Neurodivergent Imposter Syndrome (Autism & ADHD)
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- Опубліковано 11 лис 2021
- Neurodivergent Imposter Syndrome (Autism & ADHD)
Imposter syndrome can hit harder when you are neurodivergent because of the impact of neurodivergent related trauma on autistic people and people with ADHD's self esteem.
In this video I'm talking about accepting a late autism or ADHD diagnosis, as well as how to move forward and work on issues around imposter syndrome. Particularly when it prevents growth.
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Mid-forties, female, "gifted" child, straight A's, Valedictorian, Star Student, academic scholarships, artistic grants, shows, opportunities... but I can't figure out how to be like a regular adult who does 9-5, or wake up before noon, or be consistent with anything other than inconsistency. You have me bawling my eyes out weep out loud. I am SO TIRED of being told that I am LAZY or SELF-CENTERED or NOT TRYING or TOO EMOTIONAL or just a horrible human being because I can't come through on the most simple things. I'm bawling like a baby because I AM TIRED OF IT. I've had enough of agreeing with the world that I must be morally deficient just to make things easier on everyone else who don't seem to struggle so hard (and yet I'm failing anyway) at 'adulting'. I want to believe I am good enough as anyone else, just have really different needs. I am so tired of letting people get away with invalidating my needs because I don't want to add more of a fuss. I have only within the past month begun to wonder if my odd behaviours I've been desperately trying to hide from my neighbors is stimming, if the times I get so emotionally despondent and overwhelmed that I get stuck not being able to speak words aloud to the consternation of my partners, if all those times I was a "crazy' person who screamed and cried and physically pushed people away from me was actually just meltdowns... and I realize I really don't know if I have autism or not, but I have no explanation for how I can be both "gifted" and yet still unemployable at this age. ADHD? That could fit, too. But I just don't know what to say, but I suppose I can thank you for sharing your struggle. Whether it is the same or not, it has at least allowed me to think of my own struggles from an entirely different lens, the result being that I am tired of permitting people to treat me as morally deficient for things that I really have tried so darn hard to do, and I am middle age, and I am just not! Thank you Purple Ella. Thanks!
I can relate to so very much of this. You must set boundaries for the way people treat you as well as the things you say to yourself. You are not less than because your brain is wired a certain way or the way you interpret certain subjects...believe in yourself your worth loving yourself! 😁😀💜
I was gifted and a good student too. But I can't "adult". I am on disability. I have been diagnosed with numerous mental illnesses but most of them don't fit. Several professionals suggested that I have Autism but I don't know if I can get a diagnosis in my state in the USA. I am already diagnosed with ADHD but I think Autism fits better. Maybe I have both.
I was JUST thinking that it's a struggle for both those who have "under-achieved" (no offence to anyone) and those who have "overachieved". I'm 33 and have done well but I feel like I had to work SO much harder thsn others to get here. I feel like most people only see the active me but I struggle with inactivity and exhaustion, which plays a big part in me giving up on new ventures (as does perfectionism). Ironically, I diagnose autism and ADHD for a living but I'm struggling to work out if I myself have one or both because it feels like I'm just looking for an excuse! However, I've never mentally accused clients of looking for an excuse - I simply see them as searching for an explanation! I need to start applying that perspective to myself. 😅 🙈 🤣
@@Catlily5 the Cross overs between ASD, ADHD also Dyslexia are a great veen diagram. somewhere 60% of ppl with adhd have some level of dyslexia but not everyone with dyslexia has adhd or asd.
Not everyone who has adhd has sleeping issues anywhere between 25% to 75% have sleep issues. They all come with co-morbid things like imposter syndrome, depression, anxiety, ptsd or cptsd to name few.
Getting an adhd/ asd diagnosis is good in America, you can then ask for help, like body double or extra step deadlines. Also an official diagnosis can help protect you in work because of the American disabilities act see above^
I too cried through this entire video! So helpful to see some tips for self esteem building: keep track of successes, separating emotion from fact and remembering we are not deficient.
I just told people for the first time that I’m autistic, and I immediately regretted it because I’m self diagnosed and I felt like I was lying
Thank you for this. When I try to explain my challenges, the response I often get is that I'm not special, it's difficult for everyone. While this may be true, it implies that my lower level of functioning is due to laziness or because I'm not trying hard enough.
It's best to just ignore those comments because sadly NTs will never understand us nor do they want to
This rings so true for me. I'm self-diagnosed with ASD and inattentive ADHD, as of 4 and 2 years ago respectively. Especially with the ASD I do doubt myself and have to keep looking at the notes I made at the time, to reconvince myself.
Absolutely. I have a 12 page list of my self-observations, and somedays I need to read it to remind myself I'm not way out there.
“Self diagnosed” doesn’t mean a thing, don’t equate your false beliefs with my reality. You’re a joke.
I feel so related to this video. Thank you! ❤️
Yes. Same. It can be a brutal combination. But you know where it works well? Being a system administrator where you have to take extremely clear notes, control access, set guidelines, deliver walkthroughs, etc. The redundant checking and question-asking is appropriate there. I feel lucky to have found a role I can excel at. I hope you found something like that for you too.
oh my god, you are making lists of symtoms too?
