Gen Z is Obsessed With 'Confidence'
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2024
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edited by danae o.!
Bibliography
Yeunhee Kwak, Hyejin Kim, Jung-Won Ahn (2022), “Impact of Internet usage time on mental health in adolescents: Using the 14th Korea Youth Risk Behavior Web-Based Survey 2018”. PLOS ONE. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Gökmen Arslan, Muhammet Coşkun (2021). “Social Exclusion, Self-Forgiveness, Mindfulness, and Internet Addiction in College Students: a Moderated Mediation Approach”. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction volume 20, pages 2165-2179. link.springer.com/article/10....
Folding Ideas, “Line Goes Up - The Problem With NFTs”. • Line Goes Up - The Pro...
Clips
Britney Spears - “Gimme More”
Ice Spice - “in ha mood”
Jack Harlow - “First Class”
Kanye West - “POWER”
Taylor Swift - “Look What You Make Me Do”
Nick Keomahavong - “BUDDHIST MONKS! Who Are They and What Do They Do? (Life of a Buddhist Monk Documentary)”
TrueTube - “A Day in the Life of a Buddhist Monk - full of great self-isolation techniques”
Thewizardliz - “This video will change your life”
Hamza - “My Generation of Men Are Weak”
Ali Abdaal - “How I Manage My Time”
Thewizardliz - “Stop dating broke guys”
TED - “How to gain control of your free time｜Laura Vanderkam”
Global News - “Coronavirus： The rise of anti-Asian racism during COVID-19”
Yahoo Finance - “Starbucks labor union strikes as new CEO takes the reins”
Guardian News - “Protesters condemn French court's ruling in favor Macron's pensions bill”
BBC London - “Trans Pride London： Celebration and protest”
CBS News - “Thousands rally worldwide for Black Lives Matter”
Whole Worker - “Amazon's Union-Busting Training Video” • Amazon's Union-Busting...
Lexington Herald Leader - “Armed militia, Black Lives Matter protesters collide in Louisville marches”
FightMediocrity - “Dr. Jordan Peterson Explains 12 Rules for Life in 12 Minutes”
Hypnospace Outlaw (2019)
100 gecs - “Dumbest girl alive”
Lil Durk - “Hanging With Wolves”
Lil Durk - “AHHH HA”
Mitski - “Stay Soft”
Mitski - “Working for the Knife”
Folding Ideas - “Line Goes Up - The Problem With NFTs”
Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters
Rick and Morty
Radiohead - “No Surprises”
0:00 intro
5:49 interviews begin
10:00 yum
11:21 the confidence crisis
22:29 the meaning of confidence
44:39 conclusion - Розваги
I'm proud to say I'm mid now >:)
normalize being completely mid ✊✊✊
I'm mid to say I'm mid now
I’d like to join you all to be mid.
Well I'm MIDI.....🎉
I mean Mr. Miyagi promotes balance, so yeah being mid is essentially being balanced
Ego is mistaken for confidence. Confidence simply means you believe in your ability to try. That's about it.
Yep. As someone who overcame their own delusional confidence issues, I can say it is merely about belief in your abilities. Thats it. They're talking about ego, which could benefit from some Buddhist teachings.
you are full of crap, ego is confidence, confidence is ego, you believe in your ability to try because of your big ego, you have build your ego in a way where its unbreakable and without doubt, if you cant do it and let go of all your ego, then have fun being miserable, because having ego is the best feeling ever and it feels awesome every single second
It's probably because in some situations, confidence does lead to ego. A good example of this is how people join the Marine Corps over other military branches because Marines market themselves as being the toughest branch and as a machismo warrior cult, even though you don't have to join the Marines to get the same combat training Marines get.
Confidence presumes you know how far the gap is from where you are to where the archetype is. It will always be arrogance.
Courage?
"Confidence is not a commodity. It's a process." Hit me hard. That's the big issue with these confidence mongers imo. They're trying to sell you something. I'm so tired of everyone trying to sell me something. It's the most isolating thing of all.
You've said it. The constant pressure from those who are trying to sell us things, and their ultimate message, is *isolating* (I sell hating).
that's why they are called 'cons', 'conmen'-- they are trying to disarm you by feeding you a *con*fidence that will allow them to get what they want from you.
OMG. Ive always been uncomfortable with this kind of content. But just the other day I also said the exact same sentiment; I’m so tired of all these people trying to peddle something to me. It’s annoying af.
Yup
But the confidence mongers preach that tho, they usually talk about how it’s a process
The need to project confidence is unironically a really insecure thing to do
Tan cierto
Ironically too
oh my god you cracked the code
Never thought of it, you're right
it honestly is tbh. people that are actually confident don't need other people to see it but people who are really insecure feep down treat confidence as a personality trait to hide their insecurity
“A crisis in kindness” is such a good way to describe some of the behavior you see online.
@@shimrrashai-rc8fq Do you need to be the one to start a movement? If that’s a difficult barrier for you to overcome, you could find organizations that are already working towards what you want to do and join them and make your impact that way. I don’t think you should expect to do everything on your own. And making friends does take time, care and trust, but having people you can trust and who understand and accept you is pretty awesome.
If there aren’t any organizations doing exactly what you’re looking for, start small in your community. I don’t think you can expect it to happen all at once. And even if it never gets to something huge and massive that little bit can do real good in your community and those it helped. That’s not a small thing. Good luck, hope you’re able to find what you’re looking for.
@@shimrrashai-rc8fq I think sometimes we can overthink something so much that we never start. These are important things to think about, but at some point we have to make a decision to move forward or not. We can’t account for every possible outcome.
