Married And ADHD//What's That Like?
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- Опубліковано 10 сер 2023
- Married and ADHD, what's that like? How do we accommodate my ADHD and make sure that my partners needs are met? Including:
- how does emotional dysregulation impact our lives?
- is it annoying that I forget things?
- how have ADHD meds impacted our relationship?
- is it frustrating that I'm not always a good listener?
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my poor partner has put up with a lot. Especially when I’m overwhelmed. We don’t live together and often during the week I don’t want to see anyone, let alone him. I’m a teacher and I can barely cope with just getting through the day. When my partner was stressed, his stress and worry was overwhelming to me so I didn’t feel like a supportive partner.
Hearing you both made me laugh at myself as so many of my conversations with my husband start with the phrase "I know I've just asked you this but..."
Also with regards to light switches we brought glow in the dark stars and have stuck them in a route to the bathroom e.g. on the skirting board, door handle, by the toilet roll etc so I can find my way to the toilet at night without needing to switch on the light at all . The sensory shock of the bathroom light at night is horrendous so this proved a great solution.
I've actually put a night light in the hall way that is motion activated for the same reason, but it's on a timer so tends to go off while I'm still in the bathroom, perhaps we need glow in the dark stars too.
Thank you so much to you both for doing this video! Your honesty in communicating with each other for us is so helpful. ❤
I sended this to my boyfriend. I have also ptsd and there is also very emotional disregulation. That sucks very much, but i can kinda live witg it, but yeah..
Agh 77 is my favorite number but I want to give you a thumbs up 😂 I'm gonna wreck it and bump y'all up to 78 😢
More seriously though, thank you for making this video. 👏🏻
A couple years ago, after a fight, I sent my partner an educational video about ADHD - Specifically focused on rejection sensitivity and challenges with emotion regulation. That was the first time he saw an ADHD description that sounded familiar to his experience of me. I got diagnosed soon after. Still tons of hard work to do, of course, but naming these tensions internally and between us in the partnership has been such a big relief.
❤ Appreciate you both sharing your stories!
Such a wonderful couple you both are . Much Respect . Thank you both . :)
I love these types of videos you do, very helpful and insightful and I especially appreciated the bit at the end where you talk about meditation and how it’s a process of seeing if it works or not for you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with all of us
Yes. I want to pay attention and remember things more than feeling clueless. Doing all the healthy things to help my brain function. It has some great moments and some unfortunate times. I'm learning not to blame and shame myself. To ask for and receive help and the grace and mercy. 🦋
I love when you guys talk about how neurodivergence affects your relationship. My husband is very patient and understanding with me, we have had to work together on handling emotional dysregulation but it has definitely gotten better. We are both adhd and I am also autistic. So often one of us is watching the show and the other is distracted…..the one paying attention to the show will always explain and get the other caught up. It’s usually me being distracted but sometimes he says things that are supposed to be related to the show but clearly shows he wasn’t paying attention LOL and so then it’s my turn to be patient and rewind or explain lol
Lol the light switches!!! I have a three switch panel I still have no idea which one lights what light 😂😂😂
The struggle is real....and sometimes funny as heck!
Thanks for sharing Purple Peeps ❤
I have emotional dysregularion as well. I try to keep it from affecting my relationships but it is not always possible.
That was fun listening to you two. You're great together. ❤
Thank you, Ella and Mr Purple, for this informative video!
I love the videos of the two of you, literally couple goals when one is neurodiverse and neurotypical ❤️ much love to both of you ❤
im autistic as well and i'm on medication i don't recommend medication to anyone i told my doctor that having me on medication was the last resort
I thought this was such a great video. So good to hear how your partner is affected but also so compassionate and caring about it. It’s a powerful point that the meds aren’t necessarily the total fix, even if your partner was hoping for a revolution. That’s not a given and it’s super that he is on your side. And I’m sure you support him and put up with many an annoying trait, and yet love him nonetheless. Bravo ❤
Glad to see you're both still together.
Thanks for this video! I didn’t know I am adhd and autistic until recently! And boy it explains the emotional dysregulation! I have found meditation helps give me more space in my brain to function in a more comfortable way, but I’m curious about medication as well. I think it could help even more
My stimulate is the only med that has ever helped!
So glad to see this on my feed, as you’ve totally read my mind in creating it!! I’ve been devouring every neurodiverse marriage/relationship video I can find on here, so thank you so much for something fresh!
Side note, and please don’t take this harshly, as it actually is meant as a compliment- I noticed your voice is a bit less sing-songy, and actually sounds more … genuine. My guess is it’s right on par with your unmasking journey, and I’m here for it. 🧡
Thank you, yes I feel that my delivery in videos has been more authentic lately, and I'm really glad people like that.
@@PurpleElla - Yes indeedy. 😁
(PS- I appreciate the reply!! I’m honored. 💜💜💜)
Oh good, I was going to suggest a color identifier for the light switches.
I thought the light switch thing happened to everyone. Ten years in the same home I just put tape over the ones I shouldn't touch
OMG! Same. 9 years in my home and I still forget which switches go to which lights. It drives my partner nuts ….
!!!! Shifting focus is really a struggle with my very organized partner. It’s very very important that we do this now and change everything this way until next week when I’m off to the races on some other track. It is very frustrating.
Thank you so very much for this video.
❤❤
You've probably mentioned things in previous videos, but what other sort of things have you done, aside from labeling the switch in the bathroom, to reduce the amount of chaos and confusion in the home? For instance I have predefined places where I put important things, I have a stack of small boxes with 8 sections each in which I put my daily supplements, I have a thing hanging on the door that reminds me to bring the keys and phone, and the bag I take with me to work has everything I could possibly ever need just in case I forget something else 😅
my doc won't give me ADHD medication, because of all of the other meds I am on
Not dodging the emotional content, but I've kind of fixated on the light switch troubles. In the bathroom, you could replace the switch for the wall lights with a lighted switch--like a really dim nightlight. It's then easy to identify (and find!) in the dark. In your lounge, you could remove the switch mechanism from the circuit to avoid the Alexa reprogramming. I don't know UK equipment, so won't give specific instructions, but it's actually really easy to do, and to reverse. Thanks for this video and all your other great content.
Forgot to include the quotation: "Make the environment work for you not against you. Never leave up to willpower and self-discipline what you can do with the environment.” - Temple Grandin
I love this quote, thanks for the reminder
Mine is hell.. my husband wants nothing to do with what I have found to be traits of both diagnoses. he just says : I have lived with your 34 years. that is enough"
Did you decide what kind of Adhd meds to try based on what works for your children?
Suggestion re: the light switch issues..I used these for a switch in my last place that, if turned off would turn off power to everything in my living area - including my computer....You might try a light switch guard. Some make the switch completely inaccessible and others have covers that take a bit of effort to open, but can be opened if you actually need to work with that switch...All of them use the screws used to connect the switchplate to the wall to secure them. Let me know, if you choose to try this, whether it works for you! Best wishes to you all and hang in there, Mr. Purple!
Thanks for the suggestion, unfortunately the switch is a double switch and one of them is still in use, so I'm not sure this would work.
@@PurpleElla The guard should use the screws at the top and bottom of the switch being covered...unless UK plates only uses two screws instead of 4...
Nice video.
I put a tiny sticker on the right light switch
Label the switch!
How does Mr. Purple feel with loneliness? And, are you hyperactive or inattentive? My wife is inattentive.