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Fake scam only looks and health can fix everything look he are model some girls get crush wtf social anxiety its because diet if i eat regular food i got paranoya and almost endes up died now im on raw primal diet
I hope you get better as soon as you can. Don't worry about what society says you should be, just be yourself. If people don't like you than they can go on with their lives. You don't need to be popular to be cool. Be you! Social hierarchy is mainly immature high school B.S and the world Instagram users live in, social media is fake, dudes are on steroids and girls are prostitutes on Instagram, nobody lives by Instagram in real life and if they do then just take them out of your group because they are no where near the majority
Stage is small incident, something that we won't experience much in life. Real problem are narcissistic abusive toxic predators - which Julien does not mention at all, you know -real life. He does not mention ACoA at all, he does not mention socio-economic aspect at all - lack of money. That contributes to anxiety issues, too. What he is teaching is Fight Response. We can respond to trauma in 4F: Fight- Flight - Freeze or Fawn. Neither of these responses are "better" nor healing - they are trauma responses. IF our personality is agreeableness - and if we decide to hate it and scapegoat it for being abused by someone that causes panic emotions - we will develop personality disorder if we decide to suppress agreeableness. Agreeableness is Big 5 persona, personality - it is not sickness nor abnormality. The true problem are toxic predators, abusers - not our reactions to sick and evil people who choose to harm others.
This reminds me an episode in highschool, it was my fist solo harp in a theater, never been on stage especially with stage light pointing at you, big crowd, parents/ teachers, cameras watching, I didn't know what going on stage (alone) felt like...cried 2 minutes before going on stage....damn I learned that I have social anxiety the hard way to be honest 😅 Stopped playing harp after that, it was too much.
@@ranc1977 nah bro if I can't even look at people, if I can't talk to them even if I buy groceries, if I'm uncomfortable around other people, I'm pretty sure, it's social anxiety bro And it all started with that.
That exercise reminded me of this one primary school teacher who saw through me and asked me to scream in front of a class. It was after I answered the question correctly but with a silent and choking voice. I didn't manage to do it but I remember it till that day. I relived that moment with Andreas, so proud of him!
I’ve always tried so hard to be a people pleaser, and I could never figure out where it began or why! When this young man literally verbalized consciously what he was afraid that they would think(That they would feel he doesn’t add up too much)! I realized at that point that has always been my soul fear! That reduced me to tears instantly🥲🙏
I love the fact that you use extreme examples to make your point, you see the visual of the references and then are normally able to laugh and overcome your hindrance 💪🏼 I appreciate your knowledge and how You go about teaching others. teaching others
I have always been the “fun kid” or even the “class clown” till the end of middle school. Then in high school I started going out more frequently and eventually started hanging out with like “the bad guys” because of mutual friendships and I couldn’t really connect with them. Not that I was bullied or something like that, but the experience of not being the centre of the attention or the most outgoing person made my young brain think that I wasn’t a good person to be around. Since then there has been times where this feeling went away but it always comes back.
I feel ashamed of my fears and things i am scared of because to others , those things are just piece of cake and they don't even think of those as problem or something difficult. So , i can't share my fear with someone and i feel i have to be normal like others . Thus, i pretend to be okay and like others because no one will relate to me and instead mock me for being scared of people, scared of meeting new people and befriending them , sharing my opinions .
Social anxious people are already brave. Very brave. It is neurotypical toxic masculinity CBT false explanation that feeling anxiety and panic is sign of weakness and cowardness. When we start to fuse our emotions with our self worth - we will develop personality disorder and narcissism - since we will try to build fake image to impress other people.
Incredibly wonderful and liberating, or I cannot describe it!..., Your dedication and expertise are truly inspiring. I am immensely grateful for the knowledge and insight you share with us. Thank you for being such an exceptional mentor You are the ONE 😁👌
This has a lot of contradiction and confusing and frustrating too. It's said that you must own who you are and don't be a scammer and don't hide behind a fake front. So when you're putting yourself out there, and you put up a smile and be more expressive, you might feel incongruent and feel like a scammer. On the other hand, if you stay congruent to what you're feeling which is not much expressive and not feeling like smiling, you won't get a lot of results and chances are that you'll become more entrenched with being non expressive. Now ofcourse, the bigger question is that why are you not feeling expressing and not feeling like smiling in the first place? That's something to let go of, but until that happens, should you go out of your way and try smiling and more expressive way (sort of like an external tool while letting go daily) OR you always be authentic and express exactly what you feel while letting go daily? In terms of emotion, the same question would be: "What exactly is letting go? Is it being complete authentic self? Or because you don't know what's authentic, you put your foot down and be just be expressive?
Agree with you. I would have told Andreas it is ok to be quiet and introverted. That doesn’t mean you’re uninteresting, infact it can make you seem more mysterious and thoughtful. Maybe more sensitive. Why place the burden of those expectations on yourself? It’s not your job to be interesting anyway… just be you and try to make meaningful connections with people. It doesn’t have to be interesting . Most people just want to be heard so being a good listener is enough.
@@newleft2254 Thank God , there are intelligent people here. I was convinced I was the only one who is not zombie here. You are both correct. What Julien is doing is teaching empaths and anyone with high moral and ethical standards to become uncivilized, narcissistic.
I mean. What do you desire. What is useful right now. What holds you back ? Why ? How ? Its complex and its for you to chew the food however you see fit. What do you think ? Do you need the answer and validation from him word for word ? What helps you in the end as a rounded unique individual ? Let go. What do *YOU* feel and think ?
@@tearex8688 "I mean. What do you desire. What is useful right now. What holds you back ?" But this is EXACTLY the problem Socially anxious people do not have ego. They have no self worth. It is Quiet BPD. No desires, no preferences. Other people choose it for anyone with social anxiety. Own preferences in social anxiety DEPEND and codepend on other people, usually narcissists and abusers and toxically ashamed people like Julien who try to make us believe we are abnormal and sissy and sick and feminine for reacting to trauma, and that we must create totally new personality which is Viking and who is screaming and who is Karen in order to appear mighty and approving in other people's eyes. Socially anxious people do not need to develop ego - it is buried inside like an onion skin layer. This process of discovering , unearthing oneself is one of healing trauma - and nope, it is not done by extorting answers from us and inventing new persona of what we like, as I quote your words: "What holds you back ? Why ? How ? Its complex and its for you to chew the food however you see fit. What do you think ? Do you need the answer and validation from him word for word ? What helps you in the end as a rounded unique individual ? Let go. What do YOU feel and think ?" Person with social anxiety has toxic shame and toxic shame covered all this questions like a invisible veil. We do not get answers by hoarding answers on top of this toxic shame invisible veil. We remove the invisible veil of toxic shame Operant conditioning of ACoA and ACE - and answers will be here inside us all the time, buried under inner criticism and perfectionism and complex trauma abuse that we endured.
It is insanely interesting. Although I dont really struggle with social anxiety or needing to be "cool" or other things that can pressure somebody, your examples and or ways to get peoples mental state above their personal highscore is just nice to see!
Children who feel unloved and unprotected try to please others, give to others, and care for others in a desperate hope that they may make themselves worthy. 🟦Beverly Engel
Bro thanks so much. You inspired me to take action today and face some of my fears. Your videos are so important to me man. I’ve been following you for many years off and on now bro, and I’ve been putting off my social anxiety for awhile, just playing the “waiting” game for things to get better while knowing deep down I had to face it head on eventually. I think today was a crossroads for me man. Thank you bro 😎
I think my adult stifling stems from my childhood pre-11 when I had a speech impediment. By the time I was 11, I started entering speech therapy and I physically overcame the impediment. But I still carry the psychological trauma. In school, I sometimes became a subject of ridicule. And it's that trauma that I need to work through now. But sometimes I'm so stifled, I can barely scream like this.
I haven't experienced much anxiety in my life but it has happened at certain times and it's usually when it involves being seen by many people. Recently we were doing karaoke with my friends, I was singing a lot, over and over again, until I started to feel anxious, it was strange because as I said it doesn't usually happen to me I was like wtfq what is this!? and why I can't control it? Despite everything I continued singing, in fact I don't usually sing but I sang so much that night that my throat hurt. When I was singing and I got anxious for the third time, I told my friends about it.I said it three times, "it gives me anxiety" they tried to relax me but it didn't work and I was angry with myself because I couldn't control that. That got me thinking and I remembered that when I was little I was singing in my room chill and then I heard my neighbor with her friend making fun of me something about killing a cat lol, of how I sang, so I stopped, I don't remember how I was feeling that day but I guess not very well. Now I wonder How can i stop believing that? How can I get that belief out of my head? I'm still learning English so if I wrote something in a bad way I would appreciate if you tell me! :P
You know what's weird in my case? I have 0 problems being seen by 100 people at once that might ask questions...but 4 people at interview? I shake and sweat like hell
i was just thinking- what if you ask them to talk about something they like for 30 seconds? their voice might naturally go up. now talk about something you're less comfortable with but with the same volume. feels like that could be a great middle step
The more attractive you are the more friends you will have people will actually be nice to you compared to not being attractive ppl will ignore you and judge you
My social anxiety i start feeling wobbly and want to hold on to something on my side and not stare at people when i get dizzy and all feeling alot of things like balance and want to walk away.
I’m not afraid to be loud I’m afraid of been quiet so do I force myself to be quiet. Also anxiety can make me feel hindered and I go quiet but once the anxiety is gone I am no longer quiet
He is misleading you into narcissism and becoming hysterical. Whenever we are needy and when we need help - almost always we will attract narcissists to abuse us and hook us into codependency on them, that they explain to us what is true reality, while we are gaslighted into toxic shame and self hatred.
He has a nice set of teeth, I'm afraid to smile and laugh in front of an audience because mine are not so perfect lol. Hes got that going for him, and he seems pretty fit.
I personally think he was having a panic attack the whole time and definitely didn't end on a good note. I think this would definitely work for myself and can't wait to give it a try. It's pretty hard to reason with someone having a full blown panic attack , I'm just surprised he didn't break. 😅
Social anxiety has nothing to do with "bravery" or being "weak" or not being "strong". That is neurotypical false explanations of trauma. We are not our feelings. If we feel scared and panicked - this does not mean who we are as person and what are our traits. When we decide to fuse our emotions with our worth it is called Emotional Fusion - and it leads to mental illness. Our emotions will become our masters - and we will be at the mercy of our emotions and feelings to feel good or bad about ourselves, about who we are as person at the core. Then toxic shame has reign of tyranny over us - it simply releases inner critic and we will be neurotic all life about anything in life. All social anxiety issues stem from ACoA - it is complex trauma - we were programmed into self hatred and toxic shame. Our emotions are not problem, our triggers are not problem - we are suppose to have trauma when we experience abuse and Coercive control. True problem are narcissists and predators and abusers - not our emotions nor our reactions to toxic people who choose to be evil.
@@ranc1977 my comment really wasn't that deep, it did take a lot of bravery to stay up there after he took the step to even get up in the first place and actually commit to do what Julien asked, instead of just leaving/not doing it which would have been oh so much easier.. confronting your fears does take bravery, whether you believe that's a real thing or not lol
@@shushinfushin1312 If you look through life from the prism of "bravery" - you will be obsessed with fears and anxiety and panic, and you will live in survival mode all the time - since you must be "brave". You will start to notice other people and then judge them for being "brave" or "not brave". That is now OCD issue - since it involves obsession and rigid mindset. When people are not "brave" - that is not because they are cowards or because they are weak. There are billions of reasons why people do or not do something. Polarizing thinking, judging the people from the binary mindset of being brave or not being brave is rigid mindset - and any rigid thinking leads to mental illness, paradoxically to more fears and more of feeling of not being brave. You will simply get stuck like hamster in wheel - turning it around, hoping if you spin it enough time, you will become brave and accepted and validated by others and by yourself. That is all toxic shame, and it stems from AcoA exposure . narcissistic abuse.
@@shushinfushin1312He analyzing like Einstein, truth is that even tho English isn't even his first language, he stepped forward in front of that huge crowd, very brave and handsome guy
I remember that as a child I was always extroverted and authentic, the school made me a different person, the teachers were very strict, giving opinions in class and being made fun of conditioned me to be SHY or with SOCIAL ANXIETY , now I have felt like I was in an imaginary prison in a cage without being able to get out without feeling the freedom of before, such simple tasks turn out to be a challenge, a few months ago I discovered this channel of Julien and it inspired me to improve that part of me. that does not let me be free, I thank Julien for his valuable content, I hope and everyone who identifies with SOCIAL ANXIETY can regain their freedom. 🙏🏻
same exact story for me too. i forgot how to act how i used to be it felt so weird realizing the person i had become wasnt even me, i was just playing a character thinking that if i avoid all confrontation and discomfort in my life, my life would be happy and peaceful but it turned out to be the most depressing years of my life. i was living in fear for nothing.
