Watched a few Liz vids and I think it's important to note that her mother fled a war torn country and that she herself was raised up in a household that financially struggled for a long time... Due to this I believe that Liz talks to her audience from the standpoint of Survivors bias. Liz is a woman who has survived the game of Monopoly that is American capitalism and has also maneuvered in ways that have led to her flourishing in it... However the ptsd of poverty and struggle doesn't fade with success its something you've got to grapple with and manage everyday. She doesn't realize that everybody's situation is different, that we all have to play the game differently, and that things now are arguably 10x more difficult in every aspect... These days it takes far more to be successful than manifesting I firmly believe it takes luck, privilege, timing, calculated scheming, ample resources, the willingness to resculpt yourself, and often yrs of sacrifice /hard work unless you've got a slingshot tactic to get around this.
This is true. We shouldn’t merely try to learn from a woman has succeeded in the game. We need to learn people from people who failed. We need to learn from the global and moral tragedies that have occurred in the world. We need to learn from atrocities like The Holocaust; we need to learn from celebrities that unalive themselves like Chester Bennington; Amy Winehouse; and Kurt Conain. We need to learn from fall of the Soviet Union; we need to learn from the bombing of Hiroshima; we need to learn from the My Lai massacre of Vietnam. We need to learn from the dangers of multilevel marketing scheme; we need to learn from the Jim Jones Kool Aid tragedy; we need to learn of mass starvation in Soviet Russia; we need to learn about lynchings and slavery in the United States; we need to learn about the Crusades; about Pol Pot; about Genghis Khan; about the Hare Krishna assasination of Sulochana Das in New Vrindaban in the 80’s. We are drawn to success stories, but test the advice, and know that its not always your fault if it fails. There are so many elements to success, not just perseverance and hustle. There is the community that supports you, there is the environmental circumstances; there are genetics. Yes, free will and put effort in your life but be aware that you are buying into the neoliberal ideology.
I've met several immigrants before that have this mentality. My biggest problem I've had with their mentalities is that they sometimes accuse native born citizens of being entitled and complaining too much, but came to America to escape less Democrat systems, and fail to realize that the reason America was any kind of land of opportunity to begin with is because people push back and voice their opinions, even when it's small things, because the class warfare is real.
I'm sorry but I find her extremely hypocritical. She once said that she is on social media but she isn't really on social media meaning she just posts stuff and never interact with any other account. If she thinks this is part of her winner mentality what happens if we all do what she does and stop interacting with her content? She will end up being not successful anymore. She apparently isn't familiar with the fact that some people in order to be successful on social media have to invest in it. We can't just be all be thewizardliz. Also she also said that she would bargain her pretty privilege with a happy childhood. That's great. That doesn't mean she doesn't have pretty privilege though. Nobody really knows anything about her and that's pretty shady to me. Like she seems to be living in a luxury place but can't afford a decent camera and her decor in the background seems always hotel-like. I don't know, something about her just doesn't ring true to me.
I believed the same thing as you. Eventually, I asked myself "but how can you know which community to be a part of if you don't fully know yourself? What can you bring to a community if you think this community is going to solve your problems for you?" these are the tough questions that comes up when you start embodying the concept of self help. Self help is extremely easy to dismiss. Everybody does at some point. It's scary af. It asks of us to really look at ourselves and question everything we see. It asks of you to get to your core. Avoid self help all you want, but you're only doing a disservice to yourself and those around you. A strong community is made out of people who saw themselves for who they really are first. People who are able to ask the hard questions and come up with an answer. How else can you solves the inevitable problems of life?
@@sunongral5605 in my experience the vast majority of "self-help" doesnt actually purpose any kind of actual improvement for people struggling (especially from mental health) you dont need a self help guru telling you to manifest or go outside or work out more, none of this actually gets people to improve their lives and they sure as hell dont need to hear it from someone else since they most likely already know all that. the vast, vast majority of self help ive encountered focusses on empty platiudes or requires crazy oversimplifactions in its "analysis". jordan peterson telling me to "clean up my room" hasnt done a lick to help my years long chronic depression and self esteem issues, its bullshit. i dont need a book that tells me to tidy my livingspace lmao. you very rarely encounter anything that actually gets you to tangiably change your life. those supposed answers youre talking about in the vast majority of cases literally amount to "go outside more" gee thanks. it also always ignores wider issues at play like class and community, socio-economic conditions all in the name of "self-responsibility". if you cant solve your own problems youre at fault and just not trying hard enough. i will never understand how people can swallow a mindset like that hook line and sinker but i guess many of them are just that desperate.
@@pissfather6798 I thought just like you as well, I fully get where you're coming from. "Go outside more" "Gee thanks" included (my mom was an expert at telling me this one, and it made me feel so misunderstood). What pushed me beyond what I used to believe is that I was ultimately left with 2 choices : either doing something to change or ending my life. I was at the complete end of my rope. Since I had a loving mom and a little brother, I decided on changing, and to see a therapist. I couldn't have frequent sessions with him since I didn't have the money, so I compensated by reading and watching free content on psychology, spirituality and self help. I eventually met my wonderful partner while I was getting better. He also battled with depression. He had a few self help books, namely 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. I read the book, and the sentence "clean up your own room" is a real life advice but also a potent metaphor. It means: get your own shit together before you attempt to get society's shit together. In other words, you can't build something sustainable on a weak foundation. While it is true, it only accounts for like 0,1% of his advices which are all clear and drenched in extreme compassion for the human condition. His book and many others offered amazing keys that I still use today. I am part of gen Z (25 yo) btw, I grew with the internet and so I grew up thinking it was on me to solve the world of its many issues. I was a full-fledged SJW all throughout my (very depressed) teenage years. Today I know this hurt me. What built me back up again was focusing solely on my mental health in the last years. I completely let go of my internet persona, and fully dived into myself. Oh, and I never said to believe any guru. Actually, we shouldn't believe anyone. We should be open yet always questioning what is being said, we should use discernment. I'm anti-worship of anyone. We're all equal. Gurus are just people who did the work on their inner world, pointing you in the direction of your own inner world. There's also a lot of fake gurus who are just parroting what they see without doing the work themselves. This doesn't mean there's no good teachers out there. In fact, thanks to many different compassionate teachers and their *free* online content, I've written countless words of self-reflection. I meditated. I did breath work. I did parts work where I allowed different aspects of my psyche to express themselves without judgment. I hypnotized myself. I experimented a lot, even if it scared me. Even if I shaked and cried before doing it. I'm happy to say my efforts paid off; I no longer identify with my psychological diagnosis of dysthemia and anxiety disorder. It happened a couple months ago, I looked at my partner and told him "It's crazy, I no longer feel the weight on my chest and shoulders. I can breath so deeply. I feel ready to embrace the future. I don't want to die. I've never felt so free!" I cried happy tears as he embraced me. I fully understand why people think the way I used to, and like you do right now. We don't want to believe we can help ourselves because it negates all the voices in our heads telling us we're victims, that we're not strong enough, that other people can do it because of *insert privilege* but not us. I've thought like that for many years before it became a question of life or death. The bottom line remains - if you really want to help the world, you gotta help yourself first. This is reality. This is doing your part as a member of humanity. And it's honestly great once you get past the initial unfamiliarity! Gurus are a thing because people get frustrated when you just tell them "go find yourself" and offer no guidelines, so they are popping up like mushrooms to fill that gap. The offer meets the demand. The advice I give people is to at least meditate. Reading books helped me know exactly why and how I should do that (Break up with yourself by Joe Dispenza is amazing for that), but if it's not your thing, at the very least try to close your eyes and act as an outside observer of your thoughts a couple of times per day. See your thoughts as separate from you. This alone does wonder for anxiety and gives a better perspective on any issue you might have in the moment. There's *free* guided meditations all over the internet to help you with that. I say *free* because we tend to forget how fortunate we are to have access to so many useful things only with an internet connection! I really, really wish for you to find yourself beyond your ego, the façade you present yourself with, the persona you naturally built to protect yourself from others. Beneath the surface, there's a unique Self you get to know if you're curious and patient enough to shut down all the outside noises, and the voices of self-doubt. Before I found my Self, it was hell for me and I'm sure its hell for you, but we get so accustomed to hell that we think it's all we can access. I have nothing to gain from telling you to be curious about self help and spirituality instead of overly critical. I'm just writing to you like I would write to my past self. Just go look for yourself. Be curious about the inner world instead of hyperfocusing on the outer world, anyway they are a mirror for each other.
so true. though without self-help/ growing through personal experiences and traumas, we have no community. we are living in a degenerate amd fragile society. yuri bezmenov talks about this, we have become weaker in our minds, weakening us as people, weakening us as a country. it all starts in the mind. a weak community may as well be no community at all
@@pissfather6798 yeah i feel like people often want to belive they're at fault for their condition because it gives them a sense of agency and control and when they find that they can't help themselves, they gaslight themselves into thinking that they're just not trying hard enough and so they consume even more self-help content. It's a cycle
In my opinion this only works when YOU are the problem. For example : procrastination, staying with a toxic ex and other self destructive habits that you do.
@@asterisco230 Yes. One of my biggest gripes with self help and self improvement spaces is they teach you that the way others treat you is your fault. Something to the effect of "you teach people how to treat you". But if the whole concept of self-help is that you're the only one responsible for yourself, then it has to be true of others. If it's not true of others, then something isn't washing, here.
@Ian Lindo having accountability doesn't mean thinking it's your fault. That's part of the problem a lot of people are having with taking accountability. I had this problem too. It's because when we were children the adults around us taught us to think that if we did something wrong, we DESERVE to feel some sort of psychological pain. That's literally not true at all and it comes from their generational trauma and narcissism. The truth is you don't need to associate guilt, self blame, regret or any type of psychological pain with taking accountability. And realizing this is actually part of self help. I admit that I could have done better during certain times of my life to make my life better, that doesn't mean I think it was my fault for having hard times. You teach people how to treat you is literally true, and you can start to stay true to that without blaming yourself for not standing up for yourself when you should have. A lot of people are selfish and exploitative, you can't change them, but it's not "blaming myself" when I realize that I can do things to change how people will treat me. As for your bottom argument, you are taking the quote completely out of context. Of course we affect other people and their behavior affect us, or else the law of physics wouldn't be true. What that quote means is that you are the only person who actually stays with yourself your entire life, people care the most about themselves and that's just how evolution works. Therefore you need to take accountability for your actions and thoughts (without blaming yourself or feeling bad about it), because at the end of the day no one else is really going to make those decisions for you directly
Self help is inherently capitalistic bc its individualistic and destructive. Ive seen people in my life trip others up or act in a way that hurt others for their own benefit and 'peace of mind'. In the long term this self help leads to more burn out and feeling empty. I think we need to start rebuilding our community, making life long friends and family to begin to heal ourselves to the real, compassionate and social animals that we are. Lets try to not burn the world in the process of our own self benefit
i respectfully disagree. the purpose of self help is to focus on things within our control. for example, making life long friends and family sounds fun but you cannot make anyone be here for you. for this reason, you should focus on the one person on this earth who never leaves you: yourself.
hmm, self-help is actually important as a guidance for one's life to build a healthy coping mechanisms for yourself. I think the issue is many clout chasers use jargons as 'self-help' to impose egotistical or harmful advices. That's why self-help is perceived to be toxic although it actually is not.
i think its how the media and influencers describes/teaches the audience what "self care" is that makes people interpret becoming selfish (which is actually a negative trait) equals selfgrowth/selfcare. it's like almost all the influencers who preach about self help doesn't fully understand the concept themselves and the general audience tend to be easily persuaded, only a few people are insightful others are just herds.
i don't understand how can someone have a problem in their life and then... with the exact same skills, world view, life experience and resources that they had when that problem arose "decide" that they can now turn it around completely. can you really help yourself? i dont think so. you can make good choices, sure, but help, actual help, comes from something you don't have at the moment (hence why you have that problem!), someone else's skills or experience or time or resources, or a professional's. can one really be one's therapist/doctor/analyzer/pastor/financial advisor? don't those fileds require an external perspective? but sure, any of those questions or any criticism at all = hate = you're all obcessed with me.
I never understood why people like her advices so much when they r literally the most basic thoughts I had when I was 15. She is constantly philosophizing tumblr quotes from 2012
Thank you as someone who has ocd and other disabling mental health issues seeing all the praise for Liz’s self help had me feel like I was the only one who could recognize how harmful and ignorant her messages really are I specifically remember a time she said if you don’t like how you look change it and that stuck with me because it really reinforces people especially woman who are taught to dislike many things about themselves that instead of feeling the affects of that societal impact we should make ourselves follow it to feel better about ourselves when really what that does is have us reject and dislike who or what we are even more and feel like we have to work hard and maintain a version of ourselves that isn’t us but who we were taught we should be
Her advice is just so much to unpack I don’t blame her for her perspective it’s just a result of many societal and systemic factors but there is so much conditioning that is much more beneficial to unlearn than to reinforce and unfortunately her advice is reinforcing the harmful messages we were taught
right!!! its beauty culture, the child of all the varying systems of oppression we lie under (white supremacy, capitalism, ableism + way more im forgetting rn) that points the finger at us to state that we're broken & must fix ourselves to find love, acceptance etc etc. i really like this writer jessica defino, she has a newsletter called the unpublishable & you might like it as she discusses addressing these things (& sometimes ways to unlearn), will def point out that its not a saving grace, but it is quite revolutionary
idk why people think that self love only comes from accepting yourself just the way you are. you either love yourself the way you are an if you find it hard then change. change isn't a negative thing as long as it leads to pure happiness and it's not due to social media or anyones opinion and judgement. there isn't just one way to self love. you people just learned smth from internet and ran to the moon with it "love yourself the way that you are" sadly it's not always the answer. you just have to be wise and know yourself to know which one will work for you. at the end all that matters is you loving yourself and feel comfortable . you might reach it through just accepting yourself the way that you are without changing anything or changing that aspect of yourself. you just have to know that were does those insecurities come from ...is it from other people or is it smth that comes from within
hey, I appreciate constructive criticism so feel free to rectify me if I’m wrong I think by changing yourself, she meant more like “find yourself” rather than “lose yourself”. What I mean is, I don’t think she’s telling us to change and fit into society’s standards, but rather change and fit into our personal standards which consists of our likes and dislikes and aren’t influenced by the public opinion/societal views. She has mentioned in one of her videos that people were against some of her decisions (I think it was her opening a yt channel) but she still did it because SHE WANTED TO. So she has gone against peer pressure and societal pressure to do what she wants (which again is her own choice not influenced by society or others) and reinforces the same advice here. Hope its clear thanks :)
That's not what she means but I do get where you are coming from. She doesn't care as much about society values or what other people says and decide if she likes something or not herself, so when she said that quote I imagine she's just speaking from the place that she's in, and not considering that someone might only grow dislike something neutral or positive about themselves due to societal or peer pressure. But I'm pretty sure what you are insinuating is literally not what she means as she had spoken about not caring what other people thinks and relying on your internal values.
I gotta disagree only on one small thing: "Don't date broke guys" isn't about dating men for money. You even nicely included her main point in your video.. She didn't say don't date poor men, she said don't date broke. Don't date a guy without a job, or ambition, which... I think personally isn't that bad of a standard
@@tortture3519 There's a difference between content and stagnant in my opinion. It's hard to define but there's a vibe between happy to settle and given up that is hard to read, so people avoid both- also to be happy with the happy to settle, you yourself need to be content
try to think about ambition not in the context of money but in the context any path you choose. People who do not grow and develop in long term are just burden for others.
I like a lot of what Liz says but if I were to disagree with her on anything it's how binary her way of dating is. She very much believes in women strictly recieving and men providing. (Side: I understand this is very much a part of her culture and if this lifestyle makes her happy I'm not shaming that.) When she said giving men flowers is "spoiling" them I couldn't have disagreed more. All relationships are a give and take no matter the gender. Everyone involved should be putting in effort while also revieving love in return. Pushing roles onto a person (in my experience) will ultimately leave you alone because no one wants to endlessly provide nor recieve. Much like life, it's a balance.
What really struck me is that Liz's dreams as stated in her most popular video are so materialistic and self-serving. It was immediately off-putting for me to hear. I appreciate they way you unpacked that. Personally I find cultivating contentment with your present circumstances is key to long-lasting happiness and peace.
Her dreams can be materialistic and self-serving if that’s what she wants. No one is to judge what her dreams should or shouldn’t be. Furthermore, not everyone’s goal is happiness, which is also fine.
@@idrk1507 the whole point of liz is to find happiness my lady so what you are saying is contradictory she says the happiness can only be achieved if we have money and we are more social
@@levicodm1961 She is right my lady. Money buys happiness up to a certain income. Also, not everyone’s goal is happiness. The know-it-alls in the internet think everyone’s goal should be the same.
@@idrk1507 ok but where in my comment did i say i know it all i am just saying liz point of view is she say you cant be happy if you are an average person you have to be extra rich to be happy i have seen many avg people more happy and content than so called rich so that what i am saying i wasn't saying that everybody should have the same goal you didn't even read my comment and replied
According to these self-made gurus, I am a loser for not manifesting enough, and not “trying.” Have they see the economy right now? Have they see how hard it is to grow on UA-cam and other social media platforms? Not saying that Liz does not deserve the growth, money, and popularity, but you need to watch how you give advice, especially online. It’s giving shallow in my opinion🤷🏾♂️
I'm not an hater but I can't get into Liz's content as it feels masochist in a way, like I'm watching to punish myself for not being able to go after my goals. She feels very arrogant and pretentious when she talks about if she can flee a war ridden country and be successful so can others, but she's forgetting how many others are still in such country waiting for an opportunity to escape as they didn't have the same luck. And yes indeed, the content is very shallow and surface level as it doesn't touch on any contextual situations happening at that moment...
