I completely relate to this, the way she speaks and is so conscious of herself and her audience, the beautiful sadness in her eyes is something I rarely see in anyone but myself. it's true, I put my best self out there and when I can't I don't put myself out at all, so no one knows what I'm like when I'm not my best. It is extremely hard for me to let that guard down and let people see me when I'm vulnerable and needy because I am so easily disappointed. I get extremely passionate and self aware and if I feel misunderstood while I feel so excited it's absolutely devastating. I trust myself to love and appreciate my true oddness but it's nearly impossible to trust that anyone else even could. sometimes I do find people who can see me for who I am, and I can feel that but it is still very difficult to let myself believe that they don't think I'm a freak. I'd prefer for everyone to think of me as someone they like than to have any problems with who I am, it would hurt too much
sounds like you are ready for a breakthrough. ...watch charles bukowski - all the way - and move with courage into the world as your true self.... Respectfully - David - INFJ
Even the most socially active INFJ will always desire deep conversation.I think what shifts is the understanding that others perfer to hide behind Social graces,like children playing hide and go seek. INFJs are incredibly adaptable soooooo.... letting go is key. The social game INFJs seem to quietly win because, INFJs truly see behind the veil of it all.
"we adapt to our environment and it makes us lose sight of the person we really are..." thank you for putting that into words. Made me sob & my heart ache to hear. Deeply affecting reminder.
lol, i was doubting my type at first because of people that arent actually infj but say they are, seemed so different from me.. who are the other ones that seems like "real" infjs to you?
Jung said that Ni dominant types (INFJ and INTJ) live the most interesting lives,but also the most difficult lives. Both types share the same fear of being vulnerable and I think that is where the "protective" nature come from. Great video.
It's not a fear of being vulnerable. It's that we see how shallow people are and we have observed certain behaviors of certain people that help us to distinguish who is worth it and who's not. Don't cast your pearls to the swine.
Yes, yes, yes I can definitely relate. I really struggle with being my honest self around most people. Sometimes in the moment I won't ever realize it, but I tend to unconsciously tailor my opinions an response to the other person's expectations. And whenever I do reveal more, or have the courage to speak up, some people tend to be shocked and surprised. I am really really thankful, because I have one friend who I can talk to literally anything about and we later discovered that we're both INFJs. I feel so lucky to have her as my best friend because she makes it incredibly easy to open up my most honest opinions.
I never knew I was INFJ until I recently took a test and watched videos to verify how I am. As a male, being INFJ is very very rare and I understand what you mean by being a chameleon. In High School I was able to fit with the Jocks, geeks, nerds, and other groups and was liked by all but was always known as a reserved quiet type and loner. It's very interesting to know others like me.
Oh my god! I think about this concept all the time. I can really relate to this. I usually only reveal some aspects of myself. I'm often afraid to reveal that I'm into some really abstract things. I like fitness & video games, but I'm into a lot of spirtual and philosophical things that many people would not understand.
I wonder if it's more of an INFJ tendency to people please, to worry way too much about how other people see you, and to feel like you have to be Me Plus (default me isn't good enough). I certainly struggle with all of those. Here's some lessons I'm still trying to learn about those: 1. People pleasing: The more I try to *make* others happy the more I self-erase. My job is only to strive to bring an atmosphere everywhere I go that allows others to feel ok being who they are. If I hide this sacred inner self from others then they never really like me but they like my mask. That atmosphere is generated when I'm ok being myself. 2. Others opinions: I struggle so hard with this one. The best way (and hardest) to stop this is to be myself 100% of the time and get used to people disagreeing with me or not liking what I do. 3. Me+: We've all gotten the impression that we have to be me plus more confident, funny, engaging, intelligent, etc. If it's an external 'voice' then maybe reconsider how much time you spend with those people or find better people altogether. If it's internal, trace the origin of that rule/mantra/lesson, understand it with your current knowledge, and give that story a name. So when it pops into your heard you can say "Oh, that's just the ol' Me Plus story." Sometimes that alone will help, other times you'll have to reiterate the faults of the story. Sometimes it won't work and you'll have to work through those emotions/thoughts. One benefit of being myself regardless of any 'negative' emotions is: you find out what people will do when faced with your vulnerability. They may use that knowledge against you or use it to help understand you. I work to apportion my time with others to the degree that they treat me well when I'm vulnerable. Also, I tear up reading about INFJ. The feeling of being understood and knowing I'm ok the way I am is amazing :)
This. This is the first video that i could 100% relate to!Thank you! :-) Things that i think are the most important to me: 1.writing writing is my medicine.I write a lot but idk,i couldn't show them to anyone,even my close friends.because it'll feel like they could see through me or the 'me' inside. 2.the sky i have such huge passion for the sky(especially),the universe,the entire world.I think about this a lot & constantly,but when i tell people about it,they can't seem to relate/feel as amazed as i do.It saddens me sometimes. 3.the idea of individuality the fact that we all have our own mind and thoughts and idea and interest ,etc.i crave deep conversations,i want to know them more and how they think,in hope that they can accept the 'real' me too. . :-)
Wow! You are such a beautiful gem. We are the most beautiful creatures on the planet... (maybe I'm a tiny bit biased). 😉 I LOVE deep thinkers! Most of the world is so terribly shallow. No one wants to connect, share fascinating information or honor our differences by coming to really understand one another. We need a safe place to come together and be accepted and loved for who we are inside. We need a comforting space where we can take off our many masks, come out of our shells and show our true selves, the souls that we wouldn't dare expose to the cruel, unfeeling, judgemental outside world. It's really encouraging to see others who feel and think like me.
Can 100% relate, WOW Such a good feeling to be reading things that actually are soo relatable to you and yess, I really agree with point 1! And 2! 3 is kinda hard, regarding Trust, but yeah, understand this really really good! :)
Seems like there are only a special few who get to see what's going on inside. The guard of social pleasantries and natural introversion seems to get in the way of opening up, letting out everything, and fulfilling what could potentially lead to more meaningful relationships. I just wish it were easier to connect because there are a lot of really awesome people I meet but never really get to know because I subconsciously stumble worrying about leaving a good impression vs. just being myself.
Holy shit, I agree and relate to everything you said. From wanting to be the "real" you around friends to your opinions on social media. I also struggle with showing my true self to other people because like you said, I want to please people and talk about things that also interest them, so I'm hesitant to show them some of the things that I'm into. This may not be the best example, but I smoke weed and my opinions are that I am all for it because of the beneficial effects it has on me personally. I finally told my mom after hiding it for years and the reason I was hiding it was because I was afraid that she'd be disappointed, wouldn't trust me, or look at me differently now. But I just couldn't stand that she didn't know the "full" me and I wanted her to know because I wanted to better my relationship with her. I was talking to her about how I'm scared to let other people, like my cousins, know about things I'm into that they may or may not agree with. But I'm really trying to get better at sharing things about myself with people I care about even if they don't necessarily like it, because I want them to know my true self and to deepen my relationship with them.
Just listening to you I feel a fierce attraction to you, it's crazy. I just love hearing you think! Someone like me! Yes, be yourself. As an INFJ I do present a duality like you speak of, but its more like; meeting for the first time? You see the outside of my house. Becoming my friend? I show you the inside. I crave to show people the inside, but they have to be meaningful people... and I have so few of them.
Being authentic is the most attractive way to be. You come across as someone who is vulnerable and real and it's so refreshing to me. My biggest challenge in watching your videos is not getting pulled away from what you are saying because of your physical beauty and mannerisms. You absolutely do not need make up to be beautiful, and your spontaneous expressions come across as genuine. I don't know if other infj's value authenticity as much as I do, but you are showing me how to be real and it's sooooo valuable. You insights are spot on and describe me to a t as I'm still trying to sort out how to go about in the world.
I find this to be insanely accurate. I have very different ways of relating to people, and because of that, certain friends only see certain sides of me. I find I have friends in genres. I have the friends i can joke with where share our similar senses of humor, I have childhood friends for when we feel nostalgic, and I have friends i can have deep meaningful conversations with, but wouldn't necessarily joke with them about stuff when I feel silly. No one has ever seen all sides, nor would they want all sides. I keep a lot for myself, and as close as I'd like to be to someone significant, I find that I always keep some kind of distance.
Wow. Your comment resonates with me so much. I've always noticed my friendship 'genre' thing and wondered if it's just me. I think only my family have seen almost all my different sides, and even then I'm not sure.
