All im happy for is that my dad beat me when i was little back in 05 shit in 18 now thank god my dad is and was hard on me I am seeing how most kids now a days are raised and thanking my dad literally for being stern with me .
I'd pity the actor who gets the role. He'd have to spend a lot of time perfecting his mannerisms and speech and then we'd probably still think "That isn't Joey"
Ostkreutz Rox Joey’s such a unique guy. He’s genuinely like no other person I’ve ever seen. But I believe that with the right actor, we could get something fucking hilarious!
@@aemailaccount5108 yeah when someone eats mcdonalds everyday, tell me they were meant to die of a heart attack by 45 lol. You should really do some research on diet and how much it affects you; especially how long you live for
@@ryangranato5010 you would have to be a idiot to eat McDonald's everyday but that being said I seen fat asses out live runners and health nuts. It does not matter you die when u die
Right on. I was just about to leave a very similar message. He's really got a talent for storytelling. I'd rather hear this than conventional stand-up "bits".
pittsburgh fan We all wan’t that kinda uncle that tells you fucked up shit when your parents aren’t around and brings hash to the family Christmas parties..
This man is all about his authenticity! He doesn't give a shit, and he proudly wears his heritage upon his sleeve. Man, he's the depiction of a real person. He may have had his shitty days, but... No good person is without a tough life!
Its like Jordan Peterson said, you arent a good person because you are incapable of evil (or violence), you're only a good person if you know you're capable of bad shit, but choose not do do it.
@@CryptocurrencyInsider he's actually a really fucking good stand up guy and has been for years now you fuck. He admits to his fucked up wrongs, doesn't repeat them, and tries to do his best at being a better person every single day. So fuck you for being perfect and thinking it's ok to judge people who you know next to nothing about!
Smoked with Joey, and hung out with him for about 2 hours after a show in SF years ago. One of the funniest dudes I have ever had the chance to hang out with
He is an old dude.I'm a very boring person and have crazy stories i can tell so does most people but given his kind of life and his age of course he could just riff without having anything to think about to talk about.
@@nowwithmorekick just having stories isn't enough, you need to be an interesting character with good storytelling skills and charm. Joey is not just a guy that's lived an interesting life, he's a true stand-up comedian.
Yeah dude I work for a tree trimming company contracted with the local electric company. Some of the stories I've heard from people who have worked here are the most insane shit. Mainly because this company will hire people fresh out of prison or out of a halfway house. The main boss says "we hire everyone except kid diddlers"
Yeah there's usually one fat older guy who is mouthy and fully of shit on most sites. Never amounted to anything so makes up shit to impress the younger ones.
first you get ya chicken, and you put em in the eggs. like fermenting a fucking mother in her dead babies, it's fucked up right? and then you get ya bread crumbs...
Strange how when you're a teen you love certain comics, like I used to love Dane Cook and then I grew up. When I used to see Uncle Joey's stand up at the same age I didn't much care for it but now that I'm grown I love the dude and his comedic energy. What a fuckin' champ!
Growing up in the late 60's was a brutally honest time. I watched my dad pull a dude out of his car and beat the dude for whistling at my mom Dude was twice my dad's size My pop was raised in NYC in the 40's and 50's
My dad beat up my cousins boyfriend for 8 bucks....then robbed him and gave me all the money....not sure if it was justified but I went home wit 58$ bucks to keep my mouth shut lol
A beautiful storyteller. I love to listen to his life stories. He should write a book of his life. It would be an amazing page turner. So entertaining but true and open. Best wishes. Thank you for these awesome moments.
when I was 7 I walked into a Payless shoe store with dad and he had the 23 year old that worked there by the throat for getting my 17 year old sister drunk.