@@JulianSteve Imo, your original comment hits all the right notes! I remember in my english class we had to read a 'self-help' book for teens. Oh my goodness, it was bad. It was stating mainly the facts you stated above your post, and apparently, it proceeds to say 'just forgive someone if they were talking behind you back'. First off, and this is just my opinion, if someone even talks negative behind you, is that someone you can trust, albeit forgive?! That statement also felt incredibly daunting and discouraging especially since during the time of reading that book I was dealing with a lot of friendship issues, and how one of my friends threatened to call the police on me for just standing up for myself and not doing anything wrong. Self-Help books feel more of like a 'mold' to try and fit into, rather than a sense of nourishment, and positivity. These books force you to change your lifestyles for the 'better', when for some, it can cause stress. They force you to 'forgive those who have done wrong' when in reality, who knows if they had a plan? They give you a set of 'rules' and 'laws' for time management and success, when really, there is no stone-written law of success. (this is just my opinion btw so it's okay if you disagree with some of my points! I'm always open to different viewpoints and perspectives)! :)
Also to add on to your point on being a loser and not trying (according to these self-help gurus) think about this, you try so hard but at the end, you don't make it to your final destination. What do self-help books say about failures? Successes? Trying again when you can? All these 'books' do is they mess up your mind and they make you follow, step by step, how to live a life that YOU yourself have control over.
I also not everyone lives in a 1st-would country where there is access to certain unique opportunities that not everyone in the world can get. Especially some of these side-hustles etc.
woah okay I had growing suspicions about the way I was consuming self help content and this video puts things into a better perspective for me. as always, thank you for being a real, empathetic presence on UA-cam. love u Elliot !!!
something that i think Liz always forgets to say is that we can't achieve our dream life just by ourselves. a lot of times we are our own ''enemy'' and we're stopping ourselves yes, BUT there are a lot of ''woke'' people ( for a lack of a better word) who love themselves and are already in good self-love relationship with themselves... but are yet to achieve their dream goals. we live in a society, nothing depends on us fully, it's not only bout '''get your sh*it together''. it's about learning to survive in the society while still loving yourself but also establishing healthy relationships with others. That's why i think she's not right when she says that we are responsible for where we are in life. there are many many other factors out of our control and i think it's important to talk about it, rather that sugar-coat that your whole reality depends on YOU only, when it doesn't.
she literally always emphasizes "never reject help from others", and also has stated in one of her videos people who say theyre "self made" are snobbish- because even going to their job interview they had help from say a taxi driver who gave them a ride there
she puts way too much emphasis on us being our own worst enemies. like we are the source of all of our problems, anything we are struggling with is our fault and it’s our fault it’s not drastically improving. when you’re in good health and have a lot of money to fall back on, it’s really easy to ignore the very real problems our societies, lives or situations etc give. because they don’t impact you. lol
@@amarazo8499 i very much agree with this tbh, but i also think that while these problems can be outside our control a lot of the time, the way we respond to these factors matters, and how we can overcome them STARTING with ourselves, and building each other up in a society that's not so perfect. so what she's saying still holds value, and we can add building our relationships and support onto her explanations. besides, we can't just take in everything anyone says on the internet, as it doesn't apply to everyone, so its best to trust your intuition and take things with a pinch of salt.
The only thing I will say, actually reworking childhood trauma is most definitely a healthy form of self-help.. Many people have loads of trauma that is unprocessed, which then leads them into lots of trauma responses.. This self help stuff that creators promote would never work in the first place if you are literally dissociative 99% of ur life without understanding why..
I never found self-help to be fulfilling on its own. Like there’s good tools and habits I’ve gained, but for me it was a bit hollow when that’s all I focused on. I’m always a bit wary of some of these self-help ideas because I feel like people get gaslit when it doesn’t work for them. (Like they didn’t want it enough or manifested the bad things in their life.) Again there’s some idea that you’re responsible for everything that happens to you which is just not true. It’s the same idea with people who buy into the American Dream that everyone has the same opportunities. It’s just not real and a lot of people who do succeed by society’s standards give themselves way more credit than they should ignoring how much is actually luck. Not saying they didn’t work hard, but if that’s all it took most people would be successful. Always appreciate the book recs and thoroughly enjoyed your video.
It's the way I was debating with someone today who literally responded that 'you just like looking for pain' for saying you have to acknowledge that certain things in society are designed to hold you back. You can't 'try harder yourself' out of certain obstacles. Nothing wrong with trying but still keeping that in mind so you don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.
May I ask, for me, since I am a black women, what exactly is holding me back? I don’t think anything in this world can hold me back because of my identity as a black women. Just curious, not trying to be rude or anything.
@@suga3774 racism, I guess. You still technically don't have full human rights :/ And sexism. The moment you may accidentally get pregnant your life may just be metaphorically over.
@@danniuwu8628 Mm, I understand what you mean. No doubt I will experience both racism and sexism on countless occasions (which I have already) but I don’t want to give up because of it. Like I won’t give up on my dreams of being rich, just because I will experience them. Though I understand it may have to take more effort, but it’s not like it’s impossible.
My mental health overall improved drastically when I realized that anxiety and depression were the only rational response to the world situation. I mean, I worry about people who aren't at all anxious and depressed given how bad the situation is for so many of us. Because the big problem for me was not those feelings, but my feelings about those feelings, if that makes sense. When I stopped being hard on myself for not handling really big traumatic devastating life and world events, those events got easier to cope with. I had enough to deal with, I didn't need to also beat myself up. There is a lot of big, real garbage going on and a whole lot of people who decided they needed to feel better rather than fix thing and that has just compounded the big real garbage.
It took me so, so long to reach the same conclusion. The depression, anxiety, and trauma is a lot to deal with on its own. It's a daily struggle, but I made myself so much worse off by believing I was sick, broken, and damaged because society says I am. As a mentally ill person and someone who is generally blunt and honest about the state of the world I get so much backlash and downright hatred. I used to internalize all of it. Now I see it comes from a place of fear and their own messed up views. They know if they took a good, hard look at their lives and the world it would mess them up too, so they don't and they scapegoat me. It is far more unhealthy than feeling bad as I do. I hope the struggle is easier for you now. I am still getting there.
Honestly, even if the world isn't on fire, beating yourself up isn't a cure for depression. Just letting your mental state be what it is can really help you feel better about it. Worst case it isn't actively making you feel even worse.
I'm suprised that her fans didn't call you every name in the book as they have done to everyone else that dared to question/criticize her, because apparently she's a flawless god who can do no wrong.
@@samiinaa fr she's a basic person nothing special like everyone else she can literally die today then what ? Nothing because she's a human simple as that I don't get the hype.
my personal opinion: about two months ago, i was so under the influence of the message liz was trying to portray. it became a full blown obsession. it felt weird, because I couldn't distinguish if it was bad or not, because at the end of the day I was obsessed with achieving my goals. but now looking back, I was being too harsh on myself. i think it is important to really understand what she is really trying to say first. you have to find the healthy balance between accepting yourself and improving yourself for the better good. and also, there is this narrative that in order for you to be successful and happy you have to fit into this specific picture frame (rich, pretty etc) that people can accidentally get while watching her videos. your end goals dont always have to be materialistic and your affirmations may also start with your state of mind too.
I'm going to go one further than you, and say that even if she was accurate, empathetic and knowledgeable ( which she isn't), her message is intentionally geared in such a way to ignore the inseparable underbelly of our system. While you point out that her message can be applied to more than just the materialistic, I actually think that this says less than you think it does. As peter Kropotkin indelibly points out, the wealth of the wealthy is connected to the poverty of the poor. Capitalistic self help always trys to get you to believe that you can escape poverty, but will forever hide from you that you don't escape poverty, as even billionaires still have an intimate relationship with poverty, as the system they run could not function without it. Even billionaires don't escape poverty, don't escape the misery pollution. Because they are the ones who maintain it.
as somebody with anxiety and depression, people have told me that i need to "choose happiness", and that i am choosing to be depressed. Like, why the hell would I want to feel this constant pain inside my head! why would I choose that! it makes me so angry that im not 'trying hard' enough!
I think one way to look at “choose happiness” is actually seeking out help, medication? Therapy etc. self help more about trying to do something, anything, to make your life even 1% better, rather than solving all your problems, curing depression, and suddenly having a perfect life
At first, I was like "what does the psychology of the self gotta do with this", but it all came together when you connected back to those "big dreams". Wealthy, popular, spoiled. I don't want to bash those dreams, the have their benefits. But those benefits contribute to social status. Self-help content like this often demands that you also surround yourself with people who have these social attributes. And that, to me, sounds like a one-way ticket to very toxic relationships. The insistance that at man has more or less worth based on their wealth pisses me off. That's not feminism. That's not based in kindness. That's not even beneficial to your fellow hetero women who can make just as true connections with a man who lifts them in other ways. Accomodating oneself. Accomodating others. Learning about diverse experiences and using that to fight systems that harm them. That's some real tough-love right there.
Also last thing I’ll say is that it’s sad to realize how much this self help and not acknowledging or taking into account societal or systemic factors impacts absolutely everything. As someone who’s been in therapy since I was 14, I’ve come to understand how flawed the mental health system is and how inaccessible it is. After going through so many therapists im starting to realize maybe the amount a therapist charges isn’t what sets them apart from the “bad” therapists I’ve experienced, but maybe the mental health system is inherently flawed and reinforces mental illness as an individual issue rather than a societal and systemic issue. I’ve also come to unfortunately recognize that therapists and the mental health system at the end of the day are businesses and they profit off of people being unwell or depending on them. I wish I could say my experience in therapy was therapists wanting to actually help me, but what it has been is therapists wasting time during sessions to then tell me at the end that we will get deeper into this and then it repeats every session. Or pushing medication onto me for issues that have become severe as a result of trauma. I’m not against medication but it’s not going to heal or process the root of my issues which is trauma.
I've had a similar experience, and you put it very eloquently into words. I've come to the basic conclusion that the *real* therapists are ourselves & our close ones, as it pertains to helping each other, and ourselves. But it does require a certain degree of courage to open up to people, even to our closest relatives.
fr i feel you i feel like a lot of mental health services just push a one solution for all and then discard you if it doesnt work i feel like i have to do something more and more intense so the people call back hahaha
Sadly, that's been my personal experience as well with therapists. I have no idea why they try to push CBT so hard, probably because it's relatively easy to get a certification on and start practicing. But I personally find CBT obnoxious. I've found writing or art therapy much more helpful, but I haven't paid big amount to art therapists to do it. I just did a lot of research about them on my own and then tried them myself. At the end, we truly have to pull ourselves out in the absence of community in the modern world. It's sad how the community and solidarity spirit is fast disappearing from the world.
this is the kind of perspective that adds depth to the self-improvement sphere on youtube. as someone with good intentions who was sorta sucked in by capitalism-catering/self-centered content, i respect ur words deeply. thanks for ur service (:
Thank you for this insight. I’m struggling right now and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Instead of looking at the obstacles that I’ve had to overcome from a young age, I automatically blame myself and who I am. I’m just broken, or was never meant to thrive. But lately I’ve also been trying to look outward instead. I think a big thing I, and a lot of people, have been missing is a sense of community. Especially since I have accomplished things. Im just not completely where I thought I would be at this time. For me, this idea of community has always been difficult because I’m a shy introvert. I thought I would never be the kind of person to want that. Still, something has been pulling me toward the idea that happiness is giving. There needs to be a balance, but I want to try to help others around me more. I want to engage with my community and see if that helps me understand my situation better. If all I’m doing is collecting things for myself what’s the point? What does that mean when I’m gone? I want to leave the world a better place, even if it’s in the smallest of ways. I can’t do that if I’m caught up in just what I can do for myself. I actually think I don’t want to be the center of my world. I want that to be other people, the people I love, while also keeping myself nourished. Anyway, all that to say I enjoyed this video and it’s what a lot of people might need to reflect on for the coming year. I might be wrong about community being needed and one thing doesn’t fit everybody, but we have to keep trying to find what works for us as individuals and as a whole. Happy new year!
How isn’t this video more popular? Getting into “spirituality” actually has helped me to hear someone like Liz in a critical and compassionate way. I felt like something was missing after listening to several of her videos , and I think you hit the nail on what was missing. I’ve been on this self help thing for 5 years now and I have felt very lonely for most of the time, so I do think the answer is incorporating a broader worldview and societal knowledge on top of doing what’s best for ourselves. We don’t need more classism in this world.
i think those in power right now want to encourage this self help movement bc then ppl will believe it’s an individual responsibility & not try to change the system that benefits the ones in power. sorta like recycling- recycling isnt really efficient or making a huge difference on environmental preservation but companies want you think think the environment is all up to you & your recycling habits
This is a brilliant point, individualization of responsibility. Funny how this system seeps into every aspect of our lives down to mental health and self-help.
To be honest it's not easy at all for going for your dreams mostly if you live in a poorer country. Because schooling and medicecion is not that good so it's harder to get out of where you are. So "If you are passionate enough you can get whatever you want" is not 100% accurate it's more like luck. But it's not that you shouldn't be passionate, just be critical and do what you are good at, and don't lock yourself up in a bubble.
What helped me was going through the whole self help phase and doing all this stuff and then finally realizing that there is no one right way to live life, and that EVERYONE is fucked up. Then I was able to stop being so anxious about not being good enough and just go for what I find valuable.
This is so well articulated and absolutely agree! While it comes from a good place, self-help is perpetuating radical neo-liberalist thinking which places the responsibility entirely on the individual and perpetuates the current, oppressive system. Hope you receive more recognition :)
I'm very confused on this. Liz has talked about her family history and their struggles with things like poverty, mental health and abuse. And her advice comes from that survivor's standpoint. But now people outside of her lived experience are talking about her privilege and how it was easy for her to achieve the life she has now. And it makes no sense. As someone with very similar experiences her advice coming from the standpoint of being a survivor is arguably much more valuable and useful than most of the others I've seen. Most of the comments boil down too "She didn't suffer the right way" or "she suffered at a different time so it doesn't count" ??? Yall weird And personally, this all feels like people would rather continue to live in misery than try to do something about it. And then get mad when the smallest of reminders pop up that can remind you of that fact.
@Luci Evelyn she's trying to help the individual, you can't expect one woman to change the world. Systematic change takes years and is far less likely to happen depending on where you live. If you sit around and wait for the world to change you'll be miserable forever, but figuring out how to cultivate better and healthier interpersonal relationships, how to set and reach personal goals, and how to protect yourself emotionally toxic people can serve you as a person. I'm not saying no to systemic change but you should take control of what you can, fix whatever you can fix because that will help push you forward. Sitting in your room and sharing instagram info graphs or retweeting threads only goes so far. EDIT: I'm using myself in an example of this. I'm a lesbian and I come from a highly conservative family. I'm the eldest of five and had extremely high expectations set on me that my siblings didn't. I couldn't wait around for the world to change, for homophobia to go away completely, for systematic change to fix everything. It was through therapy and self help that I learned to accept who I am and to understand and deal with my family and the emotions they stir in me. Sharing an instagram info graph didn't make my family less horrible, but taking things into my own hands and actually trying atleast gave me the tools to deal with it.
the criticism is supposed to show how easier it is for her to achieve her dreams compared to others, and how she tries to sell this dream that wherever you are you can achieve the same greatness she has when she didn't have to work as hard
@@meemoo9064 BRO you didn't even read my comment. Her whole family has struggled with mental health issues, poverty and abuse. You're whole thing is that she simply didn't struggle enough or in the right way. Read my comment again because I'm not repeating myself again.
@@meemoo9064 she's often talks about abuse and near death experiences.. how badly herself concept was due to these things.. I believe she was also a war refugee and as someone who had to struggle a lot as a kid, she's one of the only people i'd take advice from, i believe she has worked really hard to achieve these things, some people never recover from childhood abuse and in my opinion she's a really strong person who did work hard to get herself to where she is, not only that but to end generational trauma and help millions of people struggling with the same things.
Lot of the people I see online who became "successful" are basically quite toxic. At the end of the day they used wrong methods to achieve the right outcome, so they will keep doing the same. And they all have a course or a book to sell of course.
exactly like this reminds me of how one of my friends was making fun of me for mostly reading ya fantasy romance books instead of reading like smart classical books or analytical books but like honestly it’s okay to just do something for fun or that may be considered stupid (personally i don’t think ya books are stupid but some people do) instead of trying to do stuff to make myself smarter / work on myself 😋 i know this is a little different but anyways i love your comment it is very true ❤😜
@@moomin469 This actually sounds like the healthier way to live. Moderation is key. Your friend reminds me of these people who enjoy the "dark academia" aesthetic on social media whose entire personality lies in bashing Y/A books and reading classical ones, also it is jarringly obvious that a good chunk of them never actually read them. They only craft this persona in order to gain exterior approval, despite pretending to be all about individuality. It is better to dive into the activities you enjoy for yourself rather than forcing yourself to fit into a mold just for show.
exactly, right? i don't have to only laugh at jokes of a guy with rolls royce either, i could as well be laughing with a homeless guy over a good joke he cracked. we need to get outta this "standard" system in all places. its good but now the internet has derailed with it
i used to be a firm believer in "the secret" and manifestation and stuff, not because it worked but because i was so hopeless and desperate i was ready to try anything..... turns out i just needed antidepressants and a good therapist haha thankfully i am doing much much better and ~thriving~ but so many people still believe their dissatisfaction with life has to do with them without questioning the system and community around them thank you so much for the video elliot!! i love love LOVE your channel, every new video is better than the one before. i love your presentation and also i love that you let us know when there is ad break dahdajhd it annoys me a bit when im really intrigued in a video and suddenly there is music blaring... i also like to watch the lights dancing in the background, super calming hehe happy new year my friend!!! good luck with your channel!! i hope you see even more growth and get even more support this year!!!
finally someone who doesn't overly obsess themselves with wizardliz bcause i feel like she prob just say things people want to hear sometimes she's not a bad person but people sure are
enjoying the video so far but i'm reading the comments and can't help but feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding liz and her character maybe out of not knowing better, I've seen every single one of her videos since she uploaded her first two months ago and she very clearly said many times before that she understands that people have money problems and it's not as easy as manifesting money out of thin air but her point is that you're supposed to put trust in yourself and make good choices so that you have more opportunities to earn money and instead of falling deeper into a state of depression and sadness you should plan your way out of whatever bs situation you're in, and her being overly materialistic or whatever, if you grow up having close to nothing, being yelled at and beaten by your own parent, trapped in a small apartment, the only way out is by moving out and adopting a materialistic mindset will ultimately aid you in freeing yourself, the moment I became selfish I dropped out of uni, found a well paying student job, started studying something I've always loved doing, and able to move into my own apartment very soon. my abusive parent is starting to respect my boundaries more and all I had to do was focus on myself and put me first and say no more often. liz is giving advice from her own perspective that won't make sense to everyone, take what you want and leave the rest. overall she is giving good advice but I understand where you are coming from elliot. I don't take her advice as the only truth and had moments where I disagreed with her but I'm grateful to her for opening up about her life and giving me the strength to be and live how I want
Indeed. Some people want to attack Liz for being materialistic or whatever but it’s like, she even says in her videos that you may not agree with her but she’s sharing what she learned through the years. She even recommends self help books she’s reading to help her heal from her traumas. I personally don’t agree with everything she says but she says some harsh truth that really makes you think. I like that she’s bold enough to speak her mind and not sugarcoat things, I needed that wake up call.
