'I Used To Be A TERF'
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- Опубліковано 25 вер 2024
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Cis people ask some trans questions, and there's a surprise apology
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/ @jammidodger
My straight Grandmother encountered everything from World War II and Vietnam to 9/11. If she can comprehend and treat trans individuals with empathy, it's not unreasonable to invite younger feminists to be kind to trans people. Hopefully this de-TERF trend can continue.
@T_R_TiffanyRose95 According to The National Health Care Service (NHS) and the National Library of Medicine, Gender dysphoria is a medically recognized medical condition.
@@BatAmerica The NHS has also given infected blood from America to British patients. Do you believe everything the government says is true?
@T_R_TiffanyRose95 With respect, that's a false equivalence. Schizophrenia is caused by stressful environments and genetics. Delusions and hallucinations contradict reality and while both can lead to social isolation, Gender Dysphoria is caused by either physical characteristics such as polygenetic inheritance (misformed genitals) or psychological traits such as gender (what you are on the inside) vs biological sex. Gender Dysphoria is a byproduct of these factors and the common treatment is addressing those needs.
@T_R_TiffanyRose95with *no* respect - you also don't fucking treat schizophrenia by just being rude, yelling at them that the distress they are going through isn't real and they should just suck it up and ignore "the voices"
being kind and establishing trusting relationship with a patient is *always* a part of therapy
every person has different experience with their illnesses and every illness has different treatment, stop comparing oranges to apples
@T_R_TiffanyRose95you got two substantive comments addressing your claims, and instead of engaging with them, you instead decided to only focus on a single swear word as opposed to the substance of it. So much for "being factual". Look at yourself, this is just embarrassing.
Also, your comment showed up as "1 minute ago" for me and it already had one like by that point. Liking your own comments much?
About preferred names: i work in the medical field and we do require legal names on documents, but we add notes to profiles and always use a client's preferred name/ pronouns when speaking with them. Its not that hard to respect someone.
You are doing a great service to the trans community. A lot of my doctors don't read that stuff so it's just " WILL 'deadname' COME TO THE DESK" on the intercom completely outing me to the room of people there.
This is so important! It's a little thing but for me is a way to establish whether I can trust someone with my health care or not. My med records include my legal name and preferred name. I'm okay correcting once, but if even a receptionist continuously misgendered/birth names me, I will walk out. Why should I trust a medical practice with my actual bodily health if they can't offer basic respect my mental health?
You'd be surprised. I have a trans specialist doctor, who works for the local university family doctor office and despite having my "prefered name" the admins would EXCLUSIVELY refer to me as my dead name. Nurses and doctor are great though
@@Chameleon_Cat Ugh, yeah, I get deadnamed and misgendered so much, even though my "preferred" name and gender are in my file.
and if any establishment can cope with women taking their husband's surname, and reverting to maiden name after divorce and changing their title from Miss to Mrs to Dr to Ms, it can cope with changing to preferred names.
The substitute teacher using the deadname is ridiculous. I remember in school, the register would be ammended all the time so that "Thomas" was called out as "Tom" and similar, so there's clearly a way of ammending it! If it's not noted correctly, it's as simple as a quick sorry followed by a correction
Yeah I use a shortened version of my middle name and my school 40+ years ago coped as well.. tho the subs did sometimes trip up on register they always tried to remember to use the right name once I explained ..plus its just easier to say!!
Because now that trans kids are coming into the equation (as if they weren’t already there before) that now they take issue with it. It really was as easy as changing the name in computer or a teacher asking a students preferred name, and it still is but they doing so would mean they’d eventually have to concede to the trans kid who asks for this same level of respect.
In the United States, if a child in the school system wants to use a nickname, the school has to report it. (Only in some states, but still)
Knew a person who changed their name between years of sixth form and absolutely no one had an issue with it. Legally they were still "L" but it was noted on the register "goes by "F"". Our registers were digital so the notes section was quite prominent.
@@goofydog-ig2pd Land of the free, am I right? In all seriousness, I don't think a day goes by where I don't learn a brand new reason be be thankful I wasn't born in the US... or Britain for that matter.
even if the kid was punished by the school for 'inappropriate' language, that's detention level, a suspension for that is insane
In a truly fair system, the substitute would have been fired with a black mark put on their hiring record and the student would have zero consequences, but I agree with you on the detention vs suspension in the case of swearing.. or what my school did and give her in school suspension (ISS) when I called my social studies teacher an “idiotic asshat with trust issues” after she marked my correct answer as wrong (on a very very heavily weighted and important test) and then accused me of lying and started screaming at me for being a bad person trying to scam her when I brought it up.
@@CraftyVeganomg I came here to reply but your comment is amazing lol. Top shelf insult
@@CraftyVeganYeah. In my school the only consequences for swearing was being kept inside the recess because you said a naughty word or a simple "We don't use that kind of language here"
@@idiotically-everything oh for sure. I had been kept inside or kept from whatever “fun” event for accidentally letting a “shit” or “dammit” slip, but that time was the only time I had intentionally directed my anger (and swear word) directly at a person. As an adult looking back, I prolly shouldn’t have said it like that, but she accused me of using my blue pen to erase my black, inked-in answer and somehow magically make it look flawless in the 8 seconds between her handing it back and me noticing the mistaken mark 🙄
It really was a matter of me going up to her quietly and mentioning that she seemed to have mis-marked my paper and would she please check that answer again… and she just lost it 👀
So I got shitty with her and threw my binder in the binder stack and walked out of the room with both middle fingers up and deposited myself directly in front of the principal’s office 😅
I (ironically) found out about 20 years later that I am autistic 🤷
You would think, but my high school nearly suspended me for over a month "for doing something really bad" to my bully *without even checking I was in school on the day in question*. Which I wasn't, verifiably wasn't, but I was being ignored when I tried to point out I couldn't have done something to my bully in the school bathroom when I was in another state. I mean the trip I was on was only in the district newsletter and I only had a pre-approved excused absence.... After someone finally figured out I wasn't in school they dropped suspending me for over a month and...made her sit out of cheerleading at one football game.
So being accused of something? Over a months suspension before even hearing their side to the story. Falsely accusing someone of the same thing? Sit out of one sports event.
With the name things at school. Imagine a kid being like "Yeah, my name is technically Anabella, but I prefer Bella. It makes me feel more comfortable" and the teacher just being like "What? No! Its Anabella! That's your name, you can't change it!"
“What?! Your name is Alexander but you just want to be called Alex?! What would your parents think of you destroying the name they graced you with?!”
@thatonearoace "actually, my parents call me Alex all the time..." "That's it ALEXANDER you're suspended!!"
actually this happened to one of my classmates years ago 🙄
Transphobia has gotten so bad that this is now actually a thing. In some jurisdictions no deviation from the given name is accepted without the parents express permission. So yeah sorry if you like your name shortened or prefer nickname.
Hell, I remember someone in high school back in the 90s who went by the name Thor. I don't remember any teacher, substitute or otherwise, not calling him that.
THE TITLE IS EVERYTHING! Also, a person acknowledging their narrow-mindedness and apologising? Will wonders never cease?
A small, pride-month miracle!🎉
I was a neo n*zi and I'm incredibly sorry for the things I did in my later teens. I live with it every day, now look at me a trans woman trying to live in a world that wants me gone. Fitting isn't it
@@nataliewood8930 insecurity and denial make fools of us all. You escaped and found your truth. That’s intimidating to the insecure people who need to be in control, because you are your own person. Good job! 👏
@@nataliewood8930character development
We have respect for people willing to admit when they’re wrong.
I work as a private tutor, and had one time when a referral company called me up and said they had a student available for me,"but she's trans." I found out that this kid hadn't been able to get tutors because she was trans, and people apparently refused to teach her. Her mum was respectful of her pronouns, but didn't like the name she chose for herself, so called her something different?? (It was so weird. To her mum I had to call her 'Bella' and to her I had to call her 'Amanda'.) She was a delight to teach, and the company started to refer more trans kids to me, as well as other queer kids. It's awful how little support they get.
Who has a problem specifically with the name Amanda?? That's so weirdly specific.
@@Gormathius I'm gonna guess, maybe the mother had a bully or a really shitty teacher or coworker or boss named Amanda?
or less charitably the mother was angry that her daughter didn't pick/ask the name mom would have named her kid if she'd known at birth that she had a daughter, since mother seems fine with the kid being trans, just not okay with the self-appointed name part.