My stepdad used to give me the choice - either I had to fight him, or I had to fight my sister's boyfriend or if he was gonna handle it then he was gonna end up in jail for it. So thanks to my ho-bag sister, who I love, I got an education in fighting quick. I didn't want my stepfather going to jail. It was fucked up cause I'm def not Bruce Lee
He feels like a hunting buddy I’d have. Can just imagine him drinking and smoking pot just rambling on about stories as everyone else can barely breathe due to laughing so damn hard
Actually , you are right , but while he was tripping balls in his room , he heard her call out his name , but he did not answer cause he was high af and did not want her to see him . Some time passed he thought she went to sleep and he found her in the kitchen
My dad went hiking with his friends back in the 80s and convinced them to eat deer shit pellets after lying to them and saying it was a rare seasonal berry. He was quite the jokester.
I grew up in a house very similar and I remember a few things that happened that made me who I am today.... I'm glad I had a rough upbringing because now nothing effects me like it did when I was a kid, I didn't get upset when people fought, for Christ Sake, one of my first memories from before my family moved from Massachusetts was seeing a guy get shot and my mom just crossed the road and kept walking. The crowd my mom and dad kept us in was probably the safest place a kid could be, in the Boston chapter of the Hells Angels and Red Emeralds motorcycle clubs, I even remember being in the club house when a huge brawl broke out over a girl.... I distinctly remember a guy coming up and blocking me and my older brother from seeing what was going on then my mom came over and took us outside until it calmed down, then we went back in and everyone was apologizing to each other and everyone cleaned up then had some food, it was a fantastic time in my life. 😂
Ready to rumble? Check out the craziest fight stories from This Is Not Happening here: ua-cam.com/play/PLD7nPL1U-R5oyyo90i2VkGb7ImrDKdYBg.html
Comedy Central Stand-Up Joey Diaz is the best stand up in this series
All im happy for is that my dad beat me when i was little back in 05 shit in 18 now thank god my dad is and was hard on me I am seeing how most kids now a days are raised and thanking my dad literally for being stern with me .
Stand up every fuckin comedian that's on here has A yeast infection
Is that ari?
Why can not I watch this video in turkey ?
Joey Diaz has to be a major character/voice actor in GTA 6.
He should be the new Lester
He is one in Mafia 3 so its not a strech
not even as a fictional character just joey diaz as joey diaz
If they bring it back to Vice City he needs to be a cuban kingpin.
dude FUCK YES
I swear this guy could narrate his entire life from birth and I'd listen to every damn second
You should check out Joey's episodes on the honeydew with Ryan Sickler. They're basically what you just described and they're incredible.
His podcast!
Amen💫 Love him
@@RBN406 That one almost broke my ribs I laughed so much!!
He does.....you should!
Joey’s life needs to be made into an HBO or Netflix series
frfr lol
YEEEESSS 😂
I would die. That would be so good.
I'd pity the actor who gets the role. He'd have to spend a lot of time perfecting his mannerisms and speech and then we'd probably still think "That isn't Joey"
Ostkreutz Rox Joey’s such a unique guy. He’s genuinely like no other person I’ve ever seen. But I believe that with the right actor, we could get something fucking hilarious!
*Gets on stage*
"this whole thing started when i got hit in the head with a lunchbox when i was like five lol"
please dont ever die joey
Jamish Mcquo like he has control over that
Gekyume Is the name actually you do have some with how healthy you live your life you can live for longer
@@taterchip6908 not true dude don't matter how healthy you try to live when your bodies done its done. Death is pre-determined
@@aemailaccount5108 yeah when someone eats mcdonalds everyday, tell me they were meant to die of a heart attack by 45 lol. You should really do some research on diet and how much it affects you; especially how long you live for
@@ryangranato5010 you would have to be a idiot to eat McDonald's everyday but that being said I seen fat asses out live runners and health nuts. It does not matter you die when u die
No one can beat Joey Diaz at telling stories.
Right on. I was just about to leave a very similar message. He's really got a talent for storytelling. I'd rather hear this than conventional stand-up "bits".
Best in a long time, for sure. Joey Coco is my new favorite.
