7 FRENCH HABITS AMERICANS FIND RUDE
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- Опубліковано 22 тра 2024
- Every country has its own habits and way of doing things and French culture is no exception. Let's learn about normal French habits that are normal in France but might be considered rude in the United States and other places abroad. French people doing these things in the U.S. aren’t deliberate efforts to be disrespectful or offend Americans. They’re acting appropriately in their culture, but cultural norms don’t always translate. When we travel, we can act however we want but I think it’s important to be aware of how our own cultural norms from our home country can be perceived abroad and then make the changes we feel are appropriate. And also to give foreigners a bit of a break because like I said, 99% of the time, people aren't trying to be rude. Cultural education and understanding goes along way!
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Salut! I'm Diane, an American who has lived in France since 2012 and the creator of the blog/UA-cam channel Oui In France. My channel's focus is "Everyday French life and beyond." I make videos on French culture topics, France vs. US culture comparisons, with a sprinkling of food, travel, and language topics and give you my thoughts about what it's like living in France as an American in the Loire Valley. Thanks for being here and if you enjoy this sort of thing, please share with friends and subscribe!
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I am Dutch and feel the same way as the French and I think their behaviour is normal. Americans find a lot of things rude. But it is annoying that everything is great, awesome or amazing. Saying I love you all the time. If you do this all the time, it means nothing and you lose nuance in conversations.
I'm French, I live in Brazil, Brazilians are the same, they always over-emphasise words. If they just like something they say it's "incredible" or "marvelous". Words end up losing their meaning. If you say that something is "great" they're gonna think you didn't like it (you have to say "absolutely amazing").
Nobody says "no". "Maybe" means no and "yes" means maybe.
Same everywhere in the world. I prefere rude people than fake ass people.
The whole being clear with what you mean is an European thing in general, but it takes certain regional traits. Western Europe is all about the constructive criticism and honesty, it's better to get problems out of the way rather than let them fester. Northern Europe is about one's personal space and this does include France, or at least parts of it. The Netherlands is right in there in the middle of things, and has a lot in common with France, but the French are probably a bit messier in most things, and significantly more argumentative. Some cultural diferences between the two:
French people enjoy making sure things work structurally but they don't care about the finishing touches as much. I guess, in short, they care more about the idea of things than the thing in practice: they're highly theoretical people, they enjoy ideas. The french have a tendency to, any time anything goes wrong, to think the whole thing is flawed and try to do it all from scratch. They want systems to be perfect so they don't have to worry about them anymore. They're more likely to fixate on the current problem and let other things turn into problems from not paying attention to them, so, kind of... manic, from a Dutch perspective.
I don't know the Netherlanders as intimately as the french, but they seem to share that they love consistency in the details with the germans, they also enjoy things, as in objects, more than the french. Not in an "acquire objects" kind of way, rather, taking care of physical objects, or plants or other such. Dutch people seem more relaxed than the French, and seem to think the right way to approach life is to be careful, consistent, and aware, and if you do those you won't have to worry a day in your life.
I'm from Chile. Here people are reserved, but love gossip. It's a strange place where people are like japanese people, like french people, and like other latin americans, depending on the contex. But on the whole exaggerating or not, I think people here will use a very wide scale, where things can be "well", which is no comment, "good" which means it's amazing, "amazing" which means you in particular love it to bitz independently of whether it's good or not, "more or less" which means it's pretty bad, and "Like crap" which means you will complain about it endlessly.
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omg... I'm an american. and I hate this! This being everything is great, awesome, amazing. When I am being honest... i get told I am being negative, a pessimist, I need. to think more positively. I just get exhausted living with people like this. A tree fell and crushed my friend's car. she has insurance. I said it would probably be totalled out because it damaged the frame. she freaked out and told me to stop being so negative... what is negative about that?! that's just the reality... guess. who then had to get a new car - covered by insurance - because the frame was damaged!? America is a country full of toxic positivity. I'm so sick of it.
As an European I find it rude that an american employer won’t pay his staff a reasonable wage but choose to let the staff beg the costumers for money.
i find most from the USA hate the system too
Exactly
Even a fuckin’ burger-flipper at McD get enough salary to buy a house here and obviously a waiter get’s more.
As an American, I understand and agree with you about the stinginess of American food industry in paying servers less than minimum wage. A law was passed back in the late 1970's- early '80's that allowed the food industry to call tips income that can be taxed by the Internal Revenue Service and allow food industry to pay less than minimum wage to them. It's criminal.
Well, not a house, maybe rent.
If Americans think the French are direct or blunt, they shouldn't visit the Netherlands. The Dutch are even way more direct.
That's what I heard!!! Same for Germany. But it's not funny. This kind of clichés is funny for Anglo-saxons when they speak about French people... 🤡
Same for smoking or weekly worked hours!!!
Yes ! So true : dutch and germans are super Not fun ( probably true for all the non latin countries lol
I have noticed that, regarding German/American online relations, Germans are "direct" to the point of being confrontational. Is it only with Americans? I don't know. I don't think "why are you all so fat?" (as if it's any of your business) or "your educational system is so much worse than ours, no wonder all Americans are so stupid!" or "everything about the food and culture in America is so horrible and unhealthy! We do everything so much better!" are proper forms or subjects of debate or even good conversation starters. It's not only Germans piling on Americans for all the ills of the world (some-not all-of which is deserved), it comes from all over. It just seems to be more directly and instantaneously confrontational from them. In Canada, it's the national sport, beating out even hockey!😉
There is always someone who feels the need to tell you how awful your (insert subject here) is; often out of the blue and usually when it has no bearing on the subject being discussed. Discussing the virtues of pound cake? You believe Labrador retrievers are cuter than French poodles? What do you think of Downton Abbey? Stupid Americans!
No, I never voted for Trump. No, I don't own a gun and never have, nor have I ever shot a gun at anyone. Yes I recycle and eat fresh food that's not prepackaged. And I can and do cook. I receive excellent healthcare and it hasn't bankrupted me yet. No, neither I nor my ancestors (they may have in Europe before coming here, but probably not, since they were poor) ever enslaved anyone and I don't think I'm racist (at least I hope I'm not), nor do I believe every American is. Plenty are, of course, but that can be said of any nationality. If US education is so horrible, why so many international students? I am, however, overweight. Rudely confronting me about it won't change anything except my perception of your lack of tact. And why should I have to defend my very existence because of where I was born?
Yes, there are plenty of Ugly American blow-hards out there too, with the "gun-happy, 'Murica-first, we're the biggest, strongest, bestest, freedomist of all" flowing from their fingers, often in all caps. I think the biggest difference is that they'll usually get called out for their BS by other Americans. I've noticed little, if any, blowback directed toward those who stridently attack Americans from their own countrymen. It's usually just more piling on.
@@J0HN_D03I’m not sure that you know what an Anglo Saxon is.
Given the YT videos made by Americans living in The Netherlands they quickly learn to appreciate Dutch directness.
Ok. In France (as in most countries outside the US) waiters are paid real wages. In France it is considered and respected as a professional role and not the refuge of out of work actors and college students. In most countries outside North America tips are reserved for those who offer exceptional service, not extorted from customers as a right because restaurant owners are too cheap to pay their staff proper wages. And BTW, our (US) tipping culture is out of control!!
yes the owners are cheap in the US but you ( US ) have very cheap big plates of food ...
@@raphaellejoriot8527Not so cheap nowadays.
@@raphaellejoriot8527TOO BIG ! Hahahaha...
So apparently you would be happy to pay more for restaurant food so the owners could pay a decent wage. Why not consider your savings as the tip money and offer it graciously as opposed to feeling “extorted”?
@@mellocello187Regardless, it's horrible system. If a customer walks out on you, in most restaurants, their meal price comes out of your tips. And you can spend two hours working your ass off at a table of 16 that might take up your entire section and get a 10¢ tip (happened to me). If your only making 2.13 an hour and don't get a tip and have your entire section used up plus then the clean up and resetting the tables. That's a 1/4th of your shift were you pretty much don't get paid.
If you're okay with tipping, why not just think of higher prices as built in tipping rather than force waiters to rely on costumers generosity?
I admit the first few times in Europe I thought it was a little rude how people spoke. Now I find it refreshing that they cut out the BS and you know exactly what they think.