I relate so much to the filters. I have a very thick filter that very few get through, not even my own family have to the fulliest, except for my granny. Idk why I do this, but I guess it's because of trying to please other people, as you said. Maybe I'm trying to protect myself aswell. I takes alot of trust and "research" in the other persons charachter before I can try to open up. I always change my ways, depending on who I'm talking to, always find myself mirrowing their bodylanguage or way of talking. This phenomenom is so strange to me. Most people I meet think I'm extroverted, but they are just seeing the filter I'm putting on to...I don't know what I'm trying to do. I think I do it because more or less grow inner panic in small talk situations, I can't take it when the conversation is about to become uncompfortable or not fluid/normal. Although I hate small talking this panic forces me to talk ALOT, since the awkward silence is even worse... Wow this comment is so messy, but can anyone relate?
Hi Hanna! Your comment is a year old and I happen to read it today. I relate to the video and your comment. Nodding at the family situation. The only one that knows more about me is my mom and even so, there are times where she has said something about me that I didn't expect her to say to someone else. Because of that I still feel like there are certain topics I can't disclose to her and I have to word it and choose carefully which to talk about, but I really value my relationship with her because it's not many that I can be myself around even if there are parts I think are risky to reveal. I also think infjs don't share ourselves because it would be overwhelming to have many people that know how we think and do things. It would be too much people to be exposed to, too many people to feel like we lose ourselves when we form trust with them thus making it harder to unlatch since we formed a strong friendship. It would be too draining, and we value having a small group of people who we can be ourselves with. We're very selective when it comes to others and at the same time there are many people who don't do that, and in a sense I think we're very aware of how we come across and protect ourselves to avoid being hurt. I'm not saying that people who are very open are most likely to be hurt, but we infjs are more serious when it comes to the things we talk about since they reveal a lot about how we think and many people are not interested in deep topics to the extent that infjs take it due to extreme preference to intuition. Even if we're not being ourselves with even the people closest to us and feel bad about it, I think it's important to know that we can appreciate things in our interactions with others and reveal at least a little to them (even if it may be in the most subtle way). We're all human, and many people also have friends to talk about this and that. We all wear masks. I sometimes think we're searching for something or someone who we can unmask ourselves and them in order to be who we are without judgement and just listen for what it is instead of arguments because life is short and why should we only talk on the first layer of conversation and arguments and conflicts when we could just be ourselves and be free. In essence all humans search for it and we're all the same, but since infjs have a high preference for intuition and the way our brain uses processes, we look beyond we the mask and therefore live and approach life differently than most feeling like we're different.
THIS DESCRIBES ME EXACTLY! I totally feel you! As an INFJ I've learned to hide my core by being cautious about who I share it with and protecting my inner emotions by faking them on the outside. And I've become so used to adapting to my environments so quickly, I've lost sight of who I am. I just recently discovered my type, so now I'm trying to come to terms with myself, and figure myself out and straighten out the knots I've created by blending in, and adapting.
I don't mean this in the way that INFJs aren't unique individuals, but when I watch videos by INFJs I often feel I'm watching a video of myself. I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD!!! (I actually almost cried watching this video, because I felt so understood.)
Wow, this made me think a lot about the way how I've been all my life. I never thought about it that way, but I do have two sides to myself, the side of me that conforms to fit in and the genuine me. I never knew that I was an INFJ until recently and watching insightful videos like these have really helped me discover who and what I am. Thanks!
I love all your videos but this one is my favorite. As a fellow INFJ I love how honest and unfiltered you are here. I feel the same way with the card you show the world, I do that every single day. And when you said "I feel like no one gets the real me", my God did you nail it. Please keep making videos. I feel so much better knowing someone like you "gets it"
Thank you for your thoughts. Your so right about what we show others when we meet new people and it's truly exhausting. Your making a difference, thank you!
ENFP: Things important to me are: 1) working through my emotions. I repressed a lot when I was growing up and when that eventually backfired I learned about uncovering and processing my buried thoughts; it's changed my life. The part that you might like is that I share this with people at work (most of my socializing) and if they like it we get closer and if they don't we move farther apart; it's awesome. I don't need to worry about whether someone will like it because if they don't they're not good for me. Of course I need to keep it positive and brief so as not to overwhelm but that's understood. 2) I guess I've just found that I share what's really going on in my life and those who like it get more and those who don't get the kaibosh. It's really liberating because I'm finding all of these fun people at work that are receptive. Of course my intuition can generally tell me who won't be interested but not so great at who will so it's a pleasant surprise. Now I find I have about 10 people at work I can share surprisingly deep stuff with. Of course I've worked through all of it before I talk to them so I'm not burdening them, I'm kind of enlightening them with my personal discoveries but it's still something I want and need to share with someone. And spreading it out over 10 people keeps any 1 from being overwhelmed; it's really amazing. And then the more I do it the more I can see who likes what so I go to this person to share that stuff and another person to share other kinds of stuff.
You speak to me... I love this and I feel everything you said on this video.. keep up and keep being real.. it inspires me as an infj to be true to who I really am and to be as honest as you ❤❤
I am an INTJ and I can really relate to INFJ's. Find an INTJ friend,because they will understand you and give you incite more so than Dr Phil could ever hope to. I think it takes an Ni type to really understand an Ni type.We share the dominant Ni which is a huge part of our personalities. INFJ's are rare (unfortunately) and they are the only type that gets me (once I open up a bit). I feel comfortable around INFJ's (the very few I have met) so I tend to open up and be my true self around them.
Hey thank you for your video so much. It was completely relatable for me as an infj and i agree with everything you said about social media. Hopefully we can all embody an armour of courage to just be ourselves because who else can we be. Everybody else is already taken. Yet it is also something I'm striving to be better at everyday. Let's do this
I absolutely love your video and I completely relate. I know that every person and infj is different in their own unique ways, but I feel like I really relate to the way you communicate and carry yourself. It's very refreshng because i really can't say that about many people. Thank you so much for sharing this video. A nice quote for all my fellow infj's, "We have glitter on the inside." :)
I understand so wholly all your points. I'm so glad i stumbled upon MBTI, it so nice to appreciate and understand that you share the same feelings as me in situations, socially, towards myself and inner conflicts. Thank you :)
Thanks so much for your video. I wasn't sure if I was an infp or an infj but I see soooo much of myself in you. Keep up the good work:) Nice to know I'm not alone.
I relate to you so much.... everything you said is so true. I also love Dr. Phil. I think us INFJs love to watch extroverts on tv because it gives us a perspective of who we wanna be :)
Beautiful. Everything is relatable and I love how in depth you go, even giving examples :> And I hope we'll find the courage someday to be that first guy, and find a good balance between idealism and perfectionism.
I would say it's kind of scary that I can relate to you so much. I agree with everything, I just don't really understand this pleaser thing. Like, I hate to disappoint the people I love, but I don't know if it's the same thing of being a people pleaser. About the many sides, thanks for putting it up! Most of the time, I feel like I don't want to show my "real" side to certain people because they wouldn't understand or even value this part of me, the part I consider my true self, which includes the stuff I love with all my heart (like you said about Dr. Phil) and that are too precious to me to be shared like if it was nothing -- because that's what I see, that to the most part of people these precious things are nothing, but to me they're the most valuable things in the world. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean, you've just put it up. Thank you! :) It's kind of a relieve to know someone feels the same way.
+Alana Hoffmann glad you can relate :) thanks for sharing. I think it's comforting for both of us to know that there are other people out there who struggle with the same problem of feeling like an alien whilst craving human interaction/approval to stay 'sane'
I know how you feel... just say whatever is on your mind... I'm an infj so I understand the feeling after sharing your interests with others but I think it's pretty cool and nice of you to actually make this video.. I thought a lot about just writing a comment.. though you made a whole video... I'm very happy that I found this video...its feels nice finding someone who can understand.. thank you :)
Thank you! I enjoyed this post. I can relate. I’m 56 years old and recently discovered my personality type (infj of course). Life has been difficult but discovering about myself at least helps me understand why I am the way that I am. It doesn’t make the struggle any easier as of yet but now I endure with some understanding. Recently I decided to become active on FB. I think because I am an enigma so FB gives me a platform to reveal some of myself…not all. You cannot reveal all because although we struggle we also have a gift as visionaries. Not all will appreciate that side of us. With that said, I do FB on my terms. Perhaps because of my age, I really don’t care how many likes or dislikes I get because I feel like I have a mission in being out there. As a matter of fact, I am very selective as to whom I accept a “friends” on my FB page. And because infjs generally have a mission for the good of others, my post reflect just that. I aim for depth and meaning even if I’m just posting a song. On FB, you have the power to dismiss anyone who can disrupt that flow (DOOR SLAM). So in my initial post, I introduced myself as an introvert (I didn’t think that some would be ready for the infj concept yet. And besides…it’s almost like having a superpower so like Superman, it’s just best to keep your identity inconspicuous. Let it be seen in your actions). And stated that I did not care for “small talk”, and that I hoped that my posts would be meaningful to some if not all. Once you discover your vision (my Christian faith has helped me to see mine), embrace it! Use your gift for the greater good!
