I feel imposter syndrome but thats because ive been gaslit by so many people for years including one therapist. I have been officially diagnosed in 2021 by a psychiatrist with a specialty in nueropsychology in nyc; so yes I'm pretty sure im autistic. The psychiatrist was very sure about it too, and I have very basic tells and typical stims.
So after a year being self-diagnosed I went to a psychiatrist who is specialised in autism. She confirmed my diagnosis. So now I have two trains of thoughts: 1 - "Well, of course, you've been studying autism and analyzing your life for a year. By now you know exactly what to tell to fit the image" and 2 - "If autism is a spectrum and pretty wide one, how doctors decide it's the same condition? There are DSM criteria, yes, but we are so different, even though we have the same symptoms. Doctors must be wrong putting us all in one group" I have a lot of work to do with myself 😅
I asked 1st question on my appointment with psychiatrist. They were disturbed by it, but not much. They were considering not only what i was saying, but also how: stims, strange word choices, eye contact, intonations and face expressions. And imitating that would be another level of effort. So I let the question slip away.
there are many problems with the diagnosis/diagnostic manual/diagnostic process/diagnostic concept etc, and the brain is much more complex and detailed than any of our current means for analysing it are...
That plus: what about part of them diagnosed me as a way to support me in a hard time? I guess most of us adults may seek a diagnosis when things are hard/going badly.
Although I’m 1,000% sure I’m autistic, I didn’t know until I was almost 40, so I definitely had to work through the imposter syndrome and “mourning period”. It’s such an odd feeling to have imposter syndrome but also be absolutely sure that you’re not an imposter.
Omg this is me right now! I’m 38! I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet but it’s such an apparent truth that it’s hard to deny. Especially the more I research. 😅
I have totally embraced solitude so imposter syndrome is irrelevant. My dog does not care. My doc is the one who told me he thinks I'm autistic but isn't able to give a formal diagnosis and we both decided that at almost 50, it's not even worth the few thousand dollars to get a formal diagnosis. Bottom line- doesn't matter what anyone thinks because I don't have anyone who gives a shit either way
I really feel for your sadness of not being understood mate, especially how your dog does not discriminate. I've only found happiness in the company of animals, children and old people. (In that order) I'm 51, undiagnosed officially but was told by my brother only a couple of months ago I was diagnosed at 6 or 7 but nobody told me. I hope you reach out and find "your people", if I can find the courage I will try what he suggested and go to a group meeting. Best wishes from Melbourne 🙏🏽
@@PadmaDorjeethat sucks that they didn’t tell you! I suspect my parents knew I was different but they just hoped it would go away on its own. To their eyes I did seem to get better but that’s because my masking and camouflaging evolved till I was the autistic equivalent of Predator! I’m glad you found out in the end and I hope you find some comfort in the rest of us here.
@@leonilubbinge8127 That is so true. Here is a little (almost) related story. (BTW, yes, I am Autistic.) I was actually befriended by one of the neighborhood feral cats while out on an evening walk. This cat would run and hide at the first site of any human. No one ever got within 30 feet and he would dart off. Well, as I was walking toward the mail boxes, this cat came to me and looked up with a slow, trusting blink. I fully expected him to run off as soon as I reached toward him. Instead he let me pet him and soon he was purring away. A couple of other people came along and he was gone just that quickly. But I felt almost honored that this feral came to me like that. I REALLY needed that today. Totally changed my mood for the better. I can't help wondering if this cat will ever come to me again. Sorry for the long reply. Just felt like I needed to share this.
Let me pretend like I'm autistic so I can get all those sweet sweet bonuses... hmm.. alienate friends... alienate co-workers... alienate the clerk at the checkout counter... yeah there are some great advantages
Exactly. Sometimes when I'm tempted toward Imposter Syndrome I remind myself of this: "And you'd have arbitrarily decided to pretend you're autistic...why-y-y-y-y???"
Yeah! And the constant stress and exhaustion with severe burnout every few years is just normal anxiety afterall :D (irony alert - because I think many of us have gaslit ourselves many years of our lives into thinking all this was normal).
Our family has (at least) eight autistic people in four generations. We're not all the same, but it's great that we can all talk about our experiences. I'm 67 and recently diagnosed, but it's still enlightening to hear my daughter describe her early life. I was there but I had no idea what was going on in her head. For me it's not so much imposter syndrome as slowly peeling away the feelings that I was continually letting people down. It only took 20 years to believe that my wife's smile when she sees me is non-judgmental.
I’m glad you got here and are listening to your daughter’s experiences. That is a very big thing! Most of my family is neurodivergent in someway but few have actually taken it seriously enough to look into it. I know my parents have got either ASD or ADHD but I don’t want to diagnose someone, not my place. But I see so much that could be explained and help to make their lives less painful and frustrating but they are so closed off to it because of social conditioning. I can’t even talk to them about my own Autism and ADHD. Realizing you were there but didn’t know what was in your daughters head is something I hope you aren’t hard on yourself about. Be proud that when you got there you weren’t too arrogant or proud to admit you missed something. ❤
This has helped me with imposter syndrome, many people in my family are autistic and I know many people outside my family with ASD as well (wonder why we were drawn to eachother 🤣). Not one of the people I know on the spectrum are the same, we all struggle, we all have different support needs, different interests, some can live alone, others can't, some can work, others can't, some are very intelligent and others including myself have multiple learning disabilities, etc. I think it's so important for autistic people to come together because trying to explain anything to typical people can be hurtful, where as there's an understanding between people on the spectrum even though we are all so different.
I found out on accident. I got a bunch of brain damage from Cancer treatment, and while trying to rebuild myself I noticed that many of the moments along the journey felt very much like my childhood and early adulthood. That put me into some rather difficult headspaces. In order to "get better" I spent huge amounts of time writing. Since my body pretty much wouldn't walk or talk very well anymore. So I spent a great deal of time at my desktop computer relearning how to type and communicate again. Along that path I spent a lot of time fact checking posts during covid. Since that's when my cancer treatment started. When the Covid shutdown started. In addition to fact-checking, I would also debate, since I've always loved that activity as well as writing essays. Then I added on writing short stories as well. When I was working on a story one day I decided to give the protagonist some sort of "problem." Instead of reading a book of problems I figured it was faster to just take lots of mentally illness or related tests. I figured from the tests I would learn stuff more quickly that was interesting. Then I took a test for Autism and I redlined that thing. I figured that was a strange fluke so I went to another site and took another. Same thing. I kept taking tests till I got up to 5 of them. Then I told the therapist who was helping me with the cancer thing. I told that person about the tests and they said there was no way I was Autistic. That I had probably taken the test wrong. However, when I was 18, 61 now, I took an I.Q. test and shocked the person who gave it to me. Then I took the Army ASVAB test and got the highest score in the nation. So I'm pretty sure I can handle taking a test correctly. I suggested the therapist test me. They thought that was a great idea. Half way through it their attitude completely changed. They scored me as more Autistic than the online tests did. Then the question was "How in the world did you learn how to hide this so well?" I assumed it was all the beatings from other students in school, the beatings and threats from cops in the 70s and 80s. Then I started reading up on it and watching videos like these. From there I realized that my crazy ass Mother was obviously Autistic. And her Father, who she dumped me on from 5 -10 had it as well. My Mother was also an actor. So she had completely different personalities home and at work or in public. She was a beauty queen as well. So she was REALLY good at putting up the act in public. An that's how I was taught to behave in public. There is a TV show called "The Big Bang Theory." There is a character called "Sheldon." Well, that's a comedic exaggeration of who I was in school. I was not well received for that at all. My Mother was the Prom queen. I was the most hated person in my school. The Prom Queen who hated kids was not fond of raising the biggest geek in school. So we didn't exactly get along. Luckily I was an only child and no one was ever around the house. So I was always alone. That worked out fairly well for me. My Mother was also a vegas dancer. As was my Grandmother. Then one day someone paid me to drive her to a dance club because I don't drink. She just wanted me to get her there and then home safe. My Mother had made me watch every musical movie ever made and constantly rattled on about how to dance. I didn't know I could dance. I did it at home alone but never around people. The the woman who hired me to drive said I needed to go inside with her to keep people away from her. Then it turned out I was the best dancer in the building. Inside 30 days I went from the most unpopular person I knew to the most popular person I knew. I delt with it by pretending to be alloof and arrogant. I never spoke to anyone. I went dancing 7 hours a night. Every day. For ten years. I also worked in the film industry. Aparently the I.Q. and the Autism did a pretty good job of hiding each other. My Father once told me that sometimes the smartest thing to do was let people think you are stupid so they aren't threatened. So, long hair, tattoos, motorcycles, really good at mechanical stuff and solving problems but no friends and nothing much to say to the stupid people around me. So they all thought I was the stupid one. I just called it "The act." That's how I got through life. I just put on the act most of the time. Until everything went crazy around me and everyone else lost their minds. Then I'd calm right down and just step in an calmly save the day with seemingly no effort at all. When people would ask how I did it. . . I'd just say . . . "What?" An they would just think it was a stupid fluke an drop it. Jobs like to keep me around though. Cuz I'd outwork everyone so I wouldn't get bored. So yeah. . . this Autism thing. . . nice to know I'm not crazy. Would have been nice to know that a good 50 years ago though.
I'm self diagnosed and literally all i would gain from an official diagnosis is that I could say I'm diagnosed. But it's like I'm either autistic or I'm an extremely unique person with a massive amount of traits that just happen to map perfectly on to autism but is still not autistic. Either way the help i get from the people talking about autism has been so helpful.
Only acceptable use of any diagnosis is helping patients. The autistic community shares a ton of information you may find useful to stop suffering and live a better life, just take what works for you. Most will immediately integrate you to the group as Paul says and you can learn a lot from everybody.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
It's hard to not have doubts when you always get told that you are not autistic enough. I pursued a diagnosis, but I'm apperantly too "well" too get one. Still, I don't fit into society. I tried to go too a local meeting for autistic people, I clearly felt like an imposter there. The people at the meeting were all quite significantly impaired in their life due to the autism, so even if I felt that I was similar too the group I still didn't fit in. Right now I feel that I'm just crazy, and that I don't belong anywhere...
You’re not alone there. I suspected I might have autism years ago and did a lot of research and was about 70% sure. I told my parent and got shut down and gaslit. They showed me videos of nonverbal and high need autistic people and basically said I wasn’t like them so why was I trying to label myself disabled. I was crushed, I thought I had found the answer and some hope. Dropped it for a while because I was discouraged. Picked it back up because the persistent need for answers brought me back around again to autism. This time I did years of off and on research because I wasn’t quite fitting. For a long while I told my self all sorts of excuses for why all of these traits were here but not autism! THEN, I discovered you can have adhd and autism! Everything clicked into place and explain a load of contradictory traits. I still haven’t brought any of this up to my parents and probably never will. I keep hearing how judgmental they are about anything doing with mental health and am so sad. I don’t know how to get through and I may never. All this to say, you’re not crazy but I definitely get feeling like that. Hang in there. ❤
@@airshipswashbuckler6420 Thank you, I see that you also struggle. Thankfully I have a wife that is understanding, I can't imagine how it must be without support from your family. I really hope they will come around and accept that you are autistic. It's rough as I don't really fit into any group, and to always be the outsider. I feel totaly normal, but still I have traits that make others uncomfortable around me.