Yea, I don’t agree with her on a lot but it seems clear that she means well, no need to hate on her for being a product of her environment, she’s trying her best to help in the ways she knows how, and I think there’s something to be said for that
Reading a lot of these comments I realized that the reason a lot of people are turned off from any general content from the "self help" genre is because a lot of them feel like taking accountability = being blamed. And this is a common problematic thought pattern that comes from us being told or made to "feel bad" by adults around us when we make mistakes as children. This forms the internal belief that if we did something wrong/were responsible for something bad, we DESERVE to feel some type of psychological pain. However his literally isn't true at all and we don't have to feel bad or punish ourselves emotionally for doing something wrong. Just acknowledge it and move on. That's taking accountability. You don't need to feel bad for it. In fact I don't believe it was ever really my fault for suffering, a lot of it was generational trauma and outside factors. But realizing that I can take actions and do inner works to make it better doesn't mean I blame myself for suffering.
You have great points. I came across her videos a while ago and that did make me feel more confident. But if I would have come across those videos when I was in a worse mindset I probably would have ended up feeling bad and guilty for not doing enough even though I have been doing everything I can with what I have. And your video puts everything in perspective
i am so glad i found you through one of your old commentaries on bts and racism. (you're one of the many good things bts has coincidentally brought in my life ahaha). anyways, i just wanted to say how much i appreciate your way of thinking and ability to create strong arguments for these ideas... it's like you say exactly what i've been feeling on some level, yet have been unable to put into words. thank you so much, Elliot!!
I’ve seen a lot of content like this and I’m glad your calling it out. Too many young people are believing this kind of arrogant and very dangerous ideas.
I think feminist self-help gurus such as TheWizardLiz and Shareeta are worthy of critique for the mindset they are pushing on the public (mainly women). A surface-level one, for example, would be the reality is that there is not an abundance of "high-value men" who earn six figures or more, which raises questions about the practicality of pushing such advice for the majority of women. Furthermore, this perspective advocates that women should prioritize financial security over love and emotional connections in relationships. While this may resonate with some individuals, it doesn't align with all women.
They're not feminists though they never claimed to be and the ideas they push (depend on a man financially...etc) is the opposite of Feminism quite the contrary it's close to conservative @@fan4every1lol89
The problem I have with the wizard Liz is that she knows that half of the "advice" she gives is nonsense and she's just rambling on nonsense bc she knows her cult like viewers will preach anything she says. Like I see her saying delusional things and ppl are like "yass". She's talking from the point of view of an influencer who made money off of doing the least difficult job (posting nonsense videos and being an influencer) and is pretending to be this person that grinds harder than everyone else. Like gurl byyee. She caters to viewers with a sob story they sympathize with but she's just making money of off giving useless advice and she knows it. I mean if I could do the same I would so I can't blame her.
I am really having a hard time articulating things but this video made me feel things about the kind of year of growth I’ve had, After leaving a situation where I was super depressed and trying to self-help my way out of it, surrounded by my only friends and roommates telling me that it’s personal responsibility for bringing those toxic vibes in. It was constantly failing myself and blaming myself for not being able to live up to others expectations or my own and sinking deeper and deeper into a hole. What ended up helping was going back home, getting a good therapist, and slowly starting to build a life by leaning on those around me. I still struggle with help and boundaries but I am branching out and slowly noticing the difference in actually helping myself, even if most of the problems I had back then still persist today
These videos never miss! I think the idea of "if I was this person I'd be happier" is really important and something I've been working through with my therapist. We all deserve happiness, no matter what we've achieved or acquired. Having agency is so important but like Elliot notes, it's so easily entangled with the capitalistic norms engrained in us. As a chronic overthinker, I'll probably always be very critical. But it's really helpful to have people make observations like this that help me personally break the cycles I might be in that are harming me. Thank you guys for your hard work on the channel! Hoping for your continued growth and reach in the new year 🎉
i find myself falling into the trap of seeking materialistic gain, etc. as ‘self-help’ often, as someone with personality disorders (namely narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD), which makes me seek self-worth in external things. i never really watched self-help videos, i always found them bullshit and unhelpful, but i always seek admiration and superiority to feel good about myself. obviously this is being worked on, along with a plethora of other things from other disorders, but it really is such a fickle way to find self-worth and happiness. not to mention, when you rely on material gain, being above others, being praised, it's even easier to lose that sense of self-worth. i've had some terrible lows because i've seen people do better than me, if something i did didn't get ‘enough’ attention and praise, or if someone made a light-hearted insult towards me (even if i knew it was a light-hearted joke). the idea that having money or the newest thing, being ‘fit’, being popular, talented, better, etc. will fix all your problems with yourself or your problems in general is so harmful, though i really cannot blame people for falling into that, however pushing that unto others is a huge problem since it's already an unhealthy mindset you need to unlearn rather than teach others. i suppose my experience with this is kind of a more intense version of what was discussed considering my disorder. i'm not sure how it is for people without NPD, maybe the same to an extent, since NPD is more than just the aspects i've mentioned; i presume it would be easier to unlearn due to it not being something that has been a part of your way of thinking and worldview since childhood-early adolescence, and doesn't have other accompanying symptoms and traits, but i digress. this was a very good video, it's always good to point out the harmful-often classist, ableist, fatphobic, so on-ideology that comes behind self-help content, as well as how it tends to lure in vulnerable people to give advice that is more often than not shallow. from what i've noticed of self-help content i've seen, this advice is almost exclusively ‘strategies’ that worked for them, which will only truly help a small percentage of others, often allocishet, more well-off, white, able-bodied, conventionally attractive people; whether it be all of those or a mix of several. it tends to ignore how some people are marginalized in very intersecting ways, like being a multiply disabled, queer PoC. the only criticism i have of this video is the insinuation that having empathy is something that makes someone more caring or understanding, but i'm just saying this as an individual who isn't able to feel empathy (mental illness and trauma win!), who doesn't see empathy as something needed for compassion or sympathy-both of which i struggle with-nor for being capable of caring for others, or something with any moral attached to it. i trailed off a bit there, once again, but oh well. as i was saying, this video was very good, looking forward to the next one! hope you're doing well.
Pls get therapy so u won’t hurt peole who want to lose you with your npd patterns. U are lovable u just need therapy so u won’t let ur disorder n mind games ruin your relationships n actually care about them not what they give u. Much love
@@user-hf6cd7bc7t i don't know how to tell you this but it's very damn weird of you to leave a reply to someones comment where they mentioned they have NPD just to imply they aren't in therapy and are hurting the people around them. me and my relationships are doing perfectly fine, thank you very much. i'm surrounded by many friends, whom all happen to have BPD and/or NPD; as well as other personality disorders, by the way! and if you want me to get therapy, maybe help me find a therapist who's willing to treat someone like me! because those are hard to find, mind you! next time you encounter someone with NPD, let alone any disorder, maybe don't randomly say that to them and assume they're not seeking help nor trying to be better to their loved ones. we are not inherently abusive. most of the people i have met with NPD have been much kinder and understanding that people without it, as well as people with ASPD and other personality disorders! these disorders do not make us inherently harmful and it's disrespectful to go up to people with them and tell them to seek therapy when you don't even know them.
I can see how this would or could tie into burnout, since you mentioned being holistic as an importance in both this video and the video about burnout. How we need a certain amount of negativity in our lives to offset the positive and neutral forces (at least that's what I remember). Thank you for this, though, really. I am well-versed in self-help, and I now realize that I need to approach it in a more critical and holistic way! You are truly empathetic and I am thankful to have come into your orbit for good reminders to strive to build community around myself 😊 Happy to be part of yours!!
Thank you sm for this video. I only watched a few of Liz videos cause I started getting irritated with how EVERYTHING she says gets no single negative comment about in her comment section. Like her overall advice about being unapologetic about what you want and that being selfish is ok is great, but some stuff just is.... too much. But I do think her manifestation theory has a point. Obviously it's not magic and it's not guaranteed, but trying to live as if you're happy can be so helpful, cause it kinda gets you out of the negativity cycle. Self demeaning humor and memes for example are so bad for you. It's good to be open and aware of your issues and to accept that they're part of you, but ever since I stopped doing funny relatable jokes about it, I've gotten better. Liz is also on point with the content point. I for example suffer a lot from watching social commentary videos, cause they make me hopeless and often push me into depressive episodes and since I've stopped watching them I've also gotten better. Etc etc. You just have to take her advice with a grain of salt
I agree with most things here except for the part about «judgemental thinking». I feel like the point Liz was trying to make about «stupid content» was pretty clearly not about dumb rap music, but a warning about consuming content that feeds into your depressive state. This is not just a judgement, but an actual fact that some content is harmful to your well being. Some friends are as well, and being wary of who you surround yourself with is important for this reason. Reducing it to being “judgmental” about rap and reggaeton is a little silly and off base. There are many studies that have found that listening to sad music when you’re sad makes you feel worse, rather than better, as we would intuit because it can be comforting to rest in a place of depression and sadness.
While true, she also talks about watching videos that are "not evolving" her, which points to a larger definition of "stupid, useless content". It's important to make the distinction between "content that's unhealthy for you" (which is what you're referring to) and "stupid content that's not evolving me", which to many means content that people consider dumb, shallow or useless (with rap and reggaeton being common targets) - not to mention that sad music isn't inherently "stupid" content to completely discard in order to be happier.
@@Danae_O i think she meant reality show/cringe content bc as far as i can remember she mentioned those words in some other video so your point isnt valid
About listening to sad music : depends on what you mean by "makes you feel worse", and more specifically what you mean by "worse". Feeling sad is okey. Emotions are natural and neutral. Joy is not inherently good. Sadness is not inherently bad. Constantly and habitually repressing the emotions and trying to change them before they ran their natural course can create problems, on the other hand. Listening to sad music can put you deeper into your sadness and help you feel it to its natural conclusion. Nothing wrong about it whatsoever. Of course, ultimately, it's about balance, about a context of a person's life, not about a "bad" or "good" emotion taken in isolation. If you're constantly feeling one singular emotion and nothing else, it might be beneficial to ask yourself why that could be, and how you could open yourself to the whole spectrum of emotions. Even joy can be problematic when felt to the detriment of everything else. It could mean that you're willingly closing your ears and eyes to your own or others' problems, for instance, or it could mean that you might be totally unprepared for the inevitable experience of loss that's going to hit you unexpectedly one day. As a therapist, I oftentimes find self gurus' content worrying in terms of promoting toxic positivity and the repression of a whole slew of natural emotions.
The main issue I run into with self-help as a whole is the pontification that naturally occurs when people need to put a name on something, such as calling something "manifestation", when we already have terms/definitions for these phenomena that also don't include dangerous surface-level/half-baked assessments of human behavior/psychology. When people are constantly putting themselves down and getting stuck in thought-loops/rumination (such as what Liz discussed), those aren't negative "manifestations", it's learned helplessness. There isn't some magical force granting our mind's wishes, it's all human behavioral conditioning that we have to overcome through forming better habits/being around healthier communities (the latter of which often being avoided by self-help gurus) It kinda gets under my skin because these confident assertions seem like symptoms of arrogance, insecurity, and longing for validation than they do plain ignorance of psychology. Like how DO people get to the point of just making up labels and slapping them onto things they admit to not fully comprehending? Sometimes, I do believe people are just lying and dealing with deeper issues than what they're willing to discuss in their supposed "self-help"-- kinda like Steve Harvey, who cheated on one of his pregnant wives and was divorced twice, giving out relationship advice like his poop don't stink.
Some of yall Liz fans are tripping. Ok, she went through serious hardship. And??? So she's allowed to peddle harmful nonsense that pushes selfishness and various harmful ideas about responsibility? Like, even if it's on accident, its not cool to say what she's saying. The rhetoric she spreads is the same kind that people use against me to say I need to just internally deal with ableism and shit. That I need to just find ways to "cope" with how others treat me. People use this shit to shut down criticisms and shame others. What is wrong with you guys?
Well what else are you supposed to do? Cry and sit in forever sadness? Nobody wants to live like that. You have to cope what else is there better to do? We have to find happiness somewhere and what can you do about those harmful people? You cannot change them they will not stop saying harmful things they are just harmful people. She pushes selfishness but not in the way we know being selfish as. She means to actually take time for yourself and work on yourself to treat yourself nicely. If somebody were to give all their energy to one person and help them constantly or whatever the case is then wow oh my go what a good person yet when somebody does that to themselves they are selfish? Please. Welcome to Earth not everything is sunshine and rainbows but instead of crying about it and having a pessimistic mindset about it id prefer to make my own sunshine and rainbows and be happy with myself and think in a positive light
As someone who has recovered from debilitating, supposedly incurable chronic illness mainly via self-directed neuroplasticity work: there's a place for focusing on the self when it comes to healing. It's not a replacement for addressing the structural issues that shape our lives, but sometimes turning inwards is a necessary first step [insert oxygen mask metaphor]. And I do think that if self-help is pursued with the goals of wellness and truth at its core, rather than meeting some external/socialized goal, it can't help but lead to a clearer understanding of what exists both within and without, which ties back to taking communal action. That said, on the whole I agree with you on the pitfalls and shortcomings of the quick fix/individualist/demagogue of the day self-help genre
Don't expect her to give yall a full guide to how to success or change your life she just give us the mindset we need and self-love and being grateful to what we have that's the points that came to me mind rn and it's obviously there is other things like working on yourself making it better, workout , read , go out of your comfort zone and work smart, time Management and the patience to reach your goal. Don't expect anyone to do all the research for you
You know, I think about this a lot. It seems that mental illnesses are on the rise in modern society, in developed countries, where it would seem like we have a better quality of life and more resources available. And the thing is, it's not that people are just becoming more depressed or that the more recent generations, starting with millennials, are just more prone to be depressed, it's that we cannot escape how bad everything is.
thank you for this ive had these same criticisms about thewizardliz and similar creators & u explained it much better than me & also opened up a larger conversation about it !
Bro loved your video. Self help without self awareness is insanity. Living the present moment is actually a dream life itself. Really nice video. It talks about it's how conditioning is never taken into consideration and thats why we need to be compassionate towards ourselves and others. It's not our fault most of the times why we feel negative or anxious. Nobody has concrete answers for life.
I appreciate the depth of these videos. I've always found people developing parasocial relationships with their influencers and not questioning anything they say. Self help is important but it is all for nought if you lose yourself and individuality in the process. Thank you for bringing up Jordan Peterson fans because I find them to be especially bad 💀
21:31 I usually agree with your takes but idk she kinda has a point here, and I think you missed it. She's pointing out the hypocrisy of men who expect women to be their personal labourers and then give absolutely nothing in return. I didn't hear anything demeaning. Clearly she doesn't actually support women being labourers and I don't know how you got "she's supporting the patriarchy" from the clip you showed in the video.
Love this video. To an extent, self-help actually helped me a lot. But something I learnt was also to ask fo help. Strangely, that's not something I hear a lot in self-help videos. It's always about trying again and again and again. But achieving things alone can be very hard. And the thing is, asking for help is a skill that need to be learn. Who do you ask for help? How do you cope with a "no" (because asking for help is so hard for a lot of us, a "no" can be very hard to hear)? How do you manage the guilt when you ask for help? What is okay to ask and what isn't? It's a whole process. I think we should ask more for help because it builds solidarity and connexions. We should also learn how to give help healthily: not to people please for exemple. Anyway, I drop this comment because this video gave me food for thoughts and I wanted to share them. Thank you for your hard work, it's a pleasure to listen to your analysis.
Honestly, I think what these self help people want to do is great. But in me, a person with chronic depression, it just makes me feel so much more unworthy. Because they say its so easy. Like Liz in the beginning of that video saying "try it for 2 months and it will make your life better". Its great if she believes that but for me its just a nice way of saying "if you cant do this for two months, its your fault that you have chronic depression. Its so easy for you to make your life good and you just dont do it". And these types of people just fuel my depression by saying this because then, when I'm just not able to do that, i feel like I'm dumb and lazy and stupid and I lie in my bed and cry because everyone else can make their life better so easily and I cant even do that. I dont know, this kind of content is just really triggering my self doubt and maybe even self hatred...
You know, Liz used to be exactly like this. She has spoken about it. She understands that it is different for everyone, she even said that healing could take from a couple of months to maybe even years for some people, and that is okay. She has become a very confident woman, and sometimes that confidence seems very intimidating for some people. I hope you change your perspective on her because she is not here to make you feel worse.
