I have convos with my coworkers all the time about politics, religion, spirituality, race and gender issues, etc. I’ve learned to listen to them and try to move the conversations in a productive way, by challenging why they believe that way and what experiences led to their eventual conclusion. Often times we both realize we are unequipped with the right data points to make certain conclusions. Even then, there will be times when one party does not budge on their belief even when the adequate facts and logic is presented to them. They don’t want their reality shattered. Human emotion is tricky to circumvent. Even logic and facts don’t change the way people want to believe certain things.
"Human emotion is tricky to circumvent" (Flame, 2021)...it is right there that emotional intelligence matters. Being able to recognize, understand, and efficiently manage and deal with our and other people's emotions is essential in every aspect of our lives.
I'll try to keep that in mind "choose curiosity over clash" and many more things she said. It was a helpful video because my antisocial self really struggles with conversations because of some of my ideals.
she is amazing! :o The tone of voice, the vocal fry she uses, the notes going high for making a word heard more..... And a comfortable "low" voice for a Lady which makes you want to listen~ Love your words here today! Thank you so~
Constructive Conversation: is to understand the other person's perspective 1. Choose Curiosity over Clash 2. Development of your ideas through discussion: anchor in common purpose 3. Goal: encounter expecting everyone to walk out with the same point of view that you walked in with -How? +Started with the big picture (not with personality, politics, policies) +Digging into the details
Her focus on "progress" risks being disingenuous. She expresses opposition in terms of something that sharpens your argument (rather than the possibility they explode your argument). It risks appealing to people who think they're right and enter the conversation as a means of interrogation (pointedly putting a burden of proof on the other party) or manipulation. She explains it in terms of persuasion at one point. It would be better if progress was defined as "mutual understanding" rather than achieving a particular political end. And it might be preferable if she foregrounded a need for intellectual humility. People tend to assume that the other party is the idiot and risk adopting her ideas in a bad faith way. I recall arguments I had with a climate change denier. He didn't have a grasp of the science, but it was an illuminating conversation because he demonstrated that I was parroting environmental messages where I had no citations or understanding of the science myself. If you regard yourself as not purely rationale (even if you're objectively quite bright), then you'll withhold some judgement if the other party doesn't really have an intellectual defence or is constructing an intellectual defence on the fly with the conclusion being the starting point. Or you'll have some sympathy for yourself if the other party has a solid argument that stems from their first principles (and you can't remember your reasons why).
She’s so right about that understand other people’s perspective part. Sometimes we really need to see what’s on the other side of the fence to talk peacefully.
I really like your openings. "I never thought about it like that before" Etc. It puts most of the responsibility on the other person, which in my case is probably good because I tend to recoil
We all know those friends and family members who understand the difference b/t compliance and conversation during communication! Relationship building versus winning!
Sounds great! Now, if you seek and find progress in a conversation, and the other side on that same occasion seeks, finds and exerts victory - and enjoys the benefits, to your disadvantage... From a broader perspective: Is that progress?
Very interesting and helpful. It's 2021 and humans are so advanced materialistically. Tech is at its peak and bringing people globally nearer. Sadly, and ironically, people were never farther before than they are now.
A skill that humans are in desperate need of right now (for friendships, relationships and politically)! Sadly most conversations seem to come from the perspective of an Olympic sport where 'winning' (never conceding to be wrong) is the only objective, whatever the cost!
I feel like everyone needs to watch this and similar videos. Because most of us have been badly raised by family, friends, TV, movies and by our foes. If we all think this way, we can all start to understand each other.
It was assumed that increased connectedness would lead to more discussion and thereby convergence towards a more shared worldview. Instead people realized that it is now much easier to find people who share their opinions, so there is no need for discussion.
We past by the age of empathy before it began, but nice effort. There will always be room for those who practice it. Also, maybe it would be a good idea to show your examples of your dad having converstions with other people.
People are so egoistic that they wont stick to these methods. They mostly want to prove the other person wrong and thats where they're wrong. And imo online debates are the worst
Click on the gear icon on the lower right and then click on subtitle/CC and then click on Auto-translate which will give you a list of languages to choose from. Bear in mind that the translation may not be accurate.