When I read the title I burst out crying. I realized I felt like an impostor as a human for my autism and ADHD because of how everyone treated me growing up. I had to heal.
Words cannot express how important this video was to me. “I’m not an imposter, I’m a perfectly imperfect person 🥰”
Thank you for explaining this, it hit right in the sweet spot! I’m super excited for reclaiming the mind!
I keep going back and forth on whether I'm likely to be autistic or just a failed human.
I just can't remember that many childhood traits that people talk about a lot.
Thank you, I’m a 63 year old female who hasn’t been diagnosed but defiantly think I’m ADHD. I failed school miserably and have muddled my way through a huge array of jobs. I’m so hard on myself and your video is really helpful ❤
Thank you! 76, always knew it (everybody knew it), but officially diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, but still not quite the whole answer. So many condradictions. In my late 20s a professor watched me just go blank on a test. He made me stay after and asked me point blank if I was Autistic. Then he gave me the test verbally. With the pressure off (since I already knew I flunked... had not answered one single quetion) I had no trouble answering. Still not officially diagnosed, but Au/ADHD makes the most sense and gives me the tools I (still) need. My kin live into their 90s and 100s, so.....
AuDHD here…This hits so close to home!
I feel that being both autistic and ADHD is in fact a whole ‘nother neurotype that we haven’t named yet.
Thank you so much for being here and for representing nurodivergence positively and realistically ❤️
As a 40 year old currently being assessed , the "diagnosis doubt" really resonated with me. Currently having massive bouts of this.
31 here, recently learned about this about 8 months ago! It gets better!! Take care
Was diagnosed first with ADHD then autistic. It's like having my brain using both PC and MAC book OSs with all programs running. 'Perfectly imperfect person'- must try and remind myself that I do have positives. Thank you.
I used to believe all the pre-enlightened misconceptions. My reason was that all the problems outlined by autistic people were *my* problems, so I just assumed they were just weak. I didn't know at the time that I was one of them. Now so many things are making sense to me.
Was awesome working with you today dude! 🙌🏼
Thanks Dan, it was great to work with you too.
Woopwoop!
'Adhd isn't an excuse'. -my loving partner of 10 years (who is perfect and helpful just uneducated)
'Your not autistic, just thick'. (A friend/ex coworker)
Both said within the last month.
I'm awaiting diagnosis.
Wish me luck x
What is the context of the first quote?
@nomoremorse I was trying to explain to him why I struggle to follow along and pay attention to him when he talks at me for an hour solid without any break or input from me.
Also, update: we split up.
@@toni5543 Oh.
Shit.
@@malirious shit indeed.
@@toni5543 goddang
How are you feeling right now? Do you need space to express yourself?
I really felt what you said about putting down your own achievements because they seem minor compared to others.
Just today I cleaned up a small corner of my room. It took me 40ish minutes and I was really proud of myself for doing that so I shared it with my friend who then told me she cleaned her entire storage shed in 3 hours. It made me feel like my achievement was nothing compared to hers and it also kind of felt like she was diminishing my achievement even though I know that wasn't her intention.
Even when people who are qualified in something you have done tell you that you are good at something, you still doubt yourself. I’ve been getting gradually worse over the past 20 to 22 months. I now have to listen when I am told by people in a specific field tell me I’m actually good at it. It’s not a case that anyone can do what I do. I have to keep telling myself that.
Thank you for this video. After 22 years of masking, how do I know what 'completely me' is? I am always doing what I think should be done for the given situation and don't have any sense of gut instinct :)
I'm 64 and have masked since I started school at 4 yrs old. Unmasking is no simple task, it takes time and baby steps to start to recognise what is authentic and what is not. It's less difficult to first identify the 'learned' responses, and then to consider how you might respond more authentically. It's very much a process, as Ella hints at in the video, and over time you will discover your authenticity in different aspects of your life.
Hi, I totally get this feeling, perhaps this video might be useful (I share some tips for starting to unmask) ua-cam.com/video/6Ob_F6OwFVU/v-deo.html
@@amandachapman4708 thank you for this response . Age 56 & Only just diagnosed combined ADHD & so wondering how I unmask also.
I've been doing it for 40 years and my biggest fear is that it's no longer a mask... Like I've had it on so long that it merged with my face at some point, and now it's who I am, whoever that is... I understand you completely
Unrelated to your question, but your channel is really cool.
In my personal opinion, this is the best video on this topic for me to show to other people. Being under 10 minutes makes it more easily digestible for an outsider and I think you make good use of the time by being direct while still being descriptive. Well done.
I just had my first performance at an improv comedy theater as a class share, and honestly, connecting with these people over time and then doing a performance and being able to get laughs from strangers has done so much to help my imposter syndrome. Improv can be very challenging, particularly in relation to autism, because there's always some other function that isn't necessarily explicitly stated, but the thing is that it can be worked out and processed consciously (usually) so that specific game can be consistently re-engaged. I think doing this is actually exploring more specificity that may help others. There are structures to these interactions that are reliable.
A lot of non-neurodivergent people are really bad at talking, too, structurally speaking, but they don't perceive the need to improve because they can just keep winging it and still find people like them.
In short, struggles suck, but they can be blessings if we have the strength to overcome. So we should share strength.
