Sam is so right about the gut instinct. I had that quite early on about several things, but I ignored it, due to the idealisation I got. 4 years later I have ended it. Hideous individuals who leave a trail of destruction. Never again will I ignore my gut instinct.
I noticed the sex getting more and more forced and I was doing it out of self deprecation and fear of what my partner would do if i didnt give it , I believe that was when I started to realize the abusive relaitonship was in, I'd recommend just leaving now if youre in a similar situation, being the ultimate people pleaser eventually gets boring anyway
Hearing your breakdown of the shared fantasy phase was outstanding. The entire timeline you spoke of makes an impactful four year relationahip I had so clear, at each and every stage. 1 year of this relationship was spent living off of his mororcycle and travelling 24,000 miles around North America, camping and hiking. I always felt like I was trying to pass new tests and that my life depended on it. I have spent years now exploring my part of that shared fantasy. Thankfully I got out in extreme abuse bc that could have ended up deadly. We were very interesting, that's for sure 😂
I am going through the process of nothingness. I sat down with myself, completed a time line exercise and worked out where some of my beliefs and behaviours came from and how they were formed. I thought about some of these beliefs and questioned myself: where did they come from, are they mine? I worked out a lot of them weren't, they were my fathers and my mothers,from whom we had never been able to separate. It was not an easy process but was perhaps a little easier because I use psychology in my work (I work with offenders) and I have a degree in sociology and research methodology. These allow me to really think about how I have interacted with the world and it's constructs all these years. I have long said, society is a construct as is everything in it. We design it and we shape it. We therefore have the ability to reshape it if we want. Things did not exist prior to humans (eg the state, religion, education, healrhcare, work...).. They were not "just there", we created them...the world was nothing. Its meaning is only what we have constructed it to be. A religious friend of mine recently said, "look in the bible, it will answer all your questions. I replied" but I'm not asking those questions".... For me, surely the only thing mankind should really concern itself with is it's own survival and preservation... Like any other living species..... I find it odd we spend so much time in destruction - of each other and our world. Perhaps this is why we are investing in AI - to either rescue us or to replace us... Funny that we don't spend more time and effort investing in increasing our own levels of intelligence. I do wonder why education has been reduced to nothing more than pounds and pence - it's seen as a stepping stone to earn money in industry as opposed to being an investment in mankind. Or, perhaps that's the intention of the powers that be 😉
great! this is the best video till now that i did see till now from you - better never explained the borderline narcissist and multiple personality situation... did read and see so much stuff - now it is getting much more understandable... thank you for your work!🤝
Sam, I wouldn’t even comment on your videos and mind blowing insights on psychology, words won’t be enough. But what’s interesting is that it’s not your help tips that enabled me to exit my narcissistic relationship but was probably my crush on you 😂. I started preferring to watch your beautiful face and words than spend time with my narc 🤣🤣
@@samvaknin oh yes will see one, don't want my vision weakening at this point at least ☺️. Btw watched few videos on "inverted" and now understand how my mother's been "happily married" to my father (heightened level of grandiose narcissist) for 40 yrs now.
@@samvaknin Also, just an observation from Indian culture point of view - In one of your lectures on survival techniques, you mention few intuitive techniques adopted by women - It might be shocking but the whole dynamic explained there used to be The Defualt gender dynamic in our societies. Coming to think of it, women were probably groomed to be the perfect inverted for their future grandiose !
Prof. Vaknin my almost ex narccist is demanding that I change as he thinks I want to be with him as I told him I don't want to be with him, and he keeps overstepping boundaries using his key to our home he moved out. I am just trying to understand the motive of him not getting the point, and he keeps avoiding what I am telling him and keeps hovering me. And he told me he won't settle for who I am, and just to get him to confess his motives, I asked him, " Name exactly what changes he needs me to make?" He hadn't answered. Is this because he expects me to continue to hop on this hamster wheel without direction. Without direction, he is expecting me to never hit the goal. This will allow him to justify his continuous abuse by telling me I'm not good enough for however many more years. Am I right?
me too now 3 years... sam is right! no info about shared fantasy is easy to find but thats so importand to understand ... it is just what happends all day long... thank you sam for finding words to describe that processes...🤝
Hello, you lived with your partner together 33 years, i think it's great! Not so much people can live so long together. I don't understand where is a problem? For 33 years you know your partner like nobody else and you was ok for live with him!
Focus on yourself, if you feel like there is no self for you to focus on, go to therapy/immerse yourself in all positive and interesting things about life, and of course watch sams videos for education, narcissists are not unique or worthy of your time, theres millions of those clones all around us
Mine did. He stalked and harassed me, assaulted me. Triangulated me. Revenge for me leaving him and telling the truth about what he did to me. It has really quietened down now but I get the odd communication which I ignore.