Also, I think there was a miscommunication. I’m not suggesting you have to do things on your own or with a group. Your initial reply seemed like you were feeling defeated in organizing and I was just trying to give you some ideas to get started as it seemed like you felt you had to go it alone. I misunderstood the situation and I apologize.
@@shimrrashai-rc8fq I honestly don’t know and I’m not telling you what to do. For me, if I thought doing something would cause more harm than doing nothing, I wouldn’t do it and vice versa. I think it’s just something you have to decide for yourself as you are the one who has to live with the consequences either way.
@@shimrrashai-rc8fq Also, can you say you’d be hurting people “inadvertently” if you do something where you say there’s a “strong chance” you’ll “hurt others.” That doesn’t seem like a mistake, that seems like the likely outcome. Can I get more context for what you’re wanting to do?
@@shimrrashai-rc8fq So it seems like the harm you’re talking about is how discussing politics with people you don’t know well while trying to organize makes them uncomfortable. And you feel bad that they’re uncomfortable. Is my understanding correct?
As an autistic person I didn’t know we were supposed to be seeking approval and just assumed that everyone knew that they had value outside of how they are perceived. Thanks for exposing me to this new perspective
Same
that's wholesome, tbh.
most people seek validation from someone or something while wishing to see the world like you do
Well, when you are autistic and are conditioned to mask, like I was, you are taught to only care about the approval of NTs.
@@rubyrootless7324 seconding this. @Michaela James, just keep living life the way you are. You've mastered confidence already in a way.
I personally disagree that people have an 'inherent value'. I think that is a nice, positive outlook, but unfortunately I don't believe it's true. People create their value by being a certain way in their respective environments, by having positive traits which people admire them for. Confidence is one of those things which people will admire you for.
And it is normal to want people to like you, that is what we are genetically hardwired to do, for most people. Because if we did not want that, we would most likely put ourselves in danger (in a more primitive world, especially!) and thus we style ourselves to be a certain way as a defence mechanism AND because it makes us feel good.
I really like the idea of confidence being the ability to move forward. I think it's hard when you're younger to separate your own identity from the way others see you. But as we age, most people gain confidence as they learn to understand and accept themselves more. It becomes easier to move forward, grow, and just give ourselves a break sometimes.
this makes me actually excited to grow up (20F)
I am 18 and waiting for my confidence glow up
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 there's nothing to wait for. it's just a decision that you make, accepting that you will be ok no matter what happens or situation you face
I love this whole comment thread that is all
@@lxidbixl omg tysm 🥺 I'm turning 18 soon and I'm just so unsure about life rn. Ty!
Confidence =/= Arrogance
This is the thing most of those creators and such don't seem to grasp. Most people who do feel truly secure in themselves and their work don't feel a need to shove it in people's faces and assert their own "security".
Id argue that wizard liz is not arrogant like others. Or Maybe im just projecting since she has helped me alot
@@killme5630 I don’t know who that is so I can’t tell
@@lockpickrogue-yc5wc oh, well she's pretty cool
*cough* *cough* Andrew Tate
In the 1990's I had a roommate who was obsessed with self improvement with stacks of self help books, going on rants about recognizing opportunity and seizing the moment and how one day he will be among the top 1% blah blah blah. To me, I think these self help messages makes people more greedy, more selfish, more willing to stab others in the back for self gain or to get out of a jam.
What happened to him? Is he among the top 1% now?
@@Azr721 No, he aint 1% not even close , but actually, he has done well, he runs a boating and fishing business, has a nice house and truck and family. A success in my opinion, but no super Hotshot high roller type.
I believe there's a difference between wanting success and being an asshole. I want to strive to improve myself and make my own money doing what I love. The Andrew Tate's and Sneakos of the world have fucked up so many people's perception of self improvement.
yes it’s encouraged. It’s this hyper individuality really is just there to overcompensate the rejection of community. It’s lonely af. Everyone body wants the coolness of the lone wolf but it’s lonely as fuck and miserable.
It's difficult to find someone who would accept you for who you are and not based on how confident you look
Thats what i think of these manifestation/confidence videos, they want you to change yourself. Sad
Why sad? Everybody is a saint online. “We don’t care how you look as long as your heart is pure you will be welcome” is a sentence that loses its authenticity once it’s tested in the real world. Many people LIVED lonely lives and that was only because how they looked! Trust me, nobody wants to be honest to themself. Looks and appearance play a huge role in the way your life turns out. Changing yourself can have wonderful results for your life. These gurus tend to be right wing (which I heavily disagree with) and try to sell you stuff. That’s why I avoid these videos, but their essential message remains true.
@@julius5310 i completely agree. Everyone is a saint online
…or how pretty you are.
Thank you that's well said👏👏👏
confidence content is funny because it only increases this obsession of self. for some reason these people are always talking about blocking out the “haters”, essentially they make the world a them vs you hellscape when in reality I don’t think most average people even struggle with that. I think the more you obsess over yourself, the more insecure you become. To me, the most confident I was in my life was when I was a child. Careless, free, not bogged down by expectations yet or insecurities. And you know what? I also was the least concerned with myself. Probably looked at myself in the mirror once a day at most back then, I was mostly engaged in the present. This is the type of confidence I’d like to go back to, and this confidence came with letting go of my self. The more you tighten around your concept of self, the more you feel as if you are missing something. Whether you create a positive or negative self, it doesn’t matter, because there is no constant self, it’s always changing, either by your own perception or by other peoples. So clinging to any sense of solidity in identity is suffering.
