There were o comments to the video and I have a comment because I've been living this for 27 years. My husband had an affair when our daughters were 8 and 13. He ended up marrying her after I divorced him. My kids went back and forth between the 2 households just like Vikki mentioned in her video. They even had my daughters stand up in their wedding that I had no knowledge of. He died at age 60 of stage 4 lung cancer and I thought maybe she would move back to New York. I was wrong, she developed a strong bond with both my daughters and now my 4 grandchildren. The mistake I made back then was I did not take the high road and put the children in the middle discussing with them how much I hated their father and her for breaking up our family. Fast forward to age 68 with my adult children ages 42 and 37 with grandchildren ages 2-9, we have been estranged for the past year! They have bonded with her. She has paid for trips for them to go to Italy, France, Costa Rica and the Caribbean. She inherited 1 million dollars from my ex's life insurance. They have spend the last 11 Christmas Eve's at her house with his family and he died 5 years ago! I was a very good mother and loved my children more than you know. This affair affected my whole life. I don't wish this on anyone, so the advice I can give to any woman going through this is take the high road and don't put your children in the middle. I wish you the best!
My husband left me two days after our 15th wedding aniversary (four months ago). We have four children aged 7, 9, 13 and 14. He had been having an affair with an acquaintance of ours for 6 years when he left. We met her through mutual friends 18 years ago, and she even took our wedding pictures. Her lifestyle, values, morals and way of thinking is drastically opposite to ours. She has had a very bohemian-ish life. She doesn´t believe in marriage, she´s an atheist, believes in cosmic forces ruling the universe, believes in predestination ruling people´s lives and thinks true love is "being in love" and "experiencing that ecstatic feeling that keeps you dreaming day and night". Real love flows naturally, real love has nothing to do with effort, or putting mutual work. Children from 13-14 yrs old onwards should be treated as adults and if they wish to have sex it´s ok as long as they take contraceptive methods. Children should be responsible to decide whether or not they want to go to school (her eldest son stopped attending school at 12, and one of her daughters didn´t finish highschool). I could keep going on and on about how different she is from us. When my husband left, she moved in with him to our farmhouse (only 5 miles away from home). We got married there, celebrated aniversaries there, all our family gatherings and special occasions were held there and now, I am not even allowed to go and pick up my children or drop them off because "she is scared of me". My husband has completely changed everything in his life. He was kind of a conservative guy, but now he thinks, behaves and talks just like her. Even his clothes and looks are so different I can hardly recognize him now. My eldest son started behaving in a very strange way last august. I could tell there was something going on, so I took his mobile while he was sleeping and found out it was even worse than I could have ever imagined. They were both badmouthing me, they had told the children quite a few lies about me. I couldn´t stop shaking and my heart was galloping out of my chest. I never thought this could ever happen. Never thought my husband would allow it to happen. But I was wrong. I have NEVER EVER SAID A BAD THING ABOUT THEM in front of the children, EVER. Never rolled up my eyes if they talked about her or mentioned her name. Never said NO if they changed plans and wanted to be with the children, never showed my pain and tears when she came to pick them up driving my car (MY CAR!!!). Last month my husband encouraged my eldest son to turn off his mobile so I couldn´t contact him for a whole weekend. My husband and the OW were going to Italy on a 5-day-vacation leaving my son alone and didn´t want me to know about the trip (he refuses to pay alimony) I still remember calling my son desperately and having no answer, all the text messages asking my husband to please tell me where my son was. Messages were read but never answered. My eldest son is now very disrespectful and rude to me. He keeps telling them he is suffering, that he cannot stay any longer with me, that I treat him badly and such things. I cannot believe this is happening. What on earth are they doing to him???? he´s only 14 for God sake!!! My husband and the OW told him I was manipulaive, a bad person, a lier and to be careful when he was around me. Come on!!! really???? So now, my son takes pictures of me, records my conversations with him and sends them to my husband and the OW. What the he** is going on???!!!! What should I do now?? keep silent hoping the truth will come out eventually?? Will my son ever realize he´s been manipulated and lied about his own mother?? I don´t want them to hate their father. I am playing fairly, but they are not. Anything I say or do is distorted. I don´t like her around my chidren. I don´t like it when she tells my youngest (7) he´s a little jerk, or when she tells my daughter (13) she´s not driving her to a friends birthday party because she doesn´t get any benefit out of it (can´t believe she could be so selfish). I don´t like who my husband is right now because he is just like her and he´s hurting our four children and doesn´t seem to care. I don´t want them to have any influence whatsoever in our children´s lives, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it because they deserve to be with him, they need to have a good image of their father. But this is very difficult. Sorry about the long text. This is a Quijote, I know. I needed to vent and to find answers. Thanks a lot.