+joel romero I would love to just catch him in a bar and hear one of these stories over a few beers
joel romero Noreaga the rapper and Joey are even in my eyes bro.... no fucking lie
Jim Breuer maybe? :D
“If you’re walkin’ I’m ice you might as well dance”
Damn right brotha
That's my new life motto!
u mean "walking on ice"
What part was that at?
@@whatistau probably wrote it while being on acid
badass quote
Such a refreshingly unapologetic comic. "If you're walkin' on ice, you might aswell dance".
Trev Moran
Lol love that quote.
My fav line ever
Yeah I know I love this and I am using it next time, funny part about that is I can't even walk !!!!
If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. - Joey Diaz
solid
cginsane22 coldest shit I've heard today.
joe never said that
+X RLONE X who's better than you???
wat
As a cuban who grew up in miami, "WHA- HAPPING HEA" is literally how a lot of cubans talk lmao
Johnny Topside his Step dad was
Puerto Rican tho but it’s okay Same shit spelled different
Johnny Topside Im Cuban and I approve this 😂🇨🇺
Johnny Topside bro same im dead 😂
Yoel Romero 🤣
He grew up in NYC
I want this guy to be my shifty uncle
pittsburgh fan We all wan’t that kinda uncle that tells you fucked up shit when your parents aren’t around and brings hash to the family Christmas parties..
I remember my shifty Uncle rip
My husband is that shifty uncle
I got a handful of shifty uncles but I barely ever see them
@@midnightawakens994 they're living their crazy stories lol
Every family needs a Joey Diaz to hold shit down and be the man.
He spent his life stealing off norrnal working people,are you stupid ?
@@onwardupward9392 they probably meant Joey Diaz now and not when he was wronging people
Joey Diaz is a result of a Cuban cigar coming to life
XD instead of pickle Rick... Cigar Joey lol
Ahhh this made me laugh harder than the segment! Hahahahahah! Still laughing a minute later.
Underrated lol
More like an angry hemorrhoid.
😂😂😂
What I love about Joey Diaz is his routine isnt just one story, its like a common theme that goes through all of his life.
"that's a Cuban Jewish woman, she knows the paydays comin" Joey never fails to make me laugh😂😂
I read this as he said it
And it made it 10x better
Love how EVEN the bartender is totally enthralled with uncle Joey’s set.
He says he’s Cuban but he sounds and acts like an Italian mobster.
And that's why he played one on a video game
He grew up with Italians.
It was the era
Plus he grew up in NY
Thats how we talk. N im Colombian. But English, New York talk is what it is
Word
This man is all about his authenticity! He doesn't give a shit, and he proudly wears his heritage upon his sleeve. Man, he's the depiction of a real person.
He may have had his shitty days, but... No good person is without a tough life!
This guy is a damn lowlife. But can’t expect more if your mom is a crack fiend.
@@CryptocurrencyInsider ... Yea I like how he assumed the lady calling the cops was a republican....smh
Its like Jordan Peterson said, you arent a good person because you are incapable of evil (or violence), you're only a good person if you know you're capable of bad shit, but choose not do do it.
@@j.b.m4640 who cares?
Can you not put politics aside for a minute?
@@CryptocurrencyInsider he's actually a really fucking good stand up guy and has been for years now you fuck. He admits to his fucked up wrongs, doesn't repeat them, and tries to do his best at being a better person every single day. So fuck you for being perfect and thinking it's ok to judge people who you know next to nothing about!
Smoked with Joey, and hung out with him for about 2 hours after a show in SF years ago. One of the funniest dudes I have ever had the chance to hang out with
Joey Diaz is a national treasure. :)
Scott R when did your treasury become a dump??
Nicolaj Nielsen fucking bozo
Last Rights rapist lover... pervert. You like this sick fuck? You are a national disgrace.
I guess
@@terryfuldsgaming7995 why u such a little bitch lad
Joey Diaz has stories for days. Love it!
i see what u did there
He is an old dude.I'm a very boring person and have crazy stories i can tell so does most people but given his kind of life and his age of course he could just riff without having anything to think about to talk about.
