screens then obviously reflect your face into the video, adding a huge sense of personal feeling into it.
this is a really good video Bertie, and i hope you're okay
That is so cool. I hadn't even thought of that, but it makes so much sense now.
I find it so reassuring when people with a platform like you, Bertie, speak out about stuff like this. I've had anxiety and depression since I was 13, so like 5 years now, and I still struggle with it. But having a creative outlet really does help- I write some stuff sometimes, and I'd suggest it to anyone, even if you think you're shit at it. Amazing video btw, I loved it.
Yeah, I'm so proud that Bertie was able to use the position he was in to do this. We need more of this. Not just mentioning it, but also presenting it and talking about it in the right way.
idk if it helps but I'm sending you a hug right now. everyone needs a hug now and then even if it's from a stranger through the internet.
thank you so much and i'm sorry
Hugs to everyone who reads this. I'd hug every single one of you if I could
Ya'll are so loving and kind. I send hugs to everyone that needs one as well.
I'll hug you back too
We go through life in stages we sometimes can’t control;
like tiny houses on a prairie that we are forced to take residence in. Houses
with names like love; sorrow, anger, depression, anxiety. The fear of exploring
these houses sometimes make us numb. Afraid of going from room to room, scared
of what we can find, so we sit at the door waiting for someone to let us in, or
let us out. Ignoring all the knocks that we hear, while still desperately
attempting to find the key. Anxiety and depression, are like strangers that
walk into that house uninvited. Leaving muddy footprints all over the carpet of
your mind. They make the mind become the mansion of fears, sorrows, and
neglects. An abandoned palace, you become a peasant in your own kingdom. Too
afraid to sit in your own throne, afraid of the consequences of wearing the
crown. Sometimes my mind feels like lynch field, the only prison where I can
laugh and cry in the same episode. Sometimes the mind feels like the only
prison you can’t escape. What were you found guilty of to deserve this? Are we
innocent people being punished for a crime we never even knew existed? Victims
of something we cannot see or touch. Something we cannot hold on to, yet it
holds onto us. It turns sunny days into cloudy ones, laughter and happiness
into a foreign language. As all the emotions, we become familiar with become
strangers; we become strangers to ourselves. A face in the mirror, a person we
no longer recognize.
This short is amazing. Everything: the monologue, the scenery, everything.
i saw a quote once that said, 'having depression feels lile you've lost something, only you don't know what it is you've lost. and then one day, you realize it's yourself.' it hit me hard because it's so true. so painfully, fucking true.
He inspires me so much. His work is just so beautifully poetic and truthful ☺️😊🤗
I'm knocked speechless, breathless by the beauty of this video.
This film holds so much that it felt much longer than it was. Incredible.
Much love for allowing me to be apart of this bro.
This fucked me up. I cried. A lot.
the metaphors are beautiful and as someone whose anxiety has been getting out of control lately I felt a personal connection and very much enjoyed it ps. I hope you feel better soon Bertie
Brief and beautiful. A very important message distributed in the perfect way. I hope this gets big
This shook me in ways I wasn't aware it would. It's so real and so relevant and so well expressed. It's scarily true. But true all the same. I love it.
you could not have described these feelings or bouts better, amazing Bertie, well done.
Suli puts it so well. CBT helped me too. Keep strong Bertie, you have just helped so many people by making this video. Everything gets better x
Very beautiful. I liked the part where we feel 'too afraid to wear the crown and sit on the throne' that's how I feel everyday, and all of this mess truly is horrible to be in. But this video and Bertie in general was inspiring.
I get so excited when Bertie posts. this is beautiful. good job again Bertie!
the black screen as a mirror gave me goosebumps, it resonated so much clearer with me in that moment
That made me well up because I relate so much to the words.
Woah same hello
Yes. The words are just beautiful.
Bertie.
This is so great. I love the spoken words, they're so beautiful and true and just so well written.
The film itself is very beautiful too. And so is the music in th3 background.
I think it's a good representation of anxiety and depression.
It's really really beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful and inspiring. Crazy that something can tell a story without any dialogue.
This explained feelings I've had in the past so well. This was beautiful!
A sobering gem. Love how the images and text work together. That Ciaran.
