Enneagram: When Good Goes Bad For Type 8
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- Опубліковано 31 лип 2024
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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Motto of an 8 is Action, Fail, Learn, Succeed, Die.
This is exactly what's happening to me at work: checking out and moving into apathy since I feel I cannot enact any profound change.
Yes, this is common for an 8. Great that you realize this about yourself.
I also experienced this. For me, I just had to keep trudging and asking around to get more training, get more experience, and learned through little failures. We (8s) have an ability to trudge along and endure (much like 9s). The difference is, unlike 9s, we aren't satisfied with a happy medium for more then a few hours. The desire to scaffold ourselves and our abilities/power is strong. Lust can be useful when used constructively and when we're aware of the tendency.
This is so true 3:50
"pre=occupied with making a big impact and end up making no impact"
Spot on 100%. I'm so tired of censoring myself. Thankfully I married a 8w9 so I can be myself and he calms me, but I can be my self and he's got my back.
If I ever had a doubt about being an 8 this cleared it up. I am an 8 through and through! Wow!
Softer 8 here. ENFJ 8 wing 9 SP subtype. I care more about a harmonious decision when working with others due to my wing 9 and ENFJ mindset. But I will shut down the brainstorming and settle on a decision, period. I can also relate to a LOT of the cut and dry ambition of an 8 and so much more! Doctor, I would love to see a whole video on the more “low key” 8.
I think the “stereotypical 8” is an ENTJ/ENTP 8w7 so/sx. Ya know?
“iiiii’m not going to do that job. I shows you how to do this you do it.” Hahahahah dead
I tell ya... being ENFJ- 8w7, it’s such a ... don’t know .. juggling balance... Martin Luther King was this... I feel I care about people emotions but again: let’s do this, we can do it regardless... so Ye... I realise it’s unusual combo.. story of my life of course 🤦♀️😳💪🙏😅😂
Me too! I am exactly the same! and I love Martin Luther King all the way from Moscow, Russia!
8’s don’t always shut the weak parts down, they just don’t want anyone to know they deal with that. The nice thing is that solutions seem very obvious most of the time and when they see the solution they move forward with what seems like confidence but it’s the gut instinct to know what the best thing is to do.
To be honest, I do occasionally have some serious self doubts. But these almost never have anything to do with my ability. I know that I don't know everything. I suspect that there are some things that I can't do. But I'm very aware that there are things I shouldn't do, despite overwhelming compulsions to do so. The doubt I feel is in relation to other people. I think that people are unbelievably stupid and are mostly unaware. So I sometimes doubt my ability to move others effectively.
I’m really interested in how our types cause us to treat ourselves. My 8 husband, rather than dealing with trauma/pain/grief when it comes up goes BIG on control. And yes, he has major GI issues.
Hey Dr. LaHue, I’ve tested for 8w7 sx/sp multiple times consistently. Really appreciate your insight and it is insightful. It’s odd being this person because you feel people like you but they also don’t like you at the same time. In some ways it feels like you can’t relate normally to others on a relational or personal level but only to things or objectives. One thing I find that helps me tremendously is consistently meditating. It greatly calms me down and centres my natural tendency towards anger or hostility. Again, thanks for sharing.
Very impactful content. Thank you for this video. It's not easy to let it sink in at first, but it's necesarry to make progress for 8. I am one of them. I really appreciate how you share this content. Greatings from Poland ☺️✅👍
I am a small 57 year old female EIGHT. Since learning the Enneagram, I have always interpreted the sin of lust in terms of the need for intensity sought through various individually specific interactions and experiences. However, your thoughts at the end of this video helped me to understand the teaching that EIGHTS objectify others, in terms of the sin of lust. To make it palpable, I am thinking that my place in the gut (action) triad influences my approach to interpersonal relations. To be a person of action and one needing to have an impact is to be a useful person who affects people and effects change. Therefore, it would seem to follow that I would view others in that same way; they are to be of use, to be useful, which leads to objectifying them. To apply your thoughts, I lust after what talent or ability they may have that will further the organizational goal or my personal goal. In this line of thought, I am treating others as if they are like me; surely others want to be as productive as I. Isn't that how most people approach others, at least initially, that others are like themselves? Do SEVENS unconsciously interact with others under the assumption that they also would like to have as many experiences as possible? Thanks for the great insight! But you already knew that it was great - yes, it was worth hanging in there to the end!
Thanks for sharing this... to answer your question about 7's: I think 7's probably size people up in terms of this person is interesting, fun to be around, brings out the best in me, or is lame.
Man that comment about just letting people be and managing them with benign neglect is a good one. I've also never really considered that maybe I should strive to lead. I usually try to attack my weaknesses in order to achieve my goals but I should just build a team and get shit done instead. Maybe I'll work on the soft skills a little more too. Thank you!
As an 8 I almost stopped this video 5 times then I realized I can be a buffalo at times. I am glad I stayed to the end
Glad you didn't bail on the video! Stay tuned for more fun content!
If stupid people could get out of the way - we could make some progress! I think this every day!
Very interesting! Having seen this video it makes perfectly sense why 8s and 3s clash sometimes.
Yup!
I've been told many times that I am intimidating. And it's difficult moderating myself for others.
