Without knowing anything about narcissism and gaslighting, at the time, I said to my husband: “if I don’t remember it, then it never happened”. Should have seen the look on his face. After 3 and a half decades of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting, I had learnt not to believe him and began to trust my mind and sense of reality.
I completely relate. My sister and Uncle, who were both mostly raised by my mother, both tried to cause me as much misery and grief as they could. Out of jealousy and insecurities apparently, for close to 32 long years. They were around eighteen years older than me and mom had me in her late 30's. I'm an empath and an ally. And I have gone through smh throughout my entire life .😢
I guess I'm just trying to say is that I'm sorry that you went through that and I'm happy that it wasn't worse and that youve grown into a better way to cope and conquer 😎 and heal❤
@@Mom-a-Dragon7622 Im sorry for what you went through as well, but I guess when you’ve been trained from a young age not to stick up for what you think is correct and true, then you learn to be submissive as an adult and put up with endless amounts of cruel behaviour. Things unfortunately for me did get very ugly at the end. Things I can’t talk about but almost a year and a half later I’m starting to find my mojo with painting, gardening and music. All the best for you 😊🌷🌿🌷🌿🌷
I identify with now how he’s been gaslighting me for over two decades. I always felt nervous, controlled with my husband’s kindness and abuse. Listing to you, I’ve woken up to reality. After a month of separation I realized how much he smashed the life out of me. I’m regaining a sense of myself, while fragile, I want to be whole again. Truth cuts though lies and I’m awake now. Much gratitude 🙏🏻
These videos have been extremely helpful in helping me understand my experience. I often described my abuse as brainwashing. My ex voice is very distinct but also very musical. His voice still deeply triggers me. During the early part of my divorce I had been advised to wear a sound activated recorder ( he was increasingly aggressive) During many of his rage fits there was a lot of horrendous things he said to me. But in the moment it was almost like I didn’t hear it at all. Like automatically I would just try to explain or defuse and forget instantly the words coming out of this mouth. Sometimes I begged Sometimes I apologize but I never fully “heard” him. Months later preparing for the trial I begged my lawyer to just take the audio because I couldn’t handle hearing his voice. She wouldn’t (without charging me to listen, a real peach). So the first two attempts to listen, I heard him for the first time. He admits to sexually abusing me. Cheating on me, threatening. All these things I just didn’t hear when it was happening. It nearly sent me into a mental break. I got help from a close friend to help me after but… I knew something deeply neurological must be going on with this kind of abuse. Like going under a spell. It was like becoming temporarily deaf or blind. I’m not a dumb person, and I thought I was losing my mind. I STILL have to fight back against my own urge to see him as a wounded little boy.
I can relate so well to everything you said, and everything you did not say. Wishing you healing and peace. I am struggling with similar reactivity after 20 years of abuse. All kinds of things are being remembered now that he is gone. It’s brutally disorienting and painful.
Prof. Vaknin, I am amazed over and over, to be able to get the University type, scollary and indepth information viewed from many angles. It's also a enjoyable and many times humurous experience. Thank you for your work and efforts
Mine was my MIL for forty years!! They LOVE to make you invisible, worthless & SMALL!! Sorry that you experienced this wicked abuse as well! Hugs to you!♥️
I’ve just recently come to realise that my mother has done this my whole life long of 38 years.Im having terrifying flashbacks My mind is in total conflict now trying to untangle all the lies she really had hardwired me to believe that all the csa I indured from my grandad to babysitters never happened and that her parenting that was also extremely traumatic for me was me being dramatic 😔
Thank you for making it clear that ads are against your will. I will do my best to make sure i never give a dollar to anyone who advertises on your platform.
At 56. I still can’t believe it took me all my life to find this information… Your details are very telling… I know this is a year old post, but I appreciate it.
Wow. I called my ex narcissist a parakeet. He will repeat certain phrases hundreds of times in person and theough texts. The same 8 phrases every day! Yes it's like hypnosis
For a while, my stalkers idiocracy was all I thought about. Now I rarely think of her abuse or her at all. I feel like I can finally do stuff now and am not constantly brought down by her emotional abuse. Thank god she's gone
@@TaraDecker-v8z maybe about 8 months because she kept calling me at 5 a.m. trying to regain control and then fled to the courthouse because I started fighting back. Considering I wanted her to go lick her festering gaping wounds in private, I was okay with the restraining order in another state. You have to radically accept that these people are idioits. They are literally trying to mimic the mother or father they are trying to get back at. Like copied all my ideas word for word and literally I looked up to her. But I was looking up to myself. Radically accept that there are people in this world that are stuck at the age of 3 emotionally. Fantasy lands and all that. And you can't do anything to help them except get away from them. They can only help themselves. But yea, I could care less about what happens to that idioit. I'm just mad I wasted time caring on someone who doesn't even exist at all. They only exist making other people feel shitty about themselves. You just gotta accept them and realize they'll never change. So you gotta do what's right for you. For me, is never being near that wack job or anyone like her ever again in an unprofessional setting and getting my degree in psychology finally and helping reduce those mutants symptoms so they stop wreaking havoc on the rest of us.
@@TaraDecker-v8z and the fact that this is written by a fake account to a comment I made 7 months later makes me laugh non stop. Like still at it? The demented depths your bored ass will go. Seriously, go out and get a life dude. I know you're bored all the time and constantly on the internet. But I know that's hard for you considering you don't even have a personality LOL. I have no time for you ever again. Bye now.
These flashbacks feel like body memories cause they are located in your nerve system which is part of your unconscious mind by extension. It feels like its in your body but its your nerve system spread throughout the body.
Proffessor, what about repeated cheating and repeatedly catching him cheating/lying? This caused a vicious cycle in my brain. I was constantly trying to catch him cheating and/or suspecting that he was going to cheat again. Until he would, in fact, do it again. I would confont him with proof. He would rage. And I would beg him to stay. We continued the shared fantasy, but I constantly replayed the acts in my head, like a broken record. And they were time-stamped. I didnt even recognize myself anymore. 😢
Exact same thing with me and my abuser. He's dated 30 women over the years, it's like he's not anyone without having a chic. He's looked up ex GFS, messaged 2 of them that I know of. Looked up a married woman he had an affair with - her FB page, her work and contact details on her employer page. Looked up female friends from years ago, female colleagues from years ago and got in touch. Went for drinks with his friend's partner, who tried to seduce him...spent time with one of my friends (Bible thumper by the way) while I was at work, calls and messages hidden. When we fought, he'd message her and delete the messages in front of me. He sees nothing wrong, says I have borderline. I'm oversensitive. I left him on Sunday after he had my 12 year old daughter in tears because she said he'd humiliated me in front of them. He'd called my 2 kids in to tell them there's something wrong with their mother. He tried to get my 16 year old son on his side.