Wow! What you are going through is unreal! I'm so sorry to hear. But you must be strong and strategic. What kind of help can you get from either your lawyer or a family therapist? Is there a youth protection agency that you can talk with? Work with a therapist to map out a plan and keep calm and focused. You need to be a warrior here for your kids. Sending hugs!
@@VikkiStark Dear Vikki, Thank you very much for your answer. it was such a great and nice surprise!!! knowing you are there is a great support. I do have a good family lawyer who is doing all he can, and I go to therapy aswell. They both are supporting me (along with my friends, family and coworkers) and have told me to stay calm, be strong and keep doing what I am doing, which is: - Take care of me and the children. - Stop telling my eldest son what he should be doing, or that lying is wrong as he would distort it completely and will tell his father an the other woman any other version. - Say "I love you" to my eldest son every day, but never try to kiss him or hug him until he feels comfortable with it (he actually refuses my goodnight kisses, or hugs since last august). - They reminded me to keep silent about their father´s legal actions or threatens, and told me to never ever mention the other woman. (I never did, but just in case). - Talk to my son and tell him I will always love him no matter what and not to react to his sarcasm, and nasty words to provoke me. - Tell my son (I already have several times since last summer) he can go and live with his father if he needs to or feels that way. That I won´t blame him, that I will not get angry at him and he will always have his room and this will be his home if he ever wishes to come back. What is really killing me inside is the uncertainty of the future with my son and also knowing my husband hates me deeply and is so glad to get rid of me because he thinks I am the worst woman on earth he has ever met. Looks like he wants to annihilate any good memory about us, about me. How is it possible to love your wife (not being in love, but to care about her) and hate her to death on the next day? Some times I think he´s been telling himself (and others) so many lies to excuse himself that this is the only reality he lives in right now. A hatred like that, never desapears. He is actually punishing me for don´t know what.
I know it's been a year, I hope things get better, but for the record for anyone else going through this NOW that has the same problem: parental alienation is against the family court rules. You can get full custody about it and everything. If you see or hear anything like this, get evidence, get to a lawyer, and take it to the court. They will protect you from parental alienation.
There were o comments to the video and I have a comment because I've been living this for 27 years. My husband had an affair when our daughters were 8 and 13. He ended up marrying her after I divorced him. My kids went back and forth between the 2 households just like Vikki mentioned in her video. They even had my daughters stand up in their wedding that I had no knowledge of. He died at age 60 of stage 4 lung cancer and I thought maybe she would move back to New York. I was wrong, she developed a strong bond with both my daughters and now my 4 grandchildren. The mistake I made back then was I did not take the high road and put
the children in the middle discussing with them how much I hated their father and her for breaking up our family. Fast forward to age 68 with my adult children ages 42 and 37 with grandchildren ages 2-9, we have been estranged for the past year! They have bonded with her. She has paid for trips for them to go to Italy, France, Costa Rica and the Caribbean. She inherited 1 million dollars from my ex's life insurance. They have spend the last 11 Christmas Eve's at her house with his family and he died 5 years ago! I was a very good mother and loved my children more than you know. This affair affected my whole life. I don't wish this on anyone, so the advice
I can give to any woman going through this is take the high road and don't put your children in the middle. I wish you the best!
Once you can allow yourself to view the situation as “the more people that love my children, the better” it gets a little easier to handle.
Love your comment! Thanks for writing.
My husband left me two days after our 15th wedding aniversary (four months ago). We have four children aged 7, 9, 13 and 14.
He had been having an affair with an acquaintance of ours for 6 years when he left. We met her through mutual friends 18 years ago, and she even took our wedding pictures.
Her lifestyle, values, morals and way of thinking is drastically opposite to ours. She has had a very bohemian-ish life. She doesn´t believe in marriage, she´s an atheist, believes in cosmic forces ruling the universe, believes in predestination ruling people´s lives and thinks true love is "being in love" and "experiencing that ecstatic feeling that keeps you dreaming day and night". Real love flows naturally, real love has nothing to do with effort, or putting mutual work.
Children from 13-14 yrs old onwards should be treated as adults and if they wish to have sex it´s ok as long as they take contraceptive methods. Children should be responsible to decide whether or not they want to go to school (her eldest son stopped attending school at 12, and one of her daughters didn´t finish highschool). I could keep going on and on about how different she is from us.
When my husband left, she moved in with him to our farmhouse (only 5 miles away from home). We got married there, celebrated aniversaries there, all our family gatherings and special occasions were held there and now, I am not even allowed to go and pick up my children or drop them off because "she is scared of me".