Easier said than done unfortunately
@@taylorswiftforever.likefor5668 absolutely, monks dedicate their whole lives to this. But it is possible to experience this at least a little more often, through mindset changes and realizing what’s actually important.
Over sharing a bit:
What’s actually important to me is feeling free. Like a child
. A free being. A free person to exist with no expection and no regrets just to be happy with yourself because you are one unique person and no one is like you. A deep happiness. I was pretty happy and free a few months ago but going back to school made me get these insecurities, these people I don’t know well telling me how I should be. And I listened. I’m trying to get back to my old self but what old self? Is it a new me or I’m just thinking too much. Anyways I have been in a rut this is me over sharing on a UA-cam vid
@AfterBurnerEX1 “work on yourself” to what end? orienting your life around achieving goals & self actualization is only satisfying initially. but eventually it becomes another escape, another cope with this idea that you always have to DO something to find any sort of contentment. That you always have to change. You’re in a constant cycle of becoming. Majority of people carry your philosophy in life. Majority of people lives are about achieving goals and “growing as a person” but yet most people aren’t too happy.
I’m not saying this mindset is bad but it’s not the final state. I see it as this, as a child you are at most content and happy. As you grow older you become bogged down by these ideas that you have to become something. through experience you build a solid sense of identity and you cling to this. eventually as you grow older you may dismantle that sense of identity and start “working on yourself” to create a new one. you may go from an unhealthy state of ego to building a healthy one. you are all about idealizing yourself & your future and working towards some ideals you have crafted in your mind.
Eventually, (hopefully) through experience you learn to transcend all of this and find peace. This is detailed in what nietzsche called the “three metamorphoses”. You go from camel to lion to finally a child.
I love this comment.
21:39 crisis in kindness is truly something that i feel deeply from adolescence on. I think that recently i discovered a boost in my confidence in counteracting explicitly that. I'm a gentle person. I love to be a sweet man. I like flowers and to compare friends with birds.
I don't know why, but this makes me happy.
💐💐
@@carolgichuhi149 happy to know that. :)
That's true, confidence does not mean being an asshole. However being an asshole can be an advantageous trait in various fields of employment, especially business. People with so-called 'Dark Triad' traits will (not always) have a better chance of succeeding in the professional world because they are not as afraid to make rash decisions or to put themselves in front of other people.
@@doogus8728 that's okay in the short term but how will you achieve any real success in the long term by being an a$$hole? You have to lessen your so called unkind traits if you truly want to cooperate with people and get work done.
There’s a huge part of me that does just that, and I’m glad I don’t feel like shit trying to be wholesome, but there’s a tiny part of me that corrupts that, like it keeps on saying “stupid piece of shit” (similar to that episode of Bojack Horseman)
paraphrasing alot of what was said especially at the end of the vid, I think we shouldn't strive to be "confident" but instead strive to be Genuine. Learning to accept yourself as you are and that you're imperfect i think will ultimately lead to a more authentic sense of confidence.
this comment is beautiful because personally i think there's nothing more "confident" than not being afraid to be genuine, its a very powerful sentiment that i relate to a lot specially through my art, which i am progressively learning to stand behind and say "yes i made this, i live by what i've created and i value and treasure my genuine expression, and i will support it in any way i can" because art, like people, are more beautiful when they are genuine
@@Eyka_Music oh man art especially is difficult to put out there for that very reason. Especially today its so easy to want to put on a facade, but being able to accept yourself and the message you want to share in any form takes alot of bravery. Props to you man! 🙏
I don't really understand that, learning to accept yourself of who you are is settling for less. What if you are morbidly obese and living on benefits not working. Are you going to just accept yourself who are even though you are practically near death or are you not going to be happy about your current state as that is the drive you need to change your situation.
@@dariuspalmer2829 The only way to get better is to accept yourself first, it's about just being confortable with existing in your own skin lol. You will not want to get better if you hate yourself and if you do want to get better in those terms then it's very easy for it to slip into a vice and a coping mechanism to make you feel better than somebody else
@@dariuspalmer2829 I get where you’re coming from, however I don’t think acceptance is the same as settling, what you’re describing is moreso “choice”. To use your example, you would first have to accept the fact that you are obese and stuck in life in order to decide if you want to change or if you want to stay as you are. But don’t get it twisted my friend, the totality of the human spirit goes far beyond who a person thinks they are in the current moment. We hold many dualities; a person is both kind/mean, hardworking/lazy, etc because they hold the capacity to be either one at any given moment in time. What I meant by accepting oneself, is to accept that maybe you aren’t exactly who you want to be, but to also know that you can change; accepting ALL of yourself (which is both the good and bad) and being genuine in the fact that you are an imperfect human being just like everyone else instead of trying to be only “good” or only “cool” or one side of whatever coin. Confidence isn’t about trying to stay to one side of the pendulum, its about accepting that you will always sway harmoniously between both, and committing to doing the best you can.
I wrote in my journal a while back about how I was tired of seeing success stories. I want to hear about failure for once. I want to hear about small businesses that had to close down. People who never achieved their dreams. More of us live that way than not. Can we not share the wisdom of how to cope with the ordinary life. The disappointing life?
Sad stories ending in happiness to be inspirational. How many sad stories just stay sad? Never getting better?
At some point i started internalizing this idea that life was *about* success. That life was just a story centered around your own success. And all of the pain around it may be different from person to person but the end point was the same.
And ,in my head, it was that failing to do anything inspirational or admirable with my life meant failing the very reason to be alive.
I've been finding it hard to move forward recently.