Who did?
But they don't, or they'd say something is amazing when they like something. What's the point words like "bien" or "ausgezeichnet" if you don't use them?
It's all so very undetstated and muted with them, with slight negative base. With Americans it's the extremes constantly, but preferring the positive just to avoid the consequences of misplaced negativity.
@@Warriorcats64 " or they'd say something is amazing when they like something." if they "just like" something, they might say "pas mal" etc. If they were ecstatic / bowled over by something, their direct, less BS characteristic might come into play, with more positives, but not wanting to be seen uncontrolled/OTT +ve about something like the Yanks. It's a matter of degree, & would depend on the situation, & whether the French person knew you at all. If the latter, they might be less reserved. Above all, French don't want to seem fake I suspect, whereas with Americans, it's as if they have no shame about that & think it's expected almost, as a social requirement
@@daffyduk77 Yeah that's kind of right. I'm French and I can assure you that if someone is saying that something is incredible, amazing, etc. it just sounds fake. Exaggerated. I hear it like a lie, and it's rude to lie. It has to be proportionate. A meal can be delicious, exquisite, but not "amazing" ; and a good meal is nice, not bad. Amazing, incredible, awesome (etc.) are for exceptional things, jaw dropping, unbelievable. It's not rudeness, it's juste cultural. I was weirded out by American shows when I was younger, they were so over-the-top all the time, extatic for everything and it felt exhausting. Now, as an adult, I just understand the cultural difference and it's just how they do it and I just see it like it is. It would still be weird in France or by French people, but it's not when it's by or for American people.
The "negative" side, it's really about honesty. Don't lie to me, the meal I prepped is not bad, perhaps quite good, nice even. It's not amazing, I'm an ordinary home cook. If you say what I made is amazing, it feels like an lie, almost like a mockery, a joke.
No, your initial impression was correct. Europeans can indeed be very rude. It has nothing to do with being direct and/or cutting out the BS.
I live in Bordeaux… for two years from Denver. First, I love France and the French people have shown my family so much kindness and help. Getting to know families and traditions has made me feel more at home and the grocery store, pharmacy and tabac clerks have become so helpful and special. They know my kids and ask how I’m am and help me with my French. They open up about themselves and try their English as we get to know each other better. These are people I see weekly. I also wave and say Bonjour to my neighbors in the mornings and afternoons to and from school with my kids. People in France are friendly and are generally wanting to be friends. It just takes some time.
proud of our bordelais :)
Yup it takes time. We tend to be a bit suspicious at first with strangers (even fench strangers). Why ? Because our contry is probably one of the most invaded in history and also the one with most iner fights (even few iner revolutions). All our neighbours tried to invade us at some point and we tried to invide them too, to be fair. We lived 2 world war, with half the country destroyed. So yes rich history built in blood most of the time. Wich also explains the politic passionate fights at the table. We somehow love our freedom, and love to think on our own. We're kinda rebels. And rebels are not friendly at first with others unless you prove them you're worth their attention and respect. But once you've got both, you got them for life (unless you do something realy bad). We have realy no problem to help the people we know. It's not always true about total strangers, unless it's a life question problem.
@@nicolasdubos2797 j'ai juré t'es tout dit, c'était plaisant à lire gg frérot
Thanks for your kind words. Hope you'll be happy here. You chose a great place!
I can’t find anything that you are saying that I can agree with .
Our family always tip 10% and all freinds and family too.
I worked with American Tourists they never had any difficulties with my French coworkers
. And always expressed pleasure, and really couldn’t say enough to thank all of us when it was time to learn.
In 1919 we bought a house in Spain and we didn’t speak Spanish fluently, but our neighbours are so kind always bringing us fresh Bio fruit veg and eggs. I really wonder why there is such a difference in our experiences. Or where did you live before ? What are you doing for a job here?
A friend and I were discussing a subject and the it became a little heated. I learned after that our wives were trying to figure out ways to separate us if we came to blows, but after a while it calmed down and he looked at me and said, "finally, someone I can talk to!" It really is a different mindset.
I love that!
Oh, yeah, yes-men are boring !!!
Interesting. Some context please.
What culture are you and friend from? What was the topic of the dispute? How strong is the previous relationship between you two?
My favorite thing about french culture, I miss it
Yes, finally someone you can insult over a cake they slaved over just for you.
C'est pratiquement impossible d'avoir un débat avec un américain parce qu'ils pensent tout de suite qu'on veut se battre... C'est dommage parce que souvent ca reste des conversations politiquement correctes ou on apprend rien et c'est difficile de vraiment connaitre leur point de vue.
C’est une chose à laquelle j’ai vraiment eu du mal à me faire quand j’habitais aux États-Unis.
Le small talk, les discussions très lisses, le côté très premier degré/je prends tout personnellement, le politiquement correct partout et tout le temps.
Le pire étant les discussions politiques ou religieuses. Ça peut monter dans les tours assez vite pour finalement quelque chose qui peut nous sembler trivial quand on est habitué à l’ironie ou aux petites piques.
Ils n'ont peut-être pas tout à fait tort car on ne convainc jamais personne ....et on perd son temps. Surtout s'il s'agit de politique !
Votre commentaire corrobore exactement ce qu'a dit un autre Français en anglais plus haut.
I makes sense that it would be hard to connect with someone of a different culture if both people aren’t able to bridge the gap between cultural differences.
@@quinquiryle but n'est pas nécessairement de convaincre son interlocuteur, l'art de débattre réside surtout dans la manière d'exposer ses idées, la rhétorique qu'on utilise et aussi et surtout, dans la manière de ridiculiser le plus poliment possible les arguments de celui ou celle avec qui on débat. C'est tout un art et c'est manifestement un art très Français qui semble remonter à la nuit des temps.
My experience is that French people are no more impolite than anyone else. Certainly, Parisians aren’t any more rude than New Yorkers. Even the old stereotype of French people being impatient with Americans trying to speak their language wasn’t true. Most people in Paris seem to appreciate any honest effort to communicate. When I used my very poor French, people generally got the idea and responded accordingly….
Yes, it’s problematic to make generalizations about the US because it is so big. Different regions can have very different manners of interaction and customs. “Not bad” isn’t at all unusual in the upper Midwest, and vocal inflection is everything.
Right when I was young in my hometown there was American came in my school, and he only speak English and I speak only French at that time I just happily helped him get along with my classmates.
I'm french and studying in Paris with all of my courses in english (so non french speaking teachers).
We have a good half of the administration that don't speak english at all and refuse to take care of anything that is in english. Quite a problem when there is a lot of foreign students and teachers.
We consider that trying to speak another language than yours is a sign of respect. Not trying because you don't know french at all is ok. However not trying even if you do speak french is rude and personnaly I would take it quite badly if my interlocutor speak french and I know that.
Um, we actuallly call New Yorkers rude, so, even if the French aren't quite that bad, they probably are rude if you have to bring up New Yorkers, at least according to your argument. However, in my experience, 90% of them are not rude in the least. And I have to say that about New Yorkers. These are unnecssary un-useful stereotypes.
Oh? The *French* are considered reserved??! :O As I'm from Finland, this is music to my ears. I thought we Nordics were the only ones considered rude in this way. But you got it absolutely right: it's actually a way of being polite.
I think they would seem social to the Finns, since you may be the record holders of reservedness. The French do have a number of etiquette things like greetings which are very involved, but much less so than other europeans or people from around the world. French people are not interested in sharing small talk or socializing for its sake, but there's a few things they're not reserved about, should the situarion call for it:
-Complaining. Much like their German neighbors, French people really enjoy complaining about things and will complain with (as in alongside) a total stranger if the stranger opens thee door for that. No better bonding experience.
-Constructive criticisn. If they think you're doing something wrong they'll go out of their way to let you know. In their mind, this is helpful and a kindness.
-Interesting knowledge. France is a nation of nerds, the whole bunch enjoy learning anything that's interesting.
-Arguments. They enjoy arguments like a sport. Once you open the door they will argue regardless of how little they know you.
-Protests. Once you get them mad enough to protest, you're in trouble.
like Ismo! i love his sense of humor and i'm french!😉
@@Altrantis"France is a country of nerds" omg reading your comment i realized it's so true 😂
Hahaha sorry my friend we french people are much less reserved 😅
The French are massive extroverts compared to the Finns!