I wish UA-cam had a LOVE button!
I've wrongly compared myself to other neurodivergent individuals in the past and felt inferior to them because they could do something I struggled with. But then I had to realize that all neurodivergent people have very unique struggles, strengths and weaknesses.
It's so hard for me to be Authentic when I was raised in heavy trauma and masking, so I'm not even sure who I am at this point or how to find that. Your videos help immensely though, I really appreciate everything you put out into the world!
I have always had a big problem with self doubt and confidence in what i do. I especially have struggled with imposter syndrome at work. I am self diagnosed ASD as well(getting a diagnosis is too expensive here) and i have often doubted if it is an accurate diagnosis, but my relatives and spouse have been supportive and have all agreed, so that has helped a lot. Seeing a therapist has also helped with my confidence and self value, but decades of self doubt and being bullied cant be washed away in a few months.
Wow. I got diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD this year at the age of 32. I've experienced imposter syndrome with both diagnoses, but especially with the latter as it wasn't something that had ever crossed my mind. This video is pretty much exactly what I needed right now.
thank you so much for this. I've always experienced impostor syndrome for lots of things, from grades to compliments about my personality to various diagnoses in the past. I'm waiting for an autism diagnosis right now, and I can't help but think "great, another condition to add to the list for pity points" or "you're just trying to find any excuse for being socially inept/being so whiny about pain/not wanting to speak/etc" so it's kinda comforting to know that other autistic people feel and have felt like this. it's oddly validating :)
I was diagnosed in 2019 by a psychologist, and I have experienced much of what you report here. I grew up in a high achieving academic family, but I could not make decent grades or keep focused on any academic pursuit. Social relations were very difficult for me; they were like work, whereas work in fields I love were and are fun for me. And I always blamed myself for not trying hard enough, for being immature.
Two and one-half years into the diagnosis, I still experience echoes of that old habit of doubting the diagnosis -- of feeling like I am using it as an excuse to get out of the difficult and slow work of getting over those social and mental obstacles.
I know this is not the case: I am in fact steadily replacing my longtime self blame with self-forgiving. But those old tendencies will live on for a while.
Hi. I'm a 51 year old male recently diagnosed with ASD (D for Divergence, haha). I saw another of your videos (the My Neighbor Totoro Jumper Video) in which you used the term 'Auties' and I laughed because I thought I'd coined it! Got a bad case of Imposter Syndrome at the moment even after three years of self-realisation AND an official diagnosis. I started watching your posts because I was curious about the ASD/ADHD videos and I'm pretty sure I have ADHD too. You have said stuff that describes me perfectly. I'm a very 'internalised' autistic and luckily I have a good friend who is also on the spectrum. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, as a 52 yr old, my daughter has suggested I am autistic, and it does make sense of my experience, but I feel as though it's an excuse. I have impostor syndrome! Thank you again x
I went to a doctor very recently, because I am currently getting assesed for EDS. So I talked to her about my symptomps and also my current medication for my depression and thyroid and that I might start some ADHD meds soon. This is when she told me, we were about 5 minutes into the conversation probably and this is the first time we met, that I do not have ADHD. She can tell.
I was floored.
Would be really helpful if MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS didn't say garbage like this.
Talking to me once again Ella! I stayed up approximately three nights last week to keep up with the demands of a Master's assessment, though I still needed an extension and felt like a disappointment! Oh wow, you must have been reading my mind when you created this. Keep up your great work
@Winter snow Owen Thank you. Indeed, I am! I finally submitted it and I now have one assessment left standing between me and the dissertation module :D
I am self diagnosed but I fear to tell my parents. Have this feeling all the time, but i fear they will tell me that what I feel is ridiculous. I feel different however most times I doubt if I am making it up. A diagnosis-would give me so much peace but I can’t make myself to tell anyone around me. ☹️
I told my mom I suspected it and her answer was just absolutely horrible. I still don't know what to do I'm trying to figure out if I am and after I told her I got so depressed that I wasn't understood or taken seriously Im not surprised. it just sucks to always keep reminded that they never cared in the first place she's obviously not gonna take it seriously. I hope if you did end up telling your family they turned out more understanding and supportive
@@lustury5656 i am sorry yo hear that. I talked to school counselor and they helped me in convincing my parents to get a professional opinion. I got my diagnosis a month ago. I really wish you the best and I hope you can get yours too.
@@lustury5656 I know it sucks when the people who are supposed to support you only diminish your thoughts and feelings. I felt like that for a long time and even though I have my diagnosis my mom still wants me to hide it from people. I know it is hard but try to find other support systems outside your family. Online community is awesome because of that. We support and validate you here.
I realized recently that my family simply denied that I had any problems, even when my kindergarten teacher called them and told them I "didn't have all my beans." Since they refused to acknowledge my problems, I had to play along with it as best I could. My first grade teacher was very good and tried to draw me out, since I was terribly withdrawn and backwards. I went back to thank that teacher after I finished college. All of that was totally unreal from my family's point of view: Their basic attitude was: "You function, so just get on with functioning and don't bother us." To this day, I can't help but devalue my own experience and my own feelings, since the fiction that these things have no reality is what I grew up with. I wish I had asserted my needs more forcefully. I cancelled myself out to avoid having to deal with my parents and all their emotional baggage. That was damaging. Pretending you are normal has advantages, since it gets you "out there," to develop social skills, but you are always playing someone else, and never yourself, and that's no kind of life.