Self identified autist. Originally thought it could be autism in school about 5 years ago but my school’s therapist talked me out of it. Earlier this year I was dealing with some health issues and discovered that I have symptoms of hyper mobile ehlers danlos syndrome and that lead me back to autism. I also discovered that I am dyslexic. It’s been a wild ride.
I was diagnosed with EDS at age 68. At 71 the autism identification. Looking at the co-morbidities is really important and I don't see a lot of discussion on this topic. Would like to see more. Won't bore you with my other co-m's but there are a few. It is a common package. The medical fields likes to isolate each problem and never in my experience have they connected the dots. Hope this changes soon for the benefit of many.
I self diagnosed. I've told some of my family but they don't really get how it affects me, and aren't really interested in explanations. Not really that much of a problem as they know I'm quirky. I don't find it useful to explain it to anyone else when I need to cover my differences (I'm a visual process thinker and learn by example, so need someone to explain things and have the ability to ask questions) and many have told me that I can't self diagnose so I don't really know. But the clincher for me knowing I am not an imposter was gradually discovering that the few close friends I've made (my best friend when I was eleven, my best friend at 14, and the friend I made at university) all turned out to be autistic too.
I got my diagnosis for ADHD/Autism 2 days ago, and I still struggle with imposter syndrome. I thought it was going to be easier to deal with after I got my official diagnosis, but it has actually become harder to accept for some reason. This video couldn't have come at a better time for me, and it has helped a little in accepting everything. I usually am too scared to comment on anything, but I really wanted to thank you for the video!
Loved these concepts. I resolved my imposter syndrome quite quickly but now and then I have a week or two of not encountering barriers and life being easy and I will start thinking maybe I'm somehow becoming less autistic. Whenever that happens I usually immediately get a big reminder soon after that yes I'm very autistic. While I really believe that autistic thriving is possible it says something frustrating about my subconscious belief that when I'm thriving I think I'm less autistic. Of course when I'm doing well it's due to a lot of support and strategy. One of the ways I resolved imposter syndrome was by doing self quizzes for other forms of neurodivergence and observing I definitely didn't make up answers or relate to things that aren't my experience. I was out with an autistic friend tonight and our conversation was so neurodivergent. I love that. 🥰
I get pangs. But I've heard others' social experiences and their accommodations that they come to find before they knew of their neuro-status. Like, one that would irk me to no end was talking about how to work on something, or toward something. I would get an idea formed in my mind, then tell the group or boss about it, they would politely nod a bit to act like they were considering my idea. Then, someone after me (sometimes right after me), would say the same thing, with a few different words, and everyone would think they came up with a great idea. When that would happen, I wouldn't just take it personally, I would take it as a direct attack like they were saying, "We don't like you and we will never give you credit for anything." It's still hard to believe that I wasn't speaking in a way that they somehow don't understand.
Oh yes. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever been right with any of my ideas. Other times , it has got me into so much trouble, because having a good idea, especially at work, may intimidate the person you are speaking to. This may be part of not understanding us, but also maybe about our blunt and straight forward way of coming out with it? However, the rejection does feel terrible, because we think long and hard about these ideas. In the end, when we present it, there is not much chance of it failing. I wish people would not be so intolerant. We all make mistakes.
I've had this experience several times. Afterwards, I always come to the conclusion I must be invisible & can't be heard either. Then when someone higher up in my office pointed out what happened, no-one else apologised or acknowledged what occurred. I can only assume my "weird" makes them assume I am not very bright or worth listening to.
@@Jacq.T , don't let them steal your ideas, anymore. Either they will figure out where the good ideas are coming from, or they will see you using your ideas and realize that you're ahead of them. Maybe tell someone that you trust so that you at least have a witness.
The main thing that has helped with my imposter syndrome is other people's reactions. Comments include "yeah, I could tell when I first met you", "oh, I've known that for years", and (my favourite) "how did you ever think you were neurotypical?" 🤣 However, I can't help referring to myself as "probably autistic" with people I don't know well, including medical professionals, so it still lingers. Useful video, ta!
I always knew I was strange but too old to care, I'm late diagnosed but work as a cleaner at a primary school and all the little one's the same as me peel off and high five me, I love it... Birds of a feather
In my heart I believe I am autistic but I doubt all the time, especially when having a conversation on the topic with Neurotypical people. When I have this conversation with other autistic people I don’t and the conversations are not doubtful but inquiring and comparing and there’s almost a sense of belonging when you have those moments of ‘yes, I know exactly what you mean’.
I definitely struggle with imposter syndrome. I sometimes wonder if the DSM-V has too generous and open ended of criteria for autism so perhaps I am not truly struggling or different any more than the general population. What if I’m just anxious? Professionals diagnosed me with OCD before, which later got overturned, so why couldn’t this be a similar case? These are common thoughts I have at times. I must remind myself that it has been useful to engage with resources and community for neurodivergent people. The label is our current understanding of autism and it’s ok to navigate it the best I can in the current diagnostic framework.
I've also been diagnosed with, or identified as, things that later turned out to be false. I guess that might build a healthy kind of skepticism? Even 'professionals' get it wrong sometimes, and we can never really know everything about ourselves. I guess one of the differences with autism, for me, is that it helps me to understand all of those previous misdiagnoses - it covers so many bases and connects in so many ways. Ironically, wanting to be precise and accurate can also be an autistic trait! I also have to remind myself it's ok to just be trying to figure things out as best as I can with my current resources and the current information available. So I don't think I'll ever be able to say I'm 100% certain, but I can say 90-99% maybe.
Diagnosed. Though I feel like me trying to live a fullfiled a d happy life. Trying to fit into this world, often being rejected. Makes me feel like an imposter.
5:49 Unrelated but that blew my mind from a trans perspective. “Who gets to decide” has always had an answer of “me”, especially for gender expression, because like, I didn’t give anyone else permission to decide that? Is this a concept I’ve just entirely missed? Diagnosis by medical professionals has always been linked in my head to receiving treatment or accommodations (I’m legally blind so I have a piece of paper that says immlrgelly blind, etc.) but it’s never been validating because like, I can’t see whether or not I have a diagnosis’s. Sorry for the ramble.
I don't remember ever feeling imposter syndrome before, but my autism assessment brought it up hard. I'm still waiting for the results and I'm so nervous and scared
Paul, what an important video. As a very late, self diagnosed autistic person, I'm sure I will come back to it every once in a while. Thank you so, so much!!!
I had pretty heavy imposter syndrome from the beginning of 2024, when my therapist first suggested that I could be autistic, until about a week ago, when my routine got all messed up one day, I got completely dysregulated, and I had a meltdown. I wanted to communicate with my family about it later, so I looked up the section in Neurodiversity for Dummies on meltdowns. read it alone first and had a little cry because it was so validating and described exactly what I had just experienced. then shared it with family and they said it was helpful to understand what I experience. it pretty much wiped away all but the smallest particle of my imposter syndrome. my assessment results are due any day, so it'll be interesting to see if they concur or not. I don't really care except for the support an official diagnosis would hopefully help to initiate. the online support groups I've found have been lovely and really welcoming and supportive
Diagnosed here. With 2nd and 3rd opinions. I didn't see it. I only caught the ADHD. Glad others were able to spot it. My life makes sense now. I was dx later in life. Thank you for this video! ❤
I think the best way to know if your autistic is if you struggled socializing from a very young age. I'm talking kindergarten. Basically as long as you can remember. I've never questioned if something wasn't right, I just knew. I didn't figure out exactly what was wrong until I was in my late 40's.
very relatable. my teachers also thought i was deaf because i was so aloof and even as an adult i still sometimes dont hear my name at all despite having my hearing tested and it was proven to be in excellent condition.
Yes and no. I knew I was different when I first started school, but I found a friend (who I now realise was also autistic!) and we did our own thing. As we got a bit older, mid-primary school, I started intently studying all the other kids, especially the girls, because my bestie and I were being picked on a bit. I looked at the social structures and worked out how to stop that from happening by fitting in just enough to sort of blend into the middle, almost disappear in a way. Neither popular nor unpopular. It worked.
@@kyriacostheofanous1445 I struggled with my hearing, when I started going to pubs and seeing bands. Hearing tests were fine. At age 54 when I got diagnosed with AuDHD, I found out, in one of these you tube channels, the answer. It made sense, I was hearing all of the different sounds around me and it was a sensory overload.Some people apparently can block those sounds out to some degree, I can't.
I find your videos have helped me gain knowledge in so many ways! I'm not formally diagnosed with autism, but with ADHD, although my mum has suspected that I'm on the spectrum most of my life. I have quite a few younger family members on the spectrum. Those are the ones I communicate with, with ease. It's like there is a connection and an understanding of needs that I haven't experienced before. Also having become friends with a woman due to common interest, only to find out she too is autistic, has made it so much clearer for me, that I'm probably "high masking". It is by far the most uncomplicated - for lack of a better term - friendship, I've ever been in.
Great vid, thanks. I have been considering autism for myself for nearly 20 years (back when it was Asperger's). I only recently finally accepted myself as autistic (even though "Aspie" feels more right). It took a three hour long discussion that I watched online by Tony Atwood and Michelle Garnett that really kicked my arse to get me to that final realisation. So many lightbulb moments, so much resonance. I could deny it no longer. So here I am, an out and proud self-recognised autist/aspie. 😁 (Edited for typos.)
Well, I was diagnosed at a BRAIN's institute by a professional. Unless I am extremely good at manipulating people and don't realize it, I can safely say that I am Autistic. High functioning Autism isn't something most people want to be associated with. It is a disability, that makes life much harder than it otherwise is.
I just got my diagnosis of level 2 autism and ADHD. I'm somehow simultaneously feeling relived, validated, and like a fraud and imposter. I'm 36 years old, and I've been masking my whole life. I've only been self-identified as autistic for the last two years. But I had assumed I was level 1, so being told I'm actually level 2 is strange. I am and have always been very disabled, but rather than seeing it as a disability, I just saw it as being a failure. I just felt like I needed to try harder and keep pushing through extreme levels of discomfort and distress. I would get upset, because other level 1's could hold down jobs (even if it was tough) and like... do things, but I just couldn't. I have never been able to work full time, or even meaningfully part time. Been unemployed for the last 14 years. It was like once I graduated from college, I hit a brick wall and couldn't progress in any meaningful way. I've been stuck at that level ever since, never actually getting off the ground or becoming fully independent. (I left home, but I basically just shifted to being supported by my husband instead.) I have really bad autistic inertia and executive dysfunction, as well as anxiety and CPTSD. But I'm highly intelligent, got straight A's in school, top of my class. I had a special interest in psychology, understanding people, and communication, so I ended up being extremely articulate and good at masking. I still struggled socially, but it wasn't for lack of knowledge, just lack of skill and energy and ability to apply that knowledge. Masking is really, really taxing, so I can do it, but only in small bursts, or I burn out. Anyway, I seem to have gone on a tangent. My point was just that it was hard to accept that I am actually legitimately autistic and genuinely quite disabled, despite being extremely clever and perceptive. But on some level I have known that am I really disabled, and I've been extremely stressed from trying so hard to meet neurotypical expectations, so finally being able to let them go and assert with confidence that those expectations actually are unrealistic for me is like a load off my back. I might actually be able to get disability and stop stressing about the fact that I'm unable to work.