I know that my dad would probably have been sad if I'd picked a name that isn't derived from my deadname's (Lydia, as in the iron age kingdom where Croesus is from) diminutive, because he was a frecking nerd and made a history reference out of my name and won a "guess the baby's sex" contest with my mom to get to name me. (I also happen to adore his nerdiness so I just decided to go by Lee so I can explain the reference chain because it may be my deadname but it goes pretty hard as a historical reference to be named after the place renowned for inventing coins.)
So maybe that's (a personal attachment to "Bella") a more charitable explanation of why the mother is so insistent on THAT first name instead of the choice her daughter picked?
This is awful. What difference does it make to a tutor? Just do your job.
@T_R_TiffanyRose95 Wow, such a strawman fallacy. These teachers didn't want to teach trans children not because they "feared" to lose their jobs. It's just because they didn't want to teach these children for being trans. It's simple as that. Racist teachers didn't want either to teach Black and Asian children during racial segregation era, so what's the difference when a teacher is a homophobe or a transphobe? I don't like how teachers are treated today but let's not pretend that teachers don't have power over students. Say your transphobic stupid nonsense as much as you want, while pretending to "protect children". But it's a fact you don't give a single fuck about children, when they are abused and kicked out from their homes for being gay/trans.
@T_R_TiffanyRose95 Easy mistake to make, but being trans actually isn't an ideology. Ideologies are political, being trans is a scientific category. That would be like saying "the ideology of climate change" which honestly doesn't make sense. Hope this helps!
Good news for trans Floridians! A judge ruled every trans law null, so they cannot apply. Florida (at least for now) is a better place for trans ppl! A win!!!!!
Extremely based judge. Hopefully the anti-trans bills stop (or atleast slow down)
FLORIDA?!
That's great news, I keep a list of all states with anti-trans laws for gender affirming care and while it is normally depressing as I am constantly adding some, it is always a pleasure to take a state off that list.
🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’m not trans in the slightest, but HELL YES!
I don’t get the people who think being trans is a choice. When I was about ten, I thought about the way people treated gay people (it was the 90’s, and super bad) and realized no one would choose that. No one would look at the world the way that it is and say “you know what? I think I’ll be gay. Everyone makes fun of gay people, it’s apparently fine to fire people for being gay, and some people will just straight up kill you about it. That’s what I feel like doing! That’s what I want for me!”
So yeah. I was ten, it was the homophobic 90’s, and I put that together. People thirty years later and older than me insisting trans people choose to be trans are pretty freaking stupid, if you ask me.
Not to mention the fact that the regret rate of transitioning is literally less than 1% if it was really some mass hysteria you really think they’d still be happy with it the rest of their lives??? You’re telling me it’s not real when so many people are provably better off??
@@emilyjohn2034 yeah and i find it kind of weird that people insist on not allowing gender conforming surgeries, but the regret rate for that is around 1% and the average regret rate for typical surgeries is 14%, and the regret rate for plastic surgeries is 62%, yet people don’t want to stop those. so many people will say that they’re just trying to protect people from doing something they regret, but it’s just being transphobic, it’s still surprising how many people are transphobic
I have actually helped de-TERF a TERF recently.
It's been a very reassuring, hopeful experience. Hope she sticks with it... but she's been respecting pronouns and identity so far, soooo...
Finger's crossed!
wikiHow when?
@@spook6394I love this comment we NEED a wikiHow
Fingers crossed 🤞
How did you do it?
My strategy is to focus on biological sex being binomial, not binary. My degree is a bachelor of science in zoology, so it is my strength. From here, intersex and transgender are logical.
Also reassuring people that nobody is giving children hormones or surgery, except in very uncommon scenarios with parent and child consent, and only down to age 16 as with any other cosmetic surgery type thing. And that puberty blockers for trans children are used for much shorter time than what they were designed for (precocious puberty), and the only non consensual surgery happening is on intersex babies (and circumcisions, but that is a whole other thing too, with the religious aspect.)
I mean, before I knew anything about biological sex determination in humans, transgender (the word, what it meant, anything), or the term TERF, I had actually believed something similar to what TERFs do. Not in an angry defensive way, but just based on my general, basic knowledge of sex determination, my ignorance of how many factors are actually at play, and my personal disinterest in gender at all. But once I learned the more technical details of the biology and the sociological definitions/implications of gender separate from that, my ignorant, TERF-like understanding vanished, since my stance was only based on understanding and did not affect how I treated people. I was more of the stance, “I do not understand this, but as long as it is regulated and safe, it’s not my business and as long as we treat each other with mutual respect, I have no problem respecting pronouns and preferred names.” Now that I understand, instead of worrying about if someone is *”actually”* male or female (as in, ASAB), I am able to accept the ambiguity and trust the other person’s stated pronouns. It is much simpler and less stressful when you are willing to make a mistake and be corrected, and know it is just part of biology!
Nothing what you wrote makes sense. Trans "feelings" are not corroborated by biology, at all.
You've joined a cult.
For the first story as a trans student in the UK, you don't need a legal name for the registration, it can be changed mine is my preferred
Eh, "back in my day" the teachers called us by our *_Last_* names, so the whole "preferred name" issue wouldn't even come up... 🙂
i feel sorry for you
wait why? @@Mendips
@@goreilla4717 cuz my man's British
@@Mendips oh yeah lol, That's sad
Former TERF here. I thought it was about women rights, found out it was about being gratuitally mean to struggling people and ceased to be that.
Thank you, from a trans person. 🫂
I love people who change their minds when they get more information about what is REALLY happening. Thanks for being willing to grow out of that hateful ideology.
@@ChairDancerReacts I grew up in a very right wing place, so after I discovered that I was bisexual and finding out about vocally feminist women I was caught up with that. Then that TERF fad started and I was caught in it. I saw some trans friends suffer because of that and I questioned myself.
Good on you! I’m a feminist and a trans ally. You can definitely be both. ❤ I’m glad you’re here
@@This_RuthIsOnFire I'd argue you can't be just one. If you're not both then either one you choose is very surface-level
the parent of the suspended child needs to skip the emails and request an in-person meeting with the principal and/or the district superintendent. i don't know what was said in the email back-and-forth but if there is documentation that the official school policy is a substitute teacher can deadname and misgender a student (who is correctly named and gendered by the rest of the school staff) and the STUDENT is punished for affirming their identity, that sounds like a slam dunk lawsuit that the ACLU would *love* to take on. respect is a two-way street and a teacher, substitute or otherwise, cannot command respect and absolute authority while simultaneously disrespecting a student's identity and preferences.
I disagree that it needs to be in person. Far better to force them to write out whatever their logic is, for two reasons: It's a lot easier to keep a clear head if you're emailing (because you can read the email, get as heated as you want in person, and then simmer down and think things through before composing your reply), and it's extremely good evidence of their viewpoint if it does go to court. Whether it's all some utterly wild misunderstanding (unlikely, I know, but possible) or the school being a sack of awful, the delay and permanence of email are both just so useful.
Nah, emails means a paper trail if they sue for discrimination
I don't understand why people are not taking advantage of these atrocious laws being passed in America and the UK. The second they try to ban mention of "sexuality and gender identity" I will demand malicious compliance. If anything remotely related to lgbt+ is not going to be allowed than i will insist that the law be followed for any gender identity or sexuality and they seem to forget that includes being straight and cisgender.
Straight people don't seem to realize how blatant straight sexuality is in our culture. Heterosexual couples everywhere in the media, in advertising, in everyday conversation. Heterosexual men and women casually talking about their spouses with no circumspection at all, even promoting straight marriage constantly. It amounts to total-immersion indoctrination.
Oh I saw a story of some glorious malicious compliance for that. I don't remember what age/age range the teacher taught, but the district/county/whoever passed a ruling that parents must be informed 30 days (roughly, don't remember exact details) beforehand whenever anything, or anyone, LGBT was going to be brought up. So she complied. Teaching about the history of computers? Well Alan Turing was gay, better inform the parents she would be mentioning a gay person. Colonial/early American history? Well she better inform parents Alexander Hamilton wasn't straight. Talking about the presidents? Oh boy, so many names to mention. Apparently the school begged her to stop doing it because it was making parents uncomfortable that their kids were being taught about people who weren't straight and they (the parents) didn't need to know because it wasn't relevant to the history (like duh), and she only needed to inform parents if she was teaching the students about the person's identity. Except the ruling said if you would be teaching about anyone who was LGBT, so she kept following it until the ruling was rescinded.