I love the use of "pas mal." My wife and I joke around when asked how something was, we reply "it wasn't horrible." Being 72, I can truly appreciate their frankness (pun intended). Life is too short to dance around a topic. Be direct, but don't be cruel.
OTOH, "pas terrible" means that it wasn't very good. Slang doesn't have to be consistent
.
you can say "vraiment pas mal du tout" (really not bad at all!) which mean it's really quite good! . in fact it depends on the way you say it, the intonation sound. a neutral "pas mal" mean it's just ok. "mwouais, on va dire que c'est pas mal" meaning its not so really good but you don't want to be rude. 😄
Silly, It has absolutely no bearing on life's shortness. It takes no more time to say good than not bad, and simply maintains good will, to assure the host that they have met your approval after putting in the effort. Life is too applies to ending long-term relationships that routinely cause pain. Not small-talk pleasantries. How boorish.
I have travelled to France enough in the last decade (and gotten brave enough to use my French more freely) to learn that the American stereotype of the rude French is quite wrong, and I get a little offended when I hear a friend imply that French rudeness is expected. So I've started telling stories from our travels that illustrate my view. And I have to thank you for some of my change of heart. Plus, you have saved me from embarrassment at the check-out counter because I properly weighed my produce first. Thanks!
Awww, so happy to hear my videos have helped! And nice work on weighing your produce. You're ahead of the game now
I made a whirlwind trip of Europe in '94. Never met a rude person. Everyone was cordial in every country. If the French are rude, they started since then.
Got, not gotten. This isn’t the 18th century.
i'm french and please, don't tell everyone that we're not rude, it's a bit hypocritical from me to ask but if people expect us to be rude, they always have a good surprise when we are polite and helpfull and that's a good feeling i wish to keep
@@jonathanfinan722 This isn’t the late 20th century either. That use of gotten is common in the US and making a comeback in the UK. ua-cam.com/video/b4VAEmZBqK0/v-deo.html
How refreshing that you can have a lively conversation at the dinner table without everyone getting their feelings hurt. I wish this was the norm in the USA.
As a french I find this less and less the case in France unfortunately, the polarization is growing and now you tend to avoid some topics, especially with younger generations fed with US controversy and activism via internet. On the opposite, I envy the protection USA gives to freedom of speech, and the consciousness about lobbies and corruption in medias and politics, even if not perfect, it's way better than in France.
@ebrg6299There is no value or honesty in asserting "free speech" to normalize holocaust denial in common discourse, a matter settled long ago after careful examination, the disagreement with which is entirely based on phenomenal exaggerations, half-truths, and lies certain to cause deep pain and produce deep social discord. That sort of "fress speech" is abominable and proected only by those who not only believe in "free speech" but have no real allegiance to facts and truth,, because they are thrilled to see the false supremacy of white, heterosexual, Christians promoted, defended, and mainstreamed in the public square. even if only among the most vile, destructive bigots in humanity.
It can be pretty heated :). But yes we can yell at each other (“s’engueuler”) and then go back to a normal state. It happens frequently about politics.
If you find the French too "direct", brace for a shock when coming to Germany. 😂
In British English "not (too) bad" is used much in the same way as "pas mal" in French (at least almost; French "pas mal" is a tad more positive). The use of exuberant adjectives is mainly an American thing and many Europeans, not only French, find it at times over the top.
Yes, " not too shabby" is a quite common expression in the UK, indeed
American exuberance is a bit exhausting, I think, and if _everything_ is “awesome!” then what *really* is? (And I say all that as an American.)
"the best meal I've ever had", "that's wonderful",... 😅
Yeah, I think British are actually really close to French mind in many aspects. (A french living in the UK).
I agree, all the list says more about Americans than about French people. Most of it could apply to many Europeans countries.
I once saw an older French woman call out a young couple who didn't pick up after their dog. She even pulled a poo bag out of her purse and gave it to them when they said they didn't have anything with which to pick it up.
Good for her!
It begs the question, if they would leave the poop on their own garden path. Probably not.
I can picture it now "Hoho, You bas-taird, pick up aftair your anee-mal! take zee plastic, you uncultured swine!"
She's the hero we need
That's going to be me in a few months😆
The "negative slant" of language has a lot to do with intonation, which can be difficult for non-natives. A French person will exclaim "Pas mal!" with the same intonation as one uses for "Great shot!". The interpretation for natives is crystal clear. Repetition also works "Pas mal, pas mal..." means "I'm impressed". Or there is the "Pas mal du tout", meaning "fantastic". In the US, we are actually quite unique in how over the top we are in our praises. I encounter that in the academic world, when sometimes I have to obtain letters of support or recommendation from colleagues abroad. I try to ask colleagues who know a bit about US culture so that their letters will not sing praises in tones that are too muted. In the US, this will come accross as a negative letter.
Pas mal, bien vu même.
C'est pas faux :) (literal quote from a comedian that became an expression)
'Oh pas mal' = Amazing (i'm french) 'oh' sounds like your 'how'
@@SoleilNoir7 I would say more like the "o" in "sole".
@@Off_the_clock_astrophysicist not bad 😉
Most of the list is indeed cultural differences, but not picking up after your dog is rude and disrespectful of others in any urban environment.
grossssss for sure
I remember when NYC Mayor Koch started the pooper scooper law. Gosh, it was so controversial back then.
Agreed. And when you add in the bed bugs, everything is just disgusting!
Dog poop is a matter of animals so it can't be attributed to humans at all.
The French might simply feel that it's your responsibility to look where you step.
As a European who is also a French teacher, living in America I can definitely see both sides. It can be so difficult to explain this whole thing to my husband who is American who doesn’t understand this type of doing things. French culture is wonderful once understood!
I really appreciate your comprehensive, tolerant approach of both nationalities. I agree with every habit you described (by the way, I'm French)
could have mentioned the "la bise" to say hello, not always apreciated by everyone...
I find “la bise” fake.
@@wintermatherne2524 It kind of is depending on who you do it to :)
To the people I love I will give two big kisses on their cheeks and hug and they will do the same. To most people it's just a light press touch. Personally I will purposely not do it to someone I don't like, instead I will shake hands or give a little head sign. As we don't sugarcoat everything, I want people to know what I am thinking. I want you to know if I like you, or not, if I'm happy or irritated by something. In certain situations, by politeness I will not say anything but if I find your manners rude (from a french point of view) I will let you know somehow 😅
"If you can't be kind, be quiet"...love it!
Diana, as a professional cross cultural content developer and facilitator, I d like to congratulate you particularly on your way of delivering what could be a touchy subject (no matter the culture !) as a Brit. I lived and worked in France for many years, and the points you touched on are spot on. In my job, I was in charge of a vast programme to help French customer service people understand and adapt to US customers and these were some of the things we dealt with..you are right in saying the French show respect by distance and the US by showing an interest, largely speaking of course. I ve also worked a lot with the Dutch on a daily basis and my French colleagues also found them extremely direct and often “rude”. Looking forward to more of your videos!
Welcome and thank you for your kind words and understanding my approach!
I like the Dutch and their directness. I'm in IT where directness is common. When I've been to the Netherlands it was like being surrounded by fellow IT people. I feel much less socially awkward there than I do amongst non-STEM Americans.
I bring homemade treats to my immunotherapy team. Today I got to have my favorite nurse. She likes to practice her English with me and I practice my French with her. When I said I brought treats she did a little dance! It totally cracked me up and didn’t seem French! 😂
About doggo poo, good to know that since Sept 2023, the minimal fine for not picking up after your dog was raised to 135€. Some cities go higher, and some also fine for not carrying bags when walking your dog.
Well, the Police should come to my street, there's about 13 500 € on the pavement!
With regards to the "negative slant to speech", this is really common in Australian English, and I think to a lesser extent British English. Saying something is not bad is really common - however it's all in the tone, it's said with an optimistic and cheerful tone. It's also common when you want to be negative to do the reverse - ie not great, not ideal etc. I think I've heard that in the US too.
...and the use of "ordinary" to describe something which is well below par.
On the other hand, "filthy" became "very good" in the surfing world, "wicked" likewise and the use of "deadly" is spilling over from the indigenous communities.