One thing that helped me alot in regards to confidence was Dr. K's (healthygamergg) video on confidence and one of the key points that he discusses is what confidence actually is he states that everyone is born confident but as you grow and learn you develop insecurities through development which lead to lowered confidence. So in essence the less insecurities you have the more confident you can be. Confidence isn't gained, confidence is the absence of insecurity.
Sounds like BS. Confidence is earned, not given. You earn it when you climb to the top of a social hierarchy.
@@Cookiekeks you choose who you want too but I'm gonna choose to believe a Doctor that's a prestigious clinical psychologist over some redpiller any day
@@Cookiekeks Confidence comes from within, delusion comes from excessive validation. You’re chasing the latter high.
@@Cookiekeks social hierarchy? Good luck seeking constant validation
@At Yi You don't gain absence of insecurities, you just lose them, ignore them, it's an unlearning process where you counter your first gut reaction.
There seems to be a link between confidence and competition, and maybe there shouldn't be
I think competition is kinda like "I can do better than him look at me " whereas confidence is " I can try my best and try to succeed ". Both make you want to do things however they both have different motivee
You don't have a choice about that. It's in our nature.
@@bannedmann4469 You could be right. But how do you know what is and is not in our nature? I'm not a biologist/psychologist so I can't say for myself.
And by the way, even if it is in our nature, I believe we still have a choice
@@biquinary You don't have a choice in manifesting confidence, otherwise everyone would be confident.
It's very easy to see what's in our nature. Cross cultural behavior for starters...
I think most of modern society is based on the idea that you're better than (or have to be better than) someone else. Everything becomes really easy to understand when you think about things through that lens. Even race stands as the constant reminder that you're better than *someone* (for those who aren't Black at least, and even then there are intersections to consider), and so if you have nothing left to stand on, you can fall back on that.
Race is a bogus made up social construct to fabricate division and make people see themselves less than humans. Research eugenics and the origins of race to find out the truth of it. There is only one race that is the human race.
Yes!!! When some people hit rock bottom they still want to look down on someone.
It's literally narcissism to view others as below you
Confidence is something about
“ can do “ mentality , you feel competent in yourself to overcome whatever life throws at you
Confidence is a great thing to have but most people confuse it for narcissism. Being a narcissist or egotistical is a bad thing. Having confidence is not. For example: I am confident I’m a good artist, but I don’t think I’m the best. That pushes me to become better instead of assuming I’m already the best.
Yeah I think people confuse narcissism/ egoistical for that confidence is like as they said on the video, it's that they think these people are less ashamed of their actions and they contribute no shame to confidence when it can be the opposite and be a sign of insecurity.
Think that one of the main reasons most confidence content doesn’t work is that it doesn’t focus on the right problems. Most of them focus on quick solutions like changing your body language and conversation starters. They’ll tell you to fix your posture and to stop crossing your arms and sure, that makes you “appear” more confident but all it really does is give you another thing to be insecure about, reenforcing the idea that confidence comes from how people see you. Confidence content ignores that fact that so much of the reasons why we’re insecure is because of trauma and the constant societal pressure to preform and be put together. And instead of recognizing that and teaching you to unlearn those standards they convince you it’s a you problem, that there’s an easy solution, when there really isn’t.
Well said tbh like those confidence tips are really only some small tips for presentations or interviews but it doesn’t actually help you be less insecure and make friends
Here goes a comment for the algorithm because this video is important!
Also: Personally, I'd define confidence as the qualities of being self-assured and in harmony/balance with yourself enough that you are neither ashamed of yourself nor super stuck up and conceited. And it gives you the ability to be open-minded to learning new things, to trying new things, to make mistakes along the way and not feel like those mistakes weigh on you so much that it makes you tumble to the (metaphorical) ground and too afraid to get up and try again. And it makes you feel like trying for something isn't inherently a lost cause. And again, even if you don't (immediately) succeeed - if you are confident, if you are self-assured, if you are in equilibrium with yourself - that is okay and doesn't immediately make you feel like you as a person are a failure/worthless.
Confidence is feeling capable of navigating your life through both easy and difficult situations and not feel easily defeated by being wrong, making mistakes, being rejected or similar difficulties BUT also open to learning new stuff and being corrected. It's having the humility to consider/know yourself to be imperfect without that imperfection being a cause for you to consider yourself a failure/worthless or alternatively above having to educate yourself or being corrected.
So yeah... Confidence: Being in equilibrium and at peace with yourself.
very well said!
I’m also 39 and huge Michael Jackson fan 🎉 loved your comment! I totally agree. For me confidence is being able to live without having to lie or pretend (at least with your closest friends/family). Social media and working environments are mostly fakery. We need to be aware of this fact.
The longest definition for a word I have seen lmao
@@dariuspalmer2829 It's a talent of mine 😉
@@Meeko4eve39 haha
Great video!
And I wanted to add that as an Old (37), that sense of loneliness and social anxiety and isolation existed before social media or the Internet.
As a super awkward kid, I loved the Internet. I loved AIM and chatrooms and forums. I could be anyone, any age, any confidence level. But more than anything, I could be eloquent in a way I never was in person.
I don't want to romanticize Web 1.0, it was experimental and dangerous in many ways, but there was a wonder to it, too, for those of us who weren't popular or charismatic in meat space. Now we could find friends outside of our zip code who shared our interests.
But it was always meant to be supplementary. Completely replacing your social life with online interactions was a recipe for disaster then just as it is now. I can only think of two real differences between then and now and they are that now we have smartphones/Internet with us constantly and back then we didn't know how or couldn't to monetize oneself online.
The problems aren't new, but the way we approach them as a species has evolved. For better or worse, that's up to you.