@sumone138 I'm sorry you went through that. I just have to keep telling myself, the person I thought I loved never existed and realize that the person he claimed to have loved (me) also never existed. It also helps to tell myself that a person who loves you would not cheat on you, ever; let alone repeatedly. I literally caught him, confronted him and he'd be back at it within one month. In my case, it was his son's mother that he'd always go to for his supply. It's been one month and those intrusive thoughts that Prof. Vaknin talks about have not stopped. The longest I have gone no contact has been 2 days. I'm starting over, today. Prayers for you!
@@marilynrosario228 thank you for the words of support ❤️. I'm glad you got out. Not easy, but you sound strong. They don't define us. Just because they lust after other women (to do with their own self-esteem issues) doesn't mean we're not good, attractive, loveable etc. They just don't see or appreciate us and that's them. Nothing to do with us. I'll keep you in my prayers my friend. Stay strong xxx
Twin Flames @2:40:44 Parasitic entity @03:14:20 reminds me of what happened to the wife in the movie Inception towards the end Many timestamps I can notate. I will come back eventually and provide more. Starting with twin flames, very clear in my psyche why I acted out with an ex that had strongholds on my reactions the past 2 years. Now I understand why I could not move on, it felt like they owned me and that I was no good for anyone else.
Trying to recover from a narcissist parent and ex boyfriend. Until I described this to my psychiatrist I didn't know what a narcissist was. Almost lost my sanity over this. #narcissisticabusesurvivor 😢💔
Girlfriend, SAME. 52 YRS OLD B4 I broke through the mental block & saw around the blind spot. *I couldn't comprehend boundaries cuz was never allowed to have any. *Never consciously heard the term Narcissistic Abuse, yet my entire life has been CONSUMED by it. *When abusers realized I'd seached, studied & LEARNED what they are, the Smear Campaigns went full board & my life was threatened many many times in different ways, by my X & my father. They talk & enable/support/encourage eachother. I had to flee almost 2 months ago. Lost my business, home, family, friends, finances. I'm living in my van & cannot get ANY help to stop them or to reclaim my life. The injustice never ends.
Sam that's awful that they are taking your videos and making money off of you that's one of the things I admire about you is that you're not always there with your hand out I appreciate that so much and it's such a shame that you two has got to take advantage of you like that how awful you are such a educated and smart man thank you for not stopping and sharing the talks that you give and the education you give so freely thank you so much
Just left my narcissistic partner after 3 years of abuse. He got angry when I told him he's a narcissist and can't or won't accept that's him. He can never remember or he remembers it differently. We've broken up, but due to both names being on the lease and finances (him not working, me paying for everything) and my humanity, he stayed and we kept on ending up together. He still expects physical intimacy irrespective of ugly, mean things he's said and done. He called me a sad woman, doesn't know how my ex stayed with me for 12 years and he's happy we've split. But then he tries to get me back into bed. We're in separate bedrooms now, he already went onto dating sites on the weekend, which is good. He can focus his attention elsewhere and eventually move on.
Don't renew the lease with him on it. I'm frustrated by all of you not getting out, not in judgement, because I struggled physically, monetarily and strategically to get out and I'm still fighting legally because HE won't stop fighting but I have completely let go, have never once driven by my stalker's house I'm frustrated that yall are paying their way to stay with you. I hope you get OUT. If you have no children, just stop paying, end lease and go.
@@ThrivePurpleHeart I understand where you're coming from. I told my work today what's going on. I have been provided telephonic counseling and future in person counseling. My work might even help me financially with a bond, because he's insisting on getting his bond back. I haven't been able to save because I've been financially supporting him. I've gotten a protection order against him today.
I got out! Applied for a protection order, but had to drop it, because he had never physically hit me (although he has pushed me out of his way able or 3 times). He moved out within 2 weeks. Now living with an ex friend that he cost me and he's dating someone new. I found out new info from an ex employer/friend. He had a gun taken away from him, his version had been was a robbery, he had his gun out. Cops confiscate gun beaches couldn't his licence and eventually there was an issue with the serial number. His friend says he had in fact been swinging gun around and had threatened to shoot himself. Was in rehab and mental institutions. He used the friend during a vulnerable time until the friend started seeing through him. Then it turned ugly as usual, threats etc. Ex used to tell me his mother was a saint. Friend told me ex screamed at his mother when she fell and broke a bone and was bleeding. Told her she was fucking clumsy and begrudgingly took her to hospital. Put a nail into his sister's car tyre when she kicked him out (2nd time). Should I let my bleeding heart art ex friend he's staying with now and his new partner know this info? Or do I just leave it and not look like an obsessed/revengeful ex? None of this would have been mentioned on his visa application, he was granted residency through me in December. Don't think the country we're in now would have taken him in had they known about the gun and suicide threats he made back home and he made suicide threats while here too. I wouldn't have gotten involved with him had I known all of this 🙈.
Sam Vaknin has introduced me to my fragmented self. I finally have a proper diagnosis of BPD after a lifetime of pain. Is lack of spatial awareness part of BPD? I have difficulty gauging where my body is physically in relation to the outside world. Knocking into objects, misjudging clearance space, catching fingers in closing doors etc.
It's all about finding back in your body. To feel your body. Bodywork. Here in Germany we have therapie called körperorientierte Psychotherapie. I would translat it with body-based Psychotherapie.
I have the same spatial issues! Somewhat poor motor skills too. "Clumsy" at times. Definitely not athletic! I do best if there are mirrors around so I can see my body while it...does body things...lol...I have a lot of bruises on my legs from bumping things!
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 This! Abuse and illness led me to regression. Had I been stuck at a certain "regressive age(teen)" I'd be considered to have BPD and not autism/ADHD... Sigh
You can still share your information free on a personal site🙂 So you do not agree on the function that other people call a flashback when it is in fact a response but why do not agree with that but it is an automated learned response and distorted and enhanced with trauma. Sounds like a flashback to me. I myself have had one of those at least one when I was in Larned State hospital in KS some years back. Everything you bring up this is absolutely fascinating I love your style in how you deliver it. Your vibe is great, and easy to flow with. I'm a weird person everybody told me that all my life so if this is it's weird to you and that's why I'm still learning and developing like everyone else. These are my favorite subjects. Probably because I have experienced and recovered from a lifetime of trauma, it seems.