Sam, just one thing isn't clear: you mentioned that the objective for the narcissist is separation and individuation from the maternal figure. Could you please explain why he would live with his partner for 30-40 years? It's a lot and graite in the saime time, together nearly all life! Thank you
Sam, just one thing isn't clear: you mentioned that the objective for the narcissist is separation and individuation from the maternal figure. Could you please explain why he would live with his partner for 30-40 years? It's a lot and great in the saime time, together nearly all life! Thank you
did you ever see a case of a woman with pmdd and vulnerable narcissism as symptomes same time? all the 7 phases all 3 1/2 weeks on the day possible to predict what will happen more or less. ... - since 3 years nonstop ... and days with relative normality when the blood comes...
How about a video on the invert nacassist? I always wonder about why one x friend always backed my other x friend. What the dynamic was between them. The invert nacassist comes from a much worse background than the person she backs no matter what. She has a brother that murdered his partner and a young girl who just happened to be living temporarily with the partner. She has a brother that hung himself from loneliness at 35. She couldn't have care less just as long as his goodbye letter didn't blame the family. She later joked in a letter for me to hang myself and gave me two oversized wine glasses and wine for a birthday present when I don't drink. I appreciate what she is trying to suggest! Her cousin is bipolar, used a guy now her ex, ruining kids lives who now hate the father, mother married twice, cold person, half sister won't work. This is versus the other friend whose grandfather was an alcoholic and parents and sister who are convert nacassist. She is hard to pick up big ego, overly interested in neices but has not married or had kids but clearly very interested in them. I would have expected her to be the subservient one of the pair just due to the worse background of the other. Explanation? Love your sense of humour, you make me laugh.
Sam is so right about the gut instinct. I had that quite early on about several things, but I ignored it, due to the idealisation I got. 4 years later I have ended it. Hideous individuals who leave a trail of destruction. Never again will I ignore my gut instinct.
A sharp and exact incision into the psyche of a narcissist and the victim's mindset as well. Bravo! Makes perfect sense.
I noticed the sex getting more and more forced and I was doing it out of self deprecation and fear of what my partner would do if i didnt give it , I believe that was when I started to realize the abusive relaitonship was in, I'd recommend just leaving now if youre in a similar situation, being the ultimate people pleaser eventually gets boring anyway
❤❤❤ love your comment!!! It did get boring especially when your being cheated on and abused on all levels!
I remember saying to him in the very early days, Why do you make a competitor out of your woman???? I just didn't get his one up one down mentally
Hearing your breakdown of the shared fantasy phase was outstanding. The entire timeline you spoke of makes an impactful four year relationahip I had so clear, at each and every stage. 1 year of this relationship was spent living off of his mororcycle and travelling 24,000 miles around North America, camping and hiking. I always felt like I was trying to pass new tests and that my life depended on it. I have spent years now exploring my part of that shared fantasy. Thankfully I got out in extreme abuse bc that could have ended up deadly. We were very interesting, that's for sure 😂
I am going through the process of nothingness. I sat down with myself, completed a time line exercise and worked out where some of my beliefs and behaviours came from and how they were formed. I thought about some of these beliefs and questioned myself: where did they come from, are they mine? I worked out a lot of them weren't, they were my fathers and my mothers,from whom we had never been able to separate. It was not an easy process but was perhaps a little easier because I use psychology in my work (I work with offenders) and I have a degree in sociology and research methodology. These allow me to really think about how I have interacted with the world and it's constructs all these years. I have long said, society is a construct as is everything in it. We design it and we shape it. We therefore have the ability to reshape it if we want. Things did not exist prior to humans (eg the state, religion, education, healrhcare, work...).. They were not "just there", we created them...the world was nothing. Its meaning is only what we have constructed it to be.
A religious friend of mine recently said, "look in the bible, it will answer all your questions. I replied" but I'm not asking those questions".... For me, surely the only thing mankind should really concern itself with is it's own survival and preservation... Like any other living species..... I find it odd we spend so much time in destruction - of each other and our world. Perhaps this is why we are investing in AI - to either rescue us or to replace us... Funny that we don't spend more time and effort investing in increasing our own levels of intelligence. I do wonder why education has been reduced to nothing more than pounds and pence - it's seen as a stepping stone to earn money in industry as opposed to being an investment in mankind. Or, perhaps that's the intention of the powers that be 😉
Can we talk? This sounds like the period of deep shadow work/reparenting/rediscovering me that I’ve been undergoing for the past seven years
Thank you profesor for your personhood
Hello profesor! Thank you for reaching to me, i am very Happy for being in touch with you, my name is Germán,
That's not the real Sam Vaknin that replied to your message..
Gosh! I thought it was him
Who is writing? I am very interested in the topic and knowing people alike. Salutations!
@@MrHermanndagerman Me? Just someone who has also researched the subject after having a number of confusing relationships! Greetings.
Thank you infinitely.