I think you are absolutely right. I'm 100% sure that early internet chatting forced me to actually care about what others thought, and order my opinions and ideas sympathetically. As a kid I endured rough family environment and bullying at school so I barely spoke (to the point that they didn't notice I had brackets for years, and I had stunned pronunciation), but by the time I joined university I was outspoken in class and people said I had a way with words. To this day I think anonymous chatting helped me a lot.
Elliot and Annamarie crossover made my squishy brain feel some dopamine
Your comment had the same effect on mine. And yes, it's pretty squishy.
I got so excited and happy!
Same
for me, confidence was not something I got from doing something someone else told me. It was mainly just realizing that im the main character in my life, but not everybody else’s and for the most people, people aren’t going to pay attention or think about what i do or how i look. and for some reason that rly comforted me and helped me be more outwardly me!
i love the wizard Liz. She has helped me ake accountability. She actually is vdry inspiring
oof. Yes, i am chronically online. And yeah, i also do this
Yeah, i am always ashamed of myself
Her videos make us stop making excuses for ourselves and take accountability for the way we are and it’s like a breath of fresh air
I feel like modern confidence is just borderline narcissism. it doesn't even solve the underlying insecurities people may have but tells people to 'get over it' and to 'stop feeling sorry for themselves'. true confidence is being devoid of insecurities and being kind and gentle. I always feel that the most confident people are the most humble. people that are truly confident don't need to be 'overly confident;' or let people know how 'confident' they are. they're just themselves and they're okay with it.
“We eat. We poop.” - Elliot Sang, 2023
We eat
We poop
And Elliot sang.
(Haïkù).
I've been saying this for years. It's so crazy how our lives revolve around these two things
Tay’s segment in “in the meaning of confidence” made me cry. I’m not a doomer but I definitely lived with a foreshortened future due to trauma. A lot of my loved gen z’s are doomers, and it’s so hard to see them without hope. Tay articulated their point so beautifully, it helped me have confidence in speaking to hope a little more. To me, confidence comes from a trust, faith, and preparedness. The only way you can be steadfast in something is knowing you have the tools or the know how to get through something, even unknowns. Thanks for the video.
As a person who’s really struggling rn and going through social anxiety, thank you for talking about such difficult topics! This made me realize my experience isn’t necessarily unique (in the best way)
"to me, more than a crisis of confidence
there's also a crisis in kindness"
Truer words have never been said
Absolutely loved this video. It touched upon so much of the human condition and honestly gave me plenty of food for thought for all the things I do feel anxious and insecure about. Confidence in the mainstream sense has always felt elusive but I guess I understand it.. and myself a bit better after watching this. I feel incredibly grateful that you and everyone else who joined you in this made this. Thank you, truly!
i'm so at peace to see another person verbalizing and recognizing problems that truly matter in the modern world. thank you for being such an awesome human :')
Loved the auto tune comparison to humanity as well. Such a good discussion.
Thing is confidence is something that you’ll have to earn.. by actually going “out” of your comfort zone.
This is officially one of the best video essays I've ever watched in my entire life. I am a person that does watch thewizardliz and uses her as my inspiration and I also watch loads of videos on"how to be confident", "how to become the best version of yourself", but I found this video an extremely important other point of view and definitely something that I'll keep in mind in this process of growing that we call life. It was so crazy that something I'd been craving for so long was also something I didn't even know the meaning of. It was very educative to view so many opinions in here. I really thank you all for your amazing and respectful discussion, it'll definitely help me a lot!
I love, love, LOVE this video. A lot of my anxiety is rooted in my lack of confidence - I'm scared of other people and what they'll think/do if I don't meet their standards. I've realized that my confidence depended a lot on and was limited by what other people thought of me, but I'm slowly working on sourcing that confidence from myself. I know that I'm smart and all of these amazing things - I can see that in myself and that should be enough for me. I'm working on prioritizing my own validation over others (in a healthy way, of course). This video opened up even more ideas for me to explore when it comes to regaining my confidence... thank you so much!
“Unless it is Rihanna, Rihanna can’t sing” 😂 Love Foreign❤
I'm a pretty woman somewhat overweight and I also happen to hate having my photos taken for reasons completely unrelated to how I look, I'm simply the one who likes to e behind the lense. My Instagram is filled with photos of landscapes and cats and very little photos of myself (all of them faceless for privacy reasons) and so many people ask if it's because I'm not confident or don't like my looks. Nope, I'm just a little awkward and dislike having my face out there. This obsession with confidence comes off as an excrutiating lack of confidence.
yeah i don’t like taking photos of myself either! i’ve had people tell me to “be more confident” when joining in on group photos and i’m just like…photos never capture *me*, especially staged ones where i look at the camera. if im making eye contact im already faking something
confidence is peace of heart and spirit
what you those guys are after is control and power
Without making "being mentally healthy" that goal we're trying to move towards, I think we need to spend some time talking about how many people believe they're not confident specifically because they are suffering from structural issues which prevent less rigid forms of thinking.
Again, without using mental illness as a buzz word, anxiety about being more confident is actually probably a much healthier reaction to capitalist patriarchy than despondency or catatonic depression. Elliot touched on this briefly, but I'd like to see this explored a bit more.