Hi! Same here with playing a character in school. Going to kindergarten and school were not the coolest experiences. Broke my authentic spirit combined with traumatic environment at home and later in life in experiences. I am still me inside or with close ones but the sum of it all appears to hinder me from really fitting in sometimes. Well, I think that in all situations you lose you also win some things. An astrologer told me that I have an aspect that might cause me to not have many friends or to be accepted in the same way others are. Probably because the past left some scars that are still there and it probably makes others uncomfortable. Well, I get that in some way. Maybe it's destiny. I just hope I will be of help to some in this life because of what I have been through. Despite of it all, I am lucky and grateful, because I gained value and meaning in other aspects. Hope you all will get all the joy you didn't have as a kid and teen in your adult life! And hope you will become your most authentic selves, as no one is looking. Because even if they are and you feel judged, you probably are awesome!
We did not become socially anxious due to toxic teachers. They added the fuel into fire - but the true cause is narcissistic abuse at the home, called and known in psychology as ACoA and ACE.
This physical pain is trauma. It is a signal that there is unprocessed shocking events that are stored and waiting in our body and they create damage there and come up to surface as anxiety. This is not abnormality - toxic people who scream and who are hysterical caused this trauma. This means - trauma is not associated with braveness. Toxic society is giving us wrong messages and wrong explanations, toxic masculinity is doing incredible psychological damage since it makes us feel toxic shame for feeling trauma. Toxic shame is deep core self hatred and self disgust buried deep inside us at the core of who we are. When we have this toxic shame inside us - we will make bad decisions in life and we will attract criminally insane psychopaths around us. Healing the trauma and toxic shame means that we realize that our emotions such as feeling weak, vulnerable and fear are not our self worth. When we are abused and traumatized - other people will consciously and unconsciously do more damage by giving us wrong explanations and telling us that we suppress our emotions and that we build fake narcissistic image of "strength". That fake persona is path to mental illness.
Yeah watching him made me feel as if my blood pressure raised. A part of me weren't too sure although this Julien seems to be here to help. Putting myself in this poor lads shoes, I would be thinking "ok he seems to be trying to help me but I'm wondering if he's also trying to get a rise out of me secretly or is this whole exercise purely for my own benefit." That's what I was thinking when he made him squat down to pretend was taking a crap.
@@achilles8356 It's called Mathew Effect - when we are down on our knees we will be robbed too (quote from New Testament where it got its name). When we are traumatized and when we have shy issues - when we have any kind of problem in life and need and when we need help - there will ALWAYS be psychopaths and narcissists who lurk in shadow to abuse and take advantage of anyone in need. Toxic people will present themselves as Knight on white horse, our fantasy that there is some kind of perfect person who will be Superman and resolve our issues quickly. That does not exist. We need to be aware that unfortunately we live in psychopathic world where society protects and worship psychopaths - and they will exploit us when we ask for genuine help.
@@nicolad100 The goal of regulating emotions is not to make feelings go away...the aim is to help clients build their capacity to ride the waves of big emotions and sensations. Dr Arielle Schwartz
Social anxiety absolutely derives from the fear of being scrutinized and judged by others. People who aren't confident in who they are or hold themselves up to impossible standards, they build up social interaction in their minds as a one-sided audition where they have to say the perfect thing or look the perfect way and that's just an incredible burden you are placing on your shoulders. It doesn't help that we live in such a superficial culture where we have the false impression that looks and clout and money are the only currencies that matter as human beings. This journey of self help though is all about shattering those misconceptions and you are doing yeoman's work bringing that message to a new generation who are being taught all the worst and most harmful lessons by the internet. If you had to build a machine solely for the purpose of crushing a person's soul and decimating their humanity and their empathy, their sense of inner peace and love for their fellow man, you could do no better than building the internet. So it takes a pretty formidable force to even begin to push back against that hellscape, especially trying to educate the younger generations who don't even know of a world outside of likes and clicks. But you Julien will definitely go down as one of the good guys when the story is written.
The guy in front of the crowd is in a tough spot. I know when I’m feeling anxious is when I’m the least articulate. Meanwhile he’s being asked these deep questions. If it were me I’d have a really hard time even thinking through these ideas and not just dissociating. I think this guy did great under the circumstances and he should give himself more credit. Also, he’s quite handsome 😊
Remember at the end of the day, no one gives a fvck if you tripped over your words that day. Just be yourself, but you do need a bit of discipline to do your best in the public in the USA. You don't need to follow trends are anything, just be yourself, no one really cares about trends after college, it's child's play
I know he most likely felt breathless up there, so if YOU are reading this (guy in the video) you have my deepest respects. It's not easy to keep yourself upright and still when your entire body is telling you to run for your life. Good job.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, I would like to give them a try but haven't found any legit grower to get it.
A lot of people have testified about this and I really want to give it a shot. I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
What I realized is that by constantly keeping your true self hidden and trying to act cool, you actually make things worse for yourself and those around you. They won't understand why you're behaving this way, and by seeing that, you're going to cause more anxiety to yourself, resulting in even more hiding...So everyone, I wish the best and be yourself! 👊
"keeping your true self hidden and trying to act cool, you actually make things worse" That is called Masking. it is absolutely devastating for anyone with Neurodivergent mind, like spectrum on Autism and ADHD where natural brain activities are symptomized, mocked, pathologized and bullied into hiding. Then parts of our personality become suppressed - and this leads to mental illness.
@@aesthetic.destruction2341 What Julien is talking about is a mere 0,5% of social anxiety information and data, very surface level information. Yet it is impressive to learn that our "shyness" is based on trauma and it is not personality defect as ableist CBT describes it. There is a whole lot which he never mentions in his videos - even though he has medium and mass attention. Hopefully he will use my comments to broaden his research and data and step back from his Toxic Masculinity approach that he is promoting here.
I’m not going to lie, I barley found you recently. However, as a socially awkward person these videos have been extremely therapeutic. Thank you for what you do and the empowerment
He is teaching us to become narcissistic, to become jerk and insensitive. That is great if someone is really jerk - but it won't work with HSPs empaths - anyone with social anxiety - because we have high moral and ethical standards. When we suppress who we truly are - we will develop personality disorder and more of anxiety. When we really accept our high moral and ethical standards - we will put a price tag on ourselves and start to cut off toxic people and narcissists who parasite on our Negative politeness - as Negative politeness is one of facets of high moral and ethical standards. Negative politeness is trying not to harm and hurt anyone with our actions nor our words to such extent that we put our own needs and interests aside - and this attracts narcissistic predators to exploit us and our high standards of not harming other people.
@@5Akecheta4 You also abuse other commentators here. You are serial abuser. Social anxiety is not an issue of weak will. IT is trauma unprocessed and stuck inside our body. Trauma needs healing - and the only way to heal trauma id to validate and accept ourselves. as a we are.
Hi everyone! I wanna share a simple yet very powerful advise that helped me boost my confidence a lot just over 2 nights! I used to be the shy and quiet introvert who felt his only mission in life was to please and care for others. And whenever someone thought they said something funny i felt forced to give them a fake smile. Or the classic noding and agreeing to what they saidf even though i didn´t hear a word. Just because i was scared of showing them my authentic thoughts and face expressions. being fake and hiding our authenticity is a sad and painful trap that i think a lot of us fall into :/ so hopefully i can make your hearts atleast a little more whole. My advise to you is to go through all the old photos and videos from the day you were born to this very day. it will hopefully remind you of who you are and where you come from. For me it also gave me much more appreciation and love for my parents to see what they had to go through raising me and it made me proud to be their son. Much love to all of you and remember that the longest stored pupae becomes the most beautiful butterfly!
Nice story and lovely that you appreciate your parents even more! I agree that going back to your roots and even talking with your parents about your past, how you were when you were growing up and so on.
Im scared of attention because of childhood experiences in my family. I unconsciously associate attention to being picked on and in general being in trouble.
Very much the same. I have a hard time doing normal shores with people around. Love exercise but never set a foot in a gym. In childhood being able to be invisible or meek was a life saving trait. Hard to let go of.
My mom was a strict single parent so when I did something wrong it’s all she would ever talk about and was blow up with nothing else going on or other interactions to clam the storm
Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. 🟨Janet G. Woititz Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval. 🟨Janet G. Woititz Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes which they have no control. 🟨Janet G. Woititz Codependents in general and Adult children of Alcoholics tend to expect others to make them happy. When I don't get validation, my victim mentality will kick in - because that's what Mum did. She would complain if not validated. Negative thinking is learned behavior 🟥Lisa Romano 10 Common Struggles for Adult Children of Alcoholics 1. Being rigid and inflexible 2. Difficulty trusting or being closed off 3. Shame and loneliness 4. Self-criticism 5. Perfectionism 6. People pleasing 7. Being highly sensitive or reactive 8. Being overly responsible...
I think school systems of grading and being strict about speeches has ruined people’s self confidence when it comes to public speaking. Worrying about messing up in front of your teacher which could affect your grade and also the entire classroom of kids judging you and taking notes about how bad your speech is doesn’t help anyone.
This!!!! I was constantly making mistakes and teachers always made it seem like a crime 🥲 I’d get so upset about not being able to accomplish something and be good at something because I was constantly being told off or constantly being told that my work is satisfactory and everyone else’s was better if that makes sense😔 totally ruined my confidence
it was when i could hear my friends and other peers in class say during or after my presentation, “she sounds/looks so nervous”, & “she’s getting so red” 🙄
I could look as gorgeously attractive as this person, and yet be socially anxious. This idea is selfishly relieving. I am not proud of this feeling tho; I would not wish social anxiety on anyone. I hope he overcomes it soon. I just wanted to be genuine about my defect. Anyhoo, an insightful conversation as always, thank you
I consider myself good looking and I am suffering from terrible social anxiety very often. Its something that I constantly have to try to suppress. I am semi functuioning :/ Me on the avatar
@Nothing-lr3dt dude what ? 😂 what’s with this trend of alpha bros & their semen retention?? Also there scientifically no way not jerking off gets rid of all your problems/trauma/anxiety/does your inner shadow work for anyone. Youre literally not getting to the root of any of your problems that way; maybe it’s helping you with adrenaline or something but then again boxers don’t jerk off for a long time before fights because it builds up testosterone which i believe acts similar to adrenaline/fight or flight (anxiety) so ?
@@TommyTheVamp When I mentioned 'defect,' I was referring to the comment I had just written. It reflects me feeling better about myself at the expense of someone else's misery. I don't have self-esteem issues related to my appearance (yeah, that's me in the photo minus the moustache), tho I do appreciate your reminder. I still have doubts about whether there is something fundamentally wrong with me, much like @richardtrofimov2828 mentioned in his comment. Thank you, Richard, for sharing as well. I hope you get better
Sometimes in the moment I don't know what to say. I feel like sometimes people expect fast responses and I need time to parse my thoughts and how I feel about things. So I'll kind of freeze up and say nothing, getting anxious at the same time. I also feel this when I'm with a group of people and one or two are constantly cracking jokes and saying funny things. And it seems like people are constantly trying to one up each other in saying the most witty thing.
Yeah I’ve been going through this as well man. Always like some sort of game isn’t it. Don’t worry. You’ll gain the information you need and you’ll realize what Kanye said is right. “We’re all unpaid actors in this giant script”
If you speak slow it down. Don't speak quickly, speak slower. If you talk fast you sound desperate and underconfident. If you talk slower you seem more relaxed. It will help you come up with what to say next without blanking. Don't talk like a sloth though. Be relaxed. As for cracking witting jokes, if you don't have one then you don't have to find one. It probably doesn't matter as much as you think.
That is because they are Neurotypical - their brain is not much deep, it runs on surface level as most of people. They are dumb. Neurodivergent, HSP mind takes time to process information. That is not sickness. Without ability to process information we would make irrational hysterical bad decisions in life.
My issue is returning to my loud expressive self, and being seen as obnoxious and annoying. I feel like i'm just being an asshole when I let go, say what I want to say and speak up, and people would rather I just stfu.
Most people are fake and narcissistic - since they applied techniques suggested by Julien. That is why they see you as obnoxious and annoying - they don't like mirroring - they don't like to see their true face. They would rather stay in narcissistic fantasy of grandiosity. So when you are authentic - fake people will hate it. Since they hate their true self. Problem are toxic evil narcissists - not you. Not your truth. To say what you feel is to dig your own grave Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got Black Boys on Mopeds Song by Sinéad O'Connor
The way to be confident is to have no ego an ego is your identity or image you live up to expectations of being liked and cant really let go and be who you truly want to be the ego is scared of being disliked judged or lesser its insecurities is what holds it back this is what spiritual wisdom talks about is just letting go of your identity cayse your identity is your ego
Moral relativism leads for narcissists to become leaders, tyrannic. Like Putin or Trump being in charge - since nobody would care about ego. Any rigid mindset is sickness. It leads to anxious avoidant attachment style - and it is learned in ACoA abusive ambient - where there is black and white thinking. If something is black , you simply replace it with white. In real life - binary thinking leads to bad and catastrophic decisions in life. We live in fuzzy logic, everything is in spectrum. Everything in life is not rigid - it is in the state of flow, it asks for us love and care and protection, not cold narcissistic hysterical fake mask which Julien is programming you to believe in.