Helpful video with solid content! I have had a bit of imposter syndrome the past year from time to time, but never for long. Autism just answers too much about me, and I quickly return to a reassured place that I *am* autistic. One thing I found reassuring was another content creator who said that if you were born before about 1976, like me, you were of a generation where autism was not being "seen" in children in school. So me being late-identified is not surprising. And with regard to inserting into the autistic community and seeing if you "fit", I definitely feel like I do. So my MIL and mom not seeing it is not a barrier, because I reflect on my childhood and beyond knowing me, and I know I am, and know I am amongst my community.
Thank you i needed this today ... after my cptsd diagnosis recently I was feeling like the psychologist was doubting my autism diagnosis which in turned into me starting to doubt. 99% of my friends are autistic ... I meet the criteria i just needed reminding ❤
I realised that I might be on the spectrum 20 years ago, at 20 - and spent the next 15 years believing otherwise after a former friend mocked me for it. Finally got my diagnosis in June this year, age 40.
Thanks for such an insightful video! It was the 'not high functioning but high masking' that really struck a chord with me. People have described me as 'very high functioning', but in reality I now realise that I am actually very high masking.
I’m currently waiting for the result of my assesment…it’s a nightmare, swingning between the doubts and the almost certainty back to maybe not. I will go crazy for sure
This is a terrific video for me that reaches into almost every part of my life. I’m completely uncomfortable right now, but do not take that as a criticism. - I’ve felt like the weird kid before I attended elementary school. I didn’t behave the same way. If I acted like other kids then I received stares. I kept quiet and nodded my head a lot. I did learn that being a quirky harmless extrovert is acceptable in some situations. So, I was either mostly in solitary mode or an occasional but perfectly timed revelation of a bizarre fact or story. That’s worked for me into my late fifties and I’ll continue that. When I was diagnosed with autism about 12 years ago, I had mixed feelings about it. I didn’t announce it to anyone until this year because I felt like such a fake all my life and still do. A lifetime of not fitting in and having to feign typical behavior is hard to change. The worst part is meeting some openly autistic people throughout my life and I intentionally distanced myself from them. Seeking acceptance from neurotypicals is the least of my concerns.
Great video Paul: very important message and I am really into the idea of being in Autistic only (physical) spaces. That it might highlight how much more we connect is so intriguing 🙂
Sometimes I question myself. It's because I have all the answers through the experience of my own life. But, it's difficult to apply the knowledge I've gained. It's hard. It's also hereditary and the kids suffer.
I can’t get a diagnosis right now, but I’m pretty sure I am autistic. I wish I had the mental space to find a group, and meet other neurodivergent people, but I just can’t right now. Watching your videos, and other autistic creators on UA-cam, seeing the similarities to myself, has really helped me!
I experience that all the time. I am currently wainting on ADHD diagnosis after years of being convinced I am one, but Autism is relatively new for me (about 3 years since I started considering that as an option) and only considered it once I learned that you can be both and seeing how relatable it is when listening to people that do have both diagnosis. Not everything I experience is explained by ADHD and Autism just bridges that gap so perfectly. But without formal diagnosis I cannot talk about it openly with people and I do feel like I am intruding, doubting that maybe it is just me desperatly looking for an accepting group.
Thank you for all of this! Your videos are the first I had come across when I started my investigation into autism and I LOVE your awareness story. What a beautiful way to start understanding yourself more deeply! I became aware that I have multiple autistic traits- label or not- and find so much help from the knowledge you pass along, for myself and my autistic adult son as well as my other adult children! Thank you. I do struggle with self-care often... and often I doubt my need for different kinds of care and ways of living, but I need it. This encourages me to pay attention to my needs, with less focus on a label.❤
Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but if the autistic label is applied to people through similarity with autistic groups, and fitting in best with them socially, wouldn't that slowly expand or shift the definition of autism? A particularly disagreeable group might begin associating agreeableness with their autistic identity, leading them to accept more people as their own that might otherwise not fit as well. Then, even further down the road, some shared traits of the new members come to be subconsciously regarded as part of being autistic. I do think it's quite important to have a proper label for whatever it is that physically sets apart autistic people's brains from non-autistic people's brains. Otherwise, the term might just become an arbitrary label for a shared identity, becoming divorced from the medical term.
This is such a good video. I have just been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD & ASD1 but feel uncomfortable to tell anyone as I feel I'll be questioned, I can see now that I do mask very well. I think I have inadvertently fooled family and friends over my life time.
If I teared up at the discussion about the order of ingredients on a sandwich, is that a sign?😊 I have two kids on the spectrum, and when they had me take a test about how my youngest reacts to things i cried then too. (I don't normally cry a lot, I just felt seen. ) I thought to myself: Why? Why didnt anyone ask ME these questions when I was her age?? Of course, I'm also relieved that they DO ask, now. She has gotten so much more help than I did and I'm very grateful.
Great video. I'm self diagnosed and over the last couple of years I've learnt so much about how my own brain functions (just the amount of researching I do gives me a hint) I use the term neurodivergent as I have Dyspraxia, autistic traits and ADHD traits. Where I am it's almost impossible to get an official diagnosis but I know how differently I see the world compared to most people.
I had suspected that I was autistic when I first learned it existed. My late brother's son was diagnosed. They were like twins. My poor brother died an alcoholic. I had the benefit of getting sober. The structure and safety of meetings helped me to grow a bit. I am in recovery 27 years. I just accepted my autism about a year ago. I feircly gaurd my identity now. My area has no support groups for adults. I have no joined an online group yet. It would be wild to be around others like me. 😊
THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE WHOLE LIFE. Even though I don’t think I’m an imposter I’m also not autistic…well…the last two vids I was like doing the mirror thing and no I don’t like labels I just like that there actually could be someone even one person even just a little bit similar to me even in just one topic (food habits, moving constantly) I mean really I don’t need a diagnosis I’m just happy to hear there’s people with the same (often debilitating) traits as me. That maybe one day somewhere someone would understand just one thing that I do and maybe have a laugh about it all with me. It really doesn’t matter about a diagnosis though I know my family will cut me down if I labelled myself anything but normal. And no by I’m not high functioning I’m actually already in a disability pension for all these traits that drive me and mine up the wall enough to warrant sacking or with men dumping with females it’s excuses and laughing at me not with me. I do have a lot of friends though we don’t catch up that often and they know not to expect replies or returning g calls so maybe it offends too much I can’t see how like at all but yeh Thank you for this post it was about to pull my hair out with the excitement as well as the worry that I had found a possible match for my many “quirky” strange sometimes rude sometimes insensitive myself sometimes unable to function at all but most of the time I can function perfectly well - not perfectly sorry wrong adjective - just well uno keep a job for a few years then struggle the next few. Is that something ?
My problem is that I felt the need to split hairs with every single diagnostic criterion to try and figure out whether my experiences “count”, plus I always felt strongly about not appropriating. Upon reflection, I think those tendencies might be supporting evidence in themselves…
I have actually found that one of the things driving my imposters syndrome is having spent a huge amount of time around groups of people who have significant autistic traits. I now think that a high percentage of my parent’s friends were on the spectrum, as were a lot of mine. The biggest factor in who they or I had for friends was mutual participation in special interest groups. The upshot is that many autistic traits look totally normal and unremarkable to me, and it’s meant that I have a very hard time recognizing other autistic people. (I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting ADHDers, though.)
Was having medical problems this last weekend and went to ER. Met a wonderful doctor who not only took the time to explain why he was doing certain tests did so from about four feet away without trying to stare at me in the eyes. Would ask if I had questions and took the time to answer them. Most comfortable interaction I’ve ever had with a doctor. I’ve recently been diagnosed asd and this is first encounter since that went into my medical record. Don’t know if he behaved that way as it’s in my record or if he might have been asd also. Either way it was calming.
Through the long journey of finally getting my daughter diagnosed (“level 2” with a PDA subtype), it’s become pretty clear that I probably am too…in addition to the fact that I score high on all the different tests online. But, getting a diagnosis probably won’t be a path I take unless it’s for my own personal need for a “formal” label at some point. It’s been a little scary to attempt to join the club lol but what I’ve noticed is that I just kinda fit in naturally, and that kinda tells me all I need to know I guess 😹
"That might be a perfectly expected reaction if you haven't yet found others in the community with a profile more similar to yours" That really hit me. I just started creating and SOME people seemed to really connect with my particular flavour of autism. Autism advocacy is one thing, but we can help autistic individuals figure themselves out too! I'll try to create more content.
I don't have imposter syndrome, I've felt ashamed of my diagnosis since I was diagnosed in grade 3. I don't mask well so it get noticed due masking making me look really fake and weird. I find people more accepting when I don't mask. I'm just weird likeable person than never really makes deep connection but a lot of people care about me. I've rarely masked. I will in front of doctors, job interviews and such but that's it. I denied my autism for decades, just was myself but never told anyone. There were only close family that knew like mother, aunts and my cousin. Others I've never told. Even with all the shit I went though because I was diagnosed as kid there are times where I still question it. I used to just tell people I'm dyslexic, got that diagnosis too and that always satisfied others about me being different and weird.
I went to a meet up for young adults with autism at my local museum. I felt very out of place because they were all boys and younger than me. I did notice though that none of us introduced ourselves and the father who was the host did the introducing lol.thankfully I was the first one there. When the next guy came we did not make eye contact and we didn't say hello. I asked the father if there was ever any girls that showed up and he said no and that I'm the first girl that ever showed up. It was a awkward experience.
Would have helped a lot if you had given a brief description of what imposter syndrome is so I could know if we were both working from the same concept.
Strongly self suspecting, having trouble finding a local autistic support group but so far my few friends and family I've mentioned my suspicions too, reacted 'not surprised' to such an extent that I wondered if I should be offended lol. At one point I had a dream that I walked into a room where there were 4 autistic people, I said something autistic sounding - they said: We know! and I thanked them for their peer review 😅 Now I just have to meet actually autistic people irl and not just in the dream realm - not sure how. official dx is out of budget 🤷
8:09 "does it really matter, what label you end up choosing for yourself?" eh..YES?!! SO IN CAN PUT ME IN SOME KIND OF DRAWER AND NOW HOW TO MANAGE ME?!?!? 😆😆😓😓 ADHD here with questions. Want to find a peer group to feel if autism fits for me but here in Germany everything seems to be a bit....oldschool? So autism for the most proffessionals still is: "you have a big lack of understanding emotions and you can't keep eyecontact as an autistic! You feel for others and you are empathic so you can't be!" (And yeah, maybe I am not and likely I am not but "just" ADHD with the need to put everything in a drawer to know how to handle things and nearly no fun out of adrenaline, no impulse to do dangerous stuff or things I don't think through plus emotional outbreaks, kind of panic attacks as a kid when going to the mall and more, sensory issues, problems with others because I am "too extreme in my thoughts and need to read less, understand everything wrong"....I don't know if this explains everything :') maybe just a bit off because of my overprotective mom? Soo many questions... Something like insecure and anxious ADHD?😅 I don't like, that I need to lable everything BUT I WANT TO!! XD)
i think its healthier not putting on lables on yourself (except at those times you really need to understand what sets you apart from a certain group so you keep in mind what makes YOU more comfortable by end of the day) because leaving your options open will leave the way open for your potential. i usually identify myself by my current abilities which are in other words my current traits- because at some point youll just get some updates on. were only moments.