It’s the same in the upper Midwest in the US. It’s a big country and there’s always exceptions. Southerners often find Northerners rude because they aren’t as stranger friendly, and Northerners think Southerners are passive-aggressive because “Bless your heart,” for example.
My NYC, Italian/Irish/German/English/French/Dutch family debated every night. We all read newspapers and were expected to have a subject to discuss at dinner. Nothing was off the table. No feelings were hurt but things could be heated. Now that I am fairly fluent speaking French and understanding about 90% of the spoken nuances and slang I love slinging around ideas with my French friends. I have had conversations at bistros and at dinners that would shatter my American friends. For me, it's like being back in 'the city' with my family.
Italian/Irish/German/English/French/Dutch... Madame, this is a shopping list.
"I have a relative who came to 'Merica from Bordeaux 279 years ago, so je suis très la France !"
I refuse to be friends with people who can’t handle adult conversations.
@@Eggpunked Or they could be from a very mixed family in the last generation. I agree that the average "i'm 1/64th german, so I could basicaly be a national because great great great grandpapy's neighbour's dog was from Berlin" is infuriating. But then you have families that do have a mix. My mom's half-Belgian helf-Macedonian, my dad's Irish, my aunt is half-Belgian-half-Tunisian, her husband is Morrocan. My grandma's latest (and late) husband was a Sephardic jew. My partner of ten years is French and Spanish. Each of the cultures of these countries had an influence on who we are as people, and as a family. And in turn it is also imprinted by the fact we live in a specific setting, country.
I would just like to say, as a Brit who has visited France several times, I find their attitudes quite refreshing. I generally find that I know where I stand when they say something. They say what they think, they stand up for what they believe in, and I'm not left wondering if they meant what they said. That's it,said, over. In the UK I have to be careful who I talk politics/exchange a point of view with in case I offend someone. I often meet American tourists in the UK, so thank you for doing these videos to help us understand what is just normal to someone else.
debating with someone in France about social issues or politics is of course a national sport, BUT it become less and less in a friendly way if there are a disagreement. The general climate is becoming more and more agressive and you can loose friends or have a family dispute with these kind of exchange now in France
It's true, especially nowadays because the political climate is extremely tense. We are more and more directly affected by our government decisions and thus more sensitive about it and about our folks' ideologies.
It's still completely ok to debate during family and friendly dinners, we're more cautious with friends than family but everything outside of politics is pretty safe still.
En France, il vaut mieux être plus prudent avec la famille que les amis.
Les amis, on les choisit. Ce n’est pas le cas de la famille 😂
My German neighbor saw someone's dog had pooped on her lawn. She picked it up and put it in a bag, went to that person's home, handed the bag to them and said, "Here, I saw your dog pooped on my lawn. Next time you put it in a bag and get rid of it." The person was so surprised they said nothing. I rather enjoyed her German ways.
Note about tipping : ALL french are tipping, because it's mandatory and in the law since decades, so it's INCLUDED in the price, and it's 15%. That's why we can add more tip, but if we don't, it means we give a 15% tip. It's really more simple than in US, it's like the VAT included in prices. So at restaurant, your the price you see on the menu include is what you'll pay, including VAT and tip.
Not true at all. The restaurant price is only that of the ingredients and VAT. Nothing more. There is no such law.
My French brother-in-law worked for a company that had a site in the Netherlands. Both the French and Dutch teams had to go to "cultural sensitivity" training. To the French, the Dutch were super direct, wanted to make fast decisions and move forward without thinking things through. To the Dutch, the French wanted to talk around the subject, look at all angles, and delay making decisions until the next meeting. Once they realized how each group worked, they were able to better work together and they each had something to learn from the other.
It used to (and still does!) drive me nuts when I'd attend French meetings where there was no meeting agenda, everybody would interrupt each other and talk about other things than the subject at hand, no decisions were made, no actions were confirmed, and essentially everything was postponed until the next meeting. I'd walk out and wonder what the use of the meeting was! They'd walk out and feel great about it all!
Really insightful comment, thank you. This is basically the key: " Once they realized how each group worked, they were able to better work together and they each had something to learn from the other."
Yes, because they had been able to clarify a lot of notions/options iin the round. And then indeed, the next meeting=decision, or what I have also witnessed:following such a meeting, somebody has an idea for a decision or option and mails asking EVERYBODY involved if they would be ok (and if it's like one of my bosses: making an effort to present the rationale "Such a body said this, and it made me think"). Then a meeting is planned for the purpose of deciding on this. The French can be focussed!
The purpose of French meetings is so that the bosses can hear themselves talk. That’s it.
Funny, my french grandfather who worked in banks during the post-war France-Germany reconciliation would have said that the Germans are the ones who want to talk and examinate everything in every possible angle before doing anything and then blaze through everything while on our side of the Rhine we were the hasty ones. Things change I guess.
@@matthewraden5210 I've had the exact opposite experience moving out of France to North American to work with Canadian and American bosses. I've been through plenty of meetings of 40min of the boss giving his life story to hundreds of people with mandatory webcam turned on for everyone, while I can't even imagine that happening in France without a complaint to HR and syndics showing up.
The one about bluntness is actually funny because the French are actually not blunt people at all when compared to other Europeans except for Englishmen. For example, I have a bunch of Romanian friends. When my family and I first met them, we almost found them straight up rude because of how blunt they were. It took a great deal of explaining on their part and understanding on ours to wrap our minds around the fact that they just didn't give as much importance to greetings/diplomacy/asking things beforehand as we did. And I can say that overall, all the people I've met from Denmark, Switzerland, Germany, Russia, Italy and so on tend to be more blunt than what i'm used to. After what you said I'd like to put an American and a Romanian in the same room to see what happens 😂
How about Japanese? They'll tell you straight up to your face that you're fat and need to eat less...even if you're 5lbs overweight.
As someone who has traveled a lot in Eastern Europe, I have the same experience as you. I had to coach my russian best friend so that she wouldn't come off as rude in France !
One exemple. When eating with other people, she would basically say : "Donne-moi le sel", a litteral translation of how you say it in Russian. I had to teach her to use a more polite way to ask, something like : "Est-ce que tu pourrais me passer le sel, s'il te plait ?" and remind her to say "Thank you" afterwards.
So I'm very surprised to learn that we're considered blunt and direct, I thought the way we speak was quite diplomatic compared to others. 😅
Yeah same !! French may be more direct that American, but we really aren't the blunt one in Europe, compared to Germen as an example
I went to Slovenia last October and I asked for more coffee in my latte. She straight up said "no" 😅
@@perthfanny3017We make coffee as the italians do. Caffèlatte will be lots of milk and a shot of expresso. If you want the opposite, then you ask for a big macchiato. Hope it helps next time you come to southern Europe.
I am dating a French man and we have lively debates. He actually likes it when I become "énervée".
Me too, I loved it when my very sadly departed British partner got animated. He learnt to accept me getting very animated.
Well ! I'm french but I also find rude when people don't pick up dog's poop. I won't express what I feel when I walk on one, especially by night when I can't see where I put my feet... 😖
Enjoy your content, Diane! I have found that getting along with others is quite easy (simple) , be kind, show respect! No problem with French, Spanish, Italians or anyone else!!!
Excellent video! Educational and even humorous. We feel fortunate to have French friends who took us under their wings and helped explained so many differences (which we LOVE). And could laugh together when we did/do something stupid unintentionally. In turn, I feel blessed as we get constant hugs when we're together. I can remember asking if I could give a hug when we first met and she grabbed me first. Happy New Year Diane and God bless.
I love videos like this - I watched so many etiquette videos before our trip to France, helped us so much! Not only does it help someone feel more comfortable in a different culture, but it also helps with expectations. Watching them with my boys got them more excited about our trip at the time and motivated them to try and learn some french before we went in 2019. Counter and wait staff thought it was really cute when my youngest at the time would try to speak french to them. Honestly though, I am so tired of every video or post having to put out a million 'caveats' so that trolls may be dissuaded not to say 'but what about this? or that? or them?" - gets old. One video or meme can't touch on every aspect of a topic - scroll along with the negativity.
Sorry it gets old but it's important for me to be clear on my point of view and the intention behind my videos. There's always nuance with topics like this.