Wow. SO relatable... Thank you for sharing! Some of the important things for me right now are related to spirituality (which is NOT something I can discuss with everyone unfortunately...), feeling "lost" (career related), having to do something meaningful and/or productive. Also, as AriaAriel mentions - the importance of having conversations where we can share our real opinions on whatever topic... And writing, yes! (And no, nobody ever sees my written thoughts lol)
Social media does suck in that it makes people artificial in order to get the attention. But I watched your video and you were sincere. So I appreciate that and I think more people than you imagine are aware of the artificiality and it damages the message. The more authentic, then the more powerful and more influential we are.
You know, i have the same thing. In my company of few people(not really friends but my husband's friends, at least i am not shy in front of them) i become the pleaser, i joke, i say interesting things that i know will make them laugh etc. But in the end they don't even know who i am. Sometimes i joke so much that i drain my batteries and i want to go home or i become sad immediately, and they ask what is wrong with me. But i only have one friend and my husband that know my inner part, and still, sometimes they find it difficult to understand my thoughts but at least i am happy they take me seriously and dont judge me.
You are so kind. Wonderful video. Im definitely the Introvert. I think it's number two, the picture with out the glass of wine-🙃. This is the view I only show to very very few. Only when I have to make a stand, I do the wine picture thingy. It's my ###J coming out. Then, go back to one when When I'm done. The room is quiet, or my peers are, I can so relate. That's my two diametrical sides. The clarity and the visual aids of your insight, follow through, and execution are spot on. I'm not fake, like you and can't possibly put up a front. Either I recuse my self from the situation or go back into my shell. I have to be true to my ideals and if someone is morally wrong, my ###J comes out. Thank you for you concise and succinct explanation. You Rock lil lady 🤜⚡️🤛🏼
I love your visual aid in trying to describe our 3 filters, and I can totally relate to this subject too. I also didn't realize until your video how my feelings about social media and the gap it's creating in relationships, makes me sad too! Thank you for your insights into being an INFJ. Also you looked great in this video ;-) ~ peace and love from a fellow INFJ ♡
I see that this was posted so long ago but I just wanted to say thank you! This was very insightful. I hope that you might consider making more videos soon.
This is an awesome video. I totally agree with having to put up a show in the beginning however it can be very tiring to know that you have to put out so much on the first meeting. It's alot of pressure. I wish I could always have alot of energy.
6:41 "I just never feel like they get the full.. me." Pretty relatable for me. Even my best friend. Although aside from my ex, he's probably seen the most of me out of anyone else.
Lol. I am INTJ and there are a lot of cross over and similarity to INFJ. Listening to you explain things reminds me of how I explain things. Tangent details like your 'food coma' statement it makes sense in our heads and pertains to the story we are telling because it fits the timeline of how we are recalling it and replaying it in our heads. Most people are like huh? I love your chameleon analogy too. Very fitting.
Yepp had to comment here too because I'm an infj lol! So glad you do these kind videos now yay!! It feels good to relate to people. I never knew anyone like myself. And would of never found you in the thousands of gamers or makeup queens! 👍🏼😊
INFJ here.. I love Dr Phil too!! Everyone I've told scoff at me for it. I really relate to everything you say here. We want to be liked but we also want to be authentic. We don't want to appeal to shallowness but sometimes we realize it's the only way to relate to people. A constant game of reconciliation.
I can totally relate to everything you say in this video! :) I'm also a chameleon in social situations. Always been, and always felt bad about it because if I spend too much time with a certain group then that "role" gets more space than I'm comfortable with. Feels like I lose myself in the process, and that's when I need a timeout and solo time (faster than usual that is). ;) I also 100% agree with you about social media. I actually stopped using Facebook back in 2006 even, because I felt it was moving everyone in a superficial direction. It all became a race to showcase an exterior that would infuse envy in others. Even though I have access to an exterior very suitable for that, I never wanna put that on display for such a reason. I'm a lot more down to earth as a person, and value true, tangible things. However I'm, relative to the majority, "weird" in many ways. Like for instance I prefer to actually send physical Christmas cards to those I love. What's the actual value of a *click* on Facebook compared to receiving something physical you know that your friend or loved one actually spent time on? :) Thank you for the video!
I'm writing this one year and a couple of months after you posted this video, and I've only seen five minutes of it so far, but I just had to stop and thank you for it... you know when you find someone who surgically describes everything you could intuitively conceive about your life but could never really explain? The first filter, the superstar, is how I behave to 90% of people 90% of the time, just everyone I'm not intimate with. That was a brilliant explanation. Thanks! But my defensive behavior is quite different though... I feel like I had to hide the way I wanted to have an emotionally open, sincere conversation behind a "tough guy" costume and that feels awful. It feels like I had to protect Fe from showing up because my sensibility would make me vulnerable, but that kills me on the inside. Maybe some of us are always displaying Ti or even some Te and acting critically while all they wanted to say on their insides is "I love you, boundlessly and spontaneously, but I don't think you'd be as open to it as I am." Can you relate to this?? I'm now feeling just as touched as you seemed to be halfway across the video. it's like if my introverted intuition had given a lecture to introverted thinking and extraverted feeling that started with universal gravitation and finished with spiritualism, and now they're having a toast for science and understanding in a french rooftop restaurant and looking at the stars- in other words, mr. Brain is extremely happy because he has finally realized what was happening with mr. Heart during all those years. Thank you. THANK YOU *thank you* !Thank you! ~thank you~ that was the best insight I've had in the decade.
I say "Black" because it's not a real race. but a title given to those with darker skin during a time of racism too make a long story short. and nice comment!
Def. keep the faith in humanity! The older we get as INFJs the more we began to view the systems of the world as flawed, we can see what divides the people...yet we can also see that some people desire division. I like you sometimes like to assume the worst about peoples intentions. But I have learned that people change just as seasons do and our ultimate battle is not with the opinions of others, but with our inner self. The only enemy...is our "inner" me. And as for things being rare...you do know rare things hold significant value..(not to say I do)..but the infj mindset imo certainly plays a part in the new world to come..because we rarely need to be first, rarely voice our opinions (although online is an exception) , and dearly care for those around us.
short version of an answer imho. Once you LOVE someone...you accept them for who/what they are...flaws and all...The real fight is not for authenticity...but in acceptance of those around you. IT is how we lead our life that serves as an example for others. But you will learn that when you walk in love, acceptance, and forgiveness....ALOT of people can't understand this..(hence those who desire division).....our words are cheap...and hold little value...but our actions and deeds cause ripples that take years to smooth out....
INTP here... Nice description...my partner is INFJ and this pretty much is her. She puts on her very Fe side in social situations but is quite the opposite when we're alone. You also have the exact eye movements she has when we're conversing...focus at the camera/person for a moment then turn away in search of your next idea (very Ni). And she very much dislikes social media for the very same reasons... she doesn't like insincerity or lack of authenticity.
I am an infj too, I could relate to everything that you said! a few things that are important to me are. drawing (the literal holes to my soul), fashion and the makeup industry and finding self balance.
It's unlikely that you're being someone other than who you are. We interact with the world through feeling, and it's as difficult for us to not be genuine as it is for people to fool us by not being genuine. It's more likely that you're shaping your personality by holding back parts of who you are, but holding back different aspects of yourself in different situations. This can be exhausting. There was a point where I realised that people were actually quite accepting, so I was just myself more with them. The reward is that you don't need to shut down and disconnect quite so often. As a fellow INFJ, I see who you are and, if you feel the need to hide that from the world, you're depriving them of the wonder of knowing you.
Everything you said is right on . I'm an INFJ personality and I feel the same way. P.s. I love watching Dr. Phil as well . you are an inspiration thank you .
Putting up the superstar filter is your way as a INFJ of extracting everything you need/want to know about the "new" person. It's subconsciously strategic, and a very efficient way to get your subject 'moving' and 'talking'. Your problem is shifting gears into the "real me" once you're comfortable and feel you can trust the individual. My mother taught me a Dutch saying that we all need to hear, especially us INFJs. 'Normaal is gek genoeg.' Normal is crazy enough. She always encouraged me just to be myself, because that's where I was safest, and also would be the most comfortable. It's been good advise.