@@samvakninwhat do you suggest and handling three narcissistic and cruel haters? They see me as an easy target so they took it to the max stream seriously they done everything but set me up and they were acting kind of like we're going to. It's kind of scary for a hot minute. Like they might drop by my house while I'm out and drop something in my flowerbed to frame me. Damn near made me paranoid lol😶😮💨 they've been gaslighting and trolling and manipulating a ton of people I know and was in good standing with. Over this last year they bribed and black mailed a ton of people to follow them and be on their side of the bullshit drama they are throwing around. Literally trying to make me look like I'm the one causing drama like I'm insane and can't deal with reality. I live in a small town. This is very difficult and eating to do damage control. Exhausting. How do I beat them at their own game make them stop pursuing me and show the town that they lied about me?
My mother threatened to cut off my hands when I was 10, dragged me through the house by my hair, beat me and pinched me until I had open wounds, and then just the psychological abusiveness talking terribly about everyone we knew, screaming so damn loud for hours on end our neighbours moved. All of this while I was between age 3 and 16ish. I feared and hated her and lied constantly out of fear, then shed go into fury about that too. To this day she wont admit she did anything wrong. She only ever did what she thought was best. I have pure hatred for that vile being. This fat pig is an immigrant and collects government cheques for 30 years now. If I ever decide to KMS Ill take her with me. She ruined me psychologically into addicrltion and into all kinds of behavioural problems. I recognize almost everything you say. Happy I found your channel and with it some self awareness.
After being with 3 narcissists in a relationship, I feel I can never trust again 😢 ..I always think the next one will be the same. How to see some signs that one is genuine in love with me? It so hard, you have signs that one is NOT a narcissist? Thank you
Sadly there are many men who are experiencing the same thing. My therapist told me the problem stems from thinking we have certain "type" so we go for that type (often clouded by looks and false charisma). In reality, the type we think we're going for is just a "habit" and a bad habit at that. We need to change therefore our type. Part of the problem lies with us. There has been a man or woman - guaranteed - who would have loved each of us unconditionally but whom becasue of our own issues ignored. How sad for them - how sad for us.
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 Now we understand why relationships were once primarily arranged and in many cultures still are. I think families understand that the key is finding a good companion, not a flash in the pan lover. Chemisty is driven by a spark of flint that turns into a conflagration. But water is chemistry too, and very few of us are looking for something that soothes and comforts us. We always desire the fireworks. Like I said we are responsible quite often for our own malaise. Those around us - and they do exist - in good relationships are with their best friend, not their most coveted lover.
To trust yourself takes time. Time for you to focus on YOU, NOT the narc. A good way to tell how people really are is to NOT listen to their words & hype or great sounding resume in the world in general, not just a great job. Listen instead to what YOUR body, feelings & emotions are saying to you. Look inward to you, not outward to the decorum. Hope this helps. You WILL trust yourself again. I promise, but you must work on yourself first. Start looking forward & not back so much. Take baby steps forward. Go for a walk. Talk to people at the grocery store, anything really. Much speed in your recovery. You deserve to be loved. You deserve others to be kind, honest & genuine to you. We ALL do. Life is about people. There ARE good people. Listen to your gut. Love, Nanukie
@@claudiknits I'm glad what I said resonates with you. It works ! We must focus on ourselves. Check in. How am I doing, feeling., etc. Don't forget these narcissist types are very sick people who CANNOT change. Sad for them, but NOT FOR US. We have what it takes to be calm, soothed, happy, content & so much more. We have been through our own trauma & it can cloud our mind & vision, but NOT our body, feelings & gut. There is a say that says " The body keeps score." It does. Our job is to simply listen. I love & care about you as one human being to another. THAT is normal, to care about others. Good bye narc. I don't need your horrible energy affecting me any more. It doesn't feel good. Something is not right. You MUST come first. Be well. Love, Nanukie
I always knew my ex was off, she did too. I just didnt realize it was pathological, nor did I ever hear of NPD. We were together 9 yrs and had 1 child. I dont feel I was abused, I feel I was just trying to hard to convince someone they deserved and were loved. Only recently do I see that her reality is chaos and unstable. Her identity is not solid. After I left her and the last 10 months of NC, Ive seen her take on about 3 very different and odd identities, complete with drastically different styles. I finally dont feel guilty for leaving her. I pity her, I still love her for what we had and as a fellow earthly human soul, I know she is disordered and doing her best, but I find her lack of accountability contemptable. If we admit our role and forgive ourselves, it can be a learning experience that one may even find gratitude to have experienced. And I was physically assaulted, not just deceived pbysically, emotionally, etc. The truth sets us free, but you must dig for it. Dont mentally abuse yourself into depression, confusion, and exhaustion. No such thing as gaslighting, its stupid, you know what you know. Abuse can ONLY come in physical form. Go within for the personal inspirations to physically create what you want to see externally. Your hearts desires can never come from or be given to you by another person.
So my question is this. When we refer to the dismissiveness and deception of media, government and corporations should we stop using "gaslighting", is there a better word? Because it sure feels like gas lighting.
