For me being an INFJ: 1. The weird feeling of being 'alone' even when surrounded by loved ones 2. The feeling that no one understands you 3. The scary thought that our type is probably the most susceptible to depression 4. Trying to get someone to comprehend how you're right when it comes to pinpointing how a person is. Even years later when they finally realize I was right. Why couldn't they just listen to me instead of going through years of pain? 5. The CONSTANT daydreaming. This drives me crazy. It's almost like I have to do it to stay sane, yet need to be focusing on being productive.
' Trying to get someone to comprehend how you're right when it comes to pinpointing how a person is. Even years later when they finally realize I was right. Why couldn't they just listen to me instead of going through years of pain?' Ha, I can't tell you how many times I have had this exact thought!!
SayJakPoleJoe/APFOE Yes, we are perfectionists and we blame ourselves for every small mistake. It is white or black for us. Or it is good enough or not at all, every small mistake, undone detail makes us sick of ourselves. This one big problem with us, we have to deal with perfectionism, it is not a good thing.
This is so true. Been to a good caring therapist lately. When she listened to my story she took some notes, we talked for a bit and then she said that all of that was never my fault. That I was gifted beyond measure and that she sees a very successful amazing person in front of her. And that it was never my fault. She had to say that a couple of times as if I was Will Hunting. That made me cry and makes me cry from time to time now. I am always so hard on myself.
I am a Clinical Psychologist with 30 years of experience dealing with people. I was branded a INFJ quite sometime ago. I never really accepted that evaluation because placing 'labels' on people puts them into a box. It limits their potentiality and personal growth. At worse, it can destroy a individual's self determination and freedom. However, the Myers Briggs Personally Test is interesting but somewhat incomplete. I have never encountered a 'classical' INFJ before. Why? Because certain characteristics of this personality type have many subgroups some of which overlap other MBTI personality types. That being said I will describe the characteristics of how a 'orthodox' INFJ thinks, behaves and responds in strict accordance with the MBTI Personalty Test. Be forewarned, I find some INFJ 'stereotypes' rather funny. And will approach such in a humorous fashion. INFJ's posess a wonderfully sense irony and will immediately recognize the silly 'stereotypes' others have attrubuted to them.....So let's start breaking some myths about the INFJ Personalty Type When a INFJ gives you the dreaded 'Death Stair' they are not attempting to understand you. They are wondering if you're carrying a gun. Killing INFJ's is a pleasurable experience. Why? Because everyone hates a smart ass. INFJ's frequently experience 'Sensory Overload' issues. They love Forests, Parks and Woodland areas to recharge their batteries. Why? Because trees don't talk! A squirrel cannot complain it has 'Daddy Issues'. Pine trees do not suffer from 'gender identity' problems. And I have never seen a bunny rabbit strung out Crack Cocaine. Solitude is bliss. Never say to a INFJ, 'I do not understand', They will run away screaming or jump infront of a bus. No one understands them. INFJ's sometimes don't even understand themselves. INFJ's feel uncomfortable being around large groups of people. However, once you get them talking, they never shut up. Why do a INFJ 'Door Slam' people? Because it's called a Coping Mechanism. They dislike being emotionally hurt. There is nothing strange about this behavior. Some people become alcoholics others pill poppers. INFJ's will just run away and pretend you never existed. INFJ's have the psychic ability to absorb people's emotions. No. This is phenomen is called 'Transference'. If you continuously talk about your problems, a INFJ will unconsciously adopt some aspects of your emotional state. However, INFJ's posess strong identities which prevents them from going completely insane. INFJ's are the most honest, compassionate and sensative people on Earth. Not really. Mother Nature just screwed them up genetically. They're brains are hard wired to respond during crisis situations. A 'diehard' INFJ will instinctively sacrifice their life attempting to save yours. No questions asked. Why? I have no freaking idea. I didn't invent the rules. Ask God. I'm sure She knows. INFJ's think differently than others. Yes. They think outside the box. They live outside the box. They have never actually seen the box. What does it look like? Does it contain groceries? INFJ types are occasionally arrogant, cold towards others and aloof. This is actually true. Being omnipotent has its drawbacks. INFJ's have a difficult time sugar-coating the truth. Being overtly honest is their trademark. If they sense someone cannot handle the truth, they will lie to protect that person's emotions. INFJ's are stubborn yet will openly admit to errors in judgment or making mistakes. INFJ's think too deeply. They want to solve everyone's problems. They get frustrated when people ask for advice - then completely ignore their recommendations! They do not understand why everyone keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually, a INFJ will simply give up. The phrase 'People need to learn things the hard way' was invented by a INFJ. So was the 'unfriend' button on Facebook. INFJ's do not respect authority because they have developed their own Moral, Ethical, Spiritual and Cognative belief systems. Mature (older) INFJ's care very little about how people perceive them and less about the impressions they make upon others. INFJ's enjoy approval and acceptance (like everyone else) but infrequently compromise their princepals to simply fit in. Do not mistake a INFJ's confidence as egocentrismn. There is a difference. INFJ's are frequently interpreted as posessing a Narcissist Personalty Disorder. This stereotype is absolutely false. A Narcissist loves adoration and attention. The typical INFJ cares more about others than themselves, sometime to their own detriment. INFJ's dislike themselves. They feel alone within the world and misunderstood. Being a INFJ a curse. Consequently, a small minority INFJ's often experience psychological Depression, Alienation Issues and Avoident Behavior problems. The phrase 'You are your own worst enemy' accurately describes a INFJ's perception of themselves. The most admirable personality traits of the INFJ are (1) INFJ's are compassionate which makes them a easy targets for emotional exploitation and abuse. Never play 'Guilt Games' with a INFJ. They already persecute themselves (subconsciously) for being different. (2) They don't have the ability to forgive themselves for past mistakes, A INFJ's unforgiving 'Guilt Complex' is an integral part of their personality. INFJ's have occasionally been known to slowly kill themselves over time, believing they deserve such suffering. 'Hell on Earth' is their punishment and they willing accept it....sometimes. Not always. (3) Once you secure the trust of a INFJ, everything about them suddenly becomes clear. The stereotypes vanish. These are people you want within your life. They have incredible insight into human nature and will identify your weaknesses and lift you up from darkness. Seeing the world through a INFJ eyes is the greatest gift they can offer. It would be impossible to understand a MBTI typology without stating the negative traits of a specific personality group. The 'Dark Side' of a INFJ is rather frightening. Never test their 'Authenticity' or personal dignity. Do not play games with a INFJ. They have limitations like everyone else. A INFJ can determine your intentions or plans within minutes. Literally. This Hyperobservient behavior is quite unique. Avoid getting into heated arguments with a INFJ unless you are prepared to be intellectually, emotionally or psychologically castrated. They have cognitive resources almost beyond understanding. A vindictive INFJ will never stop until they destroy your life (this has nothing to do with physical murder). Such behavior is almost Psychopathic in nature (hence the concern INFJ's may be catorgized as possessing a Psychological Disorder rather than a Personality Dysfunction). Fortunately, INFJ's are not prone to violent behavior. They give up easily, This is where the 'Door Slam' or simply walking away from an argument comes from. Once they reveal their true inner nature, you will begin to understand why only 1% of the world's population are INFJ's. They are so dam charming. INFJ's dislike small talk, idle conversations, superficial people and hypocrites. Life is too short talking to such individuals (but they understand its occasionally necessary to be socially accepted) INFJ's are not spontaneous. They just pretend to be spontaneous. Their minds are always attempting to 'connect the dots....even when there are no dots! When the Zombie Apocalypse occurs, a INFJ will be eaten screaming, "I told you so... I told you so!" Imagine your on the Titanic. It's 1912. You see a Iceberg coming. Your jumping around and telling everyone the ship is about to sink. People just laugh and finish their Champagne. Welcome to the wonderful world of a INFJ. Avoid getting into deep conversations with a INFJ. They are walking encyclopedias. They will jump from topic to topic then back again to support a idea or theory. Male INFJ's are 'scattered brained' in the worst way possible. But there is method to such madness. The are searching for the correct answer to a specific problem. And 95% of the time they will discover it... or have a complete nervous breakdown trying. Occasionally, you will notice a INFJ acting mysteriously, doing unusual things or just behaving weird. Get used to this behavior. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. The INFJ is just going through a 'stage' or experimenting with something that interests them. Like building a Thermonuclear Bomb or discovering a cure for Herpes. Never tell a INFJ they have a 'Old Soul'. They are absolutely terrified of being reincarnated again. INFJ's are aware that neither Heaven or Hell wants them. Why? Because God doesn't need the extra competition on who should run Heaven (Him or a INFJ) and Satan can't deal with a INFJ pestering him for all eternity....that would be considered cruel and unusual punishment. Aliens will never abduct a INFJ. There are some things too bizarre even for Extraterrestrials. INFJ's have a difficult time forming a thought or idea into words. Yes. Someday a INFJ will develop Telekinesis and scare the hell out of everyone. Stop laughing, it's going to happen. So next time you accidentally encounter a INFJ, break all COVID 'Social Distancing' issues and hug them. INFJ's are a endangered species. Literally. Whatever purpose they were created for has already been accomplished. There represent only 1% of 7.7 billion people on planet Earth according to MBTI statistics. In my opinion, this Myers Briggs Personality represents the noblest aspects of humanity....Intelligent, Wise, Caring, Virtuous, Observent, Altruistic and Protective. Dispight their faults (which everyone has, no one is perfect) INFJ's are genuine. You get exactly what you see meeting these people. No convert agenda, deeply empathic intellectuals who sincerely care about you. They have a excellent sense of humor also (wink).
INFJs aren't made to function well in this world...we're frontrunners of a new way. As Krishnamurti said, "It's no sign of mental health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". :) ...I am in my, gasp, late forties, and can relate to everything you say. Clearing the mind with meditation helps with thought overload. Knowing that some people are and will always be mental surface dwellers helps. We would function perfectly in an environment built on love and mutual cooperation, but we live in a world that favors predators and parasites so things are still a bit rough. Find your people. Loving, caring people. Stay away from soulsuckers.
Dani68ABminus I love that quote, it’s so true and relatable. Feeling lost among the sheep 🐑 day in and day out. I don’t understand how any one would want to be an infj but I guess it’s the inclusivity and the terms like rare and different etc. Everyone wants to feel special, but honestly every type and every person is a unique thumbprint on this world, and the cognitive stacking of infj makes their thinking and feeling different... and not always in the best way.
"I get you more than you get me." This resonates with me so much. I have a strong desire to know everything about a person and I've never felt that anybody felt the same way about me.
Anaiah-Zaccai Wilson I've recently met someone who I believe is an ENFJ and clearly has an intense desire to get to know me deeply. It is very flattering and despite coming from two different worlds (cultures, religions, race etc) we have this intense attraction that I can't explain. But the fact that the ENFJ has a girlfriend and is generally very friendly with everyone makes me mistrustful. But more importantly the INFJ in me does not want to let anyone in. I don't want anyone to know the 'real' side to me that I love inside my head that is toxic, broken and so critical albeit to myself. I also don't want to share my problems, not to protect myself so much but those who have contributed to my problems. Worse thing is I think I have fallen in love with this person and knowing that I can never be with them long term I have decided to shut them out of my life completely because I cannot handle the intimacy and the vulnerability and I am fearful of compromising my values. Apologies for the long post but I'm feeling pretty depressed and helpless at the moment and just frustrated with myself and how I cannot function in this world.
Ruby Ruby I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm slowly realizing the importance of vulnerability. I always have fear of it because I never want anyone knowing what I'm thinking/feeling because I don't want to be judged, be a burden, or be manipulated. It's so hard, but it's essential for any type of a relationship. I wouldn't want anyone to know most of the things in my mind, and no one has to. That's for ME. When it comes to relationships, it's important to let people know how you feel about them. It's so hard, but it's necessary. It's so hard for ANYONE to have feelings for a friend who has a significant other. Maybe it IS best that you have cut ties with him. Have you ever thought about telling him how you feel? No matter what, you WILL be okay! It's SO hard, but you'll get through this! This is TEMPORARY. You won't feel like this forever. You just need to distract yourself with things that make you happy, do the things you love to do. You're not alone. I know how you feel.
A huge problem for me personally as an INFJ is that I'll go days with hardly any sleep because I'm always thinking, reflecting and researching. I always feel like I'm not as knowledgeable as I should be so I'll be lost in my thoughts and research; only ever getting 4-6 hrs of sleep a night then I end up crashing on the weekend sleeping for up to 14 hrs straight in one day just so I can reboot my system and repeat the process again. Because of this constant worry to better myself, I worry about talking to other people because I'm always thinking about what I should say. I used to have really bad social anxiety from when I was about 8 yrs old well up into my teens because of this problem.
+Francisca 24 Two things that helped me: First thing was to write my thoughts down, EVERYTHING (I still do this, I know...). That way my mind could focus on other things than carrying all my worries, and instead think of ways to get things done (and see shit way more clearly). That helped me sleep. Second thing: Face my fears. For me it was to overcome my social insecurities, a small step at the time, and start to believe in my own capability and value. It's our heavy Ni that always see other ways and second guess almost everything, but almost no one else think like that. They do stuff, and sometimes things go wrong. And the earth is still around... From another INFJ.
Thanks for all your advice guys :) I've done quite a bit of self evaluation since I posted this comment. I have actually started keeping a journal and it really helps with getting thoughts out of my head and off my chest, thank you Victor. I got a new job and the people I work with are great some of them understand what I am going through because they deal with the same issues so it's good to know there are other people out there like me and they have their own proactive ways of overcoming their own difficulties. Of course success doesn't happen overnight and I understand it will take time for me to finally be comfortable with being who I am and not putting so much pressure on myself to be intelligent. I am still tackling the issue on regulating my sleep pattern however I have managed to get an extra 1-1.5 hours of sleep every night and cut down on sleeping for 10 hours instead of 14 on weekends. And even though this isn't a major discovery but I have found that drinking about 2.5 litres of water everyday helps me keep awake during the day so I don't have to drink so much coffee. Thank you :)
+Francisca 24 I'm glad to hear that you have found a direction that makes you feel better. The way ahead will be easier the more you walk it now when you have found your own way suited for you. In a year from now you will be amazed how far you have come if you look back, I guarantee it :-) And that water thing is soo important to med too :-) All the best wishes to you!