You or others explaining don’t get old - it’s the nitpicky people that get old. I probably didn’t word that well because not only am I tired of negative people - I’m just tired 😜
Interesting topic 😊 ! I'm french and I hate people here not picking up dog poop ! I agree that a lot of progress have been made in the last decades but there's still work to do 😂😅!
As a french man, I'd like to add something about the expression "pas mal". The way you say it can either mean that it's good but not great, or that it's really great. For example, if you say "Ce film est pas mal" in a slightly dull voice, you're in the first case: the film is good, but you've seen better. If you say the same thing with the emphasis on "pas mal", it means that the film is really good.
Hi Diane! I am American but my family is from India, so I grew up with two cultures. I love learning about all different cultures, which brought me to your channel. Thank you for helping me understand more about France! As far as this video, I appreciate the American way of describing things as great and being enthusiastic rather than having a negative slant. Keep telling your in laws their food is fantastic! I'm sure it is :)
My mom used to rave over my French MIL's simple vinaigrette salad and it honestly is excellent. My MIL was tickled by it, but my mom was 100% sincere.... and it's a great salad ;-)
You ll be wlecome in France to know us Suem ^^
That video was hilarious to me because I grew up around tourists of all kinds so I sort of know how rude some of our habits may come across, but I also know that I take daily pleasure in confusing American tourists whenever I get to interact with them 😂 I always do my best to help, but it sometimes gets funny.
Even Japanese people are not as easily confused as Americans, because they're already assuming that all white people are pretty much barbarians, so you can't really disappoint them. Whereas Americans consider everywhere they travel as their 51th state or something. My American friends just love to bring and gift me some of their medical marijuana whenever they travel to France, which is absolutely illegal and severely enforced.
And we're talking about well-educated, wealthy Californian tech/artist boomers with kids, so I can only imagine what your teenage backpacking stoners are up to.
We told them repeatedly that French airports had police canines and that drug laws were severely enforced, but they just COULD NOT understand how those rules could even apply to them. It just doesn't make sense in their head.
Said rules certainly applied to me because I later got arrested with their drugs, spent 1500€ on a lawyer and €1500 on fines after a trip to the courthouse 4 months later.
I hope they paid you back. Next time maybe the sniffer dogs need to concentrate on their luggage. Might teach them a lesson.
@@alexstokowsky6360
You're actually trying to portray me as the asshole of this story, which is insane 😂😂😂Midwest or no, I'm telling you American nationals are absolutely the only ones who think that local laws don't apply to them because their government can just bully other countries into giving them a pass. Everybody knows that, and unfortunately it is mostly correct.
I mean, last year some giant black lesbian got caught with weed while travelling in Russia (how stupid do you have to be), and was eventually exchanged against that Russian international arms trafficker from Lord of War, which came across as both insane and hilarious to the whole world.
Those Californians though...are different...The Usa is a big place and we are not all exactly the same.
As an American, I can say your friends aren’t the norm. They sound privileged and entitled.
Absolutely. Don’t judge the rest of us by Californians, they are a different breed of cat.
Point 2 applies to most of northern Europe including the UK. You simply NEVER talk to a complete stranger, unless you're asking for directions.
French- Américaine living in USA.
Americans think they are being " friendly" when talking to complete strangers. I hate it.
Neighbors expect you to have a conversation. I just want to get out of my car and go to my house. If you do the friendly " hi" and head nod or wave, somehow an invitation for a conversation about absolutely nothing.
Don't get me wrong, i am a nice person, i just have my boundaries and americans don't seem to have any.
@@avalerie4467 America is a nation of immigrants -- and a rather large one at that. You have to speak to other people in order to survive here. That's what pigheaded uppity Europeans don't understand. If you don't like it here, we have plenty of flights ready to take you back to France.
@@avalerie4467 Sounds like a case of nosy neighbours to me. Maybe they are lonely and bored and just need someone to talk to. 🙂
In France, you can do a little small talk when waiting in line at the bakery for example, if there's a common ground to talk about, but it's usually a couple sentences before it becomes intrusive. You can also compliment someone's outfit anywhere, it's usually very welcome, but do not expect a conversation out of it. They answer a simple "merci" and maybe give back one and it's already seen as a gratifying interaction. 😊
@@zelephyre8336 I think that holds true for most of western Europe. It depends on the situation. Brits are (in)famous for being very reserved. I don't think I have ever heard anyone complimenting a stranger on his/her outfit.
I'm afraid I'd feel very lonely in France, I'm older and live alone, and I cherish the friendly cashier and the smiles of those around me. I would truly miss friendly waves from neighbors, France is a lovely country, but I'm afraid I'd be considered the rude one, I couldn't help myself
Aww, no I think you'd pick up on the norms very quickly. People can be perfectly chatty and friendly once you get to know them in the right context. I always end up talking to my senior citizen neighbors. We wave to each other too. ;-)
If everyone is as pleasant as you I'm sure I would. Sending a cheery wave and a wish for a Happy New Year.👋@@OuiInFrance
I know exactly what you are saying. I love France and most Western European countries (I don't judge the East, I simply haven't been there, and I would't move there due to belligerent megalomania of Putin), and would love to retire there. However, it is toougher for older people to find and develop companionship in the first place. And having to avoid some pleasant, small human interaction, just as a means of regular social interaction, such as when you are just standing on line at a grocery store, I mean, wtf? I mean, I'm just talking about one exchange back and forth, maybe five seconds, or maybe even a minute if there's expressed mutual interest, what's the harm in that? Why limit ALL talk only to people you already know? And a simple wave? So, the question is, in such a social milieu, with these basic attitudes and norms--which seem absolutely, unnesseraily, non-productively anti-social, since they create absolute divides--are there groups such as book clubs or pickleball or hiking or something where locals AND expats actually get together specifcally for social interaction, or must you find a city with an expat community for companionship? I hear of Americans developing relationships with French people, but they all seem be younger people working there, having interactions as a matter of getting work objectives met, and from that something may develop. But if you don't have a job...?
The second thing that is important to me is the political divide. I would like to escape it from here in the U.S.--where it is completely out of control with no possibility of reconciliation, much less just arresting it here or tempering the vitriol, the actual death threats and shootings--and have a peaceful retirement. But it SEEMS to be that every country in Western Europe has a growing divide, too, with very strong, unreconcilable differences. Less and less common ground where compromises can be achieved and productive action can be taken. I have explored Malta, Spain, Portugal, the UK, The Netherlands, Belgium, and Italy; I simply cannot go to a country where there is prolonged, extreme darkness and light, and I would really like to avoid harsh cold. I have looked briefly at Ireland and Switzerland, but they both have immigration requirements that would be difficult for us. It seems the countries we have looked more deeply at are all heating up, pretty much all over the same issues. I mean, there is no point in leaving the U.S. if I can't find some peace somewhere else... In countries where the media is in a foreign language like France, it's even harder to determine the extent and intensity of the division, what it's going to be like over the next ten or twenty years. And it can be difficult to find locals talking about it online, to determine what the attitudes are and where things stand.
@@izzytoonsYou really take everything to its extreme. For social interactions, it's only when you meet a person for the first time. If you meet him several times, there is no problem even if it remains only an acquaintance.
But saying "Hey! How are you" to someone you're meeting for the first time is just awkward.
@@Kamonohashiii People in the U.S. will say such stuff just in passing on the street, without even breaking stride. "Hi." "How ya doin'?" "Good, how 'bout you?" "Good." Nothing awkward at all. Just two people exchanging a pleasantry as they pass on the street.
Moreover, I never mentioned anything about someone asking someone else how they're doing if they're just standing next to each other at a bus stop or something. What was being discussed here is simple small talk that might occur. Like, say the bus is really late and someone says something about it to someone else. Or someone might drop something out of their basket on line at the grocery store and the person behind them might say that happens to them all the time or something. Or someone at a bar orders one thing and gets another, and the person next to them makes a remark. In each case the remark may go unanswered, it may be responded to, or it may lead to an exchange. Small talk. And sometimes that small talk might lead to an actual conversation. But it's rare that someone would get frosty over it. Or that everyone around might do so.
What I am reacting to is the idea that many have expressed here and on many other video comment threads is that casual remarks/conversations are frowned upon in some countries. Like you have be formally introduced or see someone for four days in a row or something to simply open your mouth and expect an actual smile or something. Weird.