A couple of people close to me have said “yeah - I think you are slightly autistic”. When I reply that there’s no such thing as slightly autistic, a person either is or isn’t, I get these looks like they think I’m overreacting or like they don’t believe me. That’s annoying.
I get imposter syndrome gnawing away at almost every aspect of my life, I also have such bad social anxiety & socialising problems I find it next to impossible to be part of a group/community.
No... I'm sure, people who know me well feel sure too. Others are probably not convinced. It doesn't matter. I think it was important to my Mum to learn this too. She dealt with a lot of flak for my "behaviour" until I learned to blend in (code for becoming invisible).
I've struggled very hard my entire life, and still do every day with "ordinary things." No one sees most of it because I'm high masking. People around me doubt my diagnosis, but I think it would be really nice to sometimes feel so confident with myself that I could wonder if I'm really autistic.
@@raven4090 i m not sure it's always about confidence. I have enough traits, apparently also ADHD, but what scares the shit out of me is feeling i am a horrible person or if i have/am something worse
@sole-g4z Being able to get things done without the help that would make it a lot easier, and achieving the right outcome successfully on your own doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you incredible. Not guilty of anything.
@raven4090 problem is I'm not achieving much lately, really. I was trying to encourage you to reach the tribe if you have available help nearby. The horrible person feeling maybe comes from misunderstandings, stygma, etc. I often spook people away when i ask for help.
@@sole-g4z There is no help near me. I live in a small town in the USA, but thanks for the kind thought. I meet lots of nice people in the comments though. At this time of my life (61 years) I'm worn out from overcompensating. I've had chronic fatigue since my 30's, and it gets worse as time goes on. Now getting out of bed and doing the dishes during the same day sometimes uses up all my energy for the day. Problem is that's not enough, and not being able to keep up with housework distress me greatly. I don't feel like a horrible person, but I stay home as much as possible for the reasons you mentioned. I'm so tired of "walking on eggshells." If I don't socialize, I can't accidentally say anything wrong, but my animals are wonderful company! 4 cats, a house trained rabbit, and a bird. (His friend passed away last year at 25 years.)
Regarding the autism as a medical condition VS autism as a community conflict: that kind of reminds me of the Deaf community. There is a culture of Deaf people (capital D) which of course revolves a lot around hearing disabilities and ways to deal with them, such as sign language, but there is a social aspect to it as well. For example someone without a disability born to a family of Deaf people might understand the culture while someone who became deaf (small d, referring to deafness as a disability and not as a culture) might not identify with this culture at all, because they might not see a point to seeking community with other deaf or hard-of-hearing people. One could argue it's a similar thing for some autistic people, especially those who don't recognise late-diagnosed autism
It doesn’t help that as soon as I have a good day and triggers are less triggering, people point it out, like I’ve been faking or am finally getting over it.😣
I experience imposter syndrome from time to time regarding my late (mid-50s) ADHD diagnosis: almost all the experiences of doubt or uncertainty described here are analogous to my own experiences in some way. But my big question is: has anyone here experienced having a professional ASD assessment and being told they're NOT on the spectrum, but later (in my case four or five years later) coming to seriously question that non-diagnosis? The water is muddied here by my ADHD which is in some ways quite impairing.
@@deepestbluesea_6351 Haven 't myself but it can happen. Maybe try and find a person who specializes in Audhd? Yo Samdy Sam is maybe a good channel here to explore that particular combination. She also has some collab with Paul
I don't know if I'm autistic. The various online tests that I took show that I match up with approximately half of what's considered autistic. I have been formally diagnosed with ADD. I'm now 61 and considered "too old" for the tests in specialists' offices, which is why I did the online ones. I do consider myself neurodivergent, and those with ADD/ADHD fit into that catagory.
I was diagnosed since I was 6 or something, but right now I check like a third of all the boxes (of like the stereotypical signs). I always wondered, if I was diagnosed later, if I would still be diagnosed with autism or not. Because I think in time, some of the symptoms or signs dilute over time, because you learned to deal with them or can mask them better.
Idk whether this falls under "impostor syndrome", but I also have another issue. What if all struggles and weird things I do and experience aren't something special? What if everybody lives that way, but nobody pays it that much attention? There was a joke (or not?) about person going to doctor about voices in their head, only to discover that the "voice" was just their thought process, an inner monologue. So how do I know that my reaction to interruption or some sensory information etc is too much for NT person?
I do think that having the ability to mask is a useful skill, though, as a means to get through some situations and interactions that would otherwise be more problematic or negative. Neurotypicals generally have no idea and I have had really bad experiences when I've not been masking, although poor masking also causes issues. As someone who is very high masking and has been doing so for decades, as I'm very late diagnosed, it's very difficult or maybe even impossible to completely unmask although I can now see how such a high level of masking has been harmful and I'm trying to learn how to not do so. Permanently high masking is a road to potentially serious problems due to the huge disconnect from the true self and I nearly ended up unalived from forcing myself to mask to such an extreme degree because masking stopped me being aware of myself. As a skill that I can choose to put into practice, high masking ability is fantastic as a skill and tool to get through an interaction and achieve a positive outcome. I think there's too much negativity regarding masking, The is it to be aware of masking taking place and be cautious using it. On the other hand, if someone isn't skilled in masking then the best thing is to not mask at all as it is just too fake and doesn't go down well, I know to my own detriment how bad it can be. As a means of interacting with another human, I'm not automatically masking like I used to or at least to anything like that degree and see it as a bit like interacting with a computer or even a computer game in that if the right input or response is not given then the desired outcome is less likely. Masking is giving the perceived right input or response, but there is a big difference between having it 'switched on' all the time and using it occasionally and sparingly because masking is basically faking it or a form of acting which makes it easy to get very wrong and can be a massive drain on one's mental and physical resources.
My story is a bit different. I was surprised when my sister popped up with an autism diagnosis out of the blue. I didn't even know she was taking the assessment. We live in different countries... Because of that, and talking about what made her look for the assessment, I recognized many patterns. So I took it myself, and was also diagnosed. Am I really autistic? I always had some hardships in life with socializing, but doesn't everyone? I can see that I've been masking my whole life, but is it autistic masking, or just normal social fitting in? Did I know too much about autism to actually influence the assessment? I had people ask me if clinics these days are not just diagnosing anyone for money... So many more doubts that just won't come to mind now...
I was able to avoid imposter syndrome because when I first learned I was autistic, I asked friends I knew who were autistic if they thought I was, and most were surprised I hadn't known. Turns out most of my friends are neurodiverse in one way or another.
Here in the UK I hear many parents stating that their child is either Autistic or ADHD, or both. Since it can take over two years to get a diagnosis it is difficult to argue whether they are genuinely autistic or just saying it as it would seem to be "fashionable" as being " vegetarian" once was
It certainly doesn't help with imposter syndrome if the doctor tells you: "The autistic traits are certainly there but you (just barely) don't fulfill enough criteria for an official medical diagnosis."
So I don't have imposter syndrome since I don't have a diagnosis, and up until the past couple of years, neither I nor anyone I know, knew about Autism or thought there was anything different about me. That being said, I have a 9 year old non verbal Autistic son. After learning more and more about ASD, both from the professionsals we see as well as the anecdotal things from other asd people we meet and the online personalities and groups I follow now, I have started to question if maybe I've somehow been high masking? This makes me feel like I'm just making it up, or I'm adding weight to normal personality traits if that makes sense. I start to feel bad for noticing things about myself that may align with adhd or asd, not because I feel bad about myself, but because I feel like applying that label to myself would be fraudulent when I look at my own son and others who are handicapped by there condition in some way, while I lead what I think is a mostly normal functioning life.
I was diagnosed at a young age and never felt like I fit in with the other diagnosed autistics, because they were all boys with very stereotypical traits of what at the time was called aspergers. Because of that, I isolated myself and always thought that there must be something else “wrong with me”, rather than autism. In my late 20s/early 30s I started seeing people like me in online spaces, often late diagnosed women and afab non binary people, and finally understood my own autistic identity. But sadly, nowadays I live in a country that, in contrast to where I grew up, still believes autism is just something for little boys or “very weird” adults and where people like me would never get a diagnosis, so I have no autism spaces to go to in real life…
I am a highly sensitive person with trauma/Anxiety condition and Autistic traits - currently confused about where I stand within Autism as I may be sub-clinical....I experience my 'highly sensitive person' traits as disabling. I'm in a confusing grey zone. I relate to - and identify as - Autistic. Anyone else struggling with this overlap?
I feel imposter syndrome but thats because ive been gaslit by so many people for years including one therapist. I have been officially diagnosed in 2021 by a psychiatrist with a specialty in nueropsychology in nyc; so yes I'm pretty sure im autistic. The psychiatrist was very sure about it too, and I have very basic tells and typical stims.
Self doubt will always be in the background, carefully questioning my every move :P
So after a year being self-diagnosed I went to a psychiatrist who is specialised in autism. She confirmed my diagnosis. So now I have two trains of thoughts: 1 - "Well, of course, you've been studying autism and analyzing your life for a year. By now you know exactly what to tell to fit the image" and 2 - "If autism is a spectrum and pretty wide one, how doctors decide it's the same condition? There are DSM criteria, yes, but we are so different, even though we have the same symptoms. Doctors must be wrong putting us all in one group"
I have a lot of work to do with myself 😅
I asked 1st question on my appointment with psychiatrist. They were disturbed by it, but not much. They were considering not only what i was saying, but also how: stims, strange word choices, eye contact, intonations and face expressions. And imitating that would be another level of effort. So I let the question slip away.
i ask the latter question all the time, the term seems so vague
I don't trust the DSM-V because it was literally made under g
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there are many problems with the diagnosis/diagnostic manual/diagnostic process/diagnostic concept etc, and the brain is much more complex and detailed than any of our current means for analysing it are...
That plus: what about part of them diagnosed me as a way to support me in a hard time? I guess most of us adults may seek a diagnosis when things are hard/going badly.
I was thrilled to finally find out why I think differently. I spent most of my life wondering about it and now I know.
I imagine it’s such a relief to answers why when you’ve been struggling for quite some time. Congrats on getting answers 🎉
Although I’m 1,000% sure I’m autistic, I didn’t know until I was almost 40, so I definitely had to work through the imposter syndrome and “mourning period”.
It’s such an odd feeling to have imposter syndrome but also be absolutely sure that you’re not an imposter.