Hello! Is there such a thing as a borderline style? I found in Russian literature the term which is used to describe someone without BPD but with borderline traits and it’s called “Borderline personality organization” (if translated literally)
Pls help. 2x PUBLIC CITY WIDE SMEAR CAMPAIGNS +FB this time, 40yrs apart, 1000s Flying Monkeys. Life & freedom Threatened, Cops mislead, in hiding. Lost 22yr Business, home, all money, Family, everything. Father: hates me cuz couldnt win me over=narc injury. Abusive, Rageful, Violent made me a nervous baby. I FEARED him so he rejected me. Emotinal Neglect, homical rage beatings, whipped naked with belt from at least 3yrs old to 7, no explanations, always punished, isolated, took my mom making her emotionally dead, neverending GASLIGHT, i was to be submissive, obedient, quiet, servant. VERY good grades but told dont think about college cuz i only needed to LEARN how to be a good housewife. 14, tired of living in fear & anxiety. I spoke out. In order not to physically kill me @ 15 & risk his freedom, he killed me psychically by SCAPEGOATING, using the BLAME-SHIFTING as reason to convince EVERYONE I was crazy, Satanic & unCONTROLLABLE, set me up to be falsley charged with MINOR IN POSSESSION of alcohol, right b4 school started sent me to mental hospital for 6months via INSURANCE FRAUD, yanked me out for 2 months, shipped me off to aunt right b4 finals to ruin my schooling & make me repeat, & extend my probation, 6 months shipped me back home in middle of semester & JUST b4 end of probation to extend everything again, 2 months convinced judge to sentence me to horrific girls development center till 19, WITHOUT standard 30 day eval (since been shut down & sued by many). On my own, moved far away, put myself thru college, worked in areospace & technology, advanced quickly, Senior Project Mgr over 5300 person campus at age 27. Nothing was good enough. He still didnt like me. MUCH hesitation, but @ 30 went back to home town thinking might be good for my 3yr old to grow up with lots of extended family. Bought property, opened business, successful, but he still always took pot-shots at me. Gaslighting VERY covert, subtle most didnt notice. Now Im 53, & right back in the same nightmare i thought couldn't possibly ever happen again... but even worse. This time he's gonna make sure to destroy me. Now my PTSD is TERRIBLE. ITS TERRIBLE JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN WTF is going on. Hes got my sister believing im gonna kill him. Im not the one with a violent history. All i have left is my daughter & they are trying to turn her too. I NEED SOMEONE TO SHINE LIGHT ON THIS! NO COPS OR LAWYERS IN THAT BACKWARDS TOWN WOULD HELP, ESPECIALLY AFTER DAD CALLED COPS WITH HIS OLD SMEER CAMPAIGN TACTICS SAYING IM CRAZY, ON DRUGS, THREATENING HIM, & PROVIDED INFO ON A SMALL HANDGUN HE INSISTED I HAVE WHEN I GO CAMPING ALONE IN THE DESERT!! Sorry this is long, but its a gdamn 53yr long story that hes trying to end! Its insane, gross, & yeah, now all the flashbacks, all the betrayal, all the evil 10-fold. I am hanging on by a thread. I have proof of everything, but no one will listen or take the time to go through it all. Ive had a therapist for almost 4 months & they dont understand the dynamics. I CANT KEEP TRYING TO EDUCATE PEOPLE in hopes they'll get it& then finally help me.
LEAVE. You are an adult and you can leave. Don't tell them, don't plan out loud, explain or threaten. Just leave, and start like a vacation while you get used to your new place. Get work and therapy. It doesn't have to be permanent. Just live this year free, then the next year free.
Yes, please get out of there right away. I'm extremely sorry that your flying monkeys have flying monkeys. But "HE" will not stop. He's just getting started. You are an amazing person for all you accomplished with such an unfair & horrific parental behavior. I don't want to see all of your successes ruined due to a narc/psychopath. PLEASE pack your necessities & take your daughter far away from such ugliness. She's seen ENOUGH.
@jenstevens2998 I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. I've already lost EVERYTHING. Ive been on the Run since last half of June. In about 30 minutes I grabbed what i could, & my pets, & took off because i found out my father had texted with an unstable man who'd previously been charged with attempted murder, but got off cuz witness moved away. Well, the night before i was heading back into town after being gone a couple weeks, My dad let this man think I personally attacked his mother in a terrible way. This unstable man was being manipulated into wanting to attack or kill me. Around midnight i got a couple calls saying this unstable man was out looking for me. MY DAD HAD SET ME UP TO GET HURT OR KILLED without getting his hands dirty! I left everything & am living in my van. I stay at a different place every night to stay safe. I don't talk to anyone now except my daughter, but they are trying to get info out of her. She's so stressed.
@Nanukie I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. I've already lost EVERYTHING. Ive been on the Run since last half of June. In about 30 minutes I grabbed what i could, & my pets, & took off because i found out my father had texted with an unstable man who'd previously been charged with attempted murder, but got off cuz witness moved away. Well, the night before i was heading back into town after being gone a couple weeks, My dad let this man think I personally attacked his mother in a terrible way. This unstable man was being manipulated into wanting to attack or kill me. Around midnight i got a couple calls saying this unstable man was out looking for me. MY DAD HAD SET ME UP TO GET HURT OR KILLED without getting his hands dirty! I left everything & am living in my van. I stay at a different place every night to stay safe. I don't talk to anyone now except my daughter, but they are trying to get info out of her. She's so stressed.
Without knowing anything about narcissism and gaslighting, at the time, I said to my husband: “if I don’t remember it, then it never happened”. Should have seen the look on his face. After 3 and a half decades of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting, I had learnt not to believe him and began to trust my mind and sense of reality.
I am sorry you had to go through these....prayers 🙏 for you.💜🌸
Just started to realeyes....I'm not standing for it, but I'm reduced to tears at the aggravation
I completely relate. My sister and Uncle, who were both mostly raised by my mother, both tried to cause me as much misery and grief as they could. Out of jealousy and insecurities apparently, for close to 32 long years. They were around eighteen years older than me and mom had me in her late 30's. I'm an empath and an ally.
And I have gone through smh throughout my entire life .😢
I guess I'm just trying to say is that I'm sorry that you went through that and I'm happy that it wasn't worse and that youve grown into a better way to cope and conquer 😎 and heal❤
@@Mom-a-Dragon7622
Im sorry for what you went through as well, but I guess when you’ve been trained from a young age not to stick up for what you think is correct and true, then you learn to be submissive as an adult and put up with endless amounts of cruel behaviour.
Things unfortunately for me did get very ugly at the end. Things I can’t talk about but almost a year and a half later I’m starting to find my mojo with painting, gardening and music. All the best for you 😊🌷🌿🌷🌿🌷
I identify with now how he’s been gaslighting me for over two decades. I always felt nervous, controlled with my husband’s kindness and abuse. Listing to you, I’ve woken up to reality. After a month of separation I realized how much he smashed the life out of me. I’m regaining a sense of myself, while fragile, I want to be whole again. Truth cuts though lies and I’m awake now. Much gratitude 🙏🏻
Proud of you 😊 leaving my relationship in June! We did it
I don't get bored or tired from Sam's long videos, it's the other way around the longer the better.