I’ve been stuck on a roller coaster of accepting and doubting my diagnosis. I just keep telling myself that it was mistaken or I accidentally lied to the psychiatrist.
I very much feel like a broken and dysfunctional human who finds it impossible to keep up with what others my age do. I get burnt out so easily.
It’s just so hard to deconstruct, cause everything I think and feel I’ve always thought was mostly the same as everyone else, I was just bad at playing the game.
But the main reason I struggle with imposter syndrome is even with my struggles, I see other people on the spectrum struggle a lot more than me. Like I rarely get sensory overload, and when I do it doesn’t seem as bad as others. I feel like I get social behavior well enough to get by, I just find it very draining.
I am less than a year of being diagnosed, so I’m hoping as time passes and I learn more about myself and autism, I’ll be able to ground myself.
Well... I seek out your videos when I'm having a tough time and just the title of this made me feel a lot of things. Your videos help me feel less lonely and they help as a tool as something I can send to people to share an experience similar to mine... when I'm ready. I'm sure they're helping many feel more compassion for themselves and I hope that helps you too in the tough moments.
Totally feel you on not quite fitting the mold and feeling worthless due to not being neurotypical. I recently have received an ASD diagnosis in my 30s. I believe that my ADD is what kept me from an earlier ASD diagnosis. I have also found others that also have ADhD+ASD, and received their ASD diagnosis in their 30-50s. Hope this helps someone searching for answers.
damn... this realy clicks with why my self image and sense of self worth are so bad. my adhd was diagnosed at 28 and my autism was diagnosed at 29 wich happend a few month's ago. so living that long with those thought's and feelings of being a complete failure realy does a number on your self worth. thank you for this message ella, it realy helps alot:). i also just finished a course on autism with my mental health care provider and i mentioned yours and other great channels as a source of good information and they were realy happy with the work i had put into it. so im trying to hold onto that when my inner crittic tries to bring me down again:).
Hey. I wanted to ask as a person who has their suspicions if they’re autistic or not (if you’re alright with answering). What was getting diagnosed like?
The month's leading up to it where pretty stressfull and draining because i already was recovering from a very toxic work enviroment but when they finnaly said the magic words of you are autistic i wanted to party:p. I also told them that the only thing that was missing that moment was conffetti and some bubbly drink:p.
@@lugaruna Thanks! ^_^
So, did the diagnosis take long? Like months or something?
@@criticaldrive7688 it took a few month's and it didn't realy help that people around me told me they thought i didn't have it:p. I think it was like half a year ish. Yea it took about half a year i think:).
@@lugaruna Thank you so much for your time and information! ^_^
This is the pep talk I needed today coz was on a verge of a meltdown after a hard day ... Thanks Ella, U r the best UA-camr on the spectrum I have come across...I resonate with U sooo much...
I agree. 😊😊
Yo, Neighbor - @PurpleElla
❤
Every word here is my heart. My knowing Myself.
Im growing into Myself.
I see your genuine gestures and know your heart.
It's so much like my own. You give me hope, friend. You give me my power.
Thanks, Ella, that was great. I am self diagnosed but just today, I filled out the intake paperwork for getting formally diagnosed next spring. I needed this video today 😊
I am also self diagnosed currently congratulations on setting up a formal diagnoses. Your feelings are completely valid just try to be mindful of being kind to yourself. I believe there are more strengths to having a mind that is neurodivergant in so many ways.
"I didn't know that I had ADHD, but I knew that what I was experiencing wasn't entirely explained by an autism diagnosis"
THIS!
TL;DR: It took someone of great stature and proven competence in the marketplace (which I haven't had yet) to convince me that I really, REALLY am as competent as I seem to be...
Your video really helps me understand why I have always doubted my competence despite constantly proving myself in action. The first time I realized for real I was truly competent was when a friend, whom I met back in my early twenties and later lost contact with, messaged me and wondered if I could help her with her university studies (she was studying personnel science) since she was overwhelmed and dealing with burnout having a full time job on top of studying full time (she's a workaholic, which is ironic because she's an opposite of me up until then because my ADHD shuns work and productive activities that aren't super stimulating). I helped her out without hesitation (obviously), sacrificing the better part of a year or so, and it turns out that she's one of the best saleswomen in my country (Sweden), being constantly headhunted as she's extremely competent in her field (recruitment and staffing) at only 30 (she's even having issues with workplace bullying and people being difficult with her because of jealousy, also she's a Kurd which doesn't help because so many people are racist... Either way, my point is that she wants to start her own staffing firm, and she has made it clear that she not only wants me as a co-owner, she feels like she NEEDS me because my competence (I would handle all legal frameworks with contracts and regulations required to run such a firm) as well as our ability to function well together as a team, which is true because she's good at keeping me on track when we have work to do if I start drifting away with my ADHD...
This hits me on so many levels. Thank you. I’ve recently come to realize that I might have both adhd and ASD, as my daughter got the adhd diagnosis recently and thus begun our journey. My doctor snorted at me and told me that everyone got adhd thrown out after them, when I said I wanted to find out if I had any.