Omg this is me right now! I’m 38! I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet but it’s such an apparent truth that it’s hard to deny. Especially the more I research. 😅
Yep, I feel that!
I have totally embraced solitude so imposter syndrome is irrelevant. My dog does not care. My doc is the one who told me he thinks I'm autistic but isn't able to give a formal diagnosis and we both decided that at almost 50, it's not even worth the few thousand dollars to get a formal diagnosis. Bottom line- doesn't matter what anyone thinks because I don't have anyone who gives a shit either way
I really feel for your sadness of not being understood mate, especially how your dog does not discriminate. I've only found happiness in the company of animals, children and old people. (In that order)
I'm 51, undiagnosed officially but was told by my brother only a couple of months ago I was diagnosed at 6 or 7 but nobody told me. I hope you reach out and find "your people", if I can find the courage I will try what he suggested and go to a group meeting. Best wishes from Melbourne 🙏🏽
@@PadmaDorjeethat sucks that they didn’t tell you! I suspect my parents knew I was different but they just hoped it would go away on its own. To their eyes I did seem to get better but that’s because my masking and camouflaging evolved till I was the autistic equivalent of Predator!
I’m glad you found out in the end and I hope you find some comfort in the rest of us here.
@airshipswashbuckler6420 Thank you for your support
Cats and dogs are wonderful,, they don't care what you are or what you're able to do that day,, they just love you unconditionally 🤗
@@leonilubbinge8127 That is so true. Here is a little (almost) related story. (BTW, yes, I am Autistic.)
I was actually befriended by one of the neighborhood feral cats while out on an evening walk. This cat would run and hide at the first site of any human. No one ever got within 30 feet and he would dart off. Well, as I was walking toward the mail boxes, this cat came to me and looked up with a slow, trusting blink. I fully expected him to run off as soon as I reached toward him. Instead he let me pet him and soon he was purring away. A couple of other people came along and he was gone just that quickly. But I felt almost honored that this feral came to me like that. I REALLY needed that today. Totally changed my mood for the better. I can't help wondering if this cat will ever come to me again.
Sorry for the long reply. Just felt like I needed to share this.
Let me pretend like I'm autistic so I can get all those sweet sweet bonuses... hmm.. alienate friends... alienate co-workers... alienate the clerk at the checkout counter... yeah there are some great advantages
Exactly. Sometimes when I'm tempted toward Imposter Syndrome I remind myself of this: "And you'd have arbitrarily decided to pretend you're autistic...why-y-y-y-y???"
@@kensears5099I’ve spent my life like that, thinking I’m just a cunt. The weight isn’t lifted by accepting my autism, but it’s easier to carry.
Yeah! And the constant stress and exhaustion with severe burnout every few years is just normal anxiety afterall :D
(irony alert - because I think many of us have gaslit ourselves many years of our lives into thinking all this was normal).
Don't forget alienating women! I have so much more money because I've never been able to get a girlfriend.
The irony when I didn't get the sarcasm the first time I read this 😅😂
good info thanks - i am 70 and just self diagnosed a few weeks ago - nice to know why i been so weird all my life
Welcome ❤
You're not weird, the "normal" people are! ❤
Just curious, how did you arrive at your self-diagnosis?
It's a relief isn't it? ❤
Our family has (at least) eight autistic people in four generations. We're not all the same, but it's great that we can all talk about our experiences. I'm 67 and recently diagnosed, but it's still enlightening to hear my daughter describe her early life. I was there but I had no idea what was going on in her head. For me it's not so much imposter syndrome as slowly peeling away the feelings that I was continually letting people down. It only took 20 years to believe that my wife's smile when she sees me is non-judgmental.
I’m glad you got here and are listening to your daughter’s experiences. That is a very big thing!
Most of my family is neurodivergent in someway but few have actually taken it seriously enough to look into it. I know my parents have got either ASD or ADHD but I don’t want to diagnose someone, not my place. But I see so much that could be explained and help to make their lives less painful and frustrating but they are so closed off to it because of social conditioning. I can’t even talk to them about my own Autism and ADHD.
Realizing you were there but didn’t know what was in your daughters head is something I hope you aren’t hard on yourself about. Be proud that when you got there you weren’t too arrogant or proud to admit you missed something.
❤
This has helped me with imposter syndrome, many people in my family are autistic and I know many people outside my family with ASD as well (wonder why we were drawn to eachother 🤣). Not one of the people I know on the spectrum are the same, we all struggle, we all have different support needs, different interests, some can live alone, others can't, some can work, others can't, some are very intelligent and others including myself have multiple learning disabilities, etc. I think it's so important for autistic people to come together because trying to explain anything to typical people can be hurtful, where as there's an understanding between people on the spectrum even though we are all so different.
@@Féileacáin26 agreed! It helps me not feel as isolated.
I found out on accident. I got a bunch of brain damage from Cancer treatment, and while trying to rebuild myself I noticed that many of the moments along the journey felt very much like my childhood and early adulthood. That put me into some rather difficult headspaces. In order to "get better" I spent huge amounts of time writing. Since my body pretty much wouldn't walk or talk very well anymore. So I spent a great deal of time at my desktop computer relearning how to type and communicate again.
Along that path I spent a lot of time fact checking posts during covid. Since that's when my cancer treatment started. When the Covid shutdown started. In addition to fact-checking, I would also debate, since I've always loved that activity as well as writing essays. Then I added on writing short stories as well. When I was working on a story one day I decided to give the protagonist some sort of "problem." Instead of reading a book of problems I figured it was faster to just take lots of mentally illness or related tests. I figured from the tests I would learn stuff more quickly that was interesting.
Then I took a test for Autism and I redlined that thing. I figured that was a strange fluke so I went to another site and took another. Same thing. I kept taking tests till I got up to 5 of them. Then I told the therapist who was helping me with the cancer thing. I told that person about the tests and they said there was no way I was Autistic. That I had probably taken the test wrong. However, when I was 18, 61 now, I took an I.Q. test and shocked the person who gave it to me. Then I took the Army ASVAB test and got the highest score in the nation. So I'm pretty sure I can handle taking a test correctly.
I suggested the therapist test me. They thought that was a great idea. Half way through it their attitude completely changed. They scored me as more Autistic than the online tests did. Then the question was "How in the world did you learn how to hide this so well?" I assumed it was all the beatings from other students in school, the beatings and threats from cops in the 70s and 80s. Then I started reading up on it and watching videos like these. From there I realized that my crazy ass Mother was obviously Autistic. And her Father, who she dumped me on from 5 -10 had it as well. My Mother was also an actor. So she had completely different personalities home and at work or in public. She was a beauty queen as well. So she was REALLY good at putting up the act in public. An that's how I was taught to behave in public.
There is a TV show called "The Big Bang Theory." There is a character called "Sheldon." Well, that's a comedic exaggeration of who I was in school. I was not well received for that at all. My Mother was the Prom queen. I was the most hated person in my school. The Prom Queen who hated kids was not fond of raising the biggest geek in school. So we didn't exactly get along. Luckily I was an only child and no one was ever around the house. So I was always alone. That worked out fairly well for me.
My Mother was also a vegas dancer. As was my Grandmother. Then one day someone paid me to drive her to a dance club because I don't drink. She just wanted me to get her there and then home safe. My Mother had made me watch every musical movie ever made and constantly rattled on about how to dance. I didn't know I could dance. I did it at home alone but never around people. The the woman who hired me to drive said I needed to go inside with her to keep people away from her. Then it turned out I was the best dancer in the building. Inside 30 days I went from the most unpopular person I knew to the most popular person I knew. I delt with it by pretending to be alloof and arrogant. I never spoke to anyone. I went dancing 7 hours a night. Every day. For ten years. I also worked in the film industry.
Aparently the I.Q. and the Autism did a pretty good job of hiding each other. My Father once told me that sometimes the smartest thing to do was let people think you are stupid so they aren't threatened. So, long hair, tattoos, motorcycles, really good at mechanical stuff and solving problems but no friends and nothing much to say to the stupid people around me. So they all thought I was the stupid one. I just called it "The act." That's how I got through life. I just put on the act most of the time. Until everything went crazy around me and everyone else lost their minds. Then I'd calm right down and just step in an calmly save the day with seemingly no effort at all. When people would ask how I did it. . . I'd just say . . . "What?" An they would just think it was a stupid fluke an drop it. Jobs like to keep me around though. Cuz I'd outwork everyone so I wouldn't get bored.
So yeah. . . this Autism thing. . . nice to know I'm not crazy. Would have been nice to know that a good 50 years ago though.
I'm self diagnosed and literally all i would gain from an official diagnosis is that I could say I'm diagnosed. But it's like I'm either autistic or I'm an extremely unique person with a massive amount of traits that just happen to map perfectly on to autism but is still not autistic. Either way the help i get from the people talking about autism has been so helpful.
Only acceptable use of any diagnosis is helping patients. The autistic community shares a ton of information you may find useful to stop suffering and live a better life, just take what works for you. Most will immediately integrate you to the group as Paul says and you can learn a lot from everybody.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
dr.zachary3 is the man
On Instagram?
Yes
Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression. The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself.
The supermarket example hit real hard. Dunno why but whenever I hear these kind of relatable examples from people I get uncontrollably emotional.
It's hard to not have doubts when you always get told that you are not autistic enough. I pursued a diagnosis, but I'm apperantly too "well" too get one. Still, I don't fit into society.
I tried to go too a local meeting for autistic people, I clearly felt like an imposter there. The people at the meeting were all quite significantly impaired in their life due to the autism, so even if I felt that I was similar too the group I still didn't fit in. Right now I feel that I'm just crazy, and that I don't belong anywhere...
You’re not alone there. I suspected I might have autism years ago and did a lot of research and was about 70% sure. I told my parent and got shut down and gaslit. They showed me videos of nonverbal and high need autistic people and basically said I wasn’t like them so why was I trying to label myself disabled.
I was crushed, I thought I had found the answer and some hope. Dropped it for a while because I was discouraged. Picked it back up because the persistent need for answers brought me back around again to autism.
This time I did years of off and on research because I wasn’t quite fitting. For a long while I told my self all sorts of excuses for why all of these traits were here but not autism!
THEN, I discovered you can have adhd and autism! Everything clicked into place and explain a load of contradictory traits.
I still haven’t brought any of this up to my parents and probably never will. I keep hearing how judgmental they are about anything doing with mental health and am so sad. I don’t know how to get through and I may never.
All this to say, you’re not crazy but I definitely get feeling like that. Hang in there. ❤
@@airshipswashbuckler6420 Thank you, I see that you also struggle. Thankfully I have a wife that is understanding, I can't imagine how it must be without support from your family. I really hope they will come around and accept that you are autistic. It's rough as I don't really fit into any group, and to always be the outsider. I feel totaly normal, but still I have traits that make others uncomfortable around me.
@ thank you! I’m glad you’ve got support! It gives me hope.
Self identified autist. Originally thought it could be autism in school about 5 years ago but my school’s therapist talked me out of it. Earlier this year I was dealing with some health issues and discovered that I have symptoms of hyper mobile ehlers danlos syndrome and that lead me back to autism. I also discovered that I am dyslexic. It’s been a wild ride.