Narcissistic abuse is beyond abuse it’s torture
Narcissistic Abuse is 100% selfishness without bounds = pure evil
So true
Exactly
What I imagine hell to be like
Absolutely
Most likely the deepest analyzer of narcissism on the internet. Learned a lot from you thank you Sam!!!
These videos have been extremely helpful in helping me understand my experience. I often described my abuse as brainwashing. My ex voice is very distinct but also very musical. His voice still deeply triggers me.
During the early part of my divorce I had been advised to wear a sound activated recorder ( he was increasingly aggressive) During many of his rage fits there was a lot of horrendous things he said to me. But in the moment it was almost like I didn’t hear it at all. Like automatically I would just try to explain or defuse and forget instantly the words coming out of this mouth. Sometimes I begged Sometimes I apologize but I never fully “heard” him.
Months later preparing for the trial I begged my lawyer to just take the audio because I couldn’t handle hearing his voice. She wouldn’t (without charging me to listen, a real peach).
So the first two attempts to listen, I heard him for the first time. He admits to sexually abusing me. Cheating on me, threatening. All these things I just didn’t hear when it was happening. It nearly sent me into a mental break. I got help from a close friend to help me after but… I knew something deeply neurological must be going on with this kind of abuse. Like going under a spell. It was like becoming temporarily deaf or blind. I’m not a dumb person, and I thought I was losing my mind. I STILL have to fight back against my own urge to see him as a wounded little boy.
BIG GENTLE HUG
Sending hugs ❤
I can relate so well to everything you said, and everything you did not say. Wishing you healing and peace. I am struggling with similar reactivity after 20 years of abuse. All kinds of things are being remembered now that he is gone. It’s brutally disorienting and painful.
Sending you healing ❤💝💝
Prof. Vaknin, I am amazed over and over, to be able to get the University type, scollary and indepth information viewed from many angles. It's also a enjoyable and many times humurous experience. Thank you for your work and efforts
Sorry to hear that Sam, you're content saved my life 🙏 ❤️
I understand how My mother made me feel invisible and unreal.😢
Mine was my MIL for forty years!! They LOVE to make you invisible, worthless & SMALL!! Sorry that you experienced this wicked abuse as well!
Hugs to you!♥️
Im so sorry.
I’ve just recently come to realise that my mother has done this my whole life long of 38 years.Im having terrifying flashbacks My mind is in total conflict now trying to untangle all the lies she really had hardwired me to believe that all the csa I indured from my grandad to babysitters never happened and that her parenting that was also extremely traumatic for me was me being dramatic 😔
Thank you Sam Vaknin, it is great to have a guide of such perfection in this time of need. Without your brilliant insight we would all be lost.
Thank you for making it clear that ads are against your will. I will do my best to make sure i never give a dollar to anyone who advertises on your platform.
Thank you! The long videos are very, very good. Pretty useful collection of precious information.
At 56. I still can’t believe it took me all my life to find this information… Your details are very telling… I know this is a year old post, but I appreciate it.
Appreciated the advert free years, pay for premium, the value of your content is immeasurable.
Wow. I called my ex narcissist a parakeet. He will repeat certain phrases hundreds of times in person and theough texts. The same 8 phrases every day! Yes it's like hypnosis
For a while, my stalkers idiocracy was all I thought about. Now I rarely think of her abuse or her at all. I feel like I can finally do stuff now and am not constantly brought down by her emotional abuse. Thank god she's gone
I'm sorry you went through that.
How long did it take for u to get here?
@@TaraDecker-v8z maybe about 8 months because she kept calling me at 5 a.m. trying to regain control and then fled to the courthouse because I started fighting back. Considering I wanted her to go lick her festering gaping wounds in private, I was okay with the restraining order in another state. You have to radically accept that these people are idioits. They are literally trying to mimic the mother or father they are trying to get back at. Like copied all my ideas word for word and literally I looked up to her. But I was looking up to myself. Radically accept that there are people in this world that are stuck at the age of 3 emotionally. Fantasy lands and all that. And you can't do anything to help them except get away from them. They can only help themselves. But yea, I could care less about what happens to that idioit. I'm just mad I wasted time caring on someone who doesn't even exist at all. They only exist making other people feel shitty about themselves. You just gotta accept them and realize they'll never change. So you gotta do what's right for you. For me, is never being near that wack job or anyone like her ever again in an unprofessional setting and getting my degree in psychology finally and helping reduce those mutants symptoms so they stop wreaking havoc on the rest of us.
@@TaraDecker-v8z and the fact that this is written by a fake account to a comment I made 7 months later makes me laugh non stop. Like still at it? The demented depths your bored ass will go. Seriously, go out and get a life dude. I know you're bored all the time and constantly on the internet. But I know that's hard for you considering you don't even have a personality LOL. I have no time for you ever again. Bye now.
@@deborahserafin8253 I can call it whatever I want. It solidified what I went through. But eventually I'll refer to her as to what she is....nothing
I never see ads because I bought a subscription. Worth it.
She was dishinest from the start and you need to see and beleive when they reveal their evil minds.
Not sure anyone even my counselor could understand. Finally i have a play by play of the preditor's tactics. Finally the gas-lit fog is dispelled!!!
These flashbacks feel like body memories cause they are located in your nerve system which is part of your unconscious mind by extension. It feels like its in your body but its your nerve system spread throughout the body.
You sir have changed my life with your videos . Thank you .
Proffessor, what about repeated cheating and repeatedly catching him cheating/lying? This caused a vicious cycle in my brain. I was constantly trying to catch him cheating and/or suspecting that he was going to cheat again. Until he would, in fact, do it again. I would confont him with proof. He would rage. And I would beg him to stay. We continued the shared fantasy, but I constantly replayed the acts in my head, like a broken record. And they were time-stamped. I didnt even recognize myself anymore. 😢
I will add that I was in this cycle for our entire 3 years together.
Exact same thing with me and my abuser. He's dated 30 women over the years, it's like he's not anyone without having a chic. He's looked up ex GFS, messaged 2 of them that I know of. Looked up a married woman he had an affair with - her FB page, her work and contact details on her employer page. Looked up female friends from years ago, female colleagues from years ago and got in touch. Went for drinks with his friend's partner, who tried to seduce him...spent time with one of my friends (Bible thumper by the way) while I was at work, calls and messages hidden. When we fought, he'd message her and delete the messages in front of me. He sees nothing wrong, says I have borderline. I'm oversensitive. I left him on Sunday after he had my 12 year old daughter in tears because she said he'd humiliated me in front of them. He'd called my 2 kids in to tell them there's something wrong with their mother. He tried to get my 16 year old son on his side.