I’ve switched doctors and am going to report my old doctor for discrimination. I feel great fear of starting to unmask. What if no one will like me?
First Class
I highly recommend Purple Ella
It is worth 10 minutes of your time to listen to this video.
Holy crap. Every time I hear this, from yet another excellent UA-camr, it's like I'm hearing it for the first time again. Like I've forgotten the validation, and reverted to being a failure.
Think I need to go get an ADHD assessment too.
I actually don't know what is me and what is the mask.
I really don't feel like I've got this :/
undiagnosed at 34, but currently in the process of getting diagnosis... There's a lot in this talk here that resonates with me. I'm just going to comment about one aspect that stuck out to me that I really appreciate hearing in this video, despite the whole talk being very relatable.
Especially, things about the way I've been confused about why I get so extremely interested in things but why it is usually the case that I tend to gravitate to a wide variety of things rather than fixating on only specific things, leading me to have difficulty staying motivated to do jobs that require expertise in narrow subjects... That seems like most jobs, at least most to all of the jobs I've ever had 😅. Yet, I'm so comforted with familiarity, so I am both seeking new and also often attempting to perfect or go deeper with what I'm familiar with. Feels like working in opposite directions but with the same intensity. I might come back to this comment to add more, but I really felt like mentioning that in particular because it's always been a pretty significant struggling point for what I work with about myself when I'm even at my most functional and how this ends up feeling like some kind of pressure, like shifting mental winds that seem to drive the way it feels for me to be interested in things and put energy into them without being bored, distracted, or plunge into anxiety, depression, confusion, other uncomfortable feelings... This has been a big source of confusion for me about myself.. and also I've always understood it intuitively at the same time. I'm so familiar with my own experience, but I've struggled with the imposter syndrome in various ways, often with regards to this specific area there's a version of feeling like I don't fit in because what the heck am I supposed to do with a mind that works like this?? Thanks for speaking about this! It feels very good to connect even through the interwebs with others who may understand something about what this is like from their own experiences! I appreciate all of you! 🙏🏼🌍🌎🌏💫🌈🎶
This video has really helped me. I was diagnosed with ADHD last October and struggled with acceptance. I have since been assessed for ASD and still on the fence as being a woman with ADHD I don't identify with some of the stereo typical views we learn to believe are necessary for ASD. I also struggle consistently with fatigue and have little to no support. Thank you for your videos and helping me understand believe in myself. ❤
I’m self diagnosed. I’m good in my skin. I think very different always have been, completely think outside the box. I’m self employed only working 1 day a week and make enough money. At 60 years of age I’m not about to go and get a diagnosis( for what) I’ve taught myself how to survive on my own without help from anyone. No parents my Mother passed when I was on my own with 2 ASD children. Not easy but doable.
Thank you Ella this has so much light that I can see why I have found life so hard and the every one around me had success in life and boy this has all ways crush me .
Since I was a young toddler I began to realize something in me was different in many aspects to most of those around me. I rarely found other kids that I connected with on more than one special interest i.e. a friend I had when I was 8-10 years old was only because she enjoyed reading books as well. (hampered further my frequent moves to different states & numerous schools in each state). I'm now 38 & would never think of changing my autistic mind😉. Thank you for making these videos they help more people than you know. 😁💜🖤💜
Currently 53, diagnosed at 51, still doubting the validity of the diagnosis. Is a significant part of the conversation that therapist and I have - the comment at 2:00 is bang where I am. By all measures "successful" - but still feel like "should do better / more / easier / faster".
The challenge that I have put to my therapist is - if I am actually AuDHD and have been "masking" for 53 years, what does "authentic me" look like. And if I accept that failure is ok, then will that mean that I will be even less effective and less valuable as a worker, dad and husband than I am currently. As a manager type, if a project or task fails then it is because I have failed to anticipate issues and allowed the failure to happen. If the project or task succeeds, then the team has worked really hard to overcome the handicap of working with me and succeeded in spite of my oversight. The extra challenge is that I try and do it all myself where possible, as I don't feel like I am entitled to ask someone else to do things since they are obviously have more important things to do (which is anything other than something I want done).
Wow! This message is so important and full of true gems. I love that you mentioned special interests lasting weeks instead of months. Totally me! Thank you for sharing your message.
Hey was diagnosed with ASD last December and ADHD in April this year. Was self diagnosed with ASD but didn't consider ADHD at all! It was probably imposter syndrome that pushed me to get diagnosed. I was being told by most people that I was wrong about my self diagnosis of ASD and I have previously been diagnosed with bipolar and BPD/EUPD so assumed I wouldn't be taken seriously. It's so validating to finally have answers/labels that fit! I feel like I'm having to start over with everything as I don't even know who I am or what I want from life. My mother still cant quite accept my diagnosis and blames it all on cannabis use when younger. Loving that you have a support dog, would love one but don't know where to start!
Hi Denise. I am also self diagnosed ASD, and feel I probably have Adhd as well. I'm 52 and have 4 kids with 2 diagnosed ASD and the other 2 are not diagnosed but they have struggles. Just recently recognized it in myself. I have a great little therapy dog. I volunteered to foster a dog who needed a home. The first dog didn't work out with me, but she found a home after about a month and I ended up adopting the 2nd dog, and she is just perfect:-). It kind of gave me a trial period with the dog.