@@nowwithmorekick just having stories isn't enough, you need to be an interesting character with good storytelling skills and charm. Joey is not just a guy that's lived an interesting life, he's a true stand-up comedian.
“If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance.” Lol
I embodied that phrase when I got fired from my job. I had a go at my boss.
"if you're walking on ice, you fucking dance."
Holy Shit man.
I loved that haha
That gave me chills.
Man you can tell jiu jitsu has helped Uncle Joey a lot. He may look unhealthy in 2019, but he’s much healthier than 2013 uncle Joey
And quitting the hard drugs.
@@acs197 well.... ya never know
True but cigars are ruining his voice...
2 years later and he looks even healthier after moving to Jersey
I love hearing his stories. Reminds me of lunch time on construction sites.
None of the sites I work at are like that :(
Yeah dude I work for a tree trimming company contracted with the local electric company. Some of the stories I've heard from people who have worked here are the most insane shit. Mainly because this company will hire people fresh out of prison or out of a halfway house. The main boss says "we hire everyone except kid diddlers"
Yeah there's usually one fat older guy who is mouthy and fully of shit on most sites. Never amounted to anything so makes up shit to impress the younger ones.
Joey could read recipes and it would be funny.
Terry Robinson it would be fucking tremendous
joel becker blue cheese everything!
first you get ya chicken, and you put em in the eggs.
like fermenting a fucking mother in her dead babies, it's fucked up right?
and then you get ya bread crumbs...
ivan sinful you don't just get the bread crumbs, you grab them by the nuts and throw them in there.
@@zaccoggin4568 and then you just start beating the FUCK out of it, BAM. BAM. BAM. Get that shit tender, you understand?
If you're walking on ice, You might as well dance lol
if your gonna get wet, might as well go swimming!
if your gonna get warm, might as well jump in a fire!
~ if youre gonna get high you might aswell fly . . .
Opened the comments the second he said it lol whoa
hamza jajaja
This man just sounds like family. The way he talks brings back memories 😂😭
"cause If your walking on Ice, you might as well dance" Love the way Joey D talks
Gar Funkle You gotta take a chance right? Columbus did.
alyxi columbus also cut the arms off indians if they didn't bring him gold.
+Keagan Cook fuck that guy
+Keagan Cook
money over everything
I’m native lol fuck Colombus
"A man of a thousand weapons" Joey Diaz what a great funny dude
He's like a rapper takin people's life stories fuck him
“It’s New York in the 70’s. Nobody’s sayin dick!” I love it!
Thank god for statute of limitations so Joey Diaz can tell these stories. 😂
Didn't work out so well for bill cosby
@@portee9113 Big difference between the two. Unfair and insulting comparison.
He would be a terrific mobster in a movie. Just by his voice appearance and additude he'd be perfect 😁
Actually he voice acted in the video game Mafia 3 as a mob boss and immortalized in the game
have you never seen the sopranos
@@dannywes100 lol was gonna say this as well. He's in The Sopranos for what, the first season or two?
@@angelponce9568 he was like the 2nd mini boss in the game he was barely introduced
Attitude*
"When you're walking on ice, you might as well dance" love this quote!!!
They remade Carrie. Is nothing sacred?! 😆
That part had me dying 😂😂
I didn't cry when I seen my dad kicked some ass but times have changed. ... hahha
dvastation.squad kids are pussies to the point of even a loud discussion in a bar gets them nervous and yes some threaten to call the police.
@Aaron Smith lmfao
@@quattro4468 why are you taking your kids to the bar is the better question
@@outlawanthony100 youre dad never to you to the local pub? Youre not gonna make it mate.
@@quattro4468 based off my dad not taking me to the bar I'm not gonna make it? Lol you got life figured out for sure 👌
"He was tremendous with a straight razor" 😂😂
😂 "what happen here?"
Crystal Ramirez
Como se dice, how you say, "Wha happeng"? Wha happeng here!?