Why have your videos helped me more in like... 2 hours than about a million hours of watching therapy vids? Probably bc of what you're saying in this video. Thank you. Please don't think all the millennials are the worst. Some of us really appreciate your generation and literally all of us need you 🙏
I was trying to watch a vid by Liz cos someone recommended it to me but I couldn’t stop cringing. I couldn’t finish one. She was ok but it felt so… off. There’s just too much privilege and luck that was left unmentioned. So I had to look for some place that talks about it and I’m glad someone did! And bonus that you emphasized the collective and Freire in the end.
she's SO entitled. lil girl thinks she's the main character in mean girls💀 she literally makes "advice" for those self care 13yos on tiktok. Jesus helps the most
Idk if I agree with this one from a philosophical standpoint, the world has always, always been fuct. To me, the “self” is all things within my control. Access to control may constantly change but there will always be a level of control I can and cannot have. Even if I was forced into labor (enslaved) :: I know extreme example, but stay w me :: That in that dire situation I could find peace within my mind. I’ve had friends in jail, abusive households, oppressive conditions still maintain a self of self and a sense of hope and I think it takes incredible dedication and a specific way of being. No one is exempt from the human condition, we all must do what we can to die happy. Hope that makes any amount of sense ❤
Thank you for the recommendations! I would also like to recommend a channel, maybe a lot of you folks have heard of it: it's called Healthy Gamer, and the channel is run by a psychiatrist who does a great job helping primarily lonely men and de-radicalizing them, if you will. I don't always agree with everything he displays on the channel, but overall he seems like a very compassionate and open-minded guy
I almost watched her videos but I realized that sometimes her words would hurt and invalidate the efforts I do put forward. That if I fail and struggle it’s my fault. I stopped watching her bc I realized she didn’t understand that we aren’t all the same, have different circumstances, privileges etc.
Self help can make you more egoic by claiming you have worked on yourself and now i am better than you. So am in power to not only judge others but also reject claiming them to be stupid. Totally unconscious. Nobody does a favour by improving themselves. Its the universal law evolve or die. And i loved the way you pointed out these things without bashing anyone.
The being of self is somehow socially-constructed. In most culture, the idea of self is also constructed based on the things we do. Take this sentence for example, “I am a doctor”, that means your being (self) is directly interlinked/interchangeable with what you do. I mean, in a way you can kinda see where it comes from. On a language perspective. Saying I am a doctor implies that it’s more than just a job, it’s maybe related to your passion etc etc. Hence, we find fewer people saying “I work as a doctor”. The problem with the former is, your idea of self becoming such a surface-level thing. When you try digging a bit deeper, it’s filled with so many abstract concepts like passion, and many other adjectives we believe as our traits. I believe that’s why the idea of finding yourself to help yourself is just way too abstract to change anything, causing more and more people to struggle with it (e.g., self-worth). The brighter side I guess is the fact that because it’s so abstract, you can just do anything you want with it. Creating your sense of ‘self’ by somehow conditioning/altering your environment. Not starting from the self but starting from the environment that helped construct your sense of self to begin with. Thus, the saying goes to say that serving others is a way to serve yourself. See the biggest systemic problem, be a part of it, the collective problems require collective actions and solutions.
Liz is a human being means she can't give you all the package as a normal person would think I'll take from her what I see it's benefited me in a certain way of my life for example from inside and I'll find out someone who has experience in the outside world who can teach more about life because you can't learn or experience everything by yourself
18:50 to be honest i think Liz actually had a great point here, even if she didn’t communicate it super well (might not be what she even meant tho lol) what she described about not listening to sad music or watching agitating videos is called opposite action. i learned about it in DBT, you basically just try to put yourself in the mindset you wana be in by consuming stuff that makes you feel good, since sad music makes you more sad etc. just a small point i thought was worth mentioning
The "dont date a broke guy" pisses me off sooo much. Because basically it says poor people dont deserve love? And ppl are like oh well you need to be a mom and cook and clean and etc etc like...yeah if you WANT to you can. And you should find a balance w your partner but its not inherent how that looks. You can choose to have a man that wants that and in exchange they pick up more of the financial labor.
Okay let me better explain what she was trying to say since you have your panties in a bunch. Right so lets say you are someone who wants to have financial freedom for yourself and your family right and you yourself you have that already you have money whatever right. To have a partner with no money and constantly having to provide for them its not very convenient and for some that can be a deal-breaker there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone financially stable if u yourself are financially stable. Broke guys do deserve love too, but dating broke guys isnt everyone's cup of tea. People are allowed to have preferences
I have always struggled with manifestation, even if I want to believe it to be true it's hard to manifest a dream life when you don't have a dream. It's expected for people to have a dream, a career path, a way of living, a place and so on. But when you don't have a specific dream or you have clashing dream there is no comfort or advice that is usually given. It's hard to find a dream that leads to happiness when your dream is simply for you and the other around you happy. Not that it's any less selfish, since my small dream is just for me and the people around me to be happy and sure I do like for everyone to be happy and would love for peace and no global warming and equality and all, I do want that, but if I were to think of a dream I think of me and my world to be happy and at peace or just at the best they can. So selfish or selfless it's still an apparently impossible dream because it's not a capitalist dream in a way, at least I haven't found anyone talk about that
I like her but most of her content seems to come from a “this is a race where there are losers and winners” mindset instead of a “man, this sucks but I can change it” mindset.
I like the way this video created this debate. In my perception, as a person who went through an extremely depressive phase, Liz's videos helped in the momentary despair, when I couldn't see a way out of problems. The videos I watched of her (a few of them) made me open my eyes and understand that there was indeed a way out of some problems, those that are within our reach, and that by dealing with them first I would be able to deal better with the rest of the problems. This was my personal view, I didn't follow all the "rules" she taught, and I didn't even keep watching the videos after a while, but the way she talks made me hope and want to keep trying to improve my life. I know this may not have been the perception of many of the people who watched her videos, so I think the topics presented in this video are important. Thank you for the video, it made me reflect on some valid points.
Thank you for your thoughtful analysis on the issues with self-help. I have been wary of why many self-help figures at their most obvious tell you the secret to individual monetary and physical success rather than overall wellness in a community. Ive been conflicted with the idea of being mindful of avoiding “low quality” content and interactions with people but also realizing thats not the answer either because sometimes in life we dont have a choice and have to deal with these things. I know deep down inside that just telling myself well if I get that job I want it will solve a lot of my problems, but one of my most concerned problems is say being the next family glue to keep the next generation of friends and family together as we grow older. I worry that that is more important in the end as we get older and aligning only with go-getters isnt my goal anymore.
As an Indian, I despise how much Guru gets appropriated. You don't hear anyone calling themselves "Make up messiah" "Cardio Cardinal" "Lifting Lama" "Babymama Buddha" why can't they be equally offensive to everyone.
My self help journey is for my family, and for people who are in my community. I don’t want to do the things I need to do to make serious money, but I'm willing to do it as long as it doesn't hurt anyone (I'm thinking of helping gyms get more members through ads, thereby helping people keep fit). I just want to do music tbf, but with no money, I have no time. So there's my issue.
As someone wise said Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” When i found this quote i fealt so liberated like i was always depressed and unhappy how why the world is like what it is and why cant i chanfe that but people around be told you are overreacting you are way too sensitivity and i am always like how can you feel good when the world is like hell
This woman is A BLESSING. She inspired me to have my UA-cam channel about feminine energy , AND I GOT 27k VIEWS. All thanks to her! I just stopped fearing and started to go forward
hi Elliot, I really appreciate how carefully nuanced you're with the points you raised. in the age of mostly winner/loser divisions it feels like a breath of fresh air. i don't really watch self-improvement videos these days mostly because I've come to realise how easy it is to get stuck into becoming the best version of yourself that people believe we should be based on many flawed ideas. anyway, what resonated the most is the shift that I personally should make from "me" to "we" abd learn how to connect with people.
I agree that self help seems to perpetuate an idealistic standard of life set by a capitalistic society. It is also inherently individualistic In this video the creator primarily proves the point that by consuming self help content, instead of working for ‘self improvement’ we are infact running towards societal standards for an improved self and honestly this is a great observation that one must acknowledge but the issue with ‘acknowledging’ something is it leads us nowhere. But doesn’t it lead to Mental peace? catharsis? Well yes, if you are a self actualised individual. If you are way above these standards. If you have attained nirvana But it doent work like that. We are a product of the society and that’s an important point that the creator makes while proving self help isn’t possible in isolation without the acknowledgment of the society we are a part of. However even after acknowledging the reality of the situation we still have to exist in the same society, still have to compete for the same resources still have to come back and ground ourselves philosophically these discussions are essential and one needs to have the clarity like the creator does however the application of these logics and principles is skewered. They can’t transform into action. And why is that important? Because even after attaining this level of mental maturity, self acknowledgement we still have to face the world we can’t escape it thus, actions work not mental philosophies at least to an extent. however this is not black and white, just my personal experience
You're litch the very first youtuber that I've watched actually talk abt Liz nicely but also pointing out things that you disagree with. Most people just bash her whole channel as whole based on 5 controversial things she's said 100 uplifting things.
liz’ wish was to have more money, that’s why she manifested it. i grew up poor and also really want more money. it would be inherent to me to make that come true. i never went on vacations, i could never buy what i wanted. it would really make me happy. the same is probably true for liz. i don’t think she wanted money to portray a capitalist image of what success means. liz can’t do anything to change the systems that cause us these problems. what could she do about it? her content is incredibly helpful. her videos are definitely towards improving your self and your life and not about climbing a latter of “success”. and that’s why she’s the only self help person i follow because she actually says smart things for your mental health and doesn’t tell you to constantly be productive and grind to achieve more money. she does not act like you are the problem and gotta fix it. she has a lot of understanding for situations you might not be able to change. like living in an abusive household, which she also did. she only said to not listen to sad music when you are sad. which is true. that would make it worse. i listen to music to dance to when i’m sad. you can still listen to sad music in general. she was speaking specifically about being in that depressed state. the people she was surrounded by probably were actually stupid. i think it’s judgmental to judge her for saying that. lol. some people are stuck in places where there are toxic people and stupid people that harm your mental health. and she advices not to hang out with them and to keep to yourself in cases you have to be around them, like when it’s your family. it’s a clickbait title. “broke” guys are guys who don’t strive to better themselves in any way but then cry about their circumstances. liz also tells you to explore and find yourself. she says you can’t be confident in yourself if you don’t know who you are.
not sure any of this is really a negation of my critiques. its not like i think everything i quote from her is meritless. i am pretty clear she gives some good advice. but i also think youre adding interpretations to things that arent in the texts in order to be more generous to someone you think highly of. for instance her growing up poor has nothing to do with the advice she gives about chasing a “dream life,” which is the idea i critique. nowhere in the video do i say “its irrational to want money” or anything near that, but that this is part of our socialization, elements of our situations that shape our own beliefs and desires.
the “broke guys” part of your comment reveals the biggest issue with how you’re responding. she very clearly says that any man who is ambitious and has drive for money will have money with him. this does not line up with your definition of what she means by broke men
@@elliotsangestevez you didn’t say it was irrational, but i understood it this way that you meant she strives for more money to be “successful” in a capitalist sense and that this isn’t inherent to her. but maybe it is. and i just don’t think she’s the type of always grind self help person. i also didn’t say she grew up poor i don’t know that. you can critique manifestation but i don’t think her believing in that and showing it on youtube is harmful. like i said, she doesn’t say it’s your fault and you’re this and that because you didn’t improve yourself enough. that’s just genuinely what i perceive having watched all her videos.
@@seorin__ While lack of ambition or effort can exist in some cases, there are plenty of reasons a man might not have a job (illness, disability, the economy, lack of job offers, some degrees being or becoming less valued, access to education, etc.) that are completely outside someone's character or control. Not to mention the possibilty of being a stay-at-home husband! You and Liz are under no obligation to have a partner without a job. But the idea that "if he's ambitious enough he'll find a way to get money", while (possibly) helpful for some, is not true for many people, and is an example of how a lot of self-help content is limited by this sort of thinking.
please make a video on psych to go! they spread harmful misinformation, have used autism speaks as a source and have done many other things! im sure it would be a very interesting video!
very impressive analysis. this video helped put my experience with her content/self-help and manifestation content into perspective. i am looking forward to more of your videos, thank you!
These content creators are so weird and surface level and almost seems like the only reason why they are doing these videos is to monetize their "inspiration" and be condescending if you don't "succeed". It might work for the privileged but it's soooooooo exhausting hearing from people that seemingly never experienced a major obstacle in their life (mental illness, disorders, trauma, being homeless because your christian parents can't accept that you're LGBT+ etc) that oh it's "so easy if you simply put your mind to it!!" "You just need to try harder!!!" These people don't seem to think outside of their bubble and just assume that everyone else have the exact same opportunities handed to them and are abled as them. I'm not saying that they didn't work for their success, they probably did, it's just extremely frustrating because some of us has to work 10 times harder and don't see a quarter of the success they keep on preaching about and their only response to this is "well you still need to try harder".
how do you know for certain that these people haven't gone through obstacles in their lives, the reason why most of them share their advice with us is because they've gone through awful things in life themselves and managed to overcome them, respectfully, take your own advice and think outside of your bubble, realize we're all suffering in life
@@hotleafjuice9322 i think you skipped the word "seemingly", i don't assume that they haven't but normally in my experience, people who had those kind of obstacles don't really preach their advice as "this worked for me therefor for you as well and if it doesn't, well, that's your fault" which is an extremely common theme for the hustle culture guys, who usually have more privilege than the people I mentioned in my original comment. Plus my opinion is based mostly on this video alone, I don't follow Liz closely. Also it's just my critique as someone who has multiple mental illnesses, spent years on self help advices similar to this and wonder afterwards why it doesn't work and I realized it's not because I'm a failure, it's because this sort of stuff doesn't apply to me, I have a different lifestyle and traumas to deal with that generally for us it takes much longer to get back on our feet so I mostly advocate for the fact that this kind of advice generally doesn't work for the vast majority and you'll see in the comments of this video why.
@@dreambrush7251 I thought since this video is mainly about liz's content you were speaking about her specifically which in my eyes the way you worded your comment doesn't describe her in the slightest, she grew up in an abusive household so it felt unfair that you put her in that category as well, she feels very genuine and honest in the way she speaks and tries her best to give useful advice that personally helped me get out of my depressive episode and move on with my life. I still think it's not nice to generalize all self help content creators but I understand your frustration
@@hotleafjuice9322 nah, I'm a regular viewer of Elliot so I tend to comment based on what I generally see in his vids. I knew Liz only by one viral video and didn't know about her history till I read here in the comments from people that knew her content. Honestly I'm glad that it did work for her and you, obviously she doesn't deserve to go what she has gone through and I'm happy that she seems in a much better place now. Still, there is still room for criticism and like I said, the way she presented, at least in the clips here, kind of framed herself as a solution for us all but at least now I know that she came from a place of good intentions rather than just painting herself as a saint. To end on a more positive note, a channel that helped me personally was dr k/healthygamergg, i think that one does present his subjects in a more nuanced way, acknowledging that you can feel negative due to the state of the world or the situation you're in but at the same time finding ways to better yourself and move forward. He's also a psychiatrist so he kinda is familiar with certain disorders and traumas and generally does his "self help" specific to those kind of people and not so much to someone who doesn't have social anxiety for example. When I hear self help, I tend to think of the hustle culture people that present their stuff as a very surfaced, black and white point of view guaranteed to succeed but I tend to not go to those and that mental health channels tend to make a much better job at actual self help. Just my 2 cents and personal experience though. Thanks though for letting me know about Liz since I didn't had the knowledge prior :)
visiting this video again because the one she just posted today about just “getting up” and getting over whatever is going on in your life like it’s nothing was mildly triggering lol
One thing I realized is that self-help isn't for me because I have undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorder and that advice just doesn't work for me self-help doesn't take into consideration real mental heath issues
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
“we’re trying to fix ourselves to solve our problems, but our problems are outside of ourselves” LITERALLY
All of this. A flaw of hyper individualism, to blame the person/people affected when the problems are systemic.
Yeah more of the problems need to start fixing themselves while we fix ourselves in order for this to work.
Bars.
True but at the same time its good to take accountability for what you can controll and try your best to change and be better
Are you guys just gonna cry about it your whole lifes. That’s what the system wants and loves and your playing right into their hand
Watched a few Liz vids and I think it's important to note that her mother fled a war torn country and that she herself was raised up in a household that financially struggled for a long time... Due to this I believe that Liz talks to her audience from the standpoint of Survivors bias. Liz is a woman who has survived the game of Monopoly that is American capitalism and has also maneuvered in ways that have led to her flourishing in it... However the ptsd of poverty and struggle doesn't fade with success its something you've got to grapple with and manage everyday. She doesn't realize that everybody's situation is different, that we all have to play the game differently, and that things now are arguably 10x more difficult in every aspect... These days it takes far more to be successful than manifesting I firmly believe it takes luck, privilege, timing, calculated scheming, ample resources, the willingness to resculpt yourself, and often yrs of sacrifice /hard work unless you've got a slingshot tactic to get around this.
so well said.
Truest thing I've heard in a while
This is true. We shouldn’t merely try to learn from a woman has succeeded in the game. We need to learn people from people who failed. We need to learn from the global and moral tragedies that have occurred in the world. We need to learn from atrocities like The Holocaust; we need to learn from celebrities that unalive themselves like Chester Bennington; Amy Winehouse; and Kurt Conain. We need to learn from fall of the Soviet Union; we need to learn from the bombing of Hiroshima; we need to learn from the My Lai massacre of Vietnam. We need to learn from the dangers of multilevel marketing scheme; we need to learn from the Jim Jones Kool Aid tragedy; we need to learn of mass starvation in Soviet Russia; we need to learn about lynchings and slavery in the United States; we need to learn about the Crusades; about Pol Pot; about Genghis Khan; about the Hare Krishna assasination of Sulochana Das in New Vrindaban in the 80’s. We are drawn to success stories, but test the advice, and know that its not always your fault if it fails. There are so many elements to success, not just perseverance and hustle. There is the community that supports you, there is the environmental circumstances; there are genetics. Yes, free will and put effort in your life but be aware that you are buying into the neoliberal ideology.
I've met several immigrants before that have this mentality. My biggest problem I've had with their mentalities is that they sometimes accuse native born citizens of being entitled and complaining too much, but came to America to escape less Democrat systems, and fail to realize that the reason America was any kind of land of opportunity to begin with is because people push back and voice their opinions, even when it's small things, because the class warfare is real.