This is a huge sign aka synchronicity, I'm so happy that I've come across this video. The last several months or so I've gotten really close to this guy. Prior to this we were close in a sense of individuals who've known each other for a long time but non of us ever disclosed any personal information. We are very different to say the least. His an MBTI is ISTP and LEO star sign, I'm an INFJ and VIRGO star sign. With that being said we come from total two different backgrounds. As an empathy we're aware that we can mimic other people's personality, that's why it comes natural to fit in any social spectrum at any given time. Although mimicking other people's emotions and personality comes natural it can be draining, it's all about them and accommodating their needs at your own expense too much self sacrifice. As time has passed he feels safe and freely to share his personal life with me. Even though we've gotten a lot closer , I still manage to keep my personal life off topic most of the time and if we touch on it, its never deep stuff unlike him. He misunderstands me so much maybe due to my lack of articulation, with that being taken into consideration. I feel like 70% of the time when we're talking it's always meanless small talk, I don't care for ( guilty of zoning out🙊🤔🌌☁️). Because he misunderstands me so much this has made me apprehensive about opening up a bit more. His a logical person he lacks emotional intelligence where as I'm both logical/ analytical and emotional intelligent. When we've an disagreement it's mostly because he only looks at things from logical point of view and he dismisses other logical point of views regarding the matter. For instance we could've an disagreement/ misunderstood because he refuses to accept that they maybe several logical point of views regarding the issue of at hand. He will come up with one or two logical explanation, whereas I maybe see things from all logical angle including his and emotional angle but he will refuse to consider my insights ( maybe because he misunderstands me) He knows how much of an ethical/ principled person I am , I always uphold myself to high standards/ values. He often asks me about my views on issues concerning family dynamics " what is good father". While we were talking about our hopes for the future, I was consciously aware that I was about peel away some layers to reveal a bit my true self. I told him that when I was growing up, I always felt different not normal, alienated from the rest the society I didn't fit in anywhere. His reply to me was it can't have been easy coming to London at 15 years from South Africa. Which is true it was difficult to adjust to life, that's not the case now I'm settled now and it wasn't relevant to the point I was making. I told him even when I was in SA I felt the same way, a change of geographic location had nothing to do with it. He then replied to me "does anybody really feel like they fit in somehow". What he said was logical, but he was still misunderstanding me. I tried to explain furthermore by giving scenarios but at the end he didn't reply. Even a change of subject would've been less painful, I feel like I just spilled guts to him for absolutely nothing. These filters work for us because people who can't really comprehend us old soul, it's a defence mechanism.
As Veronica wrote, "Thank you for your candor." Seriously, this is one of the most honest videos I've seen on UA-cam. I am an INFJ myself and I totally agree with everything you said. 😄 Cheers!
I think its quite tough being INFJ especially in our younger years... We know we are a little different than most and our ego will tell us that we are unique and special. But I have found as i'v got older the ego starts to dissolve and this has been a blessing and a relief... Boundaries become more important that people pleasing. The most important thing is to try and be as authentic to your personality type as possible, find out your strengths and weaknesses and work on them. Then one can attain enlightenment... Wishing you all well on your journies.
I am an INFJ male and I can relate to this a lot. I think we all can. Although it doesn't feel like it, people will like you for you. You are very genuine when you talk here and that holds more weight than any superficial small talk, or your appearance. You are attractive both in physical appearance (even without the makeup) and substance. I've had issues with myself over these same feelings. It wasn't until I met my wife and really let go of the mask that I was able to accept me for me. No matter how bad I felt, how bad I thought I looked, or how bad I thought my own mind is at times, she accepts me and loves me everyday. It taught me to not be so on guard all the time. Although begrudgingly I admit those feeling aren't completely gone, they don't impact my life as much. I'm not saying you should go out and lay it all on your significant other, but try to be a little more open with the people close to you. They might surprise you. Surround yourself with people who like the real you and you'll find you'll be more comfortable in your own skin.
Please don’t ever take down your videos. I’m an INTP, And I regularly regularly return to your videos. You do such a great job and have such unique insights. I admire the hard work you’ve done with your videos. So please don’t take them down.
when I’m meeting a new person, I get to know them and I’ve noticed that I tend to imitate their behaviour around them and like I just see what kind of person they are based on their sense of humour, interests, and just the way they communicate, and I imitate their humour etc to kind of get them to like me? not necessarily get them to like me but get them to feel like I understand stand them and like connect with them. does that make sense?
This relates to me so much.. I put on an act and the only way I've gotten over social anxiety is with joking around and playing a role so others will want to talk to me. But often times I am afraid to tell people about my real life when I go home, how boring I can be, what my interests are, because I am secluded and my interests are very diverse . I know some people are boring and some people have diverse interests but they also aren't afraid to make different friends whilst I want to be neutral with others so I can make any friends I want even if they don't have the same interests as me. Honestly, maybe more people do this in society but they don't notice that they are doing it or it doesn't bother them. I suppose this isn't a negative trait .
INFJs!! We need to learn how to self empathize with ourselves. gorwing up we felt invalidated because of our personality types most people do not know how to validate our needs. so we grew up invalidated. hence so many of us have low self esteem , anixety, low self worth or toxic shame about who we are. But we need to learn how to self validate and take care of ourselves so we can be an INFJ with confidence!! Believe me it is extremely powerful.
I know what you mean with Dr. Phil. I'm always stunned how accurately he understands the problem and the solution. As an INFJ it would take me a lot of time and I sometimes find I get sidetracked by trying to pull all of it apart and looking at it from so many angles.The good news is as an INFJ watching Dr. Phil I also can easily see how he comes to his conclusion. So inside of me and other INFJs is the same answer as Dr Phil gets. It's just inside of us and we have to find it. Ocassionally as an INFJ I will ponder what Dr. Phil said and come to the conclusion that he was wrong. So we can do that also.
You're very pretty, and I can relate. I'm one who have become bitter of the way I always try to step aside for other people, even how I feel and react about events, other people's actions, or even their own reactions to things. I've realized that I allow people to be who they are, and how they are at the moment, and believe in a future, but people don't return the favor and grace. This makes me angry, and I'm in that place at the moment. I don't know if you guys have experienced this, and if there's any tips, you could save my life.
At 0.08 I thought i am sure you are much more cheerful and pleasant around people. It's just that now you think you are alone, but you are actually not alone. I had just finished watching your other video about 5 things. And then 10 seconds later you said the same thing. Lol. funny.
This is totally why i am less social than most people. i am an infj, and i really just want face to face over social media. I want people how they are, not how they seem online. it really frustrates sometimes because meeting people face to face nowadays is not easy. I tried making a new friend the other day and it all got weird, just because of the lack of trust. it is so hard to make new friends because they all think you want something from them, they are brainwashed by social media. only hearing the bad things about people.
Thanks for the video. Idk if I'm INFP or INFJ but today I certainly feel INFJ. It's like, when I'm alone I know exactly what I want to watch or listen to, but around others, I want them to be happy with the choice. I'll see what they like and chose something off thier list that I also like. Or else I just kind of drown in anxiety wondering what they are thinking about my choices. This does make me feel inauthentic at times and that really bothers me because I want do very bad to be seen, and understood, yet I continue to self sabatoge, by letting my fear essentially take the wheel. It's always going to be this way. It's very comforting to know I'm not alone.
We should form a INFJ justice league. Who wanna join??
Captain Planet I'm in!
Uncle lana is in boiii
I call dibs on Wonder woman! Lol
Is there still room for me?
I'm in.
I completely relate to this, the way she speaks and is so conscious of herself and her audience, the beautiful sadness in her eyes is something I rarely see in anyone but myself. it's true, I put my best self out there and when I can't I don't put myself out at all, so no one knows what I'm like when I'm not my best. It is extremely hard for me to let that guard down and let people see me when I'm vulnerable and needy because I am so easily disappointed. I get extremely passionate and self aware and if I feel misunderstood while I feel so excited it's absolutely devastating. I trust myself to love and appreciate my true oddness but it's nearly impossible to trust that anyone else even could. sometimes I do find people who can see me for who I am, and I can feel that but it is still very difficult to let myself believe that they don't think I'm a freak. I'd prefer for everyone to think of me as someone they like than to have any problems with who I am, it would hurt too much
Beautifully written..I found your words to be very touching :)
sounds like you are ready for a breakthrough. ...watch charles bukowski - all the way - and move with courage into the world as your true self.... Respectfully - David - INFJ
Natalie Nathan h
So true
I relate to this and an INFP 😢
Even the most socially active INFJ will always desire deep conversation.I think what shifts is the understanding that others perfer to hide behind Social graces,like children playing hide and go seek. INFJs are incredibly adaptable soooooo....
letting go is key. The social game INFJs seem to quietly win because, INFJs truly see behind the veil of it all.
"we adapt to our environment and it makes us lose sight of the person we really are..." thank you for putting that into words. Made me sob & my heart ache to hear. Deeply affecting reminder.
Youre one of the few INFJ youtubers I actually can relate to.
+cepesepe (being infj myself)
+cepesepe she's one of the few INFJ youtubers who seems to me like an INFJ
lol, i was doubting my type at first because of people that arent actually infj but say they are, seemed so different from me.. who are the other ones that seems like "real" infjs to you?
can't recall, but she fits my personal archetype for that character type, very much so.
pjc 73 Thinker of Everything maybe?