I'm just at a stage I'm just replaying this over and over again...
Every single reminder that I'm not alone to feel this is a ray of hope. Thank you so much.
Bertie Gilbert; the only person who can make me cry just by watching all his movies one by one.
as someone who experiences depression and anxiety, I love seeing people make videos about this. to just get it out of your mind is so helpful.
"too scared to sit on your own throne." I love that. I feel that.
I've been struggling with anxiety as long as I can remember, this means a lot to me, literal tears
Wow, I wonder if he realizes the impact of this film. Amazing stuff.
"Sometimes my mind feels like the only prison I can't escape" what a stunning short film. You are so talented and have something important to say, thank you.
This is beautiful and so spot on. I particularly love the line about becoming strangers to ourselves because that really sums up how mental illness makes me feel. It's kind of made me feel incredibly lost and not too sure what to do with myself and I think this captures that really well.
I can't put in words how beautiful and amazing this is.
My friend suffers from anxiety and depression, and I've never know how to help her. I didn't know what it was like, to be in her shoes. This gives me a better understanding about her, and now I sort of understand how I can comfort her in her times of need. Thank you.
"A face in the mirror, a person you no longer recognize."
way too relatable! thankyou for making this video. THANKYOU, really.
GO ON MAKE ME CRY AGAIN I HAVNT DONE THAT IN A WHILE 😅
"We become strangers to ourselves, a face in a mirror we no longer recognise" This hit home, I've been struggling with some things myself for the past three years and recently I've tried to channel my energy into something creative which helps a lot. So its really inspiring to see someone as the same age as me be so strong and create something really important, meaningful and beautiful at the same time. Great work bertie.
I wish I knew how to thank you for what you create, I don't think any human being has inspired me before as much as you do and I truly appreciate it, thank you.
that made me tear up quite a bit. this is exactly how i've been feeling recently and throughout several periods of my life. thank you, bertie.
i love your films so much...they are honestly so great
Heartbreakingly realistic without romanticising the struggles of anxiety. Well done, this hit home.
This video brings me so much comfort because obviously I know that so many people suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and depression, but sometimes it feels as if you are alone in a desert, dry of emotions. This video genuinely helped me and the value of your art is priceless.
This is such a beautiful way to express a feeling that I can't begin to describe.
i could listen to this for ever.
Really teared up, I love it. The visuals worked so well with the poem, that sense of helplessness is just too real.
this is such a heartbreaking film. it beautifully described the pain felt by sufferers of anxiety and depression for me just when i needed it, as i watch a loved one fall behind a screen and watch their personality fade. the frustration felt by a non sufferer wondering why they cant just stop being sad, and get over it, is immense and its hard not to be angry at someone for seemingly just giving up. you have helped me understand just a little bit more these awful emotions and for that i will always be grateful.
I think this is a beautiful adaptation of how your thoughts and feeling are displayed. A impeccable piece Berti.
This is so beautiful and the message is so accurate, it's amazing, I got chills
"too afraid to sit on your own throne" really hits deep, for a long time now I've been too scared of not being scared of try to get better and ahh just this whole video is so good. I hope things start looking up for you bert
This was incredible to watch, almost mesmerising, heartbreaking but amazing.
Everything from the words, to the editing and to the whole film in general, sums up my situation right now.
I love everything about this, from Suli's voice, to the video, and the music but most importantly the message
this is exactly how it feels. for me, at least, this hit home and it hit me hard. all I can say is thank you.
feel like sending this to everyone who never understands
This was beautiful. I wasn't expecting to feel so strongly about it (because although I've faced anxiety for years it feels so different for everyone), but by the midway point I was in tears. It's comforting to know that someone I respect so much for their art deals with the same struggles I do. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Just thank you. It's always hard having these feelings and illnesses but even harder feeling like you're alone. This is very touching and will stay close to my heart. Thank you Bertie x
This was so beautiful. It really replicates how it feels to have a mental illness and what it's like inside our minds. I was in awe with each word and hung on to the syllables said each second. This needs appreciation. Because this is art. This is a *film*.
amazing. truly beautiful how you've nearly perfectly described the feeling. the effects and the feeling anxiety leaves on a human soul. thank you, bertie. this helped me explain to several friends and my parents how anxiety really feels. i appreciate this so, SO much.