Almost a noble sentiment. However, progress is nebulously defined. While one could determine it to be "mutual understanding" other people will view it as furthering their political agenda and have this reinforced by her choice to be somewhat mocking with "and boy, do some people's beliefs seem to persevere". The whole thing risks being a ploy. She phrases people who disagree with you as potential allies, rather than the conversation opening you up to their perspective and being their allies. And she ends with expressing it in terms of "world class persuaders", suggesting that the aim is to persuade rather than to be persuaded or just to understand. If you stress getting your way (even accidentally), then you aren't respecting people for the sake of respecting people.
To be Human does not take time. It is not of time. It is not the result of time or the things of time. It is not the result of any process. It is not the result of any method, ritual, or diet. It is not the result of any chemical. There is no path to it. It happens effortlessly and choicelessly...faster than the speed of light. Moreover, it is once and for all, now and forever.
Isn't this topic known as emotional inteligence? Or maybe is a combination of that and common sense? In this competitive world an enjoyable conversation seems to be labeled as a useless waste of time.
These days, need an entire documentary or two as a basis to answer that question..especially with corporate media and cancel culture constantly skewing the narrative and priorities.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"I never thought about it exactly that way before, what can you share that would help me see what you see?"
4:02 01 Choose curiosity over clash
4:55 02 Treat discussion like a climbing wall, not a cage fight
6:25 03 Anchor in purpose
Thnks
Thanks!!!
appreciate it
1. Curiosity over clash - "I never thought about it like that before"
2. Your ideas become better through challenge
I have convos with my coworkers all the time about politics, religion, spirituality, race and gender issues, etc. I’ve learned to listen to them and try to move the conversations in a productive way, by challenging why they believe that way and what experiences led to their eventual conclusion. Often times we both realize we are unequipped with the right data points to make certain conclusions. Even then, there will be times when one party does not budge on their belief even when the adequate facts and logic is presented to them. They don’t want their reality shattered. Human emotion is tricky to circumvent. Even logic and facts don’t change the way people want to believe certain things.
"Human emotion is tricky to circumvent" (Flame, 2021)...it is right there that emotional intelligence matters. Being able to recognize, understand, and efficiently manage and deal with our and other people's emotions is essential in every aspect of our lives.
I'll try to keep that in mind "choose curiosity over clash" and many more things she said. It was a helpful video because my antisocial self really struggles with conversations because of some of my ideals.
This was a stunning speech honestly. People often overlook at this point of constructive conversation.
Your English is so easily understandable..the pronunciations are soooo clear!
@Dreckige Spritze yes
she is amazing! :o The tone of voice, the vocal fry she uses, the notes going high for making a word heard more..... And a comfortable "low" voice for a Lady which makes you want to listen~ Love your words here today! Thank you so~
Wife material right there.
@@lisaariottiart You'd really wanna marry a lady that has won championships for winning arguments? 😅
@@lisaariottiart Too late. Diamond ring on her left hand.
All of Twitter needs to hear this lmao
😂😂😂😂
What is Twitter?
@@andio98 a platform for destructive conversations.
@@SuperBhavanishankar I am gay
877787
Constructive Conversation: is to understand the other person's perspective
1. Choose Curiosity over Clash
2. Development of your ideas through discussion: anchor in common purpose
3. Goal: encounter expecting everyone to walk out with the same point of view that you walked in with
-How?
+Started with the big picture (not with personality, politics, policies)
+Digging into the details
It's good
Amazing talk and advice that cannot be given too many times! Thank you!
"not looking for the victory but the progress"
Yeah, that's the ultimate way of life😌
It's inspired from a quote by someone that goes something like "the aim of argument should be progress but not war"
Her focus on "progress" risks being disingenuous. She expresses opposition in terms of something that sharpens your argument (rather than the possibility they explode your argument). It risks appealing to people who think they're right and enter the conversation as a means of interrogation (pointedly putting a burden of proof on the other party) or manipulation. She explains it in terms of persuasion at one point. It would be better if progress was defined as "mutual understanding" rather than achieving a particular political end. And it might be preferable if she foregrounded a need for intellectual humility. People tend to assume that the other party is the idiot and risk adopting her ideas in a bad faith way.