@@barrylangille3523
Guy in cartoon going "awoooga" at a pretty lady and making a "boyoyoying" sound when he's body goes stiff: biggots: "oh how silly"
2 female characters holding hands and calling each other girlfriends: bigots "HOW DARE YOU EXPOSE MY KIDS TO THIS, STOP $€XUAL!$!NG AND GR00W!NG CHILDREN"
"Ladies and gentlemen..."
"Hold it right there, thise are gendered terms, cease it immediately or I will report you to the authorities "
"Disrespecting the authority of the teacher"
No gods, no masters, no substitute teachers. 🏴🏴☠️🏳️⚧️
I was outed to my parents by my conservative work coach, and my parents are fine with it, but im not happy about being outed...
Edits: The work coach is from a company that helps people (mostly disabled and neutodiverget people) to find jobs. One of the co-founder is supposedly from the opus dei sect. They are the one who outed me.
I'm a social activities group with them, and the workers there respect my name and pronouns. Also, I'm leaving the orientation at the end of this month and the social group in the next one.
I'm not from the UK or US.
Also, thanks for the support.
i'm so sorry that happened
Fuck ya coach, at least ya parents are cool with it
@prageruwu69 don't worry. I'm ok. 😊
You have every right to be mad at your workplace, frankly, your parents should be mad at them too.
Damn, that’s absolutely awful
Jammi, there are LOADS of us older lesbians who got fed up with the authoritarian bullshit surrounding "TERF" and so decided to sit down, shut up and actually LISTEN to some actual trans people! I know for my wife and I when we claimed to be "terf" we ALWAYS said right up front that we supported FULL rights for trans people, we just didn't understand certain things and being OLDER (I'm 57, she's 65), we were very out of date with modern feminism. Personally I am grateful to PhilosophyTube for helping me understand. Anyway, plenty of us oldsters are trying our damn best to get up-to-date, at the very least in order to stop giving energy to the authoritarian, right-wing ogres. We're listening, we're thinking, we're reading, we honestly are trying if anyone wants to give us a bit of grace, undeserved as it may be.
Common philosophytube win.
Kudos for being willing to learn and change! Now comes the hard part... speaking to others in your demographic who haven't yet come around. The challenge for any marginalized group is that those entrenched against them aren't willing to listen. You can do an amazing amount of good speaking to your peers and at least getting them thinking and exploring. And you already have some great resources that you know can have impact. Best of luck out there!
Out of genuine curiosity, what was the final straw for you, that made you realize how authoritain the TERF bs is?
@@CorwinFound Well I know this will probably sound crazy but I think it really helps (us) for being "radical feminists" in the old style, way back when trans-people were (misunderstood but) accepted in the struggle. I mean, historically there was so much more solidarity amongst marginalized groups. Poor whites stood shoulder to shoulder with enslaved Africans trying to overthrow the sick status quo and even after the civil war and jim crow and all that, over and over we saw instances of poor people of all "races" coming together. In that same spirit, we had solidarity in that first pride flag. Still, even within these examples, there are spots of hatred. It's shameful how we humans cling to our fears.
We're stronger together. Look, I think part of the resistance to the transgender struggle is fear of discovering something about OURSELVES. I've been a "bearded lady" for almost 20 years and for about 2 years, maybe 3 I've comfortably seen myself as "non-binary" because after learning more about transgender people and what that means and who they are and finally realizing there is no "they", there is only "us" and some of us need the gender binary, many of us do not and I reckon a shit load of people being so awful towards transgender people are scared to death to recognize that #1 "gender" is an imaginary construct that has NEVER been the same thing throughout history and #2 recognizing they might hold within themselves a greater gender variation than they ever thought about.
I mean...if I believe I deserve to live my life without fear, live my life wearing the clothes I enjoy andbeing as I am, who the fuck am I to stand in the way of ANYONE who just wnat the same damn thing?
Frankly, and I know this is not something I can express very well on the fly on a YT comment but many, many, many of us old school radical feminists NEVER wanted all this bad, horrific shit for trans people. For a trans woman,me saying "it's complicated" sounds like bullshit, I get that. I'm really sorry for how things are now, sorry because my malformed opinions were out there in the world for a while and it was all IGNORANCE, never ever hatred. I didn't understand anything, I didn't even know what questions to ask!
THANK GOD for PhilosophyTube! Seriously! That woman has done more good for this world than most people will EVER realize! ALso, thank you Jammidoger! And Ty Turner (dear lord I have the biggest crush on that young man. ) I wish I knew more transpeople in my real life. I wish I could have some real, honest conversations about our lives.
Anyway, some of us are trying as hard as we can. My body is old but my mind, my heart, my way of thinking, all of that is still supple, still open and curious. Many of us are, please dont assume jsut because we're old dykes that we somehow just automatically hate you.
thank you. im non binary and only some times i can tell proudly that i'm a lesbian
I’ve always hated this double standard where a teacher can behave as disrespectfully toward a student as they please with little to no consequence so long as they don’t cross over any legal boundaries. But if a _student_ pushed back toward that behavior, they receive all the punishment regardless of the reasons that pushed them to be disrespectful. It’s this demand for students to be compliant and quiet above all else, even when they’ve been fundamentally disrespected as a person, that just agitates me even without the added transphobia.
while it's easier for the student to get punished, you can get a teacher fired if you report them enough to the principal in america
Just don’t talk back to the teacher it is stupid to they are older and you are a dum kid
I had a long-term sub who suddenly was replaced due to “family issues” after throwing a tissue box at an honor student (I mention this, because it may have increased the likelihood that the student was believed). So there are consequences for certain behaviors, at least in some districts.
Sometimes, when people say respect, they mean to treat somebody as a person. Sometimes, they mean to treat somebody as an authority. These kinds of people say "treat me with respect and I'll treat you with respect," but what they actually mean is "treat me like an authority or I won't treat you like a person."
4:49 Some faculty members in school used to get this power trip by shutting down a student’s decision and this ‘don’t argue back’ nonsense when all you’re doing is trying to piece together the truth.
It feels like the sub was on a power trip.
Right, saying "ideology" is a way of dehumanizing the people by reframing our existence as a philosophical concept
as the eternally right Sir Terry Pratchett once said “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.
“It’s a lot more complicated than that . . .”
“No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
“Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes . . .”
“But they starts with thinking about people as things . . . ”
I'd rather say: We all have an ideology, because it's just a World view... just that "trans ideology" is less hurtful to ALL people then term ideology. And that's a good thing xD
As a transgender girl in school I don’t understand why they can’t change the name in he register as mine has been and I’ve not been able to go on hormone blockers let alone oestrogen because of turf parents
yeah same situation here, it really sucks. I havent even gotten an appointment to see anyone yet and its been over a year since i came out
Idk maybe it is a software issue or something. Cuz a friend of mine tried to get his deadname changed to his preffered name on the register (which was supposed to be easy peacy lemon squeasy). Later he got deadnamed in class (after leagally changing his name) because the crappy software hadn't properly updated his name/school email (that he himself couldn't change on his own). ):
In Texas (I'm sure that's not where this is because of the rules here), we legally have to keep their legal name on the system and there's nowhere in the system for preferences. I hate it because it makes it harder on teachers. This is a conservative state so there are a lot of kids that aren't out to their parents. If their parents ask us, we legally have to tell them. If a parent says we have to call a kid who still lives at home (18+ or not) by whatever name the parent wants us to. Many teachers do not bother with preferred names and pronouns simply because the law has made it so difficult for us to support them without risking our jobs. There are also a lot of teachers who refuse to do it because they are anti trans and unless the parent directly tells them to call a child by their chosen name, they don't have to. Subs are often not going to because they aren't going to be there more than one day.
I dont get why she cant get her name legally changed but got on hormones as minor? in finland changing your name legally is usually the first and easiest step.
@@sntt3404 The cruelty is the point unfortunately. "Conservative" all too frequently just means " authoritarian bully". My country (South Africa) has its fair share of problems, including a literal 25 _year_ waiting list for government assisted GRS, but I hadn't even changed my name legally yet and my bank and several other places just went "Oh, you don't go by your legal name? That's okay, lets update your account to reflect that! Let us know when you've got your new ID and we'll update that too! Have a great day, miss!" I don't understand why it has to be made so difficult in some places.