@@EPK12549 Awe lush, its my dream to have a dog someday. Got to sort myself out somewhat first though! 🤪😭
Wow 4 children is a great achievement. Hard work I bet but such a blessing at the same time. Im 38 and doubt children will be an option for me now. I get so broody at times!
I currently have two cats that will be 12 yrs old on Monday (aprox as rescued) so I have time to get sorted enough to eventually meet my long awaited dog that I've already named Milo lol I have a box with all his stuff that's building up!
I have videos on my channel about assistance dogs, and how to get one, but that's different to an emotional support dog, so I'd start by figuring whether you need an assistance dog (trained in specific tasks to support your disability, as well as being highly trained in public access work so that it's appropriate for them to be given access to spaces that dogs aren't usually allowed) or a support animal (like a pet but for someone who will also benefit from a mental health perspective from their pet, I believe ESA's have some rights in the states, but in the UK this isn't really an officially regulated thing)
My psychologist said she only diagnosed me because I didn’t say I needed the diagnosis to access supports and just wanted to find an explanation for my weirdness. I feel like I got officially validated but personally rejected at the same time. Weird feeling.
That's a bit disturbing tbh. Sounds like that psychologist has prevented people from getting diagnosed before just to prevent them getting the care they need.
My god this video is fantastic.. Thank you so much..if I resonated with this video any more, I'd turn into a bell. 😊 Your amazing and your content is helping so many people feel validated, calmer and more secure about themselves. Lots of love 💜
I can’t begin to tell you how this video has helped me. I was wrongly diagnosed with a variety of disorders ranging from borderline personality disorder, bipolar,depression and adhd. All of this was around the time I had graduated from university got married and had 2 boys. I was actually dealing with anorexia and my husband treated me like a child and made me go to these stupid doctors who didn’t know anything about Aspergers bc the name had yet to be linked to the DSM condition of as 1997. So I would try my hardest to study what normal people did, acted, responded etc. Before this I was an elite level gymnast and it being a solitary sport which gave me the creative outlets I craved constantly left no room for typical things like dating or socializing or anything bc I worked out 35+ hours a week. So when that was gone and I retired, I had such a rough adjustment. I seemed phony to people that I would meet. I struggled with socializing especially with my husbands job and family as they were very upper class and his job was mostly involving me and benefits, galas, traveling etc. I knew something was wrong with me but everyone just labeled me crazy. My breakthrough came when my youngest son was diagnosed at 7 with Aspergers and his doctor and psychiatrist asked us about if we had been diagnosed with it since it’s highly genetic. My husband obviously wasn’t as he was as neurotypical as can be so I was sent to yet another doctor because my sons dr. only worked with children. This doctor said since I didn’t fall into the typical patterns of what used to be known as “boys mostly and the things they did “ then I must be only ADHD. I began studying absolutely everything I could about Aspergers and autism if for nothing else then to help my son. But my husband never believed any of it. Made me feel even more crazy than before and I don’t think he truly believed that my son had a real problem a real condition. He thought he could punish his bad behavior out of him. Some 15 years later I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD finally! Well I didn’t mean to say this much but I could really really use your help and advice on a huge issue. My mom just died unexpectedly and as an only child and being diagnosed so much later in life, we will be having family and friends coming over for her celebration of life event and I’m deathly scared that I won’t be able to keep myself together. I’m in shock right now and I actually just stay busy day and night planning this bc it keeps me from loosing myself completely and checking out. I have to keep it together because my dads still in the rehab hospital learning to walk again and my oldest son is in Texas with the Army and my youngest has now gone completely non verbal and I’m here at my parents house taking care of their dogs and cats. I think I could keep the charade up if we were having her celebration soon but dad’s wanted to put it off for a month or longer so that he can hopefully walk and be there and get around without a wheelchair. It’s going to be here at their house, outside by her favorite tree where she wanted her ashes scattered. Do you have any advice or know of anyone who would? Thank you so much for all your insight. Your videos have constantly reminded me that I am not in fact crazy but perfectly imperfect!
Hopefully everything went OK for your mom's celebration! As someone who also got diagnosed with ADHD later in life at 37, and having doubts about the severity of my condition compared to how often ADHD seems to complete debilitate YTers and also being only child who takes care of their elderly mother and essentially still "lives at home" with no significant other, I feel another I feel your struggle.
you are a sweet and warm person with a beautiful smile I like you a lot
Thanks for talking about this!! 💜
nice video, definately have imposter symdrome stuff going on myself, wish it was easier to work on but i'm better than i once was
This was really uplifting to hear. I have a lot of 'internalized ableism' and negativity/ignorance/expectations from other people. Even though it's still an inside struggle, I have boundaries with people I have to have contact with and that can be difficult to deal with. I am constantly compared to my autistic brother who has different support needs to me and am seen as 'high functioning' - I really hate that term as I think it can minimise struggles that aren't visible. It's not helpful that I get mixed messages from people close to me, one minute they're listening and trying to understand me then they're making ableist comments. I'm trying more to just let myself experience the upset/speak up when I need to and think better of myself despite other peoples judgemental words.