I recall arguments I had with a climate change denier. He didn't have a grasp of the science, but it was an illuminating conversation because he demonstrated that I was parroting environmental messages where I had no citations or understanding of the science myself. If you regard yourself as not purely rationale (even if you're objectively quite bright), then you'll withhold some judgement if the other party doesn't really have an intellectual defence or is constructing an intellectual defence on the fly with the conclusion being the starting point. Or you'll have some sympathy for yourself if the other party has a solid argument that stems from their first principles (and you can't remember your reasons why).
Phenomenal.
My favorite book is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
mine is The Art of Being Right by Schopenhauer 😋
That would perhaps be Nonviolent Communication?
@@dadavimaleshvara3154 yes! Thanks
Hehe
Thanks
She’s so right about that understand other people’s perspective part. Sometimes we really need to see what’s on the other side of the fence to talk peacefully.
I really like your openings. "I never thought about it like that before" Etc. It puts most of the responsibility on the other person, which in my case is probably good because I tend to recoil
I'm totally using these suggestions at work.
Whole idea gets better through challenge & criticism!!
We all know those friends and family members who understand the difference b/t compliance and conversation during communication! Relationship building versus winning!
Sounds great! Now, if you seek and find progress in a conversation, and the other side on that same occasion seeks, finds and exerts victory - and enjoys the benefits, to your disadvantage... From a broader perspective: Is that progress?
Wonderful talk, thank you Julia!
I never saw a title that called me out like this lmao
Hi
In this time, friends are fighting with friends and family’s are fighting with family! It’s crazy
Ditto!
Fact
Its not the tittle that called you
Brilliant. More voices like Julia, please.
People take great pleasure in tearing down everything and all you've built up.
Who says what you made deserves to live? Lol
This is really good recommendation , Thanks Julia
Very beutifull explanation of how to develop constructiv communication with a positive attitude.
But it is impossible to have a constructive conversation with humanity.
Outstanding!
Very interesting and helpful. It's 2021 and humans are so advanced materialistically. Tech is at its peak and bringing people globally nearer. Sadly, and ironically, people were never farther before than they are now.
Thank you for this video Julia Dhar!
I should send this to certain family members
😂
Absolutely wonderful. Thank you.
Simple but really valuable ted talk
Listen, be heard, and understand...
This needs to go viral
A skill that humans are in desperate need of right now (for friendships, relationships and politically)!
Sadly most conversations seem to come from the perspective of an Olympic sport where 'winning' (never conceding to be wrong) is the only objective, whatever the cost!
A lot of people in the US political do not care about this skill. That is why a lot of fights now. Very destructive.
@@chaugg1 Indeed. Sadly seems a global problem right now!
@@BlackWolf-uk2yb yes but there are lots of people who stay with mienwqoalertrwqadrtuolmnbczasw2
Thank you 😊
Beautiful Content
True..The true spirit of conversation consists in building another man's observation
I feel like everyone needs to watch this and similar videos.
Because most of us have been badly raised by family, friends, TV, movies and by our foes.
If we all think this way, we can all start to understand each other.
Many social media sites are set to reward engagement, you know what's great for engagement? Very emotional people...
Easier said then done. Especially if in institutions the practice to clash and triumph are the modus operandi preferred and awarded.
It was assumed that increased connectedness would lead to more discussion and thereby convergence towards a more shared worldview. Instead people realized that it is now much easier to find people who share their opinions, so there is no need for discussion.
We need to talk thinking in things about we are same.
Checking in from the DMV
from what ive seen of debate coulture seems debating is about getting the right, rather than being right.
I enjoy my purposeless and meaningless existence.
Totally with u dude came back to this video to comment back
Don't we all
Ok
Would we be on the Ted channel if we truly enjoyed it...
You wanna debate on this!? 😂
Without fact less arguments hopeless.. but open mind discussions with both way analytics mindset always share purposes fulfilling...
She’s gorgeous 😍
Muito interessante, com certeza vai me ajudar
It was a very good Talk and a stimulus, prompting me to have a convo(constructive) with my Ex
Curiosity over Clash!
We past by the age of empathy before it began, but nice effort. There will always be room for those who practice it. Also, maybe it would be a good idea to show your examples of your dad having converstions with other people.