+Francisca 24 Same here! When I was facing a breakup, I can go a full day or even longer without sleep, just to think, reflecting, doing all that sorts of analyzing, many cups of coffee and crying, even though I can't really find my answer. It's very irritating to be this way.. it's painful, my body became so weak. But when I finally woke up from that pain and stopped thinking after several weeks, I was very proud of myself. But often every now and then, when I get that terrible feeling, where I just feel all alone and started remembering my past (not only just breakups though), then I will go back to being..well..infj.. can you relate to this?
i remember those days up like insomnia and than huge sleep caps. all changed when i got a career working lots of hours and kids. def. put me i to another mindset and boat. not saying to get kids but i know it was hard for me to find a job i even liked.
I enjoy being an INFJ but the sensitivity to others sort of backfires on me sometimes. The empathy comes with many strength but there's always a tension between wanting to be around people but not wanting to feel all the feelings.
I think a lot of INFJs will relate to most of the the list, if not all of it, lol. I think the thing that most sucks for me is that this type just inherently doesn't allow me to have much 'fun' that the other types are having. The constant worrying about how my actions and words will affect others, and constant need to 'keep the peace', 'dont be a bother', 'dont create conflict', (being a people pleaser by default) sometimes deprives me of my own enjoyment. Totally not fun :/ and despite loving my alone time, it's never really fun being alone (unless I'm high) :)
+motleycruenoob dude, you NAILED it! Sometimes this burden of being the "peacekeeper" gives off the vibes of weakness. And I KNOW im not weak...if my heart tells me battle is necessary then i would BATTLE like no other...BUT.. I'm just peaceful and sometimes...that creates problems..
+The Watlingtons Nicely put - I'd describe myself exactly the same way. Generally though I love being an infj (I worried way more "before" I knew I was an infj). I really enjoy the impact I can have on people overall. If I had to choose a biggest burden it would be when I suddenly withdraw. I love my alone time personally - but it's the impact it has on others I don't like. Some people worry, some get mad, at minimum they are confused. Only my oldest friends and family understand my "off radar" time and even then many are not thrilled by it.
+motleycruenoob It is said that we, the INFJs, are the oxymoron/paradox of the 16 MBTI types. We are the extroverted introverts. We like to be alone but feel lonely when we do so. We also understand others, but no one seems to understand us. I sometimes wish that I wasn't an INFJ, but that has become so much of who I am that I wouldn't know who I would be if I wasn't.
+MissWeird I'm not sure I'd describe us as "very insecure". Somebody once called me "quietly confident" and it's stuck with me ever since because it was simply put and highly accurate (for me at least). Definitely I have insecurities - they're just not constantly on my mind. My guess would be that infj insecurities lessen with age and experience. I do find that I strive for perfection in most things which I suppose, if framed in the wrong way, can be perceived by ourselves as insecurity. Usually I just see it as 'more work to be done' or 'time to learn more'. There's also that feeling that we're not quite the same as everyone else, or alien...even though almost everyone we meet loves us (I dig your name btw ;). Focusing too much on the feeling weird part feeds insecurity but if you turn it around and focus on the fact that there's almost no one you can't win over eventually it reinvigorates your confidence. Anyway, I can see how we infj's "could" feel very insecure but I don't think it's predestined based on our type. Your comment was really interesting to me so thanks for sharing. Happy Holidays! :)
Thank you for the long answer! Yeah, it could be a side effect of my low self-esteem, but the fact that it's constantly on my mind is very infj-like, i guess. Happy Holidays!
I can relate to ALL of this. I know that some people want to be INFJs, but I cannot for the life of me fathom why. It's not fun (at least for me). I mean, I'm not saying I'm a miserable person who hates their life, but I'm saying that we're not the shiny, candy-coated people we present to the world. I want people to feel comfortable around me, so I bend over backwards to make that happen, but goddamn it's exhausting. What's really strange is that men seem to think (for the most part) that my smiles and eye-contact means I'm flirting with them, which is such tricky territory because I want to make it clear I'm not interested without hurting their feelings. I, too, have snuck out of shops because of sales-women!! That is hilarious!! I felt bad about it for days, too, which is silly. Also, the darkness is REALLY puzzling to people. When you let someone finally glimpse a little of the "real" you, that can be very strange for them, you know? Blah. I don't know what I really wanted to convey here other than the fact that I totally, and I mean this sincerely, I COMPLETELY get you.
thanks for sharing. I love how you mentioned how men misinterpret your kindness for flirting..that happens to me all the time! and yes I wish it wasn't such a shock for people to get a glimpse of my 'true' self..so much so that it's always kept brewing inside to avoid any sort of misunderstanding (which ultimately makes it worse). it's quite refreshing to have a community of people who are just like us, for it helps to ease the belief that our thoughts and ideals are alien to all the "normal" people out there..whatever that means
+solohouette Do you have many female friends? I find it super difficult to make friends with other women because, for the most part, I don't care about their nonsensical small talk. I hope this doesn't sound mean, because I don't MEAN it to sound mean. :)
+SmittenKitten Haha no I don't have any female friends for the exact reason you stated..it's going to bite me in the ass someday when I have to pick out bridesmaids for my wedding!
For all you fellow INFJ's out there: I struggle with codependency. (One reminder that's helped me is "The more I try to _make_ others happy, the more I self-erase.") As an INFJ I can easily forget that my needs are important too. Something you said helped me to realize: my impetus to help others with their emotions is because of my Fe (extroverted feeling). I easily forget that my empathy for others emotions is stronger than my Fi (introverted feeling) so I confuse others emotional turmoil with mine (or theirs overshadows mine) because I'm not as practiced with understanding my emotions. So, I try to help others pain because it hurts me. They feel like an extension of my body in a way. Thanks, Solo. The critical inner parent struggle is real. My lamenting of "I made this person feel uncomfortable, today." it... it hurts and I hate it. Any book by Eric Berne talking about the Parent, Adult, and Child in us has helped be dramatically What's helped me with that dark feeling of being misunderstood is talking about myself and my struggles with non-judgmental people. My greatest accomplishment? The person I'm trying to be. Also, every time I've been able to counsel someone else and change them for the better.
One more thought: INFJ's tend towards the negative. We're old souls but also dark. I've had to work very hard to find my light. My source is fueled by a few things. Self-knowledge and using that to be ok with who/how I am: recognizing that, many times, what we see as our greatest weakness is our superpower; our strengths, not understood and taken to an extreme are our weakness. One of my strengths is helping others, not just in the present but their future. That as a weakness looks like self-erasure.
I am 31 and I still completely relate to everything you said, except for feeling over confident. I grew up with an abusive parent, who never showed any genuine care or love for me. It lead me to a series of abusive relationships and I ended up marrying a sociopath, who was extremely abusive. all that to say, I have managed to get my masters mental health counseling, but after graduating I got stuck and scared. I have several anxiety disorders but the worst is my complex PTSD which I've been to extensive hardcore counseling for, now on top of all the strugles of having am INFJ personality, I can't relate to most females my age, bc my life has been a series of traumas, and I feel I can't relate or be understood by females. faking it just makes me feel more alone. my mind never stops, and my story is too messed up to really tell ppl. it traumatizes them, which isolates me more. I am dealing with losing my only close girlfriend and a death in the family, among other craps right now. I wish I could find another INFJ female to relate to. But we are rare and its only possible online. anyway, sorry for the life story I just felt very understood and wanted to thank you for your video. 😊
Jennifer Smeltzer I don’t have words for how much this resonated with me, I truly can empathize because I have walked likely similar foot steps.... I wish you healing and courage to continue opening up, reflecting, creating boundaries and not becoming a victim again. No child should ever have to go through the unspeakable things that people like you and I have had to... but through it it created a different type of person, we naturally have the strength to move forward as an infj rather than crumbling to the power of our abusers. (I’m also 31) love and light
the best advise i could offer as a soon to be 40 year old infj is learn to meditate. like learn authentic traditional mindfulness or some form of genuine meditation and do it every day for at least 10 min ☺
I just turned 23 but i like to meditate and think outside on my deck in the mornings after i drink coffee and go for a run. It really starts my day right
You have those eyes that I keep seeing in INFJ's. Just an observation, I see it in you, Brian Schultz, Tom Davison, myself. It's like a depth thats hard to put my finger on, like a mixture of wisdom and pain.
I can relate to the "all or nothing" part. Whenever I have a certain goal in mind and set out on the necessary actions to do it, I expect my results to match 100% with my expectations. If they don't, I feel like starting on that goal was a mistake in the first place and feel utterly disappointed. I wish someone could just drill into my brain that life is never "all or nothing" or "black and white". The fact that it's okay lie somewhere in the spectrum with respect to results.... :)
Anwesh Bhattacharya Yep it's always 'all or nothing' and always 'black and white' for me as an INFJ but of course life never is. Our idealism can be our biggest downfall and the biggest reason for dissatisfaction with others and the world around us when our ideals that we strive to maintain are challenged and are not met.
INFJs often feel alone because we are used, a lot! Our empathetic abilities, combined with our accurate assessment abilities join to give us awesome problem-solving techniques, which others tend to flock to and use for their benefit. I am friends with many, yet I have few friends of my own, if that makes sense. However, that's all part of the design, as I steer clear of fake friends and tend to only allow the most genuine to be in my intimate circle. The mechanism inside the mind of an INFJ tends to always be on alert. When we are with company, our focus is on them, as individuals and as a whole. When we are alone, our focus turns inward, simply because there's nothing else on which to put our focus. Either way, our minds seem to be continually focused on something or someone. The only time we relax and shut down is when our total focus is on relaxing and shutting down, hence the benefits of meditation.
I myself am an INFJ and I can completely relate with everything you mentioned... the whole I get you but you dont get me thing, so true even though I've always thought that it was just me not being open to the other person, this is me trying to justify other people's actions toward me. It's also very hard for me to get close to someone because I'm easily turned off by the smallest of things but at the same time I can't stand shallow people... but once I find this person worthy of my time, i make an exception and completely let go of all judgement it's almost like I'm a walking paradox... And I'm always having debates in my mind. I have so much to say in my head but when someone comes and ask me what I'm thinking about, it's hard for me to speak without me stumbling over my thoughts. So weird! Then I come off as not intellectual / not knowing what I'm talking about. Let me know if you're the same way. You're really pretty btw :) your cheekbones are everything x
As an Intp, I understand all of these problems. I can REALLY feel the difference between when I am alone and when I am with people, even just one person. When I'm alone, I just think, think , think about random things all the time. I ponder memories and stress about the things I could've or should've done, stress about what I should be doing, and worry about how the world should be and I can change it. I start to feel insecure and misunderstood, because I don't feel like I have accomplished the things that people around me believe I should've accomplished. But I know I personally don't care for the things that other people care about, and it makes me feel like they worry about unimportant things, and that I should worry about bigger problems. It cause me a lot of stress. It makes me feel like I'm letting other people down or being selfish, but I just can't explain how I feel to them, because I will be misunderstood. As a guy, I don't want to come off as too emotional, especially when people expect you to be a certain way(for me calm, collected,logical). Sometimes I want to express how I feel like just having a personal life is just so selfish, when there are so many problems to solve. But then reality hits me, and I need food, clothes, housing, and all this other stuff I need to survive. It then becomes a logical equation of, who are you going to help if you can't help your self? lol. People really think that I am lazy and irresponsible because it's very hard for me to initiate things, pursue things, finish things, and be consistent. I guess they are right, but I just wish they'd try to understand me before judging me. But I can't explain to them why I feel so many things are unimportant or frivolous. And it's either because I know they won't understand me, or because I literally can't explain my process of thinking. I really feel like I am making the logical decision, but sometimes I really can't know. I really hate feeling like I'm unreliable, or underachieving, or lazy, apathetic, uncaring, dumb, arrogant, or being a bad person. I want people to see me for who I am, not for my accomplishments, or for what I look like, or what someone told them. I can relate to sensing other peoples emotions, but I feel like I shouldn't but I can definitely feel them. Sometimes I get really confused between how I feel about someone and how I feel others feel about them, and I just go crazy in my head. I sometimes feel like I need someone to talk to, but also don't want to burden people. Plus, I don't know if they'll understand me, or they'll judge me. Well at least I have you internet, lol. Good talk.
It seems like you have similar problems to us INFJ's. Don't worry about what people think about you. Do your best to be the best you can be and take care of yourself. Everyone is different so that we can all do different things on life. Everyone worries about different things, and that's OK too. Also, maybe you can find someone who will listen to you and not judge you, it's hard to find people like that, but they exist (hopefully lol) and talking about our problems helps a lot. I know from experience. Hope this helps :D
Kei San Thank you for your candid post, I really appreciate your honesty. I face these same struggles every single day, and it gets me down. No matter how hard I try I end up being this lazy, inconsistent, unmotivated and unreliable person that just isn't good enough. Everyday is a struggle to just exist in a world that feels like it's not made for us.
Thank you for sharing. I found this very relatable and it cleared up some things about myself that I didn't know how to put into words. I tend to isolate myself and I think it's because I expend so much energy trying to help other people feel comfortable and validated. I feel like my boyfriend is the only person on earth (other than my therapist but that's her JOB) who takes the time to make sure I feel comfortable and validated. So needless to say he's exhausted too. I'm a complicated person on the inside and I think a lot of INFJ's feel the same.