My husband has completely changed everything in his life. He was kind of a conservative guy, but now he thinks, behaves and talks just like her. Even his clothes and looks are so different I can hardly recognize him now.
My eldest son started behaving in a very strange way last august. I could tell there was something going on, so I took his mobile while he was sleeping and found out it was even worse than I could have ever imagined. They were both badmouthing me, they had told the children quite a few lies about me. I couldn´t stop shaking and my heart was galloping out of my chest.
I never thought this could ever happen. Never thought my husband would allow it to happen. But I was wrong. I have NEVER EVER SAID A BAD THING ABOUT THEM in front of the children, EVER. Never rolled up my eyes if they talked about her or mentioned her name. Never said NO if they changed plans and wanted to be with the children, never showed my pain and tears when she came to pick them up driving my car (MY CAR!!!).
Last month my husband encouraged my eldest son to turn off his mobile so I couldn´t contact him for a whole weekend. My husband and the OW were going to Italy on a 5-day-vacation leaving my son alone and didn´t want me to know about the trip (he refuses to pay alimony) I still remember calling my son desperately and having no answer, all the text messages asking my husband to please tell me where my son was. Messages were read but never answered.
My eldest son is now very disrespectful and rude to me. He keeps telling them he is suffering, that he cannot stay any longer with me, that I treat him badly and such things.
I cannot believe this is happening. What on earth are they doing to him???? he´s only 14 for God sake!!!
My husband and the OW told him I was manipulaive, a bad person, a lier and to be careful when he was around me. Come on!!! really???? So now, my son takes pictures of me, records my conversations with him and sends them to my husband and the OW. What the he** is going on???!!!!
What should I do now?? keep silent hoping the truth will come out eventually?? Will my son ever realize he´s been manipulated and lied about his own mother?? I don´t want them to hate their father. I am playing fairly, but they are not. Anything I say or do is distorted.
I don´t like her around my chidren. I don´t like it when she tells my youngest (7) he´s a little jerk, or when she tells my daughter (13) she´s not driving her to a friends birthday party because she doesn´t get any benefit out of it (can´t believe she could be so selfish).
I don´t like who my husband is right now because he is just like her and he´s hurting our four children and doesn´t seem to care.
I don´t want them to have any influence whatsoever in our children´s lives, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it because they deserve to be with him, they need to have a good image of their father. But this is very difficult.
Sorry about the long text. This is a Quijote, I know. I needed to vent and to find answers.
Thanks a lot.
Wow! What you are going through is unreal! I'm so sorry to hear. But you must be strong and strategic. What kind of help can you get from either your lawyer or a family therapist? Is there a youth protection agency that you can talk with? Work with a therapist to map out a plan and keep calm and focused. You need to be a warrior here for your kids. Sending hugs!
@@VikkiStark Dear Vikki, Thank you very much for your answer. it was such a great and nice surprise!!! knowing you are there is a great support.
I do have a good family lawyer who is doing all he can, and I go to therapy aswell. They both are supporting me (along with my friends, family and coworkers) and have told me to stay calm, be strong and keep doing what I am doing, which is:
- Take care of me and the children.
- Stop telling my eldest son what he should be doing, or that lying is wrong as he would distort it completely and will tell his father an the other woman any other version.
- Say "I love you" to my eldest son every day, but never try to kiss him or hug him until he feels comfortable with it (he actually refuses my goodnight kisses, or hugs since last august).
- They reminded me to keep silent about their father´s legal actions or threatens, and told me to never ever mention the other woman. (I never did, but just in case).
- Talk to my son and tell him I will always love him no matter what and not to react to his sarcasm, and nasty words to provoke me.
- Tell my son (I already have several times since last summer) he can go and live with his father if he needs to or feels that way. That I won´t blame him, that I will not get angry at him and he will always have his room and this will be his home if he ever wishes to come back.
What is really killing me inside is the uncertainty of the future with my son and also knowing my husband hates me deeply and is so glad to get rid of me because he thinks I am the worst woman on earth he has ever met.
Looks like he wants to annihilate any good memory about us, about me.
How is it possible to love your wife (not being in love, but to care about her) and hate her to death on the next day?
Some times I think he´s been telling himself (and others) so many lies to excuse himself that this is the only reality he lives in right now. A hatred like that, never desapears. He is actually punishing me for don´t know what.
@@aranzazugutierrezmesonero-2 Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and reach for positivity and you will get through this!
I know it's been a year, I hope things get better, but for the record for anyone else going through this NOW that has the same problem: parental alienation is against the family court rules. You can get full custody about it and everything. If you see or hear anything like this, get evidence, get to a lawyer, and take it to the court. They will protect you from parental alienation.