@sumone138 I'm sorry you went through that. I just have to keep telling myself, the person I thought I loved never existed and realize that the person he claimed to have loved (me) also never existed. It also helps to tell myself that a person who loves you would not cheat on you, ever; let alone repeatedly. I literally caught him, confronted him and he'd be back at it within one month. In my case, it was his son's mother that he'd always go to for his supply. It's been one month and those intrusive thoughts that Prof. Vaknin talks about have not stopped. The longest I have gone no contact has been 2 days. I'm starting over, today. Prayers for you!
@@marilynrosario228 thank you for the words of support ❤️. I'm glad you got out. Not easy, but you sound strong. They don't define us. Just because they lust after other women (to do with their own self-esteem issues) doesn't mean we're not good, attractive, loveable etc. They just don't see or appreciate us and that's them. Nothing to do with us. I'll keep you in my prayers my friend. Stay strong xxx
@@susantalebzadeh9741 ❤️🙏
One of The Best self help videos ever
Twin Flames @2:40:44
Parasitic entity @03:14:20 reminds me of what happened to the wife in the movie Inception towards the end
Many timestamps I can notate. I will come back eventually and provide more.
Starting with twin flames, very clear in my psyche why I acted out with an ex that had strongholds on my reactions the past 2 years. Now I understand why I could not move on, it felt like they owned me and that I was no good for anyone else.
Trying to recover from a narcissist parent and ex boyfriend. Until I described this to my psychiatrist I didn't know what a narcissist was. Almost lost my sanity over this.
#narcissisticabusesurvivor 😢💔
Girlfriend, SAME.
52 YRS OLD B4 I broke through the mental block & saw around the blind spot.
*I couldn't comprehend boundaries cuz was never allowed to have any.
*Never consciously heard the term Narcissistic Abuse, yet my entire life has been CONSUMED by it.
*When abusers realized I'd seached, studied & LEARNED what they are, the Smear Campaigns went full board & my life was threatened many many times in different ways, by my X & my father. They talk & enable/support/encourage eachother.
I had to flee almost 2 months ago. Lost my business, home, family, friends, finances. I'm living in my van & cannot get ANY help to stop them or to reclaim my life.
The injustice never ends.
Your lectures are amazingly informative. I have learned so much about Narcissistic personalities and myself.
So sorry UA-cam is doing this to you. I have followed you for years. 💕
Sam that's awful that they are taking your videos and making money off of you that's one of the things I admire about you is that you're not always there with your hand out I appreciate that so much and it's such a shame that you two has got to take advantage of you like that how awful you are such a educated and smart man thank you for not stopping and sharing the talks that you give and the education you give so freely thank you so much
Just left my narcissistic partner after 3 years of abuse. He got angry when I told him he's a narcissist and can't or won't accept that's him. He can never remember or he remembers it differently. We've broken up, but due to both names being on the lease and finances (him not working, me paying for everything) and my humanity, he stayed and we kept on ending up together. He still expects physical intimacy irrespective of ugly, mean things he's said and done. He called me a sad woman, doesn't know how my ex stayed with me for 12 years and he's happy we've split. But then he tries to get me back into bed. We're in separate bedrooms now, he already went onto dating sites on the weekend, which is good. He can focus his attention elsewhere and eventually move on.
Don't renew the lease with him on it.
I'm frustrated by all of you not getting out, not in judgement, because I struggled physically, monetarily and strategically to get out and I'm still fighting legally because HE won't stop fighting but I have completely let go, have never once driven by my stalker's house
I'm frustrated that yall are paying their way to stay with you.
I hope you get OUT. If you have no children, just stop paying, end lease and go.
@@ThrivePurpleHeart I understand where you're coming from. I told my work today what's going on. I have been provided telephonic counseling and future in person counseling. My work might even help me financially with a bond, because he's insisting on getting his bond back. I haven't been able to save because I've been financially supporting him. I've gotten a protection order against him today.
I got out! Applied for a protection order, but had to drop it, because he had never physically hit me (although he has pushed me out of his way able or 3 times). He moved out within 2 weeks. Now living with an ex friend that he cost me and he's dating someone new. I found out new info from an ex employer/friend. He had a gun taken away from him, his version had been was a robbery, he had his gun out. Cops confiscate gun beaches couldn't his licence and eventually there was an issue with the serial number. His friend says he had in fact been swinging gun around and had threatened to shoot himself. Was in rehab and mental institutions. He used the friend during a vulnerable time until the friend started seeing through him. Then it turned ugly as usual, threats etc. Ex used to tell me his mother was a saint. Friend told me ex screamed at his mother when she fell and broke a bone and was bleeding. Told her she was fucking clumsy and begrudgingly took her to hospital. Put a nail into his sister's car tyre when she kicked him out (2nd time). Should I let my bleeding heart art ex friend he's staying with now and his new partner know this info? Or do I just leave it and not look like an obsessed/revengeful ex? None of this would have been mentioned on his visa application, he was granted residency through me in December. Don't think the country we're in now would have taken him in had they known about the gun and suicide threats he made back home and he made suicide threats while here too. I wouldn't have gotten involved with him had I known all of this 🙈.
❤ Thank you!
Sorry to hear that Doc.
Sam Vaknin has introduced me to my fragmented self. I finally have a proper diagnosis of BPD after a lifetime of pain.
Is lack of spatial awareness part of BPD? I have difficulty gauging where my body is physically in relation to the outside world. Knocking into objects, misjudging clearance space, catching fingers in closing doors etc.
It's all about finding back in your body.
To feel your body.
Bodywork.
Here in Germany we have therapie called körperorientierte Psychotherapie.
I would translat it with body-based Psychotherapie.
Dyspraxia perhaps?
I have the same spatial issues! Somewhat poor motor skills too. "Clumsy" at times. Definitely not athletic! I do best if there are mirrors around so I can see my body while it...does body things...lol...I have a lot of bruises on my legs from bumping things!
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 This! Abuse and illness led me to regression. Had I been stuck at a certain "regressive age(teen)" I'd be considered to have BPD and not autism/ADHD... Sigh
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 I do have autism traits .
Thank you so much this is really helping me understand my adopted mother I appreciate it
Sounds like you’re saying the ex was/is a psychopath. The disassociation I experience as a result of being with him has let up but won’t go away yet.