I think you should be very happy with all that you have accomplished so far in your life. I am a 48 years old INFJ and would have made different choices if I had understood my trait sooner in life. Appreciate those who bring you happiness. Finding friends who understand you will be challenging so never become discouraged. School is important to finish because it will bring you a far better life with opportunities and it is extremely important for all INFJ to become college educated. I don't like the intuitive nature of my trait so I try to stay focused on "sensing" because it is based on gathering FACTS within information, not the interpretation of information which creates the "thinking all the time". As you get older, you will become bolder and the gain the maturity to speak up for yourself. You are one of the lucky ones. Thank you for sharing, it takes courage for a introvert to make a you tube video.
I respect your courage to be so forthright in this video. As a fellow INFJ I would encourage you to know that it is possible to charge yourself up (with exercise, sleep etc etc) with enough energy to pursue your dreams. I have personally found that INFJ s are capable of achieving anything. Please take the best care of yourself possible and thank you for the open and honest video.
I think a difference between infjs and intjs is that both are perfectionist and very self-critical but only the infjs try to merge with others to the point they want to be "inside" them , and that can be a problem because your persona is mixed with other's, and you end up feeling yourself when you are with others. On the other hand the intj needs to space out and be alone to distance himself from "becoming" who he relates with. That's their limit, while infjs seem to never limit themselvs in that sense. I think one cannot change oneself in may core aspects but you can perfect them, perhaps you need to become more the teacher and the mystic and the conselor you were born to be, maybe you need to implement that. Maybe what you are missing is people with whom you can do that, people that need it. On a note: You should check out a classic movie called Persona by Ingmar Bergman, It may be a bit heavy and chaotic movie to watch but it certainly explores how mindbending it is when two people mingle.
I relate to about everything you just said! Odd, really. Other INFJ's I've seen speak never really talked about those things in the type of perspective you did. I enjoyed it. (: One thing you said, that intrigued me was how you can never REALLY enjoy your free time because you feel as though you need to be doing something to better yourself. I completely understand where you're coming from. This is like, my life lol. I'm always home, looking up things about science/psychology/philosophies, etc. (the things that interest me the most, and that I value.) I feel like if I'm not doing these types of things, than I'm not fulfilling myself. The problem is, I never really do it in a constructive way, therefor I don't really soak up the information. An example of this that really made me open my eyes.... I'm 18 and started college in the fall (left half way through because of a family tragedy.) While I would be in the library studying for my classes, I would notice myself looking something up pertaining to the information, because I fell almost like I can't really understand and retain the information unless I see the FULL picture. So I would spend up to 2 hours looking up things that I wanted to know about that content, even though I didn't need to, and it was likely for higher level class. So I found myself doing piss poor on my work, because I spent too much energy doing these things I didn't have to. Thus, rushed my actual work. We're strange, us INFJ's hahah.
+morgan brown Haha..you sound exactly like me. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I always feel obligated to do something productive; whether it's picking up the house or reading articles online, I just can't allow the majority of my time to be spent on pure enjoyment. As far as school goes, I am the same way. It's so difficult for me to truly understand novel concepts if I don't see the big picture and how it ties into the subject at hand. I am always baffled by classmates who can study for tests the night before and still make great grades..it takes me a loong time to feel 100% prepared to test my knowledge on something. Thanks for sharing!
I literally understand exactly where you're coming from on all of this. Seriously, every single thing you named off, I have experienced something similar too. Being an INFJ....I wouldn't change it, because I can't really imagine being anything else. But I have always looked at other people and thought...Do they have to try so hard to be normal? Or are they just normal naturally? Also, I know everyone is always saying how INFJs are so selfless because we sacrifice ourselves to make others happy, but you hit it straight on. Even though I go above and beyond, literally anything in my capabilities to do I will, to make others happy and experience good things I still feel like I'm selfish. Because, in reality, I'm doing whatever it is so that I don't see them in pain, or think they're unhappy, or whatever the case may be. Honestly, I feel like I can handle putting myself second and experiencing pain or discomfort better than I can handle letting other people experience those things. If I experience those things alone I can move past them...but if it involves another person I will beat myself up over it for WEEKS. So, in the end, isn't this just selfishness? Sorry, I know I'm an odd one....but it's good to know there are people like me out there. I don't think I've ever met another INFJ before :)
What sucks for me as an INFJ is a JOB? Of course i have bills so i HAVE to work, but 2-3 years seems to be my max with any company...no matter the pay. After 2-3 years I get this feeling of being stuck.....and I have to move on, no more examples to set, people become to used to my ways etc...
+The Watlingtons Mine was about 5 years before I had to move. I finally am in a position where I've been ok for 12 years. I'm getting itchy feet about now, but I will stay if things make it god to do so.
I haven't had much experience with many jobs yet (still pretty young) but right now I work at a nonprofit that actively helps the community (they have stuff like free workshops for small business owners and youth programs that clean up nature trails). As an INFJ this helps me feel like I'm making a difference which is really important to me. I've only been here about 2 and a half years but plan to stay here until I get my degree (: I hope this helps!!
I have found that jobs like counseling & advocacy are really fulfilling. I have worked one job that I loved & that was being a birth doula. I am taking a break because I have young kiddos now but I so want to get back to doing that.
WOW. I am 43 and if I had known myself as an INFJ at 23 the way you know yourself, I can't even imagine where I'd be now. You KNOW yourself, that is awesome! Every single thing you said resonated huge with me. I only discovered I am an INFJ a few months ago, but it has blown things wide open for me (in good AND bad ways) and helped me understand why I feel and have felt like somewhat of an outcast my whole life. I've learned how to play the game, but have always felt as I was "playing the game" that it was such a depressing facade and way to live my life. However, the alternative always seemed to be ending up alone and very lonely. I have achieved a balance at this point though, I don't have as many friends as I used to, but that's okay as I feel more authentically me. Anyway, I enjoyed watching your video, it felt very real (not like some of the other INFJ videos I have tried to watch). You are very lucky to have figured out your type so young! Best of luck to you! :)
J Smitts - it probably wouldn't change much. I've known myself to be an INFJ for thirty years and I don't think many of my life choices would have been changed by NOT understanding how my mind works. I just grew up knowing that most people are shallow.
you know, everything you said I related to so well. Listening to you was like hearing myself out loud. I genuinely thought that recently my scores on MBTI was INFP even though as a child it was always INFJ was valid. Honestly, I kind of hated being INFJ because I thought that I wasn't as free as I wanted to be. i wanted to stop worrying so much about other people and worry more about me. Because then that would mean I wouldnt care what others thought about me. I'm so quick to please others and I have been so in denial about it, because people pleasers are viewed in a negative connotation. I have been running from who I am, but watching this, it kind of smacked me in the head. You can't run from yourself. And I did feel misunderstood by people, but that didn't make me feel special. Honestly, that made me feel unspecial, so I tried so hard to act like that wasn't a fact about me and tried to be more like others so that I would be understood. How could I be so blind? Im not quite sure why I am opening up to you. Im sorry if this being so sudden is alarming. I just am surprised of how delusional I have been for this past year. Anyways, thank you for reading.
Kyle Pawlak Yeah I think the biggest thing you realize when you first find out what it's like to be an infj is you realize (and it's shocking) how out-of-touch you are with your own feelings. Especially cuz your so used to being right about what other people are feeling and their problems! I have faced a lot of self denial through watching infj videos.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts - you are more on target than you probably give yourself credit for. I am a 52-year old male INFJ so I've experienced practically all of these 'maladies', many of them self-imposed pressures. I'd like to tell you that many of these tendencies can get ironed out as one grows and develops. I am a work in progress, too, but even so, I've learned 1) the value of other types of people who have more "elbow power" to help see a vision through; 2) meditation (doesn't need to be religious) to quiet the constant inner dialogue; 3) that many of our contributions come from subtly but definitely influencing key opinion leaders (this seems to be a very natural role for us). And, because we tend to be very poor personal historians (weak Si), we minimize and forget what we have accomplished. Anyway, you are lovely and very thoughtful. Keep the videos coming!
You touch upon some important stuff. I often feel lonely in relationships with others. It's always a one-sided thing. I want someone to ask ME how I am doing, what I like, how I am etc.
Haha, seriously though. I'm seeing this guy and because I'm so quiet he'll be like "what's on your mind?" My head: sometimes a whirlwind of thoughts Me: haha nothing...
the stuff you were talking about at around 5:30 made me want to cry.. and I don;t do that often.. I have always felt so strongly about that sort of 'one sided relationship, everyone never returns the favor, why don't people bother trying to figure me out?' and when you described it so perfectly then... just.. man that's crazy.. I am amazed to think there are people who can actually understand that thinking.. crazy!! thank you thank you for this video!!!
I've always found happiness to be a struggle; often feeling alone and like an outsider. I have long been introspective and interested in psychology, philosophy and personal growth but only recently discovered the Myers-Briggs personality types and that I am an INFJ. This has really brought a lot of things that have been floating around together for me and begun to explain some of the struggles and issues I have. And importantly make me realise that i'm not alone in these struggles. It's comforting to know that other people are going through similar experiences. Solohouette your video is very much appreciated and i can definitely relate to much of what you say. I really hope you can continue to grow and find contentment somewhere in this crazy INFJ world!
Yesterday morning I randomly clicked on a suggested UA-cam link and spent a life-changing day learning about INFJ. When I learned I was not alone in this world it was such a tremendous sense of relief that I just broke down and cried. I am 64 years old. Thank you so much for posting your video and asking for comments. You are helping to create the community that we so desperately need.
You really hit home on all of these points. Great job, honestly as a fellow INFJ I have days where I love my personality and I'm so full of confidence and I have days where I wish I didn't think so much and feel so much
thanks for making this video, makes me not feel so alone. I always feel like I always understand others, even sometimes more than they understand themselves I've have had people even tell me that I understand them better than they do. but when it comes to myself I have trouble putting all the pieces together.. I'm so confusing to others & even myself.
As an INFJ, I feel every exact way as you. I try to stray away from the negatives about our personality types, but it`s just natural for me to fall back into my negative sides. It`s like a string tied to you and you can only get so far. Though as INFJ`s we are all different as every human is. Looking at the vast characters in the INFJ type. This makes me think, I know many things are capable within life, however are we limited...? Thank you for the video, Solohouette.
I'm a little bit in shock how much this all is familiar to me! I have always felt like a black sheep standing in a white crowd, but it's good to know that i'm not the only one having these struggles. Be strong, girl!
I totally get this, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and I know it's not always easy to express how you view yourself. This is probably why most INFJ's can understand others better than they can be understood themselves.
Being an INFJ, I completely agree with your third point! For me, I either dislike, like, or am obsessed with whatever it is I encounter. There is no in between, unless if I just don't have an opinion on something which seems to be about half the things I've experienced in my life.
You pretty much nailed all of the things that cause me emotional pain as an INFJ. I think that others types watching this probably can't even relate to why these things are so incredibly frustrating.
Pretty much spot on. It is not fun to be an INFJ. It saps all the energy when you are down. Your alone time is filled with things that you "should be" doing; and there are so many things to do. Being extremely private does not really help; on top of that, we think people would not understand us as deeply as we could ourselves. What a mess are we! And yeah, we need attention too.
Other things that suck about being an INFJ. Been one for 30 years, and it’s exhausting. 1. Always caring if you're on good terms with people, even when you really don't want to care. 2. Struggling to have the discipline to follow through on something to completion when it takes a large amount of effort over a very lengthy period (consequence of perfectionist ideals). 3. Spending a lot of mental effort “warming up” before social gatherings involving a lot of people that you don’t know. This includes fighting the inner fear that the gathering will be a disaster and you will end up by yourself with nobody to talk to. Can never just get there naturally at 100%. 4. Being called boring because you prefer genuine conversation over mindless alcohol fuelled revelry. 5. Feeling like an alien in a world of “passengers” i.e. those who are happy to comfortably breeze through life with shallow relationships and endless partying. 6. Feeling like you have so many ideas and ideals to share with the world to make people’s lives better, but nobody gives a damn. 7. Looking at the state of the world and becoming a cynic about everything and everyone, which leads to generally trusting people less. 8. Retreating further and further from the outside world except for essential things e.g. work, family etc. Giving up on social media. As you age, you notice you only have a handful of friends. In the end, you realise you are alone even in a room crowded with people. 9. More often than not living inside your head. Sometimes it’s wonderful and enriching, but other times it’s lonely. Sorry for the negativity, but I had to get this out of my head. Been in there for too long. Don’t think I’ve ever met another INFJ, or if I had we were likely both “chameleoning” so there would be no way to know. If I could meet all you lovely people, I would.
You hit the nail on the head. For all the other INFJ's out there - don't get too caught up in the label of being INFJ. You have complete power to improve anything about yourself!
You hit the nail on the head! it was uncanny how i could relate to every single negative you mentioned. Now i'm just so glad to know there are others out there like me i guess :)
#1 Can relate 100% and my biggest desire is to meet someone who would be willing and able to listen to me as I express the who, what, where and why of my ideas and take that info to help me plan and make those ideas a reality. #2 I agree putting my needs a priority was not, and still is not, easy to do. However, I forced myself to try to do so because I, like everyone else, need to do it to be healthy. #3 I realized I am how I am and I make it clear to everyone I meet I understand I can be too much and ask them to please feel free to tell me if they feel over whelmed. #4 What has helped me accept myself as I am is accepting others as they are. #5 I wish I didn't NEED validation from others as much as I do.
Definitely get the whole fear or missing out, especially with social media. It's kind of a double edged sword. I feel anxious when I am on it and then self-critical when I spend too much time on it, but then when I'm not on it I'm just thinking about the ppl that usually ask me for help, advice et cetera on social media. And with the I get you more than you get me can be frustrating too. Mostly because although I understand ppl around me, it's hard for me to understand myself sometimes and sometimes I don't make connections between events and my own feelings until later because my self awareness is sucky compared to awareness of others.