I'm sorry but I find her extremely hypocritical. She once said that she is on social media but she isn't really on social media meaning she just posts stuff and never interact with any other account. If she thinks this is part of her winner mentality what happens if we all do what she does and stop interacting with her content? She will end up being not successful anymore. She apparently isn't familiar with the fact that some people in order to be successful on social media have to invest in it. We can't just be all be thewizardliz. Also she also said that she would bargain her pretty privilege with a happy childhood. That's great. That doesn't mean she doesn't have pretty privilege though. Nobody really knows anything about her and that's pretty shady to me. Like she seems to be living in a luxury place but can't afford a decent camera and her decor in the background seems always hotel-like. I don't know, something about her just doesn't ring true to me.
I truly don't believe that self help is what the world needs right now. It's community that we need...
I believed the same thing as you. Eventually, I asked myself "but how can you know which community to be a part of if you don't fully know yourself? What can you bring to a community if you think this community is going to solve your problems for you?" these are the tough questions that comes up when you start embodying the concept of self help.
Self help is extremely easy to dismiss. Everybody does at some point. It's scary af. It asks of us to really look at ourselves and question everything we see. It asks of you to get to your core. Avoid self help all you want, but you're only doing a disservice to yourself and those around you. A strong community is made out of people who saw themselves for who they really are first. People who are able to ask the hard questions and come up with an answer. How else can you solves the inevitable problems of life?
@@sunongral5605 in my experience the vast majority of "self-help" doesnt actually purpose any kind of actual improvement for people struggling (especially from mental health) you dont need a self help guru telling you to manifest or go outside or work out more, none of this actually gets people to improve their lives and they sure as hell dont need to hear it from someone else since they most likely already know all that. the vast, vast majority of self help ive encountered focusses on empty platiudes or requires crazy oversimplifactions in its "analysis". jordan peterson telling me to "clean up my room" hasnt done a lick to help my years long chronic depression and self esteem issues, its bullshit.
i dont need a book that tells me to tidy my livingspace lmao. you very rarely encounter anything that actually gets you to tangiably change your life. those supposed answers youre talking about in the vast majority of cases literally amount to "go outside more" gee thanks. it also always ignores wider issues at play like class and community, socio-economic conditions all in the name of "self-responsibility". if you cant solve your own problems youre at fault and just not trying hard enough. i will never understand how people can swallow a mindset like that hook line and sinker but i guess many of them are just that desperate.
@@pissfather6798 I thought just like you as well, I fully get where you're coming from. "Go outside more" "Gee thanks" included (my mom was an expert at telling me this one, and it made me feel so misunderstood). What pushed me beyond what I used to believe is that I was ultimately left with 2 choices : either doing something to change or ending my life.
I was at the complete end of my rope.
Since I had a loving mom and a little brother, I decided on changing, and to see a therapist. I couldn't have frequent sessions with him since I didn't have the money, so I compensated by reading and watching free content on psychology, spirituality and self help. I eventually met my wonderful partner while I was getting better. He also battled with depression. He had a few self help books, namely 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson. I read the book, and the sentence "clean up your own room" is a real life advice but also a potent metaphor. It means: get your own shit together before you attempt to get society's shit together. In other words, you can't build something sustainable on a weak foundation. While it is true, it only accounts for like 0,1% of his advices which are all clear and drenched in extreme compassion for the human condition. His book and many others offered amazing keys that I still use today.
I am part of gen Z (25 yo) btw, I grew with the internet and so I grew up thinking it was on me to solve the world of its many issues. I was a full-fledged SJW all throughout my (very depressed) teenage years. Today I know this hurt me. What built me back up again was focusing solely on my mental health in the last years. I completely let go of my internet persona, and fully dived into myself.
Oh, and I never said to believe any guru. Actually, we shouldn't believe anyone. We should be open yet always questioning what is being said, we should use discernment. I'm anti-worship of anyone. We're all equal. Gurus are just people who did the work on their inner world, pointing you in the direction of your own inner world. There's also a lot of fake gurus who are just parroting what they see without doing the work themselves. This doesn't mean there's no good teachers out there.
In fact, thanks to many different compassionate teachers and their *free* online content, I've written countless words of self-reflection.
I meditated.
I did breath work.
I did parts work where I allowed different aspects of my psyche to express themselves without judgment.
I hypnotized myself.
I experimented a lot, even if it scared me. Even if I shaked and cried before doing it.
I'm happy to say my efforts paid off; I no longer identify with my psychological diagnosis of dysthemia and anxiety disorder. It happened a couple months ago, I looked at my partner and told him "It's crazy, I no longer feel the weight on my chest and shoulders. I can breath so deeply. I feel ready to embrace the future. I don't want to die. I've never felt so free!" I cried happy tears as he embraced me.
I fully understand why people think the way I used to, and like you do right now. We don't want to believe we can help ourselves because it negates all the voices in our heads telling us we're victims, that we're not strong enough, that other people can do it because of *insert privilege* but not us. I've thought like that for many years before it became a question of life or death.
The bottom line remains - if you really want to help the world, you gotta help yourself first. This is reality. This is doing your part as a member of humanity. And it's honestly great once you get past the initial unfamiliarity!
Gurus are a thing because people get frustrated when you just tell them "go find yourself" and offer no guidelines, so they are popping up like mushrooms to fill that gap. The offer meets the demand.
The advice I give people is to at least meditate. Reading books helped me know exactly why and how I should do that (Break up with yourself by Joe Dispenza is amazing for that), but if it's not your thing, at the very least try to close your eyes and act as an outside observer of your thoughts a couple of times per day. See your thoughts as separate from you. This alone does wonder for anxiety and gives a better perspective on any issue you might have in the moment. There's *free* guided meditations all over the internet to help you with that. I say *free* because we tend to forget how fortunate we are to have access to so many useful things only with an internet connection!
I really, really wish for you to find yourself beyond your ego, the façade you present yourself with, the persona you naturally built to protect yourself from others. Beneath the surface, there's a unique Self you get to know if you're curious and patient enough to shut down all the outside noises, and the voices of self-doubt. Before I found my Self, it was hell for me and I'm sure its hell for you, but we get so accustomed to hell that we think it's all we can access.
I have nothing to gain from telling you to be curious about self help and spirituality instead of overly critical. I'm just writing to you like I would write to my past self. Just go look for yourself. Be curious about the inner world instead of hyperfocusing on the outer world, anyway they are a mirror for each other.
so true. though without self-help/ growing through personal experiences and traumas, we have no community. we are living in a degenerate amd fragile society. yuri bezmenov talks about this, we have become weaker in our minds, weakening us as people, weakening us as a country. it all starts in the mind. a weak community may as well be no community at all
@@pissfather6798 yeah i feel like people often want to belive they're at fault for their condition because it gives them a sense of agency and control and when they find that they can't help themselves, they gaslight themselves into thinking that they're just not trying hard enough and so they consume even more self-help content. It's a cycle
In my opinion this only works when YOU are the problem. For example : procrastination, staying with a toxic ex and other self destructive habits that you do.
but even that isn't quite the person's "fault". The ideal is to see a psychologist in some off these cases...
@@asterisco230 Yes. One of my biggest gripes with self help and self improvement spaces is they teach you that the way others treat you is your fault. Something to the effect of "you teach people how to treat you". But if the whole concept of self-help is that you're the only one responsible for yourself, then it has to be true of others. If it's not true of others, then something isn't washing, here.
@Ian Lindo having accountability doesn't mean thinking it's your fault. That's part of the problem a lot of people are having with taking accountability. I had this problem too. It's because when we were children the adults around us taught us to think that if we did something wrong, we DESERVE to feel some sort of psychological pain. That's literally not true at all and it comes from their generational trauma and narcissism. The truth is you don't need to associate guilt, self blame, regret or any type of psychological pain with taking accountability. And realizing this is actually part of self help. I admit that I could have done better during certain times of my life to make my life better, that doesn't mean I think it was my fault for having hard times. You teach people how to treat you is literally true, and you can start to stay true to that without blaming yourself for not standing up for yourself when you should have. A lot of people are selfish and exploitative, you can't change them, but it's not "blaming myself" when I realize that I can do things to change how people will treat me. As for your bottom argument, you are taking the quote completely out of context. Of course we affect other people and their behavior affect us, or else the law of physics wouldn't be true. What that quote means is that you are the only person who actually stays with yourself your entire life, people care the most about themselves and that's just how evolution works. Therefore you need to take accountability for your actions and thoughts (without blaming yourself or feeling bad about it), because at the end of the day no one else is really going to make those decisions for you directly
Well good thing I’m the problem ig??? Lol
@@OG-zc2zjthis helped me a lot thanks bro
Self help is inherently capitalistic bc its individualistic and destructive. Ive seen people in my life trip others up or act in a way that hurt others for their own benefit and 'peace of mind'. In the long term this self help leads to more burn out and feeling empty. I think we need to start rebuilding our community, making life long friends and family to begin to heal ourselves to the real, compassionate and social animals that we are. Lets try to not burn the world in the process of our own self benefit
i respectfully disagree. the purpose of self help is to focus on things within our control. for example, making life long friends and family sounds fun but you cannot make anyone be here for you. for this reason, you should focus on the one person on this earth who never leaves you: yourself.
hmm, self-help is actually important as a guidance for one's life to build a healthy coping mechanisms for yourself. I think the issue is many clout chasers use jargons as 'self-help' to impose egotistical or harmful advices. That's why self-help is perceived to be toxic although it actually is not.
@@caseyj7052fully agree
i think its how the media and influencers describes/teaches the audience what "self care" is that makes people interpret becoming selfish (which is actually a negative trait) equals selfgrowth/selfcare. it's like almost all the influencers who preach about self help doesn't fully understand the concept themselves and the general audience tend to be easily persuaded, only a few people are insightful others are just herds.
i don't understand how can someone have a problem in their life and then... with the exact same skills, world view, life experience and resources that they had when that problem arose "decide" that they can now turn it around completely. can you really help yourself? i dont think so. you can make good choices, sure, but help, actual help, comes from something you don't have at the moment (hence why you have that problem!), someone else's skills or experience or time or resources, or a professional's. can one really be one's therapist/doctor/analyzer/pastor/financial advisor? don't those fileds require an external perspective? but sure, any of those questions or any criticism at all = hate = you're all obcessed with me.
classism is bad i think
i always wondered why self-help thrives for so long when everything is just repeated over and over again
Exactly! Like they all are saying the same think.
Because people like to binge on content and do anything but actually work on themselves.
Because humans are emotional beings not rational.
I never understood why people like her advices so much when they r literally the most basic thoughts I had when I was 15. She is constantly philosophizing tumblr quotes from 2012
Thank you as someone who has ocd and other disabling mental health issues seeing all the praise for Liz’s self help had me feel like I was the only one who could recognize how harmful and ignorant her messages really are I specifically remember a time she said if you don’t like how you look change it and that stuck with me because it really reinforces people especially woman who are taught to dislike many things about themselves that instead of feeling the affects of that societal impact we should make ourselves follow it to feel better about ourselves when really what that does is have us reject and dislike who or what we are even more and feel like we have to work hard and maintain a version of ourselves that isn’t us but who we were taught we should be
Her advice is just so much to unpack I don’t blame her for her perspective it’s just a result of many societal and systemic factors but there is so much conditioning that is much more beneficial to unlearn than to reinforce and unfortunately her advice is reinforcing the harmful messages we were taught
right!!! its beauty culture, the child of all the varying systems of oppression we lie under (white supremacy, capitalism, ableism + way more im forgetting rn) that points the finger at us to state that we're broken & must fix ourselves to find love, acceptance etc etc. i really like this writer jessica defino, she has a newsletter called the unpublishable & you might like it as she discusses addressing these things (& sometimes ways to unlearn), will def point out that its not a saving grace, but it is quite revolutionary
idk why people think that self love only comes from accepting yourself just the way you are. you either love yourself the way you are an if you find it hard then change. change isn't a negative thing as long as it leads to pure happiness and it's not due to social media or anyones opinion and judgement. there isn't just one way to self love. you people just learned smth from internet and ran to the moon with it "love yourself the way that you are" sadly it's not always the answer. you just have to be wise and know yourself to know which one will work for you. at the end all that matters is you loving yourself and feel comfortable . you might reach it through just accepting yourself the way that you are without changing anything or changing that aspect of yourself. you just have to know that were does those insecurities come from ...is it from other people or is it smth that comes from within
hey, I appreciate constructive criticism so feel free to rectify me if I’m wrong
I think by changing yourself, she meant more like “find yourself” rather than “lose yourself”. What I mean is, I don’t think she’s telling us to change and fit into society’s standards, but rather change and fit into our personal standards which consists of our likes and dislikes and aren’t influenced by the public opinion/societal views. She has mentioned in one of her videos that people were against some of her decisions (I think it was her opening a yt channel) but she still did it because SHE WANTED TO. So she has gone against peer pressure and societal pressure to do what she wants (which again is her own choice not influenced by society or others) and reinforces the same advice here. Hope its clear thanks :)
That's not what she means but I do get where you are coming from. She doesn't care as much about society values or what other people says and decide if she likes something or not herself, so when she said that quote I imagine she's just speaking from the place that she's in, and not considering that someone might only grow dislike something neutral or positive about themselves due to societal or peer pressure. But I'm pretty sure what you are insinuating is literally not what she means as she had spoken about not caring what other people thinks and relying on your internal values.
I gotta disagree only on one small thing:
"Don't date broke guys" isn't about dating men for money. You even nicely included her main point in your video..
She didn't say don't date poor men, she said don't date broke. Don't date a guy without a job, or ambition, which... I think personally isn't that bad of a standard
Truee
Why does everyone need to be ambitious? Why aren't people allowed to be content with what they have?
@@tortture3519 There's a difference between content and stagnant in my opinion. It's hard to define but there's a vibe between happy to settle and given up that is hard to read, so people avoid both- also to be happy with the happy to settle, you yourself need to be content
I am pretty sure she meant poor guys.
try to think about ambition not in the context of money but in the context any path you choose. People who do not grow and develop in long term are just burden for others.
I like a lot of what Liz says but if I were to disagree with her on anything it's how binary her way of dating is.
She very much believes in women strictly recieving and men providing. (Side: I understand this is very much a part of her culture and if this lifestyle makes her happy I'm not shaming that.) When she said giving men flowers is "spoiling" them I couldn't have disagreed more.
All relationships are a give and take no matter the gender. Everyone involved should be putting in effort while also revieving love in return. Pushing roles onto a person (in my experience) will ultimately leave you alone because no one wants to endlessly provide nor recieve. Much like life, it's a balance.
You were right, her relationship didn't last because she basically got bored and didn't feel like herself.
Can you tell the second part to all my EXs. Well said. I’m sick being seen as just a wallet or bank account.
Agreed❤
What really struck me is that Liz's dreams as stated in her most popular video are so materialistic and self-serving. It was immediately off-putting for me to hear. I appreciate they way you unpacked that. Personally I find cultivating contentment with your present circumstances is key to long-lasting happiness and peace.
Her dreams can be materialistic and self-serving if that’s what she wants. No one is to judge what her dreams should or shouldn’t be. Furthermore, not everyone’s goal is happiness, which is also fine.
@@idrk1507 the whole point of liz is to find happiness my lady so what you are saying is contradictory she says the happiness can only be achieved if we have money and we are more social
@@levicodm1961
She is right my lady. Money buys happiness up to a certain income. Also, not everyone’s goal is happiness. The know-it-alls in the internet think everyone’s goal should be the same.
@@idrk1507 ok but where in my comment did i say i know it all i am just saying liz point of view is she say you cant be happy if you are an average person you have to be extra rich to be happy i have seen many avg people more happy and content than so called rich so that what i am saying i wasn't saying that everybody should have the same goal you didn't even read my comment and replied
@@levicodm1961
You’re the one who didn’t read my comment. You went on a tangent about things I didn’t speak about.
According to these self-made gurus, I am a loser for not manifesting enough, and not “trying.” Have they see the economy right now? Have they see how hard it is to grow on UA-cam and other social media platforms? Not saying that Liz does not deserve the growth, money, and popularity, but you need to watch how you give advice, especially online. It’s giving shallow in my opinion🤷🏾♂️
I'm not an hater but I can't get into Liz's content as it feels masochist in a way, like I'm watching to punish myself for not being able to go after my goals. She feels very arrogant and pretentious when she talks about if she can flee a war ridden country and be successful so can others, but she's forgetting how many others are still in such country waiting for an opportunity to escape as they didn't have the same luck. And yes indeed, the content is very shallow and surface level as it doesn't touch on any contextual situations happening at that moment...
@@AngelMonic You said nothing but the truth. Thank you!
@@JulianSteve Imo, your original comment hits all the right notes! I remember in my english class we had to read a 'self-help' book for teens. Oh my goodness, it was bad. It was stating mainly the facts you stated above your post, and apparently, it proceeds to say 'just forgive someone if they were talking behind you back'. First off, and this is just my opinion, if someone even talks negative behind you, is that someone you can trust, albeit forgive?! That statement also felt incredibly daunting and discouraging especially since during the time of reading that book I was dealing with a lot of friendship issues, and how one of my friends threatened to call the police on me for just standing up for myself and not doing anything wrong. Self-Help books feel more of like a 'mold' to try and fit into, rather than a sense of nourishment, and positivity. These books force you to change your lifestyles for the 'better', when for some, it can cause stress. They force you to 'forgive those who have done wrong' when in reality, who knows if they had a plan? They give you a set of 'rules' and 'laws' for time management and success, when really, there is no stone-written law of success.
(this is just my opinion btw so it's okay if you disagree with some of my points! I'm always open to different viewpoints and perspectives)! :)
Also to add on to your point on being a loser and not trying (according to these self-help gurus) think about this, you try so hard but at the end, you don't make it to your final destination. What do self-help books say about failures? Successes? Trying again when you can? All these 'books' do is they mess up your mind and they make you follow, step by step, how to live a life that YOU yourself have control over.