Jung said that Ni dominant types (INFJ and INTJ) live the most interesting lives,but also the most difficult lives. Both types share the same fear of being vulnerable and I think that is where the "protective" nature come from. Great video.
sounds logical, to compensate such "power", we have to have a "weak" spot, or a weak side/dark side
when did jung say that?
That's super interesting, am definitely going to check it out and find out more on this.
It's not a fear of being vulnerable. It's that we see how shallow people are and we have observed certain behaviors of certain people that help us to distinguish who is worth it and who's not. Don't cast your pearls to the swine.
Yes, yes, yes I can definitely relate. I really struggle with being my honest self around most people. Sometimes in the moment I won't ever realize it, but I tend to unconsciously tailor my opinions an response to the other person's expectations. And whenever I do reveal more, or have the courage to speak up, some people tend to be shocked and surprised.
I am really really thankful, because I have one friend who I can talk to literally anything about and we later discovered that we're both INFJs. I feel so lucky to have her as my best friend because she makes it incredibly easy to open up my most honest opinions.
there are indeed 2 sides to every INFJ:
- the front side
- the back side
Yeah this is kinda late but LMFAO 😂😂😂
I never knew I was INFJ until I recently took a test and watched videos to verify how I am. As a male, being INFJ is very very rare and I understand what you mean by being a chameleon. In High School I was able to fit with the Jocks, geeks, nerds, and other groups and was liked by all but was always known as a reserved quiet type and loner. It's very interesting to know others like me.
Im in high school and this explains my life currently perfectly.
Oh my god! I think about this concept all the time. I can really relate to this. I usually only reveal some aspects of myself. I'm often afraid to reveal that I'm into some really abstract things. I like fitness & video games, but I'm into a lot of spirtual and philosophical things that many people would not understand.
I wonder if it's more of an INFJ tendency to people please, to worry way too much about how other people see you, and to feel like you have to be Me Plus (default me isn't good enough). I certainly struggle with all of those. Here's some lessons I'm still trying to learn about those:
1. People pleasing: The more I try to *make* others happy the more I self-erase. My job is only to strive to bring an atmosphere everywhere I go that allows others to feel ok being who they are. If I hide this sacred inner self from others then they never really like me but they like my mask. That atmosphere is generated when I'm ok being myself.
2. Others opinions: I struggle so hard with this one. The best way (and hardest) to stop this is to be myself 100% of the time and get used to people disagreeing with me or not liking what I do.
3. Me+: We've all gotten the impression that we have to be me plus more confident, funny, engaging, intelligent, etc. If it's an external 'voice' then maybe reconsider how much time you spend with those people or find better people altogether. If it's internal, trace the origin of that rule/mantra/lesson, understand it with your current knowledge, and give that story a name. So when it pops into your heard you can say "Oh, that's just the ol' Me Plus story." Sometimes that alone will help, other times you'll have to reiterate the faults of the story. Sometimes it won't work and you'll have to work through those emotions/thoughts.
One benefit of being myself regardless of any 'negative' emotions is: you find out what people will do when faced with your vulnerability. They may use that knowledge against you or use it to help understand you. I work to apportion my time with others to the degree that they treat me well when I'm vulnerable.
Also, I tear up reading about INFJ. The feeling of being understood and knowing I'm ok the way I am is amazing :)
This.
This is the first video that i could 100% relate to!Thank you! :-)
Things that i think are the most important to me:
1.writing
writing is my medicine.I write a lot but idk,i couldn't show them to anyone,even my close friends.because it'll feel like they could see through me or the 'me' inside.
2.the sky
i have such huge passion for the sky(especially),the universe,the entire world.I think about this a lot & constantly,but when i tell people about it,they can't seem to relate/feel as amazed as i do.It saddens me sometimes.
3.the idea of individuality
the fact that we all have our own mind and thoughts and idea and interest ,etc.i crave deep conversations,i want to know them more and how they think,in hope that they can accept the 'real' me too.
.
:-)
Thank you for sharing! I can also relate to everything that you've described :)
Wow! You are such a beautiful gem. We are the most beautiful creatures on the planet... (maybe I'm a tiny bit biased). 😉 I LOVE deep thinkers! Most of the world is so terribly shallow. No one wants to connect, share fascinating information or honor our differences by coming to really understand one another. We need a safe place to come together and be accepted and loved for who we are inside. We need a comforting space where we can take off our many masks, come out of our shells and show our true selves, the souls that we wouldn't dare expose to the cruel, unfeeling, judgemental outside world. It's really encouraging to see others who feel and think like me.
Can 100% relate, WOW
Such a good feeling to be reading things that actually are soo relatable to you and yess, I really agree with point 1! And 2! 3 is kinda hard, regarding Trust, but yeah, understand this really really good! :)
The sky!!!!! THE. SKY!!!!❤️❤️❤️
It's so fascinating and beautiful! 😍
Seems like there are only a special few who get to see what's going on inside. The guard of social pleasantries and natural introversion seems to get in the way of opening up, letting out everything, and fulfilling what could potentially lead to more meaningful relationships. I just wish it were easier to connect because there are a lot of really awesome people I meet but never really get to know because I subconsciously stumble worrying about leaving a good impression vs. just being myself.
Holy shit, I agree and relate to everything you said. From wanting to be the "real" you around friends to your opinions on social media. I also struggle with showing my true self to other people because like you said, I want to please people and talk about things that also interest them, so I'm hesitant to show them some of the things that I'm into. This may not be the best example, but I smoke weed and my opinions are that I am all for it because of the beneficial effects it has on me personally. I finally told my mom after hiding it for years and the reason I was hiding it was because I was afraid that she'd be disappointed, wouldn't trust me, or look at me differently now. But I just couldn't stand that she didn't know the "full" me and I wanted her to know because I wanted to better my relationship with her. I was talking to her about how I'm scared to let other people, like my cousins, know about things I'm into that they may or may not agree with. But I'm really trying to get better at sharing things about myself with people I care about even if they don't necessarily like it, because I want them to know my true self and to deepen my relationship with them.
Authenticity is everything! Always be true to your self!!
Just listening to you I feel a fierce attraction to you, it's crazy. I just love hearing you think! Someone like me!
Yes, be yourself. As an INFJ I do present a duality like you speak of, but its more like; meeting for the first time? You see the outside of my house. Becoming my friend? I show you the inside.
I crave to show people the inside, but they have to be meaningful people... and I have so few of them.
Being authentic is the most attractive way to be. You come across as someone who is vulnerable and real and it's so refreshing to me. My biggest challenge in watching your videos is not getting pulled away from what you are saying because of your physical beauty and mannerisms. You absolutely do not need make up to be beautiful, and your spontaneous expressions come across as genuine. I don't know if other infj's value authenticity as much as I do, but you are showing me how to be real and it's sooooo valuable. You insights are spot on and describe me to a t as I'm still trying to sort out how to go about in the world.
I find this to be insanely accurate. I have very different ways of relating to people, and because of that, certain friends only see certain sides of me. I find I have friends in genres. I have the friends i can joke with where share our similar senses of humor, I have childhood friends for when we feel nostalgic, and I have friends i can have deep meaningful conversations with, but wouldn't necessarily joke with them about stuff when I feel silly. No one has ever seen all sides, nor would they want all sides. I keep a lot for myself, and as close as I'd like to be to someone significant, I find that I always keep some kind of distance.
Wow. Your comment resonates with me so much. I've always noticed my friendship 'genre' thing and wondered if it's just me. I think only my family have seen almost all my different sides, and even then I'm not sure.
I relate so much to the filters. I have a very thick filter that very few get through, not even my own family have to the fulliest, except for my granny. Idk why I do this, but I guess it's because of trying to please other people, as you said. Maybe I'm trying to protect myself aswell. I takes alot of trust and "research" in the other persons charachter before I can try to open up. I always change my ways, depending on who I'm talking to, always find myself mirrowing their bodylanguage or way of talking. This phenomenom is so strange to me. Most people I meet think I'm extroverted, but they are just seeing the filter I'm putting on to...I don't know what I'm trying to do. I think I do it because more or less grow inner panic in small talk situations, I can't take it when the conversation is about to become uncompfortable or not fluid/normal. Although I hate small talking this panic forces me to talk ALOT, since the awkward silence is even worse... Wow this comment is so messy, but can anyone relate?