Great vid, I can relate to the whole list, lol. Also, the irony is that despite telling people the downsides of being an INFJ, they'll ignore it because of the whole one-sided relationship thing. With the amount of care and attention we give other people, relatively it feels like they're not even paying attention.
Just learned about a week ago that I'm a INFJ. I have been studying about it nonstop and I must say this video really hit home with me. Everything you said was spot on! I can never thank you enough for making this video. Subscribed
Watching your other video "INFJ and their two sides" and this one made me feel SO good--in other words, it felt eeringly comforting that you share the same thought processing I do. I'm an 18 year old INFJ about to head off into college, and I share the same doubts and anxieties and frustrations you do. I'm highly self-critical, always want others to be comfortable around me, and I can always tell what people are thinking. The external world controls my persona a lot and I envy introverted feelers who are comfortable with just being themselves instead of worrying how everyone else around them feels. Introverted intuition can definitely be the culprit into our crazy, over-analyzing tendencies and why we can end up feeling incredibly down at ourselves and feel that we are not normal. My mom (she's a single parent) is a cheerful, strong ENTP, and she's helped me come into terms with not over thinking everything and everyone, and to be proud of who I am--because let's face it, no matter what type, we are all immensely strange! But yes--what I want to say is, surround yourself with people who are encouraging and self-advocating; they will help us INFJs come into terms with our floating identities and develop our weaker functions. Because with just Ni and Fe, we can feel pretty alone and frustrated with the world.
Thank you for your insight. I am a male, but am also 23 years old and a fellow INFJ. It's always appreciated to hear other INFJs tell their experiences and concerns and relate to those struggles. When you mentioned the all or nothing behavior (school, Facebook) I thought likewise.
I know I'm 5 years late but I just came across this video and I truly relate to everything you just said! I feel like as an INFJ there are so many things about us that other personality types just can't understand because they have never experienced them. Especially the points about having quite dark or deep thoughts about everything and life in general like 99% of the time and also feeling like we're wasting time or should be doing something productive/more important ALL of the time, are some things that I don't think INFJs really share with other people (at least I don't) and it's kind-of reassuring seeing other INFJs in the world/online (haven't actually met any in person I don't think) that have brains that function in the same way as mine does. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I REALLY get you.
I have recently discovered that I'm an INFJ and I can completely relate to everything you have said. I feel like being an INFJ is somewhat a curse rather than a blessing. I want to really develop my weaker traits so I can just let go and be myself and not take life so seriously. Thank you so much for sharing, means so much to know that there are others out there who are struggling as INFJs. Lots of love!
I completely agree with everything you said. Something I struggle with a lot is a lack of confidence and this is because we are cautious of being proud.
Turning 50 in two weeks. Just learned something about myself today that I never knew. There ARE people like me. I can relate all too well. Thank you for sharing.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Believe it or not I'm 51 and just learned about my personality type. It is both overwhelming and absolutely amazing to not only have validation but conformation that I am who I have always thought I was. It has been with the help of you and so many other videos on UA-cam. I am so much more confident and relaxed in my body. So thank you and you are so right in this video. The one that really drives me crazy is when I'm alone I always feel that I should be doing something else.
Bouncing from extremes...the all or nothing mentality. I so get that. And it drives me bonkers. All 5 points are relevant to me. You are so insightful.
I can relate to most if not all of these things you mentioned. I am impressed at how well you explained things. It's a tough battle for INFJs and for me, personally, because I know I care a lot about others (too much sometimes) and I'm overly critical of myself. Reading the comment section also gives me some comfort that there are people I can relate to in this world. I hope you continue to make videos if only just to satisfy that need for INFJs like me who use posts and videos as tools for self-awareness and improvement or at least puts things into perspective and reminds us that we are not alone.
For 23, you've figured a lot of things out, but you haven't yet had the wider experiences which help. I'm 62 and didn't know I was an INFJ until two years ago, and it suddenly all made sense. I've spent time thinking about all the things you said were difficult for me, but my experience in life has helped me put them in perspective. You should be glad you are so thoughtful, kind and diplomatic. My only warning is never ignore your intuition and avoid users, especially in close relationships. Be kind, but direct, for instance just say 'Oh, I'm 23, I'll be fine trying on the bra but thank you.' Learn to extrovert your true feelings to others - they'll usually notice the warmth and kindness you intend. And make your boundaries - i.e. don't put up with bad behaviour of others and live by setting an example. We feel really bad about ourselves if we do things many others do without one thought. The dark side is the interesting bit, and you don't have to be Ms Nice all the time - give yourself a break. It is when INFJs think they need to be perfect that they become narcissistic themselves. You are not special but unique and you are always good enough. The inner critic is what keeps you from being an arse but learning some meditation techniques can really help, where you can learn to silence the voice inside the head (and many people have that, not just INFJs). And I think you are great, and really thoughtful - and that lovely gift of modesty and humbleness - the self-promoters often have no inner self-esteem. I think you are on the right path.
Yeah it's so hard to tune out our awareness of others feelings and respond in a way that's more appropriate for us. Our first orientation is 'to other' and it is so challenging to identify your own feelings and act upon them whilst being naturally tuned into creating harmony- often at our own expense! Also I agree it is hard to bring your own goals to fruition when you are constantly absorbing others expectations and becoming distracted by a desire to help others solve their problems. We want true reciprocity which is apparently a big ask for others who are 'wired' differently. Our ideal is 'I give to you, you give to me' but very few people seem capable or desirous of interacting in this way. I haven't figured out how to balance this stuff out yet though identifying my goals and holing myself up to achieve them seems to work so far! I'm trying to establish far better boundaries and not 'give myself away' to the detriment of what I'm trying to achieve. I agree that validation is one of the core things we are seeking as INFJ's. Thanks for vid.
Dear fellow INFJ, you've described us perfectly. I'm constantly promoting others and have difficulty taking time for myself. And when I do take time for myself, most folks assume that I'm angry or sad about something, but rarely do they ask me what's really going on... I truly need so much time away from others to destress and re-sync my vibes and I wish others would at least accept and respect that, even if they don't understand it... But I INFJ-ingly digress, I just wanted to communicate to you that this video is excellent and I loved it. I hope your day is wonderful. Mal
i have learned,and i'm not talking about feelings(instinct)but emotions.don't trust them.they can be deceiving.you may be sad when there is nothing to be sad about.knowledge must conquer emotion.all my life i have never felt loved ,but i know i am loved.it's a fact.YOU are loved whether or not you can feel it.i'm still figuring a lot out,but now knowing there are others going through what i am,i know i'm not alone and it does make things easier.THANK YOU for sharing.
I'm so happy I found this video. It's interesting how can everything you said relates exactly to my personality. I feel like I am truly understood for the first time. Before I heard about INFJ personality I felt like I was an outsider in this world. But now that I am studying this subject and searching more and more information about it, I feel comfortable and calm. Thank you so much!
This was the first infj video I ever saw and it made me cry. Now I'm rewatching it for the first time in 6 months and I really feel like it's some kind of mini masterpiece in an odd way. Partially beginner's luck? And the rest of it is just the fact that it's pure honesty mixed with an infj's genius ability to read a situation turned on itself for once instead of another person. Now I know what I do for other people and how important that is because of how important this video has been for me.
Thanks for making this video! I've always felt alone until I've found a base of all of my kind of people. People that actually understand me and understand how I work! Thanks🤗
Great video. I applaud your courage and so many things resonated with me. I have much hidden darkness, but it is coming out and being dealt with. I have fallen in love with another INFJ. It is beyond words. I see much healing coming from the partnership. She honestly completes me.
Thanks for sharing, I'm amazed that the more I learn about my INFJ life, the more I realize there are actually people like me that get me, out there. I actually have a career that requires me to be in public speaking scenarios. When I first started, I was in panic a lot of the time. I finally used a trick that works for me in public situations. I "act", as if I'm in an acting role, acting to be someone that I am not, and pushing away my desires to run. My advice to others, is to try and act like a different personality type, for limited periods. It is difficult at first but becomes possible once you practice. We understand others better than they understand themselves, so this helps. I also embrace my awkwardness to people that are close and laugh about it, this also helps them understand things that make me feel awkward. Thanks again!
This hit me hard... I'm not use to watching someone chip away and explain myself. It's both refreshing and foreign that I couldn't process exactly how I felt besides that I truly relate to every word... Thank you
WOW you brought a smile to my face not for your struggles but because I found someone who understands me. So meany things you said I have had the exact same feelings and thoughts. I am guessing if your life has been like mine you have been taken advantage of a lot in life because it's as if you walk through life with a big sign that says SCREW ME OVER
I'm not done watching this video yet but it's so liberating to find someone like me after feeling like im the only one on the planet who thinks and does stuff like you it gives me hope I want to scream. Before yesterday I Haven't heard of INFJ, I feel like your telling my life story. thanks for making this video
hmm allow me to focus my high power perception for a moment. as a fellow INFJ who has been there its a very powerful feeling wanting to make people happy. its a good instinct but it drains us and if we keep doing it. its important to realize saying no is ok--it seems like you've almost fallen into the beggar's personality so what you need is a red pill moment and i just gave you one. try this repeat in your mind "its ok to say no" keep repeating it take it in believe in it accept it revel in it nourish it let it grow. once you feel it stick in your mind comes step 2. so what is step 2? step 2 energy management you seem like you have a small reservoir of energy from which to draw from so all the more important to learn this how do i put this hmm you are like a car with a fuel tank eventually you run out and must refuel yes? what you are trying to be is a nuclear reactor a machine that releases tremendous energy and doesn't need to be refueled for decades. you are not that so why pretend to be? you need to carefully manage your energy and recharge at regular intervals pick one day a week to recharge and schedule around that. i understand your urge to help everyone but you have a finite amount of time on this planet you shoudn't spend it so freely, help who you can but know your limits. and focus on using your time efficiently. and thats actually step 2 and 3 3 being time management. hope this helps you. and feel free to pick my brain if you want more my brain loves and relishes the stimulus i get from intense emotional diagnostics and intense problem solving.
Thank you solohouette, I felt like I watched and listened myself as I watched your video. This felt an almost 100% me and I even somehow knew the words you were going to say before you said them. Yes, I'm an INFJ! 😊 And you made me think that INFJs should be more around each other, as we could implement each other's ideas, as making the other happy would make us happy. Thus many of our ideas would get realised.. and with an increasing speed :) (PS. I've never met another infj in real life that I know of) By the way, I think you're very sweet. And one thing I disagree slightly with you is that we're dark...and not for the reasons you told. We have a tendency to go towards the dark and sometimes the pull might become very strong. But we're not dark! INFJ are spiritual beings and we've a very strong light as well. I saw that light in you while watching your video (as well as your own discomfort from the slightest darkish thoughts that arises sometimes in your mind - for that remember this quote from Peaceful Warrior "The mind is just a reflex organ.") 😉
I can relate totally with everything you say, especially the fact that I can get you more than you get me. I truly don't think you even want to know me.
I can totally relate to this list, and I understand the whole looking younger and not wearing much makeup scenario. Sometimes I struggle to be taken seriously because of that and the INFJ part of me that has a hard time conveying my thoughts and feelings clearly. Thank you for making this video, I look forward to seeing others if you post them ~ a fellow INFJ ♡
As an INFJ male, I can really relate to #1 and being all or nothing whether it comes to writing, fitness, reading, or just being obsessively interested in something, then not caring much. Why are so many INFJs girls? And many of the guys that have added me on fb are gay. I'm not. Great video btw. I love these type of videos. I got into MBTI about a year ago.
For me being an INFJ:
1. The weird feeling of being 'alone' even when surrounded by loved ones
2. The feeling that no one understands you
3. The scary thought that our type is probably the most susceptible to depression
4. Trying to get someone to comprehend how you're right when it comes to pinpointing how a person is. Even years later when they finally realize I was right. Why couldn't they just listen to me instead of going through years of pain?
5. The CONSTANT daydreaming. This drives me crazy. It's almost like I have to do it to stay sane, yet need to be focusing on being productive.
Holy crap, yes
it's like you're describing my life :o crazy....!
Exactly like that !
Omg. Are you me?
' Trying to get someone to comprehend how you're right when it comes to pinpointing how a person is. Even years later when they finally realize I was right. Why couldn't they just listen to me instead of going through years of pain?'
Ha, I can't tell you how many times I have had this exact thought!!
Infjs truly have a dark side to them that most people never would understand. Very critical of ourselves
SayJakPoleJoe/APFOE Yes, we are perfectionists and we blame ourselves for every small mistake. It is white or black for us. Or it is good enough or not at all, every small mistake, undone detail makes us sick of ourselves. This one big problem with us, we have to deal with perfectionism, it is not a good thing.
This is so true. Been to a good caring therapist lately. When she listened to my story she took some notes, we talked for a bit and then she said that all of that was never my fault. That I was gifted beyond measure and that she sees a very successful amazing person in front of her. And that it was never my fault. She had to say that a couple of times as if I was Will Hunting. That made me cry and makes me cry from time to time now. I am always so hard on myself.
I am a Clinical Psychologist with 30 years of experience dealing with people. I was branded a INFJ quite sometime ago. I never really accepted that evaluation because placing 'labels' on people puts them into a box. It limits their potentiality and personal growth. At worse, it can destroy a individual's self determination and freedom. However, the Myers Briggs Personally Test is interesting but somewhat incomplete. I have never encountered a 'classical' INFJ before. Why? Because certain characteristics of this personality type have many subgroups some of which overlap other MBTI personality types. That being said I will describe the characteristics of how a 'orthodox' INFJ thinks, behaves and responds in strict accordance with the MBTI Personalty Test. Be forewarned, I find some INFJ 'stereotypes' rather funny. And will approach such in a humorous fashion. INFJ's posess a wonderfully sense irony and will immediately recognize the silly 'stereotypes' others have attrubuted to them.....So let's start breaking some myths about the INFJ Personalty Type
When a INFJ gives you the dreaded 'Death Stair' they are not attempting to understand you. They are wondering if you're carrying a gun. Killing INFJ's is a pleasurable experience. Why? Because everyone hates a smart ass.