Incredibly insightful video Elliot! 10/10 for this deconstruction of "confidence" in the context of capitalism and patriarchal masculinity. Hell even some philosophy and ontology too. Like you said, addressing the issue of a lack of confidence means, tautologically, just that-addressing that sense of lack in the first place. And in order to identify why so many of us have insecurities and self-doubt, like you demonstrated, it's important to look beyond the individual into the inequalities inherent in our society. In our modern digital age, we're oversaturated with "junk data", wherein the cream of the crop floats to the top of the algorithm and becomes the new standard for us to compare ourselves to. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, because comparisons essentially play out in two ways: superiority or inferiority. These comparisons are how we base our sense of self (ego). The reason you lack confidence is because you learned somewhere along the way that you couldn't successfully do something, usually from a direct experience involving failure. Then you see others do it and compare yourself, identifying with your failure/lack of capability and carry that shame with you. Ultimately, not letting negative experiences and comparisons define you is the road to eliminating the shadow of insecurity and allowing your natural confidence shine. It's not something you have to gain, it's already inside you. Just like the realization that happiness is inside you too, and you don't have to be anyone or anything else to achieve it.
Work through your setbacks so you can get back (on track).
Just subscribed to everyone involved and their incredibly sharp thoughts!
Even the idea of being mid is still subscribing to the idea of a comparative label. How do you know what mid looks like without someone else to base our on lol. Taking it even a step further, we could be free by just ... being! No self-limiting labels or ego involvement at all.
That last sentence really summed it up :’) confidence is to be okay with being mid
"Confidence is not a lack of weakness, it's a radical acceptance of everything about yourself"
Confident people ask for help when they need it, recognizing their weaknesses and flaws.
Confident people feel shame when they've done something worthy of shame, but they listen to that feeling and then adapt their behaviour.
Confidence isn't about being perfect, being the best at everything; it's about accurately assessing yourself, knowing your strengths and your weaknesses.. and accepting it all.
Discovering your channel has been one of the best things ever! I really enjoy how you don't just tackle real life issues with only research and theory but include real people with real problems and experiences in their lives. In a world that is seems to only show the extraordinary outliers it is assuring to see people talking about being confident and less insecure in just being. Because often times the fear of just being is what drives to debilitating anxiety. It is so refreshing. Your videos always come out with the exact topic that I am struggling in my personal life.
i think it’s because confidence is INSANELY attractive. like this girl made me realise i’m bi just because of how confident she was like omg
Dayumn
I love that you drew separate conclusions from your different conversations that were all so insightful. That seemed very thoughtful and appreciative.
I’m so glad I listened to this. It is so easy to give up, but I want to live with the ability to unhitch my idea of self from my accomplishments or lack thereof.
I am so ready for this!!
"touch grass" does not count if its some grass in a pot on your window
i've been binging your videos today and this one resonated with me so much. i used to watch wizardliz and other female life coaches admist active addiction and denial of said addiction. i couldn't understand why i couldn't just affirm and manifest my way through life. i finally sought out the proper resources and a much, much better place now. there really is confidence in humility and vulnerability.
The quality of your videos is astounding. Thank you for doing what you do.
i love this whole video so much. i’m super insecure but i think i’m pretty charismatic and i never thought i could describe myself like that. i never thought charisma and confidence could be separated enough to include edit: how i feel, socially.
also holy fucking shit i’ve never watched finn before but i’ve never heard another trans person so perfectly express the terror/euphoria of being trans. like yes fuck i literally came out to myself during a camping trip where i woke up alone in a heavenly solitude and one of the first thoughts i had was “oh yeah… i’m a boy” 😂 and then it still took me a couple years (and other bullshit) to really come out to anyone. and it was terrifying but lovely and still so.
I don't have a paragraph this time. I've watched it twice now and the ending warms my heart to the core. Thank you, Elliot.🥰☺😄
Dude your videos are always so current. Good job!
I guess I am pretty confident. I'm good at what I do, and I have the ability to recognise areas where I should delegate to others. I also don't feel any need for anyone to like me personally, as I realise that trying to change for the approval of others would be unfulfilling. I guess it ties into a sort of philosophical functionalism; I tend to analyse things, including thought and belief, as means of achieving certain goals, and reject ideas of essential nature.
Bro you give me hope and make me feel a little less suicidal. Thanks, man
sending you so much love 💜 i'm rooting for your happiness and peace and i hope you have a lovely week :)
Just a swing. You’ll return to that place. This guy is a egotistical fraud.
Because confidence sounds like the abracadabra of life, the medicine to all your problems(well, most)...if your were confident you could've talked to that girl/guy. If you were confident you would have done well in that interview, if you were confident you wouldn't care what people thought of you, if you were confident you wouldn't live in constant fear of what other people thought of you. I feel like people want confidence for different reasons, but at the end of the day, it's all really the same to patch up whatever insecurity they have.
I loved this video so much. The discussion was super engaging and enjoyed the different perspectives approaching this topic. Also, super excited to see befly on your channel again!
This video is so perfect. So much wisdom shared. Thank you ❤
I love this video. I just love it. Thank you so much, you put my exact thoughts in such a good wording and in this piece of art. I have been thinking how much the confidence moguls were letting these teenagers get a god complex thinking they own the world because "they think highly of themselves" . Confidence comes with experience, with growth. It's not being the best where ever you go, it's about being ok if there are people who are better than you (in any type of way). Of course you can fake it until you make it but it may take more time than really gowing through pain that could possibly get to you. It makes me actually pretty mad how most of the fake confident people think being rude, mean and disrespectful is the epitome of confidence because it's not. There is no way these people are actually confident, considering they treat themselves exactly like they treat you. For me personally it helped a lot to do charity, help others and be more empathetic
The point at 43:35 gave me a lot of thought fodder, and I think it may be one of the reasons for the obsession with (lack of) confidence - it makes our sense of unease and uncertainty seem easily identifyable, and manageable, within our control. If we think we know what steps to take to make ourselves feel better, and never take them, we always have something to point to and say, well there is the issue.