I also not everyone lives in a 1st-would country where there is access to certain unique opportunities that not everyone in the world can get. Especially some of these side-hustles etc.
woah okay I had growing suspicions about the way I was consuming self help content and this video puts things into a better perspective for me. as always, thank you for being a real, empathetic presence on UA-cam. love u Elliot !!!
something that i think Liz always forgets to say is that we can't achieve our dream life just by ourselves. a lot of times we are our own ''enemy'' and we're stopping ourselves yes, BUT there are a lot of ''woke'' people ( for a lack of a better word) who love themselves and are already in good self-love relationship with themselves... but are yet to achieve their dream goals. we live in a society, nothing depends on us fully, it's not only bout '''get your sh*it together''. it's about learning to survive in the society while still loving yourself but also establishing healthy relationships with others. That's why i think she's not right when she says that we are responsible for where we are in life. there are many many other factors out of our control and i think it's important to talk about it, rather that sugar-coat that your whole reality depends on YOU only, when it doesn't.
I read this in a joker voice and I believe you now.
she literally always emphasizes "never reject help from others", and also has stated in one of her videos people who say theyre "self made" are snobbish- because even going to their job interview they had help from say a taxi driver who gave them a ride there
she puts way too much emphasis on us being our own worst enemies. like we are the source of all of our problems, anything we are struggling with is our fault and it’s our fault it’s not drastically improving. when you’re in good health and have a lot of money to fall back on, it’s really easy to ignore the very real problems our societies, lives or situations etc give. because they don’t impact you. lol
@@babydoll2k5exactly
@@amarazo8499 i very much agree with this tbh, but i also think that while these problems can be outside our control a lot of the time, the way we respond to these factors matters, and how we can overcome them STARTING with ourselves, and building each other up in a society that's not so perfect. so what she's saying still holds value, and we can add building our relationships and support onto her explanations. besides, we can't just take in everything anyone says on the internet, as it doesn't apply to everyone, so its best to trust your intuition and take things with a pinch of salt.
The only thing I will say, actually reworking childhood trauma is most definitely a healthy form of self-help.. Many people have loads of trauma that is unprocessed, which then leads them into lots of trauma responses.. This self help stuff that creators promote would never work in the first place if you are literally dissociative 99% of ur life without understanding why..
I never found self-help to be fulfilling on its own. Like there’s good tools and habits I’ve gained, but for me it was a bit hollow when that’s all I focused on. I’m always a bit wary of some of these self-help ideas because I feel like people get gaslit when it doesn’t work for them. (Like they didn’t want it enough or manifested the bad things in their life.) Again there’s some idea that you’re responsible for everything that happens to you which is just not true. It’s the same idea with people who buy into the American Dream that everyone has the same opportunities. It’s just not real and a lot of people who do succeed by society’s standards give themselves way more credit than they should ignoring how much is actually luck. Not saying they didn’t work hard, but if that’s all it took most people would be successful.
Always appreciate the book recs and thoroughly enjoyed your video.
It's the way I was debating with someone today who literally responded that 'you just like looking for pain' for saying you have to acknowledge that certain things in society are designed to hold you back. You can't 'try harder yourself' out of certain obstacles. Nothing wrong with trying but still keeping that in mind so you don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.
that's such an intense comment to make
May I ask, for me, since I am a black women, what exactly is holding me back? I don’t think anything in this world can hold me back because of my identity as a black women. Just curious, not trying to be rude or anything.
@@suga3774 racism, I guess. You still technically don't have full human rights :/
And sexism. The moment you may accidentally get pregnant your life may just be metaphorically over.
@@danniuwu8628 Mm, I understand what you mean. No doubt I will experience both racism and sexism on countless occasions (which I have already) but I don’t want to give up because of it. Like I won’t give up on my dreams of being rich, just because I will experience them. Though I understand it may have to take more effort, but it’s not like it’s impossible.
My mental health overall improved drastically when I realized that anxiety and depression were the only rational response to the world situation. I mean, I worry about people who aren't at all anxious and depressed given how bad the situation is for so many of us.
Because the big problem for me was not those feelings, but my feelings about those feelings, if that makes sense. When I stopped being hard on myself for not handling really big traumatic devastating life and world events, those events got easier to cope with. I had enough to deal with, I didn't need to also beat myself up.
There is a lot of big, real garbage going on and a whole lot of people who decided they needed to feel better rather than fix thing and that has just compounded the big real garbage.
Fantastic comment. Why should one not feel bad, in a bad situation?
I am just paraphrasing you, but I really like that position.
To quote Jiddu Krishnamurti
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
It took me so, so long to reach the same conclusion. The depression, anxiety, and trauma is a lot to deal with on its own. It's a daily struggle, but I made myself so much worse off by believing I was sick, broken, and damaged because society says I am.
As a mentally ill person and someone who is generally blunt and honest about the state of the world I get so much backlash and downright hatred. I used to internalize all of it. Now I see it comes from a place of fear and their own messed up views. They know if they took a good, hard look at their lives and the world it would mess them up too, so they don't and they scapegoat me. It is far more unhealthy than feeling bad as I do.
I hope the struggle is easier for you now. I am still getting there.
Honestly, even if the world isn't on fire, beating yourself up isn't a cure for depression. Just letting your mental state be what it is can really help you feel better about it. Worst case it isn't actively making you feel even worse.
This channel feels like a safe place to tackle this difficult topics. Thank you for creating an open space for discussion 💕
I'm suprised that her fans didn't call you every name in the book as they have done to everyone else that dared to question/criticize her, because apparently she's a flawless god who can do no wrong.
Some of them are calling people who don't agree with her of having a 'victim mentality "
@@samiinaa fr she's a basic person nothing special like everyone else she can literally die today then what ? Nothing because she's a human simple as that I don't get the hype.
@@samiinaa exactly different people different things
You think you're better? Bahahah
Why so mad, keep crying
@@Issa._.arison..222 you're literally the person they are describing it and you're proud 😂
my personal opinion: about two months ago, i was so under the influence of the message liz was trying to portray. it became a full blown obsession. it felt weird, because I couldn't distinguish if it was bad or not, because at the end of the day I was obsessed with achieving my goals. but now looking back, I was being too harsh on myself. i think it is important to really understand what she is really trying to say first. you have to find the healthy balance between accepting yourself and improving yourself for the better good. and also, there is this narrative that in order for you to be successful and happy you have to fit into this specific picture frame (rich, pretty etc) that people can accidentally get while watching her videos. your end goals dont always have to be materialistic and your affirmations may also start with your state of mind too.
I'm going to go one further than you, and say that even if she was accurate, empathetic and knowledgeable ( which she isn't), her message is intentionally geared in such a way to ignore the inseparable underbelly of our system. While you point out that her message can be applied to more than just the materialistic, I actually think that this says less than you think it does.
As peter Kropotkin indelibly points out, the wealth of the wealthy is connected to the poverty of the poor.
Capitalistic self help always trys to get you to believe that you can escape poverty, but will forever hide from you that you don't escape poverty, as even billionaires still have an intimate relationship with poverty, as the system they run could not function without it. Even billionaires don't escape poverty, don't escape the misery pollution. Because they are the ones who maintain it.
that's not on her though. She didn't tell y'all that it should be materialistic. She does state to work towards what you want
@@smithsunleashed what if what i want is people to accept socialism?
as somebody with anxiety and depression, people have told me that i need to "choose happiness", and that i am choosing to be depressed. Like, why the hell would I want to feel this constant pain inside my head! why would I choose that! it makes me so angry that im not 'trying hard' enough!
I think one way to look at “choose happiness” is actually seeking out help, medication? Therapy etc.
self help more about trying to do something, anything, to make your life even 1% better, rather than solving all your problems, curing depression, and suddenly having a perfect life
At first, I was like "what does the psychology of the self gotta do with this", but it all came together when you connected back to those "big dreams". Wealthy, popular, spoiled. I don't want to bash those dreams, the have their benefits. But those benefits contribute to social status. Self-help content like this often demands that you also surround yourself with people who have these social attributes. And that, to me, sounds like a one-way ticket to very toxic relationships. The insistance that at man has more or less worth based on their wealth pisses me off. That's not feminism. That's not based in kindness. That's not even beneficial to your fellow hetero women who can make just as true connections with a man who lifts them in other ways.
Accomodating oneself. Accomodating others. Learning about diverse experiences and using that to fight systems that harm them. That's some real tough-love right there.
Also last thing I’ll say is that it’s sad to realize how much this self help and not acknowledging or taking into account societal or systemic factors impacts absolutely everything. As someone who’s been in therapy since I was 14, I’ve come to understand how flawed the mental health system is and how inaccessible it is. After going through so many therapists im starting to realize maybe the amount a therapist charges isn’t what sets them apart from the “bad” therapists I’ve experienced, but maybe the mental health system is inherently flawed and reinforces mental illness as an individual issue rather than a societal and systemic issue. I’ve also come to unfortunately recognize that therapists and the mental health system at the end of the day are businesses and they profit off of people being unwell or depending on them. I wish I could say my experience in therapy was therapists wanting to actually help me, but what it has been is therapists wasting time during sessions to then tell me at the end that we will get deeper into this and then it repeats every session. Or pushing medication onto me for issues that have become severe as a result of trauma. I’m not against medication but it’s not going to heal or process the root of my issues which is trauma.
I've had a similar experience, and you put it very eloquently into words. I've come to the basic conclusion that the *real* therapists are ourselves & our close ones, as it pertains to helping each other, and ourselves. But it does require a certain degree of courage to open up to people, even to our closest relatives.
fr i feel you i feel like a lot of mental health services just push a one solution for all and then discard you if it doesnt work i feel like i have to do something more and more intense so the people call back hahaha
Sadly, that's been my personal experience as well with therapists. I have no idea why they try to push CBT so hard, probably because it's relatively easy to get a certification on and start practicing. But I personally find CBT obnoxious. I've found writing or art therapy much more helpful, but I haven't paid big amount to art therapists to do it. I just did a lot of research about them on my own and then tried them myself. At the end, we truly have to pull ourselves out in the absence of community in the modern world. It's sad how the community and solidarity spirit is fast disappearing from the world.
this is the kind of perspective that adds depth to the self-improvement sphere on youtube. as someone with good intentions who was sorta sucked in by capitalism-catering/self-centered content, i respect ur words deeply. thanks for ur service (:
also her comments, and so many other of these youtubers’ comments are so cult like. I genuinely can’t tell if it’s bots or not, it’s insane
Thank you for this insight. I’m struggling right now and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Instead of looking at the obstacles that I’ve had to overcome from a young age, I automatically blame myself and who I am. I’m just broken, or was never meant to thrive. But lately I’ve also been trying to look outward instead. I think a big thing I, and a lot of people, have been missing is a sense of community. Especially since I have accomplished things. Im just not completely where I thought I would be at this time. For me, this idea of community has always been difficult because I’m a shy introvert. I thought I would never be the kind of person to want that. Still, something has been pulling me toward the idea that happiness is giving. There needs to be a balance, but I want to try to help others around me more. I want to engage with my community and see if that helps me understand my situation better. If all I’m doing is collecting things for myself what’s the point? What does that mean when I’m gone? I want to leave the world a better place, even if it’s in the smallest of ways. I can’t do that if I’m caught up in just what I can do for myself. I actually think I don’t want to be the center of my world. I want that to be other people, the people I love, while also keeping myself nourished.
Anyway, all that to say I enjoyed this video and it’s what a lot of people might need to reflect on for the coming year. I might be wrong about community being needed and one thing doesn’t fit everybody, but we have to keep trying to find what works for us as individuals and as a whole. Happy new year!
How isn’t this video more popular? Getting into “spirituality” actually has helped me to hear someone like Liz in a critical and compassionate way. I felt like something was missing after listening to several of her videos , and I think you hit the nail on what was missing.
I’ve been on this self help thing for 5 years now and I have felt very lonely for most of the time, so I do think the answer is incorporating a broader worldview and societal knowledge on top of doing what’s best for ourselves.
We don’t need more classism in this world.
i think those in power right now want to encourage this self help movement bc then ppl will believe it’s an individual responsibility & not try to change the system that benefits the ones in power. sorta like recycling- recycling isnt really efficient or making a huge difference on environmental preservation but companies want you think think the environment is all up to you & your recycling habits
This is a brilliant point, individualization of responsibility. Funny how this system seeps into every aspect of our lives down to mental health and self-help.
To be honest it's not easy at all for going for your dreams mostly if you live in a poorer country. Because schooling and medicecion is not that good so it's harder to get out of where you are. So "If you are passionate enough you can get whatever you want" is not 100% accurate it's more like luck. But it's not that you shouldn't be passionate, just be critical and do what you are good at, and don't lock yourself up in a bubble.
Underrated Critique video. These videos are crucial to keep our critical thinking in check
What helped me was going through the whole self help phase and doing all this stuff and then finally realizing that there is no one right way to live life, and that EVERYONE is fucked up. Then I was able to stop being so anxious about not being good enough and just go for what I find valuable.
This is so well articulated and absolutely agree! While it comes from a good place, self-help is perpetuating radical neo-liberalist thinking which places the responsibility entirely on the individual and perpetuates the current, oppressive system. Hope you receive more recognition :)
I'm very confused on this. Liz has talked about her family history and their struggles with things like poverty, mental health and abuse. And her advice comes from that survivor's standpoint.
But now people outside of her lived experience are talking about her privilege and how it was easy for her to achieve the life she has now. And it makes no sense.
As someone with very similar experiences her advice coming from the standpoint of being a survivor is arguably much more valuable and useful than most of the others I've seen.
Most of the comments boil down too "She didn't suffer the right way" or "she suffered at a different time so it doesn't count"
???
Yall weird
And personally, this all feels like people would rather continue to live in misery than try to do something about it. And then get mad when the smallest of reminders pop up that can remind you of that fact.
@Luci Evelyn she's trying to help the individual, you can't expect one woman to change the world. Systematic change takes years and is far less likely to happen depending on where you live.
If you sit around and wait for the world to change you'll be miserable forever, but figuring out how to cultivate better and healthier interpersonal relationships, how to set and reach personal goals, and how to protect yourself emotionally toxic people can serve you as a person.
I'm not saying no to systemic change but you should take control of what you can, fix whatever you can fix because that will help push you forward.
Sitting in your room and sharing instagram info graphs or retweeting threads only goes so far.
EDIT: I'm using myself in an example of this.
I'm a lesbian and I come from a highly conservative family. I'm the eldest of five and had extremely high expectations set on me that my siblings didn't.
I couldn't wait around for the world to change, for homophobia to go away completely, for systematic change to fix everything. It was through therapy and self help that I learned to accept who I am and to understand and deal with my family and the emotions they stir in me.
Sharing an instagram info graph didn't make my family less horrible, but taking things into my own hands and actually trying atleast gave me the tools to deal with it.
the criticism is supposed to show how easier it is for her to achieve her dreams compared to others, and how she tries to sell this dream that wherever you are you can achieve the same greatness she has when she didn't have to work as hard
@@meemoo9064 BRO you didn't even read my comment. Her whole family has struggled with mental health issues, poverty and abuse. You're whole thing is that she simply didn't struggle enough or in the right way.
Read my comment again because I'm not repeating myself again.
@@meemoo9064 she's often talks about abuse and near death experiences.. how badly herself concept was due to these things.. I believe she was also a war refugee and as someone who had to struggle a lot as a kid, she's one of the only people i'd take advice from, i believe she has worked really hard to achieve these things, some people never recover from childhood abuse and in my opinion she's a really strong person who did work hard to get herself to where she is, not only that but to end generational trauma and help millions of people struggling with the same things.
I love your comments so much!! You are so right about it!! People here give me ick,Liz is so good and im so thankful for her
Lot of the people I see online who became "successful" are basically quite toxic. At the end of the day they used wrong methods to achieve the right outcome, so they will keep doing the same. And they all have a course or a book to sell of course.
Soooooo true.
I think that as humans we can be a bit "stupid" - we don't always have to work on ourselves we can just appreciate nice little stupid stuff
exactly like this reminds me of how one of my friends was making fun of me for mostly reading ya fantasy romance books instead of reading like smart classical books or analytical books but like honestly it’s okay to just do something for fun or that may be considered stupid (personally i don’t think ya books are stupid but some people do) instead of trying to do stuff to make myself smarter / work on myself 😋 i know this is a little different but anyways i love your comment it is very true ❤😜
@@moomin469
This actually sounds like the healthier way to live.
Moderation is key.
Your friend reminds me of these people who enjoy the "dark academia" aesthetic on social media whose entire personality lies in bashing Y/A books and reading classical ones, also it is jarringly obvious that a good chunk of them never actually read them.
They only craft this persona in order to gain exterior approval, despite pretending to be all about individuality.
It is better to dive into the activities you enjoy for yourself rather than forcing yourself to fit into a mold just for show.
@@serena841 thank you for this comment and i agree with what you are saying❤️:)
@@moomin469
:)
exactly, right? i don't have to only laugh at jokes of a guy with rolls royce either, i could as well be laughing with a homeless guy over a good joke he cracked. we need to get outta this "standard" system in all places. its good but now the internet has derailed with it
i used to be a firm believer in "the secret" and manifestation and stuff, not because it worked but because i was so hopeless and desperate i was ready to try anything..... turns out i just needed antidepressants and a good therapist haha thankfully i am doing much much better and ~thriving~ but so many people still believe their dissatisfaction with life has to do with them without questioning the system and community around them
thank you so much for the video elliot!! i love love LOVE your channel, every new video is better than the one before. i love your presentation and also i love that you let us know when there is ad break dahdajhd it annoys me a bit when im really intrigued in a video and suddenly there is music blaring... i also like to watch the lights dancing in the background, super calming hehe
happy new year my friend!!! good luck with your channel!! i hope you see even more growth and get even more support this year!!!
ah voakka its always such a joy to hear from you!!! thank you for your lovely comment and for sharing your experience
finally someone who doesn't overly obsess themselves with wizardliz bcause i feel like she prob just say things people want to hear sometimes she's not a bad person but people sure are
enjoying the video so far but i'm reading the comments and can't help but feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding liz and her character maybe out of not knowing better, I've seen every single one of her videos since she uploaded her first two months ago and she very clearly said many times before that she understands that people have money problems and it's not as easy as manifesting money out of thin air but her point is that you're supposed to put trust in yourself and make good choices so that you have more opportunities to earn money and instead of falling deeper into a state of depression and sadness you should plan your way out of whatever bs situation you're in, and her being overly materialistic or whatever, if you grow up having close to nothing, being yelled at and beaten by your own parent, trapped in a small apartment, the only way out is by moving out and adopting a materialistic mindset will ultimately aid you in freeing yourself, the moment I became selfish I dropped out of uni, found a well paying student job, started studying something I've always loved doing, and able to move into my own apartment very soon. my abusive parent is starting to respect my boundaries more and all I had to do was focus on myself and put me first and say no more often. liz is giving advice from her own perspective that won't make sense to everyone, take what you want and leave the rest. overall she is giving good advice but I understand where you are coming from elliot. I don't take her advice as the only truth and had moments where I disagreed with her but I'm grateful to her for opening up about her life and giving me the strength to be and live how I want
Indeed. Some people want to attack Liz for being materialistic or whatever but it’s like, she even says in her videos that you may not agree with her but she’s sharing what she learned through the years. She even recommends self help books she’s reading to help her heal from her traumas. I personally don’t agree with everything she says but she says some harsh truth that really makes you think. I like that she’s bold enough to speak her mind and not sugarcoat things, I needed that wake up call.