INFJ's frequently experience 'Sensory Overload' issues. They love Forests, Parks and Woodland areas to recharge their batteries. Why? Because trees don't talk! A squirrel cannot complain it has 'Daddy Issues'. Pine trees do not suffer from 'gender identity' problems. And I have never seen a bunny rabbit strung out Crack Cocaine. Solitude is bliss.
Never say to a INFJ, 'I do not understand', They will run away screaming or jump infront of a bus. No one understands them. INFJ's sometimes don't even understand themselves.
INFJ's feel uncomfortable being around large groups of people. However, once you get them talking, they never shut up.
Why do a INFJ 'Door Slam' people? Because it's called a Coping Mechanism. They dislike being emotionally hurt. There is nothing strange about this behavior. Some people become alcoholics others pill poppers. INFJ's will just run away and pretend you never existed.
INFJ's have the psychic ability to absorb people's emotions. No. This is phenomen is called 'Transference'. If you continuously talk about your problems, a INFJ will unconsciously adopt some aspects of your emotional state. However, INFJ's posess strong identities which prevents them from going completely insane.
INFJ's are the most honest, compassionate and sensative people on Earth. Not really. Mother Nature just screwed them up genetically. They're brains are hard wired to respond during crisis situations. A 'diehard' INFJ will instinctively sacrifice their life attempting to save yours. No questions asked. Why? I have no freaking idea. I didn't invent the rules. Ask God. I'm sure She knows.
INFJ's think differently than others. Yes. They think outside the box. They live outside the box. They have never actually seen the box. What does it look like? Does it contain groceries?
INFJ types are occasionally arrogant, cold towards others and aloof. This is actually true. Being omnipotent has its drawbacks. INFJ's have a difficult time sugar-coating the truth. Being overtly honest is their trademark. If they sense someone cannot handle the truth, they will lie to protect that person's emotions.
INFJ's are stubborn yet will openly admit to errors in judgment or making mistakes.
INFJ's think too deeply. They want to solve everyone's problems. They get frustrated when people ask for advice - then completely ignore their recommendations! They do not understand why everyone keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually, a INFJ will simply give up. The phrase 'People need to learn things the hard way' was invented by a INFJ. So was the 'unfriend' button on Facebook.
INFJ's do not respect authority because they have developed their own Moral, Ethical, Spiritual and Cognative belief systems. Mature (older) INFJ's care very little about how people perceive them and less about the impressions they make upon others. INFJ's enjoy approval and acceptance (like everyone else) but infrequently compromise their princepals to simply fit in.
Do not mistake a INFJ's confidence as egocentrismn. There is a difference.
INFJ's are frequently interpreted as posessing a Narcissist Personalty Disorder. This stereotype is absolutely false. A Narcissist loves adoration and attention. The typical INFJ cares more about others than themselves, sometime to their own detriment.
INFJ's dislike themselves. They feel alone within the world and misunderstood. Being a INFJ a curse. Consequently, a small minority INFJ's often experience psychological Depression, Alienation Issues and Avoident Behavior problems. The phrase 'You are your own worst enemy' accurately describes a INFJ's perception of themselves.
The most admirable personality traits of the INFJ are (1) INFJ's are compassionate which makes them a easy targets for emotional exploitation and abuse. Never play 'Guilt Games' with a INFJ. They already persecute themselves (subconsciously) for being different. (2) They don't have the ability to forgive themselves for past mistakes, A INFJ's unforgiving 'Guilt Complex' is an integral part of their personality. INFJ's have occasionally been known to slowly kill themselves over time, believing they deserve such suffering. 'Hell on Earth' is their punishment and they willing accept it....sometimes. Not always. (3) Once you secure the trust of a INFJ, everything about them suddenly becomes clear. The stereotypes vanish. These are people you want within your life. They have incredible insight into human nature and will identify your weaknesses and lift you up from darkness. Seeing the world through a INFJ eyes is the greatest gift they can offer.
It would be impossible to understand a MBTI typology without stating the negative traits of a specific personality group.
The 'Dark Side' of a INFJ is rather frightening. Never test their 'Authenticity' or personal dignity. Do not play games with a INFJ. They have limitations like everyone else. A INFJ can determine your intentions or plans within minutes. Literally. This Hyperobservient behavior is quite unique. Avoid getting into heated arguments with a INFJ unless you are prepared to be intellectually, emotionally or psychologically castrated. They have cognitive resources almost beyond understanding. A vindictive INFJ will never stop until they destroy your life (this has nothing to do with physical murder). Such behavior is almost Psychopathic in nature (hence the concern INFJ's may be catorgized as possessing a Psychological Disorder rather than a Personality Dysfunction). Fortunately, INFJ's are not prone to violent behavior. They give up easily, This is where the 'Door Slam' or simply walking away from an argument comes from. Once they reveal their true inner nature, you will begin to understand why only 1% of the world's population are INFJ's. They are so dam charming.
INFJ's dislike small talk, idle conversations, superficial people and hypocrites. Life is too short talking to such individuals (but they understand its occasionally necessary to be socially accepted)
INFJ's are not spontaneous. They just pretend to be spontaneous. Their minds are always attempting to 'connect the dots....even when there are no dots!
When the Zombie Apocalypse occurs, a INFJ will be eaten screaming, "I told you so... I told you so!"
Imagine your on the Titanic. It's 1912. You see a Iceberg coming. Your jumping around and telling everyone the ship is about to sink. People just laugh and finish their Champagne. Welcome to the wonderful world of a INFJ.
Avoid getting into deep conversations with a INFJ. They are walking encyclopedias. They will jump from topic to topic then back again to support a idea or theory. Male INFJ's are 'scattered brained' in the worst way possible. But there is method to such madness. The are searching for the correct answer to a specific problem. And 95% of the time they will discover it... or have a complete nervous breakdown trying.
Occasionally, you will notice a INFJ acting mysteriously, doing unusual things or just behaving weird. Get used to this behavior. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. The INFJ is just going through a 'stage' or experimenting with something that interests them. Like building a Thermonuclear Bomb or discovering a cure for Herpes.
Never tell a INFJ they have a 'Old Soul'. They are absolutely terrified of being reincarnated again. INFJ's are aware that neither Heaven or Hell wants them. Why? Because God doesn't need the extra competition on who should run Heaven (Him or a INFJ) and Satan can't deal with a INFJ pestering him for all eternity....that would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
Aliens will never abduct a INFJ. There are some things too bizarre even for Extraterrestrials.
INFJ's have a difficult time forming a thought or idea into words. Yes. Someday a INFJ will develop Telekinesis and scare the hell out of everyone. Stop laughing, it's going to happen.
So next time you accidentally encounter a INFJ, break all COVID 'Social Distancing' issues and hug them. INFJ's are a endangered species. Literally. Whatever purpose they were created for has already been accomplished. There represent only 1% of 7.7 billion people on planet Earth according to MBTI statistics. In my opinion, this Myers Briggs Personality represents the noblest aspects of humanity....Intelligent, Wise, Caring, Virtuous, Observent, Altruistic and Protective. Dispight their faults (which everyone has, no one is perfect) INFJ's are genuine. You get exactly what you see meeting these people. No convert agenda, deeply empathic intellectuals who sincerely care about you. They have a excellent sense of humor also (wink).
Fi critic is the cause of that. Similar to the ISFJ.
INFJs aren't made to function well in this world...we're frontrunners of a new way. As Krishnamurti said, "It's no sign of mental health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". :) ...I am in my, gasp, late forties, and can relate to everything you say. Clearing the mind with meditation helps with thought overload. Knowing that some people are and will always be mental surface dwellers helps. We would function perfectly in an environment built on love and mutual cooperation, but we live in a world that favors predators and parasites so things are still a bit rough. Find your people. Loving, caring people. Stay away from soulsuckers.
Amen, maybe we should stick to our own kind!
Dani68ABminus ♥️. Couldn't have said it better myself
Yeah,....totally agree with you on that part, I have such problems finding the right people, fitting in or anything..thx that I can relate! :)
Dani68ABminus I love that quote, it’s so true and relatable. Feeling lost among the sheep 🐑 day in and day out. I don’t understand how any one would want to be an infj but I guess it’s the inclusivity and the terms like rare and different etc. Everyone wants to feel special, but honestly every type and every person is a unique thumbprint on this world, and the cognitive stacking of infj makes their thinking and feeling different... and not always in the best way.
I am totally agree and avoiding kind of these types of people soon as possible
"I get you more than you get me."
This resonates with me so much. I have a strong desire to know everything about a person and I've never felt that anybody felt the same way about me.
That last one is something I've felt my whole life.
Wow.
same with me!! it's a lonely feeling since I never open up because I don't want to to people who don't really care
Anaiah-Zaccai Wilson
I've recently met someone who I believe is an ENFJ and clearly has an intense desire to get to know me deeply. It is very flattering and despite coming from two different worlds (cultures, religions, race etc) we have this intense attraction that I can't explain. But the fact that the ENFJ has a girlfriend and is generally very friendly with everyone makes me mistrustful. But more importantly the INFJ in me does not want to let anyone in. I don't want anyone to know the 'real' side to me that I love inside my head that is toxic, broken and so critical albeit to myself. I also don't want to share my problems, not to protect myself so much but those who have contributed to my problems.
Worse thing is I think I have fallen in love with this person and knowing that I can never be with them long term I have decided to shut them out of my life completely because I cannot handle the intimacy and the vulnerability and I am fearful of compromising my values.
Apologies for the long post but I'm feeling pretty depressed and helpless at the moment and just frustrated with myself and how I cannot function in this world.
Ruby Ruby I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm slowly realizing the importance of vulnerability. I always have fear of it because I never want anyone knowing what I'm thinking/feeling because I don't want to be judged, be a burden, or be manipulated. It's so hard, but it's essential for any type of a relationship. I wouldn't want anyone to know most of the things in my mind, and no one has to. That's for ME. When it comes to relationships, it's important to let people know how you feel about them. It's so hard, but it's necessary. It's so hard for ANYONE to have feelings for a friend who has a significant other. Maybe it IS best that you have cut ties with him. Have you ever thought about telling him how you feel? No matter what, you WILL be okay! It's SO hard, but you'll get through this! This is TEMPORARY. You won't feel like this forever. You just need to distract yourself with things that make you happy, do the things you love to do. You're not alone. I know how you feel.
Lilja Grönrus I always feel this. It's so hard..
A huge problem for me personally as an INFJ is that I'll go days with hardly any sleep because I'm always thinking, reflecting and researching. I always feel like I'm not as knowledgeable as I should be so I'll be lost in my thoughts and research; only ever getting 4-6 hrs of sleep a night then I end up crashing on the weekend sleeping for up to 14 hrs straight in one day just so I can reboot my system and repeat the process again.
Because of this constant worry to better myself, I worry about talking to other people because I'm always thinking about what I should say. I used to have really bad social anxiety from when I was about 8 yrs old well up into my teens because of this problem.
+Francisca 24 Two things that helped me: First thing was to write my thoughts down, EVERYTHING (I still do this, I know...). That way my mind could focus on other things than carrying all my worries, and instead think of ways to get things done (and see shit way more clearly). That helped me sleep. Second thing: Face my fears. For me it was to overcome my social insecurities, a small step at the time, and start to believe in my own capability and value. It's our heavy Ni that always see other ways and second guess almost everything, but almost no one else think like that. They do stuff, and sometimes things go wrong. And the earth is still around... From another INFJ.
Thanks for all your advice guys :) I've done quite a bit of self evaluation since I posted this comment. I have actually started keeping a journal and it really helps with getting thoughts out of my head and off my chest, thank you Victor. I got a new job and the people I work with are great some of them understand what I am going through because they deal with the same issues so it's good to know there are other people out there like me and they have their own proactive ways of overcoming their own difficulties. Of course success doesn't happen overnight and I understand it will take time for me to finally be comfortable with being who I am and not putting so much pressure on myself to be intelligent. I am still tackling the issue on regulating my sleep pattern however I have managed to get an extra 1-1.5 hours of sleep every night and cut down on sleeping for 10 hours instead of 14 on weekends. And even though this isn't a major discovery but I have found that drinking about 2.5 litres of water everyday helps me keep awake during the day so I don't have to drink so much coffee. Thank you :)
+Francisca 24 I'm glad to hear that you have found a direction that makes you feel better. The way ahead will be easier the more you walk it now when you have found your own way suited for you.
In a year from now you will be amazed how far you have come if you look back, I guarantee it :-)
And that water thing is soo important to med too :-)
All the best wishes to you!
+Francisca 24 Same here! When I was facing a breakup, I can go a full day or even longer without sleep, just to think, reflecting, doing all that sorts of analyzing, many cups of coffee and crying, even though I can't really find my answer. It's very irritating to be this way.. it's painful, my body became so weak. But when I finally woke up from that pain and stopped thinking after several weeks, I was very proud of myself. But often every now and then, when I get that terrible feeling, where I just feel all alone and started remembering my past (not only just breakups though), then I will go back to being..well..infj.. can you relate to this?
i remember those days up like insomnia and than huge sleep caps. all changed when i got a career working lots of hours and kids. def. put me i to another mindset and boat. not saying to get kids but i know it was hard for me to find a job i even liked.
I enjoy being an INFJ but the sensitivity to others sort of backfires on me sometimes. The empathy comes with many strength but there's always a tension between wanting to be around people but not wanting to feel all the feelings.
I think a lot of INFJs will relate to most of the the list, if not all of it, lol. I think the thing that most sucks for me is that this type just inherently doesn't allow me to have much 'fun' that the other types are having.