Thanks that did help at the very end about other people are here for the 8s bidding. What timing had conflict with another people. I butted in on what this person should do in a mean way. After viewing this end of your video I apologise to the person for butting in.
spot-on description!
Great overview you nailed me to a T!
Thanks
I’m 8w7 but I love the tiny details. I feel that they have to be perfect in order to achieve the big picture, and I’ll work them out myself.
i do that with with my outfits too since fashion is my passion as an 8w7
I am a ennegram 4 with an 8 partner and everything you said matches my impression of him. When he is stressed he bulldozes everyone and hides his vulnerability with irritation. But as a 4 he cant hide it from me. My 8 has made me more action oriented in my life as i typically like to generate ideas but hesitant to do anything about them and I call him out wheb he is hiding his hurt feelings and vulnerabilities that he is trying to squash and avoid. It is a growth relationship for sure and also very loving. I dont think its for everyone and i wouldn't tolerate an 8 as a younger person and i dont think he would be able to be vulnerable as a tounger person. Its interesting how different phases of our life call for different influences.
The last piece of advice was worth the whole video
Thanks
Great information!
If I’ve made a strong case to do MORE, I’ve shown the value, I’ve proven my ability to do it, and I’m not heard, or worse: if the positive result I achieved is dismissed because I circumvented “the process” ....
I’m done.
I’m going to sit on payroll until I get another offer.
I have problem that nobody listen when I say something is a problem and there is some solution... Just if boss is "corrupt" or just oriented to make money and not have a quality so it's a big issue
He himself is with bad lower back and its because he has doing job has animal who has been beaten up... So now he expects that other people do the same, just the rules say that u need to hold yourself, only our boss don't follow the rules, because it's about just earning money for him
Right.
“Kid - You’re cruising for a bruising.”
Me: Poke, poke, poke…
Later me being punished: “It doesn’t hurt! It doesn’t hurt!!!” Every night from about
1972-1976. 😬
Interesting to look at ways I'm using others around me for sure. My 2 mother is here for a month and between her and my kids - I'm the one feeling "used" in a sense by them. They do use me for virtually everything, but don't listen to what they need to do in the first place. LOL
For me, it’s like “If you want to help, then ask me what I actually need. Don’t create problems that YOU think I have that you want to fix. 🤷🏻♀️ Didn’t even have what you think I need on my long list of problems to fix. And now you added to it.”
I think that in my family’s case it’s a bit of passive aggressiveness. It’s their way of telling me that I need to fix something. It’s annoying. And I could use them in a better way. Lol.
Helps a lot. Thanks
Glad to hear that!
I think that when the 8 achieves a calm center when accepting all the positive attributes of a 2, it helps to zone in the 9 wing and look more at other people's places and not for themselves as a center of authority and remove that lust factor you talk about
yes
Right on the money
8 is DEFINITELY in my tritype
I’m dealing with an eight who doesn’t want to focus enough on the details to actually do things adequately before moving on. It’s full steam ahead and when overlooked details are brought up it’s taken very personally. Then there’s a fight.
I’m a five btw. Any suggestions?
If an 8 challenges you, challenge back forcefully but respectfully. Stick to the details and the logical arguments. Explain calmly but forcefully as to why these details are important. 8's respect those that can challenge their challenge - and can do so logically without getting emotional. Stick to the facts. "I get it, you are getting heated because you take a lot of pride in your work. I take pride in my work too. We both want this done and we want it done right. It's not personal, but the little details are important. The little details matter and cannot be overlooked no matter how annoying they might be"
Source: am an 8. Just make sure that you are prepared for the confrontation - as a 5 preparation is your advantage in this confrontation - as the 8 will be acting on instinct.
16:11!!!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Do you make podcasts?
Is it possible for a person to disintegrate not just temporarily but for pretty much all their life due to unresolved emotional trauma and personality disorders? I've always tested as a 5 and do see my behavior in that enneagram, but I spent my entire life feeling like I'm not myself anymore, trying to refind my true personality. I even asked my parents for confirmation on how I was when younger to try pinpoint not my character but my core nature and I was described as bossy, confrontational, too direct, rebellious and ultra competitive. I was told challenges were running through my veins. Which confirms the feeling that, who tf is this stuck, insecure, overthinking and secluded person I'm embodying now? Could this be why when I see EXTJs I'm not just attracted to them but there's a sort of familiarity, despite me displaying IXXP traits now? A further thing that made me doubt was the fact that, when broken, 5s act erratically and jump into dangerous things in an EXXP way. But for me it's the opposite, I stopped jumping into anything, wether positively or negatively, since I broke down. It's like 5 IS my disintegration state. Even when I take MBTI functions tests I always score Ni-Ti-Te-Ne as most developed functions, much more than the SF, showing there is actual huge duality, as if the shadow side took over.
They say that 8 sane (connect with their vulnerability in the right way) tends to go to a 2, but insane it goes to the 5 (isolation) so they are connected in a way.
My husband was a five when we met 20yrs ago but now he is an eight which means he is doing good but if things go bad for him does he go bad as an eight or does he go back to being a five?
Maybe he upgraded from a five to an eight with a software update!
I hate 8