Also this was not mentioned during the video, but I was wondering if confidence maybe superseded the concept of "honour", as a source/measure of self-assuredness and social standing? And how that would map onto societies where honour is central to the perception of yourself and others? Not sure, lol, keeping with the spirit of putting out imperfect ideas.
Yay for being mid, and kindness, and asking for help! And yay for more Foreign collabs, seems like you two vibe so well!
Thanks for this video ! Adding my little take on how I figured out what kind of self-love I am searching for :
My ideal would be being confident, and humble at the same time. It can seem like a contradition, two extremes of a spectrum, but I picture them on two different axes.
1- the Confidence to Insecurity axis
2- the Ego to Humility axis
Insecurity (shame, lack of confidence, salf-hatre ...) is the "evil twin" of Humility (being self-less, able to receiving criticism...).
Ego (pride, narcissism, self-absorbed, a type of self love that is conditionnal to success/goodness/expectations on identity...), is the "evil twin" of Confidence (actual self-esteem, unconditionnal sense of self-worth, acceptance of who you are as an "objective fact" without jugement, healthy self-love...).
Ego and Insecurity feed each other. They are also fed by validation, excuses, jugement (positive and negative). They come with/from a "self-conscious" type of introspection.
Whereas healthy Confidence and Humility feed each other, and come with/from a "self-aware" type of introspection.
Hope this makes sense ! It's kinda simple but it took me a while to organise those concepts in my mind.
(This explanation is very systematic and caricatural since this is how I comprehend complex things the best but I try to keep aware that reality is more nuanced.)
You are a great listener. It was so refreshing to hear multiple perspectives. Thank you for this video
legit so thankful i've found your channel, i feel like you put words on so many things i've been thinking about
I’m so happy that this video was longer than usual, loved it 🤩
It’s all about knowing your self value in a balanced way. Don’t overvalue yourself or you’ll become an insecure narcissist. Don’t undervalue yourself because you obviously don’t want to do that. Just have a value where you respect yourself in a humble way and only accept fair respect from others and not tolerate nothing less. That’s how I see it. I loved this video btw :)
It may not _sound_ like it but Thom Yorke can definitely sing 🤣
True to that.
Like with everything else, the point is not being confident about everything all the time. It's about learning to act despite your doubts.
And it's also s process. Lack of confidence is not a badge of shame (or honor), it's only the badge of experience.
Imagine being Thom Yorke on an insecure day, watching this video, starting to feel better about yourself and then BOOM! 27:03
Sad times.
Lmao,was hoping someone was gonna comment on that 😂
I feel this all goes back to the fact we're used to instant gratification now and to be confident you need to except almost everything is a process and so you need to act and keep on doing so. ❤
So many interesting points in this video! Thank you for the great work
Nothing feels worse than seeing a person who's younger than you are being more successful. I am 19 with absolutely nothing going for myself, I have no skills, or talents, I probably want graduate highschool (I'm still in school because I got held back), I work a job where I take 9.50, I still can't drive, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do after school. Meanwhile there's these 17 year olds making more money than I ever will in my life and living my wildest dreams
Ikr. But that's life I guess, it's not fair. Some people were just born lesser and are meant to be below the others. I mean you can't have #1 without #30, you can't have a winner without a loser. Some people are just destined to be nothing. Sucks I know that's why I no longer wish to live long
Nothing is set in stone my friend. It's not about where you start, nor is it about where you end up. It's about taking the small victories as they come.
Of course, no one ever knows what hand they will be dealt next, but that's not a reason to indulge in endless pessimism.
you shouldn't compare yourself to others, of course there is always going to be someone in a better position then you in life no matter how far you are.
You should just focus on your own life and accomplish your goals at your own pace and someone will probably think the same about you. :)
@@kalicasts I mean, your worldview assumes that someone is inherently better than someone else. Tell me the exact metrics of how someone is better than someone else, not just 'vibes' or whatever. The exact metrics. Because I don't think those metrics hold up to scrutiny.
Stop torturing yourself. You are, and you are here. That's all that matters.
same but I even don't work
i often come across shy bc I'm just not very loud and generally very introspective, observant and just love to be by myself (while also liking people). internally i'm very confident and just a happy person. people might not believe that bc they somehow connect confidence with loudness. great video, thank you :)
I'll definitely come back to this video, really positive message that's very needed as a reminder of how complex ones confidence can be
This was amazing thank you ❤ it's great to know I'm not alone in these feelings.
I've grown much more confident over the years, and I attribute it to two things: learning and making.
Particularly, learning about human behavior, child development, psychology, and how our physical body affects our psychology has done a lot of good. Take the time to make and do things. Being able to make things can give you a sense of control and power over your own life. It takes time, but trust that you'll get there.
Lots of insightful points here by all contributors..
Very sincerely, I feel less alone listening to your discussions and it is so grounding.
Nf said it best "there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance"
Great video. I've loved listening to all the different perspectives :)
Really needed this
I’d be more confident if I wasn’t such a stupidass all the time and I’d probably make a stupid ass of myself less if I felt more confident 😅
This feels like one of those “can’t get the job with experience, can’t get experience without the job” situations.
Confident ppl dont care about being a stupidass, long as youre not hurting anybody and doing your best to improve you deserve to feel good with yourself ❤
Well the first step is stop calling yourself a stupid ass and stop telling yourself you can't be more confident
it really is a cycle. it has to stop somewhere though. either u stop being a stupidass or you start being confident! u start with one and the other goes
plus you’re probably not a stupidass whatever that is
Perfect timing!🖤
just subbed. excellent video man, thank you.
confidence is not nearly as important as authenticity and cultivating interests. passion. curiosity. these things are substantive. confidence can be completely vapid. imo it's important to get away from relative states of being.