The constant worrying about how my actions and words will affect others, and constant need to 'keep the peace', 'dont be a bother', 'dont create conflict', (being a people pleaser by default) sometimes deprives me of my own enjoyment. Totally not fun :/ and despite loving my alone time, it's never really fun being alone (unless I'm high) :)
I just love your comment, especially the end😂
+motleycruenoob dude, you NAILED it! Sometimes this burden of being the "peacekeeper" gives off the vibes of weakness. And I KNOW im not weak...if my heart tells me battle is necessary then i would BATTLE like no other...BUT.. I'm just peaceful and sometimes...that creates problems..
+The Watlingtons Nicely put - I'd describe myself exactly the same way. Generally though I love being an infj (I worried way more "before" I knew I was an infj). I really enjoy the impact I can have on people overall.
If I had to choose a biggest burden it would be when I suddenly withdraw. I love my alone time personally - but it's the impact it has on others I don't like. Some people worry, some get mad, at minimum they are confused. Only my oldest friends and family understand my "off radar" time and even then many are not thrilled by it.
+motleycruenoob It is said that we, the INFJs, are the oxymoron/paradox of the 16 MBTI types. We are the extroverted introverts. We like to be alone but feel lonely when we do so. We also understand others, but no one seems to understand us. I sometimes wish that I wasn't an INFJ, but that has become so much of who I am that I wouldn't know who I would be if I wasn't.
Samantha Hard Nicely put Samantha :)
We INFJ's are also very insecure and all of these insecurities are constantly on our minds.
+MissWeird agreed...it's almost as if I'm on a neverending guilt trip
+MissWeird I'm not sure I'd describe us as "very insecure". Somebody once called me "quietly confident" and it's stuck with me ever since because it was simply put and highly accurate (for me at least). Definitely I have insecurities - they're just not constantly on my mind. My guess would be that infj insecurities lessen with age and experience.
I do find that I strive for perfection in most things which I suppose, if framed in the wrong way, can be perceived by ourselves as insecurity. Usually I just see it as 'more work to be done' or 'time to learn more'.
There's also that feeling that we're not quite the same as everyone else, or alien...even though almost everyone we meet loves us (I dig your name btw ;). Focusing too much on the feeling weird part feeds insecurity but if you turn it around and focus on the fact that there's almost no one you can't win over eventually it reinvigorates your confidence.
Anyway, I can see how we infj's "could" feel very insecure but I don't think it's predestined based on our type. Your comment was really interesting to me so thanks for sharing. Happy Holidays! :)
Thank you for the long answer! Yeah, it could be a side effect of my low self-esteem, but the fact that it's constantly on my mind is very infj-like, i guess. Happy Holidays!
" I can't understand people who are not selfless in a relationship"
I can relate to ALL of this. I know that some people want to be INFJs, but I cannot for the life of me fathom why. It's not fun (at least for me). I mean, I'm not saying I'm a miserable person who hates their life, but I'm saying that we're not the shiny, candy-coated people we present to the world. I want people to feel comfortable around me, so I bend over backwards to make that happen, but goddamn it's exhausting. What's really strange is that men seem to think (for the most part) that my smiles and eye-contact means I'm flirting with them, which is such tricky territory because I want to make it clear I'm not interested without hurting their feelings. I, too, have snuck out of shops because of sales-women!! That is hilarious!! I felt bad about it for days, too, which is silly. Also, the darkness is REALLY puzzling to people. When you let someone finally glimpse a little of the "real" you, that can be very strange for them, you know? Blah. I don't know what I really wanted to convey here other than the fact that I totally, and I mean this sincerely, I COMPLETELY get you.
thanks for sharing. I love how you mentioned how men misinterpret your kindness for flirting..that happens to me all the time! and yes I wish it wasn't such a shock for people to get a glimpse of my 'true' self..so much so that it's always kept brewing inside to avoid any sort of misunderstanding (which ultimately makes it worse). it's quite refreshing to have a community of people who are just like us, for it helps to ease the belief that our thoughts and ideals are alien to all the "normal" people out there..whatever that means
+solohouette Do you have many female friends? I find it super difficult to make friends with other women because, for the most part, I don't care about their nonsensical small talk. I hope this doesn't sound mean, because I don't MEAN it to sound mean. :)
+SmittenKitten Haha no I don't have any female friends for the exact reason you stated..it's going to bite me in the ass someday when I have to pick out bridesmaids for my wedding!
solohouette Hahaha, it's terrible!! Having bridesmaids is SO overrated, anyway. ;)
r u a pisces
For all you fellow INFJ's out there:
I struggle with codependency. (One reminder that's helped me is "The more I try to _make_ others happy, the more I self-erase.") As an INFJ I can easily forget that my needs are important too.
Something you said helped me to realize: my impetus to help others with their emotions is because of my Fe (extroverted feeling). I easily forget that my empathy for others emotions is stronger than my Fi (introverted feeling) so I confuse others emotional turmoil with mine (or theirs overshadows mine) because I'm not as practiced with understanding my emotions. So, I try to help others pain because it hurts me. They feel like an extension of my body in a way. Thanks, Solo.
The critical inner parent struggle is real. My lamenting of "I made this person feel uncomfortable, today." it... it hurts and I hate it. Any book by Eric Berne talking about the Parent, Adult, and Child in us has helped be dramatically
What's helped me with that dark feeling of being misunderstood is talking about myself and my struggles with non-judgmental people.
My greatest accomplishment? The person I'm trying to be. Also, every time I've been able to counsel someone else and change them for the better.
One more thought: INFJ's tend towards the negative. We're old souls but also dark. I've had to work very hard to find my light. My source is fueled by a few things. Self-knowledge and using that to be ok with who/how I am: recognizing that, many times, what we see as our greatest weakness is our superpower; our strengths, not understood and taken to an extreme are our weakness. One of my strengths is helping others, not just in the present but their future. That as a weakness looks like self-erasure.
Beautiful..thank you for sharing this with me!
de nada
I just checked your channel.. interesting lists
Logan White beautiful!
Being an INFJ is sad, but then one day you wake up and realize that it's time to set your ideas in motion and change the world!
I am 31 and I still completely relate to everything you said, except for feeling over confident. I grew up with an abusive parent, who never showed any genuine care or love for me. It lead me to a series of abusive relationships and I ended up marrying a sociopath, who was extremely abusive. all that to say, I have managed to get my masters mental health counseling, but after graduating I got stuck and scared. I have several anxiety disorders but the worst is my complex PTSD which I've been to extensive hardcore counseling for, now on top of all the strugles of having am INFJ personality, I can't relate to most females my age, bc my life has been a series of traumas, and I feel I can't relate or be understood by females. faking it just makes me feel more alone. my mind never stops, and my story is too messed up to really tell ppl. it traumatizes them, which isolates me more. I am dealing with losing my only close girlfriend and a death in the family, among other craps right now. I wish I could find another INFJ female to relate to. But we are rare and its only possible online. anyway, sorry for the life story I just felt very understood and wanted to thank you for your video. 😊
I totally relate!
Jen, I completely relate. Know that you are not alone in going through this. Hugs to you xxx
Jennifer Smeltzer hug to you. I can relate to a level. Hope things have taken a turn for the better since you posted this.
Thanks for sharing. Hoping your better everyday. I can sympathize cause I'm a infj.
Jennifer Smeltzer I don’t have words for how much this resonated with me, I truly can empathize because I have walked likely similar foot steps.... I wish you healing and courage to continue opening up, reflecting, creating boundaries and not becoming a victim again. No child should ever have to go through the unspeakable things that people like you and I have had to... but through it it created a different type of person, we naturally have the strength to move forward as an infj rather than crumbling to the power of our abusers. (I’m also 31) love and light
the best advise i could offer as a soon to be 40 year old infj is learn to meditate. like learn authentic traditional mindfulness or some form of genuine meditation and do it every day for at least 10 min ☺
Yes. Helps empty the mind!
oh yes that helped me allot
Intrepid Inner Journeyman Yes. Yoga and meditation are great for the mind.
Yes. I recommend Heartfulness Meditation especially for INFJs.
I just turned 23 but i like to meditate and think outside on my deck in the mornings after i drink coffee and go for a run. It really starts my day right
You have those eyes that I keep seeing in INFJ's. Just an observation, I see it in you, Brian Schultz, Tom Davison, myself. It's like a depth thats hard to put my finger on, like a mixture of wisdom and pain.
Adrian F. That is a spot on description of an INFJs eyes!!!!!
I can relate to the "all or nothing" part. Whenever I have a certain goal in mind and set out on the necessary actions to do it, I expect my results to match 100% with my expectations. If they don't, I feel like starting on that goal was a mistake in the first place and feel utterly disappointed. I wish someone could just drill into my brain that life is never "all or nothing" or "black and white". The fact that it's okay lie somewhere in the spectrum with respect to results.... :)
Anwesh Bhattacharya
Yep it's always 'all or nothing' and always 'black and white' for me as an INFJ but of course life never is. Our idealism can be our biggest downfall and the biggest reason for dissatisfaction with others and the world around us when our ideals that we strive to maintain are challenged and are not met.
INFJs often feel alone because we are used, a lot! Our empathetic abilities, combined with our accurate assessment abilities join to give us awesome problem-solving techniques, which others tend to flock to and use for their benefit. I am friends with many, yet I have few friends of my own, if that makes sense. However, that's all part of the design, as I steer clear of fake friends and tend to only allow the most genuine to be in my intimate circle.
The mechanism inside the mind of an INFJ tends to always be on alert. When we are with company, our focus is on them, as individuals and as a whole. When we are alone, our focus turns inward, simply because there's nothing else on which to put our focus. Either way, our minds seem to be continually focused on something or someone. The only time we relax and shut down is when our total focus is on relaxing and shutting down, hence the benefits of meditation.
+Roxyie Curone It's great to be understood! :)
I can relate to everything you're saying! For me being an INFJ is a blessing and a curse!
I myself am an INFJ and I can completely relate with everything you mentioned... the whole I get you but you dont get me thing, so true even though I've always thought that it was just me not being open to the other person, this is me trying to justify other people's actions toward me. It's also very hard for me to get close to someone because I'm easily turned off by the smallest of things but at the same time I can't stand shallow people... but once I find this person worthy of my time, i make an exception and completely let go of all judgement it's almost like I'm a walking paradox... And I'm always having debates in my mind. I have so much to say in my head but when someone comes and ask me what I'm thinking about, it's hard for me to speak without me stumbling over my thoughts. So weird! Then I come off as not intellectual / not knowing what I'm talking about.
Let me know if you're the same way.
You're really pretty btw :) your cheekbones are everything x
As an Intp, I understand all of these problems. I can REALLY feel the difference between when I am alone and when I am with people, even just one person. When I'm alone, I just think, think , think about random things all the time. I ponder memories and stress about the things I could've or should've done, stress about what I should be doing, and worry about how the world should be and I can change it. I start to feel insecure and misunderstood, because I don't feel like I have accomplished the things that people around me believe I should've accomplished. But I know I personally don't care for the things that other people care about, and it makes me feel like they worry about unimportant things, and that I should worry about bigger problems. It cause me a lot of stress. It makes me feel like I'm letting other people down or being selfish, but I just can't explain how I feel to them, because I will be misunderstood. As a guy, I don't want to come off as too emotional, especially when people expect you to be a certain way(for me calm, collected,logical). Sometimes I want to express how I feel like just having a personal life is just so selfish, when there are so many problems to solve. But then reality hits me, and I need food, clothes, housing, and all this other stuff I need to survive. It then becomes a logical equation of, who are you going to help if you can't help your self? lol.
People really think that I am lazy and irresponsible because it's very hard for me to initiate things, pursue things, finish things, and be consistent. I guess they are right, but I just wish they'd try to understand me before judging me. But I can't explain to them why I feel so many things are unimportant or frivolous. And it's either because I know they won't understand me, or because I literally can't explain my process of thinking. I really feel like I am making the logical decision, but sometimes I really can't know. I really hate feeling like I'm unreliable, or underachieving, or lazy, apathetic, uncaring, dumb, arrogant, or being a bad person. I want people to see me for who I am, not for my accomplishments, or for what I look like, or what someone told them.
I can relate to sensing other peoples emotions, but I feel like I shouldn't but I can definitely feel them. Sometimes I get really confused between how I feel about someone and how I feel others feel about them, and I just go crazy in my head. I sometimes feel like I need someone to talk to, but also don't want to burden people. Plus, I don't know if they'll understand me, or they'll judge me.
Well at least I have you internet, lol. Good talk.
It seems like you have similar problems to us INFJ's. Don't worry about what people think about you. Do your best to be the best you can be and take care of yourself. Everyone is different so that we can all do different things on life. Everyone worries about different things, and that's OK too. Also, maybe you can find someone who will listen to you and not judge you, it's hard to find people like that, but they exist (hopefully lol) and talking about our problems helps a lot. I know from experience. Hope this helps :D
Kei San
Thank you for your candid post, I really appreciate your honesty.
I face these same struggles every single day, and it gets me down. No matter how hard I try I end up being this lazy, inconsistent, unmotivated and unreliable person that just isn't good enough. Everyday is a struggle to just exist in a world that feels like it's not made for us.
As much as being an INFJ can stink, I really kinda treasure the pain. :p
Thank you for sharing. I found this very relatable and it cleared up some things about myself that I didn't know how to put into words. I tend to isolate myself and I think it's because I expend so much energy trying to help other people feel comfortable and validated. I feel like my boyfriend is the only person on earth (other than my therapist but that's her JOB) who takes the time to make sure I feel comfortable and validated. So needless to say he's exhausted too. I'm a complicated person on the inside and I think a lot of INFJ's feel the same.