Thank you. I keep seeing a bunch of people stuck in a victim mentality that want to attack Liz for trying to help others.
Yea, I don’t agree with her on a lot but it seems clear that she means well, no need to hate on her for being a product of her environment, she’s trying her best to help in the ways she knows how, and I think there’s something to be said for that
Reading a lot of these comments I realized that the reason a lot of people are turned off from any general content from the "self help" genre is because a lot of them feel like taking accountability = being blamed. And this is a common problematic thought pattern that comes from us being told or made to "feel bad" by adults around us when we make mistakes as children. This forms the internal belief that if we did something wrong/were responsible for something bad, we DESERVE to feel some type of psychological pain. However his literally isn't true at all and we don't have to feel bad or punish ourselves emotionally for doing something wrong. Just acknowledge it and move on. That's taking accountability. You don't need to feel bad for it. In fact I don't believe it was ever really my fault for suffering, a lot of it was generational trauma and outside factors. But realizing that I can take actions and do inner works to make it better doesn't mean I blame myself for suffering.
TRUE
You have great points. I came across her videos a while ago and that did make me feel more confident. But if I would have come across those videos when I was in a worse mindset I probably would have ended up feeling bad and guilty for not doing enough even though I have been doing everything I can with what I have. And your video puts everything in perspective
i am so glad i found you through one of your old commentaries on bts and racism. (you're one of the many good things bts has coincidentally brought in my life ahaha). anyways, i just wanted to say how much i appreciate your way of thinking and ability to create strong arguments for these ideas... it's like you say exactly what i've been feeling on some level, yet have been unable to put into words. thank you so much, Elliot!!
thank YOU so much and borahae
I’ve seen a lot of content like this and I’m glad your calling it out. Too many young people are believing this kind of arrogant and very dangerous ideas.
I think feminist self-help gurus such as TheWizardLiz and Shareeta are worthy of critique for the mindset they are pushing on the public (mainly women). A surface-level one, for example, would be the reality is that there is not an abundance of "high-value men" who earn six figures or more, which raises questions about the practicality of pushing such advice for the majority of women.
Furthermore, this perspective advocates that women should prioritize financial security over love and emotional connections in relationships. While this may resonate with some individuals, it doesn't align with all women.
Well put
Lol they're opposite of feminists. Why do y'all just throw that word around like that?
They're not feminists though they never claimed to be and the ideas they push (depend on a man financially...etc) is the opposite of Feminism quite the contrary it's close to conservative @@fan4every1lol89
The problem I have with the wizard Liz is that she knows that half of the "advice" she gives is nonsense and she's just rambling on nonsense bc she knows her cult like viewers will preach anything she says. Like I see her saying delusional things and ppl are like "yass". She's talking from the point of view of an influencer who made money off of doing the least difficult job (posting nonsense videos and being an influencer) and is pretending to be this person that grinds harder than everyone else. Like gurl byyee. She caters to viewers with a sob story they sympathize with but she's just making money of off giving useless advice and she knows it. I mean if I could do the same I would so I can't blame her.
I am really having a hard time articulating things but this video made me feel things about the kind of year of growth I’ve had,
After leaving a situation where I was super depressed and trying to self-help my way out of it, surrounded by my only friends and roommates telling me that it’s personal responsibility for bringing those toxic vibes in.
It was constantly failing myself and blaming myself for not being able to live up to others expectations or my own and sinking deeper and deeper into a hole.
What ended up helping was going back home, getting a good therapist, and slowly starting to build a life by leaning on those around me. I still struggle with help and boundaries but I am branching out and slowly noticing the difference in actually helping myself, even if most of the problems I had back then still persist today
Beautiful
These videos never miss! I think the idea of "if I was this person I'd be happier" is really important and something I've been working through with my therapist. We all deserve happiness, no matter what we've achieved or acquired. Having agency is so important but like Elliot notes, it's so easily entangled with the capitalistic norms engrained in us.
As a chronic overthinker, I'll probably always be very critical. But it's really helpful to have people make observations like this that help me personally break the cycles I might be in that are harming me. Thank you guys for your hard work on the channel! Hoping for your continued growth and reach in the new year 🎉
i find myself falling into the trap of seeking materialistic gain, etc. as ‘self-help’ often, as someone with personality disorders (namely narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD), which makes me seek self-worth in external things. i never really watched self-help videos, i always found them bullshit and unhelpful, but i always seek admiration and superiority to feel good about myself. obviously this is being worked on, along with a plethora of other things from other disorders, but it really is such a fickle way to find self-worth and happiness. not to mention, when you rely on material gain, being above others, being praised, it's even easier to lose that sense of self-worth.
i've had some terrible lows because i've seen people do better than me, if something i did didn't get ‘enough’ attention and praise, or if someone made a light-hearted insult towards me (even if i knew it was a light-hearted joke). the idea that having money or the newest thing, being ‘fit’, being popular, talented, better, etc. will fix all your problems with yourself or your problems in general is so harmful, though i really cannot blame people for falling into that, however pushing that unto others is a huge problem since it's already an unhealthy mindset you need to unlearn rather than teach others.
i suppose my experience with this is kind of a more intense version of what was discussed considering my disorder. i'm not sure how it is for people without NPD, maybe the same to an extent, since NPD is more than just the aspects i've mentioned; i presume it would be easier to unlearn due to it not being something that has been a part of your way of thinking and worldview since childhood-early adolescence, and doesn't have other accompanying symptoms and traits, but i digress.
this was a very good video, it's always good to point out the harmful-often classist, ableist, fatphobic, so on-ideology that comes behind self-help content, as well as how it tends to lure in vulnerable people to give advice that is more often than not shallow. from what i've noticed of self-help content i've seen, this advice is almost exclusively ‘strategies’ that worked for them, which will only truly help a small percentage of others, often allocishet, more well-off, white, able-bodied, conventionally attractive people; whether it be all of those or a mix of several. it tends to ignore how some people are marginalized in very intersecting ways, like being a multiply disabled, queer PoC. the only criticism i have of this video is the insinuation that having empathy is something that makes someone more caring or understanding, but i'm just saying this as an individual who isn't able to feel empathy (mental illness and trauma win!), who doesn't see empathy as something needed for compassion or sympathy-both of which i struggle with-nor for being capable of caring for others, or something with any moral attached to it. i trailed off a bit there, once again, but oh well. as i was saying, this video was very good, looking forward to the next one! hope you're doing well.
Pls get therapy so u won’t hurt peole who want to lose you with your npd patterns. U are lovable u just need therapy so u won’t let ur disorder n mind games ruin your relationships n actually care about them not what they give u. Much love
@@user-hf6cd7bc7t i don't know how to tell you this but it's very damn weird of you to leave a reply to someones comment where they mentioned they have NPD just to imply they aren't in therapy and are hurting the people around them.
me and my relationships are doing perfectly fine, thank you very much. i'm surrounded by many friends, whom all happen to have BPD and/or NPD; as well as other personality disorders, by the way! and if you want me to get therapy, maybe help me find a therapist who's willing to treat someone like me! because those are hard to find, mind you!
next time you encounter someone with NPD, let alone any disorder, maybe don't randomly say that to them and assume they're not seeking help nor trying to be better to their loved ones. we are not inherently abusive. most of the people i have met with NPD have been much kinder and understanding that people without it, as well as people with ASPD and other personality disorders! these disorders do not make us inherently harmful and it's disrespectful to go up to people with them and tell them to seek therapy when you don't even know them.
I can see how this would or could tie into burnout, since you mentioned being holistic as an importance in both this video and the video about burnout. How we need a certain amount of negativity in our lives to offset the positive and neutral forces (at least that's what I remember). Thank you for this, though, really. I am well-versed in self-help, and I now realize that I need to approach it in a more critical and holistic way! You are truly empathetic and I am thankful to have come into your orbit for good reminders to strive to build community around myself 😊 Happy to be part of yours!!
Thank you sm for this video. I only watched a few of Liz videos cause I started getting irritated with how EVERYTHING she says gets no single negative comment about in her comment section. Like her overall advice about being unapologetic about what you want and that being selfish is ok is great, but some stuff just is.... too much. But I do think her manifestation theory has a point. Obviously it's not magic and it's not guaranteed, but trying to live as if you're happy can be so helpful, cause it kinda gets you out of the negativity cycle. Self demeaning humor and memes for example are so bad for you. It's good to be open and aware of your issues and to accept that they're part of you, but ever since I stopped doing funny relatable jokes about it, I've gotten better. Liz is also on point with the content point. I for example suffer a lot from watching social commentary videos, cause they make me hopeless and often push me into depressive episodes and since I've stopped watching them I've also gotten better. Etc etc. You just have to take her advice with a grain of salt
She looks like someone who didn't heal fully yet 😭
sounds like one too
@@missdiorlady. I mean I have bad trauma's as well but I don't come on UA-cam and preach bs. Idk her teaching didn't feel revolutionary to me.
She’s not wrong it’s just her way of going about it isn’t for everyone… it has tremendously helped a recovering people pleaser like myself.
real
It's not her original advice, she rebrands information from self help books and podcasts and doesn't even give credit.
@@nourieeeelmao so
yesh
I agree with most things here except for the part about «judgemental thinking». I feel like the point Liz was trying to make about «stupid content» was pretty clearly not about dumb rap music, but a warning about consuming content that feeds into your depressive state.
This is not just a judgement, but an actual fact that some content is harmful to your well being. Some friends are as well, and being wary of who you surround yourself with is important for this reason.
Reducing it to being “judgmental” about rap and reggaeton is a little silly and off base.
There are many studies that have found that listening to sad music when you’re sad makes you feel worse, rather than better, as we would intuit because it can be comforting to rest in a place of depression and sadness.
While true, she also talks about watching videos that are "not evolving" her, which points to a larger definition of "stupid, useless content". It's important to make the distinction between "content that's unhealthy for you" (which is what you're referring to) and "stupid content that's not evolving me", which to many means content that people consider dumb, shallow or useless (with rap and reggaeton being common targets) - not to mention that sad music isn't inherently "stupid" content to completely discard in order to be happier.
@@Danae_O i thought she was talking about rant content generally
@@Danae_O i think she meant reality show/cringe content bc as far as i can remember she mentioned those words in some other video so your point isnt valid
About listening to sad music : depends on what you mean by "makes you feel worse", and more specifically what you mean by "worse". Feeling sad is okey. Emotions are natural and neutral. Joy is not inherently good. Sadness is not inherently bad. Constantly and habitually repressing the emotions and trying to change them before they ran their natural course can create problems, on the other hand. Listening to sad music can put you deeper into your sadness and help you feel it to its natural conclusion. Nothing wrong about it whatsoever.
Of course, ultimately, it's about balance, about a context of a person's life, not about a "bad" or "good" emotion taken in isolation. If you're constantly feeling one singular emotion and nothing else, it might be beneficial to ask yourself why that could be, and how you could open yourself to the whole spectrum of emotions. Even joy can be problematic when felt to the detriment of everything else. It could mean that you're willingly closing your ears and eyes to your own or others' problems, for instance, or it could mean that you might be totally unprepared for the inevitable experience of loss that's going to hit you unexpectedly one day.
As a therapist, I oftentimes find self gurus' content worrying in terms of promoting toxic positivity and the repression of a whole slew of natural emotions.
The main issue I run into with self-help as a whole is the pontification that naturally occurs when people need to put a name on something, such as calling something "manifestation", when we already have terms/definitions for these phenomena that also don't include dangerous surface-level/half-baked assessments of human behavior/psychology.
When people are constantly putting themselves down and getting stuck in thought-loops/rumination (such as what Liz discussed), those aren't negative "manifestations", it's learned helplessness. There isn't some magical force granting our mind's wishes, it's all human behavioral conditioning that we have to overcome through forming better habits/being around healthier communities (the latter of which often being avoided by self-help gurus)
It kinda gets under my skin because these confident assertions seem like symptoms of arrogance, insecurity, and longing for validation than they do plain ignorance of psychology. Like how DO people get to the point of just making up labels and slapping them onto things they admit to not fully comprehending? Sometimes, I do believe people are just lying and dealing with deeper issues than what they're willing to discuss in their supposed "self-help"-- kinda like Steve Harvey, who cheated on one of his pregnant wives and was divorced twice, giving out relationship advice like his poop don't stink.
Some of yall Liz fans are tripping. Ok, she went through serious hardship. And??? So she's allowed to peddle harmful nonsense that pushes selfishness and various harmful ideas about responsibility? Like, even if it's on accident, its not cool to say what she's saying. The rhetoric she spreads is the same kind that people use against me to say I need to just internally deal with ableism and shit. That I need to just find ways to "cope" with how others treat me. People use this shit to shut down criticisms and shame others. What is wrong with you guys?
Well what else are you supposed to do? Cry and sit in forever sadness? Nobody wants to live like that. You have to cope what else is there better to do? We have to find happiness somewhere and what can you do about those harmful people? You cannot change them they will not stop saying harmful things they are just harmful people. She pushes selfishness but not in the way we know being selfish as. She means to actually take time for yourself and work on yourself to treat yourself nicely. If somebody were to give all their energy to one person and help them constantly or whatever the case is then wow oh my go what a good person yet when somebody does that to themselves they are selfish? Please. Welcome to Earth not everything is sunshine and rainbows but instead of crying about it and having a pessimistic mindset about it id prefer to make my own sunshine and rainbows and be happy with myself and think in a positive light
@@jaz3874real
As someone who has recovered from debilitating, supposedly incurable chronic illness mainly via self-directed neuroplasticity work: there's a place for focusing on the self when it comes to healing. It's not a replacement for addressing the structural issues that shape our lives, but sometimes turning inwards is a necessary first step [insert oxygen mask metaphor]. And I do think that if self-help is pursued with the goals of wellness and truth at its core, rather than meeting some external/socialized goal, it can't help but lead to a clearer understanding of what exists both within and without, which ties back to taking communal action.
That said, on the whole I agree with you on the pitfalls and shortcomings of the quick fix/individualist/demagogue of the day self-help genre
Don't expect her to give yall a full guide to how to success or change your life she just give us the mindset we need and self-love and being grateful to what we have that's the points that came to me mind rn and it's obviously there is other things like working on yourself making it better, workout , read , go out of your comfort zone and work smart, time Management and the patience to reach your goal.
Don't expect anyone to do all the research for you
Who is the character in ur pfp?
@@doeskia Gelbart from the movie Kaze to Ki no Uta Sanctus: Sei Naru Kana
It's kind of an 5/10 movie but i liked this fan art of him
You know, I think about this a lot. It seems that mental illnesses are on the rise in modern society, in developed countries, where it would seem like we have a better quality of life and more resources available. And the thing is, it's not that people are just becoming more depressed or that the more recent generations, starting with millennials, are just more prone to be depressed, it's that we cannot escape how bad everything is.
thank you for this ive had these same criticisms about thewizardliz and similar creators & u explained it much better than me & also opened up a larger conversation about it !
Bro loved your video. Self help without self awareness is insanity. Living the present moment is actually a dream life itself. Really nice video. It talks about it's how conditioning is never taken into consideration and thats why we need to be compassionate towards ourselves and others. It's not our fault most of the times why we feel negative or anxious. Nobody has concrete answers for life.
I appreciate the depth of these videos. I've always found people developing parasocial relationships with their influencers and not questioning anything they say. Self help is important but it is all for nought if you lose yourself and individuality in the process. Thank you for bringing up Jordan Peterson fans because I find them to be especially bad 💀
21:31 I usually agree with your takes but idk she kinda has a point here, and I think you missed it. She's pointing out the hypocrisy of men who expect women to be their personal labourers and then give absolutely nothing in return. I didn't hear anything demeaning. Clearly she doesn't actually support women being labourers and I don't know how you got "she's supporting the patriarchy" from the clip you showed in the video.
Love this video. To an extent, self-help actually helped me a lot. But something I learnt was also to ask fo help. Strangely, that's not something I hear a lot in self-help videos. It's always about trying again and again and again. But achieving things alone can be very hard. And the thing is, asking for help is a skill that need to be learn. Who do you ask for help? How do you cope with a "no" (because asking for help is so hard for a lot of us, a "no" can be very hard to hear)? How do you manage the guilt when you ask for help? What is okay to ask and what isn't? It's a whole process. I think we should ask more for help because it builds solidarity and connexions. We should also learn how to give help healthily: not to people please for exemple. Anyway, I drop this comment because this video gave me food for thoughts and I wanted to share them. Thank you for your hard work, it's a pleasure to listen to your analysis.
Honestly, I think what these self help people want to do is great. But in me, a person with chronic depression, it just makes me feel so much more unworthy. Because they say its so easy. Like Liz in the beginning of that video saying "try it for 2 months and it will make your life better". Its great if she believes that but for me its just a nice way of saying "if you cant do this for two months, its your fault that you have chronic depression. Its so easy for you to make your life good and you just dont do it". And these types of people just fuel my depression by saying this because then, when I'm just not able to do that, i feel like I'm dumb and lazy and stupid and I lie in my bed and cry because everyone else can make their life better so easily and I cant even do that. I dont know, this kind of content is just really triggering my self doubt and maybe even self hatred...