I have social anxiety, and I respect this individual working to get out of his comfort zone like this. It took me years to feel comfortable talking to strangers, talking on the phone, and other strenuous social tasks. I still occasionally have difficulties at large social gatherings and talking on the phone, but I have exponentially improved in these tasks over the years. I now work a job that focuses on helping others with their speech and language skills which requires a lot of client and parent engagement that I would not have been able to do when I was younger. It just takes time and a willingness to attempt challenges despite the way it makes you feel. While the feeling may be rough at first, it will definitely get better with practice. It always helps to start out at the smallest level and go up from there. At least that is what helped me improve. I eventually even got to the point where I felt comfortable singing around a group of 60+ people. It was a fear I would never forget, but it was also a milestone that I will never forget. Have plenty of patience and resilience, and you will definitely improve in your social skills! It is difficult, but it is possible!
" to get out of his comfort zone " When you get out of comfort zone with trauma unprocessed - we will get imploded like carbon fibre submersible in deep depths of ocean. Look at 3rd world countries - they are living outside their comfort zone - and they are not getting rich at all - in fact they swim in feces, corruption, cocaine mafia and poverty.
@@dianavandevalk3714 " really worked hard and grown" Denial and suppression is not growth at all. IT is Regression and it leads to mental illness and building a fake persona of grandeur and superiority. The key to understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the entire formation of the personality is based around a false self. So they have a hyper idealized vision of themselves that protects them from the realities of the world. So basically all of these are a reflection of when reality creeps in, it defies the reality of the false self and causes the narcissist to wake up to the fact that they're living inside of a delusion. And this created mortification and can spiral the narcissist into complete crisis. YT 7 Things That Frighten Narcissists To Their Core RICHARD GRANNON
Social anxiety is not sickness to overcome nor cure. Quote: They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral. Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy" The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron "Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis. This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people. It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation. I really suggest trying to view it as neutral. HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared. Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Giving speeches about personal growth appears to be your comfort zone, are you able to show the same amount of confidence on the topics that you are not so familiar with or in unfamiliar environments? I'd like to watch you speaking about this specific topic. Thanks for the content 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I think there is always growth somewhere for everyone. I think the most important thing is being comfortable at the life you really want to live. That’s my goal at least. And from there you can always grow more in other directions
There’s a clip of Julian doing stand up comedy in a bar, where all his jokes fell flat. Tough crowd. He uses this as one of his examples in one of his conferences.
Me sentí muy identificada con el chico del video asique quiero compartir un poco de mi historia: Desde que tengo 6 años siempre fui denominada la niña callada y timida de la clase. Con el tiempo termine aceptando que era timida y diferente, esto duró 11 años aproximadamente y realmente me afectó muchisimo creer que era diferente que los demás y que nunca iba a ser "Normal" perdiendo oportunidades de hacer las cosas que me gustaban. Desde los 13 años empece a ver contenido para ELIMINAR la ansiedad social, pero solamente me ayudaron temporalmente y volvia a caer en el mismo pensamiento de que no era normal. Hace unos dias a mis 17 años encontré el canal de Julien, el cual gracias a él logré descubrir que nunca tuve algo malo o que era diferente y que la unica forma de lograr mejorar, poder ser yo misma era aceptarme tal y como soy. Hoy siento que no tengo que demostrar nada a los demás y me siento mucho más comoda conmigo misma. Solamente quería recordarles a las personas que están pasando por algo similiar, que es totalmente valido sentirse mal por vivir con una etiqueta que nisiquiera te pusiste a ti mismo y que se puede salir de esa jaula aunque parezca no tener una salida. Les deseo lo mejor en su recorrido a sentirse bien devuelta con ustedes mismos. Saludos 🫂♥
Te comprendo completamente la ANSIEDAD SOCIAL es un problema súper limitante yo eh desperdiciado muchos años con esa Ansiedad sintiéndome como atrapado en una jaula sin poder salir y sentirme libre, también gracias a Julián eh mejorado aún me cuesta un poco socializar pero ya voy mejorando es un proceso espero y que también todos los que tengan este problema puedan sentirse libres de nuevo
Hello guys. I used to be a happy kid but I was getting bullied by the other kids for being awkward as they were telling me. As the years went by I became more and more introverted. When I went to the Army (Mandatory in my country) it was the same the other guys were picking on me and I told our superiors but they sided with them instead. After I finished my Army services I chose to remain there and work. I was always criticised by my superiors, ridiculised in front of many, wronged,punished. Everybody makes mistakes I guess, but what if only your mistakes matter? I decided to quit after a major disagreement. I went on to seek a career in aviation. I got the highest mark of my class at the test but still I dont view it as an accomplishment and my confidence didnt increase at all. I applied for multiple airlines to hire me but to no avail. I also got rejected at an open day for a specific airline. They favoured some other guys from my group who weren't as invested as me. Recently, I've been ruminating. Were all those guys right about me? I'm I an idiot? I'm I always wrong?
Adult children of alcoholics did the best they could do to survive as children. Their behaviors, coping skills and personalities were shaped by chaos and trauma. As adults their inner child is still exiled and terrified lead to compensatory. 🟥Doc Snipes Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions. M. Scott Peck We don't realize as adults that we are now capable of meeting our needs so we don't need these advanced strategies for keeping people close. Pink cloud: We want all things that go well in our life to continue and new things on top of that. 🟥Heidi Priebe It is considered advantageous in society. School likes it better when children are traumatized. Other people, other adults, society can like the child better when they develop this “persona”. “This is healthy, this is better person”. 🟥Daniel Mackler Being an adult means having options. We can push back against bullies, move away when it gets too much, and tell other people what we need from them. Hypervigilance and How to Overcome It YT The School of Life 'Having someone mad at you/being misunderstood.' We are adults now. We don't need to give toxic people the power to tell us who we are. YT Patrick Teahan LICSW Our parents didn't see us as children. Toxic parents see their kids as selfish adults who are making choices at their expense, which is super messed up. YT 6 Unknown Childhood Trauma Triggers It’s easy to take advice from wealthy, wellknown people who seem to have their shit together. The things that privileged selfhelp authors need to overcome their troubles don’t cut it for most of us. Money, power, prestige allow people to be oblivious to the inner lives of others "How to draw an owl" karlastarr.substack The devil loves unspoken secrets. Especially those that fester in a man's soul. Herman Melville Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed and well-fed. Herman Melville (August 1, 1819 - September 28, 1891) Things autistic people get judged for - Asking in-depth questions on a content area that get perceived as challening the authority - Working harder than expected on tasks and projects can get perceived as "brown-nosing" or "being weird" - Asking clarifying questions to understand what is being said to them - Over-explaning in an effort to be understood and out of anxiety of not getting their thoughts across clearly - Being focused on a task and not on chatting/socializing - Caring deeply about the quality of work they produce and giving in their full effort Yulika Forman, PhD, LHMC
@@jessemartin1876 Maybe we could start to validate our emotions and feelings instead of putting ourselves down? How about that radical revolutionary idea? Self validation. Self acceptance. Not shaming ourselves.
Sounds like a classic confidence issue. People bully insecure people who don't put up a fight. Confident people get hired because that's what recruiters see. Fake it till you make it
@@tescobakery1927 "Confident people get hired because " Because toxic society thinks that being confident means being competent. This is what is happening in Balkan in Eastern Europe - people get hired because they are abusive and narcissistic. Then Balkan Europe is avoided by foreign investors since they know there is corruption and that they will be devoured by predators who are incompetent and basically stupid and that they must bribe the police and judge to handle the crime there. Toxic corporations too - poisoning the planet because monsters in charge do not have empathy. Dunning Krueger tells us that super-confident people are stupid, while those with imposter syndrome are competent. The question is - are your life goals to work for criminals and sell yourself for few bucks more and to abuse other people?
I stopped caring about people staring and what people thought about me when girls passing by me in a car yelled 'Woo! You're hot!' I thought i looked like sh*t but those girls just gave me a huge confidence boost
Julien is so freaking cool just being himself. He helps a lot of people. His speeches are always inspiring and motivational. Anders is the bravest man. I'm so proud. There was a massive difference from the beginning to the end. Keep on going Anders. You're even more cool being your true self 🫶
@@mrosskne you cant just stay at home and die. Even if you want to. What you are saying is the exact thing quiet people are afraid of and that will make them even more quiet.
I had eye contact anxiety. I was scared to look people in the eye, cause somehow they could see into my soul. I realized it was me who feared the darkness in myself. It's something I embraced. All conversations are a form of combat, now I want them to see into me.
I have autism so I have difficulty reading faces. So unless it's like an obvious smile I have no idea what you're thinking of or feeling. With RSD I will going to assume negative, I can't define smile - I'll go with: you're angry. YT PurpleElla
This video hit me hard, i have extreme social phobia and im struggling to even go out the door sometimes,l and when i saw this video it brought me to tears, he described exactly how i felt, i always have to look and feel cool, im always using shades everywhere i go cause i freak out otherwise
9 Signs if Quiet BDP 1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside 2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty 3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily 4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism 5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem 6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot 7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone 8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy 9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more - Quiet BPD subtype Also known as High-Functioning BPD One of the subtypes of BPD, people living with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress. - not easily detectable - those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden - common people-pleasing behavior - withdraw when upset - feel detached from the world to cope - fear of rejection and abandonment - fear of being alone - social anxiety and self isolation (Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe - QuietBPD A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obivious). As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms.
@@upbeyond671 Borderline personality disorder. In faulty CBT (therapy which studies personality disorders) there is a wrong description of borderline disorder. It is described as narcissistic, loud screaming Karen. While in reality there are many spectrum subtypes such as Quiet BPD: which is social anxiety. We shut up, we are silent, we fawn, we are pushovers, we self censor ourselves, we live in fears and panic mode all the time and we are convinced that we are abnormal for having these trauma symptoms which toxic society and video like this one explain away as being cowards, sissy, feminine, weak. Society is lying to us, they are feeding us with wrong explanations and we stay stuck in Quiet BPD as the result of toxic society. Google it. Education is our only (legal) weapon against psychopaths who keep us trapped in panic mode and self blame and self pathologizing mode.
Borderline Personality Disorder, but i wouldn't recommend self diagnosing psychological isses on the internet. It is recommended to contact a professional.
Nope. Social anxiety does not limit you to be free and happy. Trauma does. Social anxiety is simply alarm. Like if you burn your hand on fire. The burning sensation is not making you unfree and unhappy - it is the fire and inability to see fire that is causing your panic and uncomfortable feelings of being burnt. The fire are toxic people, narcissists, screaming Karens, insensitive jerks who pretend to be confident and superior to others - that is what is limiting you to be free and happy - you are not listening to your social anxiety telling you the important message : to cut off toxic people.
@@the_lordofthedings "Isn't cutting them off a form of toxicity as well though?" This is great question and it is the heart of social anxiety. We have no idea what is toxic - due to growing up in aCoA ACE ambient of constant criticism and being exposed to toxic people - so we developed belief that any kind of boundary setting is evil and toxic. We have no knowledge or education how to recognize red flags of someone being toxic, pathological, narcissistic and impulsive borderline - we overgeneralize instead and place any kind of rejection as being toxic and abnormal. That is how we stay stuck with toxic people, how we become codependent and develop trauma bonding - and we cannot cut contact with toxic people - due to enormous feelings of guilt and shame of us being evil. This toxic empathy keeps us trapped in toxic jobs, toxic families, toxic friends, toxic country. We were conditioned to believe that it is our task to fix other people, that it is our responsibility to calm other people down. This is how borderline disorder starts. Borderline people depend on other people's mood in order to feel good about oneself. It is essential to cut contact with toxic people, to minimize contact , to leave as soon as our finances and safety allows us to do. We can see femicide statistics what happens to battered women who leave their abusive husbands. The threat is real. Toxic people are mentally ill and evil. They are pathological liars. They live in fantasy and they are predators - they rely on narc supply to feel good about themselves and to feel self esteem and they are machines who devour others just for the sake of devouring. People who stay in long term narc contact end up with mental illness and auto immune diseases like myeloma. It is not toxic to say no. It is not toxic to choose healthy people. It is not toxic to choose better ambient and safer one. - Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Dr. Bessel can der Kolk feel safe with other people = mental health The single most important issue for traumatized people is to find a sense of safety in their own bodies. 🟦 Bessel A. van der Kolk
Been putting together a communication guide/list over the past month (doing vocal warm ups, having eye contact, varying my tone, implementing more pauses, etc). Trying to be more authentic was on my list, but near bottom. It's number one in my list now 😂👍
You can never go wrong being your true self, warts and all. People will tune into you on a different level entirely, one that you could never achieve putting on even the "coolest", most perfect front you could construct.
Julien, love your content bro! Your videos have honestly taught me more than my university degree. Your content is so much needed in our society. Thank you for doing what you do 🙏🏽
@@ranc1977by that logic everything can be bad if gone to extreme, but his advice taken with a grain of salt helps the introverts' self esteem. You can't say everything he does is bad, he has some good points.