I think you should be very happy with all that you have accomplished so far in your life. I am a 48 years old INFJ and would have made different choices if I had understood my trait sooner in life. Appreciate those who bring you happiness. Finding friends who understand you will be challenging so never become discouraged. School is important to finish because it will bring you a far better life with opportunities and it is extremely important for all INFJ to become college educated. I don't like the intuitive nature of my trait so I try to stay focused on "sensing" because it is based on gathering FACTS within information, not the interpretation of information which creates the "thinking all the time". As you get older, you will become bolder and the gain the maturity to speak up for yourself. You are one of the lucky ones. Thank you for sharing, it takes courage for a introvert to make a you tube video.
+susan brown I appreciate the thoughtful/insightful comment :)
I never thought anyone else felt like I did. Wow. Thank you for putting this out here.
+Alex Saunders you're welcome!
I respect your courage to be so forthright in this video. As a fellow INFJ I would encourage you to know that it is possible to charge yourself up (with exercise, sleep etc etc) with enough energy to pursue your dreams. I have personally found that INFJ s are capable of achieving anything. Please take the best care of yourself possible and thank you for the open and honest video.
Hi David, I'm struggling with getting the energy right now. Any tips?
Tips are in the comment you replied 2 ... seems you just need to make the decision to start? take action!
I think a difference between infjs and intjs is that both are perfectionist and very self-critical but only the infjs try to merge with others to the point they want to be "inside" them , and that can be a problem because your persona is mixed with other's, and you end up feeling yourself when you are with others. On the other hand the intj needs to space out and be alone to distance himself from "becoming" who he relates with. That's their limit, while infjs seem to never limit themselvs in that sense. I think one cannot change oneself in may core aspects but you can perfect them, perhaps you need to become more the teacher and the mystic and the conselor you were born to be, maybe you need to implement that. Maybe what you are missing is people with whom you can do that, people that need it.
On a note: You should check out a classic movie called Persona by Ingmar Bergman, It may be a bit heavy and chaotic movie to watch but it certainly explores how mindbending it is when two people mingle.
I relate to about everything you just said! Odd, really. Other INFJ's I've seen speak never really talked about those things in the type of perspective you did. I enjoyed it. (:
One thing you said, that intrigued me was how you can never REALLY enjoy your free time because you feel as though you need to be doing something to better yourself. I completely understand where you're coming from. This is like, my life lol. I'm always home, looking up things about science/psychology/philosophies, etc. (the things that interest me the most, and that I value.) I feel like if I'm not doing these types of things, than I'm not fulfilling myself. The problem is, I never really do it in a constructive way, therefor I don't really soak up the information.
An example of this that really made me open my eyes.... I'm 18 and started college in the fall (left half way through because of a family tragedy.) While I would be in the library studying for my classes, I would notice myself looking something up pertaining to the information, because I fell almost like I can't really understand and retain the information unless I see the FULL picture. So I would spend up to 2 hours looking up things that I wanted to know about that content, even though I didn't need to, and it was likely for higher level class. So I found myself doing piss poor on my work, because I spent too much energy doing these things I didn't have to. Thus, rushed my actual work.
We're strange, us INFJ's hahah.
+morgan brown
Haha..you sound exactly like me. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I always feel obligated to do something productive; whether it's picking up the house or reading articles online, I just can't allow the majority of my time to be spent on pure enjoyment.
As far as school goes, I am the same way. It's so difficult for me to truly understand novel concepts if I don't see the big picture and how it ties into the subject at hand. I am always baffled by classmates who can study for tests the night before and still make great grades..it takes me a loong time to feel 100% prepared to test my knowledge on something.
Thanks for sharing!
I literally understand exactly where you're coming from on all of this. Seriously, every single thing you named off, I have experienced something similar too. Being an INFJ....I wouldn't change it, because I can't really imagine being anything else. But I have always looked at other people and thought...Do they have to try so hard to be normal? Or are they just normal naturally? Also, I know everyone is always saying how INFJs are so selfless because we sacrifice ourselves to make others happy, but you hit it straight on. Even though I go above and beyond, literally anything in my capabilities to do I will, to make others happy and experience good things I still feel like I'm selfish. Because, in reality, I'm doing whatever it is so that I don't see them in pain, or think they're unhappy, or whatever the case may be. Honestly, I feel like I can handle putting myself second and experiencing pain or discomfort better than I can handle letting other people experience those things. If I experience those things alone I can move past them...but if it involves another person I will beat myself up over it for WEEKS. So, in the end, isn't this just selfishness? Sorry, I know I'm an odd one....but it's good to know there are people like me out there. I don't think I've ever met another INFJ before :)
What sucks for me as an INFJ is a JOB?
Of course i have bills so i HAVE to work, but 2-3 years seems to be my max with any company...no matter the pay. After 2-3 years I get this feeling of being stuck.....and I have to move on, no more examples to set, people become to used to my ways etc...
+The Watlingtons Mine was about 5 years before I had to move. I finally am in a position where I've been ok for 12 years. I'm getting itchy feet about now, but I will stay if things make it god to do so.
same! maybe you are a multipotentialite?
I haven't had much experience with many jobs yet (still pretty young) but right now I work at a nonprofit that actively helps the community (they have stuff like free workshops for small business owners and youth programs that clean up nature trails). As an INFJ this helps me feel like I'm making a difference which is really important to me. I've only been here about 2 and a half years but plan to stay here until I get my degree (: I hope this helps!!
Me too!!!! I thought it was just me..
I have found that jobs like counseling & advocacy are really fulfilling. I have worked one job that I loved & that was being a birth doula. I am taking a break because I have young kiddos now but I so want to get back to doing that.
WOW. I am 43 and if I had known myself as an INFJ at 23 the way you know yourself, I can't even imagine where I'd be now. You KNOW yourself, that is awesome! Every single thing you said resonated huge with me. I only discovered I am an INFJ a few months ago, but it has blown things wide open for me (in good AND bad ways) and helped me understand why I feel and have felt like somewhat of an outcast my whole life. I've learned how to play the game, but have always felt as I was "playing the game" that it was such a depressing facade and way to live my life. However, the alternative always seemed to be ending up alone and very lonely. I have achieved a balance at this point though, I don't have as many friends as I used to, but that's okay as I feel more authentically me. Anyway, I enjoyed watching your video, it felt very real (not like some of the other INFJ videos I have tried to watch). You are very lucky to have figured out your type so young! Best of luck to you! :)
J Smitts - it probably wouldn't change much. I've known myself to be an INFJ for thirty years and I don't think many of my life choices would have been changed by NOT understanding how my mind works. I just grew up knowing that most people are shallow.
you know, everything you said I related to so well. Listening to you was like hearing myself out loud. I genuinely thought that recently my scores on MBTI was INFP even though as a child it was always INFJ was valid. Honestly, I kind of hated being INFJ because I thought that I wasn't as free as I wanted to be. i wanted to stop worrying so much about other people and worry more about me. Because then that would mean I wouldnt care what others thought about me. I'm so quick to please others and I have been so in denial about it, because people pleasers are viewed in a negative connotation. I have been running from who I am, but watching this, it kind of smacked me in the head. You can't run from yourself. And I did feel misunderstood by people, but that didn't make me feel special. Honestly, that made me feel unspecial, so I tried so hard to act like that wasn't a fact about me and tried to be more like others so that I would be understood. How could I be so blind? Im not quite sure why I am opening up to you. Im sorry if this being so sudden is alarming. I just am surprised of how delusional I have been for this past year. Anyways, thank you for reading.
Kyle Pawlak
Yeah I think the biggest thing you realize when you first find out what it's like to be an infj is you realize (and it's shocking) how out-of-touch you are with your own feelings. Especially cuz your so used to being right about what other people are feeling and their problems! I have faced a lot of self denial through watching infj videos.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts - you are more on target than you probably give yourself credit for. I am a 52-year old male INFJ so I've experienced practically all of these 'maladies', many of them self-imposed pressures. I'd like to tell you that many of these tendencies can get ironed out as one grows and develops. I am a work in progress, too, but even so, I've learned 1) the value of other types of people who have more "elbow power" to help see a vision through; 2) meditation (doesn't need to be religious) to quiet the constant inner dialogue; 3) that many of our contributions come from subtly but definitely influencing key opinion leaders (this seems to be a very natural role for us). And, because we tend to be very poor personal historians (weak Si), we minimize and forget what we have accomplished. Anyway, you are lovely and very thoughtful. Keep the videos coming!
Perfect! Loved reading that. Thank you for sharing!
The phrase "poor personal historians" just healed part of my soul. I am in no way kidding.
Thx!
You touch upon some important stuff. I often feel lonely in relationships with others. It's always a one-sided thing. I want someone to ask ME how I am doing, what I like, how I am etc.
Haha, seriously though. I'm seeing this guy and because I'm so quiet he'll be like "what's on your mind?"
My head: sometimes a whirlwind of thoughts
Me: haha nothing...
Yeah....how long have you got?!?
the stuff you were talking about at around 5:30 made me want to cry.. and I don;t do that often..
I have always felt so strongly about that sort of 'one sided relationship, everyone never returns the favor, why don't people bother trying to figure me out?' and when you described it so perfectly then... just.. man that's crazy.. I am amazed to think there are people who can actually understand that thinking.. crazy!! thank you thank you for this video!!!
This is so refreshing to watch, someone who thinks exactly the way I do, and even sounds the same as me, the way they feel and talk, it's amazing. :)
I've always found happiness to be a struggle; often feeling alone and like an outsider. I have long been introspective and interested in psychology, philosophy and personal growth but only recently discovered the Myers-Briggs personality types and that I am an INFJ. This has really brought a lot of things that have been floating around together for me and begun to explain some of the struggles and issues I have. And importantly make me realise that i'm not alone in these struggles. It's comforting to know that other people are going through similar experiences. Solohouette your video is very much appreciated and i can definitely relate to much of what you say. I really hope you can continue to grow and find contentment somewhere in this crazy INFJ world!
Yesterday morning I randomly clicked on a suggested UA-cam link and spent a life-changing day learning about INFJ. When I learned I was not alone in this world it was such a tremendous sense of relief that I just broke down and cried. I am 64 years old.
Thank you so much for posting your video and asking for comments. You are helping to create the community that we so desperately need.
You really hit home on all of these points. Great job, honestly as a fellow INFJ I have days where I love my personality and I'm so full of confidence and I have days where I wish I didn't think so much and feel so much
thanks for making this video, makes me not feel so alone. I always feel like I always understand others, even sometimes more than they understand themselves I've have had people even tell me that I understand them better than they do. but when it comes to myself I have trouble putting all the pieces together.. I'm so confusing to others & even myself.
As an INFJ, I feel every exact way as you. I try to stray away from the negatives about our personality types, but it`s just natural for me to fall back into my negative sides. It`s like a string tied to you and you can only get so far.
Though as INFJ`s we are all different as every human is. Looking at the vast characters in the INFJ type.
This makes me think, I know many things are capable within life, however are we limited...?
Thank you for the video, Solohouette.
I'm a little bit in shock how much this all is familiar to me! I have always felt like a black sheep standing in a white crowd, but it's good to know that i'm not the only one having these struggles. Be strong, girl!
I totally get this, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and I know it's not always easy to express how you view yourself. This is probably why most INFJ's can understand others better than they can be understood themselves.
Being an INFJ, I completely agree with your third point! For me, I either dislike, like, or am obsessed with whatever it is I encounter. There is no in between, unless if I just don't have an opinion on something which seems to be about half the things I've experienced in my life.
You pretty much nailed all of the things that cause me emotional pain as an INFJ. I think that others types watching this probably can't even relate to why these things are so incredibly frustrating.
I can relate to all of this. really appreciate your vulnerability. I just feel like you are talking about my life! Thank you
Helping others feels the same as helping myself, even better in some cases.
Pretty much spot on. It is not fun to be an INFJ. It saps all the energy when you are down. Your alone time is filled with things that you "should be" doing; and there are so many things to do. Being extremely private does not really help; on top of that, we think people would not understand us as deeply as we could ourselves. What a mess are we! And yeah, we need attention too.
Other things that suck about being an INFJ. Been one for 30 years, and it’s exhausting.
1. Always caring if you're on good terms with people, even when you really don't want to care.
2. Struggling to have the discipline to follow through on something to completion when it takes a large amount of effort over a very lengthy period (consequence of perfectionist ideals).
3. Spending a lot of mental effort “warming up” before social gatherings involving a lot of people that you don’t know. This includes fighting the inner fear that the gathering will be a disaster and you will end up by yourself with nobody to talk to. Can never just get there naturally at 100%.
4. Being called boring because you prefer genuine conversation over mindless alcohol fuelled revelry.
5. Feeling like an alien in a world of “passengers” i.e. those who are happy to comfortably breeze through life with shallow relationships and endless partying.
6. Feeling like you have so many ideas and ideals to share with the world to make people’s lives better, but nobody gives a damn.
7. Looking at the state of the world and becoming a cynic about everything and everyone, which leads to generally trusting people less.
8. Retreating further and further from the outside world except for essential things e.g. work, family etc. Giving up on social media. As you age, you notice you only have a handful of friends. In the end, you realise you are alone even in a room crowded with people.
9. More often than not living inside your head. Sometimes it’s wonderful and enriching, but other times it’s lonely.
Sorry for the negativity, but I had to get this out of my head. Been in there for too long. Don’t think I’ve ever met another INFJ, or if I had we were likely both “chameleoning” so there would be no way to know. If I could meet all you lovely people, I would.
You hit the nail on the head. For all the other INFJ's out there - don't get too caught up in the label of being INFJ. You have complete power to improve anything about yourself!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! This is fantastic! Its nice to have someone else that understands me. INFJ's rock!