Loooove this video, explained a problem I have been struggling with for 50 years, thank you sooooo much
great! this is the best video till now that i did see till now from you - better never explained the borderline narcissist and multiple personality situation... did read and see so much stuff - now it is getting much more understandable... thank you for your work!🤝
did write you in whats app
Sam, I wouldn’t even comment on your videos and mind blowing insights on psychology, words won’t be enough. But what’s interesting is that it’s not your help tips that enabled me to exit my narcissistic relationship but was probably my crush on you 😂. I started preferring to watch your beautiful face and words than spend time with my narc 🤣🤣
Am a pretty and sane ( hopefully) Indian female btw and have started to feel that I might be Narc-philic- is there something of that sort ?
Search the channel for “inverted”. Also, urgently
switch ophthalmologists.
@@samvaknin oh yes will see one, don't want my vision weakening at this point at least ☺️.
Btw watched few videos on "inverted" and now understand how my mother's been "happily married" to my father (heightened level of grandiose narcissist) for 40 yrs now.
@@samvaknin Also, just an observation from Indian culture point of view - In one of your lectures on survival techniques, you mention few intuitive techniques adopted by women - It might be shocking but the whole dynamic explained there used to be The Defualt gender dynamic in our societies. Coming to think of it, women were probably groomed to be the perfect inverted for their future grandiose !
Prof. Vaknin my almost ex narccist is demanding that I change as he thinks I want to be with him as I told him I don't want to be with him, and he keeps overstepping boundaries using his key to our home he moved out. I am just trying to understand the motive of him not getting the point, and he keeps avoiding what I am telling him and keeps hovering me. And he told me he won't settle for who I am, and just to get him to confess his motives, I asked him, " Name exactly what changes he needs me to make?" He hadn't answered. Is this because he expects me to continue to hop on this hamster wheel without direction. Without direction, he is expecting me to never hit the goal. This will allow him to justify his continuous abuse by telling me I'm not good enough for however many more years. Am I right?
Malignant optimism, that was me until I gave up. The marriage was our stability, 33 years
me too now 3 years... sam is right!
no info about shared fantasy is easy to find but thats so importand to understand ... it is just what happends all day long...
thank you sam for finding words to describe that processes...🤝
Same here. 35yrs. I wish I knew then what I know now. I did not have the language. Now I do.
Hello, you lived with your partner together 33 years, i think it's great! Not so much people can live so long together. I don't understand where is a problem? For 33 years you know your partner like nobody else and you was ok for live with him!
2:07:54 no way to win ...sad but so true genial formuliert 2:15:00 again
I'm currently in the discard phase and I'm devastated. What should I focus on to get me through this without becoming the devil himself?
Watch the videos in the healing and recovery playlist.
Focus on yourself, if you feel like there is no self for you to focus on, go to therapy/immerse yourself in all positive and interesting things about life, and of course watch sams videos for education, narcissists are not unique or worthy of your time, theres millions of those clones all around us
@@samvaknin thankyou.
Would a narcissist come back and seek revenge on you if you mortify him?
Search the channel for "mortification".
Mine did. He stalked and harassed me, assaulted me. Triangulated me. Revenge for me leaving him and telling the truth about what he did to me. It has really quietened down now but I get the odd communication which I ignore.
Sam, just one thing isn't clear: you mentioned that the objective for the narcissist is separation and individuation from the maternal figure. Could you please explain why he would live with his partner for 30-40 years? It's a lot and graite in the saime time, together nearly all life! Thank you
Sam, just one thing isn't clear: you mentioned that the objective for the narcissist is separation and individuation from the maternal figure. Could you please explain why he would live with his partner for 30-40 years? It's a lot and great in the saime time, together nearly all life! Thank you
Search the shared fantasy playlist and search the channel for stability island and for self hoovering.
did you ever see a case of a woman with pmdd and vulnerable narcissism as symptomes same time? all the 7 phases all 3 1/2 weeks on the day possible to predict what will happen more or less. ... - since 3 years nonstop ... and days with relative normality when the blood comes...
Is the script followed by the narcissist a conscious process?
No.
Is narcissism contagious?
Search the channel.
How about a video on the invert nacassist? I always wonder about why one x friend always backed my other x friend. What the dynamic was between them. The invert nacassist comes from a much worse background than the person she backs no matter what. She has a brother that murdered his partner and a young girl who just happened to be living temporarily with the partner. She has a brother that hung himself from loneliness at 35. She couldn't have care less just as long as his goodbye letter didn't blame the family. She later joked in a letter for me to hang myself and gave me two oversized wine glasses and wine for a birthday present when I don't drink. I appreciate what she is trying to suggest! Her cousin is bipolar, used a guy now her ex, ruining kids lives who now hate the father, mother married twice, cold person, half sister won't work. This is versus the other friend whose grandfather was an alcoholic and parents and sister who are convert nacassist. She is hard to pick up big ego, overly interested in neices but has not married or had kids but clearly very interested in them. I would have expected her to be the subservient one of the pair just due to the worse background of the other. Explanation? Love your sense of humour, you make me laugh.
How about you search the channel?
Do they abuse animals like dogs?
No. Some psychopaths do.