I left the echo chamber of "terfblr" in late 2017 early 2018 after my mental health severely declined and I was hospitalised. Once my mind was clear, I found Kat Black + you at the same time and became my old not-hating self again! Pretty sure I left a comment like this at the time thanking you, so again, thank you all amazing folks
Trans guy here! I lost one of my best friends to terfblr years ago and it's clear how much it further isolated her and tanked her mental health and view on humanity. Proud of you for getting out of that! It takes a strong and compassionate person to face that and make a positive change. Amazing job helping other people get out of that dark place too. So much respect!! ✌
I used to be a transphobe and homophobe too because I was basically raised in a Christian echo chamber. I realized that the problem was that I never actually took the time to listen to trans people experience... It was always through sensationalist articles and tv news but talking irl to people really opened my eyes. And also.. reading actual books on the subject is fundamental instead of listening to weird podcasts.
My apologies for being an a***le for a couple of years.
On behalf of pan trans guys I will accept your apology if you atone by looking back at where you come from every couple years and let yourself feel proud of your ongoing personal growth until it's hard for you to even see who you once were in the hindsight mirror, despite knowing it was there before.
Also excellent pfp.
And so, another adequate person was lost
@@Peace_Through_Tyranny Judging by your nickname, how much money did Kremlin pay you? I hope it was enough!
@@peachesandcream22 Not every russian homophobe loves Kremlin. I don't support Putin basically because he is foolish leader who started war having army in awful state
Geting tired of giving second chances to your kind...
Im training to be certified as a teacher in Ontario, Canada. The main thing we are taught over and over and over again is that the priority of the school is on the STUDENT, not the TEACHER. If something happens, you take care of the student first, not the teacher’s feelings!
i feel bad for you
@@Mendips I don’t need your feelings.
@@Vesperitis yes you do, you work at a Canadian school.
@@Mendips As opposed to you, who doesn't work.
If only more Canadian school teachers had been like you back when I was in Elementary.
The public school system gave up on me (to the point of using me to babysit kindergarteners instead of educating me) because of my neurodivergence (ADHD, Dyslexia, and emotional instability), and my mother ended up having to homeschool me (because authoritarian "because I said so" never flew with me when I was a kid, and no amount of intimidation [detentions and threats of such] or browbeating [drawn-out arguments] would sway me otherwise - as a child, it was give me _sound reasoning_ for something, or I wasn't budging, and the teachers in the schools I went to _could not_ handle that and kept threatening to call social services if my mother didn't pick me up from school).
I'm going to admit, when I was a kid my first exposure to 'transgender' were those outrageous news stories about cismen using it to go into the wrong bathroom. So while I didn't give a shit about the bill since a bathroom is a bathroom, it also made me think that being transgender was an arbitrary choice people made. It wasn't until I got older that I learned what it really meant was "My body is different from my mind, and I'm trying to fix that."
Well it helped that I was open to learning things I didn't know, but I definitely did have those biases when I was younger so channels like yours make it a lot easier to overcome those initial biases and understand what I can help my trans friends/family with as an ally.
Thank you for talking about your experiences and creating a space for many others to share theirs too. I'm grateful to be able to learn from it.
I got misgendered by my coworker (wrong pronouns) and when I tried to correct she told me she doesn’t believe in my pronouns and told me to ‘respect’ her culture when I tried to gently explain :’) I worked with her for over a year and this is the first time this happened (started working there introducing my pronouns as they/them 2 years ago)
"Respect her culture" what was she on abouutt 😭 Imagine if she had a co-worker that was named Todd and she accidentally called him "Tom" or something, wouldn't the normal thing be "oh oops sorry Todd!" And go on about her day? Why do people act SO strange when it comes to pronouns, it makes no difference to them! I'm sorry she was so disrespectful to you :(
oh my godddd
the fact she fucking said that holy fuck
culture isn't something built off the rejection of a person's identity or existence. I bet this lady thinks nazism is culture ☠️
edited 4 typo B)
Misgender your coworker back consistently and see how she likes it. It’s *your* culture, after all!
I hope she gets fired
that's such a bs reason. YOUR identity is not HER business. she doesn't have any authority to decide who you are simply because of her culture!
The best way to overcome prejudice is to get to know and interact with people from that group. Years ago a friend of mine talked me into transmedicalism, which is TERF adjacent, out of a misguided sense of allyship for our transmasculine friend. Of course this belief was formed without his input. It wasn't until my friend actually spoke to a number of trans people that he found out transmedicalism is a form of exclusionism based on class and privilege. Transness is a spectrum, and not every trans person wants, needs, or can afford to transition in a very specific way deemed acceptable to heteronormative society.
This internalized transphobia hurt me most of all, as it was the biggest obstacle to my even questioning whether I might be trans. Had I known more trans people growing up, I might have realized my lived experiences weren't all that different from their own.
Some teachers are just awful. If a kid tells you my name is XXX you just go with it. When I was 11 (many many moons ago when the dinosaurs walked the earth) my family moved home and I went to a new school. One teacher there always changed my name Annegret to Annerose. Yeah Annerose it's pretty but it's not me, she could have called me Anne but no. I got in trouble first for correcting her, then for ignoring her and then for the last time for kicking her leg and screaming at her. Can't even imagine if someone would constantly misgender me on purpose.
i would have written that as "if a kid tells you 'my name is ______.'" i, personally, am NOT referring to anybody as "XXX"/j
@@NUISANCE_ANIMAL I'm old because to me XXX is moonshine, because that's what the booze in Looney Tunes cartoons was always drawn as... Ah, to be innocent again.
If any establishment can cope with women taking their husband's surname when they marry, and reverting to maiden name after divorce and changing their title from Miss to Mrs to Dr to Ms, it can cope with changing to preferred names
"Authority" is the final fallback of schools. In America, school is less about actual learning than drilling obedience into kids. So talking back can get you smacked down. Telling them they're wrong can do the same thing. Because submission is honestly more important to the structures than maintaining their façade of being an institution for betterment. That's why they will default to authority when no rules have been broken justifying a suspension.
A girl a couple years older than me argued with the 9th grade science teacher because he insisted pigs are herbivores and she was like "they're omnivores I've literally seen them eat their own young" and she was sent to the principal's office!
@@Kagomai15 holy shit the science teacher needs to go back to school as a *student* over that, I barely know anything about farm animals and I know that pigs eat anything, it's literally why the idiom is "eat like pigs", because they eat anything and ALL OF IT too.
@@Kagomai15yea pigs will eat the bodies of people who have passed :| how did he not know that?
also yea capitalism leads to this crap
@@Kagomai15 in middle school cookery class, the teaching assistant picked up a potato peeling from the workspace next to the one I was working at, while I was washing up the potato peeling I'd been using, asked me if the one she'd picked up was mine, and when I told her, quite correctly "no", she shouted at me for "answering back".
If that dipshit didn't want a "no" answer, she shouldn't have asked a question where "no" was a possible answer... no wonder that muppet was too stupid to be an actual teacher even at that stupid school.
I spent about half an hour almost every day of high school for arguing in my Catholic religion class.
Blahaj actually has commercials that show she is trans friendly and something about how Blahaj in commercials in some countries is transfemme
proof?
@@HarryLarsson-b2n
IKEA Canada (IKEA CA) offers the blåhaj in the trans colours, blue pink and white, to show support for the trans community
Edit: not separate colours, blue pink and white stripes on the same blåhaj
The parent should sue the school district.
unrelated but your profile picture is amazing 👌
Honestly, I think they shouldn't. If they lose the lawsuit, it would go viral and send the message that schools can deadname and misgender kids all they want in x country. If they win it'll do the opposite, but it's a gamble
@@prageruwu69 i think it's... pathetic /j
@thrarm don't you make object show videos? Why are you here?
@Xyc3248 I think their referencing the subtitle from the meme op is using as their pfp, hence the '/j' tone indicator :^)
HE PRONOUNCED BLÅHAJ CORRECTLY!!!
That's how you know you've hit the Trans Level Cap.
EDIT Or almost correctly, anyway
i just learned how to pronounce it
but i assumed it wasn't pronounced the way everyone pronounces it cuz i knew it was swedish
@@Verze4826
I learned it from Cliccy-Wiccy öh my göd!!!
As someone who is enby who likes pronouncing things in languages, I can confirm that I do this.
UNTIL the next DLC, of course! 😸
@@WhyEvenReadThis yo quick pronounce Liechtenstein
Responding to the last one, I think that a LOT of cis people don't understand how hard it is to be trans. I had a relative tell me that my "decision to become a girl" was thought through with my head more than my heart, which is actually hilarious. I don't know where that guy thinks society is, but it is NOT gonna make my life easier being a trans woman, or even just a woman. Can't beat old cis men 😂
Yep, like why would we decide to be trans when it puts an instant target on our backs? Like I did not come out as an aroace non-binary demiguy because it made my life easier. That's absurd.