Hi Hanna! Your comment is a year old and I happen to read it today. I relate to the video and your comment. Nodding at the family situation. The only one that knows more about me is my mom and even so, there are times where she has said something about me that I didn't expect her to say to someone else. Because of that I still feel like there are certain topics I can't disclose to her and I have to word it and choose carefully which to talk about, but I really value my relationship with her because it's not many that I can be myself around even if there are parts I think are risky to reveal. I also think infjs don't share ourselves because it would be overwhelming to have many people that know how we think and do things. It would be too much people to be exposed to, too many people to feel like we lose ourselves when we form trust with them thus making it harder to unlatch since we formed a strong friendship. It would be too draining, and we value having a small group of people who we can be ourselves with. We're very selective when it comes to others and at the same time there are many people who don't do that, and in a sense I think we're very aware of how we come across and protect ourselves to avoid being hurt. I'm not saying that people who are very open are most likely to be hurt, but we infjs are more serious when it comes to the things we talk about since they reveal a lot about how we think and many people are not interested in deep topics to the extent that infjs take it due to extreme preference to intuition. Even if we're not being ourselves with even the people closest to us and feel bad about it, I think it's important to know that we can appreciate things in our interactions with others and reveal at least a little to them (even if it may be in the most subtle way). We're all human, and many people also have friends to talk about this and that. We all wear masks. I sometimes think we're searching for something or someone who we can unmask ourselves and them in order to be who we are without judgement and just listen for what it is instead of arguments because life is short and why should we only talk on the first layer of conversation and arguments and conflicts when we could just be ourselves and be free. In essence all humans search for it and we're all the same, but since infjs have a high preference for intuition and the way our brain uses processes, we look beyond we the mask and therefore live and approach life differently than most feeling like we're different.
THIS DESCRIBES ME EXACTLY!
I totally feel you! As an INFJ I've learned to hide my core by being cautious about who I share it with and protecting my inner emotions by faking them on the outside. And I've become so used to adapting to my environments so quickly, I've lost sight of who I am. I just recently discovered my type, so now I'm trying to come to terms with myself, and figure myself out and straighten out the knots I've created by blending in, and adapting.
I don't mean this in the way that INFJs aren't unique individuals, but when I watch videos by INFJs I often feel I'm watching a video of myself. I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD!!!
(I actually almost cried watching this video, because I felt so understood.)
Wow, this made me think a lot about the way how I've been all my life. I never thought about it that way, but I do have two sides to myself, the side of me that conforms to fit in and the genuine me. I never knew that I was an INFJ until recently and watching insightful videos like these have really helped me discover who and what I am. Thanks!
I love all your videos but this one is my favorite. As a fellow INFJ I love how honest and unfiltered you are here. I feel the same way with the card you show the world, I do that every single day. And when you said "I feel like no one gets the real me", my God did you nail it. Please keep making videos. I feel so much better knowing someone like you "gets it"
A really great and honest video
Keep up the good work
Greetings from an INFJ psychiatrist
Idealseeker بتتكلم عربي ؟ 😮
Idealseeker so lucky to be working in psychiatry , I’m a clinical doctor and it’s not always fun.
Older INFJ here. Great video! 😊Be yourself, be yourself, be yourself! It’s what we’re here to do, and nothing will bring you more joy
Less than 2% of the population... Rare birds, indeed... As a fellow INFJ, I appreciate your candor, your honesty, and sharing your insights with us.
I love your honestly and that your able to share all of this online with so many people watching, I may not be able to do that. So great Job.
Your authenticity is very endearing.
Thank you for your thoughts. Your so right about what we show others when we meet new people and it's truly exhausting. Your making a difference, thank you!
ENFP: Things important to me are: 1) working through my emotions. I repressed a lot when I was growing up and when that eventually backfired I learned about uncovering and processing my buried thoughts; it's changed my life. The part that you might like is that I share this with people at work (most of my socializing) and if they like it we get closer and if they don't we move farther apart; it's awesome. I don't need to worry about whether someone will like it because if they don't they're not good for me. Of course I need to keep it positive and brief so as not to overwhelm but that's understood. 2) I guess I've just found that I share what's really going on in my life and those who like it get more and those who don't get the kaibosh. It's really liberating because I'm finding all of these fun people at work that are receptive. Of course my intuition can generally tell me who won't be interested but not so great at who will so it's a pleasant surprise. Now I find I have about 10 people at work I can share surprisingly deep stuff with. Of course I've worked through all of it before I talk to them so I'm not burdening them, I'm kind of enlightening them with my personal discoveries but it's still something I want and need to share with someone. And spreading it out over 10 people keeps any 1 from being overwhelmed; it's really amazing. And then the more I do it the more I can see who likes what so I go to this person to share that stuff and another person to share other kinds of stuff.
Interesting :)
@@claramercier7924 nice
You speak to me... I love this and I feel everything you said on this video.. keep up and keep being real.. it inspires me as an infj to be true to who I really am and to be as honest as you ❤❤
I am an INTJ and I can really relate to INFJ's. Find an INTJ friend,because they will understand you and give you incite more so than Dr Phil could ever hope to. I think it takes an Ni type to really understand an Ni type.We share the dominant Ni which is a huge part of our personalities. INFJ's are rare (unfortunately) and they are the only type that gets me (once I open up a bit). I feel comfortable around INFJ's (the very few I have met) so I tend to open up and be my true self around them.
Hey thank you for your video so much. It was completely relatable for me as an infj and i agree with everything you said about social media. Hopefully we can all embody an armour of courage to just be ourselves because who else can we be. Everybody else is already taken. Yet it is also something I'm striving to be better at everyday. Let's do this
I absolutely love your video and I completely relate. I know that every person and infj is different in their own unique ways, but I feel like I really relate to the way you communicate and carry yourself. It's very refreshng because i really can't say that about many people. Thank you so much for sharing this video. A nice quote for all my fellow infj's, "We have glitter on the inside." :)
I understand so wholly all your points. I'm so glad i stumbled upon MBTI, it so nice to appreciate and understand that you share the same feelings as me in situations, socially, towards myself and inner conflicts. Thank you :)
Your videos are so insightful and I can relate a lot to it! Thanks and keep it coming!!:D
Thanks so much for your video. I wasn't sure if I was an infp or an infj but I see soooo much of myself in you. Keep up the good work:) Nice to know I'm not alone.
I relate to you so much.... everything you said is so true. I also love Dr. Phil. I think us INFJs love to watch extroverts on tv because it gives us a perspective of who we wanna be :)
Beautiful. Everything is relatable and I love how in depth you go, even giving examples :> And I hope we'll find the courage someday to be that first guy, and find a good balance between idealism and perfectionism.
Be authentic....be you.....you are wonderful 🙏🏼❤️
Yes I totally relate. Thanks for sharing. So many of your words ring true for me.
I would say it's kind of scary that I can relate to you so much. I agree with everything, I just don't really understand this pleaser thing. Like, I hate to disappoint the people I love, but I don't know if it's the same thing of being a people pleaser. About the many sides, thanks for putting it up! Most of the time, I feel like I don't want to show my "real" side to certain people because they wouldn't understand or even value this part of me, the part I consider my true self, which includes the stuff I love with all my heart (like you said about Dr. Phil) and that are too precious to me to be shared like if it was nothing -- because that's what I see, that to the most part of people these precious things are nothing, but to me they're the most valuable things in the world. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean, you've just put it up. Thank you! :) It's kind of a relieve to know someone feels the same way.
+Alana Hoffmann glad you can relate :) thanks for sharing. I think it's comforting for both of us to know that there are other people out there who struggle with the same problem of feeling like an alien whilst craving human interaction/approval to stay 'sane'
+solohouette what does INFJ stand for?
+Gordan m'gleb it's one of 16 personality types classified in the myers briggs system. it stands for introvert, iNtuitive, feeling, and judging
I know how you feel... just say whatever is on your mind... I'm an infj so I understand the feeling after sharing your interests with others but I think it's pretty cool and nice of you to actually make this video.. I thought a lot about just writing a comment.. though you made a whole video... I'm very happy that I found this video...its feels nice finding someone who can understand.. thank you :)
Thank you! I enjoyed this post. I can relate. I’m 56 years old and recently discovered my personality type (infj of course). Life has been difficult but discovering about myself at least helps me understand why I am the way that I am. It doesn’t make the struggle any easier as of yet but now I endure with some understanding. Recently I decided to become active on FB. I think because I am an enigma so FB gives me a platform to reveal some of myself…not all. You cannot reveal all because although we struggle we also have a gift as visionaries. Not all will appreciate that side of us. With that said, I do FB on my terms. Perhaps because of my age, I really don’t care how many likes or dislikes I get because I feel like I have a mission in being out there. As a matter of fact, I am very selective as to whom I accept a “friends” on my FB page. And because infjs generally have a mission for the good of others, my post reflect just that. I aim for depth and meaning even if I’m just posting a song. On FB, you have the power to dismiss anyone who can disrupt that flow (DOOR SLAM). So in my initial post, I introduced myself as an introvert (I didn’t think that some would be ready for the infj concept yet. And besides…it’s almost like having a superpower so like Superman, it’s just best to keep your identity inconspicuous. Let it be seen in your actions). And stated that I did not care for “small talk”, and that I hoped that my posts would be meaningful to some if not all. Once you discover your vision (my Christian faith has helped me to see mine), embrace it! Use your gift for the greater good!