@@fosminclorin "helps the introverts' self esteem" No it doesn't. What he is teaching is Masking. Dissociation. Making anxiety Functional. All these three concepts lead to mental illness. With Masking - introvert is taught the lesson that their brain is abnormal and it must be hidden away from light and exposure. This leads to toxic shame. More anxiety. Dissociation when we decide to shift focus from our natural neurodivergent brain operations into fantasy that we are screaming at others at whim. -this will end up as being anti-social and isolated from others. More anxiety. Making anxiety Functional means becoming zombie, background character without own preferences and desires and goals in life. More anxiety. We need to have negative and difficult emotions - this tells us when someone pushes our boundaries and when we are being hurt by unfair actions of others. Why is it so hard to validate and accept ourselves as we are? From early age, anyone who is slightly introverted will be mocked and ashamed by society. Toxic society needs fixing - not our brain. Toxic society lacks education in diversity and acceptance of anything that appears different than the norm. If we are not serial killers - why on earth you would decide it is healthy to nitpick and fix your brain? As if you are a mass murderer! Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER: The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Defend Survivors, TWITTER: Survivors don’t need anyone else telling them what the ‘should do’ or ‘have to do’ to heal. The last thing they need is someone else trying to control them again. Survivors need to know they are in control and that they are the experts in their experience and healing. Defend Survivors, TWITTER: There are so many “positive” messages that are aimed to inspire and help survivors. But when you really listen to these messages, they often guilt or blame survivors for either how they responded to the abuse, or for how they are healing now. Make sure the messages you share with survivors are honoring and respecting them, their courage, and their choices.
I love Julien but he should not try and convince this guy to be loud. Some people are wired to be quiet. The key is to be in sync with your own predispositions. I know a lot of quiet people who are cool and charismatic.The whole problem of social anxiety is that people try to force themselves to be someone they are not. Thats why they feel frustrated and stressed! And that creates bad energy. Fall in love with your quietness, embrace it, feel it, understand it, see its something gifted to you. Learn to connect with other people using your eyes and smile. As a woman I love quiet men who have that eye spark. Some people love quiet people and find loud people annoying. On a side note, my brother told me he fell in love with his wife because she was quiet and he thought she was so mysterious, later on in marriage he told me, I married her because of that mystery, now I know she is just boring and has nothing to say :D
There's potential in flipping the scale in your experience and having many habits built up from trauma, I think that you're right in specializing to whom you feel inside yet you'd want the benefit of at very least yielding the option of expression in its truest form, which isn't defined by the preset notion by itself. Humans are all about potential and certain things limit that potential, including themselves mostly. Your story is funny and enjoyable and I don't mean to be a pest, it's just that I'm introverted and this has me laughing hard enough I can't breathe, healing...freeing. Well said to be in sync (not the band)
@@voices4dayz469 The band is called En sync, not in sync. NSYNC (/ɛnˈsɪŋk, ɪn-/; also stylized as *NSYNC or 'N Sync) is an American boy band formed by Chris Kirkpatrick in Orlando, Florida, in 1995 and launched in ...
Hello Julien! I just discovered you and I have watched about like 20 videos of you since yesterday and today and I appreciate your work a lot. But there's a question that have started to appear that I would be very happy to get your view on. And by the way, this has nothing to do with this particular video, I just choose this video because it is your latest one here on UA-cam at this very moment. I can relate with so many people you have brought up on stage. I'm depressed. I'm introverted. I'm not happy with who I am and feel like I'm a failure. I'm afraid to take too much space. I have trouble being loud. I have trouble formluating myself in words and body language. I am often misunderstood. I don't like to go to loud parties - I just feel out of place, uncomfortable and sad. And when I push myself to get out of my comfort zone, I just get so extremely exhausted the day after that I just feel like it isn't worth it - I feel like it isn't who I truly am. I just like the calmness. But a part of me wish I felt happiness and energized when stepping out of my comfort zone. It looks like other people can get those feelings, and I am jealous. But the question is, do you think this is for everyone? Should everyone be loud? Should everyone take up more space if it doesn't make them feel better? Best regards, Another Swedish Dude
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is important, but you MUST combine it with letting go... As I teach this client here, the reason you go outside of your comfort zone is to TRIGGER sensations of resistance which you can then let go of... So it feels effortless. If you're just pushing yourself to push yourself, then it will be exhausting and draining, yes.
I was there, front row! The seminar was great, and so much great insights. Most astounding was the presence. But at some pionts I felt ungenuiness like through. And the aggressive selling halfway into the seminar, in the backroom down the hall was surreal, really left me feeling like I’ve been raped. My friend said the same. All love !
yikes yeah a lot of these tony robbins type seminars feel a bit corny and disingenuous to me for some reason. I really like the things he says & that he’s actually helping some people but idkk
Raped? Thats a bit much my man. Sounds like you have a lot of inner work to do. And with my help, I feel we can make some real progress. I have program I developed that can get you on the right track. And for only two payments of $599.00, you can turn your life around. What do ya say champ?
It is absolutely insane what social anxiety and anxiety in general has done to my life. For a little more than a decade now, (I’m 24), it truly has made my life a living hell. It feels like a poison or a disease in my body and mind and spirit, where everything gets tainted with this theme of misery. I try and try and try again and again to live my life but anxiety has never once failed to interfere. The amount of medications, supplements, even electro shock therapy I’ve done most people wouldn’t even believe, yet here I am, present day, and I just had a pretty severe panic attack due to social anxiety in public just an hour ago. It’s so extremely debilitating and after you have it for enough time, it starts to shape every single part of your life and personality and identity
The only way is too push forward. What has helped me ALOT was solo travelling. It was the most scariest thing I have ever done at first. But as soon as I stepped on that place and went to an hostel where i noticed and learned how many people are alike and just like me. You are not alone. Go out there and be your self. If someone doesn't like you or no one likes you for your self than they are not worthy of your attention. Choose what you want to do and become in life and pursue that all the while being your self. Go out there bro don't give up. I still from time too time struggle a bit but i always remind my self that most have some form of anxiety or are scared of judgement and push trough.
@@gamegamesnldegameszijnop I struggle so much with “being myself” because so many years have passed where I have, at least in front of others, been this fake, anxious version of myself that I don’t even know what my “true self” is. It seems my brain doesn’t allow me access to it except for sometimes when I’m alone I feel it from time to time. I hope I’m making sense with that. The solo travel idea is a very good one. It’s something I haven’t really explored
I think your sunglasses are doing you a disfavor. I love your message but the sunglasses kinda weaken it. Doesnt feel trustworthy and also a bit like hiding.
Embrace yourself, give yourself permission, and back yourself up like Julien and the audience in the event. These all help me to express my inner self more confidently with people around me. Thx Julien.
Julien: "How does it feel to be right up here upfront, being stared at and being judged by this entire crowd?" Me: "I have to go." (walks away) (What's helped me cope with social anxiety is finally realizing that 100% of people are in their own heads at the end of the day. Even if someone judges me, their judgement doesn't last more than a few minutes because their brains have a thousand different distractions and thoughts going on...that one thought of me gets pushed out by the next thought, etc. Mindfulness helped me with this stuff. I used books like "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels and "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Bourne - both books are on amz, i recommend getting both together, to calm and observe my thought patterns and let go of anxiety as best I can. Perspective is everything.)
I've watched many of Juliens videos and that's what stuck with me the most. People don't care about me. My entire life I've always felt that everybody is looking at me, judging me, but that is not at all true. It's a relief to know that.
"100% of people are in their own heads at the end of the day. Even if someone judges me, their judgement doesn't last more than a few minutes" This is not true at all. Narcissists think all the time - they are predators. They abuse others and think how to be evil to others. Socially anxious empaths and HSPs will attract narcissists. So yeah - other people are toxic and evil - there is nothing sick inside your brain that must demand brainwashing and convincing yourself that your alarm signals are malfunctioning. Lobotomy is not necessary - you will only develop toxic shame when you suppress your natural instincts and common sense and gut feelings. There are toxic and evil people out there -and we have ability to sense and detect them due to exposure to ACoA in childhood - which gave us ability to detect toxic people quickly, hence social anxiety.
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I'm glad I found your channel Julian
@@HarelAvital
Me too 😊
Fake scam only looks and health can fix everything look he are model some girls get crush wtf social anxiety its because diet if i eat regular food i got paranoya and almost endes up died now im on raw primal diet
Julien light the blunt!
@@DT.2024 Trump Punk he will never be president again dum dum
This man's helping 100 people in a room but also hundreds of thousands who watches him in youtube.
🙏🙏🙏
We are helping him with google adsense revenue and promotion.
Your right
@@josephmarzulloThere’s always one of you lot in the comments section 😅
@@JulienHimself Thank you Julien for these videos and for helping to transform lives 🙏
Personally if I were to be on staged like this man, I would honestly cried. Can't handle the pressure even if the audience is with me.
I hope you get better as soon as you can. Don't worry about what society says you should be, just be yourself. If people don't like you than they can go on with their lives. You don't need to be popular to be cool. Be you! Social hierarchy is mainly immature high school B.S and the world Instagram users live in, social media is fake, dudes are on steroids and girls are prostitutes on Instagram, nobody lives by Instagram in real life and if they do then just take them out of your group because they are no where near the majority
Stage is small incident, something that we won't experience much in life.
Real problem are narcissistic abusive toxic predators - which Julien does not mention at all, you know -real life.
He does not mention ACoA at all, he does not mention socio-economic aspect at all - lack of money. That contributes to anxiety issues, too.
What he is teaching is Fight Response. We can respond to trauma in 4F: Fight- Flight - Freeze or Fawn.
Neither of these responses are "better" nor healing - they are trauma responses.
IF our personality is agreeableness - and if we decide to hate it and scapegoat it for being abused by someone that causes panic emotions - we will develop personality disorder if we decide to suppress agreeableness.
Agreeableness is Big 5 persona, personality - it is not sickness nor abnormality. The true problem are toxic predators, abusers - not our reactions to sick and evil people who choose to harm others.
This reminds me an episode in highschool, it was my fist solo harp in a theater, never been on stage especially with stage light pointing at you, big crowd, parents/ teachers, cameras watching, I didn't know what going on stage (alone) felt like...cried 2 minutes before going on stage....damn I learned that I have social anxiety the hard way to be honest 😅
Stopped playing harp after that, it was too much.
@@mimichuchu3267 This is performance anxiety. it is not social anxiety.
@@ranc1977 nah bro if I can't even look at people, if I can't talk to them even if I buy groceries, if I'm uncomfortable around other people, I'm pretty sure, it's social anxiety bro
And it all started with that.
That exercise reminded me of this one primary school teacher who saw through me and asked me to scream in front of a class. It was after I answered the question correctly but with a silent and choking voice. I didn't manage to do it but I remember it till that day. I relived that moment with Andreas, so proud of him!
Andre's eyes said it all. He will remember this event for the rest of his successful life.
I’ve always tried so hard to be a people pleaser, and I could never figure out where it began or why! When this young man literally verbalized consciously what he was afraid that they would think(That they would feel he doesn’t add up too much)! I realized at that point that has always been my soul fear! That reduced me to tears instantly🥲🙏
He was so brave 👏
Agreed! Massive respect to him for having the courage and willingness to do the work! 🔥👊
I love the fact that you use extreme examples to make your point, you see the visual of the references and then are normally able to laugh and overcome your hindrance 💪🏼
I appreciate your knowledge and how You go about teaching others.
teaching others
You spoke so eloquently about this topic . Thank you for sharing this!
👏👏you got it, Anders. Keep going!!!! Be encouraged
Ooo Caught this 40 seconds after publishing! Lucky me. Thank you Julien!
Nice! Enjoy! 🙌
I have always been the “fun kid” or even the “class clown” till the end of middle school. Then in high school I started going out more frequently and eventually started hanging out with like “the bad guys” because of mutual friendships and I couldn’t really connect with them. Not that I was bullied or something like that, but the experience of not being the centre of the attention or the most outgoing person made my young brain think that I wasn’t a good person to be around. Since then there has been times where this feeling went away but it always comes back.
Gosh I have never been so proud of a stranger
This helped so much and doing "therapy" infront of a crowd for social anxiety is so fking genius
I feel ashamed of my fears and things i am scared of because to others , those things are just piece of cake and they don't even think of those as problem or something difficult. So , i can't share my fear with someone and i feel i have to be normal like others . Thus, i pretend to be okay and like others because no one will relate to me and instead mock me for being scared of people, scared of meeting new people and befriending them , sharing my opinions .
bro got watched by more than a hundred thousand people, his bravery is supreme.
Social anxious people are already brave. Very brave.
It is neurotypical toxic masculinity CBT false explanation that feeling anxiety and panic is sign of weakness and cowardness.
When we start to fuse our emotions with our self worth - we will develop personality disorder and narcissism - since we will try to build fake image to impress other people.
U very good. Every time I see a video of a class/session.. iam impressed. U a healer bro
Narcissism. Mental illness, far from healing here.