I struggle with imposter syndrome to the point I feel like I can't do things I've done well before. This past November ('22) I was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD combination. I felt relieved about receiving the diagnosis and then I started to doubt if getting a proper diagnosis even mattered because labels aren't helpful. I put the whole thing off for a bit. But now I'm realizing that these are challenges that needed exposure and clarity. So I'm trying to educate myself about what it means to be part of the neurodiverse community. ❤❄
Thank you. Today I needed this more than ever.
I love this video Ella - thank you so much for explaining this x
Wow, I really needed this video today. Thank you Purple! ❤️❤️❤️
My goodness. Your timing is eerie. I’ve only recently been diagnosed, in my 40s, and I’ve even said “Wait… Did I trick the doctor, or… 🤔 Not that I would try to be diagnosed to begin with. I suspected after watching videos like Purple Ella’s, and got evaluated. My suspicions for lifelong difficulties have actually been explained. Ever see the Blind Melon video ‘No Rain!’ I’m the little bee.
✨💜🐝 🧩✨
One other aspect not spoken to here, which I’ve felt as exploring the likelihood I may be ‘on the spectrum’ in spite of no official diagnosis:
Sort of feeling like an “imposter” upon realizing just how much of my life was lived masking. Like, that’s sort of literally the definition of an imposter. Lol.
Whether leaving the neurodiversity out of the picture and just being honest about how much the identity I used to believe myself to be was based in ego and conditioning OR the veil lifting to how much I unconsciously masked to compensate for the insecurities accompanying the feeling of social awkwardness/inadequacy, there are still moments catching myself wearing those masks - with the sense of being an imposter because it IS fabricated.
So not just FEELING LIKE an imposter… but actually catching ourselves BEING the imposter out of habit. Lol.
Hey..I just stumbles on your video and it really hit home. Thank you. Keep up the good stuff
I needed to see this thank you💕💕
What an excellently thoughtful, supportive, and inspirational video, Ella! Thank you!! ❤️
Yep, that "just try harder" vibe
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! That was so beautiful and helpful. I really struggle with this, most of the time.
Thank you so much for this!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with this! It's so easy to feel lonely and isolated when the imposter syndrome kicks in, do it's nice to hear that I'm not alone 💜
Another top vid from The Purple One (not Prince). I feel this all the time, I'm pushing through it right now. Also I'm totally conflicted about whether I'm ADHD as well as ASD. The assessor I am booked on with is an expert in ADHD and ASD so she'll be able to indicate what is what for me. It's a jungle in here 🐯
Thanks for this video. I am in a similar journey. Adhd dx at 28 and told I was too functioning for the asd dx but my np and therapist are on board with what is actually going on with me now. It's so validating thanks again for your content. Looking forward to the rest of my journey, Good luck on yours too💙
You hit the nail on the head. I'm crying as I type this because of how relatable it is. I want to fit in so bad and as a child I struggled to make friends. I struggled with and continue to struggle to fit in with normal people. I don't understand how to socialize, or how to stop myself from interrupting people and paying attention when they talk, I always somehow manage to offend or upset someone without meaning to, I berate myself all the time to the point where I have absolutely no self confidence and it pisses off my mom so much. She always says she doesn't understand why I'm so hard on myself and to stop thinking negatively, but I don't know HOW to stop. She doesn't like to listen to me when I explain to her about my mental health issues and about my ADHD and tells me to just try harder. She doesn't want to help me get a proper diagnosis or medication because she doesn't trust the side effects, and because I can't afford to see a shrink or a therapist. Now I don't talk to her about my mental health or feelings at all anymore because I always upset her and it's selfish of me to expect her to understand me. I have no friends except for my boyfriend and family, and the few friends I did manage to make ended up abandoning me and forgetting about me. My go-to stims for when I get stressed are rocking back in forth in my chair and pacing, but those annoy my mom, too, and she tells me to stop doing it because it looks weird, so I try to force myself to stop and end up having no way to let my emotions and stress out healthily. I bottle them up so I don't upset anyone and it HURTS me. I have no one to talk to about how I feel without upsetting or offending them. I want to get help and I want to get better. I want to learn more about my ADHD and Austim so I can help myself learn to function in this world.
This gave me goosbumps.
Thank you, Ella. 💜
This video is brilliant, I've not finished watching it yet, but everything you have said so far is absolutely spot on & affirming. You just get it! Thank the heavens for people like you who are willing to share their stories from a really personal perspective. Thank you so much!
Thanks, I am lucky to know people who know enough about autism and ADHD who say the diagnoses makes sense, and worked with adults qualifying for support due to various disabilities who either guessed or knew or didn't particularly care. Advocacy means a willingness to educate and personal experience especially with misconceptions and biases is a skill that must be cultivated though without a lot less victorious relish than I can claim. I greatly and deeply appreciate your work and You Tube and Twitter sites.
That was extremly helpful!
Thank you.
Wow this is so good! Thank you 😊
great to explain the stages
So great, the struggle with this is as difficult as struggling with the actual
disorders for me. What rang true for me is that this diagnosis is the best explanation for things I’ve experienced my whole life. And it’s more helpful to me than just thinking it’s because I’m lazy or mean or immature or whatever else.
