Mummy Sent Me to Fetch You: Grampian Night Time commercial break, 30th June 1989

Second set of adverts from One Million Years BC on Grampian Night Time! Starting with that RBS one that's almost as meta as it is 1989 (which is impressive as it actually dates from Autumn 1988 at the earliest). Do you know, it's 14 years now since the bastards collapsed and had to be nationalised, then sold to NatWest. Seems like yesterday. These recessions just bleed into one another these days.
Anyway, after that, an important message for dogs: Andy de la Tour has lost his mind and is on the loose in this area. He is not considered dangerous, but members of the public are advised not to approach him anyway because he might piss on your leg. All in all, a very confusing and indeed offputting way to promote Bob Martins. What's most impressive is that the dog can read. Is that thanks to the Bob Martins? Why don't you make that the centre of the advert?
What would you do if London flooded? Drown. But although the climate apocalypse is well and truly upon us by now, that particular scenario doesn't seem likely for a little while yet. This advert suggests than mankind will simply evolve gills and carry on as normal, albeit much slower and with occasional issues in cue sports. Seems optimistic to me, but then almost anything does at this point. Anyway, this is all by way of advertising Dry Blackthorn Cider. Copperhead made its pitch for the tough, hard-drinking working man and/or violent youth market in the previous break; now here's Dry Blackthorn aiming at the laddish "dahn the Nag's 'Ead" standard lager types. Both from the same stable (Gaymers Cider), of course.
CHILDREN. Yep, we've run out of adverts again. This is going to keep happening, and sooner and sooner as the late gets later and later. I reckon it must be past three in the morning at least by now, the point where most real advertising becomes futile and PIFs and captions start to dominate. So here's that Punch and Judy nightmare where a bunch of children are delighted by a petit guignol while a narrator sadly ruminates on how trusting and innocent and basically stupid they are, that they'll get into any old paedophile's car just on his say-so, even if he's a giant man-eating reptile. Mr Punch demonstrates the correct procedure for dealing with such people before the standard Policeman puppet arrives to deliver the moral: don't let your kids out of your sight in the first place, but also at least try to explain stranger danger to them for Christ's sake. Preferably in such a way that you don't leave them thinking that the world is a cruel and godless place filled with potential enemies. I mean, it is, but give them a few years before they have to learn that.
Finally, animation. Prunella Scales IS the sea. And apparently you're in an abusive relationship with her. It doesn't seem to have occurred to the people who made it (specifically Animus Productions, founded by Halas and Bachelor alumnus and future Lager of Lamot animator Tony White), but that's the inescapable feel I get looking at it today - being gaslit by a narcissist. She goes on about everything she does for us and then starts raging about being taken for granted and, most disturbingly, about how we complain when she loses her temper and tries to kill us. You know what she's like, you should know to tread carefully, because she can't help it. Of course, this is all good advice when it comes to the goddamn sea, which really would be an abusive narcissist if it was actually anthropomorphic. Thank Christ it's not. Mark Eden is the thoroughly cowed partner. Oh, and always pay attention to the flags, they're for your benefit, dumbass emmets. Red means "you're gonna die". It's not hard. Not sure how useful this is in the Grampian region, but then it is June and the start of the summer holidays.

[@martinwalsh3228]

Great adverts almost 3 and half decades later.

[@robustreviews]

The RBS ad aping the Barclays (collage? - you're much better at the terms than me) look at the time did make me grin.

[@axionuk3543]

That Punch & Judy PIF is a curiously edited down version of the one on the Charley Says DVD - after the policeman says "and make sure you know where they are" he adds "any time of the day". Strange really, it doesn't make much difference to the overall runtime.

[@cdoakley]

That Dry Blackthorn advert should have ended at 01:58. Quite why there was a need to see some dork show up in flip flops and a snorkel I don't know. Things were wet, then Dry Blackthorn added dryness. The End. How I didn't become an advertising executive is beyond me...

[@flintattridge6279]

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