Surprisingly I also have Hypermobile EDS and have recently told that I am autistic. Talk about finding your community. 😊
@ Wow! That’s so cool 😎 hello 👋🏽 fellow bendy person!
@@RLWarrior Hi ! I don't think that I would have thought there was another like me- we are truly a diverse group..
I’m glad you persevered. There is a lot of ignorance and “good intentions” out there that make it more difficult then it needs to be.
I was diagnosed with EDS at age 68. At 71 the autism identification. Looking at the co-morbidities is really important and I don't see a lot of discussion on this topic. Would like to see more. Won't bore you with my other co-m's but there are a few. It is a common package. The medical fields likes to isolate each problem and never in my experience have they connected the dots. Hope this changes soon for the benefit of many.
I self diagnosed. I've told some of my family but they don't really get how it affects me, and aren't really interested in explanations. Not really that much of a problem as they know I'm quirky.
I don't find it useful to explain it to anyone else when I need to cover my differences (I'm a visual process thinker and learn by example, so need someone to explain things and have the ability to ask questions) and many have told me that I can't self diagnose so I don't really know.
But the clincher for me knowing I am not an imposter was gradually discovering that the few close friends I've made (my best friend when I was eleven, my best friend at 14, and the friend I made at university) all turned out to be autistic too.
I got my diagnosis for ADHD/Autism 2 days ago, and I still struggle with imposter syndrome. I thought it was going to be easier to deal with after I got my official diagnosis, but it has actually become harder to accept for some reason. This video couldn't have come at a better time for me, and it has helped a little in accepting everything. I usually am too scared to comment on anything, but I really wanted to thank you for the video!
Loved these concepts.
I resolved my imposter syndrome quite quickly but now and then I have a week or two of not encountering barriers and life being easy and I will start thinking maybe I'm somehow becoming less autistic. Whenever that happens I usually immediately get a big reminder soon after that yes I'm very autistic.
While I really believe that autistic thriving is possible it says something frustrating about my subconscious belief that when I'm thriving I think I'm less autistic. Of course when I'm doing well it's due to a lot of support and strategy.
One of the ways I resolved imposter syndrome was by doing self quizzes for other forms of neurodivergence and observing I definitely didn't make up answers or relate to things that aren't my experience.
I was out with an autistic friend tonight and our conversation was so neurodivergent. I love that. 🥰
I get pangs. But I've heard others' social experiences and their accommodations that they come to find before they knew of their neuro-status. Like, one that would irk me to no end was talking about how to work on something, or toward something. I would get an idea formed in my mind, then tell the group or boss about it, they would politely nod a bit to act like they were considering my idea. Then, someone after me (sometimes right after me), would say the same thing, with a few different words, and everyone would think they came up with a great idea. When that would happen, I wouldn't just take it personally, I would take it as a direct attack like they were saying, "We don't like you and we will never give you credit for anything." It's still hard to believe that I wasn't speaking in a way that they somehow don't understand.
Oh yes. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever been right with any of my ideas. Other times , it has got me into so much trouble, because having a good idea, especially at work, may intimidate the person you are speaking to. This may be part of not understanding us, but also maybe about our blunt and straight forward way of coming out with it? However, the rejection does feel terrible, because we think long and hard about these ideas. In the end, when we present it, there is not much chance of it failing. I wish people would not be so intolerant. We all make mistakes.
I've had this experience several times. Afterwards, I always come to the conclusion I must be invisible & can't be heard either. Then when someone higher up in my office pointed out what happened, no-one else apologised or acknowledged what occurred. I can only assume my "weird" makes them assume I am not very bright or worth listening to.
@@Jacq.T , don't let them steal your ideas, anymore. Either they will figure out where the good ideas are coming from, or they will see you using your ideas and realize that you're ahead of them. Maybe tell someone that you trust so that you at least have a witness.
The main thing that has helped with my imposter syndrome is other people's reactions. Comments include "yeah, I could tell when I first met you", "oh, I've known that for years", and (my favourite) "how did you ever think you were neurotypical?" 🤣 However, I can't help referring to myself as "probably autistic" with people I don't know well, including medical professionals, so it still lingers. Useful video, ta!
Same
I always knew I was strange but too old to care, I'm late diagnosed but work as a cleaner at a primary school and all the little one's the same as me peel off and high five me, I love it... Birds of a feather
In my heart I believe I am autistic but I doubt all the time, especially when having a conversation on the topic with Neurotypical people. When I have this conversation with other autistic people I don’t and the conversations are not doubtful but inquiring and comparing and there’s almost a sense of belonging when you have those moments of ‘yes, I know exactly what you mean’.
I definitely struggle with imposter syndrome. I sometimes wonder if the DSM-V has too generous and open ended of criteria for autism so perhaps I am not truly struggling or different any more than the general population. What if I’m just anxious? Professionals diagnosed me with OCD before, which later got overturned, so why couldn’t this be a similar case? These are common thoughts I have at times.
I must remind myself that it has been useful to engage with resources and community for neurodivergent people. The label is our current understanding of autism and it’s ok to navigate it the best I can in the current diagnostic framework.
there's a lot of overlap with avoidant attachment too. Or you can have both.
I've also been diagnosed with, or identified as, things that later turned out to be false. I guess that might build a healthy kind of skepticism? Even 'professionals' get it wrong sometimes, and we can never really know everything about ourselves.
I guess one of the differences with autism, for me, is that it helps me to understand all of those previous misdiagnoses - it covers so many bases and connects in so many ways. Ironically, wanting to be precise and accurate can also be an autistic trait! I also have to remind myself it's ok to just be trying to figure things out as best as I can with my current resources and the current information available. So I don't think I'll ever be able to say I'm 100% certain, but I can say 90-99% maybe.
Diagnosed.
Though I feel like me trying to live a fullfiled a d happy life. Trying to fit into this world, often being rejected. Makes me feel like an imposter.
5:49 Unrelated but that blew my mind from a trans perspective. “Who gets to decide” has always had an answer of “me”, especially for gender expression, because like, I didn’t give anyone else permission to decide that? Is this a concept I’ve just entirely missed? Diagnosis by medical professionals has always been linked in my head to receiving treatment or accommodations (I’m legally blind so I have a piece of paper that says immlrgelly blind, etc.) but it’s never been validating because like, I can’t see whether or not I have a diagnosis’s. Sorry for the ramble.
I don't remember ever feeling imposter syndrome before, but my autism assessment brought it up hard. I'm still waiting for the results and I'm so nervous and scared
Paul, what an important video. As a very late, self diagnosed autistic person, I'm sure I will come back to it every once in a while. Thank you so, so much!!!
I had pretty heavy imposter syndrome from the beginning of 2024, when my therapist first suggested that I could be autistic, until about a week ago, when my routine got all messed up one day, I got completely dysregulated, and I had a meltdown. I wanted to communicate with my family about it later, so I looked up the section in Neurodiversity for Dummies on meltdowns. read it alone first and had a little cry because it was so validating and described exactly what I had just experienced. then shared it with family and they said it was helpful to understand what I experience. it pretty much wiped away all but the smallest particle of my imposter syndrome. my assessment results are due any day, so it'll be interesting to see if they concur or not. I don't really care except for the support an official diagnosis would hopefully help to initiate. the online support groups I've found have been lovely and really welcoming and supportive
Diagnosed here. With 2nd and 3rd opinions. I didn't see it. I only caught the ADHD. Glad others were able to spot it. My life makes sense now. I was dx later in life. Thank you for this video! ❤
I think the best way to know if your autistic is if you struggled socializing from a very young age. I'm talking kindergarten. Basically as long as you can remember. I've never questioned if something wasn't right, I just knew. I didn't figure out exactly what was wrong until I was in my late 40's.
Yeah this sounds like me. Did you get bullied a lot? I did. I got diagnosed at age 36. In retrospect, some of my behavior was indeed weird.
very relatable. my teachers also thought i was deaf because i was so aloof and even as an adult i still sometimes dont hear my name at all despite having my hearing tested and it was proven to be in excellent condition.
Always on the edges trying to figure it out
Yes and no. I knew I was different when I first started school, but I found a friend (who I now realise was also autistic!) and we did our own thing. As we got a bit older, mid-primary school, I started intently studying all the other kids, especially the girls, because my bestie and I were being picked on a bit. I looked at the social structures and worked out how to stop that from happening by fitting in just enough to sort of blend into the middle, almost disappear in a way. Neither popular nor unpopular.
It worked.
@@kyriacostheofanous1445 I struggled with my hearing, when I started going to pubs and seeing bands. Hearing tests were fine. At age 54 when I got diagnosed with AuDHD, I found out, in one of these you tube channels, the answer. It made sense, I was hearing all of the different sounds around me and it was a sensory overload.Some people apparently can block those sounds out to some degree, I can't.
I find your videos have helped me gain knowledge in so many ways! I'm not formally diagnosed with autism, but with ADHD, although my mum has suspected that I'm on the spectrum most of my life. I have quite a few younger family members on the spectrum. Those are the ones I communicate with, with ease. It's like there is a connection and an understanding of needs that I haven't experienced before. Also having become friends with a woman due to common interest, only to find out she too is autistic, has made it so much clearer for me, that I'm probably "high masking". It is by far the most uncomplicated - for lack of a better term - friendship, I've ever been in.
Great vid, thanks.
I have been considering autism for myself for nearly 20 years (back when it was Asperger's). I only recently finally accepted myself as autistic (even though "Aspie" feels more right).
It took a three hour long discussion that I watched online by Tony Atwood and Michelle Garnett that really kicked my arse to get me to that final realisation. So many lightbulb moments, so much resonance. I could deny it no longer.
So here I am, an out and proud self-recognised autist/aspie. 😁
(Edited for typos.)
Well, I was diagnosed at a BRAIN's institute by a professional. Unless I am extremely good at manipulating people and don't realize it, I can safely say that I am Autistic. High functioning Autism isn't something most people want to be associated with. It is a disability, that makes life much harder than it otherwise is.
it is only a disability in a world that makes it so
I just got my diagnosis of level 2 autism and ADHD. I'm somehow simultaneously feeling relived, validated, and like a fraud and imposter. I'm 36 years old, and I've been masking my whole life. I've only been self-identified as autistic for the last two years. But I had assumed I was level 1, so being told I'm actually level 2 is strange. I am and have always been very disabled, but rather than seeing it as a disability, I just saw it as being a failure. I just felt like I needed to try harder and keep pushing through extreme levels of discomfort and distress. I would get upset, because other level 1's could hold down jobs (even if it was tough) and like... do things, but I just couldn't. I have never been able to work full time, or even meaningfully part time. Been unemployed for the last 14 years. It was like once I graduated from college, I hit a brick wall and couldn't progress in any meaningful way. I've been stuck at that level ever since, never actually getting off the ground or becoming fully independent. (I left home, but I basically just shifted to being supported by my husband instead.)