Incredibly wonderful and liberating, or I cannot describe it!...,
Your dedication and expertise are truly inspiring. I am immensely grateful for the knowledge and insight you share with us. Thank you for being such an exceptional mentor
You are the ONE 😁👌
It also seems hes not very comfortable with English, that definitely plays against his confidence
This kid did a fantastic job!
He was so good!!!
This has a lot of contradiction and confusing and frustrating too.
It's said that you must own who you are and don't be a scammer and don't hide behind a fake front. So when you're putting yourself out there, and you put up a smile and be more expressive, you might feel incongruent and feel like a scammer.
On the other hand, if you stay congruent to what you're feeling which is not much expressive and not feeling like smiling, you won't get a lot of results and chances are that you'll become more entrenched with being non expressive. Now ofcourse, the bigger question is that why are you not feeling expressing and not feeling like smiling in the first place? That's something to let go of, but until that happens, should you go out of your way and try smiling and more expressive way (sort of like an external tool while letting go daily) OR you always be authentic and express exactly what you feel while letting go daily?
In terms of emotion, the same question would be: "What exactly is letting go? Is it being complete authentic self? Or because you don't know what's authentic, you put your foot down and be just be expressive?
Agree with you. I would have told Andreas it is ok to be quiet and introverted. That doesn’t mean you’re uninteresting, infact it can make you seem more mysterious and thoughtful. Maybe more sensitive. Why place the burden of those expectations on yourself? It’s not your job to be interesting anyway… just be you and try to make meaningful connections with people. It doesn’t have to be interesting . Most people just want to be heard so being a good listener is enough.
@@newleft2254 Thank God , there are intelligent people here. I was convinced I was the only one who is not zombie here.
You are both correct.
What Julien is doing is teaching empaths and anyone with high moral and ethical standards to become uncivilized, narcissistic.
I mean. What do you desire. What is useful right now. What holds you back ? Why ? How ? Its complex and its for you to chew the food however you see fit. What do you think ? Do you need the answer and validation from him word for word ? What helps you in the end as a rounded unique individual ? Let go. What do *YOU* feel and think ?
@@tearex8688 "I mean. What do you desire. What is useful right now. What holds you back ?"
But this is EXACTLY the problem
Socially anxious people do not have ego.
They have no self worth. It is Quiet BPD.
No desires, no preferences.
Other people choose it for anyone with social anxiety.
Own preferences in social anxiety DEPEND and codepend on other people, usually narcissists and abusers and toxically ashamed people like Julien who try to make us believe we are abnormal and sissy and sick and feminine for reacting to trauma, and that we must create totally new personality which is Viking and who is screaming and who is Karen in order to appear mighty and approving in other people's eyes.
Socially anxious people do not need to develop ego - it is buried inside like an onion skin layer.
This process of discovering , unearthing oneself is one of healing trauma - and nope, it is not done by extorting answers from us and inventing new persona of what we like, as I quote your words:
"What holds you back ? Why ? How ? Its complex and its for you to chew the food however you see fit. What do you think ? Do you need the answer and validation from him word for word ? What helps you in the end as a rounded unique individual ? Let go. What do YOU feel and think ?"
Person with social anxiety has toxic shame and toxic shame covered all this questions like a invisible veil.
We do not get answers by hoarding answers on top of this toxic shame invisible veil.
We remove the invisible veil of toxic shame Operant conditioning of ACoA and ACE - and answers will be here inside us all the time, buried under inner criticism and perfectionism and complex trauma abuse that we endured.
It is insanely interesting. Although I dont really struggle with social anxiety or needing to be "cool" or other things that can pressure somebody, your examples and or ways to get peoples mental state above their personal highscore is just nice to see!
Children who feel unloved and unprotected try to please others, give to others, and care for others in a desperate hope that they may make themselves worthy.
🟦Beverly Engel
Thank you Julien for giving me hope
Bro thanks so much. You inspired me to take action today and face some of my fears. Your videos are so important to me man.
I’ve been following you for many years off and on now bro, and I’ve been putting off my social anxiety for awhile, just playing the “waiting” game for things to get better while knowing deep down I had to face it head on eventually.
I think today was a crossroads for me man. Thank you bro 😎
This is absolutely brilliant J
Narcissism.
Jesus loves you so much and is with you forever, no matter what 😊❤
I think my adult stifling stems from my childhood pre-11 when I had a speech impediment. By the time I was 11, I started entering speech therapy and I physically overcame the impediment. But I still carry the psychological trauma. In school, I sometimes became a subject of ridicule. And it's that trauma that I need to work through now. But sometimes I'm so stifled, I can barely scream like this.
People might prefer the feeling state of self-criticism and self-blame over the feeling state of being out of control.
Kelly McGonigal
Respect to this guy I would die 10times
The myth the legend julian. You are HIM. HIMOTHYYY!
I haven't experienced much anxiety in my life but it has happened at certain times and it's usually when it involves being seen by many people. Recently we were doing karaoke with my friends, I was singing a lot, over and over again, until I started to feel anxious, it was strange because as I said it doesn't usually happen to me I was like wtfq what is this!? and why I can't control it? Despite everything I continued singing, in fact I don't usually sing but I sang so much that night that my throat hurt. When I was singing and I got anxious for the third time, I told my friends about it.I said it three times, "it gives me anxiety" they tried to relax me but it didn't work and I was angry with myself because I couldn't control that. That got me thinking and I remembered that when I was little I was singing in my room chill and then I heard my neighbor with her friend making fun of me something about killing a cat lol, of how I sang, so I stopped, I don't remember how I was feeling that day but I guess not very well. Now I wonder How can i stop believing that? How can I get that belief out of my head?
I'm still learning English so if I wrote something in a bad way I would appreciate if you tell me! :P
You know what's weird in my case? I have 0 problems being seen by 100 people at once that might ask questions...but 4 people at interview? I shake and sweat like hell
i was just thinking- what if you ask them to talk about something they like for 30 seconds? their voice might naturally go up.
now talk about something you're less comfortable with but with the same volume. feels like that could be a great middle step
Anders, I am so proud of you! Roaaar! ❤
Damnn, Idk you but so proud of you man!! You handle it perfect. This was great.
Damn that's an insane transformation in such a small amount of time.
Narcissism. Fake mask of superiority and depending on other people's approval.
Mental illness.
Wish i watched this 7 years ago, thanks a lot!
they gotta have a class like this in school
The more attractive you are the more friends you will have people will actually be nice to you compared to not being attractive ppl will ignore you and judge you
Halo Effect.
Narcissistic wet dream.
My social anxiety i start feeling wobbly and want to hold on to something on my side and not stare at people when i get dizzy and all feeling alot of things like balance and want to walk away.
I’m not afraid to be loud
I’m afraid of been quiet so do I force myself to be quiet. Also anxiety can make me feel hindered and I go quiet but once the anxiety is gone I am no longer quiet
damn man julian came a long way from a shady pua to a great men mentor, greatvid
What if i public speak daily, and constantly perform. What if i am comfortable with being seen but not okay with speaking one on one with people
This is amazing!
Glad this spoke to you! 🙏
Great job Anders 🎉
thank you for this. I needed this really hard
He is misleading you into narcissism and becoming hysterical.
Whenever we are needy and when we need help - almost always we will attract narcissists to abuse us and hook us into codependency on them, that they explain to us what is true reality, while we are gaslighted into toxic shame and self hatred.
He has a nice set of teeth, I'm afraid to smile and laugh in front of an audience because mine are not so perfect lol. Hes got that going for him, and he seems pretty fit.
I personally think he was having a panic attack the whole time and definitely didn't end on a good note.
I think this would definitely work for myself and can't wait to give it a try.
It's pretty hard to reason with someone having a full blown panic attack , I'm just surprised he didn't break. 😅
The desire for self development stems from "narcissistic" desires, a tendency to self-aggrandizement and superiority over others.
Sigmund Freud
He's hiding behind sunglasses haha
skip to around halfway
This video was great hehehe got me and the lion 🦁 king was my favorite part 💚
Julien are you in sweden right now? when was this recorded?
"Youre a god damn lion"
Pure gold.
Thanks! 👌
I love this guy and I’m 2 videos in
Dam I needed to watch this. Love it
I am 56 yrs old, and seemingly dealing with something like this. Have been out of work for 4 years. I dont see things improving. Very bad stuff
Damn i love this kind of stuff so much
Thank you! Glad to hear this resonates! 🙏
@@JulienHimself absolutely! Please Never stop to teach. You‘re Helping so much People 🙏
thank you Sir
Doing what anders did in this video takes an immense amount of bravery, good for him
Social anxiety has nothing to do with "bravery" or being "weak" or not being "strong".
That is neurotypical false explanations of trauma.
We are not our feelings. If we feel scared and panicked - this does not mean who we are as person and what are our traits.
When we decide to fuse our emotions with our worth it is called Emotional Fusion - and it leads to mental illness.
Our emotions will become our masters - and we will be at the mercy of our emotions and feelings to feel good or bad about ourselves, about who we are as person at the core. Then toxic shame has reign of tyranny over us - it simply releases inner critic and we will be neurotic all life about anything in life.
All social anxiety issues stem from ACoA - it is complex trauma - we were programmed into self hatred and toxic shame. Our emotions are not problem, our triggers are not problem - we are suppose to have trauma when we experience abuse and Coercive control. True problem are narcissists and predators and abusers - not our emotions nor our reactions to toxic people who choose to be evil.
@@ranc1977 my comment really wasn't that deep, it did take a lot of bravery to stay up there after he took the step to even get up in the first place and actually commit to do what Julien asked, instead of just leaving/not doing it which would have been oh so much easier.. confronting your fears does take bravery, whether you believe that's a real thing or not lol
@@shushinfushin1312 If you look through life from the prism of "bravery" - you will be obsessed with fears and anxiety and panic, and you will live in survival mode all the time - since you must be "brave". You will start to notice other people and then judge them for being "brave" or "not brave".
That is now OCD issue - since it involves obsession and rigid mindset.
When people are not "brave" - that is not because they are cowards or because they are weak.
There are billions of reasons why people do or not do something.
Polarizing thinking, judging the people from the binary mindset of being brave or not being brave is rigid mindset - and any rigid thinking leads to mental illness, paradoxically to more fears and more of feeling of not being brave.
You will simply get stuck like hamster in wheel - turning it around, hoping if you spin it enough time, you will become brave and accepted and validated by others and by yourself.
That is all toxic shame, and it stems from AcoA exposure . narcissistic abuse.
@@shushinfushin1312He analyzing like Einstein, truth is that even tho English isn't even his first language, he stepped forward in front of that huge crowd, very brave and handsome guy
@@ranc1977 You really tryna sound smart like you know
if you cringe while watching this you're the kind of person that needs it the most
I stop the video every few seconds because I get second hand embarrassment and feel uncomfortable.
i read the comments to distract myself
@@hans8656 same here I can't even watch hilarious and embarrasing scenes because of that
@@hans8656 It took me about 2/3 weeks to finish this video because I kept on pausing and delaying.
I'm cringing at all the gullible idiots falling for this obvious con
I remember that as a child I was always extroverted and authentic, the school made me a different person, the teachers were very strict, giving opinions in class and being made fun of conditioned me to be SHY or with SOCIAL ANXIETY , now I have felt like I was in an imaginary prison in a cage without being able to get out without feeling the freedom of before, such simple tasks turn out to be a challenge, a few months ago I discovered this channel of Julien and it inspired me to improve that part of me. that does not let me be free, I thank Julien for his valuable content, I hope and everyone who identifies with SOCIAL ANXIETY can regain their freedom. 🙏🏻
same exact story for me too. i forgot how to act how i used to be it felt so weird realizing the person i had become wasnt even me, i was just playing a character thinking that if i avoid all confrontation and discomfort in my life, my life would be happy and peaceful but it turned out to be the most depressing years of my life. i was living in fear for nothing.
Hi! Same here with playing a character in school. Going to kindergarten and school were not the coolest experiences. Broke my authentic spirit combined with traumatic environment at home and later in life in experiences. I am still me inside or with close ones but the sum of it all appears to hinder me from really fitting in sometimes.
Well, I think that in all situations you lose you also win some things.
An astrologer told me that I have an aspect that might cause me to not have many friends or to be accepted in the same way others are. Probably because the past left some scars that are still there and it probably makes others uncomfortable. Well, I get that in some way. Maybe it's destiny. I just hope I will be of help to some in this life because of what I have been through. Despite of it all, I am lucky and grateful, because I gained value and meaning in other aspects.
Hope you all will get all the joy you didn't have as a kid and teen in your adult life! And hope you will become your most authentic selves, as no one is looking. Because even if they are and you feel judged, you probably are awesome!
We did not become socially anxious due to toxic teachers. They added the fuel into fire - but the true cause is narcissistic abuse at the home, called and known in psychology as ACoA and ACE.