Eyyy awesome pfp
They really think EVERY LIFE is as Easy as their own. Its so weird xD
As a mom and daughter of a teacher, I would suggest the parent in the first scenario bring her concerns up the chain of command if they aren't getting the response they should. They are treating this like "Kate is being called Katherine" and not with the seriousness one would expect. If this is a public school, they should take this situation up to the district or the media. I would also talk to the child about her wishes and go through scenarios with her about how changing schools might not necessarily solve the problem. If this sub was only there for a day, it would be hasty to leave the school over.
It's not just what the sub did though, it's the schools response as well.
@waffles3629 I agree, but we also need to look at this pragmatically. This child is 16, and all her friends are at this school, the school has been great up until this point with the regular teachers and administrators on board with the transition and what accommodations she requires. Pulling the daughter without a solid plan for her further education is hasty. Mom needs to approach this from a, "my child's 504 plan was not honored" angle and not from a disrespect angle, even though it was disrespectful and the admin's response was unacceptable. They are not seeing the problem so we need to change tactics and make them see this isn't a discipline issue.
Edit: I would strongly suggest that any parent of a trans kid set up a 504 plan (or local equivalent) with the school laying down what their pronouns are, new name, and how the child can self advocate within the classroom setting. Then they can say, "it's just Sam, not Samuel and my pronouns are they/them. You can check my 504 plan with the office." This is a legal document that sets down what the individual needs and can be extended into the workplace if need be.
Good on that ex-terf rejecting their wicked ways. It's fantastic that you helped that person overcome their bigotry!
5:14 In Canada there is a system where you can have your preferred name on most school documentation. My preferred name is even on my diploma!
My nb friend did that! They changed their name multiple times. (NOT because they couldn't figure out their identity, but because they want a good name) I miss them.
Just curious but when did they implement this?? OwO
@@magiasyuy idk but it was implemented at least by 2020? I also don't think it's exactly the same in every province and territory
@luckyowl9191 oh wow so its pretty recent :O still, great news! :) better late than never!! X3 (i just wish i had this over 15years ago)
Have a non-binary kid in middle school. At the beginning of the year, they asked EVERY kid their preferred name, and most kids go by not-their-legal-name, even the cis kids. It's so ingrained that I use their preferred name when calling in and excusing their absence from the school and it has never caused any problems. For everything EXCEPT the most legal forms, they use everyone's preferred names. It's Not. That. Hard.
Replying to myself to add: the thing that strikes me about these modern day accommodations for trans and non-binary people is that 99.99% of the time, they also improve the lives of cisgendered people. The cis kids also like having their chosen name used! "How do we handle this thing that in the past was split by gender now that we have non-binary kids?" ... Usually the answer is, it was dumb to split it in the first place, so just stop.
You used all the pride fabric?! How could you?! Now my Pansexual Panorama is ruined!!! 😂 Lol
I went by a name that wasn't my first name during public school ... it was never an issue. So aggravating that a teacher deadnamed the girl after she explained her preferred name!
The supportive parents warm my heart, the school p*sses me off and I'm glad the ex-TERF has come around.
having a parent that wants you to be happy would have been nice.
In the first story, the parent needs to make an appointment and go in and speak to them in person. They won't take it as seriously via email as they will if the parent comes in to speak to the principal, teacher, and councelor.
The mum asking if doing enough ... damn that was a full on cry moment
About the suspended daughter: Abusers are no authority! End of story. That teacher lost authority the moment he was abusive and thus she has NOT insulted a person with authority at all. She has defended herself against abuse and that school went and enabled an abuser, which speaks a lot on just HOW abusive abusers are if they manage to make the school's staff go into "fawn response". 🤦🏻♀️
"Shakespeare would have cried" is the funniest thing i've heard all week
Some people are soooo fixed on "cultural" norms and (let's be honest) genitals that they can't get themselves out of this mindspace. Trying metaphores and comparitions probably will not work. I'm cis and I know I don't "get" what being trans feels like (same as I don't know what it feels like being a black woman in Alabama, or a refugee, you get the drill). I usually limit myself to explain that calling someone by chosen name is easy, everyone knows a "Bob" who goes by "Bubba" or an "Anne" who prefers her middle name "Stacy", and nobody has a problem with this, so if "Tom" asked you to call him "Mary" from now on you can do it. This surface level approach will not help them understand, but they might not be pricks in day to day life, and for me that's a win.
I like to use my dad as an example more than "Bob" goes by "Bubba", because it's closer in experience to a deadname:
My dad's legal name was Rejean. He was abused by his Catholic foster family, and they justified it a LOT with God this and god that. It's left him with religious trauma and his legal name is a trigger that makes him remember that abuse.
He went by Reggie, a nickname that he got working at a lumber mill at 16 to buy his own school textbooks to homeschool himself with (as his foster family refused to let him get educated past elementary level), and the name that literally all of his friends knew him by.
I got to see him have to answer a government call once and he was addressed by his legal first name, and I saw him flinch and grimace visibly. He was 47 when that happened, I think. If my dad, one of the most patient, non-complaining and easygoing dudes I've known, wasn't able to hear his legal first name in an official context without that flinch and grimace, that means that there's people out there whose choice of name isn't just a matter of just "I like "Stacy" better."
That's what a deadname can be to trans people: all the cumulative trauma associated with being called that name as they're stuck enduring it without being able to escape it yet.
@@neoqwerty oh yes. Use my full name you get that flinch. It tells me someone doesn't know me, and it was always used when I was in trouble in a very toxic household by lilkely NPD/abusive mother during a very horrible childhood filled with emotional trauma.
That is why I totally get the deadnaming thing, although it's not the same, I suspect it's far more deep and dysphoric than what I felt and as a cis person I cannot know that.. But yes, names can bring bad memories flooding back.
I used to ignore my full name if people used it, until they questioned it or thought I was deaf, and I'd be like 'no, it's Tim, please don't use that name'. It made the point, they usually didn't do it again. So yes, they can for others too.
Blå haj (blahaj in one word whif no å in your keyboard) is bleu shark in swedish and the soft toy is from Ikea. Thanks for explaining that its the colors that make trans people like them. This toy has been sold for like 20 year's.
blåhaj is one word
@@HarryLarsson-b2n Second this. Swedes struggle with särskrivning. 😆
@@3_m_1_7 yes thank you
@@SandraLugn-nc1rk Now I feel bad. Sorry!
Also your OP. 👍
I don’t think I should be here this early- 😭😭😭
ME NEITHER LIKE LESS THAN 5 MINUTES??
I was thinking the same XD
REAL
The early bird gets the worm ig
Early birds! 🐦 🐦
🎵Hey! Teacher! Leave that kid alone!
All in all you're just a-
another brick in the wall!🎵
What song is this again?
Another brick in the wall-Pink Floyd, if I'm not wrong
@@Just_a_smol_duck yes. Thanks. Also, it's pt. 2 specifically. Found it on Spotify
@@Just_a_smol_duck (also the bit about "that kid" is a paraphrase. The song uses "the kids" 🧐)
@@irrelevant_noobthem kids* if you really want to be knit picky
Edit; it’s more about the message, not if they get the lyrics completely right
At one point, IKEA Canada also had a Blahaj available for trans kids that was in the trans flag colors and I'm sad they aren't more widely available.
That first story really peeves me because schools are supposed to teach HOW to get to the correct answers instead of memorizing correct answers. That school seems to know what the "right" answers are (using preferred name/correct pronouns) but don't understand the damage transphobia causes (if they understood, they'd do exactly as Jaimie pointed to and punish the teacher.)
Good thing I was taught to show my work instead of just trying to show an answer.
Often schools can be far more preoccupied with the rules, discipline & 'respect' for authority, due to a fear if kids can argue with teachers whether they are right or wrong the whole thing will fall apart. The story in the video makes me think of schools where if you're involved in a fight you get an automatic suspension, whether or not you started it or were just defending yourself/a friend ect. This happened to a mother's daughter, who was defending herself (& winning) against a few boys who were trying to bully her. The mother argued against it, & the principal understood but still said they still had a zero tolerance to fighting & she was still suspended. So the mother said it was ridiculous, but in that case if that was what they were going to do then she was taking her daughter out for treats & ice cream on the day of her suspension. 😉👌
I’m cis, and I have two Blåhajs
Nice
I think they canceled out
@@thatonearoace Ah yes! The paradox where 1 = trans ... therefore 1 + 1 = Cis!
get two more blåhajar so they can each have a partner
@@prageruwu69but they already have each other lol
About the disrespectful teacher, 1000 years ago in Sept 1979, 1st tutorial, 1st year of 2ndry school our teacher asked the 11 year olas if any of them preferred to be called something different to our names on the enrollment sheet. 1979 and she had no issue with it.