Exactly. Was the purpose of those conversations to understand someone's POV, or to understand a DIFFERENT POV.
enjoy your time
As long as I get everything I want, I guess constructive conversation could bo OK.
It's so damn good
Does anyone know where to find any videos of her father's interviews?
I would actually love to watch these!
People are so egoistic that they wont stick to these methods. They mostly want to prove the other person wrong and thats where they're wrong. And imo online debates are the worst
Awesome speach and it should be used against the cancel culture and censorship ideologies currently taking centre stage.
Freaking brilliant PoV
I never thought about it exactly that way before, what can you share that will help me see what you see
Her words are as beautiful as her looks.
Mostly it's not a conversation, more like an argument. People just wanted to win the argument but not to find the common ground.
Revolutionary
Constructive consumer,note.
What is that other UA-cam channel she mentioned? I can't find it :(
life is empty and meaningless until you see a possibility
I can barely concentrate on the information she is saying because of her beauty.
Yes! haha me too!!!!!
These tactics I believe are workable in conversations, but not in debates. I liked the half-American/Aussie accent btw
Summary : I never thought about it exactly that way can you share that would help me see what you see :Use while suffer from different perspective
she so pretty
{ destruct, variables } = construct ?? conversations
Interesting
She sounds like a character from a cartoon or pixar movie
I would like if the subtitles were in Spanish, please.
Click on the gear icon on the lower right and then click on subtitle/CC and then click on Auto-translate which will give you a list of languages to choose from. Bear in mind that the translation may not be accurate.
Maybe I’m tripping here, but I’m waiting for Hannibal to appear in the middle of the talk to offer her help...
Unlikely friendships: Jon Stewart and John McCain (when he was The Maverick).
I know I need thia
That's quite lovely...
Almost a noble sentiment. However, progress is nebulously defined. While one could determine it to be "mutual understanding" other people will view it as furthering their political agenda and have this reinforced by her choice to be somewhat mocking with "and boy, do some people's beliefs seem to persevere". The whole thing risks being a ploy. She phrases people who disagree with you as potential allies, rather than the conversation opening you up to their perspective and being their allies. And she ends with expressing it in terms of "world class persuaders", suggesting that the aim is to persuade rather than to be persuaded or just to understand. If you stress getting your way (even accidentally), then you aren't respecting people for the sake of respecting people.
Good
There is no conversation at all when the other party simply makes law with the stroke of a pen! Any chance of debate is then null and void!
so, learning something from someone you don't agree with or like, isn't it like learning biased opinions? i really don't get it.
gooood
Thanks
What if the other person isn’t interested in talking to you
Don't use Twitter, Reddit and don't try to debate on UA-cam, that's for sure.
me and my past trauma watching this video because i cannot deal with these type of convos.
10:38
nice
O seven gönlüne kurban olayım
Where are her dads videos?
Someone ate a yellow lollipop before the video
Her eyes ...
Imagine watching a video on how to communicate with your specie.
Step 1: Be a Human Being.
To be Human does not take time.
It is not of time. It is not the result of time or the things of time.
It is not the result of any process.
It is not the result of any method, ritual, or diet.
It is not the result of any chemical.
There is no path to it.
It happens effortlessly and choicelessly...faster than the speed of light.
Moreover, it is once and for all, now and forever.
i created Jacob's Ladder to help people be Human. Takes less than 90 minutes.
I can tell how much creamer she puts in her coffee based on the color of her tongue.
WHAT. I'M DYING 🤣🤣
haha, yeah
I noticed the colour of her tongue immediately and couldn't stop looking! I was scrolling through the comments to see if I was imagining it or not 😂.
👍
The problem is that I'm always right
@@davidbattaglia2893 cool, post your number
You don't just need to be right, you also need to be effective
Sending to my ex wife
😂
Sometimes you see your conversation could have been more constructive.
Isn't this topic known as emotional inteligence? Or maybe is a combination of that and common sense? In this competitive world an enjoyable conversation seems to be labeled as a useless waste of time.
These days, need an entire documentary or two as a basis to answer that question..especially with corporate media and cancel culture constantly skewing the narrative and priorities.