Sounds like me rn ngl
yeah the exact same thing happened to me when i changed schools when i was 8
This is a proof that physical appearance and attractiveness has nothing to do with anxiety
When you’re attractive people expect a lot more from you so it’s actually common for attractive people to be reserved
@@hunterinfected6 great perspective. But anxiety is not about looks leading the mindset
@@ThePeacePlant ok? still a big fuqin part of it tho
@@hunterinfected6so fking true man
it does in cases, and it does not in others. stop thinking in black and white
man i couldnt watch the video further at a certain point. I feel a physical pain just by imagining myself in his position. He is so brave
This physical pain is trauma. It is a signal that there is unprocessed shocking events that are stored and waiting in our body and they create damage there and come up to surface as anxiety.
This is not abnormality - toxic people who scream and who are hysterical caused this trauma.
This means - trauma is not associated with braveness.
Toxic society is giving us wrong messages and wrong explanations, toxic masculinity is doing incredible psychological damage since it makes us feel toxic shame for feeling trauma.
Toxic shame is deep core self hatred and self disgust buried deep inside us at the core of who we are.
When we have this toxic shame inside us - we will make bad decisions in life and we will attract criminally insane psychopaths around us.
Healing the trauma and toxic shame means that we realize that our emotions such as feeling weak, vulnerable and fear are not our self worth.
When we are abused and traumatized - other people will consciously and unconsciously do more damage by giving us wrong explanations and telling us that we suppress our emotions and that we build fake narcissistic image of "strength". That fake persona is path to mental illness.
Yeah watching him made me feel as if my blood pressure raised. A part of me weren't too sure although this Julien seems to be here to help. Putting myself in this poor lads shoes, I would be thinking "ok he seems to be trying to help me but I'm wondering if he's also trying to get a rise out of me secretly or is this whole exercise purely for my own benefit."
That's what I was thinking when he made him squat down to pretend was taking a crap.
@@achilles8356 It's called Mathew Effect - when we are down on our knees we will be robbed too (quote from New Testament where it got its name).
When we are traumatized and when we have shy issues - when we have any kind of problem in life and need and when we need help - there will ALWAYS be psychopaths and narcissists who lurk in shadow to abuse and take advantage of anyone in need. Toxic people will present themselves as Knight on white horse, our fantasy that there is some kind of perfect person who will be Superman and resolve our issues quickly. That does not exist.
We need to be aware that unfortunately we live in psychopathic world where society protects and worship psychopaths - and they will exploit us when we ask for genuine help.
I felt the same
@@nicolad100 The goal of regulating emotions is not to make feelings go away...the aim is to help clients build their capacity to ride the waves of big emotions and sensations.
Dr Arielle Schwartz
Social anxiety absolutely derives from the fear of being scrutinized and judged by others. People who aren't confident in who they are or hold themselves up to impossible standards, they build up social interaction in their minds as a one-sided audition where they have to say the perfect thing or look the perfect way and that's just an incredible burden you are placing on your shoulders.
It doesn't help that we live in such a superficial culture where we have the false impression that looks and clout and money are the only currencies that matter as human beings. This journey of self help though is all about shattering those misconceptions and you are doing yeoman's work bringing that message to a new generation who are being taught all the worst and most harmful lessons by the internet.
If you had to build a machine solely for the purpose of crushing a person's soul and decimating their humanity and their empathy, their sense of inner peace and love for their fellow man, you could do no better than building the internet.
So it takes a pretty formidable force to even begin to push back against that hellscape, especially trying to educate the younger generations who don't even know of a world outside of likes and clicks. But you Julien will definitely go down as one of the good guys when the story is written.
Couldn't have said it any better
True
Great comment. The "one-sided audition" line really describes my past approach to socializing.
Round of applause 👏🏻
So insightful really
Shakespeare couldn’t have said it better, well done friend.
The guy in front of the crowd is in a tough spot. I know when I’m feeling anxious is when I’m the least articulate. Meanwhile he’s being asked these deep questions. If it were me I’d have a really hard time even thinking through these ideas and not just dissociating. I think this guy did great under the circumstances and he should give himself more credit. Also, he’s quite handsome 😊
Remember at the end of the day, no one gives a fvck if you tripped over your words that day. Just be yourself, but you do need a bit of discipline to do your best in the public in the USA. You don't need to follow trends are anything, just be yourself, no one really cares about trends after college, it's child's play
I know he most likely felt breathless up there, so if YOU are reading this (guy in the video) you have my deepest respects. It's not easy to keep yourself upright and still when your entire body is telling you to run for your life. Good job.
@@jonasc1221man i shed tears as i saw how good he did
His male audience is very attractive.
Male empaths and HSPs usually are.
@@ranc1977 HSP
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, I would like to give them a try but haven't found any legit grower to get it.
@@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEUYes, dr.sporesss
A lot of people have testified about this and I really want to give it a shot. I put so much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels
@@eddiejohn8506Is he on instagram?
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
What I realized is that by constantly keeping your true self hidden and trying to act cool, you actually make things worse for yourself and those around you. They won't understand why you're behaving this way, and by seeing that, you're going to cause more anxiety to yourself, resulting in even more hiding...So everyone, I wish the best and be yourself! 👊
"keeping your true self hidden and trying to act cool, you actually make things worse"
That is called Masking.
it is absolutely devastating for anyone with Neurodivergent mind, like spectrum on Autism and ADHD where natural brain activities are symptomized, mocked, pathologized and bullied into hiding. Then parts of our personality become suppressed - and this leads to mental illness.
true... I was bullied for that throughout my highschool and I didnt understand why. Juliens videos are so powerful, eye opening
@@aesthetic.destruction2341 I'm sorry you got bullied.
@@aesthetic.destruction2341 What Julien is talking about is a mere 0,5% of social anxiety information and data, very surface level information. Yet it is impressive to learn that our "shyness" is based on trauma and it is not personality defect as ableist CBT describes it.
There is a whole lot which he never mentions in his videos - even though he has medium and mass attention.
Hopefully he will use my comments to broaden his research and data and step back from his Toxic Masculinity approach that he is promoting here.
@@xCaptainChloexI was bullied so much,had to change school.
I’m not going to lie, I barley found you recently. However, as a socially awkward person these videos have been extremely therapeutic. Thank you for what you do and the empowerment
He is teaching us to become narcissistic, to become jerk and insensitive.
That is great if someone is really jerk - but it won't work with HSPs empaths - anyone with social anxiety - because we have high moral and ethical standards. When we suppress who we truly are - we will develop personality disorder and more of anxiety.
When we really accept our high moral and ethical standards - we will put a price tag on ourselves and start to cut off toxic people and narcissists who parasite on our Negative politeness - as Negative politeness is one of facets of high moral and ethical standards.
Negative politeness is trying not to harm and hurt anyone with our actions nor our words to such extent that we put our own needs and interests aside - and this attracts narcissistic predators to exploit us and our high standards of not harming other people.
@@ranc1977 Oh now you wanna gaslight
@@5Akecheta4 You also abuse other commentators here. You are serial abuser.
Social anxiety is not an issue of weak will. IT is trauma unprocessed and stuck inside our body. Trauma needs healing - and the only way to heal trauma id to validate and accept ourselves. as a we are.
such a lamb of the flock thing to say.@@ranc1977
Hi everyone! I wanna share a simple yet very powerful advise that helped me boost my confidence a lot just over 2 nights!
I used to be the shy and quiet introvert who felt his only mission in life was to please and care for others. And whenever someone thought they said something funny i felt forced to give them a fake smile. Or the classic noding and agreeing to what they saidf even though i didn´t hear a word. Just because i was scared of showing them my authentic thoughts and face expressions. being fake and hiding our authenticity is a sad and painful trap that i think a lot of us fall into :/ so hopefully i can make your hearts atleast a little more whole. My advise to you is to go through all the old photos and videos from the day you were born to this very day. it will hopefully remind you of who you are and where you come from. For me it also gave me much more appreciation and love for my parents to see what they had to go through raising me and it made me proud to be their son. Much love to all of you and remember that the longest stored pupae becomes the most beautiful butterfly!
Nice story and lovely that you appreciate your parents even more! I agree that going back to your roots and even talking with your parents about your past, how you were when you were growing up and so on.
Thank you ! I really apprecciate your advice , I'll try it out . ❤️
Aww this is amazing :)) I’m glad it helped. I soon will be that butterfly in Jesus name amen
I don't have any
I love this post! I hope you are doing well in life
Im scared of attention because of childhood experiences in my family. I unconsciously associate attention to being picked on and in general being in trouble.
Very much the same. I have a hard time doing normal shores with people around. Love exercise but never set a foot in a gym.
In childhood being able to be invisible or meek was a life saving trait. Hard to let go of.
@@annalieb2075I’m the exact same. Do you think it’s possible to let go of it? I’m halfway through high school and want to enjoy it
Wow this helped
Me a lot
I have this trait of hating being celebrated and what not that involves all eyes on me and I never put two and two together
My mom was a strict single parent so when I did something wrong it’s all she would ever talk about and was blow up with nothing else going on or other interactions to clam the storm
Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.
🟨Janet G. Woititz
Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval.
🟨Janet G. Woititz
Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes which they have no control.
🟨Janet G. Woititz
Codependents in general and Adult children of Alcoholics tend to expect others to make them happy. When I don't get validation, my victim mentality will kick in - because that's what Mum did. She would complain if not validated. Negative thinking is learned behavior
🟥Lisa Romano
10 Common Struggles for Adult Children of Alcoholics
1. Being rigid and inflexible
2. Difficulty trusting or being closed off
3. Shame and loneliness
4. Self-criticism
5. Perfectionism
6. People pleasing
7. Being highly sensitive or reactive
8. Being overly responsible...
I think school systems of grading and being strict about speeches has ruined people’s self confidence when it comes to public speaking. Worrying about messing up in front of your teacher which could affect your grade and also the entire classroom of kids judging you and taking notes about how bad your speech is doesn’t help anyone.
This!!!! I was constantly making mistakes and teachers always made it seem like a crime 🥲 I’d get so upset about not being able to accomplish something and be good at something because I was constantly being told off or constantly being told that my work is satisfactory and everyone else’s was better if that makes sense😔 totally ruined my confidence
I agree with this
it was when i could hear my friends and other peers in class say during or after my presentation, “she sounds/looks so nervous”, & “she’s getting so red” 🙄
I could look as gorgeously attractive as this person, and yet be socially anxious. This idea is selfishly relieving. I am not proud of this feeling tho; I would not wish social anxiety on anyone. I hope he overcomes it soon. I just wanted to be genuine about my defect. Anyhoo, an insightful conversation as always, thank you
@Nothing-lr3dt Semen retention is very powerful, but this is simply not true. I speak from experience. However, it will at least reduce anxiety.
I consider myself good looking and I am suffering from terrible social anxiety very often. Its something that I constantly have to try to suppress. I am semi functuioning :/ Me on the avatar
@Nothing-lr3dt dude what ? 😂 what’s with this trend of alpha bros & their semen retention?? Also there scientifically no way not jerking off gets rid of all your problems/trauma/anxiety/does your inner shadow work for anyone. Youre literally not getting to the root of any of your problems that way; maybe it’s helping you with adrenaline or something but then again boxers don’t jerk off for a long time before fights because it builds up testosterone which i believe acts similar to adrenaline/fight or flight (anxiety) so ?
@@TommyTheVamp When I mentioned 'defect,' I was referring to the comment I had just written. It reflects me feeling better about myself at the expense of someone else's misery. I don't have self-esteem issues related to my appearance (yeah, that's me in the photo minus the moustache), tho I do appreciate your reminder. I still have doubts about whether there is something fundamentally wrong with me, much like @richardtrofimov2828 mentioned in his comment. Thank you, Richard, for sharing as well. I hope you get better
I wish I had your defect of being handsome as hell
He is the one standing i front of the crowd but seeing myself in him , my heart is pounding very fast.
Me too!
i think it would be nice for anyone else on earth to know i exist for a few moments
Sometimes in the moment I don't know what to say. I feel like sometimes people expect fast responses and I need time to parse my thoughts and how I feel about things. So I'll kind of freeze up and say nothing, getting anxious at the same time. I also feel this when I'm with a group of people and one or two are constantly cracking jokes and saying funny things. And it seems like people are constantly trying to one up each other in saying the most witty thing.
Yeah I’ve been going through this as well man. Always like some sort of game isn’t it. Don’t worry. You’ll gain the information you need and you’ll realize what Kanye said is right. “We’re all unpaid actors in this giant script”
Most people do not put much thought into talking. You need to do the same. Practice talking without thinking too much and see where it leads you.
@@indianscience5858to say pathetic dumb shit I regret
If you speak slow it down. Don't speak quickly, speak slower. If you talk fast you sound desperate and underconfident. If you talk slower you seem more relaxed. It will help you come up with what to say next without blanking. Don't talk like a sloth though. Be relaxed. As for cracking witting jokes, if you don't have one then you don't have to find one. It probably doesn't matter as much as you think.
That is because they are Neurotypical - their brain is not much deep, it runs on surface level as most of people. They are dumb.
Neurodivergent, HSP mind takes time to process information. That is not sickness. Without ability to process information we would make irrational hysterical bad decisions in life.
My issue is returning to my loud expressive self, and being seen as obnoxious and annoying. I feel like i'm just being an asshole when I let go, say what I want to say and speak up, and people would rather I just stfu.