I have really bad autistic inertia and executive dysfunction, as well as anxiety and CPTSD. But I'm highly intelligent, got straight A's in school, top of my class. I had a special interest in psychology, understanding people, and communication, so I ended up being extremely articulate and good at masking. I still struggled socially, but it wasn't for lack of knowledge, just lack of skill and energy and ability to apply that knowledge. Masking is really, really taxing, so I can do it, but only in small bursts, or I burn out.
Anyway, I seem to have gone on a tangent. My point was just that it was hard to accept that I am actually legitimately autistic and genuinely quite disabled, despite being extremely clever and perceptive. But on some level I have known that am I really disabled, and I've been extremely stressed from trying so hard to meet neurotypical expectations, so finally being able to let them go and assert with confidence that those expectations actually are unrealistic for me is like a load off my back. I might actually be able to get disability and stop stressing about the fact that I'm unable to work.
Helpful video with solid content!
I have had a bit of imposter syndrome the past year from time to time, but never for long. Autism just answers too much about me, and I quickly return to a reassured place that I *am* autistic.
One thing I found reassuring was another content creator who said that if you were born before about 1976, like me, you were of a generation where autism was not being "seen" in children in school. So me being late-identified is not surprising.
And with regard to inserting into the autistic community and seeing if you "fit", I definitely feel like I do. So my MIL and mom not seeing it is not a barrier, because I reflect on my childhood and beyond knowing me, and I know I am, and know I am amongst my community.
Thank you i needed this today ... after my cptsd diagnosis recently I was feeling like the psychologist was doubting my autism diagnosis which in turned into me starting to doubt. 99% of my friends are autistic ... I meet the criteria i just needed reminding ❤
I've been consuming your fare since "Asperger's From The Inside". This is a powerful episode, thank you!
I looked up We Are Number one memes and this video popped up, thats a hell of a sign right there
I realised that I might be on the spectrum 20 years ago, at 20 - and spent the next 15 years believing otherwise after a former friend mocked me for it. Finally got my diagnosis in June this year, age 40.
Thanks for such an insightful video! It was the 'not high functioning but high masking' that really struck a chord with me. People have described me as 'very high functioning', but in reality I now realise that I am actually very high masking.
I’m currently waiting for the result of my assesment…it’s a nightmare, swingning between the doubts and the almost certainty back to maybe not. I will go crazy for sure
This is a terrific video for me that reaches into almost every part of my life. I’m completely uncomfortable right now, but do not take that as a criticism.
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I’ve felt like the weird kid before I attended elementary school. I didn’t behave the same way. If I acted like other kids then I received stares. I kept quiet and nodded my head a lot. I did learn that being a quirky harmless extrovert is acceptable in some situations. So, I was either mostly in solitary mode or an occasional but perfectly timed revelation of a bizarre fact or story. That’s worked for me into my late fifties and I’ll continue that. When I was diagnosed with autism about 12 years ago, I had mixed feelings about it. I didn’t announce it to anyone until this year because I felt like such a fake all my life and still do. A lifetime of not fitting in and having to feign typical behavior is hard to change. The worst part is meeting some openly autistic people throughout my life and I intentionally distanced myself from them. Seeking acceptance from neurotypicals is the least of my concerns.
Great video Paul: very important message and I am really into the idea of being in Autistic only (physical) spaces. That it might highlight how much more we connect is so intriguing 🙂
Sometimes I question myself.
It's because I have all the answers through the experience of my own life.
But, it's difficult to apply the knowledge I've gained.
It's hard. It's also hereditary and the kids suffer.
I can’t get a diagnosis right now, but I’m pretty sure I am autistic. I wish I had the mental space to find a group, and meet other neurodivergent people, but I just can’t right now. Watching your videos, and other autistic creators on UA-cam, seeing the similarities to myself, has really helped me!
In my opinion, one of your all-time best videos. Very comforting for my, anyway. Thanks a bunch.
I experience that all the time. I am currently wainting on ADHD diagnosis after years of being convinced I am one, but Autism is relatively new for me (about 3 years since I started considering that as an option) and only considered it once I learned that you can be both and seeing how relatable it is when listening to people that do have both diagnosis. Not everything I experience is explained by ADHD and Autism just bridges that gap so perfectly. But without formal diagnosis I cannot talk about it openly with people and I do feel like I am intruding, doubting that maybe it is just me desperatly looking for an accepting group.
Thank you for all of this! Your videos are the first I had come across when I started my investigation into autism and I LOVE your awareness story. What a beautiful way to start understanding yourself more deeply! I became aware that I have multiple autistic traits- label or not- and find so much help from the knowledge you pass along, for myself and my autistic adult son as well as my other adult children! Thank you. I do struggle with self-care often... and often I doubt my need for different kinds of care and ways of living, but I need it. This encourages me to pay attention to my needs, with less focus on a label.❤
Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but if the autistic label is applied to people through similarity with autistic groups, and fitting in best with them socially, wouldn't that slowly expand or shift the definition of autism? A particularly disagreeable group might begin associating agreeableness with their autistic identity, leading them to accept more people as their own that might otherwise not fit as well. Then, even further down the road, some shared traits of the new members come to be subconsciously regarded as part of being autistic. I do think it's quite important to have a proper label for whatever it is that physically sets apart autistic people's brains from non-autistic people's brains. Otherwise, the term might just become an arbitrary label for a shared identity, becoming divorced from the medical term.
This is such a good video. I have just been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD & ASD1 but feel uncomfortable to tell anyone as I feel I'll be questioned, I can see now that I do mask very well. I think I have inadvertently fooled family and friends over my life time.
Love this discussion! Thanks for putting this perspective out there! 🌴✨💜🦄
Paul, I have never felt Imposter Syndrome. I am compassionate and down to earth. It was great to meet you in person in March 2022 in Melbourne.
I need more mirror moments. Thanks for that concept, Paul.
Very helpful video, many things resonated with me. Thanks a lot Paul!
The "pop" and "swish" sounds are are tipping me towards a meltdown, yet the brilliant content cancels it out! 👍✌
If I teared up at the discussion about the order of ingredients on a sandwich, is that a sign?😊
I have two kids on the spectrum, and when they had me take a test about how my youngest reacts to things i cried then too. (I don't normally cry a lot, I just felt seen. ) I thought to myself: Why? Why didnt anyone ask ME these questions when I was her age??
Of course, I'm also relieved that they DO ask, now. She has gotten so much more help than I did and I'm very grateful.
Great video. I'm self diagnosed and over the last couple of years I've learnt so much about how my own brain functions (just the amount of researching I do gives me a hint)
I use the term neurodivergent as I have Dyspraxia, autistic traits and ADHD traits. Where I am it's almost impossible to get an official diagnosis but I know how differently I see the world compared to most people.
I had suspected that I was autistic when I first learned it existed. My late brother's son was diagnosed. They were like twins. My poor brother died an alcoholic. I had the benefit of getting sober. The structure and safety of meetings helped me to grow a bit. I am in recovery 27 years. I just accepted my autism about a year ago. I feircly gaurd my identity now. My area has no support groups for adults. I have no joined an online group yet. It would be wild to be around others like me. 😊
Diagnosed. But support groups? What where? How?
I found one on meetup. Audhd group based in san francisco
THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE WHOLE LIFE. Even though I don’t think I’m an imposter I’m also not autistic…well…the last two vids I was like doing the mirror thing and no I don’t like labels I just like that there actually could be someone even one person even just a little bit similar to me even in just one topic (food habits, moving constantly) I mean really I don’t need a diagnosis I’m just happy to hear there’s people with the same (often debilitating) traits as me. That maybe one day somewhere someone would understand just one thing that I do and maybe have a laugh about it all with me. It really doesn’t matter about a diagnosis though I know my family will cut me down if I labelled myself anything but normal. And no by I’m not high functioning I’m actually already in a disability pension for all these traits that drive me and mine up the wall enough to warrant sacking or with men dumping with females it’s excuses and laughing at me not with me. I do have a lot of friends though we don’t catch up that often and they know not to expect replies or returning g calls so maybe it offends too much I can’t see how like at all but yeh
Thank you for this post it was about to pull my hair out with the excitement as well as the worry that I had found a possible match for my many “quirky” strange sometimes rude sometimes insensitive myself sometimes unable to function at all but most of the time I can function perfectly well - not perfectly sorry wrong adjective - just well uno keep a job for a few years then struggle the next few. Is that something ?
My problem is that I felt the need to split hairs with every single diagnostic criterion to try and figure out whether my experiences “count”, plus I always felt strongly about not appropriating. Upon reflection, I think those tendencies might be supporting evidence in themselves…
Thank you for the statement samples. They sound comforting. Very useful too. ❤
I have actually found that one of the things driving my imposters syndrome is having spent a huge amount of time around groups of people who have significant autistic traits. I now think that a high percentage of my parent’s friends were on the spectrum, as were a lot of mine. The biggest factor in who they or I had for friends was mutual
participation in special interest groups. The upshot is that many autistic traits look totally normal and unremarkable to me, and it’s meant that I have a very hard time recognizing other autistic people. (I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting ADHDers, though.)
You show a lot of wisdom in your videos, thank you.
This video is amazing I needed this today! THANK YOU
Very useful video. I attend a group for individuals that identify as Autism and ADHD. (It's a AudHD group). Learning a lot.
Was having medical problems this last weekend and went to ER. Met a wonderful doctor who not only took the time to explain why he was doing certain tests did so from about four feet away without trying to stare at me in the eyes. Would ask if I had questions and took the time to answer them. Most comfortable interaction I’ve ever had with a doctor. I’ve recently been diagnosed asd and this is first encounter since that went into my medical record. Don’t know if he behaved that way as it’s in my record or if he might have been asd also. Either way it was calming.
Through the long journey of finally getting my daughter diagnosed (“level 2” with a PDA subtype), it’s become pretty clear that I probably am too…in addition to the fact that I score high on all the different tests online. But, getting a diagnosis probably won’t be a path I take unless it’s for my own personal need for a “formal” label at some point. It’s been a little scary to attempt to join the club lol but what I’ve noticed is that I just kinda fit in naturally, and that kinda tells me all I need to know I guess 😹
"That might be a perfectly expected reaction if you haven't yet found others in the community with a profile more similar to yours"
That really hit me. I just started creating and SOME people seemed to really connect with my particular flavour of autism. Autism advocacy is one thing, but we can help autistic individuals figure themselves out too! I'll try to create more content.
This is very helpful, I needed it. Thank you
I don't have imposter syndrome, I've felt ashamed of my diagnosis since I was diagnosed in grade 3. I don't mask well so it get noticed due masking making me look really fake and weird. I find people more accepting when I don't mask. I'm just weird likeable person than never really makes deep connection but a lot of people care about me. I've rarely masked. I will in front of doctors, job interviews and such but that's it. I denied my autism for decades, just was myself but never told anyone. There were only close family that knew like mother, aunts and my cousin. Others I've never told. Even with all the shit I went though because I was diagnosed as kid there are times where I still question it. I used to just tell people I'm dyslexic, got that diagnosis too and that always satisfied others about me being different and weird.