I absolutely relate to what you've been saying. Amazing comments on this video too.
Keep it up,
A fellow INFJ.
I can totally relate to every single thing you said omg I feel like crying being an infj is hard (for me)
Wow. SO relatable... Thank you for sharing! Some of the important things for me right now are related to spirituality (which is NOT something I can discuss with everyone unfortunately...), feeling "lost" (career related), having to do something meaningful and/or productive. Also, as AriaAriel mentions - the importance of having conversations where we can share our real opinions on whatever topic... And writing, yes! (And no, nobody ever sees my written thoughts lol)
I love you ❤️. May everything good happen to you.
Social media does suck in that it makes people artificial in order to get the attention. But I watched your video and you were sincere. So I appreciate that and I think more people than you imagine are aware of the artificiality and it damages the message. The more authentic, then the more powerful and more influential we are.
I can definitely relate a lot of what you talked about, thanks for posting.
You know, i have the same thing. In my company of few people(not really friends but my husband's friends, at least i am not shy in front of them) i become the pleaser, i joke, i say interesting things that i know will make them laugh etc. But in the end they don't even know who i am. Sometimes i joke so much that i drain my batteries and i want to go home or i become sad immediately, and they ask what is wrong with me. But i only have one friend and my husband that know my inner part, and still, sometimes they find it difficult to understand my thoughts but at least i am happy they take me seriously and dont judge me.
You are so kind. Wonderful video. Im definitely the Introvert. I think it's number two, the picture with out the glass of wine-🙃. This is the view I only show to very very few. Only when I have to make a stand, I do the wine picture thingy. It's my ###J coming out. Then, go back to one when When I'm done. The room is quiet, or my peers are, I can so relate. That's my two diametrical sides. The clarity and the visual aids of your insight, follow through, and execution are spot on. I'm not fake, like you and can't possibly put up a front. Either I recuse my self from the situation or go back into my shell. I have to be true to my ideals and if someone is morally wrong, my ###J comes out. Thank you for you concise and succinct explanation. You Rock lil lady 🤜⚡️🤛🏼
I love your visual aid in trying to describe our 3 filters, and I can totally relate to this subject too. I also didn't realize until your video how my feelings about social media and the gap it's creating in relationships, makes me sad too! Thank you for your insights into being an INFJ. Also you looked great in this video ;-) ~ peace and love from a fellow INFJ ♡
Thank you so much for making this video!
I see that this was posted so long ago but I just wanted to say thank you! This was very insightful. I hope that you might consider making more videos soon.
This is an awesome video. I totally agree with having to put up a show in the beginning however it can be very tiring to know that you have to put out so much on the first meeting. It's alot of pressure. I wish I could always have alot of energy.
We are super empathetic and sensitive. I'm an INFJ too I relate to this effortlessly.
6:41 "I just never feel like they get the full.. me." Pretty relatable for me. Even my best friend. Although aside from my ex, he's probably seen the most of me out of anyone else.
ua-cam.com/video/Fa2RIlsbOvA/v-deo.html
Lol. I am INTJ and there are a lot of cross over and similarity to INFJ. Listening to you explain things reminds me of how I explain things. Tangent details like your 'food coma' statement it makes sense in our heads and pertains to the story we are telling because it fits the timeline of how we are recalling it and replaying it in our heads. Most people are like huh? I love your chameleon analogy too. Very fitting.
That video was relatable. Thank you for opening up. I know as an INFJ myself it is sometimes hard to do that.
I am an INFJ in need of help. I feel like i am so complicated I can't even figure myself out. I am full of extremes, either i like something or i dont
Yepp had to comment here too because I'm an infj lol! So glad you do these kind videos now yay!! It feels good to relate to people. I never knew anyone like myself. And would of never found you in the thousands of gamers or makeup queens! 👍🏼😊
Thank you, that's great to hear :)
INFJ here.. I love Dr Phil too!! Everyone I've told scoff at me for it. I really relate to everything you say here. We want to be liked but we also want to be authentic. We don't want to appeal to shallowness but sometimes we realize it's the only way to relate to people. A constant game of reconciliation.
I can totally relate to everything you say in this video! :)
I'm also a chameleon in social situations. Always been, and always felt bad about it because if I spend too much time with a certain group then that "role" gets more space than I'm comfortable with. Feels like I lose myself in the process, and that's when I need a timeout and solo time (faster than usual that is). ;)
I also 100% agree with you about social media. I actually stopped using Facebook back in 2006 even, because I felt it was moving everyone in a superficial direction. It all became a race to showcase an exterior that would infuse envy in others. Even though I have access to an exterior very suitable for that, I never wanna put that on display for such a reason. I'm a lot more down to earth as a person, and value true, tangible things.
However I'm, relative to the majority, "weird" in many ways. Like for instance I prefer to actually send physical Christmas cards to those I love. What's the actual value of a *click* on Facebook compared to receiving something physical you know that your friend or loved one actually spent time on? :)
Thank you for the video!
I'm writing this one year and a couple of months after you posted this video, and I've only seen five minutes of it so far, but I just had to stop and thank you for it... you know when you find someone who surgically describes everything you could intuitively conceive about your life but could never really explain? The first filter, the superstar, is how I behave to 90% of people 90% of the time, just everyone I'm not intimate with. That was a brilliant explanation. Thanks!
But my defensive behavior is quite different though... I feel like I had to hide the way I wanted to have an emotionally open, sincere conversation behind a "tough guy" costume and that feels awful. It feels like I had to protect Fe from showing up because my sensibility would make me vulnerable, but that kills me on the inside.
Maybe some of us are always displaying Ti or even some Te and acting critically while all they wanted to say on their insides is "I love you, boundlessly and spontaneously, but I don't think you'd be as open to it as I am." Can you relate to this??
I'm now feeling just as touched as you seemed to be halfway across the video. it's like if my introverted intuition had given a lecture to introverted thinking and extraverted feeling that started with universal gravitation and finished with spiritualism, and now they're having a toast for science and understanding in a french rooftop restaurant and looking at the stars- in other words, mr. Brain is extremely happy because he has finally realized what was happening with mr. Heart during all those years.
Thank you. THANK YOU *thank you* !Thank you! ~thank you~ that was the best insight I've had in the decade.
So i'm a INFJ and a Gemini and a "Black" man in the united states...
if we are 2% of the population...im .0002% of that.
we are only 1% :D
I say "Black" because it's not a real race. but a title given to those with darker skin during a time of racism too make a long story short. and nice comment!
Def. keep the faith in humanity! The older we get as INFJs the more we
began to view the systems of the world as flawed, we can see what
divides the people...yet we can also see that some people desire
division. I like you sometimes like to assume the worst about peoples
intentions. But I have learned that people change just as seasons do and
our ultimate battle is not with the opinions of others, but with our
inner self. The only enemy...is our "inner" me. And as for things being rare...you do know rare things hold significant value..(not to say I do)..but the infj mindset imo certainly plays a part in the new world to come..because we rarely need to be first, rarely voice our opinions (although online is an exception) , and dearly care for those around us.
hence until we learn to die to selfishness....division is our destiny.
short version of an answer imho. Once you LOVE someone...you accept them for who/what they are...flaws and all...The real fight is not for authenticity...but in acceptance of those around you. IT is how we lead our life that serves as an example for others. But you will learn that when you walk in love, acceptance, and forgiveness....ALOT of people can't understand this..(hence those who desire division).....our words are cheap...and hold little value...but our actions and deeds cause ripples that take years to smooth out....
INTP here... Nice description...my partner is INFJ and this pretty much is her. She puts on her very Fe side in social situations but is quite the opposite when we're alone. You also have the exact eye movements she has when we're conversing...focus at the camera/person for a moment then turn away in search of your next idea (very Ni). And she very much dislikes social media for the very same reasons... she doesn't like insincerity or lack of authenticity.
you are such a sweet heart. also omf i love dr. phil just as much as you do!! btw its so great to hear you speak so genuinely, i love this stuff
great analogy. you nailed it.
I am an infj too, I could relate to everything that you said! a few things that are important to me are. drawing (the literal holes to my soul), fashion and the makeup industry and finding self balance.
It's unlikely that you're being someone other than who you are. We interact with the world through feeling, and it's as difficult for us to not be genuine as it is for people to fool us by not being genuine. It's more likely that you're shaping your personality by holding back parts of who you are, but holding back different aspects of yourself in different situations. This can be exhausting. There was a point where I realised that people were actually quite accepting, so I was just myself more with them. The reward is that you don't need to shut down and disconnect quite so often. As a fellow INFJ, I see who you are and, if you feel the need to hide that from the world, you're depriving them of the wonder of knowing you.