QUE PASO AQUI CONJONES 😂
Wha happeng puto??? Wha happeng?
Joey told 946 stories in 16 minutes and somehow we ALL followed and fwlt like we were all there playin every character 🤣
I dig how Joey appreciates the hell out of his step dad.
"If your walking on ice you might as well dance."
" I'm walking on thin ice, might as well dance" - the great Joey 'coco' Diaz
...
“And all of a sudden he started speaking perfect English” Fucking perfection
"if your walking on ice, you might as well dance" -Joey Diaz....
Brilliant.
Its pretty cool all these guys are friends in real life. Talk about a fun time
Joey Diaz is the realest person of you haven’t already go watch his podcast now he’s a great guy
powerful Joey Diaz
"but times have changed" ' TIMES HAVE FKN CHANGED"- joey diaz
Joey makes me wanna live my life back in the 70s and then I remember I’m black sooo I’m good right here 😂💀
At Benson's right
@adsfafad just because it was worse in the past doesn't mean it's not still bad
adsfafad because know theres cameras everywhere so they cant hang and beat blacks and latinos as much as they used to
Pnw Oeno lol?!?!!! WTF just seen a reply to my ‘replied comment’, was i F’n drunk?! What does that even say? Hahaha 😂
As you can see it IS ‘EDITED’.
Dayum. Facts tho
hes on fire on this set!
I could listen to this dude just talk about his life for hours and never get bored
“If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance”
I will now live by this
Such a kind human being.
This has to be the best intro ever. "It all started when I got hit in the head with a lunchbox" 🤣
He’s literally one of the greatest story tellers of all time
he doesn't say um or like and everything flows perfectly
Strange how when you're a teen you love certain comics, like I used to love Dane Cook and then I grew up. When I used to see Uncle Joey's stand up at the same age I didn't much care for it but now that I'm grown I love the dude and his comedic energy. What a fuckin' champ!
Bro I swear no body's better than joey diaz fr I love that guy he's funny asf
I love his comedy stories about the old NYC
this Dude is the greatest story teller in the World no doubt
Theo Von
@@coreymoore1963 no.....just no
Growing up in the late 60's was a brutally honest time.
I watched my dad pull a dude out of his car and beat the dude for whistling at my mom
Dude was twice my dad's size
My pop was raised in NYC in the 40's and 50's
Sounds like your dad needs to go to prison lmao 😂
Your dad sounds like a sack o garbage
@@RxTerps Depends on the frequency and circumstance of the actions I'd say.
Context is a beautiful thing.
Nobody ever cat calls in real life that just happens in the movies
Joey is, without a doubt, the best storyteller ever. I could listen to him read a goddam phone book and still be entertained. Brilliant.
He's great but Dave chappelle is the godfather of story telling
My dad beat up my cousins boyfriend for 8 bucks....then robbed him and gave me all the money....not sure if it was justified but I went home wit 58$ bucks to keep my mouth shut lol
Dam hahahahahah im weak bro, ayee he probably cried in the car
Ray1994
So when you giving the money back?
@@sarplaninac13 never?
for that amount it sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to beat his ass
Yet youre running your mouth about it.
“If your walking on ice, you might as well dance.”
😔👌💃
I love it. My dad is that old school generation too. They did a lot of shit and they don't talk about nuthin!
"he'd make me banana milkshakes and teach me how to be a man"
Ikr? Exactly the kind I'd dad i want to be.
The sooner you start learning the guitar/piano and singing in spanish the better.
...
“If your walking on ice you might as well dance” was my senior quote
A beautiful storyteller. I love to listen to his life stories. He should write a book of his life. It would be an amazing page turner. So entertaining but true and open. Best wishes. Thank you for these awesome moments.
I think it's hilarious that I could hear Lee giggling in the background.
Hahahaha.... Right
I like how honest, real, and unfiltered he is.
when I was 7 I walked into a Payless shoe store with dad and he had the 23 year old that worked there by the throat for getting my 17 year old sister drunk.