You know, Liz used to be exactly like this. She has spoken about it. She understands that it is different for everyone, she even said that healing could take from a couple of months to maybe even years for some people, and that is okay. She has become a very confident woman, and sometimes that confidence seems very intimidating for some people. I hope you change your perspective on her because she is not here to make you feel worse.
Happy new year Eliot!! Im glad I found your
channel. Keep going!! ❤️
Why have your videos helped me more in like... 2 hours than about a million hours of watching therapy vids? Probably bc of what you're saying in this video.
Thank you.
Please don't think all the millennials are the worst. Some of us really appreciate your generation and literally all of us need you 🙏
generation wars are not my thing!
I was trying to watch a vid by Liz cos someone recommended it to me but I couldn’t stop cringing. I couldn’t finish one. She was ok but it felt so… off. There’s just too much privilege and luck that was left unmentioned. So I had to look for some place that talks about it and I’m glad someone did! And bonus that you emphasized the collective and Freire in the end.
she's SO entitled. lil girl thinks she's the main character in mean girls💀 she literally makes "advice" for those self care 13yos on tiktok. Jesus helps the most
@@fatherstretchmyhandspt2 huh?
@@smithsunleashed yea
@@fatherstretchmyhandspt2lmao what are u talking aboutbl
@@문란 im telling the truth
Hey don’t hate on stoner talk, some of the most profound and life changing perspectives I’ve gotten were in a blunt rotation.
Idk if I agree with this one from a philosophical standpoint, the world has always, always been fuct. To me, the “self” is all things within my control. Access to control may constantly change but there will always be a level of control I can and cannot have. Even if I was forced into labor (enslaved) :: I know extreme example, but stay w me ::
That in that dire situation I could find peace within my mind. I’ve had friends in jail, abusive households, oppressive conditions still maintain a self of self and a sense of hope and I think it takes incredible dedication and a specific way of being. No one is exempt from the human condition, we all must do what we can to die happy. Hope that makes any amount of sense ❤
Thank you for the recommendations! I would also like to recommend a channel, maybe a lot of you folks have heard of it: it's called Healthy Gamer, and the channel is run by a psychiatrist who does a great job helping primarily lonely men and de-radicalizing them, if you will. I don't always agree with everything he displays on the channel, but overall he seems like a very compassionate and open-minded guy
dr k!!! i am quite familiar with his work
I almost watched her videos but I realized that sometimes her words would hurt and invalidate the efforts I do put forward. That if I fail and struggle it’s my fault. I stopped watching her bc I realized she didn’t understand that we aren’t all the same, have different circumstances, privileges etc.
If her words are hurtful its not for you. I think alot of people have interpreted her words in a different way than what she actually conveys
so grateful for u and ur videos elliot🥺 ¡feliz año nuevo! and i hope to see ur channel keep on growing and prospering porque te lo mereces 🐾
Self help can make you more egoic by claiming you have worked on yourself and now i am better than you. So am in power to not only judge others but also reject claiming them to be stupid. Totally unconscious. Nobody does a favour by improving themselves. Its the universal law evolve or die. And i loved the way you pointed out these things without bashing anyone.
Elliot, that was the best practical explanation of emptiness and not-self I think I have ever heard. Thank you!!
The being of self is somehow socially-constructed. In most culture, the idea of self is also constructed based on the things we do. Take this sentence for example, “I am a doctor”, that means your being (self) is directly interlinked/interchangeable with what you do.
I mean, in a way you can kinda see where it comes from. On a language perspective. Saying I am a doctor implies that it’s more than just a job, it’s maybe related to your passion etc etc. Hence, we find fewer people saying “I work as a doctor”.
The problem with the former is, your idea of self becoming such a surface-level thing. When you try digging a bit deeper, it’s filled with so many abstract concepts like passion, and many other adjectives we believe as our traits. I believe that’s why the idea of finding yourself to help yourself is just way too abstract to change anything, causing more and more people to struggle with it (e.g., self-worth).
The brighter side I guess is the fact that because it’s so abstract, you can just do anything you want with it. Creating your sense of ‘self’ by somehow conditioning/altering your environment. Not starting from the self but starting from the environment that helped construct your sense of self to begin with.
Thus, the saying goes to say that serving others is a way to serve yourself. See the biggest systemic problem, be a part of it, the collective problems require collective actions and solutions.
Liz is a human being means she can't give you all the package as a normal person would think I'll take from her what I see it's benefited me in a certain way of my life for example from inside and I'll find out someone who has experience in the outside world who can teach more about life because you can't learn or experience everything by yourself
18:50 to be honest i think Liz actually had a great point here, even if she didn’t communicate it super well (might not be what she even meant tho lol) what she described about not listening to sad music or watching agitating videos is called opposite action. i learned about it in DBT, you basically just try to put yourself in the mindset you wana be in by consuming stuff that makes you feel good, since sad music makes you more sad etc. just a small point i thought was worth mentioning
The "dont date a broke guy" pisses me off sooo much. Because basically it says poor people dont deserve love? And ppl are like oh well you need to be a mom and cook and clean and etc etc like...yeah if you WANT to you can. And you should find a balance w your partner but its not inherent how that looks. You can choose to have a man that wants that and in exchange they pick up more of the financial labor.
Okay let me better explain what she was trying to say since you have your panties in a bunch. Right so lets say you are someone who wants to have financial freedom for yourself and your family right and you yourself you have that already you have money whatever right. To have a partner with no money and constantly having to provide for them its not very convenient and for some that can be a deal-breaker there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone financially stable if u yourself are financially stable. Broke guys do deserve love too, but dating broke guys isnt everyone's cup of tea. People are allowed to have preferences
@@jaz3874 ew im not reading that, leave me alone.
@@da31133 LMAOOOOO BEST REPLY💀💀😭😭😭😭
Dude your content is seriously SO good!!!
I have always struggled with manifestation, even if I want to believe it to be true it's hard to manifest a dream life when you don't have a dream. It's expected for people to have a dream, a career path, a way of living, a place and so on. But when you don't have a specific dream or you have clashing dream there is no comfort or advice that is usually given. It's hard to find a dream that leads to happiness when your dream is simply for you and the other around you happy. Not that it's any less selfish, since my small dream is just for me and the people around me to be happy and sure I do like for everyone to be happy and would love for peace and no global warming and equality and all, I do want that, but if I were to think of a dream I think of me and my world to be happy and at peace or just at the best they can. So selfish or selfless it's still an apparently impossible dream because it's not a capitalist dream in a way, at least I haven't found anyone talk about that
I like her but most of her content seems to come from a “this is a race where there are losers and winners” mindset instead of a “man, this sucks but I can change it” mindset.
“We have no more expectations for men”
Then shares expectations about said men
I like the way this video created this debate.
In my perception, as a person who went through an extremely depressive phase, Liz's videos helped in the momentary despair, when I couldn't see a way out of problems. The videos I watched of her (a few of them) made me open my eyes and understand that there was indeed a way out of some problems, those that are within our reach, and that by dealing with them first I would be able to deal better with the rest of the problems. This was my personal view, I didn't follow all the "rules" she taught, and I didn't even keep watching the videos after a while, but the way she talks made me hope and want to keep trying to improve my life.
I know this may not have been the perception of many of the people who watched her videos, so I think the topics presented in this video are important. Thank you for the video, it made me reflect on some valid points.
i felt really bad when you said thanks for watching the ads because i skipped it ...
Thank you for your thoughtful analysis on the issues with self-help. I have been wary of why many self-help figures at their most obvious tell you the secret to individual monetary and physical success rather than overall wellness in a community. Ive been conflicted with the idea of being mindful of avoiding “low quality” content and interactions with people but also realizing thats not the answer either because sometimes in life we dont have a choice and have to deal with these things. I know deep down inside that just telling myself well if I get that job I want it will solve a lot of my problems, but one of my most concerned problems is say being the next family glue to keep the next generation of friends and family together as we grow older. I worry that that is more important in the end as we get older and aligning only with go-getters isnt my goal anymore.
As an Indian, I despise how much Guru gets appropriated. You don't hear anyone calling themselves "Make up messiah" "Cardio Cardinal" "Lifting Lama" "Babymama Buddha" why can't they be equally offensive to everyone.
My self help journey is for my family, and for people who are in my community. I don’t want to do the things I need to do to make serious money, but I'm willing to do it as long as it doesn't hurt anyone (I'm thinking of helping gyms get more members through ads, thereby helping people keep fit).
I just want to do music tbf, but with no money, I have no time. So there's my issue.
As someone wise said
Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
When i found this quote i fealt so liberated like i was always depressed and unhappy how why the world is like what it is and why cant i chanfe that but people around be told you are overreacting you are way too sensitivity and i am always like how can you feel good when the world is like hell
This woman is A BLESSING. She inspired me to have my UA-cam channel about feminine energy , AND I GOT 27k VIEWS. All thanks to her! I just stopped fearing and started to go forward
hi Elliot, I really appreciate how carefully nuanced you're with the points you raised. in the age of mostly winner/loser divisions it feels like a breath of fresh air.
i don't really watch self-improvement videos these days mostly because I've come to realise how easy it is to get stuck into becoming the best version of yourself that people believe we should be based on many flawed ideas.
anyway, what resonated the most is the shift that I personally should make from "me" to "we" abd learn how to connect with people.
Can’t believe I’m late to this new subscriber. I loved your nuance approach.
I agree that self help seems to perpetuate an idealistic standard of life set by a capitalistic society.
It is also inherently individualistic
In this video the creator primarily proves the point that by consuming self help content, instead of working for ‘self improvement’ we are infact running towards societal standards for an improved self
and honestly this is a great observation that one must acknowledge
but the issue with ‘acknowledging’ something is it leads us nowhere. But doesn’t it lead to Mental peace? catharsis?
Well yes, if you are a self actualised individual. If you are way above these standards. If you have attained nirvana
But it doent work like that. We are a product of the society and that’s an important point that the creator makes while proving self help isn’t possible in isolation without the acknowledgment of the society we are a part of.
However even after acknowledging the reality of the situation we still have to exist in the same society, still have to compete for the same resources still have to come back and ground ourselves
philosophically these discussions are essential and one needs to have the clarity like the creator does
however the application of these logics and principles is skewered. They can’t transform into action.
And why is that important?
Because even after attaining this level of mental maturity, self acknowledgement we still have to face the world we can’t escape it
thus, actions work not mental philosophies at least to an extent.
however this is not black and white, just my personal experience
You're litch the very first youtuber that I've watched actually talk abt Liz nicely but also pointing out things that you disagree with. Most people just bash her whole channel as whole based on 5 controversial things she's said 100 uplifting things.
liz’ wish was to have more money, that’s why she manifested it. i grew up poor and also really want more money. it would be inherent to me to make that come true. i never went on vacations, i could never buy what i wanted. it would really make me happy. the same is probably true for liz. i don’t think she wanted money to portray a capitalist image of what success means. liz can’t do anything to change the systems that cause us these problems. what could she do about it? her content is incredibly helpful. her videos are definitely towards improving your self and your life and not about climbing a latter of “success”. and that’s why she’s the only self help person i follow because she actually says smart things for your mental health and doesn’t tell you to constantly be productive and grind to achieve more money. she does not act like you are the problem and gotta fix it. she has a lot of understanding for situations you might not be able to change. like living in an abusive household, which she also did.
she only said to not listen to sad music when you are sad. which is true. that would make it worse. i listen to music to dance to when i’m sad. you can still listen to sad music in general. she was speaking specifically about being in that depressed state.
the people she was surrounded by probably were actually stupid. i think it’s judgmental to judge her for saying that. lol. some people are stuck in places where there are toxic people and stupid people that harm your mental health. and she advices not to hang out with them and to keep to yourself in cases you have to be around them, like when it’s your family.
it’s a clickbait title. “broke” guys are guys who don’t strive to better themselves in any way but then cry about their circumstances.
liz also tells you to explore and find yourself. she says you can’t be confident in yourself if you don’t know who you are.
not sure any of this is really a negation of my critiques. its not like i think everything i quote from her is meritless. i am pretty clear she gives some good advice. but i also think youre adding interpretations to things that arent in the texts in order to be more generous to someone you think highly of. for instance her growing up poor has nothing to do with the advice she gives about chasing a “dream life,” which is the idea i critique. nowhere in the video do i say “its irrational to want money” or anything near that, but that this is part of our socialization, elements of our situations that shape our own beliefs and desires.
the “broke guys” part of your comment reveals the biggest issue with how you’re responding. she very clearly says that any man who is ambitious and has drive for money will have money with him. this does not line up with your definition of what she means by broke men
@@elliotsangestevez she said she doesn’t want a man who doesn’t have a job. isn’t that normal when you’re an adult?
@@elliotsangestevez you didn’t say it was irrational, but i understood it this way that you meant she strives for more money to be “successful” in a capitalist sense and that this isn’t inherent to her. but maybe it is. and i just don’t think she’s the type of always grind self help person. i also didn’t say she grew up poor i don’t know that. you can critique manifestation but i don’t think her believing in that and showing it on youtube is harmful. like i said, she doesn’t say it’s your fault and you’re this and that because you didn’t improve yourself enough. that’s just genuinely what i perceive having watched all her videos.
@@seorin__ While lack of ambition or effort can exist in some cases, there are plenty of reasons a man might not have a job (illness, disability, the economy, lack of job offers, some degrees being or becoming less valued, access to education, etc.) that are completely outside someone's character or control. Not to mention the possibilty of being a stay-at-home husband!
You and Liz are under no obligation to have a partner without a job. But the idea that "if he's ambitious enough he'll find a way to get money", while (possibly) helpful for some, is not true for many people, and is an example of how a lot of self-help content is limited by this sort of thinking.
I feel like she's puffing herself up to appear bigger than she is
please..😭
Fr
You are the only one who can help ur self. Everyone find peace in God it helps a lot bless everyone in the comments as well
please make a video on psych to go! they spread harmful misinformation, have used autism speaks as a source and have done many other things! im sure it would be a very interesting video!
very impressive analysis. this video helped put my experience with her content/self-help and manifestation content into perspective. i am looking forward to more of your videos, thank you!
These content creators are so weird and surface level and almost seems like the only reason why they are doing these videos is to monetize their "inspiration" and be condescending if you don't "succeed".
It might work for the privileged but it's soooooooo exhausting hearing from people that seemingly never experienced a major obstacle in their life (mental illness, disorders, trauma, being homeless because your christian parents can't accept that you're LGBT+ etc) that oh it's "so easy if you simply put your mind to it!!" "You just need to try harder!!!" These people don't seem to think outside of their bubble and just assume that everyone else have the exact same opportunities handed to them and are abled as them. I'm not saying that they didn't work for their success, they probably did, it's just extremely frustrating because some of us has to work 10 times harder and don't see a quarter of the success they keep on preaching about and their only response to this is "well you still need to try harder".
THIS it’s so exhausting to witness and hear
how do you know for certain that these people haven't gone through obstacles in their lives, the reason why most of them share their advice with us is because they've gone through awful things in life themselves and managed to overcome them, respectfully, take your own advice and think outside of your bubble, realize we're all suffering in life
@@hotleafjuice9322 i think you skipped the word "seemingly", i don't assume that they haven't but normally in my experience, people who had those kind of obstacles don't really preach their advice as "this worked for me therefor for you as well and if it doesn't, well, that's your fault" which is an extremely common theme for the hustle culture guys, who usually have more privilege than the people I mentioned in my original comment. Plus my opinion is based mostly on this video alone, I don't follow Liz closely.
Also it's just my critique as someone who has multiple mental illnesses, spent years on self help advices similar to this and wonder afterwards why it doesn't work and I realized it's not because I'm a failure, it's because this sort of stuff doesn't apply to me, I have a different lifestyle and traumas to deal with that generally for us it takes much longer to get back on our feet so I mostly advocate for the fact that this kind of advice generally doesn't work for the vast majority and you'll see in the comments of this video why.
@@dreambrush7251 I thought since this video is mainly about liz's content you were speaking about her specifically which in my eyes the way you worded your comment doesn't describe her in the slightest, she grew up in an abusive household so it felt unfair that you put her in that category as well, she feels very genuine and honest in the way she speaks and tries her best to give useful advice that personally helped me get out of my depressive episode and move on with my life. I still think it's not nice to generalize all self help content creators but I understand your frustration
@@hotleafjuice9322 nah, I'm a regular viewer of Elliot so I tend to comment based on what I generally see in his vids. I knew Liz only by one viral video and didn't know about her history till I read here in the comments from people that knew her content. Honestly I'm glad that it did work for her and you, obviously she doesn't deserve to go what she has gone through and I'm happy that she seems in a much better place now. Still, there is still room for criticism and like I said, the way she presented, at least in the clips here, kind of framed herself as a solution for us all but at least now I know that she came from a place of good intentions rather than just painting herself as a saint.
To end on a more positive note, a channel that helped me personally was dr k/healthygamergg, i think that one does present his subjects in a more nuanced way, acknowledging that you can feel negative due to the state of the world or the situation you're in but at the same time finding ways to better yourself and move forward. He's also a psychiatrist so he kinda is familiar with certain disorders and traumas and generally does his "self help" specific to those kind of people and not so much to someone who doesn't have social anxiety for example. When I hear self help, I tend to think of the hustle culture people that present their stuff as a very surfaced, black and white point of view guaranteed to succeed but I tend to not go to those and that mental health channels tend to make a much better job at actual self help.
Just my 2 cents and personal experience though. Thanks though for letting me know about Liz since I didn't had the knowledge prior :)
visiting this video again because the one she just posted today about just “getting up” and getting over whatever is going on in your life like it’s nothing was mildly triggering lol
One thing I realized is that self-help isn't for me because I have undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorder and that advice just doesn't work for me self-help doesn't take into consideration real mental heath issues