Everything you said is right on . I'm an INFJ personality and I feel the same way. P.s. I love watching Dr. Phil as well . you are an inspiration thank you .
Very well done. Very well explained and honest.
God bless you and keep you
Putting up the superstar filter is your way as a INFJ of extracting everything you need/want to know about the "new" person. It's subconsciously strategic, and a very efficient way to get your subject 'moving' and 'talking'. Your problem is shifting gears into the "real me" once you're comfortable and feel you can trust the individual. My mother taught me a Dutch saying that we all need to hear, especially us INFJs. 'Normaal is gek genoeg.'
Normal is crazy enough. She always encouraged me just to be myself, because that's where I was safest, and also would be the most comfortable. It's been good advise.
This is a huge sign aka synchronicity, I'm so happy that I've come across this video.
The last several months or so I've gotten really close to this guy. Prior to this we were close in a sense of individuals who've known each other for a long time but non of us ever disclosed any personal information. We are very different to say the least. His an MBTI is ISTP and LEO star sign, I'm an INFJ and VIRGO star sign. With that being said we come from total two different backgrounds. As an empathy we're aware that we can mimic other people's personality, that's why it comes natural to fit in any social spectrum at any given time. Although mimicking other people's emotions and personality comes natural it can be draining, it's all about them and accommodating their needs at your own expense too much self sacrifice. As time has passed he feels safe and freely to share his personal life with me. Even though we've gotten a lot closer , I still manage to keep my personal life off topic most of the time and if we touch on it, its never deep stuff unlike him. He misunderstands me so much maybe due to my lack of articulation, with that being taken into consideration. I feel like 70% of the time when we're talking it's always meanless small talk, I don't care for ( guilty of zoning out🙊🤔🌌☁️). Because he misunderstands me so much this has made me apprehensive about opening up a bit more. His a logical person he lacks emotional intelligence where as I'm both logical/ analytical and emotional intelligent. When we've an disagreement it's mostly because he only looks at things from logical point of view and he dismisses other logical point of views regarding the matter. For instance we could've an disagreement/ misunderstood because he refuses to accept that they maybe several logical point of views regarding the issue of at hand. He will come up with one or two logical explanation, whereas I maybe see things from all logical angle including his and emotional angle but he will refuse to consider my insights ( maybe because he misunderstands me) He knows how much of an ethical/ principled person I am , I always uphold myself to high standards/ values. He often asks me about my views on issues concerning family dynamics " what is good father". While we were talking about our hopes for the future, I was consciously aware that I was about peel away some layers to reveal a bit my true self. I told him that when I was growing up, I always felt different not normal, alienated from the rest the society I didn't fit in anywhere. His reply to me was it can't have been easy coming to London at 15 years from South Africa. Which is true it was difficult to adjust to life, that's not the case now I'm settled now and it wasn't relevant to the point I was making. I told him even when I was in SA I felt the same way, a change of geographic location had nothing to do with it. He then replied to me "does anybody really feel like they fit in somehow". What he said was logical, but he was still misunderstanding me. I tried to explain furthermore by giving scenarios but at the end he didn't reply. Even a change of subject would've been less painful, I feel like I just spilled guts to him for absolutely nothing. These filters work for us because people who can't really comprehend us old soul, it's a defence mechanism.
As Veronica wrote, "Thank you for your candor."
Seriously, this is one of the most honest videos I've seen on UA-cam. I am an INFJ myself and I totally agree with everything you said. 😄
Cheers!
I totally can relate to you. I am an INFJ. Thanks for sharing your insight. Great video.
Man... I relate to this video in every way!!!✊☝ THANKS for sharing
I think its quite tough being INFJ especially in our younger years... We know we are a little different than most and our ego will tell us that we are unique and special. But I have found as i'v got older the ego starts to dissolve and this has been a blessing and a relief... Boundaries become more important that people pleasing. The most important thing is to try and be as authentic to your personality type as possible, find out your strengths and weaknesses and work on them. Then one can attain enlightenment... Wishing you all well on your journies.
Another fantastic video! Fellow male INFJ and can totally relate :)
I am an INFJ male and I can relate to this a lot. I think we all can. Although it doesn't feel like it, people will like you for you. You are very genuine when you talk here and that holds more weight than any superficial small talk, or your appearance. You are attractive both in physical appearance (even without the makeup) and substance. I've had issues with myself over these same feelings. It wasn't until I met my wife and really let go of the mask that I was able to accept me for me. No matter how bad I felt, how bad I thought I looked, or how bad I thought my own mind is at times, she accepts me and loves me everyday. It taught me to not be so on guard all the time. Although begrudgingly I admit those feeling aren't completely gone, they don't impact my life as much.
I'm not saying you should go out and lay it all on your significant other, but try to be a little more open with the people close to you. They might surprise you. Surround yourself with people who like the real you and you'll find you'll be more comfortable in your own skin.
Please don’t ever take down your videos. I’m an INTP, And I regularly regularly return to your videos. You do such a great job and have such unique insights. I admire the hard work you’ve done with your videos. So please don’t take them down.
when I’m meeting a new person, I get to know them and I’ve noticed that I tend to imitate their behaviour around them and like I just see what kind of person they are based on their sense of humour, interests, and just the way they communicate, and I imitate their humour etc to kind of get them to like me? not necessarily get them to like me but get them to feel like I understand stand them and like connect with them. does that make sense?
You are really beautiful. Not just pretty but in the way you move etc, showing great personality. I love INFJ women, wish I knew one (I’m INFJ male).
Absolutely agree! I think this is a perfect part 2 to what I tried to say on the "My Head is Spinning' video LOL! Huge Hi Five.
This relates to me so much.. I put on an act and the only way I've gotten over social anxiety is with joking around and playing a role so others will want to talk to me. But often times I am afraid to tell people about my real life when I go home, how boring I can be, what my interests are, because I am secluded and my interests are very diverse . I know some people are boring and some people have diverse interests but they also aren't afraid to make different friends whilst I want to be neutral with others so I can make any friends I want even if they don't have the same interests as me. Honestly, maybe more people do this in society but they don't notice that they are doing it or it doesn't bother them. I suppose this isn't a negative trait .
INFJ are masters of mind and heart.
I'm a 61 yr o old male infj. When you get older you will get better at just being you all the time.
INFJs!! We need to learn how to self empathize with ourselves. gorwing up we felt invalidated because of our personality types most people do not know how to validate our needs. so we grew up invalidated. hence so many of us have low self esteem , anixety, low self worth or toxic shame about who we are.
But we need to learn how to self validate and take care of ourselves so we can be an INFJ with confidence!! Believe me it is extremely powerful.
I know what you mean with Dr. Phil. I'm always stunned how accurately he understands the problem and the solution. As an INFJ it would take me a lot of time and I sometimes find I get sidetracked by trying to pull all of it apart and looking at it from so many angles.The good news is as an INFJ watching Dr. Phil I also can easily see how he comes to his conclusion. So inside of me and other INFJs is the same answer as Dr Phil gets. It's just inside of us and we have to find it. Ocassionally as an INFJ I will ponder what Dr. Phil said and come to the conclusion that he was wrong. So we can do that also.
You're very pretty, and I can relate. I'm one who have become bitter of the way I always try to step aside for other people, even how I feel and react about events, other people's actions, or even their own reactions to things.
I've realized that I allow people to be who they are, and how they are at the moment, and believe in a future, but people don't return the favor and grace. This makes me angry, and I'm in that place at the moment.
I don't know if you guys have experienced this, and if there's any tips, you could save my life.
stunning beauty with an aura of vulnerability. One of the greatest things ive ever experienced. My hearts loves you. ;)
Spot on! I def use the superstar filter most of the time.
Thank you. I can totally relate to this.
At 0.08 I thought i am sure you are much more cheerful and pleasant around people. It's just that now you think you are alone, but you are actually not alone. I had just finished watching your other video about 5 things. And then 10 seconds later you said the same thing. Lol. funny.
This is totally why i am less social than most people. i am an infj, and i really just want face to face over social media. I want people how they are, not how they seem online. it really frustrates sometimes because meeting people face to face nowadays is not easy. I tried making a new friend the other day and it all got weird, just because of the lack of trust. it is so hard to make new friends because they all think you want something from them, they are brainwashed by social media. only hearing the bad things about people.
Thanks for the video. Idk if I'm INFP or INFJ but today I certainly feel INFJ. It's like, when I'm alone I know exactly what I want to watch or listen to, but around others, I want them to be happy with the choice. I'll see what they like and chose something off thier list that I also like. Or else I just kind of drown in anxiety wondering what they are thinking about my choices. This does make me feel inauthentic at times and that really bothers me because I want do very bad to be seen, and understood, yet I continue to self sabatoge, by letting my fear essentially take the wheel. It's always going to be this way. It's very comforting to know I'm not alone.
That was great! ... please continue. :)