I went to a meet up for young adults with autism at my local museum. I felt very out of place because they were all boys and younger than me. I did notice though that none of us introduced ourselves and the father who was the host did the introducing lol.thankfully I was the first one there. When the next guy came we did not make eye contact and we didn't say hello. I asked the father if there was ever any girls that showed up and he said no and that I'm the first girl that ever showed up. It was a awkward experience.
Thank you so much ❤ this is so helpful
Would have helped a lot if you had given a brief description of what imposter syndrome is so I could know if we were both working from the same concept.
Strongly self suspecting, having trouble finding a local autistic support group but so far my few friends and family I've mentioned my suspicions too, reacted 'not surprised' to such an extent that I wondered if I should be offended lol. At one point I had a dream that I walked into a room where there were 4 autistic people, I said something autistic sounding - they said: We know! and I thanked them for their peer review 😅 Now I just have to meet actually autistic people irl and not just in the dream realm - not sure how. official dx is out of budget 🤷
8:09 "does it really matter, what label you end up choosing for yourself?" eh..YES?!! SO IN CAN PUT ME IN SOME KIND OF DRAWER AND NOW HOW TO MANAGE ME?!?!? 😆😆😓😓
ADHD here with questions. Want to find a peer group to feel if autism fits for me but here in Germany everything seems to be a bit....oldschool? So autism for the most proffessionals still is: "you have a big lack of understanding emotions and you can't keep eyecontact as an autistic! You feel for others and you are empathic so you can't be!"
(And yeah, maybe I am not and likely I am not but "just" ADHD with the need to put everything in a drawer to know how to handle things and nearly no fun out of adrenaline, no impulse to do dangerous stuff or things I don't think through plus emotional outbreaks, kind of panic attacks as a kid when going to the mall and more, sensory issues, problems with others because I am "too extreme in my thoughts and need to read less, understand everything wrong"....I don't know if this explains everything :') maybe just a bit off because of my overprotective mom? Soo many questions... Something like insecure and anxious ADHD?😅 I don't like, that I need to lable everything BUT I WANT TO!! XD)
i think its healthier not putting on lables on yourself (except at those times you really need to understand what sets you apart from a certain group so you keep in mind what makes YOU more comfortable by end of the day) because leaving your options open will leave the way open for your potential. i usually identify myself by my current abilities which are in other words my current traits- because at some point youll just get some updates on. were only moments.
A couple of people close to me have said “yeah - I think you are slightly autistic”.
When I reply that there’s no such thing as slightly autistic, a person either is or isn’t, I get these looks like they think I’m overreacting or like they don’t believe me. That’s annoying.
I was diagnosed by a professor of autism so I definitely have Aspergers.
I get imposter syndrome gnawing away at almost every aspect of my life, I also have such bad social anxiety & socialising problems I find it next to impossible to be part of a group/community.
Thank you, this is very inspiring. 😇
No... I'm sure, people who know me well feel sure too. Others are probably not convinced. It doesn't matter. I think it was important to my Mum to learn this too. She dealt with a lot of flak for my "behaviour" until I learned to blend in (code for becoming invisible).
I've struggled very hard my entire life, and still do every day with "ordinary things." No one sees most of it because I'm high masking. People around me doubt my diagnosis, but I think it would be really nice to sometimes feel so confident with myself that I could wonder if I'm really autistic.
@@raven4090 i m not sure it's always about confidence. I have enough traits, apparently also ADHD, but what scares the shit out of me is feeling i am a horrible person or if i have/am something worse
@sole-g4z Being able to get things done without the help that would make it a lot easier, and achieving the right outcome successfully on your own doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you incredible. Not guilty of anything.
@raven4090 problem is I'm not achieving much lately, really. I was trying to encourage you to reach the tribe if you have available help nearby. The horrible person feeling maybe comes from misunderstandings, stygma, etc. I often spook people away when i ask for help.
@@sole-g4z There is no help near me. I live in a small town in the USA, but thanks for the kind thought. I meet lots of nice people in the comments though.
At this time of my life (61 years) I'm worn out from overcompensating. I've had chronic fatigue since my 30's, and it gets worse as time goes on. Now getting out of bed and doing the dishes during the same day sometimes uses up all my energy for the day. Problem is that's not enough, and not being able to keep up with housework distress me greatly.
I don't feel like a horrible person, but I stay home as much as possible for the reasons you mentioned. I'm so tired of "walking on eggshells." If I don't socialize, I can't accidentally say anything wrong, but my animals are wonderful company! 4 cats, a house trained rabbit, and a bird. (His friend passed away last year at 25 years.)
Regarding the autism as a medical condition VS autism as a community conflict: that kind of reminds me of the Deaf community. There is a culture of Deaf people (capital D) which of course revolves a lot around hearing disabilities and ways to deal with them, such as sign language, but there is a social aspect to it as well. For example someone without a disability born to a family of Deaf people might understand the culture while someone who became deaf (small d, referring to deafness as a disability and not as a culture) might not identify with this culture at all, because they might not see a point to seeking community with other deaf or hard-of-hearing people. One could argue it's a similar thing for some autistic people, especially those who don't recognise late-diagnosed autism
It doesn’t help that as soon as I have a good day and triggers are less triggering, people point it out, like I’ve been faking or am finally getting over it.😣
I experience imposter syndrome from time to time regarding my late (mid-50s) ADHD diagnosis: almost all the experiences of doubt or uncertainty described here are analogous to my own experiences in some way. But my big question is: has anyone here experienced having a professional ASD assessment and being told they're NOT on the spectrum, but later (in my case four or five years later) coming to seriously question that non-diagnosis? The water is muddied here by my ADHD which is in some ways quite impairing.
@@deepestbluesea_6351 Haven 't myself but it can happen. Maybe try and find a person who specializes in Audhd? Yo Samdy Sam is maybe a good channel here to explore that particular combination. She also has some collab with Paul
I don't know if I'm autistic. The various online tests that I took show that I match up with approximately half of what's considered autistic. I have been formally diagnosed with ADD. I'm now 61 and considered "too old" for the tests in specialists' offices, which is why I did the online ones. I do consider myself neurodivergent, and those with ADD/ADHD fit into that catagory.
I was diagnosed since I was 6 or something, but right now I check like a third of all the boxes (of like the stereotypical signs). I always wondered, if I was diagnosed later, if I would still be diagnosed with autism or not. Because I think in time, some of the symptoms or signs dilute over time, because you learned to deal with them or can mask them better.
Idk whether this falls under "impostor syndrome", but I also have another issue.
What if all struggles and weird things I do and experience aren't something special? What if everybody lives that way, but nobody pays it that much attention? There was a joke (or not?) about person going to doctor about voices in their head, only to discover that the "voice" was just their thought process, an inner monologue.
So how do I know that my reaction to interruption or some sensory information etc is too much for NT person?
I do think that having the ability to mask is a useful skill, though, as a means to get through some situations and interactions that would otherwise be more problematic or negative. Neurotypicals generally have no idea and I have had really bad experiences when I've not been masking, although poor masking also causes issues.
As someone who is very high masking and has been doing so for decades, as I'm very late diagnosed, it's very difficult or maybe even impossible to completely unmask although I can now see how such a high level of masking has been harmful and I'm trying to learn how to not do so. Permanently high masking is a road to potentially serious problems due to the huge disconnect from the true self and I nearly ended up unalived from forcing myself to mask to such an extreme degree because masking stopped me being aware of myself.
As a skill that I can choose to put into practice, high masking ability is fantastic as a skill and tool to get through an interaction and achieve a positive outcome. I think there's too much negativity regarding masking, The is it to be aware of masking taking place and be cautious using it. On the other hand, if someone isn't skilled in masking then the best thing is to not mask at all as it is just too fake and doesn't go down well, I know to my own detriment how bad it can be.
As a means of interacting with another human, I'm not automatically masking like I used to or at least to anything like that degree and see it as a bit like interacting with a computer or even a computer game in that if the right input or response is not given then the desired outcome is less likely. Masking is giving the perceived right input or response, but there is a big difference between having it 'switched on' all the time and using it occasionally and sparingly because masking is basically faking it or a form of acting which makes it easy to get very wrong and can be a massive drain on one's mental and physical resources.
My story is a bit different. I was surprised when my sister popped up with an autism diagnosis out of the blue. I didn't even know she was taking the assessment. We live in different countries...
Because of that, and talking about what made her look for the assessment, I recognized many patterns. So I took it myself, and was also diagnosed.
Am I really autistic? I always had some hardships in life with socializing, but doesn't everyone? I can see that I've been masking my whole life, but is it autistic masking, or just normal social fitting in? Did I know too much about autism to actually influence the assessment? I had people ask me if clinics these days are not just diagnosing anyone for money... So many more doubts that just won't come to mind now...
Thank you this is very helpful.
I was able to avoid imposter syndrome because when I first learned I was autistic, I asked friends I knew who were autistic if they thought I was, and most were surprised I hadn't known. Turns out most of my friends are neurodiverse in one way or another.
The thing is I’m formally diagnosed but still experience imposter syndrome from time to time 🥲
Here in the UK I hear many parents stating that their child is either Autistic or ADHD, or both. Since it can take over two years to get a diagnosis it is difficult to argue whether they are genuinely autistic or just saying it as it would seem to be "fashionable" as being " vegetarian" once was
It certainly doesn't help with imposter syndrome if the doctor tells you: "The autistic traits are certainly there but you (just barely) don't fulfill enough criteria for an official medical diagnosis."
So I don't have imposter syndrome since I don't have a diagnosis, and up until the past couple of years, neither I nor anyone I know, knew about Autism or thought there was anything different about me.
That being said, I have a 9 year old non verbal Autistic son. After learning more and more about ASD, both from the professionsals we see as well as the anecdotal things from other asd people we meet and the online personalities and groups I follow now, I have started to question if maybe I've somehow been high masking? This makes me feel like I'm just making it up, or I'm adding weight to normal personality traits if that makes sense. I start to feel bad for noticing things about myself that may align with adhd or asd, not because I feel bad about myself, but because I feel like applying that label to myself would be fraudulent when I look at my own son and others who are handicapped by there condition in some way, while I lead what I think is a mostly normal functioning life.
I was diagnosed at a young age and never felt like I fit in with the other diagnosed autistics, because they were all boys with very stereotypical traits of what at the time was called aspergers. Because of that, I isolated myself and always thought that there must be something else “wrong with me”, rather than autism. In my late 20s/early 30s I started seeing people like me in online spaces, often late diagnosed women and afab non binary people, and finally understood my own autistic identity. But sadly, nowadays I live in a country that, in contrast to where I grew up, still believes autism is just something for little boys or “very weird” adults and where people like me would never get a diagnosis, so I have no autism spaces to go to in real life…
I am a highly sensitive person with trauma/Anxiety condition and Autistic traits - currently confused about where I stand within Autism as I may be sub-clinical....I experience my 'highly sensitive person' traits as disabling. I'm in a confusing grey zone. I relate to - and identify as - Autistic. Anyone else struggling with this overlap?
Does it ever go away?
I've been in severe autistic burnout for three years. As I slowly recover my imposter syndrome gets worse 😢