It’s about being authentic while also being relatable… Watch this: ua-cam.com/video/Pn00Fdy7k3Q/v-deo.htmlsi=-4hhGpMdbcCuysmu
Most people are fake and narcissistic - since they applied techniques suggested by Julien. That is why they see you as obnoxious and annoying - they don't like mirroring - they don't like to see their true face. They would rather stay in narcissistic fantasy of grandiosity. So when you are authentic - fake people will hate it. Since they hate their true self. Problem are toxic evil narcissists - not you. Not your truth.
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor
This so much. Anytime I get to feeling confident, my mouth gets me in trouble fast
The way to be confident is to have no ego an ego is your identity or image you live up to expectations of being liked and cant really let go and be who you truly want to be the ego is scared of being disliked judged or lesser its insecurities is what holds it back this is what spiritual wisdom talks about is just letting go of your identity cayse your identity is your ego
your ego is attached to your self-worth or lack thereof, and trauma is what damages your self worth.
Moral relativism leads for narcissists to become leaders, tyrannic. Like Putin or Trump being in charge - since nobody would care about ego.
Any rigid mindset is sickness. It leads to anxious avoidant attachment style - and it is learned in ACoA abusive ambient - where there is black and white thinking. If something is black , you simply replace it with white. In real life - binary thinking leads to bad and catastrophic decisions in life. We live in fuzzy logic, everything is in spectrum. Everything in life is not rigid - it is in the state of flow, it asks for us love and care and protection, not cold narcissistic hysterical fake mask which Julien is programming you to believe in.
I have social anxiety, and I respect this individual working to get out of his comfort zone like this. It took me years to feel comfortable talking to strangers, talking on the phone, and other strenuous social tasks. I still occasionally have difficulties at large social gatherings and talking on the phone, but I have exponentially improved in these tasks over the years. I now work a job that focuses on helping others with their speech and language skills which requires a lot of client and parent engagement that I would not have been able to do when I was younger. It just takes time and a willingness to attempt challenges despite the way it makes you feel. While the feeling may be rough at first, it will definitely get better with practice. It always helps to start out at the smallest level and go up from there. At least that is what helped me improve. I eventually even got to the point where I felt comfortable singing around a group of 60+ people. It was a fear I would never forget, but it was also a milestone that I will never forget. Have plenty of patience and resilience, and you will definitely improve in your social skills! It is difficult, but it is possible!
" to get out of his comfort zone "
When you get out of comfort zone with trauma unprocessed - we will get imploded like carbon fibre submersible in deep depths of ocean.
Look at 3rd world countries - they are living outside their comfort zone - and they are not getting rich at all - in fact they swim in feces, corruption, cocaine mafia and poverty.
Wow you really worked hard and grown so much! That's so inspiring. I hope you are proud of yourself and can feel that inside. Awesome 👍
@@dianavandevalk3714 " really worked hard and grown"
Denial and suppression is not growth at all. IT is Regression and it leads to mental illness and building a fake persona of grandeur and superiority.
The key to understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the entire formation of the personality is based around a false self. So they have a hyper idealized vision of themselves that protects them from the realities of the world. So basically all of these are a reflection of when reality creeps in, it defies the reality of the false self and causes the narcissist to wake up to the fact that they're living inside of a delusion. And this created mortification and can spiral the narcissist into complete crisis.
YT 7 Things That Frighten Narcissists To Their Core
RICHARD GRANNON
All people with social anxiety are beautiful ❤
🙏
Lovely and true
Social anxiety is not sickness to overcome nor cure.
Quote:
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron
"Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis.
This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people.
It is important not to confuse arousal with fear.
And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.
I really suggest trying to view it as neutral.
HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared.
Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality."
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
W cope
@@fueg00nyxxx L + didn't ask + stay mad
Giving speeches about personal growth appears to be your comfort zone, are you able to show the same amount of confidence on the topics that you are not so familiar with or in unfamiliar environments? I'd like to watch you speaking about this specific topic. Thanks for the content 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I think there is always growth somewhere for everyone. I think the most important thing is being comfortable at the life you really want to live. That’s my goal at least. And from there you can always grow more in other directions
Why would he do that? This is his thing. Lol.
Don't try to show. Just focus more on your perspective of the topic. It need not be accurate.
He's also a comedian so I am sure he has
There’s a clip of Julian doing stand up comedy in a bar, where all his jokes fell flat. Tough crowd. He uses this as one of his examples in one of his conferences.
Me sentí muy identificada con el chico del video asique quiero compartir un poco de mi historia:
Desde que tengo 6 años siempre fui denominada la niña callada y timida de la clase. Con el tiempo termine aceptando que era timida y diferente, esto duró 11 años aproximadamente y realmente me afectó muchisimo creer que era diferente que los demás y que nunca iba a ser "Normal" perdiendo oportunidades de hacer las cosas que me gustaban. Desde los 13 años empece a ver contenido para ELIMINAR la ansiedad social, pero solamente me ayudaron temporalmente y volvia a caer en el mismo pensamiento de que no era normal. Hace unos dias a mis 17 años encontré el canal de Julien, el cual gracias a él logré descubrir que nunca tuve algo malo o que era diferente y que la unica forma de lograr mejorar, poder ser yo misma era aceptarme tal y como soy. Hoy siento que no tengo que demostrar nada a los demás y me siento mucho más comoda conmigo misma.
Solamente quería recordarles a las personas que están pasando por algo similiar, que es totalmente valido sentirse mal por vivir con una etiqueta que nisiquiera te pusiste a ti mismo y que se puede salir de esa jaula aunque parezca no tener una salida. Les deseo lo mejor en su recorrido a sentirse bien devuelta con ustedes mismos. Saludos 🫂♥
Te comprendo completamente la ANSIEDAD SOCIAL es un problema súper limitante yo eh desperdiciado muchos años con esa Ansiedad sintiéndome como atrapado en una jaula sin poder salir y sentirme libre, también gracias a Julián eh mejorado aún me cuesta un poco socializar pero ya voy mejorando es un proceso espero y que también todos los que tengan este problema puedan sentirse libres de nuevo
Felicidades, amiga! Que logres todo lo q quieras! El mundo es TUYO!!!
Hello guys.
I used to be a happy kid but I was getting bullied by the other kids for being awkward as they were telling me. As the years went by I became more and more introverted. When I went to the Army (Mandatory in my country) it was the same the other guys were picking on me and I told our superiors but they sided with them instead. After I finished my Army services I chose to remain there and work. I was always criticised by my superiors, ridiculised in front of many, wronged,punished. Everybody makes mistakes I guess, but what if only your mistakes matter? I decided to quit after a major disagreement. I went on to seek a career in aviation. I got the highest mark of my class at the test but still I dont view it as an accomplishment and my confidence didnt increase at all. I applied for multiple airlines to hire me but to no avail. I also got rejected at an open day for a specific airline. They favoured some other guys from my group who weren't as invested as me. Recently, I've been ruminating. Were all those guys right about me? I'm I an idiot? I'm I always wrong?
Adult children of alcoholics did the best they could do to survive as children. Their behaviors, coping skills and personalities were shaped by chaos and trauma. As adults their inner child is still exiled and terrified lead to compensatory.
🟥Doc Snipes
Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions.
M. Scott Peck
We don't realize as adults that we are now capable of meeting our needs so we don't need these advanced strategies for keeping people close. Pink cloud: We want all things that go well in our life to continue and new things on top of that.
🟥Heidi Priebe
It is considered advantageous in society. School likes it better when children are traumatized. Other people, other adults, society can like the child better when they develop this “persona”. “This is healthy, this is better person”.
🟥Daniel Mackler
Being an adult means having options. We can push back against bullies, move away when it gets too much, and tell other people what we need from them.
Hypervigilance and How to Overcome It
YT The School of Life
'Having someone mad at you/being misunderstood.'
We are adults now. We don't need to give toxic people the power to tell us who we are.
YT Patrick Teahan LICSW
Our parents didn't see us as children. Toxic parents see their kids as selfish adults who are making choices at their expense, which is super messed up.
YT 6 Unknown Childhood Trauma Triggers
It’s easy to take advice from wealthy, wellknown people who seem to have their shit together. The things that privileged selfhelp authors need to overcome their troubles don’t cut it for most of us. Money, power, prestige allow people to be oblivious to the inner lives of others
"How to draw an owl" karlastarr.substack
The devil loves unspoken secrets. Especially those that fester in a man's soul.
Herman Melville
Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed and well-fed.
Herman Melville (August 1, 1819 - September 28, 1891)
Things autistic people get judged for
- Asking in-depth questions on a content area that get perceived as challening the authority
- Working harder than expected on tasks and projects can get perceived as "brown-nosing" or "being weird"
- Asking clarifying questions to understand what is being said to them
- Over-explaning in an effort to be understood and out of anxiety of not getting their thoughts across clearly
- Being focused on a task and not on chatting/socializing
- Caring deeply about the quality of work they produce and giving in their full effort
Yulika Forman, PhD, LHMC
@@jessemartin1876 Maybe we could start to validate our emotions and feelings instead of putting ourselves down?
How about that radical revolutionary idea? Self validation. Self acceptance. Not shaming ourselves.
Sounds like a classic confidence issue. People bully insecure people who don't put up a fight. Confident people get hired because that's what recruiters see. Fake it till you make it
@@tescobakery1927 "Confident people get hired because "
Because toxic society thinks that being confident means being competent.
This is what is happening in Balkan in Eastern Europe - people get hired because they are abusive and narcissistic. Then Balkan Europe is avoided by foreign investors since they know there is corruption and that they will be devoured by predators who are incompetent and basically stupid and that they must bribe the police and judge to handle the crime there.
Toxic corporations too - poisoning the planet because monsters in charge do not have empathy.
Dunning Krueger tells us that super-confident people are stupid, while those with imposter syndrome are competent.
The question is - are your life goals to work for criminals and sell yourself for few bucks more and to abuse other people?
Keep trying man. I'm rooting for you.
I stopped caring about people staring and what people thought about me when girls passing by me in a car yelled 'Woo! You're hot!' I thought i looked like sh*t but those girls just gave me a huge confidence boost
😂
so wild how women HATE cat calling but men love it 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
they were being sarcastic.
You don’t know that
Julien is so freaking cool just being himself. He helps a lot of people. His speeches are always inspiring and motivational. Anders is the bravest man. I'm so proud. There was a massive difference from the beginning to the end. Keep on going Anders. You're even more cool being your true self 🫶
It's not socially acceptable to tell people you're afraid. I always try to be real, but it usually ends up with me feeling dumb i even opened up.
I'm the same way bro. Just now i did that exact same thing typing this comment.
"People expect the quiet one to adapt to the loud people but not the other way around"
@@ranc1977yeah, the loud people are the correct ones. if you want to be a buzzkill, stay home.
@@mrosskne you cant just stay at home and die. Even if you want to. What you are saying is the exact thing quiet people are afraid of and that will make them even more quiet.
@@DarkCor38744 good.
I had eye contact anxiety. I was scared to look people in the eye, cause somehow they could see into my soul. I realized it was me who feared the darkness in myself. It's something I embraced. All conversations are a form of combat, now I want them to see into me.
I have autism so I have difficulty reading faces. So unless it's like an obvious smile I have no idea what you're thinking of or feeling. With RSD I will going to assume negative, I can't define smile - I'll go with: you're angry.
YT PurpleElla
lol you sound like an anime character
@@mrosskne Lol true. I just realized haha.
This video hit me hard, i have extreme social phobia and im struggling to even go out the door sometimes,l and when i saw this video it brought me to tears, he described exactly how i felt, i always have to look and feel cool, im always using shades everywhere i go cause i freak out otherwise
9 Signs if Quiet BDP
1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside
2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty
3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily
4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism
5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem
6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot
7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone
8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy
9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more
-
Quiet BPD subtype
Also known as High-Functioning BPD
One of the subtypes of BPD, people living with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress.
- not easily detectable
- those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden
- common people-pleasing behavior
- withdraw when upset
- feel detached from the world to cope
- fear of rejection and abandonment
- fear of being alone
- social anxiety and self isolation
(Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe
-
QuietBPD
A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obivious).
As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms.
@@ranc1977sounds like I have all 9 signs 😢. What does BPD stand for?
@@upbeyond671 Borderline personality disorder.
In faulty CBT (therapy which studies personality disorders) there is a wrong description of borderline disorder. It is described as narcissistic, loud screaming Karen.
While in reality there are many spectrum subtypes such as Quiet BPD: which is social anxiety. We shut up, we are silent, we fawn, we are pushovers, we self censor ourselves, we live in fears and panic mode all the time and we are convinced that we are abnormal for having these trauma symptoms which toxic society and video like this one explain away as being cowards, sissy, feminine, weak. Society is lying to us, they are feeding us with wrong explanations and we stay stuck in Quiet BPD as the result of toxic society.
Google it. Education is our only (legal) weapon against psychopaths who keep us trapped in panic mode and self blame and self pathologizing mode.