I've lived 9 years in the US and just got back to France :) this is so true! Will show this to my American friends visiting. Love how you put emphasis on cultural differences!
In France service is included in the price , read it in the bill "service compris" in all restaurants and bars. But you can give an extra if u want.
Which akes perfect sense. Could you imagine a software engineer having to depend on a tip from the customer? It's absurd what we do to waiters.
20% tip regardless of service level!? I find that pretty shocking! 😲
Yeah but they call you "darling" or "sweet heart" when they serve you a simple coffee -_-'
Perhaps but they won’t try to run you off because they want the next tip. They are paid a salary so you can sit and enjoy your cafe’ at your leisure without feeling guilty.
20% is pretty standard. Leave more for great service
The idea of tipping is wrong in the first place: what was at the beginning like 100 years ago a gratuity has become so far buisiness subsidy . You are the one who literally pays salary to the waiters and not the buisiness owner. So they pass a payroll on you treating you as an idiot with "cultural things". Making you feel guilty and rude. This is how hideous it is...
I tip in Canada 15-17% before tax (another 15%) but I hate this custom !! I prefer the French way. Not rude at all.
This was very good! I spend a fair amount of time in France with friends each year and, interestingly, feel like I belong more in France than in the United States. An example is the debate culture, which I love. It’s frustrating to me that I can’t debate politics or religion at the dinner table in America without offending someone. Like you said, in France it’s a sort of sport and people don’t take it that seriously. Maybe things are especially bad in the U.S. right now because of the political divide; but in places like the upper Midwest, friendly debates have always been frowned upon. It’s interesting how each person has his or her own personal logic, and feels more affinity toward other cultures. I am definitely French-leaning.
we take it seriously alright; and some grudges are held. It's just if the topic come up a lot of people will often say what they think. In high society/high bourgeoisie it is absolutely taboo still, it's considered vulgar.
@@valdir7426 what? No. It's considered vulgar to have a grudge or to get too worked up (like yelling and stuff). Seriously when you're articulate and calm you get compliments, and interesting discussions. What kind of high bourgeoisie are you referring to?
"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all..." is the upper Midwestern mom's mantra. As opposed to, "If you can't say anything nice, then come over here and sit right here beside me." 🤭
Yes, we Americans are offended very easily. Then if we meet someone who is more direct, we often feel attacked. I am that way, so I avoid debating.
@@catnextdoor5605 it's considered vulgar to speak about politics in high society. People who disagree can hold grudges; because a political discussion is not a nice debate disconnected from reality and where you have zero skin in the game. You can politely disagree but that's not always the case.
Hi,,
The comment about French, being reserved and Understated (as in its not bad, rather than its great/awesome) I think you could equally be talking about the English verses the US.
Until this video, I had no idea, English and French are so alike.
Agreed, I thought the same thing. I think that really positive attitude is a defining American characteristic rather than an English speaking one.
Well we are close neighbours! Some people in England haven't got over Napoleon lol. But we are quite alike really.
As a Breton, from Brittany who has been to Great Britain several times, je confirme…
well, given that England and France are geographically right next to each other and share a long common history, it shouldn't be surprising that the British (particularly the English) and French mentalities are close to each other! I think most of the points in the video are common to Europeans in general as compared to Americans, not just the French.
I’m neither English or French, it’s a European thing…
Wow. Maybe my advisory teacher had a French background when I was student teaching years ago in the US. The only compliment I got the whole time was when she looked at a handout I made and she said, "This isn't bad." Yeah...that was a rough semester.
I know. I don’t look for validation as I’m not an insecure person, but I do rely on feedback to make sure I’m on the right track and not squandering my energy.
That approach is not unknown in the UK, although mostly not as extreme. I think in the USA, you are used to exuberant praise for every little thing from a very young age, which can sound very over the top to most British ears. We are less reserved than we used to be but
when we praise something we will utter a simple “well done” or “l enjoyed that. Thank you,” or “quite good.” We save the really goods, fantastics and excellents for when they are deserved, otherwise they lose their meaning. Awesome is generally not in our vocabulary, either. We tend not to be loud and bouncy in our praise, either.
Hm, I’m starting to feel like I haven’t lived in the U.S. my entire life, but it’s possible it is a regional and/or generational thing to give exuberant praise for less than exceptional work.
As an American, my first experience with a French person was at the Paris CDG airport. I stopped at a restaurant in my terminal after my overseas flight, very hungry and very tired. All of the signs and allergy warnings were in French, so I just defaulted to a croissant because it was safest. I pointed to it in the case and said "This. Please."
The French woman behind the counter looked at me and said (In English): "Can you say that in French?" And I looked at her like 👀😳 "Wha-?" This is an International airport, I thought to myself. And even she didn't speak English, I pointed very obviously at what I wanted. How much clearer could I be?
She then got annoyed with me after my nonresponse, deer-in-headlights look and instead served the man behind me, ignoring me completely.
I did not get to eat until much later when I asked my boyfriend to order in French for me (I only know Spanish, Latin, Danish, and Jap), and he had no problems.
Was a strange and honestly quite rude first experience 😅
In any language/culture she was deliberately mean and nasty.
I don t understand why we have to speak English in France ? Why you didn’t do the effort to ask in French ? France is a 1000 years history, the most visited country in the world. Do not ask us to adapt to you. When I travelled to your country, I spoked English. If you want a tip next time, start your request by a simple bonjour, you will see, your life will become easier and you will find French not so rude
They put allergy warnings in France?
@@2adamast no we don't give a f*** about that
@@2adamast I assumed that's what the list of ingredients on each of the items in the case were..? I think most places have allergy warnings nowadays - especially at international airports
I’m french and I must correct you on 1 point ☺️, never ever say « pas mal » about a dish ! It is an insult to the cook. It translates in « not bad ». Only low class often young people act this way in France.
You must always praise the cook when you are invited at someones home.
Thank-you for your reply, I was puzzled when I heard the video as I thought we English were the only people to say "not bad" or "not bad at all" to mean very good. Also I think that points 2 and 3 contradict each other.....
@@arthurhayden684 I've lived in Quebec for many years, they were very susceptible on jokes, couldn't understand irony or "trolling" well, and I'm French, talking about French Canadians (Quebecers)... But I was not the only European, there were some British guy too (from Leeds), and we were happy together to make jokes, brutal jokes, politically incorrect jokes, and we were more close between British and French, vs the French Canadians and English Canadians, being offended...
That's funny because for AGES, UK and France were rivals, and in Canada, French vs English is an actual identity battle. But at the end, French AND English speakers from both "side" of the Atlantic were more close together than the one sharing the same languages. Suddenly, for jokes and debate, there were no more language barrier, but the actual ocean as a barrier :).
And we went together, from Montreal, to Glasgow for a 3 month mission, and we had plenty of laughing together in the Scottish pubs all nights. We were "at home" (even if I'm from Bordeaux in France).
@@garryiglesias4074this is hardly surprising since we're geographically closer from one another and, at the end of the day, more used to deal with each others than with our cousins from the other side of the pond!
True !
I have to disagree, it is quite common in the middle class as well (I don't know about bourgeoisie). But there is a way of doing it, like using the right tone and other subtle hints to indicate that you mean that it is in fact very good. For a foreigner it may be difficult to perceive such things.
(I'm French btw)
6:54 I disagree here. "Pas mal" said in an upbeat way can mean very good (or beautiful etc.). And the French use it all the time that way. Depending on the speaker's tone it can either mean to be slightly negative or very positive.
I totaly agree with you, the tone is everything. "Franchement, c'était pas mal du tout !" can mean high praise, while "Ouais, bof, c'était pas mal, mais en fait je ne suis pas convaincu(e)" is negative.
I agree, it can either be a face-value lack of enthusiasm, or be an understatement for “that was fantastic” depending on the tone and context.
As someone who has lived in the US all their life, I find many Americans extremely conflict-averse and the concept of debate gets into that.
Regarding directness, there’s plenty of it in New York and Philadelphia. Not as much in the south or Midwest.
We tend to be more direct in New England too
yes
Watching videos on here I find that many Americans are nice but often there is a gushy sweetness about it that I find is over the top. Left wondering how much of it is genuine.