I'm a trans man who used to be a TERF.
Yes, I know it may sound insane but I actually was a part of this shithole for a year in the past (worst experience and time of my life, wouldn't recommend). I can't say exactly when it started but can say where - it was on Twitter. I genuinely enjoyed spending my time there because I was an introverted kid who really wanted to discussed his interests (series, anime, books) with someone and Twitter was not a bad place for it. I'm also a feminist and at that time was very engaged in it (trying really hard to be a woman and find any happiness in womanhood, didn't go well ha).
And somehow I ran into different posts of radical feminists. Initially there were various discussions about inequality and stupidity of patriarchal system, there was a lot of anger in those posts but like... understandable anger, it's sucks to have to deal with all of these issues. But after some time new topics came up on my feed: hating on men and trans people. And okay, I get it, sometimes men do horrible things and we should call them out, but often in those posts appeared the idea that all men are bad, they socialize that way and it's nothing wrong with hating all them no making any difference (aka KAM). Now I think that those statements pushed back my acceptance of my trans identity for several years because I hated men and was scared of them shitless. What they say about trans community is awful, the most awful for me now that I believed them. They make it look their "point of view" is the only right thing. They make you believe that trans people confirming to gender stereotypes (which is not true) and create "unnecessary" gender identities. They mock them, making fun of them and spread lies. And when you're a scared confused kid who desperately try to belong somewhere (for example, trans dude like me) you can get caught in their trap. It was really toxic, I never posted anything TERF-y or harassed anyone, just believe their views, but still I felt I was rotting inside. I still remember one of their posts when they discussed how lots of them "were trans guys" and thought that eventually my desire (longing even) to be a man will disappear. It didn't.
One day I decide to check out some trans creator (don't remember who) to look at the issue on different point of view. It was enough for me to become a trans ally, I was touched and also disgusted of my past self. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I left this constant state of hate, fear and anger, it was a relief. Looking back I think that it was some sort of twisted coping mechanism. Basically I hated myself and it took a long time to accept this important part of me. I like to be a man, I'm not ashamed anymore but it was a hard way to go. I wish I hadn't this shameful experience but unfortunately I did. And it makes my heart ache every time I see disgusting things TERFs say. It makes me really sad to see TERFs in queer community, place that I found comfortable for years. It sucks to see a big amount of TERFs in my country (Russia), because of it I afraid to come out not only to cishets but also to queer people (especially queer women). So I stay in the closet.
Happy Pride, trans folks, I love you so much, you're strong, powerful, unique, amazing and certainly enough. I wish all the best for each of you. (And sorry for any mistakes, my English is not perfect)
I respect that parent for not throwing hands at their daughter's school. My son has run into deadname problems at school twice. And both times turned out to be misunderstandings and blew over before I got an assault charge. Once a lunch lady asked my son's name and he said "do you want my real name or my legal name?" And the lunch lady thought she was being sassed. Which I think is pretty fair, my son can be quite sassy even when he isn't trying. And the other time was a substitute bus driver that missed the memo and called my son's deadname during roll. IIRC he corrected it as soon as my son said something. His school has been super about it and the only "issue" is that he can't use the boys bathroom and has to use the nurse's, but I honestly think that's safer for him and he waffles on whether he even wants to use the boys bathroom.
In the US, I've worked as a substitute teacher and a rule I was informed of with one district I worked with was disrespect of a substitute was an automatic in-school suspension. At minimum. Swearing at a teacher, even with cause, would be considered disrespecting a substitute's authority.
I give very good odds this young lady swore (and I get it), and the school likely wouldn't inform the parents if actions were taken regarding the teacher for legal reasons.
I think what you meant to say is that in the US, the system is structured to protect bigotry
@@LifeStrike2030
More accurately, the system is set up to protect and maintain the system. That absolutely includes bigotry, but bigotry isn't the primary thing being protected. Power is.
I was first raging xenophobe, but meeting right people changed me. First learned that nationality and race doesn't matter. Then learned that gays are not weirdos and perverts, but same as other people. Later learned that there is no "woke gay agenda", there is just people wanting to live decent life, be happy and safe. After that learned being gender-queer is okay, even guy in drag can be undistinguishable from cis woman and beautiful on their own merit...
And around year ago my egg cracked, that "magical pill that can change me into girl" I(27M) was dreaming of since 12 already existed long ago and there is nothing wrong in me thinking like that... too bad we got transition banned around the same time.
🦈🦈🦈🦈 actually, I don’t remember which way it was, but the anatomy of the plush is of one the 2 shark sexes (I don’t remember which one) but bloha (that’s definitely not how it’s spelt) is a gendered name corresponding to the sex that is not expressed on the plush, thus rendering the shark trans.
Also, big overlap in between trans and neurodivergent folk, and in my experience, all neurodivergent folk that I’ve crossed paths with knowingly at some point were fascinated by sharks
Well let me be the first neurodivergent trans person to say, I have 0 interest in sharks and shark adjacent creatures and never have had interest in such creatures (I have that phobia of deep water and water-based creatures)
@@OdinsSage wow, I think this is a first in the history of ever /lh
Also, sharks are misunderstood as violent and hostile creatures, when they're actually mostly chill. Same for trans people.
I'm a neurodivergent trans person and although (or perhaps because) the sea calls to me on a spiritual level I find sharks too mundane for my taste most of the time
That said I do have two Blahajar
I'm neurodivergent and genderfluid and also have no interest in sharks. Many other creatures and things in nature fascinate me though 😄 I do feel bad for sharks how much they've been demonised but I don't find them interesting.
I’m proud to not be a terf
Same :p
So the bare minimum?
I will say, I can respect when people who did/believed crappy things can at least say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong”. Like it would have been better if you didn’t do or believe those things in the first place, but at least you can own up to it now?
For real. And it's not like they can go back and change the past. But by making better choices now, they're helping the world be a better place.
I have noticed a surprising number of people in the wider LGBTQ+ community be unwilling to tolerate people who were at one point hateful but are now trying to improve themselves and it's disappointing to see tbh
i agree, in fact it truly does warm my heart to see that. saying i am sorry i was wrong is so so hard. and we have this all the time with little things in our life. it is easy to also fear being made fun of for it, but to stand up and say sorry derserves a medal and a hug!!
I have a lot of sympathy for people who unlearn bigotry and try to do better. Probably because i once used to be homophobic and transphobic too, iust because of the way I was brought up. Like hell my country criminalised "lgbt propaganda" a while ago and still compares the community to nazis to this day. I had to unlearn so much and then actually come to the realisation that I'm queer myself. I really can't blame someone for being bad in the past because that would be hypocritical.
Yeah I mean if they are too afraid or entrenched to say sorry/admit they were wrong then there's a chance they will keep doing the bad thing, or at least go along with or not challenge the bad thing, so it seems like a win either way. Change is scary.
Someone should write a joke story that's just Jamie working on all his businesses. Just like jokingly writing him making and running them. I feel like it would be hilarious because they were all awesome
Inb4 the self-employment fanfic becomes canon. Personally I would love an ace bucket hat 😅
The crab messiah used to be woven into the fabric of the universe, but is now here to spread the good word of the truth.
Thank you crab mesiah, *very cool👍*
🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
Quick question: are you the messiah of/for crabs or are you a general messiah of universal truth in crab form? I mean so many creatures have evolved into a crab form that either could be correct.
@@Italiangreenbean82 asking the real questions over here!
I had to have a horrible conversation with a family member a couple years ago.
The family member was a teacher at the time. They had a pupil who was exploring their gender identity. The young person had asked to be called by several different names and different pronouns over the course of the school year. The young person had been dead named by another teacher earlier in the day and was naturally upset. They had decided to take a protest of silence in terms of replying to the register. My family member and this young persons teacher called out their current preferred name. When they did not respond, another young person responded on their behalf and said that they were silently protesting to being dead named. My family member reacted in a similar way to the temp teacher and sent the young person out and berated them for insubordination. And the school punished the young person with suspension.
Said family member came home and told me what had happened and used transphobic language.
This made me angry. We had a long conversation about how inappropriate and unfair the language they had used was and discussed the confusion and need for support that young person had.
Said family member is no longer a TERF and hangs pride flags in the windows for all of June.