You hit the nail on the head! it was uncanny how i could relate to every single negative you mentioned. Now i'm just so glad to know there are others out there like me i guess :)
#1 Can relate 100% and my biggest desire is to meet someone who would be willing and able to listen to me as I express the who, what, where and why of my ideas and take that info to help me plan and make those ideas a reality. #2 I agree putting my needs a priority was not, and still is not, easy to do. However, I forced myself to try to do so because I, like everyone else, need to do it to be healthy. #3 I realized I am how I am and I make it clear to everyone I meet I understand I can be too much and ask them to please feel free to tell me if they feel over whelmed. #4 What has helped me accept myself as I am is accepting others as they are. #5 I wish I didn't NEED validation from others as much as I do.
Definitely get the whole fear or missing out, especially with social media. It's kind of a double edged sword. I feel anxious when I am on it and then self-critical when I spend too much time on it, but then when I'm not on it I'm just thinking about the ppl that usually ask me for help, advice et cetera on social media. And with the I get you more than you get me can be frustrating too. Mostly because although I understand ppl around me, it's hard for me to understand myself sometimes and sometimes I don't make connections between events and my own feelings until later because my self awareness is sucky compared to awareness of others.
Great vid, I can relate to the whole list, lol. Also, the irony is that despite telling people the downsides of being an INFJ, they'll ignore it because of the whole one-sided relationship thing. With the amount of care and attention we give other people, relatively it feels like they're not even paying attention.
This is very accurate and I'm very glad to find people that think in the same weird way that I do. Would love to see more videos from you :)
I couldn't agree more, OMG you were like 100% talking about me.
It's crazy how much I can relate to the things you talk about.
AMEN! I relate to every single one. So happy to find your channel. I think we're on the same wavelength. You're a great voice for INFJness. ;-)
Just learned about a week ago that I'm a INFJ. I have been studying about it nonstop and I must say this video really hit home with me. Everything you said was spot on! I can never thank you enough for making this video.
Subscribed
Watching your other video "INFJ and their two sides" and this one made me feel SO good--in other words, it felt eeringly comforting that you share the same thought processing I do. I'm an 18 year old INFJ about to head off into college, and I share the same doubts and anxieties and frustrations you do. I'm highly self-critical, always want others to be comfortable around me, and I can always tell what people are thinking. The external world controls my persona a lot and I envy introverted feelers who are comfortable with just being themselves instead of worrying how everyone else around them feels. Introverted intuition can definitely be the culprit into our crazy, over-analyzing tendencies and why we can end up feeling incredibly down at ourselves and feel that we are not normal. My mom (she's a single parent) is a cheerful, strong ENTP, and she's helped me come into terms with not over thinking everything and everyone, and to be proud of who I am--because let's face it, no matter what type, we are all immensely strange! But yes--what I want to say is, surround yourself with people who are encouraging and self-advocating; they will help us INFJs come into terms with our floating identities and develop our weaker functions. Because with just Ni and Fe, we can feel pretty alone and frustrated with the world.
Thank you for your insight. I am a male, but am also 23 years old and a fellow INFJ. It's always appreciated to hear other INFJs tell their experiences and concerns and relate to those struggles. When you mentioned the all or nothing behavior (school, Facebook) I thought likewise.
I know I'm 5 years late but I just came across this video and I truly relate to everything you just said!
I feel like as an INFJ there are so many things about us that other personality types just can't understand because they have never experienced them.
Especially the points about having quite dark or deep thoughts about everything and life in general like 99% of the time and also feeling like we're wasting time or should be doing something productive/more important ALL of the time, are some things that I don't think INFJs really share with other people (at least I don't) and it's kind-of reassuring seeing other INFJs in the world/online (haven't actually met any in person I don't think) that have brains that function in the same way as mine does.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I REALLY get you.
I have recently discovered that I'm an INFJ and I can completely relate to everything you have said. I feel like being an INFJ is somewhat a curse rather than a blessing. I want to really develop my weaker traits so I can just let go and be myself and not take life so seriously.
Thank you so much for sharing, means so much to know that there are others out there who are struggling as INFJs. Lots of love!
I completely agree with everything you said. Something I struggle with a lot is a lack of confidence and this is because we are cautious of being proud.
Turning 50 in two weeks. Just learned something about myself today that I never knew. There ARE people like me. I can relate all too well. Thank you for sharing.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Believe it or not I'm 51 and just learned about my personality type. It is both overwhelming and absolutely amazing to not only have validation but conformation that I am who I have always thought I was. It has been with the help of you and so many other videos on UA-cam. I am so much more confident and relaxed in my body. So thank you and you are so right in this video. The one that really drives me crazy is when I'm alone I always feel that I should be doing something else.
I understand feeling like we spend so much time thinking of others and upsetting when others don’t seem to care to do the same
I discovered after 40 thet I am Aspie and steel learning. But people who make videos helps a lot. Thank you!
Bouncing from extremes...the all or nothing mentality. I so get that. And it drives me bonkers. All 5 points are relevant to me. You are so insightful.
I can relate to most if not all of these things you mentioned. I am impressed at how well you explained things. It's a tough battle for INFJs and for me, personally, because I know I care a lot about others (too much sometimes) and I'm overly critical of myself. Reading the comment section also gives me some comfort that there are people I can relate to in this world. I hope you continue to make videos if only just to satisfy that need for INFJs like me who use posts and videos as tools for self-awareness and improvement or at least puts things into perspective and reminds us that we are not alone.
For 23, you've figured a lot of things out, but you haven't yet had the wider experiences which help. I'm 62 and didn't know I was an INFJ until two years ago, and it suddenly all made sense. I've spent time thinking about all the things you said were difficult for me, but my experience in life has helped me put them in perspective. You should be glad you are so thoughtful, kind and diplomatic. My only warning is never ignore your intuition and avoid users, especially in close relationships. Be kind, but direct, for instance just say 'Oh, I'm 23, I'll be fine trying on the bra but thank you.' Learn to extrovert your true feelings to others - they'll usually notice the warmth and kindness you intend. And make your boundaries - i.e. don't put up with bad behaviour of others and live by setting an example. We feel really bad about ourselves if we do things many others do without one thought.
The dark side is the interesting bit, and you don't have to be Ms Nice all the time - give yourself a break. It is when INFJs think they need to be perfect that they become narcissistic themselves. You are not special but unique and you are always good enough. The inner critic is what keeps you from being an arse but learning some meditation techniques can really help, where you can learn to silence the voice inside the head (and many people have that, not just INFJs). And I think you are great, and really thoughtful - and that lovely gift of modesty and humbleness - the self-promoters often have no inner self-esteem. I think you are on the right path.
Yeah it's so hard to tune out our awareness of others feelings and respond in a way that's more appropriate for us. Our first orientation is 'to other' and it is so challenging to identify your own feelings and act upon them whilst being naturally tuned into creating harmony- often at our own expense! Also I agree it is hard to bring your own goals to fruition when you are constantly absorbing others expectations and becoming distracted by a desire to help others solve their problems. We want true reciprocity which is apparently a big ask for others who are 'wired' differently. Our ideal is 'I give to you, you give to me' but very few people seem capable or desirous of interacting in this way. I haven't figured out how to balance this stuff out yet though identifying my goals and holing myself up to achieve them seems to work so far! I'm trying to establish far better boundaries and not 'give myself away' to the detriment of what I'm trying to achieve. I agree that validation is one of the core things we are seeking as INFJ's. Thanks for vid.
Dear fellow INFJ,
you've described us perfectly. I'm constantly promoting others and have difficulty taking time for myself. And when I do take time for myself, most folks assume that I'm angry or sad about something, but rarely do they ask me what's really going on... I truly need so much time away from others to destress and re-sync my vibes and I wish others would at least accept and respect that, even if they don't understand it... But I INFJ-ingly digress, I just wanted to communicate to you that this video is excellent and I loved it. I hope your day is wonderful.
Mal
Your eyes are dreamy. I think the eyes of an INFJ are always amazing.
i have learned,and i'm not talking about feelings(instinct)but emotions.don't trust them.they can be deceiving.you may be sad when there is nothing to be sad about.knowledge must conquer emotion.all my life i have never felt loved ,but i know i am loved.it's a fact.YOU are loved whether or not you can feel it.i'm still figuring a lot out,but now knowing there are others going through what i am,i know i'm not alone and it does make things easier.THANK YOU for sharing.
Thank you for this. Accurate, accurate, accurate. All of it.
I feel your pain, little sis. Thanks for the vid and may God bless you and your loved ones!
I'm so happy I found this video. It's interesting how can everything you said relates exactly to my personality. I feel like I am truly understood for the first time. Before I heard about INFJ personality I felt like I was an outsider in this world. But now that I am studying this subject and searching more and more information about it, I feel comfortable and calm. Thank you so much!
Jefferson Tavares
Yes that's truly how I feel, like an outsider to the world.
This was the first infj video I ever saw and it made me cry. Now I'm rewatching it for the first time in 6 months and I really feel like it's some kind of mini masterpiece in an odd way. Partially beginner's luck? And the rest of it is just the fact that it's pure honesty mixed with an infj's genius ability to read a situation turned on itself for once instead of another person. Now I know what I do for other people and how important that is because of how important this video has been for me.
Thanks for making this video! I've always felt alone until I've found a base of all of my kind of people. People that actually understand me and understand how I work! Thanks🤗
Great video. I applaud your courage and so many things resonated with me.
I have much hidden darkness, but it is coming out and being dealt with. I have fallen in love with another INFJ. It is beyond words. I see much healing coming from the partnership. She honestly completes me.
omg that one sided relationship is so right!
Thanks for sharing, I'm amazed that the more I learn about my INFJ life, the more I realize there are actually people like me that get me, out there. I actually have a career that requires me to be in public speaking scenarios. When I first started, I was in panic a lot of the time. I finally used a trick that works for me in public situations. I "act", as if I'm in an acting role, acting to be someone that I am not, and pushing away my desires to run. My advice to others, is to try and act like a different personality type, for limited periods. It is difficult at first but becomes possible once you practice. We understand others better than they understand themselves, so this helps. I also embrace my awkwardness to people that are close and laugh about it, this also helps them understand things that make me feel awkward. Thanks again!
Nice to relate to someone. I struggle to articulate my feelings and thoughts.. But you nailed it. The validation thing, so true. Nice vid
We are so hard on ourselves. It's so depressing. It really does suck.
I think its called being contentious? its good that you evaluate yourself, I do that as well.
This hit me hard... I'm not use to watching someone chip away and explain myself. It's both refreshing and foreign that I couldn't process exactly how I felt besides that I truly relate to every word... Thank you
WOW you brought a smile to my face not for your struggles but because I found someone who understands me. So meany things you said I have had the exact same feelings and thoughts. I am guessing if your life has been like mine you have been taken advantage of a lot in life because it's as if you walk through life with a big sign that says SCREW ME OVER
I'm not done watching this video yet but it's so liberating to find someone like me after feeling like im the only one on the planet who thinks and does stuff like you it gives me hope I want to scream. Before yesterday I Haven't heard of INFJ, I feel like your telling my life story. thanks for making this video
hmm allow me to focus my high power perception for a moment. as a fellow INFJ who has been there its a very powerful feeling wanting to make people happy. its a good instinct but it drains us and if we keep doing it. its important to realize saying no is ok--it seems like you've almost fallen into the beggar's personality so what you need is a red pill moment and i just gave you one. try this repeat in your mind "its ok to say no" keep repeating it take it in believe in it accept it revel in it nourish it let it grow. once you feel it stick in your mind comes step 2. so what is step 2? step 2 energy management you seem like you have a small reservoir of energy from which to draw from so all the more important to learn this how do i put this hmm you are like a car with a fuel tank eventually you run out and must refuel yes? what you are trying to be is a nuclear reactor a machine that releases tremendous energy and doesn't need to be refueled for decades. you are not that so why pretend to be? you need to carefully manage your energy and recharge at regular intervals pick one day a week to recharge and schedule around that. i understand your urge to help everyone but you have a finite amount of time on this planet you shoudn't spend it so freely, help who you can but know your limits. and focus on using your time efficiently. and thats actually step 2 and 3 3 being time management. hope this helps you. and feel free to pick my brain if you want more my brain loves and relishes the stimulus i get from intense emotional diagnostics and intense problem solving.
Thank you solohouette, I felt like I watched and listened myself as I watched your video. This felt an almost 100% me and I even somehow knew the words you were going to say before you said them. Yes, I'm an INFJ! 😊 And you made me think that INFJs should be more around each other, as we could implement each other's ideas, as making the other happy would make us happy. Thus many of our ideas would get realised.. and with an increasing speed :) (PS. I've never met another infj in real life that I know of)
By the way, I think you're very sweet. And one thing I disagree slightly with you is that we're dark...and not for the reasons you told. We have a tendency to go towards the dark and sometimes the pull might become very strong. But we're not dark! INFJ are spiritual beings and we've a very strong light as well. I saw that light in you while watching your video (as well as your own discomfort from the slightest darkish thoughts that arises sometimes in your mind - for that remember this quote from Peaceful Warrior "The mind is just a reflex organ.") 😉
I can relate totally with everything you say, especially the fact that I can get you more than you get me. I truly don't think you even want to know me.
I can relate to all of this. It's good to see how many people feel the same way as I do. Thank you so much for uploading this video. c:
It’s almost 500 posts on this video alone you should know that you’re not alone and thank you for sharing because I believe your views are spot on
I can totally relate to this list, and I understand the whole looking younger and not wearing much makeup scenario. Sometimes I struggle to be taken seriously because of that and the INFJ part of me that has a hard time conveying my thoughts and feelings clearly. Thank you for making this video, I look forward to seeing others if you post them ~ a fellow INFJ ♡
This is so on point! Wow. Thank you for this video.
even intj is mysterious too
A completely authentic video. That's a rare thing on youtube, and the world
As an INFJ male, I can really relate to #1 and being all or nothing whether it comes to writing, fitness, reading, or just being obsessively interested in something, then not caring much. Why are so many INFJs girls? And many of the guys that have added me on fb are gay. I'm not. Great video btw. I love these type of videos. I got into MBTI about a year ago.