@@philipdouglas5911 Part of it stems from never knowing who has a gun here
That’s stupid. Having guns protects autonomy and autonomy is great.
My least favorite US word : "it's AMAAAAAZING !" which can be translated in french by : "mh ok, et donc ?"
My least favorite US word is "absolutely." There are others, too.
I say it often. Along with definitely and for sure and other fun ones.
When everything is AMAZING, nothing is, right ?
You can express pleasure, surprise, and appreciation without going overboard. Not all the time about the most mundane stuff
I can deal with "amazing." I can't cope with "like" in every word in a sentence. I wish Americans would learn how to speak properly.
@@heleneg525 Yes! and the misuse of "literally"...
I live in Australia, and I've had a gutful of the 'How are you?' non sense of its people.
'How are you' for?
1. Break fast.
2. Morning tea.
3. Walking down the corridor.
4. In the lift.
5. At the post office.
6. At any shop.
7. 'How are you' towards dying patients in a hospice.
8. At the scene of a serious accident.
9. 'How are you' to strangers. etc.
10. All day long, and 365 days per year.
11. The answer to the 'How are you?' is always 'Good and how are you?. NO ONE IS EVER UNWEL!!!!
12. I prefer to live in Europe.
13. Australia is a primary school.
14. IF I REPLY TO THE 'HOW ARE YOU?' WITH A 'I AM MISERABLE TODAY', I RECEIVE A WEIRD STARE.
Vive la culture Francais. 😀❤👍🌼🌹🌞
Thank you Diane for your helpful information and sharing your experiences with us. I truly appreciate your content. . Wishing you good health happiness and success in the new year. Looking forward to seeing your next video
On the subject of tipping, waiters do get a gratuity as bills include a tip on it ("service compris"). This us rarely mentioned in posts about tipping in Europe, which is why Americans continue to leave tips for serving staff.
Although I'm a Californian, my family is French, and I have never experienced anything approaching rudeness in decades of visits to France. To the contrary, most folks there have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome. The only learning curve I've had with my French relatives is in written communications, where I've discovered that the return response is slower if I do not provide either 1: a description of a recent restaurant meal, or 2: a photo of something tasty I've cooked at home 😉
When I lived in Britain as an American, praise was usually understated. If someone thought something was great they might say "it's all right"
Re Tips: Is'nt the tip included in the bill in French Restos and cafés ? As well, the differences in ''attitude'' during a meal or elsewhere, may be due to latin vs anglo saxon origins I do not know for sure ?
In france you have minimal payd for everyone so you dont need tips, tips is for very good work not because your boss is a asshole
Thank you for another great video !
I found this really interesting and it's going to be very helpful to know about these habits as I get used to living in France.
Cultural norms are very deep! People cannot really become aware of their own culture unless they spend significant time in a foreign country. It is like the scales falling off your eyes. When you finally return to your native land and get hit with reverse culture shock, then you realize the true nature of cultural difference.
3. I know Italian and Spanish people are direct like us. And I heard German and Dutch people were very direct as well, maybe it's more "European"?
Belgians are not direct though, same for the Swedes.
@@Leopold_van_Aubel Belgians? Only Flemish lol. In Wallonie and Bruxelles, they aren't afraid of saying what they think about "the French" 😂
And Swedes won't forget to ask you if you owe them 20cts 🤡🤦🏼♂️
Many of us Europeans consider French, German, and Dutch "directness" simply rude and arrogant.
@@vaska1999 😂😂😂🤦🏼♂️ that's so immature. We are not children... 😉
Me as a Swede tends to be more direct according to many Americans. I lived in America for 20 years now. I prefer it. I don't like people smiling and being nice if they don't mean it.
Since I'm acadienne, perfectly bilingual, and now living in the States but having worked in Belgium and France for years, it's interesting to see how some of this is absolutely seen in l'Acadie and in the Louisiana, somewhat more of them in Québec and New England. Wallonne culture is also unique, but shares even more. Picards and Normans can seem even colder, but I think they're much more aware of how insular they can seem and they work too overcome it with strangers.
French-speaking France seems just as odd to those of us used to North American French culture and that of other cultures from the langues d'oïl.
C'est intéressant ! Quels sont les traits qu'on retrouve chez les acadiens ?
The English, northerners especially, too tend to say "not bad" or "I don't mind it" meaning: good and I like it.
Coming from genetically sarcastic people, pas mal IS a compliment. Intonation also matters a lot.
As a Frenchy French, I have learned very quickly to be careful about what I discuss where and with whom when I moved to North America. And not just because of how rude I might come off or how heated it can turn. Even when you find people who are able to go over the cultural difference in debating or even discussing anything, it's hard to - in addition to that - find people who are able to follow with it for more than two minutes. I met maybe two or three Americans I feel comfortable having real talks with. But other than that, the "all I'm saying is " comes without two or three exchanges with no return back. Which I understand to be a polite way to say "i just want to say things and not talk about it".
It's a bit frustrating, especially when you actually had a very interesting discussion starting for the first time in months with someone and it all goes to nothing within two sentence. Like a weak soufflé.
C'est un défaut américain ce truc, pas français ! Savoir parler de sujets difficiles, c'est une qualité !
Hi Diane, I appreciate your videos very much. After living in Uzes for the past five years, you are sooo right. I couldn’t believe it when French people (if I made Christmas cookies for them) hugged me! I was shocked. It was so nice. I am finally feeling part of the community. My French is good, not perfect. But I have been told i will never be French. And I do pick up after my dog.
Uzès is great !
J’adore y aller.
don't worry, it's possible for you, take any food subject very passionately and be prompt to go on revolts and you're already 70% french lol the 30% left is language, resistance to lazy administration and hate of everything related to money :D
I love lively debates, not fake chatting to strangers, direct, honest communication, not tipping at restaurants and mmh mmh mmh. Guess I'm in the wrong country.😂
Not tipping when you KNOW the price you are are paying is partially paid by the waiter being underpaid (so they are subsidizing you), and you KNOW they are paid relatively nothing, and you KNOW restaurants are leaving you in the position of deciding whether you wish to exploit that waiter or not, is...well, there's no point in saying, I guess. Because you KNOW...
Great video, and I love what you said at the end. If you can’t be kind, be quiet! 😂
I have watched two of your videos. They are excellent! In a very clear manner, you have explained some customs and nuances which I did not know. My opinion is generally that the French were cold people. So, thank you. I will continue to watch your videos to educate myself.
Here in the US they throw the bags of poop in the bushes. Some say that is worst than not picking it up. Sometimes a foot away from a bin!
where you are from they might
That's not the norm, though. Most people are functioning adults...
I feel like that is such an important distinction to make; that it is out of respect for others, that certain things happen the way that they do. As a somewhat reserved/respectful American, that is also my reasoning for distancing, etc.
Hi Diane, great video, comme toujours. I had misinterpreted the "eh, eh" sound has "huh?" so I kept repeating myself. Luckily it was with my host brother, but he never did explain what the sound meant, but I eventually figured it out.
I am French and I don't get what you are refering to with that "eh,eh" because it is out of context. Would you mind giving some exemple, please?
Je vois exactement ce qu’il ou elle veut dire. I y a des gens qui ponctuent la conversation avec des “eh… eh…” pour démontrer qu’ils écoutent, mais sur un ton qui pourrait être interprétée comme de l’impatience (un son bref qui recouvre partiellement la phrase de l’autre personne). C’est juste leur manière de montrer qu’ils sont attentifs, mais je trouve ça stressant, on dirait qu’ils en ont marre et qu’ils ont envie de dire “oui, oui, abrège”)
@@rosiebowers1671 Personne ne ponctue une conversation faisant "eh eh"...
Je crois que tu confonds avec "Hm hm".🤔
@@XOXO-eo5vu C’est bien possible. Ça fait déjà plus de 35 ans et ma mémoire peut être un peu floue.
Debating is not a thing for Americans because Americans are quick to get emotional. A disagreement is immediately taken as a personal attack and it just spirals out of control from there. This is why Americans, for the most part, avoid debating anything unless it's something trivial like food or movie preferences.
It can definitely get heated!
That's right, especially if a sudden unsolicited and eagle-clawed barbed remark comes across from your mother-in-law at the dinner table, intended to make you feel like 2 kopecks, something is going to happen, and much sooner if that caustic remark inspires peals of laughter from her side of the table!