Omg... my name is legally changed (about 2 months now) but I still get people calling for "deadname" because nothing has caught up with anyone yet, especially in the VA, even though I've submitted all the imperative paperwork. I've gotten to the point where I answer them with "I don't go by that name anymore but this is the person your looking for." Thankfully most people are perfectly accepting of this and correct themselves but it's still really annoying that I even have to tell them this.
I used to be a terf too. Mainly because I was barely going into high school and was only hearing the negatives about trans women being “biological men in women’s sports,” and how they would dominate. Now I really don’t care what anyone does lol.
Also I’ve been waiting, I really really want you to react to the new Genspect video about an autism trans link.
Edit: I also currently try and advocate for LGBTQIA+ in my Christian family. And their biews are upsetting
Out of curiosity, did you believe the “Men will pretend to be women to get into the women’s bathroom!” thing?
Same 😭
So now you just don't care about women being cheated on in sport, or about the sexual harassment that is males in women's public showers and dressing rooms. Got it. Women's rights, who cares.
@@saoirse2963the thing is... That doesn't even happen.
Strength, power and aerobic capacity of transgender athletes: a cross-sectional study
@@thatonearoace uhhh. I’m not sure. I don’t think I cared? Like if a man wants to they can go in the bathroom.
Edit: they wouldn’t need to pretend to be a women. They would be able to just walk in
I just met Jamie, Shaaba, and Mercury Stardust last night and it was one of my favorite experiences! Jamie thank you so much for signing my Pud, Spuds McKenzie! And I'm sorry if I seemed out of it, I was in tremendous pain lol
For the kid that got suspended, take her out for a fun day, get some ice cream, maybe buy her some stuff. Turn it into a punishment into a vacation. School won't budge, so just don't treat it like they want you to.
Some people just suck. That substitute is a disrespectful shite and the fact that the school is supporting them over the student sucks.
Blåhaj was in a comercial for trans rights from IKEA I think
Unfortunately, as a Floridian substitute teacher, the student being suspended is only surprising in its severity, indicating that this student either has prior disciplines which have escalated to the point of suspension or the student's reaction included offensive and/or threatening language or gestures. No member of educational staff can be forced to acknowledge a student's gender or pronouns in Florida, and we are advised to use their assigned sex and legal name. That is true in several other states as well.
"Don't Say Gay" type laws have caused a lot of anxiety for LBGT+ educators and allies. I started carrying a tote bag with art using the aroace sunset flag colors and wore a small heart shaped snake pin with those colors during Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. I only felt comfortable to do that because it's a lesser-known pride flag and pretty subtle for pride merch. I figured I couldn't talk about it, but if a student was in the community enough to know the flag, they might feel some kind of silent support. Usually though, I'm worrying about things like, "If I use a student's preferred name and pronouns when they have unsupportive guardians, will my job be at risk if they report me?" or, "If a student specifically and insistently asks if I'm ace during independent work and I tell the truth because I hate lying, can I get in trouble?" "What can I do if another staff member is being openly homophobic or transphobic? Would voicing even mild criticism get me blacklisted from the school?" I'm not in a financial position where I can afford to take those risks.
Do you know how many middle school students (~11-14) still casually use gay as an insult? At least half where I live. Casual racism? at least 20% Genuine misogyny (more than an offhand 'joke')? about 10% Those are statistics for when I am in the classroom and can hear them through the chatter, so I shudder to think what they're like when there are no adults around.
I am a former Mumsnetter. I pretty much left Mumsnet because of Terfs. I actually believe that the radicalisation of Mumsnet was started by one person, not Posie Parker, this was long before her time, but a person who came in with what appeared to be feminist arguments. How you radicalise a group of people is to tell them THEIR rights are being stripped by another group of people. It's similar to the far right blaming immigrants for lack of housing. Some of my Mumsnet friends have trans kids and that rhetoric was very hurtful to them but their former friends were too far down the rabbit hole to be supportive. They say "trans ideology" is a cult buf they can't seem to see that they're the ones in the cult
On the subject of trying to get a transphobe to understand: I would absolutely agree that a cis person shouldn't try to overexplain the trans experience. I do think there is a sort of basic level when you're engaging with someone who doesn't seem ideologically entrenched, where you can ask why they're so bothered by something that doesn't really affect them that much. Obviously being trans isn't like being goth or something, but there is that very surface-level comparison where you can point out that it's not okay to react negatively to the way another person presents themselves just because it's unfamiliar to you. It's more about getting them over that immediate knee-jerk "ugh, WEIRD, I don't like it" response - and even if they never go further than that, at least they aren't running around complaining about it in public.
I would stop emailing and go to the school for a face to face meeting and SEE how the school is actually respecting her daughter as the girl she IS!!!
a point about the register names:
at my school, i know multiple trans people who have all (quite easily) gotten their chosen name added to the register, and it appears that way in the exact place where first names go. their legal names are only shown if you click on further options to see other details about the student. its very easy and all they had to do is get parents permission from what i know. maybe stuff works differently in america but this seems like quite a normal thing to allow
Strictly because she was trans. No teacher ever had a problem with calling me or my brother by our nick names, despite it not being the name on the roles.
Because it’s a nickname, the name the kid chose probably wasn’t that close to the original name.
@@ruendheart my brother's name was not even close to his original name. Both our nicknames are real names, and only mine is close to my real name. Jacob going by Ryan as an example for him.
Yeah. I was VERY transphobic through highschool and said/did some pretty awful things. It turns out 🏳️⚧️I'm trans🏳️⚧️. Rough going man. I feel like I'll never make up for all the awful I put out in the world and try my hardest every day to be visible, loud, and compassionate in my advocacy for us all. It's not always explicit intent that leads people down those far right roads. Sometimes it's simply being lost and feeling alone in a society that doesn't give you the opportunities you're actually looking for.
Oh my gosh the first 2 stories with supportive parents almost made me cry! (Probably because it’s shark week but oh well). I’m ftm and I’m planning on coming out to my parents tonight! I know for a fact that they’ll be supportive but I’m still pretty nervous about it, but hearing all of those stories are really reassuring
Best of luck, brother!
hope it goes well
OH MY GOD LET'S FUCKING GOO. I hope they remember the rainbow socks its the highest form of acceptance.
Good luck!
I'm a teacher and I think it's healthier to begin your first class with a group of students by letting them know they may correct me if I say it wrong. In any case the school should be more inclusive for everyone.
5:22 I experienced this with a substitute teacher, except I despised my legal (before I knew I was on the non-binary spectrum) and instead be called by a nickname. They seemed very annoyed by that and made me feel like garbage when it was never a problem with any other subs... Transphobic or not, no one should disregard a name when someone asks to be called something else...
Some people just shouldn't be teachers because they love a power trip too much.
This is really surprising. It really restores my faith in humanity
Yeah probably happens far more often than we heard about, but we get told a lot more about negative stories, & hear the angry voices first. 😊
@@madhatterline Trans is a made up ideology and it ruined what was left of the feminism movement. Call me what you want I don't care
That teacher's attitude is vile, it's the equivalent of telling someone that "You'll never be what you think you are, so stop pretending!" 😢
The teacher is pretending that they're somehow a decent human being
"Why do trans peeps love sharks?"
Not me with a land shark in my profile pic....👀
9:23 the deadname vs preferred name.. it’s so dumb to not have their name in parenthesis in the attendance or in the system. In my job I have changed my last name when I got married. And they always have my new last name in parenthesis wherever it’s not corrected in the system. I don’t understand why we can’t do that in school for trans kids?
Attendance list as an excuse for misgendering was a common theme in my high school
I think it's just because sharks are really cool, and blåhaj is really cute.
I’m a long way from cis, but I’ll admit to having failed to explain what it means to be trans to people because my explanations are so rooted in my own experiences. I settled on “I function optimally as a gender that differs from the one that is associated with the anatomy I appeared to have at birth”, but that’s just me 😅. I think if you know one trans person you know ONE trans person.
As a swedish person i always find it amusing how people pronounce blåhaj
"BlowHi"
(Its pronounced close to blooahi)
I find the easiest way to bridge the gap for a cisgender person to understand things like dysphoria, is to point out dysphoric issues that DO impact cisgender folks. Things like cisgender men developing breasts (gynecomastia) or cisgender women growing additional facial and body hair (hirsutism is the term I'm used to for it, but it feels outdated so I'm unsure if it's the correct medical terminology used today.) can be massively upsetting to the individuals it happens to, and can cause them to seek out the exact same methods of treatment as trans folks do, especially if the issues are causing them to be misgendered.
The truth is that everyone can experience dysphoria, it's not a transgender specific experience.