I have been feeling constantly extra anxious recently and I just played this as I acted on one of my tendencies. I played it again to really listen and to stop myself. It worked. And even though it's just these few minutes of anxiety settled, thank you so much. Thank you for being so vocal about your anxiety Bertie. Although it hurts me that you suffer too, it also puts me at ease knowing people understand and knowing there's your posts/videos to go to for comfort. You got this. Love you Bert!
I've had really bad anxiety and depression lately, and this really helped me realize I'm not alone...
every single one of your works are so effortly aesthetically pleasing and it really is something to be proud of. you have really come a long way from making vlogs in your room. incredible job Bert, I can't wait to see what you become.
as someone with anxiety i want to thank you for doing this because it helps to know that I'm not alone in this and it makes it a little bit better so thank you
as someone with anxiety, this short means a lot. thank you.
Bertie, I just love your work so much. This is absolutely amazing. Thank you for existing.
Most of the time It feels like I'm so isolated from people, like nobody else gets it or understands it the way my mind does. And I know that's the case for a lot of other people, so I'd like to thank you for making this, because it gives me (and so many others) a kind of relief knowing that others do understand and feel the same, and that's a pretty darn cool thing for you to do man. Also your metaphors and way of wording, it really just adds to the whole effect, good job :)
Never, have I watched something which portrays exactly how it feels in those darkest hours.
I love your short films, they always seem to inspire me. Thanks Bertie, it's refreshing to see these! Whenever one comes out I get excited.
I appreciate your honesty and being so open with your mental health. You're not alone in this struggle. (also love the color scheme tbh)
this is amazing it not only helps other people understand what it's like to have a battle in your head it also helped me understand it more by comparing it to situations we all can imagine. thank you so much
I started crying. Thank you for sharing this with us
This is beautiful. I can't explain how much I love this. You described how I feel so perfectly. It's nice to know that there are lots and lots of other people dealing with the same things as me. Thank you.
I don't understand how this guy doesn't have more subscribers I love his videos
I'm so glad you had the courage to create this and share it with us, and I'm grateful because it's exactly how I feel, you described it perfectly. thank you Bertie
love this video so dearly. as someone with anxiety as well, it's nice to know i'm not alone. thanks for making this, bertie. i know how hard it can be sometimes. stay strong. beautifully made video.
Thank you for this Bertie, i've been experiencing the same for the last three months but i can never fully explain how it feels, cause i´m still trying to figure it out, this helped me a lot. Glad you are sorting things out. Love
I am crying right now because of how beautifully this was made. This is one of the best videos I have seendescribing anxiety and depression. I am so sorry things are difficult for you right now. I want you to know that I am so proud of you for being strong enough to push through this. I hope what you are going through passes over soon. Sending my love
I cry every time I watch this
I recognised myself in so many lines. Thank you for making people feel less alone.
this is so beautiful and amazing, I loved the style and the atmosphere. it's so relatable but not over done or clichéd. I just loved it.
This gave me chills.. So well done, such beautiful words as well
this is literally my favourite film/video you've made.
although it may be short, it still has one strong message that makes sense. it almost doesn't need context. really good!
Beautiful. I had to watch it several times to really absorb everything here. Glad your anxiety is getting better and I hope it continues to get even better.
You are amazing at what you do, Bertie. And you seem like such a wonderful person. This is exactly how it feels, from what i have dealt with. Just keep a positive outlook, it could only get better from here. Love you and your films
This video felt very relatable and truthful. I feel like it certainly represented part of the many feelings I have with my own anxiety. I'm glad you constructed your anxiety into something practical and productive
I'm shivering oh lordie
this was really beautiful and moving. sorry to hear you've been fighting the battle of anxiety, but glad to see you channelling it into a creative and meaningful outlet. I hope you feel in control and in charge - all the best.
HOW IS THESE MERELY TWO MINUTES BUT BLOODY AMAZING? Brilliant, Bertie
This was really nice, I think it's comforting to hear what you feel said so expressively by someone else. Thank you Bertie