Well I hate to break the news : it's exactly the same in France. And there are often long lasting grudges in French families or friends circles after debates gone wrong.
the old wild west saloon fight finally explained !
FOOD? TRIVIAL?
Just because i don't have your protruberant belly!
CONTROL? WHO'S spiraling out?
My Cypriot born in-laws that immigrated to the US in the '70's never tipped, or at least never 20%. My husband frequently went behind their backs and tipped when we dined out with them. Tipping just wasn't something they learned to do. They grew up in a small village in Cyprus in the 1930's-40's that didn't have a restaurant.
I've been to France many times, but the last time was in 2008. Service Compris on a restaurant bill meant the tip is included, and most would just leave a few coins to round out the bill. I believe that. hasn't changed. The Service Compri was usually 15 percent if I remember correctly.
That s correct, waiters have a wages like any other jobs but we generally add a few euros are they are generally paid the minimal wages. Happy new year!
Excellent video! Very fair. I love your perspective. This can be such a touchy topic - but you navigate through it with with such grace and lack of judgement. Now I am going to go watch the video of things that Americans do.
First time watching one of your videos by the way.
Welcome and thank you for your kind words ;-)
Another funny thing, when you come across people who speak their mind without mincing words, you call them based and honest. If they happen to be french, they're rude.
Not me. Depending what they are being frank about, and how biting their words, how offensive and/or insulting, I will think they're an asshole, in either country.
So many good points. You make a huge contribution to each culture understanding and mutual respect of each other.
I really appreciate that, Sue. Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from with my content.
@@OuiInFrance Happy new year Diane! :)
It’s not clearly communicated in the video WHY we tip at restaurants here in the US. The wages earned by wait staff at restaurants wasn’t mentioned. This is a critical point in explaining why it’s rude.
If people from abroad don’t understand that point they aren’t likely to tip. 5:13
I am new to your channel and found your content interesting. Thank you
Welcome! Thank you!
So many of these UA-camrs describing the way "Americans" do things are describing people I don't even recognize, and I'm an American! 😅
Tourism seems to impact brain chemistry, it's like it removes inhibitions
No wonder my family gets along with Europeans! We have so much fun in France. We would end up with the whole village at dinner ❤
I love being able to have lively conversation about topics I care about.
Yeah, I am less interested in offending people and engaging in predictable, perfectable avoidable arguments. Calling them lively conversation is a deceptive euphemism. Life is too short. In fact, I ended relations with one brother and one sister because we couldn't without them assaulting me with their unwanted opinions. Nothing productive can come of that; nothing good whatsoever. I either had to just sit and listen to their ignorant opinions, which was completely unfair but the only what not to prolong it, or actually capitulate and engage in a blow-up argument. Completely dysfunctional relationships. I didn't need that in my life anymore, and I'm so much better off without it.
I don’t remember who said it, but “Culture is not so much about what is said or done, but what is understood.”
I tend to prefer "not bad" over "pretty good" a lot of the time. I only really say "pretty good" if something (e.g. food) is some of the best I've had. Often I'll even say "I've certainly had worse" when asked how my food is. Even by my parents, when they ask me to rate something they cooked. If my dad makes me, say, a steak, and it's nothing out of the ordinary I'll say, "It tastes... like a steak". They know I prefer to be honest, even when it's negative.
I've always been known for my Germanic levels of bluntness, and I'm a Mississippi boy. Though I am also on the autism spectrum and never developed socially the way most Americans would.
Yea, the poop and cigarette smoke are the worst 2 things.
"not bad" is what is called a "litote". It is a french idiomatic expression. It is not moderate. On the contrary It is stronger than just : it is good. It means it is very good. .
Another brilliant, informative and VERY helpful video... I quite literally use your videos to learn and prep myself for my future plans as well as share your videos with family and friends... You SO rock... Thank you *again* for this....
Love this content. I’m French and having to justify our norms and things that are perfectly acceptable for us is really tiring actually.. I have travelled extensively and often need to explain it’s not meant to be rude or ‘no, we don’t deserve the reputation you put on us’. I know very often the stereotype is to say’oh, you experienced this in France or with a French person’, well duh! It’s normal, they are all rude. It’s frankly frustrating. 😅
Yeahhhh, so many rude comments from non-French people about the French on the video before this one about things Americans do that the French find rude. Glad you enjoyed the video, Carole!
When I first came to France in the '60's, tipping was called "service" and was often added to the bill.
I was chased down the street by a waiter in Paris yelling for his tip and when he caught up, he showed me the receipt which said "Service n'est pas compris." (Meaning the tip is not included).
And they expected 16% as I recall.
So something has definitely changed or maybe something was going on then that I didn't understand. Or maybe it was a Paris thing?
In the sixties, "service included" was not as systematic as it is now. You had to check the invoice carefully.
I was a child but I remember very well.
Hello Diane, when you point out what do French people tend to talk about in conversations etc. could you also give an exact dialogue or situation as examples, cause I think this would perfectly give the picture of your thoughts and would make a great addition to these videos
Like a simulated debate?
I don't see why I should suffer financial consequences because of the restaurant owner's greediness. Tipping is reserved as a reward for exceptional service. Perhaps if Americans stopped tipping for even the slightest service, greedy employers would be forced to offer reasonable wages.
On a second note, and this happens in France and Belgium with French people travelling to the countryside, but it's much more prevalent when they visit the US and Canada, is when speakers of standard metro French pretend they can't understand other dialects. They can get very rude and try to correct those of us who have spoken French since birth. Some of us say "eighty" and "ninety," not four-score or four-score-ten like the French do. We conjugate slightly differently. We use the simple past all the time. We use "on" as the catch-all pronoun. We mount the char when we drive and household terms are very different. They expect Canada, New England, and the Louisiana to be like France, and we have our own culture. I've seen them do this to Picards and Wallons as well as other European francophones. It's very rude and it turns a great deal of us in the greater francophonie to really hate interacting with French tourists.
Some of my friends (French) went to the US recently, they know they had to tip. But there was this one time when the waitress was kind of expecting them to know what they wanted to order right away, like 10 seconds after sitting at a table, of course they did not, they didnt even know what was on the menu yet ... Then she seemed annoyed/angry about it and was cold , rude and looked bored right untill the end. When asked to pay, they didnt give any tip. She didnt get why, but that was for her attitude. this was the only exception in 3 weeks
I've found sometimes food and service in the US is bad and they still expect a tip. The tipping is crazy there, and it's because they don't pay their staff properly.
I'm a cultural anthropologist, just found your channel, excellent! Subbed.
Welcome aboard!
Nice video I sub in a French American preschool, and their culture is different. They gave a lot of breaks,
and the teacher said what was on their mind in front of everyone.
Yikes, I didn't know I was supposed to be tipping 20%. I thought we were still at 15%??? 🤔 (yes, I am American 😄)
Hi there, I think the norm is 15-20%, and there are probably regional differences that factor in. As a former server myself, I personally do 20% and that's what I've always seen my friends and family do. But 15% is in the realm of normal so you're fine ;-)
😂
2nd point, it’s not a feeling, we are not interested in people we don’t know, unless that person seems to need help or support, but if the other don’t show a need for help or something we leave them alone, it’s a form of respect.
",,,we are not interested in people we don’t know" says it all. We are anti-social. We are not interested in promoting a harmonious society.
@@izzytoons you like taking the part that suits you well and ignore the second part. It’s like americans with their second amendment they take the part with « americans have the right to bear arms » and completely ignore the « well regulated militia » part.
@uFair enoguh. I'm usua;;y more careful. I did not digest your comment fully. You are right. For what's it worth, I hate what people do with the second amendment.
I live in Australia and "not bad" or "not too bad" are in very common use here with the exact same meaning as for the French. And I have heard them in UK as well.
When I hear it here in the U.S. it's usually said in a casually tone, jokingly. Such as, "hey, not bad, noob!"
Regarding dinner conversations, I think there's an unspoken US cultural standard of judging/remembering somebody disproportionately by their worst behavior; it's not _impossible_ to debate a heated topic without causing lasting repercussions, but it's not the default.
Yes, it's quite likely you will tend to avoid people and situations that result in unnecessary, unproductive conflict. Why would you?
What about mercy and forgiveness???