Dissociation, not disassociation.
I always thought precognition was always really cool even though it's extraordinarily unlikely that it exists.
Thank you for teaching me.
That is terrible what UA-cam is doing. They need to be stopped.
Wow sorry to hear about this advertising situation. I love your videos as they are very good and educational
You can still share your information free on a personal site🙂
So you do not agree on the function that other people call a flashback when it is in fact a response but why do not agree with that but it is an automated learned response and distorted and enhanced with trauma. Sounds like a flashback to me. I myself have had one of those at least one when I was in Larned State hospital in KS some years back. Everything you bring up this is absolutely fascinating I love your style in how you deliver it. Your vibe is great, and easy to flow with. I'm a weird person everybody told me that all my life so if this is it's weird to you and that's why I'm still learning and developing like everyone else. These are my favorite subjects. Probably because I have experienced and recovered from a lifetime of trauma, it seems.
All my videos are available on Rumble.
@@samvaknin ty❤
@@samvakninwhat do you suggest and handling three narcissistic and cruel haters? They see me as an easy target so they took it to the max stream seriously they done everything but set me up and they were acting kind of like we're going to. It's kind of scary for a hot minute. Like they might drop by my house while I'm out and drop something in my flowerbed to frame me. Damn near made me paranoid lol😶😮💨 they've been gaslighting and trolling and manipulating a ton of people I know and was in good standing with. Over this last year they bribed and black mailed a ton of people to follow them and be on their side of the bullshit drama they are throwing around. Literally trying to make me look like I'm the one causing drama like I'm insane and can't deal with reality. I live in a small town. This is very difficult and eating to do damage control. Exhausting. How do I beat them at their own game make them stop pursuing me and show the town that they lied about me?
My mother threatened to cut off my hands when I was 10, dragged me through the house by my hair, beat me and pinched me until I had open wounds, and then just the psychological abusiveness talking terribly about everyone we knew, screaming so damn loud for hours on end our neighbours moved. All of this while I was between age 3 and 16ish. I feared and hated her and lied constantly out of fear, then shed go into fury about that too. To this day she wont admit she did anything wrong. She only ever did what she thought was best. I have pure hatred for that vile being. This fat pig is an immigrant and collects government cheques for 30 years now. If I ever decide to KMS Ill take her with me. She ruined me psychologically into addicrltion and into all kinds of behavioural problems. I recognize almost everything you say. Happy I found your channel and with it some self awareness.
After being with 3 narcissists in a relationship, I feel I can never trust again 😢 ..I always think the next one will be the same. How to see some signs that one is genuine in love with me? It so hard, you have signs that one is NOT a narcissist? Thank you
Sadly there are many men who are experiencing the same thing. My therapist told me the problem stems from thinking we have certain "type" so we go for that type (often clouded by looks and false charisma). In reality, the type we think we're going for is just a "habit" and a bad habit at that. We need to change therefore our type. Part of the problem lies with us. There has been a man or woman - guaranteed - who would have loved each of us unconditionally but whom becasue of our own issues ignored. How sad for them - how sad for us.
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 Now we understand why relationships were once primarily arranged and in many cultures still are. I think families understand that the key is finding a good companion, not a flash in the pan lover. Chemisty is driven by a spark of flint that turns into a conflagration. But water is chemistry too, and very few of us are looking for something that soothes and comforts us. We always desire the fireworks. Like I said we are responsible quite often for our own malaise. Those around us - and they do exist - in good relationships are with their best friend, not their most coveted lover.
To trust yourself takes time. Time for you to focus on YOU, NOT the narc. A good way to tell how people really are is to NOT listen to their words & hype or great sounding resume in the world in general, not just a great job. Listen instead to what YOUR body, feelings & emotions are saying to you. Look inward to you, not outward to the decorum. Hope this helps. You WILL trust yourself again. I promise, but you must work on yourself first. Start looking forward & not back so much. Take baby steps forward. Go for a walk. Talk to people at the grocery store, anything really. Much speed in your recovery. You deserve to be loved. You deserve others to be kind, honest & genuine to you. We ALL do. Life is about people. There ARE good people. Listen to your gut. Love, Nanukie
@Nanukie thank you so much 🩵 your words mean a lot ..and I will listen to my body more and not words but actions.
@@claudiknits I'm glad what I said resonates with you. It works ! We must focus on ourselves. Check in. How am I doing, feeling., etc. Don't forget these narcissist types are very sick people who CANNOT change. Sad for them, but NOT FOR US. We have what it takes to be calm, soothed, happy, content & so much more. We have been through our own trauma & it can cloud our mind & vision, but NOT our body, feelings & gut. There is a say that says " The body keeps score." It does. Our job is to simply listen. I love & care about you as one human being to another. THAT is normal, to care about others. Good bye narc. I don't need your horrible energy affecting me any more. It doesn't feel good. Something is not right. You MUST come first. Be well. Love, Nanukie
I always knew my ex was off, she did too. I just didnt realize it was pathological, nor did I ever hear of NPD. We were together 9 yrs and had 1 child. I dont feel I was abused, I feel I was just trying to hard to convince someone they deserved and were loved. Only recently do I see that her reality is chaos and unstable. Her identity is not solid. After I left her and the last 10 months of NC, Ive seen her take on about 3 very different and odd identities, complete with drastically different styles. I finally dont feel guilty for leaving her. I pity her, I still love her for what we had and as a fellow earthly human soul, I know she is disordered and doing her best, but I find her lack of accountability contemptable. If we admit our role and forgive ourselves, it can be a learning experience that one may even find gratitude to have experienced. And I was physically assaulted, not just deceived pbysically, emotionally, etc. The truth sets us free, but you must dig for it. Dont mentally abuse yourself into depression, confusion, and exhaustion. No such thing as gaslighting, its stupid, you know what you know. Abuse can ONLY come in physical form. Go within for the personal inspirations to physically create what you want to see externally. Your hearts desires can never come from or be given to you by another person.
What deep dive Professor!
When they know that you know they will stop.
Professor Sam Vaknin, you're the dog's bollocks!!! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
Sehr gut Herr Vaknin,
aber ich befürchte ihr deutsches Wort ist in Deutschland unbekannt. 😅
Give it time.