Borderline Personality Disorder, but i wouldn't recommend self diagnosing psychological isses on the internet. It is recommended to contact a professional.
Bruh, Julien is absolutely amazing! The kid looked like he was fainting 100 times but he still did it, mad respect!
He's not a kid, he's a man!
Lobotomy and dissociation, toxic masculinity - the quickest way to handle social anxiety is to become abuser and jerk and narcissist.
@@ranc1977 you said toxic masculinity - all of your credibility is gone.
@@coaiemandushman1079 Living in your delusions is your own choice and nothing I can say can snap you back to real life, reality.
@@coaiemandushman1079 Grammar Nazi.
he is literally torturing this guy... i cant watch this
But it's important. That's how a perspn grows, through their bounds being pushed and stressful situations
@@jegorarefjev544 some people grow because of that but most of the people get trauma
the change what happened at end of video was amazing
I would like to be free again, remove this SOCIAL ANXIETY that limits me to feel free and happy.
Nope. Social anxiety does not limit you to be free and happy. Trauma does.
Social anxiety is simply alarm.
Like if you burn your hand on fire. The burning sensation is not making you unfree and unhappy - it is the fire and inability to see fire that is causing your panic and uncomfortable feelings of being burnt.
The fire are toxic people, narcissists, screaming Karens, insensitive jerks who pretend to be confident and superior to others - that is what is limiting you to be free and happy - you are not listening to your social anxiety telling you the important message : to cut off toxic people.
@@ranc1977 Isn't cutting them off a form of toxicity as well though?
@@the_lordofthedings "Isn't cutting them off a form of toxicity as well though?"
This is great question and it is the heart of social anxiety.
We have no idea what is toxic - due to growing up in aCoA ACE ambient of constant criticism and being exposed to toxic people - so we developed belief that any kind of boundary setting is evil and toxic. We have no knowledge or education how to recognize red flags of someone being toxic, pathological, narcissistic and impulsive borderline - we overgeneralize instead and place any kind of rejection as being toxic and abnormal.
That is how we stay stuck with toxic people, how we become codependent and develop trauma bonding - and we cannot cut contact with toxic people - due to enormous feelings of guilt and shame of us being evil. This toxic empathy keeps us trapped in toxic jobs, toxic families, toxic friends, toxic country. We were conditioned to believe that it is our task to fix other people, that it is our responsibility to calm other people down. This is how borderline disorder starts.
Borderline people depend on other people's mood in order to feel good about oneself.
It is essential to cut contact with toxic people, to minimize contact , to leave as soon as our finances and safety allows us to do.
We can see femicide statistics what happens to battered women who leave their abusive husbands. The threat is real.
Toxic people are mentally ill and evil. They are pathological liars. They live in fantasy and they are predators - they rely on narc supply to feel good about themselves and to feel self esteem and they are machines who devour others just for the sake of devouring.
People who stay in long term narc contact end up with mental illness and auto immune diseases like myeloma.
It is not toxic to say no.
It is not toxic to choose healthy people.
It is not toxic to choose better ambient and safer one.
-
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.
Dr. Bessel can der Kolk
feel safe with other people = mental health
The single most important issue for traumatized people is to find a sense of safety in their own bodies.
🟦 Bessel A. van der Kolk
Been putting together a communication guide/list over the past month (doing vocal warm ups, having eye contact, varying my tone, implementing more pauses, etc). Trying to be more authentic was on my list, but near bottom. It's number one in my list now 😂👍
You can never go wrong being your true self, warts and all. People will tune into you on a different level entirely, one that you could never achieve putting on even the "coolest", most perfect front you could construct.
@kieranwhite4856 Post the rest! Seems like a good list
What and how are you doing all that? I need to know, my college life is starting n I'm shitting my pants! Pls I need to know
Screaming at other people is not authentic - it is personality disorder.
Julien, love your content bro! Your videos have honestly taught me more than my university degree. Your content is so much needed in our society. Thank you for doing what you do 🙏🏽
He is teaching people to develop narcissism, hysteria and to become Karen.
@@ranc1977by that logic everything can be bad if gone to extreme, but his advice taken with a grain of salt helps the introverts' self esteem. You can't say everything he does is bad, he has some good points.
@@fosminclorin "helps the introverts' self esteem"
No it doesn't.
What he is teaching is Masking. Dissociation. Making anxiety Functional.
All these three concepts lead to mental illness.
With Masking - introvert is taught the lesson that their brain is abnormal and it must be hidden away from light and exposure. This leads to toxic shame. More anxiety.
Dissociation when we decide to shift focus from our natural neurodivergent brain operations into fantasy that we are screaming at others at whim. -this will end up as being anti-social and isolated from others. More anxiety.
Making anxiety Functional means becoming zombie, background character without own preferences and desires and goals in life. More anxiety. We need to have negative and difficult emotions - this tells us when someone pushes our boundaries and when we are being hurt by unfair actions of others.
Why is it so hard to validate and accept ourselves as we are?
From early age, anyone who is slightly introverted will be mocked and ashamed by society. Toxic society needs fixing - not our brain. Toxic society lacks education in diversity and acceptance of anything that appears different than the norm.
If we are not serial killers - why on earth you would decide it is healthy to nitpick and fix your brain? As if you are a mass murderer!
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors don’t need anyone else telling them what the ‘should do’ or ‘have to do’ to heal. The last thing they need is someone else trying to control them again. Survivors need to know they are in control and that they are the experts in their experience and healing.
Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
There are so many “positive” messages that are aimed to inspire and help survivors. But when you really listen to these messages, they often guilt or blame survivors for either how they responded to the abuse, or for how they are healing now.
Make sure the messages you share with survivors are honoring and respecting them, their courage, and their choices.
I love Julien but he should not try and convince this guy to be loud. Some people are wired to be quiet. The key is to be in sync with your own predispositions. I know a lot of quiet people who are cool and charismatic.The whole problem of social anxiety is that people try to force themselves to be someone they are not. Thats why they feel frustrated and stressed! And that creates bad energy. Fall in love with your quietness, embrace it, feel it, understand it, see its something gifted to you. Learn to connect with other people using your eyes and smile. As a woman I love quiet men who have that eye spark. Some people love quiet people and find loud people annoying. On a side note, my brother told me he fell in love with his wife because she was quiet and he thought she was so mysterious, later on in marriage he told me, I married her because of that mystery, now I know she is just boring and has nothing to say :D
There's potential in flipping the scale in your experience and having many habits built up from trauma, I think that you're right in specializing to whom you feel inside yet you'd want the benefit of at very least yielding the option of expression in its truest form, which isn't defined by the preset notion by itself. Humans are all about potential and certain things limit that potential, including themselves mostly. Your story is funny and enjoyable and I don't mean to be a pest, it's just that I'm introverted and this has me laughing hard enough I can't breathe, healing...freeing. Well said to be in sync (not the band)
@@voices4dayz469 The band is called En sync, not in sync.
NSYNC (/ɛnˈsɪŋk, ɪn-/; also stylized as *NSYNC or 'N Sync) is an American boy band formed by Chris Kirkpatrick in Orlando, Florida, in 1995 and launched in ...
27:15 ooooooooo! What a finale. Most solid yell from him. That speech about ancestors and gods before hand is what did it.
He did amazing, yes! Massive respect to him! 👊
Hello Julien! I just discovered you and I have watched about like 20 videos of you since yesterday and today and I appreciate your work a lot. But there's a question that have started to appear that I would be very happy to get your view on. And by the way, this has nothing to do with this particular video, I just choose this video because it is your latest one here on UA-cam at this very moment. I can relate with so many people you have brought up on stage. I'm depressed. I'm introverted. I'm not happy with who I am and feel like I'm a failure. I'm afraid to take too much space. I have trouble being loud. I have trouble formluating myself in words and body language. I am often misunderstood. I don't like to go to loud parties - I just feel out of place, uncomfortable and sad. And when I push myself to get out of my comfort zone, I just get so extremely exhausted the day after that I just feel like it isn't worth it - I feel like it isn't who I truly am. I just like the calmness. But a part of me wish I felt happiness and energized when stepping out of my comfort zone. It looks like other people can get those feelings, and I am jealous. But the question is, do you think this is for everyone? Should everyone be loud? Should everyone take up more space if it doesn't make them feel better? Best regards, Another Swedish Dude
Pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone is important, but you MUST combine it with letting go... As I teach this client here, the reason you go outside of your comfort zone is to TRIGGER sensations of resistance which you can then let go of... So it feels effortless. If you're just pushing yourself to push yourself, then it will be exhausting and draining, yes.
I was there, front row!
The seminar was great, and so much great insights. Most astounding was the presence. But at some pionts I felt ungenuiness like through. And the aggressive selling halfway into the seminar, in the backroom down the hall was surreal, really left me feeling like I’ve been raped. My friend said the same.
All love !
I was definitely curious about follow on the to "free" seminar. Thanks for drawing that to my attention.
yikes yeah a lot of these tony robbins type seminars feel a bit corny and disingenuous to me for some reason. I really like the things he says & that he’s actually helping some people but idkk
what were they trying to sell you & how were they aggressive btw?
Raped? Thats a bit much my man. Sounds like you have a lot of inner work to do. And with my help, I feel we can make some real progress. I have program I developed that can get you on the right track. And for only two payments of $599.00, you can turn your life around. What do ya say champ?
It is absolutely insane what social anxiety and anxiety in general has done to my life. For a little more than a decade now, (I’m 24), it truly has made my life a living hell. It feels like a poison or a disease in my body and mind and spirit, where everything gets tainted with this theme of misery. I try and try and try again and again to live my life but anxiety has never once failed to interfere.
The amount of medications, supplements, even electro shock therapy I’ve done most people wouldn’t even believe, yet here I am, present day, and I just had a pretty severe panic attack due to social anxiety in public just an hour ago. It’s so extremely debilitating and after you have it for enough time, it starts to shape every single part of your life and personality and identity
Hope things will get better. Sometimes wishing for that "better tomorrow" helps ease things
You've tried TRT?
The only way is too push forward. What has helped me ALOT was solo travelling. It was the most scariest thing I have ever done at first. But as soon as I stepped on that place and went to an hostel where i noticed and learned how many people are alike and just like me. You are not alone. Go out there and be your self. If someone doesn't like you or no one likes you for your self than they are not worthy of your attention. Choose what you want to do and become in life and pursue that all the while being your self. Go out there bro don't give up. I still from time too time struggle a bit but i always remind my self that most have some form of anxiety or are scared of judgement and push trough.
@@VeI_2.0 no, it is something I’ve thought about but I’ve never tried it. Im only 24 and i don’t think my value is low enough to get a prescription.
@@gamegamesnldegameszijnop I struggle so much with “being myself” because so many years have passed where I have, at least in front of others, been this fake, anxious version of myself that I don’t even know what my “true self” is. It seems my brain doesn’t allow me access to it except for sometimes when I’m alone I feel it from time to time. I hope I’m making sense with that.
The solo travel idea is a very good one. It’s something I haven’t really explored
I think your sunglasses are doing you a disfavor. I love your message but the sunglasses kinda weaken it. Doesnt feel trustworthy and also a bit like hiding.
WEARING A SUNGLASSES AND USING COCAINE REALLY HELPS!!!
LOL
Embrace yourself, give yourself permission, and back yourself up like Julien and the audience in the event. These all help me to express my inner self more confidently with people around me. Thx Julien.
Julien: "How does it feel to be right up here upfront, being stared at and being judged by this entire crowd?"
Me: "I have to go." (walks away)
(What's helped me cope with social anxiety is finally realizing that 100% of people are in their own heads at the end of the day. Even if someone judges me, their judgement doesn't last more than a few minutes because their brains have a thousand different distractions and thoughts going on...that one thought of me gets pushed out by the next thought, etc. Mindfulness helped me with this stuff. I used books like "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels and "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Bourne - both books are on amz, i recommend getting both together, to calm and observe my thought patterns and let go of anxiety as best I can. Perspective is everything.)
The thing that happened to you? It happened to me too! :D The realisation that nobody gives a fuck...
I've watched many of Juliens videos and that's what stuck with me the most. People don't care about me. My entire life I've always felt that everybody is looking at me, judging me, but that is not at all true. It's a relief to know that.
"100% of people are in their own heads at the end of the day. Even if someone judges me, their judgement doesn't last more than a few minutes"
This is not true at all.
Narcissists think all the time - they are predators.
They abuse others and think how to be evil to others.
Socially anxious empaths and HSPs will attract narcissists. So yeah - other people are toxic and evil -
there is nothing sick inside your brain that must demand brainwashing and convincing yourself that your alarm signals are malfunctioning. Lobotomy is not necessary - you will only develop toxic shame when you suppress your natural instincts and common sense and gut feelings.
There are toxic and evil people out there -and we have ability to sense and detect them due to exposure to ACoA in childhood - which gave us ability to detect toxic people quickly, hence social anxiety.
Is the speaker hiding behind his sunglasses? Just curious why are you wearing sunglasses indoor ? Seems like a form of hiding