Your dad's OG man.
Hahaha
My stepdad used to give me the choice - either I had to fight him, or I had to fight my sister's boyfriend or if he was gonna handle it then he was gonna end up in jail for it. So thanks to my ho-bag sister, who I love, I got an education in fighting quick. I didn't want my stepfather going to jail.
It was fucked up cause I'm def not Bruce Lee
Neg Ative regardless he taught you a important lesson ... and thus im sure nothing has ever happened to her under your watch :)
Damn how could he do that to your uncle ?
I'm pretty sure that you don't accidentally call your step-dad "Dad" unless you really feel it.
NY up until the early 90's!! How i miss you sometimes!!!
He feels like a hunting buddy I’d have. Can just imagine him drinking and smoking pot just rambling on about stories as everyone else can barely breathe due to laughing so damn hard
Bert krieschers the cabin
Seeing this guy having a conversation, exchanging views with Patrice O'neal would so fcking epic!
Him and Patrice would've been a legendary line-up man
You two are awesome for this. I think about the same thing all the time
RIP
Joey’s able to intimidate the crowd into laughing with genuine badass humor 😂
Im so glad i stumbled on this. Im from NY, this guys reminds me of my uncle 😭😭😭
I like to think of Joey as everyone's uncle.
We thru the gun in the Hudson 😂😂😂😂
I love how joey talks about his stepdad. There's Some real affection when he brings him up.
Joey Diaz is an auditory addiction!
this show has made me a huge Joey Diaz fan I listen to the church of what's happening now every morning he's the truth but still easy to listen too
Never understood why an act needing so many different angles until this video. The angles helped
The level of respect I have for his mother and her mets... unreal
I love his voice man! It’s awesome
Great comedians can tell a story, but only legends can paint a picture in your mind
When Joey was 13 years old he came back home one night high on acid and he found his mom dead.... Strong man.
Turbo Lazer true?
Tom Wood yeah he told the story about it too it’s a great story till the end
Actually , you are right , but while he was tripping balls in his room , he heard her call out his name , but he did not answer cause he was high af and did not want her to see him . Some time passed he thought she went to sleep and he found her in the kitchen
16
Joey is a great story teller and good man. I watched him perform, but I wish I could meet him.
I could listen to him telling crazy stories all day I love it...
He's my kind of crazy
STRAIGHT UP LEGEND
My dad went hiking with his friends back in the 80s and convinced them to eat deer shit pellets after lying to them and saying it was a rare seasonal berry. He was quite the jokester.
I found joey comedy around 2015 benn listening to him every day since.keep the comedy coming Coco .
I had NO idea that deathsquad did a comedy central thing, AWESOME!
I grew up in a house very similar and I remember a few things that happened that made me who I am today.... I'm glad I had a rough upbringing because now nothing effects me like it did when I was a kid, I didn't get upset when people fought, for Christ Sake, one of my first memories from before my family moved from Massachusetts was seeing a guy get shot and my mom just crossed the road and kept walking. The crowd my mom and dad kept us in was probably the safest place a kid could be, in the Boston chapter of the Hells Angels and Red Emeralds motorcycle clubs, I even remember being in the club house when a huge brawl broke out over a girl.... I distinctly remember a guy coming up and blocking me and my older brother from seeing what was going on then my mom came over and took us outside until it calmed down, then we went back in and everyone was apologizing to each other and everyone cleaned up then had some food, it was a fantastic time in my life. 😂
We related?
I’ve always loved Joey Diaz one of my fav comedians by far
Can we get Joey sainted, he's a legend.
really is a great story teller
What a Performance!! Great to hear the real life stories!! I was a youngster in the 70's BOY HAVE TIMES CHANGED. You Killed it Joey😎👍🏻
"Man of a thousand weapons" sounds like a kung-fu movie.
Joey "It's New York in the 70's" Díaz
Times sure have changed. Had me rolling the whole time. Was fun to watch. Great video