Thanks Ella. This topic is so "on the money" for me at this time. I go for my first therapist visit in two days, and I'm simultaneously wracked with fear and self-doubt. I know I'll get through it one way or another, but I really wish I was already diagnosed. Anyway, thanks again, Ella. You've got some wonderful videos out there, and I appreciate what you do.
Your ability to provide qualitative and quantitative information so elegantly… bravo. I do believe I will utilize this video and share it with my loved ones. My official diagnosis is extremely fresh, although mentioned in sessions years prior. I competed in the Olympics many moons ago, and your commentary, in the more summative sense, has provided me clarity over my inability to never be able to celebrate success within myself. Grateful for this video. Thank you, Purple Ella.
Great video, Ella -- and more relatable and relevant than I was expecting. I already has a definition of Imposter Syndrome in my mind but you expanded on it in several ways that made a lot of sense to me. (I have a diagnosis of autism but not ADHD, though I have sought it twice). I think I'll watch this again when less tired! Keep up the good work 👍
Thanks Ella I hope you are well.🐛
Thank you! I have been doing a lot of the same things (with the help of my therapist), and some of the nurturing messages to tell my inner children, or the self-compassion stuff that felt brand new to me, I realize... that's how I treat myself now, without thinking about it. It really is changing, and I'm starting to trust myself again. I wish it didn't take years of therapy, for myself yes, but for other people who might not be in such a privileged position to go to therapy for years.
I love this video Ella its so me. Y9u kid are one a your major positive as is your work as creator on UA-cam. It has really helped so thank you
Many thanks for this video bright blessings to you..
I didn’t know this feeling had such a scientific name. It explains so much. I may currently only be self diagnosed, but I relate to every autism trait other than an inability to identify emotions. Maybe receiving years of counselling has helped me to identify and understand them. It definitely led me to diagnosing myself. I self deprecate so much. How did I fail to notice that I mask 24/7. Because it’s my normal. Self acceptance is a work in progress. Perfectly imperfect indeed. We should all be who we be, and only expose ourselves to friends and family who love us for who we are. This year, I hope I can give myself permission to stim so that I can recover from bulimia.
Thank you for this video. It is really helpful to me. I am considering putting it on my Facebook page to also help others to help me to not doubt my diagnoses (ASD and ADHD age 60). You're doing such important work, Ella. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video, Ella! I struggle with imposter syndrome a lot and I wanted to find some help for it, but I always seemed to find self-help books only about imposter syndrome where people doubt their abilities at work which is a different situation, even though it all falls under imposter syndrome... I'm late diagnosed autistic (19) and I discovered at 19 that I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6. I was also diagnosed with HSD at 21 and that was then changed to EDS at 22. And I doubt all of my diagnoses, I'm constantly thinking if it just isn't in my head, if I'm not faking, that I'm not good enough, etc. It damages my mental health even more. It needs to be talked about more.
Very well described. It is like that.
It was helpful. I am self diagnosed and have trouble with imposter syndrome every day. But I've done a million tons of research and took every test and quiz i could find, like 6 times each. I wrote a list of over 300 autistic traits and behaviors i have exibited, etc
The biggest convincing is from the fact that now that I've adjusted everything in my life to work for and not against my autism, my life has changed dramatically!! My executive function is significantly higher. I have almost no meltdowns, i stopped beating myself up and comparing myself to nt people. Now that isee how well the "remedies" for autism work for me, the more it proves that i am autistic.
Very helpful, thank you.
I found that really interesting and helpful, Ella. I've recently been feeling like an imposter because I'm finding life actually a lot easier since I found out I'm an Aspie (very late at 69). I have bundles of confidence that I've never had before. Not without a lot of hard work to stop being a people pleaser, mind. Then I realised that I'm more confident because I now know who I am and why I was always made to feel shame. And because that shame has gone I'm just really enjoying being me. I still get problems understanding others, lol, and I can still only interact for a short time before getting exhausted, but it's a lot easier to chat now. Although I still sometimes come out with things that makes me look weird, but that's okay because I am weird, I'm different and I'm very happy to be. :)
Thank you so much for this video! I have only recently become aware that I am neurodivergent. I'm on the fence about seeking a diagnosis, and to further complicate things, I have been unsure of which diagnosis to even pursue. I have many of the characteristics of ASD but I also have several characteristics of ADHD. (Someone very close to me (and related) was diagnosed with ADHD in childhood, so this makes a lot of sense to me.) When you described not feeling like ASD fully explained everything you experience, I related to that so much! Even though I have to have routines, I also crave novelty and only concentrate on my special interests for a few days or weeks at a time.
Until I decide to get assessed, I'm comfortable identifying myself more broadly as neurodivergent. That much I am absolutely sure of and I don't need an outside professional opinion. Using this broad term has helped with the imposter syndrome I have been feeling, because it feels less like a diagnosis and more like an identity.
Loooooll the level of emotions I am going through rn.. Im ecstatic to see you have adhd/asd videos after the last I just watched. Finding this one next must be a Very Pointed Sign from the universe
Thank you.
This is so timely, some of my colleagues and family members have recently either begun to question if they are Neurodivergent or have officially been diagnosed w/ ADHD. I am sharing this with them so they know they aren't any of the negatives.
Thanks!