Helpful tips from 42 00 navigating gaslighting..thank you
*For those of us that subscribe to UA-cam, your videos are still advertisement free*
Brave browser, never have youtube adverts again ;)
Yep!
I’m thinking of a word that rhymes with crumble.. 1:28
Humble.
So my question is this. When we refer to the dismissiveness and deception of media, government and corporations should we stop using "gaslighting", is there a better word? Because it sure feels like gas lighting.
since they are monetizing from your videos change your settings to benefit to take care of yourself 🎉
I did recently. They left me no choice.
🙏🏻 about the twin flame!
Hello! Is there such a thing as a borderline style? I found in Russian literature the term which is used to describe someone without BPD but with borderline traits and it’s called “Borderline personality organization” (if translated literally)
Yes, both are clinically accepted terms. The style was first described by Len Sperry.
@@samvaknin thank you for the reply!
Could we use "gaslighting" in a positive, motivating way?
No.
@@samvaknin Thank you, Professor!
Kvavilashvili is the Georgian surname which is flowerchild in translation
intresting
...and, Other Ignorant Nonsense...😂
With UA-cam Premium there is no advertising ;)
Keep trying. Look for another therapist
Pls help. 2x PUBLIC CITY WIDE SMEAR CAMPAIGNS +FB this time, 40yrs apart, 1000s Flying Monkeys. Life & freedom Threatened, Cops mislead, in hiding. Lost 22yr Business, home, all money, Family, everything. Father: hates me cuz couldnt win me over=narc injury. Abusive, Rageful, Violent made me a nervous baby. I FEARED him so he rejected me. Emotinal Neglect, homical rage beatings, whipped naked with belt from at least 3yrs old to 7, no explanations, always punished, isolated, took my mom making her emotionally dead, neverending GASLIGHT, i was to be submissive, obedient, quiet, servant. VERY good grades but told dont think about college cuz i only needed to LEARN how to be a good housewife. 14, tired of living in fear & anxiety. I spoke out. In order not to physically kill me @ 15 & risk his freedom, he killed me psychically by SCAPEGOATING, using the BLAME-SHIFTING as reason to convince EVERYONE I was crazy, Satanic & unCONTROLLABLE, set me up to be falsley charged with MINOR IN POSSESSION of alcohol, right b4 school started sent me to mental hospital for 6months via INSURANCE FRAUD, yanked me out for 2 months, shipped me off to aunt right b4 finals to ruin my schooling & make me repeat, & extend my probation, 6 months shipped me back home in middle of semester & JUST b4 end of probation to extend everything again, 2 months convinced judge to sentence me to horrific girls development center till 19, WITHOUT standard 30 day eval (since been shut down & sued by many).
On my own, moved far away, put myself thru college, worked in areospace & technology, advanced quickly, Senior Project Mgr over 5300 person campus at age 27. Nothing was good enough. He still didnt like me. MUCH hesitation, but @ 30 went back to home town thinking might be good for my 3yr old to grow up with lots of extended family. Bought property, opened business, successful, but he still always took pot-shots at me. Gaslighting VERY covert, subtle most didnt notice.
Now Im 53, & right back in the same nightmare i thought couldn't possibly ever happen again... but even worse. This time he's gonna make sure to destroy me. Now my PTSD is TERRIBLE. ITS TERRIBLE JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN WTF is going on. Hes got my sister believing im gonna kill him. Im not the one with a violent history. All i have left is my daughter & they are trying to turn her too.
I NEED SOMEONE TO SHINE LIGHT ON THIS! NO COPS OR LAWYERS IN THAT BACKWARDS TOWN WOULD HELP, ESPECIALLY AFTER DAD CALLED COPS WITH HIS OLD SMEER CAMPAIGN TACTICS SAYING IM CRAZY, ON DRUGS, THREATENING HIM, & PROVIDED INFO ON A SMALL HANDGUN HE INSISTED I HAVE WHEN I GO CAMPING ALONE IN THE DESERT!!
Sorry this is long, but its a gdamn 53yr long story that hes trying to end! Its insane, gross, & yeah, now all the flashbacks, all the betrayal, all the evil 10-fold. I am hanging on by a thread.
I have proof of everything, but no one will listen or take the time to go through it all.
Ive had a therapist for almost 4 months & they dont understand the dynamics. I CANT KEEP TRYING TO EDUCATE PEOPLE in hopes they'll get it& then finally help me.
LEAVE.
You are an adult and you can leave. Don't tell them, don't plan out loud, explain or threaten. Just leave, and start like a vacation while you get used to your new place. Get work and therapy. It doesn't have to be permanent. Just live this year free, then the next year free.
Yes, please get out of there right away. I'm extremely sorry that your flying monkeys have flying monkeys. But "HE" will not stop. He's just getting started. You are an amazing person for all you accomplished with such an unfair & horrific parental behavior. I don't want to see all of your successes ruined due to a narc/psychopath. PLEASE pack your necessities & take your daughter far away from such ugliness. She's seen ENOUGH.
@jenstevens2998 I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. I've already lost EVERYTHING. Ive been on the Run since last half of June. In about 30 minutes I grabbed what i could, & my pets, & took off because i found out my father had texted with an unstable man who'd previously been charged with attempted murder, but got off cuz witness moved away. Well, the night before i was heading back into town after being gone a couple weeks, My dad let this man think I personally attacked his mother in a terrible way. This unstable man was being manipulated into wanting to attack or kill me. Around midnight i got a couple calls saying this unstable man was out looking for me. MY DAD HAD SET ME UP TO GET HURT OR KILLED without getting his hands dirty!
I left everything & am living in my van. I stay at a different place every night to stay safe. I don't talk to anyone now except my daughter, but they are trying to get info out of her. She's so stressed.
@Nanukie I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. I've already lost EVERYTHING. Ive been on the Run since last half of June. In about 30 minutes I grabbed what i could, & my pets, & took off because i found out my father had texted with an unstable man who'd previously been charged with attempted murder, but got off cuz witness moved away. Well, the night before i was heading back into town after being gone a couple weeks, My dad let this man think I personally attacked his mother in a terrible way. This unstable man was being manipulated into wanting to attack or kill me. Around midnight i got a couple calls saying this unstable man was out looking for me. MY DAD HAD SET ME UP TO GET HURT OR KILLED without getting his hands dirty!
I left everything & am living in my van. I stay at a different place every night to stay safe. I don't talk to anyone now except my daughter, but they are trying to get info out of her. She's so stressed.