An insightful quote that really hit me: (from Tay at 30:15)
"The engine of optimism [is] more productive to ending the things that [make] me anxious about impending doom"
Amazing video! This came at a perfect time for me thank you elliott, keep it up!
Yeah i dont get that obssesion with confidence ,its like a trend
The concept of confidence from the inside really doesn't make sense to me. Confidence for me is a product of past success, and that is almost always an external feedback.
If I land a small jump on my bike I can slowly build confidence to hit bigger jumps. I'm confident at work because I can look back on my last 10 years of success in my career. I'm not confident in dating because of years of rejection and getting nowhere. I have no reason to be confident here.
This is honestly one of my favorite videos from this channel so far! Thank you all for being super insightful, and keep up the good work! 💜
Stay strong brother we are in this together
Such an amazing video thank you so much 🙏
Confidence comes with self awareness.
Great analysis!! I’d like to add that society’s heightened sense of “confidence” is actually masked insecurity, reads like a reaction more than a response to life experience. I’ve always believed that confidence is silent or it’s a deep inner knowing of perceived self not an outward display of righteousness..
“Our desire for a better world should not ruin our process of living in this one” WOW
the way you said “see you” gave me the tingles😗❤️
The algorithm sent me your way this morning and I'm really impressed with your content. Looking forward to perusing your back catalogue. (: Thanks for your effort!
It’s like people forget con man is short for “confidence man”.
I have watched about 5-6 of your videos. You’re quickly becoming one of my favorite voices on YT and this is amongst “heavyweights” like Dr Gabor Mate. Thank you for YOUR true confidence in expressing who you are, not letting other people’s ideas of confidence informing you on how you should think, speak and feel. Your space is very important, a gold mine, especially to me as a middle aged single mom trying so hard to let me kid grow in his authentic self. Every generation has their own frequency, so watching you helps me connect to this frequency. I’m so grateful I found it! I’m definitely donating a Kofi (or whatever) as soon as I can.
Confidence isn't an infinite resource pool and it sucks that when it inevitably runs low, people (kinda selfishly) just expect you to go get more....
wow! great conversations this video healed my soul just enough to take action in my life. keep doing whatever ur doing its great stuff
Back when I was still going to church, I had the good fortune of witnessing a message on humility. The point that has always stayed with me was this: humility is not the act of making less of yourself to avoid critique, it is being who you are and having the courage to authentically communicate what that means to others and accept feedback when who you are challenges the peace of another. To me, that is confidence in a nutshell, but there is often a false dichotomy between being humble and having confidence. It is subtly communicated that being humbled is undesirable, eating humble pie is shameful, or that admitting an iota of culpability in any circumstance is tantamount to moral recklessness. Public apologies exemplify this tendency beautifully. "We're sorry if anyone was hurt and we're investigating but we found no evidence of blah, blah, blah." We've grown so accustomed to the bravado of corporate and celebrity spectacle that it is not typical to hear what genuine confidence and healthy humility sound like.
That attitude of being as we are and encouraging each other to accept ourselves is anathema to the goals of those who need us to lack confidence in order to position themselves as authorities with the solutions we need (always for a fee.) A beautyTuber that helped me understand that concept (Whitney Hedrick) shared the ways in which that industry undermines our faith in our own ability to improve without their help, which leads to billions of dollars being spent to rectify our perceived flaws. The profitability of makeup and skincare is inversely correlated with how confident we are in ourselves. If, all at once, we decided that 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind', then the self help industry, supplement shills, shake salespeople, and a hefty portion of the fashion industry would take enormous financial hits. Neutralizing fomo through introspection and belief in one's self worth outside of vapid, socioeconomic markers, would be hugely detrimental to large sectors of the economy who exploit that fear to drain us of more life energy in the form of cash.
The focus of school on reinforcing homogeneous behavior and regurgitating information in order to satisfy arbitrary benchmarks sets us up for a lifetime of expecting scrutiny and conforming to standards handed down from institutions that will be rigorously assessed by a deputized authority. We are not taught how to craft standards for ourselves beyond superficial preferences (favorite consumable culture, style of dress, etc.) but to assimilate into assigned communities rather than seeking out communities in which we are active participants in decision making and accomplishing goals. If we were taught to form standards and boundaries for ourselves and to continue reinforcing and tending to them then a lot more people might feel confident enough to ask for their fair share of comfort and security.
Arriving at internal comfort is a process requiring communion with self and community to continually examine and improve what is within our own power to accomplish. It is not rigid and unyielding belief, because that is simply insisting on something, which is far more fragile than truth that has come from examining expectations and outcomes. Just like the scientific process always leaves room for curiosity and improving established understandings, so must we seek to engage with life continually. Sublimity is a myth, and we are human. Our world today was crafted through billions of people making billions of decisions every day. If we empower ourselves to remain sensitive to the world and how we interact with it, you'll find you'd have a lot of data on which to base decisions and form opinions on their outcomes. Finding what brings the most peace to my soul and my community have been my guiding principles because I've been able to observe that those motivations tend to produce outcomes that I am happy and comfortable with. Your standards will be based on your own priorities, but that's how it should be. You being you, me being me, and all of us seeking to understand where each ends and the other begins. We can do it. We could always do it. Don't get discouraged because someone is motivated to discourage you for their own gain.