If anything, there's something to be said for the fact that cisgender folks might actually experience it even more strongly from within themselves than trans people do, because they may be so bound within their binary that any deviation from their limited norms feels like something that they not only would not, but could not do.
Developing breasts or growing additional facial and body hair does not mean that one's sex changes. The experience of dysphoria is not the same as forcing other people to believe in a false identity.
@@callistoscali4344your fear is my entertainment.
I would go a step further and point out that trans people _have_ gynecomastia, "hirsutism", androphonia, etc. .We just don't call those things by their names because the medical system is deeply cissexist. And similarly "gender dysphoria" is something anyone can feel and we just don't apply it to cis people because it's a medical stand-in for "we agree that you're trans."
However I completely disagree with cis people experiencing gender dysphoria more strongly. In my opinion and experience, unless they had serious medical issues or some kind of accident leading to serious physical trauma, cisgender people cannot relate to the body horror of your entire body betraying you and turning into something you barely see as human anymore (which is how some trans people feel). Like, it's extreme how bad dysphoria can be for trans people, I wouldn't try and downplay that
@@callistoscali4344 It actually does! Outside bureaucratic contexts, sex isn't just two categories, it's a set of characteristics of the body. Breasts are a female characteristic. So, someone who's otherwise only got male characteristics but has had their breast tissue develop beyond the dormant state is more female than a similar person who's seen no breast development. That person also has to be treated with their female characteristics in mind in medical contexts! Breast cancer in men is not something to be scoffed at. I know it's a little scary for cisgender people to hear it, but sex changes throughout a person's life, usually staying on the same track, but sometimes going where you don't expect it. Take care and have some more confidence
@@oiytd5wugho That's scientifically inaccurate. Males and females are sex categories for many other species, not just humans. What you are talking about are secondariy sex characteristics of human beings rather than sex. I am talking about sex. Your sex does not change regardless of how you alter your secondary sex characteristic. You don't become less female if you lose your breast and you don't become more female if you artificially put a pair on. Other species like fruit flies have male and female sexes and none of them have breast.
dude supportive parents of lgbt kids make my heart melt, i know it’s the standard, but unfortunately there are so so many homophobic and transphobic parents. i’m super lucky to have supportive parents, they are incredible people who honestly knew i was a lesbian before i did.😭
Funny thing about blahaj is my daughter randomly saw the blahaj at Ikea (where we rarely go) and got it, and like a week or two later suddenly it was all over the place in trans spaces. She was so excited because we'd gotten the only one left and the chances of uaving bought it were crazy.😅 This was the second time something like this happened-- the first was me happening to buy the "trans" squishmallow deer for her without knowing it was a trans icon. She was so excited.🥰
As a substitute in the US, ive had students throw things at me and yell at me, not to mention physically attacking each other and flat out ignoring me. None have gotten more than a lunch detention. Subs have no authority in the classroom for the most part, at least in my experience. Weird hill for the school to stake out.
Wow, that must be regional because subs handed out detentions like candy in my school. And, with the exception of one sub in particular, they were almost always honored. And that one sub was because she would often give every single student she saw that day detention. One time she gave my entire class detention because someone farted and she thought they were mocking her. She gave an entire class detention because someone threw up after being told they weren't allowed to go to the nurse. She gave me detention for not having a pass...because she'd ripped it up. The principal was very confused when I showed up at his office with a detention slip for not having a pass since he was the one who wrote the pass (I don't remember why I was there the first time except that it wasn't because I was in trouble). So most of her detentions would be voided, but for most other subs the detentions held.
That post about the parent asking if they were doing enough for their trans son made me cry, I was not much older than him when I came out, and now a couple years later, I still don't have permission to get the things he has, I had to buy my binder secretly and I still don't really have the opportunity to get masc underwear. I still consider my parents supportive, but no matter how much I've tried to explain these things to them, they're more afraid that they're going to get it wrong to even try, my Mum struggles a lot with my name and even created a whole new nickname based on my deadname because that felt more comfortable for her. My Dad is also trying, by reading a book about being Non-binary, that he has had for 3 years, and still hasn't read. I really didn't realise that this wasn't that common, I mean, it's technically a secret and a violation of school policy that some of my teachers are using my name over my deadname because neither of my parents has specifically consented for me to change my name on the register
I'm a teacher at a middle and high school. I have one transkid, and when creating new classes a colleague from administration said their dead name. The horror me and my direct colleague had😮 We were mortified that the dead name was still in the system as their real name.
Luckily we found out now and not next year in the attendance list...
First, you don’t sound like a teacher, second, you should understand what first and main goal of school is, surprise, education, and not kids' gender problems. It's a lot easier to use an actual child's name what written in their passport, because children are fickle, one day they want to be Mark, next day Olivia and then Ktulhu or something. I used to have classmate like this, who wanted to change his name almost every month. Can you imagine how difficult it would be for teachers if the system allowed them to change names at every moment. And I'm not talking about the confusion in documents that could arise
i thought you were the ex-terf at first
LOL that would be hard for him i think
that would be wild 💀
the biggest plot twist.
@@hyunjinies_dumpling The biggest plot twist would be her going about having a normal lofe again
Ex-TERF, huh? Welcome to the real world, I guess? I don't know how to say that without seeming like an indifferent jerk.
Hi Jammie, I'm trans girl in Washington State 🏳️⚧️🤟🏽💙
Fellow trans Sister here.I think modeling acceptance to someone who is now accepting and after being at the extreme of transmissia,being kind is the least we can do. I say welcome home Sister!
We're listening, we're thinking, we're reading, we're trying.
someone not being a transphobe anymore is actually pretty awesome
I feel like being shitty to a TERF trying to change is like being shitty to an ex convict trying to change. Like, sure, you have every right to, they've hurt people, but if they're genuinely trying to get better, it's not really helpful nor is it beneficial to either them or you
Honestly, I get where you're coming from. You're not being a jerk if you don't want to throw someone a party for just meeting the bare minimum of respecting your humanity. Obviously it's good when people overcome their prejudices, but I think we can all say, "Good, I'm glad" and move on; you don't have to lavish them with praise if you don't want to.
Hi Jamie!
Thanks for the wonderful videos.
They have been and still are so helpful. Me and my family are very grateful the info you’ve provided us with.
Thanks for that. 😊
I’ll be getting top surgery soon
And hopefully all will go well.
I just wanted to let know how thankful I am people like you (content creators / all the wonderful people in the community) have made such a great difference to people like me.
Thank you!
No teacher, when calling out the name "Katherine" would object when a student said, "But call me Kate" Or when calling out the name "Richard" would object when a student said, "But call me Dick."
So the problem is the substitute teacher. Not only should the student not be suspended, but the teacher should not be able to come back to teach. The second one is actually far more important. If they haven't removed that teacher from the sub pool, it's time to look for another school.
Unfortunately some teachers will. I had a substitute who would only call people by their full first name (he wouldn't even call you by your middle name even if that's the only name you went by your entire life). Which was real fun in one class where over half of the class shared a name with at least one other person. Oh, you want Jordan to answer? Ok, which of the six of them did you mean? Oh, Jordan A, so which of the three of them? Oh, time to call the principal, got it. She wasn't very amused to have the sub accuse us of messing with him "Because there's no way a school would put 6 kids with the same name in one class" (meanwhile he's literally holding the attendance sheet with the names). Like we just had a lot of Jordan's (there were a few different spellings, but all pronounced the same) and only one section of this particular class because only 20 students were taking it. He was adamant that "the" Jordan needed to stop messing around, and was not amused when 6 hands went up when the principal asked "Which one of you is Jordan?". Unfortunately he was a sub employed by the district, not the school, so the principal couldn't get rid of him.
Okay, to be fair, *I* would at least say, “Are-are you sure?” if some guy said, “You know what, I want to shorten my name from Richard to Dick.” Just a full-on slideshow in my head of all the dick jokes that would inevitably arise from that.
Those are nicknames
sadly, my (previous I've graduated) highschool has recently banned/made it extremely dangerous for students to request use of a different names or pronouns. Teachers are Required to contact parents (therefore outing trans children) for approval of name use that isn't in school documentation. The ally teachers are absolutely against this however they can't do anything without risking their jobs.
Encouraging to hear
@@ribbrascal What's that supposed to mean?
@@rosieg6989 It means I oppose you
@@ribbrascal You oppose people for how they were born and have no choice? Because being born trans is not a choice?
@@rosieg6989 I oppose validating mental unwellnesses and social contagions like anorexia, cutting and narcissism.
Me watching this while laying on my huge blåhaj, wondering if this means I am no longer cis